Marriage and Family God's Plan A

Marriage and Family – God’s Plan A
Instructor: Curtis Phillips
Table of Contents
Lesson 1 – God’s Definition of Marriage ............................................. 1

Lesson 2 – Living Happily as Husband and Wife ................................. 5
Lesson 3 – Marriage and the Church ................................................. 7
Lesson 4 – Sowing and Reaping in Marriage .................................... 11
Lesson 5 – Conflict Resolution – Myths and Strategies ...................... 16
Lesson 6 – Parenting and Mentoring – Part I .................................... 22
Lesson 7 – Parenting and Mentoring – Part II .................................. 25
Lesson 8 – Final Word to Married Couples and Singles ...................... 29
Supplemental Material – Bibliography and Resource List ................... 34
Note: Lesson outlines have been aligned to coordinate with video teaching.
Curtis Phillips Lesson 1
Lesson 1 – God’s Definition of Marriage
Course Introduction
I. Main Take-Aways
A. Marriage is designed to _______ ______.
B. God does not desire for us to have ___________ marriages; He

desires for us to have _____________ marriages.
C. Marriage is not ________; it does, however, require _________.
D. _____________ is the key to successful relationships, especially

in marriage.
II. We Start with Marriage Because God Did – It is the

Building Block of Society
A. If the marriage starts right and remains healthy, children thrive.
B. Healing a broken marriage can make a powerful testimony.
III. The Focus is Marriage and Family but the Principles Apply
to All Relationships
A. Family is God’s design to learn about successful relationships.
B. The safety and security of the home to learn these things is

crucial.
IV. This Course
A. About us – our family
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B. Class confidentiality
Lesson 1 Begins
Genesis 1:26-31 (NKJV)
I. Created in God’s Image
A. Individually – God is a three-part Being; we are three-part beings

(Genesis 2:7)
1. Spirit
2. Soul
3. Body
B. Corporately in marriage (Genesis 2:24)
1. The triune Godhead is in unity within itself – “Let Us make

man in Our image…”
2. We, as husband and wife, are to be in unity with each

other.
a. God did not design husbands to be dominator-in-

chief.
b. God did not design wives to be corrector-in-chief.
c. Let the Holy Spirit do His job in marriage – do not

try to do it for Him.
3. We as a married couple under God are to be unified with

Him.
a. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – a threefold cord
C. Covenant symbols (I Samuel 18:3-4)
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1. Exchange of robes – symbolic shared ownership of each

other’s property
2. Exchange of weapons – “Your enemy is my enemy” – a

pledge of defense to each other
3. Exchange of blood – intimacy in marriage
4. Display of the exchange of blood – wedding ring
5. Covenant meal – shared food and fellowship
6. Exchange of names
7. Building of a monument
D. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.
1. Where a contract protects my rights, a covenant

surrenders them.
2. Death is an inherent part of covenant.
E. Corporately in the Body of Christ
1. Jesus and the Father are in unity with each other. – John
17:5, 21
2. We, as believers, are to be in unity with each other in the

fellowship of believers.
3. How can we worship in Spirit and truth with our fellow

brothers and sisters in Christ and not FIRST be unified in
our marriages at home?
a. Prioritizing relationships above our marriage

relationship subordinates the marriage to those
external to our household.
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b. Doing so alters God’s order (God, marriage, children,

others)
Any relationship that we elevate above the relationship with our

spouse – ESPECIALLY THE RELATIONSHIPS WE HAVE WITH OUR
CHILDREN and PARENTS – upends God’s order, plan and priority for
family stability.
II. God’s Foundation is Marriage
Genesis 2:18-24 (KJV)
A. Everything God made up to this point was good. (Genesis 1:4-31)
1. The creative order included male and female animals.
2. The creative order was
a. Finished (Genesis 2:1)
b. Self-reproducing
B. Man (Adam) alone was not good.
1. Why make animals male and female but not Adam – at

least not right away?
2. This portion of scripture details a side of God’s creative

action that is unique to mankind; why?
3. Why did God unfold this story of Adam and Eve in this
way?
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Lesson 2 – Living Happily as Husband and Wife
I. Marriage Myths
Discuss: expectations before marriage – “What do you imagine your life

will be like when you two are married?”
Myths of Marriage:
A. Neither of us will change after the wedding.
1. Husbands: Your wife still wants to be pursued.
2. Wives: Your husband still needs to know you think he is

