The core skills needed to succeed with first language English

2020 was a year that saw cambridge revamp the entire syllabus one of those changes being
the coursework in previous years students could decide between writing either a narrative or a
piece of descriptive writing this year you have to do both

Cambridge wanting candidates to be acutely aware of the differences between the two styles
of writing
Whilst there certainly is some overlap i.e you would expect to find some
evocative descriptions in narrative pieces
both styles of writing are quite different and different in the sense of what their
main focus is throughout

Narratives are often far more complex they have a plot they have lots of action and they
might feature things such as characterization and dialogue and they may well be set over a
longer period of time

Descriptive writing on the other hand focuses predominantly on sensory imagery

so in other words the things we experience with our senses and this allows us to become fully
immersed in the images you are creating
So now let's take a look at a paragraph from a descriptive piece of course work and compare
that with a paragraph from a narrative piece of coursework
What you're looking at now is a piece of descriptive coursework assignment 2 from the
coursework handbook
if you do ask your teachers i'm sure they'll be happy to show you this but it is a really useful
document for the purpose of this video and to I guess differentiate a piece of description from
narrative i'm just going to read the first two paragraphs and then
we'll move on to looking
at a piece of narrative coursework
so it starts with slowly
into the vast blue ocean the snow white
boat drifts
on and on from all directions stillness
emanates
an endless blue so deep that you could
fall for an eternity
the sudden sound of the engine excites
the water
2:30
producing a bubbly froth lovely lovely
2:33
imagery there reaching down dreamily
2:36
some lovely sentence structures
2:38
i scoop up the phone before blowing it
2:40
towards the heavens
2:41
as if nature had drawn me a magnificent
2:44
bubble bath
2:45
froth trailed leisurely behind me as i
2:48
cut the motor
2:49
drawing the boat to a stop i decided to
2:52
drift
2:53
on the tide so no time wasted here guys
2:57
the candidate
2:58
writes so well and describes
3:02
this scene of the of the vast blue ocean
3:05
with really really evocative
3:08
imagery and it's done so so well
3:11
let's read the second paragraph from
3:14
here a dark but faint line begins to
3:16
emerge on the horizon
3:18
with a hypnotic ceaseless rocking and
3:20
bobbing off the boat
3:22
the line grows into a spectral vision of
3:25
walls roots
3:26
and spires off to the right the
3:29
needle-sharp steeple of an ancient
3:31
church
3:32
weaves itself into the sky's tapestry of
3:34
clouds
3:35
lovely image there as a slow sequence
3:38
of dings begins to ring out from the
3:41
church bell
3:42
each ring resonating differently like
3:44
voices in a church choir
3:46
a simple but sonorous sound
3:50
so what makes this a piece of
3:52
description and not a narrative
3:54
yes the candidate has decided to use
3:57
that eye voice and that is perfectly
3:59
okay
4:00
but what you need to notice is that the
4:03
main focus
4:04
is describing a number of different
4:07
images using sensory
4:10
imagery and using it very very
4:13
effectively
4:14
and notice as well it's not just the
4:16
visual imagery
4:18
there's auditory imagery as well we've
4:20
got the church bell
4:22
ringing which is described as being a
4:24
simple
4:25
but sonorous sound just absolutely
4:28
beautiful
4:29
now let's take a look at a short
4:31
paragraph from a piece of narrative
4:33
coursework
4:35
ouch the words in front of me blurred a
4:38
little and wiped a straight tear from my
4:40
cheek
4:41
i took in a deep breath but it came out
4:43
shaky
4:44
glancing down i saw my tea had
4:46
splattered over the rim of the cup in
4:48
the saucer
4:49
i needed air struggling to regain
4:51
composure
4:52
i walked towards the door oy
4:55
your check the waitress barked sorry
4:58
sorry i mumbled throwing down a hundred
5:01
dollar note
5:02
without waiting for change i stumbled
5:04
out into the night
5:07
everything felt like it was imploding my
5:10
heart
5:10
pounded incessantly it felt like the
5:13
ultimate failure
5:14
i'd spent my life working up to this
5:17
point
5:18
and now it was worthless rage and
5:21
frustration boiled through me
5:23
i sunk to my knees tears splattered from
5:25
my eyes
5:26
the wood stung beneath me but i didn't
5:29
care
5:29
years of desperately trying to become
5:31
something fell onto my shoulders
5:34
self-doubt swung at me like a hammer
5:36
okay i don't really need to read the
5:38
