Chapter 7

Special Topics in Moral Theology: Marriage, Family

and Sexual Ethics

Introduction
To further concretize what the previous chapters have been discussing, the next two chapters will
discuss relevant issues in fundamental moral theology. This chapter will focus on the family and
sexual ethics two very important issues that affect how the human person develops within his
or her community. With the development of the natural and social sciences on how sex and
gender are understood, the Catholic Church has sought to develop an understanding of just
relationships, sex, and love in the realm of the family.

Learning Objectives
At the end of the session, the ReEd3 students are expected to:

 Understand the Catholic Church's teaching on family and sexual ethics

 Analyze and evaluate the Catholic Church's teaching on family and sexual ethics
 Reflect on and apply the teachings on family and sexual ethics to the students' own life.

Exposition
This chapter focuses on the family and sexual ethics, two topics in moral theology that
can be very contentious at times. However, their importance cannot be emphasized enough. First,
the family is important because it is through the family that people first learn and grow; the
family has a very big effect on what kind of human beings we grow up to be. Second, sexual
ethics is important because sex is a very intimate act, one that should be done responsibly
because of the serious effects it has on the relationships of human beings with one another as
well as in the possibility of having children. It is thus important to spend some time developing
what it means to live as a healthy family with healthy sexual relationships.

Love as Foundation

Marriage, family, and sex are all underpinned by relationships of love and should be
underpinned by relationships of love. Contemporary culture and media have painted love as a
feeling, something that is exciting and that will always lead to a happily ever after. ''I love you''
seem to easily roll of the tongue when the passion is still alive and the giddiness is still there.

Catholic moral theology, however, goes beyond the idea that love is a feeling. Love is a
choice, the foundation for a life-long commitment towards others. ''Love is the will to extend
one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth ... Love is an act of
will -- namely, both an intention and an action ... We do not have to love. We choose to love.''96

Love involves growth and process; it involves effort in moving towards the good for
oneself and others. Love as an act of will includes desire and infatuation, but goes beyond this by
connecting these desires with concrete action and effort towards the self and others. Even if the
desire and infatuation may not be as strong or as felt, the action and effort remain. ''Love is well
described as an emotional participation in the beloved in its dynamism toward fulfillment ... the
value of the [beloved] 'affects' or lays hold of us and we are inclined toward [the beloved]. We
consciously transcend ourselves to share in the being of the beloved, and we are moved by the
beloved ... Allowing the beloved to say its word of importance to us is a form of self-emptying
conversion, since therein we are changed by the other. We then respond to the beloved, adding to
it our affirmation of its goodness ... we cooperate with it when we can."97

This love is a reflection of God, who is a loving and relational God who loved us first. In
Scripture, love for God is linked to love for neighbor, particularly for the least valued in society.
This is grounded in the belief that God created human beings out of love and for love, and thus
love becomes part of our universal vocation. It is because of this vocation that love becomes the
foundation for the theological understanding of marriage, family, and sexual ethics.

Marriage, Celibacy, and Family

_Marriage_

Marriage is understood to be a loving union between man and woman in the Catholic
Church, with both persons grounded in the love of God and reflecting this love to each other and
their community. The image then is not of two people who care only for themselves, absorbed in
looking at each other and only at each other; rather, the image is of two people holding hands
and looking forward and outward, united in a vision of the future and working to become their
better selves situated in a better community.

