What Keeps a Man Holding So Long

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/47771647.

Rating: Mature
Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: M/M
Fandom: Shameless (US)
Relationships: Ian Gallagher & Mickey Milkovich, Mickey Milkovich/ Ian Gallagher, Mickey
and OMC
Characters: Mickey Milkovich, Ian Gallagher, Mandy Milkovich, Iggy Milkovich, Carl
Gallagher, Lip Gallagher, Terry Milkovich
Additional Tags: Ian Gallagher Loves Mickey Milkovich, Mickey Milkovich Loves Ian
Gallagher, Parents Ian Gallagher/Mickey Milkovich, Protective Ian Gallagher,
Protective Mickey Milkovich, Gallavich Endgame, Galladads, Growing Up,
Love Letters, True Love, Soulmates, Prison, Post Prison, I will wait for you,
how we become more, how we become dads, Stubborn Mickey Milkovich,
Bipolar Ian Gallagher, Waiting, Unresolved Sexual Tension, Masturbation, Top
Ian Gallagher/Bottom Mickey Milkovich, Anal Sex, Spanking, Awesome
Mandy Milkovich, growing older, more to do in the joint then work out., Past
Abuse, Past Sexual Abuse, Mickey and Ian with others when apart. Implied not
graphic, NSFW Art, Suicidal Thoughts, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm,
Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2023-07-27 Updated: 2024-02-01 Words: 121,002 Chapters: 42/?
 What Keeps a Man Holding So Long
by Rayrayor

Summary

After Svetlana paid him , Ian went home and began to put his life together. But he went back for
Mickey, his plan in place to wait. Then Mickey took him off the visitors list.
Ian did not shatter as expected, but Mickey did a bit. Mickey decided he was fucked for life was
going to let Ian go .

Until the first letter came. Not sad. Not begging . Just laid it out that Ian, not Mickey gets to decide
who he waits for. If he cannot see him he will see his waiting on paper.

Ian knows it won’t be easy. He begins the campaign for Mickey to see him again . Know each other
so when Mickey gets out, they give it an honest try.

They are both still kids when Mickey goes in. We watch them becoming men and navigating two
very different lives, the constant is what never dies between them.

How do they build them and a family with Mickey scared of being loved this unconditionally and
incarcerated.

We look at how both their lives play out with a separation they have no control of. It’s hard, scary
and painful at times. But yet both their hearts are still seeking and loving the men who started
together as boys.

I know we just reposted Chapter 11 and we are past that chapter but the art is here .

Notes

So the notes for this story have been in my laptop for almost 8 months. If you read my works it’s a
lot of ABO and big romance. A few post season 11 galladads.
Still lots of love here , but angst on loving apart for a time . This is them growing up. This is
separation that you need to invest effort in to not break you .
This is me sniffling through the chapters I am working on.
This is love , true love. Sometimes gritty and painful but worth it all just to be.

Side note if you are more down for my ABO stuff, Barbarian Series with the pups will be the
alternating chapters with this fic.

💕😁
Thank you also to GallavichGeek13. I was so stuck on how to start this. The feedback is so
appreciated

Thank you Alice aka Darth Vader’s Wife for the art in chapter 11 now up
 I Get To Decide Mick !

“ Mick,what the fuck are you saying?” Ian was shaking.

Ian looked at Mickey putting his hand on the glass in hopes it would dissolve to reach forward
and touch the tough face whose eyes were the only thing giving away feelings.

” Ian” It was the only thing Mickey could get out without bawling.

Mickey watched his redhead shake his head again,knowing the use of his first name did not bode
well.

“ Ian, fucking hell! I am doing this for you. I have 15 more years, maybe 8 with good behavior. I
need you to go have a life, forget about me ok?” Mickey tried to sound hard.

The redhead began to look more panicked and confused. Bright green eyes now dialed down,
searching to see the love in blue. The words not matching the face . No not this , not now. Please
God let this be a hallucination, let me wake up drugged to the eyes in a creepy psych ward.

” Mickey I love you,wanna be where you are even if it’s this fucking visiting room. I don’t wanna
, please.” Ian pleaded.

The blue so defeated taking in shattered green

“ Ian. I am not free. Yes, loving you makes me free. But I am here, this is not changing . I need
you free. To go live and do things and fuck, as much as this kills me , go be with a guy not
behind fucking glass. Taking you off the visiting list. Always gonna love you but Ian go live life
for both of us. Fuck should have ,so many should haves. Shoulda left with you at my wedding,
robbed a store, got us out of dodge. Shoulda never treated you like a game , showing off my room
with her. Shoulda threw myself on you when you left for the army . Shoulda, fuck, shoulda not
had you in a weird kinda thrupple with her, acted like she and you were both equally important.
Shoulda , fuck , got you help that first episode. I wasted so much time not loving you or not
admitting it . Now I gotta let you go . I love you Ian.”

And with one thumb of his lip , he stood up , wiped a tear and left Ian sitting stunned,watching
the officer take Mickey back.

Mickey awoke with a start. Sat up as much as could on the thin mattress and willed his heart rate to
slow.The nightmare each night was just a replay of what he did. Ian had came back to see him,
well and willing to wait. However long it took,he said. He visited weekly or bi weekly as time and
money permitted.And 5 months ago he chased him away . Every night he replayed walking away.
He thought it was over, fucked for life in prison.

But last week a letter came, handwriting in the key of Ian. Under his pillow taunting him .

Mickey stared at the letter for days. Svet called him a pussy once, maybe he was. He loved that
redhead needed him like air , like a summer day , like Ian.
Always Ian. But shit, love stories and soul mates, thick and thin and forever was not in his cards.
He was born a Milkovich with no future and was going to die the same way.

Not taking Ian down in the mud and muck with him.

Ian was stubborn and could be just as much of a prick as Mickey. But Ian when his love was
allowed without boundaries, when the illness was not crushing him under foot, when he did not
doubt, well Ian was unstoppable. There was a well of light , a boy like sweetness and a fierce
protection to those he loved.

He often sacrificed what he wanted or thought about for others. Now Ian was growing up under
illness and dysfunction. He wanted the best for him and that was not being a sad Statesville widow.

But his fear of opening that letter was deeper than hanging on the tier.

Ian being in pain caused deep acid like burns in Mickeys soul, in his DNA. He knew opening that
letter was to pour the gas and light himself on fire. To hear Ian hurt , to have it in written words was
to also open himself raw and exposed. In prison being exposed was dangerous.

Walking out and seeing Ian’s pain that day in the visiting room woke him in a cold sweat every
night. To see it in ink was gonna hurt. But he was the one who decided to let Ian go for freedom.
He could bear the pain to let Ian say good bye.

He almost fell off his bunk. He could hear Ian and see the chin. This was not goodbye, at least in
Ian’s mind.

5/25/16
Mickey,

First off, FUCK YOU !

Who do you think you are? What, you think you are some fucked for life loser who gets to die
alone? Not true at all but when did you ever listen to me about the wonder that is you? Which
would be fine if you never brought me into your world. Whose fucking hard on was sitting at face
level the day I got the gun back.?Who stripped who so fast whiplash happened.?Who came back for
a slim Jim and round two? Not me, not fucking me!

You asshole, turned this on in me. Everything about you since day one has spoke to me. Like it or
not. I don’t know why Mick but its us , it is always suppose to be us . Maybe not easy or
understandable, but us. My soul knew you after the first day . Roll your eyes all you want asshole.
You know it too.

So maybe it’s this,being apart, or is to teach us how to figure our own shit out and be better to
ourselves. Then we can be better to each other. Or maybe we both lose our hands jacking off to the
image of each other. Not stupid Mickey, that fucked up situation with Svet had me sharing your life
with a wife . Not an idiot.I know prisons have rules and prisoners, needs. Know your short fake top
ass is going to be there, fuck maybe you will even get yourself a prison wife. Some John or Chad
that in my mind will always be known as twat waffle. The guy who blows you and follows you
around the yard like a bitch , makes you instant coffee in the cell. We can acknowledge them
without anger and know it’s a mean to an end. Just know no one is going to cum up all inside you
like me ever. I know they will never be able to match how I love you. The second part of that last
statement is the most important by the way.

Not gonna lie Mick, wanted to jump the glass that day. That day with Svet you asked me to wait. I
was on a med adjustment after fearing I was gonna slit my wrists. Talking to you was like listening
to you under water , except the only thing that registered to me was your pain. But I came back!
Fought for me and you and came back! Then you just walked out. Like the Kash and Grab. Like the
building. Like the wedding basement. Yep I cut and run but so do you! Now you can’t run but you
still are! So here is what happened after you stomped back to your cell.

Left and cried, took my meds. Mandy came and force fed me ,more meds then we made a voodoo
doll of you. ( back and dick hurt yet ?) Then my meds adjusted and I started with Erin , my
therapist. Big lesbian , scary lesbian, honest lesbian. You , like my family are making decisions
FOR me. WE asshole were in a relationship. We both get to decide not just Mickey fucking
Milkovich. You decided. So much Mick. Well no more! It’s us. Your move , block me on the visitors
list,ok. But I am waiting, how that looks may change from time to time, but waiting. Once you pull
your pride out of your ass , then maybe in less than a decade you will put me back on the list. It
would be a shame if I pull up when they are springing you and you walk past me.

Mick this is gonna be hard ,so hard, and weird and at times best and worse for us. But you cannot
stop me from waiting nanananananaa! I will be writing to you, get over it. How I can show you my
version of waiting in words? Maybe I see you before your release , maybe me and Mandy pick you
up and beat some sense into you. It’s a date with steaks and no glass . I am waiting for us ,whether
it’s 5 or 15.

Love you dick

Firecrotch

Mickey shook his head, well damn Gallagher. He still was convinced that letting Ian go was better
for him. He figured he would wait it out and then Ian would stop writing .

But fuck why did a tiny flutter in his heart hope he did not ?
 Ian is learning, Mickey is holding on
Chapter Summary

Mickey is still holding out. He still is entrenched in his identity as a Milkovich not just
Mickey. His mind believes holding Ian away is better but memories die hard.
Prison is day in day out numbing . Ian is cracks of light in his grey.
Another letter comes and Mickey lets go of the fear that no one is there for Ian.
Ian begins his writing campaign to get back in the visiting room. Mickey behind glass is better
than no Mickey at all
TRIGGER: Language and Mickey still homophobic prompts

Mickey sat in his cell replaying and re reading the mind of Ian Gallagher over and over. True his
redhead’s brain could be taken hostage by highs or lows, but this was neither. This was the stubborn
Irish Setter bounding towards you with puppy eyes and big paws. Ian Gallagher the most annoying
man and fuck the one he loved and was apparently was loved by.

With a grin he thought ‘Damn Gallagher I need to get you riled more often.’ As soon as he thought
it, he pulled in a strangled sob. He said that the night of his wedding. Ian who called it all and
wanted Mickey to just admit he was more than a fuck.

“ Nothing but a warm mouth”

“ Wanna lie out a blanket next and look for shooting stars”
“Should get you riled more often”

Not: I am gay. Not: I love you . Not: let’s get out of here. And yet here he was write -yelling at
Mickey. And making him know he was not going without a fight. He heard his cellie begin to wake
so he folded the letter and began the day of survival.

—————

Ian was out for a run. Running and the Gallaghers , it was both a literal escape and a flee from
feelings . They were all good at it. Ian maybe more than his siblings. Ian loved them all , he did but
often felt lost. Since being a kid watching Monica and Frank bail and all the men who broke Fiona
down , it messed with him. He believed he was somewhat expendable and lost. Thats why it was so
easy for Kash.

And maybe that is why it was so easy in Mickeys bedroom that first time . Both of them
expendable in their worlds. Both lost. One of them would run. As they stripped it was inevitable
right? But then as Mickey was stripping off his jacket and clothes like stripping a car for parts, He
saw it , or them. The eyes hooded under deep bags, dirt, sweat and bruises.

In a flash Ian realized that neighborhood terror Milky Milkovich never had been fucked by a boy
and that it was a need in him. He had grabbed a condom tossing it at Ian’s general vicinity and
flipped , all fours breathing starting and stopping his hitched breathing. Ian took a moment ,
Mickey in clothes his body never present. Just layers. But under the layers was beauty.He was pale
almost like Ian . While Ian was vampire white, Mickey was not translucent but instead thick cream
for coffee. The scars that lined his back and legs made Ian hurt.

It was suppose to be a quick fuck then run. With teen hormones, poor prepping and spit they got
down to it. He figured it was a one off. Yet as they were thrusting and Mickey begging for more
,came a small current of sound and one word.

Ian.

When did he know , looking back it was right then. As a kid something he felt but not understood.
By saying his name Mickey unlocked something in Ian and himself. Yeah it was two kids getting
their rocks off. What they both got was a sensation and other locked into their hearts. A cord that
bound them. The stories that you knew were true for a small handful of us , our it person. Being
Southside gay and closeted gay kids did not get that ever. He thought maybe. But Terry’s SA , The
wedding , Army, MPs. His bipolar and feeling like a burden was the cherry on top.

It all made him feel unworthy so he ran. He ran from Mickey and Mickey ran emotionally from
him too. Runners though until he was arrested by the MPs and Mickey had planned to kill Sammi.
Now they would give everything for them together not running. Ian was in the position to change it
and he was not going to be swayed. Run for his health and mental health, yes. Running from
Mickey , done.

—————

Ass and mouth raping, one of Terrys talks about prisons. But the day in and day out. Making people
fear so you could run scams and not be prey. Shitty food , shitty guards, shitty cells. And now he
had a mans name on his chest, his heart and he was so feared and his last name such folklore, no
one even called him on it. Well once and that was all it took. The more annoying was the constant
parade of men who wanted Mickey to bend them over but then be his bitch, wife whatever.

Not a saint, even had hookups before recent turn of events. Sex for sex yeah but another in his mind
or heart not at all. But since he left Ian in that waiting room even a quick mouth or ass , he was not
in his head to care. He was too raw to care about that right now. His thoughts were what the long
term would mean if the letters kept coming. He was trying his damndest to not think he could be
loved and thought of that , worthy.

Shuffling down the line with inmates talking shit and sizing up he grabbed his own coffee thank
you very fucking much Ian ! Powdered eggs , cold toast , spork. He sat down and began making his
eyes shark like: hollow, searching.

“ Geez Milkovich , you look like shit “

” Enzo shut your pie hole ok. I am too fucking tired to give a shit .”

” Man I haven’t you look this bad except for that day about…Dude why you beating yourself up
still. Sent him away.”

” Yeah well he sent a letter”

” You’re fucked if you open it? You did , good luck Romeo your red may not be finished with you
yet!”
“ Fuck off and just make sure I don’t fall asleep and steam press my arm off “

——————

Ian and Liam sat at the kitchen eating cereal . Liam was reading and Ian guzzling down his meds.
He was not going to lie. Still hated them. Trying to accept his diagnoses and this treat called med
compliant. But he did not want Monica’s path and he needed to try. Knowing everything he did
could still end in off balance. Life so far out of normal motion.

The highs were euphoric moments in the sun. Bright , technicolor no fear. There Ian did not feel
like forgotten. There he had something that was his own. Then the blinding light made you walk
right off a cliff. You catch every tree limb down , each piercing you. You hit the earth and crush
each bone until you are a still mess under a blanket. You lie there in your own sweat and piss and
tears and just wait for the buzzards. Those doubts , those thoughts of never being enough pick and
pull at you, self hate being the scavenger in your soul. There is no pulling out of it, pushing ahead
or gritting and getting through it . The only thing for him, meds.

But even up or down he was always aware of where in proximity Mickey was or was not to him.

He and Liam consumed cereal side by side . Ian had been told once or twice, while different in
looks, he and Liam shared a bit of mannerisms.. Certainly they did now, shoving soggy cereal in
and pushing it down for the next bite. Both of them could sit back and study without showing any
emotion. Liam and Carl while younger he felt a draw to.

”Ian I saw the letter to Mickey the other week. Are you back together? How would that work while
he is still in jail?”

Ian went to refill his coffee , kissing Liam on the head. He filled up and then sat down regarding
Liam’s questions with great seriousness.

”Liam I am writing to him . He kicked me out of visiting. I have no idea what we are except two
people who love each other and are trying life out. Yes it’s a lot , yes I am talking to my therapist
about it. Need you to not worry little man.”

”You love him…a lot?”

” Yeah I do , so now just have to figure out what we look like in all this, it’s gonna change and that
ok. I think , I hope”

He watched Liam head off with Todd and trudged upstairs. He had an assignment from therapy and
shit it was gonna be a doozy . Ok first step if it gets too hard bite size pieces. Set alarm, take a
break. Reward for completion, letter to Mickey.

Sighing he cracked his neck and opened his therapy journal.

———————

Fucking another day on the books at Statesville Correctional. Sweaty from the laundry he decided
to do some reps in the yard. Fucking here he was never had done his own laundry before now
touching the bodily fluids on clothes of some of the most fucked up and vicious men in Illinois.
Work duty strip search.He walked past the fence dividing the yards and nodded at Nana, friend of
his but colleague of dear old dad.

Weights, watching, waving off blow job offers from the needy looking for protection or just sex.
Line up for showers. Fuck never gets easier at least for him , naked and open to attack. Also as
many times before no matter where you look , you see it : ass ,balls, cock. And as many times
before no body in this room held a candle to Ian.

Dinner. Some type of meat , green beans and he thinks a roll. Cards. Finally he could fucking make
his way to his bunk. Drew. Waited for lights out and Mark his cellies snore.

Ian. That body still somewhat gangly like when they were teens. But now 18 , muscles forming on
those abs. Strong hands. Fuck those hands. Big, able to manhandle but touch his face when he
thought Mickey was asleep like butterflies breaking out of cocoon. The hands that healed his
broken and and battered body and face , his faith , his life. Ian had 34 freckles on his left hand, 42
on his right.

Green eyes. Green wide open mirror to the soul eyes. Fuck getting lost in them, Mickey wanted to
live in those eyes, take his last breath looking at those eyes. Ians eyes were all the parts of him.
Emerald and gold when alone with Mickey. Pine forests on fire when manic, dying leaves and algae
blooms when low. To never see those eyes again was akin to flesh infected dropping off a wound
until you were holes and rot. But Ian he wanted it all for Ian. What did he have to offer?

Firecrotch, his Firecrotch. Red head through and through. That coal on a fire orange/red . Whether
brushed back, shorn or in between, he had never seen that color on another human being. Red on
the head and red in that thatch cradling the most exquisite cock.

He slowly opened his boxers and spat on his hand and cradled his own cock, closings his eyes and
picturing Ian. Or more precisely began a fantasy he carried on his mind. It’s Ian and him at the
docks. Ian tall, stoic , waiting. His eyes darkened and cigarette flicked out as Mickey climbed the
steps, done with jail. Ian was there, he knew he would be there. No matter how much his life was
together , no matter how amazing , Ian had waited for him.

He ran up shuddering as those heavy hands cradled his whole head then turned to velvet as the
thumbs stroked his face. And he tasted Ian again. That slight mint, Gatorade and cigarettes,
sometime a pinch of weed.His tongue probing, searching Mickeys for answers.Like every time
before warm and passionate, chaste and filth. When lost their kisses found one another. When
broken the kisses the glue.

He began to stroke harder , his hand fondling his own balls then trailing up.The images coming
heavy.

Ian walking Mickey force and desire until he backed him into a docked boat. He reared forward
trying to undo Ian’s belt only to have his hands slapped away.

” Hands to yourself Mick, turn the fuck around”

Without even thought he is obedient to anything Ian needs. He feels hands unzip and he whines,
shakes like a bitch. Knees buckled as his balls are cradled and rolled. Languidly like the dock was
their only world. He could feel a thumb stroking his taint and he bucked and stuck his out higher to
Ian like a sacrifice to a big fiery god.
A hand to his mouth which he kissed before issued the command “ spit baby”

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK .Baby. While he pretends to hate this word, from Ian it a craving,
secret. Baby from Ian is the warm rain in summer , not cooling you down completely but relaxes
your body and mind into soothing dreams and sleep.

That large hand tugging down his pants and trailing teasing fingers over his tip wet with precum.

” Oh mickey, that for me baby?”

Mickey now had his prison issued boxers off, naked under his blanket own fingers teasing his slit
willing it to feel like Ian touching as the fantasy continues.

Ians hands teasing his slit satin soft finger pads with a slight sharp after from nails. When Mickey
nods yes to Ians question he is rewarded by a stinging slap to the right cheek, then left.

”Such a good boy Mick, can I turn all this pink , please baby?”

”pllllease fuck yeah”

And he pauses and relaxes into the blows. Never abusing like Terry but swats that marks their
intense and hard sex. The endorphins over burn , the ownership and dominance mixed with
tenderness Ian cannot hide for very long. When it’s over his he presents his red ass ready fo
inspection and praise . The tears a mix of surrender and slight shame that he enjoys this.

” So good baby let me check this out”

He feels Ian drop to his knees and cool lips feel like reward. They drop small kisses and lick a
stripe between his cheeks. His ass is kneaded, praised and bit as he simpers and cries for more.
Hands part his cheeks and he hears it. Ian spitting into his opening and closing hole , sighing as he
sees Mickey clench it in. A second spit and then he grasps the boat and is propped over it .

That large finger stroking arcs over his needy greedy hole. One deep breath and one finger pushing
in then hooking almost petting his tight walls.Breached again and scissored while his walls
clenched and grabbed, pulling in all of Ian he was offered.

” Yeah baby , fucking take it. You’re so tight Mick, my ass. Mine. Thats right fuck yourself back on
them, harder baby. Be my cock slut , show me how much you need my cock “

With that Mickey gallops backwards, Ians fingers hitting his prostate. Sweating and moaning,
proving to Ian he needs , deserves those 9 inches balls deep in him. After what feels like hours , Ian
pulls out and shush’s him like a scared child as he has pitiful cries from lost of contact. His ass is
held open an he feels that spit again. His neck is kissed and promises of it’s ok, gonna fill you up
are prayers answered in the dark.

He feels Ian reach and pull off his own shirt and that zzzzt sound as the belt is torn off and the jeans
unzipping. Fucking Mickeys dick is unleashed. It may be on Ian but it is his.His hands are placed
firmly on the boat with promises of punishment if moved that make Mickeys dick twitch. He feels
Ian spit on his own palm and stroke the thick veiny dick pressed against him as it happens.
In their sex life he always wanted Ian on him , but in this dream, Ian calls it all. Besides loving this
man it’s his ability to feel safe in his own submission only is with Ian. He wants to be soft and
pliable, feel each nuance of Ians touch. It is not enough for Ian to be under Mickeys skin he wants
to be consumed anyway the ginger deems necessary. And in one slow push Ian decided he needed
all 9 inches at once, Bent over the boat , pants to his ankles, red ass and Ian all in him making
Mickey forget to be broken and unworthy. Ian making him whole by allowing himself to not be in
control.

And fuck yeah Mickey loved his man being firmly in control. He especially loved when Ian had
deemed he was ready and a good boy. The reward for good boys: your man pounding your red ass,
dicking you down until your vision blurs and you are rendered mute.

Smooth motherfucker. He is gliding in and out , never fully out, that satin mushroom tip right to his
ring of muscles than slam. Back into Mickey slamming his walls, his prostate, slamming love and
belonging into Mickeys exhausted self. One hand around his waist holding him and guiding him as
his continues the piston like hip movements. The other stroking his hair , giving Mickey that layer
of eroticism and care.

” Do not touch yourself Mick, you’re gonna cum crying my name untouched, no humping the boat
either. Just gonna pound and fill your ass and when you paint that boat white I am gonna cum in
your ass and its gonna be so much, drips out your ass for days baby, days.”

The speed increases as Mickey knows his belly will be bruised from slamming the boat. He hears
Ian’s breathing and obscene growls. As his pleasure center is rammed , his walls tighten on Ian like
vices. His balls rear up and he unabashedly does as he is told , getting the old hull white and sticky
. Ian yanks him back to his chest , hand twisting Mickeys right nipple as his eyes begin to roll.
Suddenly it’s like when he and Iggy would set off fireworks. Sparkling, magical awe inspiring
shooting . Bright light and burning heat finding the cold dark parts in him making it better. Ian was
never just claiming him but showing him what he was worth. The warmth sliding with a few last
thrusts ….

” Mick I fucking love you !”

Mickey bit his lip so hard he tasted blood to not wake up the man on the top bunk. In the frenzy of
his vision , he came hard and white ropes hitting his chest and the wall. Once his thighs stopped
shaking he grabbed his tee and cleaned himself up. Looked around and saw the toilet and the
window where he was watched like a fish in a bowl. Wanted to run, back to when it was not so
hard, when it was him and Ian . But he was here and no where to run. So he rolled to the wall and
hugged his arms to his chest , pretending they were the strong spotted forearms of Gallagher. He
closed his eyes and sleep did not come. Then he thought of those soft green eyes, the tender
strokes, the I love you. He slept until shook awake again by the replay of the biggest sacrifice and
mistake of his life.

3 days later another letter arrived. This time straight away he opened it.

6/21/2016

Mick
Ha! I fucking knew it, you opened my other letter and this too!

No worries this will probably be like us to me offering 70000 words to your 100. See you really
wanna tell me to fuck off, put me back on the visitor list so you can tough guy!

So I am going to share my master plan, part of my therapy’s play to get me to be more transparent
or some shit .

So I am going to write to you as much as I want , all I want. I know you will read them ( cue visual
of my sad eyes, or I can give them to you in person once back on the visitor list)

And if you dig in on this stupid non noble save Ian from hurt song and dance and don’t put me on
the list right away , maybe at least maybe I get a crude drawing of my penis or something.

So yeah therapy or at least my therapist. Not quite sure but dying after living like Monica riding
these cycles with no relief not what I want . So keeping an open mind although you know some
comments from the siblings and Frank.

Still a cheap drunk , drank a beer and woke up a day later with Liam fucking tsk tsking me. Saw
Svet, she does not say hi! I know she is asking for a divorce and she may be fucking both Kev and
Vee. Will keep you posted on that cluster fuck of trouble.

Back to therapy , not manic and racing thoughts ok, just weird talking about it. So I am learning to
stand a chance its take the damn meds which breaks me , get routines, take care of my body and
fucking talk to someone besides you.

I am not working right now also super fucking weird. I fought it but yeah my therapist is right (
don’t tell her!) right now is a chance to get shit together . So I am in a program from Northwestern
for newly diagnosed with metal health diseases. My therapist gets to stay with me after and will
become sliding scale . They pay for my meds. I get a pass for the L monthly , a cell that’s my own
and food stamps. A Gallagher on assistance and not scamming, I know !

The food stamps and some side jobs keep everyone off my back for not working. The program is 18
months and yeah they watch me like a bug in a bowl but maybe I will have a fucking chance if it’s
more than the free clinic and Cook County Pysch. I have not started groups, that’s later, dreading it.
But part of the program.

Right now I am on what’s next Ian stage. So many of my dreams went under with this disease and
my manias. Work and being more than a burden to you. Don’t bristle asshole, in my level moments I
know that’s not true but in the up and downs it feels different. Gonna work on that too.

They asked me since the army is not in my future now what. I am exploring that. Started back on my
GED, heard you can get them in prison as well. Not sure what I want to do , but I know I want to
help people.

Mick I miss you. All of you. Your grumpy ass in the morning , your quiet presence when we just sit
and be , your submission that strays from your hard persona . Miss that body, that pale pert ass.
Spank bank for sure!

But Mick no doubt its you all of you . I love you. I can’t get to you fuck even see you but I carry you
with me. When it gets too much there know I am in there with you , in your heart.
So I am off to GED prep and apparently picking up Carl for pizza. Need to add that to my list when
you are out. You, me, pizza , naked under the stars and sucking run way pizza sauce off each other.

So until you let me see you ,I will end each letter with a reason to put me back on your list.

1. Next time they take you back to the cells after we say goodbye it will be goodbye for a few days
not goodbye period.

Love ya

Firecrotch

——————-

Mickey read the letter 17 times before lunch and they were banished from cells to “free time” in the
main block.

The cold in his chest from waking at 4 am from a nightmare subsided. He had no clue what to do
with this sassy and always stubborn carrot top. That dread like a weighted blanket drowning you in
a cesspool of fear and pain, was less. Ian was seeking help, Ian had people to see if he was about to
rise or fall. Ian had safety that Mickey was not able to provide.

That knowledge made him feel toasty and he inhaled just a centimeter deeper.

And now with that image Ian put out, a new memory for him and his hand on late nights.
 Feelings come back and feelings coming up!
Chapter Summary

Trigger . Prison strip searches, possible miscarriage and Kash’ s grooming and molestation of
Ian.

Mickey continues to address how the letters make him feel. Ian begins to pour his heart out.

Ian sighed and spread his legs wider so that stocky muscular body could slot in perfectly. Black hair
he could feel it , soft and downey. And evil growl from below and he feels those lips always soft
even after being chewed. They begin to lick, really lapping his balls like a cat with a bowl of
cream. Like his dick ,his balls are large and heavy too and having a mouth that can take them in
fully and tease is a gift. But again he is Ian’s gift . The good that is in his fucked up life and brain.

“ Oh God Mick, Please don’t stop!”

A dirty smirk “ chill your tits princess , I am getting there.”

Flicks like tiny erotic whipping across his slit and Mickey moans tasting his precum. Warm breath
rolls like fog over his tip and then suddenly a mouth begins to suckle. Slow and teasing , Mickey
lazily enjoying a starter to his meal like an overindulged prince. When Ian’s slit is leaking , Mickey
begins to take him in , swallowing each inch until he is deep throating . Gags and moans set Ian’s
dick and brain on fire as he reaches and grabs hanks of hair . Using them like controls he pushes
Mickeys face into his pubes and does not pull him up until Mickey has nuzzled and inhaled to his
hearts desire moaning at Ians musk. He once admitted it drove him crazy, so Ian presses him down
in 3 more times and can feel Mickeys dick twitch on the mattress.

His dick is nestled in a hot wet heaven. Mickey adjusts his jaw and Ian swings and sits at the edge
of the bed. Mickey drops to the floor and obediently puts his hands behind his back, mouth open ,
tongue out. They have just started to explore this dynamic beyond top and bottom to dominant and
submissive. Mickey had begun to push this way and Ian had no qualms about it. The blue eyes are
blown out with pupils not color . Ian reached down and cradles that head, holding it still as they
find each other , mouths crashing. Ian pulls back and feeds his dick into Mickeys throat. A moment
to adjust and then Ian is fucking that devastating handsome face with all his might. The slurps and
gags spur them both on as Ian can see Mickey leaking drops to the floors, cock thick and at the
ready.

“ Fucking stroke yourself off with me Mick, wanna see you cum as I shoot down your throat.”

Ian just about laughs seeing how quickly those tattted hands reach for the not quite 6 inch thick
uncut cock.

“ so fucking needy”
He picks up his intensity , balls slapping the older mans chin . They are both lost in the minute and
each other . Both rolling eyes back and seeing stars. Ian stills and begins to cum down Mickey’s
eager throat and he feels Mickey tense and catches a few drops of Mickeys white and searing cum
on his leg.

They both shake through aftershocks and Ian grins “c’mere”

FUCK FUCK FUCK! Ian sits up in bed in a cold sweat with his joggers sticky with cum. Napping
during med adjustments has now become his teen period of wet dreams all over again. Which
would not be so horrible except they highlight when he awakes Mickeys absence so clearly .
Mickey ,fuck his heart hurts. The sex with him is like and he doubts could never be with someone
else. They together crawl into each other, devour each other, own one another. But its the after that
always held Ian rapt. As Mickey feel asleep he could picture their life together. On their terms. But
Mickeys attempt on to try to kill sammi then stuffing her in that crate, sealed their fate. When he
was arrested they found several unlicensed weapons and some weed on a Milkovich on probation.
They threw the book at him.

Shit Ian thought asking another swig of Gatorade, dry mouth a side effect of his meds, Erin is going
to have a field day with me in session this afternoon. He got up did a few pull ups in the door and
then stripped of his sticky clothes, took a shower and headed to the L and his therapy appointment.

———————-

FUCK FUCK FUCK. He knew his cell mate was up in some big shitstorm but here he was was ,
dreaming of red head , morning wood being woken up and dragged out of bed at 5 fucking am. And
not by the regular COs but that intense team that came in guns blazing.

He is thrown against the wall along with Mark to whom he throws a murderous glance.

” All right you both know the drill, strip.”

No matter how hard he becomes or disengages, the strip searches never get any easier. He has only
been comfortable in his own skin with or by Ian so randomly having people check his naked body
sets his anger and stubbornness. Fucking hell he is searched everyday he comes back from work
duty so his fuck up roommate in fucked up trouble causes him yet another.

“ Milkovich”

Mickey turns and faces the guard fixing his eyes dead . He runs his hands through his hair , opens
his mouth , takes a deep breath lifting his balls ignoring the eyes on him.

” Foreskin Milkovich”

” You have got to be shitting me”

” Drug shakedown different you know that, foreskin”

Shaking his head he ignores the deep vein of despair and he pulls back his foreskin . Surviving that
he spins around shows the soles of his feet and squats and coughs. Finally he is allowed to put his
boxers on and is handcuffed and shoved outside the cell . A few minutes later Mark joins him .
” Your fucking dead man , wake my ass up to this shit show for your goddamn games.”

They found whatever they were looking for and because it is common area until sorted they both
are on the hook for this . They are allowed to dress and are both drug down to solitary. Before he
can get his head around it , Mickey is shoved into an 7 by 9 cell. Cot and toilet. No window slit ,
metal door with flap for food.

He sits on the “bed” even more hard and unyielding than his cell and covers his eyes with his
hands. Fuck they were so close before it all went down. Ian sitting on his steps trying to end it with
him. Saying he wasn’t broken did not need to be fixed. They almost ended but Mickey was pulling
Ian back. He knew he was still unstable and not taking his meds, or regularly. He was a sad angry
kid whose world was blown apart by a disease he grew up playing out with Monica. Mickey
pleaded and Ian was agreeing they could take it slow and then the gun, Sammi with the gun. He ran
and also pulled his shooting her in the shoulder. It was a shit show for sure . For his original drug (
Although that was her ) and crate her body off plus him shooting her plus his unregistered gun and
his weed for a sale that day, they made everything they could stick on him. 15 years, chance of
parole 10 , possible good behavior 8.

For Mickey this was the sticking point he was trying to get through to Ian. He has a few scams
running but nothing big enough for the radar. But his ass wipe cellmate could fuck him with
additional time if they think Mickey was on to this all. Ian is 19 , he is 22. In 15 years worse case
he is 37 and Ian 34. What would his ass have to offer Ian: unemployment, PO visits , random UAS.
He wants more for Ian and he expects less for himself.

He will give his Firecrotch credit, nice sneaking in the GED dig. He has thought about it but as a ex
con who is going to hire him anyway ,would that even matter? Fuck , fine it matters to Ian. Maybe
just maybe he will ask about it. Fuck these walls are close . Time to think about something better
before his breathing goes off track.

He had no idea that programs like Ian was now in existed much less a poor kid from the Southside
getting a slot But when Ian was first diagnosed in the silence of the room that was Ian’s tomb,
Mickey did research. And it all made sense from routine to sleep but in the Gallagher or Milkovich
house was that possible? Getting meds in Ian was hard enough, a schedule and less stress how
would that have happened.He hoped the family did not pressure him for more money. This program
seemed like a true chance for Ian to long term get a handle on his own care.

He let his head touch the cold cement wall and just gave permission for those soft thoughts to float
up . He never told Ian this, another shoulda he supposed. But watching him sleep he would just day
dream. He knew Ian would still have highs and lows but they would be less intense and
manageable. They would have their own place , fire pit, bbq and horse shoe area. Fucking big
drooling pit bull. Maybe not rolling in it but doing ok enough to take a week down in Mexico or a
random day off for a Sox game. Mandy back in their life, happy , safe. And even though he was
sure he would make a shit parent,Ian would not. So in the shadow of that dream :a kid.

When he was forced to marry Svet because of the pregnancy he was removed and sick with the
idea of a baby from a rape. He knew while he would never take it out on a kid , how he could be
around one from that trauma terrified him. Then one day he asked her about the baby , due date,
She just fixed him with a look like he was shit on her shoe and she sneered “ no baby, we pretend to
Terry we try again”
Now away from that he wonders was she never pregnant or did she miscarry and his insensitive
ass did not even notice? Not a fan of hers in day to day but they were people who shared a trauma.
He didn’t want her in his life but he did not want bad things or pain for her either. So her Kev and
Vee , humpft, that was going to interesting. But during the Rub and Tug days he did see Svet
checking out Vee.

He had too many thoughts for being locked in solitary. So he shut his brain down, laid down and
waited for them to drag him out for the first round of interrogation.

———————

Ian wished he could shut his brain down but as Erin pointed out disassociating when he wanted to
avoid was not a healthy coping skill. Today they were putting together his timeline , from past
behaviors so he could discuss , grieve and begin to move on from his crippling self loathing.

”Ian, tell me about Kash , you noted that you think your bipolar was manifesting that young but
your were not having episodes. You feel between those feelings of turmoil and needing a physical
token of love, a grown man was able to begin a sexual relationship with you.”

Ian rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked down the shame swirling in his chest making him hot
and nauseous. Kash was the gateway for older men. He was the first but not last time Ian played
mistress: Kash, Ned and fuck even Mickey.

” So we have talked about Frank and Monica and I know we are not done with them yet. But I was
14 , Lip 15 and Fiona 20. Debbie and Carl were little . Liam fuck was like almost 2. We kept the
house running, mainly Fiona 2-3 jobs . Lip was running scams and doing homework for people. I
wandered by his store.He had a help wanted. I went in and we talked. He was so kind, warm eyes
and funny. He made me feel validated about working to help Fiona with the bills. He was the first
adult male around me not high or drunk, covered in blood or piss.”

Erin leaned in and handed him a tissue.

” How did a grown man making you feel special affect you Ian.”

” It was exhilarating , I already knew I was gay . I wasn’t attracted to him but I felt ok being myself
at work. We talked a lot when we worked and Linda was not around. He talked about being in the
closet , how being gay and Muslim was so taboo. It started easy he touched my shoulder or tousled
my hair, like good job , ya know. I never had that. “

He sniffed and blew his nose. Erin sat waiting for him to go on.

” Then one night it was him and I doing inventory. 14 doing inventory on a school night until
midnight. No one thought that was weird. I was in the cooler and he………fuck I hate this part. He
um blocked the door and told me he could not get me out of his head , that I was his Lolita which I
did not understand until I read that book at 17. He told me to stay working there I needed to trust
him to take care of me and maybe I could love him.We had the power and gas bill due. It was
winter and like 14 degrees outside and Fiona needed all our money..it I felt like I had no choice.”

” Ian what happened , remember there is no judgment in here, we deal with facts and feelings “
” He said we needed to bond, really bond or I needed to go and pick up my check from Linda the
next day . He knew at 14 I was not likely to find another job. So he made me strip and he… “ Ian
began to gag as Erin handed him the trash can .

He just touched me all over and took pictures of me” The sobs overtook him for several minutes.

“ Erin then he made me kneel and he jacked off on my face and took pictures again. He told me
over and over as he did this , it was because I was so special. That he would show me he cared , I
just needed to obey him and learn.I fuckin..I fucking pretended until it didn’t hurt anymore .”

He leaned into the trash , his stomach emptying for several minutes. As he heaved, he sobbed. That
moment of pain and shame . When he finally composed enough to meet Erins eyes, the green in his
was muted.

“ Ian can you tell me what that was besides love, I know you know and saying it is the first step in
us unpacking this.”

Ian sat then looked up sad and angry.

” He fucking molested me, he fucking raped me . Didn’t he?”

”Ian he was 35 , you were 14 . There was no true consent. Yes by definition and action he did.”

She let Ian vomit and sob . Then they began deep breathing exercise and Ian stilled and focused.

He let a small smile hit his face “ Ok Erin lets talk about my options and how I can make this shit
stop haunting me in the middle of the night.”

________________

5 days , 5 motherfucking days in that tiny cell No contact except being dragged out for
interrogation. Food through a slot . A cell outside to see the sky once and a shower solo being eyed
by 3 guards.

Finally he was cleared and was sent back to his cell.

”FUUUUUUCK, FUCK YOU ALL PIGS!”

His cell was still trashed from the shakedown. His belongs and bedding was everywhere. They had
taken Marks crap away which meant he was getting a new cell mate, fucking peachy.

He began to get his bed together and then looked at the floor. He put his toiletries n his shelf and
opened his foot locker. The ramen had been open and trashed so he gathered it for disposal . his
extra boxer, socks and undershirt was shoved back in . He looked around panicked until he saw
them in the corner, Ians letters.

Mickey was tired. He wanted more but that was a fantasy. He wanted to feel Ian’s arms , smell the
old spice and musk . But this cell was his fucking reality. He curled up re read the letters and cried
quietly .
Next 5 days he was sharp and venomous. Many men were shoved up walls and threatened . He
collected his chits and played cards and just stewed.

Day 6

“Milkovich mail “

He took the letter acting nonchalantly but his heart thumping.He put it on his bunk and went to yard
time. Enzo spotting for him .

” See you got a letter, still red?”

” yeah he is a persistent fuck”

” You putting him back on your list”

”Enzo shut up , Not gonna let that fucking gloom room be his life”

”You fucking love him, dont ha?”

Mickey took a pause and did a rep, he sat up and trade places with Enzo .

”Yeah man I do, figured I would let him write and get it out of his system . Then go on”

”You know some people make it work , you could try?”

” Nothing to offer him”

”he doesn’t seem to mind that “

”Enzo lets drop it or I am so dropping this bar on your fucking neck”

They finished their sets in silence.

He ate dinner in silence as drama and noise swirled around him . Finally on his cell he stripped out
of the fucking yellow jumpsuit and sat cross legged on his bed in boxers. Was he being an ass to let
Ian keep writing . He had to admit Ians letters were a glimmer of light in this prison flat grey. The
cadence of the letters , he could almost see and hear him as he read.

6/30/2016

Hey Mick

You been on my mind alot. My sleep and you have me ruining my boxers and sleep pants, But
besides that I worry about you. Mick you are an amazing , caring person. You took me from the
depths of my low and watched me. You carried me to piss, shoved water in my throat and made me
toast. You could have cut and run . It was alot and scary . But you stayed . The depth of your love
that’s rare. Put it somewhere Mick , Don’t let it die in there , dont you die in there. I love you .

Therapy is going well, I think . Everything that come back is. Still on my meds, still hate them. New
antipsychotic less tremors. Erin and I are working on my timeline of it all. Been talking about Kash.
I know you saw me banging an older guy. Truth is he molested me and raped me and continued
until I believed being with him made sense. Now I need to figure out releasing that. All of it.

But by the way when you would come in to steal shit, that scarf drove me wild.

My program had a pizza party and discussion for family and friends on supporting someone with
bipolar. You would have loved it and I felt your absence down to my bones. Fiona and Lip did not
come. Both love me but the journey , no they just want me medicated and safe, Carl came man , 13
and he just wanted to know how to help me. He brought LIam and he just had pizza and snuggled
me. Man you should see him Mick, he is getting bigger and my guess he is going to be smarter then
lip.

Been working on my creating what I need. I dragged my feet man but Erin pointed out the plan and
precision about ROTC and they army . Maybe I could try to use that focus for me trying to plan
living not just surviving my life . Maybe you could make a list too so that you have more to do than
work out in the joint. So here is the start of mine. Learning how to be proud of myself no matter
what, But I still hope your proud of me Mick.

So here it goes

I have a mood chart , it’s an app on my phone and while it is helpful, fuck I feel like a little kid with
a sticker chart. I check it and as part of my therapy Erin reviews it before each session. Debbie and
Carl think it’s cool. Fiona glanced at it and said keep it up as long as I take my meds.For her and
Lip its just about the meds.

I am working on a routine. It’s for like daily living and sleeping and shit. It’s hard cause well the
Gallagher house throws you curve balls all the time.Bought a new pillow and blanket .Lip was
pissed I spent money on it. I felt super bad until that night and I laid down and holy shit , it was
amazing . So getting you one when you get out!. I talked Erin about my guilt. What I came up with
is my food stamps are are half the monthly groceries that feed 6 people. I am home and I cook for
everyone, do dishes, vacuum. I also manage to give them like 300 cash. If i wanted a new blanket, I
can have one,

Erin really wants me to reduce stress and think before I react or disappear into myself. I am
working on telling her why the Gallagher house makes that hard. But I am back to exercising.
Running mostly, sit ups and such. Actually getting a real six pack, Love it make me feel good but it
will be better when you can lick it.

I have a suicide plan. It is who can be called or who I call . It’s permission to admit me as
involuntary as needed to save my life. You’re in the plan Mick. If something happens bad, Carl will
write to you. I hated doing that but I know what happens when my brain is unbalanced. The voice
get too strong and tune out what everyone real is saying, Except you,you always snuck past the
voices.

I am proud of this Mick and ready to shit my pants thinking I can pull this off. I want some set
balance of a real life Mick. Where I can have a home and a big dog and you,

You are far off I know.I know it will be you adjusting to not being locked up.That will be ok Mick.
You had me at my lowest, I will have you when you get released.

Ok I gotta get supper going for the hoard and then try out my yoga class.
I love you Mick that does not change .

2. put me back on the list to see how flexible I have become.!

Love

Firecrotch

Mickey sat rereading and just holding it as lights out was signaled. He stayed stock still and let the
warmth of the letter seep into the coldness of the cell.
 Birthday Boy and Ghetto Husbands
Chapter Summary

Trigger: Ian’s sexual abuse by Kash

Mickey is trying to stay closed up. Ian makes a decision to kick off healing in a big way
despite little Gallagher support.
Mandy tries to wrangle both men.
No matter the distance the love is closing in and Mickey needs to make a decision.

Ian gritted his teeth and tried to still himself. He knew this week was a hard one , so much
emotional turmoil swirling . He had used his breakthrough downer twice this week for that mid day
sleep it off drop. Erin and his doctor were not worried about a full spiral but everyone was keeping
an eye out.

He headed downstairs thinking it was just Debbie and Liam and did a small groan when he saw
Fiona. He loved her, he did and was learning not to take his venom of Frank and Monica out on her.
He wished she could remove the Monica trauma from her. Every time he was off her panic was
evident but while she worried about him , she saw Monica.

“ Hi sweetface you look nice “

“ Yeah for preparing to tell strangers my deepest ugliest shit, I look good” He helped himself to
coffee.

“ Did you take your meds? If this gets you too keyed up , you don’t have to do it Ian.”

He jutted his chin out, cracked his neck and counted to ten.

”Fiona I actually do need to do this . Triggers can fuck me up. They do a lot of damage. Yes I am
taking my meds. Nope still not singing and dancing about them Fi, doubt I ever will . But I am
trying to come to terms with unless I want to ride the horrible parts over and over with no break ,
then yeah these are in my life. But life is long and I am sad and angry”

“ I get it sucks Ian but you have to ..”

His hand slammed too loudly than he wanted.

”No Fi, you do not get it, Lip does not get it . My brain is my fucking enemy except it is stuck to
my goddamn body Fi. To make all this work I need to do for the rest of my life Fi, for any of it to
stand a chance, I need to swallow pills so my brain , my brain Fiona does not take me out ! I love
you but I can’t do this with you today .”

Just then the back door came open and Mandy grabbed him a tight hug. “ You ok? Bestie it’s a big
day, you looooooook hot. If you’re gonna do this let’s get this show on the road . Proud of you ,
let’s bounce .“
Ian got up and without a word followed Mandy. The door slammed and Fiona and Lip looked at
each other.

“ Should we make him come back after ?”

“ I asked Mandy , she told me to fuck all the way off. They are apparently doing this then she got
them a hotel room and are doing movies and take out . He has a one in one in the morning . She is
taking him . I know this is suppose to help him but it’s like more things keep getting dredged up for
him. I mean you and me are stronger more cynical like Frank. Even without the bipolar he was
more her, the big dreamer. Shit look at how much married to a woman Milkovich fucked him up.”

Mandy crashed into Ian’s shoulder stopping his leg from bouncing . “ You holding up bestie?”

Ian crashed right back into her. “ You know you are the only person who has not told me I don’t
have to do this .”

Mandy got softer. “We both understand you don't have to, so proud your choosing to.”

The door opened :” Ian Gallagher ?”

He stood up kissing Mandy’s head in the way he would kiss Mickeys to comfort the man.” See ya
on the other side Mandy”

”Damn right Ian”

_______________

Mickey gritted his teeth, damn this man never shut up. His new cell mate after about a week began
to make it known he would offer it up to Mickey. So yeah Mickey was a prick, while he never had
taken him up on his ass ( which was not inspiring ) and his mouth ( see never shuts it) he let the guy
clean the cell and fuck you Ian make him coffee.

Summer was in full swing and he had received two more letters from Ian. While he tried to be
nonchalant, he had flipped Enzo off who raised his eyes each mail call for him. The letters never
shied away from what Ian was doing or what the world looked like outside prison walls. From
anyone else,Mickey would be pissed. But Ian also never shied away from calling out Mickey
locked away from life. He said he told Mickey these things so he could get a glimpse of what was
going on so he did not allow himself to only see himself living in those walls.He wanted him to feel
a future.

But Ian had been shaken starting to talk about Kash and what he was. Ian was using his extra
downer and needing more sleep. He had Mandy coming for a visit on his birthday and she had been
spending time with Ian . While he would not ask , if Mandy mentioned Ian and their time together
that would be fine. He hated that he had folks that did not know how to support him except for his
medication.

Before the first time Ian came with Svet , Mickey quietly fell apart each night wondering if Ian got
hurt or hurt himself would anyone tell him. While the siblings at the Gallagher house were tight , it
did not mean bad things did not happen to them. Mickeys abuse was out and on his body or a brag
from his father to other lowlifes. Everyone knew Terry beat his kids. Everyone on the south side
knew why Mickey was bruised.Hell even Nana had seen Terry kick the crap out of him as a child.

But no adult , no one realized Ian was being molested by his boss.No family member wondered
why in the beginning Ian cried at night . No one noticed him becoming almost mute. Two people in
his life knew. Lip got angry but did not call the police even shamed Ian. Lynda he recently learned
had these statutory rapes on tape. She slapped Ian and bartered for the then boy with Kash to get
another child. By the time Mickey came he told Ian it was fucked up and knew Ian did not
understand. Taunting Kash that Ian was off limits was worth getting shot .

Kash was the groomer and other perverts followed. They all found out about Lishman and did
nothing because Fiona was banging Jimmy/ Steve? Whoever the fuck he was.And Mickey was too
invested in his role as straight to do nothing but tease Ian and shame him too. Ian in his last letter
had talked about it. At the time what Mickey said made him angry but now looking at it he realized
Mickey did not have the words to address his fears. He was always blown away that Ian could read
him better than his own self. Yet Ian never saw his own pain. That was changing.

The last letter Ian chided without losing his rep maybe he could learn to use his words , one more
thing than just working out in there.Even in letters a cocky stubborn bastard. Fuck one he missed so
much he forgot to breathe.

”Milkovich to work duty in 10!”

___________________

Mandy and Ian spread out in a huge bed on the magnificent mile looking at the lights. Ian had come
out of the meeting red faced and wild eyes. They rode to the hotel in silence . He showered took his
additional med. Mandy curled up with him and let him cry.

” Geez Mandy , everyone is going to know”

”Yes buddy they are but it’s not you folks gonna have an issue with. Did they say when it’s going
down?”

He held Mandy tighter “ About 24 hours. Mands thank you for always having my back. And I wish
Mick was here. By the way you are also the person besides Erin and Liam who knows my plan. I
gonna share with family at some point jus need Erin to convince me they can’t have me
committed.”

She watched Ian crumple into his meds effect and rubbed his head. “ Oh bestie , if anyone can
figure out it’s you two. Lots of dysfunction not going to lie but you love each other in a way I have
never seen. Besides once Mickey stops being his stubborn self you will find whatever this prison
normal is going to be.”

Ian slept for 5 hours. They then laughed and had room service and watched bad tv .

——————————
Mickey actually filled a commissary order, He did not have much left in but his birthday was
coming . He wanted to eat some bbq Pringle’s , draw and maybe jack off to Ian in his old ROTC
uniform. When he got his chips and pencils he saw his balance 200 hundred dollars. He smiled ,
fucking Mandy she always helped him and Iggy out in long stints. He admitted not having visitors
was hard but using Ian was wrong.Too many folks had used Ian. He hung his head knowing he was
part of that.Maybe somewhere later in life he could make it up . They could sort out this old pain.

After dinner he actually decided to hang downstairs, the buzz was the they were showing an old
Segal film. He and Enzo sat in the back just waiting for the show to start.

His roommate Aiden swished by.

” Mickey wanna tangle on lights out?” Mickey just stared at him, his lip curled in disdain.

” He has an interest Mickey, folks talking that you are not taking it up. I get your sorting shit but we
are still in the jungle. Be careful. Hey saw you at Sister Megs office, you finding God?”

” Fuck you is what I am finding. Nah got the flyer for a GED , might try it. Gets me out of the
laundry one day a week, so there’s that.”

” Nothing to do with Red?”

Aiden made another pass “ who’s Red?”

Mickey stood up and got close his voice blood chilling “ We ain’t friends , you don’t know my life ,
flit away .”

Enzo and him sat back watching the news before the movie , Mickey was tuning out until a familiar
face made him lean forward , blood draining from his face, heart in throat.

A pretty blonde newscaster pulled a serious face as Kash Karib was led out in handcuffs.

” Hi Gene , we are here in the Southside to a scandal that has spanned over 6 years . Local business
owner Kash Karib was arrested today on 22 counts of child pornography some of which included
photos of two former employees. The abuse shared in depositions this week highlighted Karibs
history of hiring underage boys and grooming them for sex. These young men were also were
photographed and videotaped. Lynda Karib was also charged with an accessory. One young man
came forward to share the abuse spanning 2 years. In investigating the second victim was
identified. Mr. Karib is being held without bail. Back to you Gene.”

Mickey felt sick but then a feeling of pride. Ian was fucking doing it. His program and his sister.
They were keeping him protected to do amazing things. Fuck he hoped Ian was not alone
tonight.He might die in here but Ian had a chance finally at life.That was enough for Mickey.

The morning of his birthday a letter was there waiting for him.

—————————

Mandy hated fucking prisons. Between Terry, Laura and her brothers she was way too comfortable
in these stinking filthy visiting rooms. Being dragged to see Terry as a kid. She always looked
excited to see him so the bastard didn’t get angry. 2 months or a year , he remembered. Then his
first night drunk you were punished for not playing the role on the other side of the glass. Mickey
never played the game and Terrys first night home usually when they were young was Laura
screaming and Mickey and Colin getting whippings with that fucking brown belt that made them
limp for days.

Now she never cared where Terry was . But Mickey,she loved that ass wipe. They were the kids left
to Terry and his anger when Laura split Fuck her brother was angry, grumpy and unable to share his
feelings. But under that was a soft man with love. He did not know how to be both. Until he met
her bestie Ian. She admits they hid it well. But the look Ian had at Mickeys wedding and Mickey
falling apart when Ian left told a bigger story. Then Ian got so sick. Months of no sleep , then no
movement . Finally the hospital. Mandy saw her brother in a different light. His endless capacity to
love shown at Ian willing him to get better.

She was scared this sentence and pushing Ian away was signs he was giving up . Trying to be
Terrys son and not his own man He deserved to be Ian’s man, loved and maybe bitching like old
queens . Ian was better with Mickey and vice versa. Fucking Ian. She was so proud of him. When
he found Erin he was barely med compliant cycling and cutting.Erin got him in this program. He
was all chin and chill , until Erin cracked the Ian code. They had a session where she noted Mickey
was not here. Mickey could not save Ian. Ian could save Ian , only Ian could save himself. If he
wanted a life he had to fight for it. And if we wanted to be there for Mickey , he had to do it for
himself first.

He began Erin in May and started the program in June. Now two months in and he was going into
the work the way he did English or ROTC back in the day. Stoic , reserved but so serious about the
plan, the routine. Going into a police station to report old abuse and let people know there was
evidence. He was processing and admitted a weight had been lifted. His mania dropped to a low
and he and Erin had him on a five day stay at Northwestern. She saw him this morning . It was a far
cry from a shitty lockdown psych ward. While he was only 30% aware he was sitting up, tending
basic hygenie and talking in spurts as people came in .

She had punched Lip 2 days ago as he was in Ian’s room as he was checked in saying maybe this
was too much. Drop out and hey could get him a janitorial job at his college.

She was disrupted by the door opening and inmates finding their folks and setting in. Mickey
stalked in all swagger and violence. Mickey’s prison persona scared her. She knew why he had it
but was always afraid he would forget to drop it. Turning 21 in jail fuck that had to blow.His face
was emotionless until he sat in front of her. His eyebrows arched as he picked up the phone.

“ Douche bag “

” Ass wipe “

The siblings smiled at each other and Mandy’s gazed got softer.

” Mick you doing something in here besides fuck off and lift weights? You need to have something
here or your gonna fall apart.”

” Look Mands I am just here for the ride ok. Don’t look at me like that, I might just might take the
GED. Now stoping smiling. I can do things and still flake off in this hellhole. I am that talented.
Hey before I forget appreciate you putting money on the books.”
” Wasn’t me “

” Oh he did fucking did not . Mandy he needs to stop that shit. He needs zero reason for the fucking
Gallagher’s to guilt him into quitting his program.This program could be his shot at really getting a
handle on this . I am sorry not trying to get you in the middle.”

” Mickey he is my best friend in love with my brother. You are my brother in love with my bestie.
In or out of prison yeah my life is tied to both of you. Plus I can’t tell him right now. He knew
talking to the cops no matter how much he and Erin practiced could trigger him. He decided either
trigger now and work through it or it keep triggering him period. He is in the hospital for another 2
days, he hit a low. And yes he is ok, talking-ish. The doctors doing their thing, Erin doing hers and
Ian don’t share Gallagher is finally talking about the right he has to not be fucked over and stay
quiet. Plus early birthday gift, punched Lip, channeled you.”

Mickey stopped panicking about Ian and looked appreciative to his sister.

He asked hopefully “ You make him bleed?”

She snorted “ Made you bleed bitch, of course he bled.Wanted Ian to drop the program gets him “
worked up” And it does but he needs to get it out. Lots of men abused him, thinks he deserves it.
Needs a lot of support and therapy.Lip is threatened by this. And I agree Ian needs to figure out
how Ian lives within his disease. He would tell you more if you put him on the damn list Mickey.
Or maybe buy a phone card or stamps if you still pussy out on him coming back here. You can live
apart you both know that . Do you want to, I know his answer. And I get it is not simple and it’s
gonna be hard and painful at times.”

“Mandy in here I am gonna with …”

”Bloody Hell Mickey, he knows that . We know sex is gonna happen. Sucks you should talk to him
about it. It’s not sex it’s not catching feelings for someone else.Again you should talk to him ! “

Mickey sighed “ What if just that hurts him and he breaks?”

” Mickey he just sat in a room and talked about being abused by a grown man in great detail. There
is a whole case file with video and pictures of him young and being abused. He is gonna have to
speak at trial.People in the courts and now me and Erin know how deranged Kash is. He fucking
had Stockholm Syndrome. Did you know Kash would put bleach on Ians dick if he did not comply.
Yeah by that look you did not.He had to share that to figure out how to stop strangling his emotions
and self worth.He is medicated and down for the count , but he did not break Mickey. Get the fuck
over yourself!”

She got softer.” Want your present from me for the asshole behind bars?”

He nodded

“ Then read the newest letter from Ian”

And just then time was up. He said goodbye and turned back and turned out back to the sameness.

Yard time he was pulled to a blind spot by two of nana’s guys no longer in ag seg.

”Mick got a present for you from nana “

A chubby blonde was pushed forward and landed at Mickeys feet . Fuck , cannot piss off nana. He
felt his jumpsuit be opened and the hoots and hollers around him . He tuned out, ignoring it and
letting his body respond. He just played moments with Ian over and over to get through. When it
was done he began to stomp the man still on his knees. Feeling sick he moved away to jeers and
high fives.

That night he was on autopilot and luckily for him a shower night. He scrubbed at his skin.Yeah it
was a needed release but he did not want any evidence on his skin to remind him that in here it was
never Ian. Ian’s touch to Mickey always made him feel worthy like seeing a bigger picture he
missed.

Tuned out his cell mates chatter and opened the letter from Ian. A photo fell out with his sisters
handwriting, “ You are welcome asswipe “

A printed from phone picture, a selfie, recent. Mandy and Ian at Navy Pier . Mandy now blonde
big sundress and smiles. Ian , sweet Jesus.

Ian was smiling. Head leaned on Mandy’s bare shoulder. His eyes were alive and steady. The clear
green tree canopy that made up the eyes he would know on his deathbed were again sparkling. The
telltale chin , the rugged masculine chisel jutted up. Sweeps of freckles clung to sharp cheeks and
the tip of the nose. Smatters everywhere in between too. That red rainbow of blood red to copper
twisted and mixed strands of hair, now longer and slicked back. He was sticking the tip of his
tongue out to wrangle a drop of what looked like strawberry ice cream. Ian . His Ian. He would
always be Mickeys even if he let him go. Starting after tonight thousand of hours would be spent
just peering at this photo with tenderness and times lust. But after what happened on the yard, it
hurt too much to look.

He shook out the letter

8/5/2016

Hey Mick

Either this is happy early or belated birthday, I have no idea how long it takes for these to get to
you. I know hardly you tolerate birthdays and in there I can’t even pretend to understand the level
of this sucks. So in your honor gonna jerk off and sing living on a prayer, badly. Maybe if you
finally see how stupid visiting embargo is, I can sing in person using the visiting room phone like a
microphone.

Mandy took the picture, I hate it but she said it was “ motivation for your dumb ass boyfriend” She
may still be annoyed with you.

I know the news may have made it that way. Erin and I discussed Kash, you know that. Apparently
no statues in this kind of sex crime. I could have let it go and maybe a I don’t love myself the way I
should yet . However I need to look out for and love the next scared kid trapped in his cooler man.

He needed to pay and I needed to start laying this ghost down. Not gone but finally realized I was
never his boyfriend. He was sick and so was Linda. Never told you this , the night she figured what
was going on she slapped me. In that moment like with Lip , I was not a kid being fucked by an
adult. I was the blame, the mistress. Played that a lot sadly. Like I was not there she said he could
keep fucking me after he got her pregnant.That is where she went to ,not my husband is a pedo, not
Ian is 15. That is where the fight in me died.

Spent a lot of time wondering what is so wrong with me. I am unlovable unless I provide value. For
me it was sex. Erin is teaching me to fight for that hurt kid inside and allow me to take care of me
and my disease without apologizing to myself for having to.

That is a work in progress but fuck you Kash was a nice kick off to what I am calling the Ian
project. Yeah yeah that sounds gay, but I am . And so are you and you fucking love me . Not sure if
there is anything private there for you but trust me Mick you are going to need to process that
morning with Svet.

But not today. Just be today go get all hot and sweaty on the yard . Be in the sun . Think of me , the
day we just laid in the park. Holding pinkies, napping. It was a good day before real life crashed in.
But that was real life too Mick.

At some point we can choose to get there.Mick I miss you so much. Sounds crazy I look for you in
crowds that mane of black hair you secretly are so proud of. The sky in your eyes, that smile you
have only given me. Mick , I don’t want that a faded memory, something that haunts instead of
sustaining me, us. I know you are in there alone but you don’t have to do it alone.Please we can’t
help the distance but I need you, us. So fucking stop being the hero tough guy.

I know the unsaid thing and yes it’s gonna happen. Hate it, don’t ever need blow by blow . Also not
a kid , in there you are predator or prey. Get to a degree the image . But maybe one day we can
discuss it , face it and continue.
Because if you need to write this out, stick it in big letters by your bunk.

Ghetto Husband Trumps Prison Wife Every Fucking Time.

I love you Mick, you are the part of me that never wants or fails.

6. If you keep me waiting too long there may be a dance number to go along with using the phone
as a mic.

Love Firecrotch

Mickey reread the letter thinking back to that day in the park. How for a man so racked with fear,
Ian was crumbling his walls. He coukd take risks around Ian. He was loved without fail or
condition with Ian. Humming BonJovi he made his plans for morning.

———————

Ian was out of the hospital happy to see the younger kids but was avoiding Lip, Fi and fucking
Frank. He looked over knowing his pill bottle was moved meaning shit was counted when he was
out. Mickey was straight up in prison bleak and terrifying.Ian just had self appointed jailers who
believed they knew better than him and even his medical team.

There was a knock on his door and Carl popped in .

” You sleeping, sorry Ian”

” Nah man working in my therapy homework, you need something?”

” No was heading out but figured you might need this before Lip or Fiona see it. Love you”

On Ians bed was now a letter from Statesville.

Mickey
 Dear Firecrotch
Chapter Summary

Ian has a letter from Mickey.

Will it move them closer or is it another brick in Mickey’s wall.
Trigger as both Mickey and Ian’s SA is discussed.
Is it time for the boys to start growing up or burrow into old habits.
Plus Mickey tries to not curse around a nun
Mickey sends art ,dic pic be warned

Ian sat and stared at the letter. It was some thing he wanted so badly and now that it was here , he is
terrified to open.

Mickey, what is Mickey thinking? What if this was also goodbye, no letters no visiting room.

He knew he could make it without this man, but honestly, he wanted him in his life. His new life,
his stronger life. He went down to the kitchen to make sure all of his siblings were at work . Took
time for coffee. He popped his pills, had a piece of toast and stared at the letter.

Stop being such a pussy, Gallagher fucking open it already.

His hands were shaking, but not from his meds but from fear. The past few weeks had been surreal,
telling the whole world that a grown man had molested and raped him for several years was the
hardest thing he ever had to do. Kash was a present predator. He was still a threat to other young
men.

Ian had lived playing the nightmare of that fake relationship over and over in his head for years.
Even Mickey, who he trusted had not heard of the whole story. He kept the most vile and hideous
pieces of his torment hidden away. For years, feeling like it was his fault set the groundwork for
him to be abused by other men. Even his mother, Monica sold him like a commodity. The most
heartbreaking was to keep Lana from ratting Mickey out to Terry. He allowed himself to be a
commodity too while rolling old gay men for money.

This last time in the hospital was so different than when Mickey had him committed for doing a
porno. This last stay had compassionate doctors, kind nurses, decent food, and only one roommate.
What it did not have was Mickey. Mickey in his illness had always been his savior. Mickey kept
him grounded while in unbearable pain. The older man showed more patience and love then most
thought possible when was sick.

But Mickey couldn’t be his savior forever. Erin was fucking right, time to see it ,stand a chance, to
save himself. He owed it to himself, owed it to the scared little kid with the bipolar mom who is
never around. The scared 10-year-old that was the only one ever beat by Frank, he deserved a life.
It is a 12 year old who was told he was only as pretty or needed by what he gave to others, deserved
a moment. The 14 year old fucked dry by an older man in a shitty cooler, he deserved healing. And
the 17 year old who watched the man who he loved marry a fucking hooker, who was raped at
gunpoint, he, and that man deserved a real fucking shot.

He turned the letter over and over in his hands and decided he would read it after gaining support
from his session. He kissed the back of the letter imagining those ocean blue eyes. He stood up
wiped tears from his face and went to get dressed.

—————-

There were many things Mickey hated about the laundry. It was loud , steamy and had constant
noise from other inmates. While they were supposed to be given gloves, there were never enough
around. He hated that he was fucking touching shit and piss and cum from hundreds of men. He
hated the smell of the stupid laundry bags when you opened them.Too much mask, too much
testosterone, and too much despair.

But in someways, he began to find rhythm to it. Routine as Ian always said in his new letters could
be helpful. In listening to his redhead ramble, routines were the corner stone of keeping Ian healthy.
He could see that. But the Gallagher house wasn’t stable. Monica and Frank were never stable.
That could cause stress on anyone. But for Ian in his brain, chemistry level and calm Paramount. It
may never be the complete fix for the highs and lows, but it was support to keep him balanced.

And maybe Mickey needed that too, he needed a routine to keep the loss of Ian,his freedom, and
his whole fucking life from crumbling him. Being and acting like a bitch in prison was just not to
Milkovich way. Fuck if you wanted to survive in here it was no letting go.So maybe having
something to do even if it was jizzed up undies, wasn’t the worst fucking thing. Fucking Firecrotch
and his Boy Scout and army ways. It was like it was rubbing off on him. Or maybe making dirty
things clean, was penance for all the times he pushed Ian away.

He did love the look on his roommates face when he hung the sign that he could look at each night
laying down reading ghetto husband, trumps prison wife every time. The fact that Gallagher was
still possessive of his ass after all he did thrilled him. Thinking of him as his husband twisted
Mickeys guts in ways that were heartbreaking and excruciating. In the deep recess of his mind
being Ians husband was something that was both tangible and taboo. Laura and Terry had a fucked
up relationship between the obscenities hurled, and the beatings, the drugs, the cheating and
abusing their children. He did not have great role models for marriage.

Terri was an abusive ass, but Laura, as she gave in to the insanity in the house, had abused her
children too. Maybe that’s why in the beginning besides being afraid of Terry, he forced Ian to
jump those hoops. Because his childhood home love isn’t some thing that was given, it was taken
and demanded. Watching Gallagher all those years, making him never feel unworthy, well, Mickey
knew that was some thing.

And it wasn’t just that Firecrotch gave him affection or made him feel special. From the first day,
he saw him at the Kash and Grab , part of his heart was just gone. He never understood it never
,thought too much about it, but he knew somehow they were meant to enter twine in life. Hell, if
better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness, and in health was real ,Ian Gallagher was his shot at it.
Something in the universe long ago determined that Mickey Milkovich belonged to that grinning
redhead.

As he loaded and unloaded mounds of laundry, he was nervous. He could see those golden green
eyes eagerly reading his words. He could see him running his long, freckled fingers through that
coppery hair, trying to read Mickeys, horrible handwriting, and poor spelling. He knew and
wouldn’t care. He knew all he cared about was hearing from Mickey

His large and real worry, however was that Fiona or Lip would have intercepted the letters. He
knew how they felt about him. They appreciated him, taking care of him and getting him
committed. They knew he loved him. Ironically, well their only hope for Ian was to be medicated
and work minimum wage, they still thought Mickey was beneath him. He wanted to believe they
would never impose like this, but if the letter came before Ian found it ,would they give it to him?
He knew the letters would keep coming from Ian , and that was the only way he would know if Red
received his.

