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The Bro Code

Table of Contents
1. Bro Etiquette 2-5

2. Wingman 6-8

3. Girlfriend 9

4. Favors 10

5. Food 11

6. Defense 11

7. Ownership 12

8. Punishments 13
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The Bro Code

Article 1
Bro Etiquette
Bros before hoes. This article has supremacy powers. It can and will always override any opposing
article.

Article 2
One Bro makes a solo attack.
A Second Bro provides a crutch,
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much

Article 3
A fellow Bro’s sister is off limits for hookups unless you intend to seriously pursue a
relationship. Any other non-immediate family member is fair game.

Article 4
A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro. Be it here resolved that at no point is it
permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal activities with another Bro's mother. It is, however,
allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia,
and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. [[NOTA BENE: It is customary
for a Bro to avoid such Brocularity if his Bro's mom is a 9 or better, for fear of Oedipal
inducement.]] Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro's
adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized
birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative deoxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis,
whichever is easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with
his Bro, ARTICLE 4 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro from invoking the Sloppy Second clause in
any related filings with the International Court of Bros. Though the mom of a Bro is always off
limits, the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of
leopard print clothing if she looks good in it. In the case of lesbian parents, no matter how hot, both
women are recognized as the Bro’s “biological” mothers.

Article 5
The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another Bro is 5 minutes. The maximum is 6
minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait a minimum of 30 minutes, but you are highly suggested
to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 scale.

Article 6
On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

Article 7
If a Bro’s zipper is down, you are obligated to let him know. Just don’t stare.
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The Bro Code
Article 8
If a Bro has lint, an eyelash, or any other foreign object on his hair or face, under no circumstances
are you permitted to remove it. However, an appropriate hand gesture may be made to make him
aware of it.

Article 9
No Bro shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another Bro.

Article 10
Bros may never wear Speedos, unless they are swimmers. In that case, it is only acceptable during a
competitive event.

Article 11
Unless you are under the age of 11 or wearing a bathing suit, DON’T wear whitey-tighties. It still
escapes all reasoning as to why they even make them in adult sizes.

Article 12
When picking players for sports teams it is permissible to skip over your Bro in favor of better
athletes- as long as you don’t let him be the last sorry son of a bitch standing on the sideline.

Article 13
Never talk to another Bro in the bathroom unless you are on equal footing: both urinating, both
waiting in line. For all other situations an "I recognize you" nod will do just fine. Never use the
urinal adjacent to one already being used, unless there is no other option.

Article 14
The morning after you and a babe, who was formerly "just a friend,” go at it, the fact that you're
feeling weird and guilty is no reason not to jump on her again before there is a discussion about
what a big mistake it was.

Article 15
When coming to a room that you know is occupied by your Bro and possibly another girl, you must
knock and wait for an adequate response. If no response occurs and the door is locked, a 15 minute
period is required before knocking again.

Article 16
A Bro’s gotta scratch what a Bro’s gotta scratch. This applies to picking as well. Let the Bro be.

Article 17
If you accidentally touch or brush against any part of another Bro below the waist, it is an
understood accident, and NO apology or any reference to the occurrence is necessary.

Article 18
No Bro shall ever watch any of the following programs on TV:
 Figure skating
 Men's gymnastics
 Any sport involving women (unless viewed for sexual purposes)
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The Bro Code

Article 19
When flipping through TV channels with his Bros, a Bro is not allowed to skip past a program
featuring boobs. This includes, but is not limited to exercise shows, women’s athletics, and on some
occasions, surgery programs.

Article 20
A Bro never rents a chick flick.

Article 21
A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that he does, he must under no circumstance
admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with. Exception: A Bro cry is permissible in
certain cases. Each Bro cry shall be judged on a subjective case by case basis.

Article 22
Only acceptable time when a man is allowed to cry:
 When a heroic dog dies to save his master.
 After being struck in the testicles with anything moving faster than 7 mph.
 When your date is using her teeth.

Article 23
Any object thrown with reasonable speed and accuracy, MUST be caught.

Article 24
A Bro shall never help another Bro apply sun tan oil or lotion.

Article 25
If your Bro says "Lick my nuts" as a way to put you down, don't try to be funny by saying "OK" and
moving your head towards his crotch. Just don’t do it.

Article 26
A Bro may not speculate as to the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first
disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Article 27
Any girl that has passed out in an area occupied by more than one Bro is not up for grabs under any
circumstances. However, said girl can be subjected to humiliating photos as long as other Bros are
alerted to its undertaking.

