Armed For Excellence: The Proven 5-Step System of Personal

Transformation For Veterans (Or Anyone) Feeling Lost In The Civilian

World
NEIL MARTIN
Copyright
First Published in 2015
This book is designed to provide information and motivation to our readers. It is sold
with the understanding that the author and publisher are not engaged to render any
type of psychological, legal, or any other kind of professional advice. The content of
each article is the sole expression and opinion of its author, No warranties or
guarantees are expressed or implied by the author’s choice to include any of the
content in this volume. Neither the publisher nor the individual author shall be liable
for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages,
including, but not limited to, special, incidental, consequential or other damages. Our
views and rights are the same: You are responsible for your own choices, actions,
and results.
Copyright 2015 Neil Martin
All rights reserved. No part of this work may be reproduced in any material form
(including photocopying or storing by any electronic means and whether or not
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permission of the copyright holder except in accordance with the provisions of the
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written permission to reproduce any part of this publication should be addressed to
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Published by Quantum Consulting Europe.
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 Table of Contents
Acknowledgements
Introduction
PART 1 – The Rise and Fall of Wing Commander Martin
Chapter 1 – For Queen and Country………………………The RAF years.
Chapter 2 – Bloody Civvy Reporting For Duty...........Wg Cdr to dot com millionaire?
Chapter 3 – The Pain in Spain……………………………….Life in freefall.
PART 2 – The Long Road Home
Chapter 4 – How The Hell Did I Get Here?..............Taking responsibility for your life.
Chapter 5 – It’s Life Jim But Not As We Know It!.....Creating your reality.
Chapter 6 – The Enemy Within…………………………….Beliefs that don’t serve you.
Chapter 7 – The Treasure In The Pyramid.……………Moving forward congruently.
Chapter 8 – Let’s Get This Party Started……………….Have a plan, get a life!
Afterward
 Acknowledgements
Three things helped me to turn my life around in 2012: Finally taking responsibility
for my situation, visualization and the support and encouragement of family and
friends. Foremost amongst them was my brother David who stopped me from going
completely to skid row and my partner Fiona whose unwavering encouragement
helped me re-discover my true worth. My gratitude to you is immense.
I would also like to say a huge thank you to Kev for the time he put in to Part 1 of
the book, keeping me on course when poetic licence drifted in!
My deep gratitude also goes to those friends who provided such comprehensive
feedback and encouragement after the first draft. Steph, John, Dawn, Tam, Oz,
Dave, Di, James, Hannah, Steve, Keith, Julie, Brian and Fiona I am very much
indebted to you.
Finally thank you to the Steak Mastermind guys, the Bestseller in a Weekend peeps
and all my friends on Facebook and in real life that have been so supportive
throughout this journey. This book would not have been finished without you.
 Introduction
Life is not about what you get, it’s about what you become - Anthony Robbins.
I know you. I was you. I am you.
My name is Neil Martin and I am a veteran.
I joined the Royal Air Force on October 28th, 1980 as an aircraftsman and left 9677
days later as a wing commander. During those 26 ½ years, I served in many
theatres including Cyprus, Germany and the Falklands. I also led a team that re-built
Basra airport during Operation Iraqi Freedom in 2003. But as I awoke on May 3rd,
2007 something felt very different, something was very different, for the first time in
9677 days I was no longer in the military.
Now I was just a bloody Civvy! Not that that mattered to me on that bright spring
morning, I was full of excitement and ready to take on the world. Together with two
of my closest friends I was in the middle of putting together a social network for
London that would make us all millionaires within five years (or that was the plan
anyway)! What could possibly go wrong? I had a very successful career, I knew how
to deliver complex projects on time and to budget and the skills and values that I
carried forward with me from the military were bound to stand me in good stead.
Fast forward five years and life had turned out very differently. Dreams of being a
millionaire had long since vanished, the warrior had turned to victim and I felt lost
and confused about what the future would hold.
‘How the hell did I get here’?
The words just kept echoing around my head again and again.
As I looked in the mirror on a cold February morning in 2012, I hardly recognised
the person looking back at me. I was unshaven for the third day in a row as I didn’t
have enough money to buy razor blades and my eyes were red and bleary from
another 2 am finish.
How did I go from leading the team that rebuilt Basra airfield to this sorry state?
In a vain attempt to cheer myself up I read through some of my old appraisals but
that just made me feel worse. It was as if the person on the paper was a complete
stranger. There was a chasm between that person and this pathetic individual
racked by fear, procrastination and self-doubt. Tears streamed down my face as the
realization of how far I had fallen sank in.
It felt like a huge black cloud was hanging over me and it was closing in. Part of me
felt like just saying ‘fuck it’ and going under. Crawling into my bed and accepting the
fact that I had ruined my life. But a voice within me kept saying ‘get a grip, Martin.
You’re better than this!’
I couldn’t go on like this. Something had to change.
This book is about how I made that change.
It is not a self-help book. It is a self-hope book.
If you are holding this book now, there is a chance you could be feeling something
similar. If you are feeling lost, confused and dislocated then this book is for you.
It took me six months of deep inner work and brutal reflection to answer the
question, ‘How did I get here?’ But when I did my life turned around. Within a year I
owned a six-figure company, had a fantastic relationship, the car I had always
dreamed of and, most importantly, had finally completed the successful transition to
civilian life.
My hope is that with the aid of this book you will be able to make a successful
transition much quicker. That said there are no silver bullets. If you want to live a
life of fulfilment and prosperity you have to put in the work. Simply reading this
book will not change anything.
The first thing I noticed as I began to deconstruct my gradual decline into mediocrity
(mediocrity, who am I kidding, borderline poverty would be more accurate), was the
fact that I spent an awful lot of time harking back to my time in the military. My god
I even dreamt about it most nights! Like many people, I continually reminisced
about the ‘good old days’ and the fact that everything was so much better and so
much more certain in military life. I would swing the lantern for anyone who wanted
to listen, always slipping in the fact that I had been a wing commander so as to
impress and give me instant credibility (or at least that’s what I thought).
However, what I came to realise was that this was not really serving me. Don’t
misunderstand me, I am very proud of my service and what I achieved, and so
should you be, but as we will see in more detail later in this book what you focus on
expands and focusing predominantly on your past does nothing to help you with
your present nor create your future. Rear View Mirror Syndrome will do nothing to
help you achieve the life of your dreams and simply leaves you with a sense of
longing for times gone by.
In the same vein, continually decrying the standards of leadership and management
I found (or more accurately perceived) in civilian life without actually doing anything
to change it, is a recipe for frustration and stress but was one that I served up over
and over again. During my time in the Royal Air Force I had frequently maligned the
standards of ‘bloody civvies’ but the inescapable fact was that I was now one of
them. That’s not to say for one moment that you should lower your standards or
sink to a lower common denominator but bitching about what you see around you
without changing it or at least making an effort to influence it, serves no one.
So my first question to you the reader is: Who are you reporting for duty as?
Is it the victim who moans about the circumstances that surround him (or her) but
does nothing to change them?
Is it someone who is continually looking in the rear view mirror hankering for a past
that no longer exists while lamenting the present and worrying about the future?
Or are you embracing the circumstances you find yourself in, adapting to your new
environment and forging a bold new life for yourself after your military career?
If you would like the latter but find yourself in the former category this book is for
you.
This a journey of two parts: In the first I chart my dramatic decline from highly
successful military executive to broken wreck; in the second I share the steps that
turned my life around.
I will take you through a process that will show you that the values, beliefs, habits
and decisions that you make have got you to the place you are now. I will show you
how your self-image may be sabotaging your transition to civilian life and share with
you a framework to stop this once and for all. Finally, I will give you the step-by-step
plan that I used to turn my life around. Without a plan you are not on a journey, you
are merely flailing around in the fog of war.
This is not a mission for the fainthearted or for those who would prefer to live in the
past but moan about the present and the future. This is a journey for warriors, for
those who are, quite literally, prepared to take a long hard look at themselves in the
mirror and take full responsibility for their situation and then take massive action in
the knowledge that it will lead to a better future.
I feel honoured to be with you on this mission.
You are a veteran, not a victim.
If you are ready to change your life…..Fall in!
 PART 1
The Rise and Fall of Wing Commander Martin

Chapter 1 - For Queen and Country: The RAF Years.

Victorious warriors win first and then go to war, while defeated warriors go to war
first and then seek to win. ~ Sun Tzu