“the man.”
B. We expect exactly the same things from marriage.
1. Wives desire stability and predictability in which to raise

their children.
2. Husbands want excitement and spontaneity to break up

the routine.
C. Everything good in our relationship will get better.
D. Everything bad in my life will disappear.
E. My spouse will make me whole (“he/she will ‘complete’ me”).
F. Women especially believe they have the power to change their

mate.
G. Men believe their mates will remain sexy and alluring forever.
H. We will do everything together and love it.
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I. If we are soul mates, it will all be good and effortless.
1. Can disguise itself as “God told us to get married”
2. God may have indeed told you, but WHEN? The timing is
still HIS.
II. Overcoming Some of the Myths of Marriage
A. Wisdom, truth, understanding, knowledge, meekness, etc.
1. Go to God and His Word on the subject.
2. Have an open heart before Him on the matter – REMAIN

TEACHABLE!
3. Listen to those of wisdom and experience around you – DO

NOT PLAY THE GOD CARD.
B. Unity – the crucial ingredient in a good marriage (Ephesians 5)
1. Unity destroys insecurity.
2. Unity is essential for effective parenting.
3. Unity takes TIME to develop.
C. We are designed to bless each other.
1. We are physically compatible for intimacy.
2. We are physically attractive to one another.
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Lesson 3 – Marriage and the Church
The book of Ephesians is divided into two sections: chapters 1-3 outline the
believer’s position and chapters 4-6 outline the believer’s practice or
responsibility.
I. Unity in Marriage
A. Ephesians 4:3 – “Endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in

the bond of peace.” Why would we seek to be unified with other
believers without first being unified with our spouse?
B. Ephesians 5:2 – “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us

and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a
sweet-smelling aroma.”
1. Love (Greek – “agape”) – giving myself up; subordinating,

even abandoning our own desires for another’s – it actually
means preferring another’s wellbeing over our own.
2. Christ’s love for us – His Passion, His sacrifice of Himself on

the cross – was a sweet-smelling aroma to God.
3. So how does walking in love manifest itself in marriage?
C. Ephesians 5:22-33
This passage on marriage cannot be fully understood without the

context provided in Ephesians 4 and the preceding verses in
Ephesians 5, especially Ephesians 5:2
1. Submission – Ephesians 5:22 says, “wives submit.”
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a. This word is primarily a military term that means to

arrange yourself under as in rank or order; to be
subordinate to.
b. Healthy submission on the part of a wife is

submitting to the leadership of a husband who is
seeking after God’s direction for him and his family.
2. But the verse ALSO says, “to your OWN husbands as to the
Lord.”
a. Women are not required to be submissive to men in

a general sense.
b. They are to be submissive to their own husbands –

only.
c. The verse does not say submit as if your husband

were lord.
d. It says submit to your husband in the same way you

do the Lord.
e. You can force obedience, but you cannot force

submission.
f. This means women are to have a viable relationship

with the Lord independent of, but connected to, her
relationship with her husband.
3. The husband is head as Christ is head.
a. “Head” here can be best understood by using the

word “leader.”
b. “Body” in this verse is the corporate church body.
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4. Again, in verse 24, wives are to submit to their OWN

husbands in everything.
5. Husbands, LOVE your wives just as Christ also loves the

church.
a. Men! THAT’S A TALL ORDER.
b. Yes, that word “love” is the same word in Ephesians

5:2, and it is the same word that put Christ on the
cross.
6. Ephesians 5:26 – “Sanctify and cleanse your bride with the

washing of water by the word.”
a. Washing – cleansing, cleaning, making pure
b. Water – water
c. By – in, by, through or with
d. The word – rhema – that which has been uttered or

spoken
e. Men, your words have power in and over the lives of

your wives.
f. SPEAK blessing, speak the Word, speak healing –

speak life-giving words.
g. Speak to her and over her in ways consistent with

scripture.
h. Death and life are in the power of the tongue. –

Proverbs 18:21
i. Don’t use your words to hurt or harm – use them for

life!!
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7. Ephesians 5:27-28 – In speaking life and blessing over

your wife, you present her back to you a lovely and loving
child of the King; in loving her, you love yourself.
8. Ephesians 5:31 – Leave and cleave – it means to leave and