———————
Ian had just finished up with Erin . They had talked about the arrest, and later down the road what
end he would need to do when the case went to trial. He began to talk about his hospitalization and
have this time, knowing that the trigger wasn’t forever that the low would not never go away
hopelessness he felt was only at about 1 million not 5 million self loathing’s when he was down.
He cried, frustrated and angry, that no matter what he did, how well he did it , mania, and
depression even hospitalizations would still be part of his life. He raged about how unfair it was
how Monica’s genes fucked him up. Erin looked at him and validated, indeed was unfair. It was
part of his reality, and only he could control it, or let it control him.

This is what he liked about her. She never forced him to have optimism or rosecolor glasses about
his disease. She agreed that bipolar was devastating. It could take things from you without your
consent. But she reminded him there were so many things he could control living with this disease .
He could choose to have those moments when not in mania or low to live life to the fullest. His
disease did not have to define him and well setbacks were reality he did not have to stop living his
life waiting for the next cycle. He could choose to take his meds,eat right, manage stress, go to
therapy and carve life out.

He showed her the envelope, postmarked from the prison. When she asked why he had not opened
it he admitted that he was fearful that Mickey had given up on them. She reminded him that the
letter was like Schrodinger’s cat. Until he read what Mickey had wrote, their relationship was
neither continuing or over. She discussed that he could not control over Mickeys feelings only his
own. If he had to walk away from Mickey, it would hurt, he would cry.And even if he did not want
to, he would have to find a way to move through life without the brunette.

He sat in the park with a soda and a taco. Sitting on a bench in a park they used to frequent, he felt
the sun on his face and hoped Mickey took moments in the yard to feel it as well. He did not want
to open the letter at home in case, his emotions were too big and his two older siblings asked too
many questions. He did not know how to explain that waiting , trying , felt right. 15 years could
break them, but he wanted to find out. He often asked his siblings about everything as he was
trained that he needed validation, and sometimes believed they knew better than him. But he was
learning quickly, that what was between him, and Mickey was between them only.

He wiped his hands on his jeans, took a deep breath and opened the letter.

8/12/2016

Dear Firecrotch,

You have got to be the most stubborn sappy motherfucker I have ever met. Also, you are right. I am
gay and I do love you. I wish I could stop loving you. It would be easier for both of us. All I want is
a stupid life just for you to be happy and safe. I tried to keep you safe many times not happy.

Who’s afraid I am. I was afraid of Teri killing me , more afraid of him killing you. So afraid of that I
wasn’t living and neither were you.Closet time. All you wanted was to matter to be more than sex.
All those men who only used your body they made you feel less then. And no matter what the reason
for the longest time I hammered it into you that’s all you were to me. And yet you kept coming back
to me.You felt what I felt but unlike me never was too scared to show it or say it.

You’re a fucking bad ass Gallagher! And I hope you know it now .I never wanted you to change. I
just wanted you to not die, kill yourself or spin out of control like Monica for the rest of your
fucking life. I never wanted to change you because you never wanted to change me. And that’s what
scares me now scares me so fucking much. You do not care that I will be an ex-con you do not care
rough around the edges and grumpy and needy. Do you still want this version of me? Fuck yeah
you do. You love who I am and you’re not changing me you just want me a better version of myself
and safe just like I want for you. No one has seen all parts of me and just embraceed it fucking
loved it. And that’s what scares me the most about you Gallagher, just love me.

Holy Christ I am so proud of you. I know I need to talk about Lana and that horrible morning, that
fake marriage, that pain. But it’s not safe to do here. So nag me in 15 years about it OK? Do you
not roll your puppy dog eyes, or do a damn victory lap but yeah, in 15 years I still wanna be where
you are.

Right now you in that visitors room , leaving. Yeah I can’t. Let me figure it out. And ok not forever.
Letters, yeah . Maybe your cell drop me the digits.

I fucking love you.

Mick

ps… your an idiot but my idiot , thanks for the money on my books though. Got colored pencils ,
here is dick pic.

Ian sat with his hands in his hair. Tears of unburdened joy fell. Mickey still loved him. They would
figure this out . He now needed to be transparent with everyone. Right now officially he and
Mickey were going to figure out how to grow up and wait for each other.

He heard noise when he walked in the door. Fiona making pasta. He walked up and kissed her
cheek lightly. She was struck by this connection that had been lost lately.

” Hi sweetface, what’s up?”

” Fi can I take you to coffee Thursday? Wanna catch you up in therapy and stuff.”

She looked at him, smiling seeing him clear eyed. “ I would really like that “
” K , it’s a date then

————-

“ Mr. Milkovich, what can I help you with? “

Mickey did not want to admit it this tall older nun intimidated him . Which was weird as she was
kind and fucking chipper, so chipper.

He stared at the ground rolling the balls of his feet. “ so um, I like read at like a 5th grade level or
some shit, fuck shit , sorry sister . Am I a lost cause for a GED?”

She smiled her grayish eyes kind. “ No you are not a lost cause. No one is. You just need to believe
in you and try. I don’t tolerate slackers or game players. No fighting in the chapel, no sex no drugs.
Do your homework or ask for help. Does that sound like something you can do.?”

” Um yeah” He caught her stern glare but smile. “ I mean yes, yes sister.”

” Class starts Thursday . I will put you in the CO list. Do not be late .”
 St Christopher’s Medal
Chapter Summary

Trigger : SA of Ian is discussed

Ian is learning to release his anger while Mickey addresses controlling his.

Ian works in setting boundaries and sticking to them . Mickey finds someone who can be non
judgmental as he discusses his self loathing .

They both reflect in the past so it can begin to stop haunting them both.

They miss and think of each other in great ❤

Ian after his tough week was oddly excited to meet Fiona for coffee. This was actually the first
boundary setting of his life. Before his diagnosis his MO was to tuck tail and run or be such a prick
people gave in. He was starting to learn from books Erin lent him that having so many unmet
needs, he did not believe people would hear him or it would be reinforced that he was unworthy of
love unless he people pleased.

This weeks session with Erin continued to explore how these beliefs and being groomed caused Ian
to make excuses for others and not allow himself to express anger. The anger that battered his
insides until they were bruised but he kept quiet of the pain.

This came to a head when Mickey was brought up.Ian began to explain his guilt , how he hurt
Mickey over and over . He cried saying he loved him and could not make things up. He understood
why Mickey was hurt and distrustful. He knew he was in for a deeper check in when Erin leaned in.

” what about your hurt and anger Ian?”

” He had his reasons, over it , forgive him.”

Erin folded her hands

” Ian you are saying those words but your face and body are telling a different story. Can I break
down something’s and you tell me what feels right or off?”

The jutted tight chin and a small nod.

” Again no judgment, we are just looking at these things to be objective and help you move
forward. So Mickey initiated sex with you the first time and kept coming by for sex on the down
low. This was hidden because he was not out and his father was dangerous. But you were still a
dirty secret which is your words. Mickey called the shots in when you were together. While he
came back , he ran when Kash caught you both , leaving you to face your abuser alone. You never
told him what happened when he ran as when he came back the shooting happened. He would often
have sex with you then turn around and have sex with a girl. “

She paused letting Ian blow his nose.

” When you were caught by Frank , he called you a warm mouth. That morning and the rape, he
needed to distance to deal with what happened.Him bashing you badly and his inability to show
you emotion was big loss inside you.But when he married you felt betrayed. You believed after the
sex and your confession of feelings, he would run with you. Him defending his father made you
feel like you were just sex. His demand to keep banging in his and his wife’s bedroom was a
bottom for you in many ways.When he came out at his dads coming home from jail you were
happy. But after all the pushing away for years you read his care initially not as love but pity. You
admit you would rather drown in anger or hurt than feel pity. And yes he had his reasons. But so
did you. If he was angry you cheated on him and left then why cannot you be angry that you were
willing to be hurt to stay in his graces.? Both of you hurt each other because of reasons outside
your control. To really forgive this and move on would you be willing to discuss your anger?”

Ian took a deep breath watching his hands shake.

“ I just wait for the other shoe to drop. Like when he cut me off the list . I thought we were past
that. His fear , his fear has gutted me more than I ever thought mattered. I loved him and I was
shame to him. Not just his shame on being gay. Like I could stick my dick in him but that made
him feel dirty. That feeling rubbed on me too. Then the field , I knew he had to get shit out, he was
fucking raped , but I wanted to ,so badly wanted to believe he could say he loved me . I never
thought he would beat me that vicious like nothing. “

Ian began to cry hot angry tears .

” I really thought he was going to leave with me at the wedding. Fuck him. Why was that prick
more important? Why was he cordial and at times friendly to her. I fucking cruised guys to roll to
pay that bitch off. He pimped me out for her. I loved him still do but I wasnt enough to make him
fight for us, until I got sick. WHY DID I HAVE TO WAIT TO BE LOVED AND CARED FOR,
TOLD I WAS LOVED WHEN I GOT SICK. WHY THE FUCK WAS I NOT WORTHY OF
LOVE UNTIL THIS DISEASE STOPPED ME IN MY TRACKS…..”

Ian bawled letting that pain rip through him. He had been the forgotten child, the non priority, the
mistress, the secret. Then he got sick and diagnosed. Sick Ian was worthy of love and concern ,
well Ian a fuck up. He knew now how much Mickey loved him then but did not say.He knew the
reasons it all went down the way it did. At the same time he let his emotions of anger and hurt from
that period leech out of him.

Finally he looked at Erin.

“ I don’t want that dynamic between Mickey and I ever again. I know him doing therapy in there
not happening. But I need for him and me to be very clear about feelings. I need that with so many
people. I am almost 20 and have not idea why I think my feelings don’t matter.”

Erin nodded. “ Let’s explore ways you need to feel heard and hear yourself. That is also going to be
some homework .”
—————————

Mickey was amping up in a weird way for the GED program. This week had been shit , too many
emotions no outlets so he just damn near tore his shoulder out lifting weights. Then lifting and
stacking in a hot laundry did not help. He also was hating that he accepted Aiden rubbings his
shoulders and other stress relief . Without an actively engaging just wordlessly moving through it,
prison rules had his new cell mate his bitch.

The irony was physically painful making small sharp cuts into the fiber of his being. Here in jail
having another man trail behind him and perform for him was fine , accepted . Part of the norm,
prison gay. Fuck even Terry would approve. But in the real world with Ian you could be bashed,
Terry wanting you dead. The rules were so hypocritical, comical. Except the man he loved was out
of his reach. And he was trapped in a world that just ground him down.

He had seen Kash be taken to protective custody. Their eyes caught and Mickey formed a sneer.As
he was led past, Kash called out to him “ you did not do any better by him Mickey!”

Chow was stone silence around the blue eyed powder keg. He knew that everyone knew the him
was the name on Mickey’s heart, the one he would not talk about with anyone. Mickey wanted to
lash out but did not need a stint in solitary.Enzo found him ,sensing his blind anger he pushed him
to play dominoes. He leaned in checking the younger man’s mood.

” That perv hurt your boy, Red?”

” Yeah when we were fucking kids.”

”Ok just keep in mind you ever want to see Red outside these walls, you gotta stand down on the
bastard”

His answer was cut short as a fight broke out and they were all herded into cells and locked in. He
sat stripping down to undershirt and boxers to get some relief from the muggy temp of the cell.
When he did get out he was never wearing white boxers again. He thought of Ian in his plaid
boxers barely hiding the nine inches. And his smell, deep tangy musk, old spice and coffee. He
wished he could smell that now, in the night when he sought comfort that never came.

“ So who did you not do right by “ Aidens voice wafted down from the top bunk.

” Fuck off “

” so who is it, that Ian . Seems fucked up you would tattoo some old man’s whore on your chest.”

Mickey saw white hot anger and grabbed the man’s ankle so he hit the floor with a thud. Mickey
straddled him and punched him in the face.

” So here is what we are gonna do. You never fucking say his name again . If you ever say it again,
I will lose my ass at cards and sell your dick to all the white power fucks for a damn dinner roll.
Now stay up there and stay the fuck away from me “

Mickey sat just in his head until lights out. With the blue glow from the hall , he pulled out Ian’s
picture . He ran his hands across that face wishing he could touch the skin. He loved the redhead
almost from the first day. Yeah Ian bolted a few times and it stung , hurt in deep crevices of his soft
hidden heart. But he had not done right by Ian as much as he hated Kash throwing that ugly part of
their life at him. He was so afraid of Terry , of himself. In all that he never thought it hurt Ian. He
believed Ian understood. But when Ian left for the army, he realized Ian logically may have
understood but that puppy heart did not.

And yet here they were , Ian still coming back. Ian seeing that part of him that was wanting love,
safety security. More importantly Ian believed it about him. He knew he could be better for Ian , he
had no idea how to be better for himself.

——————

Ian sat fiddling with his coffee stirrer , just taking in the people watching . He sighed looking at gay
couples having coffee, holding hands and just talking day to day life. While he believed Mickey
and he would never “ do normal” they could still do day to day. And maybe that was what he was
after building until Mickey was out, day to day. Between the fucking and fighting and life they did
not get that. In the rare instances they did, just talking , the insight into each other had been mind
blowing.

He watched Fiona float through the door and several men and women check her out. Carl had once
teased that Ian was walking charisma. People besides his looks wanted to know him more. Fiona ,
Carl joked was Ian’s close second. His sister was beautiful and he was always impressed raising 5
stubborn siblings had not severely aged her. She saw him and for the first time beamed at him like
when he was little and gave her a picture he drew.He hated this was another thing his disease had
stolen. Big sister and guardian now was watchful hawk and self appointed nurse. It took away a
piece of their dynamics.

She flopped across from him and he pushed a coffee to her. She smiled and touched his face.

” Thank you for inviting me sweetface. I could have gotten this. Did you take yo…”

” Fi , I love you and I understand why you are so freaked out but each conversation we have can’t
keep beginning with a med check. .”

” Ian I know, it’s just hard I have been keeping you safe since you were four. I apparently did a
shitty job. Before we go farther, Ian I should have seen the signs with Kash. Or realized you going
so quiet and the nightmares was something bigger.”

“ I spent a long time trying to never be a bother. I wis you had been able to see it too, but also I did
not make it easy to ask.”

” I guess this is something you and Erin discuss although not sure how this helps you biopolar.”

The count to calm, educate not lash out.

“ Fiona my brain can be a jumble and not level space. That and triggers can most certainly
contribute to highs and lows. Shitty sleep , living on crap not routines they all can exacerbate in
some instances. Even if I was not bipolar being a cum slut for an old man sorry men could fuck
with my emtions. Therapy can help me in many ways and one of them can be medication
compliance. I know Gallagher’s don’t trust it but fucking thanks to Frank and Monica we all could
fucking use it. This is not about leaving you all behind or in the dark but I gotta save my own
fucking life Fi.”

” Ian , I am so afraid of losing you. I know you love Monica and I am just the bossy sister but I
almost lost her so many times, I am mostly numb .I never want to lose you .”

” That’s why I do this Fi. Monica never took care of this , never stayed medicated. She is your
personal hell , but she is not here. I am. I am bipolar like her but am making different choices. Fi I
want a life . I am just so angry( he let tears fall) Westpoint is out. Army out . I was gonna get out
Fiona now it’s square one. I need you to trust me and my team.”

He sniffled.

” I really need you and Lip to either try to understand this program or shut up about it. Because of
my food stamps we never run out of food. No one is searching for socks or clean shirts. I can pick
up the younger kids when needed. I help with homework. I make dinner. All that and I give cash
when I can. I am pulling more weight than I ever did. I will talk to Lip too but if you all keep riding
me about this , I will move into a bunk bed at the group house for folks with mental illness. I want
to be home with you all but not if you keep doubting me. “

“ Oh Ian please don’t leave . I can’t promise I won’t nag but I will try to be more aware.”

” One other thing . You are going to see letters from Statesville. I am writing to Mickey and he to
me. If you hide letters it will come out. Mickey and me no opinions no debate. “

” Ian that’s crazy!”

” Excuse fucking me!”

Fiona turned red.” Ian I did not mean that. But Ian that man will light a match to everything you are
doing.”

” Fiona my disease already did that. Kash did that, Ned did that . Sammi did that. Terry did that .
Lots of matches Fiona. This is my choice. This is discussion with my therapist . It’s what I need to
do .”

“ Ian , Lip and I will discuss this. I think it’s a bad idea. We will sit down and then talk to you.”

Ian stood up and threw a tip on the table .

“ Nothing to discuss . Bye Fiona “

———-

Mickey was let off work detail early in case he had additional paperwork. He was let in the chapel
and was wandering looking at posters hung .

” I didn’t take you as religious Mickey “

Mickey jumped “ Geez sister all nuns ninjas or something.? Nah not me , Ian would probably liked
this one though” , he nodded to a poster .
“ ah the mystery man on your heart.”

” Ok what prison newsletter did you all hear about that in”

She stiffled a dry laugh.

“ Mickey , the Milkovich’s through this prison had certainly a reputation for many types of hate. So
when the youngest one of the family goes to infirmary because a self done tattoo of another man
gets infected, people talk.”

” Oh”

” Why would Ian like it , the poster ?”

” Um well I think he has more faith than he admits. Had a St Christopher medal , wore it all the
time”

” What made him stop?”

He spun on his heel self hatred burning his eyes.

“ I did sister. Shit happened. I was marrying my wife. He confronted me begged me to at least
admit I loved him. Fag bashed him instead, really badly . Heard I broke his rib, that chin is still
crooked cause of me . His medal fell off as I kicked the crap out of him . Was lost in the field.
Stubborn ginger forgave me. So me not so different from the family you have seen”

” maybe or maybe not . I can hear that regret and shame. Not something that I have seen from you
family over the years.You doing this GED for him or you.

” Both”

” Ok then welcome to class. Grab a packet and start looking over it while others come in. Oh and if
this Ian has forgiven you, maybe you should apply that to yourself.”

Mickey bit back a sharp reply and stayed quiet the whole class. Mickey was uneducated but not
stupid. The amount of concentration it took though was staggering. He also tried to keep the nuns
pondering from invading his brain.Ian forgave him but forgive himself not sure how to even do
that. He planned on laying down until dinner, his head aching. On the tier a CO caught him and he
signed for his mail. Ian. Now his heart and ass ached too. Studiously ignoring Aidens bruised face
and hopeful glance , he sat on his bed. Today he needed Ian connection.

8/14/16

Hi mick

Just did some calculations, by the time I can touch you ( and I plan to) and administer all belated
birthday spankings, your ass is gonna look like my hair.ha ha

Been studying for the GED . Thinking I can take my practice test by October. That’s key for me,
finding a job that makes me feel purpose. Did a career path group a few times . Wound up bawling
like a 5 year old and blowing snot on semi strangers. First time I think I admitted how angry I was
losing the military cause of my mania . Yeah I left you too.My plan though twisted cause of the
disease, had a smidge of merit. Was gonna make a career , get you, get us base housing . You could
have worked on your tattoo apprenticeship, maybe convinced Mandy to push out a kid for us.
Travel the world . Now I am glossing over the part that to live that life technically you would be
Lips man or at least what my stolen ID would say.

Had a fit , screamed, broke plates , got it out. Now it’s what’s next. What do I accomplish. What do
you want when out.?What do we want for us? I mean would love to see you naked in a frilly apron
housewife like but that’s just a kink not a life goal.

But before I get that serious I promised Erin I would admit this to you. After you got shot and I
would visit you in jail and you knew something was really bothering , me . Asked if I just injured
myself, I brushed you off. After Kash caught us and you ran out he lost his mind . I still had not
pulled everything up , yeah know . He said I was always his even if I was too stupid and dick drunk
from your thug ass. He pinned me and used a few bottles up there to “ teach me “ a lesson. When
you came in that is where I was. In the cooler cleaning up the blood. Him shooting you , he wanted
to kill you to punish me . I blamed me . Then I blamed you for leaving me . This is going to hurt you
Mick but I gotta be honest. No more games , no more secrets , we don’t get that anymore. As friends
or potential partners again.

The reason it was so easy ( and it killed me inside) but I made it look so easy to leave was my way
of saying fuck you. My teenager brain was paying you back for leaving me. That if I ran first, fast,
often , I would never see you leave again. Now as I deal with his fallout I can finally see it. Not my
fault or yours. His. He sodomized me. His crap played out as distrust for us. I am not 15, not
turning tail and running.

On that note instead of running from feelings, I am actually setting a boundary with Fiona and Lip.
So there is an address here on the bottom. Please use this for a while . If I stay home this address
will get me missed letters . But I think I am heading there. Talking to Fiona and stating they need
to support my treatment or not undermine it . That my contributions to the house are more than
enough . And me talking to you is not their business. If they cannot do that, my program has a
shared housing. Emma needs a roommate and shit one bunk bed for another I guess. Would like to
think they will prove me wrong but not sure they are ready.

I am scared Mick, I talk a good game. But what if they are right, Lip and Fi. Maybe being
Monica’s and Southside , maybe it never get better for long. I hope I do not fuck this up. I want to
be me. Me with bipolar but me first. Fuck not sure what that means.So since your ass is still
grumpy and obstinate gonna pen pal the crap out of you. Sex was with you beyond words. Kicking
each others asses always a blast. But what I miss most was on the roof shooting and talking. I love
your ass Mick. I love the man more. So I guess we start asking what we want to know. Oh by the
way I know you took creative license on the boxers for the dick pick. But you may need to wear
plaid ones like that when you first get home. Shit have jacked off to that drawing so many nights.
But what I miss most is the weight of you in my arms, your soft breathing, your scent.

Mick what is the first thing you want to do after you get out, after the first meet and greet with your
po?
Also if you could design our bedroom what would it look like.?
There are your pen pal questions. I will write more later but need to go get Liam. Mick do what you
need in there just don’t let them claim you as just a convict. You are so much more . I love you.

Love Firecrotch

8. If I visit I can read you love sonnets

————

Mickey remembered what Enzo had said. If he slit Kashs throat he would never see Ian back in the
world. Kash dead would be trumped by Ian’s sadness and perhaps anger. Well fuck , feeling
inadequate at GED class almost had him bailing. But fuck if Ian could be string around his siblings,
his ass could work on reading. He stretched and smiled thinking of him and Ian’s first kiss. If he
could get out of prison before they both were too old, maybe Ian would be his last kiss as well.

———————

“ Hey Ian we are making spaghetti and watching drag race, you in?”

He liked his roommate Emma . Purple hair , cat eye glasses. Also bipolar. He had been here for 4
days now. Lip and Fiona had indeed talked and sat him down. They decided if Ian was to continue
with the program all household chores should be his . Also they should read his and Mickeys
correspondence to make sure he was not triggered. He moved out that night.

There were rules here. Med compliance and at least one in house group participation weekly. There
was a chore chart. Label anything not up for grabs in the fridge . Curfew 11 pm. Own meds in own
locked locker. No drugs no alcohol. But yet right now more free. No one counting his pills . Having
others will similar challenges, jokes about bipolar shakes that did not have anyone freak out. But it
was calmer and cleaner that anywhere he ever lived. It was not home and he missed his family. But
he needed to be here. Jumping up he followed Emma to the kitchen where his 4 other housemates
and Gary the counselor were.

“ Ian we are doing a weekly check in while dinner is finishing, you join us?”

” Sure why not..”

” Ok everyone grab a water and your therapy journal , meet here in 5. Oh yeah , Ian mail came. We
put it in everyone’s door box. You have a letter.

Mickey , Ian smiled.

After dinner he would sit in the big comfy chair and get that hit of love from his man.
 The root of the root
Chapter Summary

So this is a shorter chapter setting up the next larger 2.

Ian has made a boundary and is sticking to it, he shares with Mickey .
Mickey takes a chance to use their letters to start communicating the unsaid.
We add to why Terry is a piece of shit list.
And Mickey learns what a sonnet is.

Weekly check in group was not bad. As Ian was learning his roommates it was easier to share with
them. With the exception of their families having money, the aftermath of all their diseases had no
interest in wealth. He got snaps for setting the boundary with his siblings which made him flush a
bit. Ian rarely heard good job , Fiona did say it but sparingly. Not out of disinterest but 3 jobs , 5
kids small window to praise. But they all knew . Yet Ian until group feedback had not understood
how lacking it hurt.

Dinner was always a loud affair here and it seemed homey like the Gallagher table. He worked with
Erin to refine his boundary. He would not live at home or discuss his therapy unless met by
support. He would still provide groceries to help out with the younger kids. He would still pick
them up or come watch movies but he would not sleep there.

After dinner was a different pace him and his roommates often winding down, showers , tv , night
meds. The curfew was sort of funny to him as most everyone’s meds had them knocked out or
halfway there by 10 pm. Tonight he sat in the big chair with a hot tea , Izzy said was good and
prepped to read Mickey’s letter while everyone was watching Drag Race .

8/26/2016

Hey Firecrotch

I really am sorry Philip and Fiona are not supportive, not surprised but wish it for you . Emma
huh? Ian Gallagher shacking up with a girl , just messing . Having support means the world for
you. Means it to me too.

Tell you one thing between your place, your new place and prison , we ever live together no fucking
bunk beds.

Ian that night , shit I am so sorry, not even sure that covers it. We talked about that morning with
Terry and Svet but I don’t think we ever looked at your stuff. I am sorry and glad you have Erin to
work through this .Ian I know you said you’re scared . I think that means you’re in the right track.
You are about to do alot of work , you may still have highs and lows. But your family is wrong. It’s
not too much. You are not too much. Even this disease is part of you shapes you. I love every single
part .

So no squealing or inside voice laughing. I started my GED stuff. Not as close as you to test but
Sister Meg says next year. Oh yeah terrifying tall quiet nun runs the show . Maybe instead of COs
we should be policed by nuns , scare me tell you what. Also learned a fun fucking fact , Terry that
fucking ass actually is well educated. He pulled all our asses out to keep us dumb, add the beatings
dumb and scared. So totally finishing this GED as a fuck you to him. Beat us black and blue and
made sure we never had any skills.

Red, you never stopped seeing good in me , maybe even when you should have . As I look at this all,
yeah I miss that dick and those hands, but I miss us talking to man.Maybe this 20 question type idea
you have isn’t a bad one . I never want you out of my life. Ever .

So what do I want to do first after I get out and do the P.O. shit. I want to climb you like a tree and
kiss you until our lips fall off. All those years I had access and no spine. Fucking asshole, me not
you. Then we need a burger a huge fat greasy one, beer and fries. After that lock the door and just
be with you . Fucking ass aches for you man.All of me does. You’re under my skin man , what can I
do ? Then like you I want a job with meaning. Not sure how that looks as an ex con but guess I
have time to check out options. I don’t need a lot, simple guy. Wanna be happy and not scared to be
out. Bills paid , money to blow, you and a dog , beating Mandy on PlayStation. Not coming back
here, no more , done with this.

Our room . Sitting here on this thin as a cracker mattress , that sounds so good. Big bed if I am
sharing with your large gangly ginger ass. Lots of room to fuck . Soft, warm blankets although your
ass is a heater.You . In. Our. Bed . Clean man , no white carpet . Real furniture not chipped or
broken. Dog bed in the corner , dirty art on the walls. Closet that holds everything without
bunching it up. Oh yeah a tv fir movies or porn, wait movies AND porn. Did I mention you? Shit
princess I would sleep in that skanky rooftop on a jacket if it was with you.

Fuck getting called for chow. Hey what’s a sonnet?

I love you

Mick

Ian wiped away a tear, shocked and loving Mickey actually opening up. He shook his head, got his
nasty little grin and grabbed a piece of paper .

—————

Mickey was shocked to have a letter only 3 days later. Usually Ian saved up a bunch of news to
share. Was he ok, was something wrong ? He opened it up and laughed , little shit, his little shit .
Before bed he read and re read it . And in the still of the night he cried overwhelmed that this was
the sonnet Ian thought about when he thought of Mickey .
carry your heart with me(i carry it in]
BY E.E Cummings

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in

my heart)i am never without it(anywhere

i go you go,my dear;and whatever is done

by only me is your doing,my darling)

i fear

no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want

no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)

and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant

and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows

higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

——————
 Gonna Lay You Down
Chapter Summary

TRIGGER WARNING: Mickeys SA by proxy from Terry has details.

The pair continue to find themselves and each other . Mickey has not yet caved from letters to
visits but is getting closer.
The prison cellblock gets an unwelcome inmate and Mickey finds an ally in the most unusual
space.
Ian is building his life for him to be present when Mickey is out.
And man Ian can write both sweet and dirty letters

“ Mickey can you stay for a few? I cleared it with the CO.”

” Yeah sure sister, I in trouble? Need to bang some erasers?”

” You are quite the comedian aren’t you?”

” Sorry sister, nervous habit”

Sister Meg sat at her desk and Mickey sat in front of it , cracking his knuckles. The sister was great
at teaching unruly hardened criminals but as Mickey was learning she was a great listener. For
whatever reason she was relentless much like Ian. When he joked about it to her she simply said “
So two people who disagree with you about being fucked for life.”

” Mickey it’s October and you are doing well. I think we are on track for early next year taking the
GED. After that I really would like you to consider some of the trade classes here.”

” Why sister “

”Why? You are not meant to rot and die in here . It sounds like there is a negotiation of a life
waiting for you . Speaking of which, I see since your sister came months ago, no visitors , none but
her on your list, not Ian?”

” Is he paying you in fancy holy water ? Look still nervous about that , shit makes me feel
uncomfortable. We are writing , kind of asking questions about each other, things we wanted to
know then and now.”

”And are you learning things ?”

Mickey thought of the letters over the past few months and smiled. Yeah he was learning and
relearning Ian and parts of himself. Looking at the sister he recalled snippets from the 20 question
love letters being sent back and forth.

‘Hey Mick, I loved your response, yeah man Mexico. Real tequila but lots of sunscreen for both of
us. As long as I have a home base travel sounds good. I don’t think I could be a nomad though. My
bipolar makes me feel lost a lot , need something to ground me besides you, a place, a home. ‘

’ I wish Terry and Frank had not been such pricks to us too. With growing up so poor , it would
have been nice to have real father figures. But no we have to figure out how to be men , gay men no
less all by ourselves. I agree though we can’t do a worse job than them.’

’Why yes you making and serving me ramen naked sounds great. I remember so little from that first
depression, that low. But I remember you , holding up my head and fake bitching that you slaved a
whole 60 seconds over the microwave to nuke the noodles so I needed to take at least one bite. I
never got to thank you . You kept me alive in more ways than you know. One day in person I will tell
you.’

“ Yeah sister, I am. Learning I still love him , all of him. All changing parts. Did not think this was
up you alley, should you be converting the queer?”

He was fixed with steely eyes. “ You mean yourself as a gay man? Mickey I was called to do
ministry in a prison. I have seen so much hate, evil. A good man who loves another not in my
wheelhouse of concern. Besides maybe this is not my place but you need to know this. Your father
,I have had interaction with him. He came into my chapel saying he deserved some letters for
parole. That we were on the same team. He told me he was godly , he told me what he did to you
with Ian there. That is not my god. I banished him from this chapel.You are inside a light he could
not kill. If you ever need to unburden…”

Mickey jumped up “ What the fuck do you know about that sister, huh? That he beat the man I
loved in front of me, pistol whipped me . Wanna see the scar on my back from after Ian and the
whore left? That all I could feel was her pussy and thighs and cheap perfume. That I watched Ian
die piece by piece watching her fuck my half unconscious body. That it hurt so bad and I felt so
sick, I flipped her to fucking finish it. That he would not let me shower after. That he said if I was a
pussy and ended it he would end Mandy and Ian. I wake up still trying vomit. You don’t know shit
sister!”

“Mickey “

” What the fuck would you know sister in your Lily white tower?”

Sister Meg looked into him and gave a small nod.

“ Mickey , I do know. You understand this habit is not a weapon? Nuns can also be sexually
assaulted. Last prison I was at 25 years ago, there was a riot. So I know it can eat your soul and life.
I know you have to figure out for yourself how to leach the poison. Does not mean it goes away.
Things get taken and left . But you find things , people, life that cushions that hole they burned in
you. I am sorry I could have handled that better, I truly am. But you ever want to talk, I am here.”

Mickey looked stunned. As she talked he saw the pain he knew but it was the strength that overrode
that pain. But right now it was too much, too raw.

He stuttered “ Sister I need to go” and he fled back to his cell. That night he took his aggression out
in Aiden until he could not feel or care .
——————

“ Ian hang with me ok”

”Sure Emma , you need anything?”

He was glad , Emma was up and moving. She had just come off a 8 day low and Ian was on the flip
side of watching someone he cared about be comatose and waiting for the med change to bring you
back to life.

She sat up bed head and smiled. “ I could use a new brain , a cranberry juice, oh and that Ukrainian
dumpling Mandy took us to get . Oh yeah and to hear how it’s going with the fam”

”Well Debbie is Debbie but is super supportive. Carl got circumcised to get a blow job, Lip is
drinking too much. Fiona is fucking this weird musician and Liam just adorable. Fiona has came to
family group once and with Erin. Lip once. I like going home but they are still not fully on board
with me being here. Gallagher’s we love each other but we all need buckets of therapy. So me
doing it is threatening. I miss them but yeah miss me more, fuck maybe I never knew me. I think
the only person I ever let see that was Mickey.”

Emma wrapped her blanket around her.

“ Ian I am sorry you can’t be at home but it’s a good boundary. The bipolar yeah it has complicated
managing life but the shit you told me… glad you are finding you. Me, Mandy , the house we all
love the you that you can’t see yet. Mickey from what you told me loves you. For a guy who you
told me is still getting adjusted to being out , this letter dating he is imposing is totally rom com
with a small dog in a sweater shit. How is it going, learning any fun facts?”

Ian sat on the floor a small smile playing on his lips thinking about the shy closeted boy he fell in
love with was a young man taking chances being brave in words.

Jeez Ian, I do not know, maybe besides Mandy , I would reach out to Iggy. Only other sibling I miss.
Never told you this but Terry he hated how small I was. To toughen me up he would hold me down ,
take his belt off and just beat me until I had to crawl. If Iggy walked in he would jump in , took a
few beatings for me. Need to say thank you, never did. So we get a dog or hmm kid ( maybe maybe)
not hitting them at all, ok.”

” You have 27 freckles on your nose. 53 on your cheeks. You like how I smell, I like counting them.
One day going to again. Promise.”

” ok if you ever mention this to anyone , I will not climb you like a tree , I will make myself ramen ,
clothed . But I think if I could do anything I would get a wood shop, build things , relax with power
tools.”

” Found that book you told me about in the prison library . Did not think vampires could be
interesting. Sister Meg helped me with some words, but kinda proud my reading is like an adult
level now. I know I did it but Ian thank you for cheering me in, believing in me.”

“ Emma I miss seeing him and hearing him . But I chide and tease but he has to be comfortable. I
know on some level he doesn’t want me to see him like that. He has been the strong one, the shot
caller, the caretaker. But we are not freaked out kids. We need to care for each other and if space
helps him see that ok.”

She giggled and Ian was glad to see that spark back. He felt a rush of compassion for everyone he
loved who watched and waited for him to come back to life. When he went to the kitchen to get
Emma juice , he shot a group text to his siblings and Mandy .

Hey everyone. I am so grateful for you all. We may not see eye to eye , yet I know you care.
Thank you for being there when I was curled up half dead, holding space in life for me to
come back to . I love you all.❤❤❤❤

The only name not in the text, Mickey but one day this would be shared in person.

——————

Mickey and Enzo were sitting watching the new meat getting their cell assignments, fuck Kash was
on the tier. Mickeys knuckles curled to painful white under his tattoos. This motherfucker.

Enzo leaned in “ Milkovich think . If Ian is your endgame , let prison rules take care of him. I am
fucking here for life , do not join me ok.”

” I wanna tear him limb for limb, wanna hurt him like he hurt Red. Not sure how I am gonna not
but fuck I want out man.”

” Then let the jungle we live in take care of it. Besides I saw that look when you got mail , let your
time tonight be Reds letter and maybe a beat off to him .”

————-

That night Mickey sketched just letting himself relax . The anxiety of the day began to melt as he
pictured being in real sleep clothes in bed with Ian drawing as Ian watched one of those teen
vampire films he loved.He really wanted to kill Kash but like Enzo said, he wanted life outside
more. Ian more. So before lights out he opened the envelope. A picture fell out. Liam and Ian at a
pumpkin patch . Liam beaming as Ian held up two pumpkins. His fiery curls peaked out a black
beanie and his green eyes shined like emeralds in the sun. God he was beautiful .

10/16/16

Hey Mick

Didn’t Liam get big. He is so smart , I love having one on one time with him. We actually could
afford pumpkins this year. Still at the group living. It’s getting better with Lip and Fi but better for
me here. Learning me here. And that is terrifying as fuck. I never thought about me cause I believed
there was nothing there. I am learning Ian Gallagher has layers beside being bipolar.

So my roomie Emma and Mandy have hit it off. Lots of FaceTiming and sharing Ian stories, wtf! I
went with them to hot yoga, almost passed out. Yeah went to a dance class too. I love to dance you
know that , it was real dancers, no old men or booty shorts. I got to move without being ogled or
groped. I would still dance for you anytime. Fuck Mick dance with you , in my arms . Just you and
me holding tight .
My meds are holding stable , fucking still hate them but been working with Erin to accept parts of
this diagnosis. Reminding myself my genetics are not my fault, I am not bad or broken to deserve
this. It’s a crappy hand but have decided will not own me. I own myself, you own my heart.

You asked me what I think about when I think about you in the private times. Climbing me aside,
the first night I can lay you down gonna lay you down. Take my time getting you naked. I am going
to start at your neck, that place between the nape of your neck and your ear. The spot that gets that
happy grunt from you. Gonna work up nibble your ear , small nips. ( Mickey could feel Ian’s warm
mouth on him)

Next going to take my tongue and trace those cords of sinew in your biceps, suck bruises on the
fleshy bulging muscle.Straddle you Mick so you are trapped. So many times you looked away. Not
doing that when you get out. Want you to see the love and desire I have only for you in my eyes.
Gonna hold that gaze for a bit , til we both get over whatever might hold us back. And while we
feast on each others eyes, my fingers are going to ghost my name over your heart. Gonna do it over
and over Mick until my fucking dna is mixed in with the ink. So you carry a piece of me everywhere
and every day you wake up and fall asleep with me, you know I am merged with you baby.

Did I ever tell you your stomach makes me as feral as your ass and thighs? It is the perfect mix of
tight muscle and soft touches.In my lowest points , my head in it made me feel safe, home. Going to
kiss each and every inch of it, even that one spot on your left side that is ticklish. Wanna hear you
moan, gasp, whine. Our life was fast fucks , trying not to get caught. In our bed all the time I need
to cherish you.

Then Mick going start manhandling you the way you love. You might be in there but I have been
working out too. My hands are going on those fucking delectable silky and stocky thighs and
parting them like the fucking Red Sea. That’s my territory, no matter what happens until then.
Those inner thighs are my personal treasure and mine alone.Gonna brand them, dark marks sucked
almost to bone marrow while my fingers tease your taint and massage those hot heavy balls you got
Mr Milkovich. Not moving on until you fall apart begging me calling my name. Not red, firecrotch
or Gallagher. Begging Ian.

And when your a good boy Mick ( each time he read that his stomach and groin tingled and his dick
jumped ) and you plead using my name , going run my lips over that neglected rosy hole while
opening the lube. Pulling your legs on my shoulders so I have free access to watch your rim give to
my fingers as I slowly work them in to you .Fuck Mick , I can almost cum untouched thinking how
tight your going to be for me ( Mickey bit his lip trying not to cum as well, waiting til lights out).

The first finger is going to push past, make you gasp like the wind knocked out.And I am going to
watch you baby bite that lip, flutter those blues and flush red. Your cock is gonna be leaking and
you’re going to stroke it for me as I add another finger into those vice like walls.Your gonna stroke
it for me showing me how you beat it thinking of me. And that third finger is going to dip in so I can
scissor you open and tease that much neglected prostate. ( At that thought Mickey slammed his fist
on the bottom of the bunk above him)

We both know baby that sweet spots aching more than your whole ass but daddy’s gonna make it
better. Cause daddy will officially be home and gonna fuck you though multiple orgasms. And I
know you are gonna want to be fuck on your hands and knees , ok but not first. First I am picking
you up under that life altering ass as again working out, can now do a one armed handstand. (
Mickey almost blacked out) Holding you up against a wall so I watch you fall apart.Slowly get my
9 inches up in you.Let you feel the stretch and burn and then pile drive my dick in and out of you til
your eyes roll. I am going to savor that tight clenching heat cause you always felt like my dick was
being wrapped in a damn velvet straight jacket up in you . Drill that prostate til you beg me to cum,
tease you as your thighs shake around my waist. And as I fill you up , brand you inside you’re
gonna shoot your load between us. When you’re down shaking , gonna clean you up and plug that
sweet ass until round 2, 4, 6.

And when you think you can’t do one more round, I am going to place you down and make love to
you.

I love you Mick

Firecrotch

#18 Now that you know I can do a one arm hand stand, you are gonna wanna check out my arms.

That night Mickey closed his eyes , thought about those images and grabbed his thick cock ,
jacking off and massaging his balls as he bit his lip to blood to not cry out . When he fell into sleep
he dreamed of moonlight as Ian made love to him.

Renewed the next day he had a few things to do before he requested seeing Sister Meg to
apologize.

———-

Ian was running late, today was jam packed . He had both Erin and his stress management group.
He stopped for a smoothie but promised he would get to the Gallagher house to help Liam make
cookies for a bake sale. His phone was going off in his backpack, Liam impatient.

He snatched the phone out and smiled into it “ Liam , I swear I am almost there ok”

A pause

” Hey Red, miss me?”

” Holy Fuck.. Mick”

—————
 Holy Fuck , I missed the sound of you
Chapter Summary

Mickey calls Ian. The first sound of each others voice in almost half a year. What gets said or
not said in a short prison call .
Mickey tends to Ian and Ian to Mickey over phone lines. The first time neither tries to be the
sole caretaker.
Mickey apologizes and confides more in Sister Meg and Mandy checks in on Ian. They both
gear for how to discuss next steps of communicating with each other .

But the love is there.

Brief reference to SA
Homophobic and misogynistic language

Hey Red, miss me?”

” Holy Fuck.. Mick”

Mickey turned to the phone and dropped his voice. “ Shit Ian, please don’t cry ok , I have a long
line behind me and it’s not safe. But Red I love you, miss you so bad like full on withdrawals.”

Ian’s voice washed over him like gentle rain in late summer. His tone was always even, melodic
that undercurrent of mid west accent. But now it was firmer, low and calling.

“ Mick, baby I love you , are you ok ? Do you need anything I can send ? Are you safe? “

Instead of tears of relief , Mickey chortled at the eagerness and earnestness that always flowed so
easily from his ginger. His. Right now his heart was beating with longing and need he knew the
whole prison could hear. Before Terry beat it out of him, young Mickey believed in magic. He
wanted it again to crawl through the phone and into Ian’s arms.

“ Gallagher take a breath ok. Yeah I am safe and ok. Did that solitary stint a while back , not my
fault and it did not add time. I am in prison , it’s Groundhog Day here man. It’s too cold or hot ,
routine and same. Your letters, you keep me going in here.I don’t wanna talk about that . Tell me
how your stuff is going then fuck I need the outside world, tell me about your day today , please
E.”

He could hear Ian shift .

” Fiona came to another appointment. It’s still rough go. Monica well from her they believe this is
not manageable. She admits she does not believe I cannot spiral. But we are talking. Carl and
Debbie bring Liam to family social group. I think they like the pizza and miss me home. I miss
them but not ready to be home yet. The one med that is keeping the hallucinations at bay makes me
have a hand tremor. Feel like an old man but better than taking a bat to Debbie.”

Another shift.
” Mickey I know in words it’s different but I carry part of you in my day to day. I don’t know what
day to day will be when you are out. I know some days we may also annoy the fuck out of each
other.Really don’t care as long as you are here.”

“ So today woke up at 6:30 and went for a run . You know my drill, juice , toast and pills .”

Ian laughed but Mickey heard the twinge of sadness that he understood was Ian’s grief at his
illness. As Ian paused , Mickey took a moment.

” I get you gotta do med compliance for you but I am so fucking proud of you. You are strong Red
to keep doing what you hate to save yourself. You impress me. I know you can have ups and downs
but man you’re sounding so healthy. I interrupted you. What else your giant ass up to today?”

Ian laughed that sound that came from a true well of happiness down in him. It was wind chimes
that carried notes that made others smile too. Fuck Mickey thought, I wish I could record that. All
the years holding him at arms length , missing chances , teasing him for being too optimistic,
making him feel less. Then that first depression and no laughter. I swear I make it out of this
hellhole and I will hold that laugh holy.

” Well I took Liam to school and got Carl a new jacket, well thrift store but it has skulls, he will
love it. Had Erin today and that was a tear and snot fest as we are now on Monica and Frank
trauma. And how she is out there right now and I miss her even though she is a shit junkie mom
and Lip tosses me shit for it. Baked cookies for our house potluck , only burned one sheet when I
spaced out. Still having some Kash and Ned triggers. Erin asked if I wanted to press charges on
Ned as well. Not thinking about that too much outside therapy. Jacked off to the thought of sucking
your dick until you could not remember your name.”

” Yeah so don’t laugh ‘k. And I know you’re gonna think it’s gay but I am gay. So Emma kept
dragging me to that drop in class at the dance studio. The two owners could not believe I did not
have any formal history. But they are super nice. They offered me part time work. One is learning
the routines for the pole dancing exercise class , all soccer moms. Then during class I help . Plus
front desk work during on weekends. Not a gold booty short in site. Which is great now that , well
Mick , I have weight on me. Still under my range but don’t want you disappointed and……”

” Ian you gotta breathe. You did all that in one go, impressive . You were always sexy, still will
be.But back in the day man , you were unhealthy thin . Love you and saw that pic you sent, you
look healthy, more than I have ever seen you. So cut the negative talk about the man I love or
having Mandy and maybe this Emma chick beat your ass for me. Look watch out for those soccer
moms, you know their flabby dentist husbands ain’t fucking ‘em , so will be all handsy. Also you
best bake me cookies when I am out bitch. Now continue cause we are getting close to time.”

Another lilting giggle.

” Yeah yeah, will get cougar spray . Rest of day well got chore duty here, my turn to vacuum and
mop common areas. Picking Carl up from school and making the kids dinner cause Fi and Lip not
there at dinner and they have been on noodles. Then coming back here to crash. “

” Wish I was there doing it with you , except cleaning. Don’t even do that in my cell, Aide…. Fuck
never mind.”
” Mickey listen to me and listen good. Do not ruin the awesomeness of this call on that shame
spiral.I know what it might look like in there ok . I know shit is gonna happen. It’s my name on
your heart not some skank bottom bitch.FYI you get out I am not flitting around cleaning up after
you so enjoy that perk right now. Last time you are getting a cleaning service. Am I jealous as fuck
that shit may be happening besides cleaning, fuck yes.Your mine, whatever man whore is there,
they are a placeholder until me. All I ask is if your feelings change, don’t string me along. And
right now my hand is the only relief. I got too much shit going on to get me well.”

” I love you Gallagher, just you.”

Just then the beep to indicate count down to disconnect.

The voice broke. “ Baby please call again , I will keep money on your books for this and what you
need. I love you , your it for me . Mickey just stay safe , do your classes, do your time and for fucks
sake come back to me. I can survive and thrive alone but want it with you by me. I lov…”

The time was up and Mickey stared at the phone braying a dial tone. He swaggered away from the
phones with an air of indifference he did not feel. He was feeling so much.

————-

Mickey opened the chapel door to find Sister Meg grading papers.She looked up and smiled
indicating Mickey should have a seat. As he waited for her to finish grading the cold clammy pit in
his stomach pushed unwavering sadness through his whole system. He rested his head in his hands
and silent vicious sobs racked his body. After a several minutes when he fought back control he
heard a noise. The sister was pushing a box of tissue towards him. After several minutes of silence
he looked back to her.

” Sister I am sorry , I was such an ass to you. I just try to pretend that day never happened.”

” So how is that working so far ?”

” Give you one guess Sister. I just, I don’t know how Ian gets through therapy about his sexual
abuse. By the way his pedophile is here and I can’t kill him cause I want to see Ian again but feel
like a pussy for leaving him and well Terry standing. Then I talked to Ian and jeez I am crawling
out of my skin. I miss him, he’ll , fuck , shit ,sorry Sister. I feel helpless, I hate this.”

Sister Meg watched him calmly.

“ Mickey I approached the conversation in a wrong way as well. Please forgive me for that. I had
forgotten that both of you were sexual assault survivors.Your lives run parallel in many ways and
diverge wildly in others. Tears from helplessness are not uncommon. You love him and miss him.”

” I read his letters and just heard his voice. I told him once what we had makes me free. Even in
here it’s like I am stuck right now but not forever.”

” That’s called hope Mickey , it will get you further than hate. I know you have been concerned,
how did he sound?”

” For the first time in years, he sounded like he was not so unsteady. I like hearing it.”
” You could see for yourself you know”

” I swear again I ask is he is paying you sister . I just . I can’t explain why him coming here makes
me feel sick and scared.”

” Hmmm . So I have ministry in 15 . I will ok you staying after class this week and you and I will
just talk to see if you can pinpoint why you are denying you and him a visit.”

” You my therapist now sister”

” No , just a good listener , you need one.”

” Again why are you doing this for me sister?”

“ I have seen many men come through these walls. You do not need to stay for life, again you are
not meant to rot here. I see the CO ready to grab you. We will talk after class.”

He went through the rest of the day mute, replaying the conversation with Ian over and over. It was
a secret space of joy. He ate in silence and to discourage interaction told the CO on tier he was
feeling ill. He played possum facing the wall until lights out.

————

Ian was disconnected from Mickey and curled up on his bunk sobbing. The lack of control on
seeing him, touching him, having unlimited time was a blade heated white hot to carve his heart.
Mickey sounded good, that playful teasing before Ian’s brain chemistry took a swan dive. He also
heard that stress , the glass in the body ready to shatter you. He had gotten a book on supporting
someone incarcerated and they talked about the damage to your system from being on guard did.
That with his childhood, there was always a chance Mickeys repressed emotions could snap and he
became a lifer.

Ian felt a chill roll down him. He let himself feel it, then moved on from dwelling . Dwelling did
neither of them any good. He could just do what he could. Support, keep him connected, be a
sounding board , send money for meager comforts but comforts no less.

But he did not feel all helpless . Mickey wanted to hear about what was going on . He provided
that . He heard in almost 6 months I love you from that grumpy , big hearted thug. He was able to
say it to him. Mickeys voice to just him was always liquid velvet, heavy , easy and sensual. Ian’s
hidden emotions played in his eyes, Mickey his inflections and tells.

He heard how distraught he had become slipping about his cell mate. Years ago him bragging about
his and Svetlana’s bedroom and her drinking him under the table made Ian feel like Mickey choose
to dip Ian’s clothes in acid to have him burn and rot. That was lack of awareness on his part,
closeted and smarmy. But too much was between them now. He called it out so there was a place of
understanding. It was irony , Mickey out , his name on him and they were apart. To not be prey ,
shit was going to go down. They were also Southside kids. You do not pass opportunities. Mickey
was opportunistic, cleaning was probably more the perk than a body. Not great, not fair but to
survive this to the day he walked out prison gates they just needed not a shame secret. But if any
bitch ran up to them in the street reminiscing about their time together , Ian would shatter his
windpipe and dick Mickey down over the passed out body. And right now he was ok with that.

As he was getting Carls jacket and the extra cookies for his siblings his phone rang.
”IAN HOLY SHIT ARE YOU OK , DO YOU NEED ME TO COME DOWN THERE , ARE YOU
OK BESTIE?”

” Um Mandy better question , you ok , what is wrong ?”

”EMMA HEARD YOU CRYING LIKE IN A LOW CRY AND SHE WOULD KNOW.ARE
YOUR LEVELS OK”

” Mands please stop screaming . I am ok . I love that you both are concerned. Mickey called, it
went well. Just miss him needed to get that stuck shit out .”

He held the phone away from his ear knowing what was coming next .

” YOU TALKED TO HIM ,HE BETTER HAVE NOT BEEN A ASSHAT. “

” Mandy it was really good , just a lot to hear him”

” oh Ian now that I am not worried, happy you talked . When are you seeing him , we could go
together .”

pause

“ Shit he did not put you back on the list !”

” No “

” I think you need to have that discussion with him, or maybe I will.”

” Mandy we are figuring it out . I just need to figure out how to discuss a possible timeline without
it seeming like an ultimatum. Calls too quick and negotiations in letters like playing chess by mail.”

” Ok I am coming down this weekend. You, me, Emma if she is up to it. Pizza , tons of candy, rom
com marathon. Gotta get back to work, will call you later to work out details. Love you”

” OH MY GOD LOVE YOU TOO,”

” Prick no wonder you and my brother as so good for each other.”

And this time he was laughing not crying as he was disconnected from a Milkovich.

Before heading home he noted in his journal to talk with Erin to help him figure out a way to have
an important conversation like this without the luxury of time and proximity.

But Mickey called and that was a start.

 Even without the bipolar , adulting is hard!
Chapter Summary

After talking, the love is there but old fears rise up. Both men figure out how to do the one
thing that was their challenge, communication.
The growth is starting and the love enough to fight for themselves and each other.

Chapter Notes

💕😁
So this chapter got long. So I broke it up. If you did not see it, there is a chapter new before
this

Erin put a glass of water out and smiled at Ian.

” This was some great work around recognizing triggers and how to flip the script from anxious to
aware. In the next week if these come up , try your solution and when you can note the feelings and
sensations of the trigger and the solution you choose. We can start basing some of the therapeutic
plans around it in your cognitive behavioral sessions. Now let’s talk about talking with Mickey ,
that is a lot of notes in your share journals.”

” Yeah so out of nowhere he calls. It was great to hear him, fuck I miss him. It did bring back some
scary stuff though “

” Scary , how so . Let’s explore that .”

” When we were younger , look I ran a lot. It was my way of grabbing control. Between Terry and
his marriage , I never had a say of when he could call me, when I could see him . Even when it was
us with Svetlana she controlled so much or would threaten to tell Terry . It was a rush to talk to him
. I want more though , like will you call me every Wednesday or are you calling me whenever . I
fuck I figured it out too late. I want partnership , yeah that’s up and down in compromise I get that .
But maybe we have the chance to do a partnership , how do I even start that if it’s letters , random
calls , and maybe again he controls the visits.”

” Is doing this too much , is it triggering for you.”

” No I really thought hard about that. It is more just frustrating , how do we set a timeline,
expectations ? I have because of our younger situation given him ultimatums not conversations. I
don’t want it to come out that way. No practice. I still want this long haul just need to set us up as
adults not angry teens. Fuck even without bipolar , adulting is hard.”

Ian sat back and rubbed his temples.

” So what I am hearing is you want to set some expectations about your connection while he is
incarcerated. You are choosing to approach this more vulnerable than before where is it
compromise and transparency.So right now what is the only consistent communication that you
have control of?”

”Letters”

” Yes and while that does not provide instant gratification, it is a start. What you just shared with
me was powerful.How can you share that message in a way Mickey can hear.”

Ian fidgeted in his chair looking younger and more scared.

” umm by telling him how I feel and what I would like .To tell him I don’t want it to only be him
caring for me. That we find a way to take care of each other. To let me be strong for him too, it does
not mean he has failed.That I want more than letters, I need more to feel like we have purpose, to
connect us while he is locked away. It my fault Erin .”

” What’s your fault Ian?”

” That I went nuts, I ran away because of his marriage. That I got in trouble with the army. That he
attacked Sammi. That he is locked up .I ruined his life so many times . I caused his father to get
Svet to rape him, marry him . All of that is me. His life is shot because of me. My love ruined him
.”

And with that Ian dissolved into hot fiery sobs that chocked him.

When Ian had stilled Erin began.

” Let’s look at what you said. The day Terry caught you both , did you force Mickey to have sex.”

” No we , I was heading for work . It just for us both…to just touch and be naked and playful. “

” And when Terry came?”

” When he was on Mickey, I tried to run where Mickey had a gun stashed. But Terry pulled his.”

” So two half nude beaten teens with a gun on them had the responsibility that a sick man had his
son raped.That Mickey was not in shock and fear when the marriage came ? How could you have
stopped that Ian? If someone told you that story would you have blamed one of the teens?”

A very shaken no.

” Then why apply that to you?And you leaving , we’re you in pain seeing him with her?”

” So much “

” You had the right to leave Ian, the manner you did we now realize this was the start of your
cycles. You were in military holding when Sammi was attacked. How are you responsible for how
Mickey responded to the stress of you being taken?”

” I guess I am not but it feels…”

” Ian you can have feelings but you need to separate that from the choices and consequences of
others.Mickey was upset and many things. He made a choice to handle it . These are his
consequences, feel about them , but you cannot keep owning them.”

“ I just love him, I know the man in our private moments.I hate that he pays for his family
dynamics.”

” That’s fair Ian. If you would like we can talk about ways to write to him that is you speaking your
truth with it feeling like you are just pushing him through your dynamic.”

” Yeah I think I would like to do that .”

————
“ Good work today gentlemen , I will see you all next week. Mr. Milkovich please stay after.”

” Ooooooooooooh, uh oh “

” Gentlemen , may I remind you no one here is 5. Let’s act our ages shall we. Good day”

“ Yes sister”

Mickey help me make these packets for next weeks work. Have you called Ian again since our last
chat?”

Mickey took his finger and smoothed his brow.

” Umm yeah, chickened out. Little shit put money on my books again. Between his family needing
and him needing , kills me he puts cash in my books.In letters tells me he knows not a lot of what
he calls creature comforts in here. Wants me to have little things so it’s not so bleak.Also says he
likes the idea of my bitch , fuck , crap again sorry sister, my umm cellie making me fancy coffee he
provides.Still a giant ball of redheaded jealousy.”

” So sending money and prison issued care packs his choice. Also I did not realize you had a
relationship in here?”

Mickeys eyes flashed angry electric blue then softened with the shame that usually twisted his guts
if he focused on it too long.

” No sister I am most certainly not in a relationship with any person here. But I am a Milkovich
with a rep and folks aligned and pissed at Terry. If I did not flash some fucking dominance and
cruelty then I would have gangs lined up to bang me bent over a table for hours. Saving my ass for
a certain ginger. The cell mate plays wifey and takes care of other needs at times and my rep . But
that’s it. Fuck, suck and shut up . Oh shit sister that was way too much info to tell a nun.”

” Mickey we are in prison , not a bible retreat. I do understand how things work in here , as does
Ian it sounds.”

” Yeah he does not love it . He understands says just tell him if I catch real feelings in here. Also
says be careful and will have to get tested before he raw dog’s me. Fuuck sorry again sister.”

” Reminder again , prison have heard and seen worse. Now let’s talk about what you are avoiding. I
asked if you are scared to see him and apparently talk with him?”
Mickey chewed his lip and focused on the packets before him.He began to speak not meeting the
sister’s eyes.

” I have been attracted to Ian since I was 17 years old. He was this scrawny red head at the corner
store. Same shitty neighborhood. Monica and Frank fucking nightmares. First time I was
shoplifting in there, he was new. I just bam, wanted to be around him. There is this light in him ,
this ability to love . He can be a stubborn , pouty prick in his love . But he loves you, you feel it. No
one loved me but when Ian did, it did something to me. I knew he was mine that cosmic romantic
soulmate shit, he talks about and I make fun of.”

” We were beating the crap out of each other over a gun . I had him pinned, my dad was drunk in
the other room. I did not care. I needed him to touch me. That was our first time.Then my dad
caught us and he well Svetlana . Then I beat the crap out of him, married here. Tried to push him
away . Almost died when I succeeded and he left He came back and the bipolar took him out. I was
suppose to keep him safe. He fucked in a fog, did a porno , took off with Liam. I was suppose to
keep him safe . I failed .So when those Army fuckers dragged him off screaming, fuck sister I have
nightmares of those screams, I needed Sammi to pay.”

He pulled at his hair a bit, frustrated.

” Why does he keep coming back? I am a damn thug in a fucking jumpsuit who cannot protect him
in here What if he sees me and says fuck that. What if…”

Mickeys voice dropped and broke.

” What if he sees me as failing him and leaves forever .”

” What if he stays and you build a life. I think Mickey life with him is scarier than life without.
Without him you can self destruct. Be your fathers son. With him whatever version you both chose.
At some point with him you will see yourself through his eyes. You can still be a grumpy , cocky
thug but one who can care about himself an others. Ian pushes your buttons for growth and you do
the same for him. But only if you settle your fear. “

” He needs routine sister. Jail is chaos and fuckery and shit.”

” Ian is not in jail, you are. Your time to him could be routine, good for him maybe good for you”

” Not following “

” From everything we have chatted about the last month,you both resort back to chaotic that you
grew up in. Now you have a chance to now each other without it. Routine . You commit to x
amount of letters , a day you call . Maybe you figure out a time to put your big boy jumpsuit and
set a date to let him visit. “

” Harsh sister”

” Needed . You are your worst enemy. Stop it.”

”Trying sister .”

” Good , next class stay after , I need laminated mass cards cleaned off from penis drawings. You
can tell me about a career class you will take in here and your next call with Ian . Now go get in
count for lunch.”

” Thank you sister”

” You are welcome.”

————————

“ Ian thank you for helping with this class, it was packed. Without a spotter we would have had low
energy in there.”

” Thanks Sandy, I love dancing again in a not dirty creepy club.”

” You are so sweet Ian , sorry those perverts took advantage. I wanted to talk with you. I would
love if you started taking master classes here if you are interested, will help with your form.
Figured we could barter. If you would help on pre competition days with Emma doing registration,
we could waive the fee.”

” Oh wow Sandy I wold freaking love that , thank you !”

Ian called Debbie back. Now pregnant at 15 . Fiona was pushing for an abortion but Ian saw the
look in Debbie’s eyes. She was having the baby. He did not agree but they talked and she made her
case. So Ian was going to support her like she did him . Fuck he was scared for her but wasn’t
going to bully her choice. He knew first hand Gallagher sibling support and rejection. He told her
when he got paid she would help her with prenatal vitamins.

He had coffee with Emma and their housemate Matt. Matt had joined them for their weekend rom
com candy fest with Mandy. Matt was telling Ian about a group of gay guys he hung out with.
Trevor was a volunteer at an LGBTQ center and Caleb was a fire fighter. Matt and Caleb had just
started hooking up, going to dinner. Matt was nervous, telling someone you had a depressive
disorder was one thing but the more you knew them the more your life was on spotlight. He was a
nice guy, Ian thought Caleb was an ass but he was being supportive .

He dropped OJ and bread off at the house. Getting back to the center he smiled . Taco talk night.
Chessy as hell but it was a kind of in home group where they talked about school, jobs, next steps .
And Lynn the group leader picked up the best tacos to prime the discussion pump for them all. He
took a shower and got comfy . He saw the letter with Mickeys chicken scratch and grinned ear to
ear. He would end a good day on the best note by reading a letter from the brunette before bed.

———-
Mickey was lifting beyond his usual set of weights. He was pissed and trying to reign in some
control of himself. This morning goaded on he had yet another “ present” from nana in the shower.
Fuck he needed to get to him, respectfully tell him no more.. Nana had a long term lover, male . But
his reputation was so cemented in prison lore not even Terry questioned it. He had no idea that
Mickey was with Ian but that needed to be settled soon.

Worse yet the next group in contained Kash, sporting a black eye but a gloat hearing the rumble of
what happened as the CO turned a blind eye due to nanas influence. Kash’s gloat and mumbled “
yeah you really love him “ made him want to pummel him.

Enzo broke into his thoughts.” Before you kill yourself what’s going in man?”
Mickey sat up and wiped his brow.

“ Do you think I am afraid of Ian?”

” Fuck yeah man, you got it bad, totally afraid of your redhead. You know that man could wreck
your life in the best way. Pissing your pants that you could be loved that hard. Seriously you gonna
stay here punch out pedos or you gonna finally get out , eat a steak , sleep in a bed, sleep with your
man. “

” I am not a pussy or a bitch.”

” No you are not but you’re a fucking idiot. You got someone who’s willing to go the distance and
you ignore the massive gift that is. Do not fuck it up . Call your fucking man in the reg , stop taking
nana handouts. Tell Ian I get a finders fee of honey buns for getting your ass with the program.”

“ Aye fuck you is what your getting.

With hooded eyes he watched the rest of the day .He sat in his bunk looking at all the pictures he
had of Ian. The green eyes bore into him, sharing warmth he lacked locked up. Fuck Ian , I will
figure this out for us .He grabbed the newest letter and braced for impact.

11.1.2016

Hey Mick

God , it was hearing you was like a stone pulled off my neck. It was too short , too fleeting . Mick
you loved me through the darkest places. I thought I caused your darker places . But we have a
chance to not be in a dark place . Mick please set aside your pride . You took care of me so many
times. Let me care for you. Let’s care for each other.

Mick we are no longer kids and we had so much happen before we were adults. All of it, the ugly ,
the deplorable, the hate, fear , it should have blown us apart. Every storm that took us away, we
found our way back. I don’t want to keep finding my way. You’re my heart, my home . Can’t we
please build our home in each other instead of letting the thrives take it. Prison, bipolar, poverty.
Realities for sure but we have let it steal time, trust and each other. Ready to do this Milkovich, let’s
fucking love each other like men not scared boys.

I need a routine but I understand something is up with you, something you have to work through
yourself. I am here the whole way while you do it. Done running , from me, from my illness, from
us. Will it always be easy nope , will I always be worth it, you worth it, us worth it? Fuck yeah. I
want time , to be clear , time with you. Can we figure out a time we call , regular , just a
touchstone? I won’t push face to face , when you are ready baby for that I am here.

So increased my dancing classes both in teaching and learning. It feels good to have a job even if
it’s helping soccer moms feel sexy. Ugh puke. But met some older dancers ( Broadway ) they are
good listeners. It’s nice having people just know me, Ian with bipolar . Unlike family , bipolar Ian
kid of Monica. They see me not broken , like you see me.
I love you, stay safe in there, come back to me

love Ian

Number 27 . Your eyes keep my heart fed, and my dick ❤

A rare smile lit his face . Gallagher we will make this happen .

——————

Group had gone well. Tasty tacos and for a group with a lot of issues , there was genuine laughter.
He was given some literature on a program that he wanted to read up on. It gave him ideas for
building a life, maybe a career. Speaking of building, he opened up a letter and could hear that
voice in his head. The only one he never wanted the meds to mute.

11/1/2016

Hey Firecrotch

Hearing you , Ian . It’s like being in here stopped my heart and you keep bringing me back to life. I
don’t want my old life , Terrys golden child. I am always gonna be me, anti social, grumpy and
maybe short with idiot strangers. But I want to do it in our home with you. I never had home. I
think I have been waiting for you. You and me, home. Like two old queens at the courthouse. I was
so stunned back then. Ask me now though . Not wearing a dress though.

I am a pussy . Scared of not being enough for me, you , us . But tired of running . So if you will
humor me , I wanna try. Not running, staying still with you . Settling my fear which not sure what
that means but figuring it out. I think it means me feeling worthy so I can be something for me and
you.Also not sure if I don’t figure it soon a nun and a lifer gonna kick my ass. Maybe I need that .
Know I need you, always been you . One day will tell you how early I noticed you, wanted you, felt
weird cosmic shit.

Ian I have been worried that I am failing you . Then I realized you are taking care of you. I did not
fail you. I will not fail you because you will not fail yourself. I will always support you , care for
you when you can’t . But maybe I will let you support me. The comforts you give me here are
wonderful . But it means more cause you are thinking of me, you want me to comfort me. We
deserve to comfort each other.

I avoid sharing so much about here. It’s a fucking pit . It takes and takes and yeah fucking put
myself here. Doing things maybe not so proud of , just trying to not get literally fucked over here. I
just would be dead if I did not have any hope. Which I guess I do. Fucking hope that me and a giant
red puppy Ginger corny ass can figure life when I leave here. I fucking love you Ian , nothing, no
one, no thing has ever changed that.This is noise and violence . You are sound and love .

I know you need stability . I need to settle myself and settle into better. Truth told I think routine
might help me too. So proposing routine for us. Not as great as morning toast and pills yeah yeah I
am an ass. How about I call on Thursday nights. From all you say about work and groups, sounds
like the best time. But it is an us decide. How about I call this Thursday and we go from there. Also
you are right chai tea is tasty and not at all gay. But I am gay and I love you.
Always if you have me, us

Mick

ps not sizzler or phone sex but it’s a date Thursday .

Ian sat in shock and awe at the letter. Holy fuck Mickey Milkovich used his words in the most
magnificent way.
Damn Mickey it’s a fucking date.
 St Christopher Part II
Chapter Summary

Trigger : Violence, language and inference of sex with others known by both.
Mickey and Ian have their first date by phone.
Ian is struggling with being away from Mickey and lets his softer space show. Mickey sees the
deeper and cares for him over the call.
Nana and Mickey talk about nanas “ gifts “
Ian gets surprised by the visitor that leaves him a package

Thank you Alice for the commission art in this chapter

Tumblir aka Darth Vader’s Wife
The fucking lights and noise, jarring . At least Gallagher would sneak out quietly run his 79
bazillion miles and snuggle back to him. In those good times when Ian slept. Not prone on a bed or
30 minutes until the next wave of mania had him up . Hopefully he was sleeping and yeah when he
got out they were sleeping in a few days.

He wanted to do a fancy instant coffee that Ian sent so he stuck 2 into his jumper . One for Enzo
since he was a total bastard to him the other day. The older man was much more of a father figure
than Terry ever was and talked him down off of several events that would have had him locked in
solitary. He was also the first to mention Mickeys back pain was from all the beatings and kicks he
took as a kid . He had a fancy name for it , he needed to have it written down.

Going down the chow line he shuddered . Not able to guess oatmeal or grits he just stared at it
willing it to be those banana pancakes always made by almost every Gallagher. At night his ass
would literally open and clench around nothing, unfulfilled as he would ache for Gallagher . At
times the hunger for contact, love and sex his way was also mixed with actual hunger pains.

Two weeks ago he awoke having a wet dream like he was 13 again. Shit a therapist would have had
a field day with that one. A warm soft and comfortable bed. Real pillows , no mold. Riding Ian
while those freakish hands pinned him down. Eating banana pancakes while syrup dripped down
his pecs and Ian nipping each drop so his own chest was doted with marks that screamed
belonging. Mickey always saw his needs as few, prison even stripped away more materialism.
Warm bed, banana pancakes and Ian. Fuck he was getting soft.