‘Make yourself comfortable gentleman, it’s going to be at least six hours before we
hit Akrotiri.’
The warm voice of the Air Load Master echoed round the cavernous inside of the
Galaxy transport aircraft that was about to take me on the first leg of my journey
back to the UK after my 107 day adventure in Iraq. It was 8 am on Tuesday 8 th July
2003 and as the morning sun streamed through the open mouth of the aircraft, a
small army of movers buzzed around loading and securing the last bits of cargo. I
settled down in the back seat of a Landrover and began to reflect on an incredible
few months.
I didn’t know it at the time, but this was to be the pinnacle of my career.
Yes, I would get promoted to Wing Commander, in fact that was the reason that I
was leaving the detachment early.
Yes, I would spend an incredible year in the Falkland Islands.
And yes I would spend a further three years in the Ministry of Defence before finally
leaving the Air Force but nothing would eclipse the feeling of that hot July morning.
This was what we join to do. This time I had lead a team that had made a real
difference. This would be my legacy.
I smiled to myself at the irony of the fact that I should not even have even been
there. I was the REMF (Rear Echelon Mo Fro) of Tactical Communications Wing. The
Officer Commanding of No 1 Squadron, which provided the base support functions
such as training and R & D for the Wing. The field squadrons, headed up by my
good friends John and Pete, were the ones that got to see the action! They were the
guys whose squadrons had been to Afghanistan while I sat back at base at Brize
Norton watching. They were the guys that got the sexy detachments to Italy and
they were the guys that had all the war stories when we got together for beer.
Yet here I was, the furthest forward deployed Exec on the Wing, whilst they kicked
their heels in Qatar and Saudi Arabia preparing endless briefs and PowerPoint
presentations for the top brass.
As the gigantic mouth of the plane slammed shut, the massive propellers of the
Galaxy’s four turbine engines roared into life and we began to lurch along the taxi
way ready for take-off, the enormity of what we had achieved hit home. This would
not have been possible three months ago. The airfield at Basra had been trashed by
a combination of coalition jets and local bandits yet my team had rebuilt it to the
highest standard known for a British deployment. Thousands of hours of back-
breaking work in 40 and 50-degree heat, along with riots, inter-Service bickering and
un-measurable sweat and tears had gotten us to this point. As the last of the aircraft
wheels left the runway and the shimmering reflection of the early morning sun on
the buildings below began to slowly disappear, I couldn’t help having a little chuckle.
‘Not bad for a guy that was never even going to join the RAF!’
Is This The Real Life, Is This Just Fantasy
Fuck!
The word echoed in my head again and again like a scene from Four Weddings and
a Funeral.
Sitting in the Head Master’s outer office of St George’s Secondary Modern School in
Sleaford, England, waiting to learn my fate, I was now regretting my naivety of
earlier that morning. I had sauntered into my physics class on that crisp December
morning with hardly a care in the world. Two nights previous I had witnessed an
amazing performance by my heroes Queen, my Sunday soccer team was riding high
at the top of our league and I had a hot new girlfriend who was 2 years older than
me! All that was about to come crashing down!
‘Martin’ the physics teacher boomed.
‘Sir?’
‘You missed your mock exam yesterday. Were you ill?’
‘No sir’ I replied confidently ‘I went to see Queen in Brighton and missed the train
back.’
My thoughts drifted back to two nights before and the four hours I had spent with
two close friends on a freezing cold platform at Kings Cross station in London when
we had indeed missed the last train back from London to Sleaford in Lincolnshire
where I was living at the time.
It was 13th December 1979 and having scraped my way through my O Levels I was
now doing the three A Levels that I hoped would get me into Guildford University to
read Physics with Acoustics and thereby enable me to realise my dream of being a
sound engineer for a rock band. At the age of 16 ½ music was my life (along with
football, beer and girls) and school was very much a chore that was a means to an
end. I had been a grade A student up until my final year in school, but the RAF
lifestyle and constant moving around (I went to four different schools in five years)
had finally taken its toll. School was way down on my priority list by the time my O
Levels came around.
Seeing Queen in Brighton was always going to be a calculated risk. The train from
Brighton to London went into Victoria in the south and the connecting train to
Grantham went from Kings Cross in the north. We only had 45 minutes to traverse
London to make the train and if we missed it, then the physics mock exam was out
of the window as it started at 9 am the next morning. It wasn’t a difficult decision,
though, this was Queen… my idols and this was their first tour in years!
‘So you think that going to see Queen in Brighton is more important than taking your
physics exam do you? He enquired in the patronising tone that seems to emanate
from all adults when you are 16.
‘Well yes sir, I can re-take your exam in April but I have no idea when Queen might
be touring again!’
As I sat in the Head Master’s office with the sword of Damocles hanging over me, I
was very much wishing that I hadn’t articulated that thought! It’s amazing how
uncool bravado can seem once you actually have to face the consequences of your
actions.
It wasn’t the first time I had been sat in the outer office with this sense of dread
either. Indeed the previous month I had occupied the very same chair after deciding
that it would be really cool to let off a firework on the school bus on the way home!
Unfortunately, the bus driver didn’t agree and despite my pleas of mistaken identity,
I was hauled into the head’s office for six of the best.
After what seemed an eternity, the Headmaster appeared at his office door and I
was summoned in to learn my fate. I was expecting the cane or at worst a
suspension for my ill-conceived cockiness but was in no way prepared for the words
that came out of his mouth:
‘Martin, you’re an intelligent lad. It would look much better to a future employer if
you were to leave school today rather than get expelled!’
FUCK
FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!
What was I supposed to do now? This didn’t fit into my master plan of a life of rock
n roll debauchery! And how was I going to spin this to mum and more importantly
dad!
My head was spinning and I felt as though someone had hit me in the stomach with
a tree. The bravado of earlier that day had completely deserted me now as I turned
and, tail very much between my legs, stumbled out of his office and into the big bad
world!
The five hours between leaving the Headmaster’s office and mum and dad coming
home from work seemed like five years! Dozens of different excuses rattled around
in my head as I desperately searched for a plausible reason for not returning to
school:
‘The standard of teaching there isn’t good enough to get me into Guilford.’
‘The Sixth Form is shutting down due to lack of funding, so I will have to go to
another college.’
Then in a moment of inspiration (desperation) I just blurted it out:
‘Mum, dad I have decided to leave school.’
Silence.
‘What do you mean you’ve decided to leave school?’ Dad enquired ‘You can’t leave
school. What on earth are you going to do?’
‘I have decided to join the RAF dad and I want to be an electronic technician like
you.’
The look on their faces was a picture! A mixture of shock and unbridled joy!
Had they just heard correctly? This was the son who had always vehemently
maintained that he wasn’t going to follow his father and brother into the RAF. This
was the son who had long, permed hair and was never separated from his badge
laden denim jacket. And this was the son who hated regiment and discipline!
The relief and joy were palpable and the next thing I knew I was in a bear hug with
dad congratulating me over this most unexpected turn of events. My mind was still
racing but I figured that if I became an electronic technician then I would get a
BTEC in electronics and that would still enable me to be a sound engineer for a rock
band. Not quite the way I had planned it but hey in three years I could still be living
the rock ‘n’ roll lifestyle. Things hadn’t turned out that bad after all!
The next day I made an appointment with the Careers Office and on October 28 th,
1980 I was attested into the Royal Air Force. My journey had begun.
Once More Into The Breach
The 18 months of basic and trade training flew by. I was thoroughly enjoying my
time in the RAF, but it was with some trepidation that I made the 80-mile journey
from RAF Locking to RAF Brize Norton on the evening of 19 th May 1982. Freshly
graduated, it was now time to enter the ‘real’ world and start putting into practice all
I had learned over the past 18 months.
Well, that didn’t take long!
It quickly became apparent that I didn’t know shit! I was taken under the wing of
one of the more senior mechanics in the section and in no uncertain terms told to
shut up, watch and learn!
I had many great times at Brize Norton. There were some great characters in the
section where I worked and I made many good friends there. However, after about
3 years I started to come to the realization that whilst I enjoyed electronics it wasn’t
really a passion for me like it was for some of the other guys. I didn’t hang out in
Maplin’s or get a boner over the latest developments in Silicon Valley. I began to
notice that my strengths lay elsewhere. I was a good communicator and organiser
and got along well with people. I also seemed to be able to get others to do things
for me. It was this realisation that made me decide that my career in the Air Force
was likely to be far more fruitful and personally rewarding if I became a
Commissioned Officer rather than staying as an enlisted Airman.
The problem was that I didn’t have a degree or, as a result of the Queen incident,
even any A levels. Yes, I could go and study for some A Levels but that would take
two years and I’m an impatient sort of guy once I get an idea in my head.
Therefore, that idea seemed to be over before it got started. Then, just when it
seemed the notion was dead in the water, the RAF announced a scheme whereby
serving airmen could study for an Engineering Degree at Shrivenham Military College
and then go on to be commissioned as an Engineering Officer. I applied immediately
but, unfortunately, made a complete hash of the Selection Centre and was turned
down flat.
I was devastated, particularly because I was told that I needed to mature more and,
therefore, could not apply again for another two years. In the immediate aftermath,
I thought that if I couldn’t be an officer then I didn’t really want to be in the RAF
anymore and I began studying law with the idea of becoming a solicitor. However, I
gradually came to realise that I would be better served by taking it on the chin and
applying again when I could. Of course this change of heart had nothing to do with
the fact that I had just been offered the chance of a three year tour in Cyprus, the
place where I had so many fond memories from my childhood.
Days Of Wine And Roses
Cyprus was amazing. In fact, it was everything I had hoped it would be until a crisp
afternoon in December 1987.
‘You’re like the guy who always gets to the final but then finishes fourth. At this rate,
you will never get on the podium.’
The damning indictment had just been delivered by Dave, my line manager at the
end of my first annual appraisal in Cyprus. My report had been okay but what hurt
the most was that I knew that he was right.
My year in Cyprus had been a blast, but I hadn’t progressed at all in my quest to
become an officer. Two years had passed since I was first rejected, but I was
nowhere near ready to apply again. However, those 22 words turned out to be
among the most important advice given to me during my career. Wounded by what
he had said I went away and sulked for a few days but then made a promise to
myself prove him wrong. Sure enough, 9 months later I was aboard an RAF VC10
headed back to England and Cranwell to begin my officer training.
The six months at Cranwell passed without any major incident. I was determined
that having given up a year in Cyprus to get my commission I was not going to fail. I
kept my head down, worked hard and on 16th February 1989 graduated at the first
time of asking. This was it. The guy who had never wanted to join the RAF was now
committed to a full career! By the time I got out, I would be way too old to be a
roadie in a rock band!
After finishing my engineering officer training I was, almost unbelievably, posted to
Germany for my first command appointment as an officer. Germany was awesome
and I made some great friends there many of whom I am still in contact with some
25 years later, but it was also the time of the first Gulf War and was very stressful.
By the end of my three-year tour, the stress had taken its toll. I was diagnosed with
ulcerative colitis and had to undergo an operation to remove part of my bowel wall.
This left me needing steroid enemas. A rather degrading daily ritual that I endured
for over a year until I discovered the wonders of alternative medicine.
Returning from Germany, like Cyprus and Gibraltar before when I was a child, was
something of a wrench. However, at least this time I had a very exciting job as a
Space Operations Officer to look forward to. The job was controlling the MoD’s
billion-pound constellation of communication satellites and over the next four years
would prove to be demanding, fascinating and downright stressful in equal measure.
However, the stress of both the operation and the Space Operations Course had
resulted in me developing psoriasis all over my body. Aside from the unsightliness of
the condition it also itched like hell and I tried every possible remedy to get rid of it.
Steroid creams, sun beds and wacky diets all came and went to no avail. Then one
day, in desperation, I saw an ad in a newsagent’s window for a homeopath and
decided to give it a go. That was a decision that was to have a profound impact on
my life.
My first appointment with the homeopath, Peter, was something that I had never
experienced before. It was a cross between a counselling session and a diagnosis
and lasted nearly two hours whilst we discussed every illness and injury that I had
ever had and what my mental and emotional state had been when these had
occurred. From this information, Peter drew up a timeline of the events, which he
then used to determine my treatment. I was fascinated and, although a little
sceptical, decided that I would go with the course of treatment he recommended
despite the fact that it was some sort of tree bark!
The results were amazing, within a month the psoriasis that I had been struggling
with for six months was completely gone and I decided to let him tackle the internal
problems that were still plaguing me. It was a similar story and within three months
the bleeding had stopped and I never needed an enema again! That was it. I was
hooked on alternative medicine and vowed never to use allopathic medicine again.
It was now the beginning of 1998 and was the first year that I actually sat down and
wrote out my goals and visualized them (not that I realised that was what I was
doing at the time). I had about 10 that I typed up, printed out and kept under a
Perspex cover on my desk at work. Needless to say, I became the butt of many
jokes with my colleagues as that sort of thing just wasn’t done in the Air Force in the
late 90s. They all thought it was a bit New-Age and pointless. After, all everyone
knew that you only get things through luck and hard work so what good was all this
stuff going to do. My top two goals were to get promoted to Squadron Leader and to
be posted back to Cyprus. The first one seemed realistic because I had been a Flight
Lieutenant for seven years and had come close on the promotion board the previous
year.
The second, however, was just a pipe dream! There were very few posts in Cyprus,
particularly for Squadron Leaders and everybody wanted them. It would have been
difficult enough to get a posting there as a senior Squadron Leader but on
promotion? No chance! Nevertheless, throughout the year I kept telling everyone ad
nausium that this was what was going to happen to me while all the time looking at
my goals every day and imagining what it would feel like to be back on the island
that I loved and able to share it with my family.
Sure enough that April the impossible happened.
‘Neil, it’s Group Captain Rooms.'
‘Oh, shit!’ I thought ‘What have I done now?’
The voice on the other end of the telephone was the Station Commander and as a
lowly flight lieutenant I would never have expected a phone call directly from him.
‘Neil, I have some good news. You’re going to work in the Joint Headquarters in
Episkopi!’
‘Oh right.’ I replied, somewhat crestfallen.
‘I thought you would have been rather more pleased than you sound’ he replied with
a mild reprimand.
‘I’m not being funny sir but if they are sending me to Cyprus, then they’re not
looking to promote me for another three years are they?’
‘No, you idiot, you’re going on promotion! Congratulations!’
I couldn’t believe it. My top two goals for that year had actually come to pass! What
made the posting all the more remarkable was that the person I was replacing was
leaving on promotion to wing commander so in theory should never have been
replaced by a rookie!
I returned from Cyprus at the end of 1999 to take up a position on the directing staff
at the RAF Staff College and had two very enjoyable years there before joining the
elite Tactical Communications Wing in 2001.
An Exec position on TCW was what every engineering officer aspired to so I jumped
at the chance. It was also what had directly led me here to Basra.
‘Everyone return to your seats and fasten your seatbelts’.
I was jolted out of my daydream by the loadmaster signalling our impending arrival
in Cyprus where we would refuel before our onward journey to Brize Norton. After
an uneventful stopover of a couple of hours, we were back in the air headed for
home. Once again I had settled into the back seat of the Landrover where the
excitement at seeing my family was mixed with nostalgic thoughts of what I had just
been through.
My mind drifted back to a chilly Sunday afternoon 100 days before…
Basra And Beyond
‘WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU LOT DOING?!!’
‘Where is your body armour? Get it on NOW!’
The booming and aggressive voice of the Military Policeman was not at all what we
had expected as our Landrover pulled up to the checkpoint that formally marked the
border between Kuwait and Iraq.
‘Don’t you know that there is a war on? There are bandits active in this area and one
convoy has already been attacked!’ he continued, with no let-up in either his tone or
the veracity of his message.
Well actually no, we didn’t know any of that! The evening before we had attended
an intelligence brief before departing our staging post at Ali Al Salem airfield and
been informed that Saddam’s troops had been routed in Southern Iraq and that our
journey to Basra airfield should be a rather tedious but uneventful trip.
This certainly wasn’t what we were expecting! Our pleasant Sunday afternoon drive
through the dessert had suddenly taken on a completely different context!
With me was my good friend Martin, who I had known since my first tour in Cyprus
some 15 years before. I had flown to Prince Sultan Air Base in Saudi Arabia the
previous Tuesday for a series of briefings about the task at Basra airfield and had
rendezvoused with Martin in Ali Al Salem on Friday night. The two of us formed the
communications element of a 13-man advance party that was being deployed to
Basra to make plans to re-activate the airfield so that it could be used as an air head
for troops and supplies into Southern Iraq. At that point, all troops and equipment
had to be landed at the port of Umm Qasr and face a treacherous 45-mile overland
trip to get to the British Headquarters in Basra.
We had both been corporals together in Cyprus before I had taken my commission
and he had ascended the ranks to become a Flight Sergeant. Martin was a top bloke
with a wicked sense of humour. He was also had a healthy disrespect for rank and
was a real grafter. In short, I could not have asked for a better wingman.
‘For fuck’s sake mate, keep your hair on!’ Martin retorted at the policeman as we
scrambled to get our Kevlar body armour on. ‘We were told that it was clear as far
as Basra.’
‘Saddam’s troops have been routed, but there are still loads of bandits.’ Responded
the policeman in a more civil tone. ‘They have been stopping convoys by dropping
large rocks onto the front vehicle of the convoy from bridges over the roads. Then
they attack from the sides and the rear. Someone was badly injured by a spear
earlier this afternoon.’
What greeted us at Basra airport was not at all what we were expecting. The airport
had fallen without a fight and was now a tank park with row after row of tanks
stationed there for the impending assault on Basra city. Unfortunately, the tracks
from the tanks had already begun to damage the taxi-way and if this continued re-
activating the airfield would be a huge undertaking.
To make matters worse, it was pouring with rain! This made the deep trench latrines
(which were basically a large pit with two planks of wood straddled across them)
extremely hazardous to use. Put a foot wrong and you were, quite literally, in the
shit!! Progress on the detachment was charted through the ablutions. First we
upgraded to chemical portaloos and eventually to fully fledged shower blocks but it’s
fair to say that in those early days at Basra the toilets were a greater threat to life
and limb than Saddam’s army!
The Base Commander and Chief of Staff, who were the first two air force personnel
at Basra airport, had managed to secure a room on the upper level of the terminal
building about the size of a gymnasium as the RAF HQ. It was a good location and
size, but the air-conditioning had been destroyed when the airport had fallen so it
was sweltering in there all the time. Throughout my time at Basra I would wake up
three or four times a night bathed in sweat and feeling as though I had wet my bed!
Martin and I quickly settled into life on the advance party and began making
preparations for the arrival of the main party. My job was to secure a location for the
communications centre and mobile satellite terminal. This was a key task as these
assets would provide communications not only around the airfield but also to the
headquarters in Saudi Arabia, Qatar and the UK. When we first arrived at Basra the
only communication with the outside world was through a secure email system,
which was horrendously slow and unreliable. A fact that immediately drew the Base
Commander’s ire and marked me out for his caustic tongue!
A small, bespectacled individual with a demeanour more befitting a traffic warden
than a fast jet navigator, the Base Commander made it clear early on that he was
not impressed with the communications at his disposal or me! Fortunately, the Chief
of Staff was a lot more pragmatic and understanding and provided a welcome buffer
throughout my time at Basra.
I was also there to ensure that each of the airfield landing aids was situated in the
optimal place. In a situation such as this, everyone is vying for the prime real estate
but from a flight safety point of view it is critical that the landing aids are positioned
correctly. That didn’t stop many heated exchanges taking place over the next few
weeks though as numerous competing interests staked their claim for the prime
spots.
In fact the inter-service bickering was in full swing as the army commander couldn’t
understand for the life of him why we would want to turn his beloved tank park back
into an operational airhead when there was a perfectly good port at Um Qasr! This
debate raged for over a week until the order was given for the tanks to move out so
that the rebuilding work could begin.
About two weeks into the detachment I was struck down with the dreaded D&V
(diarrhoea and vomiting) and forced to spend a tortuous 36 hours in the army
medical tent. D&V had spread through the airport like wildfire as soon as the deep
trench latrines were replaced by chemical portaloos. There, were only three loos
servicing around 500 people at that point so they quickly filled up and became
unhygienic. The problem was exacerbated by the washing facilities, which at that
point consisted of a solar shower and a bucket. The solar shower was basically a
large plastic bag that you filled with water in the morning and then hung outside to
heat up throughout the day. In the evening, we would soap up using the solar
shower with a bucket underneath us to catch the water so that we could rinse off.
The only problem with this was that we were continually rinsing off with scummy
water, which undoubtedly fuelled the outbreak.
In an effort to contain the problem, the army had set up a quarantine area which we
were told we must report to if we got stomach cramps. I held out for about a day
because I suspected that it would be pretty awful in there, but even I was shocked
by what I found!
‘Take two of these’ said the army medic handing me two large bottles of water ‘and
come back here when you haven’t been sick for 12 hours.’
‘That was it?! That was the totality of the medical diagnosis and treatment? No
wonder people were falling like nine-pins!’
The scene that greeted me as I entered the quarantine area was what I would have
expected in the Crimean war, not a 21st Century military operation. The two
marquees were jammed with people doubled up on camp beds retching and
moaning, there was no air-conditioning so it was unbearably hot and to service this
mass of shitting and spewing soldiers was ONE portaloo! Crowded round it like
moths to a flame, around a dozen soldiers waited agonizingly for their turn
desperately hoping that they wouldn’t soil themselves in the meantime.
‘Well, if I wasn’t sick when I came in I sure as hell will be soon!’ I lamented as I
settled myself onto a camp bed and waited for the inevitable.
After 24 hours, I could stand it no more. I had been sick a few times but was
convinced I would only get worse in there. I duly reported to the medic that I had
been clear for 12 hours and despite his obvious scepticism I was discharged and
returned to the detachment. The effects of the D&V stayed with for about another
two weeks though and by the end of it I had perfected the ‘just-in-time’ dash to the
portaloo!
My absence in the tent of doom meant that Martin and I were joined on the
detachment by a female signaller from TCW. One of my tasks had been to monitor
and send emails for the Base Commander using the aforementioned secure laptop.
This meant that I was always last to bed and first up so that any important traffic
could be brought to the Base Commander’s immediate attention. As there was no
way of knowing how long I would be out of action, the signaller was transferred in
from another detachment to cover for me. This meant that when I returned after
only 36 hours we had another pair of hands. However, the relief turned out to be
short-lived.
The Base Commander took an instant dislike to her and immediately started
complaining about her attitude and the fact that the email was no better under her
stewardship than mine (funny that)! For me though at least it meant that there was
someone to share the load with and I was delighted when she volunteered to stay
up and take the late night shift whilst I would get up early to check for any
overnight traffic.
Everything went smoothly for a couple of days until one morning when the D&V
kicked in and I had to make my now all too familiar dash for the portaloo. I had
logged into the laptop and was waiting for the emails to download when disaster
struck. I was sure that I had managed to lock the laptop before I began my dash
but when I returned less than five minutes later to my horror I saw the Base
Commander crouched over the laptop with a face like thunder about to explode.
‘Get her off my detachment Martin!’ he shouted, almost beside himself with rage.
‘What’s the matter sir’ I enquired, desperately trying to calm him down.
‘Just get her out! She’s to be gone by the end of today.’ And with that he stormed
off.
As I sat myself down in front of the laptop, the cause for his rage became apparent.
It turned out that the reason the girl had been so keen to take the late shift was
that she had a boyfriend on the detachment she had just left who was also a
signaller. Am not sure if it was the explicit email sex talk that offended him most or
her rant about his qualities as an officer and human being which culminated with:
‘And the worst thing is he talks like he’s got a cock in his gob!!’
Needless to say, the signaller was duly despatched post haste!
As we moved into April, Basra city was finally taken on 6 th April and things quickly
ramped up on the detachment. Martin and I were soon joined by the main
communications party, which consisted of the team that would build and maintain
the communications centre and the airfield team who would install and test all of the
airfield landing aids.
Both teams worked amazingly hard and within a week we had a full suite of
communications around the airport and back to the UK. Whilst I had been lobbying
hard on their behalf to secure the spots they required to correctly site the landing
aids, the airfield team had begun the backbreaking work of replacing the runway
lighting system.
The lighting was a vital element in the plan to enable night-time operations, but the
system had been completely trashed by bandits who had stolen all the copper that
was used to connect the lights together. Because of this the guys had to dig out all
the old lighting poles and replace them with new copper; a task that would be
demanding in a temperate climate but became herculean under the 50 degree sun
at Basra. That, they completed the job within four weeks and also installed the
landing aids to highest standards known for an overseas deployed airfield was a
massive achievement and a testament to the teamwork of all those involved.
Soon after hostilities formally ceased on 1st May, the detachment was further swelled
by a fleet of C130 Hercules aircraft that arrived from RAF Thumrait, in Oman. The
TCW detachment there was also closed down and sent over to us much needed
equipment that we could use for spares when ours malfunctioned. We were
delighted to get this extra kit so that we could maintain a high level of service but
we were even more delighted when we opened the green lacon boxes that
contained printers, laptops and modems to discover that underneath the equipment
and flow pack the guys at Thumrait had provided a ton of booze!
The only problem was at that moment we couldn’t drink it! Although hostilities had
ended the base was still dry and alcohol was prohibited. It was tempting, but I knew
the consequences would be severe if any of the detachment was caught and after
the email incident I didn’t want to give further ammunition to the traffic warden. As
such the booze was locked away for another day.
Fortunately though we didn’t have to wait long. Around the middle of May, the Force
Commander in Southern Iraq decided that a ‘two can rule’ could be implemented.
This meant that every person on the base could have two cans of beer a day at the
discretion of their Base Commander. Ours decided that we would have two nights a
week when the bar (which had been built be detachment personnel in record time)
would be open. The two cans were strictly controlled. A roster of all personnel was
submitted to the camp adjutant and the requisite number of cans was drawn from
the store at Um Qasr. Then each person had to sign for the two cans and they could
not be carried over to the next bar night.
Martin and I decided that this was the opportunity we had been waiting for to bust
open the Thumrait booze and briefed the heads of sections accordingly.
‘Right, guys. Tell everyone that if they want a top up they are to sign for their first
can and when that is finished they can decant some of the booze into it and drink it
from there. No-one is to drink any booze unless it is out of a can they have already
signed for.’
The system worked like magic! That first night we partied hard as two months of
abstinence came to an abrupt end!
I had to smile the next morning at the Base Commander’s briefing when he turned
to me and said:
‘Martin, I thought your lot were supposed to be renowned for their drinking
prowess? Looked to me last night like most of them were pissed after one can!’
As May turned into June, the numbers on the detachment grew further still as a
large number of movements staff arrived to help with the repatriation of some
people back to the UK. My responsibilities also changed as I was made Deputy Chief
of Staff and given the not inconsiderable task of building a new departure terminal in
30 days!
The British government had decided that Basra was to be re-opened as a civil as
well as a military airport with flights due to commence in early July. The departure
lounge for military flights was on the ground floor of the main terminal building, but
this was right underneath the area that was the airport headquarters. This was ok
for military departures but, as pointed out by an astute security officer, was a red
rag to a potential suicide bomber.
Therefore, a separate departure lounge needed to be built at least half a mile from
any living or working area and it needed to be done quickly. What ensued was like
some sort of reality TV challenge! We decided that the lounge would be built in a
huge marquee near the perimeter of the airport and calling in every favour that I
had built up over the past two months, arranged with the Royal Engineers to
construct blast walls around it.
Next it was off to Kuwait to source security systems (those things that you walk
through and beep at you) and sort out air conditioning. We worked round the clock
to meet the impossible deadline but (just like on TV) at the 11 th hour the job was
completed. I was exhausted but it one of the most satisfying things that I have done
in my life.
‘Everyone get ready for landing.’ Once again the loadmaster’s voice instantly
transported me from Basra to Brize Norton.
After the most eventful 107 days of my life, I would soon be back home again. 107
days that epitomised everything that was good about being in the military: the
camaraderie, the humour, the preparation and planning, adapting to ever changing
circumstances and achieving the impossible under the harshest of conditions and
most of all making a real difference for your country. As I reflected on those crazy
107 days, I was filled with gratitude for getting home safe and bursting with pride at
a job well done.
Pride always comes before a fall though and little did I imagine on that sunny July
morning that my fall was coming and would be so spectacular.
 CHAPTER 2 – BLOODY CIVVY REPORTING FOR DUTY: Wg Cdr to Dot Com
Millionaire?