''The sacrament of marriage is not a social convention, an empty ritual or merely the
outward sign of a commitment. The sacrament is a gift given for the sanctification and salvation
of the spouses, since their mutual belonging is a real representation, through the sacramental
sign, of the same relationship between Christ and the Church. The married couple are therefore a
permanent reminder for the Church of what took place on the cross; they are for one another and
for their children witnesses of the salvation in which they share through the sacrament. Marriage
is a vocation, inasmuch as it is a response to a specific call to experience conjugal love as an

96
M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Trav.eled, Timeless Edition: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and
Spiritual Growth (New York: Touchstone, 2003), 85.
97
The New Dictionary of Catholic Social Thought (Minneapolis, MN: Liturgical Press, 1994), 557.
imperfect sign of the love between Christ and the Church. Consequently, the decision to marry
and to have a family ought to be the fruit of a process of vocational discernment."98

Catholic moral theology allows for the annulment of marriages. Annulment ''cancels'' the
marriage between the two, ultimately saying that the marriage that happened was invalid, due to
some circumstance such as bigamy, some form of fraud, forced or incapacity to give consent,
inability to consummate marriage, or mental illness. Catholic moral theology does not allow for
divorce, which acknowledges that the marriage did happen, but ends it anyway. However, if a
marriage does fail and a couple do separate, there is a need to accompany the couple rather than
condemn them, helping them through the experience and process. This especially important in
cases of domestic violence: there is a need to care for the people involved, especially the victim,
and ensure that the abuse does not continue.

_Family

Marriage is intimately tied to raising a family. Filipino culture in particular places a

heavy emphasis on nurturing marriages and the family. Much of a Filipino's life is heavily
affected by what happens in his or her family not just the immediate family but even the
extended family of second and third cousins, as well as friends of parents and other relatives. It is
not surprising then, that for Filipino Catholic theology, the family is the center of formation and
evangelization. This is in line with the Vatican II document Lumen Gentium that describes the
family as the domestic church:

From the wedlock of Christians there comes the family, in which new citizens of
human society are born, who by the grace of the Holy Spirit received in baptism are
made children of God, thus perpetuating the people of God through the centuries.
The family is, so to speak, the domestic church. In it parents should, by their word
and example, be the first preachers of the faith to their children; they should
encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each of them, fostering with
special care vocation to a sacred state. 99

It is through marriage and the family that people are born and first raised with certain values,
reflecting the divine love and fruitfulness of the Trinitarian God. The family becomes an icon
that reveals God's love.

The children grow up learning first and primarily from their family. ''The Gospel goes on
to remind us that children are not the property of a family, but have their own lives to lead. Jesus
is a model of obedience to his earthly parents, placing himself under their charge (cf. Lk 2:51 ),
but he also shows that children's life decisions and their Christian vocation may demand a

98
Francis, ''On Love in the Family: Amoris Laetitia," Vatican.va, March 19, 2016,
https ://w2. vatican. va/ content/ dam/ francesco/pdfì' apo st_exhortations/ documents/papa- francesco_esortazione
ap_20160319_amoris- laetitia_en. pdf. Hereafter referred to as AL. AL 72.
99
Second Vatican Council, "Dogmatic Constitution on the Church: Lumen Gentium,'' Vatican.va, November 21,
1964, http://www.vatican.va/archive/hist_councils/ii_vatican_council/documents/vat-ii_const_19641121_lumen
gentium_en.html. Hereafter referred to as LG. LG 11.
parting for the sake of the Kingdom of God (cf. Mt 10:34-37; Lk 9:59- 62). In the same way that
work and labor reflects the creative power of God, raising a family in a loving and charitable way
also participates in and mirrors God's creative power.

Thus, ''in matrimony and in the family a complex of interpersonal relationships is set up
married life, fatherhood and motherhood, filiation and fraternity-through which each human
person is introduced into the "human family" and into the "family of God," which is the Church.
Christian marriage and the Christian family build up the Church: for in the family the human
person is not only brought into being and progressively introduced by means of education into
the human community, but by means of the rebirth of baptism and education in the faith the child is
also introduced into God's family, which is the Church."1º1

This is not to say that family life is always idyllic. On the contrary, the reality of
domestic violence, broken families, and other family problems are a concern for the Catholic
Church; Jesus' own family had to flee persecution and violence, while also struggling to make a
living as a simple family in Nazareth, a poor town in Galilee. In today's context, the precarious
economic system, the lack of social safety nets that allow people to access healthcare, education,
and housing, as well as an individualistic and objectifying culture, can make it difficult to raise a
family. There is also the view that children are simply a ''burden'' that limits the possibilities of
the people who decide to have children. In the Philippines, the need to work abroad as overseas
Filipino workers (OFWs) to support the family can lead to difficulty in raising the children as
well as marital problems.