He sat next to Enzo who was scanning the room and tossed the packet on the tray.
“ Peace offering l’right?”

” This shit better have not been by your fucking balls man. Wow all uptown fancy . Red sent you
one of those prison industry packs huh?”

Aiden slammed the table and went to sit somewhere else.

” Yeah man. It’s like two a month or some value limit. So with that and money on my books he is
dropping about 200 a month on me. “

” Hmmm sugar daddy . Look man he cares , shut up , say thank you.”

“ when he got sick he would tell me he felt like a burden . I would get upset . Not even close to the
same thing but feel like a burden to him.which he would kick my ass over man. I just suck at
people doing things for me .”

Behind them a patronizing snort. “ Don’t have a problem accepting head in the shower, Ian know
that ?”

Before he thought he sprung up and shoved Kashs face into the table while views were blocked and
CO distracted .

“ Mickey you have that thing tonight, let my boy have a ‘talk’ with him .Mickey fuck man . Get
him tomorrow if need be but walk the fuck away now”
Enzo pushed Mickey into his cell and told him to chill out. He left and Mickey punched his wall
over and over, suppressing a scream feeling his knuckles bust. He stopped and panted , trying to
still the sick in the pit of his stomach. He needed to get to nana , he needed fuck . Medical. After a
dubious “ yeah you slipped “ comment from the CO he was seen in medical. 4 stitches, ice and an
ibuprofen. He was given the day off laundry and informed he would be docked his whole 1.15 for
the day.

He slept in the infirmary on a cot a shade less shitty than his and was kicked back into gen pop for
lunch.He watched with minimal pleasure Kash’ s limp and quiet expression. He hung in the pond
scum click. Pedos and wife beaters not in as much risk than the counter parts. There was simply not
enough room in ag seg for them all.Most of them were smart enough to lay low, shut up and stick
together. But Kash was a moron . Mickey had purple knuckles he could hardly bend so maybe he
was a moron too.

He walked into his class and Sister Meg raised her brows as he grimaced trying to grip his pencil.
He fell behind now more angry at himself. He was not surprised when she explained to the CO that
he needed to stay and discuss how he would he would make up today.

“ Did that fix whatever preceded it “

” No sister, sucks worse now, it’s no secrets with Ian anymore and gonna have to tell him about
this, Kash being here. Me losing my fucking cool .”

“ I am aware , Mr Garcia shared that after mass this morning , oh I see your look . Your friend ,
Enzo . Oh Mr Polanski nice to join me , you still owe me some cleaning after you and your boys
had the fight in here.”

He looked up and saw , fuck , nana?

” Ned clean , Mickey read. I will be at my desk if needed”

Two hardened men answered like school boys .” Yes Sister”

Nana began to push the broom by Mickeys legs .

” Hey little milky , how you doing ? You getting what you need from my boys to pass the time?”

Mickey dropped his voice. “ yeah umm thank you for those but I need you to stop sending them”

” Aww little Mickey you sweet on your cellie, thought he was too much of a bitch for you.”

” NO , he is the most convenient that’s all. So umm my tattoo . He is waiting for me , outside . We
know shit happens here but I do not need additional guilt ok . Your boys have been , erm generous
. Also not loving an audience of horny aryan mothers.”

” Mickey I tolerate your father. You I like, any kid with the balls to come out in a bar with Terry
there can’t be all bad . Anything I can help you with instead ?”

” I have an idea will let you know .”

“ Mickey head back to your tier, stop punching walls . Mr Polanski you have many more things to
clean, I suggest you put fire under it.”

” Yes sister “

He passed the time playing backgammon until dinner and mystery meat time. He guessed he should
be grateful it was not a steak , his battered hands would not be able to use a steak knife. He fought
to keep his face neutral but talking to Ian in an hour was the only bright in this shit day.

—————
“This is a call from an inmate in Statesville Correctional. Be advised lines may be monitored .”

Mickey heard a low chuckle and he exhaled.

” voyeurism on our first date, awww Mick , you went all out.”

” Fuck you Gallagher, miss you too. So that recording did it for you , so noted. I am to please.”

All of a sudden Ian’s voice went softer , coy . It was a sweet and almost, almost submissive voice.
It was rarely broke out. They dabbled in daddy kink , and sometimes Ian needed to switch it up.

” wish you could see what I set up here for the date. Think it would do you proud …..daddy”

Mickey knew there was no walking away without an erection, which was common at phone time ,
so he let it ride.

” Hmmmmmmmm sweet boy tell me more “

” I have candles and pizza rolls. Bottle of Jack for you . Can of coke for me . “

” That sounds great sweet cheeks but you’re holding back … what else ?”

A hushed whisper “ Strawberry Lube “

Mickey dropped his voice to as cooing as he felt safe . It was rare Ian needed to be verse. He still
had his Gold Top status but in this space he would let.Or had before the episodes began he let
Mickey top from the bottom even accepting being the little spoon.

” Drop your drawers baby and tell me what you want. “

Ians voice was need and Mickey heard the other layers . Ian having jealousy no matter what they
did knowing that “ things” happen in jail means Mickey was giving away a piece of him Ian never
had . Maybe in face to face he would never want it , but right now his emotions were palatable .

” Daddy I know we don’t do it this way but I need, sorry I am sorry never mind .”

” Ian Clayton finish that thought “

There was tears, Mickey knew the hitches, gasps and tears. How it sounded without seeing.

He dropped his voice lower .” It’s ok red , it is . Tell daddy ‘k”

” I just need to feel like , need to feel it like being fucked better than them .. I know there’s them or
at least one. Please wanna try , would only try with you .”

” Shush shush red no tears.”

Put your phone on speaker and prep yourself, tell me .”

” Oh hell this lube is cold , so sorry for all the times I just squirted it on you , promise to warm it up
. Holy fuck it’s wow , my rim feels so amazing being rubbed. Sliding in my , oh fuck that’s so
warm and so ..ugh damn tight . Daddy I want to add another finger but scared it will hurt .”

” You got this , slow and steady , good boy you got this. “

And with a sharp exhale Mickey knew Ian was in . He heard happy babbles and whines which he
had never heard from this man. Yes at some point out, this fantasy was going live if Ian would have
it.

After a minute he heard a low wail and knew Ian had found his own prostate. Mickeys dick was so
hard he could cut diamonds with it. He wished this could be slow but they had a time limit and he
needed to give Ian this ,Ian needed this. From him.

“ Red get on your hands and knees. Picture me behind you . Daddy is gonna lube up his dick and
spread those freckled cheeks . Then I am going to eat you out until that pretty little head and pretty
little hole are begging me. Gonna go slow for my boy . Sink balls deep in . Let you get your
bearing , not gonna ram my good boy , just thrust in and out , slow and easy . Just feel that and
touch yourself . Tell me .”

” Daddy oh fuck please for real at least once.”

Ian shifted and he could hear the 9 inches being played with .

“ Daddy oh thinking it’s you. That rough tatted hand massaging my balls. They are so smooth and
heavy , so loaded . Been such a good boy , just my hand , I promise . I know you love rolling them ,
wanna wanna so good , suck your …to please . Oh fuck my cock it is so hard and leaking , just for
you.. and that vein is throbbing and daddy I can’t be a good boy tooo much need to cum.”

” It’s ok red , daddy is gonna thrust a few more times, very hard now to show my boy who’s boss
tonight. Baby you are so hot and perfect for me , fucking gonna cum hot and hard in that virgin ass
. Oh baby that’s right , only this tender for you , only cum in that ass. Can you feel daddy dripping
in and out of you.”

There was a long moan and the throat rumble that meant Ian had cum. He heard gasps for a minute
and then that soft voice.

” Daddy thank you. Sorry I am so jealous , just need to be your best boy , only boy.”

”Hey none of that . You are my best and only boy . Only. Daddy loves you ‘k. Not taking a boy in
here , I promise.”

His heart broke hearing the sniffling . He gave it a few seconds and he heard Ian not as frantic.
”Mick thank you for that , next call we talk , I just fuck Mick . It’s just hard it’s this weird line
between accepting and jealous .”

“Ian it’s ok , you said it we need to be able to say shit . I know I suck at it, hate it . May do it poorly
but with you will try. And gives me a souvenir of our date, my raging hard on which will only be
taken care of by me tonight, promise. Wanna hear more about your school stuff next call ok?”

” Ian so you know Kash is here, on my tier. Almost killed him , Enzo pulled me off . Kids he wants
protection paid in snacks lol. Ian gonna try to not deal with him , but needed to not hide that.”

” Mickey do not engage ok . He looks like a clueless man but think how he was able to manipulate
me and the other kid. Getting you to hurt him is the game plan. Takes you from me. Come back to
me , not stay to hate him. He wants that for you. . Try Mick ok .”

” Yeah yeah . That’s the warning beep, weirdest but at least our first date. Ian you are the only one
in my heart ok. I love you .”

” Mickey, I love you too , stay safe .”

And the call ended.

When he turned around the next man in line was Kash who obviously by his face heard daddy
taking care of his boy. The sour look was victory. Ian was right to get payback was Kash knowing
Ian was there for Mickey.

” Night night Kash and Grab , going to replay my conversation with Ian, my man.”

——————-

Ian felt lighter after the call . Maybe it was even not seeing him , hearing him . Ian always for the
most was the dominant one in the relationship. They both loved it and the bratty bossy bottom gave
as good as he got .But sometime he needed being soft and pliable. When Mickey as Daddy came,
Ian felt this cocoon of extra care.

He knew about the cellmate . They did not share details or talk about it each time but it was there
and they both knew it. He knew it was sex and prison politics . But it was real and they were going
to have feelings about it . Both of them . But tonight hearing Mickey walk him through it , it
calmed that spark of insecurity.

He grinned , drank the coke , ate pizza rolls and started the letter before dinner with Liam and
Debbie.

—————

Three days later , Enzo came down to open floor time eating a honeybun.

” So just got a prison pack, snack cakes man. Got a note , thank you . From your red head. For a kid
kinda charmer. You’re fucked for life in the best way with him. Hey do something really dumb
again, got my eye on a soup box.”
“ Enzo you are an ass man . Hey I tell you got a big letter from Ian. Means there’s a photo . Totally
pg like all he sends but yeah , love to see him.”

” Look I am not gay gay or prison gay but you hooked a good looking dude. Wanna know your
magic? Wait maybe it’s your short cock , oh wait it’s your grumpy attitude. “

They both chuckled contemplating Ian .

Mickey grinned hoping his message reached Ian and waited for before lights out to check out carrot
top posing with family in his best Jonas brothers imitation . What shook out made his knees go
week and dick spring up.

———————-

Ian was leaving the Gallagher house when a tall man with Aryan tattoos came up to him .

“ Not any trouble but you Ian Gallagher?”

Ian was wary , thinking it was a Terry foot solider but he was older and maybe not fresh for a
fight.

“ Yeah I am”

“My partner nana is doing life with your man. The day a Milkovich a homo , never thought . But
anyway nana helps Mickey cause thinks only Milkovich with a brain in his head . Said needed to
give this to you.”

Ian was handed a box and a letter in Mickeys writing .

” ok thanks man”

The man turned and called back to Ian .

” It’s hard at times, but your man gets out, you have a chance for endgame.”

Ian held the box until he got back to the house . He said hi to Emma and declined watching a
movie. He held up the box and letter and she did a victory punch in the air.

He sat on his bed and opened the box. A simple silver chain with what looked like a rough old coin.
Examining it , his face lit up like that 16 year old kid on a hot summer night watching the boy he
pined over doing some pull ups. He knew when he lost it, that day , the day Mickey unleashed real
violence not their fights on him in pure primal fear.He never said anything. Svetlana, the wedding ,
it was more important deal with those traumas.

He opened the letter and any negative bits from the cell mate fear evaporated. Fear could always
overshadow but their path but they would stay on it.

11/4/2016

Red
I love that daddy got to spend time with you , even over the phone . I will always love you like that
when you need it, no apologies or embarrassment. We both know I am kinky and it does not faze
you.

So we never talked about this. Ian how badly I beat you that day, no matter what the reason , I took
my anger out at Terry for forcing me. I took my anger at Svetlana because she knew she was raping
me and yet kept being so awful to me. The marriage, it haunts me still. But when I was kicking the
shit out of you, this was lost. I know Monica gave it to you when you were 11. You said she probably
stole it but it was in her being kind in the moment.

I also know that was when you would still sneak into church. Also you walked away when you were
14, after the first time Kash forced you.But you kept the medal.

Red I know zip about all that Catholic stuff and religious stuff . Fortunately my in prison life coach
is a nun. An annoying right all the time nun. But apparently he is the patron saint of travelers but
the Vatican or someone churchy recalled him or something. But he is something to you, and my fear
took it .

So I know if you need outside comfort it may happen. But will be totally ok with this guy around
you all the time :)

Ian I like the idea of extra protection for you . I am so sorry I fucked this and I cannot be there to
do it. No matter how many strong amazing things you do, I will always be that person in your side
with your back protected. So I figure you are a traveler of sorts. I wish your travels were not scary
and painful. But I figure when you have to live in your highs where you lose memory or you lows
when you are stuck, it’s travel so many of us never need to take . I cannot say it enough , I am proud
to see you figure out ways to support yourself in these choices. So yeah let this guy protect you in
the bad times so you stay intact for a chunk of the time.

I am tired of running, living Terrys expectations, her ( even in fucking jail ) when I get out , maybe
we figure out our expectations and put them first.
i love you

its always been you

will always be you

love you firecrotch

mickey

Ian held the medal while he took his evening dose, took a shower then put it on. Reread the letter.
Again thought Mickey had been a hard road, long road even at times a broken one , but always ,
always the right one. The road on his soul before they ever met.And he fell into a deep content
sleep he had had in many years.
.
 Ian needs the sun , but so does Mickey
Chapter Summary

Triggers : Homophobic Language

Mickey is feeling the fatigue of living hyper vigilant in prison while also in mind numbing
routine.
The call and letters are saving grace for both but Mickey is beginning to question once out
what can an ex con really offer.
Two lifers offer advice
Ian may have an offer to help him but is worried being the middle child is he allowed by some
siblings to have good things just for him
And we are gearing to a major holiday revelation as Mickey learns who has his back in prison
in the next few chapters.

Mickey grinned hoping his message reached Ian and waited for before lights out to check out carrot
top posing with family in his best Jonas brothers imitation . What shook out made his knees go
week and dick spring up.

Ok so Ian was figuring out how to play the game. Stay within prison rules but go right to the edge.
Sexual photos were not allowed to be sent to inmates. Some got by but if you got caught all your
mail was reviewed with more scrutiny.And no one needed that.To this point they were cute happy
photos. This one jeez, Mickey needed lights out, a shower , something.

It was a black and white . One hand , handstand . His large span Mickeys ass left hand ( his non
dominant too , show off ginger shit) splayed out on a wood dance floor. The veins in the forearm
stuck out . Mickey wanted to lick them as well and the tight, taut forearm that traveled up to a
perfectly formed baseball bicep.The shoulder was carved river rock. And this one hand, the damn
fine freckled hand , arm held up the 6 foot plus body like most people held a towel, no strain at all.
Reds posture was perfect even with a slight angle to the left hand. Legs together at ease. Toes
pointed with freckle’s peeking. The sweats still showed how massive and muscled the thighs under
them were. His right hand was casual on his right thigh, like he was standing not propped upside
down. Before Ian spiraled so badly , both young men were seeing more abdominal muscle. But
Mickey knew while he would always have definition , carved was not in his cards. Ian before the
first low was getting a nice hint of a starter 6 pack. Well fuck Mickey and his dick, the now 8 pack
was shredded and carved like marble. The angle of his head hid the whole face but the chin , that
chin studded in a small stubble pointed direct into the floor.

Mickey now knew why teen girls swooned or freaked out. He wanted to just rub his entire body
over the photo, over and over . Depending on how long he was in this shithole , he may need a
change of clothes. Fresh air, real sunlight, that body and Ian’s smell, he might cum right there on
the sidewalk , untouched. Ian was still long and lean but with meat on his bones, forget snack ,he
was several meals . And Mickey was going in for a nine inch appetizer first thing. But for the first
time in , ever, Ian was a healthy weight. That struck a deep chord in him. It meant he was taking
meds, not doing blow and fucking eating. He was so proud of what Ian was doing he could bust.

He wanted to memorize each grain in that photo but he needed to hear from Ian too. He knew next
call or next letter would see if nana’s partner had found Ian. Right now this was the best part of his
day. It was Ian’s life, technicolor and vibrant , like the eyes and hair. There was pain and trauma but
right now more good days. And fuck Ian needed the sun. Mickey ignored his traitorous cock and
it’s precum and got as comfortable as possible on his slab to catch up with the adventures of his
man.

11/1/ 2016

Hey Mick

I know you might roll your eyes but don’t care. I am so excited to hear you again. Sometimes your
voice quells the bad stuff , forces the paranoia to shut up . I know that’s not fair to put on you and I
am learning ways to cope when they start nagging me. But you and your voice are a sense of
comfort for me like a warm blanket or emotional support animal.

Hey can I put you in a leash take you to a leather club , most rabid bottom? Nah sorry nope not
sharing but god , maybe a private show .
Yeah yeah fuck me , got it.

Not sure if I told you, not a while back, Emma had a downswing. Not hospitalized but the in bed not
moving ,eating…well you know the drill . I am sorry Mickey . To love me and be with me you have
to endure that. Stop shaking your damn head . I know it’s your choice ok. But watching her, well I
hardly can breathe low no less hold memories. Watching her made me realize how amazing you are
when you love. How you give it your all even when it’s hard and painful. I should have never let
Monica into my head about that. You do love me for me.

I am learning that all relationships have compromise and givens. Like I try to be as honest in my
med compliance and accept consequences if I stop and you stop doing stupid illegal shit that takes
you away from us. But I am sorry baby that I let Monica and my family convince me they knew
better. Fuck you knew I was not broken long before I figured it out. Now maybe stop the bleeding of
time. You are worth it too.

So Mandy is coming down to do my groups Friendsgiving on that Wednesday before then I guess
her and Iggy are going to your aunts day off. Then Black Friday I am somehow doing door buster
sales with Emma, her , Matt and his douche boyfriend Caleb. Your sister is dragging my bipolar
ass to a mall at 7 am. I love her but bitch better buy me a Venti peppermint mocha with extra whip
and cane chips. For my gay boyfriend who does not speak fluent gay man , let me translate : I am
getting a jumbo hot chocolate with mint and a shitload of whipped cream with peppermint
sprinkles.

At that Mickey began to laugh so hard he had to hold his stomach . Aiden peered down from the
top bunk curious as he had never heard Mickey laugh. Scary laugh yes, this no. Seeing him holding
the letter he flipped Mickey off and huffed on his bunk which made Mickey laugh even harder.
After 5 minutes he calmed down and continued reading.
Later that day she is visiting you , then Colin. I have dinner at the families with Vee and Kev too. I
am in charge of the yams, Turkey and rolls. Scarily I am the current best Gallagher with money , so
I guess they know the Turkey will happen. Why do these people bitch about my manic behavior but
want me up at ass crack of dawn?

I hope they feed you good at least on day. I have started a Pinterest board of things to feed Mickey
for when you get out.I wish I could send you more than snacks and soup. I worry about you be
hungry and I can’t just whip you up banana pancakes . I worry about your back pain and that this
winter you will be cold. It’s not rational I know , but I feel guilty that I can access that and you
can’t. No worry though. After this is behind us , you will never feel that again.

So the family lawyer of Kash’s other victim wants me to come into a meeting. They are going after
him in civil court. Between his store and a few apartments they own, the family wants restitution for
his therapy. Apparently it’s stronger if I join in. Erin and I are going to discuss. I like the idea of
making him pay, Hate the idea of talking about this with strangers yet again.

So after Thanksgiving I am starting a shadowing program . Been talking to a lot of people . I

thought I wanted to do an EMT program , thought medic for the army when I took off. Did a lot of
pro and con lists and cried for a few days. I would love to be an EMT . Then I got serious . I could
do it. Long shifts , high stress, people dying not great for my stability. I want to help people so much
. Even getting hired with bipolar, most riggs would not take me. Fuck Mickey , I am glad I have a
top notch therapist cause processing all the shit this can take from me is like being gutted over and
over.

But I took stock . Not total clean eating , my body and food issues make that dangerous for me but I
understand better how food can help me out. How it can help alot of people. There is a degree, NTP
. Nutritional Therapy Practioner. I think I could do it , maybe be good at it. Same path , different
side. So a woman who comes to our group meditations is part of a clinic with two NTPs. Shadow
both . Maybe be something besides that kid of Frank and Monica’s , huh.

So the picture Emma took to prove I can do the hand stands . Ha ha. Mick I may be melancholy but
don’t forget me in there. I know you have access to others and we talked . I get the why ok . I don’t
care about the body , well you know what I mean . I am more worried about losing your heart. So
here is my favorite teen memory . That night after the dugouts. You walked me home , stood on the
sidewalk looking at me like a snow cone . When I smiled at you, you flipped me off and ran. I know
so much of our teen years sucked because of so much . But the parts that were good , were with you
and off the charts . I just thought you should know that. I know it is awful for you right now but I
am prepping for our better days.

I need to go do laundry, oh sure nothing as grand as your undies for a thousand . But working
around wine toting cougars it is not safe to go commando under the sweats.

I love you, always you

Love

Firecrotch

#28 I would wear a sweater with a Turkey on it

Mickey with his entire being was glad he was not too proud on the phone the other night . Ian needs
Mickey. Mickey needs Ian. That night thought Daddy needed to take care, give Ian that headspace
he seldom vocalizes. He reread the letter and laid the photos out just being far away in a single bed
on the Westside tucking Ian in and curling around him .

At lights out he waited until first walk. Once the CO passed, he slid his hand under his boxers and
took his time edging himself to not let the vision of that handstand end so early.

————

“ Mandy it was just an odd meeting” Ian shifted his phone as he was trying make toast for his
morning dose and be interrogated by his bestie.

” Really how so? I mean you would not testify would you , I mean he is sentenced , they use that
stuff or do that deposition thingie ?”

She heard him laughing and chewing . “ Thingie, legal thingie “

“ Ian he was a grown man who used you and that other boy. Lynda knew , traded you for another
baby like you were a baseball card. They deserve to lose it all. This money could help with therapy
after your program, school. “

“ I know Mandy …but “

She softened her voice “ Bestie, what is really bothering you about this?”

” Gonna sound like a prick “

She started giggling “ Ian , yeah you can be a prick, nothing new?”

” Look I would help my family a lot but I think they would think I should not have anything for me
, that sounds greedy huh” His voice was soft.

” Ian Gallagher. No not greedy or selfish. I know you will share and help them actually more than
most folks. But you are the one he molested , she let him molest. Using money to help you just you
, why not . And I get that they will pressure you and push it. They do please let me come kick Lips
ass. I mean Carl and Liam won’t be overly greedy . The others yeah. But god let the chance in “

” I love you Mandy and as much as I love Mickey , you will be always my first Milkovich .”

” Whatever , clean the toast crumbs off your phone and go to therapy . See you soon.”

” Can’t wait , love you too.”

————-

Mickey was outside feeling the cold , he pulled his cap down and sat watching a basketball game
.This was the dreadful mind fuck of prison, the sameness. It was like having cable then getting
knocked to 5 atena channels. Nothing new , same sights , bland routine , mind numbing . Maybe
that’s why they all fought and fucked. Something to do , something different .
God , Ian was right , he was going to spend this winter cold . He would never admit it to Ian. Not to
keep secret. Mickey had read on bipolar and people with it could be more effected by lack of
sunlight. That SAD thing . He did not want to give Ian anything to hyper focus on. Enzo and Uriah
sat down next to him , both blowing on their hands.

Enzo looked at Mickey “ You have your best shiv a guy in the eye look . What’s going on. “

Mickey blew air looking like steam from an angry bull .

” I hit that wall man. I am 21 fucking years old . I was raised by a lunatic nazi piece of shit . I
married a fucking whore . The man I actually love is fragile sometimes even on meds. He goes
down and I can do jack shit for him. He is willing to wait which yeah makes me happy but why ?
What will I even have to offer him, ex con most likely shitty ass job. He wants kids for fuck sake,
me as a dad . Time is crawling man . I am sick of crap food, cold , shit stained strangers underwear.
My fuel for this bland has run out. I am fatigued and tired.I want to rampage , hurt, destroy but
fuck that would kill Ian.”

He tossed his head towards Enzo “ And my mental health team is this fuck nut willing to whore me
to my man for snack food and a nun .”

Enzo and Uriah both lifers both older nodded. They had both come in young , both had multiple
experience with what Mickey was describing. The prison routine to keep order was hell on mental
health. Stints in solitary made it worse. Besides work outs blowing off steam was always
contraband in people or things.

The three sat in compatible silence all pondering the bleakness. All willing to do their time but
knowing the toll it exacted on them. Enzo finally spoke.

” Mickey my son fucking died in here, I will die in here. You remind me of Ramon , he was gay
gay not prison gay. Kept his head down, did his time. Until the pressure built and all he wanted was
to lose it . He did , started a riot , would not comply. Was shot on the yard . My heart, Stella’s heart
and his mans heart died that day. You have a fucking chance kid, with Red. How about you tell him
your fears. I bet he thinks you’re fragile right now too . Let him share what he sees you offering.
Stop putting your thoughts into what you think he should think. Do a goddamn trade program , find
something. You’re a Nazi’s son yes but not a mindless clone . Do you.”

Enzo’ s cellmate Uriah nodded “ Sounds like that stupid counselor talk Milkovich but it’s true . Do
your time clean go have a life or fuck yourself be a lifer. Also don’t you have a sister , maybe she
would enjoy at least one sibling getting out and not getting put back in ever. “

” Yeah said sister is also Reds best friend , like two cheerful tanks rolling over me with optimism
and hope and crap. Annoying shits, both .”

“ Maybe stop fucking fighting them . Hey playing the game tonight on rec room TV, you in?”

Mickey started filing in with everyone else. “ Sure why the fuck not “

“ Well lookee here my youngest and queerest son. Hey homo not gonna say hi to your old man”
On the other side of the fence , steaming in a red jumpsuit , was Terry.

FUCK!
 Bite the Pillow
Chapter Summary

Trigger : Terry , past abuse, homophobic language .

Ian and Mickey deal with Terry one fence over and finding out his intent.
Tensions boil over for both Ian and Mickey with varying bad choices.
Heavy angst chapter that will move us to some light .
Sister Meg , nun or badass warrior ?
But the love is as tight as ever .
All together now FUCK YOU TERRY

FUCK

” Erin I mean can his dad get to him? It’s Ag daycare for Nazis but I mean pay a guard or someone
…”

” Ian I need to interject here. I am concerned . Not that you don’t have a valid fear for him . You
are repeating and I am concerned this is a very valid trigger right now. I am going to recommend
after here you get a blood draw and going to change the anti psychotic and add the nightly downer.
This is an incredible amount of stress coupled with the lawsuit talks. “

” Erin if I can just talk to him.”

”Ian before we continue we are sitting and doing some deep breathing. After several minutes , Ian
looked focused.Erin began .

” Ian Mickey calls you every Thursday evening. It is Thursday . You will hear from him and be
able to tell yourself he is ok. Mickey is not in population with his father . He will be able to discuss
that more tonight. Ian you will be doing check in and an appt with Dr Stone Saturday . If we see
increased mania I am going to suggest a 72 hour stay . I want you to be aware . So Emma is your
match partner for the next few days, yes?”

” Ok so Emma is informed that when you get back to take half a break through med. Rest before
tonight. I want to see your notes from after talking with him. I am on call so 24/7 and you have
committed to call if needed.”

” Yes Erin, I know if I get manic I want it slowed before it gets bad .”

Ian left his appointment feeling that crawling under his skin. Terry fucking Milkovich . Mandy had
called 2 days ago and was sweet but cagey . She finally gently admitted that Terry was on a
weapons charge and because of his special population status was headed for Statesville. Ian and she
began to weep. She was coming back next week early to get info from her brothers. Since then Ian
drilled down unto his routines and timed meds to a tea. But his thoughts were getting fuzzy , his
visceral fear of Mickey dying worming to his brain , fucking with logic. He needed desperately to
stay calm. His lungs already were tight , drowning in mania not a needed event . His phone buzzed
.

”Hi Mandy , you are my phone chaperone aren’t you.”

” Yes Ian then handing you to Emma at the house. Look bestie, I am worried about Mickey but we
all have skills to surviving Terry. He has people in there that will align with my brother . Right now
we need you love to be in once piece while we sort this . So right now tell me about what you’re
doing to the Turkey . Yes I am fucking distracting you .”

Ian half heartedly mumbled about Turkey and brine until he walked in the house. Emma kissed
him and took his phone.

” Yeah Mandy I got him , oh yeah hottie on a stick looks like crap. Got his weird ass fried baloney
sandwich and gonna have him check out his meds.Will keep you posted.”

Ian ate a few bites of sandwich , took his meds and laid down in the dark . He put in his mediation
oasis podcast and relaxed as much as he could . The meds forcing a nap.

————-
Mickey since seeing Terry was a terror. Fueling on coffee and no sleep his child instincts to survive
were kicking in . His moves violent . He was now dirtier , eyes never stopping scanning. His cellie
pushed him teasing to let him help relieve some tension. He was so viscous in their exchange he
doubted the man would ever initiate with him again as he limped and winced for days. One new
inmate made a smart ass comment after seeing his tattoo in the shower. The inmate reported falling
down tier steps breaking his hand. The one thought in Mickeys mind, need to talk to Ian . Protect
Ian .

“ Mr Milkovich, are we day dreaming or just no longer interested in bettering your life?”

” Fuck you Sister “

” Gentlemen please leave, complete your assignment for next week. “

” So Mickey with great love , why the fuck do you look like a rabid dog?”

Mickey kicked at a chair .

” Sister I am really fucking sorry ok . He is here . With his red jump suit buddies. Terry the bastard
who wants me dead. Worse yet finds out Ian is in my life he will fuck him to hurt me. Fuck sister . I
survived being 7 and getting my mouth used as an ashtray then beat for coughing. Held down and
tatted at 12. Last time the bastard beat me so I could not stand and pissed on me I was 16. I have
survived the runs, drugs , pistol whippings , electrical cord whippings, his fist and that damn belt . I
have been called every name in the book. I was shit sister , I believed that. Everyone did , everyone
but Ian.”

He yanked his hair and sat so the CO would not come in.

”First time he broke in to get that gun . I was dirty , greasy and hungover . He still treated me , well
like more than a fuck. I pushed him away so fucking scared. He saw it these deep down parts of me
that just wanted to come home to the guy I loved and eat a burger , walk the dog , sleep without
coming up swinging. He saw that sister. He watched that fucking whore ride me , he knew the
second time he came to me about it. Before I sent him away lying telling him once I was up in her ,
it was better than his cock . He just kissed me before I knocked him away . Told me “ …..

Mickeys voice broke …” He said , it was not my fault. I was hurt and in pain but not broken
forever . No matter what happened between us, if I ever needed support to deal with it , he would
always be there to listen “

” Sister , Terry could string me up, feed me my balls , gut me and ok fine. But sister if he hurts Ian ,
he has killed me I become a shell of a human. I don’t know what to do sister. “

The sister looked at Mickey.

“ Mickey Terry is in ad seg and cannot directly get at you but I do understand your concerns he can
come other ways. Your father is an evil man and you must be cautious . I know the officers have
heard the rumblings. As for me I will do what I can , I promise you .”

“ Milkovich line up for count”

” Thank you for listening sister , I do not think prayers are going to help”

—————-

“ This is a call from an inmate at Statesville Prison , this call will be monitored.”

”MICK . Dear God baby are you ok , please be ok . Oh shit Mick . How do I help. Do I get
arrested, would I go there ? I could help keep you safe, I would always have meds. Shit Mick, my
family, my fucked up brain . We caused this I caused….

” Ian stop Ian please . I can hear it calm down. Honey look I am watching my back , so are a few
folks . I will have a plan in a day or so . I can only do this if you are ok Ian .”

” Mickey put me back on the list . I need to see you . Baby please”

Mickeys gut twisted , white heat pooled. He was about to hurt the man he loved again to protect
him.

” Ian please understand . We are going to call and write . That will not change . I love you that will
never change. I cannot put you on the list until I figure out Terrys play. Ian I have to keep you
safe.”

His heart was breaking in pieces , shards ripping his veins at Ian’s sobs and a babbling that set off
alarms. He heard two other voices he guessed to be Emma and Matt , roommates .

“Ian”

Ian’s voice was angry. “ Fuck you Mickey , fuck you. I love you . I am sticking by you no matter
what asshole. Put me on the damn list Mickey . We die standing together not separated on our
knees alone. You are my partner . “

” Ian baby I will fix it ..I love y”

They did not hear the warning and the call ended. Mickey tossed the receiver into the wall and went
to his cell. He did not come back out that night.

——————

“Mr Polanski , thank you for helping me put the mass cards together.”

Nana watched her. “Never going to get used to the formality sister “

” I heard Terry is back and into your crew again “

” Terry is a shit man but good foot soldier for us .”

” And Mickey “

” Smartest Milkovich , big heart he hides well. “

” So do you think he hates him because he looks like Laura or he has her you can’t destroy me
attitude.”

” Both most likely. We tried to warn her what he was . “

” Yes my cousin was a young hopeful 13 year old immigrant . He was dashing and funny. He hated
me did not want her near me, thought the nun would change her mind. And when she had two black
eyes and Ignacio at 14 , my prayers did not have a chance . I believe she is dead and omly Terry
knows.”

” This is more than a stroll down memory lane. Why am I here sister?”

” As always this is old friends talking now . Cone of silence , yes ?”

” Yes Matruska , I mean sister “

” I know Patrick has been more than your bitch when he cycles in and out . I know he is your true
partner and lover. You will most likely die separated. Mickey if he survives here has a chance for a
life . A life Laura wanted for all of them . No one protected Laura. You can protect Mickey . Terry
used his connection to prostitution to have a hooker rape Mickey at gun point while the name in his
heart watched. He impregnated Mandy , Mickeys partner paid for the abortion. You have true
power in here, more than him . Perhaps you should think about using it for good. “

The door opened for the CO “ Sorry sister time is up for spiritual counseling.”

” I will think about it sister “

” Thank you Mr. Polanski and God Bless You.”

—————-

Ian sat in the living room trying to not let his thoughts run away. He was panicked and angry . He
was tired of being shoved away because of others, Svet, Terry… Fuck it all.

He heard a sound and his roommate and Caleb came in .

Caleb took one look and extended his arm . “ Hey man it’s pizza on us, come on. You look like an
outing is a need.”

He hated this guy but fuck it let’s have pizza while your life implodes.

——————

It was yard for seg. Terry was taking advantage of a warm eager mouth and being the bastard he
was. Nana and the other generals were playing cards. It looked like a calm easy game no one would
know the things being discussed.

“ Hey Milkovich come over here”

Terry sauntered over, snapping up his jumpsuit.

“ Jeez these little cocksuckers are a talented bunch.”

” They are , your son enjoyed him as well”

”Fuck nana give me the same whore as my pillow biting faggot son, that’s low man.”

Nana threw down his cards and the generals nodded. “ Terry walk with me “

The two old friends strolled but it was not lost that Terry was walking with a man more powerful
than he.

“ oh Terry we are getting to be old men . I am gonna die in here an old man. You might. 16 years in
and out . Knew you with Laura , fuck watched you beat that pillow biting faggot as you call him
black and blue . Not figuratively but literally black and blue. You were a brutish ass and that kid
never broke, cocky bastard.”

”Laura would have killed him , all her religious bullshit “

” He was Laura’s favorite , she would have adapted and you would have beat her for it. Terry too
much history to BS me.By the way you fucked your daughter , when did pedo get added to your
resume.”

Terry went white “ You can’t prove that motherfucker .”

“ Can they had a fundraiser for her . Sure someone knows it too. Aryan brother to me or not , you
are a pedo bottom rung . Remember the first time you were in here. We had fun , you earning your
rank , sucked me off all those nights in the cell . Never had that ass. Bet it’s tight , bet our men
would line up to ass fuck an incest loving pedo. So talked to my generals and here is your option .”

Nana cracked his knuckles and puffed like the Alpha male he was in the prison and Aryan
hierarchy.

” You see your son you can sneer, spit and call him whatever the fuck you want. But that’s all. Any
threats of violence, you hire someone in the yellow pod, laundry , whichever we trace it back to
you. You become the bitch in ag seg . You fetch coffee and light cigs. You do anything to put harm
on him or his boy and we brand you “ I fucked my daughter” then we strip you and let the boys do
with you what they want. “
” Now do that leave him whole and you are still top tier , trusted upper hierarchy . No one knows .
You do your time the way you always have, easy peasy”

” You sweet on my boy Nana?”

” Nah he is still a kid , I don’t fuck kids unlike you.So easy or hard path Terry?”

” Easy you fucking bastard.”

——————

Two days later and two foot soldiers sat down to pick up a game of dominos with Mickey and
Enzo. Mickey kept his face neutral and hard. It had been six days of waiting for this knowing he
was about to be a target . Terry had access but Mickey was going down swinging.

“ So Terry does not send his love, told you to get an ass disease homo. “

” Aww the old man is proud of me lovely .”

” Yeah well got another message, private.”

Enzo stood. “ gonna get water but right here Mickey if you need, ready to jump if needed.”

When Enzo was out of earshot they first one turned.

” Nana says for a gay gay you’re the least stupid Milkovich. Terry is no longer a threat to you here
or your boy on the outside, later Little Milky .”

Holy shit , holy shit . Mickey had no clue what went down. He just knew nanas word in that
population was law with brutal retaliation if you stepped out. He Mickey Milkovich was under his
protection. He went to write Ian a letter . Holy crap, he could surprise his man , call Thursday let it
slip he was doing the paperwork to put him in the visiting list.

Thursday , yes . He wanted that touch of joy back in Ian, apologize , listen to his week. Coo a few
sweet things in low.

Thursday , Mickey bounced . He ate the mystery gruel and meat with weird abandon . Ate Pringle’s
and drew . Ian wanted to know what he saw their house looking like, so he did a few sketches ,
maybe an ass selfie in pencil slipped in.Enzo and him bitched about trying to keep their lovers
happy .

He was the first at the phone. Hot damn Gallagher, come to daddy!

————————

“ This call is from an inmate in Statesville Prison , this call is being monitored”
“ Mickey?”

A chill and cold sweat started . “ Yeah who , wait is this Emma ? Why do you have Ian’s phone?”

The voice was soft and sad. “ Mickey hey , Mandy is coming to see you Saturday . Ian is gonna be
ok , he did the right thing even in the mania . But it was not ok .”

” Emma tell me”

” Ok first thing he stayed on all his meds in this ok. With well I guess your dad and the lawsuit stuff
and what Lip and Fiona said to him triggered some shit. He was trying doing the extra meds,
relaxing trying to sleep it down. But he went for pizza with Matt and Caleb. Caleb and him got into
it and he took off. They thought he came back here . Um was missing for two days. We know he
broke into a church meeting and scared the shit out of the gay is a sin preacher . Was screaming
they were not going to try fucked up ways to hurt another Mickey with conversion crap. Kept
taking his pills even though the voices were really trying to do a number. He got a gun , thank god
he called Erin crying .”

Mickey turned, phone in ear and vomited into the trash.

” He’s under heavy sedation , admitted himself . Will be a few days before coherent . I mean most
likely will get a low in med adjustment . He is safe and in great hands . Saw him briefly said loved
you and please let him in the bad not just the good. Mandy and I will see him Friday and Mandy
will update you.”

” Emma thank you , fuck . Tell him I love him . Tell him never again am I leaving him out and
stressing him out for it. Tell him . Kiss him for me please.”

” I will . Mickey he adores you , this was building and not your fault .”

” Thanks Emma “

—————-

Mickey sat in his bunk and sobbed as his cell mate slept. As Sister Meg told him settle your fear.
His fear of trying to be happy, deserving to be happy . He finally did and his control , need for
control was too late for Ian. Oh honey , my ginger you pull out of this and I am here . All access
here . End game here. Jesus Ian please come back to me.
 Where did he get the gun Mandy?
Chapter Summary

Triggers: suicidal ideation, discussions on mania and self harm.

With Mickey incarcerated, Mandy the most badass of all Milkovich’s steps up for her bestie as
friend and advocate .

She visits Mickey and has the painful task of filing him in. Mickey has cared for Ian in his
bipolar but white knuckled through it . Now with space and so much time to think, he has a
revelation realizing what it means to love someone with mental illness. Good thing he is a
stubborn fucker.

We get a glimpse into Ian’s brain in mania but of course the love still here.

Flashes, after mania it was all flashes. Lip and Fi saying he owed them. Knew it burden. Mickey no
visits. Fuck Terry. Up even with extra med. Too many thoughts. Caleb and the fight, shit was there
a gun, preacher?

He was aware this was not quite a low but sedation, Thorazine?
He was feeling others in his room , not Erin, she had been here? Did he imagine her ? Mickey
please be ok. Controlling asshole . Will always love, loved , did Terry hurt him?

” Hey bestie boy, if you wanted me to visit just call next time, ‘k. Oh Ian love your ok. Mickey is
ok. Shush is it ok to rub your back, thank you bestie.”

Mandy petted Ian like a sleepy baby, soothing and crooning. Emma sat by him rubbing his hand
when he nodded yes. They both exchanged glances over his head noting the bandage on his arm .So
thankful that somewhere in this , the mania and voices did not win . Staying on meds and routines
may have saved his life. Mandy raised by Terry had one hell of a poker face but inside she was
shaking . Ian was in heart the sweetest and this disease took so much.

They got a few jumbled, spider web thoughts but the meds were doing what they needed shutting
off the mania but the price, Ian as well. They saw Erin in the doorway, kissed the sleeping drooling
red head and joined his therapist in the hall. Mandy handed her ID to verify who she was as Ian had
signed for full release of information for her and Emma and Mickey but not the Gallagher’s. She
listened to Erin lay out then timeline of the events leading to Ian turning himself in to the crisis
team.

She agreed to be Ian’s main contact and told everyone she would be back Sunday. Emma and her
went down to the hospital main lobby where Lip was arguing with the desk staff asking to talk with
Ian. He saw the woman he had loved and secretly still did .

” Mands…..”
” You arrogant self righteous alcoholic dick. Did you really fucking tell him that he needed to get in
on the lawsuit because he owed you and Fi for the last low and it was going to happen again.First
off you were too embarrassed to admit you have mommy issues and act like he is her . Then you
act like him being a toy of a grown man was your personal ATM.And let’s get things clear. Fiona
came by, Debbie and Carl came by . When your brother was laying in my house , you never came
by. Mickey cleaned the piss and shit and vomit off Ian . He was begged for death and tears and
Mickey and I watched him waste away more.”

Hate blazed in her blues “ That first time before how we figured it out, getting him to drink was
like us waterboarding him. Or the ramblings in his nightmares of men abusing him over and
fucking over. And us Milkovich’s may be scum but we would never use him as a meal ticket. “

“ Mandy . Look . Fuck . You don’t know how much having a mom like Monica fucks with you!”

” Grow up Lip , yeah Terry Milkovich was a treat right . It fucks with you. But Ian did not fuck
with you, no Ian worshipped you thought he was never going to be as much as you. But he is so
much more Lip.”

She dug money out of her bag and tossed it at Lips feet.

” Before he ‘ ruins’ your Thanksgiving like Monica buy yourself that ready made meal so he is no
stress. It’s on me bastard.”

Her and Emma got into her car , only them did she allow herself to cry.

——————

Mickey made it through Friday on autopilot. Maybe it was Friday who the hell knew or cared.
Coffee, laundry detail, strip search , food , staring at the closing in walls. No sleep . Up at 3 am, 4
am whatever the fuck am . Willing that Ian was sleeping, not scared. Called for visitation he tried
not to break his neck and thrummed his fingers waiting for the outside world to ooze in those doors.

He watched Mandy glide in and taking a minute off his tightening chest realized how much he
looked like his mom. Not the beaten down woman who disappeared. No the young mother who
sang to Mandy and him at night. Hid them from a drunk Terry. Her eyes fixed and alive, shoulders
back , no fear. Besides getting out for him and Ian, yeah Mandy needed it too. Needed to stop
visiting the fucked up men who were her family.

She grabbed the phone

“ Mick before Ian , with dad in here are you ok ?”

He looked at her with dead unfocused eyes. The eyes that would sit and smoke while the corpse of
the man he loved died over and over in their bed years ago.

” Nana.Dad is allowed to spray and spit hatred but killing or maiming me no go…Douche bag
please .”

She met his gaze and softened hers. “All of it?”

”All of it “

”Ok first off, no more Mickey making decisions for you both. If he is low or manic yes but Jesus
Mickey he has enough family trying to make him feel useless oh of course unless they need his
blood money or a holiday dinner cooked.”

” What!”

” In good time. Put him on your list . But that is not what caused this , oh no mistake he was angry
as all get out at you . Wanted a shirt to make a voodoo doll or something. So he was asked to join
that other boys lawsuit against Kash and Linda. You knew that he was going back and forth not
wanting to look like he just was after a payout, scared of retelling and reliving yet again . Lip and
Fiona had a list of all the “ good” things that money could do. And it was all Gallagher buy out.
Ian the one molested yeah not factored solely into the equation. “

She looked exhausted but continued.

” Then Terry. Also his roommate is dating a guy ( Mickeys heart paused) Ian hates the guy but we
think he has the hots for Ian. After your call he went out with Matt and Caleb. So he started shit
about Ian never sleeping with a girl. Called him naive and unworldly and low blow mentioned the
love of his life was even married to a chick once. Normally you know Ian would pass it off. But
between everything else, it pushed the slight contained mania over the edge . The voices were
getting bigger. Thank god something in him called Erin.”

Mickey felt the slime of fear and what he could not control coat his skin. Instead of Teflon
reflecting he instead soaked each piece of uneasy through his pores.

“ Until Ian is lucid we don’t have a lot of info. He thought he was sleeping in the gutter . He has a
large wrist gash . But he called Erin because he wanted to end the burden of him and the gun was
calling him . He heard Monica telling him happiness and career was above him.”

” Where the fuck did the gun come from?”

Silence

” Mands?”

” Amanda Marie!”

” It was your Sig Mickey. You left it in his room years ago. Mick whatever guns you have
hypothetically, I will buy

you a gun safe . There may be times it’s needed.”

” Yeah especially if the ginger ever convinces me to bring a kid into our life”

She just stared “ Ok I can only take so much .Let’s get him well and you out of here before I buy a
stroller for you two.”

Mickey was struggling not to fail not to lose his senses . “What was his plan with the gun”

” Mickey you know what plan was but he stopped and called her.”
Mickey went deep into himself. As a child he hid there. Escaping the barrage of vile revulsion
spewed on him , or the beatings and humiliations. In that blackness his mind hid , kept him safe. He
was now there the darkness holding him but now as he sat in it he held a small bit of light. Maybe
he was not the most imaginative guy. Would always have that intense quiet and thug vibe. But the
light he held loved all of him even those parts. In the place no one but Ian saw, he held that light so
afraid it would extinguish itself. Mickey needed that light to be safe and free.Maybe , just maybe if
he hid it in him , that fucking disease could not snuff it out. He would be it’s protector for life.

He knew breaking down would be noticed and there could be repercussions, he needed to do his
time and get the fuck out. This disease was a thief more cunning than Mickey . IT’s victims
consumed by it . Ian, his Ian . He stayed hopeful and now was working on how to have a good life
as a mentally ill adult. How to have something that gave him purpose like Army and WestPoint
before that was ripped from him. To have a partner knowing your brain might override everything
leaving a trail of ash. That he Mickey Milkovich who was hard and at times removed , loved a
mentally ill man. That they both had to embrace that Ian was now different ,shaped by this an
unquiet mind. That their relationship would always have to be aware of how Ian’s brain affected
day to day. That their plans for them also had contingency plans. That they loved each other and
life meant keeping Ian safe from himself. And Mickey was all in.

His grief over this instance shaking him from inside. He was a pipe bomb needing not to explode
and throw shards of himself all over.

In a voice Mandy had never heard from him and tears pooling he stumbled out.

” Mandy tell me , is he gonna be ok , do you know how long? Every time dad beat me or threatened
me or Svetlana, that helpless feeling was nothing compared to this. Look Lip dealing by not pisses
me off andI know Fiona cares but she hovers on the wrong things with him. If they are making
decisions , shit they will have him so over medicated he will be a zombie.”

” Mickey he signed releases for the Gallaghers to get info only. You , me, Emma the only full
disclosure folks. Ian and I talked before this and he talked with Erin. When he is better until you get
out , I will be his power of attorney on medical. When you get out he wants it to be you. He is
really medicated and this one because of the suicidal thoughts he needs processing and a plan. He
can’t have calls , can vistors. If you write him Emma will take them at visiting . I am thinking he is
there until right before Thanksgiving , maybe through. It seems long but it’s a good hospital for
mental illness support and treatment. This blows I hate what I saw in that bed. But Mickey keep
this in mind: Ian saved himself. Ian fought the voices, got help , committed himself . Ian fought for
his self. Ian was his own advocate . Ian is alive because of Ian.”

Mickey took it in and blew out panic “ yeah , yeah ‘k”

Visiting was wrapping up.

”I love you sis , please tell him.. fuck “

” I know Mickey, I will tell him. I will be back on Black Friday. Call me for updates or Emma has
Ian’s phone , she will answer.Mickey be safe with dad, also you cannot help Ian if you are depleted
yourself .Get out of here ok . I won’t admit I said this but I kinda want to hug my asshole brother.
Tell dad fuck you for me.”

And with that Mickey was left with his only option , back into the bowels of hell he put himself
into because of anger.He was about to flop into a molded plastic chair in the day room when a CO
caught him.

” Hey you have mail, need you to sign off.”

Ian

———————

Mickey never believed in luck , fate maybe not luck. A major fight over over who the fuck knows
what had them counted and locked in their cells for investigation. Aiden rambled and getting one
word answers from Mickey hopped up on his bunk and fell asleep.

The paper that fell out had a note on top.

Mickey, Ian wrote this last week did not send it cause everything went down.He loves you and
we got him, for him and you.

Emma

Mickey began to read Ian in the start of a spiral . Like so many years ago his almost perfect
penmanship was now hurried sprawl. Thoughts, notes , ideas in the bedroom after the army
desertion. After Mickey keeping him at length and setting the tone . Ian made a demand , not an ask
. Looking back it was the creep of mania but that also gave him a voice. Mickey had sucked cock
before, not Ian’s . But in alleys to quid pro quo . He did it with the enthusiasm of a burnt out dmv
worker. But Ian gave fabulous head. Why give when you can take. Mickey shook his head . He
loved him and yet at times was a royal dick. From the second he knelt between those legs and
pulled out the massive cock he could have kicked himself for waiting so long . He knew he wanted
it over and over.

But back to the letter and the seeing Ian unravel

Mick , baby

ok I am so glad you are calling , I wish I could call you, maybe that’s a new business rent a phone
in prison. But fuck Terry , he hurts you, yet again no no fuck.
Please watch your back

So I might be running high, taking my sleep it off drug , helping but if it’s still like all this
aaaazaaagh in my brain like these thoughts out of a clown car

FUCK you hate clowns

ignore that

but still getting these thoughts to shut up

told lip to shut up.

Told me if I whore myself out for the I got fucked by a grown man as a teen money ( my words not
his, but sounds like Carl haha ) told me to take the money that caring for Monica took a lot when
they have to do it again would be nice to have funds or some shit. Know he is not trying to be a dick
loves me but not unconditional maybe… bums me out

love him he’s my big brother man, does he love me now that I am her or just a burden now

Fi heard it , kissed me but it’s Lip unless he is mean to her she does not bite

Terry fuck , go fuck yourself

Mick I am scared for you

Hey do you think hipsters would rent goats to mow, bite their lawns

Not that either of us had lawns as kids meaning human not baby goat kids

we both had dead grass and shit that had no storage for in the house

We had fun in the van though

Don’t die, I yeah no not thinking that

need my pill for sleep , ohhh maybe a brownie with my pill or an orange

I love you fucker

firecrotch

This was the upswing with meds, fuck. So glad he has a team, he may not have made it. He picked
up a pen and started writing so Emma coukd take it to his boyfriend .

Ian he thought, please hang the fuck on.

——————-

Ian would wake up enough to press the call light for juice and help to the restroom ( downers made
him clumsy and unsteady) He would wake in a panic then see the message board people visiting
could leave messages. Emma and Mandy used dry erase to leave hearts and flowers and important
reminders.

You are safe here

Get better at your pace we will still be here

We will be back to hang with you

Mickey said he loves you

You are back on the visitors list

We love you, you got this ❤

Ian had juice for his Sahara sand mouth , looked at the list and closed his eyes. when he was back
to level Mandy was taking him to Mickey.
 Gallagher’s Fall Out
Chapter Summary

Trigger.Talk of suicide attempt, lost time, self harm

Ian begins to piece together his manic phase now safe in the hospital . We see the effects of
bring compared to Monica effect Ian on a deep level. We begin to see why he sees himself as
the burden and unlovable based on how he views the actions of his siblings,

Mickey is cooing, kind of but sends his love to bolster his red head. Kash goes too far and
Mickey takes the bait

Black Friday visiting has Mickey anxious as he awaits Mandy and news of Ian

But maybe something is getting right for them ❤

Ian sat in the visitors lounge glad he was off suicide watch. He still felt unsure and fuzzy about
what had happened. He just remembered feeling like the burden , the waste, the pity. Ruffling
through his old dresser he found Mickey’ s Sig and tucked it in his waist band . The first night after
opening his arm on glass on purpose he slept on the street in the rain. He then thought the gun
would be good if Terry found him , that Terry had murdered Mickey and was not in jail and coming
for him. The next night he kept playing what happened after the fight with Caleb…. Fuck he felt
sick. That piece was going to take so much processing.

The second he sat on the rooftop where Mickey and he had good and bad memories, he felt deep
inconsolable loss.How much more before 25 was required of him before he had more than a month
or two of happiness without drama?How many times would he hurt Mickey, Mandy , his family?
How many pills, adjustments, hospital stays? Was a career not just slinging burgers real for him?He
heard it in Lips voice that sadness and fear, disgust like Monica. They would always have to be in
top of him , burden . If he was gone Mickey could play straight again , keep Terry off his back.

The maybes were sinister growls from the voices in his brain making it clear he would get no peace
until he bent to their will. It would be quick , he could watch out for Mickey, Mandy, Emma , Liam
and Carl from the next life. A protective spirit. He was ready . Then he looked up to the scaffold
where Mickey once sat, puffing smoke like a sexy black dragon , facing taking in the the challenge
of others not afraid to kiss him.

He began heaving in tears, all the pieces of what kept them connected burst through him . He
grabbed his phone and was patched through to Erin on call. The cops came first, face down ,
cuffed. The crisis team came yelling at cops that this was called in as a mentally ill person and their
level of brutality would be noted. The crisis team was allowed to transport him to the hospital once
the dose of Thorazine kicked in. He was aware vaguely of Mandy, Emma and Erin. Notes written in
his board.
They learned that his back pain he thought was from a wrong move teaching class was actually a
massive kidney infection. That allowed his body to not process his meds as well. Combined with
recent stresses , he was thrown into a manic phase. He was on antibiotics and an adjusted med
schedule. Physically he was feeling better. Not manic , not low. Just shock and shame. The hard
reality of behavior in the highs. Everyone was saying he did so well to call, he still felt like his self
was worth less.

Fiona came yesterday for a supervised visit with Erin. He refused Lip. Lip was a raw un healed
patch in his heart . They had been so thick , tight. Ian coming out to him did not change anything
for them . Then the first low. Lip never came, even out of it he waited. He wanted his big brother .
Like when they were little and the dark would freak him out. Lip would just hold him, rock him
like Fi. When Lip said it would be ok it was.

But his first low in glints he realized no Lip. No holding him or big brother saying it would be ok .
No Lip helping clean him up or feed him . Ian was now the tangible reminder of what Monica did.
When he took off with Liam , Lip held him. He signed in and Lip never visited. Once picked up ,
Lip did not even stay. Ian was very aware this meant no matter what anyone else said , he was
broken . Because his big brother the one he looked up to and loved , was showing Ian was different
. Lip no longer loved him unconditionally. He loved him well. And if Lip could stop loving him
unconditionally which seemed impossible to Ian until it didn’t , when would Mickey figure that
out?

So he sat with Fiona and broke telling her she could walk away too that he got it , she had already
cared for him through childhood. She looked stunned . She said she would always love him and
started on med compliance. That’s when he fell apart , snot and his heart on his sleeve. That she did
not ask , just assumed he was not doing meds. Everything that he did , was for her was now down
to him taking pills. That he was no longer her brother who would eat jam off a spoon or throw her
in the pool. He was no longer just sweetface, one of her monkeys . No now he was the mentally ill
Ian who was like Monica , she had to be in constant alert with. He could never be happy or sad
around her again with her wondering , maybe counting her pills. He was like a child bringing home
a drawing wanting it up on the fridge. He wanted Fi to give him the good job , to be proud and brag
about the work he was doing . He needed her to be proud of him. He was her mom in the
caregiving sense and that all changed when he could not get out of Mickeys bed.

When he gave Erin permission to share how this came about he was his 5 year old stubborn self
repeating things over and over.

” Tell her Erin, tell her…..I …took …I was taking …am taking…tell her please. I didn’t stop …
not.. not Monica . Please tell her, don’t believe me.”

Erin placed a hand on his knee and gave him a tissue.

“ Ian how about you tell Fiona and I will, support you. She needs it from you Ian. Not censored..
when ever you are ready ok?”

He felt Fiona take his hand and looked at him dark eyes wide and full of tears.

” I AM NOT MONICA. I mean I get when I first fell apart I messed up. But Fi I was 17 and my
world blew apart. There was not help for me just take the meds. Meds I did not understand and no
medical care to explain it. 17 and zombie. My hands shook, I almost shit myself after taking, my
mouth was cotton , joints hurt . Oh yeah at 17 limp dick. At 17 would life not seem bleak and
worthless to you”

” But I am taking them now and doing well . I take my meds . I still fucking hate them . They are
the enemy I have to keep close . But I do it . And all through this Fiona you have not once, once
said you are proud of me. You still don’t believe that my life can be bette4 than Monica’s. You….(
fresh sobs ensued for several minutes ) never ever say you are proud of me anymore , that you
think I can do what I put my mind to. Fiona I don’t care about what so many people think of me .
But I care what you do. I feel like I am not longer your little brother but instead Monica’s mentally
I’ll child who like her are obligated to play nurse to “

With that any resolve he had fell. He wanted his fucking life back before that first low. Loving
Mickey without the Spector of this disease looming over their plans. Having Lip be his brother,
confident, best friend. Fiona hugging him not to check for weight loss or mania or death in his eyes.
Throwing back a drink or two . The army , the carefree feelings .

In his break he was aware of Fiona holding him like he was not glass. It had been so many years
since that , that he was just held like Ian, not sick Ian. When he stopped she wiped his face and
held his eyes.

” Oh sweetface. I am sorry . I have spent so many years being ok with losing Monica that when you
were diagnosed, I realized I was not ok losing you . I wish I could say I could just turn this off , but
it’s gonna take a lot. Not sure how to switch that. But that’s a me thing, not you. Never you Ian .”

Erin jumped in “ Fiona can you see how it feels different to Ian. Can you understand that if you are
not actively trying, he is stepping back to not feel these challenges.?”

” I do sort of , we just want him home .”

” I am changing Fi, you want the old version of me at home not new me .”

” Fiona , I think a good way to meet Ian half way is to maybe do a few more joint sessions.”

Fiona danced around the subject and Ian exhausted kissed her and stated he needed to rest and
crashed for 5 hours for dinner.

——————

But today was a better day, he was waiting for Mandy. She sashayed in hot chocolates in hand. She
placed them in a side table and pulled them in for a hug. Hugs had always been their language and
he knew this hug was, you scared me, be ok, I got you.

“ Ian Gallagher do I need to sic at least one of my brothers on you again?” Her face went slack and
pained . “ I love you even more right now that in the midst of all that you called Erin. My life
would not be as beautiful if you were no longer in it. I know you can’t promise this will never
happen again but can you promise to try to find whatever was in you this time to not give in?”

Ian held her tighter. “ Yeah I promise to try “

They sat close and Ian was handed a hot chocolate and he could smell the peppermint.

” Not sure when you get sprung but hella sure Black Friday is not in the cards for you . So here is
said promised drink. “

” Mickey? I mean this is the second big one I put him through , I get it if he is done with me .I just
need him safe from Terry. Fuck I feel so helpless”

” Ian normally I would punch your arm for not listening to me but these last few visits you were on
happy sleepy cloud drugs. Nana , you remember he is the Aryan Leader in there , likes Mickey,
tolerates dad. So Terry can yell horrible things til he is blue in the face but Mickey is under
protection.He is ok and safe.”

She pulled him into a hug on the couch.

” As far as done, are you kidding. Ian I really believed dad had fucked Mickey to the point of
beside drunk and pain , he could feel nothing. He loves you that is never changing. It’s eating him
alive that he is not here , that you are hurting . He wants to be done and building your life together
bipolar and all Everything. And you are gonna fight and make up , have good times too. I almost
died in that sticky filthy visiting room floor when I mentioned a gun safe and he mentioned kids.
Mickey, kids, using those words. No it’s not your meds babes, you heard right.”

Ian had a stunned look . “ Mickey saying kids , wow that nun must be rubbin…Shit gun safe , he
knows right?” His usually quick chin quivered.

Mandy rubbed his arm . “ Well he knows what I do from Erin and pieces you mumbled drugged.
The other stuff I know you are talking with Erin right? When and if you want to tell me or him , we
are ready . If not it’s ok .”

“ Mandy he and I said no more secrets.At some point I have to tell him but it’s sordid and
embarrassing and he will never look at me the same. “

” Ian I am not sugar coating this because you are in the hospital. You both got to get over this . You
two , nothing you do or have done to you changes how you feel about each other.You did not look
at him different when dad had him fuck Svet. He could care less he has wiped your ass. Yes it may
be sordid and embarrassing but between you changes nothing !”

He gave her a shoulder shove and they moved on to her work, Emma’s inability to make grilled
cheese and why both Iggy and Carl are lovable idiots. Before she left she placed a letter in Ian’s
hand.

” You bitch , you were holding out “

” Ian read it in your room, ok . Emma is coming tomorrow if you need her to mail anything out. I
know you can’t so I put money on his books. Give me a hug , get some food in you. I have to head
back home but will be here Tuesday before the holiday. Erin will call if we get your discharge date
set . I love you”

Ian watched her go, feeling the gratitude that this was his friend. Mandy got into her Jeep and
sobbed.
————————-

Mickey failed his first set of GED tests. Given all that was going on he was not shocked but part of
him wanted to pass, good news for Ian.

He was currently going through the motions on his practice sheets. The line between his brow an
angry craggy canyon.

“ Mickey you cannot apply for a skills program until you pass this “

” Yes sister I know , just …. Ian. Ian had a major setback and is still in the hospital. He fuck slit a
wrist , almost used a gun . My gun , my fucking gun I left around a mentally ill man. Not locked
up, I think in a drawer.”

” He didn’t though”

” WHAT!”

” He did not use said gun , that means in the next instance it is done differently. You love the man
that is clear . You can be angry and worried and even Mickey sad. But if you are worried about
carving out a life and offering him something, you must also take care of you. Helplessness is a
killer , I know .”

” Really .”

” Yes one day I will tell you That story, today is not that day . Today you alllow yourself your
feelings and also allow yourself to not be frozen in fear. Ian is not dead. “

She called the CO.

“ Mr Milkovich is having migraines may he please rest in his cell until evening meal. I would like
him rested to come back after work detail tomorrow to re take a test.Thank you. Mickey get some
sleep. “

Mickey laid on his bunk and covered himself facing the wall so no one could see him reading
previous letters of Ian’s . His mantra became , he is alive until he actually dropped off for 49
minutes until Aiden came in and he came up swinging.

———————-

Group, done, meds done, shower and his own sweats, finally. The nurses said there was popcorn
and a movie but Ian opted to stay in his room because he had a letter that was his lifeline, maybe.

He shook it out and there was those two callused hands drew in ink , forming a heat .

11/11/2016
Ian, sweetheart

First off if someone is reading this to Firecrotch pretend you are 6 shots into a Vegas weekend .
What you see here fucking stays here . I will kick ass if anyone, Mandy, repeats any of this back to
me in a lovey dovey voice .

I am really bad at this part. Fuck Ian whatever gave you the strength to call, hang on that until I
am out, I know it’s your illness to manage but you are my man and I support. Better or worse
firecrotch. You are waiting so stuck with me now bitch.

I am so sorry I never took the gun. Mandy is right , gun safe. Yes you are an adult, yes you don’t
need a nanny . But this is part of our life Ian , for us both to keep you safe. I love you. We protect
each other here in , all in . You are right, no secrets and stronger together. Ian , honey I usually can
write more , better but trying to just focus on you are getting good care, Mandy protecting you ,
Emma too.

I know even getting help where your mind goes. Ian you are not broken or unlovable. You are not a
burden. Let me explain burden. Burden was me stealing to keep lights on , food to keep Terry from
beating mom. Burden was being forced to be a drug runner at 11. It was taking whippings until
bloody from Terry to keep someone else safe . Going to juvie for his shit. Terry is a fucking burden
man, a weight holding you down . No freedom in sight. Until you . What you and I have still keeps
me free. You are not a burden. You are my joy , the light in so much dark. Partners take care of each
other, according to an annoying and gorgeous red head I know, that’s what we do. If I do not get to
decide if you wait, you don’t decide who I love.

Ian I know your brain can play tricks, tell you lies , make you near dead. But it also makes you care
about others, want to help and do good . It makes you goofy, playful and dominant. Sexy as hell,
calm in crisis. I love watching you propped up watching cartoons with Liam , helping Debbie cook.
Singing with Mandy. I don’t know what the fuck Caleb told you but tell me when you are ready.

I hope tonight you feel safe, warm , loved. Feel it from behind these bars to you. I hope your meds
are level. The infection is gone. That you feel up to eating and make those girls get you whatever
snack you want. Listen to Erin , she has done well by you . I know you want Lip and Fiona’s
support . I hope they step up . If not like me maybe they learn to do better by you. But I will always
do best because you are my whole heart, it gets weird and slow and sluggish without you. Tonight
just know if I could I would curl up into you so you could sleep without fear.

so much more to say but I guess we do it in person. Get better, get stable , then get out here. I am
owed a handstand, dance and funky sweater.

I love you more than I can express but that poem, root of the root.

love

mick

Ian smiled thin but true. Even if he was not unconditionally loved by Lip or Fiona , he was by this
man. He believed him that this would not change.
——— ————

Mickey was being kept updated by Emma and Mandy. Ian had swung into a small low and was on
med adjustment again . The kidney infection untreated reeking that longer term havoc. He was
responding when up, eating small amounts but getting IV fluids. But sleep was his default setting
which meant no letters. He did his work duty , drew and sent letters to keep Ian knowing he was
there. He passed his practice GED and was looking at tattooing or furniture construction in the
trade programs.

“ Hey Mick , Kash is getting cagey , he was sniffing around your cell”

Mickey sent a long look at Kash who hurried away. Going into his bunk , he noticed a picture of
Ian missing. The one with Ian and Liam. He needed to pause , he needed to think . But what he did
was charge the tier taking Kash and him clean over the molded table and onto the floor. He began
to strike Kash over and over . All the rage at being away from Ian flowing with blood.

” You stinking pedo motherfucker. He was never yours , never. You sick shit. I should have killed
you when I had a chance. Where’s the photo motherfucker..”

Mickey was pulled off and thrown to the ground . Cuffed spitting and screaming . Thrown into a
holding cage. Medical was called for Kash who was also tossed into a holding cell.

They did not even question him , they knew Milkovich’s didn’t snitch. He fell asleep cursing how
badly he fucked it all up. 12 hours later he was shook awake.

Two lead COs were looking at him.

“ So here is the deal Milkovich, 2 guards heard you ranting . Tossed his cell , found said property of
yours . Karib is not allowed pictures of minors, even his kids. That’s gonna add more time to him.
No one can say who started the fight not that a pedo like that doesn’t deserve it . To keep this from
blowing up you get 7 days solitary. He gets 30 than his charges . See you thanksgiving.”

Mickey was led to the showers , strip searched and allowed to clean up. He was given the blue
solitary scrubs and shut in his temporary accommodations. He began to bang his head soft on the
wall not to hurt but for some noise. He dug his hands into his eyes to warm his freezing hands on
hot tears. Fuck he re damaged his knuckles. The pain was not even registering as he fought panic
about Ian worrying. What if something took a turn for the worse and he was in fucking solitary.
Settle your fear , settle your fear , settle your fucking fear. Ok if Ian in mania could call his
therapist he could make it 7 days. Ian was in the best care in Chicago and Mandy was there. Sure
he would not get a letter in or if Ian sent one would have to wait. It hurt like barbed wire pulling
and shredding him . But they were no giving him more time just time in solitary . What else sleep ,
plans dream of Red. Mandy was coming day after Thanksgiving and she would let him know how
Ian was , when he was coming home so he could call him . Plan for Ian to visit . He settled in sore
but not panicked.
Thanksgiving morning he was let out , stiff . These cells colder , damper . Given a shower put back
into snapped up yellow. Given a hero’s welcome back to tier. Had a pop tart and coffee from Ian
gift stash. Enzo managed to get him 4 ibuprofen. They didn’t talk about it, yet. The older man
sensing Mickey was too tattered right now. Watched football in the main room . Lined up for one of
the two decent meals they were fed . It was still cardboard but the gravy was good . Lined up in the
extra long line for phones . Did not get Mandy but got Emma who said Mandy was dealing with
Ian, he was ok . Mandy was coming tomorrow to see him with an Ian update . That made Mickey
smile . He would hear about Ian, as long as Ian was getting better he could endure anything , well
maybe not the dressing down he knew was coming from the sister.

Friday came and Mickey was up at 4 , rocking on the balls of his feet, pacing. He had too much
coffee and could barely hold a conversation. He almost groaned in relief when called to line up. He
sidled in taking his assigned slot . He looked up seeing Mandy in her weird knitted beanie,
followed by …

Followed by , holy fuck why did he wait so long. He knew it was a few more years of dating by
prison glass but it was Ian. Thinner than his photos , but Ian . It was Ian. His Ian. His man , his life
waiting for him to get out .