Youngsters have got to stop thinking about becoming the next Zuckerberg. It's a
trillion-to-one chance. What they need is mater and pater to say, 'Get a job, son.'

~ Alan Sugar

A Brief Encounter

‘So you wear contact lenses too huh?’

The question was innocuous enough.

As I turned to my right, I could see that it had come from a gorgeous blonde girl,
probably in her early thirties, who had just sat down next to me on the tube at
Clapham Common station on a cold December night in 2006. As such I was more
than happy for her to continue her monologue.

‘I could see you frantically blinking your eyes, trying to moisten them. I do that too.
They always get so damn dry on the tube!’

The next few minutes passed in a flash. We quickly struck up a conversation but all
too soon the train arrived at Stockwell where I had to change for the Victoria line.
Unfortunately, she continued on the Northern line train and as the doors closed
behind me it suddenly struck me:

‘Shit!’

‘Shit and double shit! You didn’t get her name or phone number, Neil! You idiot!
What a wasted opportunity!’

I continued to berate myself for the next 10 minutes or so as I waited for my

connecting train.

‘How could you have not asked her for her name and number? She clearly fancied
you or she wouldn’t have talked to you! No-one talks on the tube!’ I certainly didn’t;
I just hid behind my Metro, plugged in my headphones and fixed my thousand-yard-
stare’. But it shouldn’t be like that…..
…Then it hit me. Talk on the Tube. Wouldn’t it be great if there were some sort of
website where you could post messages for people that you had had brief
encounters with. Then you could re-connect with them! How awesome would that
be? I would never have to feel like this again! And I could call it….

Talk on the Tube.

Little did I know it at the time but that one innocuous comment and a five-minute
conversation were to have a monumental impact on both my life and that of some of
my closest friends.

I hardly slept that night as I frantically worked through the details of how it would all
work so that I could outline my master plan to my best friend Kev the following day.
In fact, I had been with Kev that night having a few beers in Clapham, which was
the reason I had been on the train in the first place. I had known Kev for eight years
at that point. We had first met in Cyprus in 1998 and had struck up a close
friendship in the Command Headquarters there. We had stayed friends after we left
Cyprus and now that we both had positions in the MoD we saw each other nearly
every day.

Like me, Kev who was working in RAF Public Relations after having survived a year
in Baghdad with NATO had also decided that it would be a good time to bring the
curtain down on his RAF career and was due out in the summer of 2007. For me it
was even earlier as January 30th, 2007 would be my last working day. I had made
the decision to leave because I had become disillusioned with life working in the
Ministry of Defence. After the high octane world of Basra and a fantastic year in the
Falkland Islands, I was really looking forward to working in the defence procurement
world in London. The reality though was nothing like I imagined. Yes, being in
London was great. It’s still my favourite city in the world. And having a flat in Pimlico
paid for by the Queen was awesome. But after three years of seeing my programme
cut as soon as Typhoon or Future Carrier overspent by as little as 1% I had decided
that enough was enough. Initially, I had looked around for positions in the Defence
Industry but had quickly come to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me. I knew I could
command a decent salary to supplement my pension, but I also realised that would
only last as long as my address book was current. Two to three years at most. So
after 25 years of conforming I decided that I was going to do something completely
different.

I was going to be a hypnotherapist! I had become fascinated with hypnotherapy

after attending a Neuro Linguistic Programming course with Richard Bandler and
Paul McKenna in 2005. That had led me to the work of Milton Ericsson and
eventually to signing up for a year-long hypnotherapy foundation course which I
managed to get the RAF to pay for as part of my resettlement training.

I had it all figured out. I was off to Spain where I had bought a flat at the beginning
of 2006 and would help ex-pats give up smoking or sort out any other peccadillos
they might have, whilst sunning myself and living the good life. That all changed on
that fateful December night.

The next morning I was up at the crack of dawn and on the phone to Kev excitedly
sharing my ‘road to Damascus' moment’ from the previous evening. Telling him to
get his shit together as I was on my way round to unveil my plan for untold riches.
An hour later I was sat in his living room in Clapham laying it all out.

‘So there will be message boards for each line on the underground that people can
leave messages on if they have a brief encounter. Of course, they will have to
register first but registration will be free so that shouldn’t be a barrier to entry’.

‘But everyone will be able to see the messages’ observed Kev.

‘Yea I know, but we will also provide a private email facility so that people can
private message each other if they want to develop the conversation.’ I replied.

‘So this is basically a dating site then’?

‘No not at all mate, this is a way to help Londoner’s communicate with each other
and make that boring tube ride a bit of fun. We are simply helping Londoners to
connect. That’s it:

Talk on the Tube – Connecting the Capital!’

‘Nice! But if registration is free how are you going to make money?’
‘At first by advertising. There is this thing called CPM, which means that for every
1000 impressions of an ad on your site you get paid a fee. An agency delivers the
ads so there’s no need to worry about the techy shit!’

‘Sounds interesting’ Kev conceded.

‘Then as we grow we can add paid services to the platform to generate more
revenue but the real money is in the exit strategy’.

‘How so? He asked.

‘Haven’t you heard? ITV bought Friends Re-united last year for £120 million!’

Now I had his attention!

‘We build up the membership and then look to sell in five years’ time. I’m not saying
that we will make 100 million, but there is definitely a market for this sort of thing.’

Kev was hooked. By the end of the morning we had fleshed out the idea, Kev had
initial ideas for the logo and we were beginning to work on a Business Plan that we
could put to Angel investors.

I wasn’t going to Spain anymore to be a hypnotherapist, I was staying in London to

be a dot com millionaire. After all, I’d put an airfield into Basra. I was invincible!
What could possibly go wrong?

The next two months, up until my last day in the RAF, flew by. We engaged an Ad
agency that Kev had previously worked with to develop the logo and map out the
layout and branding for the website. We also further honed our Business Plan and
took care of the legal stuff, protecting our trademark and forming our company. By
the time I started my first day as a civilian on February 1st, 2007 everything was in
place – except any money!

At this point, Kev and I were funding the venture on an ad hoc basis. However, the
invoices were beginning to come in thick and fast and we knew that it couldn’t
continue like that for much longer. The RAF would pay me until the beginning of
May so there was some respite, but we knew that we needed to get funds in fast.
In March, through an intermediary we had hired, we managed to get in front of
some potential Angel investors, but the experience was anything but heavenly!
While they saw some merit in the concept, they ripped our Business Plan to shreds
and we left battered and bruised by our first real brush with the realities of the
commercial world.

Undaunted we re-grouped and re-worked the figures in our plan and returned in
April for Round Two. This time we didn’t fare any better though as the focus
switched from a flaky Business Plan to the privacy issues surrounding the whole
concept.

‘This sounds more like Stalk on the Tube’ sneered one of the very un-angel like
investors. ‘I can’t see that anyone would want to get involved with it.’

Crushed, Kev and I retreated from the bear pit to the infinitely more friendly
surroundings of the local pub. We had to try to salvage our dream which by now
was rapidly heading south. We tried in vain to persuade our bank manager that it
would be a good idea to lend us the £250K that we needed but he wasn’t having
any of it. Nor was the Local Enterprise Board. By the beginning of May with me no
longer having any source of income and already beginning to fund the project on my
credit card, it looked for all the world as if Talk on the Tube has already gone off the
rails.

Then a funny thing happened….

Enter The Dragon

‘Hello mate!! How’s it going?’

The beaming voice on the other end of the phone belonged to Steve, a great friend
of Kev and me from our time in Cyprus.

We had kept in touch after we had left and even gone back on holiday to stay with
Steve and his family for a few years. But with the distractions of Iraq and the
Falklands it had been a few years since we had caught up.

‘Nand and I are over in the UK and it’s been far too long so let’s get together.’
‘Absolutely!’ I replied ‘Get your asses down to London and let’s get on it!’

A few days later Steve and Nand were sat in front of me and Kev in my flat near
Blackheath as we re-counted the events of the last few months. Kev and I had
decided that it would be a good idea to give our pitch to Steve as he was a
successful businessman in his own right and would likely be able to give us some
pointers on how to better sell it to potential investors. He listened intently as Kev
and I ran through the concept of Talk on the Tube and then sat back and reflected
for what seemed an age. Neither of us was expecting what came next.

‘I want in!’

‘WHAT… What do you mean you want in?’ I blurted out, gobsmacked at what I had
just heard.

‘I can get the money and I want in. I want to be a director of TOTT.’

My heart jumped as Kev and I looked at each other and then rushed over to hug
Steve. This was unbelievable! One moment we were out for the count and now we
had all the money we needed! Talk on the Tube was finally leaving the station!!

True to his word, Steve provided the funds and supplemented by inputs from Kev
and myself we had our £250K by the end of June and work began in earnest.

Of course as budding entrepreneurs the first thing we needed was plush offices in
London. And after an exhaustive search we duly settled ourselves into
accommodation in Bishopsgate near Liverpool Street Station. This location provided
us with everything we needed: A desirable address to impress potential clients and
investors; easy access to the creative talent in Clerkenwell; and, most importantly, a
shit load of pubs and clubs in which we could get wasted every night after work!

The Real Slim Shady

By August we had parted company with our initial marketing firm as their quotes for
a website and marketing were way out of our league. Instead we had taken up with
a somewhat shady character whose main speciality was adult dating sites.
Rather an odd choice you might think but he had a trump card; he was an expert in
mobile sites and mobile marketing. Even at this fledgling stage, the strategic vision
for TOTT was that it would migrate to a mobile platform. We knew that was where
the money was and with the internet due to be in parts of the underground for the
2012 Olympics, users would be able to have a near real time experience. This would
leave us ideally placed to sell the company and retire as millionaires!

The real slim shady introduced us to a web design company in Glasgow who, based
on the plans that we had discussed with the first marketing company, agreed to
build the website for £45K. The site would be delivered by the end of November.
That was half the cost the first company had quoted so we eagerly signed up,
convinced that we had a real bargain!

November duly arrived and the first prototype was delivered. Unfortunately, it
required a massive amount of re-work as it only contained a fraction of the capability
that we had agreed. Having worked for three years in capability development in the
MoD, dealing extensively with defence contractors, I thought I was pretty well
versed in delivering to contract. However, nothing had prepared me for the side-
stepping and wriggling that ensued.

Over the next three months we had three different project managers, each one
conveniently without access to what the previous incumbent had agreed. We must
have argued ad nausium about every line and diagram in the proposal document!
Finally, though on the 8th February 2008 Talk on the Tube was ready to go live!

Going Viral

In Parallel to the technical issues we had to find ways of marketing TOTT on the
shoestring that was our remaining budget. There are millions of people moving
through the metropolitan area of London every day. Just to have a fraction of them
as members of TOTT would have made us successful. We were under no illusions
though that if people didn’t know about our shiny new site they couldn’t join it. So
how, where and when and with what to reach people and get their attention for a
short while, became the exam question.
Had that question been slightly different i.e. how not to reach people, we had it
cracked: Stand outside Liverpool street station at 08.30 on a wet October morning
handing out flyers to the zombies emerging from the tube who would barely look up
from the drudgery of their daily routine, and despite Kev’s (much vaunted) charm
and magnetism completely blank us. Then back to TOTT HQ with a sack full of
soggy flyers for tea and toast and 20 minutes of ‘I was great but you were shit!’