cleave.
9. Become ONE flesh – live and walk in unity – Ephesians 4:3
10. Ephesians 5:33 – Love your wife – Respect your husband
a. Men interact and deal with other men on the basis of

respect.
b. Women are more relational and tend to deal with

each other on the basis of relational intimacy.
c. In verse 33, men are directed to do that which is

foreign to them – LOVE.
d. Women are directed to do that which is foreign to

them – RESPECT.
e. This seeming dichotomy exists to ensure that we are

doing that thing for our spouse that does not come
naturally to us. Thus, we must die to our nature, to
our natural tendencies, and fulfill that in our spouse
which they need – not that which WE need.
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Lesson 4 – Sowing and Reaping in Marriage
I. Galatians 6:7-9 – We Reap What We Sow
This verse explains why we may not be experiencing the things we

desire in marriage, but it is also the key to receiving the very things we
seek.
A. Sowing and reaping are immutable laws of the Kingdom.
1. “I’ll be more loving when she/he is more loving” does not

work, but it is how many marriages are managed.
2. When we sow discord or conflict into our marriage, that is

what we reap.
3. You won’t sow tomatoes and reap corn.
4. When we sow patience, we reap patience.
5. When we sow grace, we reap grace.
a. Galatians 6:8 – Do not interact with your spouse on

the basis of your flesh – your carnal nature (see also
John 3:6, 6:63) We cannot reap a supernatural,
spiritual harvest using earthly, carnal seed.
B. If you have issues in your marriage, sow into your marriage the
things you wish to see manifest.
1. Often, the unconditional, Christ-like love of a wife can

transform a distant, cold man into a warm, loving husband.
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2. Often, the unconditional love of a husband can warm and

soften a wife’s heart toward physical intimacy and
gentleness.
C. We each need what our spouse has.
1. Women tend to desire the strength and leadership their

husband provides. She needs security, non-sexual
affection, open and honest communication, and leadership
(not domination).
2. Men tend to need physical intimacy and contact from their

wife. He needs honor, domestic support, companionship,
and sex.
3. In order to unlock and receive what we need from our

spouse, we have to become who they need us to be – put
simply, we must learn to die to our needs and focus
instead on our spouse’s needs.
II. Luke 9:23 – It’s Not About Me
“Then He said to them all, ‘If anyone desires to come after Me, let him
deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me.’”
A. Jesus made it clear that we cannot come after Him until we are
dead to self.
B. There are many times in our lives when this is possible, but
nowhere is it more persistent in our daily lives than in our
marriage and family.
C. Marriage is not designed to work with one or both of you being

prima donnas.
D. Marriage only works when we seek the greater good of our

spouse.
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E. If you have conflict and strife in your marriage, STOP! It only

exists because you allow it. Break the cycle!
F. Husbands – LEAD! Initiate reconciliation; apologize for your part

in the strife and conflict; ask for your wife’s forgiveness;
DEMONSTRATE the grace toward her that Jesus demonstrated for
you!
G. Wives – FORGET! Stop dredging up the past; stop reminding him

of his failures; stop filling the bathtub with bitterness and
resentment and then making him soak in it.
H. Both – cast your individual agendas into the sea of forgetfulness

and remember them no more. Focus on the unity God intends for
you to have with each other.
III. Mark 4:26-28 – Patience in the Harvest
“For the earth yields crops by itself: first the blade, then the head, after
that the full grain in the head.” – Mark 4:28
A. Sowing and reaping are agricultural analogies, but they illustrate

spiritual truths.
B. Just as the farmer does not plant tomatoes and harvest corn, he
does not plant tomatoes on Monday and harvest tomatoes on
Friday.
C. Being patient in the harvest is as essential in our marriage

relationship as it is in all other areas of our lives – finances,
spiritual maturity, healing (sometimes).
D. Applying faithful patience to a transforming spouse – just like we

apply the Word to healing, finances, revelation, deliverance or
any other need, apply words of faith from the Word to your
marriage.
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1. Thank God for the result before it is manifested.
2. Water your seeds of love with the Word.
3. Confess your own patience from Galatians 5:22-23 as a

fruit of the Spirit who lives in you.
IV. Want
A. On the subject of “want” as in “I only want him/her to ______

(fill in the blank – lose weight, pick up the house, put the lid on
the toothpaste, etc.)
1. Want is the lack of satisfaction with God and His provision.

