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The 3 Hardest Career

Lessons I've Had To
Learn
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Ben Hawes + Follow

Dynamic People Program
Leader | Seasoned Expert…
Published Feb 13, 2019

One of my favorite things to ask people

who are further along in their careers is
“what is the hardest lesson you’ve ever had
to learn?” It’s an interesting question
because we learn so many lessons in life,
and some are easy to learn while some are
really tough. And the lessons that are the
hardest to learn are often the life truths
that we don’t want to face. Tough lessons
take time to learn, and they often require
people to fail-- many, many times. It’s been
one of my favorite questions because some
of the lessons I’ve had to learn in my own
life and career have been really difficult.

When I was 22 and I moved to New York, I

got a job at a small startup as a Customer
Experience Associate. My sole goal when I
got that role was to learn. To watch and
participate in various tasks until I had a
better idea of the path I truly wanted to
take and the direction I wanted to go. It
turns out that after about 6 months in the
role, I decided I wanted to move into a more
people focused role, and be on the HR
team.

When I decided that, I didn't know how

hard it would be. And I think that most of
the “hardest lessons” I have been lucky
enough to learn in the last 4 years have
been around this concept of moving
forward, moving up, and doing new things. I
now sit on the HR team and I’m really liking
the work that I do. I’m really happy with
where I am. But when I look back on what it
took to get where I am, even today, it was
really hard. This is the blog post where I’ll
lay out the 3 toughest career lessons I’ve
had to learn since joining the real world.

1. Being a hard worker and delivering results

is more important than being popular.

I’ve always been someone who has been

pretty well liked, and in high school,
college, and my jobs in my younger years,
that usually got me somewhere. Something
that took me a long while to learn is that the
nice, funny person isn’t the person who
moves forward. If someone likes you and
your personality, it doesn’t mean that you
are doing a good job, and it doesn’t mean
that they are going to promote you or do
you any favors. Someone will promote you
if you are the most valuable team member.
Not if you are the most fun team member.

I’ve been someone who has been well liked,

and I’ve made lots of team members laugh,
but there have been many times where
people who don’t focus on that are
promoted way ahead of me because they
were simply doing a great job and
delivering the right results. It’s not about
making people like you; it’s about rolling up
your sleeves and doing really great work.
And that’s the only way you’ll get ahead.

2. Nobody cares about you more than you

care about yourself.

I grew up in a community and a family

where I was set up to succeed. My parents
forced me to do my homework and they
forced me to be home by 10 pm, and they
forced me to eat healthier (when they
could) and it was all because they cared
about me and loved me. I would argue that
at times, my parents cared more about my
success and my future than even I did.
They stuck their necks out for me, and they
made sure that I had everything I needed to
make the most of my life.

From that, I’ve grown into someone who

cares about my own success, my own well
being, and my future. And what I’ve learned
in the last few years is that this kind of care
and protection just does not exist in the
adult world.

Absolutely nobody is going to force you to

get promoted. If you don’t do well, you just
lose the opportunity to try. If you don’t ask
for more development opportunities, rarely
will someone give it to you. Literally,
nobody cares specifically about you and
your future to that same extent. Nobody
will stick their neck out and stand up for
you the way you should stand up and
advocate for yourself.

You are responsible for making goals and

you are responsible for sticking to them.
You have to talk about what you want
because if you don’t, the right people will
rarely ask. You have to make friends and
professional connections. Nobody is going
to do anything for you unless you give them
a really good reason to do something for
you. You are the only person who cares
about you enough to truly move you
forward.

3. Things take a long time to happen, so you

have to play the long game.

In the beginning of this post, I said that I

knew 6 months into my time as a customer
experience associate that I would have
liked to move to the HR team. The reality is
that the move I made to the HR team didn’t
happen until 2 years after I knew I wanted
it. And that’s for a few reasons. First of all, I
had a ton of things I needed to learn, and I
had a lot of growing up to do before I would
be ready to have a job like I have now.
Second, I didn’t even know what it was I
even wanted to do on an HR team. I had to
explore my own skills and passions to even
know what I wanted to be doing every day.
And third, the job I have now didn’t even
exist 2 years ago. The opportunity wasn’t
even there at the time that I initially had this
dream. There are always going to be
external forces, gatekeepers, and reasons
why something won’t happen when you
snap your fingers.

What I learned is that even though we live

in this instant gratification generation, the
world doesn’t quite work like that. If you
want to make the right moves, you have to
be willing to work hard and be heads down
to become the perfect shoe-in for when an
opportunity does come about. At times it
will feel like you are in the middle of an
endless quest for success, but you just
have to take a step back and understand
that that road truly is long, and things take
time to happen. And the people who can
take breaths and play the long game are the
people who win in these situations, and it’s
never easy.

The lessons I’ve listed above have been the

hardest for me to learn because they are
the truths that I’ve not wanted to face.
Growing up, I always wanted to be
successful, but I didn’t realize that it would
be really hard to make that happen. By no
means have I "made it," but at 26 years old
I feel like I’m “making it,” and that is what
matters right now. I’m moving forward, and
I’m building myself a strong foundation for
a great future.

What’s the hardest lesson you’ve ever had

to learn in your own career? Let me know in
the comments or by email
at benjhawes@gmail.com. You can find
me on Twitter or Instagram
@therealbenhawes. Thanks for reading :)

Kristy Unruh 4y
Recruiter at Insight Housing Formerly Berkeley Fo…

This was a great article! #3 really hit home

with me, thanks for writing!

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