As a strategy it sucked but at least it didn’t cost us much. So we re-grouped and

decided to set our marketing sights on an activity that Kev and I had, over the
years, become consummate performers in - after work drinking. Our victims would
be relaxed, more receptive to Kev’s charm and magnetism, and would leave half-
empty glasses (sorry, half full) to rush home to their laptops and join the new social
media revolution. Not an unreasonable expectation.

So we bought a load of folding TOTT info cards and spent a day round my place
sticking them inside little transparent plastic wallets in preparation for our assault on
the watering holes of the Square Mile and Canary Wharf. And it worked! That is to
say people listened when we handed them cards telling them about the site and how
to join it. As Kev and I had been amateur actors in a former time we brought all our
talents to bear in explaining that the frustrations of tube travel were a thing of the
past now that they had a ‘second chance to make a first impression’. People
genuinely liked the idea but it was difficult to tell how this effort translated into visits
to the site. Kev, being unattached at the time managed to get the phone numbers of
some potential female members with the sole aim of meeting up and continuing the
marketing effort in one-on-one situations. What a trooper….

Meanwhile, back in the TOTT marketing operations room brainstorming continued

apace. As we looked at each other for inspiration it suddenly dawned on us. Each of
us was looking at two almost middle-aged men. OK we scrubbed up OK and didn’t
look too bad in a dimly lit bar but we were hardly the public persona that TOTT
needed to attract members. We needed young, personable, good looking people to
engage with the target audience. Kev, bringing to bare his previous PR skills said
they were called ‘Brand Advocates’ and that there were agencies that could provide
them. However, they would naturally come at a price. One or two would be no good,
we needed as many as we could get sporting the TOTT logo handing out flyers and
interacting with the target audience.

Well, it’s not what you know, it’s who you know. It turned out that Kev had recently
reacquainted with an ex RAF mate (Tim) who had a pink double-decker London Bus.
Tim had bought the bus with some of his RAF retirement money and used it to pick
up partygoers, ply them with champagne and ferry them to night clubs and bars. It
wasn’t long before Kev had negotiated hiring the bus and driver on ‘mates- rates’
and our next marketing masterclass was up and running.

We had a bus now all we needed now were some bright young things to put in it.

Around the same time I had learned that a West End show had been cut short - at
short notice - and that the cast were temporarily without work. We got a contact
and arranged to meet with some of them. They seemed keen to help us out for a
moderate fee so we had some boards made up for our branding to go on the side of
the bus and planned a pink parade around the capital. Compared to the price of
advertising on the tube this had to be great exposure didn’t it?

As we sat aboard the pink charabang and set off down the Strand to our first
stopping place I gave myself a mental hug and thought ‘a bunch of luvvies pouring
out onto the street from a big pink bus is going to cause such a huge public
gathering that the BBC would get to hear about it and send a journo and a
cameraman to cover the event tout suite’.

The next day Kev and I would be on the couch in broadcasting house for breakfast
TV followed by a visit to the Aston Martin showroom and we would be well on our
way. Needless to say, it didn’t turn out exactly like that. I think if we’d taken the bus
to Dinis Thrint (remote Welsh village) we might have signed up the local kids and
the village idiot but in London no-one batted an eyelid!

Back to the drawing board. How to get onto the wavelength of the people we
needed to make this dream of ours a reality. We weren’t even scratching the
surface and we didn’t want to admit it.

What’s Brown And Sticks?

In tandem with our own less than successful viral (failed) in-house marketing
attempts we had also decided to hire a second company to facilitate the exposure
that would see TOTT plastered all over the capital. We would be a household name
by the end of the year!

‘We like to throw ideas at the wall and see what sticks’ explained the rather rotund
but personable owner of the marketing agency.

It was December 2007 and Kev and I were sat in the rather scruffy office of a
boutique London marketing agency with the owner and his partner. Over the
previous three months we had trodden this path endless times searching for the firm
that would put TOTT well and truly on the map. Up to this point we had come away
empty-handed, usually due to the astronomical prices that firms were charging. This
time though we hoped for better.

‘We find that is what works for us’ he continued.

Kev looked at me, somewhat dubious that this seemed to be the extent of their
presentation.

‘What sort of ideas?’ I enquired, anxious to know what ‘sticks’.

‘Well we think it would be great if you were to wear a placard at Liverpool Street and
other stations saying something like:

Gorgeous Blonde
Clapham to Stockwell
December 6th, 2006
My life is lost without you’

‘Great idea Mr M!’ Kev interjected enthusiastically.

‘Not sure if my girlfriend is going to like it’ I countered.

‘Oh no, you can’t have a girlfriend. You have to pretend you’re single for the
duration of the campaign’ explained the rather excited owner.

‘Oh shit’ I thought ‘There is going to be trouble with this!’

Nevertheless, they appeared to have a good track record of working with start-ups
and they were reasonably priced. A fact that was becoming increasingly important as
build costs for the website escalated. Therefore, we duly signed up.

Two days later though came the response that I had been expecting.

‘No fuckin chance! You’re having a fuckin laugh aren’t you?! If you think I am going
to let you pretend you’re single and chase after some blonde slapper you’ve got
another think coming!’

Suffice to say that my girlfriend had not bought into the concept and it was back to
the drawing board!

Unfortunately, we were to find that to be the extent of the creative output of the
marketing firm. The only thing that stuck to the wall thereafter was shit!

Twenty-five grand’s worth of shit mind you!

The TOTT launch turned out to be a rather low key affair as the marketing company
were still waiting for something else to stick at that point. But that wasn’t to say that
it wasn’t without its dramas.

Within days of going live Transport for London (TFL) were all over us insisting that
we couldn’t use the word ‘tube’ because it was an infringement of their copyright.
We had seen this coming though as we had attempted to get them on board earlier
in our campaign to no avail. Therefore, we had taken advice and determined that
the term was a common use word over which TFL had no jurisdiction. As such we
were free to continue.

Not quite so straightforward though was the ‘Cease and Desist’ order that we
received a few weeks after launch as a result of stickering the TFL fleet of trains.
With nothing sticking at the marketing company we had decided to take matters into
our own hands and had thousands of TOTT stickers printed. We than gathered a
small army of family and friends to liberally plaster them around Central London and
Canary Wharf. We had quite a few emails from irate pub landlords threatening all
sorts if we didn’t stop but the only official correspondence came from TFL.

Not wanting to burn our precious money on a legal battle or fine we quickly stopped.
Throughout, February and March our number of subscribers grew slowly but steadily
to around the two thousand mark. We needed a thousand times that though if we
were to get anywhere near the tipping point that we hoped would turn us into the
capital’s top social network. Unfortunately, it was another social network that was
achieving that accolade.

Facebook has not been anywhere on the horizon when we had conceived Talk on
the Tube in December 2006. Nor had Twitter. In fact, the only real social network of
any standing in the UK at that time was Friends Re-united. However, the landscape
was very different by 2008 with Facebook exploding in the UK in mid-2007. This was
to play a major part in the way that TOTT ultimately turned out.

We knew that we couldn’t compete with Facebook, but we thought that we would
have to provide comparable facilities if we wanted people to sign up. After all
Facebook had groups, events and pages where people could form their own
communities. It seemed obvious that we needed to have the same. This lead to a
huge case of ‘mission creep’ which saw costs for the web platform skyrocket from 45
to over 200 grand! We had to refer to it was a ‘web platform’ because surely no-one
would pay that sort of money for a mere web ‘site’?!

The astronomical cost of the web platform had a major impact on every other area
of the project. It also meant that by May 2008 we were running out of money fast.

As a last attempt to create a splash with our marketing, our firm persuaded us to
use an ex-Big Brother housemate, Ziggy, as the face of TOTT as he had previously
been in a band called ‘The Northern Line’. We all thought it was a pretty tenuous
link, but we were desperate and after all they were the experts. Weren’t they?

We arranged a photoshoot for the end of May where Ziggy would be photographed
at various iconic tube locations with two gorgeous twins from a North East model
agency draped all over him. Who needs Bond Girls when you’ve got TOTT Totty?!

The Stick It marketing agency assured us that the photos would be all over the
glamour magazines. This would be the turning point. Needless to say they
disappeared without a trace and with them went our hopes of cracking London on
our own.
It wasn’t all bad news, though. Ziggy got the twins’ phone numbers! Definitely 11
grand well spent!!

By now TOTT was in a tail-spin and in desperate attempt to keep the project alive
we arranged a meeting with the Metro to explore opportunities for a partnership that
would see us using their branding in exchange for sponsorship of our platform.

The meeting was a disaster.

We were ill-prepared for the depth of questioning and I felt like some hapless
contestant on Britain’s Got Talent. We quickly got three red lights!

We would stagger on for another few months but as we walked out of that room
with our chins on the floor, I think we all knew the game was up. We had failed. The
sense of disappointment and shame was overwhelming. Against the advice of most
of our family and friends we had stepped into the entrepreneurial ring and come out
well and truly blooded. Who the fuck did we think we were anyway?!

Throughout the summer, we scraped around trying to find advertising and

sponsorship to no avail. We gave up our offices in August and worked out of Kev’s
flat, which was also now doubling as my home as I had split with my girlfriend. In
September, Kev and I made the decision to move to Spain to save paying rent on a
house in England and by mid-October the curtain had come down on the Talk on the
Tube adventure.

Ultimately it failed because of three things that should have been second nature to
seasoned military officers.

1. Maintenance of the aim – will foolishly allowed ‘mission creep’ (trying to keep
up with Facebook) to dilute our focus and deplete our limited resources.

2. Lack of self-discipline. Too much ** and not enough **

3. Failure to re-group and adapt amidst the fog of war.

Kev and I had played our parts in vanquishing Saddam in Iraq, but our first
skirmishes as entrepreneurs had left us both battered and bruised. For my part, the
wounds to my self-esteem would fester for a long time to come.
 CHAPTER 3 – THE PAIN IN SPAIN: Life in Freefall.

It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when
you are finished ~ Debbie Macomber, Mrs Miracle

March Of The Toreadors

‘Careful mate our life is in this van!’