It cannot be satisfied ever. If we are in sync with God and
His promises, we are not in want. We may have godly
desires, but we are not in want.
a. Proverbs 30:15 (NKJV) – “The leech has two

daughters – Give and Give! There are three things
that are never satisfied, Four never say, “Enough!”
b. Proverbs 27:20 (NKJV) – “Hell and destruction are

never full; so the eyes of man are never satisfied.”
c. Psalm 23:1 (NKJV) – “A Psalm of David. The LORD is

my shepherd; I shall not want.
d. Psalm 34:9 (NKJV) – “Oh, fear the LORD, you His

saints! There is no want to those who fear Him.”
e. Proverbs 13:25 (NKJV) – “The righteous eats to the

satisfying of his soul, But the stomach of the wicked
shall be in want.”
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f. James 1:4 – “But let patience have its perfect work,

that you may be perfect and complete, lacking
nothing.”
g. I Corinthians 1:7 – “So that you come short in no

gift, eagerly waiting for the revelation of our Lord
Jesus Christ.”
h. Hebrews 4:1 – “Therefore, since a promise remains

of entering His rest, let us fear lest any of you seem
to have come short of it.”
2. Want is the illusion that the thing wanted can satisfy. It

cannot. Only God can satisfy. Want is not a bucket with a
hole in the bottom. It is a bucket without any bottom at all.
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Lesson 5 – Conflict Resolution – Myths and Strategies
Withholding forgiveness is a poison you drink hoping the other person gets
sick.
I. Myths About Conflict and Conflict Resolution
A. I cannot forgive because I cannot forget.
1. The heart of this myth is usually anger.
2. Anger is a natural INITIAL response to disappointment.
a. Disappointment is the result of our expectations.
b. Unmet expectations lead to disappointment and

anger.
3. We hold on to anger in an effort to punish the other

person.
B. When I initiate reconciliation, I lose.
1. Men are especially susceptible to this myth.
2. Initiating reconciliation is a sign of leadership.
3. It is also one of the most genuine gestures of love (love is

not an emotion, it is something you do).
C. If I ignore it long enough, it will go away.
1. Introverts are vulnerable here.
2. Conflict-avoiders are also vulnerable.
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3. It is imperative that you distinguish between what is being

repressed and what is being released.
D. “I’m sorry” fixes everything.
1. Often “I’m sorry” gets used like a get-out-of-jail-free card.
2. Insincerity is easily detected by spouses – both men and

women.
3. A sincere, heart-felt apology, however, moves a

relationship/marriage toward healing.
II. Conflict Resolution is About Release
Conflict resolution is about release – letting go of that which angered or

upset you. It requires a willingness to seek and grant forgiveness.
Ephesians 4:32 – “And be kind to one another, tender-hearted,

forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”
Revelation 12:7-11 – When you recall your spouse’s past sins and
mistakes, you are cooperating with the devil.
A. Forgiveness is an obligation.
1. The offender needs to seek forgiveness.
2. The offended needs to grant forgiveness.
a. Matthew 18:21-22 – “Then Peter came and said to

Him, ‘Lord, how often shall my brother sin against
me and I forgive him? Up to seven times?’ Jesus
said to him, ‘I do not say to you, up to seven times,
but up to seventy times seven.’”
B. Forgiveness is an essential first step to restoring trust.
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1. The offending party must take the initiative in rebuilding

trust.
2. The offended partner must resist the natural tendency to

rehearse the hurt over again (hanging on to anger).
C. Granting forgiveness is not:
1. Repression
2. Conditional
3. Forgetting
4. Impossible
5. An automatic cure for the pain
D. Granting forgiveness is:
1. Obedience to a command (John 13:34-35)
2. An attitude of letting go of resentment and “my right to get

even”
3. An action that must be expressed by word and deed
4. A choice to set your spouse free from a debt or offense
5. The beginning of the healing process
III. Tools for the Process of Reconciliation
James 3:16-18 – “For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and
every evil thing are there. But the wisdom that is from above is first
pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good
fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. Now the fruit of
righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.”
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A. Go before God with your conflict.
1. This is not an excuse to delay reconciliation.
2. Be prepared to LISTEN to His heart and what He has to

