HOPELESS PLACES

XOLANI HADEBE

Anyone would look at him and think, life is good. Maybe it is, if you’re looking at it from the materialistic
point of view. He has it all. Nice cars, a mansion so expansive guests can use golf carts to get from one
side to the other, a few entertainment establishments to his name, and designer suits that he wear
often. Most people wish to have that, he’s achieved more than he dreamed of. One would say, but he’s
43. Well, he didn’t have anything until he was at least 34, so all that he’s achieved, he achieved it in less
than 10 years. His life promises to be perfect until his last name is brought up. Yes, being a Hadebe. It has
its highs and lows, just that for him his lows has been lowest.

As it stands, his nephew has requested a meeting with him. He knows how his brother’s children are,
they’re just like their father. But he cares less about them, it was never about them. The first person he
wants to see is her, he did tell her that he’d inform her when he’s back and they’d meet and talk. But her
phone has been off, so he drove here, to her house.

The windows are open, someone is definitely home. He didn’t think it far, he only wanted her to play
side-chick to break the devil’s heart. He parks his car and makes his way in. The door is slightly open, he
knocks twice and wait for the footsteps coming.

A young woman wrapped in a towel opens and stares at him. She’s tied her own T-shirt around her head
to be a scarf. She’s just staring at him.

“Hi, I’m Xolani. Is she around?”

She just…stares at him.

Maybe she has a hearing problem or she can’t speak.

So he waves his hand, maybe she uses sign language.

“What do you want from her?”

Oh, she actually speaks.

“I’d like to talk to her,” he says.

“After blocking her and having your nephews coming here looking for answers?” She’s quite angry.

Understandable but she didn’t specifically block Nale because he was running away from the situation.
He blocked all calls, he had a project that needed his full attention in Pretoria.

“What are you here for now? You threatened her, right?” This young lady is livid. He can’t even
remember when was the last time a woman talked like this to him. Raised eyebrows, firm voice and
intense stare.

“I didn’t threaten her. I said we will meet and talk once I’m back,” he’s calm. If he raises his voice too this
whole street is going to witness a full blown drama.

“So you’re telling me she’s lying? My cousin woke up and decided that out of 100 million South Africans
she’s going to lie about you?”
He cannot be sure of the exact number, he’s not census accurate, but he knows that the population
hasn’t reached 100 million yet.

“I can show you the texts,” he says.

This woman is young, she can’t do anything to him except shouting but somehow he’s just desperate to
prove his innocence.

“I don’t need to see the texts. At your age you persuaded a 26 year old to participate in dishonesty.
Other old uncles like you are out there trying to build the nation and you are…” She can’t finish, she’s too
angry.

“Leave my cousin alone,” she says.

This is not what Nale said though.

“She and I had an agreement,” he says.

“An agreement with a child you could father?” She tucks the corner of the towel above her hip and steps
closer.

All that’s going through his mind is, is this really happening? He may have been wrong to some extent
but a girl who hangs out in a pub alone is capable of making her own decisions. At no point did he force
Nale to take the gig, if she declined he would’ve moved on.

“You should be ashamed of yourself yazi. Please leave her alone, or else! Or else!” She doesn’t continue
but points her finger at him and then turns back inside the house, slamming the door on his face.

He needs a drink…
I walk in to Zola cooking. Jesus is around the corner!

“Hello,” I say.

“Hello, welcome back.”

I look around and spot a bouquet of flowers. Zola is single, she hardly gives men a chance.

“Are those my flowers?” I ask. Maybe an ex of mine realized that they lost a diamond and now they want
me back.

“Is your name Nokuzola?”

Ayy, this is unbelievable. I take the note next to it and read. It’s really her flowers, this is an apology.

“Who is anonymous?” I ask.

“But it’s anonymous, how would I know?”

“So who did you wrong? What is he apologizing for?”

“Honestly I can’t think of a single person, I will just wait until this person shows up in person.” She’s
smiling,She leaves the pot cooking and comes with me to my room to catch up.

“Tell me about your encounter with Mr X”

“You should’ve seen his face. I put him in his place, he couldn’t believe it. I hate criminals that wear
expensive suits,” she says.

I laugh, “Gosh, I missed out.”

“He looks good though. Oh, and his voice!”

I give her a judging look. Mr X is an enemy now, we don’t care how he looks.

“He denied threatening you,” she says.

“He did say I have betrayed him and we should meet up and talk,” I say.

She dramatically throws back her head. “Nale! That’s not a threat, you made it sound way worse, no
wonder he was shocked by my outburst.”

“I felt threatened. What was he here for?” I ask.

“I didn’t give him a chance to say. But it didn’t look like he was here to fight,” she says.

“He’s dangerous, don’t buy his act. Even Msindisi said he doesn’t like peace. He’s against their mother,
for whatever reasons, that’s why they don’t get along with him. They love MaMkhwanazi, they’re
protective of her,” I say.

“I’m just glad you’re out of that mess. We don’t need to be in the middle of rich people’s feuds,” she
says. That’s what makes me happy too.
ZOLA

Anyway, I just woke up, I’m preparing for work. She will be home in an hour, today I didn’t cook, she
knows I’m not friends with the kitchen. I bought bread, that’s what I’m going to eat and pack to work.
Someone knocks on the door. I’ve been expecting Anonymous to show up and tell me what he was
apologizing for but nobody has come up. I open the door, it’s a young man in casual clothes.

“Hello, can I help you?” I ask.

“Are you ready to go?” he asks me.

“Ready to go where?” I’m confused.

“I was told to come and take you to work. You’re Nokuzola, right?”

“Yeah, but who said you must come and pick me up?” I don’t remember asking anyone for a favor, I
always save money for my transport.

“Mr Xolani Hadebe,” he says.

What? I take a step back.

We are not friends, I didn’t even know him before he hired Nale for a crying gig and that one time I saw
him, I wasn’t nice to him.

“Are you ready?” the man asks, he’s still standing in front of my door.

“No, I’m just getting ready. But I don’t need your services, I didn’t ask Mr Hadebe to send you,” I say.

“Don’t worry, I will wait in the car,” he says.

“No, what if you’ve been sent to kidnap me or kill me?” I’m not going to jump to Mr X’s favors, he’s
possibly using me to fight against his family. That’s what he does best.

“Before I’m his friend, I’m a verified Uber driver, I can send you my profile details to share as a safety
measure,” he says.

But why? That’s what I don’t understand.

Is it possible that the flowers I got with an apology note were from him as well?

“Please give me 20 minutes. You can do another trip and then come back to me,” I say and take his
details. He thanks me and walks away.

This is so weird.

I get ready in 25 minutes, he’s back parked outside the house patiently. She arrives and asks about the
car. I’m not going to tell her anything until I find out what Mr X really wants from me. I wasn’t a nice lady
to him, what is he hoping to gain from all this?

“I sent my driver’s details on your Whatsapp,” I tell her.

“There are taxis, why did you choose Uber?” She’s inquisitive as always.
“I don’t feel like being in a public transport,” I say.

“What if Mr Anonymous is in the public transport?”

I just laugh. “Then he’s not mine.”

“You want a man with a car? You go, cuz.”

“You’re delaying me, bye!” I grab my bag and head to the door.

The driver drops me outside my workplace, I was holding my breath a bit thinking what if he drives
towards a different direction. It does creep me up a bit that Mr X knows where I work and around what
time I leave the house. But I have to focus on work and take him off my mind a bit.

We have two breaks, one at 9pm and the next one at 1am. We do take stolen naps here and there, it can
be physically exhausting to work night shift. But I love it more, I get to sleep during the day and wake up
to do whatever I want. Unlike Nale, I can shop during the week and do laundry, I don’t wait for the
weekends.

Whenever we get a break, we rush to our lockers and take our phones. I’m taking a restroom trip so I
grab my phone to check my Whatsapp messages. I have a few missed calls from a number I don’t have in
my phone. It could be Nale, maybe she’s in trouble again.

I call the number back as I sit on the toilet. It rings a couple of times before someone picks up. It’s a
man’s voice, so deep and sexy I should be dropping because I’m trying to be celibate for another year.

“Who is this?” I ask.

“Did you get to work safely, Zola?”

Omg, it’s Xolani! I don’t even know whether to be mad or grateful.

“I got to work safely, thank you,” I say.

“I’m glad to hear that and to hear you so calmly. How is she? I’ve been wanting to know but I didn’t want
to piss you off and maybe get a hiding.”

I roll my eyes, like really? I’m half the size of his muscles.

“She is good,” I say.

“That’s good to hear.” There’s something about his voice, it’s very low but full. I’m not even sure I want
to be on this phone call but it’s probably a sin to drop someone who sounds so good.

“Did you send me flowers as Mr Anonymous?” I ask.

“I will send you flowers,” he says.

“I’m not asking you to. The answer is yes or no.”

“Or,” he says.
So childish but funny.

“I’m at work, I have to go,” I say.

“Thanks for calling me back, I will give you a call tomorrow morning. I think I owe you an apology, if you
will listen to me,” he says.

“Okay,” I agree but I’m confused.

If he owes anyone an apology it’s his brother’s wife, not me. I will wait for the morning and hear him out.

As promised, he gives me a call right as I knock off work. Nzalo is outside waiting for me because he
needs access to the house. It feels like I’m betraying him and Nale by speaking to Xolani. I told Nale that
we are leaving the Hadebes alone, but here I am.

“I’m in the office until 1pm. What time do you wake up?” he asks.

“Before 1pm, it’s hard having a good sleep during the day,” I say.

“Would you kill me if I send someone to pick you up and take you out for lunch? Just to iron things out, I
feel like you misunderstood me and got the wrong impression of who I am.”

“Why do you care? What I think of you will not change your bank balance or give you nightmares,” I say.

“I don’t know but I care,” he says.

“I don’t feel like you owe me an apology, you didn’t do anything to me.”

“I’m apologizing for asking your sister to participate in dishonesty,” he says.

“Why don’t you apologize to her?” I ask.

“Because you told me I should leave her alone, I’m not trying to find out what’s going to happen after
“otherwise”, “ he says.

I laugh. He really took my threats seriously.

“Let’s talk after 1pm, my ride is here,” I say.

“Okay, have a good sleep, “ he says and drops the call.

I open the door and get inside.

ZOLA

I decided to accept Xolani’s lunch invite. This time I’m fetched by a polite grey-hair man in the same
luxury car that dropped Nale off the other day. I’m a simple girl from the village, sometimes I wear jean
skirts and takkies. Nale always condemns my style. I would’ve put more efforts if I knew I would be
having a good looking driver You and pulling up in front of Ski Boat Vlub.

I’m walked inside one of the seafood restaurants by the driver, my eyes quickly spot the man sitting
alone on the table and my chest beats drums. It’s quiet here, his table has a champagne bucket and
flowers. I don’t know when the driver leaves, I’m just overwhelmed. He stands up, pulls the chair for me
and gives me the flowers. He’s looking dapper in a shawl lapel suit.

I don’t like being the center of attention, this is too top-tier for me and definitely grabbing our
surrounding’s interest. I’m more nervous than I let out.

“Hello Mr Hadebe,” I greet once seated. It feels I’m sitting across someone of high class either begging
for a job or ordered by him for a hook up.

“Nokuzola, I’m delighted to be joined by you. Did you sleep well?”

I nod, “Yeah…why is this section empty?”

I’m seeing few other customers on the other side of the restaurant, there’s no one around us.

“Don’t you like some privacy?” he asks.

No, I eat on fully packed Honchos tables. But I just smile politely.

He asks for our starters and then looks back at me, smiling.

“You look beautiful, thanks for honoring my invite.” He’s thanking me for the second time now.

I nod, still feeling out of place and overwhelmed.

“As I said, I want you to dislike me for who I truly am, not what the media writes about me,” he says.

“But Mr X, nothing was ever about the media. I dislike you for what you made my cousin do.” I may have
seen a few distasteful things about his character but it was none of my business.

“You still haven’t forgiven me?” He smirks.

“You haven’t explained yourself to me. Why ruin your brother’s funeral?” I ask.

He’s interrupted by the waitress serving our starters; shrimp dip with cream cheese. This wouldn’t be a
restaurant I pick up, I don’t eat seafood unless it’s for free.

“Mr X?” I raise my eyebrow, he’s trying to ignore me.

“It’s a long story,” he says.

“Let’s have our main, shall we?” He stages a smile and calls the waitress.

“Do you want your brother’s estate?” I ask.

“No,” he says.

“His wife?” I ask.

He laughs, “Not even if she was the last woman on

Earth. I want someone that I might never get.”

That’s sad, why is he laughing?

He laughs, “I want someone that I might never get.”

That’s sad, why is he laughing?

“Why can’t you get her? You have nice cars, money and you’re well-known,” I ask.

“You forgot to mention soon to be turning grey, unfamiliar with latest social networks, gender role
believer and sometimes emotional unstable,” he says.

He makes it sound like a lot. Ladies would want him even if he had one eye.

“Don’t give up so easily,” I say.

“Well, I’m looking at her,” he says.

I laugh out loud. Me?

No, he’s mistaken.

“You don’t know me, Mr X,” I say.

“But I know what I want, that’s what important.”

He’s already turned 40 and I’m not even 30 years old. I raise my eyes and find his intensely on me.
Maybe I’m a bit dumb, I didn’t think he’s asking me to join him for lunch because he wants me to be one
of his girls.

“I don’t do well in relationships, especially with someone like you. But thank you for being interested,” I
say, hoping my response will put an end to this subject.

“I didn’t say I want the best version of you in a relationship. I’m interested in getting to know you better
and proving myself to you, I’m not what you think I am. Under this suit I’m just a man who wants a
woman to share life with and a family of my own,” he says.

I need a sip of water because, wow. He’s from “that” generation, straight to the point and unapologetic
about seeing a woman as a tool to start a woman with. He’s not talking about what he likes me for, just
that he wants to share his life with a woman and have a family.

“I’m sorry if this overwhelms you, but you really stole my heart on first sight. You’re all I’ve been thinking
about ever since you almost gave me a hiding publicly,” he smiles.

I put down the glass and ask, “How do I know this is not one of your games?”

“By giving me a chance to love you,” he says.

“I don’t know Mr X, I really don’t,” I say.

“While you try to make up your mind, I will love both of us and I would like to take you out on a first date
on any day that you pick this week,” he says.

I’m nervous again, but for different reasons now. Does he truly like me?

If he does, how will I betray Nale and Nzalo and go out on a date with him? He’s good-looking, mature
and humble. There’s nothing not to like about him, except his family issues.

“So tell me about yourself. What do I have to know about you, Miss N?”

I raise my eyebrows, “Miss N? Just call me Nokuzola or Zola.”

“I will, as soon as you start calling me Xolani, not Mr X,” he says.

I didn’t even know he doesn’t like it.

“I’m the eldest, I have a brother. I was born out of wedlock but now my parents are married. I come from
a small village, small family of 6 and I’m 29 years old,” I say.

“You will be a family of 7 soon, your father will have another son...in law.”

I can’t help it, I laugh. My father will definitely ask questions and have a problem with having a 43 year
old son, he’s also in his 40s, late 40s.

I can say it was a good day, I was overwhelmed at first but I loved the experience. I’m now back in the
house, dressed up for work. I feel good, you know those days where you keep smiling to yourself but
can’t pinpoint one thing that made you happy….that’s me today.

She gets home, I’m about to leave. She looks exhausted.

“Whose flowers are these?” she asks.

“Mine,” I say.

“From Mr Anonymous again?”

Well, his name is Xolani.

“Yes,” I say.

“Why do I feel like you’re going to get married first? This man wants to put a ring on it and start making
babies,” she says, joking.

But it just triggers what Xolani said. I do want a mature man who knows what he wants but I still want to
enjoy my life, alone as a young woman. Xolani said he believes in gender roles and I assume his
expectations from a woman are traditional.
ZOLA

He offered to send a car but I declined and took a taxi instead. He’s at work on a Sunday morning, that
alone proves that he has a lot to hide. Xolani and I had dinner last night. It was fine, romantic and
definitely more than just dinner between two people who are trying to have something together. I was
honest with him, I told him everything there’s to know about my life, both present and past. I expected
him to do the same. We didn’t kiss but we almost did, I hugged him before he left. I took in his scent,
listened to his heartbeat and fell in love with fingers running on my skin. I haven’t felt the way I feel
about him in a very long time.

He owns a Casino club, that’s where he’s at today. It closes on Sundays, at least he knows that gambling
is against God. I head inside after the taxi drops me outside the gate. There’s a bar at the side. He gets
people drunk so that they can gamble all their money away. I take out my phone to call him because I’m
not sure where his office is. But he appears before I press the call button. He’s in dark navy T-shirt and
khaki shorts fastened with a belt, and golf shoes. I’m attracted to him in a way I can’t put in words. He's
the sexiest man I've ever laid my eyes on.

“I didn’t play, no sweat,” he says opening his arms.

I’m mad but I let him hug me. He really didn’t play; he smells good.

He holds my hand as he leads me to his office. This place is well-established, he might be more monied
than I thought. His mini office at the back of the casino. It has gleaming white marble floors and soft
grey walls. He pulls his swivel chair and indicates for me to take a seat.

Now I’m sitting behind his desk, he’s standing at the front with his hands balanced on it.

“I’m here.”

He smiles, “Nokuzola, you’re going to make the old man's heart beat too fast. What are you saying?”

“I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care. I have been thinking about your proposal and I want us to try, but on
condition that we have our eyes on the future, not the past,” I say.

“Is that a yes?” he asks.

“Well, in a multiple choice format, yes.”

He lifts me up and turns to put me on top of his desk. He buries his head on my shoulder and severally
pecks my neck, causing me to giggle like a little girl.

He finally lifts his head and we share our first kiss. This is the quickest I’ve ever gotten in a relationship, I
haven’t known him that long but I know I want something solid out of this. I want something that’s going
to last for a lifetime.

I’m a shy person, I don’t know if I will ever adjust to his lifestyle. He does a lot to express his love. I’m the
only woman carrying two dozen of red roses and a bag of goodies. His love language is louder than his
personality. I’ve never had a man who buys me flowers, gets me food and holds my hand at the mall to
show everyone that I’m his. It’s a bit overwhelming but I’m enjoying it. Now that we are official I have to
tell her about our relationship.
He parks down our road, it’s almost midday.

“Are you still going back to the Casino?” I ask.

“No, I need to go and rearrange my house,” he says.

I don’t know why I’m smiling. “Why?”

“Because I have turned on a new page in my life and I need to make sure everything is organized,” he
says.

I’m not going to do sleepovers yet, I won’t easily break my celibacy. This relationship is still new, there’s a
lot we need to learn about each other before we get there.

“You go and rearrange your house and I will go and take a nap,” I say.

“Without kissing me goodbye?” He turns my face and leans his forehead on mine.

I close my eyes and welcome his lips on mine. This one lasts longer, he doesn’t want to let go.

We finally break it off, he rubs my lip with his finger, his eyes locked on me.

“I’m not going to take this for granted, MaThabethe. Inhliziyo yakho ngizoyiphatha kahle, thank you for
trusting me with your heart,” he says.

“I believe you.” I really do but we are going to take this step by step.

“We will talk on the phone, keep it close,” he says.

I walk inside the house with a smile stuck on my face. I’m really dating. I’m in a relationship!!!
ZOLA

He’s tense, I can see from his flexed jaw as he drives me home from work. I tried turning him down but
he insisted, saying he’s uncomfortable with his woman taking taxis early in the morning. I guess he
forgets that this is the life I’ve been living since I was in my early 20s.

He pulls up outside the house, he’s never been inside before. I’d invite him in for a cup of tea but he’s on
his way to work, I can’t delay him.

He looks at me, his lips finally cracking a thin smile. “Things are getting in the way of us strengthening
our love. When are you visiting your man ntomb’ emhlophe?”

“What’s the rush? We always see each other,” I say.

“Awu MaThabethe, even if it’s just for one night, you’re off today. I have no other intention other than
wanting to spend time with you,” he says.

There’s a way he looks at me, I don’t think any man has looked at me like this before.

I betray my own set principles and agree. “Do I come after the meeting?”

“You can just come with your bag at once, go and have some rest for now,” he says.

I lean over for a kiss, careful not to wrinkle his shirt. When I pull away he holds my hand.

“I love you,” he says.

The L word hasn’t been said before, we liked each other and started this relationship about a week ago.

“You love me?” I’m still trying to take it in.

“Yes I do, I love you.” His stare doesn’t shift, it’s like he wants me to read what he’s saying in his eyes.
Every doubt I had about him no longer exists, I believe he’s an honest man who hasn’t been given a
chance to prove his innocence. And I’m not going to make him fight for me the way he’s fighting for his
family.

“I’m going to be your happy place, just one thing that’s going to bring you peace,” I say.

“I appreciate that, thank you.” He kisses my hand and lets me go.

Our relationship is growing faster than I anticipated. I wanted to take things slowly but the universe
wants us to get right into it. I’m going to be by his side.

I have packed a pair of cute underwear, even though I’m not planning on breaking my celibacy yet but I
know how men can be. If a moment of weakness catches me, I want to be prepared. I was expecting him
to pick me up but he sent the driver and we are going straight to Chelmsfold Heights. I have a picture of
how his living space looks like. I know he’s got some plants, large backyard and achromatic painted walls.
He’s laid back, totally different from the man I thought he was when Nale told me about him
approaching her with a gig in a bar.
The front door is open, the car drops me off and leaves. I don’t see anyone, so I let myself inside.
Everything I pictured about the house is true, except that I didn’t picture a man in an apron standing in
the kitchen with a soup ladle in his hand.

He turns around with a smile. “Oh, hello mam.”

“I almost got lost,” I say.

He hugs me apologizing. “I wanted you to find your meal ready, I’m sure you’re hungry.”

I am, I woke up and got ready to come here. I didn’t get a chance to eat and I’m salivating over the
aroma coming from his pot.

He pulls the chair for me to sit and serves me curried chicken soup with baked cheese sliders. There’s
something weirdly unsettling about how perfect he is in my eyes.

“So Mr X, what are your flaws?” I ask.

He’s clearing out the sink. “What do you mean, Miss N?”

“Nobody is perfect, what is the downside of being with you? If you were perfect as I think you are, you
wouldn’t have been single when I found you,” I say.

“The only thing I can say is don’t think I’m perfect because I’m far from it.” He doesn’t put anything in
details, so I know I have to prepare myself for surprises.

He shows me around the house. I didn’t expect him to have his brother’s kids on the wall but they’re all
here, including the girl. Nzalo was young here, he was in high school and he looked so different.

“Do they ever come here?” I ask.

“Not Msindisi, he’s far up his stepmother’s ass.” He moves to the next picture. It’s those old black and
white ones, a picture of a beautiful lady with combed afro. He doesn’t say who she is, he just moves to
the next one.

“Who is that?” I ask, my woman instincts just woke up.

“She would’ve been your mother-in-law,” he says.

I move back to it. “This is your mother? She was beautiful.”

“Yes, she was. Sadly her heart was not.” He points at the other one; two boys with a ball in front of them.

That’s him and his late brother. So they once got along.

He stares at it longer than others.

“Come MaThabethe,” he opens his arm.

I step closer, he wraps his arm around my waist.

I move out of his embrace and fold my arms again, glaring at him.

“I’m just another gold-digger, really?”

He smirks, “I thought she said goal digger. Did you say you have a driver’s license?”

“Yes,” I say.

“I hope you still know how drive, I have a car that I haven’t used in a while. Instead of taking taxis, why
don’t you put your driving skills into good use and take it?”

“A car? No.”

His ex just called me a gold-digger, why does he want me to prove her right?

“Why not?” he asks.

“Because it’s a car Xolani, I can’t borrow such a valuable asset.”

“I value you more than any asset under the sun.” He unfolds my arms, pulls me with him.

I don’t know if I will take it. I don’t want to be that girl who’s dating an older man and suddenly driving a
car, it will send out the wrong message. I’m not a gold digger, I fell in love with his personality, not what
he has.

When I said your heart is safe with me, I meant it. Right now she’s on her I’m with my gold-digger.” He
kisses my cheek.

I can’t even get mad at him.

ZOLA

My phone! I need to call him and find out his exact location.

His phone is going through but unanswered for a while.

When he finally answers I ask right away. “Where are you, Xolani?”

“I’m in the casino. Is everything okay?” he asks.

“We need to talk,” I say.

“Okay. Umh, should I come over?”

“No, I’m coming,” I say.

“I will see you when you get here.”

I didn’t even change, I got in the car and forgot all about my driving fright. This is my first time driving in
years, I didn’t even think I’d remember how to do it. But here I am, driving from Gandhi’s Hill to Central
like a maniac. I only realize now that I’m wearing rhino onesies; I was about to go to bed and take a nap
because it’s a bit cold today. As embarrassing as this is, I climb out of the car praying I don’t bump into
anyone I know.

I know my way around, I head to his his office at the back with my head lowered. The door is open, I
don’t even knock. I walk in, he’s sitting behind his desk.

He stands up as soon as his eyes meet mine.

“Do you need something to drink?” He opens another button and walks out without waiting for my
answer.

He comes back almost ten minutes later with a can of cold drink and glass. He’s buttoned up his shirt.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“No, I’m not okay. But nothing can put me down,” he says.

“I’m sorry I just came like this, dressed like this and embarrassed you.”

He looks back, “No, no, you look good.”

“Come on, I came all the way in onesies. I hope nobody is outside to see me coming out like a big rhino
bear,” I say.

“I can get you a dress, there’s a factory shop across the street,” he says.

“Really? That would be amazing.” I honestly don’t want to be in public looking indecent, people snap
pictures and create memes that will stay on the internet forever.

He takes his wallet, kisses my cheek and goes.

I have time to snoop around his office, there’s nothing suspicious expect a pack of condoms in the
bottom drawer. It’s still sealed but this paints a different picture. He’s had women in his office for sex.
This breaks my heart, he could’ve waited for me.

The door opens, I push the drawer and step away.

“Hi,”

It’s not him, thank God.

“Hey.” I’m still embarrassed though.

He’s staring at me, probably asking himself who I am and why I’m dressed like this in the office.

“Xolani went to the shop,” I say.

“Oh, thank you. Can I drop this key here? I’m Mzi, I work here.”

“Yeah, sure,” I say.

He drops it on the desk and quickly walks out. Let me drink my Coke and sit in one place.

Xolani comes back, I’m eager to see the dress he picked. He didn’t even ask my size before leaving. He
puts the packet on the desk. I open and see colour red. Red is not my favourite color, I associate it with
blood.

“It’s cute, thank you,” I say lifting it up.

It’s short and backless, I didn’t expect him to choose a mini dress as a Zulu man.

“Did you choose this?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says.

“Hhayi-bo.” Let me put it on and see how it fits.

It’s a bit uncomfortable taking my onesies off while he’s watching. We spent the night together but we
both kept our clothes on. He gave me a space to shower and dress up before taking his turn.

“You’re short,” he says.

A very random statement.

“I’m not that short, especially if you’re not comparing me to anyone.” I’m shorter than Nale, my brother
is also growing taller than me. But there are people somewhere in the world that I’m taller to.

The dress fits. It’s more revealing than I would’ve preferred but I was taught not to criticize gifts.

“Thank you my love,” I hug him and give him a full view.

“It’s really beautiful on you, come here.” He pulls me to his chest.

He’s calm now, there’s a relaxed look on his face.

“I don’t want to change you, I want you to stay with this beautiful soul.”

I nod, “I hear you.”

“So please Nokuzola, close your ears and pay no attention to whatever my family is saying about me.
Don’t let that stuff worry you,” he says.

“If it involves my cousin it involves me too,” I say.

“I only want you against me.”

I’m confused. “You want us to fight?”

He finally smiles.

“Against me, Nokuzola.” He wraps his arms around my waist, then drops his other hand lower to touch
my butt. Now I get it.

This is my time to ask

“You have a pack of condoms in your drawer. Why?”

He didn’t expect that. Did he think I will just sit and not look around?

“What happens in this office?” I ask.

“I’ve been single most of the times, so I wasn’t tied to anyone and I may have invited people over in the
past,” he says.

“You could’ve just waited for me.” I don’t even want to think that he’s looked at other women the way he
looks at me. That’s illegal.

He smiles, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s fine.” I stand on my toes to kiss his lips.

He lifts me up, I’m really short compared to him. He turns around and puts me on top of his desk, then
we kiss properly.

He pulls back, squeezes my boob and breathes out heavily next to my neck. “I’m in love with you Zola. I
want you to be in my world, only mine.”

I’ve heard, I will focus more on him and I.

“Can I get another kiss?” he asks.

I answer on his lips. He smells good, his lips are full and easy to smooch on. This kiss lingers longer and
gets more tense. His hands begin to run and squeeze sensitive parts of my body.

“Xolani,” I gently push him off.

“Yes?” His voice rumbles before he opens his eyes.

I just wanted him to get back to his senses.

“Fuck!” He moves his hand off my waist and untucks his shirt from his trouser. I can see that I’ve
provoked sleeping members.

“Ubaba wakho unolaka kakhulu yini?” he asks.

“Yeah, too much. Plus he has a spear and a knobkirrie with a large knob.”

“I have medical aid,” he says.

“It won’t raise you when you’re dead, my father kills.” I get off the table and pull down the mini dress I’m
wearing. I think it’s also the cause of this arising situation. He’s ogling at me with a seductive smile. I love
him, my body reacted to his contact as well, but not today. And I wouldn’t want our first time to be in his
office.

“So you’re running away now?”

“No, I was about to leave,” I say.

He chuckles, “Okay, but one day is one day.”

“Have a productive day Mr Hadebe and thanks for the dress.” I blow him a kiss and walk out. At least
now I can walk with my head held up high. Oh shucks, I forgot my onesie inside.

But I’m not going back, I might not be able to stop things the second time.
XOLANI

He sends Zola a text: I NEED YOU

He went on with his day even though his brain wasn’t as productive. Zola read his text and didn’t reply,
he took that as a sign that she’s busy. It’s Friday today, hopefully tomorrow they will have some time
together. He’s going home to take a shower and then head to his brother’s house, to have that family
meeting with the family. He will be alone since Zola can’t come.

He’s driving towards his gate, then he sees Zola parked right outside. Only God knows how long she’s
been here. Maybe since he sent her the text. He opens the gate and they both drive in. He didn’t expect
her to show up, when he said he needed her he expected a comfort call.

“Are you okay?” She’s coming out of the car.

She loves her lengthy dresses and flat sandals. For sure he needs to take her to the salon soon.

“Xolani!” her voice raises as she taps her hand twice on his arm.

He smiles, “I’m fine makoti. What are you doing here?”

“It sounded like you need me,” she’s blushing.

“Well, I didn’t mean to disturb you from your day. I only needed a phone call but I’m happy to see you.”
He holds her hand and they go inside the house.

He takes his jacket off and sits. Zola gets a juice from the fridge and pours two glasses. Then they sit on
the couch, she’s looking at him curiously. Coming here she thought something bad had happened to him.

“You have a meeting to attend, right?” she asks.

“Yeah, but…” He looks at her.

Zola raises her eyebrow. “What?”

“Didn’t you miss me?” he asks.

She smiles, relieved to see his playful face on. She comes and sits on his lap, then gives him a kiss that
he’s pulling a face for. His arm wraps around her waist, he’s really missed her. Coming home to her is the
best thing that has happened to him today.

“Why are you always hiding your body?” His hand sneaks under her dress, running up to her knee.

“Do you want me to go around in crop tops and shorts?” she asks.

“Not necessarily, but don’t hide your body from me. I want to see it.” He inhales sharply, pushing his
hand up to her thighs. “Don’t hide this beautiful body from me, please.”

“I’m not,” she says in no firm protest to what his hand is doing.
It’s on her panty, looking for a way to slide in and touch her cookie. His eyes are on her, reading all her
reactions. She’s calm as he touches her. He’s been patient but there’s only so much a man can keep his
zip close for.

“Your body is warm,” he comments.

Zola shyly drops her eyes. This is unplanned but she mentally prepared herself for this occurrence a week
back. His eyes are full of lust and hunger.

“Your love scares me, Nokuzola,” he says.

“How?” Her voice comes out as a low, shaky whisper.

“I’m not used to it. I’m used to 50/50 transactions; giving what I have for what I don’t have. Waking up to
sweet messages and having someone look out for me the way you do, scares me. Sometimes I read your
messages and feel my heart pounding heavily. Ungenz’ umuntu and that makes me scared because I
don’t ever want to lose it.”

“You won’t lose me,” she says and kisses him on the forehead.

Always assuring him; he finds himself blushing like her.

“I love you,” he says.

Now it’s her turn to blush.

“And I want you…I want this.” He brushes over her mound. He’s been wanting this for so long. “I know
that I haven’t earned any right to be between your legs, but you know I’m not going anywhere, you can
trust me with your body.”

“I trust you,” she says.

This feels like a dream come true. He turns and puts her on the couch, then gets on top of her, kissing
her like the world is about to shut down.

He pulls away, breathing hard and throbbing hard between his legs. He looks at her, cherishing her
natural beauty. “Are you really mine?”

Zola smiles, “Yeah.”

He lifts her dress up to her hips and pulls down her panty. Is she really his? He kisses her shaved cookie
and then lifts the dress further up so he can kiss her navel as well. His connection to her is insane. His
whole body is warm, his fingers are shaky.

“You have such a beautiful body!” He wants everything out. He wants to see her in full nakedness. He
wants to see all her perfections and imperfections.

“Get a condom,” she says as he unfastens his belt.

“You don’t trust me one bit.” He chuckles and kisses her lips before disappearing to the bathroom.

He comes back with condoms and puts them on the side. He’s been deprived of this body for so long, he
has to give himself time and appreciate the art in front of him.
“You and I…” he kisses both her firm boobs. “… are going to spend the evening in our bedroom,” he says.

“What about the family meeting?” she asks.

“This is an important meeting; Hadebe meeting his precious diamond for the first time.” He leans down
to it and kisses her on top of her thick, bald lips. There’s no meeting more important than this one. Nzalo
will postpone and choose another day.
ZOLA

I knew that he was going to come, as uncomfortable as this is. We made a stop in the house and I packed
what I can, and we came to his house. Could I have handled the situation differently? Yes. But I have
been the bigger person all my life. Thami knows how much I love him, it’s unfortunate that I had to reach
my breaking point on his birthday.

“Hey, come here.” He puts me on his chest and gives me a hug that I need.

I know my dad is mad where he is. I have never done anything like this. I don’t disrespect him, I do what
he wants me to do, even when Nale doesn’t and get a pass, I’m always that child who listens.

Xolani hasn’t asked me what happened, I was very emotional, he did good by giving me a moment.

Now he asks, “What happened?”

“A lot.” I untangle from his embrace and sit up.

He’s staring at me, holding my hand. I know he wasn’t comfortable coming to my parent’s house and
taking their daughter, especially since it wasn’t peaceful.

“I had a disagreement with Nale, she turned Thami’s birthday and made it about herself. Everyone had
to stop celebrating and worry about her, I just lost it,” I say.

“I’m sorry about that. Was it that only?” he asks.

“It’s been a recurring behavior, they do a lot to please Nale. Especially my dad, he’d disregard everyone’s
feelings to nurse Nale’s, I’m fed up.” I grew up and endured this treatment, Nale before everyone else. I
understand that she has a void in her life, particularly because of how she was conceived and my aunt
being unable to communicate. But it can only go on for so long.