The warning came from a very nervous Kev as the white Luton van I was driving
careered perilously close to the edge of the road that marked the boundary between
safety and a 200-metre drop and certain death. It was late October 2008 and we
were headed for our bolt hole near Torrevieja on the Costa Blanca but were only
about three hours into the eight-hour drive from Bilbao. It was a journey we had
undertaken a number of times before without any drama but on this particular
occasion we had decided to take a ‘short cut’ across the mountains of the central
plain. Unfortunately, that decision was taken before a storm had closed in and the
rain was now lashing down and cascading across the road in front of us in a raging
torrent…
…..The decision to move to Spain had been taken a few weeks earlier we were sat in
a pub in the City contemplating how much more we had to do against how little we
had to do it with. I was rapidly running out of money as was Kev.
D’you know what mate? Said Kev ‘I’m paying almost a grand a month on rent and
yours is twice that! Neither of us can afford to go on like this. We have to move to
Spain. Your flat is empty and my tenant has just moved on. That’s the only way we
can hope to continue to drum up support for TOTT’.
Put like that it was a no brainer.
So we did what we had to do to sever our ties with the UK (narrowly avoiding legal
action from our up-market gym in the City), hired a van from some dodgy place in
Ilford, drove over to our lock-up in Wembley, loaded our gear and headed for
Portsmouth for the two-day passage to Bilbao. The following morning we docked in
Bilbao and headed south….
‘Don’t worry mate, I don’t really want to die here either!’ I offered as a weak
platitude to Kev’s rapidly increasing anxiety.
The whole scene was a perfect metaphor for our lives at that point: Barely in control
(who am I kidding, out of control!) and in danger of falling off the edge. The fact
that my life could now be contained in half of the back of a Luton van (save for a
few bits that I had left in storage in the UK) was also a damning indictment of my
standing after 45 years on this planet!
Six hours and several heart-stopping moments later we finally arrived at our flats in
Villa Martin. We had officially fled to Spain. Not to escape the law or any creditors
but to flee from our own gnawing sense of failure and disappointment.
As I silently unloaded the meagre trappings of my life I wondered whether this was
the start of a brave new world or simply a misguided attempt to avoid any
responsibility in my life.
The answer was pretty quickly forthcoming. Faced with a situation where moral
fortitude was paramount and self-discipline and commitment were the order of the
day we defaulted to our recently acquired mode of operating: We hit the bar! And
then we hit it again and again and again. In fact for the rest of the year we did very
little else except hit the bar, play pool and sing karaoke until the early hours of the
morning.
A combined 60 years’ service in the Royal Air Force had taught us to ‘work hard,
play hard’ and we were living that maxim to the full.
Oh, except we weren’t doing any work!
We performed the last rites on TOTT sometime in November and then scraped
around for something that would supplement our pensions, which for me at least
was now going almost exclusively to pay off the huge credit card debt that I had run
up during the TOTT years. For me TOTT had turned from Talk on the Tube into
Totally Overspent Thirty Thousand! And that was just on credit cards. By the time I
factored in bank loans and money I owed friends I was now in a very big £120,000
hole and it was getting bigger all the time.
That didn’t stop me drinking though as that was the only way that I could avoid the
constant worry about the stark reality of the situation I faced.
2009 started with a new found optimism though. I had read the Law of Attraction
classic “The Secret” in December 2008 and was all set to visualize and manifest my
way to all the things that I needed to make my life good again.
And for a little while it actually worked.
First up was our next entrepreneurial masterpiece.
Kev had met a couple of ladies who ran a property agency in an urbanisation close
to Villamartin. He had also become good friends with the owner of a local bar who
worked part time as an electrician. One of the issues that Kev and I had experienced
first-hand was that when renting our flats on a short-term holiday let basis, the
renters would leave the aircon on all day with the windows open. The ensuing
electricity bill was jaw-droppingly expensive and we figured that if it had happened
to us it must surely have happened to others.
The entrepreneurial light bulb flashed… Electricity Meters!
Please put your hands together for… Cut the Costa Aircon!
In no time we had spent our last remaining funds on a job lot of electricity meters,
had cards printed out and were on our way to a fortune flogging meters and getting
the bar owner to install them. The tenants would get an allowance of free electricity.
Once that was used up, they fed the meters with 1 euro coins. Every ex-pat on the
Costa that rented their property would surely sign up.
Unfortunately, not one of them did and we were left with a meter mountain that
eventually we ditched as scrap. Venture number two was down the pan and the
sickening feeling that we were not cut out for this entrepreneurial lark was now a
constant companion.
In an effort to clear my head, I decided to put some distance between Kev and
myself by moving a little inland. The social life in Villamartin was killing both of us
and I needed some space to try to make some sense of my life, which seemed to be
spinning rapidly out of control. Very quickly I found a dream villa with a magnificent
garden and pool for the princely sum of 600 euros a month, which I was able to
partially offset by renting out my flat. Though that was to turn into a total
nightmare! More of that later. Anyway, the move worked well. I only spent three
nights a week socialising with Kev in Villamartin and he only spent three night at my
place socialising and kicking my ass at pool in my new local village. Great to have
Sunday off!
God knows how, but I was also able to borrow another £25,000 from the bank
(there must have been a mind fart with the online application process that day) so I
now had some money (though not really my own of course!). Added to that Kev
and I had now hatched the latest plan in our fledgling entrepreneurial career.
Ladies and gentleman, I give you Vodka Sharks! That’s right, the clue is in the first
word. Kev and I were going to open our own bar!
Not any bar mind you. Bars are ten a penny in that part of Spain. Vodka Sharks was
to be a live music bar to hold up to 300 people that imported some of the top
pop/glam rock and tribute bands from the 1970s and 80s to fill a glaring hole in the
market on the southern Costa Blanca: the lack of any decent music. The vodka part
was also to be a cocktail lounge that served our own flavoured vodkas and cocktails
similar to the style in which Revolution had exploded in the UK. This wasn’t a good
idea, it was a great idea! Surely this would be third time lucky?
Unfortunately, we had rather overlooked the fact that by 2009 the recession that
was sweeping Europe had hit Spain harder than any other country in the Euro Zone.
Property prices had plummeted by as much as 60% and people who had risked
everything for a place in the sun were having their properties repossessed at an
alarming rate. Nobody was going out, nobody was spending money and everyone
was stressed. Still we pressed ahead anyway.
To add fuel to our burning enthusiasm, one night during a pool and karaoke session
in one of our favourite watering holes in ‘Playa Flamenca’ we happened across a
member of the 1970’s Glam Rock band ‘Sweet’ who was doing a duet with his wife
in a local bar. Having been brought up on such hits as ‘Little Willy’ and ‘Ballroom
Blitz I was well chuffed at the chance to meet him particularly since he had lots of
contacts with bands from this era in the UK.
Around the same time Kev had contacted Charlie, a member of the Stones tribute
band ‘the Rolling Stoned’, (much more Kev’s cup of tea) who we had seen a few
times in London before moving out. Charlie had agreed that once we got up and
running the band would play on our opening night as they were keen to become
established in Spain. Things were definitely on the up and for a while Kev and I were
mini celebrities in Villa Martin as the guys who were finally going to bring some kick
ass music to the area. The only thing we didn’t have was a venue and money!
Undaunted by this though I continued my daily visualisation and within a couple of
weeks a solution appeared to present itself.
With the help of a lady who Kev had got to know through a friend, and who for the
purposes of this explanation, I will call Janet, we quickly found some suitable
premises. Janet had lived in the area for a number of years and had a number of
contacts in the ex-pat community, which she was able to leverage to find us the
ideal venue.
Now there was just the small matter of the money. Never mind, we only needed a
million Euros!
Enter The Dragon – Reprise
Or more accurately, enter Janet!
Janet was an interesting character (euphemism for nutter) who Kev had befriended
while I was back in the UK on a short break. I met Janet on my return to Spain and
was immediately taken by her enthusiasm for the music project and her false tits
(unfortunately it turned out that these weren’t the only thing that was fake!) We
knew that she might be temperamentally a bit suspect (psycho) but she had bundles
of energy and a real desire to see Vodka Sharks succeed.
Janet, it turned out, had (according to Janet) been the PA for a building magnate
called Gary on the Costa Blanca and she had told him of the project. Long story
short, he could see the potential and was very interested. Naturally, he wanted to
see the Business Plan and he would want Janet to be an integral part of the
management team to safeguard his investment but those two things seemed a very
small price to pay to secure the investment we required. Once again we were on our
way!
Well we would have been except for one small detail. Gary didn’t actually exist!!
Yes we had plenty of emails from him and had numerous appointments to meet with
him but for one reason or another he always had to cancel at the last moment. This
façade was strung out for nearly two months while Kev and I did revision after
revision of the Business Plan to satisfy ‘Gary’ and skirted around the edges of the
project, keeping everyone warm but (thankfully) not committing to contracts.
The penny finally dropped at the end of April when Gary, who was supposed to be in
England recovering from a life threatening operation sent us an email! When I
compared the IP address of the email to Janet’s email address I was horrified to find
that they were one and the same! And the worst part was that that was the IP
address for my flat! Yes that’s right, not only was the there never going to be any
funding but the schizophrenic that had set us up was squatting in my flat! I say
squatting because by this point she was three months behind with the rent! All of a
sudden TOTT looked like a raving success!!
I was devastated. This really was a knockout blow. What did it take to actually get
something off the ground? My self-esteem, which had been pretty fragile at this
point was now in bits. How could I not have seen this coming? And more
importantly…
What the fuck was I going to do now?
And if you are thinking that the situation couldn’t have got any worse you are
wrong, way wrong.
My girlfriend and I, who had split the previous summer, had decided to get back
together and she had given up her job in Canary Wharf and was moving over to
Spain to help us manage the bar!!
I broke the news to her on the way back from the airport.
She was not happy!
Not sure who she wanted to kill the most? Me for being a mug or Janet for leading
us a merry dance!
Every cloud, though…
She was so pissed at Janet that she stormed round to my flat and became a one
lady eviction team. Janet was out within days. At least I had my flat back (though
still no income from it).
More importantly, though, we were all faced with the real problem of how to support
ourselves with no prospect of any work in Spain. Our dream of the good life on the
Costa had well and truly turned into a nightmare!
Kev was the first to sort himself out, getting a ‘proper’ job in Luxembourg in June
that brought to an end his two-year affair with entrepreneurship.
My girlfriend returned to the UK shortly afterwards to help her family run a bar and
did so well that by August 2009 she was given the chance to run her own pub.
I soldiered on in Spain, too embarrassed to return to the UK having failed yet again
and took my first forays into internet marketing. However, when I was summoned
back to the UK in September to help my girlfriend run her pub I felt compelled to go.
After all she had given up her life in England to help with the ill-fated Vodka Sharks,
so it was only right that I do the same.
In stark contrast to the success of the pub, our relationship turned into an
unmitigated disaster. By the end of the year we had broken up again, this time for
good, and I was back home, without a job, living with my mum.
The optimism that had characterized the start of the year seemed a million miles
away as I sat in my mum’s front room on New Year’s Eve, my stomach churning
with resentment and shame, crying into my beer.
‘Fuck you, Myleene Klass!’ I thought as I stared blankly at the TV at midnight.
‘What’s happy about this new year?’
New Year, Same Shit
The outlook was looking pretty bleak at the beginning of 2010 as I weighed up my
(non-existent) options. My mum had plenty of decorating jobs that needed doing
around the house, but there was little else on the horizon. Much as I love her, being
dependent on your mum for a roof over your head at 46 years old doesn’t do much
for one’s self-esteem.
The light at the end of the tunnel was that the company that had owned my (now
ex) girlfriend’s pub had a chain of other pubs and there was a chance that they
would need someone to run their flagship pub during the summer. The prospect
really excited me because it would be the nearest thing I could get to the ill-fated
Vodka Sharks and I badly needed something to restore my self-respect. However,
that was months away so I had plenty of time to stew on my bad luck and piss in
my pity pot!
In the event, the pub job came through much earlier and by the end of March I was
pulling pints and preparing for a manic summer in one of the busiest pubs in Essex.
Another bonus was that my daughter had come to live with me and work in the pub,
which meant we got to see loads of each other that summer. Things were finally on
the up!
The pub was great fun. It was World Cup year and everyone was buzzing (well at
least until England actually started playing)! My first task was to increase the size of
the staff from around 11 to 55 to cope with demand during the summer months but
be mindful that demand would drop drastically once summer was over. This
inevitably meant hiring an army of uni students who would be free for the summer
but back to their studies come autumn. This was something of a double-edged
sword though: Yes they would be happy to leave come the end of the summer but
most were there to party and save up enough money for the festival season at the
end of August, the time when they were needed most!
Students also tend to have a lot of friends so a huge amount of my time was spent
policing the bar to make sure that it wasn’t drinks on the ‘house’!
I really enjoyed the pub experience and it helped to exorcise the ghost of Vodka
Sharks. But by the end of October I was on my knees. I was working about a
hundred hours a week and was down to 11 stone, my lightest since the D & V
episode at Basra. The money in the hospitality industry is also pretty shit so after
servicing my debts and paying my rent I had no money to do anything even if I had
had the time.
I, therefore, made the decision to strike out on my own again and use the
experience of marketing and web development that I had gained during the TOTT
years to help local businesses with their online presence.
In mid-December I left the pub and formed Smart Ad Solutions an online agency
that would get ‘More Business for Your Business!’ I taught myself how to build
websites using WordPress (for all you geeks) and Search Engine Optimisation so that
I could get my clients onto page one of Google.
By the end of January 2011, I had my first client and was on my way.
What I didn’t have though was the confidence to sell my services for what they were
worth or the desire to master the selling side of the business. As a result, I picked
up a lot of clients from referrals but they were only ever willing to pay what I had
charged my first client. I had a ‘beggars can’t be choosers’ mentality and
consequently I ended up working the same hours as at the pub but for a third of the
reward! My clients were getting a 1000% return on their monthly investment, but I
could barely afford to live. I managed to convince myself that this was ok because I
loved doing the techy stuff but the truth is that the previous four years had taken
such a toll on me that subconsciously I was prepared to settle for anything.
By June 2011, I could no longer afford to pay my rent and so in July I moved in with
my brother Dave who had split with his wife the year before.
Once again I was on the floor and beholding on family to bail me out.
How had it come to this?
How had the brave new world of civilian life become such a shambolic failure?
Basra seemed a lifetime away. I felt drained, defeated and dislocated. A pathetic
imitation of my former self.
The fall of Wing Commander Martin was complete.
 PART 2
The Long Road Home