say.
B. Remember that God is bigger than the problem.
C. Act in the “opposite spirit.”
1. If your spouse is being cold, be respectfully warm.
2. If your spouse is being stubborn, be understanding.
D. Study how to communicate your feelings to your spouse.
1. Find non-threatening words.
a. AVOID “always” and “never.”
b. Avoid accusatory language.
2. Use non-threatening body language and settings.
E. Try to avoid emotional language and/or harsh words.
1. Proverbs 15:1 – “A soft answer turns away wrath but a

harsh word stirs up anger.”
F. Return an insult with a blessing.
1. I Peter 3:9 – “…not returning evil for evil or reviling for

reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you
were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.”
2. I Peter 2:21-23 – “For to this you were called, because

Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that you
should follow His steps: ‘Who committed no sin, Nor was
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deceit found in His mouth’ who, when He was reviled, did

not revile in return; when He suffered, He did not threaten,
but committed Himself to Him who judges righteously;”
G. Be slow to anger and quick to forgive.
1. James 1:19 – “So then, my beloved brethren, let every

man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath;”
H. Good guidelines to avoid conflict and when in conflict:
Never-ever Do’s: (taken from Tommy Nelson, Pastor of Denton

Bible Church)
1. When in conflict – never raise your voice in your home.
2. No publicly embarrassing your spouse – PERIOD!!
3. Never quarrel in front of the kids.
4. Never use the kids to win an argument.
5. Never talk outside your marriage – do not run your spouse

down to others.
6. Never use sex to win an argument.
7. Never touch in anger.
8. Never call names.
9. Never get historical.
10. Never stomp out (passive aggression).
11. Never freeze your mate out.
12. Never use the in-laws.
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13. Never reason in the face of pain – if one of you is hurt, the
other will never justify it.
14. Never let the sun go down on your anger.
15. Never reverse an argument.
16. Never fail to listen to your mate – active listening – look

them in the eye.
17. Never harden yourself toward your spouse.
Bad couples – unhealthy marriages/relationships – fight dirty;

they press to a “winner” which is ironic because they both end up
losing.
Good couples – healthy relationships – fight clean; they press to

a resolution and in the process both the husband and the wife
win.
GREAT COUPLES are great because in the collision of emotions,

they imitate Christ – they set aside their own emotions and
agendas and think first of the other person – they are perfectible.
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Lesson 6 – Parenting and Mentoring – Part I
I. Parenting and How it is Supposed to Work
A. The punch-line up front: raising a child is just like raising a

Christian – only harder.
1. Start with the law – the Old Testament
2. Transition to grace – the Gospels
3. Release into grace – the New Testament
B. The Bible is the best parenting resource you have and provides
an excellent pattern.
II. The Law
A. Children thrive on routine and order.
1. Consistent schedules of feeding and napping help an infant

develop patterns upon which they can rely.
2. These patterns convey trust in mommy, usually, and

reduce stress and anxiety for the child.
3. The consistency gives the child anchors throughout their

day – things they can come to rely on such as naps and
regular feedings.
4. As a child grows, the need for order is not diminished. As a

child gains the ability to exercise their will and move
physically about the home, they are exposed to greater
opportunity for rebellion and injury.
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B. God’s law was given, in part, that His people would have order.
1. There was order in their diet, behavior, customs – literally

every aspect of their lives.
2. This order provided a basis for oral tradition – a passing of

the covenant.
3. God’s order was also the foundation for the success,

provision, and prosperity of God’s people. (Joshua 1:1-9)
C. Even in our present society, the law is present to establish order.
1. In spite of current trends, this is a country founded

essentially on the Ten Commandments.
D. Discipline in the home
1. You start when they start.
a. Discipline in the home is a highly personal topic that

should be agreed upon PRIOR to marriage.
b. Discipline should be tailored to a child’s personality,

perceptiveness, and behavior.
c. A two-year-old is too young to understand grace.
2. Spanking and time-out
a. Discipline should come as an immediate

consequence.
b. Most parents do not exercise the patience to

effectively utilize “time-out.”
3. Never use approval as a form of discipline or correction.
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a. Children often have a strong urge to please their

parents.
b. Some children are life-long “pleasers.”
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Lesson 7 – Parenting and Mentoring – Part II
I. The Gospels – The Revelation of Jesus in the Life of the

