Task 2: Some people believe that schools should teach foreign languages for primary school children.

Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

There is currently a contentious argument about whether elementary school children should be taught a
second language in their school as part of the curriculum. Although this opinion has both positive and
negative outcomes, I personally believe the merits outweigh the drawbacks.

One of the main benefits of teaching young children new languages is that it would enhance their
performance in tackling difficult tasks [this is only introducing the first benefit, the second is about
health benefits, you need to write a more general topic sentence if you're going to include two ideas].
By absorbing foreign tongues, they actively and passively form neural connections at a rapid pace and as
a result, their brain system is likely to function in a more specialized and effective way. For example,
several researchers had found that bilingual children performed better on attention tests and have
better concentration compared to their monolingual peers. In addition, if primary-school pupils are
taught foreign languages, they possibly properly will not suffer from both mental and physical health
problems like depression and AlzheimersAlzheimer’s. To illustrate, recent studies have shown that on
average, Alzheimer’s disease will be delayed by four years for bilinguals.

However, the major downside of learning different languages at a young age is that children might feel
learning new knowledge more challenging. The cognitive system of such young people may take longer
to consume information because it needs translating, converting and transporting to several neural
pathways in their brain. For instance, my niece is ten years old, and she can communicate in both
English and Vietnamese, she solves complex homework questions without hindrance but for learning
new lessons she tends to be slower.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that the positive effects of teaching different tongues in
elementary schools dominate over the negative ones. Not only does it reinforce the cognitive
development of children, but it also curbs health issues [you should also summarise the downside, don't
just ignore it]. However, it is important to note that only when educational authorities change the
teaching method in a way to makemaking it more lively and practical, will we gain those benefits.

Dear Mr.MikeWattie

I have one question about this type of task. I confuse between the “outweigh essay” and “discuss
both side”. Based on what I understand, both of them require writer must write about 02 side BUT for
“discuss both side” we use neutral tone and for “outweigh” we present our opinion correct. Please
correct me if I wrong. Thank you.

they are quite different. A discuss both sides essay does exactly that, you have two ideas for each
side, written from a neutral standpoint, then your opinion is in the conclusion

You need to review the structure for a both sides and opinion essay here:
http://www.ieltsanswers.com/both-sides-essay.html

an outweigh essay is an opinion essay. everything you write is your opinion, so they are the
advantages and disadvantages that you yourself consider, nothing about what other people think.
Ideally you would have two ideas for the side you support more, and then one concession, which you
have done here but not in a great way

You need to review the structure for a two-question essay here:

http://www.ieltsanswers.com/two-question-essay.html

Grade

Task Response 7 250 -320 words

all parts of the topic are responded to well

all parts of the question are responded to well
your opinion is clear, the ideas are fine with good development, although your
conclusion is incomplete
main ideas are clear

explanation/examples of main ideas are clear

Cohesion and 6 ✘ good overall structure

Coherence The ideal format for this essay is 3 body paragraphs. 2 that support your side
(advantages) then one with a disadvantage (or vice versa)

That way your statement in the introduction and conclusion about the benefits
outweighing the downsides is clearly obvious.

the first paragraph clearly introduces the essay

✘ topic sentences introduce paragraphs well / clear central topic

No topic sentence for paragraph 2
✘ paragraph development is logical
ideally you would summarise the downside and your conclusion also

Vocabulary 7 x appropriate word choices / control of word endings/forms

Errors and changes are highlighted in yellow

 spelling

repetition is avoided

Grammar 8 errors
Errors and changes are highlighted in green

good overall control and range of grammar

Overall 7 I think you did quite a good job here, the topic sentence should be something
that is easily fixed, and I would prefer to see one idea per paragraph, so three
body paragraphs instead of two

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