UNIT 7 FAMILY VALUES The Chinese say that if you know the family, you do not need to know the individual. A Hebrew proverb states, “My father planted for me, and | planted for my children.” In Africa the saying is, “A person who has children does not die.” And in the United States children are told, “The apple does not fall far from the tree.” Although these ideas differ slightly, they all call attention to the importance and enduring quality of family life in every culture. The family is the oldest and most fundamental of human institutions. More importantly, “As a social institution, the family is intertwined with other social institutions.” It is also a universal experience found in every culture. kim endorses these same notions when she notes, “The family is the basic unit of society and itis at the heart of its survival.” You constantly see specific forms of government evolving, and even disappearing, in places like Iran, Cuba, Iraq, China, the old Soviet Union, and numerous countries in Africa; yet in each of these nations “families survive.” Because it has survived for thousands of years, the family unit “is a very effective means of providing social regulation and continuity.” And while family arrangements and patterns take a variety of forms, Nye and Berardo rightly propose that “without the family, human society as we know it could not exist.” ‘A. THE IMPORTANCE OF FAMILY The seventeenth-century English cleric Charles Colton offered an excellent introduction to the importance of family when he noted, “The family is the most basic unit of government. As the first community to which a person is attached and the first authority under which a person learns to live, the family establishes society's most basic values.” 21 He is saying that the individual, the family, and the culture work together to teach the “essentials” of the culture. Smith and Mosby underscore this point when they write, “The family is the most prominent social group that exists. It prepares its members for the various roles they will perform in society.” Perhaps the most import and powerful influence of the family is in its transformation of a biological organism into a human being who must spend the rest of his or her life around other human beings. Itis the family that greets you once you leave the comfort of the womb. In this sense the family is the first and chief socializing agent. As DeGenova and Rice point out: “The family is the principal transmitter of knowledge, values, attitudes, roles, and habits from one generation to the next. Through word and example, the family shapes a child's personality and instills modes of thought and ways of acting that become habitual.” ‘The significance of family is eloquently highlighted by Swerdlow, Bridenthal, Kelly, and Vine: “Here is where one has the first experience of love, and of hate, of giving, and of denying; and of deep sadness.... Here the first hopes are raised and met—or disappointed. Here is where one learns whom to trust and whom to fear. Above all, family is where people get their start in life.” B. FORMS OF FAMILY Although all cultures deem family one of their most important social institutions, the form and type of the family manifest the collective and historical beliefs of each culture. Yet even with some cultural variations, most people encounter two families during the course of their life: (1) the family they are born into (the family of orientation) and (2) the family that is formed when and if they take a mate. In the last few decades families throughout the world have undergone numerous changes that have altered the two prevailing forms of family. Before turning to those alterations, let us briefly mentionthe two common forms of families found in most cultures. The two types are nuclear (“typically identified as a parent or parents and a child or children”) and extended ("typically includes grandparents and relatives”) ip Nuclear Families Nuclear families, often referred to as “two-generation families,” are the most typical pattern found in most Western cultures. Ferraro and Andreatta offer an excellent summary of nuclear families when they write, “The everyday needs of economic support, child care, and social interaction are with the nuclear family itself rather than by a wider set of relatives.” The nuclear family, like all of the deep structure institutions, manifests many of the values of the culture that stresses this family pattern. For example, the nuclear family is usually characterized by a great deal of ‘geographic mobility—a trait found in American culture ever since the founding of the country. Cultural values of the nuclear family are also reflected in child-rearing practices. According to Triandis, ‘there is less regimentation and less emphasis on obedience, while exploration and creativity are encouraged.” Part of that exploration and creativity can be seen in how soon children reared in nuclear families move away from home to “experience life” on their own. As Haviland and his co-authors state, “Once children reach the age of majority , parents have no further legal obligation to them, nor do the children to their parents.” American cultural values toward, and treatment of, the elderly are likewise replicated in nuclear families. In these families older members of the family do not normally spend their “senior” years living with their children. Extended Families As mentioned earlier, extended families differ from nuclear families, and Tischler offers an excellent description of the former: “Extended families include other relations and generations in addition to the nuclear family, so that along with married parents and their offspring, there might be the parents’ parents, siblings of the spouses and children, and in-laws. All members of the extended family live in one house or in homes close to one another, forming one cooperative unit.” Historically, the cooperative units mentioned by Tischler usually have gathered for economic reasons and share the workload and rearing of children. In an extended family a set of behaviors and values may be acted out that differ from those found in nuclear families. For instance, “extended families insist on obedience and are more organized around rules than are nuclear families.” 