Chapter 4 – How The Hell Did I Get Here: Taking Responsibility for Your
Life.
The only thing keeping you from what you really want is the story you keep telling
yourself about why you don’t have it! Change your story and you change your life.
~ Anthony Robins
‘How the hell did I get here’?
The words just kept echoing around my head again and again.
As I looked in the mirror on that cold February morning in 2012 I hardly recognised
the person looking back at me. I was unshaven for the third day in a row as I didn’t
have enough money to razor blades and my eyes were red and bleary from another
2am finish.
How did I go from leading the team that rebuilt Basra airfield to this sorry state?
In a vain attempt to cheer myself up I read through some of my old appraisals but
that just made me feel worse. It was as if the person on the paper was completely
alien to me. Tears streamed down my face as the realization of how far I had fallen
sunk in.
It felt like a huge black cloud was hanging over me and it was closing in. Part of me
felt like just saying ‘fuck it’ and going under. Crawling into my bed and accepting
the fact that I had ruined my life. But a voice within me kept saying ‘get a grip
Martin. You’re better than this!’
I couldn’t go on like this. Something had to change.
I dragged myself off the bed and went in search of an old external hard drive for my
laptop that I knew had a ton of self-help stuff that I collected since reading ‘The
Secret’ in 2008.
Like many people I had read book after book, listened to loads of CDs and spent
thousands of pounds I didn’t have, in an attempt to transform my life. But like far
too many people I had read and listened to loads but not actually DONE anything.
That was part of the reason I found myself in this position.
Do you find yourself doing this?
If so you need to realise that you are in fact reading these books for entertainment
rather than to improve your life! Time to stop that now.
After about half an hour of searching I finally found what I was looking for.
An article from Joe Vitale’s Miracle Coaching Programme about RESPONSIBILITY.
The crux of the article was that we are responsible for everything that happens in
our lives. And yes that is EVERYTHING. Lots of people (myself included) are happy
enough to take responsibility for the good stuff but the bad stuff is always ‘their
fault!’
Reading the article made me realise just how much of a victim I had let myself
become, blaming my sorry situation on everyone and everything except myself. In
fact the victim had actually become my ‘self-image’ (more of that in Chapter 5).
Through this lens, TOTT had failed due to the bad luck of Facebook being launched
at the same time. Vodka Sharks had failed because Janet was a nutter and I wasn’t
making any money with Smart Ad Solution because my client’s didn’t appreciate me!
As I read through the article over and over I began to see just how lame these
excuses were.
I had gotten to this point because of the choices I had made and those choices were
informed by a self-image that was based on the habits, beliefs and values that I
carried around with me. I knew this from my work with Neuro Linguistic
Programming and hypnotherapy but it was as if I had been unconscious for years
and had forgotten it. If I was going to get out of this mess then I had to uncover
what those habits, beliefs and values were and change those that weren’t serving
me.
I also quickly realised that I needed a plan. I hadn’t had any sort of life plan for
years. When I was in the RAF it was easy. Work hard and aim for the next rank.
Apply for the jobs that would give you the best profile and really kick in around the
three year mark in any rank so that your best work came when you were most
promotable.
In civilian life it was completely different. I realised that I didn’t have any strategy
at all. With TOTT we had a high level aspiration to exit in five years as dot com
millionaires but hadn’t charted a course in sufficient detail to get there and after that
I had pretty much just lived day-to-day. I was a rudderless ship that was floundering
around on the waves of chance. That had to stop!
However, before I could put the pieces of the plan in place I needed to determine
how I had gotten to this point and what I needed to do differently if I was to be
successful. Once I had completed that phase I needed to have a clear idea of what
I wanted my future to look like so that I could set goals and start taking action.
After contemplating my situation I came up with four questions that became the
foundation for my transformation:
1. Why am I at this point?
2. What did I do when I was successful/what am I not doing now?
3. How am I sabotaging myself and my business?
 4. If I don’t do anything what will my life look like in a year/five years?
I then used this information to create visualizations and a plan. Part 2 of this book
will guide you through these processes so that you too can start to lead your life by
design rather than simply reacting to what life throws at you.
At the end of each chapter there will be Marching Orders, which are the tasks that
you MUST complete if you wish to succeed. I cannot emphasise enough:
YOU WILL NOT GET ANYTHING OUT OF THIS BOOK SIMPLY BY READING IT!
As Garrett J White says: ‘Do the fucking work’!!
Meanwhile, back at the pity party!
The last question of my four questions was particularly sobering but let’s start at the
top.
Why am I at this point?
On reflection I realised that my life situation was a direct result of the decisions and
choices I had made. These were fuelled by the habits that I had, which in turn were
informed by my thoughts and beliefs. Using this framework I was able to reverse
engineer my decisions and choices and start to uncover what my predominant
thoughts were and the beliefs that underpinned them. This was very powerful and
was certainly an eye opener for me.
For example, on the surface my decision to go to Spain when TOTT started to fail
was based on financial considerations i.e. I had a flat in Spain that I was already
paying rent for so I might as well live in it because I hardly had any money at the
time. However, when I started to dig I realised that the real reason I went was
because I was ashamed that TOTT had failed and it was easier to escape to Spain
rather than take responsibility and examine the reasons for the failure.
Try this for yourself. Take a piece of paper, put it in landscape mode and vertically
divide it into three. Better still, save yourself the time and go to http://afe-
book.com/mindarmour/armour where this is already done for you in the resource
pack!
Now on the far right put down two or three decisions or choices that you have made
that have not served you. In the middle column write down any habits that have
influenced that decision and in the left hand column write down the beliefs that
underpinned those habits and decisions.
This is a good exercise for highlighting how much of the time we just operate on
autopilot. When a decision has to be made we think that we are rationally analysing
the data available and making a reasoned choice based on that data. In fact we are
most likely filtering the available data through the lens of our beliefs and then
reacting to it on the basis of a previously stored response. And then we wonder why
that choice didn’t turn out so great!
You see this time and again in relationships. How often do you hear someone say ‘I
always seem to pick the bastards?’ Well the clue there is in the ‘I’!
What did I do when I was successful/what am I doing now?
First of all I spent some time reflecting on the things I had achieved in my life and
made a note of them. Then I took out a piece of paper and drew a line vertically
down the middle. On the left were things I did when I was successful: meditated,
wrote down my goals, exercised, set targets, had a daily task list etc. On the right
were my current behaviours starting with an absence of all that was on the left!
Then throw in: drinking too much, staying up late and eating poorly and it quickly
became obvious why my business was sinking fast!
How am I sabotaging myself and my business?
The list was long! Procrastinating, wasting hours on the internet, starting projects
but not finishing them, making promises to myself that I didn’t keep, using
perfectionism to avoid action, and so on and so on.
Do any of these sound familiar?
You really need to dig deep and get honest with yourself here. If you can’t face it
then you can’t replace it!
If you are struggling then go to http://afe-book.com/mindarmour/armour and you
will find a check list of common problems that will get you started.
If I don’t do anything what will my life look like in a year/five years?
This was perhaps the hardest part to complete as it took me a lot of courage to be
brutally honest with myself. On first pass I sugar-coated the situation by only
looking at the surface problems such as what will I be doing, where will I be living
etc. Whilst the picture wasn’t rosy it wasn’t terminal either. Life would be pretty
shit but bearable. Not really that much of an incentive to change!
However, once I really started to dig the picture began to look very scary!
I asked myself, ‘What level of regret will I have if I don’t sort this out?’ That was
the real wake up call. How would I feel in five years’ time if I looked back and knew
that I had had it in me to sort this out but hadn’t. The pain from that thought was
almost unbearable.
They say that we are conditioned more to move away from pain than we are to
move towards pleasure and in that moment that gnawing, gut wrenching feeling
was all the motivation I needed to start addressing the issues I had uncovered by
answering the first three questions.
So that is my challenge to you. Before, you move on take out a piece of paper and
answer all four of the questions above. Really look at how you have got to where
you are and what level of regret you will feel if you don’t do anything about it. What
impact will that regret have on your family, your friends and most of all you? It may
help to actually stand in front of the mirror while you do this. Look into your eyes
and be brutally honest with yourself. That is what it took me.
As I said in the introduction to this book, this is not a journey for the faint hearted.
It is now time for you to show your warrior spirit and look at yourself with brutal
honestly. We all have blind spots, things about ourselves we would rather ignore but
what you can’t see you can’t change. It’s time to get over your ego and bring these
things into the light. That way we can work on them in the chapters that follow.
The amount of time and the depth of honesty you bring to this task will be directly
proportional to the value you get from this book for these questions are the
foundation for what follows. Please do not skip them.
MARCHING ORDERS: Ask yourself (and write down the answers!)
1. Why am I at this point?
2. What did I do when I was successful/what am I not doing now?
3. How am I sabotaging myself and my business?
4. If I don’t do anything what will my life look like in a year/five years?
In Chapter 5 we will look at how you create your reality and how your self-image
determines that reality. See you on the other side!
 Chapter 5 – It’s Life Jim But Not As We Know It: Creating Your Reality
Reality is just an illusion, albeit a persistent one ~ Albert Einstein
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change ~
Wayne Dyer
Welcome back.
You should now have a comprehensive list of the actions, decisions, behaviours and
beliefs that have got you to the place that you currently find yourself. As I alluded
to in the previous chapter, these factors both support and are determined by one’s
self-image. Therefore, it is time for an exploration of the importance of self-image.
However, before we do that let’s spend some time looking at how we create our
reality and the quality of the life that we lead.
There is a famous saying that ‘seeing is believing’ but this is a fallacy because in fact
the opposite is true. What you believe about the world is what you end up seeing.
This is because you filter out what you don’t believe and focus on what you believe.
We are bombarded by millions of bits of data every day and our brains would go into
meltdown if we tried to process everything that was going on around us. Therefore,
we unconsciously select what we wish to process and discard the rest. We have all
had experience of this with cars. You decide you are going to buy a new BMW and
all of a sudden you start seeing them everywhere.
Creating your own reality does not mean that you control everything that is going on
‘out there’ but it does mean that you determine how you experience it. For
example, I love watching football. My partner does not! If we are watching the TV
and a match is on we are usually have a very different experience. Mine is one of
excitement and joy whereas hers is one of boredom and, sometimes, anger if she is
compelled to watch for an extended period of time! The outside stimulus for both of
us is the same but the experience is very different.
Therefore, you create your own reality inasmuch as you filter your world through the
lens of your beliefs. The quality of life that you experience is also very much
dependent on your thoughts.
The Power of Now
Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it. Always
work with it, not against it. Make it your friend and ally, not your enemy. This will
miraculously change your whole life. ~ Eckhart Tolle
Not living in the present moment is the biggest cause of our pain and suffering.
When we are in our heads re-living the past or longing for some supposed better
future we deny ourselves the beauty of the present. We starve ourselves of life.
We have all had that experience of replaying over and over again some perceived
hurt, wallowing in it until it consumes us. In reality someone may have injured us
once but we then injure ourselves a thousand times (while all the time blaming the
other person for the hurt which we now feel).
This was certainly the case with me when I broke up with my girlfriend in the winter
of 2009. I deeply resented her for, as I saw it, making me return from my beautiful
villa in Spain to a life of nothing in the UK. For a couple of months, over and over I
replayed the arguments, the fights and the name calling to justify my position to
myself and in doing so lived in an almost constant state of pain and misery. This
was a dark place to be but somehow there was almost a perverse satisfaction in my
pain. Have you ever been to that place?
Fortunately for me, during an outpouring of self-pity with a complete stranger in a
bar she mentioned to me “The Power of Now “ by Eckhart Tolle and suggested that
it might help my situation. I read it and it did. In fact it changed my life. Firstly, it
made me realise the power that our thoughts have over us. The power they have to
make us feel happy or sad and the power they have to set the framework of our
experience. There is no pain in the present moment.
The Power of Now also made me realise that we have a choice in the thoughts that
we give power to. We can’t control our thoughts that would be way too much work.
In fact with around 40,000 thoughts entering our mind every day that would be
exhausting but what we can do is to decide which ones we will give power to. Which
ones we will allow to grow, which ones we will feed. In order to make this choice
though we must first realise that we are not our thoughts. They are not real. As
Eckhart Tolle says we must become ‘the watcher’. We must step outside of
ourselves and without judgement notice the repetitive thought patterns in our head.
For when we notice as the observer of our thoughts we are able to remove the
emotion from them and more importantly we are able to recognise the harm that
destructive thoughts reap on us and therefore, choose more nourishing and
empowering thoughts.
This process is simple but it is not easy. Thoughts obey the Law of Attraction. Like
attracts like. So when we think negative thoughts for a period of time we attract like
thoughts. That is how we get into a downward spiral of thought that can quickly
become all consuming. Sound familiar? Being the watcher of our thoughts requires
commitment and practice. It also helps considerably if we have pre-prepared
thoughts that we can reach for when negativity strikes and ways that we can bring
ourselves back to the present.
Having an arsenal of gratitude is particularly effective. When you find yourself on a
downward spiral look to something in your immediate vicinity that you can be
grateful and just focus on that for a while. As little as 30 seconds will suffice.
Esther Hicks tells us that it only requires 18 seconds of sustained thought on a
particular subject to attract like thoughts, so you can quickly break the cycle of
negativity. If you already know what it is in your immediate environment that you
are grateful for, if you have made a mental inventory whilst you are in a good place,
then this practice becomes much easier and therefore more effective. It doesn’t
have to be big things. That steaming coffee, your favourite pen or iPhone, we all
have so much that we can feel grateful for (more about gratitude later though). The
fact is that you can’t feel bad if you feel grateful and focussing on something in your
immediate environment is a great way of bringing you back to the now and
connecting with the present.
Living in the present moment is an excellent habit to cultivate and will have a huge
impact on the quality of your life. However, the trajectory of your life is primarily
determined by your self-image so it’s time to tackle that subject head on.
The Power of Self-Image
‘The ‘self-image’ is the key to human personality and behaviour. Change the self-
image and you change the personality and behaviour’. ~ Maxwell Maltz
A word of caution. This exploration may shock you if, like mine was, your primary
self-image is that of a veteran rather than a civilian. I thought that self-image was
serving me but on closer examination I was wrong. Here’s why….
In his seminal book Psycho Cybernetics, Maxwell Maltz likened the human
experience to that of a servo-mechanism. He argued that:
The so-called ‘subconscious mind’ is not a mind at all, but a goal-striving
servo-mechanism consisting of the brain and nervous system, which is used
and directed by the mind… The creative mechanism within you is impersonal.
It will work automatically and impersonally to achieve goals of success and
happiness or unhappiness and failure, depending on the goals you set for it.
Present it with ‘success goals’ and it functions as a ‘success mechanism’.
Present it with ‘negative goals’ and it operates just as impersonally as a
‘failure mechanism’.
Like any other servo-mechanism, it must have a clear-cut goal, objective, or
‘problem to work upon. The goals that our own Creative Mechanism seeks to
achieve are MENTAL IMAGES or mental pictures, which we create by the use
of IMAGINATION.
The key goal-image is our Self-Image.
Our Self-Image prescribes the limits for the accomplishment of any particular
goals. It prescribes ‘the area of the possible’. Like any other servo-mechanism
our Creative Mechanism works upon the data that we feed into it (our
thoughts, beliefs, interpretations). Through our attitudes and interpretations
of situations, we ‘describe’ the problem to be worked upon.
If we feed information and data into our creative mechanism to the effect
that we ourselves are unworthy, inferior, undeserving, incapable (a negative
self-image) this data is processed and acted upon as any other data in giving
us the ‘answer’ in the form of objective experience.
 Like any other servo-mechanism, our Creative Mechanism makes use of
stored information, or ‘memory’, in solving current problems and responding
to current situations.
It works like this:
1. Set a goal.
2. Take action.
3. Get feedback (i.e. make mistake).
4. Correct error.
5. Get closer to goal.
It’s like the way a guided missile seeks out its target by continually using feedback
from the target to correct errors in its course. The errors get gradually smaller until
the missile locks on and engages the target.
However, in humans between the creative element and the servo-mechanism lays
the self-image. If the goal is consistent with the self-image then it passes through
ok but if not it is not then it is rejected or modified. It is the factor that determines
whether your creative mechanism operates as a ‘success mechanism’ or a ‘failure
mechanism’.
Your self-image is critical to how you experience life because, as Maltz argued, ‘all
your actions, feelings, behaviours, even your abilities are always consistent with this
self-image’
Very interesting you may say, but what does this have to do with me?
What I began to realise as I deconstructed my decline was that I held values and
beliefs that had served me well in the military but were now actually holding me
back. Your self-image is constructed by the values and beliefs that you
unconsciously carry around with you and you will always act like the sort of person
that you conceive yourself to be.
A lot of your values and beliefs are imprinted on your subconscious at an early age
by parents, peers and teachers when you are like a sponge. As you grow older you
become more discerning and are able to reject ideas that you do not agree with.
However, we can also pick up values and beliefs later in life if the stimulus is
particularly strong. Maltz argued that the three factors that impact whether you
take on a belief are: authoritative source, intensity and repetition. Things you get in
spades in the military! Anyone who has undertaken basic training in the military will
recognise that these are the ways that military values are instilled into you.
What I realized was that when I left the military my self-image was still that of a
military officer not an entrepreneur. As such my actions and decisions were not
ideally suited to the commercial world. Added to that the ‘bloody Civvy’ factor which
had been engrained into me during my service and it is clear to see where I went
wrong.
To compound this, by 2012 my self-image was that of a victim and a failure. The
TOTT experience had really knocked my self-confidence and my capacity to make
productive, life-enhancing decisions seemed to nose dive thereafter. As such I
always managed to do things to re-enforce and sustain the victim image: pick the
wrong clients, chase after silver bullets and get-rich-quick schemes, drink too much
etc.
So why does any of this matter? It matters because if you believe yourself to be a
victim then that is what you will experience. You will subconsciously filter out
opportunities and instead focus on the problems and disappointments in your life.
What you focus on expands because thoughts make feelings, feelings lead to actions
and the actions (or lack of) you take will tend to keep you where you are.
Now if you are a veteran that is struggling to come to terms with civilian life, this
might sound a bit gloomy. The fact is it is not. It’s great news!
That’s because YOU have the power to change your self-image. You don’t need
outside help or charity from the Government or anyone else. It is completely within
your power to do it on your own.
However, before you can start to change your self-image and create the life of your
dreams you need to know what the life you want looks like, and I mean REALLY
know what it looks like. Vague ideas such as ‘I want to be rich. I want to be happy’
aren’t enough because they don’t have the power to create the motivation that is
required to overcome resistance and it is difficult to visualize something as abstract
as ‘I want financial freedom’.
You need to get specific.
You need to decide what you REALLY want in your life. Not what would be nice to
have but what will get you fired up enough to take massive action.
So there are two exercises which I want you to go through now that will give you
the clarity that is required. These are the ‘Be, Do, Have exercise’ and ‘My Perfect
day.’
These exercises will help you develop a self-image that serves you better in civilian
life and enables you to use your creative mechanism to achieve new goals that can
bring you happiness and success.
Be, Do, Have
This is a pretty straightforward exercise but it is immensely powerful. What would
you like to Be, Do and Have in your life? It’s as simple as that!
Who do you want to be? What do you want to be doing and what do you want to
have in your life? If you find that you are struggling, try the following approach:
Step 1: What don’t I want?
Sometimes when we are trying to figure out what we want from life it is easier to
start with what we don’t want. This is because most of us are a lot clearer about
what we don’t want than what we do want. And how do you know that this is true?
Look at your life! What is in it is what you spend most of your time thinking about!
This is especially true if you are in a dark place when starting this work. If you are
still stuck get angry! What is it that pisses you off? What are you sick of in your life?
What has to change?
For me it was, clients that don’t appreciate me, working long hours for next to no
money and the way I was living my life. Obviously, the list was a lot longer than
that but I’m sure you get the idea!
So get out a piece of paper now (or use the template in your Mind Armour pack) and
take as long as is necessary to write down everything that you don’t want in your
life. Don’t overthink it, just write whatever comes into your head.
Step 2: What is the opposite of those? Things I do want.
Now that you have clarity about what you don’t want in your life it is time to reverse
the don’ts and see what comes out.
Do these things resonate with you? Do they make you feel happy, proud, fulfilled?
Mine were, clients or a boss that appreciates my value, shorter hours for much
greater money and a loving relationship.
Be careful here to focus on end goals though not means goals (money is always a
means goal as it simply provides a means to some end that you are seeking.)
So get out another piece of paper now and take as long as is necessary to write
down everything that you want in your life. Once again, don’t overthink it, just write
whatever comes into your head.
My Perfect Day
Now that you are clear about what you don’t want and what you do want in your life
it is time to use this information to build your perfect day. After all, a perfect life is
made up of lots of perfect days.
So start with, what would your perfect normal day look like if there were no
limitations on what it could be? This should be a day that isn’t a one-time event but
a routine day in your ideal life. It should also contain a lot of things that you do
want in your life and little or none of the things you identified that you don’t want in
your life. Remember, this is your perfect day so don’t limit yourself because of your
current circumstances and responsibilities. We are here to change your self-image
so that you can BE, DO and HAVE anything you want. THINK BIG!!
Some of the questions you might want to answer are:
Where do I live?
What sort of building do I live in?
Who is in my close circle of friends?
What hobbies and interests do I have?
Do I have a significant other?
What is my relationship like with my significant other? How much time do we spend
together?
How many hours a day do I work?
What do I do for work?
What time to I wake up?
How do I spend my morning?
How do I spend my afternoon?
How do I spend my evening?
Try to get into as much detail as possible with each of these question because they
will form the basis of your visualization. You will need to bring all your senses to
bear when you visualize so the more specific you can be the more powerful your
visualization will be.
The important thing is that once you realize this and take responsibility for what is
happening in your world you can do something about it. This starts with uncovering
the beliefs that are creating your experience and then doing something about those
beliefs that are taking you away from where you want to get to. Therefore, the next
stop on our journey is a look at beliefs.
MARCHING ORDERS
1. Complete the ‘Be, Do, Have’ exercise.
2. Complete the 'Ideal Day' exercise and visualize your ideal day for at least 21
days.
3. Memorize the principles of the ‘Automatic Success Mechanism.’
 Chapter 6 – The Enemy Within: Beliefs That Don’t Serve You.

For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don’t believe, no proof
is possible. ~ Stuart Chase

As we have seen in Chapter 5, we can only create a life that is consistent with our
self-image. As Anthony Robbins notes: ‘the strongest force in the human personality
is the need to stay consistent in how we define ourselves’ . Thus it is that our values
and beliefs shape the way we view ourselves and the world around us. They act as
filters for our perceptions, and actually create our maps of reality. They literally
make our reality, and make us who we are. Our beliefs control our world and
therefore it is vital that we are able to identify our beliefs and change those that are
no longer serving us. But what exactly is a belief?

Bruce Di Marsio explains beliefs like this: ‘A belief is assuming something to be true,
to be a fact. A belief is not caused, it is created by choice. A belief about a thing’s
existence is not the same as its existence.’

In other words, milk is not a belief. It is a fact, but saying that milk is good for you
(or not) is a belief.