Mandy blew a kiss and sat on a bench behind as Ian slid in and picked up the phone .

Mickey looked left, right then gazed hard at Ian.

“ Put your damn hand on the glass” They connection so intense they felt it through the barrier.

And just like that green looks of love blinded him and that smile after all these years, finally it
made him understand til death do us apart. Neither was going to go soon.

” So Red I think this is our spot for a while huh?”

” Until I pick your thug ass outside baby”

” I fucking love you Ian “

” I love you Mick”

He watched Ian carefully realizing Ian was doing the same .

” you ok sweetheart?”

” Getting there? How about you Mick?”

” Better , so much fucking better now that I can see you “

” Me too , Mick , me too.”

” Ok Red tell me what happened, let me carry some of this for you .”

” Ok Mick, I am sorry I fucked up .”

 Hands on Glass
Chapter Summary

Face to face in almost a year . Before they can even start catch up , it’s assessment that each is
ok .
Mickey finds out more about the manic episode and assures Ian he is not mad at him . Ian

💕
learns about Mickeys stint in solitary and is not happy.
They begin to accept this room, letters and calls are them until Mickey is released . ❤
A medical outbreak hits the prison and Mickey has the best and smuttiest fever dream .
Also Mandy gets asked to tell Caleb “Hi “ from Mickey 😈
TRIGGER: Ian talks his episode and suicidal ideation in it. plus brief mention if puking

Hands on glass. He knew some other inmates took notice , interested in side eyes about who they
understood was the tattoo they saw on Milkovich in the showers. Mickey at that moment saw
nothing but soft green like a forest floor, bits of gold and hazel flecked in the masterpiece. He had
kept Ian at length for almost a year. His lovers gaze was more intense , searing Mickey , reading
Mickey.

That voice was always a range . From soft to almost broken, goofy yet confident, and dominant to
bend Mickey into submission at times he craved. Now it was light, tingling like the wind chime on
the Gallagher porch.

” Mick thank you for putting me back in the list. No more pulling that crap ok. It’s not good for
either of us. I wish this was different, I could touch you but here we are. This is our reality until you
get out. We face it together. I can live and make it without you, but I don’t want to. My life is better
with you in it. I know we need to talk about what just happened but before I do , when you get out
not yellow but we are so finding things with snaps for you. Little distracted about popping those
bad boys and sucking you off baby .”

Mickey was still worried but laughed like he had not in years.

” Ay Fuck you is what you are finding “ His lip curled as he ran his teeth over the bottom.

” Red can you , do you , are you ready to talk ……..”

” I was taking all my meds Mickey I promise not a missed dose . I know Lip and Fi did mot believe
me but really , I had a kidney infection and with everything with the lawsuit and Terry…”

Mickey had a stabbing pain in his chest watching Ian do everything right and still had an episode,
he was not trusted and Mickey could not hold him , caress and kiss the top of his head.His head had
a stabbing pain from knowing his man was still being exploited and distrusted after all his hard
work.
” Shush c ‘mon I did not ask that did I? ( a tearful no) I know how hard you have been working to
take them. I know you fucking hate them because you Army want to be super man.All those years
ago in the shitty clinic we knew you could be like clockwork but not the full guarantee that it
stopped all episodes. Just focus on recovering from this one , how is your arm?”

Those green eyes clouded up “ It’s healing but stitches hurt and itch but it’s my own fault. Mick
baby I am so sorry I took your gun , so sorry I just really believed ( the voice dropped) you were
dead or if not me being gone would solve the Terry problem. I just and Lip , felt like a burden .
After I fought with Caleb was so in my wrong mind , Mickey I fucked up , it all up . And I feel
disgusting and gross like when I was dancing and l’mmmmm…so sorry .” The red head was
dropped in fear and loathing, shame.

Mickey gripped the phone with white knuckles dreading what was coming next. But how could he
be mad or judgmental. Ian knew about the cellie and how he used him for release. He knew how
much they both hated it, Ian hated it but they were trying to be realists . No feelings just bodies.

He used his gentlest voice to catch Ian’s attention.

“ Ian ?..”

The eyes held his the blue on green that held the conversation without words, orbital language Ian
called it once.

” How did you do it all those years with Angie and those girls wanting free weed.”

” What are you on about Ian ?”

“ Caleb was rallying about he had not cheated on Matt because it was a girl. I said fucking anyone
else is cheating he said no . I told him he was bi , he said no . Said I was lying to myself about
never curious or experimenting , no one was all gay just to scared to try. Said my street rat
uneducated views were showing. Said even you were fucking me when you were fucking girls,
Matt said he was asking about me . Said even you got married. So I just wasn’t thinking .”

Mickeys brow went to his hair line, this would have been comical if Ian had chosen this. Driven by
mania and his fear of measuring up. Yeah Mandy needed to find this guy, say hello from him.

“Gallagher are you saying what I think your saying ?”

” Yeah fuck , yeah. So I was planning on going back to the group house. There was this girl and
umm she kept looking at me, I remember moving to talk to her then shit we were back at her place
. Mickey it was horrific, the wet and the folds and the slime , I think it had steam coming off it. I
would drink drano or dunk my dick in it if it would not kill me ..( full body shutter ) I promise
though I used a condom. I was safe not like well .. the movie , I fuck , no , no girls , no ugh uh.
Please don’t be mad “

Mickey pushed his hand harder in the glass willing for a sheer second where he could feel that
warm palm, wipe tears. Take Ian to bed to show him how not mad he was.

“ Yeah only anger is to your housemates fuckwad douche of a boyfriend”

“ Emma spit in his coffee apparently “

” I like your cellie Red. “

”hmmm hate yours . Hey is that the little bitch three seats down ? “

Mickey was so excited to get into the visiting room he had not noticed. Aiden was chatting with his
guest but was looking Ian over. Ian whispered something so filthy into the phone that Mickey
audibly choked. His cellie looked at Mickey just in time to see him quickly adjust the hard on in his
jumpsuit. Ian locked eyes with the man, blew a kiss then gave him the finger .Mickey looked
adoringly at Ian and roared with laughter.

Suddenly Mickey looked concerned . “ Wait you did not deal with Lip and Fi yesterday for dinner
did you?”

”Nah Mandy dragged me to your Aunt Randa’s with Iggy. Oh your money on your books is from
me kicking his ass at darts.”

” Randas huh? So I had the better tasting meal “

” Hey she makes a perfectly wonderful cool whip!”

“ I was so cold and hungry after the solitary stint , heated dog food might have hit the spot “

”Mikhailo Aleksandr Milkovich! Have you lost your mind? I am doing everything to get our life
ready out here and your fucking going to solitary , did you catch extra time?”

The green eyes were furious with a layer of fear.

” Ian I know you said stay away from him , and I have . Been letting the rest of the prison deal
with pedo man. He went in my bunk , took your picture with Liam , not only do I not want him to
have your photo but Liam man . “

Ians reaction was visceral , he went green and gagged.

“ Fucked his face up . They found the photo in his bunk. He caught extra charges cause well pic of
minor ( Ian reared in a painful wince) His very battered face is still in solitary.”

Ian’s face calmed but the voice stern which both made Mickey guilty and his cock twitched . That
was voice of being spun around, ass swatted , bent over until he was being filled and wrecked by
Ian balls deep.”

” No more Mick, it’s too risky next time could be more time added. Ok “

” yeah , yeah”

He shared working on and passing his GED practice. His cheeks flushed as Ian heaped warm
loving praise and encouragement on him for it. He shared his ideas at trade classes and promised he
would tell him when he decided. He shared the weird way Terry being kept off him was shared and
they wondered what nana knew about him to keep Terry on a chain. Mickey had his own anxiety
about after visit, going back to prison walls without Ian. But Ian was just off a major episode and
Mickey knew without focus it slowed his recovery time down and added to anxiety and self doubt.
” Ian hey can you do something for me, will do it too. Next letter , any era, any genre song that
reminds you of us. Song that reminds you of me and your guess on how many days we are gonna
need until we can actually make it to see other people when I get out.”

The chimes sounded that inmates were to say goodbye and line up. Both Mandy and Mickey saw
Ian’s look of despair and panic at the same time. Mandy came and rubbed Ian’s shoulders saying
Emma said she would bring him back in 5 days it was ok .

Mickey thought he internally felt like gasping for air fixed his cockiness into his smarmy fuck you
thug charming smile “ It’s ok sweetheart. I ain’t going nowhere both literally and with us. Never
taking you off the list . Will call you tomorrow, see you in a few days. Make my employed fancy
ass sister buy you your teen girl pretty drink and lunch, get back to healthy weight. It’s only you Ian
, I love only you.”

” Mick be safe fuck, I love you “

Mandy grabbed the phone .

“ love you asswipe , Iggy says hi “

” he tell you about the fuck Caleb”

She said it brightly so Ian did not catch on but her eyes matched the fire in Mickeys

” on it already , taking care of it. “

As Mickey was yanked up Ian mouthed “ I love you “

Mickey mouthed back “ I know, I love you too “

And the countdown to 5 days began .

——————

The next day he was able to talk with Ian who admitted travel and meds, therapy that morning had
worn him out. He promised Mickey he would let Emma feed him and watch movies, rest. His
dance studio was supportive and he could come back the following week. He told Mickey he would
fill him in in the civil suit next visitation and maybe wear an ugly holiday sweater so Mickey could
roll his eyes. Getting off the phone with Ian he felt warm but hey that is what Ian did, warm those
places in … shit . Mickey charged back to the cell and just made it in time before he started to
throw up. As he sat back using his cup to rinse his mouth he realized his cellie was in bed under
blankets . Just then a CO in mask and gloves went by .

” Fuck both of you , huh .Neither of you is life threatening, medical should get here in about 4-5
hours.

” What the fuck “

” We have a flu outbreak on our hands. Everyone ill is in their cells, additional fluids will be
brought in to you . “
Mickey realized he had a fever when he realized he was not freezing in his bunk. His bones ached
and he was sweating . He knew Ian checked the website for the prison so if they closed visitation
due to outbreak , he would worry, fuck ,he would worry . But he would not drive out here for
nothing. He groaned not even wanting water but he knew his care pack from Ian had Gatorade
sticks, he mixed one tried to sip , sleep and ignored Aiden getting sick as well . He felt like a kid
without his blanket . The one time he had a bad cold , Ian pushed Svet out of the doorway and
coddled the hell out of him. He was Vickeds , washed, held , temples rubbed. Blankets adjusted,
toast made, tea at perfect lemon honey ratio, and sleep held even more carefully. Now he had a bare
thread blanket and a guy shitting himself 7 feet away.

That night he had the best fever dream . He was coming home from some type of work he figured ,
meeting Ian at the L. They picked up a six pack of Old Style , kicking Kash in his fat fucking head
as he was chained behind the counter. The door to a house that was a blur opened. It was home.
Mickey never really felt home , this dud though. The calmest of oceans, the inherent knowing of
belonging, love. Dinner something hot and savory, dishes disappearing .

Ian pulling him to a clean living room . Ordering Mickey to strip him to his boxers, warming his
ass as he moves too slow. Ian then sits that wide length teasing stance , adjusting in a way that is
pornographic hot and filthy. Under that gaze Mickey strips then falls to his knees between Ian’s
legs. Large massive hands pull at Mickeys neck bringing him in for a kiss while keeping in place.
They kiss, tongues flitting against each others, wet , slight cigarette and coffee lingers. They lick
inside each others mouths , claiming and promising one another . It’s sloppy and moans rip from
both chests.

When they finally break apart Mickey is allowed to pull down Ian’s boxers. The nine inches spring
up , wide , thick. The shaft hard and satin covered, deep center vein throbbing . So powerful in
design it almost eclipses the soft perfect mushroom like tip, sputtering pre cum. Mickey places his
hands behind his back , eyes open and upward turned so Ian has the best view of his blown out
pupils. He begins to suck , flits of lips on slit. He waits as happy sighs and whines wrap around that
cock . Ian grabs his hair and he opens his throat wide , just taking in Ian’s musk and power as he
fucks his face. To not think, not be in hyper aware. Bring in the minute, submission to his redhead.
No place to be just on his knees in their home, getting his throat filled.

All 6 4 feet stands. One hand cupping his chin . The hand in hair moves to cradle the back of his
head.

” Can you take more for me baby? Be the cock slut for me.”

Mickey taps the freckled left thigh twice for yes .That glint in green increases as Mickey’s nose to
his pubic bone and balls are being stuffed in , smooth and addictive. He trusts Ian , just before he
cannot breathe , he is pulled back , allowed to cough and praised “ good boy “ as he gags . A beat
of 10 then back to it . It is a space of free and he could do this all day . But Ian has other plans . He
is manhandled onto the couch. On his knees, spread wide, ass up , face smooshed into a cushion.

He begins to bite the cushion and whimper like the bitch in heat he is for Ian only Ian. He feels the
rough tongue lick him from taint to rim. Until what feels like a flesh covered plug pushes through
his ring of muscles. The jacked forearm is around his waist, dragging him back . The feeling is
precise and hard like a dildo teasing him . Once the tongue curled teases his prostate, Ian begins to
rock and suck. The pressure and suction on his hole has his weeping tip drenching the couch from
the steady beads falling from his own cock. In between he feels saucy kisses on his rim and feels
the handprint bruises forming on his ass. He can hear his drips hit the wood floor.

His ginger laughs and kisses each cheek like a whisper or caress . Then two thumbs open his star
wide to reveal his open and clenching.His ass showing it’s obedience and need to this man, A dark
laugh, a sadistic growl and Ian spits in his ass, praising his greedy needy ass for pulling it in. He is
just open enough. Some stretch , some burn but no true pain. He hears him pour lube over that
behemoth cock and the tip pushes into him. He is kept almost in place but his shoulders used as
leverage as he is impaled and filled, open. He does not have to be the aggressor , the top . He can
simply feel and cry , beg and be wrecked. He may be Ian’s bitch but he is not weak. Ian gives this
to him without judgment, he gives Mickey the space to be strong in his desires. His ass is being
fucked in a frenzied pace , the pace he at times needs. He knows Ian loves him , they belong to
each other .But Mickey needs this space to hand over himself and get it hard , fast , owned .

“ Wanna see how good you take it Mickey , why that ass drives me wild?”

He nods and bites his lip. He is rewarded by several slaps that he knows left hand prints.

” yes, yes sir please show me”

He sees motion and realizes Ian’s phone is out filming , each time his dick slides in and out. How
his ass opens and crushes each thrust.

“ Before I fuck you in the morning , you are gonna watch this and jack off for me baby.”

The phone is tossed on the couch and the onslaught to his prostate continued with singular focus.

There is an animalistic growl and he is flipped on his back , he spreads his legs wide like Ian
prefers , knees almost to his ears, feet tucked into Ian’s underarms. Ian drops balls deep into his
upturned ass, grabs the back of the couch. Locking eyes he begins to basically do push ups into
Mickey with precision to make ROTC proud. His thrusts are almost vicious save the look of
smitten as he easing in and out of his thug.

“ Baby start jacking that fat fucking cock, I am close. Need you to cum all over both of us while I
fill up this ass. “

Mickey almost cums the minute his hand touches his aching leaking cock. His hand is a blur
keeping pace with the pounding he is receiving . Then it’s white light blinding, roaring in his ears.
Ian’s comes down biting his shoulder , tearing his flesh as he is so deep , Mickey can feel him in his
guts. It’s a locked in thrusts as he comes over and over , filing Mickeys ass, completing the transfer
of ownership .

Mickey is kissed , his cum inspected on them both. Then Ian kneels in the floor instructing Mickey
to grab behind his knees open wider and show off his ass opening and closing . He is instructed to
push out all of Ian’s come so he can watch. He complies rewarded with the slow lazy way Ian takes
it in. His fingers trail ,, pushing bits back in so he deliver a sweet spank and a warm “ keep going
baby”
Large digits coated milky white are pushed into his mouth so he can suckle happily under watch of
emerald eyes . He is kissed on his hole when he prettily begs for more to taste. The fingers rub and
tease his now puffy hole , causing shudders when lips replace ginger tips. The cum is spread in his
taint for a prostate stimulation from outside that has Mickey coming again this time untouched as
he calls for Ian. Coated thumbs massage his balls , rolling and playing, paying the begging above
him no mind .

Ian begins to gently clean Mickeys cock then takes him full down. Swirls and nips thrusts and
warm , and Mickey is sobbing from so much feeling after being frozen . When he comes a third
time , his sounds are small and needy. Ian pops his mouth open and pushes his own salty cum in
then whispers filth as Mickey swallows each bit of himself and without being reminded opens his
mouth for inspection.

He is helped to his feet and almost carried down the hall. He is handed a water and his head rubbed
while the shower reaches temp. He is held against Ian, his body washed with non medical smelling
soap, shampoo that is calming. All the hot water and pressure he could want . And Ian. His
exhausted but content body is dried with a soft huge towel and Ian’s boxers thrown in his body .
The bed is a cloud , huge pillows , fleece blankets, warm arms . He curls up in little spoon realizing
this is the day to day he can do . Ian and creature comforts.

He awakes, fever high , getting shook by medical. Temp 102. He is made to drink a sports like
drink and given god knows what . As they leave he falls back to sleep and another dream taking
him outside his sick body on a prison mattress to where a real possibility of a life waits with Ian for
him.

Visitation has been canceled for the outbreak. Mickey spends 5 days in fever, chills and vomiting .
His solace is dreams of Ian. On the 6th day his fever has broke . He is weak and still feeling a bit
ill. The cell as an outbreak cell has extra juice delivered right inside the cell door. Going carefully
to grab some he sees mail in a certain handwriting and smiles as he hacks. He washes in the sink,
changes his boxers, chugs juice . When he feels semi human he tucks the blanket around him for
the best medicine, the only tonic that heals him , Ian Gallagher.
 The Caleb Doll
Chapter Summary

Mickey is up and feeling better. He gets his heart melted by the Ian’s choices of music about
them. The youngest Gallagher’s grab the phone from Ian and chat with Mickey. He is
reminded of the pack that are the Gallagher’s.

Careers are discussed even with Ian sneaking in some role play.

Is the Caleb doll magical ? Let’s hope so.

Mickey now able to focus looked at the letter on his bunk. Before opening it he sat replaying the
visit excited that the prison would be open for visitation again soon. Ian had checked him out over
and over . When Mickey had made a comment , Ian’s eyes radiated a heat he had never seen . It
was not a love sick kid but the full lustful gaze of a man.

Ian never lowered his gaze.

“Mick you have always been gorgeous, now though I see this beefy thick muscular not teen , it’s
like it’s real. We are gonna be us , old enough with no Gallagher’s of Milkovich’s running the show.
We get each era of our lives, it’s ours. It’s all ours we get to create it Mick. It’s just a happy thought.
“

Now sitting in these walls, he was still free. Free because Ian Fucking Gallagher , the man he loved
and the man who was waiting to create a life with him. And yeah if fuck Ian was no longer a
gangly teen but a strong man both physically and more so mentally Getting out was something he
could not wait for . Yet there was a fear of unknown. He never had a real job, bank account, clean
house , friends. He also realized thanks to Sister Meg that his grumpiness and avoidance of others
did mean that he was more of an introvert. Ian , dancing, singing , chipper Gallagher was an
extrovert. They balanced each other. He rubbed his face and eagerly opened the letter.

11/29/2023

Flu outbreak , damn Milkovich I hope your ass is ok . Please puke on your cellie for me. That said ,
I wish I could be there , make the honey lemon tea you like , tuck you in blankets , turn on a movie ,
chill. Cause sometimes our life is gonna be easy , sometimes not. But I think what is settled in me is
even those times life sucks , I want you by me when it does.

Just like me learning how to really manage my bipolar, it’s an adjustment. It’s shit somedays and
even level I just hate the world , ok not the world just Monica and Frank. I know when you get out
there are gonna be rough days , life with choices is different than caged routine. On those days
Mick I will support whatever you feel and validate it. I don’t want to change you , just make sure
you love yourself like I love you so you don’t go back there.
I panicked when I left. I am sorry baby. I know we have visiting and with calls and letter, it’s not
next to each other but it’s enough to sustain until we can. So I passed the entrance exam for the
NTA. Now I just need to pass. I start in February . I will fill you in next visit. Emma said I can
intern on her brain if needed. Such a dork.

Hey Caleb is banned from the house. This is not the first time he dated someone with mental illness
to control. Also creepy things I thought I lost he had in his back pack. Matt has been hanging with
Emma and me, guys fragile and feeling used . So we have been taking him to a few dance classes.
Shit dancer but hoping maybe he does not have a low. Emma says you have sexy resting bitch face
voice , had to lip synch battle her for you. Luckily she challenged a sexually frustrated gay man to
A Britney Battle. Please bitch I wiped the floor with her . So your ass is still mine. But she is
smaller than you, so you had a chance to feel the thrill of towering.

( Mickey just arched his eye brow, loving the vibrant playful red head was coming through again )

So I did my homework from visitation professor , I really really need the A sir . I will do anything
you ask Sir… whoops I dropped my pencil.. umm no professor these are not regulation knickers, oh
ok I will take them off… yours too? Yes Sir !

Mickey groaned and put his paper down to stroke his cock. Aiden heard the sound and snorted.
“ You know I know could help with that”

” You saw my man , right”

” I did “

” So fucking no way do I fantasize about him with anyone but my hand. Release is what this is with
you , Ian is not cheapened by what I do in here.”

” Yeah when I let you”

” Bitch please unless you want your ass used for a Fanta , you actually do when you are told. And
you are not told . If you can’t shut up while I read

I will shut your mouth for you. “

After the man stopped yapping and Mickey stroked his cock, twisting and seeing Ian dancing . He
came quickly , grabbed a boxer off the floor and used it to clean his hand before grabbing the letter
again.

His smile changed and he cleared his throat. Jesus Christ Ian. This man could make him horny,
happy, devastated. But what Ian did better than anyone he knew was be honestly vulnerable and
drag Mickey into taking baby steps with his own.

So all sex aside , but fyi totally can get one school boy uniform in your size. Anyway as I panicked
as we all noticed last time like I was 5 and lost my gi joe. You and Mands are too sweet to me to
have kept me from freaking out. So I thought it was busy work for me but as I thought more I
realized this was so eye opening . In a good way. Once you can , feel better, curious to see yours.

So here we go :
How I see us :

Time in a Bottle by Jim Croce

If I could save time in a bottle

The first thing that I'd like to do
Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away
Just to spend them with you

Mick when I would lay there barely human , I felt you even though I could not let you know. So now
time our time I want all of it. Mornings in bed , running late, arguing about you never wiping the
toilet seat. Vacations, sunburns, hangovers. Old men grousing about coffee but neither of us can
hear. That’s it our eternity’s

If I could make days last forever

If words could make wishes come tru I'd save every day like a treasure, and then
Again, I would spend them with you

We have had dark days more than I think we should have. But what I learned the Southside toxic
crap fucked us up. No room for treasure, they made us ashamed to want treasure. But we deserve
treasure. The first time you let me see your face during sex, treasure. Kissing me , treasure. Being
the person who ate tacos and drank beer on the roof with me treasure. You letting me back in,
treasure. No one is ever taking it from me again.

But there never seems to be enough time

To do the things you want to do once you find them

I've looked around enough to know

That you're the one I want to go through time with

Might make an honest man out of you yet Mickey Milkovich.

If I had a box just for wishes

And dreams that had never come true
The box would be empty
Except for the memory of how they were answered by you.

So many dreams ripped from me: Army, West Point, High School , Life without mental illness .
Being just another sibling instead of the messed up ill one. But one person I love , loves me all of
me . I could not wish or want more.

Then the second what song makes me think you.

The Rose by Bette Midler

Really Gallagher a show tune song by a gay iconic, right so him. But by the second verse parts of
his tough guy persona began to crumble . Jeez where the hell does Ian know this music from?

Some say love, it is a river

That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you, its only seed

Mick you would come into the Kash and Grab and it was a bright spot cause you made Kash pee a
little . It was a break from the abuse . More importantly under the dirt and bruises , you flashed me
some looks that made you be on my mind long before the gun. I saw you as so worthy of talk and
time. Us after the gun , your fear of Terry of yourself , of me was like a burning smog on us. But
you love more , deeper than me . It was buried I am honored you showed it to me.

It's the heart, afraid of breaking

That never learns to dance
It's the dream, afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul, afraid of dying

That never learns to live

Mick I understand now, I did not then how very much you had to lose. When I didn’t think Terry
was that sick , could be that sadistic. What happened to you . Marrying her , protecting you and us.
When you came out before I got sick , I saw you live. I know where you are in not a place to feel
free. But I want you to live in there. Get an education, dream and plan . Learn where we want to go,
what you want to give you purpose . Get out and live the best baby . You more than anyone
deserves.

When the night has been too lonely

And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snows
Lies the seed that with the sun's love
In the spring becomes the rose

I know it isolating in there. I know I have made you believe I didn’t love you at times. I never
stopped. When I could not find love for myself , it looked like I stopped with you . But we are not
lucky . We were given a gift it just took us a while to understand we are not a curse, not cursed. We
were two gay men given shit instead of love .

It’s going to be cold soon. It’s been cold for us for a while. No more . I will keep you warm in words
and visits. I will keep you warm in love . I can’t be there , in there with you but feel me Mickey. I am
wrapped behind you in the dark. Hand on your thigh during chow. Finding things out here to make
your transition to day to day less anxiety. You and I sunlight for each other. But you are the Rose ,
soft and thorny. Opening when you feel safe being beauty in the world . Beauty in my world .

So those are my picks for you . They fit us, you . And I think we will need like 5 days before your
siblings or mine come crashing down . So I know you said if you can’t get real porn, you want food
porn. So tonight doing real Mac and Cheese for the younger siblings. Carl, Debbie and Liam are
coming here. After they leave Emma and I are helping make a fuck you Caleb doll for Matt to push
pins in. Ok we have no pins in the house ( rules) we have command hooks, but you get my jist.

Hope this week you can call, been saving my bus fare money like a good Statesville widow.

I love you , only you

Firecrotch

———————

Ian had just plated rich gooey Mac and cheese for the kids and watched the collective groan as he
added green beans to plates. He ignored it smiling as Liam quietly smiled at his plate and snagged
one. Matt, Emma and two of the other housemates joined them. Ian looked about feeling so much
was in place. The family by blood and choice that supported each other. He loved that Mandy was
also benefiting from the new crew. Ian could not wait until he could bring Mickey into this.

Carl jumped up and almost dug in , when Ian blocked him. He shook his head “ Nice try Carl . I
have no idea how many layers are on your hands but at least have it be two less when you come
back.”

He laughed watching Carl puff and strut away . This is why the boy liked Mickey so much, that
cocky swagger to hide a lot. He heard his phone and Carl pick it up .

” Hello, Yes “

” Carl “

” Hey Mickey , yeah we are at Ian’s again . Fiona is working and Lip is doing some college lady “

“ Carl!”

” Hey did you know your ex wife is married to Kevin AND Vee”
” Carrrrl!”

” Hey is prison boring? Do you see a lot of fights? Shivs? Like you shower with other guys , is that
too many weiners or is it cool cause you’re gay …or are just gay with Ian?”

” CARL!”

”Fine! Bye Mickey , look Ian I washed up “

” Mickey hey”

”Really still gonna call me peppermint patty “

” Debbie!”

” He’s just being cranky , oh “

Ian snatched the phone .

” Hey baby “

” You running a daycare”

” You sure you want me and the sideshow that comes with me”

” Want anything that comes with you “

” Mickey Milkovich are you flirting me?”

” You know it”

” Did you get the flu ?”

” Did and it sucked “ ( the voice dropped ) “ Likeditbetterwhenyouareheretotakecareofme”

Ian just grinned

“ Fuck you Ian , I can hear that smug grin from here. But they open us back to visits next week. I
can’t wait to see you , miss ya . Was kidding myself that I could do this without your support .
Seeing you fuck , made this not so painful . Sorry I was a prick and put us off.Now tell me about
school.”

The voice dropped and Mickey cursed that Ian was in Lips shadow. Philip was smart, no doubt but
Ian was a book lover, his knowledge more broad.
“ I know it’s really different Mick but it’s about helping people. Like how not doing diets or
starving is better for the body. Erin helped me talk to admissions so they know about my diagnosis
up front and how it could affect my studies. But it seems like a fit for me.It’s like helping people
reset and I can take Reiki classes too. “

” What the holy shit is that?”

“ Energy work, you move your hands over blocked energy.Like a massage with direct touch “
” Ian I trust you, makes no sense but sweetheart you’re excited so go for it. This reeke pay
anything, gotta know if I get you and a bonus sugar daddy ?”

” Like 110 dollars an hour “

” no shit people pay that to unblock , I just shoot shit, and fuck you . Work out here as I have no
guns and no 9 inch cock attached to this hot red head that I cannot do without.”

He cleared his throat .

” Ay , I am so proud of this and you “

“ Thanks baby , that means so much . So how about the tech programs you were thinking about.
Mickey you would rock either, any leanings more to one ?”

“ I mean tattoos, yeah always money . Think I could do it , be good at it. But this whole
architectural salvage thing , Ian spent my life destroying shit , creating it could be nice for a change
.”

” Mick gonna cheer on whatever makes you feel alive.”

The warning sound…

“ Ian will call in two days , when they let visitors in again will you….”

” First bus baby, I love you so fucking much “

“ Right back at ya Firecrotch “

” Goodnight Mick”

” Night Ian”

They hung up and Ian realized Carl had taken in the whole conversation.

“ You love him a lot Ian?”

“ Yeah want him in my life “

” Mickey is a cool guy, good with knives , took care of you better than Frank ever did Monica .
And I don’t think you’re Monica ok. I just mean Frank loved her, knew she was sick and never
helped. Mickey was worried and cared for you . I’d like if you guys dated.”

Ian kissed the top of Carls head, rubbed noses with Liam and smiled. Debbie cut brownies as
Emma and Matt started on the Caleb doll . It was good to see Matt smile and Ian hoped the next
guy would be better. Matt was a good friend he deserved someone better.

Matt stared at their handiwork. “ I know this is for me to feel better .” He hit the groin area with a
spoon. “ But God , it would be great if it worked “

———————
Caleb came out to see his windshield smashed . Mandy sat on the hood.

Caleb looked wary “ Oh hey Mandy, thought you went home?”

” Great thing about being an escort , make my own schedule . I had to swing shit by to help my
brother who just got out of jail. I see you motherfucker . I was raised by a monster who liked mind
games too. You get off on their pain, that’s your addiction right? Act supportive but chip their
stability. “

She delivered a sharp blow to his throat and he went down.

“Ian taught me that move. You know Ian the guy you knew was manic and you fucked with him,
messed his mind.”

A kick to the groin and a headlight busted.

” Matt is a nice guy, what you did was disgusting. Ian has been my best friend for years. Mickey is
my brother. You fuck with Ian you fuck with me and Mickey “

The tail light was burst and a kick to the ribs.

“ My family is thugs and criminals and maniacs. But they have a network of lowlifes . I will have
you watched . You play games with any and I mean any I will have them permanently fuck you up .
Got it .”

Gasping and holding his balls he croaked out “ yes yes , got it.!”

Mandy dropped the pipe “ Good choice asshole”

She got into her Jeep , flipped him off and headed home. Nobody fucked with her boys.
 She Sounds Lovely Baby, Tell Me
Chapter Summary

The boys get ready to visit as Mickey recovers.

Ian is floored by Mickeys song choices .
Mickey get a shock , then another but both boost his hope.
He finally can share something with Ian instead of holding it in .
And the boys move closer to in person end game .

Ian was making notes in his new laptop. Erin had suggested a few people for him to connect with
so the past few days were not a trigger. He was sleeping one schedule, organizing and doing his 5
miles no more each morning. He was reading through his new student information and was excited
for his classes to start. He had also talked with a money manager and Trevor. He had just ordered
some holiday boxes through the prison service for Mickey .

Mickey by now had most likely found out about his meeting with Trevor . His case would not be
thrown out but he could reduce his time. He also knew that the man he loves would be fuming that
he was placing money from his lawsuit to his freedom. The outbreak over, visitation had opened .
Tomorrow he would do his med check then head to Statesville. Damn he was a prison widow. But
not a sad one.

Matt had recovered from Caleb but was on a downswing. In being Caleb’s project , Matt had been
belittled and med shamed. Emma and him had visited him this morning , bringing his favorite
cookies. He and Emma had been in lows and highs so they knew Matt’s challenges. He helped
teach two classes this week . Being praised and having someone talk up his talent was new to him .
The ladies who owned the studio were supportive of his mental health , their good friend having
lost a child to suicide . The cougars in his classes hysterical Karen’s and the mini dancers and their
dance mom’s adorable. It was a good world, still had drama but not toxic . He could not wait for
Mickey to see his new space where he was Ian not sick Ian.

He took a shower lathering up his cock. As he stroked he thought of stripping Mickey , taking his
time to relearn his body . He knew the beefier stance was muscle , he could not wait to see how
they effected the curves of his ass, his arms . The tighter chest, how did it move the tattoo in
ripples. And tight. Mickey did not bottom in prison. Oh fuck he could feel those hot walls
clenching him as he drove in and out. Mickeys moans, his own grunts . Cumming up in that ass,
actual feeling Mickeys sticky heat on his hand . Him dripping out of the tiny pink hole. Pounding
the tiles he came.

When his legs stopped shaking he rinsed off and threw on ratty sweats. The house was quiet , group
mates not about. He grabbed a Pepsi and a banana and flopped down to open his letter from
Mickey.

12/6/2013
Firecrotch

Yeah flu in prison ramps up the whole hell experience . Also their soup sucks , like piss with
noodles. Hey do they teach you how to cook with this nutrition class thing . Feeling like ramen may
not be a healing food . Fuck man never knew I wanted to be touched so much until I was sick and
shaking .

The class yeah man. I know you have had to give up a lot of dreams to the disease: school , army ,
EMT. So the sister here says a lot of religious stuff I can’t get behind . But her life advice ok .
Maybe that was your dream but it was not where in the end you needed to be . Maybe this is it and
it will be so you, yours. A different dream not settling at all.

So I did think about two things for us living together. A fucking good coffee pot not the crappy cord
held together by duct tape machine but a real one. And an adjustable bed that I can get my ass up
high for you. Seriously Gallagher we may need a month . So many things I want with just you . Ok
Mandy is barging in week 2. This is hard Ian . The day to day here is so grey. You keep me from
losing my shit. Ok I may or may not not have misted reading your songs, yep no mist allergies.

Get the tissues , your allergies are about to get intense. But I mean every word . I heard this song
on Enzo’s radio. It’s country wow, but holy fuck man .

Two Sparrows in a Hurricane

Tanya Tucker

She's fifteen and he's barely driving a car

She's got his ring and he's got the keys to her heart
It's just a matter of time
They'll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane

Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They've heard it's all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it
Love says they will

You were 15 that first time , I had just started jacking cars for Terry.We were so young man but I
knew real quick how I felt about you . Kept it to myself for a long time . You had my heart man.
That’s why I pushed you away .Did not think I was not worth it. You never gave up.We were poor
still are I guess. I not good at people. You the illness. But you know what , two gay guys from the
Southside maybe we get to be the inspiration not the statistic . We will always be us and us is
amazing .

There's a baby crying and one more on the way

There's a wolf at the door
With a big stack of bills they can't pay
The clouds are dark and the wind is high
But they can see the other side

Like two sparrows in a hurricane

Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They've heard it's all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it
Love says they will

Ok we most certainly know about no money, we scammed and stole enough to get by. We will
always get by. Maybe this time , it’s not getting just by . And shit dark, we know dark. Nightmare
and crushing dark. But here we are putting some light in this bitch.Yeah the kid thing. I still think I
would be a crappy dad. You will be amazing at it . Like the idea of having a kid that could not be
afraid to exist all the day to day . Maybe you the leading man, all the big roles. Maybe I am the
stuntman in this family movie. Diving to keep a kid from falling off a couch, jumping in traffic to
get them. Or supporting role , buying the school supplies at 10 at night , making sure those little
lidded cups have juice. Telling you when they need a diaper change. Not sure how to make this
dream happen for you Ian. Not sure the ex con is first pick in a baby giveaway.

She's eighty-three and he's barely driving a car

She's got his ring and he's got the keys to her heart
It's just a matter of time
They'll spread their wings and fly

Like two sparrows in a hurricane

Trying to find their way
With a head full of dreams
And faith that can move anything
They've heard it's all uphill
But all they know is how they feel
The world says they'll never make it
Love says they will

Not sure what I want to say but wanna grow old with you. We started so young . I wanna be the guy
who has been with you for 70 years . Want life with Terry and Svet to not exist cause it’s only been
us. I know it’s not gonna be easy all the time but hell we survived this far, all else is gravy.

Ok the next one . We never speak of this again, never ever. Even during sex. Second hook up when
you found a slim Jim in that shithole. Heard this song , maybe hummed, hummed it not sang it Ian
in the shower . Wipe that grin off your face .

Head over Feet by Alanis Morisette

had no choice but to hear you
You stated your case time and again
I thought about it

You treat me like I'm a princess

I'm not used to liking that
You ask how my day was

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
Don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

from the first time you came to get the gun , you took up all my space, all my air.No matter how I
pushed you away , you came back. I knew not just for sex but for something else I could not
understand . I was told daily I was shit , best , spit on . You acted like I was something else. Thank
you for being the passive aggressive prick who would push me to be more.

Your love is thick and it swallowed me whole

You're so much braver than I gave you credit for
That's not lip service

You've already won me over in spite of me

And don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

When you were not near me I was angrier than normal which is fucking scary. That warmth was
gone , that soft and love. I took it for granted at times , I get that . I never not felt it . Brave fuck
sweetheart , you are even when you doubt it. I have no anything close to understanding what
happens when your brain goes off the rails. Even more impressed how you walk it back. Yeah that
can be ugly and painful but you do it. And I love you more for it tough guy, all of it. I love you level,
manic and depressed.

You are the bearer of unconditional things

You held your breath and the door for me
Thanks for your patience

You're the best listener that I've ever met

You're my best friend
Best friend with benefits

I've never felt this healthy before

I've never wanted something rational
I am aware now
I am aware now
I love your a fucking sap .A romantic . That our childhood never stole that from you , that your
illness didn’t steal that from you , that my holfung you off dud not steal that. Heh heh friends with
benefits. Yep yep. But seriously you are my best friend never want to lose that, ok?

You've already won me over in spite of me

Don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet
And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are
I couldn't help it
It's all your fault

It’s totally your fault. Thank you. I love you .

Hey I get to see your tall Alien ass in a few days. Miss ya. Gonna get a shower first time in 5 days .

love only you

Mick

Ian dried his “allergies” and got ready for house group. He was getting to see Mickey.

—————-
“ Mr Milkovich, is your inability to sit still an indication of your joy of learning about prepositions
.”
“ Nahs sister , He is excited cause his man finally can come to visit .”

“ Mr Ryan can you try that again please. As we are in our English packet, perhaps try what you are
learning?”

“Sorry sister. No sister , Mickey is excited because his man is coming to visit .”

“ Thank you Mr. Ryan. Mr. Milkovich by your hand gesture I can assume you are validating that
Mr. Ryan is number one and not daring to make a lewd gesture in this chapel “

“ Of course sister but for further reference won’t make the mistake of um flipping .. complimenting
him again .”

Mickey hung back after the other men filled out .

“ You wanted to see me sister? “

“ Yes I needed to chat with you before interview “

“Interview ?”

“ Yes with your lawyer , I am guessing from the outbreak notification of meetings is behind”

“ Sister , you may be wrong. I do not have a lawyer. I have a barely competent public defender.”

“ Mickey , Trevor Montgomery is a leading LGBTQA activist and lawyer . He specializes in clients
who may have their past brought with prejudice into current cases. He is on retainer for you .”

“ Wait LGB.. what “

“ Mickey as a gay man it is shocking how little you know about your community . Assigning you
some books.”

“Why sister “

“ it is your history, also you tell me Ian connects with the advocacy of your community. Perhaps it’s
a way to show him you are listening to what is important to him. “

“ Wait .. He is putting up his settlement money for a lawyer, no , no way.”

“ If it is your partner , it seems a tad late to stop it. Were you not angry that his siblings were trying
to tell him what to do with his money ?”

“ Yes but..”

“ It was also you who expressed frustrations that they were underestimating his ability to make
sound decisions?”

“ It was …”

“ So perhaps letting Ian do what he wants with his money , is another way to listen to him”

“ Fine , you win again . Now what is this about?”

“ Being able to appeal to a lesser sentence . I have been asked for a character witness . If the DA
disputes this , I may need to take the stand about your growth here. If they ask me about past
connections I would not lie . I would not want you taken off guard at a hearing.”

“ Yeah but sister I don’t know you before this , how would you know me?”

She looked at him in the first time letting fondness fill her eyes.Then sadness.

“ The last time I saw you before this , you were a year old. Your mother , my cousin had you and
Iggy in tow . She was running from Terry . Nana had came into, the nerve to come into the church
to drag her out . He saw her bruises, Iggys and yours . Tiny baby with bruised arms . We had grown
up together nana and I . We drifted apart. I could care less he choose to love men. I cared about the
horrific hate he was spewing . He saw the injuries, he knew how Terry treated Laura , watched
beatings with his own eyes. He agreed to say he could not find her. We thought that had been
enough time to get her to the train station in Urbana .We were wrong . I never knew what happened
. My belief was it was threats about you children . She told me to never meddle and the door would
not be open to me. I knew she did not mean what she said , could see it in her face but Terry stood
right behind her , hand clamped down on her shoulder . She was 18.”

Mickey looked stunned and faint . He remembered that mama would brag she had a cousin who
found her calling, became a nun. Holy fuck . Now that he looked he realized their features, bone
structure was similar . Not all processing , he realized this woman knew his mama . Had a real
history of her.

“ Nana put Terry on a leash for Laura and you. Before your self destructive brain gets to you . I am
also doing this because I mean what I say . You do not deserve to die in here. That would still be
true if you were not Laura’s son. I am sorry I did not share that but I was unsure of the boundary of
doing so. “
” Can… will you tell me about her? “

She walked to the CO at the door, spoke with him and walked back to Mickey.

“ We have an hour and what would you like to know most.”

” Who she was before Terry wrecked her.”

The pair sat and talked, the sister handing Mickey tissues. He walked back not in shock but awe.
He thought his mom was just a junkie . He was wrong. What he felt was closer to her and Ian. In a
moment of crystal reasoning. His whole life he kept information, feelings like nuggets to himself so
when people hurt him or scared him he had something kept from them. His control. But Ian , as he
learned about his mom he wanted that man by his side. He wanted to share all the pieces of her
with Ian. He would never get to introduce Ian to his mama. But he could gift he and Ian these
memories . He wanted these memories shared and discussed .

And now this legal representation. Ian thought the civil suit would give him about 150,000 dollars .
Kash did not have much they knew. This though would wipe out all monies, put Ian in the
crosshairs of his family and like so many times leave nothing for just Ian. He did not want to stay in
this hellhole longer but this meant Ian had signed over money he did not have yet.

He wished now that he knew more about her, mama was still here. He knew now by stories she
would not have cared that he loved Ian. There were times like this he could ask how to accept this
man being so giving for him . That she could be a support for Ian while Mickey served his time.
But Sister Meg shared even high Laura would have came back. She and nana believed Terry had
killed her.

He made a cup of that coffee from Ian and began to sketch . It was Freeform with no thought .
After an hour he looked down . It was Laura’s face , the soft tired smile that would wake him as a
child laughing at his scowl at being woken up. He dropped it in an envelope for Ian . He knew he
would keep it safe for him . Ian kept him safe period. He curled up knowing there was so much to
share tomorrow.

——————————

Ian texted Mandy on the way to visitation laughing at her beat down of Caleb and Mickey’s praise
to her fighting skills. In line his heart sank a little , Kash must be out of solitary as his brother was
in line . Fuck em. It was Mickey he cared about not these ass clowns.He emptied his pockets , got
wanded and felt up like he was in a back seat after prom. He was pointed to a cubby and glass on
the end , aware of prisoner eyes as he walked down.

Sitting down he had a small gasp. Mickey had been sicker than he let Ian believe. His face was
sunken, sallow , bags and rings . He looked thinner. But seeing Ian the eyes lit up . It was that flame
blue on a pilot light before it caught. His hand right on the glass, bossy wanting Ian’s not giving a
fuck.

Ian put up his hand smiling on how his eclipsed Mickeys. He grabbed the phone .

” Hey baby , do I have something on my face. Lots of yellow suits looking at me today?”

” Gay gay or prison gay word of my man has gotten out “

Ian snorted “ Yeah right Mick, you feel better, worried about you.”

He was fixed with a fond but stern gaze . “ Worried about you . What the fuck Ian. I love that you
love me . You cannot blow all your pedo pays money on me ..”

” baby”

” Ian you have school and angry siblings and yeah I want out but not by cleaning you out..”

” Mickey, it’s just..”

” You put everyone’s feelings before yours, does Erin know ?”

” She does and she “

” she best be telling you put you first and I am not goo..”

” MICK”

“ Now that I have your attention. I get to choose, me not you, Lip or Fi . But I don’t have to.
Apparently The Karibs chose to live over the store. They own several other properties. The deal is
they are all to be sold so Linda does not do time and they do not lose the boys. It’s not millions but
it will be about 800,000 Mick. So yeah we are getting you out sooner. I am paying for school. I met
with an advisor to put money aside for me and health stuff. We are buying a house . I am setting up
fun money for the family and an emergency fund . Mick .. babes”

He looked more hopeful then Ian had ever seen .

” So not 8 to 15?”

Ian was soft to not startle him.

“ Trevor will talk to you more but he could move it to 3, 5 max”

” Holy fuck Ian “

“ Holy fuck Mickey “

” Ian I have no idea how to repay you…”

” We are partners , family . Family takes care of each other . If you need to repay.. ass eating, nipple
pinching “

“ I could get home sooner “

” Yeah , on Kash’s dime “

They both roared .

Ian watched emotions roll through Mickeys eyes then they hardened. Whatever the landing
emotion was , it was too big and unsafe to show in prison.
“ So Sister Meg is a character witness for me . She had to disclose some shit to me. Um she is my
moms cousin. They came here to the states together when they were little. She tried to get her to
not be with Terry but he was older and charming , promised her the moon. She saw me when I was
a baby E. Apparently Terry was on a bender . He had beaten her , whipped Iggy who was four. He
shook me so hard left bruises. I was one . She ran to Sister Megs church for sanctuary . The nuns
were going to put us on a train to a shelter in Wisconsin. I see that look , yeah it gets wilder. The
sister and nana dated young. She found God, he found guys . Nana was a hound for Terry trying to
find us. He did . She showed him my bruises to prove how as she says “ unholy “ he was. We
almost made it out , but Terry found us at train station, but Ian she knew my mama “

He looked up and let the breath he was holding go as those green eyes went round and showed
Mickey it was ok .

” She tell you about her “

Mickey nodded not trusting his voice .

So gentle like soothing a child from a bad dream

” Tell me about her baby”

Mickey started and stopped 3 times finally croaked out “ supposed to hear about your school “

” Mick.. tell me “

And that was all he needed. Talking about her made her real to him again , not lore in his younger
years. He shared how she taught herself English so she could translate for her parents. That she at
11 loved to ride her bike everywhere . Like Mickey her favorite ice cream was butter pecan. She
was English illiterate but also drew. Sister Meg was sending Ian one of her drawings for Mickey.
That she had Iggy at 14. When Terry would go out of town for runs , she would bake breads to sell
so she could feed Iggy and buy diapers for him. Her favorite band was the Beetles. His
grandmother picked Iggys name, grandfather his.

He picked up steam being able to say more than his mama was a junkie. She wanted him, all of
them. She was a kid learning how to keep her kids safe and often failed but no for lack of trying.
Terry was too much, too violent .As the warning chime struck , blue and greens locked in sync.

Ian smiled like hearts and suns and that romance shit Mickey did not do , but wanted to .

” She sounds lovely baby, thank you for trusting me with her memories. I feel like I know her .”

“ I love you E , follow your plan. Call you in two days , see you in 7 “

” I love you too, it’s a date “

As they were taken back in searched , he caught Kash’s forlorn face, Ian had not even looked his
way, not even to throw a dirty look. He no longer mattered. Just Mickey and Ian.

” Hey Kash and Grab , thanks for paying for my new legal team, gets me home to Ian faster.”
 Ian had a beer and got med drunk
Chapter Summary

Mickey meets Trevor and another in Ian’s life.

As they prepare for a court date that could get Mickey out sooner , He struggles to toe the line.
Wanting home but trying to keep up his rep.Mickey may be in jail for Christmas but Ian is
planning so he feels loved and not alone.

Ian leans into his daddy kink for a hot little fantasy .

Fi and Lip grouse about no access to Ian’s plans with his settlement .

Mickey gets a surprise letter from a big fan of Ian.

Trevor was not what Mickey expected.He was shorter than Mickey with a baby face but shrewd .
He walked in with stacks of files. Mickey raised his brow.

“ All mine ?”

” Yes and reports “

” Look you seem really sharp but if this is a waste of time don’t blow my man’s money ok. “

“ Mr Milkovich, I think we have really key points for a reduced sentence . Ian filled me in on
something’s which allowed me to do some investigating. What happens is you will get a hearing
and be transported to the courthouse. We have a character statement from Sister Meg which goes
far, she seldom vouches for anyone. Ian has stated he will be purchasing property and it will be an
inspected by your PO. Best case out in 18 months, worst case 24 months. “

” Fucking wild I can get out earlier. “

” You can if you keep your nose clean , out of trouble “

” You got it boss “

” ok you will be allowed to take these case notes, familiarize yourself with them and I will see you
soon. “

Feeling cheeky he winked at the CO who conducted his strip search and headed out to the yard. He
dropped next to Enzo cracking his knuckles and biting down at the pain. He saw Terry across the
fence making blow job motions at him and he cheerfully flipped him off .

“ Mickey what has you almost pleasant , chatting with your man ? “
” Fuck man met with the fancy dancy lawyer Ian hired. Trying not to get my hopes up but to get out
of here. I just if it was eight years I would guck up and kill my me and Ian in the process. Just do
this time , shut up and not guck the works.”

Enzo nodded “ Got your back man “

—————-

Ian finally ended the class sweaty and feeling good. Not manic good but good. He always had a
dull throb of grey when he was on meds , part of him strangled to keep the mania and voices at bay
. A trade off and he was grieving it, that loss of spark to save sanity. But dancing real dancing not
stripping is a club brought him to that edge of being able to touch the spark .He and Emma had
been teaching a dance to Brittany and the whole class was into it.

After class Veronica came up to him . She was a regular in many offerings at the studio. Tall,
angular and married 4 times she was used to getting her way.

” Ian darling this was fantastic “ kiss kiss on each cheek. “ so dear boy 20 and buying property how
thrilling. Did you know I am in the top 5 agents in Chicago.I can help .”

” Thats super sweet Ronnie but my pace might be slower. Um you heard my partner is in prison .
Calls, letters visits 2-3 per month. Hard to find a house when that’s how we view them “

” oh please I can just go see him.”

” Ronnie it’s not that easy “

” Pffy dated the warden it will be fine.”

Ian humored her “ Sure Ronnie thank you “

And he put it out of his mind .

—————-

“ Milkovich , visitor “

” Huh did not think my lawyer was scheduled “

” Not your lawyer or at least I hope not.”

He was patted down and brought into an interview room , cuffed to the table .

He heard the wardens voice then a harsh sexy laugh. In walked a woman in her fifties . Talons,
cleavage , cheetah and enough perfume to make his ex whore wife seem like a virgin.She eyed him
then eye fucked him until he actually turned red.

” Ian said you were gorgeous but he was holding out on us , aren’t you just a snack , could nibble
on you all night .Any who I am your and Ian’s real estate agent. I have listings . Ian to get a deal
needs to have some properties that work . I have both you must have lists , let’s look at photos shall
we ?”
” Lady slow down , how do you know Ian”

“ I take some of his classes . Tall handsome red head drink of water. You get out honey would not
blame you for climbing him like a jungle gym . But his classes have toned my thighs like nobody
has.”

“ How did you get in here ?”

” Matt well Warden Jessip is a close close friend if you get my message “

” Fuck did not need to know that .”

She clapped her hands “ let’s look at listings “

That evening as he called Ian before his ginger started he growled .

” What in the fuck did you unleash on me man?”

” What are you talking about Mickey”

” Big hair , fake boobs and oh Ian helped my thighs “

” How did Veronica get in there “

” I think she blew the warden or something. Ian you don’t need to buy us a house . “

” Mickey we need to stay in Chicago for your parole . I am tired of sleeping in a bed with you that
barely fits us. Want our house, our room our big bed to fuck in so yeah we need a house. Now stop
yer bitching and tell me how the GED is going .”

Mickey suddenly felt bashful “ passed all the practice shit man. Sister says the January test I will be
ready . Me with a fucking degree , who woulda thunk it “

” I did Mickey , always did. Never thought you fucked for life . So proud of you Mick . Hey your
moms drawing came , I see where you get your talent. You want me to send a picture of it or
something ?”

” No want to see it not here, here it like cheapens it . I know you will take good care of it for me.
How are you doing , how therapy . “

” Going ok , lots of talk about why my voices say what they say. I hate being a burden man you
know that . The voices run with it . You know if I died they would lose out. Think they would say
things to keep me around . Have a roommate in the house , says radio talks to him but only says
happy things . I wish mine did”

Mickeys heart twisted having Ian refer to the voices like they were real . But maybe in his brain
they were . Destructive sons of bitches living rent free in the msn he loved . The man who had to
medicate them to keep them silent. He then keyed in on Ian was talking actively about attempting
to end his life . He wished he could be there, to order pizza after a tough session, smooth those
curls , hold him. He also had a question.

” E sweetie, what can I do in here to help?”

“ What you’re doing Mickey. With you I know I am still ill know it’s gonna be hard at times. But I
feel like me first with you . Bipolar Ian second. Talk to me like I am not glass all the time. Love
me.”

” Firecrotch it may have at times not seemed so but I always loved you . Proud of you . “

He heard that softer sniffle, the small forgotten middle kid sniffle.

His voice dropped an octave “ Sweet red daddy’s proud of you too . “

” Really .”

” Yeah baby, Daddy is sorry all the times I pushed you away or made you feel like leaving was the
only choice . Gonna make that up to you ok . “

He heard the tears “ ‘k”

” Baby boy after we hang up , go wash your face and call Mands ok . Can you do that for me “

” Yes daddy. I just miss you so much at times, I hurt . All this what if I screw it up “

” Then we fix it “

” Stupid brain messes it all up “

” Hey enough . Daddy does not like that . You keep that up and I am gonna keep notes . I get out
and first thing daddy might do is give you a spanking “

He smiled hearing Ian perk up . While he usually was the dominant one, Ian at times needed
this:coddling and fuss.

“ okkkay fine “

They heard the warning.

“ Ian I will see you Saturday, love you , go calls Mands .”

“ love you Mick .”

————————-

Ian dutifully washed his face . It was seldom that Ian found himself in sub space but after Frank
having Mickey be soft and harsh , daddy made him happy. He called Mandy and left a message.
Emma was at her parents so Ian had the room to himself. They knew Mickey liked to be thrown
around , fucked hard, spanked and a long line of kinks and Ian adored total domination of his
brunette. So Ian’s daddy kink took them both by surprise. But it worked . Ian at times needed to be
babied and a firm hand. Mickey secretly liked taking Ian when he was not ill.
Ian laid on his side petting himself over his sweats and allowed himself a daddy fantasy . He was
waiting at home , pacing. He had sent dirty pictures to daddy at work even after being told no.
Mickey had to take care of himself in the bathroom and missed part of his lunch .He paced until he
heard Daddy’s keys in the door and smiled when the stocky brunette came through the door. Daddy
had a twinkle in his eyes that was also very controlled.Ian ran and gave him the first kiss on the
cheek like was expected of him. His lip pushed out in a perfect pout when he did not get the second
half of Daddy’s home kisses.

” Ay my best boy went all bratty rogue today. I missed you but only good boys get welcome home
deep kisses”

” Yes but daddy…”

” No Red no buts. Well the only butt tonight is gonna be yours getting a licking “ Mickey grinned
that small sexy grin while his eyes raked over Ian catching that Ian was already half hard .

Ian followed Mickey to the couch where he stood in front of daddy ,eyes down. His cock was
already leaking . He knew before he was punished he was getting a lecture . The pitch in Daddyd
voice when he scolded him was so erotic he could cum just from that.

“ Red daddy loves you , misses you . But we covered this . Daddy can’t be walking around hard at
work . Do want other people seeing daddy all hard ?”

Ians eyes flew wide “ Noooooooo it’s mine!”

“ Ian Clayton ! Your manners are for shit tonight , no giggling yes I said a bad word but daddy’s
can . Not only did daddy not have that mouth of yours , I had to jack off in a garage bathroom.
Speaking of jacking off wanna explain what you were doing in those pictures?”

Ian fiddled with his hands, throat dry. He knew he broke several rules today.

Rough callused hands took his and began to squeeze. When he looked up the voice was stern but
encouraging.

” I expect an answer “

Green owl eyes trying to look innocent and failing.

” Ummm I did my chores and then took a nap , or tried too . I just kept thinking about being able to
suck you off like I did last night. You tasted so good daddy . But then my hands were down my
pants and I knew you can’t come home for lunch so I stroked me like you do . “

” I see and did you think daddy would be so aroused he forgot you broke a big rule ….. Red .”

a petulant puff and “ yes “

” Hmm I see. Last few times it’s just been orgasms and ice cream . Sounds like daddy needs to
bruise that bum a bit huh “

” yes daddy “
” So let’s have dinner then we work on an attitude adjustment for you “

” Daddy … I .. I forgot to do dinner “

Mickey sighed his voice harsher than before .

” So to recap. You played with yourself without permission. You were told to stop teasing daddy
and chose to keep going . Dinner is not made and that was part of your chores Red . What is going
on “

When no response was forthcoming , Mickey called in a pizza. He dragged Ian into the shower. He
was washed quickly and pushed onto his knees.

” Now let’s see Red if you can behave.You want this so badly, daddy’s gonna face fuck the naughty
right out of you.”

Ian watched with hungry eyes as Daddy’s cock , so thick began to get hard . Ian opened his mouth
batting and begging with his eyes. He groaned as Daddy’s tip thickly smeared with precum entered
his mouth . He was given a minute to lick and bob to his hearts content. Then his hair was grabbed
tightly.

” Gonna fuck your face baby so you don’t have time to get up to mischief. Open that throat Red ,
time to show daddy how sorry you are.”

His face was thrust up and down , gagging and delighting in being pushed into that thick thatch of
pubic hair . He reached up tentative to touch those heavy tight balls. A moaned “ fuck red keep
going spurned him on. “ After several minutes the hands pulled him in tight and an eruption of
cum filled his throat . He was pulled off and pulled up.

“ Daddy’s going to finish up and decide what your punishment is going to be after dinner. Set the
table , wait for pizza and behave “ He was given a swift hard slap on his thigh.

He set the table and when daddy came out in sweats he served him pizza and handed him a beer .
Then he sat and ate already letting out whimpers but daddy was immune .

” In the bedroom Red, now “

Ian went to the bedroom and pulled the desk chair into the middle of the room, stripped and waited
on the edge of the bed. Daddy came in a tilted up his chin giving him a deep lingering kiss and a
hair tug. His clear blue gaze melted Ian.

” I love you Red but daddy is very unhappy with your behavior. You have not had a hard spanking
in a while. Daddy finds it so hard to say no to you but I have been too lenient. Go get me the bath
brush and then up and over you know the drill .”

” Daddy I promise to be good , I hate the bath brush “ He pleaded.

” I suspect you will be good after this and I know you hate it , hopefully it gets your attention. Hop
to it cause if Daddy has to get it , your getting double “

Ian hurried and grabbed the bath brush and flung himself over daddy’s thick thighs , handing the
brush up . He felt one hand on his lower back and then a sigh.
” Red , daddy is always coming home to you , you do not need to act out to get me here. I love you
but I have a daddy’s boy not daddy’s brat . Two minutes warmed up with my hands then 10 licks
with the brush. Put the chin away or you can get the belt instead.”

” Dadddy no please , will behave “

” Yes you will “

And the first slap was issued. As Ian moved through this day dream his hand went under his sheet
and started long firm strokes up his cock , twisting the tip. He sighed almost able to smell Mickeys
musk, cigarettes and old spice. In his minds eyes it continued.

The warm up was a steady stream of swats that offered no break and also warmed the curve where
ass and upper thigh met. It produced a pretty dusky pink across his backside in a pace that did not
allow him to wiggle. Two minutes seemed like two hours and when it stopped the crocodile tears
were close to being real .

He was steadily calmed a bit a hand trailing his warmth.

“ ok Red 10 and if you take your punishment without a tantrum we will go watch a movie . Let’s
start. “

CRACK

“Fuuck “ Ian covered his mouth quickly .

” Does my boy swear ?”

“ No daddy “

“ Do that again and your getting my hand after the brush for 2 more minutes “

” Yes daddy “

CRACK

“ Why are you in trouble “

CRACK

“I.. tou..touched myself with permission .”

” That is correct and what else?”

CRACK

“ Daddy , I teased you . Please stop hurts “

CRACK

“Oh I know your pretty ass has gorgeous little red apples . Can’t hurt too bad your hard as hell .”
The hand on his lower back went under him and began to jerk his cock. He moaned .

CRACK

“ What else did you get up to today “

CRACK

“ I .. I … daddy ..I am gonna cum please .. even , even.. I did …not finish my chores. “

Ian was a mess leaking in pleasure , crying in discomfort .

CRACK

Ian was stood up and daddy looked at him

“Jerk that dick and right before you cum you get back over my lap “

Ian stood up face as red of the circles on his bum and began to beat off under daddy’s watchful
eyes . He felt himself gel frenzied and close and flung himself again over the lap.

“ You better fucking cum last spank or you do not get to cuddle with daddy “

The last swat illicited a wail and s release of hot sticky cum .Daddy rubbed his back and told him
he did so good . When his tears calmed , daddy cleaned them both off and changed his sweats. Ian
was brought out to the couch . He had his head in daddy’s lap, throbbing ass up in the cool air .
Daddy tickled his back and rubbed lotion into his cheeks. The night was spent relaxed and safe in
daddy’s arms.

Ian sighed at the fantasy as he fell into sleep , hand sticky down his pants .

————- ——

Across town Fiona and Lip sat in the porch smoking

“ So you know Ian’s power of attorney if he becomes incapacitated is Mandy , right?”

” Yeah I heard that .”

” You heard he has a plan for his settlement “

” Yeah Lip . I have no clue what it is outside us. He is giving each the kids 500 dollars blow money
. Debs has some funds for the baby. Carl and Liam have 10,000 in an account they get at 20. He is
giving us both 10, 000 and buying a good car for the house and doing repairs here. “

” I mean it’s cool but wish he would like pay for me to get back in school stuff like that . I mean all
in all it’s only about 200,000 he is putting in but …..“

” But what Lip?”

” Carl buddy this does not concern you ok, go watch TV”
” It does concern me , Ian was raped from an old man and you are acting like that was ok. When I
was little he came home and had been crying , said his boss was a jerk , asked why he did not quit.
He just smiled and told me he was always gonna make sure me and Debs and Liam always had
food. He let that slimeball hurt him to make sure we had stuff. “

” Ian does not live here because you guys make him feel weird. I get when he is sick he needs help
but you guys are at him when he is well. And you have never seen where he stays . It’s good for
him. His roommates actually understand because they have things too. Liam and I go to the pizza
group and we learn about what Ian has. And I learned that when ok he gets to be treated like
everyone else , not mom. “

“I told him I don’t want his money but he said I should do something fun but no bazooka. And
neither of you have went to see him teach a dance class, he is so good Fiona but you guys tease him
about being a fancy stripper . That is fucking mean and have you even said you were proud of him
for school . I am . “

And with that he went up to his room and took action .

———————-

The visit flew by even quicker. Mickey watched Ian lope in, gawdy holiday sweater, jeans so tight
you could tell he was circumcised and a glowing green in those big eyes. Fuck a Christmas tree,
Gallagher’s eyes were a better green than all of them. Ian spent the visit listening to Mickey vent
about prison politics.

“ Ian this is hard . Had a few put the bitch in their place moments but fuck , I can’t just let things
pass. “

” Mickey I know telling you stop is not going to work but fuck be careful . Your hearing is in
January you got to be clean . Please Mick , try “

The blue eyes finally stopped flashing and became sky blue in a brightness that only Ian ever saw.

“ Firecrotch I swear I am trying . Want out , want home with you. Want to burn that ugly sweater
man, “

” Oh just wait until you see the ones Mandy and I are wearing to see you on Christmas Day. They
light up “ he blushed up as Mickey snorted.

“You ready to go be a college geek E .”

” Scared , so use to Lip being the smart one in Fiona’s eyes . What if I can’t keep up , look like that
dumb kid who was suppose to stay on the Southside ?”

Mickey tapped the glass “ Hey sugar tits , what if can, I mean you will . Ian you can do this . “

He looked at Mickey so hopeful .

” Thanks Mick “
They both took time to just stare at each other , memorizing and speaking without words . Better or
worse , all that shit . Two men who found something with another. And maybe they would be 2 old
queens at the courthouse in tuxedos, secretly that was fine with Mickey. More then fine.

When time was up Mickey smiled “ only you E”

”Only you Mick “

————— —-

Back in his cell he was no longer freezing .While he saved a box to open as Ian instructed on
Christmas Day, he did open the bigger box from the prison industry. He had a pair of long John’s
and a pair of gloves , decent soap and shampoo. It was not Ian’s arm but warm sent by him and
Mickey basked in it. He looked puzzled as the mail CO had him sign . He usually had a letter two
days after each visit . The rhythm was set : a letter each week, 2 calls each week and at least 1 visit
every 10 days. Ian had pushed for more but the drive or bus out was long , he did not want Ian not
studying or doing his therapy for a visit.He looked at the letter not knowing the writing. It was not
Ian but the words almost brought him to the same emotions even though wrote with spelling off
like a younger kid.

12 /9 2016

Hi Mickey

it might by weird to write to you but Fi and Lip make me mad. They can’t see Ian first and the his
bipolar.His pizza group is real nice. . His house place is cool , like everyone has what Ian. No one
makes Ian cry there . No boody counts his pills or tries to make him show his mouth after he takes
um. Erin and his group dint make him feel like that. You don’t make him feel like that.

Ian says it’s ok to love another boy. He loves you . You take care of him and don’t do that angry
eyebrow thing when you look at him . I think you love him too. Which I know cause you married
that lady and your dads scary is ok . I think Ian would be the best guy for another guy to love. He is
the best brother so I know he is easy to love

Thank you for caring about Ian. Sorry you guys have to be jail boyfriends but Ian said when you
get out you guys will still be. That’s good cause Ian is better with you in his life.

Stupid Lip is calling me. Told them off about wanting Ian’s money . Gonna get lectured or some
shit.

Hey can you send me a shiv or teach me to make a good one.

ps Ian had a beer and got all med drunk giggly. Says he misses how good you smell.

Thanks Mickey

Carl.
Mickey read the letter and tucked it up with Ian’s for safe keeping. It seems Gallagher had one
more advocate in his corner.
 How to date a strong gay man
Chapter Summary

Triggers: Lots of Terry and internalized homophobia. Mickey throwing slurs about himself
and accusations of cheating. Toxic masculinity .
DV of Laura , SA pregnancy Mandy

Terry is back in Mickeys head which starts him questioning what it means to live as a gay man
when he gets out. Insecurity and fear of disappointing Ian has him lashing out and pushing on
Ian.

Ian pushes back and drops a bombshell.

Sister Meg and Nana school him in what the older generation would have killed for and what
Mickey could toss away.

It’s an angsty , angry chapter as I believe despite their growth , Mickey like Ian will have ebbs
and flows.
But no worries , as always Mickey finds loving Ian gives him courage

“ Miiccckeyy, look at me you pole smoking queer “

Mickey glared at his father through the fence .

“ What do you need old man?”

” Look you want to throw away our name to play house with a Gallagher fucking fine. But I know
you Mickey , you are my son . Tough guy having brunch and going to ritzy grocery stores. You’re
short, a convict , Southside with a small dick. Fucking Southsiders gonna shun you for selling out.
Fancy gay boys your red head hangs with gonna know you are an imposter . Fucking kept twink is
what you becoming , he buying you a life ? Making cookies while he works so your ex con ass
maybe gets your dick sucked when he gets home. “

Terry spat through the fence.

” You know your mother once thought I hung the moon, then tried to change me. You know how
that turned out. First hit was hardest then got easier to keep her in line. Rumor has it you kicked the
crap out of him after you manned up with Suka. Your need to control is gonna take over boy . You
will be drunk, unemployed and kicking the shit out of him in no time .”

Mickey walked away seething. Before chow Aiden who had had been with after the holiday tried to
latch on . He head butted him so hard he thought he heard a snap. His cellie just cleaned his face
and skittered far out of Mickeys reach . Enzo was in the infirmary and Mickey just ate the cold
congealed mess in front of him without thought.

Fucking Terry .

The man could ruin anything.The high he had been riding since Christmas visitation was replaced
by deep self shame and loathing . He loved Ian but he was not a weak fag , not a fag , not a bitch,
was he ?

Ian and Mandy came from breakfast at the Gallaghers which Ian reported was ok as they were
making it good for the younger siblings. Sister and boyfriend wore truly tacky holiday sweaters.
Ian’s lit up and played music. They all talked about the upcoming hearing and what they would all
do after Mickey and Ian came up for air. Even with the glass separating them , all three were like
young teens again, teasing and having fun with each other. After they left , Mickey opened his
other box from Ian. The intuitive red head knew that Mickey missed music . In the box was a clear
prison approved radio, commercial holiday cookies, and hell yeah Mountain Dew. That at the time
he read as Ian’s love and devotion. Now it was a Scarlett letter , in Mickeys case a big red F. He
was Mickey Fucking Milkovich . He took care of not was cared for . Was Ian mistaking love for a
pet project ? A good thug learning to be classy and shit. Was Ian out fucking guys who had
designer watches , fancy drink orders? Was he laughing at the mooning man behind bars?