“Is it about Thabethe or Nale?” he asks.

“Both, I’m fed up with them,” I say.

“Alright.” He pulls me to his chest again.

I don’t cry easily, even though I’m hurt all I can do is vent about it. And Xolani is the first man I can do
that to, freely. He puts me first, something no man has ever done for me. For once I’m someone’s first
priority, I know he’d leave everything and come to me whenever I need him. He doesn’t expect me to be
bigger than everyone in the room. He’s listening to me, not telling me to know better and do better.

“Should we order something to eat?” he asks.

“Yes, please.” I didn’t finish my lunch.

My aunt wasn’t eating because Nale and my dad were hiding in the bedroom. My mother was then
begging her to eat so that she could take her medication. Nale knows how much everyone fusses over
her but she’d pretend like it just happens and she plays no part in it.

“Do you want pizza?” Xolani asks.

“Yes, creamy chicken,” I say.

He taps into his app. I think he’s figured out that I hate cooking. But I will surprise him one day with a
home cooked meal.

“Maybe I needed to be born out of rape too,” I think out loud. It seems like you have to be from
traumatic experiences to be noticed kwaThabethe.

“Please don’t say that, especially to your cousin,” he says.

“But what should I think? They haven’t even called to check how I’m doing but trust me, if it was Nale
my dad would be on radio stations, erecting missing person boards, and looking for her up and down.” I
know where I stand in the pyramid, I have known my whole life. And I stomached it for so long. I’m in the
bottom; it’s every child first then me. Maybe the first three years of my life were good, before Nale was
born. But sadly I can’t remember. I just remember having a dad who had other priorities. A dad who
doesn’t let me make any mistake but accept hundred similar mistakes from his niece.

“I don’t think he would call because of me. Indirectly, I involved myself in your fight. Which is okay
because you’ve done the same for me, you fight my battles. But it’s not going to have positive outcome
as far as my relationship with your parents go.”

I know, I just didn’t think straight at the time, I was too emotional. I shouldn’t have called him, especially
since Nale had already told my dad that I’m dating a “sugardaddy”, I should’ve taken a taxi.

“I will fix it,” I say.

“No, don’t worry. Your pizza is coming.” He kisses my cheek and takes a deep breath. It’s not nothing,
he’s worried more than he lets on.

We move to the bedroom after our pizza delivery. I don’t know if he had plans prior to getting my call,
but it seems like he will be indoors with me. He doesn’t have snacks so we resorted to fruits. We are
cuddled up, I’m feeling a bit better and less angry about the situation.

“Maybe I should call them and tell them I’m okay, even though they didn’t ask,” I say.

“Yes sthandwa sami, just to put them at ease. They might not say it but I know any parent worries about
their child’s safety.” He was waiting for me to come to my senses.

Because as much as I hate it, I care about my family more than they care about me.
Xolani didn’t disrespect him, he stayed in his car and waited for me to come out. I don’t understand why
he uses that as an excuse not to consider my feelings.

I hear him taking a deep breath before putting his arm around me.

“I didn’t mean to bring this drama to you, I’m sorry,” I say.

“It’s fine sthandwa sami. I’m just sad that I couldn’t make the situation better, my involvement added salt
to the wound,” he says.

“Don’t blame yourself. We had unresolved issues before you, he’s just mentioning you to avoid
acknowledging my feelings.”

“I love you. I know it’s going to be questioned because of the age difference but there’s nothing that I
want from you other than your heart,” he says.

“So you don’t want my body anymore?” I thought he was obsessed with me.

He smiles, “Now you’re tricking me.”

“So you’re lying?” I ask.

“No, I’m just sad that things turned out like this. But I’m going to do right by you and everyone who
doubted our love will be surprised,” he says.

I have no doubt about that. I snuggle myself on his chest, his hand drops down to my waist. My weekend
is not going as planned but I’m in my happy place. In a place where my feelings are acknowledged and
put first.
ZOLA

I don’t feel like I was able to express myself. Nale didn’t understand where I was coming from and that
hurts because in all of this I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. The right person to talk to would’ve been
my father but we are not open to that level. Nale and I talk about almost everything but this time around
I feel like our communication is broken.

Xolani tried to talk to her, he understands what I was trying to say. But Nale wouldn’t listen to him, she
chooses who she listens to. I feel like I didn’t handle that well and I hate myself for it because the past
thing I wanted to is come across as jealous. I’m okay with her relationship with my father, it’s my
relationship with him that I’m not okay with.

“Hey, it’s okay,” he hugs me.

I know it’s not okay. Right now I’m at odds with my whole family.

“Let’s sit,” he pulls me back to the couch.

I should be going to work but I’m an emotional wreck.

“You can report absent at work, it’s just one night.”

“But I can’t miss work because I had an argument with my cousin. That’s a lame excuse,” I say.

“You don’t have to undermine your pain. Take this off.” He kneels down and unties my boot laces then
takes them off. He sits on the other side and pulls my feet to his lap.

“I don’t have massage oils,” he says.

I force out a smile, “It’s okay.”

“You’re a good sister, don’t ever doubt that. Siblings fight all the time and make up,” he says.

I understand he’s trying to motivate me but he’s really not the one to say this.

He grins, “I know what you’re thinking, my case was different.”

“I just think fighting with your own family is not alright. I really don’t know what changed because I’ve
been okay with things that were happening at home. Maybe you are not the best influence on me.”

“Bad influence should leave you alone.” He pushes my feet off his lap.

Can’t he take a joke?

I put them back on his lap. “I’m kidding, please rub my heels, it feels so good.”

Well, he can’t say no to me, he’s massaging me again.

His phone rings, his face changes before he drops it.

I want no fishy behavior.

“Answer it,” I say.

“I don’t want to bring my family issues, today is about you,” he says.

“No, I don’t mind.” I want to know who is calling him.

He can’t drop calls as if he has a side-chick.

It rings again, this time he answers.

“Robyn what is it?” he asks.

His speaker is too low, I can’t hear her. But he looks uncomfortable talking to her, he says he’s busy and
drops the call. I guess this female wanted to see him.

I’m not going to ask questions, if there’s anything he wants me to know he will say it.

“Robyn is working with me on the case,” he says.

“Oh. Is she a private investigator?” I ask.

“No, I asked her to get close to Mazwi’s fiance, she’s good,” he says.

“So what was she saying?” I ask.

“She wanted to see me, I guess she has an update.”

“Then why didn’t you tell her to come here instead of saying you’re busy? It could be important.”

“No, I know her, she exaggerates,” he says.

“Let’s go to her, we are not doing anything.” I want him to resolve this so that we can move on. If he
keeps postponing important meetings we are delaying.

I get my feet off him.

“Nokuzola!”

I look at him, confused.

Why doesn’t he want to hear what Robyn has to say?

“Sit,” he says.

I sit down. There must be more to this. Why do I feel like he doesn’t want me to meet this Robyn?

He smiles, “Today is about you, I don’t want you to stress over my family skeletons.”

He’s hiding something from me and I won’t push because I don’t know what it is. But it doesn’t sit well
with me, I hate what he’s doing.

“Do you want us to go out for dinner?” he asks.

“We’ll do whatever you want us to do,” I say.

“But you’re the woman of this house.” He pulls my feet up and kisses both of them, then smiles at me.

“So you make the rules and I listen,” he says.

“Well, you didn’t listen to me just a few minutes ago.” I need to change into something comfortable. I’m
not going out, I will make myself something to eat and then watch a movie from my phone.

I leave him on the couch and go to the bedroom to change. I close the door and change. Then I sit on the
bed and play back everything that happened today. I don’t know what exactly I’m crying for. That he’s
hiding something from me or my fight with Nale.
ZOLA

We talked about the Robyn situation and I really hated myself for being dramatic. I haven’t had many
relationships that ended because of cheating, I don’t know where the insecurities came from because
I’m a very confident lady.

But walking in, seeing her sitting on the table in her skinny jeans and sunglasses. Xolani’s discomfort
when she hugged him, I’m thinking maybe I wasn’t delusional to think something is going on. I still feel
that way, which is crazy because they’re having a conversation right in front of me, including me. I can’t
find it in me to trust her with him.

My mind is roaming far away, I’m only brought back by hearing her mentioning that Mazwi’s fiance is
planning a private birthday party for her daughter’s party in a secret location and none of her friends and
family are invited. They’re likely to be going to him to celebrate the girl’s birthday. It’s time for action,
tracking devices and all. I don’t know what Xolani plans to do when he’s found his exact location. He’s
not really his target, MaMkhwanazi is. He just needs Mazwi to spill out the truth, which is what he ran
away from.

Robyn stands up to go. “It was nice meeting you, darling,” she says to me.

I force a smile, “Likewise.”

She grabs her Gucci purse and walks away. I watch her go, she’s a mid-aged mixed raced woman, good
looking and definitely high in her confidence.

“Are you okay?” his voice pulls me back.

I look at him and nod. I’m okay, just feeling a bit weird.

“Do you want anything else or we should go?” he asks.

“I will get a burger for Nale,” I say.

He waits for me as I order. I know she will come back from work pissed and blaming me because of her
fall out with Nzalo. Honestly, I wouldn’t have guessed that Nzalo was listening. I told Xolani about it but
he didn’t seem to think it’s a big deal and said he will talk with Nzalo when he comes.

I get her burger and chips and then we go.

.
I’m going to my place, I wasn’t moving out, I just needed his support for a moment. Now that Nale and I
have ironed out our issues I’m okay being in the same space as her, even though she hasn’t apologized
for calling him a sugardaddy.

He pulls up outside, Nale is already home, the windows are open.

“See you tomorrow, hopefully,” I say.

“Wait Nokuzola,” he says.

I sit still, looking at him.

“Are you sure that you’re okay?”

“Yeah, I’m good,” I say.

“I’m picking an energy shift. Can you be honest with me?”

He won’t understand, intentionally. I don’t want to make something out of nothing. After all, it’s all in my
head. My instincts could be wrong, maybe I’m just intimidated by Robyn.

“I’m really okay,” I assure him.

He gives me a kiss and comes to open the door for me. He kisses me again then I walk away.

I walk in, Nale is stretched on the couch.

“Did you see the time or you’re not going to work?” she asks.

“I’m not, I took a day-off,” I say.

“But you didn’t go yesterday as well.”

“It’s not a big deal, my management is aware and they have someone standing in.” I know she thinks I’m
not caring for my job but the truth is I’m exhausted. I work night shift five days a week. Before I was in a
relationship it was okay, but now I really get exhausted.

“Maybe you should change to day shift,” she says.

“I will think about it.” I push her feet down to the floor and sit. “I got you something to eat,” I say.

“Are you sure that you’re okay?” Same question.

I just sigh and rest my head on the couch.

She exclaims, “Robyn! You didn’t like her, right?”

“Yoh! Something is off, I swear,” I say.

“What happened?” She’s a natural mamgobhozi.

I sigh and sit up straight. I don’t mind not making sense to her, I’ve listened to her nonsense since she
was a kid.
“There is nothing specific but I’m getting a vibe that those two know each other naked,” I say.

“Was he checking her out?” she asks.

“No, but he was trying too hard to keep the conversation formal. So my thing is, this is one acquaintance
that has the privilege to call you numerous times and ask to see you. But when you see her you want to
call her Miss Robyn?”

“Oh, fuck. Did you confront him?”

“And said what, Nale?” I would’ve sounded stupid saying all this.

There’s an alert on my phone.

“It’s a bank notification,” I tell her Nale, turning the screen to her.

She reads the amount and her mouth drops.

Xolani is guilty as a fuck. This is the confirmation I needed.

“He’s smart,” Nale says.

His call follows. I can’t even describe how I feel.

Nale wants me to answer but I’m not sure what I’m going to say to him. Do I ignore the red flags and act
like nothing is wrong?

“Hello,” I finally sum up courage to pick up.

“MaThabethe, I miss you,” he says.

I signal for Nale to keep quiet, she’s trying to tell me what to say. Nale is an expert of everyone’s
relationship except her own.

“You just saw me,” I say.

“Yeah but I felt like something made you upset.”

“I’m not upset. What is the money for?” I ask.

“Spoil yourself, you have a whole day tomorrow you can go shopping,” he says.

“Thank you.” I can’t say no to money and I can’t question his intentions because he often gives me
money.

“I love you, don’t ever doubt that,” he says.

“I love you too,” I say.

He ends the call. I can hear that he’s stressed out.

ZOLA

Xolani is here, looking worried. He was assuring me all night that he loves me. Something I haven’t said I
doubt. It’s making him look guilty in my eyes, because why is he panicking if there’s nothing going on.

“Can we talk in the car?” he asks after Nale leaves.

“Yeah, sure.” I leave my breakfast on the table.

It’s Saturday but he’s got a meeting to attend. He looks handsome in his slim fit suit, smelling good and
deceptive. We get inside the car, he starts by softening me up with a deep kiss.

“I miss you, the house is very cold without you,” he says.

“But I can’t be there everyday.” I’m smiling, even though there’s something suspicious going on I can’t
deny the love in his eyes when he’s looking at me.

“You can be,” he says.

“Really? How?” I ask.

“I can have a conversation with Thabethe,” he says.

I laugh out loud. “You don’t know my dad.”

He’d never allow something like that to happen, let alone now that he’s got all the wrong impressions
about who Xolani is.

“I’d know him if you allow the conversation to happen,” he says.

“Well, you can try but don’t say I didn’t warn you,” I say.

He smiles, “Don’t worry, I won’t go there myself.”

A moment of silence passes. His smile disappears, he’s still staring at me.

If he doesn’t say anything, I’m not going to say anything either.

“Are we 100% okay?” he asks.

“Yes, we are,” I say.

He takes a deep breath, “I love you, Nokuzola. But I have a past just like everyone else. I’d expect you to
let me know if you’re uncomfortable with something or not happy so that I can make changes. We
cannot do this if you’re going to boil things up.”

“I’m confused Xolani, what are you talking about?” I ask.

“I’m asking if there’s anything making you uncomfortable, you can be honest with me,” he says.

“No. Is there anything you think I’m not comfortable with?” I ask.

“Maybe Robyn, I know you had some concerns, which I thought I cleared at the time. So I don’t know if
you’re still not satisfied.” He’s a smooth talker, I will always give him his flowers.
“I’m okay, you said she’s helping you with the case,” I say.

“You’re impossible!” He sighs, leaning back against the seat looking frustrated.

Maybe he has something to tell me because there’s nothing on my side. I have been very peaceful and
minding my own business.

“As soon as this is over she won’t need to be in contact with me. She has her own businesses that she’s
running, I honestly asked her for this task because I’ve known her for quite a long time. I know her
personally, I know she wouldn’t betray me.”

“Mmmm,” I nod, understanding what he’s saying. He’s known her, personally, for a very long time but he
calls her Miss Robyn when they’re in front of me as if their relationship is formal.

“You can ask me questions if you have any,” he says.

I laugh, “Xolani are you okay? You’re acting very weird.”

“I know you’ve said some things to Nale, maybe you don’t trust me.”

“I trust you, you haven’t given me any reason not to,” I say.

“Thank you,” he sighs with relief.

I side-eye him. “So, how personal do you know her?”

He frowns, “Who?"

"Robyn, how personal is your relationship?”

“Oh, we have some mutual friends,” he says.

“I will say this again Xolani, I’m going to be your safe space. I have opened my heart for you, I love you
and I will stand with you through thin or thick. I’m a very calm person, I use my head and I always think
before I talk….”

He doesn’t let me finish, “I won’t change that, I promise. Nothing has ever happened between her and I
since you and I got together.”

Wow! I’m dumbstruck.

“I’m committed to you,” he says.

“But something was happening before me, so basically you’re working with your ex on this
investigation?” I ask.

“We were not together so she’s not my ex. We casually hooked up, I was alone, I needed company from
time to time. Right now I swear nothing is happening and nothing will ever happen again,” he says.

I believe him but I don’t know how to feel. If they hooked up to me they’re exes. He still has his ex in his
life, she calls him anytime of the day and request that they meet up. I trust him but I don’t trust her.

“Your lip is trembling,” he says.

I fold it between my teeth and look at him.

He smiles, “You’re so beautiful. Sometimes I pat my own shoulders and congratulate myself, I really
chose well, I will have beautiful babies.”

“Uyazincengela nje,” I know him.

“Maybe I am, but you’re beautiful either way. I hope Thabethe won’t be too hard on me.”

“Wait, are you serious about meeting my dad?” I thought he was just pulling my leg.

“I’m too old to fool around Nokuzola,” he says.

ZOLA

My phone rings, it’s Xolani. He knows that I’m leaving today.

“I’m outside, can I see you for two minutes?”

This is a surprise, we talked earlier and he didn’t mention anything.

We haven’t been together this week, probably the first week to end without us seeing one another. I
don’t think it was intentional, we were just caught up in different things.

“Makoti,” he says, pulling me for a quick smooch.

“I didn’t expect you here,” I say.

“It’s an emergency,” he says.

I’m confused. “What’s happening?”.

I take a deep breath, I have to keep it together.

“Safe travels,” I say.

“Can you look at me in the eyes?”

I sigh and turn my eyes to him. “Yes?”

“I love you and only you. I know I have put you in a difficult position, this is not comfortable for both of
us. I don’t want trust to be questionable between us.”

“I hear you, Xolani,” I say.

“What are you going to buy for your dad?”

“I don’t know, he likes fruits,” I say.

“That’s too coincidental, I have this for him.” He takes a sealed brown envelope and gives it to me.

“What is this? Can I open it?” I ask.

“It’s something about fruits, but him and I will talk about it if he agrees to have that meeting you
promised me,” he says.

“There’s no need, I talked to my mother about it and she said I can move in with you if I want, she will
handle her husband,” I say.

“That’s a woman to woman agreement, I still need to have an agreement with your father as well,” he
says.

“Do I tell him this is from you?” I ask.

“You can, but everything is written down anyway. Can I have a kiss?”
We kiss again. His hand stays on my cheek.

“Once this is all over, which is soon, you’re going to have me and everything you want. There’s nothing I
wouldn’t do for you Nokuzola, as long as it’s within my reach.”

“Really?” He knows how to soften me up.

“Really, I appreciate how patient you are with me. I will never intentionally disappoint you,” he says and
smiles. “Then we will go on December vacation and make a baby, angithi?”

“No!” I’m not thinking about having a baby yet.

“Are you scared of being a mom?” he asks.

“Not really, but I don’t want to have kids out of wedlock," I say.

“December is still months away,” he says.

“Meaning?” I’m confused.

“Nale is at the door,” he says.

It’s been more than two minutes.

“I have to go. When are you coming back?”

“Sunday I will be home, waiting for you to come and sleepover. Sengilala ngizigoqe njengoshwamu,” he
says.

I laugh, “Shwarma, not shwamu.”

We kiss and part ways.

ZOLA

Dad calls me, he’s yelling my name.

I’m not sure why he’s calling, they’re supposed to be feeding each other and having a sweet little
reconciliation. I leave my food and go to their bedroom.

He’s holding the letter I gave him yesterday. It doesn’t look like they talked, judging by how distant they
seated from one another.

“So I warn you against an older man and you run to tell him to propose marriage?” He’s calm, I can’t tell
whether he’s angry or not.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I’m confused.

“This letter!” he waves it up. “The Hadebes are coming here on the 29th. Did you say this was okay?
Knowing very well how I feel about that relationship.”

“No baba, I don’t know anything about him coming here to…” Wait, don’t I know?

God, I swear it’s not what it looks like.

“I’m asking Nokuzola. Did you agree to him sending his people here to discuss marriage matters?”

Why is mom so quiet? I need backup.

“No, to me he said his house is cold then asked if I’d be okay moving in with him, I then said he must
come and talk to you,” I explain.

He sighs, “So basically you said yes?”

“To move in with him, not marriage,” I say.

“Oh, you think it’s better to just cohabit without him honouring your family and paying his dues?” he
asks.

“Of course not.” I’ve never been so confused.

He folds the letter and puts it away. “You can go.”

I walk out, confused. I’ve never been dumb. Yes, I wasn’t the Top 5 in school but my intelligence can’t be
questioned.

Even though he communicated, I feel like his indirectness kind of tricked me.

I stand against the wall and call him.

“Makoti,” he answers.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you want to marry me?” I ask.

“I believe I told you before we even went on our first date. What’s going on?”
“The letter Xolani, you asked my dad to expect your people on the 29th for lobola negotiations. When
did we have that conversation?”

“In the car, I can’t remember the date,” he says.

“Our conversation was about me moving in with you," I say, my memory is very sharp.

“But at this age Nokuzola, with all other offenses I have done to your father, you wanted me to just take
you in without doing the needful?”

“No, but…”

“But what Nokuzola?”

“You could’ve proposed right.”

“Which way is right?” he asks.

“Getting a ring, proposing on your knee and making it a moment to remember,” I say.

“Okay, when do you want me to do it? Send me your size and I will ask my PA to contact a jeweller.” He
doesn’t get it, he’s turning this into a professional task.

“Never mind,” I say.

“But I do mind, I want you to be happy.”

“I am happy”

“I will call you back. Have you eaten?”

I roll my eyes, “Yes.”

“Who made you food? I know your hands always have cramps.”

I laugh, he knows me very well.

“Her,” I say.

“Thank her for me, I appreciate her taking care of my lazy dollface.”

I’m not lazy, I always make my bed and do my own sandwiches. It’s just that Nale is the type that does
too much, making people question me. Also, taller people have higher bone mass, they are stronger, I’m
shorter than Nale for crying out loud.
ZOLA

He’s not apologetic about the unromantic proposal, not that I expected him to be. I missed him, I didn’t
even tell him I’d be coming here after work. I surprised him and he was happy. For a change I bought
dinner on the way, there was a man selling socks and I decided to buy them for him. I know it’s not the
quality he wears, he’s probably not going to wear them if I’m not around. But he’s happy, way happier
than I expected.

We get in bed, he’s wearing them.

“Awusemuhle,” he says.

I put an effort, I’m here because I missed him.

He kisses my forehead and lies down, facing me.

“I don’t know if I should inform the people I call my family about where we are or just let it be,” he says.

“Let them know, even if they don’t care you would have played your part,” I say.

“I will tell them, just not now,” he says.

“You will give me a girl, right?” he asks.

Again, the baby talk arises.

“Yes, in a few years to come,” I say.

He smiles, “Thank you.”

He pulls me closer and kisses my forehead. Then he wraps his arm around me.

There were times when we just cuddled and slept, that was before we got intimate. I have never made
the first move, he always leads. Today I want sex and it doesn’t look like he’s in the mood, I don’t know
how to. Do I spell it out?

He strokes my cheek, “What are you thinking about?”

“Nothing,” I say.

He stares at me longer, then takes a deep breath.

“I love you, I hope you know and believe that,” he says.

I nod, “I know Xolani, and I love you too.”

“If I met you sooner we’d be married and have children running around by now. But dreams delayed are
not dreams denied, God saved the best one for the last.”

“The last, okay.” I’m blushing.

“There will never be another after you.” He releases a deep sigh, squeezing me on his chest. A kiss on
the cheek lands, then he tightens the embrace.

Still, no sign of sex.

We didn’t spend time together last week, that’s why I’m here today. There’s a situation at home that I
need to forget about for a while.

“Bhungane,” I say, softly whispering.

“Why are you calling me so nicely?”

Fuck me, that’s what I want.

“I miss you,” that’s what my mouth say.

“I’m here sthandwa sami, I’m not going anywhere.”

“No, I miss being touched by you,” I specify.

He looks at me, now I’m shy.

“I’m sorry, I thought you said you missed being with me.” There’s a bit panic in his voice. Maybe he’s not
used to a woman asking him for sex.

“I’m a bit exhausted sthandwa sami but…” He cups my boob up, our lips connect.

He kisses me, with every breath it gets deeper. I can feel his shaft growing.

His hand disappears between my legs, I pull them apart for more accessibility.

His fingers are soon dripping with my wetness. He moves off the pillow, grabs my legs up and shoves his
head between them. His tongue plays with my clit. It feels good, I love clit stimulation that’s
accompanied with a finger digging in my cookie. But the finger can only do so much.

“Please Xolani!” I beg.

He traps my clit between his lips and shakes his face on my mound. It doesn’t take two minutes for all
the juices I was holding back to splash out. My legs tremble in the air, he doesn’t stop until my body
becomes still.

I catch my breath while he gets a towel to clean me. I don’t think I will have any penetration today. I
came, I love the feeling, but I love it more when I’m sharing it with him.

“What made you tired?” I ask.

He kisses my cheek, lying next to me again.

“I think working, plus I haven’t been to the gym in three weeks, my body is not strong,” he says.

Dating an old person already showing me flames? Funny enough, I don’t even think he’s tired.

“I don’t want to give a bad performance,” he says.

“It’s fine,” I kiss his lips.

He smiles, “I love how you moan my name. You’re the cutest thing ever.”
He’s already up, I open my eyes to his phone ringing. He rushes over and takes it. He drops the call
instead of answering it. Then he comes and kisses my forehead.

“I will run you a bath. What do you want to eat?” he asks.

“I will have something at work, I don’t want to eat too early,” I say.

“Sorry I woke you up, I forgot to put it on silence,” he says.

“It’s fine, I should wake up anyway, I don’t want to be late.” I get up, he puts his arm around me then
walks me to the bathroom. I take a bath, the water is so warm I don’t want to get out. But I have to go to
work.

My phone is ringing, I left it on bed. I walk out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel, my phone is in his
hand.

“It’s your dad,” he says.

“Thank God!” I know he would’ve answered it if it was someone else.

I call dad back, putting him on loudspeaker while I moisturize my body.

“Nokuzola are you with your cousin?” he asks.

“Umh, no. But we’ll be together at work,” I say.

“Please get her and come home,” he says.

“Why?” My body starts feeling heavy.

“There’s a little accident, you have to tell your bosses and come home.”

Xolani wraps his arms around me.

“Is everyone alright?” I ask.

“Yes, everyone is alright,” he assures me.

I’m a bit relieved but still scared. My mind just goes to my mother, I don’t know why.

“Hey, everyone is alright, you heard him,” Xolani hugs me tighter.

“But he can’t just call us home without any emergency,” I say.

“There are family emergencies that are not bad. Do you want me to drive you?”

“No, thank you.” I appreciate it but I don’t want my dad to feel disrespected. I think I can drive
ZOLA

My phone rings, it’s Xolani. He’s been very supportive, against my will he will have some of his people
attending the funeral.

“Hey Hadebe,” I answer.

“Makoti, how is it going?”

“Just busy, nothing much is happening.”

“I’m around your village, I thought I’d drop you a few things to give you comfort,” he says.

“You didn’t need to.” I know he’s not just around my village by mistake, he intentionally came here.

“Come out for a few minutes, I won’t park too close,” he says.

I leave the dishes and quickly fix myself in my upside down bedroom, then walk out. Nobody is paying
much attention, everyone is busy, aunt’s body is coming home this afternoon.

His car appears behind the old church building, still nobody sees me, I’m free as soon as I disappear
around the corner. I open the door and hop inside, he parks at the side of the road.

“So you just happened to drive by?” I ask.

He smiles, “I swear, I was also surprised seeing the familiar road.”

“Mmmm. So what are you here for?” I ask.

“A few things, I know you’re busy.” His few things include two large shopping bags and folded cash that
he says I should drop on isoso for Nale.

“Where is Nzalo?” I ask.

He sighs, “Don’t ask me about that mad boy.”

“Hhayi-bo what did he do?”

“He’s just like his father,” he says.

I don’t know what that means, I haven’t talked to Nzalo in a while.

“Let me not keep you.” He pulls me for a kiss.

I really appreciate him coming here, it’s very thoughtful of him.

ZOLA

He just came home, he wants us to talk. Something has been off lately. His mind seems to be somewhere
else. He’s here but he is not present. I hope he wants to talk about that because I don’t know if it will be
nice when it gets to the point where I address it.

“How was your day?” he asks, sitting down with a beer glass.

“It was okay,” I say.

“Did you see Nale?”

“No, but I heard she was at work.”

“You need to resolve this,” he says.

“I trust we will, we always do,” I say.

He takes a sip and then sighs. “I’m sure you’ve seen Nzalo coming in and out, and blowing my phone
with calls.”

His phone is always ringing anyway.

“Musa didn’t have a daughter and he’s Phindile’s cousin.”

I won’t lie and say I’m surprised, this had many layers to it.

“What else?” I ask.

“I think she was also doing things to them, to keep them gentle towards her. There are things we found
in her bedroom. But we’ll solve that, it’s only Msindisi who might be a problem because despite of
everything he still wants her.”

“So now Nzalo believes you?” I ask.

“Yes,” he says.

I expected to see relief, this is what he’s been fighting for.

“What is the next step?” I ask.

“He wants to kill her, it’s only a matter of time,” he says.

I understand, I’d want the same if it was my mom. But is it worth it? He can let the law handle it without
getting a criminal record.

“Nokuzola,” he heaves a deep sigh.

“Yes?” His body language doesn’t give me peace.

He rubs his hands together, “I might have a daughter with Phindile.”

“MaMkhwanazi!” I don’t know why he’s using her school name. “You want to make a baby with her?” I
really am a calm person by nature, I’m still sitting down with my temper composed.
“No, she’s already a teenager. The girl we all thought was Musa’s, she’s just his niece. She’s denying it but
Winnie confessed everything, we are just waiting for DNA test results to come back.”

Whoaaah! Slow down.

“What are you saying?” I’m confused.

“Phi…MaMkhwanazi had a baby while she was in a relationship with me. She’s been taking care of her all
these years, hiding her.”

“No, I don’t understand. A woman carries a baby for 9 months. How didn’t you know that she was
pregnant? Is it possible to be in a relationship and not see each other for over 9 months.”

“I used to be homeless Nokuzola, I was in Joburg hustling throughout my twenties. Knowing how much
she hates me now, anything is possible. I don’t think she ever loved me, she was interested in my
brother. That’s why she hid the child, he wouldn’t have married her if she had a child with me,” he says.

“So you are saying you have a teenage daughter?” My heart just sinks. I don’t care that much about a
daughter, but he has her with MaMkhwanazi.

“Possibly,” he says.

“And you did a DNA test without telling me? The same woman you always say you want to build a family
with?” This whole thing makes me mad. He proposed marriage to me and then kept me in the dark
about something that can change our relationship.

“There was no time, Nzalo is holding them hostage,” he says.

“I don’t care Xolani, you could’ve called me. It would’ve taken less than 5 minutes. How long ago did you
do the test?” I ask.

“It hasn’t been long,” he says.

“But it wasn’t yesterday, right? You had enough time to tell me and you didn’t. So much for someone
who claimed to be an honest, open man! Everything you’ve been doing lately is sneaky.”

“That’s not true, I’m honest,” he says.

“Honest? What was the sleeping arrangement in Hluhluwe?” I’m not stupid, I know Robyn ended up in
his lodge after Winnie kicked her out. I thought he’d explain himself, but no, he thinks I’m a shallow
thinker.

“Sesiyalwa kanti? Are we fighting now?” he asks.

“See, you can’t answer a simple question. Lies are not part of the ups and downs I’m willing to endure in
a relationship. I’ve been nothing but supportive to you, I even involved myself in your fights with your ex-
girlfriends. Don’t take me for a fool.” I’m done with this conversation.

“Wait!” He stands up and grabs my arm.

“What?”

“This is not fair, we can call Robyn right now and ask her if anything happened between us,” he says.
“Because I was born yesterday, right?”

“You’re accusing me of being a liar, insinuating that I cheated. How else am I going to prove my
innocence?”

“Unlock your phone and give it to me,” I say.

His eyes bulge out. He won’t do it, would he?

"I'm not interested in your past, please don't ever talk to me about your family issues or MaMkhwanazi.
In fact, anything that doesn't concern me I don't want to hear it," I say.

"But I called you that night Nokuzola, I was alone."

I'm really done with the conversation.

I’m happy she’s back, we cuddle up on the couch watching a telenovela. I didn’t finish Msindisi’s
chocolate, we are having it while watching. I’m also having a glass of wine.

There’s a car outside, I don’t think we are expecting anyone. It could be Mr X.

A knock comes, it’s definitely him. Nzalo would’ve called.

“Go and open,” she says.

“What if it’s a killer?” I stand up and go to the door.

I ask who it is before opening. It’s someone sent by Mr X, here to drop the car keys, the car is outside. Mr
X told him to bring it here.

Zola comes behind me, furious.

“I told him I don’t need it anymore,” she says.

“I don’t know sisi, I was told to bring the car here.” The guy is really not getting involved, he’s getting in
another car with two other guys and leaving.

“I see what he’s doing,” Zola is still ranting.

Some people have nice life problems. My problems never include someone forcefully giving me a car to
use as my own.

“Come on Zola, you can’t be mad about a child that was made before his pubic hair turned grey,” I say.

“He doesn’t have grey pubic hair, he’s only 43.” Defence mode!

“Whatever, but being this mad at him makes no sense. Imagine how he feels finding out that he has a
teenage daughter whose life he hasn’t been a part of. He needs your support, you’re always spending his
money.”

“Let me call this man,” she minds her business again.

Let’s mind it together. “Put him on loudspeaker,” I says.

She gives me a look before doing so.

“Makoti,” Mr X answers.

Zola takes a deep breath, “Xolani there is a car here.”

“I’m glad he brought it safely,” he says.

“What did I say when I left?” She wants to refuse the car.

God forbid, we could be permanently going back to taxi life.

“You’re fighting with me, Nokuzola. I’m not fighting with you, so I don’t see the need to stop fulfilling my
responsibilities as your man,” he says.

“That’s being a bully,” Zola says.

“How? You’re the one bullying me. You don’t even give me a chance to prove you wrong, you make
things up in your head and believe them.”

“What did I make up? I asked you where Robyn slept in Hluhluwe,” she says.

“I booked her another room, I was on the call with you that night. What do you take me for?”

This is complicated. I don’t know how believable this is.

“Because you hide things Xolani,” she says.

“I didn’t, if it was any other person I would’ve told you about the situation. But I already know how you
feel about her, you were going to fight anyway.”

“I don’t know, you could be lying even now. But thanks for the car, I will see you tomorrow,” she says.

“So we are good now?” he asks.

“Yeah, I overreacted a bit. I thought about it and realized that you probably need my support more than
drama.”

What the fuck? I said that to her, she didn't think it by herself, she can give credit where it’s due.

“Ngiyabonga sthandwa sami. I miss you a lot, the house is cold again.”

She smiles, “Did I leave with the heater?”

“Yes, you know my favorite one is between your legs. Ungiphathele kahle kodwa imbawula yami? Are
you taking care of my heater?”

My ears! I don’t think I will ever recover from this. Imbawula? I take Mr X as an uncle, a senior citizen.

Zola giggles and walks away, her loudspeaker suddenly off.

ZOLA

He welcomes me at the door with open arms. I’m here for one sleepover, to make up for the drama. He
smells good, as he always does. He smells like a successful black man.

“You found your way back home?” He lifts my chin up.

“I did.” My lips welcome his, engaging in a sensual nibble kiss.

He hasn’t been to his barber, I think because of everything that’s been going on. His facial hair is growing
back.

“Let’s get inside,” he says, pulling my hand.

