Human Intimacy Marriage The Family and Its Meaning 11th Edition Ebook PDF Version

Human Intimacy: Marriage, the Family,
and Its Meaning 11th Edition – Ebook

PDF Version
Visit to download the full and correct content document:
https://ebookmass.com/product/human-intimacy-marriage-the-family-and-its-meaning
-11th-edition-ebook-pdf-version/
Copyright 2013 Cengage Learning. All Rights Reserved. May not be copied, scanned, or duplicated, in whole or in part. Due to electronic rights, some third party content may be suppressed from the eBook and/or eChapter(s).
Editorial review has deemed that any suppressed content does not materially affect the overall learning experience. Cengage Learning reserves the right to remove additional content at any time if subsequent rights restrictions require it.
CONTENTS
Change within Continuity and Uniqueness within
Human Intimacy in the
1
Commonality 38
Brave New World of HIGHLIGHT: The Family Riddle 39
HIGHLIGHT: Tricky Statistics: Cohabitation and
Family Diversity 1 Rejection of Marriage 40
Building Successful Relationships 2 Family: A Buffer against Mental
Qualities of Strong and Resilient Families: and Physical Illnesses 41
An Overview 5 The Need for Intimacy 42
Can We Study Intimacy? 9 HIGHLIGHT: Why Do We Avoid Intimacy? 43
Optimism versus Pessimism 10 The Family as Interpreter of Society 45
Making Decisions That Lead Unique Characteristics
to a Fulfilling Life 11 of the American Family 46
Logic and Emotion in Decision Making 12 HIGHLIGHT: What the Research Says 47
Decision-Making Steps 13 Family: The Consuming Unit of the American
The Gift of Choosing 16 Economy 47
Theoretical Approaches to Family Study 16 American Families: A Great Diversity
of Types 48
Methods of Study 19
African American Families 51
The Experiment 19
Hispanic Families 51
The Survey 20
Asian American Families 52
The Clinical Method 21
The American Indian and Alaska
HIGHLIGHT: Sherlock Holmes, Dr. Watson, and
Native Population 53
Delinquency Data 22
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Should Our Society Recognize
Natural or Field Observation 22
Gay Marriages? 56
Group versus Individual Data 23
Strengthening the Family 23
2
Human Intimacy,
Relationships, Marriage, 3 American Ways
of Love 57
and the Family 27 The American Myth: Romantic Love Should
Always Lead to Marriage 59
Family: The Basic Unit of Human
Organization 28 Defining Love 60
Family Functions 30 HIGHLIGHT: Love Is … 61
The American Family: Many Structures and Much Theories of Love 62
Change 32 Romantic Love 65
FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD: China: Families Infatuation 67
and Government Policy 36 Loving and Liking 67
vii
The Double Cross 68 HIGHLIGHT: Men as the Oppressed Sex 103
Love Is What You Make It 69 DEBATE THE ISSUES: Can We Create Gender-Neutral
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Love and Children? 107
Friendship 70
Love in Strong Families: Appreciation and Communications
Respect 72
HIGHLIGHT: Gender Differences in Love
Learning to Love 74
Actions and Attitudes 74
73
5 in Intimate
Relationships 109
Developmental Stages in Learning to Love 75 Good Communication: A Basic Strength of
Successful Families 111
Love over Time: From Passionate to
Companionate Love 77 Communication Failure: An Indicator of
Relationship Problems 114
HIGHLIGHT: Love and the Loss of One’s Self-
Identity 79 Aversive Communication 114
Love’s Oft-Found Companion: Jealousy 79 Communication Can Be Used for Good
and Bad Purposes 115
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Are Love and Marriage Good
for You? 83 The Foundation Blocks
of Successful Communication 116
Commitment 116
4
Growth Orientation 116
Gender Convergence Noncoercive Atmosphere 117
Developing a Smooth Flow
and Role Equity 85 of Communication 118
Male = Masculine and Female = Feminine: Communication Skills 119
Not Necessarily So 86 Identifying Problem Ownership 119
Norms and Roles 87 Self-Assertion 120
How Sex and Gender Identity Develop 88 MAKING DECISIONS: You-, I-, and We-
Biological Contributions 88 Statements 122
Environmental Contributions 89 Empathic Listening 123
HIGHLIGHT: The Xanith of Oman 90 Negotiating 126
Gender Differences 90 Problem Solving 127
Role Equity 91 Men and Women: Do They Speak the Same
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Stereotypical Sex- Language? 128
Role Differences Compared with Research HIGHLIGHT: How Men and Women Can
Findings 92 Communicate Better in Intimate
Traditional Gender Roles 94 Relationships 130
Changing Male and Female Roles 95 Communication and Family Conflict 130
Women and the Law 96 Anger 133
HIGHLIGHT: “Firsts” for Women in the Past Three Over What Topics Do Couples Conflict? 133
Decades 97 Personal Relationships in the
FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD: The Dani of Irian Jaya Information Age 134
(Indonesian New Guinea) 98 Social Networking Sites 135
Gender-Role Stereotypes 100 DEBATE THE ISSUES: Is Honesty Always the Best
The Movement toward Gender Equality 102 Policy? 138
viii | Contents
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Does Sex Education Prevent
6
Pregnancy or Encourage Promiscuity? 173
Dating, Single Life, and
Mate Selection 141 Marriage, Intimacy,
Premarital American Dating 142
Expectations, and
Why Do We Date? 143
Premarital Dating Patterns 144
College Dating: Hanging Out, Hooking Up,
Joined at the Hip 145
7 the Fully Functioning
Person 175
Dating and Extended Singleness 147 Marriage Matters 176
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Women The Transition from Single
and Singleness 148 to Married Life 177
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Singles Marriage: A Myriad of Interactions 179
in America 149 Fulfilling Needs in Marriage 181
Changing Sexual Mores 149 FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD: Marriage
Deciding for Yourself 152 in Japan 182
Freedom of Choice and Sexual Health 153 HIGHLIGHT: Religion and Marriage 184
Possible Problems Associated with Premarital Defining Marital Success 184
Sexual Relations 153 Strong Relationships and Families 185
HIGHLIGHT: Dawn and Nonmarital HIGHLIGHT: A Hectic Schedule 186
Pregnancy 154 Marital Expectations 188
MAKING DECISIONS: Is My Sexual Behavior HIGHLIGHT: Carol: The Perpetual Seeker 189
Healthy? 155 The Honeymoon Is Over: Too High
Date Rape and Courtship Violence 156 Expectations 189
Cohabitation: Unmarried-Couple Romantic Love or Marriage? 190
Households 158 Differing Expectations 191
The Nature of Cohabiting Relationships 159 Eighty Percent I Love You; Twenty Percent
Is the Woman Exploited in I Dislike You 192
Cohabitation? 159 The Expectation of Commitment: A Characteristic
The Relationship between Cohabitation of Strong and Successful Families 192
and Marriage 160 HIGHLIGHT: Carl and Allison: The Perfect
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Children Couple 193
and Cohabitation 163 The Expectation of Primariness: Extramarital
Breaking Up 163 Relations 195
Living Together and the Law 164 The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy 197
Finding the One and Only: MAKING DECISIONS: Online Infidelity—Is it Really
Mate Selection 164 Cheating? 198
Background Factors 166 The Self-Actualized Person in the Fully
Interactional Processes 166 Functioning Family 199
From First Impressions to Engagement 168 Characteristics of Mental Health 199
Engagement 170 Self-Actualization 200
Types of Engagements 170 Living in the Now 201
Functions of Engagement 171 The Goals of Intimacy 201
Contents | ix
You and the State: Legal Aspects Sexually Transmitted Diseases 233
of Marriage 203 DEBATE THE ISSUES: Pornography 237
HIGHLIGHT: Navajo Marital Expectations 205
Writing Your Own Marriage Contract and
Prenuptial Agreement 205
Family Planning,
9
MAKING DECISIONS: The Couple’s Inventory 206
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Is Marriage a Dying Pregnancy, and
Institution? 208
Birth 239
Children by Choice 240
Are We Ready for Children? 241
8 Human
Sexuality 209
Children Having Children
Family Planning Decisions
Deciding on a Contraceptive
242
245
246
MAKING DECISIONS: Sex Knowledge Abortion 247
Inventory 211 WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Who Has
The Uniqueness of Human Sexuality 212 Abortions? 248
HIGHLIGHT: The Sambians of Papua 213 Infertility 251
Changing Sexual Mores 214 Prerequisites of Fertility 251
Modifying Sexual Behavior 215 Causes of Infertility 252
HIGHLIGHT: “What Role Should Sex Play in My MAKING DECISIONS: How Old Is Too Old? 253
Life?” Beth-Ann Asks 216 Methods of Treatment: Designing Babies 253
Differences between Male HIGHLIGHT: The Ultimate Breakthrough 259
and Female Sexuality 217 HIGHLIGHT: Who, in Fact, Are the Parents
HIGHLIGHT: A Precoital Contract 218 of Jaycee? 260
Physiology of the Sexual Response 220 Pregnancy 261
Female Sexual Response 220 Pregnancy Tests 261
HIGHLIGHT: Female Genital Mutilation 221 HIGHLIGHT: Am I Really Pregnant? 262
MAKING DECISIONS: What Are Your Biggest Environmental Causes of Congenital
Problems and Complaints about Sex? 222 Problems 265
HIGHLIGHT: Describing Orgasm 223 Controlling Birth Defects 267
Male Sexual Response 223 Birth 268
Variations in Sexual Response 224 HIGHLIGHT: Infant Mortality Rates 269
Some Myths Unmasked 224 Cesarean Birth 269
Does Sexual Addiction Exist? 225 Birth Pain 270
Marital Sex: Can I Keep the Excitement Natural Childbirth 270
Alive? 226 Rooming-In 271
HIGHLIGHT: One Husband’s Sexual Life 227 Alternative Birth Centers 272
HIGHLIGHT: Sex and Physical Disability 228 Home Births 272
Sex and the Aging Process 229 Postpartum Emotional Changes 273
Menopause 230 DEBATE THE ISSUES: To Clone or Not to
Sex and Drugs 232 Clone 275
x | Contents
Family Life Stages:
10 The Challenge of
Parenthood 277
11 Middle Age to Surviving
Spouse 319
What Effects Do Children WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Increasing Life
Have on a Marriage? 279 Expectancy 321
HIGHLIGHT: The Highs and Lows of Dealing with Change: Another Characteristic of
Parenthood 283 the Strong, Healthy Family 321
Traditionalization of the Marital The Graying of America 322
Relationship 284 Middle Age: The Empty Nest 323
Parental Effectiveness 284 HIGHLIGHT: How a Highly Trained Engineer Became
HIGHLIGHT: Diversity in Child-Rearing Values and a Bicycle-Repair Man 324
Practices 287 The Sandwich Generation: Caught in the
The Father’s Role in Parenting 289 Middle 325
Television, Video Games, and the Internet as Retirement 329
Surrogate Parents 292 Widowhood as the Last Stage
Child Rearing, Discipline, and Control 296 of Marriage 333
Spanking 297 HIGHLIGHT: Doctor’s Wife 335
MAKING DECISIONS: Using Discipline and The Adjustment Process and Remarriage 335
Punishment Effectively 298 HIGHLIGHT: Remarriage after the Loss of a
The Growing Child in the Family 299 Spouse 337
Infancy: The First Year 300 The Grandparenting Role 337
The Toddler: 2 to 3 Years of Age 302 HIGHLIGHT: Death of a Young Wife: A Young Father
Early Childhood: 4 to 5 Years of Age 302 Alone 338
School Age: 6 to 11 Years of Age 303 HIGHLIGHT: Becoming Parents Again after Your
Puberty-Adolescence: 12 to 18 Years of Children Are Raised 341
Age 303 Older but Coming on Strong 342
HIGHLIGHT: Cell Phones—Don’t Call Me, DEBATE THE ISSUES: Should Physicians Help
I’ll Call You 304 Terminally Ill Patients Commit Suicide? 344
HIGHLIGHT: Adolescent Hormones and Brain
Functioning 304
The Importance of
HIGHLIGHT: Oh No, John Is Back Home
Again 306
The Young Adult: 19 to 30 Years of Age
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Young Adults Living with
306
12 Making Sound Economic
Decisions 347
Parents 307 WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: GNI per Capita in Various
Broader Parenting 307 Countries 350
Parents without Pregnancy: Adoption 308 WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Median Income of
Households and Families 350
The Single-Parent Family 311
Slowly Drowning in a Sea of Debt 352
HIGHLIGHT: Father Absence in African American
Homes 312 WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Is College Worth It? 353
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Should Parents Stay Home to WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: How Much Do Americans
Rear Their Children? 316 Owe? 354
Contents | xi
MAKING DECISIONS: Compare Your Attitudes about Job Opportunities for Women 386
Money 355 Pay Differentials between Men
Making Good Credit, Borrowing, and Installment- and Women 388
Buying Decisions 355 Making the Decision to Become
Discount Interest: Consumer Purchases 356 a Two-Earner Family 391
Simple Interest: Home Loans 357 The Employed Wife’s Economic Contribution
Financial Problems and Marital Strain 358 to the Family 392
The Seductive Society: Credit and Community Service and the Employed Wife 394
Advertising 359 Household Activities and Supermothers 394
Effective Money Management 360
Deciding in Favor of Part-Time Work 397
To Pool or Not to Pool Family Money? 361
Child Care and Parental Leave 398
Allocation of Funds: Who Makes the Spending
Stay-at-Home Moms 400
Decisions? 362
Budgeting: Enlightened Control of Spending 362 Employers, Pregnant Employees,
and Employed Mothers 401
MAKING DECISIONS: How to Budget Your
Income 363 Home-Based Work 403
Saving through Wise Spending 364 Marital Satisfaction
MAKING DECISIONS: Budget Worksheet 365 in the Two-Earner Family 404
The Economy and Black, Hispanic, Asian Work and Family: Sources of Conflict 405
American, and Single-Parent Families 367 Jobs, Occupations, and Careers 408
Inflation and Recession 368 Dual-Career Families 408
Inflation 368 Commuter Marriage and/or the Weekend
FAMILIES AROUND THE WORLD: Mexico: The Middle- Family 408
Class Family 370 DEBATE THE ISSUES: Is Sexual Harassment in the
Periods of Reduced Inflation and Mild Workplace Pervasive? 411
Recession 372
Deciding What Insurance Is Needed 373
Medical Insurance 373
14
Automobile Insurance 373
Home Owner’s Insurance 373
Life Insurance 374
Deciding to Buy a Home 374 Family Crises 413
The Decision to Invest 376 Coping with Crises 414
HIGHLIGHT: You Can Still Make a Million HIGHLIGHT: Types of Stressor Events 415
Dollars 378
Stress: Healthy and Unhealthy 415
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Credit: Is Credit The Way to
Crisis Management 419
Economic Freedom? 381
HIGHLIGHT: Agencies That Can Help with Various
Crises 420
The Dual-Earner Family: Defense Mechanisms 420
13 The Real American