The next two calls he snapped at Ian , put down his gay as shit dance classes and was an all out
asshole. He knew he was being a horrible person but he was so angry at himself. Ian had sent a
letter before the next visit and Mickey could tell his verbal word lashing was making Ian cautious.
Nothing ground breaking or too telling. Fuck they needed to talk next visit.

————————

“ Ian I appreciate your concern and validate what you are saying. However you are moving from
feelings to trying to control. Your work in your journals suggests that each time you try to grasp
control to alleviate anxiety, It makes things harder for you. Can you take a minute and reframe
what you just said”

Ian was feeling pensive , something was going on with Mickey .

“ Ok. I am not responsible for anyone’s moods but my own. Just like I am allowed to have off days
, so are others. I can support him and his feelings . I can’t make them mine. Which sounds great in
theory Erin . I know he is facing shit in there that is probably better I did not know but fuck I just
want to give back to him the way he did me all these years. “

” I understand that Ian . But the pattern of white knight and rescue is not helpful . You have been
working on promoting partnership, Mickey having response to life appears to make you
uncomfortable as well. “

” I know, I know . It’s just chills . It’s like that cold that settled in him on his wedding day . That he
hated himself so much he would rather punish himself then be happy “

” And”

” Yeah fuck ok , punish me too , like me making him happy is a bad thing. Like him being happy
with me is wrong. I get it , growing up where we did I got shit for being gay . Like ..” Ian faltered
Erin waited

“ it feels like him being happy with me is shame , shame of me.”

” ok let’s talk about this more.”

——————————-

Mickeys breath hitched watching Ian enter the visitation room. While he was spiraling on his own
worth , he was very clear about Ian. It was New Year’s Eve and visitation was earlier today. As
always Ian stopped his heart .

Despite how curt he had been on the phone , Ian did not seem bothered . He smiled his whole focus
solely on Mickey .Mickey still feeling pissy looked Ian over and sneered.

” Looking good Gallagher, thank the fuck you lost that faggy sweater “

” oh please do you know how many guys would kill to pull that off?”

“Guys like back in the day? You fucking in bathrooms in boystown?”

Ian looked like he had been slapped. Mickeys self hatred doubled.

The chin jutted sharp yet Ian stayed calm. “ Mickey what’s going on? While I don’t know how
being locked up feels, I can see it’s horrible and stressful . What can I do ?”

” Bought me a lawyer , is it the gay defense ?“

” Mick …”

” Look Ian , I love you. I LOVE YOU. I can’t I can’t be the arm candy at your functions when
you’re done with school . Kids fuck not the PTA soccer dad. Fuck don’t want to putter looking for
antiques or having brunch. I am Southside even if I dont want Terry near me. Not gonna be your
bitch ok , or wait is that why Trevor agreed to help , he in the stable while I am gone ?”

” Mickey come on”

” Look around man I am your convict boyfriend who’s probably gonna get shackled by a PO into a
mall job in khaki shorts. Until then I shower with other guys who are dirt bags, have lifted my balls
so much the skin in the bottom should be gone. I listen to Enzo snore through a vent . I eat powered
eggs and wash shit off strangers sheets . I get piss poor blow jobs from someone who is not you .
And I count the days like a weak pussy .”

Ian was pale but quiet . “ This you ending it Mickey ?”

” No man but fuck need to figure out how to feel less like a twink. You ain’t gonna change me Ian
.”

Ians voice was sharp laced with pain and something Mickey could not detect.

” My turn?”
Mickey nodded

“ First off , you want to go there fine. Grinder , twice , nice ass hotels blow and hand jobs . Left
right after . Trevor’s husband asshole brings their kids to dance. He and the owner Sandy are
friends, she put in the word for you . Fuck you on the gay defense. I can’t believe we are back to
this again. I was an out teen in our shitty ass neighborhood. So I get exactly why both our versions
of masculinity are so twisted . What I look like as a gay man is not what you look like as a gay
man. Gay men like straight men can have masculine or feminine energy or a combo of both . Never
said I wanted to change you . You are perfect to me grumpy asshat and all. I am asking we both
grow , not change the core of who we are . And yeah you decide you want brunch no shame in it ,
you dont lose testosterone. Fuck I shoot better than you and could possibly snap your warm
mouths neck with little to no effort . And yep I teach dance class to divorcées and school kids . I get
manicures. I am not ashamed of us. You love me never doubt that Mick . This internalized
homophobia shows you still have shame around loving a man, loving me “

His green eyes were shattered but he continued .

” Love you Mick, I know that not going to change . You are so much more than what we heard
growing up . Loving me does not make you less of a man . It makes you, us, badasses for not
caving to little minds. But I know better , I have pushed before and it shuts you down . You been
trying to tell me you need to figure out how to make peace being a fag, fine, figure it out. Stop
hating yourself. So fine take the time, not chasing you . Will be right fucking here still loving you
when you decide what you are willing to do being loved by a guy. By the way I came to talk to you
about something , it’s big but fuck Mick.”

” Ian “

” Mickey I had coffee with Amira she found me again by chance in the L. Yes she is the woman I
slept with in that manic phase. We were both kinda freaked by our behavior. She’s pregnant Mick ,
willing to do a dna. She thinks the condom she gave me was old. Not asking for support but wanted
after we talked to know if me and you wanted to keep in touch , get pics and shit . Maybe take it for
ice cream and stuff. Told her we would need to talk a few times about it, she said not going
anywhere so it’s open if we ever want . But nothing says twink like a stroller huh . “

Mickey was trying to process Ian’s words .

” What kind of name is Amira?”

” She’ s Saudi Mick “

The second it flew out his mouth he knew this was the level of hurt similar to him not running
away with Ian before his marriage .

” Fucking Nazi Terry would choke on that . Faggot son, Irish lover, Arab kid “

” Asshole , last time I checked I was creating my life with you , not your dad . Or is his ghost and
views always gonna smother us?Figure it out prick what you need from me to not be embarrassed
your partner does not have a pussy . Reach out when you’re ready . I fucking love you with every
fiber of me .”

And with tears blurring his vision he put his big hand on the glass, mouthed only you Mickey ,
flipped him off and walked out.
Fuck …fuck . How the fuck can I be my own man, Ian’s man and maybe a part time dad if Terry
was a cancer in his bones .
———————-

“ Well don’t you look like a bag of dicks”

Mickey pulled up the collar of his coat to stop the wind as he flopped next to Enzo .

” Fuck all the way off man. Not in the mood ?”

“ What your man wear baggy pants to visit ?”

”No as always leaves erections in his wake. It’s better, still freaking out that gonna be the worst
boyfriend a strong gay man like Ian could have. May have called him a twink or fag , maybe both .
Implied I did not want to be changed . Oh yeah then outright accused him of topping the man he is
paying big money for my legal defense . Then brought him back to the worse part of his youth
manic and hyper sexual. Oh yeah and that girl from the L knocked up, wants to let us see the kid if
we want. And I was so into poor me I forgot our recent conversation about how he wants kids but
would feel irresponsible potentially passing bipolar on. To end in a glorious pile of flaming shit, I
brought my dad into it .”

Enzo stared like Mickey had grown an extra head.

“ Damn Milkovich , usually it’s 4 sentences and an insult or you grunting at me like a monosyllabic
knuckle dragger. That was the most you have ever shared except for that rant about your nasty jock
itch from using mayo as lube. But shit man, you decide to impale yourself in doubt and you double
the fuck down my friend . Wait… Ian your Ian , Mister would rather drink drano than fuck a girl
got her pregnant .. shit man . Um you scare him off , be fucked up if you did “

” yeah biggest mess here is he loves me, pissed at me , wanted to deck me for sure . But when I
stop being a coward , he will talk to me. So much talk , use my words, share feelings til I hurt …I
am a dick of epic proportions aren’t I ?”

” Yeah you are .Lucky man , love forgives a lot .”

He chuckled

“ Forget Ian’s wrath for a minute. Next week you gotta go to class. One look at your pale guilty ass
and Sister Meg is gonna know something is up, and she will get you to tell her. Lucky she can’t
beat you silly with a ruler, maybe unlucky , you might need it.

“ Eat my corn hole cock sucker “

” See there is the Milkovich I expect “

Mickey flipped him off and stomped to line for count. It then sunk in , he again pushed Ian away .
This was it , time to nut up . Stop . Accept . Fuck Terry, Fuck himself .

——————-
Ian was sitting on Emma’s bed hand in a bowl of ice. He had gotten his first ever demerit at the
house for punching his wall, a 90 minute one on one with the house counselors and a journal
assignment for Erin.

He and Emma were eating pretzels dipped in Nutella and Mandy was on speaker .

Emma looked at Ian “ does this mean you guys are over?”

Ian shook his head no as Mandy snorted and grumbled “ yeah no “

” Emma part of loving Mickey is steeling myself to these self loathing tirades. He will get there ,
gonna be a process, he may not be comfortable in his skin but he loves me enough to make himself
uncomfortable. So yeah pissed at him, gonna let him stew until he is ready , kick his ass a bit. . But
him crawling around in his internal muck for me means I stick by him as he figures it out just fuck I
hope this cycle does not drag on. His court is in two weeks, he needs his head in the game.”

“ I swear he is lucky he is locked up or I would twist his fucked up little balls off .”

” Mands “

” Dad fucked us all up . Mickey needs to deal with the hurt , finally put the bastard out of his brain.
Man fucking knocked me up. All the boys backs are scars. The man would beat them until they
passed out .But they all hope he will maybe once in his miserable life be kind to them . Father son
shit. Maybe if he lives for himself , Terry will not be important . Maybe if he lives for you both and
maybe a partial kid Terry gets exorcised.”

Emma rubbed his shoulder “ Yeah how are you coping with the Amira situation? It’s wild but kinda
cool she is letting you and Mickey decide if you want to be part if this in some way .”

” I always wanted a kid , would if it’s mine be known . But I think it’s a long process . Kinda
excited, kinda nauseous. Um have her number . Right now until the shock wears off and such , texts
. I could actually be a dad . Need a few maybe 120 sessions to figure it out. Lots to share in group
for sure .”

” So to sum it up . My brother who likes your dick in his ass and came out at the Alibi, tattooed
your name on his heart and tried to kill your sister for you thinks living together is too “ gay” . By
the way Emma he is the smartest of my siblings, terrifying . You bestie who loves being in my
brothers ass went off in a female form without your own condom. But silver lining Mickey is your
true love and homing pigeon and comes back all the time and Emma and get to be cool aunts. “

——————

Two days later Mickey was working in the laundry chewing his bottom lip bloody trying to figure
out what to say to Ian when he noticed the CO making his way to him looking annoyed that his
daydream of his mamas pierogi was disrupted.

“ Milkovich CO Wilson is doing your strip search, you forgot an appointment with sister Meg .”
Oh hell this is how he goes out, murdered by a nun.His usual swagger was a shuffle as he walked in
the chapel.Her eyes flashed .

“ Not dying in here does not mean you don’t live out there . “

” Sister look “

Another voice from the corner

” no you look lil milky , sit down and shut the fuck up . Time for an intervention by an old queen .
Sorry, may I take this sister?”

” of course Ned “

Nana delivered a firm knock to his head then boxed his ears .

” Not that is time in history is perfect now but so much better. It was 71 when I realized it was more
than a cock up my shitter . I liked men , romantically. Fucked I thought . Here in the joint folks
knew but I could easily kill and fuck em so not a lot of questions. Not a bitch. Not a kind man but a
fair one . Terry , Terry is a bitch . Weak , only weak men beat their children, damage their wife ,
rape their kids . You are a man who likes it up the ass not a bitch in that . “

Another pop to the head .

” At some point Terry is gonna be dead , what are you gonna do if everything you wanted is gone
by then?Huh? Do you know the fucking chance you have , what us older men would give to not
have hid for decades . Fuck you kiddo. I loved Patrick by the second time we hung out alone when
he first left the outlaws. Has gotten himself tossed in here to just be close . Any clue any how
messed up that is Milky ? Patrick does not belong in here. It’s just that room and glass for us, that’s
it. He dies first I never get to say goodbye. I die here and the only thing he looks toward is claiming
my body . His daughter considers me her step dad . Got a grandson I will never hug from her . You
love this ginger let Terry rot and run to him not your fathers fucked up view on manhood. Not
many regrets in life . The only one is Patrick pays for my ego. Get over yourself . Anything to add
sister ? “

“ No you said it well “

Mickey was slapped upside the head and led out to his tier for the night . Ian I swear he thought ,
better or worse , trying the better . I want life with you .

——————

1/ 3 / 2017

Firecrotch

First off we both know I am an asshole, I love you and am sorry.

I just never want you disappointed in me as a boyfriend .

So here it goes

Why I Mickey Milkovich am a big ol mo for Ian Gallagher

or

So fucking sorry

OR

The kind of twink I want to be for you

I Mickey :

wanna drink cheap beer with you while we judge other couples matching outfits

wanna tease you about your stupid date ideas where we can’t be naked and have to leave the house
but secretly love you try to open doors for me

Brunch if I can have bacon and bloody Mary’s and blow you in the alley when folks start talking
pillows or stocks and bonds

Wanna taste , feel , be fucked by you til I blubber or forget my birthday

wanna tell everyone how much I hate you steal covers just so they know I sleep with and by you

Hold your hand but push you off the curb if you do that cutesy swing the arms thing

Reserve the right to give you blue balls if you talk fun paint colors for cabinets

Buy a dog hoodie , 2xlg for a pit bull

Get a non gay stroller and little baby mittens that look like talons so if someone try’s to peer in if
we are with the kid , they freak out

Love you , only you

Mick

Please come next visitation

 Court
Chapter Summary

The court date is here , but is Ian?

Mickey finds out how good a lawyer Trevor is as he comes to grips with being a thug giving
up criminality.
The judge is one of Terrys and Mickeys life is now in his hands .

Trigger : mention of SA

Mickey awoke at 2 , 3 , 5. With Ian back in his life those nightmares of being without him left. But
there were new ones taking his place. Court . Laughed at by the judge , Ian leaving . 15 years to the
day rotting in this cement coffin. Terry smuggling Svet or another whore in . Nana letting him be
abused by her .

FUCK!

He had finally drifted off when the lights were brought up and the din of too many damaged men in
close quarters pierced the air . Count , breakfast a waffle like throwing star , a weird sour juice. 4
hours to go. Or more abysmal 8 years.

” Milkovich , hit the showers man, your monkey suit awaits . “

” What?”

” Lawyer sent you a suit. You’re allowed to shower before you get dressed . Still gotta make the
transport with the other inmate members “

Mickey showered feeling oddly out of place. Not that he loved it but showering with no privacy
became a habit . It was never relaxing , always scanning for danger . He also never felt clean . Eyes
on you meant you washed your ass or balls too long and someone may take it wrong. It happened
once in juvie and Mickey found himself on his knees for two older boys . Never again . Since then
his unstable brand of violence kept people at bay . But you never knew . Prison made him feel like
that grimy dirty 17 year old . So today even if it was game over he got a shower where he could
wash and scrub til his heart content .

He checked out his razor for a shave and then turned to look at what Trevor had sent. Black slacks,
white dress shirt , blue jacket with black tweed . Fuck he looked like a nerd but hopefully a
trustworthy one allowed back out in the world. Back to life, back to Ian , burgers and heat, hot
showers , no curfew , Ian . Getting fucked , sucking that ginger dick. Beer and bbq. Mandy . Ian ,
his Ian .
And just like that he realized there was a smile on his face. Maybe a kid , part time at least . He was
sick and disgusted when Svet was pregnant . He knew he would not hold it against a baby but
loving a child from that day felt impossible . He learned that Kev told Ian she had miscarried about
11 weeks in. While they were not friends , he felt bad for her. She had wanted a baby and he was an
oblivious prick. He still thought his parenting genes were non existent . But there was this part of
him he did not understand . It was a sadness that he physically could not have a baby with Ian , it
weirded him out , that sadness . But a kid that was part of Ian , maybe he could not see himself
parenting it but he knew he could love it . Right now he felt like the roles were reversed . He was
more interested than Ian. Mickey Milkovich maybe excited about a baby , jeez he was going soft.

Ian , he hoped he would be at the hearing . Just his presence calmed him . He knew they were
young . He knew they had issues . He knew men like him did not get happy endings . But he knew
in his bones , Ian Gallagher was his person .

He got dressed feeling out of place , never had a suit. He noticed the way the clothes felt stiff and
tight. They fit but as a kid his hand me downs from his brothers were always baggy, the prison
jumpsuit loose. He wondered what it would feel like to be able to pull on sweats or jeans or fuck
walk around his place balls swaying in the breeze . How Ian got his cock into those tight jeans….
Please man , be at the hearing . I was a prick but please.

Dressed up he was shackled and loaded onto the transport. A few crude remarks were tossed his
way but a swift promise of an ass kicking ended it. At the courthouse he met briefly with Trevor
who reminded him of advice passed on by Ian.

” No add libbing. Yes sir , no sir . Let me do my job ok”

Mickey nodded as he was led back to prisoner holding his mind wandering . The gnaw in his guts
was almost unbearable . The first time he had this feeling he was 6 . Mom and him were watching
tv and Terry came in drunk , mad. And while he and Joey had not been doing anything , Terry took
off his belt and gave Joey a beating . Mickey had been slapped and shook when younger but it was
to shock when he has held down and strapped as well. The gnaw of no control he was sadly used to
. This was not the same. This was not fear but deep grief that he would live locked up for so long
he would never be able to acclimate outside the prison walls. He sat trying to calm his breathing the
way Ian used to have him do when waking from a nightmare of the rape.

Led in he was cuffed to the table with just enough room to rise and sit . He did not see a red head
when he walked into court and knew better under the eye of the deputies to keep turning around .
Fuck did he finally do it, use his shit to push Ian away ? He heard Trevor speaking to a bailiff
saying

” He is an intern , it’s fine , he has a file for me “

” Hey sorry I am late “

A warm hand touched his shoulder . He could feel the tingle , the heat , the love .Looking up
flooded with emotion he saw Ian dressed like a Northside yuppie . Ian winked . He was so close he
could smell his scent , calming, musky , laced with evergreen and too much minty tooth paste..
Quietly he reached up and squeezed the hand , both their hearts stopping for a beat . It had been
almost 2 years since they touched. And like nothing it was the current of love and need that
overtook them years ago brawling over a gun . Ian’s essence was in that squeeze. The calm , the
unflappable belief that Mickey was good and worthy. That they had left but always would come
back to one another , it was two kids now men not letting the world and crappy circumstances run
over them anymore.

“ Hey Trevor , here is this file. “

He leaned in before taking his seat , gave one more squeeze and whispered in Mickeys ear.

” I wish I could hug you baby. It’s gonna be ok. And if by chance it isn’t, Mick you’re stuck with
me . Not going anywhere. We are gonna get through it. I love you”

He could feel Ian’s presence behind him. It was like a security blanket in the room . Mickeys
breathing regulated and the touch from Ian still radiated and bounced through his body.

“ All rise”

Mickey heard very little after that . His brain swirled and hoped, locked itself down. He worried if
it went badly what it would do to Ian . He just wanted to go home . He just wanted to go home with
Ian.

While all he could do was keep the bile from pouring out his throat , he realized by bits and pieces,
what a skilled lawyer Trevor was . He did not argue that Mickey had put Sammi in the moving box
believing she was dead or that he had a weapon and weed when arrested. The case was that while
Mickey had had run ins with the law they had never been captiol offense. That he was under duress
that his partner just recovering from a diagnosis of bipolar had been pulled out of the house at
gunpoint by MPs . That trauma had triggered Ian to run leaving Mickey and the family unsure of
his safety.

With hearing that Mickey did turn to look at Ian whose face was unreadable until he caught
Mickeys eyes. Ian hated discussing his disease, its ramifications and the damage it did. But he let
Trevor spill his life out in court to help Mickey . Unmediated Ian had cheated , did the porno . After
his marriage he ran to avoid seeing Mickey with his wife. All those times he felt , Ian did still love
him. He knew it clearer than ever. Ian Gallagher just put it out to the world that he had been too ill
to care for himself , that Mickey was trying to save him from more pain. Fuck.

Trevor then went on to talk that Mickey was treated with prejudice in that the Milkovich name and
history played into his stiffer sentence. That Mickey of all the brothers had the last arrests and least
violent charges. He went on to talk about his GED , his career program and the recommendations
from Sister Meg and shockingly a CO in the laundry. He was led back to the prisoner area as the
judge, DA and Trevor met in chambers.

30 minutes later he stood , for the first time in front of authority without a chip on his shoulder. He
could care less if his legs were visibly shaking. If this was a no how the fuck could he do the next 5
, 8 years away from everything.

The judge peered at him and he recognized him, fuck fuck . This man had sentenced Terry on
numerous occasions.
“ Mr. Milkovich, I was not surprised to see your family name on my docket . However I was
shocked to see this a request for leniency and reduced sentence. Your name has been a source of
trouble for businesses, police and the courts. “

”Your father has successfully created a crime syndicate with his sons . I do not think any of you
have worked an honest job your entire lives not giving probation. The family violence is appalling ,
your missing mothers case confounding. The family appears to exist to break laws and breed more
criminals.”

”You however are the first Milkovich that has shown any nurturing or compassion . To see a son of
Terry furthering a vocation and education willingly is quite amazing . Work ethic from two prison
staff mentioned. I am apt to agree with your lawyer. You did intentionally conceal what you thought
was a body. And while Ms Gallagher states you wanted to kill her , she was not conscious when
you found her. When can not argue your intent without evidence.”

”I am willing to change the terms of your incarceration on several non negotiable criteria . You Mr
Milkovich must complete your GED and vocational certification course while at Statesville. You
will secure verification of clean sober housing 30 days before release. You will complete 6 months
of mandatory therapy post release and be employed within 30 days. You will not miss one , not one
meeting with your PO or fail one UA. One misstep while incarcerated and the deal is off. One
mistep released and you are remanded to custody for the remainder of the 15 year original sentence.
I plan to make an example out of you , I prefer it is the success not the hammer. If you keep it clean
and meet your prison conditions the state will grant you release after 18 months. “

”You were just given your life back Mr Milkovich, make something of it . Court is adjourned “
 You were given your life back
Chapter Summary

Hi folks this is a shorter chapter getting ready to catapult us in the next chapters to prep for
and Mickeys release. Some good angst coming , lots of spankbank material and Ian’s show
down with Fi and Lip.

Mickey is getting out sooner , the emotional toll is big. In a total reversal Mickey is more
invested in the possible Gallagher baby than Ian. We learn what is haunting them both around
the idea of fatherhood coming next chapter .

”I am willing to change the terms of your incarceration on several non negotiable criteria . You Mr
Milkovich must complete your GED and vocational certification course while at Statesville. You
will secure verification of clean sober housing 30 days before release. You will complete 6 months
of mandatory therapy post release and be employed within 30 days. You will not miss one , not one
meeting with your PO or fail one UA. One misstep while incarcerated and the deal is off. One
mistep released and you are remanded to custody for the remainder of the 15 year original sentence.
I plan to make an example out of you , I prefer it is the success not the hammer. If you keep it clean
and meet your prison conditions the state will grant you release after 18 months. “

”You were just given your life back Mr Milkovich, make something of it . Court is adjourned “

—————————————————

Holy fuck, he was getting out early.Mickey was being guided up by an officer and moved into a
room for a five minute debriefing with Trevor before being put back in the bus. Head swimming ,
heart pounding he almost tripped over his shackles. 18 months and he never had to be chained like
an animal again, go outside when he wanted…Ian he could be with Ian.

When he walked in he looked at Trevor “ Could fucking kiss you man , thank you “

Trevor chuckled “ Flattered but….”

The door opened and in walked Ian , his face showing every emotion Mickey needed to repress to
not fall apart for the bus ride to Statesville.

Ian knowing Mickeys movement was limited due to shackles moved quickly to him. The actual
reminder of their size difference started Mickey shaking in pleasure as one large palm , warm and
possessive spanned most of his low back. The other knotted in the hairs on the nape of his neck
pulling him in closer. It was the sensation of freezing in a Chicago winter to then be set in front of a
fire . The heat , care , love was pouring off Ian’s body .

” Baby “
Mickey still cuffed clung to Ian’s shirt, something soft and not yellow. Flesh and bone that in 18
months could be touched at will . His nostrils flared and they both laughed trying to inhale body
scents for core memories. Ian , old spice and stale coffee . That slight citrus on his skin . Fuck
visits behind glass robbed them both of the sensory, the tactile As he burrowed just allowing
himself to be held and safe for the first time in two years , he realized Ian Gallagher was put in his
path for reason.

“ Guys I am gonna cry here but the guard is coming back . We can’t get Mickey in trouble before
we even leave the courthouse .” Trevor stated .

Mickey tilted his lips up to catch Ian’s bearing down. The first connection was playful , chaste and
shy like the day they robbed Ned’s house and Mickey ran back to the van . Innocence in promise
and the bravado of young love . The wait and hunger overtook them. The kiss deepened , promised
of partnership and passion. The strength to reflect back to this second when the day was too long or
bleak. The alliance that this was their end game , theirs only. Mickey tasted each drop on Ians
tongue and lips and a hushed reverent “ Ian” came from him as his ginger nibbled on Mickey’s
bottom lip “

” Guys “

They stepped apart both feeling as though sharp shears tore them into pieces.

“ I love you Mick”

” Only you Gallagher “

The door opened “ Milkovich get moving , still have a bus to catch “

He watched Ian compose himself and scan Mickey to take in every inch . Before he was led out he
looked at Ian , waggled his arch brows and said in the gentlest sweetest voice a Milkovich could
make said.

” kiss me again and I will rip your tongue out… in the best possible way.”

Ian looked has though he had been handed a scroll of poetry.

————————

1/23/2017

Hey Mick

Hopefully we are both doing the fuck yeah dance right now . And if not , I am still right here. I am
waiting since as of last writing I apparently have a big ole ‘mo wanting my ass.Mick when you get
out, I think you should explore, stoping scowling and flipping the letter off, just explore talking to
someone, that morning with Svet changed things for all of us . But especially you.

I am sorry , I was unsure how to act after that morning and I just wanted to keep tabs on you
without you panicking and running from me . I should have been stronger for you , took the chance
to jump Terry. I was so afraid , afraid that if I did anything what was happening to you could
become worse. If he was capable of that , what else would he have done to you. I just want you to
have a place to put down the pain when needed . I will always be that for you but as I am learning ,
sexual assault needs a lot of outlets to heal.

Ok I know we are talking about this with Amira and the baby at some point , we have to if I am the
dad .I still think if you wanted it you would be a great dad . Neither of us Terry or Frank but not
that leave it to beaver dad either.You would be that gruff grump of a dad to everyone but the kid.
Your super power would be making a kid feel safe and loved.I would never worry about you being
in a kids life.

I do however worry about me .I think I would be the fuck up parent . I know with Erin and this
program , I have tools I never dreamed I could have with this disease . But fuck this kid could exist
cause I let somebody trigger those voices and paranoia. I know you say I am not a burden, maybe I
am not . But I am a lot Mick, we both know it.My brain needs medication, management and
assurance . To saddle you and me with a disease and a kid, am I being selfish ?

This is a new start for us, crazy Ian shit following us , that sucks . I am just not wanting to fail . You
, them , us . Trying not to obsess and yes taking my meds and talking to Erin . No besides Mandy
and Emma no one else knows. Figure should make sure before I open that shit show. Quite sure I
have siblings who might try to commit me for this .

I start classes next month and am doing so much assigned pre reading . I really love this Mick. I
could actually do good, help folks . It’s not a EMT , I had to make peace with that long term might
not work for me. My routine is a big big part of me staying level. So ready to be with a guy with a
weird old man set bedtime? Might be bearable at some point when you are near to tuck me in .

Tell me what we need to start so everything will be approved closer to release date.

Mick your fucking coming home !

I love you

Firecrotch

———————-

“ Mr. Milkovich I heard we have the pleasure of not keeping you for another eight years.”

Mickey flushed scarlet and rubbed his hands over his face . “ Sister thank you for the letter , I think
it helped my case “

” My pleasure Mickey , it is all true. Now how did Ian take it?”

” Ummm yeah he kinda looked at me like I hung the moon”

” please note you have the same look when you talk about him .”

” He is worried “

” About you?”

Mickey without thinking poured out the whole story about Ian and Amira and Ian’s letter.

“ So it sounds like he is frightened. Conceiving a child possibly when you were not in the right
frame of mind would be disconcerting to anyone. To be fair he has not had parental guidance or
until recently correct support for his disease. I am also noting that you do not seem afraid of this
possibility.”

” Sister you know Terry , spare the fireplace poker spoil the child. When Svet was pregnant, I hated
the idea of a kid. I knew I would never hurt it but fuck did not want it . To be reminded of that day
over and over , fuck that . But sister if he is the dad, this kid is part of IAN , my Ian. Maybe I would
not be the best dad ever ,but part of Ian , I know I would love it . He feels like we are starting over
and this is part of him being ill dragging us down.”

” Mickey what are you thinking?”

” I will never let me push him but fuck sister. It’s been in my brain since he told me. He wants kids
, I would want kids with him . Me ex con, him bipolar , getting a baby might not ever pan for us.
But to share custody of this kid …. Sister I don’t want to push him … but sister I think I want him
and I to do this .”

” Then you need to tell him , you told me no more secrets between you . You wanting a baby , his
possible baby is big . Do not keep that from him . Now we need to get your conditions met, start
your practice test.”

“ yeah yeah , on it sister “

——————————-

As he made his way down to the visiting cube , Mickey watched Ian’s happy bounce that was
hidden under the tough guy lope walk. If you knew it was there under the act , it was clear as day .
The wattage from that smile needed sun glasses .

” Hey Firecrotch, what’s got you so hyped”

“ Heard a rumor this handsome inmate might get sprung early. “

” Handsome huh ?”

” Oh yeah totally , bad ass too , big ole bottom though, huge , takes 9 inches like a champ “

Mickey snorted “ liking what I like don’t make me a bitch “

” Mickey “

” Ian”
” you come home sooner “

” Yeah baby . Now Gallagher we need to start talking about some stuff. “

Ian dropped his head looking ashamed “ sorry Mickey , I never meant to , I just , it was really bad
and …”

” Ian… you did not do anything to me . And yeah this is surprising… I dint like you doubting you
though . I am not going anywhere. Except home with you. Ian… I think we should try .”

Ian cocked his head “ Try?”

Mickey ran his thumb across his lip. “ Yeah try. Look Red , I know you have this dream of us with
kids man. Never thought much about it until here. Lots of night time spent thinking . Look this is
really hard , shit makes me uncomfortable talking about it … but yeah if it’s yours , Ian we should
get to know this kid, together.

” Mick …”

” Look I will even do that super crappy touchy feels thing you do with Erin. You make a pro and
con list , so do I , best list wins “

” Mick that’s not how it works and you know it “

” yea yea I know c’mon though Ian try , for me ?”

” Fucking Fine “

” Hey red , been jacking off to that kiss in the courthouse “

” Me too, just 17 months and 3 weeks and we can close a door and finish what we started “

Visitation was ending . The pair hands on glass just smiled at each other .

” only you Mick”

” only you Ian “

 I’ ll be the fuck let’s have pizza roll dad…….
Chapter Summary

Ian is working through emotions and a low while Mickey is coping that he is not there. He
reflects on who Ian is to him and why as Mandy teases has baby fever more than Ian.
A sweet chapter before the boys start loading the spank bank and Ian the welcome home toy
chest chapter lol

Ian sat in his chair with Erin rocking , he had been disassociated a bit lately. They had a move to
get ahead of the crash but it was feeling inevitable. Ian was trying not to drown in a pity pool but it
was at times a discouraging fight. Good things , bad things , life could set him off , change his brain
. Worse yet release the voices .

Of all the pieces of his disorder, his psychosis was the most damning to him . Even Mickey who
tried the hardest , to explain sounds and sites were as real as him in the minute was not possible.
Mickey always reassured him that it was not real but understood how real it was to Ian in the
minute . This was the burden part , the part he did not want to saddle Mickey with, those demons in
his head . And now the possibility of a kid . Fuck . The part of him lit by hope by the idea of a child
, his child, their child was overshadowed by the specter of his disease. He was worried about so
much and the exhaustion creeping in his bones was not helping .

Erin leaned forward and patted Ian’s knee comforting him.

“ Thank you for showing me the list , given everything I know , I am tickled that this suggestion
came from Mickey. May I give you my first impressions ?”

Ian cracked his knuckles “ Sure”

“ Ian even given the circumstances of this pregnancy, you are allowed to be excited about it . You
have let it slip the excitement but then fall back into all these premises about how badly you would
parent based on your disease. You neglect that you a good person, a hard working person and your
disease is part of you but not only you. You are worried about a specific thing and I think you need
to address it . It’s no judgement Ian , it’s just your feelings .”

Ian dropped his head into his hands and sighed . Finally he looked up slack and hurting.

“ Erin , I am when it comes down to it I am as selfish as Monica and Frank . It took me almost
losing him to realize I want Mickey in my life . I am trying to stabilize my shit,for me but yeah him
. Mickey is 22. Since age 11, 11 Erin he has spent with adding the rest of this sentence in 5 years of
life in juvie or jail. I want him out. I want him non institutionalized and that’s gonna take lots of
support to him . I want him to deal with Svet and the rape . I wanna curl up in my home and fuck
my man , drink coffee naked have him tell me about his day, me his .”

He wiped angry tears

“ How is he down for this? Loving me means being a caretaker , washing me after I piss the bed or
chase me off the streets . He deserves the boyfriend who gives him the world, wants the best for
him , does not drag him down. I drag him down Erin and now fuck , a kid. Another person to look
after if I fail . What if it’s too much , I am too much. What if I lose him because I got manic and
fucked a girl ? See that selfish .”

“ Ian it’s not selfish , it’s real . Ian if Svetlana had not lost the baby even though you both doubted it
was Mickeys , would that have had you leave him , not be there for the baby?”

“ Fuck no!”

“ So why is Mickey not capable of that same devotion?”

“ He is “

“ Then send him the list and you all discuss it after . You did the dna sample? “

“ Yes “

“ Then after results we continue the discussion . Right now let’s go over your safety list. I agree
you are headed to a low, let’s see if the med adjustment lessens it. But we need a plan . Have you
discussed this with Lip or Fiona . Fiona may be ready for a bit more support but your call.”

They spent the rest of session discussing plans and he was grateful that Mandy picked him up,
pushed a burger and coke on him then took him to the house . Like he was 5 she helped him into
comfy sleep pants and put his head in her lap in bed as they watched Legally Blonde. At 6:30 when
his phone rang she sighed ,he was out . She picked up and snarked through the prison pre call
greeting .

“ Hey Mickey, daddy’s boy crashed hard , you want me to try to wake him?”

“ no let him sleep. Mands, he ok ?”

“ I mean yes and no. At least now his ups and downs besides the Caleb fiasco have more
monitoring. He is beating himself really bad . He wants the kid if it’s his , be part of its life but us
so scared he is gonna fuck it up. Rumor has it you have baby fever more than Ian . What is that
about ?”

“ Fuck you is what that’s about. Seriously Mands if I tell you something , nothing to Ian or anyone .
I will hunt you down. Until it all fell apart and she could not anymore . Mama was a good parent ,
she kept that bastard at arms length . I remember a lot of that , her ya know . How loved I felt , how
I never got that safety in love again until Ian. Look I have always known even if it freaks me out,
even if I fear it , that Ian and I together would have a kid . Maybe not this early but unless one of us
grew a vagina , we are missing key parts . His mental health , my record , yeah most likely Turkey
basted baby . But Ian’s baby Mands . I don’t even like kids but Ian’s , ours shit . I like the idea a lot.
And we would not be just thrown into it , co parent shit. If it’s Ians I want to be part of it , so bad it
hurts, so bad it scares me . We all know he would rock the dad shit.“

“ Me too. Look I know you guys talk but time is limited . As he has been doing this therapy , I am
learning more about how Lips love that can be wonderful or cutting , and I know from experience.
It has messed with Ian and his worth more than he has let on. It’s taking a big hit. So mailed a letter
he was getting ready to send . I tucked in his safety plan. We got him Mick …hey hold on …”
Mickeys heart soared and fell hearing that soft tired voice .

“ Mick………I will …it’s ok.. plan… gonna sleep…take meds..promise….my stuff can’t mess you
up…love you need you home, k .?”

His voice was so tender he could hear a few twitters in the phone line behind him. He flipped them
off over his shoulder and continued.

“ Red , sweetie…Ian . I wish I could be there right now but when it’s too painful and lonely , know
I got you . I am doing everything so when these episodes happen, WE, you, me as family deal with
it . I love you ! Let Mands get you back to bed “

“ Annnd he’s back out brother . Keep calling , even if we just put the phone to his ear , it will be
good for him , and you . Love you Mickey “

“ Love you Mands , thanks for being his bestie and my sister”

The phone disconnected and he spent the night in his cell looking at all the photos and rereading all
Ian’s letters.

—————————————————

So Mickey was learning what Sister Meg was calling grace under pressure. They were 14 days into
Ian’s low and all Mickey could do was send letters that were full of love and support that Mandy or
Emma read to him . They would put the phone up and he would move the mountain of Ian by
encouraging and praising him taking some water or a few bites of food.

Enzo kept him busy at yard and chow moving him away from ball busters and shit stirred areas. He
covered for him when awaking from a nightmare took Aiden into his bed that night. Racked with
groggy guilt he spent two days high with prison wine and Vicodin he sourced. He would have
continued but his supplier was one of nanas guys . Nana had him cut out of purchases and while
sister Meg lectured his hung over ass on pulling up his big boy boxers and handling not hiding
pain, Nana delivered a few well timed slaps to the back of his head.

To top it off they were on a 24 hour lockdown because a shit heads brawling over a crappy dinner
roll. He was pacing and making it very clear to Aiden to stay away . Finally he looked at the letter
from Ian before he went down.

Why he loved Ian Gallagher. Besides being deep and primal, his person , Ian was extraordinary in
the human being realm. No matter how hard in the early years, Mickey pushed , Ian pushed back.
He fought in his own , even when he left way for Mickey to see value, give a fuck, not be fucked
for life . He was loved but left to his own devices . And while he did not doubt Lip loved Ian
deeply, his narcissist ( Mickey was paying attention in his recently new group therapy) behaviors
had him always undercut Ian’s strengths. Fi cared but fuck she was a kid raising kids and Ian didn’t
fuss. Mickey had been paralyzed by his rape and as he learned more about Kash he at the core as a
SA survivor knew what it took Ian to keep going back. He put himself in assaults to feed and clothe
his family . Everyone talked about Fi and Lips sacrifices but no one talked about what Ian did and
had done to him so he felt he kept others safe. Once diagnosed the pain of his illness tore them all
down . Mickey as a witness often thought he would be a coward , end those cycles. He thanked the
universe that Ian was a throwback Irish Freedom Fighter Warrior. He chased his demons, took
meds he hated and was fighting to put the past as a non deterrence to his future.

Ian , warm , goofy , best hugs in the world. Ian carved muscle and towering height, raw strength
but gentle giant . Stamina and dominant , a Fuck machine . Green eyes that took in and listened to
everything you said . Yeah he could be stubborn, passive and a flight risk . He was also the man any
gender would want as a partner in your corner . He could be loving and stern , a great dad. Fuck he
would be a great dad . He deserved it and fuck so did Mickey.Mickey who was beaten for breathing
, cowering as a teen , was no more . He could give a kid what he wanted. Ian’s pro and con list
broke Mickeys heart . As much as Ian could build up others he had been groomed to never think
much of himself . Yeah Mickey was not making a list. He was writing in Ian’s and sending it back .
Cracking his knuckles and neck he got comfortable and began.

2/3/2017

Hey Mick

wow doing this for Erin is easier , but here it goes.

Mick I love you. Have since I was 16. Have since it seemed impossibly brutal for it to work. Me
loving you wants the best for you . I worry I am not . Shit after prison you could find any man you
wanted . Not the man seeing demons or curled like a corpse in bed .I never want to be your burden
the thing that at the end of your life you regret having to give so much time and you to my illness. I
want you to have it all , everything you want , without worrying.

Same with the kid . What if I fuck it up , what if even a part time kid is too much for me , for you .
What if I fall and now you have two of us in your way . What if when I am in an episode I scare
them , fuck, hurt them , you . You are not the wild card Mickey, I am . Ok here is the pro and con

Mickey bit his lip and began to write.

Fucking Gallagher

I have loved you back before , when I was just lifting chips from Kash. I may have not known
what that feeling was and yeah terrifying my feelings made me gay . Me loving you wants the
best for you too. Ian yeah the bipolar scares me only because I can lose you . Yes your brain
works different and you process shit different . But it’s part of you. I love all of you . All of
you ok . You are the strongest person I know because you still see kindness and good even
after dark dark shit . Ian it is my honor and part of my self to care for you, you do for me .

Another fucking Gallagher. Maybe it’s not what the world needs, but maybe it’s what we
need. You are end game for me man and a rug rat that’s part of you wild man .

Pros

It would be a co parent thing

you would rock a baby snuggli

we could give love that our dads never did

it’s a baby avenue thats open

i think , I know I want to dad with you

Con’s

I will be in school and you have strict conditions of your parole.

Really man , you multi task like a motherfucker. We get a board and a calendar like Fiona
has and we schedule. Plus we schedule time that fits for us to be around the ankle biter. Pretty
sure cute kid will help with PO plus pretty sure unlike my brothers this kid would not try to
convince me to go out on a weapons run .

What if it’s picky and me mister nta is a hypocrite for feeding my kid crap .

Look I will try anything healthy you give me , may bitch but will try . I can be the fuck I am
making pizza roll dad . You grind the granola or whatever the fuck you do with that shit.

What if I get big need the hospital sick , or worse yet kid gets teased for having a crazy dad?

ok I grew up with Terry , you Frank. Crazy dad would have been heaven. You are not crazy
Ian , you’re ill. I swear you say that to me in person and you and daddy are gonna need a “
conversation “ , capice? If you get sick we will have talked to the kid and Amira enough that
it’s manageable .

What if I give this to them ?

Ian not to be cold but if it is yours , that is done. If it ever came to be I would want to make
sure everything we learned keeping you healthy we share to help them. What if it never
happens and we get a run of the mill , chore dodging teen. That’s fucking more scary and
unpredictable.

I don’t deserve this , I don’t want to fail. I am scared .

Ian you do deserve this and so much more . You deserve to have me and a kid in your life .
Fuck Sister Meg is rubbing off. I deserve you , I deserve a family , with you . You will not fail.
We may not do this perfect all the time , even mess up, but won’t fail . And Ian I am scared
too , but I think it’s better we are , keeps us talking.

So Ian Clayton Gallagher , if you want , be my baby daddy . I love you . Feel better
sweetheart, I will keep calling .

Love Mick

————————————————-
 Hey , got a divorce
Chapter Summary

Ian makes a decision that will alter his relationship with Lip. Mickey learns what happened
that night with Aiden and makes a decision to prove his love and loyalty to Ian . We learn
what is the thought behind Ian creating a spank bank , toy chest .
And Mickey turns to Sister Meg, his one true healthy support in prison to share a deep part of
him .

Another fucking lockdown and if everything goes to plan cell release tomorrow and visiting. His
ginger has risen from the grave and Mandy is bringing him by. They still do not feel he is ok to
drive . Fuck he needs to see him and fuck does he confess his late night mistake. Ian knows the
score here of course but Mickey since his release has been moved up is trying to be more for Ian .

Also avoiding a booty call while locked in a 10 by 10 cell sucks ass.

“ Mickey man , need to talk with you , been avoiding me but I think we need to discuss that other
night before you see him “ nodding to Mickeys tattoo.

” Nothing to talk about, fucked up. Love Red , was a prick. Man you need to go be someone else’s
bitch ok , I can’t let this happen.”

” I know it’s just we…..”

“ Man fuck you , nothing to talk about except how I fix what…”

” nothing to fix Mickey , nothing fucking happened “

” Man I woke up next to you and remembered, well fuck I don’t remember “

” Look you woke up thrashing and screaming , something about DONT. You were loud man super
loud, did not want you waking up the tier and have prissy COs in here. You grabbed my wrist
pulled me down and like put me in a vice . I tried to get up. You thought I was Ian kept telling him
to not leave. Finally you settled a death grip on my wrist and went back to sleep. I thought I would
get up once you were out but I fell asleep too. I may be an ass but not gonna fuck sleep someone
needing their partner. That’s skanky even for me .”

” You did not mention it the next morning why?”

”Well you woke up threw me off the bed and threatened to rip my spine out then left “

”And my two lost drunk high days?”

” Ok I am enough of of a prick that watching that was fun . Look didn't want you going and mess
your shit up when he got here ."
" Thanks man"

For the rest of the day Mickey could breathe easier. Even if he had his balls fall off it was just him
and his hand now .

———————————

The anger coursing in his veins helped revive his sluggish still mind. He was coming out of this
low feeling pleased that it was a shorter cycle and he had been able to engage more this time . Even
if the engagement was opening one eye to acknowledge his name being called . He loved Emma for
her understanding. Besides roommate her cycles were close to Ian’s and she understood the effort
to be present when your mind wanted to swallow you into blackness. Carrying a cross to your own
execution and not being able to rally against . Not a martyr but just let to emotional slaughter .

In his low Fi and Lip had found out he along with fixing the Gallagher property was buying his
own. The fire was unleashed when they realized it was being purchased for Ian AND Mickey.He
missed being with the younger kids under one roof. However he was realizing that the love in the
chaos was warming but the chaos of the house devastated his routines.Working with Erin he was
learning to set the time he craved with the family without letting the dysfunction devour him .

Lip had came to check on Ian and it started off well. Lip loved Ian, Ian never doubted that. And yes
Ian admitted he was a stubborn immovable prick of a rock , passive aggressive at times. But he
never doubted the talent and resilience of others even though he did his own . Lip on the other hand
loved but at times through arrogance. He never voiced that Ian or Fi were as capable as him . Their
attempts to better were often met by silence or scorn.So when he figured that is almost 20 year old
brother was getting ahead , it was jealousy that met Ian’s excitement.

When Lip had heard Debbie and Carl in the kitchen chatting about getting a hang out/ sleep over
room-in Ian’s new place , he chastised them both reminding them that to encourage this " nonsense
" they were not helping him at all. Reminded them the trail of pain from Monicas harebrained
schemes was scars they all had. No one needed to encourage this in Ian.

Ian had been napping , he was feeling better but learning the best way for him to reengage after a
low. Lip came in , sat on his bed , hugged him . Then he began to challenge Ian about school,
housing and Mickey. Finally he began his tirade he misguidedly believed was showing love.

" Ian I will love you, always will but people like you with this illness , your life is never really
stable. Monica is a shit show but even doing all this , you still have lows and highs . Ian who's
gonna do this long term , Milkovich? For the rest of his life? I know you have faith in the guy but
cmon. Come home, get a low stress job. Ian Fi and I know you need long term care , let us help
you ."

Ian buried under the blankets to hide the shatter in his heart as Emma firmly kicked Lip the fuck
out. Red hot anger poured from Ian. The stigma of being mentally ill was sometimes for him more
crushing and damaging than his illness itself . This one act show from Lip drove Ian to a final
productive design. He was no longer the walk on, the fill in in his own life . Fuck Lip . And for the
first time , Ian truly put an emotional wall between him and the big brother he worshipped.
When Mandy picked him up she steeled herself for his look after the low : weight off his frame ,
gaunt face , bags under the eyes.It was all there But mixed with it was a glint she had missed very
much, tucked into those eyes.He ate half a sandwich to her delight and they sang with the radio all
the way to Statesville.

———————

By the time they lined for visitation , Mickey was not crawling out of his skin in anticipation but
boiling out.

He realized he was holding his breath when a sharp exhale made him lightheaded. Ian’s his loping,
tough guy walk on a scarecrows frame . But he was here. His eyes more alive than Mickey had
dreamed .Folks said Ian was hard to read . He was unless you had the map. Mickey did. Those
beautiful eyes of nature and depth . They could be warm , sappy, luring you in. Visual sirens song.
Those eyes could have you smashed to bits on rocks before you realized you were sucked in. Those
eyes could be fierce, savage, dominant down for a fight or fuck. Maniac despite the smiles , those
eyes were panic ,a fox caught in a trap, flooded with endorphins ready to gnaw off part of himself
for relief. Depressed they were the eyes of a corpse, milky , cloudy , unseeing . But the look he
coveted and wanted to take to his grave was the look when Ian saw Mickey and only Mickey.
When everything else in the room or world disappeared. The focus and passion could be both
blinding and overwhelming yet it swaddled Mickey in a sensation he could not even call love . It
was as though they were created just for one another . The parts all,good and bad were never
judged or measured. It was like the wonder of the universe opened and it’s joy seeped into Mickeys
soul.

Ian sat and Mandy blew a kiss and flipped Mickey off , sitting behind Ian.

” E , you look so good sweetheart, how are you feeling?"Ian shrugged .

“ Same old , crawling back to stamina, hating this disease, being scolded like a 4 year old by my
brother . But I am feeling ok , more of me coming back .But enough about me. Baby you passed
your GED. I knew you could Mick. I am so proud to be your partner. You are amazing ."

The smile was true , blinding like driving into a sunrise. Held for a beat then turned more carnal .

" Bought you a congratulation present . Cant send it here but did put another 200 hundred on your
books. Slowly I am building our spank bank aka the toy box.”

”Toy box?”

Ian blushed sheepishly.

” Yeah . Before I got diagnosed and you here we were playing around with things we liked. Figured
we could pine over the box and break it out when you are home.”

The word home, home with Ian flushed his face and made him feel adored.

But he cockily wagged his tongue out . “ yeah so what’s my present ?”

” Prostate massager ?”
” What now?”

” Looks like a curved dildo , multi speeds. Hits your prostate to keep your wiggling ass a moaning
mess . Perfect thing to fill you with while you suck me off.”

Just like that Mickeys jumpsuit tented.

“ Fuuuck Gallagher, warn a guy before you get all filthy up in here. Gonna get noticed walking
back with my dick throbbing.”

The smile that started at the cupids bow on Ians mouth that radiated ear to ear came out , then
slightly faded . Mickey knew what Ian was thinking and while he never pressured Mickey, him
knowing things happened in cell and showers still stung . For Mickey it was a perfect jump to the
conversation.

“ Hey I got a divorce.”

” I know Mick , Svet signed it a few months ago.”

” No , ummm prison wife. Figured ghetto husband is the only man I want , need to start acting like
that . Gonna need to take care of this myself .”

Ians eyes went big then soft. “ Really?”

” Yeah Red , really .”

They stared at each other both flipping off Mandy fake gagging in the corner .

” Red I like the toy box idea but you totally derailed the serious other talk today .I know you read
my response to your pro and con list.”

” Had too much serious today with Lip , needed just you “

” Ok fair enough tough guy, you will let me know when you are ready ?”

” First one to know Mick .”

” Ok , good. I mean I can’t purchase right now but you need something from me for this spank
bank ?”

Ian began to jiggle his leg, looking down and twisting his hands . His face was so soft and
vulnerable that Mickey wanted to break the glass and cradle that freckled face .

” E?”

“ I know I am not alone . I have you and Mands. Emma, my friends at the dance school, even the
younger kids . Still feeling lost at times though . Just wanna curl in your lap and think about
nothing. Want a story from daddy.” He said shyly.

The buzzer sounded.

Mickey tried to push every drop of softness and love through his chest and eyes to Ian

“ Red , daddy will work on that ‘k? I love you , we will talk in two days . Only you Ian.”

” Only you Mick “

——————————————

Mickey looked at the letter handed to him the next morning . Yep his boy was feeling feisty in his
oats which he loved. Life back into Ian was life in him . He quickly penned some thoughts, dropped
it in the mail before he chickened out .Then he opened the letter from his ginger and his face almost
split in true happiness and trepidation. If realizing love with Ian was life altering , this moment
shifted his dna . Not to worry about being Terry but finding that part of Laura in him he hid as a
young abandoned child.

The note “ You ready Milkovich?”

He kissed the envelope . “ Damn straight Gallagher “

Mickey Milkovich was not fucked for life.

———————

“ Mickey” Sister Meg asked cautious and low “ Are you ok ? I know you are not having a spiritual
crisis as you told the CO to get here ?”

” No sister , no crisis . For the first time in my fucking life , no crisis, no fear even though I should
.” He began to cry .

“ Mickey?”

He laid the ultrasound on the table, eyes like tropical seas , cased in tears.

” When this came I pictured a kid in my arms and I knew .Ian is mine and I am his. We are going
to be dads.I am going to be the father I’d always hoped for.Sister , we are doing this . We are going
to be part of this baby’s life.”
.
 Fuck off Philip
Chapter Summary

Mickey muses over Ian’s eyes and makes sure he is still moving and doing care to level.
Ian spills how broken he continues to be over Lips at time careless words. Which no one
makes Mickeys man cry. So he does what he does best, fixes it. Even in prison.
And of course all hail Badass Mandy .

Two days later Mickey bounced on his feet waiting for a phone. He has been accepted into the new
prison program for apprentice woodworking , carpentry and furniture repair . He knew Ian would
be excited and truth be told whenever he felt inadequate or nervous, Gallagher and his earnest
words and proud looks steadied him . He could almost envision that stare that was ( ugh to admit)
sunshine , lollipops and rainbows. On anyone else it would make Mickey gag, but from Ian food
from the gods.

Those damn green eyes. When Mickey was a kid , Terry had a bottle of crème de menthe. Did shots
of it when he was out of beer. It was kept on a window, the light making it glow . It stuck out in
their dusty dim living room. As a young teen being held and whipped he needed something to focus
on , to not cry and get another beating for tears. That green he could focus on until it was over . He
knew he was scattered, wild and at times unhinged. But watching Ian’s eyes , it grounded him. Ian’s
eyes were clover , summer grass on the Sox’s field.

Ian’s emeralds, they mesmerized and terrified Mickey.He couldn’t look away and he frankly never
wanted to . Mickey wanted to be trapped in the green gaze forever.And yes he could not see them
tonight but knew they would grow wide then glow with gold lowlights. Besides talking to him and
thinking of that face , Mickey would get one of his rare true sleeps in prison.

Yada yada yada , get through the damn message . Oh they were only 13 months or maybe less when
he could call Ian without a damn loser announcement.

“ Baby !”

Yeah as much as he groused and bitched , secretly that one word from Firecrotch allowed him to
fully exhale.

” How you doing red?”

” Feeling better, did not run today but power walked to the coffee house ?”

” you treat yourself ?” They both knew that was Mickeys code for wanting Ian to eat after a low.

Bashful " Yeah did half a bagel with cream cheese. "
" Proud of you .Hey guess what? Found out I made the cut for carpentry class, start in 2 weeks. 3
days a week l get to trade shit stains for hand saws."

He could feel the power of that smile through the line and he knew those eyes were shining.

" Mick thats amazing , god so happy for you , look at you doing more than woking out with your
nuts in a vice."

" Fuck off Firecrotch "

He had to hold the phone away from his ear as Ian cackled .

" Sorry Mick . So excited, so proud of you for reals "

" Yeah well gonna have a new age princess and a part time kid to watch over, figured pimping is
out ."

“ Who are you and where is the pod with My Mickey? Really though you all being this feral
domestic hybrid has me fucking rock hard here”

” Yeah well me too. Hey daddy did not forget you story. Got one for when for bedtime when I get
out. Hey add to the spank bank box something pretty to model for daddy .“

” Umm yes daddy , can I pick more than one thing , fashion show “

” Yep another walk back to my cell with my dick all up for attention. Last time Enzo noticed , kept
hanging around bitching about dinner and the fucking game. My balls were so blue surprised they
could even pull up to cum later.”

” Baby I can’t wait to get you out of there.”

” Me and you both “

They chatted about the joy of Kash being made a mousy bitch by a hit man gang banger
motherfucker named Damon and how nice but super calm , Ian’s new teachers were. Mickey
started to pick up that something was up with his Red. Folks thought Ian was just highs and
lows.But Mickey loved Ian enough to see how his bipolar and psychosis played out daily. Ian had
the right to be happy , sad and in between like everyone else but his brain chemistry made that
tricky . The line between emotional and episodic.

When Ian was stressed or sad he naturally fell to disassociation. Which was ok as long as it stayed
surface , not pulling him under to drown or lose hours. When stressed Ian spoke slower, bigger
pauses, scans of himself. We all have voices in our heads but Mickey knew Ian had two sets. The
first like everyone the running narrative the jabs and insecurities every human had . Then Ian had
THOSE voices, the ones whose whispers at times could not be quieted. The ones that high jacked
the man he loved and would give him no peace. From that Ian often spoke where even statements
sounded like questions. It was him flexing control around reality not those brain bastards view.
Right now both patterns were barely noticeable unless like Mickey, you knew .

” Ian what’s up? Meds leveling?”

Ian sighed that deep put off sigh . He loved that Mickey could read him , ground him . Yet it was
still painful to know this was his life. The constant check ins with himself and others.

” No Mick keeping an eye in it, promise. It’s just this whole thing with Lip man. My whole family,
all of them and Lip I feel like I need his damn approval, never gonna get it though. He loves me
deeply and I him but even as kids not good enough. Our love language I don’t think is a healthy
one. How he shows love is taking over and rescuing me . At some points like helping me with West
Point it was good. “

A strangled noise that pierced Mickeys heart

“ With Kash he knew, well not all of it , did not know it started in rape and kept in sexual torture.
But he found out and didn’t tell Fi or the cops or anyone. Thought it was my fault like when Frank
would hit me. That I was suppose to know how to not get myself in these messes. I was a fucking
kid, but no one saw that. Out of anyone, I thought Lip would. He took me to the hospital and you
saw was so loving. But he never visited me there . All those nightsI would walk hand on the wall in
that damn nuthouse underwear just wanting to die from being so scared. I just thought if tomorrow
Lip comes my big brother will make this all better. He never did. Was too busy in college to see me
when I was home. Then when I went to see him , I heard him talking about me to another student .
That it was such a waste, I was set maybe not to be as he said smart but military. Now all I would
be was like a janitor , more work than the little kids. The other defended me , a stranger saying
maybe not. But Lip has it in his head I am sunk. I just , fuck ….he’s a narcissistic prick with
alcoholic tendencies yet I love him, all parts . He only loves part of me sometimes that pain, well
the voices run with it, makes it hard to shut them up. He’s more my dad than Frank yet all his hurt
and rage with Monica is taken out in me.”

Big sad puppy and Mickey was clenching fist so hard his hands cramped . He knew those
spring greens were clouded like rotting seaweed now.

“ Processed this with Erin, all session a few days ago . He does not think I am worthy of love , that
my illness takes away from anything else in me. He would get so mad , furious when Monica
would be back. She is a fucked out junkie and unmedicated. She did fucked up things to me , us but
I was little and just needed her more than any of us. I went with her one day , I was 9 and she was
maniac. Got back to Fi and Lip worried, I get that now. But they were both so much more upset that
I wanted to spend time with her . They both agreed I needed to learn not to get attached to her and
um well she let Lip beat my ass with a hairbrush. Best kept Gallagher secret , I was the only one of
the kids that Lip and Fi spanked , ever . Just cause I wanted my mom even if she was shit. I hate
that I am not his brother, in his mind I am his sick brother. I don’t want a life where I can’t go to
him or hang with him . But I can’t change his contempt of who I became .”

Mickey was silent blinding hatred and frustration was equal weight with physical pain to not be
able hold Ian and give him comfort.

“ Sorry I am such a fuck up Mick .”

That spurred Mickey back

” Sweetheart, no no you have it ALL. You have an illness. Your brother is the fuck up. All that
talent flunked out of college , trying to use his big ass brain to scam. Because he us so smart he
feels entitled to not work hard .As far as also fucking crap. He acts this way because he has
contempt for himself because he can’t figure out how to sort Monica in his brain. You scared us all
to death not gonna lie. And it is a sense of total helplessness watching you rise or fall. You are easy
to love and love deeply . That’s hard for him, he is used to being the best . Well or in an episode
that part of you does not die . That kills him cause that love your unconditional love Ian he has no
clue how to mimic. It’s jealousy whether he admits it or not . Making you feel less about your
illness is how he copes with not knowing what to do with it. It’s not ok but it’s not you , never you.
We will figure it out ok, how to keep him in your life if you want but not as an emotional punching
bag. Talk to Erin more about it , thats a big issue not going away. Do they even know about the
baby?"

" No not ashamed of it but I don't want the Ian is a loon lecture to taint what finally feels good ."

The time bell dinged

" Love you promise me, Erin , Mands and Emma will help you figure it out. Your job right now
keep up with the baby oven and kick ass in class.I love you , only you Ian"

He knew the eyes were back to life in green.

"Love you, only you Mick."

When he hung up he snuck back in line , trading snacks for another phone time . More specific , he
gave Damon a shit ton of the speciality coffees and Damon told Kash instead of his phone call they
were going somewhere for Kash to suck Damon off.

" Mands… hey I need to do a thing here but need your help."

They chatted ,of course Mandy was down .

————-

5 days later……..

Mickey grinned as his beautiful angry sister dragged almost by his nuts a reluctant Lip Gallagher.
She shoved him down and as he bitched and kneed him in the groin without a guard seeing .

" Shut the fuck up Philip " She snarked at him.

He took the phone and looked into sharp, hard eyes the color of ice. Shark like and predatory.

” Look Lip here is how this is gonna go, listen up . Only gonna say this once . He may be your
brother but he is my partner and one fucking day I am gonna make him my husband.So you don’t
wind up eating out of a straw for the rest of your life , take note on the new rules you have for
being around Ian . Got it ?”

Mandy dug her nails into Lips shoulders until he nodded.

” Ok cupcake here’s the new rules……..”

 Supporting Ian 101
Chapter Summary

Mickey breaks down his feelings over how Lip treats Ian. Years of seeing the hurt spill over
into a conversation long overdue.

This chapter has very frank povs on bipolar disorder and how Mickey sees Ian receiving care.
But of course we see the Mickey who knows each nuance of the man he loves.

” Look Lip here is how this is gonna go, listen up . Only gonna say this once . He may be your
brother but he is my partner and one fucking day I am gonna make him my husband.So you don’t
wind up eating out of a straw for the rest of your life , take note on the new rules you have for
being around Ian . Got it ?”

Mandy dug her nails into Lips shoulders until he nodded.

” Ok cupcake here’s the new rules……..”

———————

Lip interrupts Mickeys ire.

” Look Milkovich, I fucking love my brother. You have no idea watching him like this , it is so
fucking hard .”

” Fuck you Lip. And yeah I know exactly the idea of watching him have episodes is like. We , we ,
Lip picked him up after he took Liam . He was a goddamn broken body , nothing even in those
eyes man. It was like fucking trying to hold someone who tumbled off a cliff , and you can’t hold
‘em anymore and you just watch that fucking silent scream as they fall to their death. Yeah Lip , I
was there for the commitment too. We all died a bit that day locking him up to save him , knowing
it was going to now be a lifetime of fucking him losing parts of him over and fucking over.”

Lip looked uncomfortable.

” Know what was really life altering Lip? Watching Ian become smaller. Ian has always been a
force of nature man, we all know it. Not an Angel , most stubborn , obstinate passive aggressive
prick on the planet when he wants. But theres like a damn magnet in him , yanks people to him .
You see Ian and strangers smile , clerks say hi. Straight men give pause, gay men fall at his feet and
sure girls wet themselves . Not just tall Lip , big . Ian has this light in him , makes you feel
important and cared for. I know you know . “

” Then one fucking day it’s gone. He is a shell in the bed . Mandy and I fucking stole that syringe
thing you put liquid penicillin in to give kids just to get water in him . The tears , the dark, the
smallness. The changing the sheets ,changing him covered in tears and vomit and piss and shit. Ian
who always tries to look his best , a fucking zombie so lost that being covered in piss not
registered. That movement hurt . That’s make a deal with Gods time. Praying to get taken out in the
worst way just to stop him crying . That’s what it’s like , but you didn’t know that cause you
WEREN’T FUCKING THERE!”

Mickey spit at the glass not caring .

” Lip the fact that he knows you love him but only conditionally or only when you “ save him” is
worse. Yeah you went to get him and Liam . Yeah you held him and got him to go in , picked him
up. But your absence because of school or really partying and fucking that woman was noted. Man
he believed you would come see him , made it better, less scary . Fuck when he came home and
was seeing shit it was like : I want lip, lip will know what to do. But you didn’t and you tucked tail
and ran . And yeah so did I but everything you and I felt , worried about , saw, Ian was fucking
living it . Let that sink in shit for brains , everything we worried about Ian was experiencing.”

“One minute being you 17, you , next minute his life burns . Yeah the pain of watching this fucks
you up , but it’s Ian trapped in a hellscape until his brains lets him off the hook . You weren’t
fucking there and when you were it was a wild card if he got a steady loving big brother or one
whose disappointment shredded him when he was most fragile . And he is gonna be fragile again
Lip , lots of times . But are you gonna help him stay together or push him so he shatters? Each and
every time I asshole, I put him back together after you hurt him, another little chip is gone.”

Lip stared at him “ after Monica man …..”

” FIX YOUR MOMMY ISSUES ASS HAT!” Ian is not the stand in for your Monica trauma . She
fucked you all. Ian gives a damn , Ian does not want this. And yeah we all know at times he may
stop the meds and shit might get bad. He hates those meds man , cries like a two year old who lost
his blanket at the thought of for life dulling a part of him to stay alive . To stay present. To stay with
us all and man given how he has been treated you and me included we don’t deserve it . We don’t
deserve this love . You undercut him, I wasted years pushing him away and he looks at us both like
we are some of the most amazing men in earth. He lives with the fear of himself every damn day .
He lives with the voices and the insecurities. He takes those meds cause he is better than you and I
and has bigger balls than anyone I know. You and I just live life. Ian fights to live happy you may
not ever understand that but you will damn well start showing him respect for managing this
disease.

” You think he’s Monica well fuck you ,closer to the truth is you are fucking Frank. I may be a
messed up fucking convict who was a fucking closeted pussy but at least I fucking admit it. You
need help man but you think you are so above shit . Just like Frank ranting his thoughts drunk and
cruel . You never thought Fiona could be anything but a house frau . Work 3 jobs at 16 sure. Ian at
15 he was getting molested by Kash to make sure you had power and the younger kids food. He
worked 6 days a week with the bastard while you ran part time scams. “

“ Loving Ian is easy so damn easy Lip, you know that . The illness not Ian is hard . Ian would give
his right arm for us . He goes down we double down . When Ian is high or low it is not about us
Lip. Not even about Ian . It’s keeping that damn disease from eating him alive until we can pull him
out, he pulls out . That means yeah, keeping him safe but respecting our Ian, my fucking Ian is
buried under that mania or the depression. Respecting that while we remind him it’s not real we
again respect it’s real to him.You will start remembering that as terrifying as it is to see him trying
to avoid MPs , it’s so much worse for him.”

” Ian has a chance that Southside kids don’t get . This program Lip is top notch . The success rate
of keeping people on routines to improve their coping skills. Results impressive . Your brother got
his GED , your brother is going to school . He is learning who Ian is besides the damn disease. He
is getting therapy , support and med management. This is where we cheer him on, praise him like
fucking loons for eating a goddamn half a bagel or being able to wash his hair in the shower. You
and me in another point could be friends but you gotta stop this cause right now you are my enemy
because you hurt him .

” So fucker let’s start with the basics. Your damage has Erin that’s his therapist by the way talking
about maybe he needs to go no contact for a while . I will support that even if I think long term it
would hurt him . “

” So step one , you will ask to go to a family group and act like a brother who is proud of him , if
you can’t find that , ask Carl that fucking kid has it down. “

“ am proud of him “ came a low voice .

“ Weird way of showing it . You will not start every conversation about his meds. Yep if you think
he is in danger real danger then I will back your play to call 911 with him all day. Otherwise you
will take note and let him know you see the good things he is doing. You will not try to make
decisions for him . You will not tell him he is not thinking things through . You will not throw shit
back in his face. You will do your own research on ways to support him . You never compare him
to Monica again . You will be the brother he deserves or Mands is gonna pay my piece of shit
brothers to creatively wreck your life. And when I get out , keeping my eye on you . I will kick you
out of our house, I will keep you in the dark . I will knock your ass out . But the biggest threat Lip
is what you fear. I will keep him so happy and busy he has zero time to think of you or miss you.
Your narcissism will not get feed from him . I want Ian happy so I prefer you shape the fuck up so
he stays in your life , for both your sakes. Cause Lip I know your secret cause we share it . You
need Ian as much as he needs you . Get the fuck out oh here .”

” Milkovich, I hate your fucking guts right now but … thanks for caring for him “

” Gallagher fucking hate you too right now … but go care for him , not control him . “

As he walked back for search and count he passed the sister who was helping oversee visits .

” Mickey if you ever doubted why you staying in here was not your life plan , remember you just
promised your life to another . He needs you more than these walls do .”

———————-
The drive back was quiet . Once so heated between them was now cold, flat , devoid of love.

” Am I really that big of a prick ?”

Without thought “ Yeah you are , maybe you could get back to that part of you who needed people
not needed to feel superior to everyone.? Go to AA , go to therapy, go to hell. Just stop making Ian
jump through hoops to prove himself . I know how you can turn your love off and on .Lived it .
Yeah what Mickey and Ian have , we had a shot at it . You closed that door . You learned that Terry
knocked me up . You never said anything , comforted . Ian and Debbie helped me. Ian and Debbie
made sure I was not forced to carry my dads baby . You didn’t even show to Alibi. So I know I
meant something to once but your coldness made me realize I mean something more , need
something more . Get out of my car Lip . Mickey is all bark small bite. You know I bite , I get
things done . Either figure out how to support Ian or stay away from him . “

” Mands…..”

” Men like you , like your father fuck like my father are a dime a dozen. Ian , Ian is a soul that
comes around not a lot in life . You may be the brother who would die for him . I am the bestie who
will help him live his best fucking life . Do not get in my way .”

——————————

Lip sat on the back steps for hours freezing , staring at links in his phone . A pack down and blue
fingers he finally went inside. Debbie was in the kitchen helping Ian who teased her as he showed
her dance moves from his class. He was thinner , that gaunt that made Lips heart ache. But he was
up . Debbie and him were making tacos .

He took a deep breath and walked behind Ian , placing a hand in his back.He felt Ian stiffen .

”Hey I know I was out of line the other day , ummm can this prick help out with this “

lan chuckled “ Yeah your on onion detail fucker.”