This house is my second home now. I don’t think I’ve ever spent time with a man more than I’ve spent
with him. Sadly he can’t send his people to my dad on the day agreed on because of the mourning
period.

“Who is that?” A man is in his kitchen.

“Oh, that’s someone who’s going to teach you how to cook in future, he’s here to make us dinner,” he
says.

“I know how to cook,” I defend my below the average cooking skills.

“Really? When are you going to cook for me? I’d be happy to eat something that my future wife prepared
for me,” he says.

“On a special day,” I say.

“Everyday is special when I’m with you.” He opens the bedroom door, we get inside.

It looks like we are going to have a little indoor picnic here.

“I thought we’d have something while waiting for the main course meal. Should I help you out of this?”
He’s taking the coat off from behind.

Then he puts my bag away, we both take our shoes off and sit on the floor.

“So now let’s talk makoti,” he says.

Can’t we have these fruits and chips first?

“I love you, uyezwa?” he says, there’s a silent but after that.

“I know and I love you too,” I say.

“It’s okay to be jealous when you love something because it comes from a protective place. But too
much jealousy is toxic,” he says.

“Okay.” I don’t know where this is going.

“Nokuzola do you really think I would have wasted my time with a short girl who shouted at me so loud
that the whole neighborhood could hear her? Then make plans with her and even send a letter to her
father. Why would I do that if my heart was already with somebody else?”

“I didn’t say you’re with somebody else,” I say.

"Then why did we fight?" he asks.

“Because you didn’t say the truth Xolani.” I know I’m not the crazy type.

“You don’t like the lady I was working with, either way you would’ve been angry. But I apologize, you’re
my only one. I’m not going around giving your joystick to anyone else.”

Yoooh! I look at him smiling at me.

“You can come and inspect,” he says.

“Let’s just drink our water.” His penis won’t have a last seen date stamped on it anyway.

I trust myself, I’m no longer bothered by what happened in Hluhluwe.

He takes a strawberry and brings it to my lips. Xolani definitely watches Telemundo. He bites the other
half and then comes to kiss me.

“Ngeke ngik’phoxe mina Nokuzola,” he says, he won’t ever disappoint me. Let’s see how this goes, I will
trust his word for now.

“Everything I said I will do, I will do. Nothing has changed, I’m still going to marry you and have my
babies with you. My whole future is with you.” Every word he says sounds meaningful.

I don’t think it changes nothing if he’s going to be a dad to MaMkhwanazi’s hidden daughter. But I
believe he will honor his word to me.

“Can I say hello?” He nibbles on my lips while pushing me down on my back. Then his hand slides
between my thighs. “Do you know that i-panty ayigqokwa kwaHadebe?”

“I’m not allowed to wear an underwear?” I know he’s joking because he would’ve told me a long time
ago.

“No, you’re going to be my wife, right? So wongela bani indoda yakho ikhona? Huh?” He kisses me
before I give an answer. His hand slides through the side and rubs between my folds.

I feel my cookie soaking his fingers until they’re slippery.

He’s pleased. “See, your body wants me. Your sweet kunt wants mama to take daddy in.”

I grab his face and deeply kiss his busy lips.

My panty stretches to the side, he rubs his tip around the clit before dipping it in and out of my opening.

I hold my breath for a second when he pushes half inside. “Babyyy!”

“Talk to me dali,” he says.

“Don’t rush me,” I say.

“I won’t, I promise,” he says and rushes his whole dick inside me.

This is the quickest anyone can break a promise.

"I need you to cum all over me, Nokuzola. I want all the salt driving you crazy out." He lifts my leg over
his shoulder and digs me out.

"Ohhh, fuck." It feels so good.

I want him inside me forever.

"I want all that, Nokuzola. It's all mine." He runs a race on me, my clit starts vibrating.

He puts my leg down, lies on my chest. His upper body remains still in its position, only his waist moves,
his dick is buried deeply in my core.

Warm fluid escapes as he moves his waist. Sexual encounter noises build up around our genitals. The
harder he goes, the wetter the carpet under me gets.

I have to move in rhythm with him for us to leave this room in time for dinner. I wrap my arms around his
neck, his moans are filling the room.
ZOLA

I’m driving from work to the casino. He told me he’s there with Onathi until late. Against her will, Nale
had to take a taxi home. Xolani always spoils me, I’m one of those who’ve always been against spending
money on men, but he deserves everything good under the sun. So yeah, I grab a perfume and put it in a
gift bag. Then I fold notes to surprise him with money for petrol. He needs something that’s going to
make him smile, it’s been some heavy weeks for him.

The casino is packed, getting a parking spot is a bit of a hustle. I get easily frustrated but I endure until I
find a space. I haven’t met Onathi yet, our dinner that was planned got cancelled on last minute. I’m
looking forward to seeing her and how her relationship is with her father. I know having a daughter was
one of his dreams.

I know my way around, a few staff members know me. I get little waves and smiles as I walk past.

The door is slightly open, I can hear him talking to someone in his deep, low voice. I don’t want to
disturb, just in case he’s having a serious meeting, so I knock.

There’s no response at first, I knock again.

The door widely opens and the person I see is someone I wouldn’t have expected to find here. I push her
to the side, making my way in. Xolani gets off his chair and stands up.

There are two cups of coffee on his desk and female shoes on the floor.

“Nokuzola, why didn’t you tell me you’re coming?”

“So that you can get rid of her before I arrive?”

Sis grabs her shoes on the floor and puts them on. They’ve been drinking coffee with their shoes off. God
knows what else was off!

He looks at her, “Please give us some privacy.”

“Call me,” she says, gathering her things and smiling her way to the door.

I take a deep breath. Robyn can’t ruffle my feathers like this. She can’t have so much control over me.

“I was briefing her about the outcome of the case,” he says.

Surely I look like a fool if he thinks I’m going to believe that.

“You didn’t mention it to me. So you briefing her made her take off her shoes?” Robyn pisses me off, he
knows it. He said they’re done, he’s not going to be around her anymore.

“She was feeling hot,” he says.

“But drinking coffee at the same time?”

He sighs deeply, “I apologize, I should have told you that she’s here.”

He’s not apologetic, he just wants me to shut up. All this time I’ve been thinking she’s no longer a
problem because her job is done, little did I know about little coffee meetings.

“You know how I feel about you and her. You just don’t care, you want me to be insecure and always be
this person who looks angry and stupid.” Tears are burning my eyes. What’s so hard about cutting ties
with her?

His mouth can’t open now but when he was with Robyn he was talking.

I throw the stupid gift bag on his desk, the perfume falls but it doesn’t break. I’m not going to sit here
and drink Robyn’s coffee remains; I’m leaving.

I have been holding back my tears so that I can get home safely. Once I’m safely parked I release them
and let them flood my cheek. He doesn’t want to let go of her, obviously there’s something that he gets
from that he doesn’t get anywhere else. What is the use of him sending his people to my dad month end
if he can’t let go of one person I dislike the most? I can’t be with someone who challenges my trust and
want my insecurities to always be on steroids.

I walk in to Nale cuddled up on the couch, she’s been the saddest person alive ever since her relatives
ended. When she sees me walking in with a puffy face she sits up.

“What happened? Were you in a car accident?”

“No, I found Xolani with Robyn,” I say.

“You caught them red-handed?” She’s putting her sleepers on and getting off the couch.

“We are not going anywhere,” I say.

“No, he can’t get away with it. We need to raid that casino. There’s a bar there, right? We will loot, so
that he will loose both you and his stock.” This is what she wants; alcohol for herself.

I’m not a crazy woman, I’m not destroying anything that makes him money. I don’t remember us going to
loot Nzalo’s trucks and packaging warehouse.

“We are not doing that,” I say.

She sighs and sits down. “Were they at least using condom?”

“No, they were drinking coffee together with the door slightly open. She had her shoes off, imagine!”

She frowns, “That’s it?”

“What do you mean that’s it? He knows how I feel about that woman, he promised me that he won’t
bring her around anymore,” I say.

“You’re a fuckin’ weakling, my niece. Where did you get it from? Because not from us, the Thabethes.
You’re the boss, you should’ve walked in like one and ordered her off the chair, then kissed your future
husband in front of her and drank her coffee while she’s watching you.”

All these bright advices, why can’t she apply them in her own life?

“I can’t believe you’re here crying because of a bitch. I’m so mad at you.” She gets up and puts her shoes
on again. “We are going back there.”

“Nale, I’m not playing games.” I don’t have the energy for nonsense.

“I’m your aunt and I’m telling you we are going back there.” She runs to her room.

I don’t know where I pressed but her madness button is pushed up right now.

She comes back and drags me to the car. I don’t know if she realizes that she’s only my aunt biologically
speaking, not factually. She’s a cousin and she’s younger than me.

But I let her be, she’s using this situation to release stress from her own failed relationship.

I’m back at the casino, now with a mad cousin/aunt by my side. She gives me a generous amount of
lotion to put on my puffy face before we get out of the car. I never heard of her modeling agency but
yeah, she’s teaching me how to walk like Miss Universe.

“I will wait for you in that burger shop, remember to act like his boss,” she pats my shoulders as we part
ways. I’m heading back to Xolani’s office, assigned a new role to play.

He’s looking at a pile of documents. I make my way in without knocking, he raises his face up and frowns.
I pull the chair that Robyn was sitting her old ass on, I recline it and sit, then lift my feet to the desk. I
don’t speak, I stare at him.

“Ummmm, hello.” He looks confused.

I left here on the verge of tears, now I’m back looking like a mean grocery store manager.

“Would you like some coffee?” he asks.

Nale didn’t teach me what I should say.

I keep quiet and continue staring at him.

“I’m glad you came back. Would you like to take your shoes off, maybe?” It’s his pet peeve, even putting
feet on the couch, he doesn’t like feet anywhere.

“No,” I refuse to take them down.

He nods. “Can we talk about what happened earlier?”

“I thought we talked.” I get up and go to the mini bar fridge.

I take a can of Castle Lager. I have never drank this before. I open it, he’s staring at me. I think this is the
one that burns people’s lips, WTF?

“That’s beer. I can order something light for you,” he says.

I force down the second sip because who is he to tell me what I need to drink?

His phone rings. I’m sure it’s Robyn.

He glances at me before answering.

“Yes…what’s her name…no, it’s fine I will settle the bill,” the call drops, he puts the phone away.

“I didn’t know you came with Nale,” he says.

“What bill are you settling?” I ask.

“They were asking if I really said she must eat, I will pay for her,” he says.

I take a gulp this time. Nale had her own agenda coming here. I’m very disappointed in her.

“I was going to come and see you after wrapping things up here,” he says.

“For what?” I ask.

“To apologize. I understand why you’re mad. I didn’t mean to disrespect you in any way, she’s someone
I’ve worked with on many projects, I couldn’t have chased her out like we are enemies. But I could’ve
handled it differently, it just didn’t occur in my mind on time. You look at her like someone that had
something with me in the past and I purely look at her as someone I just happened to work with because
it was never that deep.”

“Right? So I’m being a dramatic, insecure bitch?” I ask.

“I will never call you a bitch or undermine how you feel. I don’t know how but clearly there’s a trust issue
in our relationship, I’m willing to build that for you because at some point you will have to trust me
enough to be comfortable with me having a chat with a female.”

“Don’t reduce it to a “chat with a female”. It’s Robyn, your ex that calls you any time of the day and takes
trips with you.” I’m not going to be gaslighted by him as if we didn’t have a conversation before and he
promised me something different.

“Do you doubt that I love you?” he asks.

Sigh!
“No, I don’t,” I say.

“Then what do you want, Nokuzola?”

“Honesty, Xolani!” It’s not that hard to understand. “You move funnily, you say one thing and do the
other. That’s not what honesty looks like. If there was someone I’m in contact with from my past that
you weren’t comfortable with I would’ve cut ties with that person. But not you, you enjoy feeling like
there are two women fighting for you. Every now and again you have to push that button, because other
than the Robyn situation what else makes me sweat? Nothing. I’m not a crazy bitch who wears skimpy
clothes and shows her body to the world. I’m nothing like Robyn or MaMkhwanazi, I don’t do crazy
things. Are you bored?”

“No. Please stop putting things like that in your mind,” he says.

“But the reason you found me interesting in the first place is because I was shouting at you, looking like a
crazy woman. That’s what attracted you to me. Right or wrong?”

“Nokuzola!” He gets off his chair and comes around the desk.

“Am I right or wrong Xolani?” I push him away.

He grabs me again and holds me tighter.

“I don’t want to see you angry.”

“Yes, you do.” I don’t want him to hold me but he has power over me.

My back is against the wall, this turns him on, doesn’t?

“Yobe MaThabethe,” he says.

“Why?” I ask.

“I made a mistake, it won’t happen again. There’s no business between us, I will delete her contacts, I
just don’t want it to look like her and I are fighting, she knows a lot about me.”

“You make me angry Xolani and I hate it.” Nale would be disappointed seeing tears in my eyes, this is
now how Miss Universe acts like.

“I’m sorry makoti.” He lifts my chin up and kisses my lips.

I kiss him back, his hand drops down to my waist.

“Let’s lock the door,” he says, smiling.

“No, it’s packed back there, I don’t want to take risks.”

“Okay, should I expect you tonight? I miss you, ever since Onathi came home you haven’t been around.”

“Do you want me to come?” I ask.

“I’d do anything for you to come,” he says.

“Okay, I will come,” I say.

He kisses my lips again and then releases me.

“I don’t know if you forgot your money in the gift bag,” he says, taking it out of his wallet.

“No, it wasn’t a mistake, it’s for petrol,” I say.

His brows furrow. “What petrol?”

“I’m blessing you. Do you like the perfume I got you?”

“Come here,” he opens his arms.

I’m a proud blesser, he’s happy.

“Thank you,” he says.

He didn’t deserve it, at least not today. But I have a pure heart.

“You’re welcome,” I say.

He nods and looks away.

Wait a minute!

“Xolani?”

He squeezes the corners of his eyes with his fingers before looking at me again.

“It’s just R1000 and cheap perfume.” I can’t believe he’s emotional whereas he’s given me way more
than this. The money he gives me every month exceeds my salary.

“I appreciate you, more than you know,” he says.

I hug him. Oh, my little baby.

ZOLA

It’s late, I don’t know what’s still keeping him busy. Yesterday he left before we could do anything, I miss
him. I’m about to call him because I’m lazy to get out of bed, he makes his way in.

“I was about to call you,” I say.

He smiles with a slight frown, “Was I missing?”

“Yeah, I’ve been waiting for over five minutes.”

He takes off his T-shirt and gets in bed only in his shorts. I turn to lie on my side facing him. A smile pulls
from the corners of his mouth. “Why does it look like I’m about to be devoured?”

“That’s a big word, I just miss you.” I can definitely feel the difference now that there’s Onathi in the
house. We can no longer move around half naked, playing and touching each other. It doesn’t help that I
think she doesn’t like me.

“I miss you too.” He tares at me for a good minute and then smiles, rubbing my chin. “You know
sometimes you pray to God and get everything you prayed for without even realizing it. All I ever wanted
as a young man was getting financial freedom and finding love, then having a daughter. My daughter
didn’t come from you but I’m sure there will be a baby in the future.”

I don’t know why that bruises my heart a bit. I wanted his first child to be my first child but it is what it is.

“God blessed me with everything, especially when it comes to you. I should’ve never risked our
relationship with nonsense and I promise, you will never talk to me more than once about one thing. I
have so much respect for you and the role you’ve played in my life so far.”

“I really hope you mean that Xolani.” I hate it when we argue because it’s always about one thing, or
should I say person.

“I mean it, I’m not going to disappoint you.” He re-adjusts, pulling me closer to his chest. His lips take
mine, I wrap my hand around his neck, I want him deeper. His boner grows as our lips entwines,
exploring each other deeply.

My hand grabs out his shaft, it’s already hard. I play with it, he responds with chest-deep moans in my
mouth. Our lips break apart, I climb on his waist. His hands cup my butt-cheeks, his lips still searching
mine for a kiss. But I want to kiss him somewhere else.

I slide down, his shorts are just below his balls. The covers go off to the floor. I pull out his shorts and lick
the tip of his dick. He chuckles, his face lifted curiously.

I get half in my mouth before pressing my tongue and licking it. It starts off as a practice and ends up a
full blow, with him moaning my name and brushing my head as it goes down on him. I didn’t think I
would enjoy this so much. I only struggle when he starts moving his waist, thrusting in my throat like he
would in my cookie.

I pull back and hear a groan of frustration.

I need to drink some water and have a breath.

He gets up and grabs me, a bit aggressive. He realizes how tight his grip is around my arm and lets go. He
pins me down on my back and spreads my legs apart. I want a kiss but he’s impatiently after something
that’s moist between my legs.

“Xolani get a condom,” I whisper.

He takes a sharp breath. “Can I go raw, just this one round?”

My mind sanely says no but my body lets in. I wrap my arm around his back, he kisses my forehead and
then lifts my leg up. His fingers play on my clit before his shaft makes the grand entrance.

“I really missed you,” he says, moving his waist in a slow rhythm, his eyes locked on mine.

“I missed you too babe.” My leg goes further up.

I want all of him inside me. There’s something extra that comes with raw meat filling you up. I call his
name, he raises the pace. There it is! That’s how I want it.
XOLANI HADEBE

The truth always comes out; this is a saying he underestimated. That night could’ve been different, he
could’ve acted like a man in a relationship. To him sex with Robyn means nothing. It’s just two horny
people helping each other and he stops thinking about it the minute he cums. Robyn has never been a
shadow that could make him doubt his future with Zola. Even between her legs, he knew that Nokuzola
was the only woman his heart wants. That’s what hurts him the most about this situation. It would’ve
been better if his relationship ended because of something that exists. Nokuzola doesn’t understand, in
her eyes he cheated. Okay, he did cheat because he slept with another woman. But that was his dick,
Robyn has never been in his heart and she knows that. Even without Nokuzola, she wouldn’t be an
option. He’s known her for a long time and gotten intimate with her many times, but he’s never seen any
future or present with her.

“No phones on the dinner table,”

He lifts his eyes to Onathi. Another fucked up relationship he has.

“I’m waiting for a call,” he says.

“It’s been a whole day, she’s not going to call you back. We are having dinner, put that phone away,”
she’s just repeating his rules.

He goes off; “Where do you think you are? This is my house, you’re not going to tell me what to do,
okay?”

“No, you can’t make the rules and then break them. Phone away, Xolani!” She’s really Phindile’s
daughter.

He sighs and puts it away. Nokuzola is not taking his calls. It hasn’t been a good day for him and the last
thing he wants to do is reason with a teenager.

Onathi smiles when obeyed. “Don’t worry, you will find someone else.”

“I’m not looking for someone else, I already have someone. I just need to find a way to get her
forgiveness,” he says.

“I don’t think she’s a forgiving person.” She’s taken this opportunity with both hands. Now her father can
feel how it’s like being apart with someone that you love.

“She is,” he says.

It sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself more than her.

“What’s so special about her?” Onathi asks.

“She’s a loving woman, she knows how to make someone feel loved and appreciated. And for someone
who never had any of that growing up, it’s something I want to hold on for eternity.”

“Your parents didn’t love you?” For the first time she’s curious about him.

It’s not a conversation he wanted to have right now but Onathi might never be interested again.
“I believe they did, they just had more important priorities and that created tension between us. Even
between Nzalo’s dad and I. I really have been alone my whole life. I have always felt that way until
Nokuzola.”

“Your whole life? What about Phindile?” she asks, a bit offended. It would be comforting to at least know
that she was made with love.

“We were young, I loved her, but that feeling never went away. Our relationship was long distant for the
most of it,” he says.

“How do you know that you’re in love and not just desperate to settle down with a younger, beautiful girl
who can give you babies so that you don’t die a lonely, old man?”

“Wow!” This question is really disappointing.

“You could be,” Onathi says.

“I’m not scared of being alone, I have been for the most of my life. I love her, I’m at peace when I’m with
her,” he says.

“Clearly not, otherwise the aunty who was here wouldn’t have gotten in the picture. Why are you
playing with food and not eating?”

This child wants to see him crumble.

“I don’t feel like eating,” he says and grabs his phone.

“Where do you think this food will go?” she asks.

As mad as he is, he laughs. What did he ever do to deserve a daughter like this?

“You’re a menace!” He puts the phone away and respects the table rules until she’s done eating.

He won’t be able to sleep without talking to Zola. If needs to be, she must punish him. He can’t survive a
break-up, he doesn’t see himself moving on without her.

“Finish your drink and dress up warmly,” he says.

Onathi frowns, “Why?”

“I can’t leave you here alone, I want to go and see Nokuzola,” he says.

“Adding harassment on top of cheating!” she gets up with her glass and leaves him dumbstruck.

Does this child think he’s her mate?

He’s not harassing Nokuzola, he wants to fix things. Who is Onathi to speak on people’s relationships? An
infant!
ZOLA

For the first time ever, Nale spent money on me. I had a good excuse for sitting on this couch the whole
day, sending her around and getting everything I want. But Nzalo happened, now she’s gone. Not that I
expected their relationship to stop because of me, I understand they just made up and need time to be
together. But I didn’t need to be alone.

There’s a car across the street, Nzalo said I shouldn’t mind it as it will be there the whole night. The
MaMkhwanazi situation is a bit exaggerated but I appreciate him looking out for me. When the knock
comes, I conclude it’s someone from that car maybe here to ask for a glass of water. I open the door and
my eyes land on Xolani’s brat.

He’s behind her.

God, is this a test?

“Hi,” Onathi walks in without my permission.

This child and I don’t even hold conversations.

I look at him, “And then?”

“Can we talk, Nokuzola?”

“I thought we already did. Why are you here?” Seeing him brings back the pain that Nale spent so much
money trying to numb. All the lies he told me, scheming with Robyn via phone calls to convince me that
nothing was going on, knowing very well they were still actively involved.

“I won’t be able to sleep Nokuzola, let’s find a solution please,” he says.

“What solution?” I don’t understand because he can’t undo what he’s done.

“Punish me however you want. Scream at me, smash my cars, beat me if you want, I won’t fight back.
Just do something, hurt me back,” he says.

“I will smash your cars and you will get them fixed tomorrow. I will slap you and you will be fine in a few
minutes. What will I get in return? You still won't understand the pain you’ve put me through.”

“I do understand,” he says.

“What do you understand? Have you ever gotten your soul naked for someone and talked about your
insecurities over and over again, only for that person to turn around and dig on the same wound? Have
you ever loved someone and hated yourself for it?”

“I know you feel betrayed and hurt, I’m responsible for that. I know I fucked up, I don’t deserve your love
but I need it,” he says.

“Ungilamaza kuyona le nhliziyo obheka kuyona uthando Xolani? Kanjani?” I don’t understand, you
cannot cut down a tree if you still need its shade.

“Can you explain that to me?” I ask.

“I can’t, all I can say is that I will never make the same mistake again.” He’s calling it a mistake and I don’t
understand a mistake that you properly plan and use lies to protect over and over again.

“Excuse me….” Onathi says behind me.

I turn my eyes to her.

“Do you have a blanket? I’m cold,” she asks.

“Don’t worry, your father is now leaving,” I say.

XOLANI HADEBE

He is driving home, all he’s thinking about is how fast his life turned upside down. This time he has
nobody to blame, he could’ve stopped his sexual adventures with Robyn a long time ago. That fling
didn’t benefit him with anything. There’s nothing that Robyn offered him that he wasn’t getting from
Zola. He could’ve prioritized what was important but he failed.

He parks outside to collect himself before walking in to his daughter. He wants to call Winnie and arrange
that she makes time to visit Onathi. She’s been well behaved, his house is no longer filled with tension
and angry screams. It would’ve been worth a celebration if Zola was going to be there as well.

Speaking about Zola, “my wife” flashes on the screen as his phone rings. They spoke yesterday and their
conversation didn’t end well.

“Hello,” he answers.

It’s not how he usually answer her calls but she could care less.

“Xolani, why did you say I’m pregnant to Nale?”

“I didn’t say that,” he calmly says.

“You did, Nale NEVER lies. I just wanna tell you this, I’m not having your baby. You’re not going to control
what happens with my body,” she says.

“I don’t want to fight. I didn’t say it’s something that has already happened, I was speaking in future
tense. It’s not something I haven’t talked to you about.” He’s always told her that he wants them to have
a family. His intentions were clear from the first day.

“I’m talking in present tense, I’m not having a baby,” Zola says.

“What do you mean?” He’s confused.

“I took a pregnancy test after you made an announcement in a restaurant. This is not what we agreed on
and I will be terminating the baby.”

No.

Zola is just fooling around.

“You’re pregnant?” he asks.

“It will be “was” on Thursday, I have already made a booking to have the thing removed. What do you
think I am, Xolani? An object you can use to make your dreams come true, something with no feelings
and right to make its own decisions?”

“Can we talk? Where are you right now?” He knows that she’s frustrated because he hasn’t been the
best partner this week. He’s done many things that made her angry, in attempt to save their marriage.
None of it was malicious or intended on destroying her.

“I’m on my way home,” Zola says.

“Home?” It feels like his head is spinning around.

This is the first time he’s ever received such news in 43 years of his life.

“Yes, I’m going to my parents. I just wanted to let you know, I will send you the address on Thursday and
you can go and collect the blood for burial.” Zola is not cruel but hearing her say these words make him
wonder if he hasn’t been sleeping with the devil.

“Bye Xolani,” she drops the call.

His hands tremble as he tries calling her back. She doesn’t answer his calls. After the 35th attempt he
throws in the towel. Hot wave flushes down his face, there’s physical pain on his chest like he’s about to
have a heart attack. His lungs close off, he’s struggling to breathe.

Onathi bangs the window, asking him to roll it down. It’s not like him to sit in the car for so long. The
doors unlock, Onathi opens the driver’s door and sees her dad in a shocking state.

“You’re trembling, are you okay?” She can see his hands trembling.

No response.

“Dad!”

“I’m…I’m fine, Onathi.”

“Do I need to call the police?”

“I’m fine. I just had…no, I’m fine.” This used to happen when he was a little boy and scared. Why would
Zola take him back there?
ZOLA

I’m helping Thami with the assignment he forgot to finish yesterday. He woke me up from my
comfortable bed to do it for him while he bathes and irons his uniform. I can’t believe such an
irresponsible boy has a girlfriend. But that’s none of my business, as long as he uses the condom.

Dad is boiling some medicine on the stove, he says it’s for inyongo. But after the noise I heard last night I
wouldn’t be surprised if it’s for something else. My poor mother!

His phone rings, he gets on his feet to answer. My dad is old school, he puts his calls on loudspeaker and
talks loud. I’m focused on the assignment until I hear the voice asking if I’m around. I know that voice, I’d
know it even when waking up from a deep sleep.

“Who are you?” dad asks, now glaring at me.

Xolani wouldn’t be that stupid, would he?

“I’m Xolani, I got your number from Nalenhle, I’m not sure if I’m speaking to the right person.” He still
can’t hear that this is my dad, not whoever he thought it was.

“Okay,” dad says.

I almost fall off the chair. Okay?

He comes to me with the phone and hands it over. This has to be a trap. I know very well how my dad
feels about Xolani and the overall relationship.

“Hello,” I answer.

“Nokuzola,” he says.

“This is my dad’s phone.” He’s such an idiot, my dad is glaring at me like I gave his number to Xolani.

“Fuck! Must I drop?”

“I don’t know,” I say.

“Please apologize for me,” he drops the call.

I want the floor to open up and swallow me right now.

“Thanks,” I give the phone back.

He takes it and surprisingly doesn’t make any comment.

Mine rings, I have to answer and address him calling my dad’s phone. I close the book in front of me and
step outside to answer.

“Why are you calling my dad?” I ask.

“Nale set me up, she said it’s her friend’s number. I’m really sorry.”

“What do you want, Xolani?” I ask.

“I just wanted to hear your voice, I’m sorry.”

This is not the morning I wanted to have.

“When are you coming back?” he asks.

“Today. Are you done? I’m busy.” I have to finish the assignment and get myself ready.

“I’d like to see you when you are back,” he says.

“Alright Xolani, as I said, I’m busy right now.” I drop his call and return inside the house.

I don’t know when his friendship with Nale blossomed to the point of her giving him my dad’s number. I
don’t want to see him until Thursday, the day of abortion.
ZOLA

I knew him asking to see me was fake. That’s why he’s here without asking for my permission. I’m
tempted to close the door on his face but I’m not a dramatic person, especially with that man who sits in
the car across the street probably watching us.

“I won’t be long,” he says.

“Come in,” I say.

“I don’t want to disturb Nale. Can we talk in the car?”

Yep, Xolani has to get things his way.

“No, inside the house or leave,” I stand my ground.

“Alright, thank you,” he walks in.

Was it that hard to obey me?

We sit down, I do my best to keep my eyes away from him. He’s wearing Denim jeans and pique polo
shirt. He has a new brush cut.

“I want to have an early night,” I say.

“I won’t be long, I promise. Can I hug you?”

“No,” I’m not falling for any of his tricks. Not today.

He heaves a deep sigh and pops his finger joints. “Okay, okay.”

It looks like he may need a minute. I relax and wait for him to recover from whatever he’s going through
right now.

“Nokuzola ngiyaxolisa, I’m deeply sorry,” he says.

“I know that. What’s new?” I don’t want to hear the same old story.

“I’m willing to support whatever decision you take. So, I’d like to pay for your medical expenses and
therapy,” he says.

I’m not sure I’m hearing this correctly.

“What?” I want to him to repeat what he just said.

“That’s what you want, I have to put my feelings aside and understand why you’re doing this. I hurt you
and it’s only fair that you hurt me back,” he says.

Well, I’m not pregnant, I only said that to hurt him.

“So you accept that I’m aborting your baby?”

He swallows hard, his chest bounces. “Yes. I know you won’t take my recommendation, so how much is
it?”
“R400,” I say the first amount I can think of.

“Can I take care of that? Will they give you counseling before the process?”

Is he really accepting this? That was not the plan.

“Yes,” I say.

“I will make a transfer. Do you want me to go with you?”

“What? No.”

“Okay,” he says.

He doesn’t waste my time as he promised. I walk him to the door, I can see that he’s not okay
emotionally. But I close the door without asking anything. I stand by the window and watch his car. He’s
there for over five minutes, not driving away.

I hear a ping on my phone as he finally drives off.

“Is he gone?” Nale’s voice moves me away from the window.

“Yeah. Can you believe he’s covered my abortion expenses?”

“Really? We are rich, mos,” she says.

“No, it’s only R500, I told him it costs R400.”

“What? Are you crazy?” Of course she would’ve liked for me to rip him off over lies.

I feel bad even about this R500. There’s no abortion because there’s no baby.

“I think I’m going to throw up.” I’m not feeling well, I rush towards the bathroom.

“Jeez, you didn’t even scam him too much, only R500,” Nale says behind me.
ZOLA

I know they say pain changes people but I don’t want to fall under that. I swipe my card, settling my bill
after dining out with the money he sent for abortion. This is not who I am; I’m not a liar. I’m glad this
thing is coming to an end. He checked on me in the morning, I think he wanted to confirm if I’m still
going ahead with the “abortion”, and that was the last time I heard from him. I know he’s going through
it right now, which is what I wanted. It’s becoming a different person because of circumstances that I
don’t like.

I take a taxi home and find Nale in the kitchen. She didn’t say anything about shopping, she has Checkers
bags filled with goodies.

“I wouldn’t have brought you food if I knew you went shopping,” I say.

“Who? Me? This was brought here by someone who works for Mr X. It’s your comfort food while you go
through the healing process,” she says.

She’s having a slice of cake, there’s a box of Ultramel open in front of her. I don’t know what to make of
this.

“Isn’t he thoughtful?” She’s just enjoying the cake.

There’s nothing thoughtful about buying someone food after you cheated on them and drove them to
abortion. Fake abortion.

“Okay, what’s up with the long face?”

“I hate lying, Nale,” I say.

She rolls her eyes. “Oh please, now you want to confess?”

“Of course not, but I don’t want to be out of character like this. I just want to move on from this whole
thing.” I’m still stuck in the same dark place.

I should put my effort into healing and moving on.

“Alright then. We are keeping the food, right?”

I laugh, “Why not?”

I feel like his chocolate cake came on time. I only need a dessert for tonight then I’m sleeping my sorrows
away. I cut myself a generous piece for tasting and then cut another one. Nale is staring at me like I’m
eating her cake.

“It’s mine,” I say.

“But since when do you eat so much cake?”

I’m confused. “Because it’s delicious and giving me joy.”

“Maybe you should text him and say thank you,” she says.
“I’m not doing that, thank you very much.” I don’t owe Xolani any text, he chose to send the cake here, I
didn’t ask him. I don’t want to open that window, he will take my appreciation for weakness again.
ZOLA

I get in my pyjamas and settle on the couch. I’m hopping through channels looking for something I can
watch, my phone rings.

It’s him, usually I just don’t answer his calls. But he’s been acting human lately, I pick up.

Boom, he’s outside the door.

I’m alone, Nale is not here to back me up. I don’t want to see him, I don’t want to have a conversation. I
open the door, he walks in wearing black, long sleeve T-shirt and sunglasses.

He’s indoor now, I expect him to take them off but he doesn’t.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

His voice sounds bruised and hoarse.

“I’m okay, thank you,” I say.

“I got you this.” He gives me a pharmacy packet, he bought me some medication.

I’m feeling more guilty because I didn’t have any abortion yesterday.

He takes a seat, without me approving. I get my snacks and sit down.

“I was about to watch a movie,” I say.

“That’s okay,” he says.

I keep the volume low and watch. It’s weird, him and I used to be so in love and close. But now we just
sit like strangers. I think an hour passes, I’m glued on the TV and he’s in his head most of the time.

“Do you need something to drink?”

He clears his throat, “No, thank you.”

Well, I need one, this atmosphere is too tense.

I get a glass of juice and come back.

He takes the sunglasses off, finally. I can see his eyes and I understand why he’s wearing them. My
conscience knocks me guiltily. A man is mourning a baby that didn’t exist. He looks at his phone and
heaves a sigh.

“Onathi is texting me, she’s not used to being alone in the house at night,” he says.

“You should go home,” I say.

“Yeah, probably.” He drops his face and stares at the floor for a good minute.

He takes a deep breath and looks at me. He locks his swollen eyes on me, there’s so much pain in them. I
have more conscience than him, I feel bad.
“Did you really do it?” he asks.

I summon my nerves with a deep breath and nod.

He stares at me for a minute and then looke away. “What’s been glaring this whole week is that for every
sin committed there will be someone to pay. And it sucks that mine had to be paid off by an innocent
soul. I don’t know if I will ever forgive myself for this.”

I need a sip quickly.

“I don’t know if God will ever bless me with another child again. I have missed out twice.” He rubs his
hands and takes another deep breath.

“You will be, Robyn will give you one,” I say.

He looks at me, “I’m not dating Robyn. Never have, never will.”

“Oh, you just sleep with her?” I don’t even want to talk about this again.

He doesn’t answer. He still doesn’t have a valid reason why that happen. He is just a selfish man who
only care about what his dick wants.

“Obviously she gives you what you like, you should be sticking to her instead wasting my time.” I really
hate that I went out of my comfort zone trying to please this man and I was still not enough.

“I love you,” he says.

“You do? Really?”

