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Interpersonal Communication, Fourth

Canadian Edition
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Fourth Canadian Edition

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The Process of Interpersonal

Communication

Ronald B. Adler
Lawrence B. Rosenfeld
Russell F. Proctor 11
Constance Winder
 •• •
VIII

Types of Listening Responses 162 Multiple-Choice Questions 214

Silent Listening 162 Activities 215
Questioning 164 Discussion Questions 216
Paraphrasing 166
Journal Ideas 217
Empathizing 169
Supporting 1 71
Analyzing 1 73 Chapter 7 Non-verbal
Evaluating 1 73 Communication 218
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Advising 1 75
Which Style to Use? 176 Non-verbal Communication Defined 220
Summary 178 Characteristics of Non-verbal
Communication 221
Multiple-Choice Questions 178
All Behaviour Has Communicative Value 221
Activities 179 Non-verbal Communication Is Primarily
Discussion Questions 180 Relational 222
Journal Ideas 181 Non-verbal Communication Is Ambiguous 223
Non-verbal Communication Is Influenced by
Culture and Gender 225
Chapter 6 Language 182
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Functions of Non-verbal
Communication 227
The Nature of Language 184
Regulating 227
Language Is Symbolic 184
Repeating 227
Language Is Governed by Rules 184
Substituting 227
Language Is Subjective 186
Complementing and Accenting 227
Language Is Linked to Worldview 188
Contradicting 228
The Influence of Language 189
Deception and Non-verbal
Naming and Identity 189
Communication 229
Credibility and Status 190
Hiding Deceit 229
Affiliation, Attraction, and Interest 191
Detecting Deceit 230
Power 192
Sexism, Sexual Prejudice, and Racism 194 Types of Non-verbal Communication 231
Face and Eyes 231
Uses (and Abuses) of Language 196
Body Movement 232
Precision and Vagueness 197
Touch 234
The Language of Responsibility 202
Voice 235
Disruptive Language 205
Distance 237
Culture and Language 207
Territoriality 239
Translation 207
Time 239
High- versus Low-Context Cultures 207
Physical Attractiveness 240
Verbal Communication Styles 208
Clothing 241
Gender and Language 209 Physical Environment 244
Content 210
Summary 246
Reasons for Communicating and Amount of
Talking 210 Multiple-Choice Questions 247
Conversational Style 211 Activities 247
Non-sex Variables 212 Discussion Questions 250
Summary 213 Journal Ideas 250
 •
IX

Creating Positive Climates 301

Evaluation versus Description 301
Control versus Problem Orientation 303
Strategy versus Spontaneity 303
Neutrality versus Empathy 305
Superiority versus Equality 305
Certainty versus Provisionalism 307
Chapter 8 Dynamics of Interpersonal
Relationships 252 Transforming Negative Climates 308
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Seek More Information 308
Why We Form Relationships 254 Agree with the Critic 312
Appearance 254 Summary 318
Similarity 255 Multiple-Choice Questions 318
Complementarity 256
Activities 319
Rewards 257
Discussion Questions 320
Competence 258
Proximity 259 Journal Ideas 321
Disclosure 259
Intimacy and Distance in Relationships 260
Dimensions of Intimacy and Distance 260 Chapter 10 Managing Conflict 322
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Influences on Intimacy and Distance 263
What Is Conflict? 324
Communication and Relational
Expressed Struggle 325
Dynamics 267
Perceived Incompatible Goals 325
A Developmental Model of Interpersonal
Relationships 267 Perceived Scarce Rewards 325
Dialectical Tensions in Relationships 274 Interdependence 325
Characteristics of Relational Dynamics 279 Inevitability 325

Communicating about Relationships 280 Functional and Dysfunctional Conflicts 326

Content and Relational Messages 281 Integration versus Polarization 327
Expression of Relational Messages 282 Co-operation versus Opposition 327
Communication that Keeps Relationships Confirmation versus Disconfirmation 328
Going 282 Agreement versus Coercion 328
Summary 283 De-escalation versus Escalation 328
Focusing versus Drifting 329
Multiple-Choice Questions 284
Foresight versus Short-Sightedness 329
Activities 285
Positive versus Negative Results 330
Discussion Questions 286
Individual Conflict Styles 330
Journal Ideas 287 Non-assertion 3 31
Indirect Communication 332
Chapter 9 Communication Climate 288 Passive Aggression 333
•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• Direct Aggression 334
What Is Communication Climate? 290 Assertion 3 34
How Communication Climates Develop 290 Which Style to Use? 335
Levels of Message Confirmation 291 Conflict in Relational Systems 337
Defensiveness 29 7 Complementary, Symmetrical, and Parallel Styles 337
Climate Patterns 298 Conflict Rituals 339
x

Variables in Conflict Styles 340 Strive for a Moderate Level of Adaptability 373
Gender 340 Encourage Confirming Messages 374
Culture 341 Deal Constructively with Family Conflict 375
Methods of Conflict Resolution 343 Summary 376
Win- Lose 34 3 Multiple-Choice Questions 376
Lose- Lose 346 Activities 3 77
Compromise 346
Discussion Questions 378
Win- Win 347
Journal Ideas 378
Steps for the Win- Win Approach 348
Summary 353
Multiple-Choice Questions 354 Chapter 12 Work, Group, and Team
Activities 355 Communication 380
••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••
Discussion Questions 356 Communicating in Organizations 382
Journal Ideas 356 Formal Communication 382
Informal Communication 383
Relationships in Work Groups and
Teams 385
Characteristics of Groups and Teams 385
Personal Skills in Work Groups and Teams 386
Group Cultures 388
Face-to-Face and Mediated Relationships 389
Chapter 11 Communicating with Leadership, Power, and Influence in
Family 358 Working Groups 389
••••••••• • •••••••••••••• • •••••••••••••••••• • ••••••••••• • •••••••••••• Types of Leadership 390
Types of Family Communication 360 Types of Power 390
Communication between Spouses or Partners 360 Advancing Your Career 393
Communication between Parents and Networking 393
Children 362 Interviewing 394
Communication between Siblings 366
Summary 400
Elements of Family Communication 367
Multiple-Choice Questions 401
Families as Communication Systems 367
Roles 368
Activities 402
Family Narratives 370 Discussion Questions 402
Models for Other Relationships 370 Journal Ideas 403
Communication Rules 370
Effective Communication in Families 372 Glossary 404
Strive for Closeness while Respecting References 411
Boundaries 372 Index 454
 his fourth edition of Interplay builds on the successful approach used in
the previous Canadian editions that have served instructors and stu-
dents well. It gives first-time students a useful, compelling, and accurate
introduction to the academic study of interpersonal communication. The
reader comes away with a new appreciation of how scholarship about com-
munication in interpersonal relationships can make a difference in everyday
life. To that end, this fourth edition presents new and expanded coverage,
while still retaining the trusted qualities and features of the previous editions.

Key Features
• An accessible writing style based on the belief that even complicated
ideas can be presented in a straightforward way.
• A commitment to showing how scholarship offers insights about the
process of interpersonal communication.
• The use of thought-provoking photos and cartoons that illustrate
points in the text in a way that is more interesting and compelling
than text alone.

Increased Application of Theory to Everyday Life

• To help students better understand the application of theory for every-
day life, this edition features expanded content on technology, work,
and culture throughout. Some new sections include:

Technology M2 PART THREE Dimensions of Interpersonal Relationsh.ips

• Chapter 2 - managing personal
polite to '!In Asian. In Japan, for ex;imple, ~en
a simple request like "Close the door"' would
be too straighrforw:.1.rd {Okabe. 1987). A more
th.it rhc.)' h.1d outperformed the :.we-rage stu·
dem from their universicy. While North Amer·
1ca.ns, on ave
indirect sraremem, such 3S '"It is somewhat cold what is good ,...__ _

disclosure with technology rodar," would be mor<" appropriue. To take a

more important cxample,J:.1panesc are rductmt
to find fault ,
search for rhe
60 PA.RT ONE foundationi of Interpersonal Communic.ation

• Chapter 8 - social media and
ro say no to a n:qucsr. A more Jikely .inswer
woukl be '""ler me think about it for a while,'"
which anyone familiar with J:1panese culture
would r«ognu:e as a refusal
them. Thi.s J how words and non-verbal beha,'lour e re.ate
enha.nccmem
uallstic c uhur
more sd l~crit
impressions. Since )'Ou have. to speak and act,
the question is not whether or not )'Our man·
ner sends a mesS3.g.e, but rather whether or nm

romantic relationships The jopanese notion of self·restraim is

reflected in the important concept of tva, or
harmon)'· Interpersonal harmony in Jap.1nesc
leccivisric val
with others.
in collecrivisr
these mess:.ges will be intcntion.11.
Along with manner, ~, second dime nsion
of identify managem ent is appearattce-the
c ulture includes a rendcnC)' for individuals The 6rst is t personal items people use to sh:.tpc :m irmge.
to be self-airic;.11. rather th.an to find fauh in promote gro
Sometimes. appearance is part of crc:uing a
others. A cross·cultur.11 stud)' compared Can· instances tak professional image. A ph)'sician's w hite bb

Work adi:m and JaJ>.lnes.e university students' will·

inguess to accept inform:.uion ch:tt the)' were
solving appr
preferred. Wh
coat and a police officer's unifonn set the
wearC'r aparr a.s someone special. A roilored

- .
bertc.r at completing a ,a.sk than o the r stu· intq;r-:n ion o suir and a rumpled o utfit CTC':lte very differem
dents at cheir univc.rsit)' and cheir reluctance non-:issertion
imprt"SSions i.n the business world. Off rhe job,

• Chapter 9 - emotion labour for
to accept information that they h-:td performed
worse than their peers (H einen al., 2000). The
results of their im·esdgation supported the idea
conma resolu
Similar a
in China, wh
clothing is just as imporcmt. We choose cloth-
ing that sends a message about ourselves: "'I'm
stylish," - r m ~... '"I'm athletic," a nd a hosr
·s....-,1 I Jill -.t, flliff ldm ,..,-_ • :

due Can.1di~tns, on avernge, find ir difficult to person co ra

human service providers believe that they were outperformed b)' their
:l\'crage cfossmate, but ea.sil)' ~1ccept that thear
own pcrform.1nce was superior. Japanese sru·
• Chapter 12 - networking and dents, in contrast.., were reluctant to believe
• • • ment. This explains w h)' m.1ny people lust after rures.. or fucia l expression. Recently, though,
Among Chin
People's Repu
of other possible messages.
A fi na l way to manage impressions is
through the choice of setting-physical items
At first glance, the technology of computer-
med.iated oommumca.tion (C~tC) seems to limn
the potentiaJ for identity manag.emem. Tcxting
common met and email, for example, appear to lack the
we use to influence how others view us. In
ing, setting a,
the car culmre of modern \'(lestem society, the
automobile is a large part of identity managC>+
"'richness" of other channds. They don't con·
vey the mne of your mice or rour pasture, gC"S·