It is in light of all the challenges that face the family that the Catholic Church seeks to
help families. It acknowledges that there are different ways to understood family, beyond the
usual setup of a mother, a father and children; in the Philippines, for example, we also include
our aunts and uncles, our cousins, our grandmothers and grandfathers, and so on. Other families
that are ''blended'' may have children from previously deceased spouses. Because of the different
ways we can be family to each other, it understands that each family's situation is different, yet
each family can be ''a light in the darkness of the world," echoing the same covenant of love
lived out by the Holy Family. 102

<Box: The Rights of the Family: Excerpt from Familiaris Consortia>

<The ideal of mutual support and development between the family and society is often very
seriously in conflict with the reality of their separation and even opposition. In fact, as was
repeatedly denounced by the Synod, the situation experienced by many families in various
countries is highly problematical, if not entirely negative: institutions and laws unjustly ignore
the inviolable rights of the family and of the human person; and society, far from putting itself at
the service of the family, attacks it violently in its values and fundamental requirements. Thus,
the family, which in God's plan is the basic cell of society and a subject of rights and duties

100 AL 18.
101
John Paul II, ''On the Role of the Christian Family in the Modem World: Familiaris Consortia," November 22,
1981, http://w2.vatican.va/content/john-paul-ii/en/apost_exhortations/documents/hfjp-ii_exh_19811122_familiaris
consortio.html. Hereafter referred to as FC. FC 15.
102 AL 66.
before the State or any other community, finds itself the victim of society, of the delays and
slowness with which it acts, and even of its blatant injustice.

The Church openly and strongly defends the rights of the family against the intolerable
usurpations of society and the State. In Particular, the Synod Fathers mentioned the following
rights of the family:
• the right to exist and progress as a family, that is to say, the right of every human being,
even if he or she is poor, to found a family and to have adequate means to support it;
• the right to exercise its responsibility regarding the transmission of life and to educate
children; family life;
• the right to the intimacy of conjugal and family life;
• the right to the stability of the bond and of the institution of marriage;
• the right to believe in and profess one's faith and to propagate it;
• the right to bring up children in accordance with the family's own traditions and religious
and cultural values, with the necessary instruments, means and institutions;
• the right, especially of the poor and the sick, to obtain physical, social, political and
economic security;
• the right to housing suitable for living family life in a proper way;
• the right to expression and to representation, either directly or through associations,
before the economic, social and cultural public authorities and lower authorities;
• the right to form associations with other families and institutions, in order to fulfill the
family's role suitably and expeditiously;
• the right to protect minors by adequate institutions and legislation from harmful drugs,
pornography, alcoholism, etc.;
• the right to wholesome recreation of a kind that also fasters family values;
• the right of the elderly to a worthy life and a worthy death;
• the right to emigrate as a family in search of a better life.>103

Sexual Ethics

Tied to this theology of the family is sexual ethics. Sexual ethics is more than just about
premarital sex and masturbation. Though the tendency is to focus on the ''do's and don'ts'' of
having sex when talking about Catholic social ethics, Church teaching goes beyond that. Though
Church history has often been suspicious of sexual activity, post-Vatican II theology has been
more positive about sex in the context of marriage and the family. Sex is understood as a good
and as something precious; therefore, it is something to be cherished and treated with respect and
dignity.

Sexual ethics also concerns sexual orientation and gender, which is also an important
aspect of who we are as human beings. Sexual orientation is concerned with one's sexual identity
and to which gender they are attracted to. Gender is what sex a person identifies as. This can be a
sensitive topic for many, but nevertheless needs to be discussed. With the many developments in
gender studies as well as the LGBTQ+ movement, moral theology has had to listen and
understand to the context anew in order to articulate its concerns.