“Do you really think I don’t love you, Nokuzola? Do you think the months I have spent with you were just
a game and I’m happy to be where we are right now?”

“Yes,” I say.

He releases a deep sigh. “That’s not true, I love you.”

“There’s no love without trust, you’re old enough to know that. You had Robyn on the phone swearing
that there’s nothing going on between the two of you. You are a wicked, old man. I can’t believe you
made me look that stupid.”

“But there was nothing going on. It only happened once, in Hluhluwe. And I regret that night with my
whole heart. I should’ve acted differently, that wasn’t worth me losing you and my baby. If I could, I
would turn back time. If I could, I would’ve asked to carry my baby myself. But I don’t have a womb to do
that, I couldn’t save her.” His voice cracks with agony. He really thinks I was pregnant, I don’t know why
he’s so convinced that he scored.

“Why did you cheat?” I ask.

“I don’t know, Nokuzola. I wasn’t thinking straight, I’m sorry.” Oh, now he wants to cry.

“Please Xolani, don’t even trick God into thinking I’m making an elder cry. You did me wrong, I should be
the one crying about this, not you. You bought a condom, took your clothes off and pleased another
woman. And you want to tell me you were not thinking straight!” I’m not a fool, he thought about it and
thought I was not going to find out. Until today, he wasn’t even apologetic about it.

“You have killed my baby, what more do you want?”

“Awu! I thought you were supporting my decision and now you’re holding that against me?” I knew it
wasn’t coming from his heart. He was probably advised by someone foolish and thought it would get
him my love back.

“I am supporting you,” he says.

“Oh, your support is accompanied by tears?”

He pulls his T-shirt over his face. Umhlaba ujikele obaqwe this time.

“You have been through a lot, huh?” It’s raining 1980s tears, now he’s the victim.

I need to refill my juice and get some biscuits.

ZOLA

I can’t sleep, I’m feeling guilty. I know I shouldn’t be feeling sorry for him, he hurt me. But man, those
were real tears and I hate to think that he’s emotionally mourning. I appreciate life, I don’t want to
loosely play around with the idea of terminating it. Maybe that’s why I’m having minor pain in my
abdomen, God is punishing me. I have to pray and ask for forgiveness. I would never harm an innocent
soul to get back to a man.

I make a prayer and then get in bed. I want to call Nale, just to be sure that she’s still safe out there. But
an incoming call disturbs me.

I answer, I do want to hear if he got home safe.

“Are you sleeping?” he asks.

“I just got in bed. Are you home yet?”

“I am,” he says.

That’s a relief I needed.

A moment of silence passes with him on the phone.

“I’m sorry about how I acted,” he says.

“It’s okay,” I say.

“Sleep well,” he says.

“Thank you.” I’d wish the same for him but I’m still bitter.

“I would like to…” he doesn’t finish, he stops.

I wait but he keeps quiet.

“Goodnight makoti,” he says and drops the call.

I might need some pain killers, this pain isn’t just minor. It’s starting to feel like stomachache, maybe I
over consumed sugar.

I get painkillers and then call the party animal. She takes long to answer, I expected her to sound drunk
but she sounds sober than the usual days when she goes out. Msindisi must be putting her on a leash.
They’re about to leave the place they are in. Now I can sleep peacefully.

Phone beeps!

It’s a text from Xolani.

*LIFE FEELS SO EMPTY WITHOUT YOU. I REALLY MISS YOU, NOKUZOLA. BUT I TRUST IN GOD,
KUZOLUNGA KONKE*

Now he’s including God in his dirty affairs. Life is full of surprises!
ZOLA

I have been worried since yesterday after Nale talked about cancer. I’m next in line and it feels like
they’re taking forever to take me to the examining room. I woke up feeling better today but I’m not
taking it as a positive sign.

Finally, it’s my turn.

I know Dr Zulu, I have been here a number of times. After telling him why I’m here, he checks my vitals
and tells me to lie down. All I want to hear is that I don’t have cancer, any infection or disease is okay.

“When last did you have your periods?”

How does that relate to the situation? I’m confused.

“Last month,” I say.

He chuckles, “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” I’m getting a little nervous. “I took a pregnancy test and it came back negative.”

“When was that?” he asks.

“I think a week and few days ago.” My heart is racing.

This is not what I came here for.

“Any fatigue, nausea and food you suddenly like?”

Fuck. It’s three yeses.

“Am I pregnant?” God please, I know my sins but not this.

“Yes, there’s a little one coming. There’s no cancer or anything you should worry about, you’re
experiencing harmless ligament pain,” he says.

Indeed God has his favorites and I’m not on the list.

Now I’m really pregnant and Xolani thinks I aborted the baby long time ago. This makes me mad because
it means he was right, he knew that I was pregnant. I know it takes two to tango but I was not ready for a
baby and he knows it. Not just him, my mom as well, she was suspiciously asking if I’m not pregnant
when I was home.

How am I going to face my dad? Everything he said would happen is happening.

I don’t know how I got home without crying. Nale is at work, I cannot vent to anyone. Now I’m carrying a
whole human being with Xolani’s DNA. So he wins; he gets what he wanted. Food is the only thing that
can console me until… I don’t know until when.
Nale gets home, I have watched over hundred videos of baby development and women going into labor.
It all scares the shit out of me. I have an actual human being that’s going to grow inside of me.

“Hey, how are you feeling? What did the doctor say?” she asks.

I have been holding tears all day. I can’t anymore; she throws down her bag and rushes to me.

“Please don’t tell me they have to remove your womb?” Out of everything, Nale will think of the most
ridiculous outcome.

“No, I’m pregnant,” I cry.

Her eyes widen, she’s shocked. “How? You were not pregnant when I bought you a test.”

“It was too early for it to detect,” I say.

“OMG! This is worse than what I thought.” She looks at my stomach, covers her mouth and gasps.

I’m not showing yet, my tummy is still flat.

“What am I going to say to Xolani now?” This is why I hate lying, now I’m caught in a bigger mess that I
don’t even know how I’m going to get out of.

“He knows,” she says.

“What does he know?” I’m lost.

“Nzalo said I mustn’t tell you. Mr X knows that you didn’t go to any abortion clinic, he’s just playing along
with the lie,” she says.

“How does he know? I was using taxis.”

“We literally have someone watching the house every night. We should have put one and two together,”
she says.

Okay, I’m angry. I did consent to his people looking after us because I understood the security concern,
but I didn’t say I want to be stalked.

“So he’s been acting all this time?”

“Unfortunately, yep.”

We will see how far his acting skills can take him.

“Where are you going now?” She follows me.

I’m changing into my tracksuits and sneakers. I need to pay Idris Elba a visit, I’ve had it with his
disrespect. I can’t believe I was even feeling sorry for him, he’s been fooling me this whole time.

Onathi opens the door for me with a frown on her face. I’m not here for the little brat, I’m here for her
cunning father. I can see that she already has an attitude.

“Where is your dad?” I ask.

“Upstairs,” she says with her nose wrinkled.

I leave her at the door with her creased face.

He’s not in the bedroom, obviously he’s in the study room.

I push it open and walk in.

“I always tell you to knock,” he says before turning his head.

He turns and sees me. “Is everything alright?”

“You are stalking me? Wena you are now invading my privacy and rights as a citizen of South Africa.” I
really want to grab him with my bare hands but I will never escalate things to that level.

“I don’t understand. I’m here, how am I stalking you?” Now he’s acting innocent and I’m the crazy one.

“You have people following me” I say.

“One person and that’s not something new. You know why I have to ensure that you’re safe even when
you are not with me. What is the matter?”

“The matter is, you’re a lying bustard. You have been acting like you’re hurting, shedding crocodile tears
and sobbing. Knowing very well that you are just fooling me, lezinja ozifuyile already told you where I
was Thursday.”

“What did you want me to do?” he asks.

“Be fuckin’ honest for once in your life Xolani. That’s what I wanted, don’t pull an act, you’re too old for
that shit,” I say.

“I don’t think there’s anything I can do right in your eyes at the moment. I have not acted, every emotion
I’ve gone through has been real. Yes, I am hurting, I’m not pretending. You hate me, your whole family
hates me, I came close to a place of happiness and came crushing down again. It’s not nice, there’s
nothing I fooled you about.”
ZOLA

I have regretted some things I said to him but I didn’t reach out. It’s how he does things too; hurt me and
not apologize. He hasn’t said anything since that day, this text of him wanting to see me is the first
communication attempt. I don’t want to see him, I have nothing to say to him and there’s nothing I want
to hear from him. But now there’s someone on the way, it changes our relationship completely. Out of
respect, my parents have to know soon. So him and I need to have a conversation regarding that.

I’m not going to his house, I requested to meet in a coffee shop, which is a fair distance for both of us.
Nale went to town from work, hopefully I will be back before her. I take a taxi and find his car already
parked outside the coffee shop.

My heart instantly gets heavy as my eyes find his table. I know he doesn’t think about this or care to say
the least, but I loved him. I would’ve done anything to keep him happy, that’s how much I loved him, and
he knew it.

“Hi,” he gets up and pulls the chair for me.

I sit and take a deep breath. This is a public space, I don’t want to break down or act crazy. I want us to
have a conversation as two adults expecting a baby together.

“I was going to send a car but then I thought maybe you won’t like that,” he says.

“I’d like you to get straight to the point, please.” I want this to be quick as possible.

If it was up to me we wouldn’t even be getting these menus. I’m not here for muffins.

He puts down his order, I pass, the waiter goes away.

“You already ate?” he asks.

“Yes,” I answer, not that it concerns him.

I think it’s obvious from my face that I don’t want any small talks.

“I have never done this before, I don’t know where we start and how we go about it,” he says.

“Then consult elders who are before you,” I say.

I’m younger than him, if he doesn’t know how will I know?

“I can take care of that aspect. What I’m trying to figure out is if I need to do anything for you, physically
and emotionally,” he says.

“Nope, nothing,” I say.

“Maternity check-ups expenses?”

“I won’t start yet,” I say.

“Is it not safe to start earlier?”

“I won’t start yet.” I don’t know which part of this is hard for him to understand. Or is it that I’m making a
decision?

“Okay, but I have to make your life comfortable through this.”

“You mean take care of me? Be frank,” I say.

“I don’t know what you want me to do and not want me to do. It’s hard doing things like this but I want
to be involved.” His voice carries a ton of sadness.

For the first time it feels like he’s not above me and making decisions.

“For now you only have to take care of the traditional aspect of this. I will tell you when I start the
maternity check-ups and anytime I need you,” I say.

“Can I give you the car back? For the safety of both of you.”

“No,” I refuse.

A lot of women have used public transport while pregnant and nothing happened to them. My mother
used public transport while carrying me and here I am, kicking.

“What can I do?” he asks.

“Nothing,” I say. One thing he cannot accept is me not needing his help. I work, I can take care of myself
and buy myself whatever I crave. I don’t need him, for now.

His coffee comes with two muffins. I won’t lie they look good but I value my ego more.

“Do you want some?” he asks.

I look away, “Nope.”

“Don’t starve my baby,” he says, smiling.

Nope, we are not that couple. There’s no bonding over “my baby”.

“You were right,” he says and takes a deep breath.

“About what?” I ask even though I’m never wrong.

“A lot of people don’t like me, especially those who are supposed to, the ones I share blood with,” he
says.

I really don’t want to revisit that, I said what I said, just like he did what he did.

“I should have appreciated you more,” he says.

“Well, I’m glad you finally know that.” Hell it took him time.

I thought it would knock his senses sooner, before we got to this position.

“I have been knowing that, my actions may have painted a different picture to you but there was never a
time where I felt like you deserve less,” he says.
“Then you shouldn’t have let me think that. I talked to you, Xolani, over and over again. You could’ve at
least felt sorry for me, I sounded like a broken record, but you still kept her in your life and made it sound
like I was delusional and insecure.” I hate his deceptive actions more than cheating itself. I would be okay
if he came back from Hluhluwe and tried to get rid of her. That would have been someone who is
remorseful. But Xolani didn’t do that, he kept her.

“I understand,” he says.

“Okay,” I’m not trying to have a different version of this conversation.

It’s okay, it’s done.

“Ngiyak’thanda Nokuzola. That’s the truth I can die for, I love you. And I regret that my actions have
made you question that,” he says.

“They sure did and it will take time for me to trust anybody again with my heart. I have a big heart but
it’s very fragile,” I say.

“I’m going to do everything in my power to prove how much I love you.” Here we go again, he wants to
do everything in his power and to him that just means crazy stunts.

“No, don’t do what is in your power,” I say.

“I’m confused,” he says.

“We are here because of your use of power, otherwise this wouldn’t have escalated this far. So please, I
don’t want to see you doing things in your power.”

“Okay,” he says. But he still looks confused.

I also don’t know what that means exactly, he must figure it out.

I have to get going, I left my work uniform in the washing line.

“Are you going to “use” the other muffin?” I ask.

“No, you can take it,” he says.

“Thank you,” I grab it and make my way out.

NOKUZOLA

I answer the door thinking it’s Nale coming back. But it’s my cheating babydaddy, I don’t know what
brings him here without notifying me. Maybe he’s here for Nale about the Hadebe ongoing feud.

“Nale is not home,” I say.

“I’m here to see you. Can I come in?” There’s something in the shopping bag that’s making me nauseous.
I don’t know why he’s here with a shopping bag because I don’t remember asking him for anything.
Anything I want, I get for myself.

“I didn’t want to come empty-handed,” he says with a nervous chuckle.

My face is always pulled, little things piss me off, I have crazy mood swings.

“How are you doing?” he asks.

“I’m good. What’s in the shopping bag?”

“I have a few things that I thought you might like.” He puts it on the counter and takes out the contents. I
see a silver foil, the smell hits my nose, and everything in my stomach turns.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

I have never seen anyone more stupid. Out of everything he thought I’d like fish. Fish!

I almost throw up on the floor but I manage to hold it in until I reach the bathroom. Throwing up always
leaves my stomach aching, that’s why I do my best to avoid fish.

“Here is water,” he says behind me.

“Are you crazy? Why would you bring me fish?”

“I’m really sorry, Nale said you like it and polony.”

What the fuck? Since when does he trust Nale?

“Get rid of it, now Xolani!” I don’t want to go back to the kitchen and find fish and polony.

He rushes out. I rinse my mouth and wash my face. He could’ve left me alone like I asked him to. But no,
he always wants to disrespect me, that’s why he asked Nale what I like and came here pretending like he
just came up with it. Nale doesn’t like him and he’s stupid enough to ask her what I like. Now I’m part of
their stupid rivalry.

I find him on the couch sitting with shame. The last thing he should be doing is pissing me off and he can
avoid that by simply listening to me and respecting what I say.

“I’m really sorry,” he says.

“Okay,” I rest back on the couch.

My stomach hurts all because of him.

“Can we go and buy what you like? I know I shouldn’t have bought you anything, you don’t consent to it.
But I really wanted to,” he says.

“I’m not dressed, I don’t want to go out,” I say.

“But you look beautiful, you don’t need to dress up.”

“I do, I don’t want to be pregnant and messy looking in public.”

“In my eyes you will never look messy. But I can help you fix your hair, if that’s going to give you a little
confidence.”

“So my hair looks messy?” I ask.

He smiles, “No, I didn’t say that.”

“But that’s what you implied. The comb is in the drawer in my bedroom,” I say.

He fetches it and comes back with hair food as well. I don’t know who taught him how to comb a
woman’s hair. Robyn, maybe.

I love how my hair food smells though, so I’m smiling. He separates my hair into four sections and then
applies hair food.

“Who taught you this?” I ask.

“I have a daughter,” he says.

“Yeah, but she doesn’t have long hair.”

“I still help her with it,” he says.

I will take that, I’m enjoying his touch. He massages my scalp gently and rubs my hair. I’d pay to have him
do my hair everyday. I don’t even feel the comb, that’s how gently he is.

“Nokuzola,” he peeps to my face.

I open my eyes, “I’m not asleep.”

“Okay, I’m almost done,” he says.

I don’t want this to be over. I touch the back that he’s done intentionally rough so that he will start
afresh. He gasps without confrontation and starts all over again. I’m dozing off, I can’t help it.

Air blows on my face, I open my eyes. It’s him waking me up. I’m pregnant for fuck’ sake!

“I’m sorry but we have to go, that’s why I did your hair and you’ve fallen asleep,” he says.

“You could’ve let me sleep, food is not that important.” I’m irritated.
I didn’t even promise him that I will go. I look at myself in the mirror. I don’t know what kind of hair bun
this is. It could have been on top or behind, not at the side.

“Do you like it?” he asks.

I don’t know when was the last time I laughed this hard. What is there to like? I can’t believe all that
smooth process had this ending. I thought he was doing something beautiful, that’s how it felt like.

“It’s unique,” that’s all I can say.

I have to get a jacket and change my shoes.

I know that he only brought me here for food but I’m already in the store, I might as well throw some
cosmetics in the trolley. These white-owned stores have satanic pulls, that’s why he’s now pushing a full
trolley. I don’t even feel bad because he forced me to come here, I wouldn’t have seen all these things if I
was indoors.

He pays, we make our way to the parking lot and he loads everything in the car. I stand at the side and
enjoy a bag of sweet chilli chips.

“You don’t want us to grab something to eat?”

“No, I have everything.” I got food from the kiosk, I don’t need anything more.

He opens my door, I get in and check up on Nale. She’s sinking down with the Hadebe ship but I warned
her from the very beginning. Her friendship with Msindisi was a recipe for disaster.

Well, she’s sleeping out again. I hope she doesn’t end up pregnant like me, she’s forever with Nzalo.

My chips and water keep me occupied until we get back home. I guess now he’s just helping me in with
the grocery and leaving.

“Onathi is about to call me at anytime now, she doesn’t want me out of her sight,” he says with a
boasting smile on his face. I’m happy his relationship with his daughter is improving but Onathi has been
nothing but bratty to me. Right now I don’t care about her.

“Winnie is coming over for dinner, I really thought you’d be present when it happens,” he says.

“Why would I be present? It has nothing to do with me,” I ask.

“Onathi considers her a mother, which means at some point I have to co-parent with her. I don’t want to
ever do anything behind your back. I want everything to be transparent, every relationship that I have,”
he says.

“But I’m just a babymama like her.”

I see a twinge of pain in his eyes. “No, you’re more than that.”

“So you don’t believe me when I break up with you?” I ask.

“I do but I don’t accept it,” he says.

“You don’t have to accept it to be a reality.”

“I know,” he says and locks his eyes with me.

He’s wearing a white curved cap and a short-sleeved white T-shirt. Short-sleeved T-shirts always look
good on his buffed up arms. But I’m not the only one who’s been in these arms, so it doesn’t matter
anymore.

“Nothing can ever justify what I did, the word sorry is too small for the big mistake that I made. I deserve
everything coming at me right now. Every second away from you is like a dagger in my heart. I feel lost
and incomplete. I have been anxious most of the times, I am burdened by my stupid habits and
immaturity. And all I ask from you right now is a chance to become a better man for you.”

“You have to become a better man for yourself, Xolani,” I say.

“You are what makes Xolani,” he says.

“I don’t know, you lost my trust. I do believe all human beings are flawed, but what matters is what you
do after committing a mistake. I get mad everytime I think about how you behaved after you came back
from Hluhluwe. I’m struggling to forgive you for that. Yes, I’m younger, but don’t insult my intelligence
like that.”

“I understand and I respect every emotion you feel and need to process,” he says.

“I don’t know if I will come to dinner but send me the details and I will decide.”

“Thank you,” he says with a deep sigh of relief.

It wasn’t a yes, I’m yet to decide.

“I miss you, Nokuzola,” he says.

“I bet you do.” I open the cupboard to pack my grocery.

He smiles, “Don’t forget to recommend me as your hairstylist to your friends.”

I laugh; this style won’t last a second on the pillow.

ZOLA

Nale went home for the weekend, I was supposed to go with her but guilt wouldn’t let me go and face
my mother. I assured her that I wasn’t pregnant and now it has turned out that I am. I don’t know
Xolani’s plans but it would be better if he sends his people back to my dad immediately. I had nothing to
do, so I decided to honor the dinner invite. I want to see Winnie, she’s the fugitive’s wife and Robyn’s
fake ex-bestie. I already have an idea of what she is all about. When I informed Xolani about my decision
he promised to send a car to pick me up. I’m ready and waiting for it. I don’t want to be early, I’m going
there as a guest and all I want is to get served. I won’t lift a finger, I don’t identify as a woman of that
house at the moment.

There’s a car hooting outside, that must be my ride. I get my side bag and make my way out.

Nzalo pulls me to the side once we are done eating. Msindisi is talking to Onathi, Winnie with Xolani.
She’s beautiful, I hope his zip doesn’t get loose.

“I’m happy to see you here, no wonder he’s been smiling a lot lately,” Nzalo says.

“Trust me, he wasn’t smiling because of me. How are you doing?” I ask.

“There’s nothing to complain about, I’m good. Just missing my better half, she keeps saying there’s signal
problem in the village,” he says.

“It happens, she’s not lying. My cousin never lies.”

He laughs, “You’re talking about a pro. Anyway wena, how are you doing?”

“I’m okay, not complaining,” I say.

“I heard that I’m having a little cousin, congratulations!”

“Thank you, I’m still getting used to it. It wasn’t part of my plans, I should’ve been extra careful, but it’s
God’s blessing and I have to embrace it.”

“Don’t worry, you will be a good mom. You have it in you. And babomncane is getting an experience
already, he will be a good dad. And Onathi will be a good big sister.”

“Big happy family things, right?” I believed him until he mentioned Onathi.

Onathi will drop my baby’s head on the floor.

I don’t know when he came behind me, I just feel him pulling me away. Nzalo goes and joins Msindisi
and Onathi.

“Where is your babymama?” I ask.

“She’s here,” he says, touching my tummy.

Obviously I was asking about Winnie.

“I want us to step away and talk,” he says.

I only came here for food, not to have any sort of conversation. I follow him upstairs, he has my juice in a
glass. I think Winnie has already left, I was curious to see her mode of transport.

“I have a little situation to attend on Wednesday, I just want to inform you,” he says.

“Oh, okay.” I currently have no business knowing his schedule, so I’m not sure why he thinks it’s
important to inform me.

“I don’t want you to just see something on the news, if it gets to that. Musa arranged to meet up with
Msindisi where Phindile is. I will go with Nzalo there to see what’s going on.”

Ok, now this sounds dangerous. Isn’t Musa the heartless guy who shot Thobile multiple times for his
sister to get a man?

“You will go with the police, right?”

“No, why?”

Is he being serious?

“For safety and they’re wanted by the police. What if he kills you?”

He smiles, “Don’t worry, he won’t.”

“No Xolani, you’re not going.” I just made up my mind, we are expecting a baby, so I cannot allow him to
go and put his life in danger.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because you’re putting your life at risk. Not carrying a baby doesn’t mean you can do anything you want
without considering the innocent life that we have created. I don’t want my baby to grow up with no
dad,” I say.

I can see it in his eyes, he thinks I’m being dramatic. But I mean it and I need him to prove that he
respects me by obeying this.

“I can’t let them go alone,” he says.

“They don’t have to go, tell the police and let them do their job," I say.

“It’s not that simple, Msindisi gave Nzalo instructions not to get anyone else involved. This is his
operation and disrespecting him will create more animosity between them,” he says.

“But you’re still not going Xolani. Him not thinking logically at the moment doesn’t mean you all have to
jump into a danger zone with him.” My decision doesn’t change. He needs to figure out how they deal
with Msindisi’s illogical expectations and put safety first.

“I hear you,” he says.

“Great. Is there anything else?”

He lock his eyes with me. Am I supposed to read his face?

“Please come back home, I need you,” he says.

“This home?” I ask.

“Me, I’m your home. Life is empty without you. I want to be with you and my little peanut every step of
the way,” he says.

“You should have thought about that before you did what you did.” I didn’t come here to reignite a
relationship, I came to eat and have some company.

“Does Onathi think I’m a bad person for holding you accountable for your actions?” I ask.

“No, not at all. What makes you say that?”

“Because I feel like she does and in future I will prefer that you keep children out of our business. You
don’t like it when Nale is in our business and coming at you, but you’re doing the same with your
daughter. How do you expect her to respect me?”

“I think you are misunderstanding….?”

I raise my eyebrow. Misunderstanding? Haven’t he said this before and it turned out I was right?

“Okay, I will find out what’s going on and address it with her,” he says.

That’s all I wanted because she’s not my kid to address, he’s better doing it before the situation gets out
of hand.

“We have to go back, you have guests,” I say.

“You don’t want me to even say hello to my little peanut?”

“I don’t even have a bump yet,” I turn to walk away.

And I’m being stopped. I look up, folding my arms while he’s staring down at me.

He kneels down, wraps his arms around my waist and leans his head against my tummy. This is not even
a baby yet. Broken up parents don’t hold each other.

“Please get up,” I say.

He only lifts his eyes and doesn’t remove his arms around me. “I’m going to give this baby the world.
God didn’t make a mistake and you will see that.”

It still hurts him that I said I regret making him the father of my baby. In that moment I meant it, I
wanted to hurt him, but I know that he’s going to be a good father.

He finally gets up but his other arm holds me still. If this was a week ago I would’ve pushed his head
against the wall and insulted him until his whole body trembled. I’m a better person than I was back
then.
ZOLA

At some point I was sure that I would be fine even if I never saw this mine again in my life. But today
proves all that wrong, I don’t want to lose him. I still need this lying, cheating, manipulative man in my
life. I need him to live his dream of raising a girl- Onathi. And for once experience how it’s like to be
cared for by your family. The news have reached Mpumalanga, Lwethu wants to come home tomorrow.
Onathi was fetched by Msindisi and for the first time since I have known her, I see a child. A scared child
curled up on the floor and sobbing nonstop. Today her biological mother was arrested, Winnie might
face charges of her own too, and now it’s her father between life and death. It’s a lot, I cannot imagine
what she’s going through.

“Please sit on the chair,” I pull her up.

The hospital floors are cold, she will get flue. I sit next to her and hold her hand. I never thought I’d want
anything to do with her but right now we have to stick together.

“Your dad is stubborn, he’s not just going to give up,” I borrow Nale’s words.

She’s still sobbing. “Why is it taking so long?”

“They have to take long, that’s way they will be careful and remove the bullet successfully,” I say.

“My dad wanted to kill my dad!” She buries her head on my lap and sobs some more.

Shit, I forget that Musa played a distant father role to her. She loves both these men, sadly I don’t think
Musa even cared to think about her for a minute. Because if anything had happened to Xolani, what
would've became of Onathi?

“Xolani loves you and he’s not going to leave you. You’re what he dreamed of for a very long time. I don’t
even know if it was a dream or a fatherly instinct was trying to tell him that he has a daughter. He talked
about having a daughter, he was thrilled by the idea. And then you just came out of nowhere and made
that dream a reality.” I’m stroking her hair, she’s stopped crying, just having hiccups. I feel like a
grandmother telling a folktale to her sad grandchild, but I love it, she’s getting calm. “Now I don’t have to
worry about whether I will be able to give him a daughter or not, you have saved me.”

She chuckles. “He just wanted a doll to ban from social media.”

“It’s for your own good, he just cares a bit too much but he means well.” Onathi is the reason why all this
happened. If it wasn’t for her posting her life on social media, nobody would’ve known that she’s living a
good life with Winnie and MaMkhwanazi is sponsoring it. I don’t think she even knows that and maybe
it’s better that way because she might start blaming herself. But she is the reason why Thobile finally
found justice. I guess the Hadebe ancestors used their own and worked overtime.

Nzalo comes to us, I hope it’s good news, he’s been speaking to the doctors.

“How is he?” Msindisi asks, getting up on his feet.

“The operation was successful, he’s doing okay. They say we can see him for five minutes, his body needs
to rest.” It’s good news, I cannot express how happy I am.
Nale stays behind with Nzalo, I go in with Onathi and Msindisi, we cannot crowd him. I thought he’d be
awake, I’m a bit disappointed but happy to see him breathing on his own. Nale was right, he’s too
stubborn to just die.

I let Onathi hold his hand, she’s started crying again but this time it’s tears of joy.

“Thank you so much for coming back. I promise I will never walk in to your room without knocking again
and I will always eat with you on the table. I love you, I don’t want to lose you.”

She’s a very sweet child, I wish she can always display her true emotions like this and not hide it by
acting like a spoilt brat.

I kiss his forehead and tell him that I’m waiting for him to get out of the hospital, I will be home waiting
for him with Onathi and his little peanut. He’s concurred the big fight, I may be angry at him for going
there without my consent but I know that he went there to save his nephews. If he didn’t take this bullet
it could’ve been one of them, and who knows if they would’ve survived. I’m mad but I understand, and
I’m not going to give him a hard time about it.

I look at Msindisi, our time is almost up. No movement. I think he wants to be alone with him. I take
Onathi and we give him space.

I don’t want to leave, I want to be by his side until his body recovers and he’s able to see me. But that’s
not realistic, I’m pregnant and working tomorrow. At least I know that he’s out of danger and he’s in
good hands here.
ZOLA

It’s been a few days, he’s recovering well in the hospital. I have kept things positive, I don’t even think I
will confront him about going against my word, I just want him to come home. I moved in with Onathi
and so far it’s been good. She needs me to be here and I think she finally understands that I care about
her dad even though he hurt me.

We have been eating out most of the times. I come back from work and we drive to a nearby restaurant
and have dinner. It’s all been coming from my pocket and I’m not rich, today I cannot afford taking us
out, so I’m cooking.

“Do you eat baked beans?” I ask.

I’m not big on cooking so I prefer simple meals.

“Ummh, why do you have a pot?”

I’m confused. “To cook, I’m cooking baked beans.”

“Do you cook a baked cake?” she asks.

“Why would I cook a baked cake?” Is this child okay?

“I don’t know, why would you cook baked beans? It’s bakeeed.”

Sigh! I don’t know who’s going to tell her because I don’t have the strength. She stands and watches as I
chop onions and add to a hot pan with oil. I’m cooking baked beans curry, adding chopped tomatoes and
all the spices.

“What do you want? Rice or phuthu?” I ask.

“It’s the same thing, just starch,” she says.

Well, rice it is. I’m not a good phuthu cook anyway. I cook with her looking at everything with lack of
interest. I don’t think she knows how to cook so beggars can’t be choosers.

My food looks good, for once I didn’t overcook rice. I dish for both of us and call her to the table. I know
she misses her dad right now, he would’ve rang a chef to come and cook her green beans and half-
bleeding meat.

“So you’re going to marry my dad?” She’s weighing her options right now; does she stay his daughter
and have me cooking for them or she finds a new dad.

“I don’t know but I have the ring,” I say.

“Wow, he proposed? How many carats?”

Okay, I shouldn’t have mentioned it.

“It wasn’t the actual ring, I’m talking about a gesture- he sent his uncles to my father,” I say and she
erupts into laughter. Even his own daughter is laughing at it, I deserve better.
“And you agreed? He’s going to wed you in a community hall,” she’s still laughing.

“Give him a break, he has some taste.” We are laughing and eating, she’s forgot about criticizing the
food. It doesn’t taste bad but the cooked-baked beans didn’t turn out how I wanted.

My phone rings, there are no rules on this table, I answer.

“Hey Ma,”

“How are you mntanami?”

“I’m good, I just cooked.”

“You cooked? Is Nale not with you?”

“No, I have been in Xolani’s house with his daughter.”

“Oh, how is she doing?” she asks.

I look over to Onathi, she’s focused on her plate. “She’s fine,” I say.

“And how is your morning sickness?”

“It’s getting better now,” I say.

“Yeah, it should get better with time. Your dad wants to talk to you,” she says.

My mom has accepted that she’s becoming a grandmother and I’m having her grandchild out of
wedlock. My dad on the other side hasn’t even confronted me about it, which makes me nervous.

He’s been listening to us going on and on about me stepmothering and morning sicknesses.

“Nokuzola,” he says.

His voice sends shivers down my spine, it’s guilty.

“Hi dad,” I say.

“How are you?”

“I’m good,” I say.

“I hear your mother talking about pregnancy. Who is pregnant?” He knows that I’m pregnant, he just
wants to give me a hard time.

“Nale told you,” I say.

“Oh, she’s your mouth now?”

Sigh!

“It’s me,” I say.

“Awu, congratulations ntombi, well done.”

I hear him giving the phone back to my mom. Mom says goodnight and ends the call.
Onathi looks up. “What’s happening?”

“All I can say is, don’t fall pregnant if your dad is still alive, unless you’re married. Dads will have you out
of wedlock and criticize you for meeting the same fate,” I say.

“But you’re 29. Once I turn 21 I will set my own rules, as an adult you can decide when you want to have
children,” she says.

“I can’t wait,” I say.

She thinks parents understand anything about their children becoming adults. Black parents will make
you feel guilty for being sexual active at 30.

“So, are you hoping for a brother or sister?” I ask.

She clears her throat dramatically and sips water.

No, she can’t be real.

“None?” I ask.

“I just met him and his attention is going to be away from me. But I’m okay now, I’m going back to
college anyway,” she says.

“Onathi are you serious? People raise more than five children at once, it doesn’t mean that he’s going to
love the baby more and neglect you.”

“I know, I guess I overreacted,” she says.

“To him?” I ask.

“Yes, we fought about it,” she says.

I find this hilarious to be honest, but I also understand because she’s only been here for a short while
and they just started bonding. But I’m not that kind of person, I will never be with someone who
abandons one of his children.
ZOLA

Living with Onathi has been like nothing I could have ever imagined. I watched her from a distance and
concluded based on her attitude. But trust me, her bad attitude is just a cover of her true personality.
She’s just a child that wears long weaves.

Today her dad is coming home, with everything that’s been going on he’s one person she has been
needing the most. I’m also happy that he’s finally coming home but he left things on a certain level with
me and that’s not going to automatically get resolved. I’m afraid we still need to sit down and talk. I still
love him, that’s why I made it my responsibility to look after his daughter.

Nzalo is bringing him home, I had to arrange a little welcome-home something. All the food here was
bought, I have cooked twice in this house and both times Onathi dished me with bad reviews.

I have some flowers, Onathi made him a card, we are ready.

Nzalo’s car arrives, I don’t know why I start panicking. Everything is good, there’s enough food, the main
bedroom is ready for him. Onathi has ran outside to them, I remain inside, I’m nervous.

Nzalo is the first one to walk in carrying a bag. I haven’t had a chance to talk to him about Nale.

“I’m hungry,” he says, throwing the bag on the lounge couch and proceeding to the table. He waits for no
permission before grabbing a sticky wing, he looks a bit down.

I turn my eyes towards the door and there he comes, with Onathi behind him talking nonstop. I sit still,
he walks in with his eyes on me. He knows very well if it wasn’t for this unfortunate incident I wouldn’t
have been here.

“So we were eating baked beans with soup,” Onathi says.

“Was it good?” His eyes are still on me.

“It was better than head and feet curry.”

He laughs. His daughter still has a long way to go in life. One day if she ever visits home with me, she will
experience real food.

“You dumped my bag on the couch for food?” he says to Nzalo.

Nzalo hrugs and focuses on the food.

“Please help me,” he says to me.

He looks perfectly fine even though I can see that there’s something under the T-shirt around his chest
area. I take the bag and lead him upstairs to his bedroom. I made an effort for everything to meet his
standard.