1nterv1ew1ng cars that are far more expensive and powerful

than (he)' rc-:iU)' need. A sporry com·ertible or
fancy imported sedan doesn't just get a driver
from one pl'lce to another; it also m.ikes a
st-.u emem about the kmd of person he or she
is. The physical setting we choose and the
way we a rrange it is another imporcam wa)'
w manage i.mpresS1ons. \Vhar colours do you
choose for the place you li\•e? What amvork
communication scholars ha.Ye begun to recog·
nize that what is missing in CMC can actually
be an advantage for communicamrs who want
to manage the impressions they make.
When sendmg electronic mess.ages, peoplc-
can choose their le\'d of clarity or a mbigu·
iry, seriousness or humour., logic or e morion.
Unlike facc-ro-face communicat ion, dee·
cronic correspondence a llows a se:ndc-r to s-:ty

t is on )'Our walls? \'(/hat music do )'OU pb)'? If

possible, we choose a s.cni.ng dut we enjo)', bm
difficult things without forcing the recei\.'er
to respond immediarely, and it permits tht-

I
in ma.nr c.as.cs, we create an C"nvironmenc thar
will present the desired front to others. If you
doubt rhi.s fact, jusr remember the last time
• Do you often h3'Ye to ~ t e culwral dKferences. when deallt19 with coof1icts
you stra ightened up rhe house be.fore import·
am guests arrived.
your life? How do you manage?
Identity Management in
Medi.ated Communication
l\fost of the preceding examples inrnlve face·
to-focc interaction, but idenriry management is
just as pervasive and imponant i.n mher types
of communic;.ition.
receiver to ignore a message rather than give
a n unpleasant response. Options like these
show that C.\ 1C can serve as a tool for iden-
tiry manasemem :.tt least as well as lace-to-foce
communication can {Walther, l 996; Walther et
al., 2010).
Like e mail and texring, personal profiles
on social networking sites, biogs., a nd personal
websites allow their creators to mannge their
identities. Some obseners ha.ve pointed out
char the ctC':ltion of online: profiles involves
much more than wha.t appears on the computer
 ••
XII From the Publisher

Culture
• Chapter 1 - Canadian punishments that come with
the job title to pin members'
12 Work, Group, and Team Communlcarion

---·
393

compli.:ince. But a popular

---·
manager or group member
versus US interpersonal w irh no form:i l tide c.an per-
suade ochers ro co-opernre
S Listening 169

• • because of rhe influence rhat listeners pur the attitude of empathy mro ,·er·
commun1cat1on comes w ith the high reg1rd
o( other mem~rs (Leroy er
paraphras·
bal and non·verhal responses, the)' engage in
empathizing. Sometimes, these responses can
a l., 2012~ Simons, 2008). explain how be q uite br·ief: --uh.huh," '"I see," "'Wow!"

• Chapter 11 - First Nations It appears th.u referent

power is particub rly depend·
em o n employees· percep·
tmns of the rrustwonhines.'i
concepts of families of the ind.ividu:il. K:1.tie Dun·
l~vy a nd her colleagues
The Majo<ity of j o b ~ find ernploymMt thtough pMOl'\al contacts and the
(2010) presented employ·
majority of emp&oyeo. find good ernP'O)'ee the saMe way. Does the f.eld you're
ecs with :1 scenario in which interested in h3\'e p,-o.fess«)l'lal associations? Ha~ you gone to any meedngs?
an e mployee obsen·es ..1
co-worker putting office sup·
plies in his car and daiming he will replace the
supplies after payda)'. The manager later q urs-
rions the pilfering emplorcc about d1sappearing
supplies, .ind che worker who observed che theft
responds i.n one of three ways. J le shares his
observacion of the employee putting supplies ln
his car (tmth{td response), agrees that things arc
missing, but dOC":sn 't share his obser\·arion itvit/J.
holdmg response), or daims he hasn't noticed
.inything mi.ssing .it a ll (distorted response).
Th ey found th.it e mployees reading the seen·
a rio pcrcc.hred the indi\·Klu,al who distorCC'd the
information as h.:l \'ing sjg:nihca.nrly less credibiJ.
icy and referent power than th e indi,1iduals who
either rold tM truth or said nothing. The foun·
dation of reft.renr power. ar Jeas1 in Western c uJ.
rures., appt":lrs to be strong inrc-rpcrwna.l skills
a nd uustvtonhiness.
By now, you can see that good rebtionships
10 working groups require some special skills. We
wiJI now look ar another set of special skills that
will hdp )'OU gain entr.m cc imo a n org.1nizarion.
Advancing Your Career
The first steps in establishing a successful
career require you to idenrify rhe types of
"Ouch!' "'Whewl" a nd ..-My goodness! .. In
other cases, empathizing is expressed in state--
mems like these:
• .. , (':ltl see 1h:1t ,e:iu,· burts.''
" I k,10w bnw impotr:uu tha1 was IC> y()u."
" h's no fun 10 fttl unt1pptecfa1ed."
" I call tell )'Ou'tt ttally e.xd1ed :about th..'lt."
er boyfriend
work you find c nJoyable a nd rcwardi.ns and that .she wa.s "Wow, lhu musa be rough."
obmin the required crcdcntials. Nexr you need ltuatlon than
to g.,in access to the organi.z..1rions and people Id be a mis~ • ( 1hink l'\·e felt du1 way, 100."'
who can help you get a job. The interpersonal , I coukl haw
•tooks like dl:11 t~ally m:ade )'OUt da)·.•
communication skills you have been reading
about in the previous chapters cm help you to t I t hought "This me.:u,, :i lot tu )'Ou, doesn't it?"'
I decided to
do 1usr th.1.1.
Ing. AU of .i
Even st:uements like these may not fo lly
smUed and
Networking . This isn 't capture the feeling of effecti, 1 c empathiz.ing,
For our purposes networking refers 10 the pro· was amazed! which is not reducible 10 a technique or skiJI,
cess of ddilxratclr meering people and m-:1.in· trunking, but but is something tha1 emerges from :l rela·
mining cont3cr.s to get career i nformation, tionship (Myers, 2000). Genuine emp:i.thi.zing
advice, and IC".1ds. Most people are aware of the 11y well with requires genuine idenrificarion with anorher
soctal nerv, ork concept through popular o n line ind of person pttSOO.
land teO her
nem·orking sires such as Facebook dut focus
rasing mo,e
primarily o n linking fr ie nds for social pur· tha.n giving
poses. In addition, chcre a rc also generic and hear.
c.arecr focused prof~sion:al networking sites
whose primaq purpose is the facilitate connec·
rions and coll:ahornrions in the world of work..
propriate for
8 m people have been engaged in networking
vay th:Jt helps
long before the Internet. The o ld sarin~ -Jt's
phrasing is an
not what you know, i1's who )'Ou know,.. is a
nuy fed awk·
CC'srament 10 both the power :ind endurance of
social nerworking. The majority of job seek·
r-nsmg OCCI·
·1more often.
ers 6nd e.mploymenr through personal con· ( chis method.
tacts Md rhe majority of employers find good

ha t listeners
'--------------------------r------,u","'•""w
=cn"""=•r"""',\"'•"'n"","'•o""'s=w
-d chey idemrfy
with a speak.er. As we discussed in Chapter
3, empathy involves perspective t.'lk.ing, e mo·
rional contagion, and genuine concern. \Vhe n

Engaging Pedagogy r---------• •

I Abstractions: convenient
This edition of Interplay builds on the pedagogical ·1~tt i
ways of generalizing similar-
ities between several objects,
approach that has successfully helped students appreciate
how scholarship leads to a better understanding of com-
: TWO
IL _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .. •
•
people, ideas, or events.
Advantages: provide
munication in the ''real world." an easy shorthand; help
avoid confrontations and
embarrassment.
• ''Take Two'' boxes recap core concepts and terms to • Disadvantages: can lead
ensure students understand their meaning and draw to stereotyping; can confuse
others.
linkages between them. • Euphemisms: innocuous
terms substituted for blunt
ones (e.g., thrifty instead
of cheap).
• Relative language: words
that gain meaning by com-
parison (e.g., fast, short).
• Static evaluation: the
usually mistaken assump-
tion that people or things
are tota lly consistent and
unchanging (descriptions
that contain the word is-
e.g., "She is rude").

• ''Check It!'' questions give students a great tool for

study and review.
f Describe the Gibb categories of defensive and
supportive behaviours and how they can con-
tribute to creating a more defence-arousing or
a less defence-arousing response.