rest but again
5:39
you know written really really well but
5:42
what you need to notice
5:43
is that the focus is very very different
5:46
and the focus for this particular
5:48
candidate
5:49
candidate is characterization
5:52
so of course whilst there is imagery
5:56
the candidate is very much using that
5:59
imagery to create this really
6:01
interesting
6:02
and compelling character and to show
6:05
to show the reader the dire situation
6:08
this particular character
6:09
is in and of course you also have
6:12
dialogue to help build
6:14
the character and of course you wouldn't
6:16
be expected to use dialogue within a
6:18
piece of description
Top Tips
6:20
now it's time to move swiftly onto my
6:22
five top tips
6:23
and just like my narrative video which i
6:25
will link up here
6:27
these will consist of some dudes and
6:29
perhaps some major don'ts
6:31
my first tip of course is to use the
6:33
show don't tell
6:35
technique and i'm sure your teacher has
6:37
drilled this phrase into you
6:38
plenty of times but in case you've not
6:40
heard of it before let's go through it
6:42
now the show don't tell technique
6:44
essentially means that you create a
6:46
really vivid
6:48
picture for the reader and you show them
6:51
what is happening
6:52
rather than stating in an explicit way
6:55
of course this can be achieved through
6:57
imagery and
6:59
powerful vocabulary choices let's take
7:01
the following
7:02
example the student was stressed
7:06
now of course with this sentence we are
7:08
simply telling the reader
7:10
that the student is feeling a particular
7:13
emotion
7:14
and these kind of telling sentences they
7:16
fail to create a vivid image for the
7:18
reader so a more effective sentence
7:21
would be one that shows the reader
7:24
why this student is feeling stressed you
7:27
could say for example
7:29
the student rocked back and forth on
7:32
their chair
7:32
as they scanned the scattered revision
7:36
cards
7:36
and of course the fact that this student
7:39
is rocking back and forth
7:40
on their chair and they are looking at
7:42
all of these revision cards
7:44
which are haphazardly everywhere it
7:46
implies that they are feeling
7:48
stressed or anxious and as a result it
7:50
creates a far more
7:52
powerful image than simply explicitly
7:55
stating something
7:56
now my second tip is that you want to
7:58
try and focus on a variety of different
8:01
images
8:01
once you've decided on the images that
8:03
you are going to explore
8:05
you then want to use what i call the
8:07
zooming technique
8:08
if say for example you are writing about
8:11
a day at a theme park
8:13
the first thing you might want to focus
8:15
on is
8:16
a big roller coaster what i mean by zoom
8:19
in is that you focus on one particular
8:21
thing
8:22
so you could zoom into the fear that is
8:24
being felt by those
8:26
riding the roller coaster you could
8:27
describe their facial expressions
8:30
their screams the motion of the coaster
8:33
itself
8:34
you could perhaps then zoom in on a
8:37
karma ride which has a number of younger
8:39
children
8:40
gleefully smiling away perhaps your last
8:43
image could be
8:44
getting back into the car and describing
8:46
the landscape of the
8:47
theme park from afar really want to try
8:50
and have
8:51
images that almost contrast with one
8:54
another
8:54
you don't want a descriptive piece of
8:56
cause work which is just
8:58
100 miles per hour this leads me nicely
9:01
on to my third point or my third tip
9:04
and that is to include movement
9:07
and be that time or place the best
9:09
pieces of descriptive coursework i mark
9:12
every single year they are not static
9:15
they do not simply focus on one
9:17
still image and if you do approach the
9:20
course work
9:20
simply just describing one still image
9:24
chances are it's going to lose that
9:26
excitement
9:27
and you're not going to be able to feel
9:29
the word count that's for sure number
9:31
four
9:31
is of course to use imagery and to use
9:34
imagery well
9:35
demolise metaphors personification
9:37
onomatopoeia all of that good stuff are
9:39
brilliant for creating vivid images in
9:42
the reader's head
9:42
just strike the right balance and avoid
9:46
any kind of cliche imagery you know
9:49
there's
9:50
styles were shining diamonds and all of
9:52
that stuff now tip number five is really
9:54
quite
9:55
important and that is to not go
9:57
overboard with your language
9:59
choices quite often students seem quite
10:02
hardwired to
10:04
open up a thesaurus and pick out all of
10:06
these fancy adjectives which they've
10:08
never heard of before they can't
10:10
pronounce
10:11
they just and scatter them throughout in
10:13
this really haphazard way
10:15
and it's a difficult one really because