I drop his bag on the floor, he sits on the bed.

“Hello Nokuzola,” he says.

“Hi, welcome home. Should I bring your food here?”

“No,” he says and stares at me.

I remain standing. For the first time it’s us, out of the hospital, with no extra guest around.

“Sondela,” he says.

Deep breath. I take a step closer, he pulls me to sit down.

“Is it painful?” I ask.

“No, it’s a healing wound. And I have a bunch of painkillers.”

I nod, “That’s better.”

“Thank you for being here with Onathi. I can see nothing is broken and she’s pleasantly stunned by the
new menu you introduced.”

“I did what I had to do,” I say.

His eyes are on me, I look back at him. His face gets closer until his nose is touching mine.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t let them go alone,” he says softly.

I was mad, I felt disrespected again, but I get it.

“It’s okay,” I say.

“I value your opinion and I respect you, okay? We’ll never go through what we went through, I’m never
going to hurt you again, I promise.”

I will believe it when I see it, for now I’m just risking it all for my heart.

“Do you know what’s been on my mind since yesterday?”

I shake my head, “No.”

“Sitting here with you next to me, holding your hand and kissing you.” I turn my face too late, he traces
my lips until he fully nibbles on them. Gently kissing me with his right hand wrapped behind my neck.

It’s been too long, I pull back but he still wants more. Kissing him doesn’t feel different, my body warms
up, I open my lips for him to get deeper. Ah fuck!

My harsh breathing gives it away. I know he’s affected the same way. We look at each other, knowing
very well that we can’t take it any further.

“My love,” he says.

His soft tone melts me. “Hey,” I smile.

“Can I have my food here? Tell our kids that I need to rest.”

“I asked and you said no.” It looks like he’s going to be needy, I can’t wait for him to fully recover.
They’re on the table, eating. When I walk in alone, Onathi frowns.

“Where is Xolani?” she asks.

I thought she swore not to call him by name again if he comes back home.

“He wants to rest, I will take his food upstairs. You, kids, can enjoy yourselves here, he will see you in the
morning,” I say.

“But he didn’t even look at my card,” she complains.

Xolani knows that she’s happy to see him home, he will spend time with her tomorrow. I take the card
with his food and flowers. Nzalo keeps her distracted, I hear him talking about movies. Nzalo always
understands the assignment.

He looks up, “What’s all that now?”

“Card from your daughter and flowers from me. Welcome back home, I will put the flowers by your
side,” I hand him the plate and Onathi’s card.

He smiles, reading it.

“I’m so proud of her,” he says.

“I know, she’s handling everything with grace. But at some point she’ll want closure from
MaMkhwanazi.” I lived with Nale, I know what it does to a person not to have the other parent. Onathi’s
case is worse because MaMkhwanazi gave her away and opted for the aunt role instead. No child
deserves that.

“At least she will know where to find her,” he says.

“What about you? Do you still have questions for her?” I’m asking because throughout this relationship
his past- especially MaMkhwanazi- has been a part of the baggage he came with. He constantly had to
go back in search for answers.

“I don’t, I only have a question for you,” he says.

“Alright, ask.” I adjust on the bed and look at him.

He takes a few bites first. “You didn’t cook this, did you?”

“No, I bought everything,” I say.

“Where did you get money?”

“I work, Xolani.” Hhayi-bo this man, he thinks I’m broke without him. I have been digging in my pockets
here and there to keep our lives moving.

“I’m embarrassed, you need to write these pins somewhere or save them in your phone.” He gives me a
pin for each card he has. I didn’t ask for them, I can take care of myself and a teenage girl for a week or
two, without his assistance.
“I can’t make you leave your house to come here and pay bills. I’m sure your parents already dislikes me,
imagine if they find out that uyazondla la, you take care of yourself and look after my daughter instead of
sending money home.” He’s definitely exaggerating this, my parents may disagree with some of my
decisions but they know that I’m a responsible person and I’m quite smart.

Onathi comes and tells us that Nzalo is taking her out. They both need it, they must go and bond as
cousins. I run a bath for my patient and take the plate to the kitchen while he takes a bath. They left a
mess in the dining room, I’m not in the mood to clean, not that I ever am. I just collect leftovers and put
them in the fridge. I’m not hungry, I only get myself a slice of cake and take fruits upstairs.

He's done bathing, now he’s sitting naked because I didn’t put his clothes on the bed. It’s going to be a
long week! I get his T-shirt and shorts, then help him lotion his back. He can do it all himself, he just
wants to have his big baby moments.

“You’re going to sleep in our bed, angithi?”

“What do you think?” I ask.

“I don’t know but I’d like you to. I know you still have certain feelings and I’m going to do everything in
my power to gain your trust.”

“Where is she?” I ask.

“Last time we spoke she was in Pretoria,” he says.

Interesting!

“And when was this?” I ask.

“It was a day after she came here. I just want to explain one thing to you, I know you may not
understand or accept it. We have never dated or seen each other that way, I had no feelings for her
whatsoever. We worked together most of the times, which will never happen again, and I was single
when we started, that’s when favors began. I should’ve stopped after we met, there are habits you
cannot take into a relationship, I fucked up. I apologize for all the pain I caused you. I just want you to
know that you’re the only person in my heart and the only person I have had raw sex with in 3 years.”

I don’t accept it but I cannot change it either, so I’d rather move on and talk about other things. Raw sex
is not an achievement, I have swollen breasts as we speak.

“Why are you quiet?” he asks.

“I have nothing to say, I think I have expressed myself enough. I just hope you heard me and I will never
be that angry, vile woman again. You made me say things I wouldn’t have ever said to you, just because I
wanted you to feel the same pain I was feeling.”

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “But it’s the things you had thought about. Not that I blame you,
I also question my paternity at times but I look just like them.”
I really shouldn’t have gone there. As unbelievable as it might be, that came out of nowhere, I had never
thought about it before.

“I’m sorry I said that, and talking about your relationship with your mother. You have listened to my
struggles with my dad and never made fun of them, I’d take it back if I could.”

“It’s fine makoti, I’m not holding a grudge,” he says.

I know he’s not holding a grudge but I think it will always be at the back of his mind.

“How is my little peanut?” He opens his arm, I carefully sit against him. He touches my tummy, there are
some changes but I still wear a dress and look like the normal Zola.

“Growing a bit,” I say.

He turns his eyes to me. Something has changed from how they were a minute ago; he looks proud. “It is
my baby," he says.

It sounds like a question but he’s not really asking.

“Yeah, it’s your baby,” I say.

His hand wraps around my tummy. “This is my first time in 43 years making someone pregnant and
knowing about it. A lot was happening when I found out, I don’t think it has sunk in yet. I need to
celebrate me.”

“Celebrate you? Who is pregnant kanti?” I’m so confused.

“We are both pregnant,” he smiles. “But there are things that are a personal achievement, like this one,
it means a lot to me. I’m a whole man, I have a family, Nokuzola. God is giving me everything all at once,
I don’t even know what to thank him for first.”

“Maybe saving your life first, you could’ve died,” I say.

“I can’t kneel, just hold my mind.” Oh, he meant really praying.

I thought he was going to thank God in his little corner, alone and silently. I have never heard him pray
before, let’s hear it.

Medication drove him to sleep early, I waited until Onathi came home before sleeping. I didn’t sleep
early but now I have to wake up because he’s awake.

“What do you need?” I ask.

“Just you, please face me,” he says.

I turn and sleep on my right side, facing him.

“Ulale kanjani?” he asks.

“I slept well, just a bit late because I waited for Onathi. Wena?”
“Like a baby,” he says.

I nod and close my eyes again.

“I want to go and check at the pub, I know others were under good care, I’m only worried because they
were short-stuffed and it was probably busy over the weekend.”

“So the doctor said you must go back to work today?” I ask.

“But I’m only going to check, I’m not going to work,” he says.

“If you say so.” It’s too early for arguments.

“Mana phela mama, don’t sleep.” He puts his hand on my cheek, I have no choice but to open my eyes.
“Maybe Hadebe no longer works, you are not even checking. Don’t you miss your man kanti?”

“Your body needs to heal,” I say.

“My lower body isn’t hurt. I don’t want you to starve, please pull this thing down and have fun.” He
wants me to take advantage of him.

“No,” I refuse.

“It’s been a long time Nokuzola, please, I will help you. Ngikukhumbule."

I’ve had moments where I really craved for a man. But I have self-control, I can go for months without
having sex.

“I didn’t see any condoms here when I was cleaning,” I say.

He sighs, “Condom? You’re pregnant already nje.”

“Yeah but you’re not a faithful person,” I say.

“Look in the bathroom,” he’s hurt.

Unfortunately it’s going to be this way until I decide otherwise.

ZOLA

Am I happy? Absolutely. We both work, I see him in the afternoons, sometimes he comes home after
8pm, there’s nothing I can say moving in with him changed. There’s a helper, I come home to a clean
house, most of the times he gets dinner arranged. I only did what I’d say is too much chores when he just
came from the hospital. He’s strong as an ox, it didn’t take more than three days for him to be back on
his feet.

Today he’s later than usual, Onathi has already gone to bed, it’s almost 22h00. He was held up in the
pub, he was calling every 10 minutes letting me know, he didn’t want to start suspecting him of other
things. I’m waiting for him in the kitchen, having a cup of hot chocolate.

I hear him driving in, a few minutes later he’s walking in and my heart just melts.

“I’m so sorry,” he says, coming to hug me.

“It’s okay,” I kiss his lips and go back to my hot chocolate.

“Is she in her room?” he asks.

“Yeah but she’s okay, we had spaghetti and cheese, then some ice-cream,” I say.

“Okay my love, I will take a bath, I already ate,” he says.

“I will finish my chocolate and follow.” I think we are slowly moving to a better place.

I’m healing and enjoying being his woman again. I took the car back, commuting got tiring.

I finish my hot chocolate and head to the bedroom. He’s still taking a bath, I brush my teeth in the sink
and then wait for him in bed.

I have given him a hard time, he’s been walking around eggshells and overcompensating, especially
when he’s not home, he calls endlessly to prove that he’s not with anyone. It’s a stage we have to go
through but there are other things I can appreciate him for regardless of what he did.

He comes out of the bathroom, being butt naked is his new habit when we are in the bedroom alone. He
could’ve taken his clothes with him.

“At least wrap a towel around,” I say.

“It’s just me and you,” he says.

“I want to massage you and your nakedness will distract me.” I don’t want to massage him while looking
at his butt. But he doesn’t care, he sits on the bed and connects his phone to the charger.

“I want to give you a massage, you’ll have to lie down,” I say.

“So you’re serious?” He looks surprised.

I’m a nice person, aren’t I?

“You work hard everyday and I benefit from it.” He’s done a lot for me; he sheds off a lot of financial
burden. Nale calls him a sugar daddy but I know that’s not what he is. He doesn’t do all that he does for
sexual favours, it’s how he shows his power as a man and the ability that he can take care of me. He’s
from that generation, a man has to prove himself by being a provider. He’s not a sugardaddy, he’s a man.

“I love you,” I say.

“Hawu Nokuzola,” he’s out of words.

I haven’t been the nicest to him and this seems to come out of nowhere.

“I do, and I want you to be happy. Nothing has changed from the promises I made to you when we got
together, I just want to be your peaceful place,” I say.

“You are my peaceful place, I look forward to coming home to you everyday. And thank you, Nokuzola, I
appreciate you.” He pulls me and wraps his arms around me.

It feels like home. I know I wouldn’t want to be in any man’s arms. He brushes my tummy and then kisses
my cheek.

“Your words just made me happy,” he says.

I know how to get to his heart, I know my way around. Little things melt him, he’s a sucker for affection.

“Do you want the massage or not?” I ask.

He smiles, “I want it, please.”

“Then get on your stomach, I will get the oil.”

I have never given any man a massage before, love will make you do crazy things. I get the oil and rub it
in my hands, then start around his neck to the shoulders. His low moans tell me that I’m doing a good
job. This man can leave before 7am and comes back at 8pm. He has people running his business
establishments but he’s still just as much involved.

I stop around his waist, I don’t know if he’s fallen asleep.

I get off the bed, his hand grabs me.

“Please continue,” he says.

“Your legs?” I ask.

“Everywhere, it feels good.”

I don’t think I’m massaging his butt, I will skip to his back thighs and then go to his feet.

And then now? See, this is why I wanted him to wear something. Why is he moving like he’s making love
to the bed?

“Don’t be naughty,” I say.

He chuckles, “Can I face up? I need massage down here as well.”

He’s taking it too far. He turns around, looking horny and sleepy at the same time.
He wants a kiss, I know where this is going. He pulls me to the bed and pins me down, rolling over me
and desperation kisses me while trying to find access under my dress.

“When is my sentence ending? I miss feeling you.” His fingers are tapping between my folds.

He traces my lips with a kiss before giving me a chance to respond.

“Condom, Xolani,” I say.

“Why are you doing this to me? You think I don’t check my health status and I’d do something to put you
and my baby at risk?”

He’s really turning me off.

“We can have this conversation some other time, fuck me or let me go, please.” I know he likes a bit of
fussiness in bed. As soon as I give him the ultimatum, he shuts me with a kiss and pulls the panty to the
side, almost tearing it, and rubs my clit.

“Let’s continue,” he says.

“Then get the condom,” I say firmly.

He inhales sharply and then gets off. He’s not satisfied but he needs to release. He gets it and comes
back, kissing me like he’s being forced to.

“Are you no longer in the mood?” I ask.

“But Nokuzola this is not fair, one minute you say we are alright, next you’re punishing me. After you give
birth you will have another excuse for us to use condoms everyday. Nami ngiwumuntu, treat me like
your man, not a hook-up.” He’s ranting because I asked for a condom. All this speech, just for a condom!

“Ngichamela kuplastic everyday like I’m in a brothel, in my house with the mother of my children. When
am I getting a break? Just for once…”

Sigh.

“Leave the condom,” I say.

“I’m not forcing you, I’m just asking for freedom. I’m clean, you know that. I just want to be inside you
and be warm,” he says.

“I said it’s fine.” Gosh, I will turn dry discussing this.

“I love you, MaThabethe. I’m sorry if it sounds like I’m ungrateful.”

Sigh!

He kisses me, I welcome his lips and open my legs for him. I need to be more wet, he rubs his tip on my
clit and teases my opening until I’m moist enough. Then he pushes in half of his shaft.

His eyes shut, he pushes in every inch until fully buried inside.

“Nokuzola,” his head is against me, breaths escalating.

I wrap my arms around his waist, “Yes babe?”

“Ungang’lahli, amathemba ami wonke akuwe, don’t leave me.”

“I won’t,” I say.

He moves; I wrap my legs around him.

Our breath collide, he’s deep where I want him to be. He’s hitting the corners I want him to hit, I don’t
want him to pull out even though I can see that he needs a moment, he’s strained.

He moans, enjoying every thrust. “Ohhh!”

“Yes”

“Where were you? I looked for you my whole life, ungafiki.”

“I’m here now,” I say.

His pace picks up, I know what’s about to come.

I unwrap my legs but it’s too late.

“I’m cumming dali, I’m cumming!”

I can have a say but it won’t change anything.

That triggers a loud groan, I have to cover his mouth before the whole Tongaat finds out that I have a
tight cookie. I only remove it when he’s quiet, just breathing with his mouth open.

He opens his eyes, “I love you.”

ZOLA

I’m back, only Onathi is home. I ask her to take my bag to the bedroom and fix a snack. My phone rings
as I sit down, it’s my mother.

“Hello,” I answer.

“Have you arrived?”

“Yeah, I just arrived.”

“This thing between you and your father really stresses me. Now he’s blaming me for letting you leave
while he wasn’t home.”

“Awu, but I made it known that I was leaving today,” I’m confused. I didn’t sneak out, I was getting ready
in front of him, then he decided to go with his sheep.

“You still have to tell him, he mustn’t catch it in the air,” she says.

“Fine, I will call him.” Sigh.

Dad wasn’t even supposed to get involved, this is getting on my last nerve. I’m always doing something
wrong in his eyes. I call his phone.

“Thabethe,” I say when he answers.

“Now you leave without saying goodbye?”

“But you heard me saying I’m coming back today and you decided to go with your sheep. If you were
home I would’ve said goodbye,” I say.

“Do you know that you still need my blessing? Even when you’re in that house you’re protected by the
Thabethe ancestors, you’re just a stranger to the Hadebes.”

“I do know that,” I say.

“I don’t think you do, please be a child that you are. Don’t put that man on top of my head, giving him
power to disrespect me,” he says.

But Xolani didn’t do anything, I chose to come back.

“I will talk to your mother about the message you left,” he says and drops my call.

I can’t say I’m shocked that he’s mad at me for leaving, even though I wasn’t obliged to stay until
tomorrow. But taking it out on Xolani is taking it to a different level. Xolani has never disrespected my
family, not even Nale who’s provoked him every way possible.
AT THE THABETHES

Thabethe has been venting, and just like most husbands, he’s pinning Zola’s behavior on her mother.
She’s tried to sort it out, Zola just called him but he’s still going on.

“He has a daughter, he will get his karma,” he says.

Khululiwe sighs, “At the end of the day he’s going to be our son-in-law.”

“Son? Are you well, Khululiwe?” He shakes his head and sits on the bed. “She came here to take anything
I say and turn it against me. I thought we talked things through but clearly this child hates me,” he says.

“She doesn’t hate you, you’re her father,” -Khululiwe.

“I was, when I was still providing for her. Now she has another man providing for her and giving her a
home,” he shrugs and rests his head down on the pillow.

“Maybe it’s time we meet this Xolani. We are having a grandchild and he’s the father, we cannot be
having these issues. I will want my grandchild to visit me and if you are not on good terms with Nokuzola
and him, they will not let that happen.”

“What did I do to them?” He looks at his wife and takes a deep sigh. “I committed a crime now by
welcoming Nalenhle back home, whereas she knows very well that I’d do the same for her. I didn’t send
them to work, they can both stop working and my house will stand still. Now I have to take instructions
from Nokuzola? The child I birthed.”

“You have to calm down, Thabethe,” she says.

“I am calm.” His eyes have turned bloodshot, Nokuzola has always been a well behaved child, this new
attitude came with the Hadebe man.

ZOLA

I’m watching TV with Onathi, in a month she will be going back to college and furthering her studies. I’m
grateful for the little time we’ve spent together, I can now say we are best friends. She’s opened up to
me and accepted that I’m in her dad’s life.

The door opens, the dad walks in and kisses my lips.

“How was your journey?” he asks, going to Onathi and hugging her.

“It was fine except that now my dad is mad at me for leaving without saying goodbye to him.”

He exhales heavily and lowers down to the chair. “I hate it when you have issues with your family
because somehow I end up looking like I’m trying to be your superhero and meddling in whatever is
going on.”

“So you don’t want me here?”

Onathi gets up and leaves before it gets dramatic.

“That’s not what I’m saying, I’m just saying he’s going to hate me.”

“So? Who cares?” Dad doesn’t like him anyway.

I don’t see why he should be so worried about being on his good side. If that man doesn’t feel you,
there’s nothing you can do to appeal to him. Trust me, I know.

My phone rings, it’s my mom again.

I answer, “Ma.”

“Your dad and I want to meet Xolani.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Do we need to tell you the reason?”

“But Ma…”

“Zola don’t argue for no reason, you’re the middle person, arrange it,” she ends the call.

This is what he didn’t want, I know this is not going to be a friendly meeting.

“What is she saying?” he asks.

“They want to meet you,” I say.

I can see the fear in his eyes. "I feel set up," he says.

"By me?"

He sighs heavily and doesn't respond.

ZOLA

The meeting is tomorrow and the fear has kicked in. He blames me and thinks I set him up, which I can’t
confirm or deny, but they would’ve wanted to meet him sooner or later anyway. At least they know that
I’m dating and they have made peace with the decisions I take in my relationship. Nale went back to
square one; sneaking around and lying to see Nzalo. I wouldn’t have had strength for all of that, I don’t
think Xolani would’ve had it either.

He's home early today, for the first time Onathi is leaving the house alone and it’s freaking him out. She’s
meeting with two friends, going out to a dinner party and coming back tomorrow morning. It’s one of
her friends birthday and she insisted on going. She hasn’t been in public or any social gathering since the
news that involved Winnie and Musa hit surface. Xolani is worried but I think she can handle it just fine.

“What do you think?” She comes out in the skimpiest outfit I’ve ever seen.

My mouth drops open. If this is my reaction imagine her dad’s.

“Too tight and too short,” I say.

“Okay, but does it look on me?”

“Obviously, you have a great body.”

“Bravo!” She goes to the mirror and adds something on her cheekbones.

Her make-up is perfect, you’d swear she had a professional MUA doing it. Hair on point, I don’t know
how many inches those are but I know they cost a fortune.

Xolani walks in, his look disapproves as soon as he sees her. He’s a hypocritical man, because how Onathi
dresses is exactly how he wanted me to dress, but now because it’s his daughter it’s inappropriate.

“Are you dressed?” he asks.

“Yes,” she looks at him, ready to defend herself.

“It doesn’t look appropriate,” he says.

“I’m trying to look good, not appropriate, please don’t start. You said you want me to be happy and
enjoy myself, how is that going to happen with all these terms and conditions?”

He sighs, “Okay, I’m now quiet.”

“Thank you,” she leaves.

I look at him and laugh. Onathi can really put him in a tight corner. I love the dad that he is though.

“I hope this one won’t be like the big sister,” he says, brushing my tummy.

“With a sister like her and gogo like Nale, I doubt there will be any difference.”
“Gogo?” He frowns, then laughs.

“Yeah, if Nale calls me her niece then my child will call her gogo.” I don’t think she’s aware of this and I
will make it my mission to teach my baby from a young age that Nale is gogo.

“I like this,” he laughs.

I doubt Nale will like it.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” I ask.

He heaves a long sigh. “No, I’m not.”

“I have a feeling they will give you a hard time, especially about the age gap, but moving forward
everything will be great,” I say.

“Do you really think so?” he asks.

“All my mom ever wanted was for me to find a good man who can take care of me and love me
genuinely. You are that man, right?”

He smiles, “Yeah, I think so. But what about your dad?”

“I don’t think he trusts anyone with me, I have been a good girl my whole life,” I say.

“But you had boyfriends he didn’t have a problem with,” he says.

“That only Nale knew about and I didn’t sleep with a boy until I was 20.” I wasn’t a headache at home, I
barely got out of line. They already had their hands full with Nale, I wasn’t adding to that.

I’d expect them to have more understanding and acceptance when I finally introduce someone to them.

“I’m nervous but there’s nothing I can’t handle, especially if it’s in exchange of you,” he says.

“Don’t worry, he’s not that bad.” I’m lying, my dad can be really bad.

Onathi comes back, she’s added fishnet stockings under the mini-skirt. It looks worse than before, this
child wants to kill my man.

Onathi hasn’t come back, obviously because it’s only 7am. But her dad is already making calls and
getting worked up. I think today’s anxiety is getting the better of him and he’s taking it out on Onathi.
He’s walking in and out, looking very restless.

My phone rings, it’s Onathi.

“Can you tell Xolani that I’m coming back in the afternoon? I’m going to Gateway with my friends,” she
says.

“Don’t worry, go and enjoy yourself,” I say.

There’s no need for her to rush home anyway, him and I are attending the family meeting and also
coming back later.
He walks in, “If this child is not here before 12…”

“She’s coming back later, in the afternoon, they are going to Gateway. What you should be doing right
now is sending her some moolas,” I say.

He glares at me, “Are you joking?”

“No. I just got a call from her and I told her that it’s okay.”

“And what made you say that without talking to me first?”

“Am I not an elder in this house? Or I don’t have a right over your child?” I don’t understand.

“That’s not what I mean,” he says, his voice a bit soft.

It’s exactly what he meant- I can’t tell his child anything without consulting him.

“I’m just worried, what if she does something wrong?” he says.

“Like what? You’ve been with her for months, you can just trust her.” I have seen the growth in Onathi,
she’s going to look after herself very well.

He takes out his phone, I bet he’s doing the transaction.

Then he sighs heavily, “I’m sorry.”

“About?” I raise my eyebrow.

“You’re the woman of this house, I’m just anxious about everything today,” he says.

“I understand. Come here,” I open my arms.

He takes off his shoes and comes to me in bed. I kiss him then give him a tight hug.

“It’s going to be okay, I’m here with you every step of the way.”
ZOLA

I get the juice I came here to fetch and take it to him in the rondavel. I wanted to give him a chair but
mom said no, so he’s sitting on the grass-mat.

“Are you still comfortable?” I ask.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he says.

I pour him some juice, he seems very nervous.

I wasn’t aware that my mom was following me, I turn my eyes and she looks gobsmacked at the door.
She asks me to step out for a minute.

“You serve him on your feet?”

Oh, she’s shocked by that.

“He doesn’t mind,” I say.

“In his personal space, not with other people watching. How do you think people are going to respect
him? Or you want isiyoyoyo sendoda?”

My mom can be dramatic, Xolani doesn’t care about any of that.

"Never do that again, especially ekuhambeni, give him some respect. A man can allow you to hit his head
in his house, but it doesn’t mean you have to do it in public as well."

"Okay Ma." I know arguing with her is useless.

We get back inside, she greets Xolani warmly, even asking how difficult it is to drive on our old, gravel
road.

Dad comes in, the atmosphere changes immediately. He sits comfortably before greeting Xolani. My dad
looks older than Xolani, I don’t think he expected Xolani to look like this. He probably expected a man
with a big belly and receding hairline, like himself.

“I’m Nokuzola’s dad and this is her mother,” he says.

“I’m happy to finally meet you,” -Xolani.

“Likewise,” dad says and then stares at him for a solid minute.

Xolani keeps his head down. I know by that tapping finger, he’s nervous. Only my dad can reduce a well-
respected businessman into a trembling boy.

“My daughter lives with you and we don’t even know where you live. I’d expect someone of your age to
know the right channels to follow before that step is taken. If something happens to her while she’s
under your roof, who must we hold accountable?”

Honestly, he had nothing to do with that decision, he was in the hospital when I moved in.
“Dad, I’m the one who….”

“Keep quiet, Nokuzola,” he says.

I look at my mom, I know she approves of my relationship and I have communicated with her about why
I moved in, she understood. But today she’s folding her arms and watching her husband go off. Trust
anyone but my mom, hallelujah.

“I’m trying to speed up everything Thabethe. I’m not disrespecting you, I know what’s due to you, I was a
bit distracted by personal issues but we are working on it now. There’s someone on the way and moving
in with me seemed more reasonable because she needs support.”

He looks at me, “Why didn’t you tell your mom and I that you were planning on having a baby?”

I know the turn he wants to take with this question.

“It wasn’t planned,” I say.

“Ok, but you told him that you want to be a mother and put on hold all your dreams to raise a baby?” he
asks.

Deep sigh.

“No, I didn’t,” I say.

He looks at Xolani, “How did that happen?”

Xolani can’t answer.

“Do you know what’s funny? You’re doing exactly what I thought you’d do. What is your reason for
choosing my daughter, someone who’s over a decade younger than you?”

“I love her,” he says.

“So you couldn’t find anyone born five years after you were born or three years older than you, who you
could love and lend your cars to, while making them pregnant? Nobody was worth your love within your
age bracket?”

“No,” he says.

“I find that strange, Hadebe. Nokuzola doesn’t even come across as a girl old-looking than her actual age,
I fail to understand how you went for her in the first place. If not to prey on her naivety, I don’t know
what else could’ve been your motive. It can’t be that all women in their 40s and mid- 30s were out of
reach, you look like a man who can date any woman that he wants. I’m not going to lie and say I’m
happy.”

There’s a long moment of silence.

I don’t know why my dad thinks I come across as naive and that’s why Xolani wants to be with me. Yes,
he’s not perfect, but which man is?

“You sent your people here, they said they want a relationship between these two families- bacela
ubuhlobo obuhle. Right?”
“Yebo, Thabethe, I did,” Xolani says.

“According to what I know and expect is that both families would form unity because of you and
Nokuzola, to become one family. But I’m shocked to see your son dating my niece. Ubuhlobo obunjani
ofuna ukubakha? Your son clearly doesn’t see us as a family, because if you had trained him well he’d see
Nalenhle as his cousin as well.”

I didn’t expect this sharp curve; he’s talking about Nzalo’s relationship with Nalenhle. Honestly, we have
never frowned upon it because their relationship started natural and around the same time that Xolani
and I got together.

“I cannot control what the children do, Thabethe,” he says.

“But you can control my daughter, right? It’s your responsibility to respect the relationship you want to
have with this family. You cannot apply to be our son-in-law and then have your son searching for a wife
in the same family. What will happen? You will be the son-in-law and he will be a grandson-in-law?
When will it end? Every male in your family will look at our family as a ladies market.”

I bet he haven’t had this conversation with Nale. Now it’s Xolani who will be responsible for Nalenhle
and Nzalo’s mistakes, wow.

“I will talk to my son,” he says.

That will be fruitless. He didn’t have a good relationship with Nzalo for years, now he’s going to tell him
who to date and not date? Nope.

“Nokuzola, get him something to eat instead of sitting there frowning your face.”

I don’t want to leave my man alone with him.

“Now, Nokuzola,” adds his wife.

Mom’s loyalty only lies with the man she sleeps with. I wash my hands with Jik when it comes to her!
ZOLA

We are out for the first time, attending a work event. I didn’t want to come, I’m not in my best shape and
look. My nose grows everyday, my neck is dark. I scrub it everyday but it’s not going anywhere. I got
comfort in a Pregnant Ladies Group when they told me it happens when you’re pregnant, I will be fine
once I give birth. I requested a turtle neck dress, which he got for me last minute. Luckily it did fit me,
they only did changes around the arms. It looks good, I look tall in it and I’m wearing heels.

There are a lot of people, a lot more than I expected. It’s an event for the elites, once you walk in it looks
like you’ve left South Africa. Darkies are speaking English better than Eugen, my manager. I met Xolani
outside his working space, I have gone to some of his business establishments and met his employees. I
know he’s quite monied but I did underestimate how big he is in the industry. It intimidates me
everytime he’s stopped by someone I know from TV and they talk like equals. Some even act like fans
and stop him just to compliment his achievements and so forth.

“Is this Mrs Hadebe to be?” one lady asks, she’s with a white man with a British accent.

“Yes, her name is Nokuzola,” he says and tightens his hand around.

I flash a smile, hoping it’s not giving anything away about my scattered nerves.

“You look very young,” she says.

I didn’t need her to point it out. Yes, I haven’t met anyone who’s my age unless it’s daughters with their
fathers. But I thought no one will pay attention since my height is boosted by heels and a long dress.

I’m relieved when we walk away from them.

“Do you need another drink?” he asks before we sit.

“No, I’m good,” I say.

He kisses my cheek, we sit and flash smiles to our table mates before shifting our eyes to the woman on
stage. I won’t lie and say I’m enjoying. Yes, drinks are flowing and there’s a fine dining area, finger food
on the table and all. But I can’t wait to leave, this is not my crowd at all.

“Oh here comes, Dr Zondo,” he says excitedly.

A man joins our table, he’s with his wife who’s my mother’s age. They’re all happy to see each other;
friends are reunited. While he talks to Dr Zondo, I have to chat with his wife as a friend.

“You never come out, he’s always telling us about you,” she says.

“From now on, I will be coming out,” I lie to her face. I’m never coming to these things again.

“Good, you need to mingle and meet all his associates. What do you do?”

Eeh, she’s quite nosy.

“I work at New Universe,” I say.

“Germans own that company now, right? You need to do something on the side, employment is never
guaranteed in this country. You are with Xolani Hadebe, get something off the ground, even if you don’t
end up together you will know that you didn’t let opportunities pass you by. I mean, every woman
should walk away with something from a relationship, we invest a lot in these men.”

I nod awkwardly, “You are right.”

“I’m always right,” she smiles.

It was two hours but it felt like the whole night. My feet are aching, I have never worn heels for so long. I
take them off as soon as we get inside the bedroom.

“Let me help you with the dress,” he says.

I turn around, he unzips it and pulls it up. It was a bit tight, getting it off is a hustle. He kisses my neck, he
knows that I’m not secure about it at the moment.

“You were the most beautiful woman in the room. Did you count how many people complimented you?”
He’s so silly.

“No, I was too nervous for that,” I say.

“Why? You were the most beautiful woman there and I was so proud to be next to you,” he says.

I’m blushing, I know that’s his observation because he loves me, there were a lot of more beautiful
women there. He rubs my belly.

“You shouldn’t be insecure about this body. It’s adapting to the magic you’re nurturing in here,” he kisses
it. “And I love everything about it.”

“Thank you,” I need him to boost my confidence every now and then. “Have you thought about Nzalo’s
situation?”

My dad wants to meet him and I know it’s about Nzalo asking Nale to marry him the way he did. It was a
bomb, he hasn’t even gotten back to my dad about Nzalo refusing to end the relationship with Nale. I
know dad will be hard on him.

“My cousin will go, I’m just worried because they’re not close. He might say or do things the way Nzalo
wouldn’t like and you know how crazy that boy can be,” he says.

“I didn’t think they’d want to get married so soon. So if it happens I will be Nale’s mother-in-law?” I can’t
believe this mess happening here.

“Yes,” he laughs.

“I always thought at some point in life we will live our lives separately. We went to the same schools,
lived together and worked in the same company. Now we are going to marry into the same family.” We
have twinned our whole lives and it looks like that will be so until death.

“If you both can’t say no to the Hadebes, what can we do?” He’s so full of himself.

“I’m only here because I’m pregnant,” I say.

“Really now?” The joke went above his head, he looks hurt.

“I’m joking,” I say.

“Don’t joke like that. Are we showering together?”

“Yes,” I say.

“Okay but I’m not helping you, you’re here because you’re pregnant, you don’t love me.”

Jeez, can’t he take a joke?

ZOLA

I had to send money home as soon as my payment came through and it had to be more than what I
usually sent when Nale was also working. I don’t have any financial responsibilities beside paying for my
insurances and sending money home, I’m saving the rest for my baby’s arrival. I have been thinking
about what Dr Zondo’s wife said to me. I have been trying to come up with business ideas and I haven’t
come up with a single one. Honestly I have never thought about doing anything other than going to work
as long as I’m employed. Hair salon? I have to be passionate about hair but I don’t even know the basic
hair rules. Clothing business is also not something I’m passionate about or have any knowledge of either.
I’m lazy, I don’t have any hand skills.

“Hello kwaHadebe,” he says, walking in.

He’s been on a virtual meeting for the past two hours. I have been on his laptop trying to figure
something out.

“Hey,” I close it and sit up.

He kisses my cheek, “What are you busy with?”

“Nothing,” I say.

“Now you’re keeping secrets from me?”

“Okay, I want to start a business,” I say.

He frowns, “A business?”

“Yeah, I want to do something, like a side hustle.”

“Why? Is what I give you not enough?”

Aargh!

“Of course not, I just want to have something under my name, something I can be proud of and call my
own,” I say.

He doesn’t look happy at all.

“Since when?” he asks.

“Even if it’s been only a dream for a few minutes my partner should support me,” I say.

“I will support you, who said I won’t? I’m just asking where all this comes from. I can provide for you, if
you’re not satisfied you can complain. You work a 9-5 job, I don’t have a problem with it, yet you come
home tired and we don’t spend as much time together because you work Monday to Friday without a
break. Now you want to add something on top of it, that means you will come back from work at 5pm
and then attend whatever that side hustle is going to be. When are you going to have time to be a
woman of the house?”