103
FC 46.
Teaching on Sex

Sex is seen as something good and precious, and human beings are intrinsically sexual
beings. Some aspects of Tradition have treated sex with suspicion and fear, owing to the strong
power sex and sexual desire have had on people. This has led to a strong emphasis on control
and a list of ''don'ts'', so that we are not overcome by our desires. However, limiting sexual
ethics to the list of don'ts (e.g. don't have premarital sex, don't abuse others sexually ... ) still
leaves an important question unanswered: so what kind of sexual ethics should we do?

In terms of sexual relations, then, human beings are called to be chaste. While the common
sense understanding of chastity is often thought of as not having sex at all, chastity actually
means having sex in accordance with one's situation or state in life; for those who are married,
for example, it means having sex with the right person, at the right time, in the right place, in the
right relationship.

Sex should also be a ''relationship of equality, the equitable sharing of power and pleasure,
and how people of all ages learn how to extend mutual respect and care.'' 104 Sexual violence is
often not just about physicality, but about power and domination over someone. Rape culture and
domestic abuse have often been connected not just with sexual gratification, but with the
perceived power difference between men and women, where men are perceived to be tough,
while women should be subject to men. 105 Thus, it is important to emphasize that sex is a mutual
gift and sharing of respect and care, rather than exerting some form of power over another
person.

All this also implies that it becomes a duty to educate children about sex, rather than treat it
as a taboo topic. It is important to show that sex is a gift and a grace, and that it is not something
that should be used selfishly, nor should it be used to oppress or subjugate others.

Education in love as self-giving is also the indispensable premise for parents called to give
their children a clear and delicate sex education. Faced with a culture that largely reduces
human sexuality to the level of something common place, since it interprets and lives it in a
reductive and impoverished way by linking it solely with the body and with selfish
pleasure, the educational service of parents must aim firmly at a training in the area of sex
that is truly and fully personal: for sexuality is an enrichment of the whole person-body,
emotions and soul-and it manifests its inmost meaning in leading the person to the gift of
self in love. 106

104
Marvin Mahan Ellison, Making Love Just: Sexual Ethics for Perplexing Times (Minneapolis, MN: Fortress Press,
2012), 136.
105
A good study on this connection of sexual violence to a patriarchal culture is Gurvinder Kalra and Dinesh Bhugra,
''Sexual Violence against Women: Understanding Cross-Cultural Intersections,'' Indian Journal of Psychiatry 55,
no. 3 (2013): 244 49, https://doi.org/10.4103/0019-5545.117139.
106
FC 37.
Just Relationships, Just Sex, and Just Love

Rather than focusing on a list of don'ts, Margaret Farley, a religious sister from the
Sisters of Mercy and an ethicist, discusses what a just relationship, just sex, and just love are.
This is consistent with the second Vatican Council's move from a rule or act-based approach, to
a more person-based approach in ethics.

In her work on just love, Farley explains the connection between justice and love.
Drawing from both Scripture and Tradition and interpreting them anew in our contemporary
situation on sexual ethics, Farley emphasizes the idea of a just love. A just love is a love that
''not only ... must respond to, unite with, and affirm the one loved in her or his concrete reality,
but it must also be ''true'' to the one loving and to the nature of the relationship between lover
and loved.''1º7 This entails certain principles and norms for a just relationship and just sex 1°8:

l. Do no unjust harm to one's partner; the relationship should be safe, non-abusive, and
against exploitation
2. Respect the free consent and freedom of one's spouse; there should be transparency and
honesty in terms of any talk on sex and the relationship
3. There should be mutual participation and union in love, pleasure, and desire
4. There is equality between both partners equal dependence and vulnerability without
reducing one person into the ''property'' of the other
5. There is long-term commitment between both spouses a willingness to be with the other
person even when the person does not feel like being there
6. The relationship is fruitful, not just through having children but also through helping both
spouses and the community become more life-giving and compassionate people
7. Social justice should affirm and respect the dignity of the spouses and respect them as
human beings; at the same time, the relationship should positively affect your wider
community, such as your friends and family