Revolution 383
Death in the Family
Natural Causes
Ambiguous Loss
422
422
422
Women and the Economy 384 Suicide and Homicide 423
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Women in the Firearm Mortality 426
Workforce 385 Grief and Bereavement 426
xii | Contents
Accidents, Injuries, and Children and Divorce 463
Catastrophic Illness 428 Types of Child Custody 465
MAKING DECISIONS: The Case of the Weinstein WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: The Children of
Family 429 Divorce 466
Family Violence 430 Learning to Coparent 468
Violence between Partners 430 HIGHLIGHT: Divorce and Dad 469
Child Abuse 431 Divorce: The Legalities 469
Sibling Abuse 433 Some Cautions about No-Fault Divorce 472
Peer Abuse 433 Divorce Counseling and Mediation 473
HIGHLIGHT: Repressed Memories of Reducing Divorce Rates 474
Incest 434 Divorce May Not Be the Answer 475
Parental Abuse by Children 435 DEBATE THE ISSUES: Should Couples Stay Together
Factors Associated with Family for the Sake of the Children? 480
Violence 435
Poverty and Unemployment 436
Children and Poverty 438
Remarriage: A
The Military Family in the Time of War
Drug and Alcohol Abuse
Drugs and Drug Abuse
Alcohol 442
441
441
439
16 Growing Way of
American Life 481
DEBATE THE ISSUES: Should Drugs Be Returning to Single Life 484

Legalized? 447 Cohabitation as a Courtship Step to
Remarriage 486
Remarriage: Will I Make
the Same Mistakes Again? 486
HIGHLIGHT: Bob, Carol, Ted, and Alice 488
15 The Dissolution of
Marriage 449
Family Law and Stepfamilies
Child-Support Obligations
490
491
Custody and Visitation of Stepchildren 491
Let No One Put Asunder 450 His, Hers, and Ours: The Stepfamily 492
WHAT RESEARCH TELLS US: Divorce Facts 451 HIGHLIGHT: How to Ruin a Remarriage 495
Reasons for America’s HIGHLIGHT: The Ten Commandments of
High Divorce Rate 452 Stepparenting 496
Emotional Divorce and the Emotions of Weekend Visits of the Noncustodial Child 496
Divorce 454 Dealing with Sexuality in the Stepfamily 498
HIGHLIGHT: Not One Divorce but Six 456 HIGHLIGHT: How Much Closer Can We Get? 499
HIGHLIGHT: Divorce: Constant Self- The New Extended Family 499
Questioning 457 Building Stepfamily Strengths 500
Divorce but Not the End The Prenuptial Agreement 501
of the Relationship 458 Mediation to Settle Conflicts
MAKING DECISIONS: What Changes Must Be Made and Other Prevention Programs 501
with Divorce? 459 DEBATE THE ISSUES: Fatherless America: Can
Problems of the Newly Divorced 459 a Stepfather Take the Place of a Biological
Economic Consequences 460 Father? 504
Contents | xiii
HIGHLIGHT: Marriage Encounter 520
Actively Seeking
17
Marriage with Purpose:
Marital Growth and Effective Management 521
In the Future, the Family
Fulfillment 507 Will Remain and Diversify 523
“And They Lived Happily Ever After” 509
HIGHLIGHT: Economic Success, Marital APPENDIX A Sexually Transmitted
Failure 511
HIGHLIGHT: Self-Improvement, Marital
Diseases 527
Failure 512 APPENDIX B Contraceptive
Marriage Improvement Programs 513 Methods 537
Guidelines for Choosing Marriage
Improvement Programs 515 Glossary 545
HIGHLIGHT: A Family Life Enrichment
References 549
Weekend 517
Author Index 583
An Ounce of Prevention Is Worth a Pound
of Cure: Marriage Enrichment 518 Subject Index 595
xiv | Contents
PREFACE
Marriage and family seem, on the surface, to be simple age-old concepts. Yet, argu-
ments rage over how to define family:
● Are an unmarried single mother and her child a family?
● Should two men or two women be able to marry and create a family?
● Can a number of people in an intimate commune setting be defined as a family?
● Using an anonymous sperm donor, an egg donor, and a surrogate mother to
carry the fertilized egg to birth creates a family, but to whom does the child
really belong?
Everyone seems to support “family values,” but there is little agreement on what,
when, how, and to whom such support should be given. Most Americans believe in
family values but are quick to criticize others whom they feel do not share their own
particular definition of family.
As readers of past editions of Human Intimacy know, your authors focus on prin-
ciples that lead to successful intimate relationships, regardless of what your definition
of a family may be. Human Intimacy presents an optimistic view of the American
family, concentrating on those strengths that research has found in all successful inti-
mate relationships.
Even when the family is afloat in stormy seas and seems to be foundering, mar-
riage and family remain the basic building blocks of a strong society. Almost all of
us grow up in families, and 90 percent of us will be a marriage partner at some time
in our lives. Although some people worry that the percentage of Americans marry-
ing is dropping (and it is), if we add cohabitation figures to marriage figures we find
that intimate relationships are still sought by the vast majority of Americans. Why?
Because it is within the intimate love relationship we call family that individuals most
often find a sense of sharing, a sense of well-being, a sense of security, a sense of ful-
fillment, and, perhaps above all, a meaning to one’s life.
It is important to stress those characteristics of intimate relationships that help
reinforce the strength and resiliency of the marital relationship and the family. Fami-
lies tend to get into trouble because members are unwilling to make the effort to
nourish and enrich their family relationships. By emphasizing ways by which rela-
tionships can be improved, Human Intimacy encourages readers to make the effort to
build strong, satisfying intimate relationships.
It is the author’s hope that Human Intimacy will contribute to the reader’s ability to
make intelligent, satisfying choices about intimate relationships. Individuals who can
make such choices in their lives are most apt to feel fulfilled. And fulfilled people have the
best chance of making their intimate relationships, their family relationships, exciting and
growth producing. Fulfilled people are also more likely to contribute to society at large,
thus making the general community a better place in which to live.
xv
New to This Edition
The marriage and family field is complex and ever changing. Relationships do not
occur in a vacuum; they are embedded in a context of laws, economics, values,
norms, race, and myriad other cultural and social factors. Thus, it is important to
keep up with changes in all these areas and their connections to marriage and family
relationships. This Eleventh Edition includes new, updated material on some of the
most relevant marriage and family related issues and events.
● Chapter 1 (Human Intimacy in the Brave New World of Family Diversity)
includes new data for marriage rates and birth rates by race. Feminism is added
as a perspective in the section on conflict theory.
● Chapter 2 (Human Intimacy, Relationships, Marriage, and the Family) adds
recent data on the characteristics of single families, cohabitation rates, social and
demographic characteristics of families by race, and same-sex marriage laws.
● Chapter 3 (American Ways of Love) includes new references on the benefits of
marriage, as well as new research on arranged marriages.
● Chapter 4 (Gender Convergence and Role Equity) includes new research on
the pressure men feel as they balance economic expectations with parenting
responsibilities and how parents influence gender role expectations for their
children.
● Chapter 5 (Communications in Intimate Relationships) adds research on
how people can learn new communication skills and how people expect
a conversation to end influences communication patterns. The demand–
withdraw pattern is added as a common communication problem. Also, a new
section on how social media influence communication is included in this chapter.
● Chapter 6 (Dating, Single Life, and Mate Selection) includes new research on
adolescent romance, hanging out, and hooking up. New research on the chang-
ing relationship between education and age at marriage is presented. Also,
recent declines in adolescent sexual activity are discussed. New data is included
on cohabitation rates, interracial marriages, and teenage pregnancy.
● Chapter 7 (Marriage, Intimacy, Expectations, and the Fully Functioning Person)
includes a new Highlight on religion and marriage, updated research on extra-
marital affairs, the benefits of family meal time, and a new Making Decisions
discussion of online infidelity.
● Chapter 8 (Human Sexuality) updates research on teen sexuality, teen birth
rates, abortion, sexually transmitted diseases, and pornography.
● Chapter 9 (Family Planning, Pregnancy, and Birth) includes an expanded discus-
sion of voluntary childlessness. New information on trends related to artificial
insemination and sperm donors has been added. And the data on global fertility
rates, teen fertility rates, multiple births, and abortion rates is updated.
● Chapter 10 (The Challenge of Parenthood) includes new discussions on rais-
ing children with special needs, the cumulative effects of family instability on
children, patterns of involvement for nonresident fathers, and sex in the media.
New and updated Highlights are included for the topics of children with cell
phones and African American fathers. Also, there is new data on children living
in single-parent households, fathers’ involvement in child care, adult children
living at home, spanking, the time children spend with media, and international
adoptions.
● Chapter 11 (Family Life Stages: Middle Age to Surviving Spouse) expands the
discussion of caring for aging parents to include the effect of women’s employ-
ment on caregiving, and reasons why people feel inclined to assist their parents.
Research on the discrepancy between daily life expectations and reality for older
xvi | Preface
Americans has been added. More recent data on life expectancy rates, house-
hold characteristics, living arrangements, and economic conditions for seniors
is included. And the section on the multifaceted role of grandparenting is
expanded.
● Chapter 12 (The Importance of Making Sound Economic Decisions) includes
new information on the Great Recession, financial struggles, and marital
conflict, and updated data on the global economy, median income and poverty
rates, labor market trends, consumer buying patterns, inflation statistics, and the
decline of home values. There is also a new discussion of student loan debt and
the economic value of a college degree.
● Chapter 13 (The Dual-Earner Family: The Real American Revolution) has
updates on economic and education trends for women, the gender income gap,
family-friendly employers, employment patterns for men and women, stay-at-
home moms and stay-at-home dads, child-care arrangements, flexible work
schedules, and trends in sexual harassment cases.
● Chapter 14 (Family Crises) includes the most recent data available on the cost
of health care and the Affordable Care Act. There are expanded discussions of
intimate partner violence and child abuse, and new sections on cyberbullying
and the effect of poverty on children’s behavior. Data on suicide rates, firearm
deaths, demographic characteristics of those without health insurance, child
abuse rates, drug and alcohol use by age, and poverty rates by race, sex, and
education have all been updated.
● Chapter 15 (The Dissolution of Marriage) has the latest divorce statistics and
research on the causes and consequences of divorce. New information on how
child custody arrangements are determined has been added. There also is a dis-
cussion of new initiatives to strengthen marriages and reduce the divorce rate.
● Chapter 16 (Remarriage: A Growing Way of American Life) includes new
research on the relationship patterns with stepparents and stepchildren and an
expanded discussion of how children affect remarriages.
● Chapter 17 (Actively Seeking Marital Growth and Fulfillment) includes an update
on the implementation and effectiveness of marriage initiatives across the country.
Distinctive Features
of Human Intimacy
Human Intimacy has several features designed to aid your reading and challenge you.
● Each chapter starts with an outline that gives you an overview of the material
to follow. This is followed by a series of thought-provoking questions for you to
ponder as you read the chapter.
● Highlight boxes supply interesting detail and add variety to the reading, much as
an aside adds variety to a lecture. What Research Tells Us is one type of highlight
that serves as a reminder of the quantity of scientific research underpinning our
knowledge about intimate relationships, marriage, and the family.
● Debate the Issues, featured at the end of each chapter, present both sides of con-
troversial topics. Taking a definitive stand on both sides of an issue helps make
discussions both lively and thought provoking.
● Families around the World help readers better understand the diversity of family life.
● What Do You Think? are critical thinking questions that appear throughout the
text to precipitate thought and discussion.
Preface | xvii
● Making Decisions boxes are short exercises designed to help you gain in-
sight into such topics as your attitudes toward love, marriage, the handling of
finances, and so on.
● Key terms are set in boldface and defined in the margin at the point of use as
well as in the glossary at the back of the book.
● A short summary concludes each chapter.
● Each chapter now includes web addresses for internet sites that provide addi-
tional information to the topics covered.
● Updated appendices investigating sexually transmitted diseases and contracep-
tion are included at the end of the book.
● The discussion of HIV/AIDS is in Appendix A, along with a discussion of other
sexually transmitted diseases. By placing it in an appendix, the instructor may
bring in a discussion of HIV/AIDS at any time he or she chooses rather than
having to discuss it when it appears in the chapter on sexuality.
● More emphasis was placed on weaving the positive characteristics of successful
families throughout the book.
Supplements
Human Intimacy: Marriage, the Family, and Its Meaning, Eleventh Edition is accom-
panied by a wide array of supplements prepared to create the best learning environ-
ment inside as well as outside the classroom for both the instructor and the student.
All the continuing supplements for Human Intimacy: Marriage, the Family, and Its
Meaning, Eleventh Edition, have been thoroughly revised and updated, and several
are new to this edition. We invite you to take full advantage of the teaching and learn-
ing tools available to you.
Supplements for the Instructor

