MEANING OF INTIMACY

Intimacy is the close union, contact, association or

acquaintance of people living together.
Types of intimacy
1. Emotional intimacy- it is the sharing of important
information and feelings.
2. Physical intimacy- it is the physical closeness to
people who you are related to e.g parents and
siblings. Fortunate children are continually
nourished by physical intimacy; being rocked, fed,
hugged and held.
Cont’d
As we grow older, the opportunities of physical intimacy
are less regular, but still possible and important, i.e
through hugs, kisses and sex from partners.
3. Intellectual intimacy- not every exchange of ideas
counts as intimacy, engaging another person in an
exchange of important ideas, a kind of closeness
develops that can be powerful and exciting.
Cont’d
4. Shared activities- this can provide a fourth way of
emotional closeness. According to Wood and Inman
(1993) not all shared activities lead to intimacy, some
shared experiences, struggling together against
obstacles or living together as housemates are good
examples to create strong bonds.
Dimensions of distance in Intimacy
According to Hess (2000) intimacy in a relationship is
important, but so is distance. Sometimes we create
physical and emotional space between ourselves and
others whose behavior we find bothersome.
At times we also feel the need to distance ourselves, at
least temporarily from people we genuinely care for.
Strategies for creating distance
 Withdrawal and Avoidance- someone moves away
from unwanted contact physically or via other means.
 Shortening interactions- avoiding asking of
questions that may lead to big interactions.
 Restricting topics- restricting of topics that are
personal or that may include your attention.
 Restraint- not joking.
Male and female intimacy styles
According to Impelt and Peplau (2006) they noted that
most social scientists believed that women were more
concerned with and better than men at developing
and maintaining intimate relationships.
This is because they are more relational in nature, while
the men are more problem solvers.
EXERCISE
 Make a list of ten words and phrases that describe the
most important features of who you are. (Using social
roles, eg student , son daughter, etc)
 You could define yourself using physical
characteristics-skinny, plump, tall short, beautiful etc.
 Intellectual characteristics eg- smart, stupid, everage,
etc
 Emotionally-moods, feelings, optimistic, etc
 Social characteristics- outgoing, shy, defensive,
 In terms of your belief systems- Christian, vegetarian,
 Particular skills or lack of them- swimmer, artiist, etc.
 Reorganize the list from the most desirable to the
least desirable.
 Keep removing the items from the worst and retain the
best in your opinion.
 Return them all back….
 Gives you a clear picture of who you actually are.
SELF CONCEPT-

• Relatively stable set of perceptions you hold of yourself.

• Self esteem is the part of the self concept that involves
evaluations of self worth.
• How or low self esteem has a powerful effect of on
communication behavior.
• People who feel good about themselves have positive
expectations of how they will communicate.
 These feelings increase the chance that the
communication will be successful which in turn
contributes to positive self evaluations.
 Self concept is the cognitive thinking aspect of self also
related to one’s self-image, it’s the way we see our
selves in the mirror.
 Self concept is the way we choose to see ourselves we
are “grown” into our self concept by what we learn
when we our young from our parents or our peers.
 Self concept is changed through out life from how
people look at you and tell you what you are to them, if
they say a person is nothing then that person will
believe it for as long as it takes to get over it.
How the self concept develops
 The self concept does not exist at birth. (Rosenblinth,
1992).
 Self realization begins at age 7 to 8months.
 As the child develops, the basic self concept develops
too until adulthood.
 This is facilitated by social interactions of the child.
Reflected appraisal
 Two theories explain how individuals view themselves
 These are Reflected appraisal and Social comparison.
Social Comparison
 n 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger hypothesized that
people compare themselves to others in order to fulfil
a basic human desire: the need for self-evaluation. He
called this process social comparison theory. At the
core of his theory is the idea that people come to know
about
 themselves—their own abilities, successes, and
personality—by comparing themselves with others.
These comparisons can be divided into two basic
categories.
 In one category, we consider social norms and the
opinions of others. Specifically, we compare our own
opinions and values to those of others when our own
self-evaluation is unclear.
 The second category of social comparison pertains to
our abilities and performance. In these cases, the need
for self-evaluation is driven by another fundamental
desire: to perform better and better—as Festinger
 (1954) put it, “a unidirectional drive upward.” In
essence, we compare our performance not only to
evaluate ourselves but also to benchmark our
performance related to another person.
Reflective Appraisal
The reflected appraisal process is considered one of the
influences on the development of self-concept. The
term refers to a process where we imagine how other
people see us.1
 In many instances, the way we believe others perceive
us is the way we perceive ourselves.
 It was sociologist Charles H. Cooley who first
described how the reflected appraisal process works in
his concept of the looking-glass self.2
 Cooley suggested that a person's sense of self emerges
based upon their understanding of how they
are perceived by others. According to this concept,
social interactions play a central role in the
development of a sense of self.
Exercise
 Recall someone you know or once knew who helped
enhance your self concept, by acting in a way that
made you feel accepted and worthwhile, important,
appreciated and loved.
 It could have been a one off or several experiences.
 Recall someone who acted in a big or small way, to
diminish your self esteem.
 This is a prove that everyone’s self concept is shaped by
re-elected appraisal which are perceptions of the
judgments of those around us.
 To the extent that you have received supportive
messages, you learn to
 Appreciate and value yourself.
 To the degree you have received critical signals, you
may feel less valuable, loved and capable.
 Significant other- a person whose evaluations are
especially influential.
 Messages from parents are an early important
influence on a child.
SELF-ESTEEM
 While your self-concept describes who you think you
are, self-esteem involves evaluations of self-worth. A
hypothetical communicator’s self-concept might
include being quiet, argumentative, or self-controlled.
 His or her self-esteem would be determined by how he
or she felt about these qualities.
 High self-esteem has obvious benefits, but it doesn’t
guarantee interpersonal success.
 People with exaggerated self-esteem may think they
make better impressions on others and have better
friendships and romantic lives, but neither impartial
observers nor objective tests verify these beliefs.
 Self esteem is the affective or emotional aspect of self
and generally refers to how we feel about or how we
value ourselves, also known as one’s worth.
 Educators, parents, business and government leaders
agree that we need to develop individuals with healthy
or high self-esteem characterized by tolerance and
respect for others.
 Individuals who accept responsibility for their actions,
have integrity, take pride in their accomplishments,
who are self-motivated, willing to take risks, and are
capable of handling criticism
 Why is it important to discuss self esteem and self
concept in Family Communication?
 Because the family unit is where these two are formed,
but they have an impact for a life time.
 Additionally, if a person is not well adjusted
emotionally, they will have a challenge interacting
with others
both within and without the family.
 It is important to realize that Family Communication
is affected when any family member in the family of
origin or of pre-creation is not well adjusted.
 Even outside the family, issues that have to do with
self-concept and self-esteem are still pre-eminent.