Many people think that listening is something they do fill in the time when they are not speaking.

Actually, this is not only wrong it also devalues the person about that they are talking to. Because
by not listening to them you are really showing very little interest to what they are having to say
and therefore the relationship will suffer as a result.

Take the word ‘listen’ and just use it as a quick reminder of some of the key skills of active
listening.

‘L’ –for example- stands for ‘look’. Look at the person as they are speaking to you, engage them
with good eye contact.

‘I’ stands for ‘inquire’. That is use good open probing questions ‘what’ ‘which’ ‘who’ ’why’
‘when’ and , of course, the good questions that starts with ‘how’ to really show interest in the
person and what they are saying and ask them to open up and tell you more.

‘S’ stands for ‘summarize’. In other words what we are really saying here is frequently summarize
your understanding of what the other person is saying. Use words like ‘let me just summarize what
I’ve understood that you’ve been saying or ‘so what you were saying is’ and use a paraphrase to
confirm to other person you’ve been trying to hear them and listen to them accurately.

T’ means ‘take notes’, either jotting down one or two keywords as the other person are saying
them or using a pattern of technique to build up a mind map of what the other person is expressing.

‘E’ means ‘encourage’. In other words, ‘smile’ ‘nod’ and use silence to encourage them to say
more. Even little expressions like ‘uh uh’ or ‘hmm’ or ‘yes’ go on… are helpful ways of
encouraging the other person to open up and say more.

And finally, ‘N’ means ‘neutralise your feelings’: stay objective, avoid bias, the person may not
be very good at delivery, but think about the ‘content’ that they are putting across to you: it may
be absolutely valid and have a lot of interesting points.

So write and avoid writing people off just because, perhaps, they have a slow or monotonous voice
and they are not very good at expressing themselves. By effectively listening to people, you not
only value them or build relationships with them, but you’re also seeking greater understanding of
what they are having to say and you’ll learn invaluable points in the process so it’s not only to
their benefit it’s most certainly for yours.