“ Umm will try not to embarrass you by saying stupid shit ….but yeah just realized never been to
that family thing. If it’s cool I can bring the kids when they want to go and hang out?”

Carl grinned “ Lip come with us in pizza night, it’s the best one and Ian makes cookies fir it !”

Ian kissed Carls head . “ You are all about the pizza huh?”

” yeah but like spending time with you too Ian. You really gone come Lip?”

” I will if it’s ok with Ian”

Fuck Mickey was right , he hated that. He was greeted by that soft smile and laughing green eyes .
It did make you feel special , he did need it .

“ Sure Lip, you’re my brother of course I want you to come.”

 The Gallagher Gene
Chapter Summary

Less than nine months until Ian and Mickey restart their life together .
Ian has Erin mediate between him and his older siblings.
Mickey is a petty fuck and proud ( Kash)
Another surprise visitor and something Mickey can also hold into until release date .

Chapter Notes

Shorter chapter but setting us up to steam to release day

The next three months dragged on. They were now only 9 months from release but in ways it felt
more of an eternity. So many pieces were so close but yet far away.

Lip had followed through going with the younger siblings to the support group and grudgingly
admitting it was not as weird as he thought . For Ian that gesture put him over the moon. Fiona and
Lip went to a session with Erin . With a mediator it “ went as well as it could with those two” Ian
stated. While shocked Fiona was excited for a niece or nephew especially since she would not be
raising it. They still questioned his commitment to as they joked “ bus baby “. Ian informed them
he would not bring his child by them if they ever said that again. He very clearly without faltering
admitted that hook up and his suicide attempt still shook him. However with him and Mickey
talking and he and Amira in touch figuring out how this would work , he had something good come
out of that darkness.

There was still resentment of Ian planning to move to his and Mickeys home after his time in 3
months with his full program was over. He calmly mentioned he had done major repairs to the
Gallagher house, lived less than 15 minutes away and he had a guest room for the kids. He also
planned on coming over to hang out with everyone.But his time in his program showed him he
needed a quieter place to keep his routines , he needed his own home , his and Mickeys .

The house he had purchased was structurally sound but needed some work in the interior. Ian with
Mandy and Emma were doing some basic work . It was a house Mickey liked when Veronica the
cougar came to visit. Ian when he toured it said it felt right . Bought it cash all in. It was a typical
Chicago row house, brick . Three bedrooms , 2 bathrooms, back yard . Ian said he was leaving most
of the house undecorated until he and Mickey could do it together. He was though making their
dream bedroom so Mickey could have nirvana not prison mats. The baby’s room and guest room
were painted. Ian had a double bed and fold out futon in there from goodwill. That way the kids
could sleep in there and not be crowded if they stayed or Mandy came . But holy shit, two dirt poor
fucked up Southside kids now owned property outright before 25.
Mickey savored the idea but was darkened about the why Ian could do this . The pain and silence
Ian endured even hiding the worst parts from Mickey until he could not hide anymore . Luckily
Erin and Ian had several sessions about getting money as restitution and how he felt . Ian had with
some intense sessions and tears was in a space where this was ok for him. He trusted if it got hard ,
Ian would let Erin know. Mickey on the other hand loved taunting Kash . He would cockily
swagger to where Damien and Enzo were playing dominoes and join them. He would pull out
pictures of the house and talk about his and Ian’s plans . Kash was a kept bitch and never far from
his forced lover so he had no choice to hear it all . Mickey loved that Kash who thought Ian would
one day run away with him had financed the true start of Ian and Mickeys life together. Yes Mickey
Milkovich was a petty motherfucker and proud of it.

The only big blast of anger that Erin had to sternly mediate was the fury that Ian had Trevor help
him and take papers to Mickey to sign on the house. They did not believe Mickey should be on the
title or it be his house in ownership too. Ian tried to talk but his outcome was to tell his siblings to
fuck off .

Amira had even visited Mickey via an ask through Ian. She came alone. Even with the baby belly ,
Mickey had to laugh. Never in a million years could he have imagined Ian with a woman but of
course when he did she matched Ian’s supermodel looks to a t. That’s a fucking relief he thought,
no way we all have a ugly kid with that gene pool happening.

She sat down and smiled . They both held the phone awkwardly until she cleared her throat and
broke the ice.

” Not often I guess you get two baby daddies who are together?”

Mickey chortled darkly. “ yeah “

Her eyes were a dark brown with flecks of green and they turned serious.

“ Mickey , it’s ok I call you that right ( he nodded) if I had any knowledge that Ian was manic , gay
and with a partner , I would have never let it get that far . I know you don’t know me but that’s true
. I also have never done anything like that but Ian……” she faded off

Mickey smiled “ I get it . My guess is his charm was was like level three billion and he is a walking
hard on maker , well not for you , like your parts..shit . Anyway charming Gallagher mixed with
tall carved buff redhead . Yeah would have went home with him too.”

” Stop me if this is too messed up to talk about. With him I wondered if he was gay . Hot but
awkward once we got to my place.”

” Aye actually makes me feel better his mojo is just male leaning.”

They both laughed.

” So when I saw him again and realized I was pregnant I asked him to go to coffee to talk . My
mom did not like my dad. He was not a bad guy, they just sucked together. Was kept out of my life .
Met him at 20 he died when I was 21. So being pregnant and seeing Ian , I wanted to give him a
chance if he wanted it . It was the weirdest coffee of my life. Wow by the way , is he always so
talkative and well, hmmmm….”
” Ruthlessly cheerful, big warm puppy, total over sharer , wants you to “ use your words “ ? Yep he
is . Apparently he would not stay in his own cot at nap time at head start, just wanted to chat with
others. So you get a call from a preschool yeah that’s the Gallagher gene kicking in. You
understand a bit about bipolar right ? There may be times that kid can’t be around. If he is manic or
low , keeping him safe is the priority.”

” Yeah his therapist gave him some resources for me to check out, I had an aunt who was
schizophrenic. It’s different but when the meds were not taken or out of balance my mom had to be
there to help her not hurt herself or someone else. I think that is going to be something we have to
be very transparent about when he needs to be cared for. I just want him to understand that is not
something I would hold against him .”

She rubbed her belly.

“ First he told me about the bipolar and he was in a mania , felt horrible like he took advantage of
me , kept apologizing . Then he said he is in this relationship and had cheated on you although you
had a weird we don’t talk about sexual needs met while you are in prison. Then a rushed apology
cause that was not why he slept with me . Then another apology for saying that and if he was
straight I would have totally been it for him .THEN long long long no offense Mickey, dissertation
on how wonderful you are, how much he loves you how you gave him second chance after some
deep shit went down. He told me why you are here. I wanted to tell you , you being here after
learning why is a non issue. I like Ian and I trust him . Thank you guys for wanting to be part of this
baby’s life. I didn’t think we all need to be bff’s but I have a good feeling we can be kind to each
other and co parent.”

” How do you see that working Amira?”

” Well I like the plan you and Ian discussed and he shared with me. Ian needs to focus on school ,
finish his therapy intensive program and get set in his regular appointments after. You will get out
of here and need to get used to not being here and finding work etc. I like the idea of setting up
visits at first for a day , then as you guys settle in more adding like an overnight . When they get
older , I think we just figure out a visitation or depending how we all feel a custody like schedule.”

” Sounds good. I am excited which is weird cause I always felt I would be a shit dad, my shit nazi
dad is in here too. Hopefully never leaves but on my life he will never get near this kid .”

” Ian explained a bit about him . I think he shares your sentiments. So I didn’t want to assume you
guys are the couple that shares one brain , one thought process. Ian wants to be surprised , do you
?”

” Um yeah the basketball under your shirt kind of a surprise spoiler. “

She rolled her eyes.

” Sarcastic fucker , you and I are gonna get along just fine. No Mickey do want to know the sex ? “

Mickey sat back and Amira watched a flood of emotions swirl in those icy blues . His look in face
did not match the tough guy criminal facade he had . She could see why Ian was so devoted to this
man . As he thought about it she smiled wider. Not conventional, not easy to explain , not a love
story for her . But right now she was happy that these two men were going to be part of their babies
life.
Mickey chewed his lip and to his surprise shared more with a stranger than he ever thought he
could. But maybe not stranger , new friend to him and Ian.

” Look I promise you I am never coming back here. I want a life out there . I want to just enjoy my
life and I want to be with Ian. I miss him so much it like tears my guts apart at times. I want to be a
better dad than my old man , actually care about the rug rat in there( he waved at her belly ) Prison
is hell , it’s grey and bleak and same . Even if my release date is the less of my reduced sentence , I
can’t be helping until I am out and what they will be 6 or 7 months then ? Ian and my sister keep
me connected to the outside world . I mean if Ian had not got me a lawyer I might not have been
out until that kid was in school .”

He rubbed his face .

” It takes a lot to not want to just space out , give up here . Even with everything . I worry about Ian
everyday and yeah please don’t repeat this, worry about the baby too. Literally watching life
happen without me behind glass. Solids , things I know that helps me stay positive . I won’t tell Ian
but yeah, I would love to know. Something else to detail focus on until I get out .”

She sniffled not at all expecting that heartfelt confession.

” Mickey turning this kid over to you and Ian to lead the potty training just so you are aware.”

He raised a brow not understanding for a minute then his eyes flashed as swirls of blue and a few
tears came.

“ Holy fuck, you mean…..”

” Yep we are having a boy “

————
 Oops
Chapter Summary

Big huge oops , real chapter later today

Oops sorry folks

 Fancy Pants
Chapter Summary

The Gallavich reunion is coming quick and the boys are sharing major feels .

6/19/ 2017

Hey Mick

Oh man what a week, I can’t wait until visitation to see you next . Such a whirlwind this past two
weeks. Hey so there is 2 open slots at the care house . Even though I am officially out of the
program next week, I can still stay another 6 months in the house . My therapy goes to once every 2
weeks with Erin , however I can access any groups I want. I know it’s weird to stay but Mickey I
want us to settle in the house together. Explore it together . I know you said it’s ok . Maybe will do
sleepovers with the kids and now Franny, it blows me away that Debbie is a mom . She loves that
baby but I fear she is so young that Franny may be an accessory like she is playing house . Out of
us all Debbie really felt the absence of Monica and Frank the most. When she was younger , so
much hope they would have the moment they decided to parent . It was painful to watch her be so
devastated.

I start my clinicals next week . Mick baby thank you for having so much faith in me , even when I
did not . With my classes we have been talking energy work , who we are and how we connect .For
my assignment I looked at me and how I connect to you. Prepare yourself for some sappy gay shit
Milkovich.

So after doing this unit I realized a few things about Ian. I get that I am the embodiment of
scattered. I just desire to be moved by love and life, to go with the flow and be swept up in the
moment. That’s my heart . Even though I thrive in routine , love it . I want the schedule with being
surprised by happiness each day. Despite all the sexual abuse I am still a man who fully embraced
my sexual essence is deeply connected to my energy, sexually and spiritually. Maybe that is the
barest trace of gifts from bipolar, I am aware whether I like it or not of every fiber of my being. My
energy Mick , it surrenders to you. I surrendered to you at age 15. Even when I thought you were
not serious, hated me, every part of my traitorous self surrendered to you. When you are finally out
, I made a decision gonna surrender my body to you. I know we both have thought about it and gold
top is just a phrase.

You take me, love me and accept I will always be emotionally chaotic. I will change my mind or
mood according to sensory sensitivity and unbalanced brain chemicals that are totally invisible to
you. And the fallout the way it fills and takes me over will scare you as much as it’ll confuse you.
But fuck Mick you are the only person who never flinches , looks away. You take in all the wreckage
, the twisted mind I sometimes become. I love you for seeing me trapped under the sadness or
madness. You never forget I am in there. You never forget the me who still lives, the me before the
diagnosis.Your compassion is a superpower It comes from embracing love and allowing it to
overflow without limits.
At 15 Mick . 15. My fucking neglected poverty stricken life . 15 my soul mate shows up in an angry
17 year old stealing from a damn store . Bruises and threats aside you were still so beautiful to me
Mickey, still are.

Yeah yeah it’s allergies in the eyes, right tough guy. But my tough guy . Changing topics for you
now.

For my internship , I don’t have to wear a suit but business casual it is. Wow I own 2 pair of dress
pants now, dress shirts as well . Fancy huh. Hmm fancy pants . Since you love nicknames so much
maybe make you use it.

Please hear your own grumpy horny voice here

“ oh fancy pants wanna chit chat or get in me “

ha ha

Or maybe wear my fancy pants when I visit you. With a fun accessory

I love you

Only you Mick

Firecrotch

———————-

Mickey had spent the past ten days reading that letter . Ian fucking Gallagher . The day he told
Mickey to steal from a store not in the neighborhood to have civic pride , Mickeys cynical angry
heart was his. For years he denied it was more than getting his ass pounded . But he always knew. It
terrified him . But not anymore.

And Ian. Age is just a number . Still young and always young at heart , Ian has become a man . The
man who is true not the bullshit Terry beat into and still rises in Mickey. Ian through life ,
heartbreak and illness gained insights in who he is and what he wants in his world . He had fought
and broke, gotten help to find the take away to prove he can take on the weight and burdens that
come to him. And despite them stay tender, funny and hopeful. Ian has fought to save himself and
be his own man. And Mickey would never take for granted the gift that he was Mickeys man, his
ride or die.

As always visiting day amped Mickey up . Like Ian he marked the time until mail call, phones or
visitation. The closer to release his stomach was flipping , his skin buzzing , his heart
pounding.They both craved the day Ian was out front , picking Mickey up . No glass no time limit.

But today Mickey could climb the walls . Both him and Ian making progress . Ian in being
stabilized and in school . Navigating his family. Mickey GED in hand , learning how to be a
craftsman. Not a dealer, not a pimp , not a scammer . An artisan . And today Ian might be doing
some show and tell and that had him in a space of hope he never thought possible. Hope. Yeah
Sister Meg and her damn nun juju.
Sitting, waiting like a good fucking convict for the doors to open and visitors dribble in . Soon he
could stand naked on his head with a zucchini in his ass if he wanted waiting for Ian . God that day
was dragging.

Mickey stopped his internal rant as his favorite person entered. Cheeky shit. He indeed have in
fancy pants. Deep grey , fitted . Making those longer muscular legs look like a goddamn meal .
Darling green sweater that cast a pine barrens into his eyes, they were deeper , wider. Mickey
realized he gasps. They did it, for him .

Ian was carrying a car seat inset.

Ian was carrying their son . His baby face once teen, now all man . And their kid . Fuck Terry, he
wished for Laura right now. Ian sat his face alight with raw primal love , a look he shared between
Mickey and the bundle . So carefully the bundle was lifted . One tiny fist, soft pink , carved by the
universe , perfect shot up . Ian kissed that hand and Mickey never felt more of a pang of need. He
wanted to kiss that tiny fist too. Ian adjusted and cradled the bundle , fussing so a tiny face could be
seen . Mickey was not religious, never would be but he did ponder that if there was a God, he felt
them as he looked into their baby’s face.

He was asleep, face pinched in a pout. He could see some of Amira’s features . The beauty of
symmetrical face, the rich spun caramel skin, her button nose. But a few freckles , not Ian’s
universe of them but a small constellation on his nose and cheeks. His hair not Ian’s fire or
Amira’s ink . It was a deep dark rich auburn like old rust but with warmth and character. Tons of it ,
a mass of tight wiry curls . They had learned while rare Amira did have relatives with red and
auburn locks. He was tiny 6 pounds , 7 ounces. He knew that from being called to the wardens
office at 9 am 15 days ago . Ian had sent in lieu of cigars , 4 cases of Twinkie’s in a care pack for
Mickey to hand out . Enzo teared up and under his breath told him he was proud of him.

It all fell away. The bravado of not wanting kids , doing this for Ian. Worrying about being a shit
dad. The little man in front of him cracked open the place of worth that Ian saw. He may be young,
a convict. It was always going to be harder for him to say what he feels out loud, still does not like
most people, grumpy asshole. But he would be the best father for this baby , because like Ian he
was his world .

” Hey tato”

Amira said they could change it but multi diversity was important to her. Tato was Ukrainian and in
utero she talked to him calling Mickey tato and Ian baba ( Arabic) .Ian was gazing between
Mickey and the baby . If he could have rested his chin in his hands and sighed dreamily without
getting his ass kicked back on tier he would. So fascinated by the tiny nuzzles and tics as Ian ran a
finger in the curls or down the sweet sleeping cheek.

“ Ian fuck he is perfect and healthy right, his check ups ok since breaking out of her? “

Ian laughed with honey lacing his voice.

” Yeah little mister perfect here had a high back blow out right before visitation. High back means
poop seeped out and up . So much poop , fuck . I forgot about that with Debs, Carl and Liam. That
is why he is out , lots of energy to laugh while baba cleans you off. He is fine , healthy guy . Does
not like waking up, must have gotten that from you. Met grandma, spoiler alert, loving and
terrifying. I apparently do not eat enough and quote : “

“ Other father in prison also most likely twig from no food. He gets out you come for Kabsa. By
the way freaking awesome food. “

Mickey smiled like sunlight which took Ian’s breath away .His blues swirling lights and dark: sky,
sea , gems and bluebells. His voice almost broke .

” Aye she name him yet ?”

Ian gave a look that was right into to all the gentle magic in his soul.

” She has a lot of faith in us Mick. First person who just knows our shit , no judgement just sees us
. Thinks us is strong. So meet our boy Aleksandr Clayton Gallagher Amin. “

Mickey was overcome with emotion . His face went red and his eyes glassy. He put his hand up and
Ian touched him through the glass. They sat and Ian seeing that Mickey was overwhelmed gently
guided to subjects that Mickey could emotionally handle in the minute. He told Ian about learning
carpentry, repair but most exciting artisan craftsman. Creating art from materials . His talent for art
had been diminished from taking a beating every time Terry found a drawing. His teachers saw he
had a good eye and were encouraging him to look at ways to go farther once out in design.

Mickey talked but his eyes were on Aleksandr who slept like he was not in a prison under shitty
fluorescent lights. Ian his baba was holding him and life was good. Mickey wondered if even for a
second Terry or Frank ever held them with that much devotion. He doubted it, but their kid would
not .He knew he would not miss all the first year and despite his protest, Amira was not backing
down. He would see him at visits. But what surprised him was how much it hurt to not touch him ,
smell him , cuddle him . That pain ripped into Mickey with a gash deeper that even the day Terry
caught them .

Visitation like always flew by , bittersweet . But Ian lingered a goofy grin on his face.

” Milkovich stay seated until all inmates file out. You got pull kid will say that “ Majaldki the fat
jolly guard said .

Mickey was confused staring at kielbasa boy. But when he turned around Sister Meg was standing
by Ian talking soft . She took Aleksandr from Ian and waited to be buzzed into the inmate seating
area. She carefully walked to Mickey , a large smile on her face . It brought a ragged breath and
tear. It was Laura’s grin , big and beaming when his toddler self went down a slide or gave her a
crappy dandelion from their wrecked back yard.

She stopped at Mickey and lowered the baby into his arms and placed a bottle on his ledge . Sternly
but with tears she joked .

” I believe this is yours Mr. Milkovich? I would say you are most certainly from here on in not
fucked for life.”
Ian was crying and the sister had Ian’s phone taking pictures. And Mickey well that thug boy
flashed , grew up in a nanosecond and cemented the man he wanted to be for him and them.

He just looked at his son, maybe not by birth but also not a child he feared having born of assault .
But his baby as much as Ian and Amira’s The best way he described this to himself was that he felt
everything holding him. The boy now man who in prison and still at times with Ian held feelings
back could not stop the pummeling of waves of feelings hitting him not did he want to .He was
scared of hurting him by holding him wrong and scared of what the future held and his safety for
all eternity. Would he mess up diapers, night time routines ?But overshadowed these fears was
extreme love and hopefulness Mickey had never experienced. Mad for who he had been in the past.
Hoping he could be his best for their future. Literally every emotion and thought negative and
positive all wrapped up into one in a matter of a couple seconds ransacked him .

Then it happened , Aleksandr opened his eyes. Deep soul searching spring foliage green with warm
brown specks. He looked up and fuck being tough , tears fell . These eyes . They were all Ian. Their
son gazed at him with his babas eyes. Even and searching like Ian staring like it felt he knew where
Mickeys soul was too.

Fuck Mickey thought as he traced the little face, marveled at tiny hands that would never be held
down and tatted. He inhaled as he cuddled. New baby smell was a real thing , shit but he happily
would lose the bet with Enzo and owe him a honey bun. His son, fuck their son had that smell . It
was baby soap and the sweetened condensed milk Laura used for coffee with that warm pleasant
smell after a shirt came out of a dryer. He tacked each detail to memory as the tiny eyes crinkled
and the brow scrunched. His wail was strong, pissed and demanding . It was divine like the laugh
of his partner .

Sister Meg showed him how to get him to latch on the bottle and Mickey just sat, wiping stray tears
and feeding his son . Something his father never did for him.Ian proudly watching both . They
made it through burping and Mickey in reflex began to rock him.

Sister Meg came up quietly and resigned .

” Mickey I have to bring him back to Ian now , guards need to take you back . I am sorry “

He glanced up “ Never thought I would get this. Thank you sister, I know you made it happen .”

He kissed the tiny curls and fought back tears as she lifted him up.

“ Alright Dimples , tato will see you soon” His voice cracked heavy with emotion .

” I love you”

They let him sit until he could see him safely back with Ian .

Ian stood

“ Love you , only both of you “

” Only both of you too Red “

That night he grabbed his pad and drew tiny hands, little big eyes, soft sleeping faces .

He had no clue that anything could be even better.

 Proverbs 11:10 NIV says, When the righteous prosper, the city
rejoices; when the wicked perish, there are shouts of joy…
Chapter Summary

Trigger
Big angst chapter
Homophobia, Death , Discussion of SA, Mania and child Abuse
Wooooo it’s a lot , like a lot but despite the angst , I think many Gallavich fans will love the
outcome
For once it’s not the boys saving themselves, others care and honor them and what they have .

Ian sat in Erin’s office, legs bouncing.

” Ian first off. I am impressed . I know it takes a lot to admit you may be manic and need to
regulate. By what you told me on the phone , you are still in the euphoria stage . It takes work to
move past that.What coping skills are you using? “

Ian smiled and ticked them off on his fingers like a small child proud of himself.“ I , well plus
Emma , Mandy and Mickey make me go to bed, even if I don't feel tired.Trying to avoid caffeine
which is really hard cause I wank a Starbucks bad. Debbie was sweet bought me a decaf vanilla
drink. I try remember to eat regularly which is hard . I forget . But Mickey now is calling each
night . Normally the questions would bug me but I get he is not here to see. So I get the did you
take your pills? What did you eat today? Then he gets all sweet bossy and tells me to go to bed.No
Gallagher house it’s too noisy , too bright and too busy. The kids are just FaceTiming me.”

He rubbed the bridge of his nose then continued.

” Yeah , the high is just that buzzing like a wasps nest under my skin. Great vibrations . But this
hornets nest will break and the stings, thousands are like a death when I do something stupid and
crash. The med is helping. And yes after this going back to the group house to take the big med and
sleep. But Nura is coming by with Alek so I can get baby snuggles and apparently food for my
skinny red headed ass. It’s weird Nura is like both me and Mickeys mother in law. Force of nature.
She was the one who noticed I was spinning like a top a few days ago.Its weird that I am so happy
but I should not be , am I a fucked up person?”

” Hardly but curious why you think that?”

“ Well we heard from Trevor . With overcrowding once Mickey finishes his career track , they may
release him early. I , God ….its like our world finally gets to start. No more shit from anyone. I
don’t doubt we are forever , Alek and that the only things that resonate in my bones as real. Mickey
has been my rock with my illness. Him out is a dream , afraid of failing him .”

“ Ok let’s not generalize Ian. You have a specific fear we should break down .What are you afraid
of failing for him ? I know your thoughts are jumbled right now . Close your eyes , do some
grounding breathing and when ready we can begin to talk.”

Ian sat up straight and closed his eyes .He thought count to five as he takes a deep breath in. Count
to five again as you exhale, you got this Ian ! After 7 times he opened his eyes. The leg bounce less
and the voices not fighting for time .

“I did the real math , always a guess before . Finally looked deep and hard at it . From 9 until now
Mickey has spent 6 years , 4 months and 9 days in juvie or prison. He is a man of his word . Says
he is done , won’t go back . I believe that . But besides the Kash and Grab, he never has had a real
job. He is touch starved thanks to all the abuse as a kid. He never has fully believed in himself . He
is a rape survivor who does not understand he did not deserve that . He is in for a big adjustment
and I will be there . I just want him to trust himself . Scared he won’t. He does things for everyone,
takes little for himself. I not in a bad way but shit……..”

Erin waited

“ I want him to be greedy in a good way, selfish. Drink the last fucking cup of coffee. Steal my
damn covers. Buy himself something nice with his money. Go get a really good steak or whiskey.
Take a class, make friends go for coffee. Hang all day with Mandy, steal 1 on 1 time with our son.
My life is complete with him in it but I have expanded my world . I want him to feel free ,
especially since……..”

” Ah yes . I wondered when you were getting to the elephant in the room Ian.”

“ I feel like a dick . I know no matter what a monster he was , Mickey still yearned for love from
the bastard. Even after all the beatings , the rape, the threats . Mickey is never going to get that and
while he is relieved the madness is over , he is grieving . I try to be neutral and loving and
supportive but fuck I wanna go put on a red suit and dance on his grave . He threatened our baby
Erin . Called Mickey to the fence and said if he is off limits , gonna go grab our baby . Well have
someone do it . “

” Mickey was falling apart could not snitch , ptsd by the way now diagnosed, so bad they sedated
him for a few days. Me trying to get Amira and Nura to take precautions. Thank God his plan
filtered to nana.”

” What happened Ian?”

” While Mickey was in the infirmary, they dragged Terry into the chapel. Nana dumped a big
plastic bag that held mass books out. They tied Terry down and put the bag over his head. Sister
Meg found him the next morning. I know Mickey is in pain . But I am happy , thrilled, overjoyed.
Wanted his death for years. I hope he panicked. I hope it was long and not painless. I hope he is
being tortured like he tortured his kids . Nana confessed , he is a lifer so no skin after a stint in
solitary. Wanna put money on the damn mans books. I have no sympathy. I had to watch Mickey be
raped while this man smiled at it … I …”

” Ian we have never processed your version of watching the rape , perhaps now is the time ?”

Ian’s voice was low but steady.

” Mickey was bleeding from the head, pistol wiped . I still think he got a TBI that day. That this is
part of his headaches now. He was just watching me after Svet came . His eyes were panicked he
was awake enough to know what was about to be done to him .His face was just a bruise . She
pulled his boxers off and he was hard , read enough to know that was an involuntary response . But
back then I did not know that , just thought how could he be hard , maybe he was really bi. I can
hear the couch springs and her murmuring to Mickey . He just watched me. I tried to look away not
because I was ashamed of him but felt so weak I could not help him . Yes I know we talked about
the gun and had I jumped we both could be dead. But when Mickey flipped her and started fucking
her hard, I knew I lost him . Yes this was a rape . Mickey needed to get it over with . But I knew he
was not going to come to me after. But Terry the fuck , laughed , was egging Mickey on. Saying he
was a real man not a fag and was remembering he needed pussy not dick.
That I was a cancer , that Mickey got sucked into … my…my ..fuck deviances. Terry watched him
with Svet and was hard through it all . He raped Mandy too , got her pregnant . Mandy my best
friend he just used her, not the first time . He encouraged Svet to fuck with Mickey. Used his fear to
keep him leashed . So yeah the only regret is I could not witness his death myself .See Mickey is
hurting and I want a party . I want to find Svet and rub it in her face too . I am an asshole.”

Erin regarded him carefully , while the quick jumble of words was the mania, the sentiments were
true .

” Ian why can’t you feel both ?”

” What?”

” Why can’t both be true for you ? Mickey is grieving and you can respect that and support him .
But for you , you are allowed your feelings . You are allowed to be relieved and even happy this
man cannot hurt any of you.”

” That’s… ok?”

” Ian your feelings are ok . You are allowed to have whatever feelings come up . I know that is hard
.”

She pushed tissues to him .

“You do think being selfless was the epitome of love. That sacrifices for the people around you
shows just how much they meant to you.Which can be a good thing. Ian though you have been
groomed by men and family dynamics to lose yourself for others. That is why Mickey coming out
for you , tending to you during your first episode was so hard. Letting someone see you, hear you
was not the norm and it was scary. Your siblings and you survived by all in together. Each of you
though has a wound from it. Yours became the idea of being loved only if you were “ useful”.You
didn't need to be first, and you didn’t think your needs were as important as those you loved. And
this isn’t necessarily a bad thing; love does require a certain extent of selflessness.But you never
thought of you until the situation was desperate or you were at the abyss.. Even now you fight to set
boundaries as you nor others are use to it from you . But Ian just as Mickey has a right to feelings
about Terrys murder, so do you. You can support his sorrow even feeling joy.”

” I just , I don’t know . How can Mickey feel sad ? This man beat him his whole life . I am talking
boot marks and his back being purple. He made him fuck a prostitute. He threatened our son.”

” Ian I think if you approach this like we did with Kash, it may be easier to relate. For years despite
the fact this started and was molestation , you felt at some point connected to Kash .To survive that
trauma you minimized that you said no, fought him. He used that trauma to bond you to him. It
sounds like Mickey had a trauma bond with Terry . That he believed he was the source of the abuse
and if he could “ be better “ Terry would give him love he deserved. You said when you tried to
stop the wedding after the rape, Mickey was angry when you confronted him about your truths in
Terry. Part yes I believe that poor boy was terrified of being raped again .But also needing his love
from Terry he could not hear those truths. Right now Mickey knows there is no hope for resolution,
it died with Terry . Part of him may be grieving the father he never had.”

” Like I needed to grieve what I lost with Kash?”

” In a way . Both of you are safer without these men in your life but loss can still bring surprises in
emotions.”

“ Mickey is safer and I wish he was in a better place for help. Sister Meg is there and apparently
Enzo of all people has been supportive. At least once out he has therapy set up. He is going to fight
it .”

” You fought it.”

Ian’s laugh was braying “ True “

“ So what are three things that you could say to support Mickey that feel true to love him but not
dishonor your feelings as well, besides I love you. Or do you want to put a pin in until you are more
focused?”

” No let me think it may help me … Ok honestly I could say I am sorry you are hurting and I can’t
be right there with you. I wish could hold you , however I am here for you no matter what.Not
going anywhere. I know you are in pain , I wish I could take it away , but I will always listen .”

” Ian I think those are true and lovely things to support . Now just remember both his and your
feelings are not at war . I will ask you to call the service and check in each day to keep an eye on
your moods. Ian keep up the hard work, you have a lot going on and if we need med changes or a
few days in patient it’s not failure.”

” Thanks Erin”

—————————-

Mickey was sitting watching basketball on the yard. His head was swirling.His heart was in two
spaces. The bigger part felt… free. He and Ian , he could live out of the closet . No hiding. Svet had
no reason to come anymore . His loves Ian and Alek safe . When Terry called him to the fence last
week his voice was low , spiteful, enraged . Like that day . The sound still haunting .

” She’s gonna fuck the faggot out of you . Ride him til he likes it Suka.”

The maggot filed cherry on top of the shit sundae of his childhood.

Terry started beating him with belts , switches and anything he had when Mickey was four. At 7
Mandy broke a full bottle , Mickey claimed blame . He was beaten for over an hour with a belt .
The first time but not the last his entire body wracked with pain . Terry was a sadist. He once held
Mickeys mouth open at 14 and flicked his ashes in forcing him to swallow. He took pleasure in
pissing on him and Iggy . They were not allowed to clean up until it was all dried.
But that day he caught him and Ian was the most terrifying. Terry was going to have his way .
When he bent down to whisper in his ear when Svet straddled him.He hissed that if Mickey did not
cum , Terry was fucking Ian with a shotgun. When he flipped her to just get it over with , the feel of
her and the perfume made him gag . He was being whipped in his guts by barbed wire as he tried to
just get done. To make his body work.Terry saw him gag and after Ian was chased out , he was
forced to eat her out . To this day he never told a soul , not even Ian about it. Thinking about it
made him retch and choke on bile during nightmares. That day after Terry left, he vomited for
hours and could not eat for 9 days. He just drank himself into oblivion.

He never thought Terry could do anything worse . Until 6 days ago. He was walking the fence
when Terry screamed .

” Come here you fucking homo son.”

Mickey hated that scared kid, the coward he thought that still caved to Terry. Each and every time
he bowed down to him .

” Yeah what now pop?”

” Just thought you should know . I know you are still with that Gallagher queer. Heard he did what
you couldn’t , got a girl knocked up well enough the bastard took . Fucking Arabic bitch huh.
Heard the kid is cute if you like mutts. What you think you with your GED and hammer gonna
provide for it? Love it ? Fuck you Mickey , first time it cries for hours you will smack it around .
No better than me . But so you don’t have to deal with it. Know some people to take it off your
hands … maybe sell it, maybe dump it . Will happen so quick your queer bo won’t have time to
blink.”

Mickey felt his core temp drop. He put his hands in the jumpsuit to hide the shaking. Terry just
grinned like the insane nazi he was.

“ Tough choices huh. Stay strong and you get released to broken fag boyfriend to put up missing
posters or jump me and get your deal revoked. We get to stay connected, father and son time. Tick
tock boy , you only have a week to decide."

Mickey watched hating the spittle on the dirty gray whiskers. Hated sour sweat seeping out of the
man in the red jump suit . He could not even think of a time Terry was not an ungroomed fucking
mess. But the bastard knew him too well.He did not fight back during the rape to keep him and Ian
alive. Old bastard knew Mickey would throw his deal away to protect the baby.

He asked to see sister Meg . Walking in he hit his knees sobbing .

” Sister I am fucked for life. Terry……fucking Terry. Ian …Ian and Alex . I love them , love them
but the bastards never going to let us be happy . Terry wins again.”

” Mickey what is going on !”

“ My choice my fucked up choice game I have been playing with him since 6. My choice , whipped
with a board or a belt . Eat a moldy sandwich or be starved for 5 days . Get my knuckles tatted or
get jumped by my cousins with bats. Fuck a whore or watch my old man blow Ian’s brains out
through his ass. Now fucking kill my early release deal or he sends someone after Alek. And if I
snitch I won’t live 48 hours. I can’t anymore sister . He wins, evil wins . I am sorry but I know
what I have to do . “

Mickey began to bang his head on the floor , blood seeping from the scar from that day . Sister
Meg flew to grab him , using her lap to protect his head as in fear or seizure his eyes rolled back.
Medical was called in having to sedate his spasms and screams to safely strap him to a gurney. That
night Enzo passed a note to ag seg and nana .

3 days later still cuffed and drugged the warden came in to offer condolences and let him know that
Terry had been murdered and Nana confessed. Mickey a dam of decades of pain and fear broke.
Laughter rolled out of him until he dry heaved and spasmed again . Mickey his independent person
was gleeful , spiteful, over the moon that his abuser and rapist was dead . Mandy, Iggy, Colin, Joey
all free from his toxicity and pain.Ian safe . They were safe. His child was safe. Mickey for the first
time was safe. He wanted to see the body , piss on it , stab it , throw it in a landfill.

The other part of his soul, the gentle side mourned . Terry would never love him , never be proud .
He would never get Terry to admit what happened to Laura. Never ask forgiveness. The small
beaten, hungry , dirty little boy who just wanted a dad to love and comfort him was shit out of luck
. So between dancing a jig and crying jags he was a mess.

Ian his rock. Ian was manic and working to quell an episode. With that he was still by Mickeys side
. Each call letting Mickey move between joy and despair . He cried silent tears into the phone and
Ian just reminded him he loved him , was sorry he was hurting and would do whatever Mickey
needed to lighten his heart. He knew Ian was glad and celebrating Terrys death but he never
showed that to Mickey . His concern and devotion was never failing .

Last night he asked Ian about meds and meals. Heard an update about Alek and then rambled about
feeling hollow. Ian just let him go and made supporting words of encouragement. By the time the
call was up, he knew he could sleep that night without demons. Ian was safe, their little man was
safe and his monster gone.

He stood staring at the herd of red jumpsuits, looking thinned out. Nana was no doubt the Apex
predator of that watering hole. Without hesitancy he devoured his weak link. Fear and order now
restored in the land of hate and chaos. But the picture was different . Terry paid back for all his sins
and Nana who for some reason took the heat .

He felt Enzo walk near him and just was a comforting presence . Enzo was not a stranger to the
depravity of prison bloodshed. His own son murdered here in front of him in this yard . Enzo was a
friend but at times was the dad , Mickey had craved . Not perfect but not frightening.

He leaned by the fence and just started talking never looking at Mickey .

”Mickey you are a child of an abuser, regardless of your age, there is still grief. Albeit, a different
kind of grief. For the people not raised by sociopaths , the loss of a parent is a loss of memories.
For you it is the loss of hope. For the loving family, there is a desire and expectation of making
even more happy memories in the future with that loved one who is now gone. For you an abuse
survivor, the death of that man is a final loss of hope that there will ever be and true happy
memories. Normal families miss what they had with the deceased. You miss what you never had.
Feel what you need my friend but remember you get a second chance . When you die, your son
will mourn the loss of more time , never mourn the emptiness of never being loved . I heard you
say Amira came today .”
Mickey smiled .

” Was actually her mom Nura and little man . Ian and Amira were not kidding . For 5 foot 1 she is
terrifying in a good way . Guilted the guards into letting me sit after visitation and grabbing
Dimples so I could hold him for 5 minutes. 5 minutes healed a bunch . Already a better dad than
him . Plus Ian and Mandy coming this weekend. Hey Enzo …..”

” Yeah Milkovich.”

” Thank you for getting word to nana.”

” No thanks needed. Want you out of this hellhole kiddo “

And wiping a tear he left Mickey to stare at the depleted sea of red.

——————————

Sister Meg breathed a sigh of relief as the chair Terry was bound to was taken from the chapel . The
floor had been cleaned, Terry’s body had sat for hours before she came in and had released the
bowels and bladder.

She knew Mickey , Ian , and their child had been threatened . She knew nana would not let it stand
, the defying a direct order . Coming in she saw Terrys lifeless body and was bolstered by a feeling
of joy not pity. She stared at the face under plastic. She saw Laura covered in bruises, Iggys broken
arm . Infant Mickey covered in his own waste and a towel , bruised . The fear of Laura being gone.
The beaten animal in Mickeys eyes talking about the rape. Mickey banging his head into the stone
floor. Palpable fear about the safety of Ian and Alek .

God forgive her. She should have offered prayers for his black soul . Been a helper of God. Instead
she spit on the lifeless body not wanting to waste a drop of holy water and simply quoted to the
bloated form…

“ Proverbs 11:10 says “ When the righteous prosper, the city rejoices; when the wicked perish,
there are shouts of joy…”

“ Terry you motherfucker , we all will be shouting joy . I hope the you pay .”
 Everytime I was at Ian’s, she was that close .
Chapter Summary

Aftermath , healing and new information. Mickey takes it in stride and processes the best he
can with his prison support . Also Ian slides in a happy love side note to Mickey .
Countdown to Gallavich reunion starting now .
Triggers, death, murder and abuse

Mickey awoke to sounds …. Jesus

Aidens new “ man” was in their cell, far wall away from guards eyes and Aiden was on his knees
before the hulking blonde .

” Holy fuck you two , wake me up when you start this shit so I can flee.” He kicked on his slides
and got up trying to not look that way .

He went down to the tables to play backgammon smiling. He knew Ian had gotten the last letter and
was waiting to see his face at visitation. Trevor had not told Ian about the move in release date ,
letting Mickey have the honors. His red head had been his rock . He knew in no uncertain terms
how Ian felt about Terry and he was probably doing a damn Irish jig on the paupers grave that was
Terrys . But to Mickey he was a blank canvas to absorb whatever feeling Mickey was having . He
validated the anger and rage . He told him he was allowed to feel whatever he wanted , even
sadness. He knew once out , his therapist was getting a fucking island from all the payments they
were going to be getting. But right now he needed to bury Terry in his heart, cast it out of his bones.

Luckily dirty COs existed.. He walked silently until the metal door swung open.

” Hey little milky “ Nana sat on a a steel solitary bed . He was in isolation for the next 90 days but
he seemed unfazed.

“ 15 minutes “ The CO stated and closed the door .

” Mickey look I am sorr….”

Mickey startled them both by throwing his arms around the other man. It was a brief second then
he pulled back.

” Nana… this is fucked up , but thank you. Terry coulda killed my…”

” Ian and your son. Terry was always hateful . I hate I know. Terry whole other level. The plans he
had for Ian , for your child . I won’t tell you it’s too much too evil . I couldn’t let it pass . He
wasn’t sorry. Not for the abuse, not for Laura , not for Mandy or what he did to you. Had to wipe
the gloat off his face. He needed to not be in this world. Fuck that day in the church , I shoulda put
you all in a hotel and killed him then. The only regret I have is if I hurt you. Asshole never knew
what he had with family.”
” Nana they might sent you to a max security for this.”

” Yeah ok with that . Max or a dead kid. I am a lifer , it would be the only change of scenery I
might get . Patrick is a mechanic, will move wherever for visitation. My man is a prison widow ,
all we got are visits and glass. Fuck your young kid , Ian from prison gossip is a tall drink of water.
You deserve to see that, hold his hand , eat dinner on the couch , fuck where you want. I die behind
bars no matter where I land. You, you get to land where you choose. With the man you love. Look I
get it shed your tears for your dad , or the dad you didn’t get . No tears for me man. This is what I
should have done when I found you at one black and blue.Live for me that’s how you pay me back
.”

Mickey could not speak , tears heavy . He nodded. This man what he did so Mikey did not have to.
To lose it all.

The men shared a look as Mickey was taken out of the cell.He had one more stop.

——————————-

“ Uh sister “

Sister Meg was sitting at her desk , doing her rosary. Her smile was wan but genuine.

” Hello Mickey …how are you ?”

” Yeah weirded out , relieved, angry he never loved me. But you… found him . I know you have
seen violence but I am sorry you had to come in here and find… that .”

Her eyes clouded for a minute .

” I will admit the sight of it was horrific. I am betraying the love and forgiveness of my calling
however once I realized who it was my heart held little compassion.I am sorry . I do understand
you may feel conflicted. My prayers are for you and your siblings to find solace and closure , and
not for his soul. I thought finding him I would find in my heart forgiveness in faith. I could not. He
did confess where Laura is, well Nana tortured him for it. Nana asked me to tell you. We will wait
until you are out of here to have a service. “

Mickey looked saddened but not surprised.

” Fuck, I knew but never stopped wondering. Do I ….. do I want to know where ?”

Sister Meg had a tear . “ Never far … she is in a neighbors yard …Mrs McCurdy? I let Ian know
today, I have his cell in case there was an issue with your son or his health. Lovely young man ,
told me he would pay for whatever you and your siblings wanted for a service and resting place .
He really is a lovely man . “

” Holy fuck… sorry sorry sister .That is Ian’s families neighbor .Everytime I was at Ian’s she was
that close .”

The tears rained down his face and because he trusted her , he did not hide it. He cried the tears he
was not allowed when Laura was gone as a kid. He cried that his mother was shoved into an
unmarked grave , lost . He cried that he was so close to her at times . He cried grateful Ian loved
him and wanted him and his siblings not to be alone in this. He sobbed for each time he wanted
Terrys love and got a beating instead. He choked on the pain of being with Svet and the tear
between him and Ian , the one he never imagined would be repaired.

She walked over and began rub his back and just held space for him . When he had calmed she
looked to see the COs were not passing the chapel and handed him her cell.

His hands shook as he hit the button and almost dropped it hearing that smooth voice with concern.

” Sister , hello …is Mickey ok?”

” E”

” Baby …. I guess Sister Meg talked to you … how you doing , it’s a lot.?I know it’s hard to deal
with it in there .”

” She was right there , right there .Bastard , fucking raging prick . I was feeling some sadness until
this . He stuck her in the fucking dirt by you. Sad for my mom , no longer sad for him. Ian you do
not need to bury my mom . “

“ Hey that is gonna be my mother in law one day. Need a place for you all to visit. Besides I have
an emergency savings for us. Laura being honored after all that bad is a priority.”

Mickey began to cry again . Ian was just quiet and supportive murmuring “ It’s ok Mick , let it out .
I love you . I am so sorry this all hit at once. Oh baby it’s ok .”

Mickey wrung his emotions out until he was still. He scrubbed his palms into his eyes.

“ I have never been more glad that visitation is tomorrow. Need to see you so bad. Have actually a
surprise you might like . “

” From you , love everything. Hey I know he is in segregation but he gets out , putting money on
Nanas books. I think we put it on no matter where he goes. I know Patrick does it but he does not
have a lot after he pays rent and bills. So do you want me all sexy in tight jeans and shirt or do you
want me Uber cute and bring little man? Amira said right now as much as you want to see him we
can all make it happen . Mands is coming too ?”

” Can I choose sexy with also little man . How is Mandy ? Worried . Calling her tonight .”

” She … she is relieved Mick . I know Terry molested her, lots of deep incest mentality . She let it
out hard, asleep drooling in our bed , she and me staying tonight at the house . Drool on your side
by the way . She is really ok with him being gone, lighter . So sexy clothes, cutest baby ever and
Mandy . We will be there.”

Mickey got heart flutters. “ You always are , even when I pushed you away. Thanks man .”

” We love each other Mickey, you would do it for me .”

“ Ok Ian I gotta give Sisters phone back so she is not in trouble . See you in the morning . I love
you .”
” I love you “

He nodded at Sister and she smiled . She used her scary no nonsense nun voice to the CO.

” Please remind the team that Mr Milkovich was the son of the murdered inmate . Please allow him
chapel time as needed.”

” Yes Sister “

Mickey spent the day in his cell , drawing pictures from memory of Laura and Little Alek. That
night no nightmares . He dreamed of Laura pushing him then it morphed to Alek on a swing. It was
Laura happy, young and free of Terry . He bolted out of sleep with a huge grin and a soothing
snuggly feeling in his chest . Ian’s words played back .

“ Hey that is gonna be my mother in law one day.“

After it all , Ian wanted to marry him . Holy shit. That after his joke marriage wanted nothing more
than to be married to that ginger who was under his skin.

—————————-

Happy Happy Joy Joy next chapter . Then only 2 more until Gallavich no longer under glass.
 Sorry your dads have appalling fashion sense
Chapter Summary

The crew is coming to visit Mickey and he has some surprises too. Ian rereads the toy box
letter . Sexy and sweet time are happening fast .
Mandy campaigns to little Alek for favorite aunt status already and let’s go of her anger to
Laura.

Mandy fell apart last night , the joy of Terry dead, now greyed by finding Laura’s bones . She cried
in Ian’s arms for hours then fell asleep. This morning she met Emma for coffee before they headed
to the prison . She asked Ian to join but he needed a bit of extra sleep as he was taking his
additional med during this all . Soon he would just need to be present , let Mickey have his
emotions . So right now he needed something . He went in their toy box and pulled the IOU of sorts
from Mickey . He sighed smiling at the letter in the scrawl of his man.

Hey my sweet boy

You being good until daddy comes home..hmmm ? Miss my boy like crazy.

Little birdie told me though , my good boy has been naughty. Talking bad about himself , doubting
how smart and capable you are . Not happy with that. You are everything baby. So we need to
remedy that .

When daddy is back we are gonna fix this . First off you are gonna sit on daddy’s lap , cuddle up .
Have a good cry , it’s ok . Not leaving you again . Daddy’s gonna love up on you , kiss those tears
out of those fields of green. When you’re calm , we are gonna learn a little lesson . Daddy is gonna
strip you down and you’re gonna kneel down , rest that red head on my legs while you get a talking
to.

I hate to scold my sweetheart but you need to be a good boy . Been left to your own devices and yes
that’s daddy’s fault . Fixing it now. So after your scolding your gonna show daddy how you
remember to please him hmmm. Daddy’s gonna pull out his cock and my boy is gonna just take the
tip suck it like a lollipop, make daddy groan a bit.

( Ian reached down to grasp his weeping rock hard cock )

If you can be a good boy not greedy , daddy is gonna slowly feed you the rest . Slow and deep , no
rush. Wanna hear you gag as those eyes lookup from those lashes. Show me my good boy can take
it all . I know you can sweetheart , make me proud . My good boy is gonna keep his hands behind
his back or your spanking is not going to be fun at all…. Oh oh that pouty lip is not saving you .
You know you need that tight little bum blistered a bit..aye.

You’re gonna suck my cock, get that cute freckled face covered in my cum . Let daddy lick it off,
feed it to you . Suck my fingers clean my obedient boy . Then you are going over my knee…drop the
chin. I know it’s not your favorite thing but daddy needs you to learn your lesson . Umm that
bottom is so perfect , all muscle but soft skin . Hush the warm up does not hurt , just gonna make
you squirm. Turn it a pretty pink . When it’s all warm and toasty daddy’s hand is doing some hard
work. Those slaps best be bringing out the I’m sorry daddy and I will be good daddy from that dirty
little mouth. Gonna spank you til your cheeks are as many shades of red as that hair . You will not
cum , saving that til daddy says so .

Daddy will stop spanking when I think my boy learned his lesson, Make daddy proud , take your
ass warming . You’re gonna be so good that daddy is gonna rub those poor cheeks , smooth in some
lotion. And once my sweetheart is soothed , daddy is pulling those cheeks apart and tease that
dusky pink hole .The one never touched . The one just for daddy .

( Ian began to increase his movement up and down his shaft )

Take my time good boy , lots of lube . Daddy’s gonna go slow just touch and enjoy that hole
peeping open for me . Slide in , one finger get my boy use to the sensation. Two to push you open
without pain , three hitting that magic button to make you moan and wither. Get you wrecked and
ready . When daddy thinks his good boy is ready we are moving the bed .

Daddy is going to make sure you are so comfy . Kiss you all over , stroke that massive cock . Get
you ready . Want you on your back so I can put those thick muscular legs on my shoulders . Daddy
will never hurt you. Gonna take my tip drop in like honey , push in stages until you feel my balls
tickling that freckled ass. When you’re ready we are going to rock together slow , easy , no rush .
We move together , better together always . You’re gonna make daddy so proud , stroke that cock ,
show off a bit . My boy is gonna control the pace and daddy is gonna take care of you like you
deserve.

( Ian was moaning and thrusting his hips on the bed )

Your gonna feel so good, that tight virgin ass clenched all happy and warm on my dick fucking into
you . Daddy not sure how long he can last . But as I cum all hot and full in you I want your cock
spurting covering us both .

( Ian began to feel thick ropes of cum coat his hand and stomach.)

When we are both sated, daddy is gonna clean his good boy , drape over him and kiss every inch of
you before we sleep.

count on it baby

be a good boy until I come home

love your daddy .

Fuck Ian could not wait . 99% percent of the time he was dominant , manhandling and fucking his
gorgeous thug . But in those moments of need , daddy made him feel complete. Looking at the time
he jumped in the shower and dressed before Amira dropped off Alek.
He was gathering the approved prison diaper bag items when the doorbell rang. Amira smiled as
she watched Ian light up at the little one snuggled against her . The looks that Ian and Mickey gave
Alek , she knew her choice to include them was the right one.

Ian came over kissed her on the cheek and leaned down to kiss their son. He saw Nura carrying in
bags he knew were full of food . He grabbed the packages and leaned down so she could kiss both
his cheeks.

” Nura while I will never say no to your cooking , you did not need to .”

” Ian you are Aleks baba and Amanda his auntie . While we celebrate the monster gone , we honor
the loss of his other teta. May her body be rested in honor. After you see tato , you all will be
exhausted . Mansaf is hearty and comforting, Amanda is grieving but she needs to eat. I also
knitted a blanket for the rocker in his nursery here. Oh and I took the best picture of our precious
sleeping . Printed it. Please send in next letter to tato , make him smile .”

Ian looked at the picture in his hand and grinned then took Alek from Amira.

” Hello my sweetface . You ready to go with baba to see tato?Put a smile on his face? He has a
surprise for us . “

He hugged Amira “ Thank you for letting him come today and stay overnight with Mandy and me
.”

“ Ian I feel like you all need him . I pumped for a bit so Omm is going dancing . Please tell Mickey
I am sorry for his loss of Laura .”

She snuggled her son and left him in babas capable hands.

After the woman left , Ian bounced and crooned as Alek watched him and smiled . He was
beginning to track movements better and his eyes were almost a mirror of his. They sat and rocked
and Ian sang him Bon Jovi in honor of tato.

He held the hands, rubbing then gently and just stared in awe .

Ian Gallagher, used by men , bipolar and poor was disappearing . In his place was a man dealing
with his mental health , getting an education. He was watched by his son with just interest and love
. And after all the pain that tried to swallow him and Mickey whole , they were on the brink of
starting life with good things , good people and most off each others.And the cheeky baby who just
spit up all over him .

” Oh sweet boy, you should save the puke for when tato gets out, teach my brother a lesson . That’s
right his drunk butt has thrown up on Aunt Mandy , the best auntie … ok Debbie is in line too but
Aunt Mandy the best.”

She took him from the changing table laughing.

Both Ian and Alek were watching her .

Ian kissed her shoulder .

” How are you really Mands ?”

She sighed.

” I have cried myself dry over Terry my whole life . No more for him , maybe I just am glad he is
ended . Painful I hope . My guess is my mom did not die in peace. Finding her took away all my
anger to her. She did not selfishly leave us with that maniac, he made her leave. We never have to
worry about him near us or better never near this guy. He will only have loving kind support. I
think while we talk on the phone , Mickey and I can plan for her. Iggy and them make sure they can
come if not in jail too. But Laura was their step mom.Now ugly talk over. I am redressing him into
his green fox onsie. Yes I know I know, for having two gay daddies their fashion sense is appalling
. I got you dimples .”

——————————————-

After days of drama and shit, he had sunshine coming into the bleak grey of the prison wall. Ian
had ditched the carrier for a weird baby sling wrap thing . He promised it would not untie but he
felt that he should hire someone to follow Ian around with a catchers mitt. It’s was funny he was
horrified and sick thinking of Svetlana pregnant . Mostly because it triggered mental and physical
nightmares. Ian said if she had had a baby , it would be hard for Mickey but he was a good man
who would never blame or hurt that child. He loved the faith his red head had in his good parts.

Now his good parts were smiling towards him . Ian blew a kiss and sat behind Mandy giving the
siblings a minute. Mickey watched amused. Since Alek , Ian and now Mandy wiped the ledge,
glass and phone with antibacterial wipes. She smiled lovingly.

” How you doing ass face?”

” Not sure douche bag? Mostly I can breath knowing we are all safe, Alek is safe . I wish he had
been better, angry he left mama to rot but we have her now . Thank you for waiting to have the
service until I get out which about to tell Firecrotch is sooner . Do not squeal , do not react , let him
sit by you ok . “

Ian came up , moving Alek out of the carrier, his body looking adorable in Ian’s bulky arms. Ian sat
and placed the miniature teeny hand on the glass and covered it with his own, engulfing it . Mickey
snorted like that first time in juvie but then grinned , placing it up to meet theirs.

Ian juggled the phone and Alek .

” Hi baby , you holding on.?”

” I am holding …focusing more on her than him . And focused on this handsome guy , drooling
over there. So dimples is bunking with you two tonight? “

” Yeah Amira is going dancing and Mandy I think needs some nephew time . I wish I could give
you time baby. “

” Hey soon I get him as long as I want , will be good . Hey is Amira going dancing in Boystown?
Dimples might get a sibling “ He laughed as Ian flipped him off . “ What too soon?” They both
cracked up laughing as Alek whined for his bottle .

Ian cradled him easy getting him fed .

” Yeah Mick 4 months and we get you back.”

” Nope” He smiled so Ian did not panic .

” Two Ian . Trevor brokered the deal . I finish my class, get our housing approved and flying this
shit filled coop. Coming home to my big man…” he smiled indulgently at Alek doing a power
feeding and his voice wavered ..

”and coming home to little man too.”

Ian began to cry and Mandy took Alek.

” Holy fuck. Mick that’s…oh baby. Home finally home .I have been missing having home . It’s
simply not without you . God to hold you , to go home, lay in our bed , feed you , fuck you . Mick
we are finally at the end of this nightmare. Our life begins together , no glass, no limits . Us and
him . Mandy coming to see us. Us finally fucking us. I love you Mick .”

” I love you too E , just thinking soon I can just eat a sandwich naked on your lap. Double check
the baby proofing . Meet Emma , see your dance studio, jiggle my balls at you while you try to
study . Fucking , man fucking you then holding you to sleep, not a letter, not a photo , you . All
you . All me . I can get a job, get a real life, not Terrys version. Mine … I can .. fuck we can bury
Laura , go piss on Terrys grave. Ice cream , I can have ice cream .Anywhere, on you if I want. I
know it’s an adjustment, not a dumb kid . But Ian with you , I can figure it out. “

Ian was smiling but Mickey could see the wheels turning .

” You making lists already ain’t cha , goofy red puppy ?”

” Of course , house needs to be perfect !”

” Ok do not be upset, gonna ask Mands and Emma to keep an eye. Want you checking in with Erin
. This is a good thing , so good but it’s a lot to process , I want you to be happy , excited. I also
want you safe .So do your happy dance , but take your meds, get sleep. I worry , it will lessen ok
not really but seeing you daily helps. “

” I will Mick I promise. Oh baby it’s about to get good!”

Mickey watched his true love light up, their son coo and his sister blow him a kiss.

oh yes things were going to be beautiful.

 Letter to my Tato
Chapter Summary

30 days and Mickey is done. He gets to start life with his father, forced wife and secrets. A
letter from Ian and Alek start easily prepping him for homecoming. Also Ian must be kidding
about his PO Larry ( this will be a one shot later )

4/22/2017

Hey Mick

Hoping the timing is good and this is our official 30 day count down. Mickey I never thought I
could feel the giddy happiness again . The happy before my diagnosis. Yes I am checking in with
everyone. It’s not the mania , it’s after so much we get our happy ever after. Our home , our family ,
our life.

Fiona and Lip joined the younger kids at Amira’s for dinner . It was well eventful …. Please note I
am rolling my eyes. So Nura is obsessed with our ginger gene pool. She has been helping Debbie
get baby skills. Carl behaves and for her inhales whatever she puts down and of course Liam tries
to learn Arabic from her.

Fiona is cautious like with Debbie saying she won’t raise another baby . I explained just be an aunt
. I got the Ian what if you crash or spiral? I explained again our son has a mom, two dads and a
mini but scary grandmother , all of which are there to take care of Aleksandr. The ask is what
happens if I go manic or low? Amira has Alek but who has me ? I said you to which I was told you
are rebuilding after prison and how does caretaking fit? I explained we are both rebuilding . She
did not like that I have you , Mands, Emma , Gary , Sue and all my group leaders and Erin. Finally
she held him and softened a bit. Called him sweet cheeks the second.

Lip was uncomfortable I could tell. He thinks me having a kid is too much too. However he played
with Alek and actually cuddled him . That was fine . Kinda reminded me of being small and him
hugging me when I was scared. We are slowly getting better it’s baby steps though. Mick while I
loved seeing it , I wish during some of my bad times Lip could comfort me like he used to .

The issue for him is the house, ours . The Gallagher house looks good with the repairs . New roof,
fixed heater, blew in insulation in cracks. Got everyone real beds. So my siblings finally have good
stable place. The house he is bitching about is ours. He again is concerned the deed is in both our
names. Nura heard and told him that Aleksandrs habibis which is like my loves , their path is
together . Life is in your home so it must be for each of us equally. Lip rolled his eyes. I asked him
to leave . Told him we will try again when he can acknowledge our home . Nura was pisssssed . Lip
got no leftovers. Haha more for me.
Dimples says hello tato. He is proud he is an eating , drinking , pooping machine . Like you baby.
No he is good . Well baby check was screamed like a champ but all healthy. His hair cracks me up .
Wet its curly I let the curls dry , Amira brushes it out but by end of day springing back . He is
beginning to push up not shoot daggers at me at tummy time. I never thought I would feel this kind
of love for anyone but you but oh my heart ! It’s like he completed me , us and I never knew I
needed him . Now I cherish him. Love the days I get him .The dance studio ladies loved seeing him
and Emma and Mands are taking pictures every 5 seconds, But so do I . But since last visit he
gained a pound. Which means he is right on track. Heis getting to be a chunk a munk

So as you asked on the last call if your son has a list of things he wants to make sure tato needs to
know to spoil him the way he deserves.

Baba sings me row row row your boat to make me laugh and Let it Be for sleepy time . Living
ion a prayer when he misses you and rocks me when he tells me about you.
I am not a morning baby . You apparently can relate . If I wake baba I need my blue bottle
and fox or bumblebee blanket to go back to sleep.
Uncle Carl sings a song called crazy train , my eyes get big when he sings it .
I like my wrap . I like being so close to baba and want to be close to my tato as well. You
won’t drop me , you will never drop me. I love and trust you.
When Omm and Baba are sleeping I order Indian food with extra spice. That is the only
logical reason I have atomic blow outs.

My nursery is cool . Baba says he wants you to do a mural on my wall. Yes please .Baba put
the picture Teta Laura made in here. It’s pretty. I feel like it looks over me , she does. She
checks on you too.

Tato you’re coming home!!

He is pretty astute for 5 month old. When you come home it’s a Monday . Amira thought Friday or
Saturday to get him . She knows you have PO check in and us.. catching up.we will play it by ear.

Soooo I met your PO , our house is your approved release housing . Not sure if you met Larry yet.
Oh you two are going to be best , best friends . So you know you say I am too chipper . Well
compared to Larry I am the sad emo kid in the corner of my room writing life sucks poems.Oh he
saw your notes about you don’t communicate well ( prison assessment) and has sock puppets I was
informed about .No shitting you. Sock puppets to help you express yourself . If I can be present for
that I will suck you dick every hour for 24 hours. 36 if I can film for Mands .

Hey I passed all four of my classes this semester . Got A’s in all. The internship is super cool . I
know have my Reiki Certs and my mentor has let me work on it with her. 12 more months and I will
have my NHP. After so many starts and stops I still get to help people . It feels good Mick . Nothing
wrong with other work but I wanted more. Found it in the weirdest spot but would not trade it . The
dance classes are going well. I know teach full body stretches and hip hop beginners by myself.
That gives me on top of pay 20% of class fees if I sell it out . Cougars , yeah I sell out lol. Very
respectful cougars not handsy but they eat up having a gay dance teacher. Sue has been working
on my movement and I now can do a drop split. Gonna hafta offer you a dance baby.
I found as requested a low key burger place by the house . It meets the getting you your wish for
first food but is not overwhelming. They also offer to go. Hey send me a list of what you need, going
to Costco to get you stocked. Yep we have a Costco card , interesting for the man who probably
stole a truck of stuff out of the Kash and Grab. Assholes, they deserved it. See you with Dimples
this Saturday. Only 3 more visits then it’s hey sexy get the fuck in my car. Lure you in with some
nipple pinching and a snickers.

We , us, our love . Baby we are unstoppable. Even when it has been hopeless . We are meant to be .
I say it all the time but I love you more than I have words.

Love you both, only you both

Firecrotch

Mickey reread the letter drooling over Ian in the photo sent but eyes crinkling at the tiny boy sitting
with him. 3 more visits indeed.Yeah they have been broken , discarded , beaten. But we did rise
from the muck. And shit I love this man more than words too. He kissed the photo , sighed and
began to make his list.
 Larry Fucking Seaver!
Chapter Summary

Ok we all wished we could have seen it in cannon. This story not cannon compliant but
cannon adjacent . But we needed a lighthearted minute and Larry meeting Mickey provides it !
Lots of the word fuck cause Mickey is freaking out .
Ian reminds Mickey he is going to be there as he navigates life outside prison walls.

Ian was not fucking with him. The man sitting across from him was like he was made of Disney
movies, sunshine and ABBA tunes. He was wearing a navy blazer, who the fuckity fuck fucking
wore a blazer to a prison? Larry freakin Seavers his new P.O. Now being in love with Ian Gallagher
he understood chattering and optimism his tree puppy prince had been talking his ear off since 17.

This was next level.

Call me Larry was mirthlessly relentlessly optimistic. He either could not read the room or did not
care. He beamed at Mickey like he was not a surly convict missing his yard time but a kitty he was
about to cuddle until they both passed out.

“ Mickey, Mickey , Mickey it’s fabulous to meet you . I like to do pre release check ins , make sure
my guys know I am here for them.”

” Like a pimp ?” Mickey groused.

” Exactly well exactly without the illegal activity , violence and non consensual acts. Hmm maybe
let’s try something else. Let’s do an ice breaker . What animal do you feel like today and why ?”

Mickey just blinked feeling like this was some joke.

Larry patted his hand.

” That’s right your file and Ian both mentioned not much of a talker . I’ll go first . I feel like a
panda today. Caring, sharing and ready to just be peaceful.”

He stared open mouth at the man who just foldedhis hands and waited.

And waited.

Annnnd waited.

Fuck fine.

” Honey badger , ready to tear faces off “

The man clapped his hands like Mickey was 5 and nailed his one line in a school play.
” Good start , but what did we forget ?”

” To shove a gun barrel in my mouth before we started ?”

The man honked like a goose.

” You are a hoot. Wait I have an idea. “

He dug through his messenger bag and pulled out …oh he fucking did not .

Ian warned him but he thought Ian was just being a dick.

” So here take Mr Sock it To Em . He can help you better express your feelings. It’s like he can say
what you can’t .”

Then this grown ass man shoved the sock puppet with yarn hair and goggly eyes over Mickeys
balled up fist and looked at it intently .

” Mr Sock it To Em , how is Mickey feeling , using feeling words?”

Mickey again just stared .

Larry waited.

And waited.

Mickey scrubbed his hands over his face getting yarn in his eye , muttered fuck under his breath
and said:

“ Pissed “

” Wonderful but who feels pissed ?”

Mickey prayed to smell burnt toast as a stroke might, not sure but might get him out of this .

” I feel pissed “

”Are you suuuure you feel pissed Mr Sock it To Em?”

Seriously did this man shit Care Bears ?

” Mickey feels pissed “

” See wasn’t that freeing ?”

”Look letting my dad know I was taking Ian’s dick up my ass on the regular was freeing, this is
just fricking weird !”

” It worked , look at you sharing personal history , huzzah Mickey huzzah !”

Mickey folded his hands together and dropped his head on them . He mumbled

“ Are we done yet , please , please .”

” Just a few more things . Don’t worry I am a very hands on P.O. , you are going to have a great
post prison supervision experience . Are you excited? I know Ian is .He kept saying over and over
when I came to your place how he wished he could see how excited you were I came out here.Also
when you talk to him tell him I tried his muffin recipe and the nutmeg really made a difference.”

“ Busting a nut over here in joy Larry.”

” oh you flatter me but I so don’t swing that way, married 30 years to my junior high sweetheart,
Cheryl. Also we don’t date our case load .But supporter of the LGBTQA community completely.”

He took the puppet back.

“ So within 36 hours of release I need a meeting and UA. I see you enjoy the carpentry program.
Now you are free to search for work and I will also use any connections to get you in a wood shop.
It may take a bit . You have 2 weeks to find employment so if worse comes to worse we can get
you in with Old Army or dishwasher, just until we get things in motion for a preferred work
experience. “

Mickey tuned him out for a bit. Real work. Entry level work. Ian was never too proud to take work
. Mickey king of scam was not used to it. He hated the idea but knew Ian doing round two of
Statesville prison widow would end badly . He promised no more , he meant it . Maybe Red would
give him motivational blow jobs to bolster his spirits. He was in his daydream of being sucked off
in his own home when he realized Larry was still talking .

” It’s a lot I know , but any questions ?”

” ummm no not at this time.”

” Ok I will check in 3 days prior release . Welcome to Team Larry !”

Mickey snorted . “ Yeah yeah Go Team “

” That’s the spirit “

————————

Blah Blah Blah . We all got it you were talking to a prisoner . Each call it pissed him off more .
Finally ………..

“ Hey baby”

” What the actual fuck is with my P.O. man ?”

Ian began to laugh, his braying side splitting , hold his belly laugh . If Mickey was not so incensed
he would revel in the sound .

” Ian he asked me what animal I felt like !”

” Ohhhhhhh that was a fun one when he came over . I chose Meerkat. Social, curious and
inquisitive ! What did you choose ?”
Mickey used the phone heel to tap calm into his brain .

“ Darling do you really understand that is so not the fucking point right?”

” Can I guess?”

” E”

” Please ..my guess is scorpion ?”

”ok I am skipping five minutes of the guessing game . Honey badger . Then because I did not use “
feelings “ sock puppets came out …sock …Ian Clayton Gallagher stop fucking laughing! I find
nothing about this funny.I am a grown ass man and he had me use a puppet !”

” He made them himself you know , he is very good at crafts “

” I will literally hang up …..if you laugh one more time and I hang up.”

He could picture Ian wiping away the tears of humor.

” He actually bought a present for Dimples. Little finger puppets with a book about feelings and
Goodnight Moon. Wait maybe the first book is for Tato and not little man?” A badly hid giggle.

” Seriously? Besides thought you liked me as your shit talking , bitch slapping piece of Southside
trash?”

Ian purred seductively drawing up Mickeys balls as his dick twitched at the sound.

“ Ummm baby you know I do. You can be my pocket size sexy shit talking , bitch slapping piece of
Southside trash who also changes diapers and uses him words. Adds to your mystery and sex
appeal. “

” Can I get a new P.O. ?”

” No Mick “

” Ian you are sure you are down for all this? You are starting a career and I may be in dad shorts
scaring teens in the mall or up to my neck in dirty dishes .”

” No shame in that Mick. You are now a dad and I am all up for role playing klepto caught by
security guard. Besides you were created to scare teens at the mall. In all honesty Mick , it keeps
parole board happy. We help you find something more you . But Mick you can still be you without
arms and drug deals. Everything about you does not go away because of some keep your P.O.
happy job. And fuck yeah, you are my everything and my end game. Never worry about that.”

” God I cannot wait to hold you , everything with you .”

“ Me too . Hey your letter came , gonna read it tonight and make my list . Hitting the sack early. No
panicking , staying at the group house tonight and just protecting myself from a low.Sleep and
routine and I get to take little man to Gallagher dinner. He is a drooling machine , I thought teething
did not happen til later but here we are . I can’t wait to hold you and let you just play with him .”