Cultural Beliefs v Personal Beliefs

There are two main types of beliefs: Global or cultural beliefs and personal beliefs.
Culture refers to integrated patterns of human behaviour that include the language,
thoughts, actions, customs, beliefs and institutions of racial, ethnic, social, or
religious groups in a particular area or location. Every culture has beliefs about
various aspects of life varying from health, to diseases, treatments, socialization,
public events and spirituality. These beliefs tend to cover areas such as:

Life is…. (Hard/for learning lessons/etc.)

People are…. (Out for themselves/naturally cynical/etc.)

Personal beliefs are those things that we tell ourselves about ourselves based on our
experiences and the self-talk that we continually engage in.

Empowering v Limiting Beliefs

The beliefs that affect our lives are either empowering or limiting. Limiting beliefs
hold us back from our goals or detract from our enjoyment of life, while empowering
beliefs cause us to reach for our goals and enjoy a greater quality of life. To make
sure that your beliefs are empowering, you should ask yourself – for every new idea
you come across, and for every strong conviction you already have – whether or not
it is useful. Does it give you more power, flexibility and choice, or does it take it
away? Do not judge your beliefs on whether they are accurate or not according to
your perception, but focus on the consequences of believing in them. You can
choose to replace limiting beliefs with beliefs that empower you, beliefs that are
consistent with the life that you wish to enjoy.

Limiting Beliefs

We all possess some beliefs that do not ultimately support us. These negative beliefs
exist whenever we incorrectly believe ourselves to be limited in any way. Most of the
limitations we have are not based in reality at all, but exist only in our own minds.
However, they seem very real to us and control our feelings and actions (or lack
thereof).

Irrespective of whether the limiting beliefs are real or not, they become true for us.
For example, people who are convinced they cannot succeed in an area – such as
selling, public speaking, relationships or finances – will not take any action to go
beyond the limits they have set for themselves. Even if they attempt to overcome
the belief through sheer will power they would still expect to fail, subconsciously
sabotaging their efforts. They would also filter out anything that runs contrary to
their conviction, while looking for and amplifying things to support it. Limiting
beliefs, therefore, become a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Do you have limiting beliefs about life, yourself, people, health, happiness,
relationships, money or education that stop you from achieving the level of success
you want?

Perhaps the easiest way to answer this question is to look at your life. If there is an
area of your life that is not as you would wish (and the fact that you have read this
far in the book indicates that there probably is) then there is a belief that you hold
that underpins that issue.

Where Do Limiting Beliefs Come From?

Most of the beliefs we hold about ourselves come from childhood sources such as
family, friends and authority figures such as church and school. Scientific evidence
has shown that during childhood, particularly between the ages of two and eight
years old, children’s brains spend a lot of time in the Theta state (this is why young
children have such vivid imaginations).

This state is optimal for taking on board new ideas and is why children of this age
are like sponges. Unfortunately, children of this age lack discernment and tend to
take things literally. Therefore, if you are told that you are bad or ‘you’ll never
amount to anything’ you internalize it very quickly and it develops into a limiting
belief.

In later life we have discernment but can still take on beliefs if, as mentioned in
Chapter 5, the information is delivered from an authoritative source with intensity
and repetition. This is certainly the case in the military and is the reason that you
will have adopted many beliefs during your service. Many of these are empowering
beliefs but there will also be those that no longer serve you in civilian life.

Limiting beliefs can also be generated by a traumatic event that leads us to

generalize about life because of that specific event. For example, you get bitten by
a dog when you are young and develop the belief that all dogs are bad/dangerous.

Common Limiting Beliefs

Tony Robbins argues that our beliefs fulfil needs within us that address two
fundamental fears: the fear that we are not enough and the fear that we won’t be
loved. These then cascade down to a further three fears: The fear of rejection, the
fear of failure and the fear of judgement. Thus it is that we develop and maintain
our limiting beliefs in order to protect ourselves from the consequences of these
fears.

Some common limiting beliefs (many of which I had) are:

 I’m not good enough to be loved.

 If it hasn’t happened yet it never will.
 If you knew what I was really like, you wouldn’t like me.
 I don’t know what I want from life.
 Better stop wanting. If you get your hopes up you will only be disappointed.
 If I’m successful my friends and family will be jealous of me.
 I must work hard for the money I earn.
 I’m no good with money.

Any of these resonate?

I was very shocked why I attended T.Harv Eker’s’ Millionaire Mind Intensive’ that I
had a hidden belief that ‘rich people are assholes!’ Not a very empowering belief if
you aspire to be wealthy!

Recognizing Limiting Beliefs

In order to recognize limiting beliefs try this exercise. Think of something you want
to be, do or have. Why don’t you have it yet? Write your answer down on a piece
of paper.
If your answer is something negative then you most likely have some limiting beliefs
around this goal that you need to locate and clear. Ask yourself certain questions
such as:

What rules have I created in my life that could be limiting my ability to get started
with this goal?

What pessimistic thoughts reoccur in my head every time I think about pursuing this
goal?

What unnecessary assumptions do I make about achieving and committing to this

goal?

What clichés, quotes, aphorisms or other catchy phrases do I entertain in my head

that are limiting me?

What stereotypical beliefs or cultural myths am I allowing to hold me back?

What reoccurring stories, narrative, or mental scripts do I play over and over again
in my head that disempower me?

Are there any values that I am holding onto that interfere with me achieving this
goal? Do I value something that contradicts what I want to move toward?

What self-defeating meanings have I created based on my past failures with

important goals? How do these meanings limit me and become barriers to goal
setting?

How might my standards about “what” and “how” things should happen, be
negatively affecting my ability to go with the flow and to make things happen?

Clearing Limiting Beliefs

It is one thing to recognize that you have limiting beliefs in a particular area but now
it is time to start getting rid of them. Limiting beliefs are the enemy within and must
be ruthlessly routed if you are to make progress.

There are many ways to clear limiting beliefs but one of the best ways to start is to
start questioning them. Once you shine a light on them they begin to lose their
power. Here are some to questions ask yourself:

1. Is there a rational reason for this belief?

 2. What am I getting by continuing to hold this belief? (You must be getting
something or you wouldn’t have the belief).
3. What evidence do I have that disproves the limiting belief?
4. What evidence do I have that proves just the exact opposite of this limiting
belief?
5. What is the exact opposite, positive way of thinking about this limiting
thought pattern?
6. Would I come to the same conclusion about some other person in a similar
situation?
Once you have done this reverse the belief to generate an empowering belief and
seek out evidence to support that belief. For example, if you have the belief that ‘I
have to work hard for the money I get’ then reversed this would become ‘I don’t
have to work hard for my money’.

Then look for evidence in your own life and in that of others where people make a
lot of money without actually ‘working hard’. You will soon find that there are
thousands of people that make a lot of money in passive income without the need to
continually work for it.

Oh and by the way, if you find yourself saying ‘yea well that’s alright for them but
that couldn’t work for me’ then you have just uncovered another limiting belief!

Once you have your new belief, think of situations where your new belief may be
tested and think through in advance how you will react. Visualize your behaviour
with your new belief. Forewarned is forearmed!

I’ll see you in Chapter 7 where we will put these beliefs into a broader context but
first here are your….