• ··Focus on Technology'' boxes
draw attention to current research
on interpersonal communication
and new technology while show-
ing how core material relates
to topics such as text-message
syntax, cellphones and forced
eavesdropping, and the influence
of culture on computer-mediated
business negotiation.
Aft er four mont hs of living together, my tw o
neat roommates were fed up with cleaning up
after me and the ot her messy member of our
litt le household, and t he two of us were tired
• ··Reflection'' sidebars offer
of hearing the neat freaks complain about our
habits.
Last week, we had a meeting (again) about
the dishes and glasses. But this time, we didn't
argue about who was right or wrong. Instead,
we looked for a win- win solution. And once
we started looking, we found it. Each of us gets
his own dishes, glasses, and silverware- two
of each item per person. We are responsible
for cleaning only our own things. Now, if you
look in our kitchen cabinets, you find only eight
glasses, eight plates, and so on. There isn't
enough stuff to make a mess, and each of us
has to wash his own things if he wants to eat.
Everybody is happy. Some people might think
our solution is silly, but it has certainly worked
well for us-and that's all that matters.
266 PART THREE Dimensions of Interpersonal Relationships
SOCIAL MEDIA AND INTIMACY
Computer-mediated communication provides oppor-
tunities to meet and interact with people whose
interests and experiences are similar to our own.
Chat rooms, biogs, social networking sites, and
online dating services allow us access to people we
may otherwise never have a chance to meet. This
is one of the main advantages of online dating
sites-they provide access to a much larger pool of
potential romantic partners than our personal social
networks could ever provide (Finkel et al., 201 2).
Online social gaming provides us with opportunities
to interact with both old and new friends, some of
whom we interact with in person and some of whom
we engage with exclusively online (Domahidi et al.,
2014). Social media platforms allow us to connect
with others socially and professionally, while text
messaging allows us constant contact with our loved
ones. There is no doubt that CMC is often personal
and helps us establish and maintain our intimate rela-
tionships. However, it is somewhat ironic that CMC
feels so intimate. When we are online we are often
alone, in the privacy of our homes sending messages
intended for a chosen few. But there is no guaran-
tee that our chosen recipients are our only audience.
Recall from Chapter 2 that privacy settings can be
breached (never mind what you agreed to when you
checked that box in the "terms and conditions") and
there are a variety of organizations that have a vested
interest in knowing more about us (Madrigal, 2012).
In addition, there are times when members of our
own social networks can hurt us, either intentionally
or accidently, by sharing information we wanted to
keep private. In a clever experiment, researchers at
the University of Haifa found that contrary to popu-
lar thought it is not the anonym ity or invisibility
contrast, members of n1ore individualistic cul-
t ures- such as those of Canada, the United
States, and Australia- n1ake less distinction
bet ween persona l and casual re lationships.
They are more familiar 1,vitb strangers and
reveal more personal information, making
them excellent "cocktail party conversation-
alists." Social psychologist Kurt Lewin (1936)
captured the difference nicely when he noted
first-person accounts of how
principles covered in the
text apply to real life.
•••
From the Publisher XIII
-
afforded by the Internet that predicts how unkind
people are to each other, but the lack of eye contact
(Lapidot-Lefler and Barak, 201 2). In their experi-
ment 71 pairs of coll ege students were instructed
to debate an issue, and agree on a solution, while
using instant messaging. Each partner was seated
in a d ifferent room, using a computer to communi-
cate. Partners debated in one of three conditi ons.
One group of partners was asked to share personal,
identifying details before debating. A second group
could see the profiles of their partners, and a third
group was instructed to maintain eye contact via
close up cameras attached to their monitors. Par-
ticipants in the first two conditions (in wh ich eye
contact was unavailable) were twice as likely to send
hostile messages to their partners as compared to
the pairs who were required to maintain eye contact.
The researchers speculated that lack of eye contact
reduces empathy and allows greater aggressiveness.
All of the factors that contribute to peoples' lack of
inhibition on the Internet have yet to be identified,
but there is increasing evidence that people online
behave in ways that they are less likely to behave in
person. Recall from Chapter 2 that people often dis-
close more personal information about themselves
online compared to when they are face-to-face with
others (Christofides et al., 2012) and that sharing
information a bout ourselves triggers reward path-
ways in our brains (Tamir and Mitchell, 2012). Being
aware of the inhibition that is associated with CMC,
combined with the knowledge that the privacy we
experience online is not the reality of the Internet,
helps us monitor our communication to ensure that
the messages we send via CMC are those we would
be comfortable sending in face-to-face interactions.
that Americans were easy to meet, but difficult
to get to kno,v, while Gern1ans were difficult
to meet, but easy to know well.
Differences like these n1ean that the level of
self-disclosure that is appropriate in one culture
may seen1 completely inappropriate in another
one. If you were raised in Canada or the United
States, you may view people from other cul-
tures as reserved and perhaps standoffish. The
 •
XIV From the Publisher

• ''Self-Assessment'' quizzes allow readers

to analyze their current communication ,- ---- 110 PART ONE Foundations of Interpersonal Communication

behaviour and its consequences. ...Self.-:-.Assessm ent......................................................................................

..
EMPATHY IN FRIENDSHIPS ..
This questionnaire can help you determine _ _ 8. My friend understands what I say. ..
the degree to which empathy is part of your _ _ 9. My friend understands how I feel.
Friendships. Think of one of your close personal _ _10. My friend appreciates what my
friendships and, with that Friendship in mind, experiences feel like to me.
respond to each statement according to how ___11. My friend tries to see things through
much you agree with it. my eyes.
If you agree completely, mark the statement 4 . ___12. My friend asks me q uestions about
what my experiences mean to me.
· If you agree a g reat deal, but not completely, ___13. My friend asks me q uestions about
· mark the statement 3. what I'm thinking.
.. If you agree somewhat, mark the statement 2 . ___14. My lriend asks me q uestions about
. If you agree very little, mark the statement 1 . how I'm feeling .
..
. If you do not agree, mark the statement 0 . Add your scores fo r items 1 to 7. _ __

.. ___ 1. I understand what my friend says. This figure represents your perception or your

... ___ empathy fo r your friend .

2. I understand how my friend feels .
... ___ 3. experiences I appreciate what my friend's
feel like to her.
Add your scores for items 8 to 14. _ __

.. ___ 4. I tJy to see things through my friend's

This represents your perception of your friend's
.. eyes.
empathy for you .
. ___ 5. I ask my friend questions about what
. Each sum can range from O to 2 8-the higher the
.. ___ 6. Ihisaskexperiences mean to him . sum, the greater the empathy.
my friend q uestions about what Now, have your friend respond to the state ..
.. ments and compare your answers. The results
.. ___ 7. she is thinking .
I ask my friend q uestions about how might well contribute to greater empathy in your
... he is feeling . relationship. ..
...........................-~.................... ·-· ...................................................................................

• ''Building Work Skills'' exercises

392
help students apply knowledge
they have gained about interper-
sonal communication to situations
PART FOUR Contexts of Interpersonal Communication
Building WOBLtSKJLLS
WHICH WAY TO COMMUNICATE
Improve your ability to choose the most effective race-to-face, print, telephone, e mail, Internet,

they are likely to encounter in the way of communicating in organizations by following

these steps:
instant messaging, fax, and so on.
3. Analyze each situation to determine whethe r
the medium chosen was most effective. If not,

workplace. 1. Think of an environment in which you work

(you may use school for the following analysis).
suggest a better alternative.
4 . Based on your observations, identify situations
2. Identify all the communication media used in which it is best to use each type of communi·
to convey messages in a one-week period: cation available to you.

ones who can influence others through the use
of rewards. Group members can besrow their
own rewards . Helping one another is a kind of
reward that can help the group solve the job at
hand. It also builds goodwill that serves both
the giver and the rea1n well.
Coercive Power
Along with rewarding one another, group mem·
bers can use coe.rcive power to get what they
want by using unpleasant consequences, or the
way the group operates. People with referent
power lead by example and have gained the
trust of the group members. Referent power
is the area in which the grearesr difference
between designated leaders and influen·
rial group members can exist. An unpopu lar
manager might have to use the rewards and
~---------~ Types of Power
• legitimate power: lies in

• ''Focus on Research'' profiles 306 PART THREE Dimensions of Interpersonal Relationships

highlight scholarship that
students will find interesting
COMMUNICATION CLIMATE AND INTERPROFESSIONAL
and useful on topics ranging COLLABORATION

from workplace bullying to Contributing to positive communicate climates in

how social status and self-
identification are influenced by
material possessions.
the workplace often requires regulating e motions.
Managing and sometimes suppressing emotions is
referred to as "emotion labour" and has been studied
in a variety of workplace settings, particularly those of
first responders (e.g., 911 operators, paramedics, fire·
lighters, and police officers), corrections officers, and
health-care professionals (Giardini and Frese, 2006;
Scott and Myers, 2005; Tracy et al., 2006). People
in human services occupations are often required lo
manage difficult emotions-their own and those of
the people they serve. In addition, in many of these
occupations people work in interprolessional teams
which can serve to increase the amount of emotion
work required (Miller et al., 2008).
Karen-Lee Miller and her colleagues (2008) inves·
ligated interprofessional collaboration (or the lack of
it) within three Canadian hospitals (all were large,
urban, and pub licly funded facilities). They found
that a major obstacle to nurses' participation in inter·
professional collaboration was the amount of emotion
work involved. Nurses reported that the importance
of nursing's core caring values was not recognized
in fo rmal interprofessional meetings-or professional
development activities-by their multi-disciplinary
colleagues (e.g., social workers, dieticians, phys·
icians, etc.). In addition, they experienced conHict
with physicians in "hallway consultations.• The extra
emotion work, that these slights and conflicts cre·
ated, came on top or the nurses' primary obligation
to care for their patients in a warm, competent, and
genial manner. Miller and her colleagues found that
the long-standing, antagonistic interpersonal dynam-
ics between medicine and nursing undermined the
reciprocity, know1edge sharing, and equity required
for successful interprofessional collaboration. These
investigators suggested that other medical proles·
sionals need help in understanding the core values
and emotion work that are central to nursing in order
to better support collaborative practice.
Given the improved quality of care and improved
patient satisfaction associated with successful collab·
oration (Kenaszchuk et al. 2010; Shen et a l. 2011),
as well as the increased job satisfaction and retention
associated w ith successful nurse-physician collabor·
ation (Hughes and Fitzpatrick 201 O; Ritter 2011 ), it
is vital that health-care professionals develop skills
to transform potentially negative communication cli·
mates and support interprofessional collaboration.
Critical thinking: How can we best prepare human
service professionals (and possibly change work set·
tings) to ensure human servke providers are equipped
and able kl contribute positively to supporUve com·
munication climates that facilitate interprofessionol
collaboration?

situations where you knew more about the \Vhat does equality sound like? Here are
subject than the person in charge-be it a boss, some examples:
a teacher, a parent, or a salesperson- yet this
person acted as if he or she knew more. Did Superiority Equality
you feel defensive? No doubt. Did that person When you get to be in I'd like to hear how
feel defensive? Absolutely. Both of you were my position someday, che issue looks to you.
cha llenging each other's presenting self, so then you'll undersrand. Then I can tell )'OU
the climate probably became hostile. A rruly how it looks co me.
secure person can treat others with equality
You don't know what J'm not sure I agree.
even when there are obvious differences in
you're talking about.
knowledge, talent, and scarus. Doing so creates
a positive climate in which ideas are evaluated No, that's not the I'd be happy to help
not on the basis of who contributed them, but right way to do it! if you'd like-just let
rather on the merit of the ideas themselves. me know.
 From the Publisher xv

Contemporary Design
We have created a design that reflects the Table 6.1 • Pragmatic Rules Govern the Use a nd Meaning o f a Statement
Notice hew, the same message ("You look very pretty today"') tak.es on a~d~lff~•~•en
6 Langu;-.ge
---··
181

ee,t~me,,,,,•e,e,c,e!l"'-'e!!!"-'"'-- - - - - - . . . . 1 . - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ~

vibrancy and excitement of interpersonal

which rules are used to formulate and interpret IL

Contecnt
Actual words
Bost

"You look very p,euy today."'

