NO PARDON FOR ME

Surprised. Are you surprised why there are tears in my eyes? Are you surprised why I no
longer laugh and walk from one place to another? Yes, for three long weary years, I used to laugh
and walk with no place to go. Boys and girls found joy in throwing stones at me, shouting “Insane
Patricia, insane Patricia,…here comes insane Patricia!”. Why? Was I not the most beautiful lady of
the land? Was I not the richest and the proudest being? And by the more of my money, I could let
anyone bend his knees before me. Yes, I was. But that was seven years ago. Now, I’m back with
my right senses and all my offenses came rushing back to my memory.

I remember my first offense, Elizabeth, the young innocent bride. What had I done to her?
Had I not ruined her life by making his husband believe that she was seeing another man at a
nearby inn? Heaven! I know it was not true but I made the whole world of this deceit.

One night she came to me with bended knees weeping bitterly “Madam Garcia, please tell
my husband it was not me please whom you saw. I could no longer bear the pains that I received
from him. Please tell him it was not me”. But my wicked heart was not touched by her tears of
pleading. She died from the pains of torture. That was my first offense.

My second offense, were you all asking me of my second offense? My lips are trembling, it
could hardly say a word but I have to tell you.

Everybody knows that I married the most handsome man. We are the happiest couple then.
What more did I want? He loves me with all a man can shower to a woman. I could kill anybody
who would steel his love from me. That was a vow.

Unfortunately, a pretty baby girl was born. I could still see vividly the affection Noel had for
our baby girl. Noel was always concern about Emma. He always greeted her with a kiss and was
always in his arms caressing her father’s love to a child.

Jealousy grew day by day deep in my heart. A mother must love her own child but I hated
Emma because he stole Noel’s love for me. Yes, I hated my own child with hatred hotter than the
inferno. One night, a murderous plan came into my mind. Slowly, I entered into her room. She was
not asleep and was very happy to see me. She buried her pretty little cheek in my breast and said,
“Mama, I love you. Do you love me as much as I do? Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be four years
old. Oh, I’m so happy mama”.Yes, tomorrow is your birthday but you’ll never live to see tomorrow”.
And why are you staring at me like that?” but my evil hands. “Mama, I love you. Please tell Daddy
that I love him…too…” and she closes her pretty little eyes forever.

Mysteriously my whole being was changed as I looked at the mentioned motionless body of
my only daughter. There is a lump in my throat. I wanted to shout but in vain. I wanted to revive
my own child but it was too late. So I called God for the first time. “Oh dear God, please give me
back my child and I promise to love her more than a mother should. Please give me back my
child”.

Suddenly, I ran from one room to another. My husband ran to comfort me. I felt different
within me. I shouted at him, “You killed our child. You criminal, criminal you killed our child”. I don’t
know what happened then. The next thing was that Noel was inside the prison bars. He died and
was rotten there for the offense he never committed. That was my third offense.
Now, I’m alone, standing in the midst of the night while heavy rain falls upon my troubling
body, I know that there’s no pardon for me. But before I die, Jesus, mercy please, please…for…
for…give…me.