Child
A. The child is introduced to Jesus most powerfully in the home.
1. Children will mimic what they see – parents, grandparents,

and siblings.
2. If Jesus is real to you and you allow your child to see that
authenticity, the Holy Spirit has a lot with which to work.
B. Most good churches are geared toward discipling children.
1. Give your child a voice in where your family attends

church.
2. Ensure there is a venue and a vehicle for your children to

connect with like-minded youth.
II. Teenagers – Transition from Children to Adults
A. The idea of adolescence does not appear in scripture.
1. Adolescence is an idea based ultimately on Darwin’s theory

of evolution; the concept was developed by psychologist G.
Stanley Hall (1844-1924).
2. The Bible does not infer that a young man or woman is

entitled to a rebellious, transition stage.
3. Nor does it permit parents and their teenage children to be

at odds with one another.
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a. It is crucial that as parents, we break this myth in

our children.
b. You are your child’s biggest fan, and they need to

know it – always.
4. To any child, time equals love. Invest time in the life of

your child doing what they enjoy.
B. The home is to be a sanctuary not a battleground.
1. Speak life over your teenage child – they are facing

tremendous pressure at school.
2. Learn to be a listener – give them time to open up to you

without negative consequences.
3. Learn what your teenager needs to understand how to

connect: a touch, a look, certain words, affirmation,
reward, etc.
C. Teaching your teenager to rise to the occasion.
1. Children in the home must be raised with age-appropriate

responsibility.
a. Start with cleaning the room and making the bed.
b. Transition to cleaning the kitchen after meals and

helping with housework.
2. The idea of bar mitzvah works for Christian as well as

Jewish teens.
a. Approaching the child’s 13th birthday, it should be

explained that they are about to embark on early
adulthood (not adolescence).
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b. Celebrate the 13th birthday as a family with every

spiritual influence over their lives present – parents,
older siblings, grandparents, youth pastor, aunts,
uncles, etc.
c. Make the 13th birthday a ceremony that looks much

more like a coming-of-age.
d. Explain that they will be treated differently in the

home – and make sure it happens.
e. Continue to apply age-appropriate responsibility.
III. Thoughts on Raising Adult Children
A. Bite your tongue – often and vigorously if necessary.
1. DO NOT DEMONSTRATE your exasperation or displeasure

with their decisions.
2. Allow your 18+ child to exercise their own mind – within

reason.
B. Adult children living at home
1. Once graduated from high school, they must be confronted

with “reality.”
a. Alternatives: college, military, full-time employment

– no exceptions
b. If coddled, they will not rise to the occasion.
2. Adult children living at home with no job, no education and

no plan is NOT normal – it’s dysfunctional.
3. If a parent’s need to be needed is strong, it will handicap

the child’s development.
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C. Adult children living independently – congratulations, this is the

goal.
1. Are you a coach/mentor or a busy-body, know-it-all?
2. Advice – solicited or unsolicited
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Lesson 8 – Final Word to Married Couples and Singles
I Corinthians 7:1-16 (NKJV)
I. Let Each Man Have His Own Wife and Each Wife Have Her
Own Husband
A. Exclusivity – God never intended for marriage to be between

anything but one man and one woman. It is an exclusive
relationship that excludes emotional attachment to another man
or woman. (I Corinthians 7:2)
1. “Have” – hold, possess, cling to
2. “Husband” – husband: Joseph was referred to as Mary’s

husband before they were married.
B. Surrender – Marriage means yielding to your spouse’s physical

and emotional needs. (I Corinthians 7:3)
1. Husbands: your wife has need of non-sexual physical and

emotional contact.
2. Wives: your husbands have physical, sexual needs.
3. God intends marriage to be the perfect union of two

imperfect people who learn to submit to each other’s
gender-unique needs.
C. Authority – Marriage brings authority and responsibility over each

other. (I Corinthians 7:4)
29 REV 12.13.2018
1. While this verse refers to physical affection – sexual and

nonsexual – it also gives us spiritual authority to stand in
prayer over our spouse’s physical health.
2. Intercession on behalf of one another is powerful in

marriage – possibly more so than in any other human
relationship.
D. Notice the order of exclusivity, surrender, and authority.
1. Exclusivity comes first – without it, there is no foundation

for the other characteristics. Exclusivity breathes safety
and security into the relationship.
2. Surrender follows exclusivity. When you detect safety and

security, you will be more willing to surrender. It is difficult
to surrender where there is no security – it is a natural
tendency to self-protect in the absence of security.
3. Authority follows surrender. We walk in the authority of