” Right now sounds like the best thing ever,”

The warning chime.

” 18 days and we never hafta hear that again .”

” Another thing to celebrate baby.”

” E love you both , only you both “

” Mickey love you both only you both too”

That night they both fell asleep easy . Ian dreamless and healing , Mickey of kinky sock puppets.
 Let’s rock this!
Chapter Summary

One of the final visits before release for Mickey. Ian assures Mickey that he is more than
enough. They make a deal to strive for love, not perfection. Tato is wrapped around a tiny
finger. Ian is wrapped around two.
2, 1 and release date set

4/25/2017

Hey Firecrotch

Thank you for getting this stuff for me. I know you are saying it’s our finances, but I will feel better
when I am chipping in. Even if it is just a tiny amount in the beginning.

We have come a long way. Me stealing from the Kash and Grab to eat and you Gallaghers with the
squirrel fund. A bank account, we have one, that is just trippy.

Red, I am freaking the fuck out! What if I cannot find work? What if I never get the hang of honest
work and get sent back here? I panic thinking I could lose you, any of you again. We have had pain
and chaos. Now we have us. I do not want to disappoint you. What if I mess up as Tato? What if I
forget he has a peanut allergy or a school play? I love you. Holy fuck, I never thought I would be in
love with a baby nugget. Our kid, it is still weird to say. But it is also amazing. And you deserve
more than an ex-con. I deserve to be more than an ex-con. Alek deserves the world.

Not going to get any more sappy right now. You know I stuff emotional shit. Right now I cannot
stuff any feelings. I fight to stop it. But it is like it all is bubbling up. It is too dangerous to show it
in here. Inmates are predators. I am not being prey now. People get jealous and try to ruin your out
date. I am saving the big emotion for when I hug you. Hold you hard. Wrap my arms around you
and pull in like to should have done years ago. Not going to let go until you understand forever. You
and me. Endgame.

Fuck! I went soft and sappy again. You distract me, Gallagher. Since day one.

Ok my list

Sweats and timberlines.

A big ass snickers bar.

You naked.

Yeah…something to… clean out my pipes. Nothing too girly.

You, naked, feeding me the Snickers.

Old Spice body wash and deodorant please.

You!

New toothbrush …and you.

Did I mention you?

Love you. Love Dimples. Love only both of you.

Mick

________________

Ian sighed as he entered the beige waiting room at Statesville. The smell was pine sol, body odor,
and despair. It was loud. Women were threatening tired children to behave, lifer's families trying to
be brave, and someone pissed off yelling at a CO. Ian left visitations and often needed to take his
extra med at night. The noise and energy in this room mirrored the start of a mania in Ian’s brain. It
always unsettled him. He processed it with Erin and never mentioned it to Mickey. Because for that
man, Ian would find a way to navigate the feeling. Soon, this room would be a far-away memory.
15 days and this room of the damned would be left behind.

15 days. Two weeks and 24 hours. Then Ian could touch Mickey, eat with him, talk to him
whenever, and fuck him. Ian looked down at their son, wiggling in his wrap, his heart flooded with
endorphins and pride. Ian kissed the auburn curls. These curls were not brushed out because it was
Baba’s morning. Ian knew they made Mickey have a good day.

” What do you think Alek? Are you ready to be done with this place? Have Tato all to ourselves?”
Ian watched the little boy kick his feet merrily.

" I am with you dimples, I want Tato home as well."

Ian was accustomed to the wand and pat down. He bit his tongue when gloved hands ransacked his
baby’s diaper bag. Outside these walls, strangers in his son's bag would end badly. Here Ian played
the game. The prize? One hour with his loved one.

After they were all searched, the door opened. Walking in, Ian had anxiety, every time. The
thudding in his chest only stopped when he saw that Mickey was safe in their assigned visitation
spot. Today Mickey sat, strumming his fingers on the glass. Seeing Ian, Mickey allowed his eyes to
sparkle. Ian adored watching Mickey be excited to see Alek. His commitment to being Tato made
Ian fall more in love with him.

Ian slid into his seat. He washed everything down with an antiseptic wipe as Mickey looked on,
pretending to be annoyed. But as dimples were adjusted and he bounced on Ian’s lap, Mickey could
not stay grumpy. Two sets of green eyes focused on him. Dimple’s face broke into a grin as he
babbled at Mickey.

” Ta ta ta !”

Mickey blew a raspberry. Alek did one back. Mickey roared and their son joined in.

Ian grabbed the phone, Mickey followed suit.

”Hey firecrotch. You both get cuter and cuter on each visit. Two more and done. Fuck. I am
counting the days. Want out of here so badly. I promise not to fuck this up, Ian.

Ian made his face loving but firm.

” Mick. I read your last letter about four times. Let me put it all out here. You will never disappoint
or embarrass me. I want you to grow. That does not mean change. Yes, I am doing this schooling,
and I am going to be a holistic therapist. But baby, I am still me. Yes, I wear my heart on my sleeve
and yet can be a passive-aggressive prick. That prick who wants you, the true version of you. “

Ian adjusted so he could give the squalling little man his bottle.

” Mick, I am aware that this is going to be a big adjustment for you. Read up on how to support
you. I might get overwhelmed, and so will you. You and I might have miscommunication, and get
frustrated with each other. We can both be assholes. We are going to work through it. You are worth
it. Our life is worth the growing pains. We just need to keep talking… does that sound ok ?”

He watched Mickey push his palms into his eyes. He stilled and then looked at Ian. The hope and
sadness was there in those sapphire eyes.

“ Ian I have dreamed about us and our life for just over two years. Now I have to man up. Was
raised by a monster, not a man. It’s like I am doing this without a playbook. I know you don’t
expect perfection. I know you love me for me. I just don’t know why you think I am worth it.
Ecstatic that you stay in my life, be my cheering section.”

” Well fuck Mick, you are my rock, my cheering section on steroids. I was raised by Frank and I
got Monica’s mental health. Most of the time I am an anxious mess. You love all of me. Both the
well me and the ill me. I am not perfect either. Not trying to be. I just want to love myself, you, our
son, and our family. I want to make mistakes only to learn from them and be better. You and I are
flawed people with great potential. Let’s bring it out in each other. Fuck Mickey! Let’s be perfectly
imperfect, together and rock the shit out of our life!”

The black brows arched, and the calloused thumb played with that plump, bottom lip. Then he
stared Ian down.

” Sweetheart, that sounds fucking fantastic. Let’s shake on it in fifteen days when I get out of this
cesspool. Deal? “

Ian hoped Mickey could see every fiber of love in his body as he grinned like a Cheshire cat.
“Deal.”

The visit flew by. Ian took Alek’s fist from his mouth and helped him blow kisses to Tato. Then he
blew kisses himself adding in a dirty narrative that had Mickey go rock hard.

” Ian, only you two. You are my heart and faith.”

” Mick, only you two. You are the best part of my world, the part that keeps me grounded to good.”

14 days for life to start again.

 The I love you is implied
Chapter Summary

As Mickey and Ian prepare to reunite, Mickey has some goodbyes. He has more emotions
about this than he expected. Ian sets a tone of compassion while keeping boundaries with
Fiona.
Mandy and Emma grill Ian in the lunch before he gets Mickey and the pair hunker down to
‘reacquaint ’.

💕💕💕💕💕💕
Also they set new texting rules for Ian.
Next chapter, release

Mickey stood quietly in the chapel doorway. He watched Sister Meg, her head over test papers, and
felt an emotion that felt like a loss. His original plan was to die here. He had lost faith in the
system, Ian, and himself. Then Ian fought for him, and so did Sister Meg.

Over the last few months when he made appointment time, she told him about Laura. He had
learned his mom had raised ducks as a child and had wanted to be a nurse as well as a mom. Her
basic knowledge of first aid most likely saved Mickey and her life. 13 and alone at the house, Laura
gave birth to him while his brothers were outside playing. He was so small that Laura kept him in a
laundry basket by her side of the bed.

Sister Meg was no nonsense and no bullshit. She was an SA survivor as well. Telling her about the
horrific feelings and sensations from that day was an act of trust. Some of the personal small details
of the assault, she knew, not Ian. Because she had her own. He trusted her, long before she revealed
they were family. She, with Nana and Enzo, kept him safe in here.

He fucking hated everything about prison life but her.

She must have felt his eyes trained on her. She looked up and gave a rare, full smile. Then her eyes
misted. Her voice was its usual crispness but there was a layer of deep emotion. She stood up and
walked to him.

” So Mister Not Fucked For Life, rumor has it you have outgrown your cage and are ready to have
a life, not a life sentence.”
She reached out and touched his chin, prison rules be damned.

“Mickey, you are still a grumbly prickly Southsider, but you are also a man learning his worth.
Terry tried to change you, break you forever, and mold you to play his games. You ended that. You
said enough about the hate and the violence. You, with Ian, fought for a love few on this planet will
find. From a place of hurt and resentment, you both grew up and grew for yourselves and each
other. Now you both grow for Alek.” Sister Meg’s voice wobbled, then broke.

“ Laura was always so proud of you, her Mikhalio. Laura…she would.. be so proud of you. As am
I.”
Mickey was not an affectionate person. His people were Ian, Mandy, and now Alek. But he
stumbled in for an embrace and felt his tears. Without the sister, Mickey may have never let Ian
back in due to fear. Would have stayed a violent inmate rotting, doing nothing with his time. She
was his link to Laura, the woman who never believed that even with the drugs, Laura could forever
willingly leave him and Mandy. He realized through his tears that he would miss her.

After a bit they pushed back, wiping tears from each other’s face.

” Fuck who woulda thought a nun would be my go-to after Ian? Gonna be weird not seeing you all
the time.” Mickey mumbled and shifted his feet.
Sister Meg shook her head. “Mickey, Ian has my number, I hope you use it as well. I will be there
for Laura’s service as well as Alek’s baptism. Given your view on religion, that was Ian’s desire,
yes?”

” Yeah Amira is not a strict Muslim and she knew Ian was having trouble not baptizing Alek. I
think even Frank and Monica got all the kids dipped. So it will be a simple one, nothing fancy.
Although it’s all the same right? No fancy upscale scams with the water and shit? “ He stated.
Sister Meg began to laugh. “ No Mickey, despite admission charges at the Vatican, there are no
premium packages. In all seriousness, I take Krav Maga classes on Wednesday nights and quilting
classes on Saturday mornings. We could meet for coffee or lunch from time to time. Adjustments to
life outside these walls can be tough. Also, I am dying to see your next chapter.” Her eyes became
wet with tears again.

” Now unless you are chomping to work on social studies again, shoo. I have class.” Her smile is
warm but her voice is stern.

As men filed in and took their seats, Mickey stayed by the doorway watching her efficiently greet
and settle down the gaggle of rapists, thieves, and murderers. Mickey still had no religion but he
believed in the supernatural, that things did happen after death. As the class started he walked out,
closing the door for the CO.

He scrubbed his hands over his face several times, then blew on them to warm them up.

” Thank you Ma. I think you had something to do with me being bossed around by her.”

He drew himself up to his full five foot seven and cockily swaggered to find Enzo for his second to
last yard ever.

—————————————

Ian had just come from a ‘family’ appointment with Erin. Fiona came, but Lip did not. While he
and Lip were communicating better, therapy made Lip skittish. Fiona would come, her face tight
and her answers minimal, yet she was trying the best she could. It was to be expected. The trust of
outsiders ran deep with all the siblings. Outsiders judged or worse yet called DCFs on them. He
knew Lip and Fi were happy he was stabling but baffled why he embraced spilling his guts to Erin.

Therapy had taught him that while unfair, Monica had caused them all trauma. Her illness gave
them all the primer to understand bipolar. The playbook was flawed but his sibling's fear was very
real. It would take them many years to unlearn that. Ian loved them, and would not ever give up. He
set his boundaries and prayed the ones he loved would catch up.
Fiona was in her stubborn way trying. She made it abundantly clear that she believed the only path
for Ian to ‘ survive’ his diagnosis was to be med-compliant. At that uttering, Ian collapsed into
tears, Fiona instinctively grabbing and rocking him. When he was able to calm down, she wiped his
face and whispered, “ Sweetface, I didn't mean to upset you! What did I say, Ian?”

Ian sat back and looked at Erin who nodded approvingly. She and he had practiced this
conversation, him accepting maybe not the reaction he wanted. He held Fiona’s hand and started.

” Fiona, I intend to stay on my meds. I cannot promise that I might never go off, either intentionally
or accidentally. Maybe I skip a few doses by accident or the voices help me make poor choices. Fi,
don’t look like that. My voices is the true nightmare of all this. It’s bad enough to sometimes see
shit that is not there but the running commentary up in my head, it’s next level. And yes I know
right now, they are not real. In a low or high they are as fucking real as you are. That’s why this
therapy, my routines, my exercise, my support takes precedence over everything but Alek.”

” And fucking Mickey “ Fiona snarked.

” Cry yourself to a river, build yourself a bridge, and get over it. Fuck you Fi. Mickey is my
support. You know it. My first low, Mickey did everything to keep me safe. My mania, he watched
sweaty pervs feel me up but made sure I came home, as safe as I could. This is what I mean Fiona.
I am willingly not going to stop my meds. But this surviving is bullshit. I want more than survival,
I want to thrive as much as I can when I am able. You get pissed that I might be a burden, fuck all
the way off. You and Lip are still just surviving. Gallager is NOT an excuse. Gallagher is NOT a
diagnosis. I want to enjoy my life Fiona and dammit I want you all to as well.”

They both fell back into each other's arms, the trauma of everything they all had given up, done
without to just survive to adults overcame them. The release was cathartic for Ian and by Fi’s
heaving shoulders he hoped it was for her too. After several minutes they grabbed tissues but held
each other's hands.

Erin watched them, then focused on Fiona. “ Thank you for being open to hearing all of this Fiona.
I know you did not get to be just a big sister. You had to take mom duty too from what Ian has
shared. I would like you to go first if you can. Can you share with Ian why that got you so
emotional?”

Fiona looked at her lap for what felt like an eternity, then looked up. “I have been taking care of all
the kids my whole life. Ian was two when I realized if I did not watch him, he could have been lost.
Monica and Frank could not give a shit. We were still sleeping in cars and somehow Ian could get
the door open and would toddle out. Once I found him 2 blocks away trying to pet what looked like
a rabid dog. He was four and Frank had left the three of us sitting in the cold and took the car. Ian
was sick and crying. I could see something was wrong. So here I was seven trying to get him to a
hospital. The doctor said his fever was 104, a few more hours and he would be dead. His first low,
just laying there, I thought he was going to die and this time I would not be able to fix it. “

Fiona wiped her eyes angrily.

” Meds or taking them is the only thing I know to keep Ian alive. Frank would encourage Monica
not to take hers, keep her sick and as fucked as him. He hated her getting therapy in the psych
ward. So I never saw it help. Ian, I cannot promise, I will always say the right thing but from now
on, I won’t be a bitch about you liking therapy.”
” Fi, that’s all I want. I hate not sharing what’s going on with me. I want more than the dysfunction
of our childhood. Frank does not speak to his brothers, I never want that with any of you. I need to
be a better dad than Frank was. And yeah Mickey, I want him and me to do more than our parents
did. I want to be in a relationship that is not fueled by drugs and illness. Besides Fi, Alek would
miss out on your stories about me. I love you Fi. I do. “ He kissed his sister’s hand.

The session had drained Ian but he felt lighter. For the first time since his diagnosis, he believed
Fiona was trying to hear his voice about bipolar, not Monica. Her trying, was all he needed from
her. Grinning, he picked up pace to meet Mandy and Emma for lunch.
———————————-

Mickey easily found Enzo in the yard. He was taking bets on the basketball game going on. Enzo
was a former banger, still connected to gag ties. When his son was murdered in this very yard,
Enzo, a loyal foot soldier cracked. In a rare moment of compassion, the gang let him go but kept
him close. Mickey had lucked out that this grizzled lifer had given him friendship. Also advice:
staying safe in the showers, best seats at chow, and not throwing his parole chances by killing Kash.
Terry had been a shitshow of a father. Mickey knew he was nervous about raising Dimples. He was
sure he could love him, and keep him safe but the Gymboree crap seemed a better fit for Ian and
Amira. Enzo gave him advice that was fatherly and made Mickey feel less of a fuck up. And in this
cold gray place, support was hard to come by.

Eyes on the game, Enzo acknowledged him with a dip of his head. “Slumming Milkovich, thought
you would be practicing kissy moves on your pillow for when you see Red? “

Mickey rolled his eyes. “ Eat my cornhole Enzo .”

Enzo barked out a laugh. “ If I swung that way, it would be better than anything food like that
comes on a tray here. Honestly, you're more excited to fuck Red or eat something not powdered or
canned?”

Mickey snorted. “ Been without both so long both are gonna make me cream the second it hits my
mouth.” Then quieter not for other ears, “ I just want to hold him more than anything. These last
few episodes, I still dream he is not ok. To hold him and just know, I need it. The bow chicka wow
wow will come without a doubt.”

Enzo just smiled.

Mickey shuffled his feet, wiping the mud off his sneakers into the bleacher seat in front of him.
“Hey man, I have a stack of honey buns and non-crappy coffee plus prison-approved thermals
yours for the taking. Also like 40 left in the commissary. Tell me what you want, and I will get it
for you .”
” You don’t have to do that Mickey.”

” Who else is it going to, Terry’s rotting corpse? You were better to me than he ever was. Might
miss you if I don’t hafta hear your old ass snoring through the vents.”

” Yeah, yeah.. fuck you Milkovich”

” Fuck you too man!” Mickey shot back.

The I love you between the two did not need to be stated.
——————————————————

Ian was sharing eggrolls with Emma as Mandy told stories of her new ‘client’. Having done more
than dance at the clubs, Ian had no judgment of Mandy’s sex work. He was relieved that she was
with an agency that vetted clients and kept their workers safe. Mandy paid the service a fee, unlike
paying a pimp she kept most of the money from a date. She was taking night classes. Her dream
was to open a coffee house

“ And then the bastard saw my boobs and started bawling. His ex never let him play with hers. So
easy peasy, after an hour and a half of being felt up like a teen again, I made my fee and a two
hundred dollar tip. Next time he brought me 15 bras from Victoria's Secret.” She reached across
and took Ian’s eggroll out of his hand.

” Bitch, I was eating that!” Ian protested.

”Oh please! You are about to live with my brother. Asswipe would eat anyone’s food before. Now
that he has a few years in prison, you are never getting any leftovers or a whole meal. Terry, may he
burn in agony, actually ate not just drank once he was released. Mickey ate a piece of ham in the
fridge by accident and he whipped him so hard that Mickey limped for three days. Not that my
brother would hurt you but he is an angry snack goblin when hungry. My advice, stock up on
Snickers. He gets hangry toss one at him.” Mandy grinned and took the last bite of eggroll.

Ian grinned. “ Yeah when we were on the DL and I thought it was just a hookup for him, I never
knew if he came around for my dick or the snacks in my backpack.”

Emma stole the second eggroll off Ian’s plate as he tried to slap his hand. “ Ok I have not yet met
him, but it is so weird hearing this stuff. When he talked to me when you were low he was like a
mother hen. Plus the love almost oozed out of the phone.”

” He has come a long way. Terry was such a prick, he was the reason Mickey was so closeted and
angry. He had good reason, look what he did when he caught you guys .” Mandy’s face crumpled a
bit. With Mickey's permission both Mandy and Emma had learned what happened with Svetlana
that horrible day.

Ian nodded.” Terry was the master of cruelty. Yeah, Mick has come so far. I mean I was on the
fence about Alek. I wanted to be a dad t but my role model Frank. Mickey wanted it for me and he
made it easier to jump in with Amira. I worry a lot. This was not juvie, this was big boy prison. He
had to be so cold and violent to make it through all that. It's a mind-numbing routine, with no
change of scenery, and little choice. I know he is going to be overwhelmed and Mickey's
overwhelmed means lashouts or spectacular meltdowns. Being reading on it, preparing for the
freakouts, how to support. He has been worried about me and I love him for how much he cares.
It’s how he shows love when he can’t use words. But I need him to also worry about himself and do
things that support his needs too. He said he would give the court-ordered therapy a real go. Hope
he does. I don’t need it to be easy, I need it to be true. “

He paused, sighed, and cut his last eggroll in half for the girls.

” People don’t believe me when I talk about us. I mean here was this guy who wanted to kick my
teeth in, hated everyone, and was filthy and stoned. It was not the sex. When he was sitting in me
before we fucked, we looked at each other, deeply. He really saw me and so did I. It was like my
whole life led to that point, funding him. Maybe then I did not have the words but it was love. I
believe we all have our person in this world, chance that we never find them. Mickey is my person,
I found him. I took it for granted, ran from it, pushed him. Him going to jail, we thought for 15
years. I had my person and was about to lose him. I lost my childhood, my innocence, and even at
times my sanity. I couldn’t fucking lose him as well. We are never going to be hipsters sharing
feelings all the time, but we are going to navigate shit together.”

All three were teary as napkins were passed.

Mandy patted his hand. “ Look if anyone has the shot, it is you two. Mickey became better even
closeted because he was in love with you, and still is.”

Emma smiled at Ian.

” Ok, cannot wait to see the dynamic love duo in action. That brings us to the reason for lunch.
Mandy and I know you two are gonna hunker down and do things that I never want to know about.
So week one of homecoming here are the text rules. Let us know if you are in an apparatus and
stuck or too dehydrated to get water. We will not come but will call 911 to help. No dick pics to us
in group texts, not sharing about how Mickey sounds, looks or tastes. No blow-by-blows of his
flexibility. Just text us when the coast is clear, and we will bring pizza.”

Ian tossed a napkin. “ Aww fuck you both .”

The girls flipped him off. “ Fuck you too Gallagher!”

The I love you between the trio did not need to be stated.

💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
 The Boy’s Are Back! 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕
Chapter Summary

Mickey is out and heading home with Ian.

Not sure how to tag this. Lot’s of heartfelt talks. Tons of tooth rotting fluff.
But hot as balls tonight reunion sex 😈
I promised big for the Gallavich reunion outside jail. I think I delivered, I hope.
And this is just day one. They have three more days until chipper Larry and an outing with
dimples.

Chapter Notes

My apologies. I wanted this out earlier but Covid kicked my butt. Proofreading was hard.
Guinguin1984 , ass eating is day 2 lol .

Mickey has been up since 4 am and watched the light fight to trickle into the cell by the small
window. For 21 months that glimpse of natural light taunted him, reminding him the world was
brilliant and bright outside the damp cinder block cell. But today the light was an invitation for
Mickey to rejoin the living, rejoin Ian. Mickey had written his prison will, bequeathed his things,
and was ready to be forgotten by the inmates. Only Sister Meg and Enzo may mourn him.

But the cell opening would be the rebirth of sorts. His last chance to not be locked back in here. He
was ready. He paced, washed his face, brushed his teeth, and prayed it wasn’t a dream. Ian would
be outside the walls. Mickey would not wake up and realize Ian was gone, and he had 15 more
years of pain.

Each muffled shout through the walls and COs chatting as they walked, made his jaw tighten. He
was done. He wanted to go home. Because he and Ian had a home. The truth was Ian was his home,
not walls or windows, but his redhead.

Mickey was lost in his thoughts so the guard's voice made him jump out of his cheap blue boat
shoes.

“ Milkovich, you ready ? Follow me.” Mickey passed Enzo’s cell. The older man was at its
window. He saw Mickey, smiled, and flipped the younger man off.

Mickey was brought down to processing and was handed a bag with his items. He signed for them
and was led to a changing area. Ian via Trevor had worked his magic once again. While Mickey's
baggy jeans were still there, new socks, boxers in green, and a black Henley were a welcome
addition. His old clothes were musty and dirty. Mickey was not that dirty teen anymore, hadn’t
been in a while. Putting on new clean clothes felt right.
Finally, fucking finally, the air and morning sun was on his face. The buzzer was loud and
obnoxious, Mickey hardly heard it. He was focused on the redhead leaning against the older green
bronco. Holy Fuck!

---

Holy Fuck! Ian had been waiting outside since 7 am, nerves frayed. He had called Emma twice,
and Mandy three times. He was keeping his fucked up thoughts at bay. No one fucked with Mickey.
Mickey was going to be released. The wait was long because Ian had been here early. He was
panicking again until he heard the gate.

Ian forgot how to breathe. It was a flashback. His 16-year-old self watching Mickey Milkovich strut
out of juvie. The black hair shone in the sun, the blue eyes amused, and the faded jeans caused flip-
flops in Ian’s stomach. He knew at 16, that Mickey was more than a crush. Mickey meant
something to Ian. Almost five years later, and an ocean of pain for them both, Mickey was more
than something to him. Mickey was everything to him.

Ian took this minute to watch the man he loved. The prison had worn him down. The line between
his brows, which Ian had found adorable, was now deeper and menacing, no longer just grumpy.
The circles he saw at visits were deep and dark like Terry had kept punching his boyfriend. Purple
blooms like bruises that make the blue eyes deeper. Mickey looked exhausted and excited. While
he did more than workout this stint, he had found his way to the weights. He was tighter in his
compact frame, shoulders like an atlas holding up the world and his arms bulging muscle.

Ian almost wept at how beautiful this man was.

And jeez, Ian missed his pocket thugs' walk. During visitation, Mickey was already sitting and he
could hardly see him move as he walked back to the tier. But now Ian just watched a hungry
glutton of movement. And Mickey’s walk was more than a snack, it was a whole damn meal. Mick
walked with bluster, with a saunter, with a fuck you. His walk was taunting, boasting like Mickey
owned the world.

His swagger was a physical fuck you, fuck you, and especially fuck you. Ian desired to watch this
walk forever. An old man with blue eyes and a cane strutting about, yelling at kids to get off his
goddamn yard. Tears pricked behind Ian’s eyes. They would get life together, Mickey was out. Life
was on their terms now.

Mickey caught his eyes and smiled. It was soft and sexy, for Ian, and Ian only. Ian’s brain for the
first time since being diagnosed was quiet and still. His heart had voices, not his head. Those voices
were loving, and spirited, reminding Ian of fundamental truths. Real love, once awakened, never
disappears. And now, right in front of him, was his life.

---

There was no glass anymore, just a few short steps, and right in front of Mickey was his life. This
was not his 17-year-old self leaving juvie closeted and trying not to show Ian Gallagher meant
anything . Almost five later he was ready to scream from a rooftop that Ian was his everything .

Mickey had watched Ian for a year under harsh and sterile lights. He was beautiful even in the
pitiful visiting room. But now the sunlight framed Mickey's sunshine. Ian started as a gangly teen.
Now his boyfriend was a tall drink of water. But what caught Mickey’s eye, what always caught his
eye was that hair. No matter the age or style, Ian’s hair was a tapestry on fire. Strands of crimson
wove in with copper pumpkin, and rubies. When they were young, the Southside was dreary and
gray. Ian’s hair, fuck, Ian was a rare bird of warmth. Ian was hopeful in the face of hopelessness.
And now Mickey was able to stroke it, cherishing the warmth.

It was the finish line, their ending. Mickey could envision that vibrant red mixed with white now in
the mix coming home from a morning power walk. The 80-year-old still charmed everyone around
him. Damn, Mickey was getting sappy. Tears pooled in the corner of his eyes. He was out. His
home was standing right in front of him.

He caught Ian’s eyes. Those emeralds were so deep and earnest that Mickey's whole world was
reflected in them. Those eyes held the truth Mickey finally learned. He was wrong about love
stories, they existed. It wasn’t about happy endings because true love never ends. And right in front
of Mickey was the greatest story ever created.

---

In silent agreement, they moved to stand in front of each other. To an outsider, they might look like
opposites but it was the lock and key slotting together. Finally, they were so close that their musks
and soaps created an intoxicating scent. It dilated both their pupils, blowing out their irises. The
road, the prison, and the world faded for them both. It was like that first moment of impact years
ago with Mickey's chest heaving met Ian’s searching eyes. As teens, they did not understand the
gift they were both given. As young men the gift was crystal clear. Neither would take it for
granted ever again.

Mickey tilted his head up and just gazed at Ian.

” So Firecrotch, you come to this shit hole often, “ he teased as he chewed his lip.

Ian’s thumb grazed the raw bottom lip and teased back. “ Oh, all the time. Have a thing for blue-
eyed, dark-haired, knuckled tatted, ex-cons. Have not got any hits…til today. Whadda you say, hop
in my car and get the fuck far away from here.”

They smiled like only idiots in love can. In perfect timing, they whispered together, “C’mere”.

Ian's long freckled hand cradled the nape of Mickey’s neck. Mickey’s rough, callused hand turned
to velvet as he stroked the freshly shaved face. Together they moved like one. Raw chewed lips
ghosted thin ones, silky from chapstick. The first kiss was shy and chaste. Then the dam broke. All
the longing and need started to flow as they remembered each other's tastes. How their tongues
curled around and the warmth of each other's kisses, reminded them of stolen moments in the
dugouts. Now they could take each in whenever they desired.

Their breath was now life-saving for one another. They panted, moans accelerated, and shuddered
down each other's throats.

It was more than a kiss. It was two once-broken souls finding each other again. Their hearts are
being given freely to the other. Two kids from the yards grew up and still chose each other. Finally,
they broke apart. Mickey raised his brow.

” If you got a Snickers in that bronco, your stalking the prison days are over Red.” He sniggered

Ian laughed, “ Even better, get in and see .”

They kissed again, rougher and passionate. Finally, they settled in. Ian got in the driver's seat and
handed Mickey a pink box.

Mickey's eyes went wide. “ You hit me Sweet Sue’s? You know I am blowing you tonight, it’s a
sure thing. Don’t gotta get all fancy .”

Ian leaned over, cupped Mickey's face, and bit his pink swollen lip. Then he handed Mickey a
Pepsi.

” Hey”, Ian teased, “ I am a great ghetto husband and I aim to please.”

He started the car, one hand firmly resting on Mickey’s thigh. His green eyes lit up watching
Mickey take a big greedy bite of his cherry-filled donut. Sweet red jam ran down his hand and he
stuck it out, having Ian lick it clean. Happy hums were bubbling out in between bites. He ate his
second donut with equal abandon.

” I love you E. But man, been starved for years, I may have cum a bit. Jesus, that was good.” He
watched Ian pull into an abandoned industrial space.

Ian stopped the truck and loped out. His strut was predatory and cocky. He opened Mickey's door,
pulled him out, and pushed him against the Bronco. He dropped to his knees and stared up at
Mickey. “ Came in your pants huh, here let me check. “

---

Ian was impatient, but he admitted that thanks to therapy. Part of it was how he coped with his
illness, stealing moments when he felt level, part personality. He had planned to make it home. Get
Mickey a burger, a shower, and a massage. But Mickey’s comment hit a nerve. Ian had only had
one grinder date while Mickey was in. He knew several men had tasted his man. Ian was ready to
reclaim it. It was not jealousy, Ian made peace with what happened to Mickey inside. But he craved
this man and he intended to show it.

On his knees, Ian fumbled with Mickey’s zipper and listened to Mickey hitch his breath.

Ian adjusted between Mickey’s legs, fuck he missed this. He took a minute to trail his hands up and
down Mickey’s thick stocky thighs. He tugged down the jeans and underwear and licked his lips.
Mickey’s cock was thick and uncut. Just about six inches but satin smooth with larger heavy balls.
That is where Ian started. He nuzzled into the left thigh as he felt Mickey thread his hands into his
hair. Their classic poses since 15 and 17. He cupped Mickey’s balls and like holding a peach he
began to nibble, savoring the mutters of “ Oh fuck Red.”

His nibbles crept up to the base of Mickey’s cock and he lapped up the trail of precum that
overflowed following the curve. He tilted his head so he could look up at Mickey as he took back
what was his. Ian flattened his tongue and used it to push back Mickey’s foreskin. Mickey held his
gaze.

”Jesus Christ Ian! How the fuck..ugh yeah, suck it all Red.” Mickey was lost in sensation, present
with Ian, horny as a motherfucker.

He took a minute to laugh at his bossy bottom back in action. He waited until those hips were
rocking then began to properly suck him, tasting the sharp salty notes. Ian began to adjust to the
girth and pillowy head. Winking at Mickey he decided to play.
Ian began sucking and licking up and down his shaft, slowly reminding himself how deep he could
take Mickey and still breathe. As he remembers Ian could take most of it, so he settled into a happy
groove, licking and sucking tip to base.

Whenever he needed to make Mickey moan, he’d pop most of the way off, and then teasingly
swallow him deep, easily tickling the tip of that weeping shaft and milking precum into his throat.

It was music, how Mickey moaned and cursed, thrusting his hips to drive Ian’s nose into his thick
curly thatch.

” Gallagher… umpft .. close.” Mickey’s eyes were closed, head lolling, thighs quaking. Ian sucked
shallowly now, which meant he gave that throbbing dick more suction. Ian sighed. He missed
Mickey and the chubby railroad spike attached to him

. Ian wanted to taste him, remember the joy of the taste of his man. He tongued the underside of the
red weeping cockhead. Guessing from Mickey's ragged breath he was getting close.

Trevor had requested a medical before Mickey's release which included an STD panel. Ian went to
the clinic, both were clean.

His red hair was pawed at, yanked, and stroked.

“ E..gonna ..E …E ..IAN” Mickey tried to pull out and push Ian back. Ian swatted the smaller hand
away and grabbed Mickey's ass and held firm.

Those heavy loaded balls drew up and Ian would have sighed but he was too busy tasting his man
as he poured down his eager throat.

When he finished devouring Mickey’s orgasm, Ian rested his head on Mickey’s belly and joked
about that faint black treasure trail. He would have stayed there longer but Mickey was pulling him
up. He rose pulling and zipping Mickey back up.

The hesitancy in the blue eyes was gone. Ian knew that look had been from nerves. He guided Ian
in for another kiss. This one was tender. The kiss after Ian was found safe with Liam. The kiss
before he was committed. The type of kiss that said I love you, you are my heart.

” For a rusty guy, your form is fucking mind-blowing man.” The teasing was back. “ You should
have let me man... I mean I wasn’t the one who waited..never mind.” Mickey turned away with
guilt on his face. Ian caught it, grabbed Mickey’s, and led him to the back of the Bronco. He
opened the back, hopped in, and sat propped against the wheel well. He gestured for Mickey to hop
in. He did and was pulled to sit in between Ian’s legs, his back to Ian’s chest. Those dynamic power
arms held him close. The voice was low, controlled, and serious but not angry.

” Mickey fucking Milkovich, stop it ok. There is no guilt here. We both know shit happens in jail,
sometimes has zero shit to do with sex. Wasn’t great but not a deal breaker now .”

” Ian, you say that but while you did the almost celibate thing, fucking our baby mama excluded, I
was not so great.”

Ian reached and pinched Mickey's nipple for a patented Milkovich tittie twister. “Fucking dick!
Hey, our baby mama is awesome and now we shop for clothes together. But the guys in prison do
you love any of them?”
Mickey gagged “Dumb ass no. Some were Nana's guys, no names. But Ian last eight months, it’s
been my hand only. I promise.”

” I believe you, Mick. It’s over and done. It’s our fresh start and prison bitches are not allowed to
live rent-free in your brain. ‘Sides, I fixed it. Mickey Junior remembers me. We made peace. It’s all
good baby. Ready to fucking go home?”

Mickey twisted to peer into Ian’s eyes. “ You’re here so I fucking am home. But dying to see the
house and all the gay design shit you did.”

Ian kissed his cheek. “ Spoiler alert, I am gay .”

Mickey turned serious. “ Really. I am gay …and I love you. Shoulda did that instead of beating the
crap out of you. You never fought back, why?”

Mickey's face was held so he could not look away. “You tell me you love me now, that’s all that
matters. I forgave you in therapy long ago. I didn’t fight back cause you were a mess because of
Terry and Svetlana. It’s our past Mick. It’s ugly but we can’t change it. Just gotta figure things out
from here and deal with the past things we need to deal with. Come on, let's get home. We have
four days til Larry checks in and Tato gets to see Alek. Between now and then I have filthy things I
need to do with and to you. “ They slid out of the back and hit settled upfront.

Mickey squeezed Ian’s knee. “ How’d I get such a lucky man? “

Ian rested his palm which felt like fire over Mickey’s. “ As I remember it was a tire iron. Wanna
role-play that ?”

” Prick “ Mickey spit out while he laughed. He rolled down the window to feel the air blowing as
Ian put on a classic rock station. That white monstrosity of power and punishment was fading in the
rearview. He looked at Ian until his eyes drooped and for the first time in 26 months, his sleep was
deep and comforting.

——————————- —————-

Mickey’s eyes opened when he felt the truck stop and Ian turned off the engine. He turned to see
Ian with the sappy look that Mickey secretly craved. He simply reached over and wiped a bit of
drool off Mickey's chin.

” Good nap Mick? Glad you slept. My guess is you were up way before the morning count. Let’s
head in .”

Mickey turned to see the house that Ronnie, the crazy cougar, helped them find. Mickey grabbed
Ian’s hand as they walked up the steps. Ian grinned that goofy grin and tossed Mickey the house
key.

”Do the honors, Mick.” Ian urged his cheesy grin to get larger.

” You gonna carry me over the threshold too? “ Mickey pulled Ian in for another kiss.

Serious, Ian swept a look all over Mickey. “Nah, gonna wait till our wedding night for that Mick.
Gonna make an honest old queen out of you yet.”

Ian slapped his ass while Mickey blushed a deep pink.

Mickey felt his hands tremble. Shit he has been strip-searched over at least 300 times, showered
with predators, and survived Terry. A key should be easy.

Finally, his hands worked and he pushed open the door. He stepped in and the first thing he noticed
was quiet. No screaming Gallagher’s or drunk Terry. No blood stains, bugs, or bags of meth. There
was an absence of the couch where Terry used Svetlana to break a part of Mickey.

Instead, there was a clean, light lemon scent. Worn but warm older hardwood floors. A table in the
entry with a bowl for keys, and a basket for shoes under it. On the wall at the entry was a picture of
Mickey holding Alek and a picture of Ian holding him. Between the two was a post-it note:
Welcome home Mick. This space is reserved for the family photo.

Mickey fell to his knees as joyful tears fell. Over all these years, there was always a fear in Mickey.
He was hurt but understood that in the first manic episode Ian was hypersexual. The cheating, the
porno, and parts of Ian not being able to make rational decisions. Mickey had so much self-doubt.
Often he wondered if Ian, now stable, would make the same choice. Think Mickey was too
damaged, and not worth it. The past 19 months and now seeing this destroyed and remaking
doubts. Ian loved him, as much as he loved Ian. This was the endgame.

Ian dropped to his knees and for the first time in so long, Mickey nuzzled into that broad chest.
They were quiet as Ian just held him and rubbed his back. No words were needed. They both knew
this was Mickey being overwhelmed. He pulled back and looked at Ian.

“ Fuck man, when did you get this much chest hair? You got an orange baby wooly mammoth up
here.” He unbuttoned another button and stuck his hand in. “ Hmm, like this .”

Ian kissed the tear trail and whispered huskily, “ Got a lot of changes for you to see baby.”

Mickey’s dick twitched.

” Can we do the house tour later, when I have blood in my brain? Kinda want to shower, umm…
prep. You be hurt if the first shower is just me?”

Ian bites his neck, causing Mickey to tremble. “ Have forever to shower baby and while we have
many kinks, pretty sure douching ain’t one for either of us. Got towels set out, your umm things on
the shelf. I will just take my naked ass on the bed and wait.” He pulled Mickey standing and they
headed upstairs.

He paused taking in their room, theirs. Not Mickey and Svetlana’s. Not all the Gallagher boys. Just
theirs. Ian tore a picture out of Mickey's brain and designed a dream room. The one wall was
exposed brick that had tasteful nudes mixed with framed punk band records. The wood floor had
been restored and covered with a big Persian rug in jewel tones. There was a large double chair in
the corner with a bookshelf.

The bed, oh fuck. After crappy mattresses and the vinyl pad of prison, this looked like a cloud with
bedding on it. It was king-size with length for his giant ginger to stretch out. There was a heavy
iron slatted head and footboard which Mickey smirked at. The blanket was crimson and the throw
blanket was fuzzy and thick. Edison-like industrial-looking night lights were on matching black
nightstands. Ian’s side had his meds and a picture of them, with Mandy from their teen years. All
three were flipping off the camera. Mickey’s side had a picture of Ian and a picture of Mandy with
Dimples.
The bathroom door was open. Mickey pushed Ian down on the bed and Mickey saluted him.

” Be right back sugar tits. You all naked is not a request, fucking demand .” He wiggled his ass on
the way to the bathroom, feeling pride as Ian groaned at the view.

In the bathroom, Mickey stripped and took care of his hygienic needs first. Once he was sure he
was cleaned out, he turned on the shower. Ian had been serious about this bathroom overhaul. The
shower was tiled floor to ceiling and could fit three. There were two rain shower fixtures overhead
plus 4 jets that came out of the walls, and two handheld sprayers. Mickey and Ian’s soaps and
shampoos were in a caddy. The pressure looked like a dream and the water was steamy.

As he stepped under the spray he moaned in pleasure so loudly that he heard Ian call, “You
cheating on me with a shower fixture Mick.”

” Aye fuck you Firecrotch !”

Mickey was not prepared for the tease back. “That's up for discussion but I get first dibs on the
fucking.”

Yep.Yep, not a dream. He was getting nine inches of Ian Gallagher.

Showers in prison were stressful and hardly fully cleansing. Mickey turned on the jets, soaped, and
soaped again. He played with the jets and sprayers. He soaped feeling pleased with himself. Finally,
he shut off the water. He dried with a towel so soft it must have been woven with silk.

One final look in the mirror and he strutted out to Ian.

Then stopped. In. His. Tracks. Ian Gallagher grew into a meaty, muscled, furry man. That smooth
cock was up against a defined six-pack. He saw the twisted eagle… wait. He crawled onto the bed
and began to stroke Ian’s nipples while gazing at the new ink on his man.

Over Ian’s heart was a black inked anatomical heart. In one chamber taking up the whole space was
his name and the date he got brave and kissed Ian. The second chamber smaller with room left was
Aleksandr and his date of birth.

He patted Ian’s cheek, “ soft bitch.”

Ian waggled his eyebrows in a great imitation of Mickey.

” Aye you wanna chit chat or do you want me to get in you?” He kissed Mickey, licking inside his
mouth. Then he lifted Mickey and tossed him in the bed. It did feel as Ian promised, like a fluffy
cloud.

They wrestled like they did when young, groaning as their hard dicks rubbed against each other. Ian
finally trapped Mickey on his back with his hands above his head. That deep green just held the
electric blue for several minutes. Ian whispered holy fuck as Mickey let his thighs fall open,
granting Ian more access. Mickey felt it too. While held in jail during the trial then in prison, he
held himself stiff and rigid. Never opening daring a mistaken invitation. But here, in their room,
with Red, he was loose, pliant, and relaxed.

Ian grabbed Mickey’s legs and draped them over those wide freckled shoulders. He grabbed the
lube on the bed and popped it open. He used it to tease Mickey’s hole and then massed his taint
before dipping his fingers down again. Mickey was not a saint in prison but Ian was the only man
he trusted to bottom for. The only man he wanted to bottom for.

Over two years, both horny as motherfuckers and Ian was full, still a service top was taking his
own sweet time.

Mickey arched as Ian used the pad of his thumb and massaged it in circles over Mickey’s tight ring
of muscles. Just that touch made Mickey feel like a virgin as he knew his ass was clenching and
begging all on its own.

Ian watched the pink star begin to search and looked down at his finger as he slowly snaked half of
it into Mickey’s delectable ass and heard a gasp so he asked, "You doing ok Mick?”

"Fuck Firecrotch, Ian, so good.," Mickey babbled in a husky voice.

Ian almost came right there, that babble he missed was turning him on so much. He could not wait
to hear Mickey fall apart with his cock buried inside his beautiful brunette. Ian wiggled his finger
around, feeling how drum-tight Mickey was, and noticed Mickey shiver. Ian tenderly caressed
Mickey’s hip and butt cheek with his hand to comfort him, "You're so frigging tight Mick, he
praised.

Mickey looked at Ian in his fiery beauty, biting his lip. He tried to will his cock to settle down, to
not cum right away but it was completely hard and ready. After nights of dreams, it was freakish
big hands and alien fingers opening him. He could smell Ian’s musk and was nude but warm
basking in Ian’s perfect heat

Ian looked down again and willed himself not to cum as he slid another finger into Mickey’s ass.
Mickey was so tight that the pressure was almost making his fingers numb. Slowly he began to
scissor, letting his pace cause Mickey to rock his hips. Then he heard it. The bossy, bratty, power
bottom was back.

” Fucking fine, ‘ right. C’mon, need you in me, man.” Mickey begged.

Ian took a second to appreciate Mickey's cock was iron pipe hard, it was a perfect cock in Ian’s
opinion. He missed the man but Mickey's dick was a work of art. It was almost 6 inches and thick
with that foreskin, a fucking tease, just perfect. Said fat, needy cock had a tantalizing-looking drop
of pre cum on it that Ian wished he could suck off.

So he continued to use his fingers to scissors open as Mickey continued to quietly gasp.

” Mick, it’s just us. No Svet guards.Just us. Wanna hear you, babe, please.”

Mickey realized it was them, just them. Not hiding. He was free. With abandon his sounds of
pleasure bounced off their bedroom walls.

Ian slid out his fingers and they both stopped. Their eyes lock. This moment was theirs to savor.
Not scared boys but grown men, fucking free. And they were not going to miss each other’s
expression when the fire took off. Mickey struggled to raise so he met Ian for a kiss.

Then Ian’s eyes did that Alex predator-hooded look.

Ian pressed Micke into the mattress these years apart, needing, wanting were about to be over.
Mickey winked and started their reunion off.

“C’mon Red, try to make me your bitch, bitch “

Oh, holy fuck. Mickey forgot that filthy gleam in the green.

Ian lubed his cock and lined up against Mickey’s hole. He was lost in the sensation of Mickey's
body opening for him. Mickey was drooling. That large silken plum head pushed in his tight ring of
muscles.

” Ready to do this Milkovich” Ian teased

“ Damn straight Gallagher “

Without either blinking, Ian slid in, all nine inches and balls deep. Ian stilled. He was enjoying the
vice-like clenches and warmth inside his man. Mickey just embraced the searing stretch. It was
painful , white hot. Then muscle memory kicked in and he gave himself over to fullness .Ian started
to glide and out of. This fuck was territorial, reclaiming for them both Fucking to prove Ian was
his, and he was Ian’s. Every thrust Ian gave Mickey came with a hard slap on to that pale ass.

Mickeys dick bounced between them .Ian fucked into Mickey with renewed passion. Mickey
watched him in awe. What kept this man holding long for him was over. It was just Mickey and Ian
feeling the love of their partnership in all the ways possible!

Every slap of Ians smooth balls against Mickey were driving him feral. He felt his eyes rolling into
the back of my head from the intensity.

“All these years I literally jonsed for this ass, this ass so perfect for me Mick” Ian growled as he
pummeled away.

Mickey could only manage one word, " More".

Ian pulled out. He snorted like a red angry bull. Ian turned, manhandled Mickey and picked him up.
Mickey locked his legs around that V waist. Ian’s dick thrust right back in. Mickey was in fucking
heaven. He loved submitting to Ian and had a kink about being pushed around. Ian being able to
screw him standing was breaking his brain in all the best ways.

Ian locked one arm around Mickey and the other flexing against the brick. Ian knew Mickey's
desire to be used hard so he was taking pleasure showing off his new strength. By the blown out
blues, Mickey was down for it all. Now to answer Ian’s thrusts , Mickey started to bounce on that
enormous dick.

“Oh shit! Fuck me harder, Firecrotch,” Mickey demanded through grunts.

Ian threw his head back and laughed. “Yeah, there he is. Wondered when my power bottom was
showing up!”

Mickey was sure he had a brick burn and did not care. The slapping of balls and groans shook the
walls.

Without pulling out, Ian laid them on the rug.Like a rutting whore opened his legs spread eagle. Ian
slowed and grabbed Mickey’s thick thighs, keeping them open. Then deliciously began making
love to Mickey. His movement was deep and steady. Ian switched on hand, spit on it and began to
stroke Mickey’s cock . He did so with ease, gracefully keeping both strokes in perfect precision. He
gazed at Mickey like he was previous. Mickey couldn’t take it . He erupted

“Oh fuck..oh E..oh darling, I can’t…”

His cum painted his stomach, chest, and Ian’s hand .

“Can I keep fucking you,please?” Ian begged

“You fucking better !” Mickey yelped remembering the stamina Ian had .

Ian picked up his pace again. Taking Mickey’s submission as a gift. Ian dropped over Mickey
kissing him, licking his sweat as well.

“Mick, I fucking love you. It’s always been you. Thank you for coming back to me.” Ian whispered
as the sunlight from the window bathed them both .

Mickey just watched. That crimson halo, those emerald eyes. This man was breathtaking, and his.
His whole shitty life no one saw him until Ian. And Ian still saw him.

Mickey wrapped his meaty thighs around Ian. Ian closed in , holding fast onto his obscene ass
cheeks.

Ian began what Mikey called his power fuck. Sweat poured off Ian as he continued to fuck
Mickey’s hole.Ian took a deep breath. He started to fuck Mickey with urgency. The wild punishing
thrusts meant his orgasm was near. He pulled Mickey up so they were chest to chest as he drove in.
Ian whispered how much he missed him, how Mickey was his motivation, steadying force , and his
greatest need

Mickey broke skin as he clawed Ian”s back.him. He bit Ian’s ear and whispered to him.

”Darling never again, never leaving you . I fucking love you , always have, always will.”

Ian pushed so deep that Mickey felt it in his throat.Mickey came again untouched.That pushed Ian
over the edge. Ian groaned and Mickey felt that hot sticky cum flooding into him, an exploding
volcano.

Mickey’s core shook as rope after rope of cum coated his insides. His hole clenched so tight he was
afraid he cut off circulation to Ian’s cock. As his own man, Mickey was finally free to be with who
he loved. He no longer had a fake wife or a father waiting to hurt him. Now forever he was just
ready to be with Ian,

ian stayed in Mickey .Chest to chest they touched each others tattoos and made out like teens,

After several minutes Ian’s softening cock popped out! He giggled hearing Mickeys grumble and
kissed away the pout. Exhausted, they crawled on the bed cuddling face to face. Ian pulled the
throw over them , mindful that Mickey had enough time being coldThe room was silent. No more
balls slapping against skin. The whines and fire smoldered but not out.They just traced each other's
face and watched each other. Finally they clasped hands, no glass and fell asleep.

—————————————-
They woke up to the sound of two stomachs growling. Mickey reared up, ready to fight. Ian just let
him. He knew Mickey might panic, unused to being in bed with another person. Once he settled,
Ian pulled him in and kissed his head gently.

” Hey slugger, wanna order some food?”

Mickey realized he was famished. Years of hunger like his childhood took a toll on him.

Ian continued, “That burger place is right around the corner. When they deliver it’s all hot. Their
menu is in the kitchen. Ian walked into their closet and came out with a navy robe.

He smirked at Mickey and tossed something to him.

” At some point you need a better one but I knew you would want something familiar.”

Hot balls. It was the tread bare tatty Gallagher robe. Cleaner then he ever has seen it and torn
pocket sewn. His face split grinning as he slipped it on, good memories of sleeping with Ian in that
shitty bed. Then he watched Ian hold something out.

” What’s that firecrotch?”

” House shoes from Nura . She has me trained to slip them on at the door,but yeah we got busy.”
Ian rubbed his head and Mickey drooled as the open robe showed off rippling abs.

They plodded downstairs and Mickey hopped on the counter as Ian dug into a drawer. The kitchen
had come with high end appliances and cabinets. The cut granite and tiles were in the shed for
when he and Ian could work in it. They needed new fixtures and lights. Ian opened the fridge and
handed Mickey rolled grape leaves from Amira and Nura.

They pursued the menu while they fed each other .

” Ok , I know I said I wanted a burger but this club sandwich looks like a bomb. With fries, double
bomb. What are you getting Red?”

Ian winked. “As I have learned in class , if I am expending a lot of energy , I need easily bio
digested food. So doing the veggie burger with fruit salad. Stealing some fries though.”

Mickey laughed, it felt so good to fucking laugh. “ All I got from that was you are kicking ass in
class and there are gonna be a few more rounds tonight.”

Ian grabbed Mickey pulling him in cupping his balls. “ Totally.”

They placed the order and Mickey mumbled, “ Sorry about being broke,”

Ian pinched his nipples , making Mickey yelp and hard . The green eyes went dark and serious.

”Mickey, you just got out. It is our life, our money. Larry gets you set up then you contribute. Mick
as long as I have you , I would be happy in the fucking gutter. Wanna check out the place while we
wait? “

” Hmm home talk is a weird foreplay, but it’s working.” He hopped off the counter excited that he
could saunter about balls in the breeze in the ratty robe he loved.
The downstairs was almost like the Gallagher place . A half bath was off the kitchen with the
addition of a laundry room that opened to a large back porch. They had plans to remodel the older
but clean bathroom. Ian had been serious , he wanted them to create their full space. The couch was
a futon, older but clean . The only addition of new was the 60 inch flatscreen and Nintendo and
PlayStation .

Ian saw him checking it out. “This week we need to play strip Mario Kart.”

Mickey flipped him off.

The upstairs was roomy, airy and comfortable. Debbie, Liam and Carl had chosen a light blue paint
for the guest room aka get away from home room. There was a large throw rug with big roses on it.
There was a double bed with a blue blanket and two ninja turtle pillows that were Liam’s. a black
futon was set like a couch in the corner. The dresser held spare clothes for Mandy and the kids.
Liam had toys in the corner. There was a bathroom they would remodel that had a large claw foot
tub. He realized Ian hung plants in the window and make up from Emma, Mands and Debbie was
shoved in a container on the counter.

Mickey held his breath as he opened the door to their babies, holy fuck their babies nursery. He said
shakily.

” Ian, if I ever act like Terry around Dimples, put a bulletin in me .”

Ian pulled him close and Mickey rested his head on that shoulder. “You're gonna be a great dad,
grumpy in the morning feedings but hey so is he.”

Mickey finally pushed away. The room was a soft yellow. The rug is gray with giraffes. There was
a changing table and an upholstered rocker. There were two knitted blankets, he guessed from
Nura. The bookshelf was jammed, the mobile above the cribs stars. One wall had pictures of Ohm,
teta, Baba and Tato.Then he looked at the next wall He started and began to quiver.

Sister Meg. There in mahogany frames with yellow matte were two drawings. One was of Iggy by
a bike , bending to smell a flower. The second was Mickey at 4, Mandy at three. They were sitting
on the Milkovich house counter , each holding a cookie. The third he had no idea existed. It was a
picture of his mama sitting on a swing , 13 and pregnant with Iggy. Her hair was coal, eyes
cornflower. She looked radiant , and happy. He sniffled.

Ian’s voice was gentle. “ Sister Meg had the negative. We had it blown up for you. Also by the
rocker is a journal. It was Laura’s before she came to the states. She practiced her English in it.
Mands has the second one. Might be nice to read and rock dimples.”

He dropped into Ian’s arms and stroked his face. “ Thank you for all of this, for the little man, for
giving mama a real burial, for never giving me up.”

Ian just kissed Mickey's eyes. “I may have run before, never again from you , ok. And of course,
Laura is family. You better than anyone taught me, we take care of family.”

The moment was broken by the doorbell .Ian tied his robe, grabbed the food and spread it on the
cheap coffee table.

Mickey wanted to not inhale it. However, after mystery meat and mush , real food was needed. He
let Ian feed him a few berries and gave up a fry or two to those damn puppy eyes.
Then he broached the subject, not wanting to kill the mood. But it was a needed conversation.

” Red…I know even though this is good, it can be a trigger. How do we try to minimize it.?”

Ian chewed a fry then answered. “ Last week Erin upped my Seroquel by five milligrams each
dose. Nighttime meds now for a week or two, I can add the trazadone at bed .So I can’t shake you
all night long, just until about 10.I’m sor…”

Mickey leaned in and crashed his mouth into Ian’s .After a bit he held Ian’s head still .

” Never ever, apologize for taking care of yourself.” Then to lighten the mood he crooned, “If you
keep that shit up, when you want daddy, you might get your spanking first thing. Do you need a
minute or are you ready to go again firecrotch?”

Ian opened his robe. Mickey tossed him off, kicked off the house shoes, and straddled Ian. He spit
on Ian’s cock and impaled himself down to muscular hairy thighs. He latched his hands behind
Ian’s head and started to ride. Ian was sucking bruises on his neck and shoulders while the angle hit
Mickey’s prostate over and over. Ian grabbed a handful of Mickey's ass and helped by thrusting up
to meet Mickey’s downward bounce. This time they came together. For about an hour they just
embraced.

They pulled out the futon and watched the newest Fast and Furious. They then took turns giving
each other blowies. Ian introduced Mickey to snickers ice cream. Then Mickey dribbled the melted
bits into those chiseled abs . He traced each ab with his tongue. As he lapped up the ice cream, he
marked those spots with bites and bruises. They grabbed a few gatorades and headed upstairs. The
shower was foam fights and stroking each other off , washing each other’s bodies.

They threw on the radio, laid down and just learned the new curves and edges of each other . Found
the same erotic zones. Kissed and tickled and loved. Mickey watched as Ian tossed his pills and
chugged a Gatorade. They talked about Alek, until Mickey saw Ian get sleepy . He turned to be
spooned and Ian wrapped those large limbs around him. Hearing Ian’s snoring , Mickey blissed,
drifted off on the fucking cloud.

—————————

The next morning, Ian was still wrapped around Mickey . He gently extracted himself from the
Koala death grip and used the bathroom. He came back and wrapped back into his redhead. Ian
nuzzled in. His voice was sweet and small.

”Daddy I missed you.” And small tears sprang. Mickey had been through so much in jail, yet he
knew Ian had shouldered just as much. Right now he needed daddy to take it away.

He kissed the red hair and wiped the tears.

“ It is ok, good boy. Daddy is gonna get you some toast.You take your pills then daddy will take
care of my neglected good boy . Daddy’s back , ok ?”

Hopeful green eyes held firm.” k’ daddy. I will wait right here.”
 Posted too soon see you all with a real chapter by friday

Mickey kissed Ian and headed down stairs noting how sighed watching his ass wiggle as he went
out the door
 Daddy’s Home… yeah the chapter is real
Chapter Summary

Daddy’s home and ready to give Ian what he wants.

The gold star is about to be deflowered. And it’s a good thing.
Next chapter has more of Mickey adjusting to being out, but this chapter is pure daddy kink (
Shannon😈)

Mickey kissed Ian and headed downstairs, noting how Ian sighed and watching his ass wiggle as he
went out the door.

He headed down to a kitchen of theirs without a count or lineup. He could choose for himself and
Ian whatever he wanted. It was thrilling, yet at the same time, anxiety pooled in his belly, making
his heart speed up. He knew it was from being forced to conform to a fucked-up routine while in
prison. He took a deep breath and reminded himself of where he was. Damn Sister Meg and her
Jedi mind, Juju. The shit worked.

He stumbled around the kitchen, orienting himself to the cabinets and drawers. Realizing they had
matching silverware and plates that were clean and unchipped gave Mickey a weird sense of pride.

Great, matching napkins might make me grow a vagina with the soft shit.

As he snagged a brownie out of a pan, it hit him: soft shit is where Ian was. Ian was his core. He
found some corn toaster muffin things in the big stainless-steel vintage breadbox. He grabbed them
as he scrunched up his nose at the million-grade seed bread also in the box. He would take his time
roaming the house later. What he had seen made him more in awe of his now-giant ginger.

Mickey's prison stint was dehumanizing and empty. It carved craters into him that he hoped could
be refilled. But he needed to relearn Ian. While Mickey was in, Ian had learned to stand up for
himself. He was able to have his suicide attempt stay that way—an attempt, not a completion. He
was facing down Kash and his siblings. Ian had decided to take classes and find passion. He did
that often, feeling alone and vulnerable.

Mickey saw the shift, and it pleased him. He was always going to be Gallagher’s fiercest protector,
but he could do so with Ian's help, not being unable to help himself.

And right now, his very good boy needed Daddy, and Mickey was ready to step back into that role.

Grinning, he picked up their food and headed upstairs.

---

Ian let a sigh fall out of his mouth as he watched Mickey's plump ass sway in the door. Bad lighting
and mustard yellow blanketed Mickey for 22 months. If he chose to never put on pants again, it
was okay with Ian.
His brain relaxed, and the tension in his body was gone. They had a lot to do and forever to do it,
but right now Ian needed Daddy. He got that it was ironic that Mickey, who had numerous kinks
and hard needs, was not the one who explored this kink first. Ian loved to top, got off on being
dominant, and was consensually rough with Mick. Mick had tried calling him Daddy; it did not
work for them, but Sir did.

Mickey had made a joke that maybe he could give Ian some daddy love. The sound in Ian’s throat
and his eyes told them both what they needed to know. Ian often took the lead in asking for play.
He loved the tender and stern role Mickey would play, but there were times Ian wanted or needed
to express vulnerability. When he did, without resistance, he led Mickey to take the lead. Be
dominant and guiding. Ian did not want to think or plan in those moments. He liked being coddled
and controlled in this space. He trusted Mickey completely, and they had a list of boundaries. He
wanted to try to keep them busy.

Ian never had firm consistency growing up. Fiona gave stability—lots of it—but rules changed
depending on how stressed she was or how broke they were. Frank just knocked him around for no
reason, and even he was never sure of the real house rules. So he made his own. Some helped him,
some hurt him. So when they stumbled into Daddy Kink, Ian was positive that letting himself turn
himself over to Mick was the right thing to do.

Much as he never blinked at what Mickey wanted or needed to try, his thug lover took in Ian’s
desire for a stern daddy who would also spoil lavishly. He could say his wants and desires to
Mickey and know what he desired was not fucked up or shamed. The prison sentence had cut into
their play, but Ian knew the months of sharing with Mickey had them both ready.

Ian used the bathroom and brushed his teeth. He had pulled boxers and a black tee on gleefully,
realizing they would not be on for long. Then he sat cross-legged in bed, hands in his lap, the way
Daddy expected him to do. His bratty self could not stop thinking about how good Daddy looked,
or even better, that he was home with Ian. Ian knew he wasn’t supposed to touch; one little stroke
above his boxers couldn’t hurt, could it?

---

Mickey entered the room, bitching about the complicated coffee maker, when he saw his guilty-
looking boy palming himself. He watched Ian drop his hands back into his lap and look innocent.
Those green eyes were owl-round, and he sucked both lips in. Mickey was the fair but strict daddy
Ian craved, so he hadn't expected Ian to be needy enough to yank at his heartstrings as much as it
did. He tsked at his boy.

"I'm going to need to talk about what I just saw, but breakfast first.” He set two mugs of coffee on
the nightstand and handed Ian the toasted muffin with peanut butter and a banana. "Eat it all, then
show Daddy what your meds are."

Mickey shoved a pillow behind his lower back, sipped his coffee, ate a second brownie, and
watched Ian. He was astounded and proud of the transformation. Ian had a complicated relationship
with his meds, which he believed they took and gave him. But the fight was not there, just
nonchalance as he took them and ate.

He reached over, pulled Ian close, and gave him kisses and a taste of chocolate from Daddy’s lips.
He held Ian’s face, still searching and smiling, when he found the contentment in that freckled face.

"Tell Daddy your color and your safeword.”

Ian blushed and sang, "Green daddy, and my safe word is cactus." His reward was another kiss.

Mickey looked at his boy. "Good, because we have a few things to have a conversation about. That
shit is going to decide your spanking, got it. Seriously, you giggling, why?”

"Daddy, you said shit." He bit his lip to stop giggling and be good.

Daddy patted his hand. "Yep, and Daddy is probably gonna cuss a shit ton more. But that’s ok for
Daddy, not my boy; that’s your one reminder.”

—————————————

Mickey grabbed three big pillows. He sat in the big chair in their room and put the pillows on the
floor. He patted his leg, and Ian eagerly came over and knelt, his head snuggling onto Mickey's
thigh. Daddy insisted this is how they sat when Daddy was giving him a talking to, which
mellowed Ian out. What Ian was choosing to put off is that if Daddy was sitting, he would stand up
for a scolding or worse.

In this minute, Daddy was playing with his hair, twisting small strands and tugging big chunks.
Rough hands massaged his scalp, and he happily rested deeper on that thigh, feeling held up. When
Mickey saw that Ian was fully disarmed, he began to speak.

"Daddy is so sorry he was gone, Ian. My good boy, you were freaking awesome while I was gone.
You slayed that asshole monster and kept him from hurting more people. Been being so smart about
your meds, standing up to fucking Gallagher’s. Daddy loves hearing about your school. Never
again do you say you're dumb. You proved yourself wrong, so no more speaking badly. Know it’s
not true. Daddy’s got your back. Ian felt a kiss on the top of his head.

Then Daddy’s voice got harder. “Now we need to deal with my boy badmouthing himself while I
was gone and you touching yourself while Daddy got breakfast. I think you need a reminder that
Daddy is in charge.”

Ian nodded.

"C'mere now." He commanded. His boy shuffled and stood before Mickey, nervously tugging at the
hem of his sleep shirt.

Mickey had decided to lecture his boy. For Ian, they learned he craved being scolded and chased
the fear of the well-deserved spanking. "Talking bad ‘bout yourself is not working for me. You
thinking you’re in charge and touching yourself, huh?" He stated it coldly, making the readhead
whine and hanging his head lower.

"Daddy, I promise, I didn’t mean to, honest.”

“Need a non-bullshit reason." He grabbed Ian’s wrist, So not the time to try to snow me. Now try
that again."

Ian looked distressed. He ran his hands over his eyes before admitting, "I missed you. It got hard
thinking about you, Daddy."

He doubled down, shifting a bit, forgetting he was not to move. He caught the hard-blue look and
folded his arms. Daddy was not amused by how he was acting.
"I'm sorry, Daddy, please don't spank me." No response.

"I'm sorry." He whimpered.

"I know," Mickey said, chuckling gently. "But it's not right to let my boy run the show."

"Daddy..." Ian cried, but was cut off.

"Don't you fucking "Daddy" me!" Mickey reprimanded harshly. "Need ya to understand, truly
understand, that daddy runs this show; my boy is good and obeys. Not going to change, capice?”

He watched as Ian nodded, knowing his boy was not trusting himself not to bitch if he opened his
mouth. "Good. Now, drop your drawers cupcake."

His boy took his damn sweet time, finally sliding them down over those muscular legs. There was a
blush on his cheeks; it drove Daddy wild. Ian stood in front of the older man, waiting as he tried to
pull the hem of his shirt over his crotch. And erection. It had been so long without Daddy’s
attention.

"That shirt, too. Do you forget your manners and rules? Time to tune my boy up, Mickey growled.

Tuned up, that meant Daddy was going to make Ian work for his reward. Ian obediently peeled his
shirt off over his head, aware of how being naked as Daddy thought of his punishment excited and
scared him. His leaking, half-hard cock and balls were on display to his daddy.

He was led back to the bed and waited for Daddy to sit and adjust. Ian was pulled over his lap and
readjusted so his ass was right in line with Daddy’s vision. Daddy had good aim, whether it was
shooting or issuing a whooping. His upturned ass was a perfect target. Daddy was taking his time,
reminding his boy how to behave again.

In any other scenario, Mickey was unable to play being patronizing; it fucked with Ian’s head too
much. But Daddy, well, Ian wanted Daddy to put him in place firmly. Gentle teasing and some
humiliation filled a need in him. Mickey's mouth went dry. Ian had a massive dick—a work of art
dick. Truth be told, his ass was also art-worthy. He did not often get to spend time with it, so yeah,
he was making the most of this morning.

Ian's hole, red and tight, was framed between two pale, spread-wide cheeks. The view made
Mickey's dick harden more. He decided his naughty boy needed an embarrassing lesson. One he
would not forget, spank bank material.

Mickey smirked to himself and yanked the freckled cheeks apart more, getting an eyeful of the
virgin hole. Ian was quiet, trembling, waiting for Daddy to embarrass him just a bit.

"Daddy met a British guy in the joint. Total pyscho, but the man kept his boys in line. I learned a
few daddy tips from him. Daddy gotta make you toe the line; behave. How to enforce the rules no
matter how pretty you beg." He ran a dry finger over the exposed hole. "Told me he calls sexy little
assholes 'puckers'. My boy sure has a gorgeous one. It’s a pucker now. Tell me about this little
pucker naughty boy.”

He spread Ian more open and heard, "Daddy, no." He saw Ian cover his mouth and whimpered at a
slap to his right cheek.
"Try again, Ian.”

He could see Ian’s ears were hot pink, but his body was still relaxed. This was a sign that the
protests were part of the game, not authentic distress.

” umm… My pucker is tight cause no one has ever played with it before. but Daddy can."

"Oh, oh, so going to be good now; let me play?" He stroked Ian’s thigh.

This time, he ignored the snifle. Ian's cock was leaking, so let Mickey know they were on track.

“Holy Shit," Mickey murmured. "What a slutty little pucker." He spread the boy's cheeks
impossibly further, his thumbs getting ever closer to taunt the rosy ring Ian opened slightly for him,
the clenches almost begging to be fucked for the first time.

He laughed when he watched his boy's blush spread, and he let the two mounds snap back into
place, a little pink already from being fondled and held open.

"Unless you need to change your color or safeword, Daddy is gonna spank till he’s satisfied. Not
one fucking word unless Daddy asks you or needs an answer.” Mickey was all authority now.

He raised his tattooed hand and rested his other against Ian’s lower back. Spanking Ian was not the
same as Mickey getting his ass reamed. He knew Ian would never injure him, and Mickey also
trusted Ian to stop. That allowed Mickey to embrace the hard. He liked the pain on his terms. But,
Ian, they could not spank too hard. It pushed him from happiness to true fear. While his ass could
be turned deep pink with a steady sting, he would not feel it for days, just a few hours.

He brought his arm down, snapping the left cheek, leaving a fiesty pink handprint to blossom on
that tight ass.

Ian jumped a little but did not cry. Mickey spanked again, this time slapping the right cheek in an
upward sweeping motion, making the bottom jiggle under his hand.

This time Ian whimpered and rutted against his daddy’s leg.

"Don't care how horny my boy is; you wait until Daddy tells you ok. Am I clear? Or do we need to
try a few licks with a belt?” Mickey lectured, making Mickey highlight his question with another
smack, this time on Ian’s left inner thigh.

