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Dahu
Dahu
Dahu
ILLITERATURE REVIEW
ZOOLOGY
Received: 1st March 2022
Capra stabilis: The Mythical Mountain Goat with Uneven
Revised:
Accepted:
6nd March 2023
1st April 2023
Legs
DOIOU: 10.1800GOATS Corona Lagerbeard,A Tabitha McMoggy,B Melon Husk,A Archipelago JonesC and Günther SchlonkD*
This literature review summarises the current body of knowledge concerning Capra stabilis, the even-toed ungulate
commonly known as the dahu. The history of its discovery, its physiology, behaviour and evolutionary lineage are discussed.
For centuries, the dahu was considered to be mythic, akin to the to inform his trapping strategy. While his competitors were
jackalope, the wendigo, the drop bear and the tenure-track using nets, bait and tranquiliser darts to no avail, Otto crept up
position. Just a story to amuse children and confuse tourists. A behind a feeding dahu and did his best impression of a horny
feature of French and Swiss folklore since ancient times, the goat-call. The perplexed creature turned around, immediately
dahu is said to be a kind of mountain goat with long legs on one toppled over and rolled down the hill into the waiting arms of
side and short legs on the other. These asymmetric limbs allow Otto’s assistant, Guillaume Chèvre-D’Attrapeur.
the dahu to stand perfectly level on the steep mountain slopes Otto and Guillaume brought their captive dahu back to their lab
it inhabits. at Der Universität von Kindergeschichte in Märchenhaft. There,
Prior to 2018, no credible sightings of a dahu had been recorded they conducted an anatomical examination.5 Our budget does
since 1838 (coincidentally, the year before the invention of not extend to licencing Jägermeister’s photographs here, so
photography). Accounts from before this time are fragmentary we’ve commissioned an artist’s rendition of the captive dahu
and contradictory, which had led biologists to dismiss the dahu instead (Fig. 1).
as a fabrication.
Physiology
This paradigm was irrevocably altered in the winter of 2018 by Physiologically, the dahu is broadly similar to the alpine ibex
the well-known survivalist, TV personality and urophage Bear (Capra ibex) and the chamois (Rupicapra rupicapra). Its most
Grylls. The inveterate piss-drinker was recording an episode of striking feature is the length of its legs: the dahu has two
his show: “Man vs Wild: Ultra-Extreme Apocalyptic Super- elongated legs on one side of its body, and two truncated ones
Survival” in the Swiss alps when he spotted what appeared to on the other. Such crural asymmetry was previously unknown
be a mountain goat.1 He briefly remarked that such goats were to science, and existed only in the realm of myth. The sidehill
well adapted to maintaining their balance on steep alpine gougar (Membriinequalis declivitous) and the wild haggis
slopes, before dropping a boulder on its head, and weaving a (Ventriculus caledonii) are reputed to exhibit a similar
basket out of its intestines. This episode was
unremarkable in the context of Grylls’ work,
but an astute viewer of the program observed
that the poor eviscerated goat in question
clearly displayed asymmetric limb elongation
and truncation.
This was the first compelling evidence for the
existence of the mythical dahu in nearly two
centuries. Regrettably, little remained of the
original creature (Grylls consumed its flesh
and turned its skin into a “goat-tote”, a
precursor to his “sheeping bag”).2 Hordes of
intrepid explorers set out into the alpine
regions of France and Switzerland, hoping to
be the first to snare a specimen of this elusive
beast.3 Within weeks, there had been multiple
sightings, but no successful trappings. Later
studies have revealed the dahu to be an
exceptionally cunning and flighty creature, a
trait that rationalises its mythical reputation.4
It was Otto von Jägermeister who first
managed to snare a live Dahu. This intrepid
Bavarian naturalist heeded to the old folk tales
Evolutionary Classification
When the dahu was first discovered, it was theorised to be a
chimeric hybrid of an ibex and a chamois. Again, Cedric
Franger’s genetic studies were definitive in the assignment of C.
stabilis’s lineage. Franger places the dahu and the ibex as
descendants of the archaic Capra vetus (Fig. 5).15 Also related Figure 6: Photograph of an alpine ibex with legs of asymmetric lengths,
are the chamois (Rupicapra rupicapra) and the Bourgeois potentially an ibex-dahu hybrid.