Christ because we are first surrendered to His Word and
His will. Authority works because of our surrender.
Likewise, our spouse is protected from abusive authority
because we are first surrendered to them.
E. Never introduce division, doubt or insecurity about the future of

your marriage. (I Corinthians 7:10-11)
1. A husband’s job is to lead. Most men can leap tall buildings

in a single bound if at the core of their being they believe
that they have their wife’s love and support.
2. Yet even a strong man of great courage will wither under

the disheartening reality that his wife does not love and
support him unconditionally.
30 REV 12.13.2018
a. It is perfectly reasonable for a wife to take full credit

for the success of her husband as a man, husband,
father and leader of their home.
b. A wife should look proudly upon her husband’s

accomplishments as though they were also her own.
3. Creating doubt about the future of the marriage, hinting at

divorce, or undermining your spouse’s security, will destroy
the home.
4. Wives can endure childbirth, toddlers, pets, laundry, a

part-time job or full-time career and still have time to
make you a hot breakfast and pack your lunch as long as
you provide the safety and security she needs to nurture
her family with confidence.
a. If a wife and mother becomes unsure of her ability

to nurture her children, insecurity will create tension
in the home – think: momma bear.
b. Wives need to know there is a paycheck at the end

of the day, the bills will get paid and the cupboards
will have food in them.
II. Wisdom for Singles
A. I Corinthians 7:25-27
1. Do not SEEK to be other than you are now.
a. This does not mean you cannot desire to be married.
i. Psalm 37:4 – “Delight yourself also in the Lord

and He shall give you the desires of your
heart.”
31 REV 12.13.2018
ii. If you delight in the Lord and desire to be

married, then God wants you to be married.
iii. Marriage and family are God’s idea. It is good

to desire them.
b. It is important, however, to find joy and

contentment in your present state.
2. The best piece of marriage advice I never got: instead of

praying for God to bring you “the one,” pray instead for
God to make you “the one” your future spouse needs.
a. Are you who the one you are looking for is looking
for?
b. This is similar to praying for God to make us usable

rather than praying for God to use us.
c. God is a gentleman. Our invitation for Him to deal

with us, work in our hearts, transform our lives and
mature us is one of the most profoundly humbling
things we can do as Christ-followers.
d. It also creates a pattern in our lives that when

relationship issues are grieving us, we begin by
asking God to instruct and change us rather than the
other person.
B. Dating on purpose
1. Keep the end in sight.
a. Being wed to the “man/woman of your dreams” is

not the goal.
b. The wedding day is not the end; it is the beginning.
32 REV 12.13.2018
c. Courtship is the opportunity to get it right – it is also

a great opportunity to end an ill-conceived
relationship before it leads to marriage.
d. The goal: marry the person whom God assures you

is capable of having the marriage you and He both
desires.
2. God will meet you at your place of faith. (Andrew’s story of

marrying Jamie)
3. Age-old wisdom – not rules, just wisdom
a. II Corinthians 6:14 – “Do not be unequally yoked

together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has
righteousness with lawlessness? And what
communion has light with darkness?”
i. Equally yoked means more than just born-

again; it extends to doctrinal similarity.
ii. Similar views on life, children, discipline in the

home, finances, goals for life together, etc.
b. Proverbs 19:14 – “Houses and riches [are] an

inheritance from fathers, But a prudent wife [is]
from the LORD.”
33 REV 12.13.2018
Curtis Phillips Supplemental Material
Supplemental Material – Bibliography and Resource List
Bibliography and Reading List
Chapman, Gary, The 5 Love Languages, Northfield Publishing, New Edition

