Healey 1

Benjamin Healey

Ms. Michko

3 January, 2023

Reflection

During the revisions of my essay I mostly focused on improving my analysis to make my

points more complex and in depth. I worked on making my analysis more straight to the point

and of higher detail in order to advance my argument to a further degree. In my first body

paragraph I worked to transform my inferior evidence that used many filler words to a more clear

and concise argument. For example I transformed all of my “this quote shows” or “this quote

explains” to a more direct form of addressing my quote like “Because certain jobs are being

changed.” I was much more specific when revising my analysis by describing what the word

“this” was describing in my explanation of the quote.

Next, I revised my thesis in order for it to describe more accurately what was happening

in my essay by connecting current events to the meaning of the American dream. Before my

thesis had very little if not anything to do with the American dream, I revised this by adding a

whole new section to my thesis describing how my topic was going to connect to said dream. I

did this by adding the sentence “The American dream is affected by this increase in technology

because when people can't get jobs, this denies them the ability and opportunity to achieve the

American dream since without money, the American dream is pretty much unachievable.”