,___.. PART OHC foundations of Interpersonal Com.munkatlon

communication today without sacrificing Spe«h Act

The Intent of a .statement
Relational Conti"6Ct
Compliment an employtt My tll!'ett
.tmbitiom

content or authoritativeness. The perceived relation.ship

between communicators
fpbode
Sos.s who ueau employees. lite
family membets

Situation In ~kh the Interaction Casual (Onve<satlon r.t!dintp .ibout

myphysit.d
OCCOO
appcara~
U(e Scrtpt

Aids to Student Learning Cultural Atthetype Myopirion,

..... oo,
• Depth
li.tf reutiomhips
cuttu,al norms that shape Middle·<Lus Canadian
mutual fri,:flCh with mcmbcn of
member's pe,ceptlom m actions
Textbooks today must speak to the needs lhc, Of1P05il.e $ 6

and interests of today's students, provid- triangle of meaning (sec Figure 6.1). T his
modd shows rhat rhere is onl)' a n mdir«t
relationship-indicated b)' a broken line-
My a~dtmic lire

FJtu.re 2..J • Sample Model of Social Penetratk>n

ing them with an accessible introduction bctwttn 3 word and the th.mg or idea it repr~
smts. For r-.xample. friends m.a)' u~ profanity
when te).'ling each other, and what looks like
to soci.al m u:tcions-\•irtually the opposite of devdop. U:kewisc, every ti.me you offer a per·
:m offensi•,e sr:aremem ro an outsider m:t)' he

to a body of knowledge. To accomplish rhe _people i.nvolved.

The Ogden and Richards model is o•,cr·
self-disclosure: -How :ire you doing? .. -Fine.-
understood as innocuous. or even frirndly, hy
Although hardly revt"-aling. dkhCs can serve
:is a valuablt' kind of shonhand rhat makes it
son.:ll opinion, rou :ir<" grvmg othttS \•aluab1e
information abour )'Ourself.
The fou rth le,•d of self.disc losure- and
caS)' to kttp the soc1::il wheels g~scd and can usually the most rcvc-almg one- m\'o]vci. the

this, numerous features to promote stu- sim plified in that oot all words refer to ph)'sica1
-rhings- or rcfct('nts. For insranc(', some ref·
('r('ms arc abstract idc::is: (such as love)~w hile
others (like a11g,y or excitmg) arc not even
indic:ue
profound
the porenna.1 for funhcr. possibly more
com•ers:mon.
expression of feelings. At first gl-ancc, feeli ngs
might appear to he the same as opinions, but
there's a big difference. .. r don"t think )'ou·rc
Symbd Another kind of message rnvolvcs com·

dent learning are incorporated through- nouns. lxspu(' these s horn:omin&", the u iangle
of meaning is useful sinu it clearly demon·
srr.nes that meanings arc in people, nm words..
municacing facts. Not all factual statements
qualify as sdf·d1sdosure. To quaJify. the)' must
fit t ht criteria of being intentional, significant,
telling me what's on your mind- is an opin·
ion. Noocc how much more we learn about
the speaker by looking a t three different fed.
and oot othcrwi~ known: -This isn't m)' firsr ings that could accompany chis st-a«-ment: -r
out the book. Hence, a n important task facing communica·
tors is (O establish a common unde~c-tnding
of t he words they use to uchangc messag('l;. In
cry ar college. I dropped o ut a fr.tr aio with
terrible grades." Facts like the~ can ~ mean·
don't think you're telling me what's o n )'Our
mind ...
ingful in themselves, but the)' a lso h.ave 3
this sense, communicarion-- :u IC".lSI the efftct·
greater s1gm6cmcc in :t rdauonsh1p. Disclosing . . . and I'tn SUSpiCIOU$."
i\·c kind- requires us to negotiate the mtaning
important i.nformation suggC'SL'> a level of trust .. . a.nd rm :ingry."
, - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . . __ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ __.._ _ _ _ _ _..__.,.,itmcnt th:tt signals :1 desire to move
ship to a new level of intimacy. . . . and I'm bun.'"

•
'011s can Ix: a re,•c:ding kind of sdf·
Key Terms c since t~y often rcvc:i.l mort' about a
:in facr:.: :done do. If you know where Johari Window Model
aggressl\'enes.s face-threatening acts t'f' sunds on a s ubject, yoo can get 3 Another way to illustr:.lte how .sdf-disclosure
ambiguous tespoose impersonal response cmre of how ,·our relationship might operates in commumc.:ition is a model called
argumentatNenes.s lmpeMOUS response
certainty Incongruous response
Communication Climate commuok.atlon dlmate
complalning
Interrupting response
Irrelevant response
confirming communk.ation neutrah('.y
controllln9 communication problem or'ientation
defenSNeness. ptov!.slonal ism
de.sc:riptlon 5.9lral
dlsagreelng mes.sage s.pontaneily
Chapter Outline cl.scontlrml09comimuokadon strategy
equality wperl0<ity
Whilt h CommuniuUon Cllm•t~? evaluation tangential response
Kow CofflffWnlutJon Cllrn•t.e1 Ot!velop
LiNet.s ol Message Confu'madon
Oefensiwneu
Cllmate Patt.e,m
Cre..Uftg P01it.lve Cllmalb Leaming Objectives
E.valuatloo \'ersu..s Oe.sc:rlptloo
Control vers.us PtobJem Orientadon YOU SHOOlO UNDERSTAND:
Sttategy ...enos .Spontaneity • the definition of commlJfllcatlon dlmate;
Neutrality \let.SUS Empathy • the Importance of being valued and <onfitmed;
Superiority versus Equality • the characteristics of conflrm..ng. disagreeing, and
Certainty 1/1:!l'SUS. Provlslonalls.m di.sc:ontlmung mes.sages;
Traa.sfo.-mlng N.tegi..tJve CJ.lmatu
• the nature of positrle and negalflt'e communkatlon
Set-it More lnfonnation .spitals:
Agtee with the Crluc • the reladon.sh1p between the presenting s.elf (face)
and defensiveness;
• the types of mes.sages that are Ukely to aeate po~lve
communication dlmates; and
• the various W¥ to transform negative
communication dlmates.

YOU SH1111Ul BE ABU 10:

• Identify confirming, disagreeing. and discoofumlng
mes.sages and patterns. In your own relatlon.shlps;
• identify the patt.s ot y0ut presenting self (face) that
ou defend and the come uences of do1n .so·

___,,_a,. PART THREE Olme,ulons of lntetpersona.J tlelatlonshlps

All t hese responses to cmicism may appt1r
ro buy peace :tr the cost of denying your fed.
ing.s. Howcver, as you can sec by now, coun·
rerauaddng usually m-akes m-attcrs worse. The
non-defensive respon~ you h.:we just learned
will not soh•e problems or senle disputes by
thcmse1vcs. NevC"rthdcss, they lllill make a
consuucm•e di-aloguc possihk, sctring the si:agc
for a producti\·c solution. How to achieve pro·
ductive so1utions is the topic of C hapter 10.

I Communication Olmate 119

C.ommunic.:ltion di.mare refcrs to the underst;tnd," rarhcr th:in listening 10

3. W hen another person foils to admow-
ton~ of a relationship. The most influenn (edgc what )'Ou have jusi: s::tid---or they Hamid's ideo.1s to soh•e a problem ar
tor in shaping a communk:uion dim:.1tc ,.,,..ork.. This boss's approadl could he
just ignore you-thdr response would Ix:

• Chapter Openers preview degree to which the people invoh-·ed scc

sc.Jvcs as being valued and co116rmcd. r
gcs have differing ln •ds of confirmati
can categorixc them as ,onfirming, dis
best dcsc.ri bed 3S
a. unpcrvmus.
b. argumemativt-.
c. impcrson-aL
described a.,;
:1. using neulrality rnthcr than emparhy.
b. using ct'.rtainry rather than
prov1sionalism.
the contents of each chapter ing, or disconfirming.
Confirming messages, whic.h comm
that •you exist and a rc \•a lucd," invoh
d. irrcln•:im.
4. According to John Conman's
c. u.sin su T:tther th-an e ualir .

compbinmg is mn a sign of a trou

with key terms and learning ogninon, acknowk:dgmcnt, or endorsc

rhe other part)'. Ois.1g:t'C"eing mess.iges,
communicate '"you are wrong~"' use :trg
marrfage.
a. true
h. fa!~
82 PART ONE foundatJon.s of Interpersonal Communication

rau\1 encss., compbinmg, or aggrcss1v ,;1~ You offer to te.1chfriend a new skill,
:1 wilh the person you cam <: with, but the

objectives that provide a Dlsconfirmmg messages, which commu

-you do nm exist and arc not ,•alucd," l
response$ thor a rc impen•ious, interr
$. A rc:c1procal panem of mter:tction
escalates either posith·c o r ncg.1riv
tions is called
such as pl.a.)'ing the guitar; using a com--
purer program, or sharpening up a mmis
backha nd. Your friend is making s(Qw
oppommity here is \•cry appealing.
c. At work, you bee a bdUgcrc:nt customer.
You don"t bchc\•e th::it anyone has the
a. an escalation.

concise overview of the key lrrdevam, t:.1.ngcntial, impersonal, :tmbi

or incongruous. Over ti.me, these me
form climate patterns dut ohcn take the
b. 3 dc-escalu ion.
c. an mteracn\•e twtsL
d. a spir-al.
progress, and you find yourself growing
impatient.
b. At a party, )'OU meet .someone you find
righ1 to treat you this w:iy.
d. A fricnd or family member nukes a joke
abom )'Our appearnnc.e char hun:s )'Our
of positive or neg.ui\'e spiraJs. very :in:r-acrive, :ind you are pretty sure fttlings. You aun·r sure whether or not ro
concepts to be covered. Defensiveness is at rhe core of most n
spirnls. Defensiveness occurs when indn
6. Defensive responses are designed t
t('ct your prescnti.ng self from an:t
a. true
rhat the ftthng is mutual. You fed an
oblig:arioo to spcnd most of )'Our time
make an issue ohhc f'('ffl:.Uk orto pretend
th.:tt it doe.s:n 't boc:hcr rou.
h. fa!~
7. Hamid's boss sa)-s"Whm )'OU IJCl
~ in my position someday. t hen y

• Chapter Summaries ensure l. MesS:.1ges that communicate a bck

J. \"(!hat Is tht difference between
sdf-conccfK and sdf~estecm? How
and to the guide.lines for cha.ngmg the
scJf.conctpt.