34 Regardless of the culture or the configuration, the family teaches you your culture and “provides you with the foundation of your self-concept and communication competencies C. Family Custom It is extremely difficult to be specific about the American family because of many regional, religious and national backgrounds that are found in the USS. These ideas about American families are generalizations and may not be true of families that you meet. These are several different combination of people that may make up the family unit, The family you meet may be composed of a mother, father and children, but other families you meet may be composed of a single parent with children, two or more professional person who live together, a husband and wife with no children at home or no children at all, or an adult who lives alone has close friends that share special times and activities, In many families, both husband and a wife are employed away from home Few American families have servants. At most, they have may have someone to stay with children while they are away (“a babysitter”)or someone to do weekly cleaning or yard work as it is needed. Household responsibilities are often shared among family members, including children, One’s sex no longer necessarily determines family responsibilities. Jobs that were one performed mainly by women such as cooking and cleaning and those once performed mainly by men such as taking care of the car and yard are often done by either sex,Traditional patterns are still followed in some families. American families often share more than household duties. For example, husbands and wives may share in making decisions and taking responsibility for other families members. The opinions of children are often asked for and accepted and children are often included entertaining. The individuality and autonomy so valued by Americans has extended into the family setting to the extent that individual rights within the family are enforced by law. It is now illegal, for example, for an individual to use physical force on another even though that person may be his/her spouse or child. What was considered ”’descipline” or exercise of authority within the family is now a matter for official intervention. Neighbors may report such instances to the police. In addition, professionals such as teachers and doctors are required to report suspected instances of physical abuse to the authorities. American Family Values Value is the most priority stage in social life. Value described as the quality of being useful or desirable, or wealth of something. There’s no specific education for getting “value”, value transmitted side by side with how people think, act and, behave that may express the positive attitude in social etiquette. People will not fell somewhat disoriented by having personal value. Family value, moral value, work value, like promptness in business academic and social settings, future oriented, privacy, and educational attitude, ete Parents teach their children about the principles and values of free individuals in a free society. Although at times they may fail, they work tirelessly to. be men and women of integrity, self-discipline, proactively, humanity and empathy. They believe in the principle of Human freedom to ensure they sustain their families their families by living in “synch” with the earth and our universe, What messages do parents send to their children? As their children grow within family they formulate their principles, value and expectation of life. There are certain natural principles that have been built into our founding documents, Principle and Values Now here is a good question:”what is the difference between a principle and value?"This has many answers depending upon you ask. From the world Book Dictionary, a value is an established ideal of life, objects, customs, ways of acting, and the like, that the members of a given society regard as descramble, Again, from the world Book Dictionary, a principle is a fundamental belief, a rule of action or conduct, a truth. In simple terms, Values are the building blocks of principles show how values are related to each other. Examples of values might be: | Life,2.Liberty and 3.The Pursuit of Happiness, And treat each other with dignity until a free individual proves through their actions and words that they are unworthy. Making Friends Americans are curious about many things and may ask you many questions. Some of the questions may appear ridiculous, uninformed and elementary, and even rude, but try t0 be patient in answering them, You may be the first foreign national of a particular country whom they have met and they probably have little understanding of life in your country. Most Americans are sincerely interested in learning more about you and your culture.It is sometimes difficult for international students to understand how Americans form and maintain friendships. In this fast-passed society, friendships may be transitory and are often established to meet personal needs in particular situation, The casualness of friendship patterns in the United States allows people to move freely into new social groups. These groups usually from around work, school, shared interests, or places of residence. Most mature Americans readily welcome new people into their social groups. Americans have many interests and engage in variety of activities so the warmth expressed in one meeting, while genuine and sincere, and may be confined to that occasion Close friendships are the result of repeated interactions between individuals as they identify similarities In a point of view and share variety of experiences. It is possible that some American family customs will bother you because they are very different from your own, To help you enjoy your visit more, try to discover what in the two cultures is behind the differences in customs. Look for similarities and enjoy or overlook the differences. If you are late, the person you were to see may be unable to meet with you. G. Society The casual meaning of society simply refers to a group of people living together in an ordered community. The social sciences use the term society to mean a group of people that form a semi-closed (or semi-open) social system, in which most interactions are with other individuals belonging to the group. More abstractly, a society is defined as a network of relationships between entities. A society is also sometimes defined as an interdepended community The origin of the word society comes from the Latin societas ,a friendly association with others. "societay is derived from socius meaning “companion” and thus the meaning of society is closely related to what is social. Implicit in the meaning of society is that its members share some mutual concern or interest in a common objective. As such, society is often used as synonymous with the collective citizenry of a country directed through national institutions concerned with civic welfare. H. Marriage The United States is “a melting pot” of cultures each with their unique marriage Customs and Traditions. There has been a set of Customs and Traditions generally accepted as a common to Marriage in The United States unless the marriage is a common Law Marriage. Dating is the accepted pre-engagement practice between couples. Families generally establish requirements for the details of acceptable activities, time of day, single our group dating etc. the age, personality and maturity of dating children generally drive the conditions set by my