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Braeden Kimball

Mr.Smith

Honors Junior Literature

19 October 2023

The Hidden Dangers of Trans Identity in American Society

NEW:

It is deeply illogical to suggest an individual may alter his or her gender based solely off

of “socially constructed” ideals, deeply rooted in the adoption of tasteless gender norms and

without respect or consideration of innate biological differences. A substantial number of women

and skeptics alike have expressed discomfort with trans women, specifically those who dress up

and adopt historically female traits and mannerisms in “expression of gender identity” believing

this to be a mockery of womanhood built on generalized aesthetic and materialistic norms. For

example, as a trend, trans influencers, born male, have purchased tampons and other feminine

hygiene products which they have no need for. As a society, it has reached a point where a large

majority of the American public find difficulty drawing the line between fiction and reality when

it comes to personal pronouns and gender identity, and are even afraid to define rudimentary

terms such as “woman” in fear of backlash facing the woke agenda. The new wave trans

movement is heavily influenced by the encouragement of experimental and dangerous cosmetic

medical procedures by institutions with disregard for the fragile mental state of young, confused

individuals who believe they are of the opposite, or no gender at all. Despite this, millions of
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people blindly defend the evil that goes on behind closed curtains, silence the parents who

oppose the surgeries, and separate them from their own children. On top of this, in light of

ignoring biological truths of life, numerous competitive school, and even professional sporting

environments, are actively allowing biological men into women's competition. “Muscle strength

of women indeed, is typically reported in the range of 40 to 75% of that of men.” As well as “a

qualitative difference in muscle tissue, such as a higher concentration of glycolytic enzymes and

greater proportion of fast type muscle fibers in men” (National Library of Medicine). Trans

swimmer of Pennsylvania University, Lia Thomas, formerly Will Thomas, notoriously won the

NCAA Division 1 championship in 2022. Despite Thomas’ considerable genetic advantages, the

swimmer was given the opportunity to strip away the opportunities, and undermine the

achievements of biological women competing at the highest level in college sports. The public

has been brainwashed into the belief we are fighting for women's rights, in reality, they are

actively being stolen. The LGBTQI+ movement is silently forcing society to take a massive step

back.

OLD:

Down to its core, the idea that one can change his or her gender based on “socially

constructed” ideals is deeply rooted in inherently objectifying ideals. A large number of women

have come out stating their belief that trans women who dress up and adopt historically female

mannerisms in “expressing their gender identity” are limiting womanhood to materialistic norms.

At this point, the majority of people find it difficult to define simple words such as “woman,”

though pursue research in gender studies. The entire trans movement is based on cosmetic

medical institutions looking to steal the lives of confused young individuals through
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experimental and dangerous surgeries. Yet, millions of people defend the mockery of gender that

is new wave LGBTQIA+ supporters. It is so ridiculous that as a society we are allowing trans

woman into woman’s sports. Men are biologically stronger than woman by default. “Muscle

strength of women indeed, is typically reported in the range of 40 to 75% of that of men.” As

well as the fact of “a qualitative difference in muscle tissue, such as a higher concentration of

glycolytic enzymes and greater proportion of fast type muscle fibers in men” (National Library

of Medicine). Trans athlete, Lia Thomas, of Pennsylvania University, is a swimmer who won the

NCAA Division 1 championship in 2022. Despite Lia being at a noticeable genetic advantage, he

was allowed to take away the opportunities of biological woman looking to compete at the

highest level. As a society we are fighting for woman’s rights but taking them away, letting men

who may identify however they want to invade these spaces and competitions? The trans

movement is forcing society to take a massive step back.

Braeden,

Solid job keeping consistent ideas throughout your paragraphs, and writing detailed topic

sentences which are reflective of the content of the paragraphs. A couple areas to improve:

● Making sure that all of our analysis has evidence to back it up. You mostly did this,

but in your last body paragraph there were some ideas that needed some more

evidence to fully support the ideas.

● Connecting the concluding sentence back to the claim AND the thesis (so the aspects

of living in America/succeeding

● Making sure all of the quotes are properly integrated and cited in MLA

Works Cited
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Jackson, Daniel. “Suicide-Related Outcomes Following Gender-Affirming Treatment:

A Review.” Cureus, 20 Mar. 2023, https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.36425.

Mitchell, Travis. “Americans’ Complex Views on Gender Identity and Transgender

Issues.” Pew Research Center’s Social & Demographic Trends Project, 28 June 2022,

www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2022/06/28/americans-complex-views-on-ge.