"No, Daddy, please, no belt.” Ian pleaded.

Mickey grabbed the belt he stashed by the bed before getting breakfast. He traced the belt against
the warm cheeks, noting with approval as his boy's bottom flinched to the touch of the belt. "Hmm,
so now you decide to listen, 'cause you don’t want the belt. You keep touching without asking;
you're going to start getting a few licks every morning, so you start being good all the time.”

"No, Daddy. I won’t touch without asking, promise.” He twisted the bedding in his hands.

"Or maybe a cock cage, if they make ‘em that big." Mickey loved watching his boy beg, knowing it
was getting him worked up and excited.

Ian cried huge crocodile tears.

"Gonna behave, I will."

"Aye, yeah, you will.” Mickey scoffed, giving Ian three spanks in quick succession, keeping those
rosy cheeks warm but not blistering. Then three more before giving Ian a few on his sit spots for
good measure.

Mickey yanked the spanked cheeks apart again and slapped that rear entrance, earning a loud yelp
and a wet thigh.

"Owww…daddy. He kicked his feet, knowing that he was in trouble for that.

Mickey spanked Ian again.

"You," he said in a low voice, rubbing Ian’s now toasty globes, "are mine. I am your daddy, and
everything, down to your tight pucker, belongs to me. Is Daddy making it clear? Repeat it back for
Daddy. Show me you're gonna be a good boy now.”

"Your... ow, my daddy. And everything, including my pucker, is yours.”

"Ok, good boy, you're gonna take the rest of your spanking like a champ, then get daddy cuddles.
Hold that part of the bed tight.”

He took a breath and delivered ten heavier-handed swats without pause. He could feel Ian’s balls
start to draw up, so he stopped, wanting to see his baby come later, face-to-face.

He offered one more promise if Ian touched without permission again. They both knew it wouldn’t
happen, but they loved the delicious thrill.

You ignore my rules again, not being bent over my knee. Is that clear? I will put you on the bed and
hold your ankles up and bruise that ass with that belt."

Finally, it was over, and Mickey let Ian blubber in his daddy's lap. He knew this release for Ian was
long overdue. Mickey rubbed his back and began to coo, "Oh, my sweet boy, are you okay now?
It's over. You did a good job, my best and only boy. Now Daddy is gonna love up to you like you
need.”

”Thank you, daddy.” Mickey heard a smile.

"Good boy." Mickey petted the red hair and let him calm for a few minutes before pulling Ian onto
his feet. He pointed to the bed and laughed as Ian all but skipped to grab the pillows by the chair.
What happened after his spankings was his favorite part. Mickey shook his head watching Ian pile
up pillows, sore bottom all but ignored. He leaned over so his strawberry-red bum was sticking up
high.

He propped his chin up on his hands, his elbows holding him up. He crossed his ankles and rocked
them.

"You forgetting that Daddy has no idea where the lotion is?" He teased

Ian jumped up, ran to the bathroom, and came back with the bottle. He kissed Mickey, flung the
bottle at him, and scrambled back into position.

Mickey lay alongside the good boy, just watching Red go into sub-space as Daddy cooled his ass.
The emerald in Ian’s eyes was shining. God, Mickey loved this man.

"Daddy, can I share a secret?" He was raising his ass to meet Mickey’s touch.

Mickey kissed those deep-set eyes. “You, my love, can tell Daddy anything.”

Ian was being coy, chewing inside his cheek, giggling again.

"When I bought Daddy his stuff to get clean, I got stuff for me too. I want to feel Daddy in me. It’s
time.”

If the scene hadn’t gotten Mickey leaking like a faucet, that confession would have started it. He
could feel himself dripping. It created a little pool on the sheets.

”Daddy is going to make you feel so good, but we do it Daddy’s way. You safeword if you get any
feeling of freaking out. Now stay where you are.” Mickey crawled down the bed and behind Ian.
He had stroked himself for years to be able to top Ian, and it was finally here. Ian might want to
switch on occasion, but he wasn’t a bottom. His trust in Mickey and his anal virginity was huge. He
was going to enjoy this. He was going to make sure Ian loved every minute.

”Daddy’s going to tease this slutty pucker and make it feel so needy. I'm taking my time, good boy,
and giving you everything. You deserve so much. Daddy is never gonna leave again; be here when
my boy needs his daddy.”

Mickey was shocked at what happened next. It left no doubt that Ian had thought about this while
they were apart. He put his head on the mattress and reached around, exposing himself to Mickey.

"It's your pucker, daddy; take it.” And like his teased self, Ian shook his hips, giving Mickey a
perfect look at his hole, trying to open and clench.

"Fuuuuuck." Dear God, his usual dominant top man was all sassy and subby. Yeah, and holy fuck,
that tight pucker and hanging balls were short-circuiting his ability to move. Ian’s apple-shaped ass
was the most perfect ass Mickey had ever seen. He cursed, wishing he had rimmed Ian’s ass years
ago.

To start gently for the taut little pucker, he easily used the tip of his tongue, small licks getting
gasps and wiggles.

His cock hurt, and the high made him want to dive bomb face first and lose himself, but he needed
Ian to enjoy this. The freckled white cheeks were glowing from the spanking, but his skin was
goosebumped in the air, making the flesh shiver across his ass. Ian was full of submission and
reward: "Pull your ass open wider for Daddy." Moaning at the new sensations, he did as he was
told, reached back, and pulled farther, a full cheek in each hand.

Mickey almost came at the sight.

It was the prettiest, pinkest, tightest, and hottest-looking little morsel Mickey had ever laid eyes on.
The ring wrinkled perfectly, and the skin around him was darker than the rest of his ass, with a few
tiny freckles like a minor constellation.

Mickey leaned in and breathed a hot breath across his boy's exposed hole.
"Daddy... fuc... fudge that feels so amazing.” Happy snorts and sighs were running out of his boy's
mouth.

Mickey started licking the soft flesh around that cute button pucker and began working his way
toward the center, ghosting and teasing. When Ian was babbling and pliant, Mickey used the tip of
his tongue to tease Ian’s hole to be rewarded with its opening. With no hesitation, he was a doting
daddy and began applying pressure and deeper kisses. Slowly, Ian relaxed, letting Daddy into his
ass. His tongue slid straight past the tight ring, and in a flash, his tongue dropped deep inside.

"Oh, Daddy, oh, please wanna cum." Ian begged.

He was given a slap on the hip and told, “You be good and wait.”

Ian looked over his shoulder to see his daddy smashed between his reddened cheeks. On instinct
from stimulation, he flexed his asshole, which allowed Daddy to bury his tongue even deeper. The
wet and warm was opening him and stretching him.

"Thank you, Daddy.” Ian moaned.

That tipped Mickey over the edge. He wanted his boy to feel adored, which he did.

Mickey started by placing kisses all over his baby’s ass. He started sucking on the tiny pucker. As
Mickey's tongue fucked his boy, he reached with a steady hand between those massive legs and,
with one hand, started stroking those nine inches up and down.

Ian reached and grabbed that dark hair.

”Daddy, please. I am so ready. I want daddy in me. I've waited so long and want to be yours.

Ian was moaning, wishing Daddy would let him cum. All his fear dissolved as he rode Daddy’s
finger, now deep in him. Daddy laughed and kissed his lower back when he wildly bucked as his
prostate sent sparks deep into his body.

”Yep, my sweet boy, roll over. Daddy wants to watch you and hold you when I take you.” Ian rolled
as ordered, and Mickey began dropping kisses on his belly. He draped over his ginger, kissing him
and whispering his love.

The sunny room bounced sunbeams into Ian’s body, lighting up his carved abs and placid face.

Mickey was stroking his dick slowly now, enjoying the raw lust as Ian’s eyes followed his hand's
movements.

"Spread your legs for Daddy," Mickey crooned.

Obediently, his boy let his legs fall open, his cock and hole on display. Mickey rubbed his dick
teasingly over the tiny rosy bud. He slapped it with his thick girth a few times, rubbing its length
along the fluttering hole but not entering it.

"Fuck me, daddy! Please. Talk naughty to me. Ian was thrusting wildly, humping the air, and
pinching his nipples just the way Daddy taught him.

"Yeah, boy. Want me to take that needy cunt?"

The harsh teasing had Ian biting his lips and pulling harder, so his nipples were stiff and peaked.

Mickey grabbed the lube and used his fingers to slick up Ian’s hole. He lubed up his dick, making
sure it was slick, to give his baby a smooth ride. He lifted each leg so they were over his shoulders
and massaged those sturdy calves. He started slowing down to gauge Ian’s reactions. He started
easy with only his red tip in at first before pushing in.

It took everything in Ian not to whine, so he let out a big, shaky breath. The first breach hurt, and
the stretch was wide. Mickey watched him, ready to pull out if needed. But then his body relaxed.
The filling was hot, thick, and Daddy. He wanted more.

"Daddy, it feels so good now; please fuck me, cum in me.” That was all Mickey needed to hear.

Mickey began to pump it in and out with slow strokes. He stroked Ian’s face and used his other
hand to roll Ian’s balls.

"Like that, baby? That's my dick hard for you; only my good boy gets this. Whenever he wants. “

You light up thinking about Daddy cumming all up in this ass. Daddy’s gonna make it so you cum
so hard you can’t spell your name.”

"I want Daddy to cum in me; oh God, Daddy, it feels amazing!” Ian whispered, his eyes hooded,
his shameless pucker now clenching around his daddy’s cock. He felt so naughty, and it was his
secret that he got off being a naughty boy for Daddy. After the initial burn, Daddy, being strong but
gentle, lit him up. He whined and shook his ass more.

Dadfy’s cock was meaty and delicious-looking; he couldn't hide his excitement. His pucker
clenched, feeling Daddy sliding in and out. His cock bobbed, but it was left alone, stiff and needing
between his thighs. His walls continued to spasm around Daddy, looking for more and begging
Daddy for harder.

Mickey’s head was spinning. He had topped guys in juvie, in prison. It was getting off, just tight.
But Ian had his walls wrapped around Mickey, crushing and caressing him all at once. It was warm,
vice-like, and uniquely Ian. Pupils were blown out and wrecked under Mickey; his redhead was
ethereal.

It was hard not to just be lost in the feeling. But Daddy had a job to do. His boy wanted more; he
wanted this first control.

"Show Daddy how obedient you are. Open up this fucked little pucker for me." Mickey growled,
picking up the pace, the other hand tightly gripping Ian’s cock. "Let me see it."

Ian nodded, long fingers scrambling to spread his hole.

Mickey made the mistake of looking and almost fainted. It was the hottest thing he ever saw Ian
relax and do. The pucker was open wide, searching to pull Daddy deeper.

Mickey planted Ian’s feet on the mattress so he could place his palms on the side of those coppery
locks. Fucking and finishing slow in Missionary felt so right. He needed his baby to feel him close.

He covered Ian, and those long legs wrapped around his hips. They caressed each other's faces, and
Ian scratched his nails down Mickey's back.
Ian looked up at Mickey, his eyes almost sleepy and dreamy.

"I missed you, Daddy; never leave again."

Mickey caught Ian’s lips and then kissed promises of forever down into his boy.

"Yeah, never again. I love you too much to ever go away again.”

He caught an angle that had Ian writhing from his prostate being hit over and over.

The movement and moans were pushing Mickey over the edge. He planned to take Ian over with
him.

"Fuck, gonna cum, cum with daddy.” He cursed and gripped Ian’s dick hard, feeling the redheads
cum shoot out and onto their chests.

His boy's orgasm was epic and lasted a good few minutes until Mickey felt that hole calm and only
spasmed every few seconds. If Mickey could feel Ian let go occasionally for the rest of his life,
he’d die a perfectly happy man. Fuck, he daydreamed in prison about having Ian’s ass tightening
and cumming around his cock.

After they held on to each other, silent and sated; Mickey gently extracted himself. Grabbing a
warm cloth, he cleaned Ian and himself. After tossing the towel, he climbed back into bed.

He pulled Ian and brought him to his chest. His head is on the tattoo of his name. Ian started a soft
cry, and Mickey just pulled him in tighter. He knew Red needed a release, to be held, and to have a
safety net. Holding him, Mickey thought about Sister Meg and her talk of sacredness. Wrapped up
together, he got it. Sappy or not, it was the truth: holding each other was a sacred place of love.

Soon, satin lips were kissing each letter on his knuckles.

"I missed your tats. I know you hate how you got them, but they have been in my life so long.
Watching them move, yeah, they feel the same.. A second round of kisses.

Mickey smiled. “Missed your warm ass paws too. Are you doing okay?”

"Mm might have a Milkovich swagger for a few days. Ass is sore in a very good way." He kissed
his namesake tattoo.

"So, Mickey, what do you want to do? Daddy’s choice." He winked.

"As much as this bed and a certain smoking redhead are the bomb, craving Chinese, I just realized I
can get us some. I got a 66.79 check from laundry work, burning a hole in my pocket. They're a
good place around here."

Ian stretched. "The bamboo lotus, the event place, has a little restaurant around the back. You do
know you have to put on pants, right?"

He smacked Ian’s ass as he went by. “ Asshole"

———————————————————
They walked to the Lotus and ordered a buffet for two. Ian laughed, feeding Mickey spicy beef off
his chopsticks, and Mickey gave Ian his pea pods from his chicken.

"Mick, I love seeing you happy again.”

Mickey leaned back in his chair and winked at his man. "E, I got you and egg rolls. I'm going to get
Dimples in a few days. There is not much else I need.

Ian blushed. "If you want, we can FaceTime Amira. Say hi to Alek before Friday.”

"That sounds good. Aye, what’s buzzing on your phone?”

"It's Sandy from the studio. She did a video while a few of us teachers were doing a Britany
dance."He flipped Mickey off at the eye roll. “My part is really popular—over a half million hits.
Here”

He shoved his phone at Mickey and hit play. Mickey watched, watched again, and then looked up.

"OK, small change. I need you, Alek, these egg-rolls, and I need you to do this dance for me, today.

So this is the dance; picture the lead male, our favorite redhead.

https://youtu.be/GOFnBEhIFnw?si=VEHyFafoN-W4gwl3
 Love, Laughter, and …Larry?
Chapter Summary

Mickey gets a private performance from Ian. Between rounds of passion anxieties are shared
and soothed.Baby not under glass wraps Tato around his little ginger .
Nura is a fierce protector of her son in law, not really son in law.
Has Fiona shattered the fragile peace with Ian?

Trigger: There is mention of SA, child loss, and Terry’s hate

Mickey watched Ian blush after he watched the video for the fourth time. The dance was sexy, and
Ian’s strength and natural rhythm shone through. Gone was the coked-out kid, too thin, getting
groped in booty shorts. This dancer was having fun, dancing for himself, and he was as hot as AF
doing it. He noticed Ian was twisting his fingers. Mickey thought back to the letters and calls where
Ian said Lip and Fiona still considered his dancing glorified stripping. He was concerned that
Mickey thought the same. Oh hell no, that wasn’t going to do.

He fed Ian a bite of eggroll, then patted his cheek. “Ian, this is sexy. You are so strong in this, like a
trained dancer. Be proud of this.”

Ian looked down. “Not slutty, are you sure?”

"Yeah, so sure. Now, before we go home and your act gets another view, are you missing school?
What’s going on?"Mickey started tapping his knuckles on the table, a nervous habit he developed
in prison.

Ian easily covered Mickey's hand with his own, knowing the tapping was a sign of stress. “Mick, I
am keeping up with the assignments; they know I needed to take a leave this week with my next
internship. They call them family wellness breaks. Roll your eyes again, prick, and I am aligning
your chakras instead of a blow job tonight. You will feel so enlightened that you will be too mellow
to whine about no oral. But for reals, six more months, and I can take my license exam. I have my
reiki certification now but have been waiting until you got out and Dimples got into a routine. I
figure maybe a few clients a month. I want to ace my internships and classes. I am good at this,
Mick, and it can make a real difference for our family.”

Mickey felt a shiver of excitement up his spine. "Our family.”

”So what happens after you pass this license after classes?” Mickey snatched the check and threw
down some cash.

"Well, Greater Chicago Wellness Center rents offices. They like having two NTA’s. Their second
one just moved to Costa Rica. Agatha and Greg, the main owners, said they were impressed by my
paper on supportive therapies for mental health. Offered to hold the office." He slurped his tea and
just looked all goofy and shy.
Mickey wanted to melt away right there. Ian was doing phenomenal; his hard work was paying off.
He was still thinking of himself as the middle child, the one in the shadow, the one meant to
support. But Ian was good at ROTC because he was a natural leader. He had the will to endure
anything and still have hope.

"Red, of course they are holding the spot; they ain’t idiots. Of course they see the redheaded golden
child , know you can fucking rock it. Be proud; I am. Now let’s head home, call our baby mama,
and then I wanna check those moves.” He stood up and had a minute where he hesitated. Terry was
dead, and his life was here. He grabbed Ian’s hand and started walking to the house.

Ian pointed out a bakery and market that he frequented and watched Mickey relax. They were still
on the south side in a blue-collar neighborhood. It was nicer than their childhood haunts but had not
been gentrified. This was plumbers, electricians, and nurses who were not going to be pushed out
by a Starbucks or a HOA.

Getting into the house, Mickey stripped down to boxers and his tee. Ian grabbed some water and a
beer for Mickey. They flopped on the futon, and Mickey grinned. “ I can't believe I am saying this;
we need a better couch. Cause this ain’t gonna be comfortable to be bent over."His face was
puzzled as Ian handed him a beer and a box.

"Gallagher, what the fuck? I'm not a kept boy; gonna pull my weight. What’s next, cuckhold me,
panties of the month?”

He felt a soft tap on his head. "Fuck off, Milkovich! We talked about this. We have a joint account.
When you get a job and put money in, bills come out. You need a phone, Larry even said. You have
always taken care of me, Mandy, and even in some ways, Svet. I have no worries; you will again.
So take the phone. Panties of the month, ok, your ass looks good in anything. Right now, those
boxers are looking damn fine. Use the phone to FaceTime Amira.”

Ian pulled him over and kissed him as he hit Amira’s contact.

Amira came into view, her dark hair up in a bun and glasses on her face. Ian said she had recently
started with a publishing company as an assistant editor.

"Hey baby mama, how’s it shaking over there?" He snarked

"Oh, wild time, our son is causing my nipples to crack. Wanna see?” She snarked right back.

"Nah, boobs are a big no, plus I just ate, and it looks like Ian just did the floors, not puking." He
flipped her off and grinned as she did it right back.

He thought about how different this was. Small talk with Svet was hard and forced, but that’s how
they came together—hard and forced. He shook the image of those large breasts in his face, hurting
being rode.

This was not Svet; this was Amira, who was teasing and would never force anything on him. He
willed himself back.

"Hey, instead of boobs, how about the baby Mir?” he asked.

BAM
She reached down, and there he was, and something cozy eased into his brain.

Seeing Dimples in a non-prison setting made him even more in love. Alek’s hair was tamed with
just a few waves. The dark auburn was rich and thick. Those eyes , round with a slight almond
taper in the corners. The greens were emeralds, spring grass, and absinthe. The flecks of gold
danced in the sun. Just like Ian's, the eyes drew you in. If beauty had a color, it would be the green
of his boyfriend's and son's eyes.

Soft bitch, he heard Terry in his head. He looked at Alek again. Soft bitch and proud pops, he
thought. Terry's voice dried up as a high squeal pierced his ears.

” Ta…ta..” Dimples was leaning toward the phone, dropping his floppy bunny to try to grab the
image of Mickey.

"Hey little man, Tato misses you. I'm gonna see you soon. Wanna say hi to Baba?" Ian leaned in
and blew a kiss.

"Ba..ba..ta ta." Alek was bouncing on Amira’s hip.

"Are you guys still down for Friday? He is sitting, rocking, and teething."

"Hell yeah, baby, not under glass, ready to try that out." Mickey felt Ian rub his back and plant a
kiss on his shoulder.

"Ok, I am gonna set this guy down for his nap. You guys go do whatever my baby daddies get up
to. Blow kisses to Baba and Tato.”

The view was a chubby little face sucking into the phone.
—————————————————

After the call, Ian eyed Mickey.

"I'm going to change Mick; move the coffee table.”

Oh fuck, showtime. Mickey kicked the coffee table out of the way.

Ian suckered and punched him once when he was beating up Ned. The air whooshed out, and his
throat closed up.

Ian gave him the same sensation right now. But this time, he did not touch him. This time the
whoosh, the closed throat, and a hard on.

Firecrotch was standing legs apart in black satin basketball shirts, low on his hips. The net top was
teased with glints of abs and pecs. Those legs, cut and covered with red hair, were long and lean. I
want to dry hump em machines. But fuck. Black ankle boots on; fuck me 6 inch stiletto pumps.

He gave Mickey a kiss and started.

Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know

That something wasn't right here
Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go
He cat-walked to Mickey, shaking his hips, then dropped to one knee and came up roaming his own
chest.

He undulated and dropped low, each hip thrust tight.

And now you're out of sight, yeah

Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby 'cause I need to know now, oh because

The puppy was now a pitbull.

He shimmied, kicked his long leg over Mickey, and turned so his tight ass and broad back were on
display.

Then he dropped in a full split, lifted himself, and twerked, each cheek hitting a bump and grind.

Then that gravel command threw Mickey into a leaking, submissive mess. “Pull that cock out,
baby; show me how much you like this.”

My loneliness is killing me (and I)

I must confess I still believe (still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
Give me a sign
Hit me baby one more time
Hit me baby one more time

Somehow Ian has turned and is crawling to Mickey. Ian trailed his long, freckled ginger down from
Mickey's throat, across his left nipple, and slowly trailed the softer washboard of his belly. Feather
touches ghosted his cock as he arched up and began a bump and grind again.

Oh baby, baby, how was I supposed to know

That something wasn't right here
Oh baby, baby, I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're out of sight, yeah
Show me how you want it to be
Tell me baby 'cause I need to know now, oh because

Mickey had moves of his own, catching the shorts and pulling Ian closer. Then he lifted that mesh,
licked those abs and dropped to his knees. He tugged down the shorts, hands shakey and watched
that firehouse spring up. The sound of it hitting that ripped stomach pulled a strangled whine out of
Mickey. Ian was grinning and still giving small hip rolls and thrusts.

” Chase it, baby.”

And because he had no immunity—zero, zilch, nada—to the desires of Ian Fucking Gallagher,
Mickey did.

As Ian thrust towards Mickey, the brunette obeyed. His mouth searching, kisses to the balls, a
stolen lick of the billowy mushroom tip, glistening with salty precum , nips under the thatch of
orange cradling that behemoth dick. Mercifully, the music stopped, and Ian looked down at the
panting man between his legs. Their eyes met, and Mickey dropped his mouth open. He shifts,
widening that stance on his knees, to get comfortable because he might be there a while—for as
long as Ian wants him to be. What is rough and dirty feels comforting.

---

The whole point is comfort for Mickey: Ian filling his mouth as much as he can, and then another
inch more for good measure. Submisdily sucking down on him greedily, uncontrollably.

Mickey had sucked cock before, but not a lot. But, juvie, there were a few stolen minutes. But he
never felt full or in control. Even early with him and Ian, it was his ginger doing the work. Then Ian
left, and when he came back to come back to Mickey's bed, the ultimatum was: Suck my dick
whenever I want. After that first night of fumbling fingers in jeans, Mickey realized Ian in his
mouth was the hidden final piece of the puzzle. It did not matter if it was teasing Ian or getting his
face fucked now; he was safe. He could play out his cock slut fantasies while knowing two sharp
taps to Ian’s thigh stopped it. No explanations or apologies are needed.

Ian let him hold on to these fantasies about submission.

Before he let his mine wander, his eyes were literally on his prize.

Rock hard, nine inches, and weighted. Veiny and cut with a slight curve. All for him.

"Fucking take it, Gallagher, please."

Ian grabbed the back of his head and commandeered his throat. No licking, no sucking, nothing.
This thrusting deep into his mouth made Mickey painfully hard. For Mickey, it was humiliation,
but not true degradation. Each thrust, no matter how forceful, adds moments outside this act laced
with tenderness and babying. The play between the two strikes perfect balance.

Velvet, warm, throbbing, fucking his face. With it, the hard-fought, angry prison top dissolved. Ian
was his; he was Ian. There was no challenge to his ego anymore to receive from his boyfriend.
Mickey kept his eyes on Ian’s rugged face. and took it, enjoying each sensation coaxed from his
body.

He coughed, he gagged, and his eyes watered. Mickey twisted, trying to play hard, but Ian fucked
into his throat like he was a sex doll. There for the pleasure of his owner. Despite the pressure, the
tingling humiliation came, and Mickey opened his throat wider.

Holy Mother, he missed those huge hands covering the back of his head and pushing him to the
pubic bone. There was that smell that haunted him in his cold cell. It was sharp, biting, and almost
spicy with musk.

The touch of shame Mickey felt years ago was turning into a burning, raw need.

He moaned around the salty tang of precum leaking down his throat.

Ian took that as an invitation to thrust even harder, pull out, then slam, so Mickey's chin was
pressed into his balls. Then he held him there with his fucking short thrusts. Right as Mickey lost
breath and closed his eyes, Ian pulled his cock out of greedy mouth, leaving a line of salvia running
from those puffy pink lips to his cock. He yanked Mickey's head back and looked into those teary
blue eyes.

"Never take your eyes off me, baby," he said quietly.

Ian looked deep into his sky blue eyes. He looked farther down in Mickey’s soul. That look was
predator and partner. Passion and protection

Mickey wanted him; no, he needed him; his universe needed to revolve around this man who so
degraded and adored him.

"Make me cum, Mick." The blazing greens left no room for disobedience.

Mickey went to work. Obviously out of practice, but with years of dreaming of this moment,
Mickey went for it, determined that each sensation showed Ian how much he missed this. He
sucked the throbbing head and took him deep into his throat, his nose tickled by fiery red pubic
hair.

Ian began to growl because, when Mickey was in his game, it was hard to believe he was ever
closeted. The man sucked that cock like the porn stars Ian had been watching for years. The whole
time, Blues watched him under inky black lashes. Ian suddenly felt hands trail down his calves and
ankles, fondling the boots. Then… fuck, kinky thing was stroking the razor-thin, steel-strong
stilettos like they were a cock he needed to jack off.

Mickey felt Ian’s hitch in his breath, proud that he was sending a firecrotch over the edge.

Mickey knew Ian was close when suddenly he grabbed the back of Mickey's head and fucked his
face so violently and erratically that Mickey thought Ian's cock was going to lodge in his
diaphragm. Then reward Ian, keeping him full via his throat.

Ian shot load after load of thick, salty cum into Mickey's eager mouth. Mickey's mouth was so
loaded, but he did not swallow; he was waiting for Ian to tell him to, so he held the saline treat in
his open mouth as Ian squeezed every drop out with additional pushes. Then he pulled out his cum
and spit dribble down Mickey's chin.

Ian squatted and used his thumb to smear the escaping fluids all over Mickey's face. Mickey was
still stroking those heels, wrecked, eyes blown out. So hard, Ian could see the pulses and the extra
heaviness on those bull-like balls. It was a dirty thrill of Ian’s to see that smaller cock paired with
fat, heavy balls. He reached down and began to stroke, twisting as he reached that angry, red-
leaking tip. He swore, seeing his cum trying to dribble out of Mickey’s mouth.

"Stand up, baby.” Mivkey quickly popped up on unsettled, weak legs. He threw his head back as
Ian was working his foreskin with his tongue while a hot palm jacked him off.

"Swallow for me while I swallow.” Ian all but cooed.

Mickey allowed himself the luxury of tasting each stream of Ian as it trickled down his throat. All
the while cumming hot white ropes of his own into the talent mouth of Ian. When Ian sucked him
dry, he stood and pulled Mickey into a tangled embrace. They made their way to the couch and
flopped. Ian went to unbuckle the shoes, and Mickey grabbed his wrist.
"Keep em on while longer, ok?" He winked and grabbed a packet of baby wipes on the milk crate
by the couch. They cleaned each other, and then Mickey was buried in Ian’s chest as they pulled a
blanket up.

"I missed this,” Mickey confessed. "I always loved our rooting around sex, but when it was really
bad in the joint, I needed this. Holding each other.”

Ian tickled his back. "Me too, Mickey. But we have it now, never losing it again.”

”Aye, I am nervous; I hate this. This getting a real job; I never had one. It’s not just Terry’s voice
but Uncle Ronnie's, Uncle George's, and my brothers'. Fucking me, saying hard work is for pussys,
twink bitches. Real men take what they need for their families. I don't want to let you down, ever."

A new bonus for Ian in therapy was that he was a listener. He always had been, but the new change
was that he did not jump to trying to fix it. In that visiting room, Ian just let Mickey ramble and
then gave feedback, not orders.

The massive arms held Mickey closer, slowing his just-erratic heart rate. “Mick, I know you heard
that your whole life, and I get why it makes you feel anxious. But let’s break it down. Terry did not
provide Your water was off a lot, and the same with power. You guys only ate real food when Terry
wanted it, and Mandy was used like a housebitch cooking for your asses. When Svet was there,
food was on the table because of you and her. Ronnie once ignored bills for meth for a month, and
Sandy got pneumonia from the cold house. She lived on condiment packages for a week until Aunt
Randa took her in for a few days. Work, play, and purpose define us, Mick. Those role models lied.
I know it’s gonna be weird and, most likely, give you some anxiety. We get through it, ok?"

Mickey burrowed into Ian’s new ink and nodded. "Forgive me ahead of time for any asshoke
moves."

Ian laughed. "Mick, we both have learned forgiveness. You get one free asshoke meltdown without
any eye rolls from me.”

Mickey picked up the remote, and they spent the afternoon talking about long-term goals for work
that Mickey wanted and watching whatever show was new and interesting to him.

—————————————

The sun was starting to set, making the room cooler. Mickey sat up, needing to pee but also
smelling a spicy, citrus aroma. He headed for the kitchen, where he heard the redhead singing old
Joan Baez songs. He jogged past Ian, used the restroom, then stepped out.

There was no doubt about it; Ian was trying to kill him.

Ian was facing the counter, chopping something. He was naked except for those heels and an apron.
The strings tied hung down to the crack of the tight-muscled ass. He gave him a feel as he hopped
onto the counter, pouting until Ian put the knife down and kissed him.

"Hmm, it smells fucking'mazing in here."

Ian gave him another kiss. "I learned to cook for my man. I also mean that trying to eat well is part
of my routine. So I have lemon-roasted chicken, carrots, and rice pilaf. Mandy and Emma bought
you a snicker cheesecake. But we have a few..."

"It sounds amazing. With extra time, are you going to get in me or what? Work up my appetite.”

Ian lifted him off the counter and faced him against the lower cabinets. He began kissing the older
man’s neck, kisses that were light and barely there, a soft brushing of lips. It made Mickey's skin
prickly and his ties curl. Domineering hands then cupped his butt; long, thick, rough fingers
brushed his thick thighs, making him quiver.

"Hmm...like that," Ian murmured huskily against his ear.

A slap to the ass: "Bend over, baby; I'm going to fuck you now." Then the hand guided him into
position.

Mickey is pinned face down on the counter, forming a perfect right-fuck able angle. He wriggles
playfully, and his ass is moving in small circles. The teases knowing it makes Ian completely out of
control.

Mickey's cock aches, and his breathing is quick and ragged. He reaches back, rolling Ian’s balls like
the cock tease he is; he raises himself up on his toes and arches his back, presenting himself like a
bitch in heat to Ian. The click of heels on the floor makes Mickey shiver. His plump ass is pulled
apart, his hole opens, and he spits in mumbling of "Good Boy.”

Ian has his thug spit into his hand and guides his cock up to push the tip against the opening hole.
Ian’s hand moves up to join the other grasping Mickey's wrists as he slams into him. He uses his
octopus grip on Mickey's arms for leverage so he can push himself in as far as he can, his balls
slapping against the brunettes ass.

"Fuck yeah, harder." Mickey screams as Ian slides partly out and slams in again with punishing
force.

"Mick… Your ass is hot,so tight around my cock.” Ian begins to fuck his boyfriend with wild
abandonment, teasing thrusts that are slow but powerful and deep.

Every slam into his hole, and Mickey yelps encouragingly. "Ah, yes, fucking come on!" Gasping
each word in time to Reds thrusting, "Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me!"

"Oh, you like it hard and rough, huh? Slut. My tough thug slut. Ian growls between thrusts, getting
into the swing of his role. "Fine, you asked for it!"

He lets go of Mickey’s wrists and pinches his hips, pulling him back from the counter slightly. With
his feet, Ian kicks his legs apart, holding them in position with his knees and feet. Then Red begins
to slam his cock into Mickey as hard as he can, pulling his hips toward him with each thrust.

Ian’s pace is calm and deliberate, sliding out slowly as far as he dares, so barely his swollen tip
stays inside before surging forward. With each thrust, he alters the angle to tease and then slam
Mickey's prostate. Each punishing thrust generates a delighted howl from Mickey. Before long, the
bossy bottom is losing patience with the pace: "Oh my God! Stop fucking teasing me; if I don't cum
soon, my dicks are going to explode." Mickey grips the edge of the counter and begins to push
himself backward into Ian’s cock, forcing a faster pace.

Ian takes back his control by pushing Mickey forward, so once again he’s pinned to the counter,
and he grabs his biceps, wrestling them behind his back again. the manhandling driving Mickey
crazy. This time, however, Ian holds them in place with just his left hand as his right goes forward
and grabs a handful of his soft raven hair. Ian pulls it back and down slowly, forcing Mickey's head
back.

Mickey spits through gritted teeth, "Oh, your fucking loving this now, ain’t ya? Take my ass
anyway you want."

Ian responds by thrusting himself into the clenched hole with hard, short thrusts. Their breathing
becomes ragged and fast as they both charge toward orgasms.

Mickey starts to cuss loudly with each thrust. He continues to try and talk, but his words are cut off
by gasps and moans. Ian is sounding like some kind of rutting animal, with guttural cries coming
with every thrust. Their pace is faster as both feel their balls driving up; they both begin to grunt,
moan, shout, and curse louder and louder to a crescendo. Wild howls.

Ian feels Mickey's vice-like walls clamping tight around him as he cums; his shouts and moans
become one long, growling exhale as he squirms beneath Ian. At the same time, Ian’s orgasm
thunders, and his body tightens as he surges one final time into him. Ian releases his hair and arms
and grips Mickey's hips, desperately holding himself inside him to feel the spasms.

"I was hoping to christen the kitchen." Ian fumbles in a drawer, pulls out an ass plug, and sucks in
it. He pulls his cock out and inserts the thick plug into the pink, puffy hole. He pats Mickey's ass,
then croon’s patronizing. "Gonna be good; keep this in for me."

Mickey is still leaning into the counter, the plug being twisted, hitting his overstimulated prostrate.
"Yeah, going to be good."

A timer beeps.

And Ian switches from porn king to Martha Fucking Stewart.

"Want to eat like a barbarian and get messy enough to need a long, soapy shower?” Ian asks in an
innocent voice with a dirty leer.

"Lead the way, sweetheart; lead the way.” Mickey grins like the idiot in love he is.

They wind up on a blanket in the living room. The TV is on but ignored. No silverware. Hands rip
bites of chicken into hungry mouths. Juices are being traced with tongues. Grains of rice sucked off
pecs and six packs. Gravy is kitten licked off treasure trails. Pan juices were spread on balls and
teabagged. A reward fuck for Mickey eating his vegetables. Mickey is eating Ian out just because
he can. No one was being herded to the cell. All the time now.

They are shiny and sticky when they bring out the dessert. Ian’s slice is smeared in Mickey's hard,
dusty rose nipples. It is sucked and bit, and every last drop is replaced with bruises and bites. He
cums as his nipples are twisted by a hard tongue.
He grabs a handful of sweet and smears it in Ian’s taint, balls, and cock. He likes em sweet. He is in
a high state of freedom in his own space. He worships Ian’s cock as he marks that taint and balls,
deep throating the dessert dick. When it’s over, their limbs are tangled and locked into each other,
their mouths just kissing, sucking, and devouring.

At last, they break apart, chasing each other up the stairs. The shower is long and lavish. Loving
hands wash each other and trace patterns with lather. Giggle like teens in love, getting each other
off as men who are desperate for each other. Hair was washed, rewashed, and pulled. Arms that just
pull in for hugs under the warm stream, and I love you from tired lips.

Mickey sinks into their bed, which is nothing like the six-inch vinyl mattress in his past cage. No
more roommates shitting three feet away. No more strip-search humiliation. No CO rounds. Just
warm sleep pants and curled into a little spoon. He and Ian are building a life.

—————————-

The next few days, they tease and play. Mickey is dicked down so often and hard that he actually
has a limp. 14 times in four days, and his ass is on fire. Between rounds, they explore the
neighborhood, buy the green couch that reclines, and just catch up. Mickey makes a note to talk to
Larry about work and being able to go with Ian to Erin appointments and the family support group.

They fall into a routine. Ian would get up to run or go to sunrise yoga. Kisses were heaped on
Mickey before and after. Ian would snuggle when he returned for a bit, then got dressed, started
coffee, and studied. Night time, Mickey made sure they were winding down before Ian’s meds.
Bedtime enforced.

Mickey stretched in bed. Friday, Larry (gag), and Dimples. Showered and dressed, he wandered
downstairs for his coffee and a ginger kiss.
Ian had a breakfast casserole ready and hot. He, however, was making cookies.

"Ummm, morning, Red, what’s with the British Bake-Off?" He kissed coffee lips with a hint of
honey.

"Mick, this is your first appointment with Larry; we need to make a good impression. Larry is a
coffee and cookie guy.” Ian shook his head.

Mickey grabbed and kissed Ian’s floury hands. The gentleness and innocence that Ian could still
possess made Mickey's heart happy.

"E, it’s my parole officer, not a damn Tupperware party; you don't think cookies are overkill?”

Ian just stared at him. "Mickey, baby. He will be in our lives for 2 years. A little kiss up never
hurts."

Just then, there was a knock.

"Hey baby daddies, open the door."

Ian opened the door, and Amira grinned. "Sorry, Sorry. I know we said noon, but mom insisted."
Nura followed Amira in holding a chunky little boy. She kissed Ian as Amira grabbed coffee and
patted his stubble. "As-salamu alaykum, Ian” (peace be upon you).

Ian kissed both wrinkled cheeks. "Wa alaykum as-salam" (and upon you be peace).

She then turned to her daughter. "Of course we come early. Alek needed to see Tato. Larry is
coming; we make sure he does right by other daddy.

She strode over to Mickey, hugging him hard with Alek on her hip.

It was wild. Mickey, an unloved child of a neo-Nazi, is being loved unconditionally by Arabic
women.

“As-salamu alaykum, Nura,” Mickey said proudly. Ian had taught him some common phrases.

Fuck you, Terry.

Her smile was dazzling. "Wa alaykum as-salam," and without fanfare, she put Alek in Mickey's
arms.

Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. I am not Terry; I won’t be a Terry dad. Mickey Pep talked himself.

When Svet was pregnant until the miscarriage, Mickey was sick and freaked out that he may have
to hold a baby, his baby, from rape. He had nothing against the child, but he did not want one in his
life. His baby was created by two strangers out of hate and violence. But Alek was his son, born in
an awkward situation but loved without traumatizing .He felt bad that Svetlana miscarried; he knew
that was awful for her, guilty that to him it was a relief.

But the little man pulling on his shirt and chewing his knuckle was something he never knew he
wanted. Until he was here. He began to bounce Dimples, who screeched, and turned for kisses from
his Tato. They were both so mesmerized by each other that there was no barrier between them;
neither end realized that phones were snapping photos.

Like there was no one else in the room, Mickey tossed Alek in the air, pulling him down and giving
him raspberries on his belly.

"Ta, ta, ta, tooo." Alek garbled doe eyes locked in Mickey.

"Thats right, Dimples Tato is home," Mickey easily secured Alek in the highchair by the table. He
reached into the cupboard and pulled out the mashed banana. He began to feed him.

Ian looked with his heart full.

Another knock, and in bounds, Larry Freaking Seever. Brillcreamed hair, ruddy face. He shook
hands with Amira and Nura and did a weird bro-binding knuckle bump with Ian. He saw Mickey
still bonding with Alek and boomed, "Family on Team Seever, I am so excited. Mickey, this is a
great start. Oh wow, Ian, you made cookies. Thank you. I love snacks."

He sat next to Mickey and accepted a cup of coffee and cookies with a happy noise from Ian. To
everyone’s surprise, Nura sat directly across from Larry, watching him. Her look was fierce and
protective.

"So, Mickey, as I knew, your housing is stable, and I get goosebumps from the support here. So
judges, conditions, work, and therapy are your priorities. We found you a counselor. Maggie Riaz.
The first 12 sessions are covered, and case notes are submitted to me each session. Therapy is
freeing."

Mickey snorted, "69 with Ian is freeing.”

Ian sent him a look, so he sighed and forced a smile. "I mean, it sounds fine, Larry.”

"Good, good. Now, jobs are hard to come by. But I found a dinner that gives my people chances.
Dishwasher, 7 a.m. to 5 p.m. Sunday through Thursday. You start Monday. The manager knows
you, Fiona. It's not fancy, but Patsy Pies is homey.” Larry folded his hands on his belly.

Mickey paled.

Ian hissed through his teeth to not scare Alek. "That bitch, that controlling bitch. She did not even
tell me." He looked at Larry. "Fiona is my sister."

Nura caught the look of both men. She had met Fiona, and while she admired the young woman’s
strength, she knew the history from Ian.

Her hand slammed against the table, and she shook her ringed finger at Larry.

"Yes, honest work is good; there is no shame in working for family. But this , it is not fit for Tato at
all. Mickey has a carpentry apprenticeship title. You find him better. You have two weeks, or I will
find it better for Tato. Team Nura will override Team Seever if you do not treat my son-in-law, not
my son-in-law, well.

They all looked at Mickey, who was cuddling Alek, thinking about Fiona as his boss.

” Mick?”

One warden is gone; another takes their place.

He shook his head and said, "Fucking Gallagher's."

💕
 Dimples day with his dads 💕
Chapter Summary

Oh yes a conversation with Fiona will happen, but not today.

Dimples gets both dads and they are not wasting a minute.
Mickey learns the fundamentals of changing a baby… oops .
A pure tooth rotting fluff chapter , just love all love.

After everyone’s left, Ian watched Mickey bouncing Alek sing a very heartfelt but off-key rendition
of Living on a Prayer.

"I am going to fucking kill my sister. But not today; today is our day with little man.” Ian mumbled

Mickey could see the swirl of frustration and was cutting it off at the pass.

He walked over to Ian and kissed him.

"Look, apparently your sister is flunking the whole'have a boundary thing'. Yes, we will talk with
her, but not today. Also, surprise! I told baby mama I wanted to keep this chunk a doodle tonight.
You all are used to his baby routines, and shit, gotta catch up. Besides, isn’t it a family pizza group
tonight? Free pizza, and I get to meet your gal pal Emma. And maybe I am biased, but I have the
cutest got manic and slept with a girl kid out there.”

” Dick”

Mickey covered Dimple’s ears. "Kiddo, you are gonna hear a lot worse from Tato. We need to keep
Baba at least PG 13 to keep you from getting kicked out of preschool."

Ian kissed Alek. "Tato has a point. Wanna go get fussed over while your dads score free food?
Yeah, you do." Mickey was not an emotional guy, but the look of adoration as Ian let Alek chew on
his hand moved feelings of paternal pride he never thought he had. Tery was a shitdad; Mickey
would never be.

"Um, Ian, you were not kidding about baby poop; got that reeks." He went to hand Alek back to
Ian, who just grinned. "Nope, routine means diaper patrol, Tato."

He wrinkled his nose.

Ian just shook his head. "Mick put him on his changing table and peel off the diaper. Lift the butt,
wipe the butt, powder the butt, and add a new diaper. He is 7 months old and weighs 14 pounds.
You have dragged my depressed ass to the can and wiped it. He is a piece of stinky cake next to
that. Besides being competent, Tato is a sexy Tato."

"Yeah, yeah. You pack a bag; I got this.” I hope, he thought.

—————————————————-

Mickey looked around at the nursery and put Alek on the changing table. He undid the onsie and
just watched Dimples smile and kick his feet. Mickey began to talk.

"Look, Dimples, Baba is already better at this than me. He has a shitload of siblings. I think you
met ‘em all. Aunt Fi and Uncle Lip love Baba; they do; they just don’t understand him. Never did.
See, Baba has a disease. When you get older, you may not get to hang with him at times. Tell you
now; tell you then; it is not your fault. Trust me, it’s hard. We love him and want him to be Ok,
ok?"

"You smile like Baba, kinda cool. So yeah , baby stuff is again new to me. My dad was scary; he hit
me, burned me, and did really bad things you don’t need to know. But swear on Baba and your
bunny never happening to you. I almost had a kid before you. It made me sad. I did not want them.
It sounds fucked; sorry about that, to say out loud. Your different. I'm not sure how to explain it,
like, Baba, you just fit in my heart, and trust me, Dimples, it’s a pretty exclusive club: Baba, you,
and Aunt Mandy. Ok, let’s get this rank thing off.”

——————————————-

Ian was down stairs, his heart soaring in ways he never thought. Mickey Milkovich, dirty violent
Southside terror, was never that to Ian. Even as messed-up kids, there was a pull. Even with
running and fighting, their hearts pulled them back in. They spoke a language they could not
translate, but it was rich and deep and filled them with wonder and connection.

Ian always wanted kids. Alek came into the picture, and he fell in love and panicked at the same
time. Parenting with his illness was filled with anxiety and terror. He knew he would never be
Monica, but could he be enough? He always told Mickey that every bit of goodness and strength
under those blue eyes was pure perfection. Hearing Mickey believe in him just as much, wow. His
fucked-up brain might not remember this at a low but right now, the faith in him that came through
the baby monitor was enough.

Then he heard it.

"Ok, let’s get this rank thing off.”

Ian ran and yelled up the stairs: "Mick! Cover the..."

”Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh”
"The penis," Ian said weakly.

—————————————

Mickey stood in the bright nursery, holding Alek so he did not come off the table. His look was one
of horror. His hair was wet, and his shirt was wet. Alek was cooing happily.

Ian started to laugh; he could not help it.

"You are officially a dad.” He said between a wheezing laugh to his horrified partner.

” Ian. It’s in my hair, up my nose.” Mickey was green.

Ian switched places with Mickey.

"Baby, take a shower. I have had this happen a few times. The biggest rule is to cover the penis,
“Ian said gently.

"Firecrotch, any other tips you shared before, ok?” Mickey used a clean diaper to mop his face, still
grimacing.

Ian just nodded, changing Alek, then putting him down on his play mat.

Micke came out to Ian, lying on the floor, handing Alek bright-colored rings. Mickey sat by Ian.
"Weird, we never got this E."

"Yeah, neither Frank nor Terry cared enough. I like that we do, though.” He shook a rattle at Alek,
who tried to grab it.
So what are we doing with Dimples today, Mick? What do you wanna do?”

Mickey fiddled with his hands. Get it the fuck together, Milkovich. You are not going to be the dad
playing dodge the dagger.

"Um, so Sister Meg told me about this butterfly place, colors, and shit supposed to be good for his
brain. I know it’s super gay, but..."

"We are super gay, and yeah, it’s good for him.” He kissed Mickey. "I love you for trying new
things. You are so amazing.”

"Oh, before I lose my nerve trying to be a hipster dad, let’s go.” Mickey rolled his eyes.

————————————-

They headed to the Chicago botanical gardens, and Mickey fretted while Ian noticed Mickey did
and redid the car seat. The care he took with Alek made Ian fall in love all over again. Watching
them together, Ian realized something about purpose. His purpose was to remind Mickey that he
was worth loving. He would care for Mickey, and Mickey would care for the world. He was a true
nurturer, an old soul, and the best man Ian had ever met.

Mickey refused to wear the wrap, claiming it was freaky wrapping Dimples up like a burrito, but to
Ian’s shock, Mickey's rough hand grabbed his as he realized no one at the gardens gave a fuck.
They walked into the enclosure, and Mickey's eyes narrowed.

” Ian I thought these would be behind glass; we are letting bugs get on our kid. Do butterflies have
germs?"

”Mick.”

”Rabies, oh wait, that’s bats, but should Google that?"

” Mick”
"Plauge, do they have teeth?” The swagger was fierce as he paced.

“MICK!”

"What?”

”Look at Alek!”

Mickey turned. Ian had lifted Alek out of the cloth baby straighjacket. The green eyes had dilated;
he was taking in the butterflies with curiosity and wonder. His face was chubby, and his grin was
crooked and drooling. He reached and giggled, looking at Baba, then Tato, as a butterfly landed on
him. Mickey has been in prison and has sometimes felt the world was closing in due to anxiety. His
son was opening up everything in the world and embracing it all.

Two poor kids from the Southside are raising a happy baby. Fucking wild and so fucking worth it.

They almost broke their phones, snapping pictures and laughing at Dimples chasing winged colors
with his eyes. They stopped for Al’s beef, which Mickey ate in the car, claiming he may have cum
a bit having not had spicy peppers in the joint. Ian took mercy on Mickey and made the big, high-
back diaper change. Mickey went to put Alek down for his nap while Ian called Debbie. Debbie
would not be able to attend group tonight, but she would have Liam and Carl ready to be picked up.

Walking in, he snapped a picture and sent it to Mandy. He sent another text with it, this time to
Sister Meg.

I think he is set for life. Thank you for caring for him until he came back to me and us.

Alek was baby starfished in his crib, his hand being covered by a larger one bearing u-up tattoos.
Mickey was sitting against the crib, go the f to sleep book in his lap, fast asleep. Ian grabbed a
knitted throw and pulled Mickey in slowly to not wake him. He pulled out his phone and did some
studying as nap time happened around him.

—————————————-

Mickey woke up feeling refreshed. By nature, he was not a napper. When Ian was low, he could
often stay with him, just willing him well. Since he was out of prison, he has napped every day, and
Ian was wearing him out. It was partly true, but Ian was right; he was in such high stress all those
years that his body needed a reset.

He heard the high ba ba ba ba and opened his eyes. Ian was planking over Alek, then lowering to
kiss him and blow raspberries, murmuring encouragement when Alek blew them back.

"Red, what are you doing?”

"Oh, baby yoga, we have a class at the studio that we sometimes go to.” Ian easily moved into the
downward dog, lifting Alek’s feet up and doing little bike pedals with them while he held the
stretch.
"Yoga, taking medications, school, and cooking. If it were not for that goofy grin and monster cock,
I might worry some other alien red head abducted me."Mickey rolled so his head was by the babies,
so Ian could kiss them both.

Ian was pensive. "Does this bother you, Mick?” He suddenly looked worried.

Mickey rolled and sat, pulling Alek into his lap and toppling his red puppy.

"Look here, tough guy; I actually think this all fits you. It’s new, ok? The last time I saw you before
jail, you were on the porch, barely hanging on to your shit. The family had you believing you were
gonna go out like Monica. Just a sluggish south side fuck up. Your happy E, that is all that matters
to me, plus the view from this yoga, fuck yeah. Can I just bring a beer and watch you do this shit?”

"I might give you a private class, hot yoga, nude “ He pulled Mickey's collar to tug him in for an
embrace. "Hey, Liam and Carl are coming to group with us. We need to start heading out to be on
time.”

As they drove to pick up the younger Gallagher's, Mickey stole side glances at his boyfriend. The
strands of fire in his hair were ethereal. Mickey was about to go meet the people who were helping
keep Ian stable and safe when he was not. From the joint, Mickey despised groups. By his internal
nature, he was not a people person, but these people, yeah, he wanted to know them. For Ian's
health, he would spend the rest of his life going outside his comfort zone.

He steeled himself for an evening of small talk and Carl's curiosity about prison shivs and weiners.
 Group
Chapter Summary

Trigger warning for abuse and SA.

Mickey learns a new part if Ian and now his life; the support group.
Carl gets three questions about prison and Alek gets adored.
Mickey witnesses first hand how Ian is thriving and struggling.

Mickey never enjoyed silence.

As a small child, it meant Terry was done beating him, Mandy, Iggy, and Mama. Silence meant
Laura was unconscious and Terry was asleep. The rule of survival was to never wake the monster.
You did not get water or a snack. No radio or TV. Iggy taught him to keep a bottle hidden, pee in it,
and dump it later. Hell, once as a child, his cough woke up Terry from a meth binge. He was
dragged by his hair down the hall and whipped with an extension cord. He was seven.

As a teen, silence meant being hyperaware. You made sure Terry was not going to Mandy’s room.
It meant his father's eyes were rivers rising, and any second, the dam would break and drown you
in insults and pain. It meant Terry counting and recounting money, pills, and coke. If it was off, he
stalked you with no sound until the violence exploded. Iggy being pissed on, Mickey being forced
to eat ashes before the cigarette was put out on your skin, hand if you were lucky, ball sac if you
fucked up by three dollars like Colin.

Then there was a fucking nightmare day. It was silent except for him and Ian’s breath. Then blood,
shame, Svetlana. Every other silence in that hellscape time. His silent pleas for death followed the
stillness as he walked away, leaving Ian on the ground. The wordless deflation when he dismissed
Ian for not getting married and leaving with him. The nights in a goddamn sleeping bag on his bed
next to a woman he did not know, did not want to fuck, and did not want to be her baby daddy. The
silence would putter out conversations with them. Even trying to find common ground and
solidarity against Terry. What sounds could convey being raped and being forced to be the
instrument of it?

Then Ian went to the army, and Mickey’s heart went silent, freezing like Siberia, which Svet made
jokes about. The silence, the fucking eerie empty tomb when Ian was depressed.

The silence in his prison cell, aware that closing your eyes could kill you.

But now silence was comfortable, like a warm bath after shoveling snow, with the sun on your face
when you leaned back and smoked a joint. The silence of Alek sleeping in his crib, the softness and
snuggles from bunnies and blankets.

The car was quiet, Alek was teething, and Ian was holding his hand. It was easy and intimate, and
more so for Mickey. He just had to have no agenda and no threats. Just touching hands and
backseat baby glances. It was a shift for him and Ian. No rushes, no family, no Terry. Taking time to
be in a space. They had nothing to prove anymore. To anyone.
The sun beating down is a constant; its warmth grows things. Ian's core is this: a warmth he gives
whether or not it is returned; the desire to see growth in others without being jealous. Watching Ian
smile is a thing of beauty; it is not rare because he smiles so much. But Mickey gets it, having the
light of your life, his being Ian Fucking Gallagher.

---

In a rare moment of pure vulnerability, he brushes his thumb across Ian’s and whispers, "Fuck, I
love you so much.”

Ian becomes a sunbeam and lifts Mickey's hand to kiss it back.

"I love you too, Mick; it feels like I loved you for forever.”

They felt swells of romance. As they pulled down the block, Carl and Liam were outside. Ian
turned to Mickey and laughed.

"Remember that you love me when Carl starts asking what are going to be highly inappropriate
questions about prison?"

The kids ran to the Bronco, and Ian jumped out to be body-slammed by both of them as he folded
them into the Ian bear hugs that were craved like candy.

Carl and Liam jumped into the backseat, with Liam closer to the car seat.

"Mickey , hey, your out," Carl and Mickey bumped fists over the seat.

"Hi Mickey!" Liam waved shyly.

Mickey smiled, then cleared his throat.

"Okay, Carl, you get three questions about prison, only three." He tried to use the stern voice he had
Ian use with the younger kids.

They were unimpressed.

"Cool, thanks, Mickey. Ok, so, like, what happens if you have to poop? Like, how do you pretend
someone is not pooping close?”

Ian groaned.

"Carl, what do you do if you’re in the shower and one of the Gallagher hoard needs the bathroom?"
Mickey shot back.

"I ignore them,” Carl laughed.

"Same thing, buddy."

"Okay, so you are gay like Ian and are with Ian. Is it hard to shower around other guys? Do you
compare weiners. Do you compare them to Ian’s. Were you allowed to look, or is that cheating?"
” Carl!” Ian had a warning tone, and Mickey patted his boyfriend’s knee.

"Calm Red, deals a deal. Look Carl. It’s hard, man. You can get hurt looking; you can get hurt if
guys look long at you. It’s not cool; it’s dirty and dangerous. Also, I love your brother; being naked
by other guys was not a choice. Not cheating."

Mickey knew that satisfied Carl, but inwardly he stiffened; other things were cheating and...
Suddenly, Ian was squeezing his knee tight. He looked up, and Ian had that sure, silent, mind-
reading look. He mouthed it to Mickey. "Let it go; I have."

Mickey sucked his teeth and then turned back. "One more, Carl.”

He watched Carl twist in his seat. "How do you make a good shiv?”

He looked at Mickey. Mickey looked at Ian. Then they both gave Ian the eyeball.

"Fine, next week." Ian grumped good-naturedly.

Mickey looked back, watching Liam shake a toy for Alek. "Hey little man, you got any questions?"
Mickey always had a soft spot for Liam. He watched those deep browns get thoughtful.

"Are you going back?” He asked fearfully.

Mickey understood the fear. He had it himself. The fear of going back and dying there. Losing this
man, his son, and his family. He knew it was an anxiety that had burrowed into Ian’s soul. His last
name, Terry's sins, would be paid by Mickey. Together, though, he and Ian were conquering that
fear. Making his voice confident, he smiled over his shoulder.

"Nah, Liam, done, never going back.”

The smile was wide, with a missing tooth. "Good, Good cause Ian and Alek would miss you. You
would miss them. Your all happier together.”

Ian and Mickey teared up and rubbed hands.

———————————

As they pulled into the parking deck at the medical center, Ian turned off the car and twisted to look
at the boys. “Ok, guys, let’s review. What’s the rule?”

"We don’t share what we heard outside the group.”

"It's ok to ask if you are respectful."

"It's ok if people cry.”

"Wait til everybody has pizza before you get seconds!”

Ian helped them out while Mickey got Alek. He ruffled the boys hair."Thanks guys, good job.”

————————————
The only reference for groups Mickey had was in prison. Angry people, semi-qualified, burnt-out
counselors, and hard-ass chairs that pinched a nerve. This was not that type of group. This was,
well, what every person with a mental illness deserved. He felt gratitude that Ian was given this
chance and, frankly, was hella pissed that so many other Ian’s would fall through the cracks.

But they were here now, and Mickey was learning how to support Ian in his new routine.

The group room had soft-colored walls, art, and comfy chairs. There was pizza with real plates and
drinks. Most noted, people are happy to be here.

"Miccckkkey" A perky, purple-haired girl ran and hugged him. He knew that voice from Ian’s
hospitalization.

"Hey Emma.” He liked her already. Mandy and Ian are both saying good things.

"So waiting for med adjustment to kick in, have an upswing, wow, your eyes are A MaZIng! It’s
cute to see the height difference. Sorry, am I making you uncomfortable? Sometimes, in an
upswing, my filter is gone, and"

Mickey held up a hand. "Emma, it’s ok; I get it. Ian gets the racing thoughts too.”

An older couple came up, the woman holding Alek. Ian by their side.

The man stuck out his hand. "Hey Mickey, I’m Tom; this is my wife Ellen. We are Emma’s parents,
and we have heard good things. Ian is a great guy, , we are happy he has a partner in his corner.
Alek is a darling."

Ellen was bouncing, and Alek was trying to grab her glasses. Mickey looked at Emma, who was
rocking on her heels. "Yeah, I feel the same ‘bout you, Emma. Kinda helped keep Ian supported
with Mands.”

Emma hugged Ian hard. "We all take care of each other with support and love, and that would be a
cool song to write. Hey Ian, remind me when I find out about that, ok? Ugh, I need juice. This new
medicine is helping, but man, the cotton mouth sucks.” Emma headed out to the beverage table.
Ellen handed Alek back to Mickey, and they headed to keep up with Emma.

They grabbed some pizza and found seats, and Mickey watched in amusement and protective
fierceness as the group passed Alek around. He was not the only baby that came to the group, but
he was the first child in a while. The care and love for him and Ian were palpable.

This group was run by Erin and a counselor named Cassie. After introductions and group rules,
Cassie began.

"Tonight we are going to continue to talk about owning our own feelings as family and clients. It is
a tough dynamic, right? In an upswing or downswing, things can happen. That can make your
person feel like a burden or ashamed of what happened. During an episode, as a family, you have
the right to be concerned, scared, angry, or even hurt. So let’s share some ways we, together, get
back to routine and communication when things level.” People raised hands, and she pointed as
people took turns sharing.

"I will get a massage in between hospital visitation hours. When I am relaxed, it helps. My brother
can sense that I am present and not burned out. If I do self-care, he still blames himself, but not as
much if he sees me steady.”

"My dad and I do art a lot; it’s time where we can just be. Sometimes we talk about what happened.
Sometimes we just let it be. The art we both like is a way to reconnect.”

"Barry apologizes if he takes off. I don't need him to do it, but he needs it. Our rule is that I will
accept the apology but not beat myself up. Sometimes I need to go to an appointment with him
after. We need his therapist to process the guilt and shame so that we can reach a healthy
resolution."

"When I am manic, I know my sisters go break shit; it’s how they get out the fear and anger at the
disease."

Carl raised his hand. "Um, my mom never talked to us about her stuff or took her meds. I like that
Ian is honest about taking his medications and if they need to be changed. He wasn’t in the
beginning, but that’s because everyone compared him to Monica, my mom. Now it’s not as scary—
well, scary if he gets hurt, but at least I know what’s really up."

Ian pulled Carl in for a hug and wiped away a tear. A few others did as well. Mickey knew that the
group knew about Monica and how it affected Ian and his siblings.

Fuck, just hearing other people deal with very similar things made his own thoughts feel okay. And
Ian now knew others besides Monica who were living with their disease and trying to manage it as
best they could. These people were, in a sense, an extended family. They supported Ian, level or
not, and he did the same for them.

As the group finished up, he was introduced to Erin and was actually looking forward to going with
Ian on Monday. This was not the guilt of putting Ian in that overcrowded, harsh county hospital.
This was renewable hope powered by teamwork, support, love, and grace. Damn Sister Meg, her
overtones of spiritual tucking into his brain. Ian was mentally ill; this was never going to change.
He could have episodes even if he was doing everything. But now it was not white knuckle
winging it. There was a playbook, routines, and call lists, most importantly designed by Ian. The
middle child, who disappeared into the background, had a say in the most goddamn important
thing, himself.

Ian and Emma were helping box leftover pizza for the boys when Emma’s mom touched his
shoulder.

"Last episode, Ian was amazing. He and your sister just sat by Emma, played guitar, and sang.
Music always helps her. Having a friend who can relate to this disease has made a difference I do
not even know how to quantify. I apologize for speaking so frankly. The younger siblings are there
for Ian; it is sweet to see. I know his older siblings are trying. Monica’s life, unfortunately
unmedicated, is terrible for her and all of them. That trauma is making it so hard for them all to
communicate. So Tom and I want you to take our number. If you need help, even if food is being
dropped off, call us. Or, when it’s hard to see Ian struggling, go have a beer with Tom, or we can
get coffee. Its been a long time since I have seen two people so much in love like you and Ian.

She pulled him into a gardenia-scented hug, which he allowed. Another mom being a mama bear
for those who missed out.

They exchanged numbers, Mickey rounded up his group, and they headed to the car. Liam proudly
showed Mickey how he learned to buckle Alek in. They treated the boys to ice cream, and they all
watched as Mickey speared a drip of ice cream on his finger and let Alek gum it off.

The look was priceless. "Mick, he is never going to eat strained carrots again, knowing we have
been holding out on him,” Ian joked.

—————————————

The car ride home was light and jovial. The boys picked the radio station, with Liam claiming
Mickey needed to catch up on new music. The three Gallaghers serenaded him badly, while Alek
added in vowel babble and screeching baba when Ian sang to him. While Mickey quipped, his
damn eardrums were bleeding from their singing, he was in love with the moment. A car ride not to
buy guns or pick Terry up from prison. No coke was being passed around; no one was backhanded.
Just family enjoying each other. He missed Mandy and was excited that she was coming down next
week.

Everything was freaking hunky dory until they pulled up to the Gallagher house and Fiona was
sitting on the steps. Liam and Carl shouted their goodbyes and I love yous as they hurtled out to
their sister, chatting about ice cream and extra pizza. She sent them inside and started walking to
the Bronco.

Mickey looked at Ian and became truly concerned. The eyes were that dead, soulless gray-green
from the first awful commitment. Ian's whole self had been sucked into a vacuum, leaving a hollow
shell. He was gripping the wheel so tightly , Mickey feared his knuckles would split the skin,
leaving bone and not freckles protruding.

"Hey Mickey, hey Ian. Ian I know you are upset, but..."

Ian spit the next words out like bullets. "No, Fiona, I don’t want to hear it. You have known for two
weeks about this job for Mickey as a possibility. Why not mention it? You need a person; he needs
a job."

Ian went to pound the wheel, he stopped catching a glance at Alek, who was happily trying to
remove his otter socks.

"I know what you are going to say; you did not want to upset me. You don’t know what makes me
upset anymore. For the past 16 months, my program and therapy have all been about me figuring
out what I need to manage this illness. I am trying, Fi, to see your side and not be judgmental. I
share things with you, one being which surprises throw me. I know I can’t predict everything, but
you chose not to give me a heads-up. I told you I needed you and Lip to talk to me ahead of time if
something is coming up; it’s harder to process when it gets sprung on me. It’s a boundary, Fi. Your
boundaries are important, and so are fucking mine. I can’t talk about this right now. My kid is here,
and I will not yell."

And with that, he rolled up the window, waved, and drove them home. Mickey knew the look; he
just held Ian’s hand. In these moments, grounding touches were the best. They parked on their
street, Ian turned off the car, and Mickey watched his throat constrict like Ian was struggling to
swallow down battery acid. The pain etched in Ian’s face was shameful,visceral, and
uncomfortable. Tremors became full-body spasms as he laid his head on the steering wheel, tears
falling on his jeans and making wet spots.

Mickey jumped out of the car, ran to the driver's side, and opened the door. Like Ian was a small
bird that fell out of a nest, he handled him with care, turning him so he could just cradle his head on
Mickey's shoulder and Mickey could hold him. They stayed like that until the downpour of pain
and sadness passed.

Ian used his shirt to wipe his eyes, then, in a tiny voice, admitted, "They are never going to
understand me; my mom damaged us all too much. I just always wanted them to understand me,
even before I was diagnosed. Now that is passed."

Mickey knew this was true. Ian was the Gallagher who made it hard to understand what made him
tick. As a kid, he was quiet and helpful and a face in the gaggle of kids, so his trauma and problems
were lost or minimized. The diagnosis, no matter how hard they tried, was always going to be a
rerun of the Monica Show for Fiona and Lip. Both had other things going on, and doing the work to
understand Ian might never happen. It was hard to accept. But they may have to and mean on found
family over blood.

"E, you know I am sorry. I would change it for you if I could. It’s getting cooler out here. Let’s grab
Dimples. You take a shower, and I will feed and change this bugger, hopefully without getting
doused in food or worse. Walk me through the bedtime routine til I memorize it, then we can get
food and watch some TV. I will even let you squeeze my butt; that always cheers you up.”

Ian let Mickey help him out and went and grabbed Alek, snuggling his son tight. In the house,
Mickey let Ian rock Little Man while he gathered up sleep pants for Ian and got the shower ready.
He kissed Ian chastely on the cheek and pointed down the hall.

Ian watched Mickey bounce Alek in his hip and just grunted. "Sorry, I ruined the day, Mick.”

Mickey raised his brows and kept his voice low but fierce. "No, nuh uh. You did not ruin a fucking
thing, Gallagher. It was a great day, and it still is. Are you and your siblings going to push each
other's buttons?" Ian nodded. "Are you allowed to have feelings, and will you still have episodes?”

Another nod, yes.

"This is our life, darling, and our life has some shit, but so does everybody’s. It’s ok. Tell you what?
Next, next, freak out all me."

"So kind," Ian said, rolling his eyes.

"Yep, you picked a giver. Now go shower. I am here, ok?"

Hey kissed the little baby neck crease smelling baby lotion. Then walked to the changing table.

"Your baba is going to be okay; one day he will realize that. We will remind him. Hey, look at that
diaper done; Tato is not drenched.Time for grub.It’s not gonna be ice cream, but you have turkey or
something waiting for you. No worries; you get teeth and an okay from Nura, and we go to Al’s
beef."

——————————-

Ian came downstairs looking less worse for wear. Mickey was wiping Alek, the green zebra high
chair, and his own chin from baby food.

How a man could look so hot with baby food in his hair astounded Ian.
They got Alek bathed, and Mickey braved the sleepy lotion and baby massage Ian taught him. He
let Ian sit in the rocker and give the other love of his life a bottle, and Mickey sat down against the
side of the chair, rubbing Ian’s leg. He knew all the excitement and change; Ian was navigating
ways to lessen any mania. After the outburst with Fiona, Mickey knew this could go the other way.

They crept out with the night light in the corner and a baby monitor on. Downstairs, Ian looked
around the clean, sleek kitchen with unseeing eyes, panic riding in the greens as he was struggling
to remember what he wanted to do in there. Mickey took his hand, pulled out a chair, and pushed
Ian down.

"Ok Gordon Ramsey, I have not been taking high society cooking classes, but prison has let me
perfect ramen. I saw a few packs. I need you to eat. I need to then get all up in that chest hair on the
couch. I will even watch that Vegas show you like.” He felt like he was doing a victory lap when
Ian kissed his wrist and mumbled OK.

He turned the radio on to a classic jazz station, made ramen, and threw in some random spices.
They ate, and he talked about working—really working for the first time in his life. He admitted he
hated the idea of this job but loved being able to put money into the house. He shooed Ian away
from the small amount of dishes, claiming it was practice, but allowed Ian to pour an iced tea for
them both.

Ian stretched out on their new couch. Long enough for him and mumbled, "C'mere."

Mickey happily slotted into his sleepy ginger puppy as they snuggled in, kissing between
commercials. Ian went up and soothed Alek, and Mickey grabbed Ian’s meds. They moved to the
bedroom, and Mickey slotted again, this time between Ian’s legs, for a slow, playful blow job as he
stroked himself off. They curled into each other, with Ian whispering that he loved him. Then the
meds did their job, and he was out. Mickey jumped out of bed twice that evening to get Dimples,
finally opting for the bassinet in their bedroom. Tonight he just wanted and craved both his guys
close.

Tomorrow, they would start anew, like only they could.

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