MARCHING ORDERS

1. Take the behaviours and decisions you wrote down in Chapter 4 and play
'what would I need to believe for this to make sense’.
2. Dispute the belief.
3. Develop new supportive beliefs.
4. Take pre-emptive action.
5. Visualize your behaviour with your new beliefs.
 Chapter 7 - The Treasure in the Pyramid: Moving Forward Congruently.
If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your
vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.
~ Jack Canfield
Now that we have highlighted the impact that limiting beliefs have on your life, it is
time to broaden out the picture and look at other factors that impact you having the
life you say you want. Have you ever been in a situation or undertaken a project
where you start out full of enthusiasm but it quickly becomes a drag and after a
couple of months you give up? In the past this was certainly the case with me.
What I discovered when I was doing my soul-searching in 2012 though is that there
is a framework by which we can discover if all elements of our subconscious mind
are congruent. This framework is called Dilts’ Pyramid and consists of seven levels.
These levels, starting at the top of the pyramid, are: Mission, Identity, Beliefs,
Values, Capabilities, Behaviours and Environments.
We will look at each of the levels in turn but what Dilts found out was that if there
was an issue at a particular level, for example at the behavioural level (you
procrastinate), the cause of this behaviour is likely to be found at a level above, for
example at the belief level or the identity level.
A case in point could be that you say that you want to write a book and consciously
you think you have a passion for this but you never seem to be able to summon the
enthusiasm to sit down and write for any length of time and therefore you never
make any real progress with your project. This is procrastination at the behavioural
level but it could be caused by a limiting belief which makes you think
subconsciously that nobody would want to read what you have to say or it could be
at the identity level in that you just don’t see yourself as an author. In this case in
order to end the procrastination and write on a consistent basis you would need to
address the levels above so that the process of writing became effortless and
enjoyable. Willpower will only take you so far and when willpower is consistently
required it is a good indication that conflict is present.
The Seven Levels
Starting at the top of the pyramid, the seven levels are as follows:
7. Mission. Your mission can also be labelled as your vision or purpose and is your
reason why. Your mission informs and directs all other levels, so it is vital that you
spend time examining what it is that you are here to do. What is it that makes your
heart sing? What would you most like to achieve and why?
Mission can be broken down into two main components: the impact on the world
and the impact on you. There is a truism that states that the greater value you
provide to others the greater will be your rewards. Therefore the bigger impact you
can have on the world the bigger impact there will be on. It is worth bearing this in
mind when doing the work to uncover your vision. Be bold, think big. Make a real
difference and you will be rewarded appropriately.
6. Identity. Your identity is who you believe yourself to be in the world and is
fundamental to your chances of success. It is the self-image we discussed in Chapter
5. Does your identity empower you or does it hold you back? For example, are you a
veteran? Are you a hero? Are you an entrepreneur? And most importantly are you a
victim?
When I first left the Royal Air Force it took me a long time to shake off the identity
of officer. Consciously I had always vowed that once I left I would leave my rank
with my discharge papers. Indeed, I could never really understand people that call
themselves Colonel (Retd) etc. As a former wing commander I am quite within my
rights to label myself Wing Commander (Retd) Martin but I always saw that as a
backward step and not fully embracing my new role as a civilian. However,
unconsciously I was still fulfilling the role of officer. In fact for about four years I
frequently dreamt that I was back in the RAF giving orders and direction and woe
betide anyone who didn’t comply!
5. Values. ‘Everything in your life is created by your values and beliefs’ ~ Tony
Robbins. Values are the emotional states that we believe are most important to
either experience or avoid. Your true values are the qualities that you want to
embody and they determine the direction of your life. We are always motivated to
push away from things that we want to avoid or pull towards things that we want to
experience. The big difference between the two is that it takes a lot more effort and
is a lot less enjoyable to push away from what we want to avoid rather than pull
towards what we want to experience. If you find that you consistently self-sabotage
yourself it will be because you have values in conflict.
Why do values matter?
Values matter because they are an indicator of what you stand for and what is
important to you. Your values are a measure of the direction you are headed right
now but it is not a fixed course – you can change it if it does not serve the life you
wish to lead and the person you wish to become.
4. Beliefs. As we have already seen, beliefs determine how you view the world and
are either empowering or limiting. If you don’t already have what you say you want
then more than likely there is a limiting belief that you hold which stops you from
possessing it. It is time to root out the beliefs that are holding you back and to use
the exercises in Chapter 6 to banish them once and for all.
3. Capabilities. Capabilities are the skills that you possess. The things that you
are actually able to do. For any given project you will require a specific set of
capabilities. The question here is do you possess the capabilities to do the things
that you say you want to do? If not why not? For example, you say that you want
to be a successful business person but you don’t close many clients.
Is this because you don’t have the skills to do this? If this is the case you should
examine what beliefs you hold that have thus far stopped you acquiring and
mastering this skill.
Could it be that you think all sales people are pushy?
Do you think to yourself ‘I’m just no good at selling, I hate it!’ I know that I did
when I had Smart Ad Solutions and that was the main reason I was not able to
make the business work. Critically look at the skills you need but are shying away
from and then eek out the beliefs that lay behind them.
2. Behaviours. Behaviours as the name implies are the physical actions that you
take day-to-day and the things that you do. Naturally these have a massive impact
on your chances of success. Do you have behaviours that support you? Do you
exercise regularly, get adequate sleep each night and put proper food in your body?
Or do you abuse your body with cigarettes and alcohol, pollute your mind with trash
TV and newspapers and carry around the burden of excess weight?
Also, do you keep your commitments both to yourself and others? Are you punctual
or always late? And do you follow through on a course of action once you have
decided to pursue it? As I mentioned above, if you are engaging in some of the less
desirable behaviours mentioned there is a good chance that you still need to
examine some of the higher levels of this pyramid to determine where the conflict is
that needs to be resolved.
1. Environment. Despite the fact that it is at the bottom of the pyramid the impact
of your environment should not be underestimated. It is said that your outer world
reflects your inner and therefore if you live in a cluttered environment it is
symptomatic of what is going on inside. Therefore it is a good idea before
commencing any project to take a good look at your environment and de-clutter as
required. This should include all elements of your life including clothes, your garage
shed, your car perhaps even that cupboard full of records that you haven’t listened
to in 20 years but you still keep for old time’s sake even though you haven’t got a
record player anymore! Everything contains energy and is important to clear out old
energy in order to be able to make way for new. This exercise also gives you a great
opportunity to give to others who are less fortunate yourself. Don’t just throw your
stuff in the trash take it to a local charity store where it can be useful to somebody
else.
It’s not only the clutter in your living and working space that is important to consider
when examining your environment. The company you keep and the friends that you
have will also have a direct impact upon your success. It is suggested that your level
of success will mirror the five closest relationships that you have. If you hang out
with successful, optimistic, motivated people that is what you are likely to become.
On the flipside if you constantly surround yourself with negative people who moan
all the time, your chances of success will be almost none. Therefore perhaps it is
time to take an inventory of people that you spend the most time with and decide
which of those relationships is actually serving you. This is not an easy task but if
you truly want to move forward it is a vital one.
Going through these seven levels requires commitment and effort, rather like the
‘How did I get here’ exercises and the work to uncover and change your limiting
beliefs. Nevertheless, if you are serious about turning your life around it is work that
you must do.
Life is meant to be lived with ease and flow but if you are not aligned it will seem
like a constant battle with will power as your only ally.
Once you have done this work though you will be ready to take the actions that will
change your life.
MARCHING ORDERS:
1. Make sure that you have completed the ‘Be, Do, Have’ exercise from Chapter 5.
2. Make sure that you have completed the self-image work from Chapter 5 so that
your identity is fully aligned with your vision.
3. Determine your top three values. If you need help use the resource at
http://afe-book.com/mindarmour/armour .
4. Make sure that you have completed the belief work from Chapter 6.
5. List three skills that you wish to develop in the next year to support your vision
and research how you will acquire them.
6. List three behaviours that you currently have that do not support you. Determine
the limiting beliefs behind these behaviours and make a commitment to change
them.
7. Clean up your environment. Go through your clothes and get rid of anything you
have not worn for 12 months. (Give them to charity rather than just throwing them
away though). Do likewise with your personal possessions (you really don’t need
that iPhone 3 anymore or that PC with 256MB of RAM!). Then do an audit of the
people that you spend most time with. Are they serving you or stunting your
growth? Time for some tough decisions.
Finished?
Good… Then it’s time to get a plan Stan!
 Chapter 8 - Let’s Get This Party Started: Have a Plan, Get a Life!
Our goals can only be reached through a vehicle of a plan, in which we must
fervently believe, and upon which we must vigorously act. There is no other route to
success. ~ Pablo Picasso
Now that we have aligned ourselves and have a clear idea of our purpose, we need
to break that purpose down into a more definite plan that outlines your goals and
how you intend to achieve then (i.e. what ACTIONS you are actually going to take).
If you are not convinced that this is necessary, here is what Maxwell Maltz had to
say in his ground-breaking book Psycho-Cybernetics.
“We are engineered as goal-seeking mechanisms. We are built that way. When we
have no personal goal which we are interested in and which ‘means something’ to
us, we are apt to ‘go around in circles,’ feel ‘lost’ and find life itself ‘aimless,’ and
‘purposeless.’ We are built to conquer environment, solve problems, achieve goals,
and we find no real satisfaction or happiness in life without obstacles to conquer and
goals to achieve. People who say that life is not worthwhile are really saying that
they themselves have no personal goals which are worthwhile. Prescription: Get
yourself a goal worth working for.”
Maltz also uses the analogy of life being equivalent to riding a bike. We need to
keep turning the pedals and moving forward. If we stop turning the pedals (setting
goals for ourselves) we fall off!
In other words have a plan, get a life!
Time to Get Armed
Like anything worthwhile though your plan needs solid foundations and there are
five pillars that will support you and make your chances of success far more likely.
The five pillars to get ARMED for Excellence are as follows:
APPRECIATION
Gratitude is the healthiest of all human emotions. The more you express gratitude
for what you have, the more likely you will have even more to express gratitude for.
~ Zig Ziglar
Appreciation or gratitude is a key support element in your plan. When you are in a
state of appreciation for what you already have then you feel good. You simply
cannot feel bad if you are feeling gratitude. Many people make the mistake of
thinking ‘I’ll be grateful when…. (I have that job, I have more money etc… fill in the
blank) but that is not how life works. You have a far better chance of getting the
things you want if you feel appreciation for the things that you already have.
Now you may be thinking ‘well I haven’t got anything to be grateful for!’ (I know I
did when I was living in victim mode) but that is when you need to stop and look at
the small things in your life. Everyone has SOMETHING they can be grateful for. In
2012 I started with my family. My children and especially my brother and partner.
Then I looked around my immediate environment.
‘Man I LOVE my laptop! And that great book by Joe Vitale!’
As you get into the swing of it, it becomes really easy as you notice more and more
things to feel appreciation for. The feeling of gratitude has a snowball effect
because it FEELS GOOD! If you are really struggling then go to your favourite beach
or park and feel grateful for the awesomeness of nature.
Feeling grateful is a great way to start your day. When you wake up (and before
you get into the routine of the day) try counting on the fingers of one hand five
things that you are grateful for. Really feel the gratitude don’t just real off five
things as quickly as possible. Try to feel grateful for different things each day and
pretty soon you will realise that you actually have a lot to be thankful for. Carry this
feeling around and you will turbo charge your results.
RESOURCEFULLNESS
It’s not the lack of resources, it’s your lack of resourcefulness that stops you! ~
Anthony Robbins
A bit like appreciation, many people get stuck because they have the mindset that
‘when I have X or Y resource then I will be able to start/move forward’. I’m sorry
but that is BS and is just a form of procrastination. The fact is you don’t need that
expensive software, premium LinkedIn package or anything else to get started.
Your success is not down to resources it is down to your resourcefulness! One of the
things the military prides itself on is that initiative of its personnel. Well now it’s
time to bring that skill to the fore and get cracking.
Don’t wait for the right opportunities to show up or the right people to contact you
before you start. If you do you are likely to be waiting a long time! Get out there
and make things happen. When you do this you will surprised how quickly things
start to line up in your favour.
MEDITATION
If you can dream it you can do it ~ Walt Disney
Meditation and visualization are critical to changing your self-image. Your
subconscious cannot tell the difference between a real experience and one that is
vividly imagined with feeling. Therefore, to change your self-image to that which
you wish to become you must first vividly imagine that person in your mind.
Meditation is a great way to start your day as it leaves you calm and grounded. This
means that your head is clear and ready to take on the challenges of the day. You
don’t have to meditate and visualize for hours to have the desired effect, 20-30
minutes is fine and there are a vast array of meditation and visualization
programmes online that can help you, particularly if you are new to meditation.
EXERCISE
Physical fitness is not only one of the most important keys to a healthy body, it is
the basis of dynamic and creative intellectual activity ~ John F Kennedy
You will be well aware of the benefits of exercise from your time in the military.
Regular exercise (preferably every day) is a pre-requisite for excellence, which is
why it is used so extensively in the armed forces. When you start your day by
getting a sweat up you send a message to your body and your sub-conscious that
you mean business. The endorphins that are released during exercise also make
you feel really good about yourself as well. Exercising first thing in the morning also
helps you to concentrate better and puts you in the right frame of mind to attack the
tasks of the day.
You don’t need to exercise for hours in the gym to get the desired effect either. My
routine consists of seven different exercises that are 1 minute 30 seconds on
followed by 30 seconds off. My entire routine therefore takes less than 15 minutes a
day and I can tell you that by the end I am pumped up and well and truly sweating.
Everyone can find 15 minutes in their day so there is no excuse for not doing it.
Don’t underestimate the benefit that regular exercise brings, so get those gym shoes
out and get a sweat up!
DISCIPLINE
Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. ~ Jim Rohn
Discipline, particularly self-discipline, is the final and perhaps the most important
foundation of your plan. Without commitment the other pillars are worthless. Your
mindset has to be right and you must be committed to doing something every day to
move yourself forward. This is particularly important when you don’t feel like it and
believe me there will be many days when you don’t feel like exercising/meditating or
feeling grateful!
The fact is though you cannot become a master of anything, including yourself,
without discipline. It is a concept that you are very familiar with from your time in
the military and something that we pride ourselves on. Now is the time to invoke
your belief in discipline and commit to putting the work in.
If you are prepared to embrace these five pillars you will well and truly be ARMED
for Excellence and your results will be much greater. Now about that plan!
The Plan Stan
In order to create a plan you must know where you want to get to. No good having
a map if you don’t know what your destination is!
You should have a good idea of your destination if you have completed the ‘Be, Do,
Have’ and ‘Perfect Day’ exercises in Chapter 5 and the Mission section in Chapter 7.
Now though is the time to really flesh out the plan.
What should be in the plan?
The plan should consist of a number of elements:
 Your overall vision of what your life looks like in X years’ time. You can decide
the timeframe but if you are thinking BIG then don’t expect it all to happen
within the next six months. Three to five years would be realistic for an
awesome life.
 Milestones by year and what you hope to achieve in the next 30 days, 90
days and 6 months (small victories lead to big victories).
 Your goals, sub-goals and tasks.
Consult your plan frequently as this will keep you focussed and write out your main
goals every day. Try to do this from memory without referring to what you wrote
the previous day. That way only the goals that are really important to you will stand
the test of time.
How to create the plan?
Take your goals from the ‘Be, Do, Have’ exercise and break them down further. Get
specific. Break down each goal into sub-goals that that add up to your overall goal.
For example if your main goal was to be a six-figure consultant you might have a
sub-goal that was ‘get five interviews for six figure positions’. This sub-goal would
then break down into a number of discrete tasks:
 Update my CV;
 Send my CV to recruitment agencies;
 Update my LinkedIn profile;
 Contact five head-hunters per week;
 Etc. etc.
Similarly if your goal was ‘to learn Spanish’ this could be divided into a number of
sub-goals such as: ‘hold a (minimum) five minute conversation with a native
speaking Spaniard’ or ‘write a 300 word letter to a Spaniard without reference to any
external material’. This would then break down into tasks such as:
 Enrol for Spanish classes;
 Learn 100 new words per week;
 Learn to conjugate five new verbs per week;
 Find an accountability partner who is fluent in Spanish;
 Etc. etc.
These tasks should then be programmed into a timeline that works backwards from
when you intend to achieve your goal. You should also add in any tasks from the
work you did on Dilt’s Pyramid in Chapter 7 and the five ARMED pillars earlier in this
chapter. You should aim to have at least one task each day that will contribute to
where you want to get to.
You might notice that I said ‘intend’ above rather than ‘want’. Merely wanting
doesn’t cut it anymore. You have to be sure that this is going to happen and adjust
your attitude accordingly. There is a completely different energy in intending rather
than wanting.
For sure, your path is unlikely to be a straight line (remember Maltze’s goal seeking
servo-mechanism where we used negative feedback to adjust our course) but if you
keep ‘failing forward’ you will get there. But for when things do go south….
If things go wrong then?
The German strategist Helmuth von Moltke sagely noted that ‘no battle plan survives
contact with enemy.’ And in your fight for your ideal life you will come across plenty
of ‘enemies’.
Firstly there will be ‘the enemy within’ which we discussed before. The insidious
doubts and limiting beliefs that will creep back in from time to time to fill you with
self-doubt and worry. Be vigilant for these and repel them in short order!
Unfortunately, there will also be those amongst your friends, family and peers that
may seek to undermine you. It’s a fact of life that there are people that would rather
see you stuck where you are now instead of climbing to where you belong. There is
nothing malicious in their desire, it is just where they are comfortable and they want
you in the trenches with them rather than scaling the heights. You must not let
their negativity derail you. Be strong and if necessary reduce your exposure to them
or eliminate them from your life.
As Clausewitz noted: “Courage, above all things, is the first quality of a warrior” and
this is a battle that will require great courage if you are to prevail.
You will undoubtedly fall at times. I know that I did. I didn’t wake up one day in
March 2012 to find that I had done some inner work and everything was fine. But I
kept going and sure enough things got better and better until I reached the tipping
point.
To again quote Clausewitz:
“If the leader is filled with high ambition and if he pursues his aims with audacity
and strength of will, he will reach them in spite of all obstacles.”
You will almost certainly feel overwhelmed at times as well. When you do….
How to Eat an Elephant
There is a well-known saying based on a quote by Creighton Abrahams that goes
along the lines of
‘How do you eat an elephant?’
‘One bite a time!’
Now I’m not advocating that anyone should eat an elephant (even one bite at a
time) but this nonsensical saying does provide a good metaphor on how to deal with
overwhelm, which is something you might well be feeling at the moment. In fact
many people never get started because of that feeling.
If you do feel like that then don’t try to do everything all at once. Pick one thing and
get started with that. Make a commitment to do it every day for 30 days and then
add the next thing at the end of the 30 days (while maintaining the first thing of
course). It will take you longer but at least you will keep moving forward, that is
better than trying to do everything all at once and then blowing up after 14 days.
And if you are still thinking ‘does this really work?’ then here is what happened to
me.
Once I had started with the exercises I have shared in this book I did not suddenly
wake up one morning to find everything had changed. It took work. A lot of work.
However, I did make steady progress. By the middle of April 2012 I had met Fiona,
who has turned out to be a wonderfully supportive partner and a big influence on
my success. Three and a half years on we are still together and very happy.
Throughout the summer of 2012, I also began to put myself ‘out there’ looking for
consulting jobs in line with the daily visualization that I was doing. I had very much
up-levelled my expectations as well and was determined to land a six-figure gig.
Having brought in just over £8000 (gross) with Smart Ad Solutions the previous year
it was insane to think that I could get a 1400% increase in my salary but I was
undeterred.
Then in October 2012 that is exactly what happened. I landed a 6 figure consulting
contract with a huge telecommunications company, in any area that I had no
experience in and at a daily rate that I had no right to expect!
In fact when I broke the news to my mum her response was ‘why would anyone
want to pay you that?!’
Thanks mum!
Things just got better and better after that.
In November I took possession of my dream car, a brand new Mercedes SLK and in
January 2013 I moved in with Fiona to her beautiful home in Brentwood.
In 2013 I had 5 holidays and in 2014 I had 7!
Also by the end of 2013 I was completely debt-free and had repaid the money that I
had borrowed from friends. Now I don’t have any credit cards or overdraft because I
don’t need them. They belong in my past.
I tell you all this not to brag or to show off but simply highlight the contrast with the
sorry, broken person at the beginning of Chapter 4.
And if I can do it so can you. I am just an ordinary person like you. All you need to
do is follow the steps that I have outlined, put in the work and you too can reap the
rewards.
So that is it then.
Our mission together has ended, it is time for you to put together your plan and kick
ass!
MARCHING ORDERS
1. Set up daily exercise regime.
2. Write down specific goals from your ‘Be, Do, Have’ exercise.
3. Write out your goals every day.
4. Every day write down five things that you are grateful for.
5. Print out and sign the commitment to yourself
(go to http://afe-book.com/mindarmour/armour ).
6. Do at least one task every day that moves you towards your goals.
7. Continue to visualize your perfect day/life.
8. Continue clearing limiting beliefs.
It is your time to be a leader.
It is time to do the work to make your life as great as your service.
It is time to become Armed for Excellence.
Good luck on your journey.
 Afterward
‘The way you do anything, is the way you do everything.’ ~ T. Harv Eker
Thank you for sharing my journey with me.
I truly value and appreciate the time and effort that you have invested in our
journey. However, I didn’t write this book as a jaunt down memory lane to satisfy
my own ego.
I wrote it because I figured that if I went through this then there must be thousands
of veterans who are also going through the same thing. The same loneliness, the
same anger and the same despair.
The sense of desperation that gnaws at you day and night and eats away at your
self-esteem until you don’t believe you are worth anything in the civilian world and
you continually hanker for the rose-tinted cocoon of your previous military life.
So you try to numb the pain with a bottle, trash TV or the internet. Anything that will
distract you from the shit pit that your life has become!
Or else you sleep. There were some days when I just wouldn’t get out of bed
because I didn’t have the courage to face the day ahead.
And the tragedy is that it just creeps up on you. The days that you feel and live like
this suddenly become weeks and then its years. In my case over 3 years wasted.
Well over a thousand days of wallow and pity, playing the victim.
And that is a crime because time is the most precious thing you have!
If you are reading this and feel like any of the above then my heart goes out to you
comrade it truly does but I also have news for you. There is good news and bad
news. The bad news is:
IT IS TIME TO WAKE UP.
IT IS TIME TO GROW UP.
IT IS TIME TO STAND UP for yourself and your family.
The good news is that you alone have the power to change your situation. You
think it’s real (god knows I did) but the fact is that it’s all in your head. It’s what
that shitty little voice in your head tells you day after day that is keeping you where
you are.
The truth is that you are every bit as good as your peak moments in the military.
You are every bit as courageous as you were during the battles that you fought in
and you are every bit as valuable to your family and your country.
You have just forgotten it.
We are veterans not victims.
So it’s time to take a long hard look in the mirror and decide to do something about
it. Not tomorrow, not next week. NOW. You don’t deserve to live another day like
this. You didn’t serve your country so that you could live like this!
Time to get real though. It’s not your country’s fault, it’s not the Army’s fault, it’s
not even your fault but you are the one with the power to change it.
Your past does not equal your future. Your future equals the things you think about
most and the choices you make moment to moment. Those thoughts and choices
are hewn from the furnace of your self-image, values and beliefs so it’s time to
identify them and ditch any that are no longer serving you.
Just to be crystal clear though. I am in no way saying that your service was not
important or that the values you acquired are worthless.
What I am saying though is: Honour your service but live your life.
This is not a difficult process but it does require commitment and work. Only you
can do that work.
As Wayne Dyer noted in his book ‘Excuses Begone! ‘
“It’s one thing to make a pronouncement in a moment of inspiration about what you
intend to manifest in your life or what kind of person you intend to become. It’s
quite another thing to make a commitment to holding that vision regardless of what
difficulties or obstacles may surface. Holding the vision involves an unwillingness to
compromise what you’re visualizing for yourself. It means being willing to suffer
through criticism and what appears to be an uncooperative universe .”
You owe it to yourself to do this.
You have been a hero for your country, now it’s time to be one for yourself and your
family.
Neil

If you need help on your journey and would like to work with me, please contact me
at neil@armedforexcellence.com
 ATTENTION! Get Your Free Mind-Armour!

One of the biggest reasons that people don’t make the desired changes they say
they want when they read personal growth books is that they don’t do the exercises!
Your ego comes up with all sorts of excuses like ‘I don’t need to do this one’ or ‘I’ll
go back and do that later!’
To make sure you succeed on our mission and don’t fall into this trap I have put
together a free resource pack to make sure you get the absolute maximum out of
the exercises in Part 2. Think of it as armour for the mind.
You wouldn’t go in to battle without body armour so protect yourself on this mission
with your free mind-armour.
Download yours now at http://afe-book.com/mindarmour/armour