“Are you kidding me?” I didn’t expect this from him.

“I’m not, you can either keep your job or start your business," I say.
“Why can’t I do both?” I ask.

“Because it’s going to be too much to handle and I don’t want my child to have an absent mom. If you
want to start a business hand in your resignation letter and get a business coach to assist you, whatever
you decides on I will help you get it off the ground and go through the right channels. But you cannot do
both.”

“I cannot???” Only my father can use these words to me.

“You cannot, my love,” he says without hesitation.

I don’t want to be emotional, it’s already been a long day for me. I pick the laptop and get away from
him before this blows out of proportion.
ZOLA

When the Hadebes came here to ask for my hand in marriage I wasn’t home and I wasn’t fully aware. It’s
Saturday today and they have came back with half of what my father requested as a bride price. They
could’ve paid it all at once but that’s against culture, you cannot pay everything at once as if you’re
buying a shirt. They will come back again in two months with the rest and then we will proceed to the
following ceremonies. Xolani ended up not coming to meet with my dad for the second time, he
appointed his cousin to handle Nzalo’s affairs. There’s no decision made yet, I think when they come
back from Mpumalanga next week they will tell us if they’re getting married or not. I have my own
concerns about it but I have witnessed those two in love, if love conquers everything as they say, then
they will be fine even in marriage because if there’s anything about them, they do love each other.

The first time they weren’t expected guests, today they’re here and I’m also here making sure they
receive a good treatment. Sadly, I can’t cook for guests, I can only cook for my family because they
understand me. Nale is in charge of the kitchen, I know she can cook, she always cooks whenever we are
hosting something as a family. I’m only just concerned because she keeps drinking her red wine while
cooking.

She pours another glass and opens the pot of stew. “I’m going to put two drops,” she says.

“No, are you crazy?” I stop her, she wants to spoil the food.

“I’m not drunk Zola, I saw this on YouTube,” she says.

“But you can’t try new recipes on guests, try it with your own food first.” I don’t think anyone adds wine
to a stew. Youtube has crazy things, not everyone there is mentally stable.

“You don’t do anything except throwing silly instructions. The Hadebes are also going to be my in-laws,
why would I mess their food?”

“Because you are drunk, duh!”

Mom walks in, exclaiming; “Is this how you are going to carry yourselves kwaHadebe? Niyolwa
emakhishini khona.”

“We are not fighting,” I say.

“But I can hear you outside the door bickering. Wena, go and cover your shoulders, your father wants
you,” she says.

“Why? Are they arguing?” I’ve been worried since they started, it has taken very long, I think there’s a
problem. They’re no longer negotiating, they are here to bring what he requested, now it’s either he’s
bringing up the past or changing his mind about certain things.

I cover my shoulders and follow my mom to the rondavel. I don’t know any of these men, I only
recognize one from the event we attended, he’s a friend, then the three others are a Hadebe family.
“You can see that she’s pregnant, right?” dad asks.

“Yes,” they say.

“So how are you bringing the bride prize before my premises have been cleansed?”

My chest start burning. My mom whispers, telling me to breathe. Why is he being difficult like this?
Xolani has been stressed this whole week, if this doesn’t go well he will be devastated.

“We thought we’d do things separately, do what we are here to do today and then come back to pay for
the damages,” one of them says.

“Nokuzola,” he says.

I swallow back, “Baba?”

My voice still comes out shaky.

“Whose house do stay in?”

He knows, I don’t know why he’s doing this. I can’t do this, tears blind my vision, mom takes me out. My
dad always complicates things when it comes to Xolani. There’s nothing he’s refused to do, he will pay
for the damages, he didn’t know they have to bring them first. Dad could’ve told him what to do, not
expect him to just know how things are done at the Thabethes.

“What happened?” Nale asks when she sees me walking in with tears on my face.

Mom takes me to the couch, Nale brings a glass of water.

“Why does he hate Xolani so much?” I don’t understand.

“Nobody hates anyone, you need to stop crying,” mom says.

“But he does, he doesn’t want him to get through anything without a struggle.”

“Is he refusing the cows?” Nale asks.

“He is,” I say.

“Why?” She’s shocked.

“He is not refusing anything, your cousin’s emotions are always high. Your father went through the same
process when he went to my family. Thamsanqa will go through the same when he takes a wife. He just
wants them to know that they cannot do as they please, you have a protective father they’ll have to deal
with if they mess with you. And they will appreciate you because they will know how hard it was getting
you. I don’t see why you’re crying, your father is not doing anything wrong.”

Obviously she’s going to support her husband even when he’s wrong. He gave the Hadebes a list of what
he wanted, they have brought those things to him and he’s still being difficult.

My phone rings, it’s Xolani. They’ve probably told him about the challenges they’re encountering this
side.
“Hello,” I answer walking to my room.

“Hey my love, I’m on my way,” he says.

“Are you okay?” I ask.

“I’m a little scared but they say he’s getting calm. I just don’t want you to be stressed in your condition,”
he says.

“I’m more worried about you,” I say.

“I will be there in 30 minutes or so. If he wants to address anything with me personally I will be closeby.
Don’t worry, I will be okay, I’m a man there’s nothing I can’t handle.”

I’m a bit relieved but I’m still worried because they’re still in the rondavel.

Nalenhle walks in with a plate of food. “Here, eat and you will be fine.”

“I will be fine once I hear they are done,” I say.

“I want us to talk about malume’s birthday. It’s Friday, Nzalo and I are leaving on Saturday. I was thinking
maybe we can have a little celebration, he’s turning 48, very soon he will be 50.”

“Nale do you really think I want to celebrate his birthday?” I ask.

“Chill, if he wasn’t going to accept the cows he would’ve kicked them out by now. I only have R600 to
spend though, I can buy a cake and baloons,” she says, going on and disregarding my feelings.

I’m not in the right space to discuss dad’s birthday celebration, I have a lot to worry about right now,
that’s the last thing.

She sighs, “Okay, what do you want to do? Cry until they’re done.”

“Anything but to talk about birthday celebrations,” I say.

“Fine,” she sits next to me. “Tell me about new scandals of New Universe or Mr X’s latest news.”

“There’s nothing. Onathi went back to college, that’s it,” I say.

“Hawu you attended a very classy event. Are you trying to tell me nothing happened there?” she asks.

“Nothing, all those people were boring except for Mrs Zondo who advised me about starting my own
business. But Xolani refused,” I say.

“Refused?” Her eyes widen. “So he wants to be the only millionaire in the house?”

“No, he wants me to resign if I want to start a business,” I say.

“Huh?” She’s shocked.

Honestly, I haven’t talked about it again. We’ll probably visit the topic again but I don’t think he will
change his mind. I do understand his concerns but at the end of the day it has to be my decision.

“He said it will be too much to handle bla bla bla and sort of gave me an ultimatum. Either I continue
working or resign and start a business,” I say.
“So what did you choose?”

“My job, for now,” I say.

“I think you can do both.”

“I know, right? But he wants to control me, I guess to prove that he’s a man of the house. I will revisit the
subject some other time, for now I have to focus on other things.”

“When are finding out the baby’s gender? I’m ready for a little girl, I have so many clothes to pass down
to her, as inheritance,” she says.

I laugh out loud. My mom bought us all the clothes we had as children and my mom’s sense of fashion is
a minus two. I can’t have my baby wearing all those hideous dresses with butterflies.

Speak of the devil, she walks in.

“It’s done, you’re now a Hadebe fiance,” she says.

“Really?” I’m shocked and happy.

Dad gave a very unnecessary struggle.

“Yes, I told you not to worry,” she says.

I smile, tearing up again, but this time it’s tears of joy.

“Congratulations Mrs!” Nale hugs me.

I don’t care what anyone thinks, I’m going to marry the man of my dreams.
XOLANI HADEBE

He arrived but everything was sorted, he just parked and waited for his people in a distance. Nale comes
out with a covered plate of food on a tray and cold drink. She makes her way to his car, Zola asked her to
give him something to eat.

He opens the door, looking at the short dress Nale is wearing. “Is this my future daughter-in-law?”

“I’m your fiancé’s aunt here. Unjani?” she says.

“I cannot be any happier than this.” His wide smile complements what he’s saying.

Yes, he’s over the moon.

“I haven’t seen you in ages,” he says.

“Please don’t lie and say you miss me.”

He chuckles, “I definitely won’t, there’s kaMaharaj.”

“Who is kaMaharaj?” she asks.

“Nzalo’s new, humble girlfriend.”

“From where?” she asks.

“Coffee shop, they love each other very much.”

“I will come and beat her up, she will fly back to Mumbai.” She knows that whoever kaMaharaj is, she’s
not with Nzalo, maybe just a friendly girl working in a coffee shop that Nzalo always goes to.

“You think being tall makes you untouchable, kaMaharaj will beat the village out of you.” They’re still
fooling around, Xolani’s friend comes up to the car.

“Your father-in-law showed us flames,” he says.

Xolani laughs, “I heard, I’m glad you were able to negotiate your way through.” He looks at Nale, “The
day I get my wife we will go to Paris and block all of you for at least three months.”

Well, Thabethe appears and the banter dies immediately. Nale takes the opposite direction, leaving
Xolani and his friend in the car. They cross paths.

“Where are you going?” Nale asks.

“I'm looking for my sheep along the road,” he says.

He walks and stops by the car though. Nale hurries home to tip Zola off. Zola will worry, nothing good
ever comes out when those two hold a conversion. Is he even supposed to approach his son-in-law
outside the yard?

Xolani is out of the car, expecting anything to happen.

“Nice to see you again Thabethe,” he says.

“You know that I’m not happy with you Hadebe, right?” Thabethe.

He takes a deep breath, “I know.”

“I will lose my mind if you hurt my daughter. I’m going to give you the benefit of a doubt and trust you
with her,” he says.

“Thank you,” Xolani says with a low sigh of relief.

“I told your people everything they need to do regarding the pregnancy. Thank you for staying true to
your words; I received what I asked for. I’m looking for my sheep before they destroy people’s crops.” He
puts his stick above his shoulders and takes two steps away.

Then he turns back, “Tell your son to stay away from my house.”

“I will tell him,” Xolani says, but they both know very well that Nzalo won’t stay away from his house as
long as Nalenhle stays there and telling him to come.

Today calls for a celebration, from here they’re all heading to Durban to celebrate.

It’s his cousins and a couple of friends. They cleared a Shisanyama section to celebrate him finally being
a step closer to having his wife and having a baby on the way and one daughter in college. He struggled
in life, really struggled. If anyone told him at 43 he’d have everything he has now, he would’ve told them
to get out of his face.

They have meat and drinks, lots and lots of it.

“At some point I thought that man was going to chase us out with dogs,” his cousin says, laughing.

“They have no dogs, just goats and sheep,” Xolani says.

“And now cows too. I saw him smiling down at his kraal, seeing all five of them pushing each other
inside,” Mzobanzi says, they’re childhood friends.

“When we go back again he will be smiling from ear to ear. I hope he has a bank to keep all that money,
you know village people dig holes to keep their money.” They all laugh, Xolani is defending his father-in-
law saying he does have a bank.

His phone rings, it’s a number he doesn’t recognize.

He steps away from the noise and answers.

“Xolani, we need to talk,”

ZOLA

I couldn’t come back yesterday, I drove from home to work by dawn. I’m seeing him for the first time
since he sent lobola, I’m excited. He’s already waiting for me as I drive in.

He opens the door and embraces me in a tight hug.

“Hey makoti,” he says over my shoulder.

I don’t know, to me he sounds stressed.

I pull back and look at him. “Are you okay?”

“I missed you,” he says.

We kiss and hug again. I received a lot of congratulations at work, news spread like wildfire. It’s now
public news that Xolani Hadebe paid lobola for me.

He smiles, his eyes are evident of fatigue. “I miss my car too,” he says.

“Are you serious?” I ask.

“Yeah, can I have the keys?”

Well, it’s his car, he borrowed it to me. I give them back, he kisses me and gets my bag.

We make our way inside, it smells good in the kitchen.

“I’m hungry,” I say.

“Aunty is setting the table, come this way.” He puts my bag on the table and pulls me to the backdoor.
I’m confused.

He opens the door and pulls me out. I see her; black and powerful, wearing a big ribbon as a crown. Her
majesty, the queen!

She’s mine, registered after me: X-MAKOTI.

LOL, and him too. She belongs to me and I belong to him. I have been frozen, I haven’t said a word or
moved since my eyes landed on her. I just put my hands over my mouth, in shock.

“Nazi izinyawo ezilula, this one is yours,” he says.

I turn around and bury my face on his chest. Yes, I always dreamed of buying myself a Mercedes Benz,
but that didn’t happen. God has given me the car of my dreams through the man of my dreams.

“Thank you so much,” I’m in tears.

“You’re welcome, ngiyak’thanda Nokuzola, ngenhliziyo yami yonke.” He tightens his arms around me. I
know his love, I can feel it, everyday he shows me how much he loves me.

He lifts up my face, his face is heavy with emotions. “God answered all my prayers with you. No matter
what happens, always know that I love you with my heart.”
“I love you too, thank you.” I stand on my toes and kiss his lips.

Oh God, thank you!

He hands me the keys and walks me to my car. It’s beaming at me, my first baby, my queen. She’s brand
new, her leather seats are shining and smelling like my dreams. I need a moment, I have to give a silent
prayer and thank God first.

He’s standing outside, watching me with a smile on his face.

I reverse her, she moves like a dream. I hit the hooter, he waves his hand smiling. I’m just driving around
the yard, testing her out.

I call Nale before everyone else, she’s excited and wants pictures of it, together with the personalized
registration. I know a man spending on you doesn’t mean he loves you, but Xolani loves me. He goes
above and beyond for me. He always makes it his responsibility for me to live comfortably. I have my
own imperfections and he never complains about anything that I can’t do perfectly or do wrong.

I don’t know how long I have been inside my car, by the time I finally lock the doors he’s returned back
inside the house. I find him downing a shot of Vodka.

“Hey,” he looks a bit startled when I walk in.

“Why are you drinking?” I ask.

He just smiles and wraps his arms around me. I hope it’s just work stress because we have conquered a
lot of things together, even Skhundla Thabethe. He had no other choice but to surrender to our love.

“Do you want to eat first or take a shower?” he asks.

“Eat, I’m starving.” I wash my hands and follow him to the balcony where our supper is set.

It’s a special one, he grabs a napkin and sit across me, we are facing each other.

“Have you talked to your manager about getting you a bigger uniform?”

“Really now?” I don’t want to talk about work and uniforms right now.

“This one is getting a bit tight,” he says.

“And I can see that, my love. Tell me about your weekend, how did you celebrate?”

He smiles, “It was good, I wish you were there with us. But we’ll make our own time and go celebrate
together.”

“Dad worships his new family,” I say.

“Family?” He raises his eyebrows.

“His cows. I forgot their names but each has a unique name,” I say.

He smiles, “At least I’m now on his good side.”

“You are, I never thought it would ever happen.” Now I’m happy to plan his birthday celebration with
Nale. It’s going to be a family thing, I will go and take them to town. Then we will find a restaurant and
celebrate there.

“Let me get my phone, sorry,” he says and leaves the table.

He’s been acting strange, I follow him to get a bottle of hot sauce, they forgot to put it on the table. I get
it from the kitchen, when I turn my eyes he’s not getting any phone but having a drink. Xolani is not a
heavy drinker, sometimes I even forget that he drinks.

“Hey,” he says, wiping his lips and coming to me.

“What’s going on?” Now I’m convinced that something is wrong.

He looks stressed, he’s drinking nonstop, I doubt it has anything to do with work.

“I had a bad week at the casino,” he says.

“You didn’t make money?” I’m confused.

“Yeah, not so much,” he says.

“Yet you bought me a car. If you have financial challenges you shouldn’t overburden yourself,” I say.

“No, I don’t have financial challenges. It always stresses me when we are having a bad week.” He’s lying,
we’ve been together for a long time and he’s never been stressed by any of the businesses bad weeks.

“Are we lying to each other again?”

“No,” he says.

“Then what’s going on?”

“It’s something I have to discuss with the elders,” his chest bounces as he takes a deep breath. “I don’t
know Nokuzola, I’m confused, I’m scared.”

“That sounds serious,” I’m also scared now.

“It is,” he says.

His eyes have turned bloodshot within a minute.

“You know that if you want to talk I’m here for you, right?”

He nods, “I know sthandwa sami, thank you.”

“Let’s go and eat then, everything will be fine.”

I set up an alarm clock, I want to act like a traditional wife. Iron his clothes, make him breakfast and pack
his lunch. I hear it ringing before someone abruptly switches it off. But I’m already awake, I open my eyes
and find him wide awake. I thought he’d be still asleep, I wanted to surprise him. It doesn’t look like he
had a peaceful sleep, his eyes are red-rimmed.

“Hey,” I shift closer to him.

He wraps his arm around me and kisses my forehead.

“Why are you waking up so early?” he asks.

“I want to iron your clothes and make you breakfast, like how other women do for their men,” I say.

“I hired someone to do that for me, rest,” he says and blows out a deep sigh. His arm tightens around
me. “How did you sleep?”

“I slept good, wena?” I ask.

“I slept,” that’s all he says.

I know he hardly slept and it has to do with the thing that’s stressing him.

“We still have time, don’t you want us to tickle Peanut a little bit?”

I laugh, “Seriously?”

“Please, maybe I will get energy to go to work.” He drops his hand to my breasts and plays with my
nipples, while brushing his lips against my neck.

My breaths start getting heavy as I feel his hard shaft poking me.

“Nokuzola,” he says in a low whisper.

“Yes love,” I open my eyes and look at him.

“I love you,” he says.

“I know that, Xolani.”

“I don’t think you know how much I do. The thought of not having you one day kills me. I don’t see how
I’d live without you. So ngiyacela, whatever happens between us, don’t leave me. Ungang’shiyi
Nokuzola.” His voice is shaky and low.

“Why are you talking like this? I’m your fiance, I’m not going anywhere.” I gently pull on his beard,
looking in his eyes hoping he receives an assurance that he needs.

“I don’t know what the future holds for me,” he says.

How scared he actually sounds is what confuses me.

“You’re not dying, angithi?” I ask.

He smiles, “No, I’m only dying to get here.”

His hand slides between my thighs. I’m glad to see him with a smile on his face.
ZOLA

It’s been over an hour, he’s sitting on the edge of the bed, I don’t know if he plans to sleep sitting or he
has other plans. I’m watching Nale’s “traveling” videos, I have nothing more to say to Xolani. I hope he
never makes any mistake and talk to me about Robyn and her baby. I will never coexist with that woman
or anything that has her blood running through the veins.

“Nokuzola,” he says, clearing his throat.

I look at him, he’s still fully dressed.

“What do you want me to do?”

“Nothing,” I say.

He exhales heavily, “Please help me, I will do whatever you want.”

“Xolani, I don’t want you to do anything other than taking care of our baby once he or she arrives,” I say.

He stays quiet, I go back to my phone.

He opens his mouth again, “If I meet her, can I go with you?”

“With me? Ngingenaphi mina?” I have nothing to meet Robyn for, I’m not even curious about their
conversations. They have had many behind my back, God knows for how long. They must continue how
they started.

“I don’t want to do things behind your back,” he says.

Wait a minute…

“Didn’t you sleep with her behind my back?”

He looks away and keeps quiet. Exactly!

I don’t want to be stressed by things I was never a part of from the beginning.

“Is it okay if I give her a sum of money that can help her with whatever she needs until she gives birth?”
he asks.

“It’s your money, ngingenaphi mina Xolani?”

“You’re my fiance, I have to get your permission,” he says.

“You didn’t ask for my permission to sleep with her. Ngomoya wesonto Xolani, I beg you to leave me
alone.” I want to sleep, how he deals with Robyn is his own business.

“Can I also sleep?” he asks.

I keep quiet, I don’t want any fake respect. Xolani needs no permission to do anything from me, if he did
we wouldn’t be here.
His phone rings, he answers. It sounds like there’s a problem with Purity, which is Lwethu, Nzalo is livid
on the other side. Whatever that is, it’s bad. But nothing concerns Nokuzola in this family.

He wants to talk about it, he keeps exclaiming in disbelief hoping I will ask what’s wrong.

“Nokuzola,” he says.

I lazily shift my eyes to him.

“Do you want me to go to the guest bedroom?”

“Leave me alone,” I cover my head.

I don’t know why he keeps asking me stupid questions.

It takes him about five minutes to leave the room, I guess he’s decided not to share the room with me.
He makes me mad, then gets scared of witnessing the outcome of my emotions that he's riled up.

I get up and follow him. He’s preparing the bed in the guest bedroom.

“Is this where we sleep now?” I ask.

“But I asked and you told me to leave.”

“To leave me alone and not talk to me. That doesn’t mean leave me alone in bed, pregnant and
heartbroken because of you,” I say.

“Okay, ngiyaxolisa.” He puts the pillow down and follows me back to our bedroom.

I get in bed and cover my head.

NOKUZOLA

I wake up in the middle of the night to pee, he's awake and sitting in the dark. We have been fighting
nonstop, there’s nothing I haven’t said to him. I think he understands what pain is and how it feels like
when inflicted by someone that you love and care about.

I don’t switch off the light when I come back from the bathroom. I get in bed and look at him. I don’t
think he’s had any sleep. I do feel sorry for him a little bit, I know how hurtful some things I said were.

“Have I ever disrespected you unprovoked?”

No answer.

“Have I ever woke up in the morning and did something to hurt you?”

His silence is a no.

“When you’re sitting in the dark, hurting because you hurt me and brought out the worst in me, you look
like a victim. But you know very well that I respect you, I listen to you and do my best to make you happy.
That is until you take all that and throw it on my face. I don’t hurt anyone Xolani, unless they hurt me.”

He clears his throat, “What did I do?”

“Really?” I’m trying to have a calm conversation he wanted, I don’t want any smart questions.

“I didn’t lie about anything, I didn’t keep any secret. Why are you fighting me?”

“So I’m in the wrong?” I ask.

“No, but tell me what I have done wrong?”

“You brought her back into our lives,” I say.

“How? I didn’t look for her, she called me and said she’s pregnant. I have never slept with that woman
without a condom, not even before I met you. Fine, mistakes happen and condoms aren’t 100%
guaranteed, but I handled the issue with an amount of respect, for you and your family.”

“Have you ever been cheated on before?” I ask.

“Obviously, yes,” he says.

“And how long were you angry at MaMkhwanazi?”

He doesn’t answer. Well, the answer is, he’s been mad at her since his 30s. Yet he expects me to get over
it within a couple of months. Yes, I did forgive him and I was okay until his actions brought her back to
my life.

“You went out and bought condoms, you were turned on by another woman. You went back to the
room, got naked and kissed each other. You got between her legs, whispered in her ears, fondled her
breasts and made love to her. Moaned her name, told her how good it felt doing what you were
doing….”

“That’s not what happened,” he interjects.

“In my head that’s what happened. You made love to another woman and cuddled her the whole night.
If the baby is really yours, they will be almost the same age. I have never been pregnant before, this is
my first baby, and I have to get divided attention from you because you are expecting another baby
outside of our relationship. Yet you don’t understand why I’m angry, you don’t understand the depth of
the scars you gave me, and why this whole situation triggers me.”

“I get it,” he says.

“No, you don’t get it Xolani. You called my father and said I’m disrespectful. But you didn’t call my father
when I supported you in your family battles, rallying behind you and Robyn taking on MaMkhwanazi, not
knowing that something was happening. You didn’t call my father when I changed my working shifts,
from night to day, just so I can be with you. Not when you were hospitalized and I stayed here taking care
of your daughter. When I nursed you back to life after your injuries. When I stood up for you against my
own family. You didn’t call my father to say anything.”

He exhales heavily, “Can I fix things?”

“How?” I ask.

“I don’t know, please tell me what I can do to make you feel better. I have failed on my own, now I’m
willing to follow your lead, whatever you want to see happening now.”

Phewwww!!!!
ZOLA

Things aren’t okay in the house, there’s no lovey-dovey, but the tension has dissolved since we had that
talk last night. I haven’t been in the right space of mind, I’m sure Lwethu thinks I’m an evil aunt. That’s
why I’m making burgers and chips, we have a pool side date. I need to show her that I’m not a monster, I
just had a rough couple of days.

Funnily, we are both pregnant. I take her as Xolani’s daughter, being pregnant around the same time as
his daughter is insane. I take a jug of juice and ask her to bring our burgers. She’s a sweet child and she
looks like a child, unlike Onathi. I don’t know how she fell pregnant, she looks too innocent. She doesn’t
talk a lot, I don’t know if that’s how she naturally is or circumstances makes her reverse true personality
for now.

“How is Thabiso?” I ask.

“He’s okay,” she says.

“Where is the smile?” I expect to see her blush when hearing his name. Teenage love is like that. But she
looks sad, not in love.

“You’re still dating, right?”

“Yeah,” she nods.

“So what’s the problem?”

“He’s just going through a lot and I feel like I should have considered his background before letting him…
you know do what,” she says.

“But he’s grown, he knew what was going to happen if he didn’t use a condom. That’s not just on you, it
takes two to tango,” I say.

“Yeah, you’re right.” She eats her burger, relaxing a little bit.

“Is your brother still angry at you?” I ask.

“I think he will never forgive me. Msindisi didn’t shout, he just asked if the baby was fine and I was okay,”
she says.

“Msindisi must be your favorite,” I say.

She smiles, “All time favorite, Nzalo is the provider.”

I laugh, Nzalo wouldn’t like this.

We finish our meal and get in the pool. It’s hot, we splash ourselves with water for almost half an hour.

When I get back in the house I have several missed calls from Nale. I wonder what’s up; I call her back.

“Are you crazy?” she asks.

“I was in the pool, what’s up with so many calls?”

“I just saw Mbuzeni,” she says.

“So?” I’m confused.

She can’t call me so many times just to tell me about Mbuzeni.

“He has a girlfriend, she was wearing heels and he had an umbrella above her head,” she says.

“I don’t care about Mbuzeni. How is everyone at home?” I ask.

“Shocked by Mbuzeni,” she says.

I laugh, “Unescefe yazi! You need to visit, I miss you.”

“Nzalo wanted me to come today but I have a lot to do and I’m too exhausted to ask for permission from
the noodle-thieves,” she says.

“Who are those?” I can't keep up with all the things she comes up with.

“Your parents,” she says.

I’m laughing, about to ask what happened, Xolani arrives. I have to call her some other time, I drop the
call and turn my attention to the man of the house.

“I was free so I thought let me come home for lunch,” he says.

“Okay,” I nod.

He looks around, I stand still, weirdly we steal glances at each other.

He clears his throat, “Umh, I tried calling her again and she said she will come here.”

“Okay,” I don’t have a problem, she’s been invited here before, probably many times before me and
more times during me.

“Can I have something to eat?” he asks.

I frown, confused. Since when does he ask me for food? He’s probably testing me, trying to figure out
where I am, emotionally.

“I will warm chicken curry leftovers,” I say, taking out the bowl of chicken that I cooked the other day. He
pulls the chair and waits.

The food wasn’t good, I don’t know what it lacked but it wasn’t just one ingredient. I warm it for him and
serve him with a glass of water.

He sits down and eats slowly. I hate seeing him down, knowing that I’m the reason for it. Yes, his actions
provoked me but maybe I could’ve controlled my anger a little bit. He hurts more than he should, I don’t
know if it’s because of how he grew up, he’s way too sensitive.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

He looks at me, “You are sorry?”

“For the name calling and saying I don’t love you. I do love you, if I didn’t I wouldn’t have came back here
from home,” I say.

“But you said you’re only here because you are pregnant,” he says.

“Yeah, I wanted to hurt you,” I say.

“But that’s not fair. The way you talk to me, you intentionally hurt me and put things in my head. Is this
how you’re always going to express yourself when you’re angry?”

“It takes a lot to make me angry Xolani,” I say.

“I know but in a relationship things aren’t always sailing smoothly. I can’t guarantee that I will never
make you angry…”

“Oh, you’re still going to cheat again?”

He sighs heavily, “No.”

“Cheating is what made me angry and out of control. Other than those instances, when have you ever
seen me angry?” I ask.

“The first time I saw you,” he says.

I roll my eyes, “Really now? You were messing with Nalenhle that time and you know that she’s off limits.
Just like you, I’d fight the same way if anyone messed with you.”

“I hear you, but I don’t want to be insulted and yelled at the way you do, even in front of the kids,” he
says.

“Fine, I will try to express myself differently next time you make me angry. But that doesn’t include
cheating, if you do something like this again I will leave, straight away.”

“It will never happen again, I learned my lesson,” he says.

“Good. Should I give you some more?” I ask, he’s almost done with his food.

“No, thanks. It’s really good though,” he says.

Wow, nobody has ever complimented my food before.

“I will cook again tonight,” I say.

His eyes widen. “Again?”

“Yes, again.” He said it’s good, so why not?

“No sthandwa sami, you know I don’t want you to overwork yourself. We will eat out, I will make
reservations,” he says.

“Okay,” I know where I stand, he doesn’t like my food, he just complimented because he didn’t have a
choice.
ZOLA

Xolani played me, he made me feel stupid and insecure for thinking something was going on between
him and Robyn. I remember when he called her and they both denied everything. See who is Robyn’s
fool now? I laugh at every small joke on TV, I’m so happy.

Mbuzeni keeps calling his phone and asking for me, that drives him crazy. But there’s nothing he can do
about it because Mbuzeni is seeking for the truth, just like him. And I’m the one he can talk to because
he knows me.

He walks in, “Your call.”

Mbuzeni did say he will call me again after speaking to his family.

I take it and put him on loudspeaker.

“Hey Mbu,” I say.

Xolani shoots a dirty look. It’s how we shorten his name in the village.

“Roby is coming to my place, I don’t know what to think,” he says.

“Really? We can come over right now, let her tell the truth once and for all.”

“I’m not going,” Xolani says.

I close the phone’s speaker. “And then?”

“I’m not going, I have the confirmation that I needed,” he says.

Pheeww!

I remove my hand from the speaker. “Please send your address Mbuzeni, we will come.”

“Okay, I will send it. Yazi I should’ve pursued you instead, you wouldn’t have disappointed me like this,”
he’s starting again.

“No, be happy where you are,” I say.

“I’d be more happy with you. Can I see you when you...”

The phone is snatched and call dropped. It’s the sour, old man.

“I will block this number,” he says.

“Why? Robyn still owes us the truth.”

“I know that I’m not the father, there’s a family waiting for a grandchild. I’m old Nokuzola, I don’t have
time for games.” Now he’s pulling the age card because he looks stupid in all this.

“Unfortunately you were not the only one affected by this, so I need closure,” I say.

“Go and find it, I’m not going,” he says.

“Okay, no problem. Don’t block him until he sends me the address.”

“You’re not going to his house,” he says.

“I’m not going?” I need him to rephrase that.

“You’re not going Nokuzola. I will deal with this my way," he says.

“Oh now it’s your way, didn’t you say that you’re going to follow every instruction I make?”

“It doesn’t mean make me look spineless in front of your old flames. This is a Hadebe matter, not your
village matter,” he says.

“You’re so sour! Mbuzeni is also a victim, you’re both victims.”

“Victims?” He doesn’t like the word but it fits.

“Yes, maybe you need to create a Whatsapp support group as Robyn survivors.”

He gets off the couch and leaves.

“Xolani,” I call him.

He stops, “What?”

“I’m taking us out since you don’t want me to go to Mbuzeni’s house.”

“I don’t feel like going out,” he says.

“But you are coming with me.” I also listen to him when he tells me to do or not do something.

I’m not going to Mbuzeni’s house, so we are going out to celebrate his misfortune.

MBUZENI

He’s devastated, he just went home with Roby to introduce her to his mother. The whole family loves her
and expects a beautiful baby. Is it even his baby?

She arrives, walking high on her stilettos. Their first sexual encounter was on his request in exchange of a
favor. She liked it and kept contact, coming back for more until a spark developed between the two of
them.

He still opens his arms and hugs her despite being angry at her.

“Are you alright?” she asks.

“Yeah, I’m alright,” he says.

She smiles and pulls his beard playfully. “Then what’s with the long face? I brought us prawns and wine.”

“Roby we need to talk about this,” he says.

“What is this?” She walks in, hurrying to feed her expensive cravings.
“The baby. Are you sure it’s mine? I don’t want to keep getting calls from people telling me you’re also
telling them the baby is theirs.”

“Xolani, right?” She rolls her eyes.

“So you know him?” He’s disappointed.

“Yeah, he’s annoying, don’t mind him.”

“But he’s engaged to a girl from my village, I’m sure this is all over the place right now. Why do they keep
calling you a liar?”

“What girl?” she asks.

“Nokuzola. Remember the girl we met with a bundle of firewoods, that was her cousin,” he says.

“I knew it! Something sounded familiar. So they’re ruining my name now?” She doesn’t even want these
prawns anymore. Xolani is the last person to ruin her name, the last!

Her phone rings, it’s the devil.

“Let me take his call,” she walks away.

Mbuzeni sighs heavily. Is this how it’s like falling for a city woman? Nobody has ever treated him like this.

Robyn answers the call in the bathroom.

“Why are you ruining my name?”

“Are you fuckin’ crazy? You almost destroyed my family with your lies. You know who the father is,
you’ve visited his family and reported the pregnancy. What do you want from me? Money?”

“Yes,” she says.

“After you tried to destroy my family twice?”

“I have done a lot for you. Or you need me to remind you and call your nephews to talk about it?”

“Robyn!” his tone sends a warning.

“They can ask me what happened to their father within a couple of weeks.”

“Let’s meet and talk,” he says.

“I’m coming with my babydaddy.”

“No, just the two of us, please.”

ZOLA

I dragged him out and we had dinner, he wasn’t comfortable and I enjoyed it. It felt good seeing him
being tormented by the consequences of his actions. I know what got him mad the most is the fact that
we fought hard over it and it turned out to be untrue. So it was all for nothing, Robyn just turned his
world upside for absolute no reason.

We went to bed together, then he got an emergency call from the pub. I don’t know what was
happening, maybe drunk people were fighting even though that never need him, he hurriedly left
towards midnight.

He’s only coming back now, I’m too horny to ask questions. This whole week has been us against each
other, we didn’t even sleep facing the same direction. I miss his touch and his sweat dropping down on
me.

“Hey,” I say, fixing the pillow for him.

He kisses my forehead, then takes off his pants and T-shirt.

“Sorry I’m only coming home now,” he says.

“What took so long?” I ask.

“How did you sleep?” he asks, without answering my question.

He knows better than this, once I start getting funny ideas it will go down hill, I’m in a very good mood.

I look at him, his eyes run away from me.

Something is going on.

“Uphumaphi? Where were you?” I sit up.

He’s not messing with me again. He’s not lying to me again, I refuse!

“I went to work,” he says.

“No, you didn’t, otherwise you would’ve answered my first question.”

He exhales heavily and pulls me down to sleep on his arm. Then he kisses my cheek. “You and I are okay,
right?”

“We are,” I say.

“Then please sthandwa sami, don’t shout at me. I’m coming from the pub, there was a fight, someone
almost died. I had to go to the hospital, police station and to the family,” he says.