eBank Instructor’s Manual with Test Bank Written by Kevin Demmitt of Clay-
ton State University, this supplement contains resources designed to streamline and
maximize the effectiveness of your course preparation, including learning objectives,
chapter lecture outlines, key terms and concepts, and class projects. The Instructor’s
Manual with Test Bank also includes 75–100 multiple-choice and 25 true-false ques-
tions for each chapter, all with answers and page references. There are also 10–15
short answer questions and 5–10 essay questions for each chapter.
ExamView® Create, deliver, and customize tests and study guides (both print and
online) in minutes with this easy-to-use assessment and tutorial system. ExamView
offers both a Quick Test Wizard and an Online Test Wizard that guide you step by
step through the process of creating tests, while its “what you see is what you get” in-
terface allows you to see the test you are creating on the screen exactly as it will print
or display online. You can build tests of up to 250 questions using up to 12 question
types. Using ExamView’s complete word processing capabilities, you can enter an
unlimited number of new questions or edit existing questions.
Supplements for the Student

Marriage and Family: Using Microcase®ExplorIt®, Third Edition Written by Kevin
Demmitt of Clayton State University, this is a software-based workbook that provides
an exciting way to get students to view marriage and family from the sociological
xviii | Preface
perspective. With this workbook and the accompanying ExplorIt software and data
sets, your students will use national and cross-national surveys to examine and ac-
tively learn marriage and family topics. This inexpensive workbook will add an excit-
ing dimension to your marriage and family course.
Internet-Based Supplements
CourseMate for Human Intimacy: Marriage, the Family, and Its Meaning Cengage
Learning’s Sociology CourseMate brings course concepts to life with interactive
learning, study, and exam preparation tools that support the printed textbook. Access
an integrated eBook, learning tools including glossaries, flashcards, quizzes, videos,
and more in your Sociology CourseMate. Go to CengageBrain.com to register or pur-
chase access.
Acknowledgments
As with all such undertakings, many more people than ourselves have contributed
to this book. Frank Cox would like to thank those whose contributions are the most
important—the many family members with whom he has interacted all his life: par-
ents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, siblings, cousins, and, of course, his immediate
family—Pamela, his wife; Randall and Linda and their children, Alexander, Brandon,
and Cameron; and Hans and Michelle and their children, Stephanie, Max, and Bella.
In addition, many fine researchers and writers have contributed to his thoughts.
Likewise, Kevin Demmitt would like to express his appreciation to those who
have contributed to his understanding and appreciation of what it means to be a fam-
ily. Audrey, his wife and partner in all things, is wonderfully present in each of their
three children, Andrew, Hannah, and Jacob, of whom he could not be more proud.
Kevin’s parents were models of living what they believed. He also appreciates the
blessing of being raised with four brothers, loving grandparents, and the memories of
a large extended family.
The following reviewers contributed feedback for the Eleventh Edition:
John Coggins, Purdue University North Central
Gary Gregory, Williams Baptist College
Kwaku Obosu-Mensah, Lorain County Community College
Josie Weis, Edukan/Barton County Community College
Elizabeth Wilson, Harding University
We also thank all the wonderful students who have passed through our classes. They
have made us think and grow and have let us know that the American family is alive
and well.
Although Human Intimacy has our names on it, the actual production of the book
rests with Mark Kerr, our editor; and Liana Sarkisian, the development editor who
helped guide the development of this revision. Once in production, the project was
skillfully guided by Michelle Clark.
We also want to thank those oft-forgotten production people who turn the final
manuscript into a beautiful book and place it in the hands of the many teachers and
students who use it. We are always grateful for your fine work and consider Human
Intimacy to be all our book.
Preface | xix
11thedition
Human Intimacy
CHAPTER
Human Intimacy in the Brave New World of
1 FAMILY DIVERSITY
CHAPTER OUTLINE
Building Successful Relationships
Qualities of Strong and Resilient Families:
An Overview
Can We Study Intimacy?
Making Decisions That Lead to a Fulﬁlling Life
Theoretical Approaches to Family Study
iStockphoto.com/Mary Gascho
Methods of Study
Strengthening the Family
1 | C H A P T E R 1 Human Intimacy in the Brave New World of Family Diversity
Could The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet or Leave It to Beaver
QUESTIONS middle-class, American family of the 1950s possibly have predicted

the current changes in reproduction? In that decade, the petri dish–
cultured, artificially inseminated, gene-altered, implanted egg; the
TO REFLECT UPON AS YOU surrogate mother–carried child; and, perhaps, the soon-to-be cloned
child were considered to be only science fiction possibilities.
READ THIS CHAPTER Could that ideal, middle-class American family of the 1950s pos-
sibly have envisioned and accepted the diversity of families in the
● Can you list several
twenty-first century—families comprising a stepparent or a parent
characteristics of a that is single, single adoptive, foster, or gay/lesbian; families that are
successful marriage African American, American Indian, Asian American, Hispanic, or
of mixed ethnicity or nationality; or any mix of the above?
and family? The popular buzzword in today’s sociological and psychological
● What are your own personal study of the American family is the term diversity. It is clear that
the American family is, indeed, diverse. Even experts in the field of
ideals about marriage and family study can no longer agree on a definition of family. Yet, the
family? idea of diversity (meaning differences) can be (and often is) taken to
● How do logic and emotion the politically correct extreme, which implies that any relationship
and every behavior is acceptable, that there are no standards, and
relate when making that there can be no criticism or judgment. Too often, emphasis on
successful decisions? diversity exaggerates differences.
Successful human relationships are built on similarities and on
● Can you suggest some
overcoming, rather than emphasizing, differences. To lay differences
things that we can do to aside, to minimize them, is a major step in resolving conflict. Of course,
strengthen the family? there are differences in any relationship, but discovering and empha-
sizing similarities leads to compromise and acceptance of differences.
In the broader sense, no society can remain vital or even survive
without a reasonable base of shared values. Emphasizing similarities,
rather than differences, within the general society helps to create a
foundation of shared values among the populace. Shared values form the glue that
holds a family, and perhaps more important, a society, together.
Amazing changes are undoubtedly taking place in both reproduction technology
and family functioning within the American population (Demo et al. 2000; Marks
2000; Smock and Greenland 2010; Stacey 2000). How, then, do Americans create inti-
mate, long-term relationships and families within this new, seemingly ever-changing
context? Can a child born via the new technologies into a family made up of diverse
individuals learn to create long-lasting intimacy? We believe that he/she can, and that
is the point of this marriage and family textbook.
Building Successful Relationships

Given one wish in life, most people would wish to be loved, to have
the capacity to reveal themselves entirely to another human being
and to be embraced, caressed, by that acceptance. People who have
successfully built an intimate relationship know its power and com-
fort. But they also know that taking the emotional risks that allow
intimate intimacy to happen isn’t easy. Built upon the sharing of feelings,
Experiencing intense intellectual, intimacy requires consummate trust. (Avery 1989, 27)
emotional, and, when appropriate,
physical communion with another Intimate relationships—what an exciting and important field of study! By intimate, we
human being mean experiencing intense intellectual, emotional, and (when appropriate) physical
communion with another human being. Communicating and caring. Boyfriend/
girlfriend. Husband/wife. Parent/child. Grandparent/grandchild. Family/friends.
These are the relationships that give meaning to life, the relationships that give us a
sense of identity, of well-being, of security, of being needed. These are the relationships
that ward off loneliness and insecurity, the relationships that allow us to love and be
loved. Perhaps, without intimacy, the human part of human being would disappear
and we’ d all simply be; we’ d become automatons similar to our home computers—
capable of solving problems and delivering information, but lacking in those mark-
edly human qualities of loving, caring, and compassion. In a phrase, we’ d lack the
characteristics that allow human beings to become intimate. Without intimacy there
is emotional isolation, and emotional isolation increases the risk of physical and emo-
tional disorders (P. Brown 1995, 135; Hawkley and Cacioppo 2010; Ladbrook 2000;
Wamboldt and Reiss 1989). Social ties of all kinds, but especially those of an intimate
nature, tend to support both physical and mental health (Bramlett and Mosher 2002).
The study of intimate relationships is both essential and exciting because we live in
a society where intimate relationships are important to social and emotional survival.
Modern society is fast-changing. Think of the speed of technological advancement
to which we all must adjust. Compare the freedom today to build an intimate love
relationship with the rigidity demanded of such relationships during Victorian times.
As personal freedom increases, the building of personal relationships becomes more
salient. Without rigid rules of the past governing relationships, the intimate relation-
ships an individual builds become the glue to hold marriages and families together
(Jamieson 1998, 1999, 218–219). On the other hand, intimate, long-lasting relation-
ships are more difficult to build without the rigid rules of the past. However, most
Americans continue to find intimacy and satisfaction within a creative and chang-
ing family, and most still spend the bulk of their lives within marriage and family
relationships. Therefore, we need to expend more energy on making marriages and
families viable and fulfilling, rather than simply criticizing the institution of marriage.
Yet, disparaging marriage and advocating alternatives to current practices is easy
and popular. Such criticisms tend to imply that marriage is a rigid relationship that
has passed relatively unchanged into our modern culture. In reality, marriage and the
family have undergone dramatic change and they continue to change as they adapt
to today’s world.
Changes in the family because of modernization have led some critics of marriage
to long for the good old days. This suggests that there was some lost, golden age of
the family such as in TV’s The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet of the 1950s where
children, parents, and communities lived free of the problems and conflicts of modern
life. Studies of family history, however, have failed to uncover any such golden age.
Jerome and Arlene Skolnick (1986, 17; 1991; 2000) point out that those condemning
modernization may have forgotten the problems of the past. Although our current
problems inside and outside the family are genuine, we should remember that
many of these issues derive from the very benefits of modernization, benefits too
easily taken for granted or forgotten in the fashionable denunciation of modern
times. In the past, there was no problem of the aged because most people died before
they got old. Adolescence wasn’t a difficult stage of the life cycle because it didn’t exist;
children worked and education was a privilege of the rich. Modernization certainly
brings problems, yet how many of us would trade the troubles of our era for the ills of
earlier times? Edward Kain (1990) suggests that the dismay at the current state of the
family and the desire to return to the good old days has created the myth of family
decline. The family of the past also had plenty of problems, though often different
from those of the modern family.
Rather than dwelling on the problems facing families, let us examine some pos-
sible agendas for strengthening marriages and families. For many years, researchers
Building Successful Relationships | 3
have often defined healthy marriages as ones that have relatively low levels of con-
flict. The focus has been on the lack of negatives rather than on the presence of posi-
tives. But in the same way that being physically fit is more than just being illness-free,
a healthy relationship is more than just conflict free. That is why a growing num-
ber of researchers are focusing on the positive characteristics of healthy marriages
(Fincham and Beach 2010).
Examining the strengths exhibited by successful intimate relationships, particularly
within families, may help us achieve higher standards for future generations. What
would intimate relationships be like if we could make them the best possible? Even if we
succeed in solving the major problems that will surely arise in any intimate relationship,
can we build enduring relationships that are better than just satisfactory? Can people
create intimate relationships that are secure and comfortable, yet growing and exciting
at the same time? Will today’s young families be able to rear children who care about
themselves and the communities of which they are a part—children who will grow into
adults who are capable of being intimate, caring, responsible, and loving human beings?
Having a vision of what we want for ourselves, our relationships, our families,
our children, our society, and our world-to-be is of the utmost importance to human
beings. The ability to visualize the ideal enables human beings to change. Without a
vision of what could be, there would be little if any change. If all our behaviors were
inborn, biologically determined, and preordained, then nothing could change and no
vision of the ideal would be necessary to survive. To be creative in life is to see what
is, visualize what could be, think of the ideal, and then work in-between to move from
what is to what could be. But why discuss an ideal? Won’t we all fall short of the ideal?
Yes, of course we will. But ideals can be goals, and goals give us something at which
to aim. They give us direction in life. They motivate us.
We will begin our study of intimate relationships by examining the ideal qualities of
strong families because it is within families that all of us learn the most (positive and/or
family of origin negative) about intimate relationships. After all, our family of origin, the family in which
The family into which we were we were born and grew up, is the first seat of all of our learning, and human relation-
born and grew up
ships are the essence of the family. All that we experience in this context influences our
family of procreation family of procreation, the family we create following marriage. Throughout this book, we
The family we create after will often return to this theme: How can we build into our intimate relationships those
marriage
characteristics that lead to strong individuals and successful friendships, marriages,
and families? You may wonder why we began by mentioning The Adventures of Ozzie
and Harriet and Leave It to Beaver. How old-fashioned! How out of touch! As already
pointed out, historical families had problems and were often far from perfect. However,
they did portray certain ideals that can be helpful toward the creation of successful rela-
tionships and the successful rearing of children in today’s diverse society.
Data supporting the importance of the two-parent family in the rearing of children
are plentiful. When compared to children raised by single parents and stepparents,
children reared by their own parents are more likely to finish school, have higher
grades, and attend and graduate from college. They are more likely to be employed
and less likely to become single parents. In addition, they score higher on measures of
competence, conduct, psychological adjustment, and long-term health (Parke 2003;
Bramlett and Mosher 2002).
Let us be clear that these statistics are group averages. Parenting by individuals
other than the biological parents can certainly produce children who achieve as well
as those reared by biological parents, though such success is less common. Remember,
group statistics indicate what a group will do on the average; they do not predict what
any one individual or family will do or become.
Any type of family can be successful if it understands the characteristics that make
intimate relationships grow and flourish. Good decision making can build intimate
relationships that are enduring and successful. Such relationships do not appear by
magic. As we go through life, constant decisions must be made about trivial, daily
problems; important decisions, such as about the direction our lives will take, must
also be made. The better and more efficient we become at making decisions, generally
the smoother our lives will flow. A flourishing, intimate relationship is built upon a
foundation of ongoing, successful choices. No relationship is stagnant. Regardless of
how fulfilling and happy a relationship is, decisions must be constantly made to keep
it that way and to continually improve it.
Putting families first is a call that is being heard more and more throughout the
United States. Family values is now a favored topic in government. More than 40 states
have launched programs to strengthen marriage relationships just since the late 1990s
(Dion 2005). Family support systems have become available to people in all segments
of society rather than just to the poor, as was the case in the past. An increasing
number of programs (both public and private) offer families the social supports that
were once provided by a network of stable, extended families within the community.
But despite society’s growing interest in building family strengths and regardless of
the number of family supports provided, the major responsibility for the creation of
strong, stable, satisfying intimate relationships remains with the individual. Knowing
the ideal characteristics of the successful family and making decisions that move our
intimate relationships toward these ideals are the responsibilities of each person.
Most people believe that durability signals a successful marriage. This alone may or
may not be true. There are unhappy, conflict-ridden marriages that last a lifetime. Couples
in such marriages simply may not consider divorce or separation, whatever their reasons
might be.
A successful marriage approximates the marital and family ideals held by each
partner. It usually yields satisfaction and happiness for the couple. The relationship
fulfills their psychological, material, social, and sexual needs. Each individual enter-
ing marriage has some ideal expectation of what the relationship will be.
Qualities of Strong and Resilient