parents if the children are still at home. Love between the couples is believed to be a prerequisite to marriage. Proposal of marriage by the man and acceptance by the woman result is an engagement, Couples enter into marriage with the belief that the relation ship is permanent. The engagement is marked by the gift of a engagement ring from the man proposing to the woman acceptingA marriage rehearsal dinner is usually celebrate between the immediate families ‘of spouses in the late afternoon the day before the wedding the groom’s family traditionally provides for this celebration. A Bachelor party is held Party is held for the Groom and usually sponsored by The Best man the night before the Wedding A Bridal Shower is usually sponsored by the Bride’s Maid. It has become very popular now for the Bride’s Maid to also sponsor a Bachelorette Party for the bride. ‘The Weeding Ceremony is most ofien performed as part of a religious ceremony each with its own specifi customs and traditions. On the day of the weeding the Groom does not see the Bridge until the actual ceremony. As custom would have it from Victorian Times: the Bridge wears something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue, and sixpence in her shoe Rings are exchanged to mark the permanent commitment of the new spouses to each other. A Wedding Reception is usually held after the ceremony for all family and friends to celebrate. The Bridge’s Family usually provides for this celebration A Honeymoon is taken by the Bridge and Groom to secret place where they go off for their first night together in Marriage. It is thought that the honeymoon Customs was established to avoid the European Custom Charivari where family and friends banged on pots and pans outside the couple’s bedroom their first night of marriage, 1. Circle of Friends Americans are curious about many things and may ask you many questions. Some of the questions may appear ridiculous, uninformed and elementary, and even rude, but try to be patient in answering them. You may be the first foreign national of a particular country whom they have met and they probably have little understanding of life in your country. Most Americans are sincerely interested in learning more about you and your culture. It is sometimes difficult for international students to understand how Americans form and maintain friendships. In this fast-passed society, friendships may be transitory and are often established to meet personal needs in particular situation. The casualness of friendship patterns in the United States allows people to move freely into new social groups. These groups usually from around work, school, shared interests, or places of residence. Most mature Americans readily welcome new people into their social groups. Americans have many interests and engage in variety of activities so the warmth expressed in one meeting, while genuine and sincere, and may be confined to that occasion. Close friendships are the result of repeated interactions between individuals as they identify similarities In a point of view and share variety of experiences. It is possible that some American family customs will bother you because they are very different from your own.To help you enjoy your visit more, try to discover what in the two cultures is behind the differences in customs. Look for similarities and enjoy or overlook the differences. If you are late, the person you were to see may be unable to meet with you. J American National Days 1, Thanksgiving The city of El Paso, Texas claims the first thanksgiving was held in what is not known as the United States, but it was not a harvest celebration. Spaniard Don Juan de Onate ordered his expedition party to rest and conducted a mass in celebration of thanksgiving on April 30, 1598. The first recorded Thanksgiving ceremony was on September 8, 1565 in what is now Saint Augustine, Florida. Six hundered Spaniard settlers under the leadership of Don Pedro Menendez de Aviles landed at what would become the city and immediately held a Mass of Thanksgiving for their safe delivery to the New World, followed by a feast and celebration. As the La Florida colony did become part of the United States, this can be classified as the First Thanksgiving. In 2000, the historian Bill O'Neal of Chartage, Texas, published the First Thanksgiving : it happened in Texas. On December 4, 1619, a group of 38 English settlers arrived at Berkeley Hundred which comprised about eight thousand acres (32km2) on the north bank of the James River near Herring Creek in area the known as Charles Cittie (sie) about 20 miles upstream from Jamestown, where the first permanent settlement of the Colony of Virginia had been established on May 14, 1607 Barkeley Plantation continues to be site of annual Thanksgiving event to this day. President George W.Bush gave his official Thanksgiving address in 2007 at Berkeley. 2. Valentine’s Day Valentine’s day is celebrated in many countries on February 14 as a festival romance and affection. People send greeting card called Valentines to their sweethearts, friends, and members to their families. Many valentine cards have romantics verses, and other contain humorous picture and sayings. Many say“ Be my valentine”, Valentine’s day parties and dance are often held. Many people send flowers, chocolates, or some other gift to their wives, husband, or sweet- hearts. The earliest records of Valentine’s day in English tell the birds chose their mates on that day. People used a different calendar before 1582, and February 14 came on what is now February 24. Geoffrey Chaucer an English poet of the 1300’s , wrote in the Parliaments of Fowl” for this was on St. Valentine’s day, when every fowl cometh there to choose his mate” . William Shakespeare also mentioned this belief in a Midsummer Night’s Dream. A character in the play discovers two lovers in the woods and asks , “ St. Valentine is past : begin these wood birds but to couple now Early Valentine Customs, People in England probably celebrate Valentine’s Day as early as the 1400's . some historians trace the custom of sending verses on Valentine's day to a Frenchman named Charles Duke of Orleans. Charles was captured by English during the battle of Agincourt in 1415. He was taken to Englandand put in prison, On Valentine’s day , he sent his wife a rhymed love letter from his prison in the tower of London. Many Valentine’s Day customs involved ways that single women could learn who their future husbands would be, English women of the 1700’s wrote men’s clay, and dropped them into water. The first paper that rose to the surface supposedly had the name of woman’s true love ‘One description of Valentine’s Day during the 1700’s tells how group of friends met to draw names, For several days, each man wore his Valentine's name on his sleeve. The saying wearing heart on his sleeve probably came from this practice.