a thorough understand- regard for :inother person :tre

:1. argume.nuri,·c.
b. confirming.
doc:s cach affect inrc:rpcrsonaJ
commumc.:loon?
2. Af(' 13ngu:ige and culmrc imponant i.n
4. Where do you dr:iw the line between
1denot)' manlgement as competent com·
muniarion and dishonest manipulation?
c. incongruous. the dc\l'lopmcnt of o ne's self--conccpt? Suppon )'Our position by referring to
ing of key concepts and d . disconfirming. 1. (nV1tat1on to Insight
(denrify a:hrec personal re-btionships
rer to rou. For e:ich rcfarionship:
\Vhy or why not?
3. Given the ch:iracteristics of self<encc:pt,
how amen:tble is it m change? Sup·
:irgumcnts presented in this chapter.
S. Whal are the nsks and benefits of lying?
6. How are lying, siJencc, hi:nong, and
a. C.Omc up with a we:ither pbrasc- th
aid in reviewing for tests describes the currem dim:nc of th
rcfarionship.
port your pogtion by rdcrring both ,o
the ch.aracteristics of the self-concept
equi\'Oc.:u ion different? Arc the)• mornUy
different?
b. C'A>me up wnh a we:ither phrase th

and exams. casts the dimar(' of t he rda(ion.shi

the next year.
c. C'A>nsidcr why you chose che phra
JOURNAL IDEAS

)'OU did. In paniculai; describe ho
feeling vaJucd and confirmed play
pan in the climates you pcrcel\1ed
prcd.ia:ed.
1. C..rene ;1 list of words or a colbgc of
picrnrcs tor a bit of both} th:ir rcpr('-
scms aspects of your self-.c:oncc_pl that
)'OU prcsent to <Mhtrs (presenting sdf).
Create a second word list or collage th:.n
represents your pri\'3tc sdf. How did
)'OU lc-.1m about these aspects of your·
self? Consiek:r ,he proccsscs of reflected
appraisal and sod-al comparison in your
ana1)'sis- who arc rour signiJic:.mt others
:.1nd reference groups? How-accurate is
this repn-scnralion? \'('hat arc possible
reasons for an inaccurate asscssmcm?
2. Rtt'all a couple of ttmes w hen you dis·
dosed ~rson.il inform.:nion with ,•ery
different outcomes (one positive situ:t·
tion and one negath•e situation). Revi('W
the guidelines for sdf·disdosurc (found
on page 76) to an:ilyu each snuation
:ind the different outcomes.
xvi From the Publisher

End-of-Chapter Learning Tools

• Multiple-Choice Quizzes provide students with a quick assessment tool to
ensure comprehension of material discussed in the chapter.
• Student Activities reinforce concepts and ideas through practical, inter-
• •
active exercises.
• Discussion Questions draw out key issues while encouraging readers to
form their own conclusions about interpersonal communication
• Journal Ideas encourage students to think in depth about concepts and
strategies discussed in the chapter and how they relate to their personal goals.

Online Supplements
Interplay: The Process of Interpersonal Communication (4th edition) is supported
by an outstanding array of ancillary materials for both students and instructors,
all available on the companion website: www.oupcanada.com/Interplay4e

For the Instructor

• An ''Instructor's Manual'' includes comprehensive outlines of the text's
various parts and chapters, additional questions for encouraging class
discussion, and suggestions on how to use videos to enhance lectures.
• A ''Test Generator'' offers a comprehensive set of multiple-choice, true-or-false,
short-answer, and essay questions, with suggested answers, for every chapter.
• PowerPoint slides, summarizing key points from each chapter and incorporat-
ing figures and tables from the textbook are available to adopters of the text.
Instructors should contact their Oxford University Press sales representative for
details on these supplements and for login and password information.

For the Student

The Student Study Guide offers self-testing study questions, annotated links to
useful resources, and much more.

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 he fourth Canadian edition of this book was developed and shaped
by many important people. First, I am indebted to my reviewers, who
offered sage advice, and pointed me in the right direction.

Kathy Jarrell, Mount Royal University

Coleen Brown, Douglas College
Laura Doan, Thompson Rivers University
Barbara Rice, Conestoga College

I would also like to thank my colleagues and students at George Brown

College for their ongoing support, generosity, and insight.
I am grateful to the brilliant team at Oxford University Press in Toronto,
who have guided me through four editions of this book. In particular, I'd
like to thank acquisitions editors Carolyn Starr and Stephen Kotowych, who
initiated this new edition, and assistant managing editor, Eric Sinkins, who
deftly handled the seemingly infinite details from start to finish. Develop-
mental editor Meg Patterson provided many intelligent and thoughtful
suggestions, while Shelly Stevenson made the new edition clearer, more
accurate, and easier to read, and was, like the entire Oxford team, a pleas-
ure to work with. On the production side, I'd like to thank Michelle Welsh
and the talented designer Laurie McGregor.
Finally, the fourth edition of this book was once again generously sup-
ported by my family. Zoe Waelchli provided some of the beautiful photos
that enrich this edition. Thanks, Zoe! Gerlando, Owen, and Oliver, spend-
ing time with you is the very best thing. Thank you for the encouragement,
laughter, and love in such abundance.

Connie Winder
George Brown College, Toronto
This page intentionally left blank
 ersona rocess

Chapter Outline
Why We Communicate
Physical Needs
Identity Needs
Social Needs
Practical Needs
The Communication Process
A Model of Communication
Insights from the Communication Model
Communication Principles
Communication Misconceptions
Interpersonal Communication Defined
Quantitative and Qualitative Definitions
Personal and Impersonal Communication:
A Matter of Balance
Interpersonal Communication and
Technology
Characteristics of Computer-Mediated
Communication
Interpersonal Communication and
Cultural Diversity
Culture
lntercultural Communication
Interpersonal and lntercultural
Communication
Comparison of Canadian and
US Culture
Attitudes toward Violence
Tolerance of Diversity
Relative Status of Men and Women
Communication Competence
Communication Competence Defined
and Described
Characteristics of Competent
Communication

.8
0
..c
Q..
~
u
0
.....
-
Vl
·-
\0
00
,..._
QJ
.0
QJ
0
@
Key Terms
asynchronous noise ( external,
channel physiological,
co-culture psychological)
cognitive complexity out-groups
communication competence permanence
computer-mediated prejudice
communication (CMC) qualitative interpersonal
content message communication
culture quantitative interpersonal
dyad communication
environment relational messages
ethnocentrism self-monitoring
•
in-groups stereotyping
intercultural communication synchronous
interpersonal transactional
communication communication
media richness

Learning Objectives
YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND:
• the needs that effective communication can satisfy;
• five insights from the communication model;
• five key principles of communication;
• four misconceptions about communication;
• quantitative and qualitative definitions of
interpersonal communication; and
• the characteristics of competent communication.

YOU SHOULD BE ABLE TO:

• identify examples of the physical, identity, social,
and practical needs you attempt to satisfy by
communicating;
• demonstrate how the communication model applies
to your interpersonal communication;
• describe the degrees to which your communication
is qualitatively impersonal and interpersonal, and
describe the consequences of this combination; and
• identify situations in which you communicate
competently and those in which your competence
is less than satisfactory.
4 PART ONE Foundations of Interpersonal Communication
Everyone communicates. Students and pro-
fessors, parents and children, employers and
employees, friends, strangers, and enemies all
communicate. We have been communicating
with others from the moment of our birth and
will keep on doing so until we die.
Why study an activity you've been doing
your entire life? There are many reasons (Mor-
reale and Pearson, 2008), but let's consider
three. First, studying interpersonal communi-
cation will give you a new look at a familiar
topic. For instance, in a few pages, you will
find that some people can go years even a
lifetime without communicating in a truly
interpersonal manner. In this sense, exploring
human communication is rather like studying
anatomy or botany everyday objects and
processes take on new meaning.
A second reason for studying the subject
has to do with the staggering amount of time
we spend communicating. For example, col-
lege students spend approximately 13 hours
a day engaged in some type of interpersonal
communication (Emanuel et al., 2008). An
informal, Internet-based survey of business
professionals revealed that they spend an aver-
age of more than 4 hours a day communicating
via email, telephone, Facebook, and Twitter,
.
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(Q)
Interpersonal communication occurs when people treat one another as unique
individuals, regardless of the context or the number of people involved. Why of the people who matter
should we study something that happens every day?
not to mention the time spent meeting with col-
leagues and clients face-to-face (Moore, 2010).
North Americans spend increasing amounts of
time each year social networking online (Niel-
senwire, 2010), and Canadians are the world
leaders in Internet use (Canadian Internet
Registration Authority, 2013).
There is a third, more compelling reason
for studying interpersonal communication. To
put it bluntly, all of us could learn to communi-
cate more effectively. Our friendships, jobs,
and studies suffer because we fail to interact
with others as effectively as is necessary. A sur-
vey by the Canadian Council of Chief Exec-
utives (2014) revealed that ''people skills,"
or relationship-building skills and communi-
cation skills, were the top two attributes that
employers were looking for in new hires. In a
US survey, '' lack of effective communication''
was given as the cause of relational breakups-
including divorce more often than anything
else, including money, relatives or in-laws, sex-
ual problems, previous relationships, or chil-
dren (National Communication Association,
1999). In addition, workplace communica-
tion errors account for interpersonal conflict,
loss of productivity, and unnecessary waste,
and in fields such as aviation (Tiewtrakul and
Fletcher, 2010) and health
care, even loss of life (Carter
et al., 2009; Vilensky and
MacDonald, 2011). If you
pause now and make a men-
tal list of communication
problems you have encoun-
tered, you'll see that, no
matter how successful your
relationships are at home,
with friends, at school, or
at work, there is plenty
of room for improvement
in your everyday life. The
information that follows will
help you improve the way
you communicate with some
most to you.