2009
Cline, Foster; Fay, Jim, Parenting with Love and Logic, (Updated and
Expanded Edition), NavPress, 2006
Dobson, James C, The New Strong-Willed Child, (2nd Edition), Tyndale, 2004
Ertel, Jim, Contending for the Heart, Harrison House Publishing, 2010
Ezzo, Gary; Bucknam, Robert, On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the
GIFT of Nighttime Sleep, Parent-Wise Solutions, Inc., 2012
Fireproof Your Marriage, Couples Kit Study, Outreach Inc., 2008
Girgis, Sherif; Anderson, Ryan T; George, Robert P., What is Marriage?: Man
and Woman: a Defense, Wilsted & Taylor Publishing Services, 2012
Hagee, John & Diana, What Every Man Wants in a Woman/What Every Woman
Wants in a Man, Charisma House Publishing, 2004
Kendrick, Stephen; Kendrick, Alex, The Love Dare, B & H Books, 2013
Morris, Robert, The Blessed Marriage, Thomas Nelson, 2009
Parrott, Les & Leslie, Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts (Revised),
Zondervan, 2006
Smalley, Gary, The DNA of Relationships, Tyndall House Publishers, Reprint

2007
34 REV 12.13.2018
Curtis Phillips Supplemental Material
Yandian, Bob, One Flesh: God’s Gift of Passion – Love, Sex and Romance in
Marriage, Charisma House, 1993
Other Marriage and Relationship Resources
Family Life’s Weekend to Remember –

http://www.familylife.com/events/featuredevents/weekend-to-remember
Mountain Top Marriages – http://www.mountaintopmarriages.org/
35 REV 12.13.2018

Marriage and Family God's Plan A

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Marriage and Family – God’s Plan A

Instructor: Curtis Phillips

Lesson 1 – God’s Definition of Marriage ............................................. 1

Lesson 1 – God’s Definition of Marriage

A. Marriage is designed to _______ ______.

B. God does not desire for us to have ___________ marriages; He

C. Marriage is not ________; it does, however, require _________.

D. _____________ is the key to successful relationships, especially

II. We Start with Marriage Because God Did – It is the

A. If the marriage starts right and remains healthy, children thrive.

B. Healing a broken marriage can make a powerful testimony.

A. Family is God’s design to learn about successful relationships.

B. The safety and security of the home to learn these things is

IV. This Course

A. About us – our family

Genesis 1:26-31 (NKJV)

I. Created in God’s Image

A. Individually – God is a three-part Being; we are three-part beings

B. Corporately in marriage (Genesis 2:24)

1. The triune Godhead is in unity within itself – “Let Us make

2. We, as husband and wife, are to be in unity with each

a. God did not design husbands to be dominator-in-

b. God did not design wives to be corrector-in-chief.

c. Let the Holy Spirit do His job in marriage – do not

3. We as a married couple under God are to be unified with

a. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 – a threefold cord

C. Covenant symbols (I Samuel 18:3-4)

1. Exchange of robes – symbolic shared ownership of each

2. Exchange of weapons – “Your enemy is my enemy” – a

3. Exchange of blood – intimacy in marriage

4. Display of the exchange of blood – wedding ring

5. Covenant meal – shared food and fellowship

D. Marriage is a covenant, not a contract.

1. Where a contract protects my rights, a covenant

2. Death is an inherent part of covenant.

E. Corporately in the Body of Christ

2. We, as believers, are to be in unity with each other in the

3. How can we worship in Spirit and truth with our fellow

a. Prioritizing relationships above our marriage

b. Doing so alters God’s order (God, marriage, children,

Any relationship that we elevate above the relationship with our

II. God’s Foundation is Marriage

Genesis 2:18-24 (KJV)

A. Everything God made up to this point was good. (Genesis 1:4-31)

1. The creative order included male and female animals.

2. The creative order was

a. Finished (Genesis 2:1)

B. Man (Adam) alone was not good.

1. Why make animals male and female but not Adam – at

2. This portion of scripture details a side of God’s creative

Lesson 2 – Living Happily as Husband and Wife

Discuss: expectations before marriage – “What do you imagine your life

A. Neither of us will change after the wedding.

1. Husbands: Your wife still wants to be pursued.

2. Wives: Your husband still needs to know you think he is

B. We expect exactly the same things from marriage.

1. Wives desire stability and predictability in which to raise

2. Husbands want excitement and spontaneity to break up

C. Everything good in our relationship will get better.

D. Everything bad in my life will disappear.

E. My spouse will make me whole (“he/she will ‘complete’ me”).

F. Women especially believe they have the power to change their

A. Marriage is designed to _ .

C. Marriage is not ; it does, however, require _.