10:16
cambridge do expect you certainly if you
10:18
are aiming for the top marks to be able
10:21
to use vocabulary
10:22
precisely and to be able to show that
10:24
you can you can use ambitious vocabulary
10:27
for effect
10:28
but when language is too colorful or too
10:31
ambitious or there's just too much of it
10:34
it just destroys that realism
10:36
and i guess it's just again striking
10:39
that right
10:40
balance and just being able to show
10:41
cambridge hey i can use some ambitious
10:44
vocabulary choices and i can use them
10:46
for effect
10:46
now for the last part of this video i'm
10:48
going to be reading through
10:50
a piece of coursework one of my students
10:52
submitted to cambridge and i think this
10:54
got about
10:55
23 out of 25. now for the last part of
Reading
10:57
this video let's take a read of a piece
11:00
of descriptive writing calls work that
11:02
was actually submitted to
11:03
cambridge i think we agreed on a mark of
11:06
23 out of 25
11:08
this particular piece it's titled a
11:10
destruction of
11:12
greed and it's based on the events of
11:14
the tsunami in 2004
11:17
i'm going to read the whole thing and
11:18
then i will give you a summative
11:20
comment at the end as i draw the
11:23
curtains
11:24
sunlight beams through the translucent
11:26
balance as it usually does most
11:28
mornings during this time of year
11:30
sliding the glass door open i gaze into
11:32
the familiar view
11:34
that that i've habitually taken for
11:36
granted
11:37
thinking that it would always remain the
11:39
blissful state it is
11:40
in this moment in time the tranquil
11:43
noise of crashing waves
11:44
and the briny smell of the ocean fills
11:46
the air
11:48
fine golden grains gleam as a glint of
11:50
sunlight
11:51
gently lands over it there's never any
11:54
other time of day like this
11:56
before the mass crowds of travel is
11:58
desperate for a summer glow
11:59
and the tyler's children populate the
12:02
area
12:03
i guess it is only fair if every
12:05
everyone
12:06
got to experience paradise on this
12:08
alluring island
12:10
according to routine the day
12:11
continuously progresses
12:13
but something in today's air stirs the
12:16
feeling of uneasiness
12:18
as i peer out of the tinted glass over
12:21
the masses of red burning skin
12:23
i begin to notice the peculiar way the
12:25
tide backs away from the coastline
12:28
it's probably just the tide shifting
12:30
back to the other side of the coast
12:33
without warning waves slam the fine
12:35
grains of dust
12:37
drowning its shimmer the the collisions
12:40
grow rapidly
12:42
becoming increasingly frequent what
12:44
appeared beyond the glass pane
12:46
brings my body to an unbidden standstill
12:49
the beast vigorously grows creating an
12:52
unnatural hunger seconds tick by
12:56
and precious minutes pass it has grown
12:59
to the sheer height of the palm tree
13:01
allowing shift towards its prey
13:04
inconceivably
13:05
the gears in my body click into place in
13:08
a forceful motion
13:09
and before i can comprehend my legs
13:12
alternate to extend down the road to
13:13
survival
13:14
after what feels like an internal pain
13:17
of racing against time
13:19
a congestion of vehicles forces my
13:21
friend to a sudden halt
13:23
clouds of head in the rays of light high
13:25
pitched beeping fills the air with panic
13:28
desperate screams for loved ones
13:30
generated in the chaos travel against
13:32
the direction
13:33
frantic masses scamper to seek higher
13:35
ground
13:36
it's hard to take in any it's hard to
13:39
take in that my body is now
13:41
surrendered by terror alongside many
13:44
others
13:44
furiously chased by a praise undying
13:47
greed
13:48
i focus my mind to alternatively place
13:50
my souls in a light motion
13:52
ahead of each other as i reach the foot
13:54
of the stairwell
13:55
hopeful to be hopeful to promptly ascend
13:59
to safety
14:00
flickering lights blocked by dense
14:02
figures create an obstruction
14:04
it's almost pitch black flashes of light
14:07
lighting sends shrieks of terror a
14:10
sudden pressure on my back
14:12
abruptly jolts me backwards my body
14:14
instantly tumbles off the persistent
14:16
path
14:17
for a moment my conscience remains
14:19
dormant my first shock
14:22
strikes my dominant knee to click back
14:24
the second followed violently bending my
14:26
left ankle inwards
14:28
eventually my current distorted frame
14:30
slams the cold cement landing
14:33
the brute force scrapes a sparse layer
14:35
of skin beneath the forearm
14:37
and knees as they absorb the impact a
14:40
chill
14:40
shoots up my spine creed creating a
14:43
brief numbness
14:44
which quickly i'm going to take a guess
14:47
that this was the