Why We Communicate
Research demonstrating the importance of
communication has been around longer than
you might think. Frederick II, emperor of the
Holy Roman Empire from 1220 to 1250,
was called stupor mundi ''wonder of the
world'' by his admiring subjects. Along with
his administrative and military talents, Fred-
erick was a leading scientist of his time. A
medieval historian described one of his dra-
matic, and inhumane, experiments:
He bade foster mothers and nurses to suckle
the children, to bathe and wash them, but in
no way to prattle with them, for he wanted
to learn whether they would speak the Heb-
rew language, which was the oldest, or Greek,
or Latin, or Arabic, or perhaps the language
of their parents, of whom they had been born.
But he laboured in vain because all the children
died. For they could not live without the petting
and joyful faces and loving words of their foster
mothers. (Ross and McLaughlin, 1949, p. 366)
Fortunately, contemporary researchers
have found less drastic ways to illustrate the
importance of communication. In one study
of isolation, five subjects were paid to remain
alone in a locked room. One lasted for eight
days. Three held out for two days, one com-
menting, ''Never again." Another of the sub-
jects lasted a mere two hours (Schachter, 1959,
pp. 9-10).
The need for contact and companionship is
just as strong outside the laboratory, as people
who have led solitary lives by choice or neces-
sity have discovered. W. Carl Jackson (1978),
an adventurer who sailed across the Atlantic
Ocean alone in 51 days, summarized the feel-
ings common to most loners:
I found the loneliness of the second month almost
excruciating. I always thought of myself as
self-sufficient, but I found life without people had
no meaning. I had a definite need for somebody
to talk to, someone real, alive, and breathing.
1 Interpersonal Process 5
You might argue that solitude would be
a welcome relief from the irritations and
unrelenting demands of everyday life. It's true
that all of us need solitude, often more than
we get. On the other hand, each of us has a
point beyond which we do not want to be
alone. Beyond this point, solitude changes
from a pleasurable to a painful condition. In
other words, we all need people. We all need to
•
communicate.
Physical Needs
Communication is so important that its presence
or absence affects physical health. Recent stud-
ies confirm that people who process a negative
experience by talking about it report improved
life satisfaction, as well as enhanced mental and
physical health, compared to those who only
think about it (Lyubomirsky et al., 2006; Sousa,
2002). A study conducted with police officers
found that being able to talk easily to colleagues
and supervisors about work-related trauma was
connected to better physical and mental health
(Stephens and Long, 2000).
In extreme cases, communication can even
become a matter of life or death. It is not sur-
prising that one of the worst punishments that
inmates in Western prisons are subjected to is
solitary confinement. Known to North Amer-
ican convicts as ''the hole," segregation units
have been described by both psychologists and
inmates as far more damaging and harder to
bear than physical punishment. The isolation
from both the physical world (so that one
does not know if it is day or night, or what
the weather is like) and the complete lack of
meaningful communication with other people
combine to create a situation in which most
inmates would prefer to die (Jackson, 2002).
Satisfying communication isn't a necessity
just for prisoners. Evidence gathered by med-
ical researchers (e.g., Amieva et al., 2010; Hall
and Havens, 2002; Mate, 2003; Orth-Gomer
and Leineweber, 2005) and social scientists
(e.g., Duck, 1998; Zheng and Hart, 2004)
shows that satisfying relationships can literally
be a matter of life and death. For example:
6 PART ONE Foundations of Interpersonal Communication
• People who lack strong relationships run
two to three times the risk of early death,
regardless of whether they smoke, drink
alcoholic beverages, or exercise regularly.
• People who reported satisfying interper-
sonal relationships had a reduced risk of
dementia and Alzheimer's disease.
• Divorced, separated, and widowed people
are 5 to 10 times more likely to need
psychiatric hospitalization than their mar-
ried counterparts.
• Perceived loneliness is one of the strong-
est predictors of poor health among the
elderly.
• Pregnant women under stress and without
supportive relationships have three times
as many complications as pregnant women
who suffer from the same stress, but have
strong social support.
• Social isolation is a major risk factor con-
tributing to heart disease, comparable to
physiological factors such as an inadequate
diet, cigarette smoking, obesity, and lack of
physical activity.
• Socially isolated people are four times as
susceptible to the common cold as those
who have active social networks.
Research like this demonstrates the import-
ance of satisfying personal relationships, and
it explains the conclusion of social scientists
that communication is essential (Baumeister
and Leary, 1995; Statistics Canada, 2006b).
Not everyone needs the same amount of con-
tact, and the quality of communication is
almost certainly as important as the quantity.
Nonetheless, the point remains: personal com-
munication is essential for our well-being. To
para phrase an old song, '' people who need
people'' aren't ''the luckiest people in the
world'' they're the only people!
Identity Needs
Communication does more than enable us
to survive. It is the way indeed, the major
way we learn who we are (Fogel et al., 2002;
Khanna, 2004, 2010). As you'll read in Chapter
2, our sense of identity comes from the way we
interact with other people. Are we smart or
stupid, attractive or ugly, skilful or inept? The
answers to these questions don't come from
looking in the mirror. We decide who we are on
the basis of how others react to us.
Deprived of communication with others, we
would have no sense of identity. This is illus-
trated by the famous Wild Boy of Aveyron, who
spent his early childhood without any appar-
ent human contact. The boy was discovered in
January 1800 when he was digging for vege-
tables in a French village garden. He showed
no behaviour one would expect in a social
human. He could not speak, but uttered only
weird cries. More significant than this absence
of social skills was his lack of any identity as a
human being. As author Roger Shattuck (1980,
p. 3 7) put it, ''The boy had no human sense of
being in the world. He had no sense of him-
self as a person related to other persons." Only
through the influence of a loving ''mother'' did
the boy begin to behave and, we can imagine,
think of himself as a human.
Modern stories support the essential role
that communication plays in shaping identity.
In 1970, the authorities discovered a twelve-
year-old girl (whom they called Genie) who
had spent virtually all her life in an otherwise
empty, darkened bedroom with almost no
human contact. The child could not speak and
had no sense of herself as a person until she
was removed from her family and ''nourished''
by a team of caregivers (Rymer, 1993).
Like Genie and the Wild Boy of Aveyron,
each of us enters the world with little or no
sense of identity. We gain an idea of who
we are from the way others define us. As we
explain in Chapter 2, the messages children
receive in their early years are the strongest
identity shapers, but the influence of others
continues throughout our lives.
Social Needs
Some social scientists have argued that besides
helping define who we are, communication
is the principal way relationships are created

(Duck and Pittman, 1994; Hubbard, 2001 ).
For example, Julie Yingling (1994) asserts that
children ''talk friendships into existence." Can-
adian teenagers value friendships the most,
ahead of a comfortable life, recognition, and
excitement (Bibby, 2001 ), and they spend a
great deal of time developing and maintaining
these relationships through communication. As
we explain in Chapter 8, sometimes we deal
with social needs directly by discussing our
relationships with others. But more often, com-
munication satisfies a variety of social needs
without our ever addressing them overtly.
Communication helps us to help and be helped
by others, to feel included and worthwhile, to
have fun and relax with others, and to exert
influence and control in social situations
(Rubin et al., 1988). Because relationships with
others are so vital, some theorists have gone so
far as to argue that communication is the pri-
mary goal of human existence. Anthropologist
Walter Goldschmidt (1990) calls the drive for
meeting social needs ''the human career." Posi-
tive social interaction and support appear to
be the strongest determinants of quality of life
(Leung and Lee, 2005).
Beyond our immediate circle of contacts,
we can satisfy social needs by communicat-
ing with a larger community. There appears
to be an increasing trend in North American
society for people to live more socially iso-
lated lives than their parents and grandpar-
ents did (Putnam, 2000). Since the 1950s, we
eat together less often, belong to fewer social
clubs, and enjoy fewer visits from friends (Put-
nam, 2000). Large-scale social changes such
as industrialization, capitalism, and the prolif-
eration of cheap and efficient transportation
have changed the communities in which we
live. Many of us live farther away from our
families, friends, and places of work than our
ancestors did. In addition, more recent advan-
ces in technology have allowed us to do our
banking, shop for groceries, visit the library,
and be entertained and go to work without
leaving our homes. While there are numerous
advantages to being able to connect to the
1 Interpersonal Process 7
world remotely, there is increasing evidence
that active, meaningful involvement with
other people is essential to our happiness and
well-being (Burke at al., 2010; Sagioglou and
Greitemeyer, 2014; Turkle, 2011 ).
Practical Needs
We shouldn't overlook the everyday, important
functions of communication. It is the tool that
lets us tell the hairstylist to take just a little off
the sides, direct the doctor to where it hurts,
and inform the plumber that the broken pipe
needs attention now!
Beyond these obvious needs, a wealth of
research demonstrates that communication is
an essential part of effectiveness in a variety
of daily situations. The abilities to speak and
listen effectively have been called the most
important factors in helping graduating univer-
sity and college students to gain employment
and advance in their careers more important
than technical competence, work experience,
and academic background (Canadian Council
of Chief Executives, 2014; Hart Research Asso-
ciates, 2013; Northeastern University, 2013 ).
Employment and Social Development Canada
(2014) includes communication skills and the
ability to work effectively with others as essen-
tial for success at work. Employers increasingly
value in their workers transferable employ-
ability skills such as effective communication,
problem solving, teamwork skills, respect for
others, and active listening (Learning Partner-
ship, 2004; Munroe and Watt, 2014.).
Communication is just as important outside
of work. Over two decades of research find-
ings suggest that, married couples who com-
municate effectively are more likely to enjoy
greater marital satisfaction than couples who
lack effective communication skills (Kirchler,
1988; Litzinger and Gordon, 2005; Rehman
and Holtzworth-Munroe, 2007; Ridley et al.,
2001). Similarly, same-sex couples' satisfaction
with their long-term relationships is strongly
influenced by their communication and
problem-solving skills (Peplau and Fingerhut,
2007; Quam et al., 2010). On the scholastic
Another random document with
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The Project Gutenberg eBook of Poikien kirja
This ebook is for the use of anyone anywhere in the United States
and most other parts of the world at no cost and with almost no
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you are located before using this eBook.

Title: Poikien kirja

Author: Veikko Korhonen

Release date: December 22, 2023 [eBook #72475]

Language: Finnish

Original publication: Helsinki: Kustaannusliike Mattila & Kumpp, 1924

Credits: Juhani Kärkkäinen and Tapio Riikonen

*** START OF THE PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK POIKIEN

KIRJA ***
POIKIEN KIRJA

Kirj.

Veikko Korhonen

Helsingissä, Kustannusliike Mattila & Kumpp, 1924.

SISÄLLYS:

Jonni-sedän luona.
Punikki ja porvari.
Lokkiluodolla.
JONNI-SEDÄN LUONA.

1.

Heikki ja Paavo istuivat kirjojensa ääressä, valmistellen huomisia

läksyjä. Äiti oli äsken korjannut päivällisen pois pöydästä ja siistinyt
huoneen. Oli hiljaista. Vesikattila vain lauloi hiljaa hellalla.

Läksyt eivät oikein maistuneet tänä iltapäivänä pojille. Siihen oli

syynä huhtikuun illan kaunis kajastus, joka tulvehti ikkunasta sisään
ja teki jollakin tavoin rauhattomaksi. Ulkona olisi ollut verrattoman
hauska toisten toverien kanssa, mutta äiti oli kieltänyt menemästä,
ennenkuin hän tulisi kotiin kaupungilta ja juotaisiin teetä ensin
yhdessä.

— Korjaa Heikki tulta vesikattilan alle, käski Paavo, joka oli kahta
vuotta nuorempi veljeään.

— Korjaa sinä, kun olet kerran nuorempi, sanoi Heikki.

— Minulla on enemmän läksyjäkin.

— Minä korjasin viimeksi. Mene nyt.

 Viimeinenkin liekki sammui hellasta ja kekäleen pää putosi
permannolle ja jäi siihen.

Heikki työnsi jyrinällä tuolin syrjään ja heitti kekäleen hellaan.

— Olet koko aasi, kimmahti hän veljelleen. — Kunhan äiti tulee,

niin….

— Ettäkö kantelisit, naurahti Paavo.

Heikki vaikeni. Hän tiesi, ettei äiti pitänyt siitä, että hänelle tultaisiin
kielittelemään. Siksipä Paavon nallikka niin sanoikin.

Heikki oli äsken täyttänyt neljätoista vuotta, pitkä, hontelo poika.