Families: An Overview
As researchers who study strong, healthy marriages and successful families point
out, volumes have been written on what is wrong with the family, but little has been
written about what is right in the successful family. We don’t learn how to do anything
by looking only at how it shouldn’t be done. We learn most effectively by examining
how to do something correctly and by studying a positive model. By discovering the
strengths of enduring, intimate relationships, we might improve our ability to build
successful marriages and create fulfilling family lives.
The basic thrust of this book is to create and develop a vision of the strong family
and to weave this image throughout the book. Secondarily, we focus on how to make
decisions that lead to strong, intimate relationships. Of course, we also spend time
discussing family problems. But by formulating an ideal vision of what a family can
be, we take the first and perhaps most important step toward resolving problems that
will arise throughout our lives. This ideal will help us to understand how decisions
can be made that improve our relationships.
The real question is, “How can we make all types of intimate relationships more
successful, more enduring, and more fulfilling?”
Vera and David Mace (1983, 1985) coined the term family wellness to describe the
strong family that functions successfully. The Maces maintain that the quality of life
in our communities is, in part, determined by the quality of relationships in the fami-
lies that make up the communities. Healthy families produce healthy individuals,
Qualities of Strong and Resilient Families: An Overview | 5
who then help to maintain healthy community environments (Stinnett 2000; Stokols
1992). The quality of life in families is, in turn, strongly affected by the quality of rela-
tionships between the couples who founded those families.
We take the view that family wellness, in its full and true meaning,
grows out of marriage wellness. A family begins when a marriage be-
gins. We do not mean that a one-parent family cannot be a well family.
It can. But since four out of ﬁve one-parent families are really in transi-
tion between marriages it is the marriage relationship that is still the
foundation stone [to family success]. So the key to nearly everything
else is to enable marriages to be what they are capable of being and
what the people involved want them to be. (Mace and Mace 1985, 9)
Concentrating on individual and family strengths helps to counteract the prevail-

ing social view that is absorbed with the negative—problems and failures (Seligman
1998; Volz 2000). The idea that nothing good can come from any failure or undesir-
able event and that the victim is helpless in the face of adversity is self-defeating.
Science has managed to ignore the fact that undesirable events

often produce extraordinary strength, growth, and creativity. Many
social scientists have come to view courage, perseverance and good
cheer as illusory, defensive, and inauthentic while weaknesses such
as depression, greed and lust are genuine. (Seligman 1998, 11)
Such views tend to lead to the idea of victimization—the placing of blame, rightly or
wrongly, on outside forces—which, in turn, leads to defeatism, inactivity, surrender,
and the idea that severe trauma can’t be undone.
On the other hand, strong families are optimistic and take the initiative to fight
their problems, feeling they can solve them and control their lives. They are on the
offensive. They do not simply react; they make things happen. Families can do a great
deal to make life more enjoyable, and strong families exercise that ability.
For our discussion, we assume that basic needs such as nutrition are met, leaving
family members some energy to invest in improving their lives. Obviously, in many
parts of the world, discussion of family strengths and an optimistic view of life is
meaningless until basic survival needs are met.
What are the relationship qualities that lead to family strength and wellness?
Numerous researchers have sought answers to this question, and there has been
considerable agreement among their findings (Alford-Cooper 1998; Gottman 1994;
Mackey and O’Brien 1995; Robinson and Blanton 1993; Stinnett 1997, 2000; Stinnett
and DeFrain 1985; Stinnett and James 2000). The research suggests the following
eight major qualities shared by all strong, healthy families (each is discussed more
thoroughly in later chapters):
1. Commitment. The major quality of strong families is a high degree of commit-

ment. The family members are deeply committed to promoting each other’s
happiness and welfare. They are also very committed to the family group and
invest much of their time and energy in the family. The individual family mem-
ber is integrated into a relationship of mutual affection and respect. By belong-
ing and being committed to something greater than oneself, there is less chance
that individualism will turn into egocentrism. Commitment to the relationship
involves wanting to stay married, feeling morally obligated to stay married, and
feeling constrained to stay married (meaning that there are barriers to leaving a
relationship) (Huston 2001; M. P. Johnson 1991, 1999; Wilcox and Nock 2006).
2. Appreciation. This quality seems to permeate the strong family. The family
members appreciate each other and make each other feel good about themselves.
All of us like to be with people who make us feel good. Yet, many families fall into
interactional patterns in which they make each other feel bad. In strong families,
members find good qualities in each other and can express appreciation for them.
This appreciation increases a person’s good behavior by rewarding it, thus making
it more common, which, in turn, leads to greater appreciation from others.
3. Good communication patterns. Members of strong families spend time talking to
each other. Sometimes families are so fragmented and busy and spend so little
time together that they communicate with each other only through rumor. By
this we mean that families may communicate indirectly through hearsay, as-
sumption, guesswork, and innuendo rather than directly through good commu-
nication techniques (see Chapter 5).
Strong families also listen well. By being good listeners, the family members
say to each other, “You respect me enough to listen to what I have to say. I’m
interested enough to listen, too.”
Families that communicate well also fight fairly. They get angry at each
other, but they get conflict out into the open and can discuss the problem. They
share their feelings about alternative ways of dealing with problems and can
select solutions that are best for everybody.
Both appreciation and good communication require family members to be
empathic and trustworthy. Empathy may be defined as the ability to understand empathy
what the other is thinking, put oneself in the other’s place, and intellectually The ability to understand what the
understand another’s condition without vicariously experiencing their emotions other is thinking, put oneself in
the other’s place, and intellectually
(Long et al. 1999, 235). understand the other’s condition
Trust is important to all successful relationships. It is essential for open com- without vicariously experiencing
munication, mutual understanding, and problem solving (F. Walsh 1998, 52). the other’s emotions
Whether it is trust between a buyer and seller, business partners, family mem-
bers, or an individual and his/her government, when trust declines or is lost,
the relationship is usually lost. Loss of trust leads to discomfort, skepticism,
disbelief, and failure to participate. For example, many political scientists feel
that Americans’ low voter turnout results from distrust of the government.
4. Desire to spend time together. Strong families do a lot of things together. This is
not a false or smothering togetherness; they genuinely enjoy being together.
Another important point is that these families actively structure their lifestyles
so that they can spend time together. This togetherness extends to all areas of
their lives, including meals, recreation, and chores. They spend much of their
time together in active interaction rather than in passive activities such as
watching television. Family rituals and routines are part of the strong family’s
activity (Gregg et al. 1999).
Rituals and routines maintain a sense of continuity over time,