Accessed 23 Oct. 2023.

“Why Transgender Ideology Is Harmful for Children (and Everyone).” ERLC,

erlc.com/resource-library/articles/why-transgender-ideology-is-harmful-for-childre.

Accessed 23 Oct. 2023.

Human Rights Campaign. “The Lies and Dangers of “Conversion Therapy.”” Human

Rights Campaign, 6 Sept. 2011,

www.hrc.org/resources/the-lies-and-dangers-of-reparative-therapy.

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Vanderbilt University Medical Center. “Key Transgender Health Concerns | Program

for LGBTQ Health.” Vumc.org, 2018,

www.vumc.org/lgbtq/key-transgender-health-concerns.

Boyle, Patrick. “What Is Gender-Affirming Care? Your Questions Answered.” AAMC,

12 Apr. 2022,

www.aamc.org/news/what-gender-affirming-care-your-questions-answered.

“What Challenges Do LGBTQ Students Face? | Williamsburg Therapy.”

Williamsburgtherapygroup.com,

williamsburgtherapygroup.com/blog/what-challenges-do-lgbtq-students-face#:~:t.

Accessed 23 Oct. 2023.

What Is a Woman? lgbt.foundation/whatisawoman.

https://www.bbc.com/news/newsbeat-60429942

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Rubric

Skill Not Foundational Proficient Advanced

Yet
Identifies a topic Appears in first Thesis establishes a
paragraph complex claim

Thesis establishes a
topic and a claim

Thesis Comments:

Includes three or Includes multiple Includes specific,

fewer sources pieces of evidence meaningful, and
(from 8-10 sources) well-chosen evidence
Some evidence that clearly relate to that relates to the
relates to the thesis the thesis thesis

Includes multiple Includes a wide variety

Evidence pieces of evidence in of evidence
each body paragraph (primary/secondary
sources, political
Includes multiple types cartoons, opinion
of evidence pieces, studies, poetry,
fiction/narrative, etc.)

Comments:

Summarizes Explains how evidence Explains well-selected

sources supports topic points of comparison
sentence of individual among sources and
paragraphs evidence and their
connection to the
Explains how evidence thesis
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Analysis supports the thesis of

the essay Demonstrates use of
advanced vocabulary
and varies sentence
patterns; evidence of
distinct voice and style
in the writing

Comments:

Little connection Explains how the Clearly explains

between texts; texts/sources are relationships among
difficult for the related, though points texts (how they
reader to see how could be more selective confirm or challenge
the texts are related or better developed each other, build on
each other, provide
Synthesis Includes multiple differing perspectives,
sources in each body etc.)
paragraph
Utilizes a variety of
Utilizes transition transition words and
words and phrases phrases

Comments:

Some elements Heading is correctly No errors in MLA format

missing or some formatted
errors in MLA format
Pages are numbered

Most in-text citations

are correctly formatted

Works Cited: each

source entry is in correct
MLA MLA format
Format
Comments:
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Shows evidence of Most quotes are All quotes are correctly

basic proofreading correctly integrated integrated

Follows essay Shows evidence of

Conventions
organization careful proofreading

Shows evidence of
proofreading

Comments:

Essay Checklist

Content:
Thesis is the last sentence of my first paragraph
Each body paragraph has a topic sentence that is argumentative and relates to the
contents of the paragraph
I have included the required amount of evidence
My analysis explains how the evidence proves my claims
My body paragraphs relate back to my topic sentence and my thesis
I have attempted to synthesize my sources (agreement, disagreements, etc).
By restated thesis is the first sentence of my conclusion paragraph
I have properly cited my sources (in-text, works cited)

Writing
I have eliminated “dead words” from my writing (see list below)
I have looked at my transition words and phrases to ensure that they are effective
My quote integrations grammatically flow with my evidence (avoiding hanging
quotes)
I have included words/phrases from my thesis in the body of my essay (or synonyms)
I have utilized a grammar checker to catch errors
I have read my writing aloud to check for clarity

List of dead words:

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● “I”
● YOU
● WE
● LIKE
● THING
● STUFF
● KIND OF
● SORT OF
● GOOD
● BAD
● HAPPY
● SAD
● MAD
● THIS QUOTE SHOWS (INSTEAD: EXPRESSES, ILLUMINATES, DEMONSTRATES,
DETAILS, EXPLAINS)
● “MANY WAYS”
● “SEVERAL DIFFERENT WAYS”
● “TO BE” VERBS: IS, ARE, WERE