Article 28
A Bro never admits he can't drive, even after an accident

Article 29
A Bro never publically reveals how many chicks he's banged. Additionally, a Bro never reveals how
many chicks another Bro has banged.
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Article 30
If a Bro is seated next to some dude who's stuck in the middle seat on an airplane, he shall yield him
all of their shared armrest, unless the dude has (a) taken his shoes off, (b) is snoring, (c) makes the
bro get up more than once to use the lavatory, or (d) purchased headphones after they announced
that the on-flight movie is 27 Dresses. (See article 20).

Article 31
Should a Bro lose a body part due to an accident or illness, his fellow Bros will not make lame jokes
such as "Gimme three!" or "Wow, quitting your job like that really took a lot of ball!” It's still a high
five, and that Bro still has a lot of balls… metaphorically speaking, of course.

Article 32
When questioned in the company of women, a Bro always claims to be ignorant of the difference
between real and fake breasts.

HOW TO HANDLE FAKE BREASTS

Wrong Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: Totally. Unnatural is unsexy.
Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

Wrong Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: Whose?
Chick: You know who I'm talking about.
Bro: Oh. Yes, those must be fake.
Chick: So you've been staring at her breasts, huh?

Wrong Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: No?
Chick: Well then, why don't you go marry her, then???

Correct Answer
Chick: Ugh, her breasts are so fake.
Bro: I wouldn't know.
Chick: Oh. Well they are.

Article 33
A Bro shall not lollygag if he must get naked in front of other Bros in a gym locker room

Article 34
When in college or living in an apartment, a Bro should refrain from having sexual relations of any
sort with any female that lives on the same floor as him.
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The Bro Code

Article 34
Wingman
Never sabotage a Bro while he is trying to pick up a girl.

Article 35
When a Bro is trying to pick up a girl, you must do everything in your power to ensure your Bro
gets said girl, including: laugh at his jokes, talk him up, help him exaggerate stories, or claim that he
has saved you from drowning in the ocean.

Article 36
Falling on a grenade for a Bro (agreeing to distract the friend of the babe he's trying to score) is
your legal duty, but should you get carried away with your good deed and end up getting on the
beast, your Bro is forbidden to ever speak of it.

Article 37
Should a Bro (1st, 2nd or 3rd) be hooking up with an unattractive woman that he will regret later,
the Bro that notices this must do all in his power to stop him from closing the deal, unless he is
helping another Bro with Article 36.

Article 38
Before allowing a drunken Bro to cheat on his girl or mount the beast (unless in the case of Article
36), you must attempt multiple interventions. If he can get up on his feet, look you in the eye, and
deliver a "fuck off" then you are absolved from all responsibility. Later on, it is ok that you have no
idea what his girlfriend is talking about.

Article 39
A Bro shall never rack jack his wingman. In some cases it may be helpful to recite the Wingman
Pledge before going out to an event.

The Wingman Pledge

I shall uphold the Bro Code to the fullest of my ability.
I will never allow my wingman to go home with less than a six.
I agree to swap rounds of anything with my wingman.
I will never rack jack my wingman, no matter how hot the chick.
I pledge to never leave a wingman behind when invited to a party.
If my wingman meets a hot chick with an ugly friend, I will jump on the grenade.
If my wingman gets rejected by a chick, I shall quickly agree that she sucked anyway, even if I
thought she seemed kind of cool and interesting.
Should my wingman strike up a conversation with a chick of a questionable legal age, I will certify
her birth date.
If I discover evidence that my wingman's chick is in a relationship, I shall make that info available to
him, unless it's pretty clear the boyfriend/husband isn't there.
I shall honor and respect the dibs system.
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Article 40
It is the God given duty of every man to assist any other man in having a MFF threesome.

Article 41
Bros cannot make eye contact during a devil's three-way (MMF).

Article 42
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight. A Bro must never hesitate
before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety
[[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or
Bros can partake in observation. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial
Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all
methods of media distribution at his disposal. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight
firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via
pictures, video, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime.
Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned, but encouraged,
and in some cases, required.