linking past, present, and future through shared traditions and ex-
pectations. Routines of daily life, such as family dinner or bedtime
stories, provide regular contact and order in what is increasingly a
fragmented, hectic schedule for most families. (Hochschild 1997)
5. A strong value system. The underlying factor that adds strength to a family is
a strongly held and mutually shared value system. Such a value system allows
individuals to have a wider vision of life than personal success alone and enables
them to reach beyond themselves. Families that share a strong value system
experience spiritual wellness. This is a unifying force, a caring center within each
person that promotes sharing, love, and compassion for others. Some will disagree,
Qualities of Strong and Resilient Families: An Overview | 7
but Stinnett and DeFrain (1985) found this quality was most often expressed as
WHAT a high degree of religious orientation. This finding agrees with research from
the past 40 years, which shows a positive correlation among religion, marriage
happiness, and successful family relationships (Lehrer 2000; Robinson and
DO YOU THINK? Blanton 1993, 38; Wilcox 2004; Wolfinger and Wilcox 2008). In addition, the
higher the importance attached to religion, the lower the likelihood of marital
1. How many of these
disruption (Bramlett and Mosher 2002; Mahoney et al, 2001). Spirituality gives
characteristics do you find
us a sense of community and support. It also “sanctifies” marriage, or sets it apart
in your family of origin?
as a unique relationship to which one is called to support with high levels of
2. Which characteristics are
commitment and personal investment (Hernandez et al, 2011). Organized religion
most important to you?
may be advantageous to family life by (1) enhancing the family support network,
Why?
(2) sponsoring family activities and recreation, (3) indoctrinating supportive
3. Do you have family
family teachings and values, (4) providing family social and welfare services,
traditions that you’d
and (5) encouraging families to seek divine assistance with personal and family
like to carry on in your
problems (Abbott et al. 1990, 443).
own family? What are
These researchers also point out, however, that rigid religious doctrines that
they? Why are they
promote only traditional sex roles or negative approaches to family planning, for
important to you? How do
example, might be detrimental to family life.
traditions help support
Of course, organized religion has no monopoly on spirituality. Strong values
the characteristics of
can be demonstrated in many ways such as through community involvement,
successful families?
education, and work.
4. How would you establish
6. Ability to deal with crises and stress in a positive manner. Strong families have
those characteristics that
the ability to deal with crises and problems in a positive way. Such families can
are important to you in
bounce back from adversity. They may not enjoy crises, but they can handle
your own family or future
them constructively. Even in the darkest situations they manage to find some
family?
positive element, no matter how small, and focus on it. In a particular crisis,
they may rely to a greater extent on each other and the trust they have developed
in each other. Confronted by a crisis, they unite to deal with it instead of being
fragmented by it. They cope with the problem and support each other.
resilience 7. Resilience. Resilience can be defined as the capacity to rebound from adversity,
The capacity to rebound from having become strengthened and more resourceful. It is an active process of en-
adversity strengthened and more durance, self-righting, and growth in response to challenge and crisis. It involves
resourceful
more than merely surviving, getting through, or escaping a harrowing ordeal. The
quality of resilience enables people to heal from painful wounds, take charge of
their lives, and go on to live fully and love well (F. Walsh 1998, 4). Fortunately, re-
search has shown that resilience can be learned by most anyone (Kersting 2003),
especially children. Children seem to have an amazing capacity to withstand and
recover from adversity (Masten and Berkmaier 2001). Resilience leads to a feeling
of competence.
8. Self-efficacy. Perceived self-efficacy is a person’s beliefs about his/her capacity
to produce designated levels of performance that exercise influence over events
that affect his/her life. More simply, ask, “What are my beliefs about how
competent I am in general?” and “How competent am I, related to a given task?”
Self-efficacy beliefs determine how people feel, think, motivate themselves, and
behave. A strong sense of self-efficacy enhances human accomplishment and
personal well-being. People with high self-assurance in their capabilities
approach difficult tasks as challenges to be mastered rather than threats to be
avoided. Such people approach threatening situations with assurance that they
can exercise control over them. Such an efficacious outlook produces personal
accomplishments, reduces stress, and lowers vulnerability to depression (Bandura
1997, 2000, 2001). “People who regard themselves as highly efficacious act, think,
and feel differently from those who perceive themselves as inefficacious. They
produce their own future, rather than simply foretell it” (Bandura 2004).
Regardless of the type of family, the strong presence of these eight characteristics
creates a positive environment, one that is pleasant to live in because family mem-
bers treat one another in beneficial ways. Members of strong families can count on
each other for support and love. They feel good about themselves, both as individuals
and as members of a family unit or team. They have a sense of we, yet this sense of
belonging does not overpower their individuality. The family supports and respects
individuality. Perhaps strong families can best be defined as those that create homes
we enter for comfort, development, and regeneration and from which we go forth
renewed and charged with power for positive living (Stinnett and DeFrain 1985, 8).
Within a healthy family, individuals learn how to be intimate with family members.
This sets the stage for successful, intimate relationships in the future.
Families founded on the principles of equality, the inviolability of the rights and
responsibilities of the individual, mutual respect, love, and tolerance are the cradle of
democracy. Such families are the foundation for the well-being of individuals, soci-
eties, and nations (Sokalski 1994, 8). This important idea led the United Nations to
proclaim 1994 and every 10 years thereafter as the International Year of the Family.
Can We Study Intimacy?

Can we study intimacy? We can if we study relationships that can be, and often are, inti-
mate. We usually find intimacy within marriage and the family. Although intimacy can
exist between any two people, it is within the family that most of us learn to be intimate,
caring, and loving people—or not. Thus, to study the family is also to study intimacy.
The study of the family deals with many topics, as the table of contents of this book
reveals. It is clear that such a study cuts across numerous disciplines: psychology, sociol-
ogy, anthropology, economics, and so on (Figure 1-1). To identify the study of marriage
Figure 1-1 Family Science
Social
Psychology
psychology
Psychiatry Sociology
Educational
psychology Anthropology
FAMILY Other
Education
SCIENCE disciplines*
Communications
Economics
Consumer
Theology
and family *Architecture
sciences Literature
Medicine
History Law
Nursing
Political science
Social work
Can We Study Intimacy? | 9
All races
1990 61.9 8.3 7.6 22.2
2010 56.4 10.4 6.3 26.9
White
1990 64.0 8.1 7.5 20.6
2010 58.9 10.4 6.3 24.3
Black
1990 45.8 10.6 8.5 35.1
2010 38.8 11.7 6.7 42.8
Hispanic
1990 61.7 7.0 4.0 27.2
2010 53.8 8.2 3.8 34.2
Married Divorced Widowed Never married
Figure 1-2 Marital Status, by Race and Hispanic Origin, 1990 and 2010 (Adults in Percent)
SOURCE: U.S. Census Bureau, 2012.
family science and family more clearly, we will use the term family science. Interest in the study of
The study of marriage and family marriage as a research topic has increased dramatically in recent years. Between 2000
combining all disciplines that can and 2010, there were 1,417 research articles with the word “marriage” in the title, an
shed light on marriage and family
functioning
increase of 48 percent compared to the previous decade (Fincham and Beach, 2010).
Because each of us is born into a family (the family of origin or orientation) and
approximately 90 percent of us marry (Bramlett and Mosher 2002) and establish a
family at some time in our lives, we usually have strong feelings about marriage, fami-
lies, love, and intimacy. Figure 1-2 indicates the percentage of persons 18 years and
older who are currently married, divorced, widowed, and never married.
To study family science is also to study our own feelings about the institutions of
marriage and family. The statement that the birthrate in the United States in 2006 was
14.3 births per 1,000 population (NCHS 2007) may appear simple and clear, but such a
statistic has little to do with an individual’s personal decision about having children. Our
personal experiences may or may not be represented by a scientific statistic describing
the general condition of American families. That explains why, apparently, there is little
agreement about how marriages and families are changing and what the changes mean.
Optimism versus Pessimism

Some Americans feel that today’s families are in deep trouble because they are dif-
ferent from their own family of origin. Pessimists see the high divorce rate, the large
numbers of children born out of wedlock, and the devaluation of children as mothers
enter the workplace as signs of family decline.
Optimists feel the wide variety of acceptable relationships now available to Amer-
icans allows people to create a family that is best for themselves. This will, in turn,
improve the quality of family life. Pessimists see the high divorce rate as sounding
the death knell of marriage. Optimists see it as normal behavior in a society that em-
phasizes personal happiness. Given the present freedom to seek happiness through
divorce, individuals no longer need to endure an unhappy marriage.
Regardless of what we feel about the changes taking place in American marriages
and families, such as easier divorce, all individuals interpret such data personally,
based in part on their own family experiences.
But in addition to personal opinions about the family as an institution, a rich
foundation of scientific information is available about this most personal and inti-
mate of relationships. People who know the scientific facts, as well as their personal
feelings about marriage and family, are in a better position to understand themselves
and to build successful and satisfying, intimate relationships that will create strong,
resilient families. As we have said, to study family is also to study intimacy.
Making Decisions That Lead

to a Fulfilling Life
We have presented short descriptions of the major qualities and behaviors neces-
sary to build strong and lasting relationships. We are not born with these behavioral
qualities; they must be learned by the growing child through sufficient socialization
by parents and the society at large. Humans learn the patterns of their culture and
develop a value system as they grow into adulthood. It is the family that supplies most
of this socialization.
Human beings have the longest dependency period of any mammal. Why is this
long period of dependency necessary? It is needed because biology has not built
many behaviors into human beings. A long socialization period is necessary for us
to learn all that is needed to adapt successfully to society. A satisfying life does not
automatically follow an individual’s birth. Considerable learning is required for us to
make decisions that lead to a satisfying life.
Because decision making is such an important part of all human existence, mak-
ing successful life decisions is essential. The reader might begin thinking about such
questions as the following:
● How can I learn to make the best possible decisions about life for myself as well
as for those I care about?
● Will I make decisions that harm myself, my relationships, or my society?
● Will I make decisions that strengthen me, my relationships, and my society?
One person’s life runs smoothly. That person seems fulfilled and happy. Another
person’s life is always upset. Looking carefully at each of these two people, you
may discover that some people seem able to make good decisions about life, while
others make poor decisions. Making good decisions is related to how a person is
socialized.
A child can be socialized in both negative and positive ways. However, if a child is
socialized in negative ways, antisocial behavior and negative self-feelings can result.
All human beings suffer occasionally from self-doubt. If feelings about oneself are
always negative, however, the potential to lead a long-lasting, fulfilling, intimate life
becomes limited. A child needs loving attention to develop a positive self-image. A
positive self-image leads to self-confidence and self-efficacy, which generally help the
decision-making process.
Making Decisions That Lead to a Fulfilling Life | 11
Another random document with
no related content on Scribd:
DANCE ON STILTS AT THE GIRLS’ UNYAGO, NIUCHI
Newala, too, suffers from the distance of its water-supply—at least

the Newala of to-day does; there was once another Newala in a lovely
valley at the foot of the plateau. I visited it and found scarcely a trace
of houses, only a Christian cemetery, with the graves of several
missionaries and their converts, remaining as a monument of its
former glories. But the surroundings are wonderfully beautiful. A
thick grove of splendid mango-trees closes in the weather-worn
crosses and headstones; behind them, combining the useful and the
agreeable, is a whole plantation of lemon-trees covered with ripe
fruit; not the small African kind, but a much larger and also juicier
imported variety, which drops into the hands of the passing traveller,
without calling for any exertion on his part. Old Newala is now under
the jurisdiction of the native pastor, Daudi, at Chingulungulu, who,
as I am on very friendly terms with him, allows me, as a matter of
course, the use of this lemon-grove during my stay at Newala.
FEET MUTILATED BY THE RAVAGES OF THE “JIGGER”
(Sarcopsylla penetrans)
The water-supply of New Newala is in the bottom of the valley,