These principles are grounded in a respect for people's freedom, respect for people's
relationality, and respect for being a sexual being. ''Even more specifically, we may in terms of
this framework say things like: sex should not be used in ways that exploit, objectify, or
dominate; rape, violence, and harmful uses of power in sexual relationships are ruled out;
freedom, wholeness, intimacy, pleasure are values to be affirmed in relationships marked by
mutuality, equality, and some form of commitment; sexual relationships like other profound
interpersonal relations can and ought to be fruitful both within and beyond the relationship; the
affections of desire and love that bring about and sustain sexual relationships are all in all
genuinely to affirm both lover and beloved."109 It is through such criteria that we should raises
questions about the kind of relationship we have and whether or not our relationships exemplify
such a just love: are we being fruitful? Is there equality between me and my partner? Do I
respect my partner's freedom? Are we committed to each other? Are we both growing and
becoming more loving people? Other questions can be raised based on the framework above, as they
serve

107
Margaret A. Farley, Just Love: A Framework/or Christian Sexual Ethics (New York: Continuum, 2006), 200.
108
Farley, 215-31.
109
Farley, 231.
as reflection points for those in a relationship and seeking to understand what it means to be a
relationship guided by a Christian love and ethic.

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Gender

The Catholic Church teaches on the complementarity of the sexes. Complementarity

argues that men and women have different but complementary roles in society, based on
Scripture and natural law. Inmarriage, for example, it is the husband who leads and protects the
family, working to earn a living to sustain them, while the wife is the one who manages the
household and raises the children. Both husband and wife are equal but have different roles and
responsibilities in the family the stress is on the equal but different gifts that the man and
woman can bring.

This teaching has received pushback from some feminist theologians, particularly when it
is used to keep women from taking on leadership roles. There is also the concern of
essentializing men and women that all men have these particular traits, or that all women have
these particular traits, without acknowledging the individual charisms and gifts that each man or
woman may have. This has led to a renewed call for dialogue on the teachings on gender, not just
for women, but even for the LGBTQ+ community, whose voices have become more prominent
in society and whose experiences are important to also listen to as human beings with dignity.

Sexual Orientation and Gender: The Catholic Church and the LGBTQ+ Community
 One of the more heated debates in moral theology has always revolved around sexual
orientation and gender. The Catholic Church's documents have still emphasized the
complementarity and essential natures of men and women. Though Church teaching still opposes
homosexual marriage, the shift of moral theology from an act based to a person based approach
has helped the Catholic Church look at the LGBTQ+ community, not as walking sexual acts, but
as living human beings with different beliefs and motivations and who are capable of love. The
recent synod on the family in 2014 had a mid-term report that acknowledged the gifts the
LGBTQ+ community can offer to the Church, and that ''it has to be noted that there are cases in
which mutual aid to the point of sacrifice constitutes a precious support in the life of the partners.
Furthermore, the Church pays special attention to the children who live with couples of the same
sex, emphasizing that the needs and rights of the little ones must always be given priority." 110

Catholics on the ground would also favor a more person based approach and have
disagreed with much of traditional Church teaching on homosexuality. For example, in 2014 in
the United States, 85% of self-identified Catholics aged 18-29 favored accepting homosexuality
in society.111 Fr. James Martin, a Jesuit, has also sought to bridge the divide between the
Catholic Church and the LGBTQ+ community. He argues for the need to build bridges between
the two communities, especially because many of those who are practicing Catholics are also
part of the LGBTQ+ community.