Hän oli nyt neljännellä luokalla yhteiskoulussa. Viime keväänä oli
hän saanut ehdot ja hädin tuskin ne suoritettuaan päässyt
muuttamaan seuraavalle luokalle. Paavo, kahta vuotta nuorempi,
lyhyt, pullea, teräväpäinen ja toisinaan sukkelasuinenkin veitikka,
lopettaisi loistavasti kolmannen luokkansa, kun Heikki sensijaan voisi
jäädä tänä keväänä kokonaan luokalleen.

Niin surullisesti olivat asiat.

Ei auttanut, vaikka äitikin valitti ja opettajat tekivät parhaansa.

Heikille ei tullut kiirettä milloinkaan. Paavokin pyrki joskus veljeään
kiusottelemaan:

— Kahdenkymmenenviiden vanhana ylioppilas, kolmenkymmenen

vanha kandidaatti ja neljänkymmenen vanhana maisteri, ja ajatelkaa,
seitsemänkymmenen vanhana saa hän jo painaa tohtorin hatun
päähänsä.
 — Entä sinä, ärähti tähän aina Heikki, mutta ei voinut ryhtyä
luetteloa tekemään. Paavo oli ahkera poika ja, vuotta myöhemmin
kouluun tulleena kuin veljensä, hyvin edistynyt.

Vesikattila lauloi hiljaa hellalla ja pojat koettivat taas syventyä

lukuihinsa. Paavokin tunsi nyt kovin kaipaavansa ulos ja vähän väliä
silmäsi hän ikkunasta pihamaalle, joka oli äsken lakaistu puhtaaksi.
Kostea hiekka ja kulonurmi muutamien puitten juurella näytti niin
kovin houkuttelevalta. Kohta tulisi kevät ja koulu loppuisi. Sitten…
sitten…

Värikkäät kuvat kesästä keskeyttivät kokonaan Paavon lukemisen.

Portaissa kuului askeleita, ja äiti tuli sisään.

— Voi rakkaat lapset, kun olette antaneet tulen sammua

kokonaan, sanoi hän heti pojille.

— Minä käskin Paavoa, mutta hän ei korjannut tulta, puolustautui

Heikki.

— Miksei Heikki pojuni itse korjannut, sanoi äiti. — Pienien

tehtävien suorittamisesta saa aina enemmän iloa kuin käskemisestä.
Paavonkin pitäisi tehdä käskemättä, mitä osaa ja saa aikaan.

Äiti näytti olevan hyvällä tuulella, ihanpa iloinen, ja pojat miettivät,

mistä se mahtoi johtua. Jokin hyvä uutinen oli varmaankin äidillä.

Pian valmistui tee äidin laittamana, ja katettuaan pöydän sanoi äiti:

— Minullapa on hyviä uutisiakin. Ja se koskee teitä, pojat

 — Arvasinhan sen. Äiti näyttikin niin iloiselta, virkkoi Paavo. —
Sanohan sitten meillekin.

— Jos lupaatte olla ahkeria ja teette nurisematta, mitä äiti vaatii,

niin pääsette kesäksi Jonni-sedän luokse maalle.

Sain häneltä kirjeen, jossa hän lupaa ottaa teidät koko kesäksi
kotiinsa.

— Sepä hauskaa, iloitsi Paavo, mutta Heikki arveli, että setä vaatii
tekemään työtä ja se ei olisi hänestä yhtään hauskaa, varsinkaan
kesälomalla.

— Huonostipa Heikki ottaa vastaan uutisen, sanoi äiti. — Ei setä

liikoja vaadi ja työhän on kaiken olevaisen alkulähde. Ilman työtä ei
elä kukaan, ei ainakaan saisi elää. Ne, jotka elävät työttöminä, eivät
saa nauttia koskaan raitista elämäniloa, usko se poikani.

— Pääsemmekö me sitten maalle heti, kun koulu loppuu? kysyi

Paavo, jota ei näyttänyt työnteko kovin pelottavan.

— Luulisinpa. Koetan saada siihen valmiiksi kaikki, mitä siellä

tarvitsette.

— Siellä nyt ei tarvitse liioin mitään, maalla, sanoi Heikki. —

Ollaan hurstissa, niinkuin rengit ja piiat, naureksi hän ja alkoi kertoa,
miltä silloin oli näyttänyt maalla, kun muutamia vuosia aikaisemmin
olivat olleet äidin kanssa käymässä Jonni-sedän luona. Heikin
kertomus oli puhdasta pilkkaa ja äiti sai taas syytä nuhdella Heikkiä.

— Ei saa halveksia piikoja ja renkejä eikä muitakaan

maatyömiehiä, sillä he kantavat tässä maassa raskaimman kuorman
ja helteen. Heidän työnsä on monastikin suuriarvoisempaa kuin
monen muun, jolle pää paljastetaan. Toivoisin, että sinä Heikki
oppisit kunnioittamaan maan pääelinkeinoa.

Puheltiin kaikenlaista maalle muutosta, johon Heikkikin jo innostui.

Pojat saivat teensä ja luvan mennä vähäksi aikaa ulos.

— Parin päivän perästä on Vappu ja sitten hummataan, sanoi

Paavo hypähdellen innoissaan.

— Mitä se hummaaminen on? kysyi äiti naurahtaen.

— Semmoista, että poikasakki kulkee kadulla ja väliin hihkaisee.

Etkö sitä nyt tiedä, äiti.

— Kadulla kuljetaan kauniisti, eikä huudeta. Eihän koulupojat saa

sällimäisinä kulkea, neuvoi äiti.

Pojat vilistivät ulos ja olivat pian naapurin pihalla kertomassa

maalle muutostaan toisille tovereille.

— Mitäs tyhjää te nyt puhutte, alkoi muuan Paavon luokkatoveri

kiusotella. — Mihinkäs kotihiiret muuttavat.

— Yhtähyvin kuin kaupunkirotatkin.

— Olemmeko me rottia, hä?

Kinastus jatkui ja pian oli tappelu valmis. Kieriskeltiin pihamaan

sannassa, ja kun vastapuoli oli lukuisampi, mutusteltiin poikia
hyvänpäiväisesti. Karkuunkaan eivät pojat olisi lähteneet, ellei
pihamaalle olisi sattunut tulemaan vanhempia ihmisiä. Lähtiessään
mutaisi kuitenkin Paavo muuatta poikaa nyrkillään naamaan ja
huusi:
 — Siitä saa lukkarin Sami tortun.

Poika tupertui pihamaalle ja suusta tuli verta. Vaivoin pääsi hän

kotiin, jossa kanteli asian, ja pian se joutui rehtorin korviin. Veljeksillä
oli aresti varmasti tiedossa. Tulipa se vielä äidinkin korville samana
iltana, ennenkuin pojat ehtivät mennä nukkumaan.

Äiti liikkui keittiössä kyynelsilmin, ja pojat arvasivat hänen kuulleen

heidän nujakoinnistaan naapurin pihalla.

Tuntui pahalta, sitä ei voinut kieltää, vaikka olisi ollut kuinkakin

urhoollinen olevinaan.

— Mitä luulet äidin sanovan? arveli Paavo veljelleen.

— Tietysti niitä tavanmukaisia neuvojaan latelee, sanoi Heikki.

Paavon mielestä ei Heikin olisi niin pitänyt sanoa, mutta ei

virkkanut siitä mitään veljelleen. Sanoipa toista, mitä ajatteli:

— Niitähän se aina…

Äiti neuvoikin taas tapansa mukaan ja varoitteli enää sellaiseen

seikkailuun antautumasta. Nyt he olivat häpäisseet itsensä ja äitinsä.

Paavollakin oli vielä paha omatunto siitä, että oli kannattanut

Heikkiä, kun tämä puhui halveksien äidin neuvoista.

Se olisi nyt pyydettävä anteeksi äidiltä, mutta he olivat jo

vuoteessaan, ja Heikki varmasti nauraisi hänelle, jos hän rupeaisi
sellaisia anteeksi pyytämään.

Mutta hän ei saanut rauhaa.

 Samapa se. Jos Heikki nauroi, niin naurakoon. Siitäpä näkee, ettei
se ollut oikein.

— Kuule äiti. Annatko minulle anteeksi vielä toisenkin asian.

Se tuli tuskin kuuluvasti Paavon vuoteesta.

— No, mitä se olisi?

Äiti kumartui Paavon vuoteen yli.

— No kun minä tulin sanoneeksi halveksivasti sinun neuvoistasi,

äiti

Paavo kuulosti, eikö Heikki tunnustaisi samalla, mutta tämä nauroi

vain. Paavo aikoi jo sanoa äidille, että Heikin alkua oli kaikki tyyni,
mutta ei kuitenkaan kehdannut.

— Saahan Paavo pieni anteeksi, mutta eihän poju enää vasta

halveksi äidin neuvoja.

— En milloinkaan.

Kun äiti poistui huoneesta, kivahti Paavo veljelleen:

— Miksi et tunnustanut sinäkin äidille?

Heikki nauroi vuoteessaan.

— Eihän olisi ollut pakko sinunkaan..

Se tuli kuin arvellen ja Paavo tunsi, että veljelläkin oli huono

omatunto, mutta ei tahtonut sitä tunnustaa itselleenkään.
 Se suututti Paavoa. Mitä minä hänelle tekisin? mietti hän. Kantelu
äidille oli kiellettyä.

Heikki tuntui kuitenkin pian unohtaneen koko asian.

— Kun minä pääsen maalle, niin minä en tee mitään muuta kuin
uin ja ongin kaiket päivät ja katselen tyttöjä leikkitovereiksi.

— Hyh… vai tyttöjä! Ja sinä luulet sedän sallivan sinun niin

laiskotella!

— No ei se ainakaan kintuilla hyppää, se on varma.

Tulee olemaan hauskaa, kun saa kiusotella talon kukkoa ja

äkäistä härkää ja puskettaa pässiä.

— Nyt minä en yhtään ymmärrä sinua, virkkoi Paavo.

— Se ei vetele Jonni-sedän luona. Ja sitäpaitsi se ei olisi oikein

tehty.

Heikki hohotti ja se kiukutti helposti kiivastuvaa Paavoa.

— Lakkaa jo höröttämästä, että saa nukkua. Huomenna on meillä

onneton päivä.

— Mitä luulet siitä tappelusta tulevan? kyseli Heikki.

— Sitä, mitä aina pahan teosta seuraa. Pääsemme karsseriin ja

päiväkirjaan tulee harakan varpaat.

— Se olikin sinun syytäsi kaikki, sanoi Heikki. — Minäkin saan nyt

sinun tähtesi rangaistuksen.
 — Paremmin sinä sen ansaitset kuin minä. Tämänkin iltaisista
puheistasi.