14:49
student's first draft there are a few
14:51
mechanical
14:53
errors in terms of sentence construction
14:57
anyway let's continue figures mindlessly
15:01
travel
15:01
past to seek protection from the
15:03
beast-like prey
15:04
one by one they hastily step over a
15:08
hindrance obscuring the already narrow
15:11
stairwell while attempting to avoid the
15:13
ghastly sight of it
15:15
several heavy shoes collide with my
15:17
fragile frame
15:19
fresh wounds covering my knees and
15:21
forearms drip blood
15:22
which gathers into a dark crimson puddle
15:25
on the light grey slab
15:27
the butchered sight and metallic smell
15:30
lures my mind to feel
15:31
the excruciating pain perhaps i should
15:34
just accept
15:36
fate and allow it to run its course i
15:38
might as well admit defeat
15:40
and spend my remaining moments
15:41
reminiscing the fantasy i was blessed
15:43
with
15:44
with a heavy struggle i managed to
15:46
maneuver my crippling frame towards my
15:48
side
15:49
allowing the wall to support my weight
15:51
so that others will not suffer a similar
15:54
fate i force my eyes shut in the hope
15:56
the pain will fade
15:58
nothing else matters and only
16:02
and i can only be contented as my
16:04
suffering will surely come to an
16:05
end the sound of crashing inches closer
16:08
and will soon save my soul from the
16:10
right
16:11
from the fright and terror why is it so
16:15
bright
16:16
rays of light strike eyelids warmth
16:19
skims the top layer of my skin
16:21
i squint my eyes struggling to break the
16:23
seal to return to reality
16:26
forcing a bling to clear my blurry side
16:29
unfamiliar shadows
16:30
make up the surroundings gradual flashes
16:33
of yesterday returned to my memory
16:36
how did i possibly get here there are
16:38
rows of neighboring bodies
16:40
some shift through several remains
16:43
completely still on the ground those who
16:46
are fortunate
16:47
enough check up on loved ones as others
16:50
mourn their losses
16:51
i anxiously peer at my wounds wounds
16:55
confirming the harsh reality is not
16:57
merely a thrilling nightmare
16:59
my left foot appears to be wrapped in a
17:01
white bandage and knees and forearms
17:04
taped with a couple layers of
17:09
gauzes still bearing the question of how
17:11
i ended up here
17:12
i make a trying attempt to get on my
17:15
feet
17:17
astoundedly i managed to support
17:20
my bruised figure on my right foot i
17:22
cautiously trudged towards the ledge
17:24
that appears ahead of me
17:26
cautious not to stumble over individuals
17:28
who are already in anguish
17:30
the sight of what used to be a crowded
17:32
street stunned me
17:34
the tides had seized and destructed
17:36
everything in its path
17:38
what did this faultless island ever do
17:40
to deserve such harm
17:42
debris scattered the streets vehicles
17:44
were squashed
17:46
replicating those in a junkyard
17:49
buildings lay horizontally
17:50
on their side with fragments scattered
17:53
around it as trees
17:54
form barriers on the road the site
17:57
beyond is
17:58
unforeseen in the tranquility of the
18:01
previous dawn
18:02
as i stood there mourning the
18:03
destruction that spreads
18:06
beyond my sight a fresh breeze gently
18:08
pushes
18:09
the strands of my hair back transmitting
18:12
me back
18:13
to the beach house i've called home for
18:15
over a year now
18:17
oh how i would kill to relive the
18:19
memories
18:20
that house so graciously given me
18:23
sorry that house has so graciously given
18:26
me
Summary
18:27
so whilst arguably
18:30
at times it does seem to slip into a
18:33
kind of narrative style
18:35
the focus for each paragraph
18:39
is to create a different
18:42
evocative and powerful image
18:45
notice as well how it's not a static
18:49
description okay it's not a steel shot
18:52
there's a sense of
18:54
movement there's a sense of pace as a
18:56
sense of time
18:57
passing and all of the sensors have been
19:01
used
19:01
really really effectively and it really
19:04
immerses us into the
19:08
images the student has described of
19:11
course as well there are some
19:12
excellent vocabulary choices not all of
19:15
them
19:16
are appropriate there are some good
19:19
sentence structures
19:20
as well there are some mechanical errors
19:23
i'm aware
19:24
of that i'm pretty sure this was the
19:25
first draft
19:27
but in terms of it being a successful
19:31
piece of description writing that is
19:34
realistic
19:36
absolutely that's all from me today guys
19:39
my next video i will be breaking down
19:41
some of the questions from the may
19:43
june 2020 series yes cambridge has
19:47
finally released them so stay tuned if
19:49
that sounds interesting to you
19:51
until next time bye bye