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Dr. Greg Boyle

Surgical Outpatient Clinic
Newton Hospital

-- Commented [DR1]: 23/03/2018 (add today’s date here)

Dear Dr. Greg Boyle Commented [DR2]: A comma after this (,)
Re: Mrs. Hilton Date of birth 11/09/1996 Commented [DR3]: Mrs. Lisa Hiloton (you will write title
and full name here)
I am writing to refer Mrs. Hilton, a 65-year-old lady, who is provisionally diagnosed with Commented [DR4]: Use DOB: (DOB with a colon)
varicose vein with imposed acute thrombophlebitis and need surgery. Therefore, your Commented [DR5]: veins
further assessment and management would be highly appreciated.
Commented [DR6]: along with

In her childhood Mrs. Hilton had measles, later on, in 1970 she had jaundice, in 1990 Commented [DR7]: superimposed.

she met with road traffic accident, in 2002 she had poising and in 2016 she had been Commented [DR8]: needs
suffered from viral fever. Mrs. Hilton has a family history of hypertension and diabetes. Commented [DR9]: a comma here (,)
She has a past medical history of childhood measles, jaundice, viral fever, and a Commented [DR10]: a road traffic accident
hysterectomy for a fibroid uterus. (write in concise way, while omitting irrelevant info.)
Commented [DR11]: 16/03/2018
On 16/03/2023, the patient initially presented complaining of aggravating pain and Commented [DR12]: Mrs. Hilton
bilateral limb edema, o particularly while walking. Her examination was remarkable with Commented [DR13]: Her examination revealed multiple
multiple varicose veins, unhealthy skin seen and Morrissey’s impulse cough test report varicose veins,
was positive. Therefore, she advised for support stocking. A provisional diagnosis of Commented [DR14]: (,)
varicose veins along with superimposed acute thrombophlebitis was made, and support
Commented [DR15]: Positive Morrissey’s cough impulse
stocking was advised. test.
Commented [DR16]: (,)
On 23/03/2018 she again visited and had same complaint of sever pain in right leg. She
Commented [DR17]: Mrs. Hilton
commenced on flucloxacillin 500mg twice a day for 10 days, in addition Panadeine
Forte for pain relief. These medicine impact to reduce the pain and redness. On Commented [DR18]: with complain of

20/03/2018 Mrs. Hilton condition seemed improved, but she still complaint of right leg Commented [DR19]: severe
pain along with mild redness and edema. was present, in spite of it she was taking Commented [DR20]: was commenced
regularly medicine. Then surgery of the right leg was suggested and patient consent Commented [DR21]: in addition to
regarding it taken after informing her recent condition which is necessary for her.
Commented [DR22]: 20/03/2018 visit,
(Surgical removal of varicose veins has been discussed with the patient, and her
Commented [DR23]: Hilton’s
consent was taken)
Commented [DR24]: Complained
In light of the above according to my provisional diagnose, I am referring the Mrs. Hilton Commented [DR25]: (,)
to you for further assessment, assessment including surgical intervention.

Please do not hesitate to contact me in case of any further queries regarding Mrs.Hilton.

Yours sincerely Commented [DR26]: (,)

Registered nurse Commented [DR27]: (Nurse)

Report
Word Length 238
Comments 1. The purpose is not immediately apparent in the
introduction but is clearly explained in the conclusion.
2. The letter tries to include relevant case notes, but some
required information is missing.
3. Some irrelevant information has been added, which needs
to be omitted.
4. An attempt to organize the content logically is seen, but
the order of information and paragraphing needs much
improvement in places.
5. In addition, there are many inaccuracies related to
vocabulary, basic grammar, and sentence structure.
6. Overall, the letter needs much improvement.
7. Th letter is to lengthy (238 words)
Estimated Grade C
Estimated Score 270/500
Advice 1. Convey the purpose of the document generally in the
introduction.
2. Always read and select case notes carefully.
3. Avoid basic grammar errors.
4. Improve choice of words.
5. Improve the structure of sentences.
6. Improve coherence/paragraphing.
7. Always proofread the letter after finishing it.
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