Heikki jatkoi alkamansa syyttelemistä, mutta Paavo ei enää

jaksanut kuunnella. Siepaten vesikannun kaatoi hän sen sisällön
Heikin päänpohjiin.

Heikki pakeni huutaen keittiöön. Äiti tuli hätään.

— Mitä se sellainen… eikö tappelu jo mielestänne riittänyt?

Paavo selitti syyn. Äiti koetti pidättää nauruaan, sen huomasi

Paavo, ja se helpoitti häntä. Heikki olikin niin kovin hassun näköinen
keittiössä kuivatessaan itseään ja motkottaessaan:

— Kyllä minä sen vielä maksan.

Äiti sai sovinnon aikaan ja pian olivat veljekset unen helmoissa,

ensin suunniteltuaan kesän viettoa maalla.

2.

Kuukausi oli vierähtänyt. Äiti saatteli poikia asemalle. He olivat nyt

matkalla Jonni-sedän luokse.

Kesäkuun ensimmäinen päivä oli kaunis ja pilvetön, ja pojat

nauttivat jo edeltäpäin matkastaan.

— Se vain on niin surkeaa, että sinä äiti et pääse matkaan. Olisi

varmaan hauskempaa, kun sinäkin olisit siellä, sanoi Paavo.

— Minullahan on täällä lehmäni ja toimeni. En minä koko kesäksi

jouda.
 — Mutta lupaathan tulla käymään, sanoi Heikki, joka katsoi
velvollisuudekseen sanoa jotain lämmintä äidille.

— Tulen kyllä ja silloin minä toivoisin kuulevani vain kiitosta teistä.

Kaikesta muustahan olen jo teille puhunut, mutta tahtoisin vielä
muistuttaa, että tekisitte työtä. Se varjelee kaikesta pahasta.

Pian juna lähti, ja pojat huiskuttivat vielä äidille. Mielihyvä

matkasta pyyhkäisi pois eron ikävän ja innokkaasti ohi viliseviä
maisemia katsellen ja keskustellen sujuikin matka pian.

Jonni-setä oli tullut itse asemalle.

— Onko hauskaa päästä maalle? kysyi hän heti pojilta ja samalla

kiirehti hevosen luo, joka odotti aitaan sidottuna.

On, on. Siellähän saa uida ja onkia, vai miten, setä? sanoi Heikki.

Setä huomasi, että Heikki koetti esiintyä huolettoman varmasti ja

melkein kuin aikuiset Se ei miellyttänyt setää. Hän sanoikin siitä heti
Heikille leikillisesti hymyillen.

— Sinustahan on taitanut paisua jo aikamies.

Siinä oli hyväntahtoista ivaakin, jota Jonni-setä oli usein halukas

käyttämään, mutta Heikki ei nyt sitä huomannut.

— No ainahan sitä… sanoi hän.

— No, no… kyllä sinusta tehdään vielä siinä suhteessa pieni

poika, kunhan kotiinnutaan Hernemaassa. Entä sinä Paavo, joko
sinäkin kuvittelet olevasi aikamies?

— En minä vielä, sanoi Paavo hämillään ja setä nauroi.

 Setä oli jo kääntänyt maantielle hevosen ja mentiin hyvää kyytiä.

— Niin, kyllä miestä pitää olla pikkupojassakin, siinä missä

tarvitaan, mutta sen tulee ilmetä ainoastaan reippautena ja
ahkeruutena ja vieläpä kohteliaisuutenakin. Onhan niitä pikku pojan
miehuuteen kuuluvia ominaisuuksia paljonkin, mutta niistä puhutaan
sitten toisen kerran. Nyt katsotaan, miten tämä sedän Polle osaa
ravata.

Ja setä kiinnitti ohjaksia. Olipa se menoa. Ihan naurattamaan

rupesi ja sydän alassa viilsi niin somasti.

— Enkö minäkin saa joskus ajaa? kysyi Heikki.

— No tahtooko Paavokin…? kysyi setä.

— Kyllähän minä mielelläni…

Setä nauroi ja sipaisi kädellään Paavon poskea.

— Kyllä te saatte opetella ratsastamaan, mutta ilman satulaa,

niinkuin maalla on tapana. Saa nähdä, kumpi teistä ensin oppii.

— Minä varmasti, kerskui Heikki.

— No ei saa olla niin varma itsestään, sanoi setä. — Eikä

ainakaan antaa sen noin tulla kuuluville.

Heikki punastui. Hän alkoi jo harmittaa sedän opettamishalu,

vaikka tiesikin, että setä tarkoitti ainoastaan hyvää. Hän päätti vaieta
kokonaan.

Mutta Paavo puheli jo innostuneena sedän kanssa, voitettuaan

ensin ujoutensa.
 — Joko ahven syö onkea? kysyi hän.

— Ei vielä, ennenkuin juhannukselta. Vai ahvenia sinä mietitkin.

No, onhan siinä kotijärvessä ahvenia, semmoisia köriläitä ovatkin,
että saat varoa, etteivät mukanaan vie.

— Minä sain kerran kaupungin lahdelta semmoisen ahvenen, että

painoi kaksi kiloa, sanoi Paavo räpytellen silmiään. Paino oli tullut
sanotuksi edeltäpäin ajattelematta.

Setä ihan hohotti.

— No jaksoiko pieni ressu semmoisen kalan kantaa kotiin?

Paavo kävi turkinpunaiseksi kasvoiltaan. Setä oli huomannut, että

hän pisti pitkän valeen. Heikki vielä alkoi höhöttää ja sanoi
halveksuvasta.

— Ei ole toki Paavo parka nähnytkään sellaista ahventa.

— Sitä minäkin, virkkoi vielä setä, ja Paavon korvia kuumensi niin

hirveästi. Hän päätti, ettei milloinkaan enää sanoisi sellaista, joka
vivahtaisi valheelta.

Siinä läheni jo Hernemaan viljelykset. Kylläpä ne olivatkin laajat.

Työväkeä hääri pelloilla, ja Paavo kysyi, mitä ne tekivät, siten
haihduttaakseen sedän ajatuksia hänen kalajutustaan.

Setä selitti.

Heikki oli päättänyt näyttää heti sedälle jalomielisyyttään ja

sanoikin nyt hänelle:
 — Me rupeamme Paavon kanssa kasvitarhatyöhön. Se tulee
olemaan suunnattoman hauskaa.

Taas nauroi setä.

— Niin, kyllä teidän on työtä tehtävä, saadaan nähdä sitten, onko

se teistä niinkään hauskaa. Mutta kyllä siihen pian tottuu ja sitten se
on todellakin hauskaa. Työtä ei hennoisi vaihtaa mihinkään muuhun.

Asemalta lähtiessä oli ukkonen jyrähdellyt, ja nyt oli pilvi noussut

heidän huomaamattaan, ja vettä alkoi tulla yht'äkkiä kuin saavista.

— Nyt minä kastun, hätäili Heikki ja koetti kyyristyä sedän

suojaan.

— Noo, ethän sinä sokerista ole, sanoi setä ja kiirehti hevosta,

joka kuumalla ilmalla oli jo alkanut väsyä — Olethan sinä
partiolainen.

Kun päästiin talon pihaan, taukosi sade ja siinäpä olivatkin pikku-

serkut jo heitä vastaan ottamassa.

— Päivää! Terveisiä kaupungista, sanoi Heikki juhlallisesti, mutta

Paavo ei osannut sanoa mitään, katsoi vain serkku-Lailan kirkkaisiin
silmiin. Laila tarjosikin Paavolle ensiksi kätensä ja siitä oli Heikki
hieman nyreissään. Hän oli muutenkin märkä kuin uitettu koira ja
heille naurettiin molemmille.

— Se olikin kokonainen vedenpaisumus, jonka me saimme

niskaamme, sanoi
Heikki terästäen ryhtiään.
 Laila nauroi iloisesti ja toinen pikku-serkku, kolmetoista vuotias
Niilo katseli hieman hämillään kaupunkilaisserkkujen vapaata
esiintymistä, joka oli hänestä melkein kadehdittavaa.

Tätikin tuli siihen ja ystävällisesti kehoitteli:

— Tulkaa nyt saamaan kuivaa päällenne. Onko teillä mukana… no

se on hyvä. Sitten saatte kahvia.

Pojat pukeutuivat nopeasti heille varatussa huoneessa, ja Heikki

virkkoi toimekkaasti:

— Ei ole hullumpi tuo Laila-serkku, vai mitä, velimies?

— Eihän me vielä mitä miehiä olla, sanoihan sen jo setäkin. Ja

kyllä
Laila sievä on. Hän antoi minulle kättäkin ensiksi.

— Kättä… nauroi taas Heikki sitä kiusottavaa nauruaan — eihän

niin sanota.

— Sanottiinpa tuota miten tahansa. Mennään nyt.

— Mutta kyllä hän tulee pitämään minusta yhtä paljon kuin

sinustakin, arveli Heikki.

— Tietysti. Hänhän on sinun serkkusi, niinkuin minunkin.

Heikki oli äskeistä sanoessaan ajatellut jotain muuta. Pojat olivat

koulussa aina kehuneet, että "se ja se tyttö piti hänestä". Se tuntui
komealta, mutta opettaja oli kerran sellaista kuultuaan nauranut ja
sanonut, että te olette tyhmiä.
 Laila tulikin jo heitä hakemaan. Hän oli äsken täyttänyt neljätoista
vuotta ja oli lyhyehkö, mutta sitä tukevampi. Ja sitten iloinen veitikka.
Ja toimelias. Sitä kelpasi katsella serkkujen, miten nopeasti Laila
tarjoili kahvia.

— Nyt saatte hieman levätä matkan jälkeen ja sitten mennään

laskemaan verkot. Saa nähdä sitten, kumpi teistä jaksaa paremmin
soutaa, sanoi Laila.

— Minä tietysti, virkkoi Heikki, mutta setä taas sanoi hänelle, ettei
pitänyt edeltäpäin mitään kehua.

— Niinpä sitten mennään rantaan, sanoi setä, kun pojat olivat

vakuuttaneet jaksavansa lepäämättä lähteä.

Niilo katseli vielä syrjästä uusia vieraitaan, mutta Laila lähti heitä
saattamaan rantaan.

— Osaatko sinä uida? kysyi Paavo topakkana tytöltä.

Laila nauroi niin, että valkoinen hammasrivi välkkyi.

— Kuka tuota nyt ei osaa. Olen minä uinut tuon salmen poikki,
sanoi hän.

Heikki aikoi väittää sitä valheeksi, mutta älysi ajoissa, että se olisi
loukannut serkkua.

— Olen minäkin uinut pitkiä matkoja, sanoi hän vain ja siihen

virkkoi
Laila, että sittenpä saataisiin nähdä.

— Kyllä kai noin pitkillä säärillä jaksaa potkia, arveli hän,