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Notice the difference you make that you think you don't make.

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You are so wrong.

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Look at her face.

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Look at that.

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A moment ago she was talking about killing herself.

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Now she's smiling.

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Look at.

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See.

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Life is all good.

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She was going to kill herself a moment ago.

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Now she's happy what's happened here.

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But look at the difference you make.

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Am I exaggerating?

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No.

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It makes a huge difference.

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Yes.

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When you go into learned helplessness, when you start thinking This cannot change.

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I cannot change it.

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I am helpless because three PS pop in your head.

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This problem is permanent.
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When you believe that you've just destroyed your capacity to make a difference.

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No problem is permanent.

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Only your soul is permanent.

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No problem is permanent.

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Only your soul is permanent.

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The second P that makes you feel helpless as you think it's personal.

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You think there's something wrong with you ladies, you do this faster than anyone.

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Well, if I was different, if I was different, if I was that, then he wouldn't be
this way.

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No, he's not a hairy woman.

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He's always going to be this way.

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It isn't that you're not loving.

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It isn't.

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He isn't not speaking to you in depth because you're not attractive enough, strong
enough.

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He doesn't trust you or he doesn't love you.

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It's because he doesn't speak, because he's a guy and those short bursts you get at
times are using up all the words he has.

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It's not that she's not smart or crazy or doesn't want things fixed.

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It's that she doesn't want things fixed because she's a girl, not a beautiful,
multitasking over emotional man.

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The third one is you think it's pervasive.
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You think that this problem affects your whole life because your finances are
destroyed, Your whole life is over.

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Guess what?

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It's not.

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There's a spirit, There's a soul, There's a body, there's family, there's friends.

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There's a new season ahead.

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This is only one area of your life.

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When you start thinking 1 area effects, every area you will be in learned
helplessness.

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You will be in suffering.

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Your relationship isn't working out.

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It's not where you want it to be and therefore nothing in your life matters.

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It's not true.

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You can breakthrough when you stop thinking.

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It's permanent, personal and pervasive.

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And the best way to do that is the secret to it all.

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Change your freaking.

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But it's got to be a radical change.

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It's got to be consistent change.

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You need a new ritual to do it physically, emotionally, it's working out.

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It's martial arts, it's dance, it's play.
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It's something and it's something right now.

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So there was Bob standing before me with his little pot belly and his Gray little
graying beard.

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Could have worn a Santa suit, going to kill his kids and himself.

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I said, Bob, kill your own kids.

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And he said to me, I don't want him, That's good.

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Then why would you plan to?

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And he talked about how when he was a boy, his father left and it destroyed him.

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And he knew that he couldn't stay, so he didn't want them to be damaged and think
that he didn't love them because he knew that would destroy them for life.

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But he couldn't stay, so he was going to take them too, and make it painless so
they wouldn't live a scarred life.

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That was what his blueprints said was the way to love his children.

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There you go.

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This man's psychotic and horrible.

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But so I dug underneath it all and I did.

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The next hour I did his values and rules.

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We have it on film.

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It's quite amazing.

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And he looked at all his values and rules, and what you began to see was this game
was unwinnable in the blueprint he was running.

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Your relationship is in the position it is because of your state, which is the
conditioning you've done to yourself.
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And it's there because of your blueprint.

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And some of you have a blueprint that must change.

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If you don't change your blueprint, you'll change partners and you'll end up with
the same problem again.

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Doesn't matter.

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And then you'll have the next problem.

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It'll take a little while, cause in the very beginning you'll have the rush of all
the chemistry that happens with those first three to nine months, and then you'll
be running the same problems again.

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Who's done this more than once in your lifetime?

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Who's one left?

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One relationship ended up another.

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Pretty soon had the same problem.

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Raise your hand and say I That's 'cause you didn't change your States and you
didn't change your blueprints.

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This is the whole game.

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Which, by the way, what does this all lead up to?

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State and blueprint are the things that shape meaning, and all of your pain is
based on the meaning.

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All the suffering is in the meaning.

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Remember, not a Gary phrase.

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The suffering is not in the facts, it's in your perception of the facts.

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Remember earlier this week your mother did die.
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That is not why you're suffering.

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You're suffering because your perception is the fact that she died.

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Your suffering is not the facts, it's the perception of the facts.

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The meaning, the meaning you gave it is.

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It shouldn't have happened.

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She shouldn't have gone so soon or I've lost her.

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The meaning is what's messing you up and the meaning is coming from your state and
your blueprint.

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Change your state.

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Change your blueprint.

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You change the meaning of your relationship.

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Your relationship transforms you from a different meaning and a different emotion.

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Will treat your partner differently and that will bring out different personalities
in that partner.

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How many follow, say I, and if you're coming from an empowering state, you will
find the empowered parts of them coming out.

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If you come from a place that's accusatory, then the one place where they need to
be safe, the one person they want to open up to, the one person that made them feel
at one time like they were more than what?

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More than what?

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Enough.

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The one person who healed them, that made them feel they were totally loved, that
they were enough and they were healed.

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Now that very person, the one they wouldn't protect from, they have to protect
from.

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And then they do.

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And you go see.

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So with Bob, I did all these pieces and guess what came out underneath this piece?

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Bob used to ride a Harley.

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Bob.

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Big Belly.

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Bob broken down.

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Bob used to ride a Harley.

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And he used to take his wife before she was his wife.

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And he'd take her silly in a bar across the pool table.

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This was Bob.

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People's eyes are this big.

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That's Bob.

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Go Bob.

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Sounds like one of those male enhancement commercials, doesn't it, Bob?

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This little Bob.

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They have this light and dark relationship.

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And she loved it.

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She loved him taking her.
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He loved to take her.

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And then something happened around 1999 or 2000.

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Agnes took over Bob because Agnes decided Bob needed to be more responsible because
Bob was now married.

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They got married because they had a kid on the way, and as soon as he had a kid on
the way, Bob knew a different set of personalities had to be there because he had
to be responsible.

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So a responsible person doesn't drive a Harley.

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Plus his wife made it very clear with children coming, she wasn't going to allow
him to drive a Harley.

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Now, whenever I've heard a woman say I'm not going to allow my husband to do
anything, I think to myself first, what person is going to allow this woman to tell
him what he can and cannot do?

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Share with him so they could talk about it and decide together but be told?

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That used to be my judgement, but now I began to realize I did the same thing in
other areas in my previous relationship.

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They just weren't as obvious.

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I was willing to not share what I was really feeling, so I wouldn't have to go
through all the arguments, so I'd have to go through the loss of love.

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So I just selectively found those things that were my symbols, but there were other
areas I was giving it up.