some 1,600 feet lower down. The way is not only long and fatiguing,
but the water, when we get it, is thoroughly bad. We are suffering not
only from this, but from the fact that the arrangements at Newala are
nothing short of luxurious. We have a separate kitchen—a hut built
against the boma palisade on the right of the baraza, the interior of
which is not visible from our usual position. Our two cooks were not
long in finding this out, and they consequently do—or rather neglect
to do—what they please. In any case they do not seem to be very
particular about the boiling of our drinking-water—at least I can
attribute to no other cause certain attacks of a dysenteric nature,
from which both Knudsen and I have suffered for some time. If a
man like Omari has to be left unwatched for a moment, he is capable
of anything. Besides this complaint, we are inconvenienced by the
state of our nails, which have become as hard as glass, and crack on
the slightest provocation, and I have the additional infliction of
pimples all over me. As if all this were not enough, we have also, for
the last week been waging war against the jigger, who has found his
Eldorado in the hot sand of the Makonde plateau. Our men are seen
all day long—whenever their chronic colds and the dysentery likewise
raging among them permit—occupied in removing this scourge of
Africa from their feet and trying to prevent the disastrous
consequences of its presence. It is quite common to see natives of
this place with one or two toes missing; many have lost all their toes,
or even the whole front part of the foot, so that a well-formed leg
ends in a shapeless stump. These ravages are caused by the female of
Sarcopsylla penetrans, which bores its way under the skin and there
develops an egg-sac the size of a pea. In all books on the subject, it is
stated that one’s attention is called to the presence of this parasite by
an intolerable itching. This agrees very well with my experience, so
far as the softer parts of the sole, the spaces between and under the
toes, and the side of the foot are concerned, but if the creature
penetrates through the harder parts of the heel or ball of the foot, it
may escape even the most careful search till it has reached maturity.
Then there is no time to be lost, if the horrible ulceration, of which
we see cases by the dozen every day, is to be prevented. It is much
easier, by the way, to discover the insect on the white skin of a
European than on that of a native, on which the dark speck scarcely
shows. The four or five jiggers which, in spite of the fact that I
constantly wore high laced boots, chose my feet to settle in, were
taken out for me by the all-accomplished Knudsen, after which I
thought it advisable to wash out the cavities with corrosive
sublimate. The natives have a different sort of disinfectant—they fill
the hole with scraped roots. In a tiny Makua village on the slope of
the plateau south of Newala, we saw an old woman who had filled all
the spaces under her toe-nails with powdered roots by way of
prophylactic treatment. What will be the result, if any, who can say?
The rest of the many trifling ills which trouble our existence are
really more comic than serious. In the absence of anything else to
smoke, Knudsen and I at last opened a box of cigars procured from
the Indian store-keeper at Lindi, and tried them, with the most
distressing results. Whether they contain opium or some other
narcotic, neither of us can say, but after the tenth puff we were both
“off,” three-quarters stupefied and unspeakably wretched. Slowly we
recovered—and what happened next? Half-an-hour later we were
once more smoking these poisonous concoctions—so insatiable is the
craving for tobacco in the tropics.
Even my present attacks of fever scarcely deserve to be taken
seriously. I have had no less than three here at Newala, all of which
have run their course in an incredibly short time. In the early
afternoon, I am busy with my old natives, asking questions and
making notes. The strong midday coffee has stimulated my spirits to
an extraordinary degree, the brain is active and vigorous, and work
progresses rapidly, while a pleasant warmth pervades the whole
body. Suddenly this gives place to a violent chill, forcing me to put on
my overcoat, though it is only half-past three and the afternoon sun
is at its hottest. Now the brain no longer works with such acuteness
and logical precision; more especially does it fail me in trying to
establish the syntax of the difficult Makua language on which I have
ventured, as if I had not enough to do without it. Under the
circumstances it seems advisable to take my temperature, and I do
so, to save trouble, without leaving my seat, and while going on with
my work. On examination, I find it to be 101·48°. My tutors are
abruptly dismissed and my bed set up in the baraza; a few minutes
later I am in it and treating myself internally with hot water and
lemon-juice.
Three hours later, the thermometer marks nearly 104°, and I make
them carry me back into the tent, bed and all, as I am now perspiring
heavily, and exposure to the cold wind just beginning to blow might
mean a fatal chill. I lie still for a little while, and then find, to my
great relief, that the temperature is not rising, but rather falling. This
is about 7.30 p.m. At 8 p.m. I find, to my unbounded astonishment,
that it has fallen below 98·6°, and I feel perfectly well. I read for an
hour or two, and could very well enjoy a smoke, if I had the
wherewithal—Indian cigars being out of the question.
Having no medical training, I am at a loss to account for this state
of things. It is impossible that these transitory attacks of high fever
should be malarial; it seems more probable that they are due to a
kind of sunstroke. On consulting my note-book, I become more and
more inclined to think this is the case, for these attacks regularly
follow extreme fatigue and long exposure to strong sunshine. They at
least have the advantage of being only short interruptions to my
work, as on the following morning I am always quite fresh and fit.
My treasure of a cook is suffering from an enormous hydrocele which
makes it difficult for him to get up, and Moritz is obliged to keep in
the dark on account of his inflamed eyes. Knudsen’s cook, a raw boy
from somewhere in the bush, knows still less of cooking than Omari;
consequently Nils Knudsen himself has been promoted to the vacant
post. Finding that we had come to the end of our supplies, he began
by sending to Chingulungulu for the four sucking-pigs which we had
bought from Matola and temporarily left in his charge; and when
they came up, neatly packed in a large crate, he callously slaughtered
the biggest of them. The first joint we were thoughtless enough to
entrust for roasting to Knudsen’s mshenzi cook, and it was
consequently uneatable; but we made the rest of the animal into a
jelly which we ate with great relish after weeks of underfeeding,
consuming incredible helpings of it at both midday and evening
meals. The only drawback is a certain want of variety in the tinned
vegetables. Dr. Jäger, to whom the Geographical Commission
entrusted the provisioning of the expeditions—mine as well as his
own—because he had more time on his hands than the rest of us,
seems to have laid in a huge stock of Teltow turnips,[46] an article of
food which is all very well for occasional use, but which quickly palls
when set before one every day; and we seem to have no other tins
left. There is no help for it—we must put up with the turnips; but I
am certain that, once I am home again, I shall not touch them for ten
years to come.
Amid all these minor evils, which, after all, go to make up the
genuine flavour of Africa, there is at least one cheering touch:
Knudsen has, with the dexterity of a skilled mechanic, repaired my 9
× 12 cm. camera, at least so far that I can use it with a little care.
How, in the absence of finger-nails, he was able to accomplish such a
ticklish piece of work, having no tool but a clumsy screw-driver for
taking to pieces and putting together again the complicated
mechanism of the instantaneous shutter, is still a mystery to me; but
he did it successfully. The loss of his finger-nails shows him in a light
contrasting curiously enough with the intelligence evinced by the
above operation; though, after all, it is scarcely surprising after his
ten years’ residence in the bush. One day, at Lindi, he had occasion
to wash a dog, which must have been in need of very thorough
cleansing, for the bottle handed to our friend for the purpose had an
extremely strong smell. Having performed his task in the most
conscientious manner, he perceived with some surprise that the dog
did not appear much the better for it, and was further surprised by
finding his own nails ulcerating away in the course of the next few
days. “How was I to know that carbolic acid has to be diluted?” he
mutters indignantly, from time to time, with a troubled gaze at his
mutilated finger-tips.
Since we came to Newala we have been making excursions in all
directions through the surrounding country, in accordance with old
habit, and also because the akida Sefu did not get together the tribal
elders from whom I wanted information so speedily as he had
promised. There is, however, no harm done, as, even if seen only
from the outside, the country and people are interesting enough.
The Makonde plateau is like a large rectangular table rounded off
at the corners. Measured from the Indian Ocean to Newala, it is
about seventy-five miles long, and between the Rovuma and the
Lukuledi it averages fifty miles in breadth, so that its superficial area
is about two-thirds of that of the kingdom of Saxony. The surface,
however, is not level, but uniformly inclined from its south-western
edge to the ocean. From the upper edge, on which Newala lies, the
eye ranges for many miles east and north-east, without encountering
any obstacle, over the Makonde bush. It is a green sea, from which
here and there thick clouds of smoke rise, to show that it, too, is
inhabited by men who carry on their tillage like so many other
primitive peoples, by cutting down and burning the bush, and
manuring with the ashes. Even in the radiant light of a tropical day
such a fire is a grand sight.
Much less effective is the impression produced just now by the
great western plain as seen from the edge of the plateau. As often as
time permits, I stroll along this edge, sometimes in one direction,
sometimes in another, in the hope of finding the air clear enough to
let me enjoy the view; but I have always been disappointed.
Wherever one looks, clouds of smoke rise from the burning bush,
and the air is full of smoke and vapour. It is a pity, for under more
favourable circumstances the panorama of the whole country up to
the distant Majeje hills must be truly magnificent. It is of little use
taking photographs now, and an outline sketch gives a very poor idea
of the scenery. In one of these excursions I went out of my way to
make a personal attempt on the Makonde bush. The present edge of
the plateau is the result of a far-reaching process of destruction
through erosion and denudation. The Makonde strata are
everywhere cut into by ravines, which, though short, are hundreds of
yards in depth. In consequence of the loose stratification of these
beds, not only are the walls of these ravines nearly vertical, but their
upper end is closed by an equally steep escarpment, so that the
western edge of the Makonde plateau is hemmed in by a series of
deep, basin-like valleys. In order to get from one side of such a ravine
to the other, I cut my way through the bush with a dozen of my men.
It was a very open part, with more grass than scrub, but even so the
short stretch of less than two hundred yards was very hard work; at
the end of it the men’s calicoes were in rags and they themselves
bleeding from hundreds of scratches, while even our strong khaki
suits had not escaped scatheless.
NATIVE PATH THROUGH THE MAKONDE BUSH, NEAR

MAHUTA
I see increasing reason to believe that the view formed some time
back as to the origin of the Makonde bush is the correct one. I have
no doubt that it is not a natural product, but the result of human
occupation. Those parts of the high country where man—as a very
slight amount of practice enables the eye to perceive at once—has not
yet penetrated with axe and hoe, are still occupied by a splendid
timber forest quite able to sustain a comparison with our mixed
forests in Germany. But wherever man has once built his hut or tilled
his field, this horrible bush springs up. Every phase of this process
may be seen in the course of a couple of hours’ walk along the main
road. From the bush to right or left, one hears the sound of the axe—
not from one spot only, but from several directions at once. A few
steps further on, we can see what is taking place. The brush has been
cut down and piled up in heaps to the height of a yard or more,
between which the trunks of the large trees stand up like the last
pillars of a magnificent ruined building. These, too, present a
melancholy spectacle: the destructive Makonde have ringed them—
cut a broad strip of bark all round to ensure their dying off—and also
piled up pyramids of brush round them. Father and son, mother and
son-in-law, are chopping away perseveringly in the background—too
busy, almost, to look round at the white stranger, who usually excites
so much interest. If you pass by the same place a week later, the piles
of brushwood have disappeared and a thick layer of ashes has taken
the place of the green forest. The large trees stretch their
smouldering trunks and branches in dumb accusation to heaven—if
they have not already fallen and been more or less reduced to ashes,
perhaps only showing as a white stripe on the dark ground.
This work of destruction is carried out by the Makonde alike on the
virgin forest and on the bush which has sprung up on sites already
cultivated and deserted. In the second case they are saved the trouble
of burning the large trees, these being entirely absent in the
secondary bush.
After burning this piece of forest ground and loosening it with the
hoe, the native sows his corn and plants his vegetables. All over the
country, he goes in for bed-culture, which requires, and, in fact,
receives, the most careful attention. Weeds are nowhere tolerated in
the south of German East Africa. The crops may fail on the plains,
where droughts are frequent, but never on the plateau with its
abundant rains and heavy dews. Its fortunate inhabitants even have
the satisfaction of seeing the proud Wayao and Wamakua working
for them as labourers, driven by hunger to serve where they were
accustomed to rule.
But the light, sandy soil is soon exhausted, and would yield no
harvest the second year if cultivated twice running. This fact has
been familiar to the native for ages; consequently he provides in
time, and, while his crop is growing, prepares the next plot with axe
and firebrand. Next year he plants this with his various crops and
lets the first piece lie fallow. For a short time it remains waste and
desolate; then nature steps in to repair the destruction wrought by
man; a thousand new growths spring out of the exhausted soil, and
even the old stumps put forth fresh shoots. Next year the new growth
is up to one’s knees, and in a few years more it is that terrible,
impenetrable bush, which maintains its position till the black
occupier of the land has made the round of all the available sites and
come back to his starting point.
The Makonde are, body and soul, so to speak, one with this bush.
According to my Yao informants, indeed, their name means nothing
else but “bush people.” Their own tradition says that they have been
settled up here for a very long time, but to my surprise they laid great
stress on an original immigration. Their old homes were in the
south-east, near Mikindani and the mouth of the Rovuma, whence
their peaceful forefathers were driven by the continual raids of the
Sakalavas from Madagascar and the warlike Shirazis[47] of the coast,
to take refuge on the almost inaccessible plateau. I have studied
African ethnology for twenty years, but the fact that changes of
population in this apparently quiet and peaceable corner of the earth
could have been occasioned by outside enterprises taking place on
the high seas, was completely new to me. It is, no doubt, however,
correct.
The charming tribal legend of the Makonde—besides informing us
of other interesting matters—explains why they have to live in the
thickest of the bush and a long way from the edge of the plateau,
instead of making their permanent homes beside the purling brooks
and springs of the low country.
“The place where the tribe originated is Mahuta, on the southern
side of the plateau towards the Rovuma, where of old time there was
nothing but thick bush. Out of this bush came a man who never
washed himself or shaved his head, and who ate and drank but little.
He went out and made a human figure from the wood of a tree
growing in the open country, which he took home to his abode in the
bush and there set it upright. In the night this image came to life and
was a woman. The man and woman went down together to the
Rovuma to wash themselves. Here the woman gave birth to a still-
born child. They left that place and passed over the high land into the
valley of the Mbemkuru, where the woman had another child, which
was also born dead. Then they returned to the high bush country of
Mahuta, where the third child was born, which lived and grew up. In
course of time, the couple had many more children, and called
themselves Wamatanda. These were the ancestral stock of the
Makonde, also called Wamakonde,[48] i.e., aborigines. Their
forefather, the man from the bush, gave his children the command to
bury their dead upright, in memory of the mother of their race who
was cut out of wood and awoke to life when standing upright. He also
warned them against settling in the valleys and near large streams,
for sickness and death dwelt there. They were to make it a rule to
have their huts at least an hour’s walk from the nearest watering-
place; then their children would thrive and escape illness.”
The explanation of the name Makonde given by my informants is
somewhat different from that contained in the above legend, which I
extract from a little book (small, but packed with information), by
Pater Adams, entitled Lindi und sein Hinterland. Otherwise, my
results agree exactly with the statements of the legend. Washing?
Hapana—there is no such thing. Why should they do so? As it is, the
supply of water scarcely suffices for cooking and drinking; other
people do not wash, so why should the Makonde distinguish himself
by such needless eccentricity? As for shaving the head, the short,
woolly crop scarcely needs it,[49] so the second ancestral precept is
likewise easy enough to follow. Beyond this, however, there is
nothing ridiculous in the ancestor’s advice. I have obtained from
various local artists a fairly large number of figures carved in wood,
ranging from fifteen to twenty-three inches in height, and
representing women belonging to the great group of the Mavia,
Makonde, and Matambwe tribes. The carving is remarkably well
done and renders the female type with great accuracy, especially the
keloid ornamentation, to be described later on. As to the object and
meaning of their works the sculptors either could or (more probably)
would tell me nothing, and I was forced to content myself with the
scanty information vouchsafed by one man, who said that the figures
were merely intended to represent the nembo—the artificial
deformations of pelele, ear-discs, and keloids. The legend recorded
by Pater Adams places these figures in a new light. They must surely
be more than mere dolls; and we may even venture to assume that
they are—though the majority of present-day Makonde are probably
unaware of the fact—representations of the tribal ancestress.
The references in the legend to the descent from Mahuta to the
Rovuma, and to a journey across the highlands into the Mbekuru
valley, undoubtedly indicate the previous history of the tribe, the
travels of the ancestral pair typifying the migrations of their
descendants. The descent to the neighbouring Rovuma valley, with
its extraordinary fertility and great abundance of game, is intelligible
at a glance—but the crossing of the Lukuledi depression, the ascent
to the Rondo Plateau and the descent to the Mbemkuru, also lie
within the bounds of probability, for all these districts have exactly
the same character as the extreme south. Now, however, comes a
point of especial interest for our bacteriological age. The primitive
Makonde did not enjoy their lives in the marshy river-valleys.
Disease raged among them, and many died. It was only after they
had returned to their original home near Mahuta, that the health
conditions of these people improved. We are very apt to think of the
African as a stupid person whose ignorance of nature is only equalled
by his fear of it, and who looks on all mishaps as caused by evil
spirits and malignant natural powers. It is much more correct to
assume in this case that the people very early learnt to distinguish
districts infested with malaria from those where it is absent.
This knowledge is crystallized in the
ancestral warning against settling in the
valleys and near the great waters, the
dwelling-places of disease and death. At the
same time, for security against the hostile
Mavia south of the Rovuma, it was enacted
that every settlement must be not less than a
certain distance from the southern edge of the
plateau. Such in fact is their mode of life at the
present day. It is not such a bad one, and
certainly they are both safer and more
comfortable than the Makua, the recent
intruders from the south, who have made USUAL METHOD OF
good their footing on the western edge of the CLOSING HUT-DOOR
plateau, extending over a fairly wide belt of
country. Neither Makua nor Makonde show in their dwellings
anything of the size and comeliness of the Yao houses in the plain,
especially at Masasi, Chingulungulu and Zuza’s. Jumbe Chauro, a
Makonde hamlet not far from Newala, on the road to Mahuta, is the
most important settlement of the tribe I have yet seen, and has fairly
spacious huts. But how slovenly is their construction compared with
the palatial residences of the elephant-hunters living in the plain.
The roofs are still more untidy than in the general run of huts during
the dry season, the walls show here and there the scanty beginnings
or the lamentable remains of the mud plastering, and the interior is a
veritable dog-kennel; dirt, dust and disorder everywhere. A few huts
only show any attempt at division into rooms, and this consists
merely of very roughly-made bamboo partitions. In one point alone
have I noticed any indication of progress—in the method of fastening
the door. Houses all over the south are secured in a simple but
ingenious manner. The door consists of a set of stout pieces of wood
or bamboo, tied with bark-string to two cross-pieces, and moving in
two grooves round one of the door-posts, so as to open inwards. If
the owner wishes to leave home, he takes two logs as thick as a man’s
upper arm and about a yard long. One of these is placed obliquely
against the middle of the door from the inside, so as to form an angle
of from 60° to 75° with the ground. He then places the second piece
horizontally across the first, pressing it downward with all his might.
It is kept in place by two strong posts planted in the ground a few
inches inside the door. This fastening is absolutely safe, but of course
cannot be applied to both doors at once, otherwise how could the
owner leave or enter his house? I have not yet succeeded in finding
out how the back door is fastened.
MAKONDE LOCK AND KEY AT JUMBE CHAURO

