Social Psychology

Chapter 5:
Liking and Loving
(Introduction)
I. Introduction

In this chapter, we will focus on our significant others and examine the contributions
that social psychology has made to our understanding of intimate relationships.
Everybody possesses a lot of basic needs and desires that are frequently satisfied in
close relationships, especially with people who offer social support—that is, the
approval, assistance, advice, and comfort we get from people with whom we have
established enduringly good relationships (Taylor, 2007).

According to Clark & LeMay (2010) and Hendrick & Hendrick (2000), close
relationships are those that are identified by loving, caring, commitment, and
intimacy. Examples of these types of relationships include those between adult
friends, dating partners, lovers, and married couples. Individual, cultural, biological,
and evolutionary factors all influence these relationships.

There is no single, correct, conceptual definition of liking or of loving, nor is there

any one correct way of differentiating them. These terms have been used in a wide
variety of ways by lay persons and scholars alike to refer to some type of attraction
toward another person—a positive evaluation toward another, positive feelings
when around another, and a pull toward being and interacting with another.
 Interpersonal attraction is traditionally defined in social psychology as a positive
attitude or evaluation regarding a particular person, including the three components
conventionally ascribed to attitudes: behavioral (tendency to approach the person),
cognitive (positive beliefs about the person), and affective (positive feelings for the
person). Another approach treats attraction as the desire to form a friendly or
romantic relationship with a particular person. Attraction is often treated as
equivalent to liking.

II. Definition
Love is a powerful, complex emotional experience that involves changes in your
body chemistry, including your neurotransmitters (brain chemicals). It impacts your
social relationships in varied ways, affecting how you relate to others around you.
There are many types — like the love you share with your partner, family, and friends
— and each version you feel is unique. It can fill you with emotions ranging from joy
to heartbreak. Love is an emotion of strong affection, tenderness, or devotion
toward a subject or object. When you love a person you experience pleasurable
sensations in their presence and are sensitive about their reactions to you. Loving,
particularly being ‘in love,’ with someone, is sometimes seen as a very strong or
special kind of attraction—‘romantic attraction’—including exclusivity and sexual
interest.

Liking is characterized by feelings of closeness, admiration, warmth, and respect.

Sternberg says that this intimate liking characterizes true friendships, in which a
person feels a bondedness, a warmth, and a closeness with another but not intense
passion or long-term commitment. The psychological principle of liking also suggest
that we like people who are similar to us, who pay us compliments, and who
cooperate with us towards mutual goals. Attraction in the above senses is
distinguished from attractiveness—characteristics of people such as good looks or
desirable personality that make others be attracted to them.

III. Importance

People are well aware of the importance of having other people in their lives. When
they are asked what makes them happy, people of all ages indicate that having
friendships and good relationships with others is what they care about the most
(Baumeister & Leary, 1995). And, as we saw in Chapter 3, our self-esteem is strongly
influenced by how much we feel that we are accepted by others (Leary, 2005; Leary
& Cox, 2008). People who do not feel that they are able to develop the types and
quality of social relationships that they would prefer to have are lonely—a highly
unpleasant and potentially unhealthy state (Cacioppo & Patrick, 2008).

We experience higher self-efficacy, self-esteem, and positive mood when we believe

that our friends and partners are responding to us supportively and with a concern
for our needs and our own welfare. Our relationships with others help us buffer the
negative effects of stress, avoid unhealthy behaviors, and cope with serious physical
illness. And our close relationships allow us to express our fundamental desires to
reach out and respond to other people.

Interpersonal relationships are essential for survival and social and cognitive
development. This is why the formation and maintenance of strong and stable
interpersonal relationships is crucial for children, who can suffer from delayed
development, anxiety, and attachment disorders when adults fail to form
interpersonal relationships with them. Interpersonal relationships also play a key role
in self-concept, or how one sees and understands oneself. After all, psychological
theories like the Looking Glass Self and symbolic interactionism highlight that
people’s sense of self is a direct product of how other’s respond to and treat them.
In many ways, people “are” who they surround themselves with. For this reason,
people who have strong relationships that are characterized by positive interactions
generally have a stronger, more resilient self-concept.