Metamorphosis: This is me!

In Genesis 1:27, it states, "God only created man and woman". Then, who are we? Who created us? Are
we the undiscovered species during that time? The trauma and humiliation that I've been through aren't
answerable by "yes" or "no", like when I ask about my existence. My mother is a prayerful person to the
Lord Almighty; when I was a child, she always told me that she wanted to have a daughter again for the
second time. We are all four siblings, and the two boys are my older brothers, and the third one is a girl.
Ironically, when I emerged from my mother's sacred womb, she saw a manhood, not the gender that
she wanted. Nevertheless, she accepted the fact that she couldn't produce another girl—though she
already knew that I was going to be a male through ultrasound, she was blinded by her false faith and
couldn't find true happiness and comfort. It was hard for her to accept me; she was afraid of what
people might say behind her back since we are in this religious country where talking about
homosexuality is taboo. Meanwhile, while hearing her soft-spoken voice talk about how she hardly
accepted me, she said sorry after she shared it; at least I was lucky enough to be an unwanted child.
Whenever I was a kid, I always heard the question, "Am I stuck in a boy's body? Why does it feel like
there's something wrong with me that I can't grasp?" I knew something was wrong, but I should keep
going. This memoir of mine is not all about how I contradicted God's idea of building a gender but about
expressing my experiences in life that defined me as who I am today and embracing the authenticity of
individuals. Don't let others dim your butterfly effect.

When I was 5 years old, I eventually saw a sign that I was different— I acted differently compared to my
other boy friends; I played Barbie dolls instead of little boy's things. I always did make-up on my Barbie
doll before because I couldn't put some glittery, sparkling lipstick on myself. Aside from the reality that
we can't afford to have it, my father will be enraged if he sees me play with it. People were trying to
change me, but I stood still because I do firmly believe I am not the wrong here but the wrong beliefs of
the people. They couldn't outdo the force of a man and a woman inside me. I am happily married to
myself. This society stinks.

In a cold, dark place in front of a miserable house, there were two kids shivering and hiding. The two feel
comfortable in a claustrophobic situation because they think they can hide from a drunkard who is
seeking his punching bags and can beat them anytime with his sharp and annoying voice. The two
children were me and my sister. We used to sleep and hide in the abandoned house when I was ten
years old; it was a traumatic experience. We had no choice but to stay awake all night, and we couldn't
fall asleep in our own room because it didn't have a door, and it was easy for our drunkard father to go
inside, causing trouble. We were like prisoners trying to escape from a man whose presence we admired
when in a normal state. However, our mother was not able to protect us from him because she was
working all day to put food on our table and to sugarcoat the fact that we were living a comfortable life.
I pity myself for letting others hate me, even my biological father, who thinks that I am the misfortune of
the family.

There was once one of my religiously unorthodox uncles trying to fear me with his Biblical words stating
that being gay is a sin and immorally unacceptable, and we shall change ourselves through the way we
act, the way we speak, and the way we dress before the day of judgment comes. However, his
perspective can't change the way I live my life. After the long day of discussion, he even tried to spread
the news to my other relatives that I had rebuked the spirit of homosexuality in our clan and that I was a
disgrace to our family. Now think brightly: is it a sin to be true to myself? Or are they jealous because I
love myself more than they ever did? I feel kind of humiliated, but there's nothing to worry about. Lord,
forgive them, for they have sinned.

In conclusion, as a civilized being, we are not our father's punching bags, we are not society's
laughingstock, we are not the cliché "wampipte," and we are also you— we have feelings, we get hurt,
and we are fragile sometimes. We are all capable of everything, especially when it comes to boys— our
number one weakness. Kidding aside, self-discovery and self-fulfillment are the main themes of my story
because being able to find your true, ideal self is an achievement. Therefore, my story is not all about
contradicting people's choices but about empowering each individual so that we can freely express
ourselves. If you are one of our community members, let the butterfly effect shine within; not all men
are blue, and not all women are pink. Let us celebrate the authenticity of individuals because, in the
end, the only thing that matters is happiness.