This is the general way of closing a house. The Makonde at Jumbe
Chauro, however, have a much more complicated, solid and original
one. Here, too, the door is as already described, except that there is
only one post on the inside, standing by itself about six inches from
one side of the doorway. Opposite this post is a hole in the wall just
large enough to admit a man’s arm. The door is closed inside by a
large wooden bolt passing through a hole in this post and pressing
with its free end against the door. The other end has three holes into
which fit three pegs running in vertical grooves inside the post. The
door is opened with a wooden key about a foot long, somewhat
curved and sloped off at the butt; the other end has three pegs
corresponding to the holes, in the bolt, so that, when it is thrust
through the hole in the wall and inserted into the rectangular
opening in the post, the pegs can be lifted and the bolt drawn out.[50]
MODE OF INSERTING THE KEY
With no small pride first one householder and then a second

showed me on the spot the action of this greatest invention of the
Makonde Highlands. To both with an admiring exclamation of
“Vizuri sana!” (“Very fine!”). I expressed the wish to take back these
marvels with me to Ulaya, to show the Wazungu what clever fellows
the Makonde are. Scarcely five minutes after my return to camp at
Newala, the two men came up sweating under the weight of two
heavy logs which they laid down at my feet, handing over at the same
time the keys of the fallen fortress. Arguing, logically enough, that if
the key was wanted, the lock would be wanted with it, they had taken
their axes and chopped down the posts—as it never occurred to them
to dig them out of the ground and so bring them intact. Thus I have
two badly damaged specimens, and the owners, instead of praise,
come in for a blowing-up.
The Makua huts in the environs of Newala are especially
miserable; their more than slovenly construction reminds one of the
temporary erections of the Makua at Hatia’s, though the people here
have not been concerned in a war. It must therefore be due to
congenital idleness, or else to the absence of a powerful chief. Even
the baraza at Mlipa’s, a short hour’s walk south-east of Newala,
shares in this general neglect. While public buildings in this country
are usually looked after more or less carefully, this is in evident
danger of being blown over by the first strong easterly gale. The only
attractive object in this whole district is the grave of the late chief
Mlipa. I visited it in the morning, while the sun was still trying with
partial success to break through the rolling mists, and the circular
grove of tall euphorbias, which, with a broken pot, is all that marks
the old king’s resting-place, impressed one with a touch of pathos.
Even my very materially-minded carriers seemed to feel something
of the sort, for instead of their usual ribald songs, they chanted
solemnly, as we marched on through the dense green of the Makonde
bush:—
“We shall arrive with the great master; we stand in a row and have
no fear about getting our food and our money from the Serkali (the
Government). We are not afraid; we are going along with the great
master, the lion; we are going down to the coast and back.”
With regard to the characteristic features of the various tribes here
on the western edge of the plateau, I can arrive at no other
conclusion than the one already come to in the plain, viz., that it is
impossible for anyone but a trained anthropologist to assign any
given individual at once to his proper tribe. In fact, I think that even
an anthropological specialist, after the most careful examination,
might find it a difficult task to decide. The whole congeries of peoples
collected in the region bounded on the west by the great Central
African rift, Tanganyika and Nyasa, and on the east by the Indian
Ocean, are closely related to each other—some of their languages are
only distinguished from one another as dialects of the same speech,
and no doubt all the tribes present the same shape of skull and
structure of skeleton. Thus, surely, there can be no very striking
differences in outward appearance.
Even did such exist, I should have no time
to concern myself with them, for day after day,
I have to see or hear, as the case may be—in
any case to grasp and record—an
extraordinary number of ethnographic
phenomena. I am almost disposed to think it
fortunate that some departments of inquiry, at
least, are barred by external circumstances.
Chief among these is the subject of iron-
working. We are apt to think of Africa as a
country where iron ore is everywhere, so to
speak, to be picked up by the roadside, and
where it would be quite surprising if the
inhabitants had not learnt to smelt the
material ready to their hand. In fact, the
knowledge of this art ranges all over the
continent, from the Kabyles in the north to the
Kafirs in the south. Here between the Rovuma
and the Lukuledi the conditions are not so
favourable. According to the statements of the
Makonde, neither ironstone nor any other
form of iron ore is known to them. They have
not therefore advanced to the art of smelting
the metal, but have hitherto bought all their
THE ANCESTRESS OF
THE MAKONDE
iron implements from neighbouring tribes.
Even in the plain the inhabitants are not much
better off. Only one man now living is said to
understand the art of smelting iron. This old fundi lives close to
Huwe, that isolated, steep-sided block of granite which rises out of
the green solitude between Masasi and Chingulungulu, and whose
jagged and splintered top meets the traveller’s eye everywhere. While
still at Masasi I wished to see this man at work, but was told that,
frightened by the rising, he had retired across the Rovuma, though
he would soon return. All subsequent inquiries as to whether the
fundi had come back met with the genuine African answer, “Bado”
(“Not yet”).
BRAZIER
Some consolation was afforded me by a brassfounder, whom I

came across in the bush near Akundonde’s. This man is the favourite
of women, and therefore no doubt of the gods; he welds the glittering
brass rods purchased at the coast into those massive, heavy rings
which, on the wrists and ankles of the local fair ones, continually give
me fresh food for admiration. Like every decent master-craftsman he
had all his tools with him, consisting of a pair of bellows, three
crucibles and a hammer—nothing more, apparently. He was quite
willing to show his skill, and in a twinkling had fixed his bellows on
the ground. They are simply two goat-skins, taken off whole, the four
legs being closed by knots, while the upper opening, intended to
admit the air, is kept stretched by two pieces of wood. At the lower
end of the skin a smaller opening is left into which a wooden tube is
stuck. The fundi has quickly borrowed a heap of wood-embers from
the nearest hut; he then fixes the free ends of the two tubes into an
earthen pipe, and clamps them to the ground by means of a bent
piece of wood. Now he fills one of his small clay crucibles, the dross
on which shows that they have been long in use, with the yellow
material, places it in the midst of the embers, which, at present are
only faintly glimmering, and begins his work. In quick alternation
the smith’s two hands move up and down with the open ends of the
bellows; as he raises his hand he holds the slit wide open, so as to let
the air enter the skin bag unhindered. In pressing it down he closes
the bag, and the air puffs through the bamboo tube and clay pipe into
the fire, which quickly burns up. The smith, however, does not keep
on with this work, but beckons to another man, who relieves him at
the bellows, while he takes some more tools out of a large skin pouch
carried on his back. I look on in wonder as, with a smooth round
stick about the thickness of a finger, he bores a few vertical holes into
the clean sand of the soil. This should not be difficult, yet the man
seems to be taking great pains over it. Then he fastens down to the
ground, with a couple of wooden clamps, a neat little trough made by
splitting a joint of bamboo in half, so that the ends are closed by the
two knots. At last the yellow metal has attained the right consistency,
and the fundi lifts the crucible from the fire by means of two sticks
split at the end to serve as tongs. A short swift turn to the left—a
tilting of the crucible—and the molten brass, hissing and giving forth
clouds of smoke, flows first into the bamboo mould and then into the
holes in the ground.
The technique of this backwoods craftsman may not be very far
advanced, but it cannot be denied that he knows how to obtain an
adequate result by the simplest means. The ladies of highest rank in
this country—that is to say, those who can afford it, wear two kinds
of these massive brass rings, one cylindrical, the other semicircular
in section. The latter are cast in the most ingenious way in the
bamboo mould, the former in the circular hole in the sand. It is quite
a simple matter for the fundi to fit these bars to the limbs of his fair
customers; with a few light strokes of his hammer he bends the
pliable brass round arm or ankle without further inconvenience to
the wearer.
SHAPING THE POT
SMOOTHING WITH MAIZE-COB
CUTTING THE EDGE