“You could’ve just told me so and I wasn’t shouting, I only sat up because I felt like you were hiding
something from me. We agreed that there will be no more secrets between us.”

“I know, I’m just tired, ngiyaxolisa,” he says.

“No problem.” I turn and kiss his lips.

His eyes are very dark, not in color, they just look dark and heavy. Maybe it’s the stress and lack of sleep.
I kiss his lips again.

“I miss you,” I say.

He smiles, “Kiss me again.”

I kiss him but I want more than just kisses. I lower my hand into his boxers, he finches and stops me.
Shocked is the word.

“Xolani?” I can’t believe he’s stopping me.

“I’m tired mama,” he says.

“You’re tired?” I don’t feel good when he turns down my sexual advances, it takes me back to how things
unfolded the first time he did.

“Do you want me to help you?” he asks.

“I want you to make love to me, not help me.”

“I’m sorry,” he pulls me for a hug.

I push him, my eyes are already burning with tears.

“Did you cheat on me again?” I ask.

“Nokuzola! No, I said I will never do such thing again. I’m just tired, I had a long night, I need to rest a bit
and then when I wake up…”

“Never mind,” I get off the bed.

It’s Sunday, I have a lot to do around the house since the helper won’t be around. I’m not going to beg
him for sex.

“I love you, Nokuzola,” he says.

I ignore him and put a robe on.

“Nokuzola,” he calls.

“I heard you, Xolani.”

“Look at me, please.”

I release a sigh, because I have to stay calm, then I look at him.

“Come and kiss me,” he says.

I don’t know what patience game this is, he knows very well that I’m irritated at the moment. But I go to
him and kiss his lips.
“I want this to be a warm home for our children, and by that I’m including my brother’s children as well. I
want this anger gone and I want you to be a woman of this house. A warm mother they’re going to be
happy to visit and be around.”

“But you make me cold, Xolani.” I don’t just wake up and decide to be cold.

“I’m trying to be a good man, learning from my mistakes and focusing on my family. Things will come up
from the past and I will try to correct them the best way that I can. What I need from you is support and
understanding.”

“Okay,” I nod.

“Can I take a nap, ungang’dinelwe?”

“It’s fine, take your nap.”

“Kiss?”

I smile and kiss his lips.

“I love you,” he says.

He’s been sleeping for hours, it’s getting lonely for me. I have made us food but ate alone because he’s
not awake, now I’m eating for the second time. I miss Lwethu, she hasn’t come back from Nzalo’s house,
I guess he finally forgave her and they’re getting along.

My phone rings and it’s Nale. I have given up on begging her to come and visit me.

“Stranger,” I answer.

“Please tell me you’re sitting down,” she says.

“Lying on the couch, what’s the latest?” I know she’s bringing me new village tea.

There’s always something going on that side, they’re their own entertainment.

“I don’t know if you’ve heard about Mbuzeni and Robyn,” she says.

“I gave you that tea mos.” How can she tell me the news I broke to her first.

“They’re both dead,” she says.

“Huh?” I sit up straight, my chest is pounding.

Dead? I spoke to Mbuzeni yesterday afternoon.

“It’s sad, he killed her and then turned the gun on himself. MaNdlela is losing it, your mom just went
there with other women.” She’s serious, I know Nale will never joke about death.

“I’m confused. When did all this happen?” I ask.

“Last night, at his house in Waterloo. MaNdlela got a call this morning from his neighbors. I didn’t think it
would get this far, it’s not like he was with Robyn when she slept with Mr X.”
“I’m confused, when we talked he didn’t even sound angry.” I don’t know what to think. Did I drive him
to it by constantly feeding him information about Robyn?

“Maybe they argued about it and he got angry. Remember he was stabbing people here in the village,
one guy almost lost his life,” I say.

“I remember, but a pregnant woman?” There’s a knot in my stomach, I feel responsible, like I played a
huge part in her demise. My heart is with her, not Mbuzeni who decided to end his life. I’m sure Robyn
wanted to meet her child, confused as she was, and she still wanted to live. Regardless of how I felt
about her, she was someone’s daughter.

“Mbuzeni could’ve just waited for the birth and kept his distance instead of killing her,” I say.

“Exactly what we’ve been saying, it’s so unfair. But ke you’re free and so is Mr X. Where is he? I want to
say hi,” she asks.

“He’s taking a nap,” I say.

“During the day? Is he the pregnant one?”

“He had a rough night, you know how his customers get on weekends.”

“Oh yes, pass my regards to him.”

I take a walk in the backyard, my head is pounding. I’m trying my best not to overthink. It’s what
Mbuzeni’s neighbors say it was. And the police got there, right? They would’ve known if there was a
third hand. And beside, Xolani would never commit such horrific crime. Robyn hadn’t gotten a cent from
him, it’s likely to be Mbuzeni acting out of anger. And knowing how he was like back home, I wouldn’t
put it past him.

Shit, Winnie.

I need to update her, maybe she hasn’t heard. I stand against the door and scroll down to her number.
Before I press the call button, hands grab my waist.

He kisses my neck, “I’m awake.”

How did I not hear him coming?

I’m a bit startled, as if he can read what I’ve been thinking about him.

“I was about to call Winnie,” I say.

“You will call her later, come here.” He lifts me up, swiftly I almost lose my breath.

I wrap my arms around him, he takes me to the lounge couch.

We kiss; he grabs my face and deeply kisses me.

I get a chance to breathe and exhale enormously. “Xolani!”

“Yes mama,” he lifts my skirt, chasing my lips to kiss me again. My panty shifts to the side, his fingers
rubs my mound.

“Have you calmed down?” he asks in a low whisper.

“I did, a long time ago,” I say.

“Show me,” he pulls off his T-shirt and rests back on the couch next to me with his boxers lowered.

Really? I was in the mood in the morning, not now.

“Woza,” he pulls out his arm.

I take my panty off and sit on his lap. We kiss again, his hand slides under my skirt to my uncovered ass.
His erection rubs against me, I can feel the vein pulsating.

“Xolani, something horrible happened,” I say.

He stops, “With you?”

“No, not with me but…”

“If it’s not about you, I don’t care.” He grabs my face and kisses me again. My legs are spread on his lap,
his finger enters my cookie jar. He doesn’t know how important this is.

I try talking to him again but he’s busy, not giving me a chance.

“Sit on it,” he says, pulling out his fingers wet.

I lift my skirt up and position myself on it, then smoothly go down until every inch is buried inside me. He
holds my belly while I move up and down on him. He’s enjoying, every facial expression he makes
evidently shows it.

I want to keep going until we both reach our orgasms but my waist can no longer take it. He takes his
turn; he puts me down on my back and spreads my legs to the sides, then bounces in my cookie.

We wet the couch, his load fills me up and spills down. My thighs are sticky when we are done, I want to
clean myself but I’m wrapped in his sweaty arms.

“I never thought I’d ever be this happy in my life,” he says, lightly pecking me on the neck.

“You are happy?” I ask.

“With you? Kakhulu makoti, I wouldn’t be anywhere in the world except here,” he says.

“That makes me happy.” Nothing will ever make more sense than me being with him.

It hasn’t been harmonious, we’ve had many downs than ups, but still, my heart beats for him. He moves
to the side but keeps his hand on me.

“What did you want to tell me?” he asks.

Now doesn’t look like the perfect time. We just had sex, confirmed our feelings to one another and
reconnected, I’m not announcing death right after it. He will find out, I know he’s going to find a couple
of missed calls.

ZOLA

It’s my first week in the maternity leave, Dr Zondo’s wife, Mbalenhle, reached out. This was supposed to
be two women of different ages trying to form a friendship; getting to know each other a bit more and of
course gossiping about two friends that we chose to partner up with for life. Not a crazy shopping spree.
I know there’s no better way for women to spend time together than to go out shopping. But no, I’m
getting scared.

She takes a pair of boots that costs close to R4000 and throws them in my shopping trolley. She’s already
made me buy a scarf for R1200, a fuckin' scarf! With her own shopping she doesn’t even look at the
prices.

“This card is going to decline now,” I say.

“Hadebe’s card declining? Don’t undermine my husband’s friend like that.” She’s taking me to the bag
aisle. Ugly bags with ridiculous prices. If this card doesn’t decline Xolani will be definitely calling to ask
what I’m doing. His notifications have been rolling in since we got here.

I choose a purse smaller than every other purse. Then check the price, nope I’m not doing this. This is
crazy.

We get to the cash register and my bill is close to what he paid to my father for each cow. I’m holding my
breath as I make payment, I expect my phone to ring at anytime. But it doesn’t, maybe he’s busy, he
hasn’t noticed all these transactions happening. We are done shopping, finally the shopaholic with me is
satisfied. We head to Ocean Basket for lunch. I’m heavily pregnant, we still have to drive back to Tongaat
and I have to pack my bags for my trip to the village ttomorrow.

I haven’t met her kids yet, I know she has three and the first one is already in Grade 5.

“I need to host something so that I can meet the kids, maybe lunch with friends,” I say.

“Don’t worry, you will meet them and you will want to have your life back after they get used to you
because I will be bringing them for sleepovers every week,” she says.

“I love kids, I won’t mind,” I say.

“Let’s give it a couple of years, wait until the Hadebe princess is 3.” They all think it’s going to be a girl, I
want is to be a surprise but Xolani has already told everyone in his circle that he’s becoming a girl dad
again. He didn’t experience it with Onathi, so that dream of his is still alive.

“In 3 years she’ll have a sibling, according to Hadebe,” I say.

“Aren’t they all like that? Take him to the delivery room with you, he will think twice.”
“Isn’t that embarrassing?” I have talked about it with him, obviously it’s not how I was raised, where I
come from a man doesn’t see his baby until they’re at least two months old. But Xolani wants to be with
me when I deliver; he wants to experience every step of this journey.

“He knows your private part from every angle, what’s embarrassing?” She’s obviously very comfortable
with Zondo, they’ve been together for years and gone through multiple child births.

“I still get shy around him sometimes,” I say.

She laughs, “Are you serious? He eats from the palm of your hand. Do you know how highly he speaks of
you?”

“I know, but it doesn’t mean I can do anything in front of him. I still want to look perfect all the time
when I’m with him.” Well, that is until he makes me angry, then I walk with one shoe on and unkempt
hair, in my robe shouting like a mad woman.

“Young love!” she shakes her head.

Then we look at each, young love? Then we burst into laughter.

I like her, she has my level of sense of humor.

We make an ice-cream stop then head back to Tongaat. She drops me outside, I’m dragging myself inside
with heavy shopping bags. Xolani is home, he’s minimized his work hours to spend more time home.

“I can explain,” I say walking through the door.

He looks at me, expressionless.

My bags scatter on the floor, I’m panting heavily from that short walk. I catch my breath first, then
explain. “Mbalenhle made me do it.”

He frowns, “Do what? Do you need a drink?”

“No, I’m fine. Are you mad?” I ask.

“Mad about what?” He’s confused.

“Didn’t you get the bank notifications?” I’m expecting a confrontation and financial lesson, but he looks
unbothered and rather confused by the fuss I’m making about it.

“I knew you went out shopping and I know that women want everything. I expected you to call me to
increase my limit but you never did,” he says.

“Seriously?” Now I want to go back and shop more.

“Show me what you got,” he’s not even interested in talking about it.

Mbalenhle was right, I need to let it sink in. He has money, lots of it, and I have to upgrade my mentality
and live this new lifestyle comfortably.
I’m too big for some of the clothes, I knew I’d have to wait until I give birth and lose weight before I fit
into them. But I cry, how did I become this whale?

“They will fit you sthandwa sami,” he says, failing to close a dress’ zip.

“When Xolani?” I wouldn’t look like this if it wasn’t for him.

He exhales heavily, “It’s only two more months and you will be beautiful again.”

Excuse me?

No, excuse him.

“You’re beautiful even now, what I mean is…”

I push his hands off me and take the stupid dress of.

Wait, am I hearing a laugh?

I turn around, he pretends to fix his watch.

Deep breath! Only two more months and it will be over.

I’m going home for my aunt’s ceremony happening in three days. I could’ve gone earlier but I wasn’t
going to be good use anyway. I can’t help with water, I’m too pregnant to fill big water drums and collect
firewood. Nale wasn’t alone, neighbors are helping out and I sent money for the water truck hire.

Xolani walks in, I just finished packing.

“I don’t know who’s going to come with Onathi? Lwethu can’t go in her condition. I thought Msindisi
would come but something has come up,” he says, looking worried.

Some people from the Hadebes have to show up, normally with a case of cold drinks, maybe a bucket of
scones as well. It’s how in-laws support each other during family ceremonies.

“What’s keeping Msindisi in Northern Cape?” I’m confused, he left and never looked back.

He hasn’t visited home, not even for the weekend.

“I don’t know, ever since he linked up with Jamal he’s been hard to get,” he says.

“Jamal, your friend?” I’ve heard the name.

“Yes, the one I asked to help him get settled in.”

“Oh, maybe he found a girlfriend that side, who knows?”

“Then he must come with her and introduce her to us. We accept everyone, as long as she’s going to
give him kids and grow this family,” he says.

“He will, give him time. Maybe you can call Winnie and ask if she can come with Onathi.” Winnie wasn’t
charged, she had good lawyers that he had to find, for Onathi’s sake. Nzalo doesn’t know, I don’t know if
he’d be happy if he found out.
“Bad idea,” he says.

“You’re right, Nzalo will probably be there, there will be unnecessary tension.” Maybe Onathi should just
come with her friends, this is not a big family, he won’t find anyone else.

“Wena, when are you coming back home?” he asks.

Lobola was concluded but I’m still a Thabethe, that’s where home is until my dad hands me over the
traditional way.

“I don’t know,” I say.

“Tuesday?” he says.

“So you think four days is enough?”

“You’re pregnant, there’s no medical center around the village in case of an emergency. If it was up to
me you’d come back Sunday,” he says.

“Well, it’s not up to you, I will come back Tuesday.”

He exhales heavily, “Okay.”

“Take care of yourself, don’t mess around.”

“Am I a child now?” he chuckles.

“Sometimes you act like one.” Things have been okay between us, we moved on from the Robyn turmoil.
Her death shook me, not him, but I realized that I wasn’t counting my blessings and started embracing
God’s plans. It was a confirmed murder and suicide case, no other controversies flew around, families
made peace with it.

Aunty calls us to the kitchen, a couple of village women just came to check if we need help and now we
have to make them tea.

There’s a Ngcobo woman who never comes out for anything, I’m very surprised to see her here.

“I thought you were the pregnant one,” she says to me.

“Oh no, never.” Holy ghost, fireeee!

She laughs, then looks at Zola. “It’s a boy, how far are you?”

“7 months,” she says.

“You need to wear something around your waist. Have you lost a baby before?”

We are confused and shocked. What kind of question is this?

“No,” Zola shakes her head.

“And the father?”

“Not that I know of.”

“There’s a late sibling who never made it, his soul hovers over your baby. Talk to him, maybe something
happened and he never paid respect to the little one’s soul. Congratulations by the way, we see your
father’s new livestock,” she smiles and walks away.

I don’t think Zola knows anything or even understand what’s going on.

“Mr X lost a baby?” I ask.

“With who?” she asks me.

“Ask him before it’s too late.”

She’s close to giving birth, I don’t know why I believe the Ngcobo woman when she says it’s a boy, I don’t
want anything happening to my nephew. Mr X has some secrets to spill out, hopefully it’s something that
happened before Zola.

ZOLA

I didn’t want to have a baby when we found out I was pregnant. I was crying, threatening Xolani with
abortion and confused. It was one of the worst periods of my life. Well, my whole first trimester was. I
was going through tough times.

But now I’ve embraced my baby, I’m looking forward to motherhood. I have already bought unisex
clothes and a baby stroller that I push around with a pack of diapers inside, just to practice. I want to
meet my baby, and I will.

Dad is busy in the kraal, the cow has been tied up, people are arriving for the slaughtering.

“Can we talk?” I ask.

I know my dad will find me help sooner, he’s friends with Khanyile.

“I’m busy Nokuzola,” he says.

“It’s an emergency,” I say.

“Give me a minute,” he says.

I return back to my bedroom, I haven’t talked to Xolani about it, I don't want him to panic before I
confirm this with Khanyile.

Dad walks in with his overalls folded, he’s really busy. Whenever he’s hosting something he wants
everything to be perfect.

“What’s urgent?” he asks.

“You know the Ngcobo aunt who wears a white doek? She told me that I need to wear something
around my waist or something might happen to my baby,” I say.
“Why? Are you feeling sick?” he asks.

“No, I’m not sick. She talked about a sibling’s soul hovering over him. Do you think Khanyile can make
something for me?” I’m scared, I don’t take this lightly.

“Yes, but not today or tomorrow, you can see that I have guests to host,” he says.

“So guests are important than your grandchild, Thabethe?” This is exactly what I don’t like, he puts
everything above me. Anything could happen if I don’t get whatever waist thing is needed and he cares
more about his guests.

“I’m not doing this right now, Nokuzola. Have you spoken to Hadebe? Because he should be the one
looking for help, these are the Hadebe souls,” he says.

“When will he get here? Xolani isn’t informed about these things also, as long as everything is fine
medically he’s okay,” I say.

“He’s black and he has a family, being a head of the house starts now. I will go to Khanyile when this
ceremony I’m doing is completed, if you want it done immediately then call him.”

I didn’t expect this. I thought he’d react swiftly but as usual, he’s got other things to do that are more
important than my life and the one I’m carrying.

I call Xolani, at least now I have confirmation and solution.

“Makoti wami,” he answers.

“Hey, how are you?” I ask.

“I’m fine, just worried about you, you’ve been offline the whole morning. You didn’t even text me back
when I said good morning,” he says.

“Sorry Hadebe, I had to go somewhere with my parents,” I say.

“Okay, is there anything I should know?” he asks.

“A woman came here and told me that my baby needs protection because you have a late child that was
never acknowledged and its soul is hovering over my baby.”

“Are you serious?” He’s shocked.

“We went to confirm that with my parents from Khanyile, a trusted village seer. Do you think maybe
Robyn was telling the truth?” I ask.

“No, you know that she was lying, she was in a relationship with your dead home boy,” he says.

“But things happen, Robyn was smart, you also said it. Unless there was someone else…”

“You have started again. I don’t know what child they’re talking about, unless Phindile pulled another
trick before Onathi happened. I don’t know what to think.”

“Then come, let’s go to Khanyile, both of us, and find out,” I say.
“Alright, I will come Tuesday, we’ll go before you come back," he says.

I’m a bit relieved, this will be sorted, I trust Khanyile. I don’t think it’s MaMkhwanazi, I don’t know why
but I just think it’s Robyn’s baby. Khanyile will give more clarity on this, he will tell us which relationship
created the restless soul.

ZOLA

He’s respected in every room he enters. He always stands tall and shines. But not here, here he becomes
small and uncomfortable. As much as he’s been accepted and welcomed, I don’t think he will ever be
truly embraced and he knows it.

His head is bowed as soon as my parents walk in. It was important for him to start here and hear from
the elders before we proceed to Khanyile’s house. Mom sits next to me on the grass-mat, dad sits next to
the door on a chair.

They greet him, he responds in a lowered voice. It may look like a sign of respect but I know that my dad
is probably the only man he fears in this world.

“I’m sure Nokuzola has briefed you about what was said to her by two different gifted people regarding
the baby she’s carrying. Her mother and I accompanied her to Khanyile to have a second opinion and he
confirmed what the first person said. I’m not going to speak into Hadebe matters but you have our
permission to take her to Khanyile and do whatever is needed for the baby to be okay and your house to
be safe,” dad says.

“Thank you,” he says.

“That’s all from me, I don’t know if her mother wants to say anything.” He looks at my mom.

She clears her throat, “Nothing much, I just would like to know if the Hadebes believes in isintu and
follows it?”

“We try,” Xolani says.

“Is there anything you will do to make sure that Nokuzola doesn’t end up like the previous Hadebe
wives, dead or jailed?”

I’m surprised by the question, I’d expect it from her husband. It does raise eyebrows that no Hadebe wife
lived happily ever after, even Xolani’s mother, but none of it had anything to do with Xolani.

“It’s not a curse or anything like that, there were circumstances and family internal issues. Nokuzola is
safe and I will always make sure that she is. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Her dad is worried,” she says.

I knew it sounded like something he’d pay attention to.

“Thabethe, umh, nothing is going to happen to Nokuzola. She’s a special woman to me and to the
Hadebe name,” Xolani says.
A moment of silence passes, I don’t know if they believe him.

“Kuyezwakala,” dad says, just acknowledging that he said something without necessarily believing or not
believing him.

Nale brings the juice, he doesn’t like it that much, he drinks half of the glass and then we leave.

Khanyile’s house is not far, it’s a walkable distance. Dad informed him about us, he’s already waiting. I’m
a bit scared, I don’t know how I’m going to feel if I find out that Robyn was really pregnant with his child.
She’s dead, she won’t answer any of my questions.

“You came back with him?” Khanyile smiles.

He’s friends with my dad, he was the one to strengthen the kraal after my lobola was brought.

“What’s your surname?” he asks.

It’s just the formalities, he already knows.

“Hadebe,” Xolani says.

“Oh, Bhungane! Makhulukhulu!”

We sit down while he gets his working space set up. Xolani seems to be at ease, I thought he’d be
nervous because he doesn’t know the child talked about.

“The old man says there’s a child that left before his feet could touch the ground, leaving by your hand.
His soul is looming around, lost,” Khanyile says.

“By my hand?” He sounds confused.

“That’s what the old man is saying. You know what you did and why there’s family blood on your hands,”
Khanyile says.

“Which blood? The baby’s?”

“Different blood, including your baby’s.” Khanyile sighs and then starts groaning heavily. “Do you want
privacy?”

“No, she’s my wife…almost,” Xolani says.

There’s something deep here, that's why Khanyile is giving him an option to kick me out. I just hope it’s
not something that’s going to change how I see him.

“Whose blood is in your hands?” Khanyile.

I thought it was an accusation but the man next to me looks ready to talk.

“It belongs to those who wronged me and made my life miserable,” he says.

My stomach turns. He’s confessing to murder, telling Khanyile that he murdered them because they
wronged him. He doesn’t see anything wrong, he’s justifying it.
“Did you get cleansed?” Khanyile asks.

“No, I have never raised my hand to kill anyone,” he says.

“That doesn’t matter, imphefumulo yabo ibuzwa kuwe. The child was your blood, isende lakho, so you
can’t ignore that it ever existed. You killed him in his mother's womb. Acknowledge that and get
cleansed, I will write down everything you have to do.”

“Okay, thank you,” he says with a heavy sigh.

Khanyile groans again, then shakes his head. “You have a heavy heart. Why do you hold so many
grudges?”

“The only way not to hold a grudge is if you get an apology,” he says.

“But it’s not good for you. Ubopha kakhulu inhliziyo and then your light shines and dims. You’re happy
but not all the times. You’re your own enemy.”

Silence.

“Forgive your father,” Khanyile says.

Nothing, just a deep sigh.

He parks beside the gravel road, just a few yards away from home. I deserve to know the truth, about
the child and all the people he didn’t forgive and killed.

“Who are you, Xolani?” I don’t know who I’m marrying. How many people have died because of him?
Am I safe?

“Ngiwumyeni wakho,” he says.

“Not yet, we are not married.”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I can still decide not to get married to you. I don’t want to marry a murderer,” I say.

“What did I say to you before we even started?”

“I don’t remember,” I say.

“Didn’t I tell you that I’m not perfect?”

“You call killing people an imperfection?” I can’t believe this. A serial killer is calling his actions
imperfection, just imperfection.

“I don’t kill people unless I’m wronged to a certain extent. My brother, Sbusiso, hurt me more than
anyone beside my parents. I loved Phindile, she was one thing I had in my life at the time. I didn’t have a
family that cared for me, I was struggling everyday. He had the house and the money, all the cars and a
wife that loved him to death with three beautiful children. But he still came for that one thing I had, took
my business plans because I didn’t have funds to carry them through, and destroyed all my dreams.”
“So you killed him?” My heart is heavy, I understand how deep his scars are but to me nothing can ever
justify murder.

“Robyn did, instructed by me,” he says.

Maybe this could’ve happened after I give birth. I’m seven months pregnant, I don’t need this kind of
information. How am I ever going to look at Nzalo and Lwethu knowing that the man I sleep with
everyday is the reason why they don’t have a father?

“That night when I left she had threatened to talk about every business we did together to specific
individuals,” he says.

“So you killed Robyn?”

“Mbuzeni did, it was a deal between us.”

“Then why did he kill himself afterwards?”

“He didn’t,” he says.

I need water, I grab his bottle, I hate sparkling water but I drink it.

“Are you okay?” he asks.

“Am I okay? Are you kidding me? How many people have you killed?” This man doesn’t care if you’re
family or woman, he kills mercilessly.

“Does it matter?” he says.

“It does. Are you also going to kill me one day?”

“Why would I kill a mother of my child?” he asks.

“You had Robyn killed after she fought your battles, killed for you and stuck by your side for years. And
she was also the mother of your child.” Now I understand why she couldn’t let go, they went through a
lot together, she did so much for him.

“She wasn’t doing me favors, we worked together,” he says.

It’s alarming that he’s not remorseful or even touched by the fact that she was carrying his baby.

“You really don’t have any regrets?” I’m shocked.

“I won’t lie, no I don’t. I will do what I need to do regarding the baby but even God knows that I never
intended to have a baby with Robyn and I made sure it didn’t happen for years. I don’t know how she fell
pregnant and why she decided to keep it.”

I’m lost for words. Robyn wasn’t my favorite but nobody deserves what she went through.

“Have I answered all your questions?” he asks.

I shake my head and look outside the window. Can I live with this? Is he going to kill everyone that
betrays him and does him wrong?
“Nothing is going to happen to izibulo lethu. What I want you to do is keep the Thabethe matters and
Hadebe matters separately. I told you that I needed umfazi when we met, do you know what that
means?”

I know what that means but it’s not a term he can use to silence me.

“Why did Thobile die?” I ask.

“I don’t know, I didn’t kill her, you know her killers,” he says.

“I guess what I’m trying to ask is, did she do anything to make her husband go to MaMkhwanazi who
ended up killing her with his help?”

“I don’t know,” he says.

“But she was the only person in the family who liked you and you have fought tooth and nail for her
justice until now. Why was that so important to you?”

“I wanted Phindile to pay for what she did,” he says.

“Did you ever sleep with Thobile?” I ask.

“Thobile was not that type of woman. She was loyal to my brother and…”

“Yes or no Xolani,” that’s all there’s to say. I just need a one-word answer.

“Yes,” he says and takes a deep breath, resting his head back on the seat.

I blame the day Nale involved herself with this family. Right now I can’t even say who was more wrong;
they betrayed one another and both have bloods in their hands. Thobile slept with both and died,
MaMkhwanazi slept with both and went to jail, and Robyn slept with this one and ended up dead. And
for some reason I was angry when my parents asked if I’m safe in that family.

“What time are you coming home?” he asks.

“I don’t know,” I say.

“Please make it before 5pm.”

I open the door and climb out. My head is pounding, this was too much to sit and listen through. I
understand why dad wasn’t okay with us getting married. It’s a lot to just join a family and become a
member, not knowing their full history. I’m used to family feuds, my grandmother’s family hates my
mom, Nale and I fight after every two months, now there’s a little girl dating Thami that we’ve joined
hands in hating. But nobody sleeps with one another’s partner and kill each other. No, I don’t know
anything like this, my family is perfect compared to this and I need to appreciate how much we love each
other.

Dad is hardly indoors during the day, he’s one person I wanted to avoid but unfortunately he’s here. I
wanted to be by myself for a moment but I can’t just walk past. They’re waiting for feedback.

“How did it go?” mom asks.

“It all went well,” I say

ZOLA

Being home is good for me, emotionally wise, but it’s a lot physically. There’s just always something to do
and my mom is on her queen era, sometimes she just sits and expects everything to be done for her.
Yesterday she only got up to cook for her husband, I had to cook the main meal from scratch. Nale is
back, I can finally breathe.

Dad and I went back to Khanyile for a concoction that helps ease labor pains. I have heard about its side-
effects, sometimes people deliver before the baby is ready and it ends badly. I know it’s something I
need to discuss with the father of the child before I use but him and I are still not talking.

I have poured some and threw it away, so that they think I’m drinking it. I don’t want to look ungrateful.

Mom walks in, her eyes go to the bottle first.

“Is it not too bitter?”

“Not at all,” I say.

“The one Khanyile gave me when I was pregnant with your brother made me puke everytime I drank it.”
She sits on my bed and looks at my belly as I get in my sleepwear.

“You’re really going to give birth to a boy.”

“Mom!” sigh. I have told everyone not to tell me what gender it’s going to be, it was supposed to be a
surprise.

“It shows; your nose and navel. We should be thinking about names, I don’t know why you’re so slow,”
she says.

I know when she’s talking like this, she already has something in mind.

“What have you thought of?” I ask. Xolani and I haven’t started anything, I actually want him to give the
first name.

“How about Mzwandile? I was going to give it to Thamsanqa as his second name, it would be a good
honor to give it to my grandson.”

I laugh, I don’t mean to mock her but WTF, Mzwandile? Even Thamsanqa is weird on him because he’s
young.

“It’s meaningful,” she says.

“I know but my child is going to be in school as years go by. No child in this century wants to be called
Mzwandile by his peers,” I say.

“It’s a good name, don’t give him these trending names that turn boys into dagga boys. Have you talked
to Hadebe?”

“No,” I say.
She sighs, I already see the look of disapproval.

“Do you want it to be resolved, whatever it is?”

“It will be resolved, ma.” I’m not interested in talking about my issues with Xolani.

I cannot share them with her, it will permanently ruin his image. So there’s no point because she won’t
understand why I’m angry at him without getting the details.

“I don’t want you to be a single mother,” she says.

“I don’t think I’d be a single mother even if we don’t work out.” I know he kills even his own blood with
no remorse but I believe he’d take care of his child regardless of how our relationship turns out.

“Be careful not to push away a man who loves you. There are things you have to put up with in a
relationship and some shames you have to cover up as a woman. No man is perfect, you can go all
around the world searching, you will find none. It’s rare to find a man that elevates you the way he has.”
She’s singing praises, only because she doesn’t know that MaNdlela doesn’t have a son because of her
son-in-law.

“Another thing, you have to make him want to come home to you,” she says.

“If he doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want to,” I say.

“Listen to me, I’m giving you an advice. I know you don’t cook or clean for him, but that’s no excuse, your
presence still need to be loud in his house. Have you ever seen your father sleep out?”

“No,” I say.

“And why do you think he doesn’t? Because there’s something special about home. I make it homely, in
the kitchen and in the bedroom.”

Yikes!

“Ma, please,” I don’t want to hear their bedroom shenanigans.

“Yes, you have to be a woman, you need to know these things. Keep your man happy and the best way
to do that is to boost his ego. How do you boost his ego? Respect him, when he comes home make it
look like your life has been on pause in his absence, be lively. Serve him, ask about his day, get in the
bedroom and massage his foot.”

His foot? I hope she means the real foot.

“That sounds like a lot of work, I’m heavily pregnant.”

“Make efforts,” she insists.

I know I’m not going to win this argument with her, so I eventually just agree with everything she says.

I have reduced my TV time, I sleep earlier than usual and wake before 10am everyday. We join everyone
in the lounge and watch TV, there are soapies no South African family miss.
Thami goes out to pee and comes back saying there’s a black car parked by the road. It’s after 8pm, that
raises eyebrows. Nale steps aside and calls Nzalo, then comes back looking relaxed. It definitely not
Nzalo, maybe someone else within the neighbors.

“Maybe it’s Mr X,” she whispers to me.

“I doubt.” I have also checked my phone and he hasn’t sent any messages.

“What if it’s robbers?” she asks, loudly.

Everyone looks puzzled now. I feel a bit uncomfortable, I know which family drive black cars. I ask Thami
to accompany me so that I can confirm if it’s not someone I know.

His lights are dimmed, as we get closer I start recognizing the car.

“Should I leave?” Thami asks.

“No, come,” I don’t know if I can trust someone who just parks in the dark.

I walk to the window and knock; it rolls down.

It’s him, wearing a white cap and Sundowns jersey.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask.

“Nothing, just parked,” he says.

“You’re scaring my family. What’s going on?”

“With what Nokuzola?”

Really, is this what we are doing now?

I look back at Thami, “Please tell them not to worry.”

He runs back home, I don’t want him to see this clowning from a grown man.

“Xolani seriously, you can’t just come here unannounced and park your car near my father’s house at
night,” I say.

“I will park somewhere else,” he says and starts the engine.

“Wait!” I release a deep sigh, I shouldn’t be outside at this time while I’m this pregnant, it attracts bad
spirits. “Why are you here?”

“Why should I explain myself to you? Did you tell me why are you here?”

“I’m home, there’s a difference,” I say.

“I said I will go and park somewhere else since I’m no longer allowed anywhere near your father’s house
but my cows are allowed in his kraal.”

Pheeww!!!
“Do you want us to talk?” I ask.

“About what? What’s there to talk about?”

“Don’t act shady, my family is here and I don’t know what your intentions are.” I will never trust a serial
killer who just parks around my home at night with no explanation.

“I have no intentions, just here to be around just in case anything happens to my baby since you decided
not to go for your maternity check-up appointment.”

“It wasn’t that important and I rescheduled,” I say.

“Okay,” he says.

“Is that all? My family wants to sleep.”

He scoffs, “How am I stopping them?”

“Xolani, this is disrespectful. Would you like it if Purity’s babydaddy came and did this around your
house?”

“If your father tells me to leave, I will.”

This is not going anywhere, he’s here to start a fight and he’s disregarding my family’s peace while at it.
He reverses and parks just one yard away. At this point the whole village will be alarmed by this strange
car parked in the dark.

I return back home, hoping they are all gone to beds, but it looks like they’re waiting for me.

“Is everything alright with Hadebe?” dad asks.

I want to ask him to go and chase Xolani away, but I feel like it’s going to be dramatic for no reason.

“Yeah, everything is okay,” I say.

Mom looks at me suspiciously. “Is he still here?”

“Yes, I will pack my bag and leave with him. The car will be here, I will make a plan for it to be fetched,” I
say.

“Is he here to fetch you by dark?” dad.

“No, there’s an emergency back in the house.” I hate him for making me leave this way.

I love my family, I don’t want them to be involved in Xolani’s madness because I know things may
escalate. And he kills, so I don’t want to take any chances. I get in my room and start packing.

The door opens, Nale has followed me.

“Is everything really okay?” she asks.

“He’s acting weird, I don’t want anything to happen to you guys.”

“Zola please, how weird? Is he angry?”

“No, he’s not but he doesn’t want to tell me why he’s here. He’s changing the parking spot instead, he
doesn’t want to leave. What if he comes and burns our house?”

“Come on, Mr X is not crazy,” she laughs.

“He is crazy. Please keep your phone close, I will call you if he does anything strange.”

She stops laughing and frowns. “Are you serious? If you feel threatened we should call the police.”

“No, I will call you if he does something. I’m not saying he will, I just don’t trust him. Don’t tell anyone,
please.”

“Jeez!” she blows out a sigh.

“Promise me, Nale.”

“Okay, I won’t tell anyone.”