The first part of the bridge, from the institutional church to the LGBTQ+ community,
needs to be characterized with respect, compassion, and sensitivity, rather than immediate
judgement. 112 This implies much compassion and an openness to encountering and listening to
the LGBTQ+ community. This also implies acknowledging how the LGBTQ+ community has
contributed to the building of the Kingdom of God and the Catholic Church; examples include
many religious and lay men and women who have shown their holiness in their work, striving
towards a better society. ''Seeing, naming, and honoring all these gifts are components of
respecting our LGBT[Q+] brothers and sisters. So also is accepting them as beloved children of
God and letting them know that they are beloved children of God. The church has a special call
to proclaim God's love for a people who are often made to feel, whether by their families,
neighbors or religious leaders, as though they were damaged goods, unworthy of ministry, and
even subhuman.''113

The other part of the bridge, from the LGBTQ+ community to the institutional church,
also calls for respect, compassion, and sensitivity. There is also a call for the LGBTQ+
community to engage the hierarchy in a respectful way, rather than just returning the hurt and
suffering to the hierarchy or to other communities within the community. This sounds difficult,

110
''Family Synod: Full Text of the Mid-Term Report," Catholic Herald, October 13, 2014,
http://www.catholicherald.co.uk/news/2014/10/13/full-text-of-the-family-synods-mid-term-report/.
111
Michael Lipka, ''Young U.S. Catholics Overwhelmingly Accepting of Homosexuality," Pew Research Center
(blog), October 16, 2014, http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/10/16/young-u-s-catholics-overwhelmingly
accepting-o f-homo sexuality/.
112
James Martin, Building a Bridge: How the Catholic Church and the LGBT Community Can Enter into a
Relationship of Respect, Compassion, and Sensitivity (San Francisco, CA: Harper One, 2017), 20,32,40.
113
Martin, 27.
but returning hurt for hurt may simply continue to perpetuate a cycle of hurt and hatred for each
other, rather than move the community forward.

''Some of this may be hard for members of the LGBT[Q+] community to hear. Some of
this may be challenging for bishops and Catholic leaders to hear. This is because neither lane on
that bridge is smooth ... It costs when you live a life of respect, compassion, and sensitivity. But
to trust in that bridge is to trust that eventually ... the hierarchy and the LGBT[ Q+] community
will be able to encounter one another, accompany one another, and love one another. It is also to
trust that God desires forgiveness. It is also to trust that God desires reconciliation."114

Conclusion

Marriage, family, and sexual ethics can be difficult topics to navigate. However, the well
being of the family is part of the foundation of a good and just community, and thus cannot be
neglected. While loud voices in the Catholic Church paint Catholic moral theology as concerned
only with two issues homosexuality and abortion Catholic moral theology is and should be
more concerned about the broader topics of family, marriage, and just and loving relationships.

The move towards a person-based approach in morality has led to a focus on

relationships and what constitutes a just and loving relationship. This is of particular importance
because of two reasons. The first is the difficulties that families face today, which call for the
need to assist families in living out their vocations to each other and to the community, in service
to the individual human being and the good of the community.

The second reason is the growing acknowledgement and concern for the LGBTQ+
community who are also part of the Catholic Church and who are looking to stay, yet at times do
not feel welcome by the Catholic Church. With more Catholics encountering, working with, and
being neighbors with the LGBTQ+ community, questions have been raised about how the
LGBTQ+ can be more fully incorporated in the Catholic Church.

It is these two contexts that challenge the Church on its understanding and teaching on
sexual ethics, marriage, and the family. The Church is at a crossroads now in terms of its
teaching, with much dissent between the laity and the hierarchy. However, there is much hope
that the Catholic Church can move forward in being more loving and welcoming to those it ma,
as well as becoming more helpful and supportive for families going through many difficulties.

114
Martin, 74-75.
Guide Questions

1. Describe how the Catholic Church understands the family.

2. What constitutes a just relationship and just love?
3. Would you agree or disagree with Church teaching on marriage, family, and sexual ethics?
4. Based on Scripture, Tradition, and human experience, what would you agree with or
challenge? Why?
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