(Rupicapra antoinette), which has been extinct since the French this topic. Studies of the dahu are complicated by its flighty
revolution. The progenitor of all capra is Pan, the Greek god of nature, and the inaccesibility of its natve environment.
the wild and the original horny old goat (Capravetus lascivious).
Conclusion
The discovery of a new mammalian species is always an exciting
Pan
Capravetus lascivious occasion, even more so when the species in question bears
radical differences from its nearest relatives. Zoologists
Old Goat worldwide have been inspired by these events to renew the
Capra vetus hunt for other mythic species. Hopefully, these efforts will be
met with success, and more remarkable species will be reported
in the coming years. We have noted that several companies
have chosen to market their products under the name “dahu”,
including the makers of ski-boots and a light aircraft. There is an
implication in these names that one boot is taller than the other
and that the plane can only fly in circles, but we have been
Apline Ibex Dahu Chamois Bougeois
Capra ibex Capra stabilis Rupicapra rupicapra Capra antoinette unable to confirm these theories.
Figure 5: Genetic lineage of selected capra species. Notes and references
1 B. Grylls, 2018, MvW:UEASS, S1E2, 17:34.
The genetic distance between Capra stabilis and Capra ibex may
2 B. Grylls, 2019, MvW, S3E3, somewhere in the middle.
be slight, as there are anecdotal reports of dahu-ibex hybrids.
3 “La chasse au dahu” C. Bergerac, 2019, Le Monde, 1/4/2019, 16.
No such hybrid has been officially documented, but
4 “Dahu, The cunning old goat” R. Federer, 2020, J. Mam. Psych. 1,
photographic evidence of ibex with asymmetric legs strongly 123–456.
implies interbreeding of dahu and ibex populations.16 There is 5 “The physiology of the dahu” G. Chevre-D’Attrapeur, O.
fierce debate in academic circles concerning the name for such Jägermeister, 2020, J. Mam. Fizziology, 28(7), 4869–4877.
a hybrid: a dibex or an ihu. 6 “Nomenclature of chiral goats” C. de Gaulle, 2021, Science, 7, 9.
7 “Sexual dimorphism in the dahu” K. Clovis, 2021, Nature, 8, 10.
Diet and Behaviour
8 “The genome of the dahu”, C. Franger, 2021, Genetics, 23, 18.
C. stabilis is omnivorous, subsisting primarily on wild onions and
9 “Homozygoats?” D. Flattenborough, 2022, J. Anim. Sci. 6, 66–69.
alpine snails, but has been observed to consume agricultural
10 “Two long legs good, three long legs bad: unstable chimera in C.
crops such as grapes and wheat when these are available. stabilis” G. Orwell, P. Snowball, 2023, Anim. Pharm. 19, 84.
Female dahu supply their young with a thick, creamy excretion 11
from their mammary glands. The texture of this milk has been 12 “The Capra Sutra: How Goats Get It On” M. Millefeulle, 2022.
compared to cheese, and it is apparently delicious, though 13 “Why are these goats so horny?” J.J. Rousseau, 2023, PNAS, 1, 4.
difficult to obtain. 14 “Respiratory collapse in C. stabilis” J. Child, 2022, J. Anat. 8, 9–11.
The social and reproductive lives of dahu remain largly 15 “The lineage of the dahu”, C. Franger, 2023, Genetics, 1, 602–608.
unknown, and significant research efforts are being made on 16 “Dahu-ibex hybrids” D. Funk, J. Annecdot. Bio. 79, 19401–19404.