He knew I’d come back, he didn’t ask why I had my bag or why I left my own car behind. As soon as I got
inside the car he drove off. We just arrived and he hasn’t said anything to me. The house feels empty and
cold. I won’t lie, I do feel scared.

I came all the way here in my pyjamas, I’m exhausted but I’m not getting in bed until he talks to me. He’s
in the balcony talking to someone on the phone.

My own rings, it’s Nale.

I answer, “Hey, I was about to call you. I arrived safely.”

“Is everything else okay?” she asks.

“We haven’t spoken, he’s outside talking to someone on the phone.”

“I’m not sleeping until you tell me it’s safe to be there. Can I talk to him when he comes back to the
room?”

I know Nale can handle this with a few insults but I want him to talk to me, not her.

“No, it’s okay,” I say.

“Are you scared?” She sounds concerned.

“I am,” I say, truthfully.

“I’m not going to drop, put the phone upside down next to you.”

I do as told, she might hear things she’s not supposed to hear but she won’t sleep unless she knows for
sure that I’m safe.
ZOLA

He walks inside, looking down at his phone. I’m sitting on the edge of the bed. He sits on his side and
charges his phone.

“Xolani,” I’m scared.

He takes a deep breath and turns his eyes to me.

“Why are you acting weird?”

“By doing what?” he asks.

“Threatening my family, silently as you did. Now you’re making calls and not talking to me after I packed
my bag and followed you here.”

“I didn’t threaten your family and I’m making calls because I have businesses that are running at this
time.”

“They felt threatened,” I say.

“Really? Nokuzola, you were supposed to be here on Tuesday, last week. I waited for your call, any
reasonable person would call and inform their partners about their decisions. You stay here with me but
you couldn’t tell me you have decided to move out and go back home. Weren’t you mad at Nale about
the same thing?”

“It’s different, Nale didn’t find out anything about me, she wasn’t scared of me when she left.” This is
weird, she’s listening to us.

“So you’re scared of me? What have I ever done to you?”

“You’re capable of the things that you’re capable of and I don’t feel safe.”

“What am I capable of?” he asks.

“Really? You know very well what you told me that day.”

“None of it had anything to do with you or your family.”

“Even so, show me that you’re a human, don’t be nonchalant about things like that.”

“So you want me to apologize for protecting myself against my brother?”

“Robyn,” I say.

I don’t want Nale to hear about Nzalo’s father.

“You didn’t even like Robyn, now you’re mourning her death and fighting for her justice? Nokuzola it
took you months to love Onathi, a child that was created before you. You wouldn’t have accepted
Robyn’s child if it was mine, but now you’re fighting me? I know it’s not because you care about all those
people, my brother hurt me, Robyn could’ve destroyed me, and you’re just using them to fight me
because you’ve told me many times that you don’t love me. And I keep choosing not to believe you, so
now you are doing everything in your power to make it hard for me to love you.”
“So you want me to just accept and smile? Xolani you killed a pregnant woman and your own brother,
your blood!” I’m getting emotional, all I want is him to be sorry, then I will know he’s going to change and
be a better person.

“I had my reasons, Nokuzola!’ he says, his voice rising.

I break into tears, how am I family with such a man? How can he not see his wrongs?

“I never had anyone protecting me my whole life. I had to stand up for myself, it won’t make sense to
you because you have parents who love you and siblings who would kill for you. You don’t know how it’s
like to be alone, to have everything taken away from you by someone who was supposed to protect you.
That’s why it’s easy for you to use that against me, to hurt me with my past.”

Didn’t we talk about that? I apologized for what I said.

“Sbusiso had 56 years to make things right and apologize for the way he treated me. He never did, even
on his deathbed I wasn’t invited, he had my ex-girlfriend next to him. His bills were paid off my creativity
and I was a mockery for being a loser. Until you experience anything I have been through, don’t talk to
me about apologies and forgiveness. I’m not sorry and I won’t forgive someone who never apologized to
me. I love his children to death, I will protect them and make sure they do things right and don’t turn out
like him. Greedy and allowing a woman to get between them, and that’s the only thing I can do for him-
loving his children. Not apologizing, not sorry!”

He's never raised his voice at me like this, his hands are shaking. I still don’t think what he did was right
but it’s okay, I will let it rest because it’s poking old wounds.

“Are you going to acknowledge Robyn’s baby?” I ask as calm as I can be.

“I got cleansed, her and I weren’t married so the child would’ve belonged to her family.” He’s not a kind
person, that’s one thing I’m discovering. He doesn’t feel pain for losing a baby simply because the
mother threatened him to expose his secrets.

“Is this how you’re going to always deal with people who hurt you or betray you?” I ask.

“I don’t know but all I know is that I will never let anyone treat me the way I was treated when I was a
nobody. I will always protect myself by any means possible,” he says.

In short, he’s not going to stop having his enemies killed. My mind switches to the phone and I quickly
grab it and press the power button. Nale has already heard a lot though, I got too emotional and forgot
she was still on the line.

“Were you recording me?” he asks.

“What? No, why would I do that?”

“Because you hate me, give me the phone.”

“No,” I’m not giving him my phone.

He grabs it from my hand, now this is taking an ugly turn. I said no, he’s violating my privacy.

“What’s the password?” he asks.

“You have no right to be going through my phone, I told you that I wasn’t recording you,” I say.

“Nokuzola unlock this phone!” he says firmly.

I’m not unlocking it, I didn’t record anything and that’s the word he should trust. I blink once and see it
flying and smashing on the wall. I let out a scream, its pieces scatter around the floor. He smashed my
phone, with all my contacts and memories inside.

“Why did you break my phone?” I’m shaking, that’s how angry I am.

“Because you cannot betray me and by keeping a recording of what I said you will be tempted to.”

“I didn’t record you, what the hell Xolani?” I cry loudly and openly.

I’ve had this phone for a year now, I bought it with my hard-earned money and he decided to break it
because he thinks everyone is after him. Why would I keep a recording of his dirty laundry?

He squats on the floor and removes the sim card from the broken skeleton. He takes his phone from the
charger and removes the sim card and inserts mine. But I want my phone, the one he broke, not his.

It’s midnight, I’m sleeping on the couch in the lounge downstairs. I just opened my eyes to Nzalo
standing over me. He hands me the phone, I put it on my ear.

“Zola,” that’s Nale.

“Hey, I’m okay,” I say.

“What happened? The call ended and I couldn’t get hold of you anymore,” she asks.

“Xolani smashed my phone on the wall and broke it, he thought I was recording him. I told him I wasn’t
but he didn’t care.” Talking about it bring tears to my eyes.

“He must buy you another one,” she says.

“I don’t want another one, I want the one he broke.”

“But nawe uyasho nje, he broke it,” she says.

Always insensitive!

“I want the one he broke,” I repeat.

I hear a sigh, “Okay, let’s hope he can glue it back together. I was worried about you, I only told Nzalo
because I was asking him to come over.”

“That’s fine, I appreciate it, now have some sleep.”

Nzalo takes the phone, I can see that he’s worried. I don’t know where Xolani is, I left him upstairs and
came down here.

“Neighbors are concerned, they heard you crying. Did he hurt you?”

“I was crying because he broke my phone,” I say.

“You’re pregnant and sleeping on the couch, that’s not right. I will ask him to leave the bedroom for you
to sleep comfortably.”

“No, it’s his house,” I say.

“Let me call him…” he disappears in the stairway.

There’s a phone next to me, the one I refused, he’s forcing it down my throat.

Nzalo comes back with him, my eyes start burning again.

Nzalo stands, he sits down.

“He’s going to sleep in another bedroom, are you going back to bed?”

“No, I want my phone,” I say.

“Babomncane, why did you break the phone?”

Silence.

Really?

“He said I was recording our argument and then broke it because I refused to unlock it,” I say.

Nzalo looks at him judgmentally.

“Thanks for coming, I will let her sleep in the bedroom,” he says.

“But what is the problem? I’m not comfortable leaving you in this state,” Nzalo.

“You’re my child, I’m not discussing my relationship issues with you. Close the door on your way out.” He
doesn’t look remorseful about my phone either.

“Okay then, who are you going to talk to babomncane? You don’t get along with anyone except us, your
cousins will celebrate and you know it. You don’t have any brother, I’m the only person you can talk to
right now.”

This boy is very stubborn, his uncle also knows it.

“What’s going on is that Nokuzola wants me to beg for her love. I can’t make mistakes, any little
imperfection is enough to validate her hurting me. I’m not happy, I have to work for every little affection
that I get. I cannot do anything wrong and expect her to overlook it. No, if there’s anything Nokuzola will
never do, it is understanding me.”

Nzalo didn’t know it would be this deep. I could’ve handled the situation differently but nothing makes
me a bad person for taking time out to digest his past. I don’t think any woman would just laugh and hug
a man who confesses to murder.

“I know a relationship therapist,” Nzalo says.

“I don’t need a relationship therapist, I need someone to love me for once. I have proven to Nokuzola
that I love her. She cannot sit here and say I don’t love her because she knows that I do. I want
unconditional love too, just for once,” he says.

“And I want my phone Xolani,” I say.

“I replaced your phone. Can you love me unconditionally?”

“I do love you unconditionally,” I say.

“Google the word: unconditionally. How many times have you said you don’t love me, you’re just with
me because you’re pregnant?”

“I said it once. Isn’t what you wanted by sending your delegate home without my knowledge? Didn’t you
want me to stay with you even when there’s no love anymore? You wanted something to hold me back,
right?”

“So…so, I’m holding you back?” His voice shatters.

“I’m just pointing out something. You do crazy things and call them little imperfections Xolani. If I killed
somebody would you call it an imperfection?”

“You wouldn’t kill somebody, we would kill somebody,” he says.

Gangster love, huh? That’s not what I’m into. I want no killings.

“And that’s the difference between you and I. I love you, I can die for you Nokuzola and I’d go to prison
with you. But you wouldn’t do the same for me.”

“That’s true, I’d stay home and take care of your kids until you come out. I’m not Robyn and I never will
be. I will reprimand you and tell you when you’re wrong. I’m not the type of a woman who’d help you
clean a crime scene, instead I will hold accountable for your actions and make sure it sinks into your big
head that I will not tolerate the same behavior in future. That is that, so I guess I’m not your type after
all.”

He takes a deep breath and stares at the ceiling.

Nzalo looks confused.

“Thank you for coming over,” I say.

He checks his uncle and gets no disapproval, then leaves.

We sit in long silence, then he throws away the cushion and sits up.

“Are you coming to bed?”

“Nzalo said you will sleep in…”

“Yes or no Nokuzola?”

Deep breath!

“I’m coming,” I say.

ZOLA

He has a history of murdering people who cross him. He broke my phone because he thought I recorded
him and I was going to use it against him some day. Then told his nephew that I didn’t love him, Nzalo
will obviously remember that everytime he sees me. I can count my fingers out if I had to mention
everything that’s wrong with that man. But it’s now either I stay or leave, and I don’t think he’d stop me
now if I decide to leave. He’s tired, there’s no fighting spirit left in him.

I have given everyone a short day, I wanted to be alone. I have never done anything in this house, I have
lived here for months but still nothing identifies me. The easiest place to start with is the closet. I have to
arrange it the way I want. I should be the one who knows where his grey socks are, where his blue T-shirt
is and so forth. I mix our coats and add my bracelets in his drawer.

I want people to ask me where things are, the same way they ask my mom at home. Something about
my presence needs to be cemented.

I rearrange the kitchen and wrap up my rearranging tour in the bathroom. Then I drive out to town to
buy a few things and fetch my food order. He always stops me from cooking so I know how he feels
about my food. But I’m going to give it a homely look, just to make my mom proud.

This dinner set is the first thing I have bought in this kitchen. I have set up for dinner, I’m just waiting for
him to come home. We last spoke last night when Nzalo was here, when I woke up in the morning he
was already gone for work. It’s past 7pm and he’s still not home. Usually he comes home by 6pm, I’m a
little worried now, I have made efforts for him to come home to a lively fiancé as my mother advised.

I rest on the couch, I’m not used to the phone he gave me, I have been watching TV almost the whole
day. Finally, his car arrives. I hope didn’t go out drinking, I need him to see my efforts in sober senses.

He walks in, our eyes meet and he looks sober.

“Hey,” I stand up.

“Hi,” he puts down his bag, looking a bit confused.

I wish I can take his bag upstairs but climbing those stairs is a problem. So I just help him off his jacket.

“What’s going on?” he asks.

“I made dinner and you’re eating before showering.”

“You made dinner?” He’s going to run.

“I didn’t cook it, I made it,” I say.

“You bought the food?” he asks.

“I didn’t cook it, I made it.” Saying it’s bought is reducing the hard work I put into the preparations.
“Okay,” he says.

He washes his hands and follows me, he doesn’t look excited as I expected him to be.

I pull a chair, he sits.

“I made livers,” I say.

“Okay, made,” he nods.

“Chakalaka, creamy spinach, short breads and lots of salad.” I dish everything on his place, making the
best presentation that I can possibly do. He’s looking at his plate, then at me.

“Eat,” I say.

“Are you not eating?” he asks.

Please don’t tell me he thinks I’m trying to poison him.

I take a fork and eat some from his plate. I already ate, I’m just showing him that I’m not trying to kill
him.

“See, there’s no poison,” I say.

He picks the fork, “I didn’t say there was poison.”

“But that’s what you think. Why would I kill the father of my little peanut?”

I finally get him smiling. I’m in my full Khululiwe’s daughter mode, even pouring water for him as he
speaks. I don’t think I will do the foot massage though, I’m already tired as it is.

Wait a minute!

“Do you notice anything new?” I ask.

“Yes, your behavior,” he says.

“I’m talking about the things on our table.”

He looks around, then shakes his head. My heart breaks, I hunted for the most unique dinner set and he
can’t even notice it.

“I bought a new dinner set,” I say with my heart broken.

“Oh shit! Yeah, I see,” he’s lying.

“No, it’s fine, I’m not offended.” I am highly offended.

“It’s so beautiful, no wonder the food tastes so good.”

I roll my eyes, I didn’t even cook this food. It’s almost time for dessert anyway, I leave the table and fetch
it from the refrigerator. I kept my own, we are going to eat together.

I went an extra mile decorating his with icing, drawing a heart.

He chuckles, “What’s happening Nokuzola? Yesterday you hated me, today you’re nice to me and doing
things you’ve never done for me before.”

“I’m always nice, it’s just that sometimes being with you is challenging. There are things I’m not
understanding enough to ignore. But what you said yesterday to Nzalo was a lie, you know that I love
you, and no matter how bad things can be I will always end back in your arms. I think if there’s anything
you know about me, is that I don’t have eyes for any other man and you’re the only person in my heart.
If I’m lying, tell me where I’d go if I was to leave you.”

“I don’t know,” he’s smiling because he knows the truth.

He’s the only man I’m with, he has my heart, just not my mind.

“So you really think I don’t love you?” I ask.

“I think you do but when you’re angry you make things hard for me,” he says.

“It’s funny because there would be ten things and out of them only two would make me angry and you’d
leave the eight and do the two that make me angry. I don’t get angry easily, especially with you. I love
you and I appreciate everything you do for me. I know your love and I’d hope you’d testify on mine too,
one day. I don’t want our love to be toxic, I want us to tell our children when they grow up about the
love that we shared, and I want them to be inspired.”

He inhales sharply and blows out heavily. “Do you think I will be a bad example?”

“There are so many great things about you, Xolani. A lot of them, you as a father, as a man, an uncle and
business owner. There’s so much to learn from you. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t work on your
weaknesses. For instance, you don’t forgive, which is fine because you don’t have to fake it if you don’t
feel it. The problem starts when grudges turn you into an evil person, then there’s no difference between
you and the person who did you wrong.”

“I’m nothing like Sbusiso,” he says.

“He smashed MaMkhwanazi; you smashed Thobile. He killed the mother of his children; you killed
Robyn who was carrying your child, meaning she was the mother of your child. See, there’s no difference
now because you allowed anger to control you.”

He takes a deep breath, it’s registering in his head. He puts down the ice-cream and takes his water, then
gulps it all down. Unfortunately, I didn’t like, he’s everything his brother was.

“I didn’t want this to be a heavy dinner, let’s talk about your beard,” I say.

His brows furrow, “What about my beard?”

“It looks like a goat’s beard and I don’t like it.”

“What? It’s not even long.” He takes the phone and looks at his reflection on the screen. Then he starts
laughing. Yes, it’s not long, but it has a weird shape. I can’t stand it.
I state problems and give solutions. I take the electric shaver that I bought, it rotates and has a
rechargeable clipper.

“Wow!” he chuckles, shaking his head.

I give it to him and unpack the second gift of the day.

“Now, on a positive note, I like how you always smell. Elegant, expensive and loud. I can tell when you
enter the room, you stand out,” I say.

He’s smiling, ego-boosted!

“So I bought you two tickets to the MTN8 finals, you can only take a male friend with you.” I know it
sounded like I was going to gift him a perfume, nope it’s a new Sundowns jersey and a ticket that I
purchased for him online, I don’t like to be predictable.

Okay, why am I not getting any reaction?

“Xolani?” I want him to be happy, otherwise I’m returning all these things.

No, not this again!

I know I’m not usually giving and nice, but he can’t be emotional everytime I do something good for him.

“Please don’t cry, I can’t get up from this chair again and come to you,” I say.

He chuckles and wipes his eyes. “I love you so much.”

He gets up and comes to me. I stand up, we embrace tightly.

“What must I do for us to stay like this forever?” he says, kissing my forehead.

“Open your heart for the people that love you. Let love surround your soul and spirit, not pain. That’s all.
You have your brother’s kids, your own kids and this beautiful tall woman to focus on.”

“Tall, right?” he asks.

My head is below his chest but I dentify as tall.

ZOLA

I have adopted this new character and I’m loving it more than him. It makes me happy seeing him
shocked and out of words whenever I get a thing done for him. Unfortunately I’m terrible at ironing his
work shirts, I need help with that. While his clothes are being ironed, I make breakfast. Well, it’s just a
cereal. But I’m the one getting everything for him, and I rinsed his spoon. He comes down in his vest, I
have his cereal on the table and two fruits.

He gives me a cheek kiss and pulls the chair to sit.

“I’m a king these days,” he says, jolly.

“You are a king everyday and I’m a queen,” I sit down with him.

“I will be back after 12pm, then we can go out for lunch together. You will be paying, as a queen.” Now
he’s pushing it. But I’m using his card, it’s his money eitherway.

“Purity is coming next week, she will stay with us until she gives birth,” he says.

Lwethu is a nice girl, I’m happy she’s coming, I won’t be lonely when he’s at work.

“Have you thought about what you’re going to do after you give birth between your job and starting a
business?” he asks.

“I want to do both,” I say.

“This is a very good morning sthandwa sami, don’t ruin it. You know you can’t and starting a business is
better than going back to New Universe and working 8 hours a day.”

“But I love my job and the working environment,” I say.

“More than being home with your family, calling shots in your own business and making your own
money instead of being paid?” he asks.

“I will think about it,” that’s all I can say for now. I’m not making any rushed decision.

I get up to get yogurt from the fridge. There’s a van outside the gate.

“Are you expecting a delivery?” I ask.

“I don’t know, let me check who it is.” He leaves his empty bowl and half-eaten apple on the table.

I clean after him, I’m not sure this is what most women do for their men. Xolani was very discipline
before I started doing things for him; he’d never leave a dirty bowl on the table.
ZOLA

We got Owami a nanny; a humble middle-aged woman from Nquthu. I’m due in a week now, moving
around is not easy, I get tired easily. Lwethu was making a 1% effort but since the nanny came she’s back
to TikTok. Therapy was done, I have also tried teaching her what I know, when my mom was here she
also shared some wisdom with her. Now I just pray that time will give her some growth and she will
eventually care enough. She loves Owami, that’s for sure, she’s not ashamed of her baby. She just can’t
put him first. I still take him to my bed because I don’t trust Lwethu to pay any attention to him.

He's growing to be a little cutie, I’ve had a lot of practice with him and we’ve crazily bonded. He’s going
to be my baby’s almost-twin and I can’t wait to watch them grow up together.

The nanny just left, I take Owami to the bedroom where his grandfather is.

“I have to take a bath, please hold him,” I say.

“I’m waiting to have a bath with you. Where is Purity?”

“Watching TV downstairs,” I say.

He takes Owami back to Lwethu. Usually he’s very soft with her but lately he’s been a bit hard. I thought
Onathi was difficult because she’s a loud mouth but the humble Lwethu has proven me wrong.

He comes back, mumbling things to himself.

“Now you don’t even have my time,” he says, bitterly.

Such an old man competing with the little Owami.

“What happened?” I ask.

“I need my time. I haven’t had time with you in three weeks.” He pulls up the T-shirt I’m wearing and
caresses my boobs. I’m too big, I can no longer get intimate with him, I think that’s where some of his
frustration comes from.

“You’re a grandfather now,” I tell him.

“So what? I don’t deserve some fun?”

He’s horny and unable to control himself. We kiss, he’s squeezing my boobs and brushing my huge
tummy, provoking some kicks from Peanut.

“He doesn’t want you to touch me,” I say.

“It’s too early for him to control me,” he says, arranging pillows for me to lean back on.

Then he pulls my legs apart and my panty to the side. It’s a pre-bath quickie, his hard shaft enters my
opening after running on my clit. He doesn’t push all of it in, just a few inches and then moves it in and
out.

It’s taking a lot of self-control for him not to pound me with no mercy. I feel his warm cum filling me up;
his groans vibrate on my chest. He needed this one.
We get in the bathtub together, he’s helping me wash my back and between my thighs. It’s cold, I’m
going to wear my long pyjamas. I remove the towel and notice that I’m still wet between my thighs. I
slide the towel in and realize that it’s not water from the bath.

“My water has broken,” I say.

He’s coming with a lotion to put on my back. “Your water has broken?”

He’s confused.

I’m trying my best not to panic.

“I need to go the hospital, Xolani.”

He looks at the towel that just dropped to the floor.

“Nokuzola, NO!” he’s scared.

Lwethu felt the pain first and we rushed her to the hospital.

“Did I hurt you?” He’s still standing.

“Xolani, I’m going to give birth, take me to the hospital!”

He runs out of the door naked, I think he realized somewhere down the stairway and rushed back to get
his clothes on.

It’s happening, now!

ZOLA

His death was basically the reason why I got to know the Hadebes in the first place. Sbusiso Langalezwe
Hadebe. According to everything I have heard about him, he was a dark-hearted man who put himself
first and didn’t mind to destroy everything standing on his way to get what he wanted. I hope this rebirth
of his name will bring a change to his brother’s heart, Xolani. I hope there’s going to be some healing and
forgiveness.

I open my eyes and look at him. I just took a little nap. He has Langalezwe in his arms, his eyes are glued
to the little face.

“Hey,” I say.

He releases a deep breath, “Hey mama.”

“He’s not giving you any trouble?”

“No, he’s an angel,” he says.

Well, it’s too early to tell, he’s only five hours old. I gave birth around 3am in the morning after eight
hours of labor pain. I was under the best team, even though I felt the pain but it wasn’t severe as most
people say. I had a smooth delivery and Langalezwe is healthy. He’s almost Owami’s size and Owami is a
month old; he’s going to be a big baby.

“Are you in any pain?” he asks.

“No, I’m good. Maybe I will feel it when I have to pee. Can I hold him?” I need to bond with him too. He
kisses his hand and brings him over.

I hold him on my chest, he looks peaceful in his sleep. I can’t tell who he’s going to look like yet but
looking at his knuckles I can tell that he’s going to take his father's and Nzalo’s complexion as he grows
up.

“We really made a human being,” I look at him staring at us. He looks emotional.

Motherhood already feels like magic. I’m proud of myself for waiting for the right person to make a baby
with. He couldn’t hold my hand throughout the process but I felt his support even when he was standing
outside. My mother is not here because we all thought he would come next week. Xolani will send a car
tomorrow, I don’t think she will stay for long because she has a husband back home, she will just help
me get through a few things as a new mother.

“I have never been so scared in my life, you’re a brave woman,” he says.

“So he is your last born?” I’m scared to laugh openly, I don’t trust these stitches yet.

“I can’t watch you ever go through this again,” he says.

I kiss Langa’s hand, this is not the last-born, he will get a sibling once he’s grown enough. But I will let his
traumatized dad be.

“I forgot to ask you this, do you know that MaMkhwanazi wants to see Nzalo to tell him something about
Thobile?” I ask.
“No, you didn’t tell me,” he says.

“Well, she does but Nale and I will pay her a visit before Nzalo goes. We don’t trust her and it’s about
time we put her in her right place. I know you don’t want to fight with her because she’s Onathi’s mom,
so I will handle it.”

“Okay sthandwa sami, I appreciate it,” he says.

Now I just have to wait for Nalenhle to come back next month and we will pay the witch a visit.

My dad is the hard nut to crack, I understand why he’s scared of him. But I don’t understand why he’s
scared of my mom because she’s one person who never had issues with him. Nale and my dad had issues
with him, my mom was accepting before they even met. Since my mom arrived in the morning he’s been
limiting his moves around the house.

“Uyacasha bo uHadebe,” she’s noticed it.

“He’s just scared of you,” I say.

“I’m a guest here, tell him to be free.” She’s holding Langa and I have Owami. Lwethu just changed his
nappy. She’s also a bit scared of my mom, she’s been doing things for Owami, even making his milk
bottles.

Upon her arrival she rolled black wool and put it around their wrists. My mom is a queen of
superstitions, she did that so that they don’t lose weight. Black people always comment on babies’
weight and my mom believes that whenever someone says the baby is big, the baby will lose weight. We
weren’t allowed to comment on Thami’s body when he was a baby.

“Olwethu make me a cup of tea,” she says.

I know Lwethu can boil water, I just don’t know if she can make my mom’s tea.

“Just boil water and pour it in a teapot, then bring sugar, teabags and milk.” Mom will make it herself,
who knows what she might do? Maybe tear a teabag and pour it in the kettle. Yes, she lives by herself
and cooks, but Lwethu has proven to be a spoilt brat more than Onathi was.

“Why didn’t you tell her to tie her stomach?” mom asks.

I forgot, a lot was happening and my main concern was Owami.

“Can’t she still do it?” I ask.

“She can,” she says.

“I will get her a waist trainer, hopefully she won’t charm boys with a flat stomach and then get pregnant
again.”

“How is the other one?” she asks.

“Onathi is okay, I speak to her mother and Winnie doesn’t play.” Onathi is well-educated on sex and
relationships, she was raised by Winnie, a street queen.

“You’re doing so amazing,” she says.

I’m confused. “With what Ma?”

“The way you play your role, I’m proud of myself for raising you so well. I’m sure Hadebe is very happy
and he doesn’t regret a penny he gave your father.”

“But my dad is not proud,” I say.

“You’re his princess, obviously he worries about you having a lot on your plate but he’s very proud of
you,” she says.

“I’m coping just fine, he mustn’t worry.”

“Oh, before I forget. His grandson is Mlamuli.”

Gosh, Skhundla! This is not his agemate, why Mlamuli out of every name?

Mom’s phone rings, she adjusts the scarf across her chest.

“Thabethe,” she says softly, her head bowed as if my dad can see her. This woman is dramatic, whatever
dad does to her is working.

She passes the phone to me; he wants to talk to me.

“Thabethe,” I say.

“Hi, how are you?”

“I’m fine baba, thanks.”

“How is Mlamuli?”

So this name is really going to be what my son is called back home, sigh!

“He is fine, he was just a bit restless because I don’t have milk yet but I gave him formula and he’s calm,”
I say.

“Oh, okay kulungile-ke. When are you bringing him home?” he asks.

“Maybe once he’s three months old, I don’t want to travel while he’s still so little,” I say.

“His uncle and I can’t wait to meet him, uMlamuli,” he says.

I give the phone back to his wife, they chat a bit. She promises to be back home tomorrow afternoon and
instructs him on what to cook.

Motherhood has been amazing, I’m enjoying every bit of it. However, in two months from now I have to
make a decision whether I’m going back to work or starting something new. I have a connection to my
job, letting go won’t be easy, but now that I have babies I understand what Xolani said. I want to be
home with Langa and Owami more than I want to wake up at 6am everyday and leave for work.

NALENHLE

I couldn’t even sleep well without seeing Langalezwe first. I will be going back home on Tuesday, Nzalo
needs more cuddles, at least for two days, then we will continue with the plans we had before going to
Italy. He’s paying for the damages and proceeding with lobola. Hopefully most will be concluded before
Baby Luna arrives. The dad declined the name by the way, but I like it, I copied it from someone in
Florence.

We are outside Mr X’s house, the baby factory. I can already hear one baby crying as we walk in. Zola has
shed a lot of her pregnancy weight, she looks like the old Zola again.

I fuckin’ missed her, I have never gone so long without seeing her.

She laughs, holding me. “Why are you crying, Naliato?”

“I missed you, crazy-ass,” I hit her chest.

She laughs, “You said you don’t. How come your pregnancy looks so fancy?”

I have a tummy but I still look like me, just with an extra glow.

“I watch what I eat; I only eat greens and drink water,” I say.

Nzalo laughs behind me.

Can’t I lie in peace?

“Where are the babies? We are here to see them?”

She leads us to the lounge, Mr X is feeding one a bottle. I don’t know which one is which.

“I see me,” Nzalo says, taking the one lying on a blanket.

This must be Langalezwe, he looks like the Hadebes. Lwethu’s son is the one driving Mr X crazy. I take
him from his grandfather, this one is going to be a cheeseboy.

“Hello Purity Junior,” I’m in love with him.

He’s such a cutie…no, he’s not.

I give him back to his grandfather. Why would a baby just cry out of the blue?

I take Langalezwe, he’s heavier than Owami.

“Junior citizen,” I kiss his cheek.

He’s awake and sucking on his fist.

Wow, I can’t believe this is Zola’s creation.

I came bearing gifts, Nzalo steps outside with Mr X.

“None of these things will fit them,” Zola says.

I bought pairs of boots, little hats and tons of toys.

“They will grow up and wear them.” I bought sizes bigger than them. They’re almost twins and Owami
looks quite handful.

“I got you a purse and some jewellery,” I pass her the bag.

I know she can afford it all herself but I’m coming from Italy, this is my only rich aunt moment.

She unpacks and admires with gratitude.

“When are you going back to work?” I ask.

“I don’t know if I’m going back,” she says.

“You haven’t made up your mind?” I don’t think she will go back.

“I don’t want to leave my boys for eight hours everyday,” she says.

“Then you’re not going back. Are you going to be a house-fiance?” I ask.

“No, I will start a business. I just need a good mentor then I will explore ideas before launching my own
business,” she says.

“Beauty is a thriving industry at the moment.”

“I will research. What about you?”

“I’m going to work a 9-5 job again.”

“Working for who?” she asks.

This is not even a necessary question.

“Obviously, my man,” I say.

“Business with pleasure!” she claps her hands, laughing.

I love Nzalo, what would be hard about having him as my boss.

“I’m back, when are we going to the dark house?” I’m using an indirect language because this has to stay
between the two of us.

“Let’s go tomorrow because you will make excuses if you have to come from home,” she says.

She knows me too well, even Nzalo knows that I only come to him after he’s sent multiple taxi fees.

“That woman is stupid. I’m taking care of her daughter when she’s here but she still wants to start shit,”
she says, shaking her head.
“Does she even care about Onathi?” I don’t think MaMkhwanazi likes anyone, maybe just herself and
Musa.

“She’s only coming back to this family in a coffin, I want to make that clear to her,” she says.

They’re coming back, I signal for her to shush. I will just tell Nzalo that we are going out shopping with
Zola tomorrow.

Unfortunately we have to say goodbye to Owami and Langalezwe. I imagine my own when I’m holding a
baby in my arms. I can’t wait for my Luna to be in my arms.

This is where we are doing “shopping”, honestly life related to people who get arrested is not for me. If it
wasn’t for Zola I would’ve backed out and returned back home. But she kept pressing and we have finally
arrived. I thought a female prison wouldn’t be full, I mean women are angels, but I was wrong. Old and
young women are in orange uniforms, they don’t even look uncomfortable being here.

“Why are they not bringing her? I left my babies at home,” Zola.

Just as she says, the guard comes to us.

“Ladies, what did you say the name was again?”

“Phindile Hadebe,” Zola says.

“Nobody has reached to the family?”

We are confused.

“About what?” Zola asks.

“Phindile had a fight with another inmate, sadly she lost her life last night. Her body was sent to the
mortuary this morning,” he says.

No, I don’t believe this.

“She has a history of helping people fake death,” I say.

“That’s her, they confirmed her body and she was declared dead in her cell,” he says.

I’m confused. How?

She could’ve died after we see her, why die the night before we come to have a word with her?

I also don’t think she would’ve gotten in a fight with an inmate, female prisons are not known for such
violence. Unless it was orchestrated by someone outside.

We get back in the car silently. I don’t know if Nzalo has heard, as unfair as it may be, he has to prepare
for a funeral, she was a Hadebe- his father's surviving wife.

“Did Nzalo do this?” Zola asks.

I hope she’s joking because what the fuck.

“No, Nzalo would’ve had her killed a long time ago if he was capable of such. This looks like something
Mr X would plan. Did you tell him anything?”

“Come on Nale, he’s been with me the whole week.” Something tells me she’s covering up for him. Nzalo
didn’t do this, I can bet Francis’ life on it.

“So there’s a funeral to plan now?” She sighs heavily putting her sunglasses on and starting the car.

I’m going home, unfortunately. I haven’t seen my family in almost three months but I will send a blanket
and bucket of scones.

Mr X’s call disturbs me. This one hardly ever calls me.

I go to my room to answer, just in case he’s dropping a bomb.

“Nalenhle, I need your help, you will be compensated for your time,” he says.

This is the same shit that started this whole thing. He needed help, he was willing to pay for it, and I
ended up having the crazy-handsome Nzalo Hadebe on my back.

“Mr X, you know that I no longer offer crying services,” I say.

“What?” He bursts into laughter. “I want you to help Nokuzola plan our white wedding, assist her with
whatever she wants but don’t stick solely to her ideas. I want a grand wedding, make it over the top; find
the most expensive venue in KZN, book the most famous entertainers and get a good designer to help
her with the dress.”

He came to the right person, one thing I take from this is that he wants to spend a fortune on their
wedding and Zola might be financial-worried and settle for less.

“Leave it to me,” I say.

“I can trust you, right?”

“Mr X, when have you ever given me a duty and I did not carry it through?” He needs to put a million
aside and let me do my thing.

“Thank you,” he says.

“You’re welcome, but why are you planning your wedding during a funeral planning?”

“The wedding is more important to me,” he says.

Well, I can’t say MaMkhwanazi was anyone’s priority, however this is very suspicious. Now I’m convinced
that Mr X did it.

I call Zola, she picks up on third ring.

“I’m busy, Nale,” she says, there’s a baby crying in the background.
“I think Mr X did it,” I say.

“I had a dream yazi, I saw Nzalo doing it.”

“You need to detox, unenyongo.” I drop the call.

Nzalo had nothing to do with this and I don’t want to ever talk about it again. This is where we close this
chapter….

Wait, I need her to record when Msindisi and Jamal arrive. Mr X is waiting for them and it’s going to be
PG16 VL.

---------------- THE END