Article 43
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection. In the event that one Bro finds
himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a
safe and effective manner, he is in the right to expect his Bro to use all measures within or without
his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. When a Bro
signals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage, it is understood
that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the act of coitus itself [whereby which
Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]], in order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-
need's location. A Bro must acquire the most rapid method of transportation available while
endeavoring to assist his Bro. In the event that a state, federal, international, or galactic law is
breached due to recklessness, unacceptable levels of speed, and/or the hijacking of an airborne
vehicle(s), it is understood that the primary Bro will shoulder any associated legal fees or fines.
However, any costs or damages incurred from the use of public transportation are the
responsibility of the secondary Bro alone as this is an instance of Quid Pro Bro. Upon arrival at the
primary Bro's location, the secondary Bro must exercise complete discretion so as not to disrupt
the primary Bro's "flow." It is understood that a Bro will engage in all training necessary to achieve
this objective, including, at minimum, a five month Ninjitsu curriculum mastering the twin arts of
stealth and secrecy.** Once the primary Bro has been supplied with the necessary prophylactic(s),
the Brocedure is deemed complete upon exchange of the traditional, though in this case silent, "high
five." Tacit in this unspoken ritual is the understanding that said episode will never be spoken of
again, unless it's part of an awesome story.

Article 44
If a hot girl shall happen to pass by while you are in an arm’s reach of your Bro, you must, and will,
tap him on the shoulder to make him aware of the babe.

Article 45
A Bro checks out another Bro's blind date and reports back with a thumbs-up or thumbs-down.
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Article 46
In the event that two Bros lock on to the same target, the Bro who calls dibs first has dibs. If they
both call dibs at the same time, the Bro who counts aloud to ten the fastest has dibs. If both arrive at
the number ten at the same time, the Bro who brought the last round of drinks has dibs. If they
haven't purchased drinks yet, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of
equal length, a game of discreet Broshambo (Rock, paper, scissors) shall determine dibs, provided
the chick is still present.

Article 47
If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if
that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work, or temporary immigration to a
foreign country. Exception: Dry spell trumps hot streak in levels of priority.
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Article 48
Girlfriend
An anniversary is recognized on a yearly basis, under no circumstances will anything be celebrated
in an interval other than a year

Article 49
If a bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's anniversary with a chick or the
birthday of said chick, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of
whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 50
When questioned by a Bro's girlfriend, you need not and should not provide any information as to
his whereabouts. You are even permitted to deny his very existence.

Article 51
Before dating a Bro's ex you are required to ask his permission. If he grants it, he is however
allowed to say, "Man, you’re gonna love the way she licks your balls"

Article 52
While your girlfriend must bond with your Bros’ girlfriends within 30 minutes of meeting them, the
opposite is not necessary. Low-level sports bonding is all the law requires.

Article 53
If your girlfriend asks to set your Bro up with her ugly, whiny, loser friend of hers, you are obligated
to get your Bro out of it.

Article 54
If you catch your girl messing around with your best friend, let your states crime of passion laws be
your guide. Said Bro may be subject to removal from the Bro-therhood.

Article 55
A Bro never shares observations about another Bro’s smoking-hot girlfriend. Even if the Bro with
the hot girlfriend attempts to bait the Bro by saying, “She’s smoking-hot, huh?” a Bro stays quiet.

Article 56
Your Bro takes priority over your girlfriend if you ever have an extra ticket to a sporting event. The
Bro whose favorite team is playing in said event gains priority over other Bros. If his favorite team
is the same as yours, they gain even more priority, unless you wish to mock said Bro when his team
loses. If there is more than one Bro left to choose from, they must play Broshambo (Rock, Paper,
Scissors) for the open seat. Any Bros left out will be treated to a free round of drinks later.

Article 57
A Bro will drop whatever he's doing and rush to help his Bro dump a chick.
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The Bro Code

Article 58
Favors
Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a Bro out of jail within 24
hours. Exception: If the bail is ridiculously expensive. Hint: Multiply the years you have been bros
by 100.

Article 59
A Bro must be permitted to borrow anything you own - grill, car, firstborn child - within 12 hr
notice. Women or anything considered "lucky" are not applicable in this case.

Article 60
You cannot rat out a Bro who shows up to work or class with a massive hangover, and you are
obligated to help him keep his secret.

Article 61
When Bros are up for the same promotion/job position and are subjected to interviews, Bros in a
prior interview must alert bros of any and all trick questions they can remember. This ensures all
Bros get an equal chance at the position/title because it is well known fact that the Bros performing
the interview wants to get the process over as quick as possible and the only way for a fair chance is
to make all subsequent Bros seem better.