FINISHING THE BOTTOM
LAST SMOOTHING BEFORE

BURNING
FIRING THE BRUSH-PILE

LIGHTING THE FARTHER SIDE OF
THE PILE
TURNING THE RED-HOT VESSEL
NYASA WOMAN MAKING POTS AT MASASI

Pottery is an art which must always and everywhere excite the
interest of the student, just because it is so intimately connected with
the development of human culture, and because its relics are one of
the principal factors in the reconstruction of our own condition in
prehistoric times. I shall always remember with pleasure the two or
three afternoons at Masasi when Salim Matola’s mother, a slightly-
built, graceful, pleasant-looking woman, explained to me with
touching patience, by means of concrete illustrations, the ceramic art
of her people. The only implements for this primitive process were a
lump of clay in her left hand, and in the right a calabash containing
the following valuables: the fragment of a maize-cob stripped of all
its grains, a smooth, oval pebble, about the size of a pigeon’s egg, a
few chips of gourd-shell, a bamboo splinter about the length of one’s
hand, a small shell, and a bunch of some herb resembling spinach.
Nothing more. The woman scraped with the
shell a round, shallow hole in the soft, fine
sand of the soil, and, when an active young
girl had filled the calabash with water for her,
she began to knead the clay. As if by magic it
gradually assumed the shape of a rough but
already well-shaped vessel, which only wanted
a little touching up with the instruments
before mentioned. I looked out with the
MAKUA WOMAN closest attention for any indication of the use
MAKING A POT. of the potter’s wheel, in however rudimentary
SHOWS THE a form, but no—hapana (there is none). The
BEGINNINGS OF THE embryo pot stood firmly in its little
POTTER’S WHEEL
depression, and the woman walked round it in
a stooping posture, whether she was removing
small stones or similar foreign bodies with the maize-cob, smoothing
the inner or outer surface with the splinter of bamboo, or later, after
letting it dry for a day, pricking in the ornamentation with a pointed
bit of gourd-shell, or working out the bottom, or cutting the edge
with a sharp bamboo knife, or giving the last touches to the finished
vessel. This occupation of the women is infinitely toilsome, but it is
without doubt an accurate reproduction of the process in use among
our ancestors of the Neolithic and Bronze ages.
There is no doubt that the invention of pottery, an item in human
progress whose importance cannot be over-estimated, is due to
women. Rough, coarse and unfeeling, the men of the horde range
over the countryside. When the united cunning of the hunters has
succeeded in killing the game; not one of them thinks of carrying
home the spoil. A bright fire, kindled by a vigorous wielding of the
drill, is crackling beside them; the animal has been cleaned and cut
up secundum artem, and, after a slight singeing, will soon disappear
under their sharp teeth; no one all this time giving a single thought
to wife or child.
To what shifts, on the other hand, the primitive wife, and still more
the primitive mother, was put! Not even prehistoric stomachs could
endure an unvarying diet of raw food. Something or other suggested
the beneficial effect of hot water on the majority of approved but
indigestible dishes. Perhaps a neighbour had tried holding the hard
roots or tubers over the fire in a calabash filled with water—or maybe
an ostrich-egg-shell, or a hastily improvised vessel of bark. They
became much softer and more palatable than they had previously
been; but, unfortunately, the vessel could not stand the fire and got
charred on the outside. That can be remedied, thought our
ancestress, and plastered a layer of wet clay round a similar vessel.
This is an improvement; the cooking utensil remains uninjured, but
the heat of the fire has shrunk it, so that it is loose in its shell. The
next step is to detach it, so, with a firm grip and a jerk, shell and
kernel are separated, and pottery is invented. Perhaps, however, the
discovery which led to an intelligent use of the burnt-clay shell, was
made in a slightly different way. Ostrich-eggs and calabashes are not
to be found in every part of the world, but everywhere mankind has
arrived at the art of making baskets out of pliant materials, such as
bark, bast, strips of palm-leaf, supple twigs, etc. Our inventor has no
water-tight vessel provided by nature. “Never mind, let us line the
basket with clay.” This answers the purpose, but alas! the basket gets
burnt over the blazing fire, the woman watches the process of
cooking with increasing uneasiness, fearing a leak, but no leak
appears. The food, done to a turn, is eaten with peculiar relish; and
the cooking-vessel is examined, half in curiosity, half in satisfaction
at the result. The plastic clay is now hard as stone, and at the same
time looks exceedingly well, for the neat plaiting of the burnt basket
is traced all over it in a pretty pattern. Thus, simultaneously with
pottery, its ornamentation was invented.
Primitive woman has another claim to respect. It was the man,
roving abroad, who invented the art of producing fire at will, but the
woman, unable to imitate him in this, has been a Vestal from the
earliest times. Nothing gives so much trouble as the keeping alight of
the smouldering brand, and, above all, when all the men are absent
from the camp. Heavy rain-clouds gather, already the first large
drops are falling, the first gusts of the storm rage over the plain. The
little flame, a greater anxiety to the woman than her own children,
flickers unsteadily in the blast. What is to be done? A sudden thought
occurs to her, and in an instant she has constructed a primitive hut
out of strips of bark, to protect the flame against rain and wind.
This, or something very like it, was the way in which the principle
of the house was discovered; and even the most hardened misogynist
cannot fairly refuse a woman the credit of it. The protection of the
hearth-fire from the weather is the germ from which the human
dwelling was evolved. Men had little, if any share, in this forward
step, and that only at a late stage. Even at the present day, the
plastering of the housewall with clay and the manufacture of pottery
are exclusively the women’s business. These are two very significant
survivals. Our European kitchen-garden, too, is originally a woman’s
invention, and the hoe, the primitive instrument of agriculture, is,
characteristically enough, still used in this department. But the
noblest achievement which we owe to the other sex is unquestionably
the art of cookery. Roasting alone—the oldest process—is one for
which men took the hint (a very obvious one) from nature. It must
have been suggested by the scorched carcase of some animal
overtaken by the destructive forest-fires. But boiling—the process of
improving organic substances by the help of water heated to boiling-
point—is a much later discovery. It is so recent that it has not even
yet penetrated to all parts of the world. The Polynesians understand
how to steam food, that is, to cook it, neatly wrapped in leaves, in a
hole in the earth between hot stones, the air being excluded, and
(sometimes) a few drops of water sprinkled on the stones; but they
do not understand boiling.
To come back from this digression, we find that the slender Nyasa
woman has, after once more carefully examining the finished pot,
put it aside in the shade to dry. On the following day she sends me
word by her son, Salim Matola, who is always on hand, that she is
going to do the burning, and, on coming out of my house, I find her
already hard at work. She has spread on the ground a layer of very
dry sticks, about as thick as one’s thumb, has laid the pot (now of a
yellowish-grey colour) on them, and is piling brushwood round it.
My faithful Pesa mbili, the mnyampara, who has been standing by,
most obligingly, with a lighted stick, now hands it to her. Both of
them, blowing steadily, light the pile on the lee side, and, when the
flame begins to catch, on the weather side also. Soon the whole is in a
blaze, but the dry fuel is quickly consumed and the fire dies down, so
that we see the red-hot vessel rising from the ashes. The woman
turns it continually with a long stick, sometimes one way and
sometimes another, so that it may be evenly heated all over. In
twenty minutes she rolls it out of the ash-heap, takes up the bundle
of spinach, which has been lying for two days in a jar of water, and
sprinkles the red-hot clay with it. The places where the drops fall are
marked by black spots on the uniform reddish-brown surface. With a
sigh of relief, and with visible satisfaction, the woman rises to an
erect position; she is standing just in a line between me and the fire,
from which a cloud of smoke is just rising: I press the ball of my
camera, the shutter clicks—the apotheosis is achieved! Like a
priestess, representative of her inventive sex, the graceful woman
stands: at her feet the hearth-fire she has given us beside her the
invention she has devised for us, in the background the home she has
built for us.
At Newala, also, I have had the manufacture of pottery carried on
in my presence. Technically the process is better than that already
described, for here we find the beginnings of the potter’s wheel,
which does not seem to exist in the plains; at least I have seen
nothing of the sort. The artist, a frightfully stupid Makua woman, did
not make a depression in the ground to receive the pot she was about
to shape, but used instead a large potsherd. Otherwise, she went to
work in much the same way as Salim’s mother, except that she saved
herself the trouble of walking round and round her work by squatting
at her ease and letting the pot and potsherd rotate round her; this is
surely the first step towards a machine. But it does not follow that
the pot was improved by the process. It is true that it was beautifully
rounded and presented a very creditable appearance when finished,
but the numerous large and small vessels which I have seen, and, in
part, collected, in the “less advanced” districts, are no less so. We
moderns imagine that instruments of precision are necessary to
produce excellent results. Go to the prehistoric collections of our
museums and look at the pots, urns and bowls of our ancestors in the
dim ages of the past, and you will at once perceive your error.
MAKING LONGITUDINAL CUT IN
BARK
DRAWING THE BARK OFF THE LOG
REMOVING THE OUTER BARK

BEATING THE BARK
WORKING THE BARK-CLOTH AFTER BEATING, TO MAKE IT

SOFT
MANUFACTURE OF BARK-CLOTH AT NEWALA

To-day, nearly the whole population of German East Africa is
clothed in imported calico. This was not always the case; even now in
some parts of the north dressed skins are still the prevailing wear,
and in the north-western districts—east and north of Lake
Tanganyika—lies a zone where bark-cloth has not yet been
superseded. Probably not many generations have passed since such
bark fabrics and kilts of skins were the only clothing even in the
south. Even to-day, large quantities of this bright-red or drab
material are still to be found; but if we wish to see it, we must look in
the granaries and on the drying stages inside the native huts, where
it serves less ambitious uses as wrappings for those seeds and fruits
which require to be packed with special care. The salt produced at
Masasi, too, is packed for transport to a distance in large sheets of
bark-cloth. Wherever I found it in any degree possible, I studied the
process of making this cloth. The native requisitioned for the
purpose arrived, carrying a log between two and three yards long and
as thick as his thigh, and nothing else except a curiously-shaped
mallet and the usual long, sharp and pointed knife which all men and
boys wear in a belt at their backs without a sheath—horribile dictu!
[51]
Silently he squats down before me, and with two rapid cuts has
drawn a couple of circles round the log some two yards apart, and
slits the bark lengthwise between them with the point of his knife.
With evident care, he then scrapes off the outer rind all round the
log, so that in a quarter of an hour the inner red layer of the bark
shows up brightly-coloured between the two untouched ends. With
some trouble and much caution, he now loosens the bark at one end,
and opens the cylinder. He then stands up, takes hold of the free
edge with both hands, and turning it inside out, slowly but steadily
pulls it off in one piece. Now comes the troublesome work of
scraping all superfluous particles of outer bark from the outside of
the long, narrow piece of material, while the inner side is carefully
scrutinised for defective spots. At last it is ready for beating. Having
signalled to a friend, who immediately places a bowl of water beside
him, the artificer damps his sheet of bark all over, seizes his mallet,
lays one end of the stuff on the smoothest spot of the log, and
hammers away slowly but continuously. “Very simple!” I think to
myself. “Why, I could do that, too!”—but I am forced to change my
opinions a little later on; for the beating is quite an art, if the fabric is
not to be beaten to pieces. To prevent the breaking of the fibres, the
stuff is several times folded across, so as to interpose several
thicknesses between the mallet and the block. At last the required
state is reached, and the fundi seizes the sheet, still folded, by both
ends, and wrings it out, or calls an assistant to take one end while he
holds the other. The cloth produced in this way is not nearly so fine
and uniform in texture as the famous Uganda bark-cloth, but it is
quite soft, and, above all, cheap.
Now, too, I examine the mallet. My craftsman has been using the
simpler but better form of this implement, a conical block of some
hard wood, its base—the striking surface—being scored across and
across with more or less deeply-cut grooves, and the handle stuck
into a hole in the middle. The other and earlier form of mallet is
shaped in the same way, but the head is fastened by an ingenious
network of bark strips into the split bamboo serving as a handle. The
observation so often made, that ancient customs persist longest in
connection with religious ceremonies and in the life of children, here
finds confirmation. As we shall soon see, bark-cloth is still worn
during the unyago,[52] having been prepared with special solemn
ceremonies; and many a mother, if she has no other garment handy,
will still put her little one into a kilt of bark-cloth, which, after all,
looks better, besides being more in keeping with its African
surroundings, than the ridiculous bit of print from Ulaya.
MAKUA WOMEN

Human Intimacy Marriage The Family and Its Meaning 11th Edition Ebook PDF Version

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

You might also like

Human Intimacy Marriage The Family and Its Meaning 11th Edition Ebook PDF Version

Uploaded by

Document Information

Original Description:

Original Title

Copyright

Available Formats

Share this document

Share or Embed Document

Sharing Options

Did you find this document useful?

Is this content inappropriate?

Copyright:

Available Formats

Human Intimacy Marriage The Family and Its Meaning 11th Edition Ebook PDF Version

Uploaded by

Copyright:

Available Formats

Human Intimacy: Marriage, the Family,

and Its Meaning 11th Edition – Ebook

13 The Real American

DEBATE THE ISSUES: Should Drugs Be Returning to Single Life 484

Supplements for the Instructor

Supplements for the Student

QUESTIONS middle-class, American family of the 1950s possibly have predicted

Building Successful Relationships

Qualities of Strong and Resilient

Concentrating on individual and family strengths helps to counteract the prevail-

Science has managed to ignore the fact that undesirable events

1. Commitment. The major quality of strong families is a high degree of commit-

Rituals and routines maintain a sense of continuity over time,

Can We Study Intimacy?

Figure 1-1 Family Science

Can We Study Intimacy? | 9

1990 61.9 8.3 7.6 22.2

2010 56.4 10.4 6.3 26.9

1990 64.0 8.1 7.5 20.6

2010 58.9 10.4 6.3 24.3

1990 45.8 10.6 8.5 35.1

2010 38.8 11.7 6.7 42.8

1990 61.7 7.0 4.0 27.2

2010 53.8 8.2 3.8 34.2

Married Divorced Widowed Never married

Optimism versus Pessimism

Making Decisions That Lead

Newala, too, suffers from the distance of its water-supply—at least

The water-supply of New Newala is in the bottom of the valley,

NATIVE PATH THROUGH THE MAKONDE BUSH, NEAR

MAKONDE LOCK AND KEY AT JUMBE CHAURO

MODE OF INSERTING THE KEY

With no small pride first one householder and then a second

Some consolation was afforded me by a brassfounder, whom I

SMOOTHING WITH MAIZE-COB

CUTTING THE EDGE

LAST SMOOTHING BEFORE

FIRING THE BRUSH-PILE

TURNING THE RED-HOT VESSEL

NYASA WOMAN MAKING POTS AT MASASI

DRAWING THE BARK OFF THE LOG

REMOVING THE OUTER BARK

WORKING THE BARK-CLOTH AFTER BEATING, TO MAKE IT

MANUFACTURE OF BARK-CLOTH AT NEWALA

You might also like