Article 62
A Bro may ask his Bro(s) to help him move, but only after first disclosing an honest estimate on
both time commitment and number of large pieces of furniture. If the Bro has vastly
underestimated either, his Bros retain the right to leave his possessions where they are - in most
cases, stuck in the doorway.
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The Bro Code

Article 63
Food
Bitching about the brand of free beverages in your Bro's refrigerator is forbidden, but gripe at will if
the temperature is not suitable.

Article 64
Never hesitate to reach for the last beverage or pizza, but not both. That’s just mean.

Article 65
If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once. The Bro with the
better paying job is required to buy the first round. If the other Bro is temporarily out of money or
left his wallet at home drinks can be lent, but in the long run these drinks must be repaid, later that
night by wingman services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering.

Article 66
Defense
Only in a situation of mortal danger or ass peril are you permitted to kick another member of the
male species in the testicles.

Article 67
Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. This includes men who aren't wearing shirts.

Article 68
If your Bro is in a fight, you must jump in. Exception: If during the past 24 hours your Bro has
broken Bro code or deserves a good ass-kicking, you can choose whether or not to help.

Article 69
The Golden Rule. Duh.
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The Bro Code

Article 70
Ownership
Seat tap must be called at all times when getting out of your seat. If not, your seat is up for grabs.
However, "house rules" may come into effect, in which case it is left up to the owner of the seat.

Article 71
The Bro who wants something the most is responsible for getting it.

Article 72
When a Bro introduces fellow Bros to their hot female friend, the introducer has the rights to the
girl. The introduced Bros can only attempt to get the girl if the introducer Bro gives his consent.

Article 73
Shotgun can be called on anything where a shotgun applies, as long as you are in eyesight of the
object, or it is at a reasonable time.
Shotgun works as follows. If shotgun is called and followed by “No challenge,” that Bro reserves the
right to sit wherever they so choose, front passenger seat is implied. If they do not say “No
challenge,” any other Bro may “challenge” their call to shotgun with a game of Broshambo. A Bro
may not have shotgun on the way there and back, unless they have a permanent Bro-gun
established with the driver. Each Bro may only have one Bro-gun. Even if one Bro has established
Bro-gun with another Bro, the second Bro is not obligated to choose the first Bro as his Bro-gun as
well. If two Bros have both established Bro-gun with the same Bro, they must compete to call
“Shotgun” or “Bro-gun” first. There can be no challenge. A Bro’s seat is reserved if said Bro gets out
of the car for a rest stop.
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Punishments
If and when a violation occurs, a Bro has the right to administer on the offending Bro a level of
punishment befitting the infraction. He may choose from the Approved Punishments list.

Approved Punishments
• Revocation of wingman status
• Text blackout
• Designated all-time tip leaver
• Assigned to solar-refraction seat in living room
• Removal from inappropriate email forwards list
• Temporary blacklist from barbecues/football Sundays
• Loss of permanent shotgun status
• Bumped from top position on "not using season tickets” list
• Removal from holiday card mailing list
• Revocation of airport picking/drop-off privileges
• Must help offended Bro move heavy furniture
• Temporary removal from usual golf foursome
• Must return stuff loaned from offended Bro... even stuff he thinks his Bro forgot about them
• No longer allowed to borrow the truck
• Offended Bro no longer required to bring beer over
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The Bro Code

Note from the Editor

To whom this may concern:
I sincerely hope you have enjoyed reading my interpretation of the Bro
Code. This began as a summer project of mine, but it has turned into a personal
achievement that I’m very proud of. It’s my hope that one day this will be viewed
and employed by more than just my small circle of friends.
I was originally inspired by an argument with one of my Bros. We were
discussing the exact rules of Bro Code and the punishments that go along with
them. It was then I realized that we had no standardized rules to go off of. While
searching Bro Codes on the internet, I noticed that many of them were either
contradictory, unorganized, or just plain douchey. After that, I decided that I
would dedicate my time to the creation of a set of rules all men could agree on.
While not all of them are meant to be taken seriously, I do believe that many of
these rules are essential for any man to know.
Many of the articles you have read here are not mine. Some of them have
come from Barney Stinson’s Bro Code, while others have been taken from
obscure Bro Codes on the internet. My intention was not to plagiarize or take
credit from their work. I merely meant to build upon the successes of those great
men that founded the Bro-therhood by compiling and organizing some of their
best ideas.
In short, I want to thank you for your time. I wish you the best of luck in all
of your endeavors. Remember: keep your friends close, and your Bros closer.

Love,

Haroon SherJan
Editor, Compiler, and Author for the Bro Code