The Best Women's Stage Monologues 2018

The Best Women’s
Stage Monologues 2018

The Best Women’s
Stage Monologues 2018
Edited and with a Foreword

by Lawrence Harbison
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The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 Copyright © 2018 by Smith

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All rights reserved.
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their plays.
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Anna Ziegler
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Chelsea Marcantel
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Joshua James
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Lindsey Ferrentino
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Tira Palmquist
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Clare Lizzimore
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Greg Kalleres
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Deborah Zoe Laufer
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THE ROLE 142

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Merridith Allen
STATE OF THE ART 161

Deborah Savadge
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Dana Leslie Goldstein
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are rather short, some are rather long. All represent the best in
contemporary playwriting.
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Lawrence Harbison
The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 13

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Anna Ziegler
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Amber Cohen, late teens - early twenties
Amber is addressing the audience, describing her

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knowing, contributed to shaping her attitude and ex-
pectations around sex for years to come.
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18 Lawrence Harbison
$&78$//<
Anna Ziegler
'UDPDWLF
Amber Cohen, late teens - early twenties
In this direct address to the audience, Amber is des-

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the date, Amber revealed to Tom that she sees him
everywhere—at the gym, in class, on the quad, and
even in the ice cream parlor on campus.
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Chelsea Marcantel
'UDPDWLF
Nina, twenty-thirty
Nina, new to the world of competitive air guitar, is

confronted by her ex-boyfriend — National Champion
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the real reason she has begun to research, compete,
and strive for air guitar greatness.
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Joshua James
Seriocomic
Lisa, 30s
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shares how she really feels.
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$0<$1'7+(253+$16
Lindsey Ferrentino
Comic
.DWK\VHDUO\V
Kathy is a loud-mouthed, fun-loving, over-sharing

caretaker at a group home for adults with down syn-
drome. She is eight months pregnant, but still makes
sure to take her smoke breaks (even though she
doesn’t smoke). She is the walking embodiment of
Long Island, New York. The audience shouldn’t know
to whom she is speaking for most of the monologue,
until it is revealed that she is sharing all of this with a
convenience store worker at a rest stop.
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for my baby if I can’t. ,¶P OLNH ³0\ EHVW IULHQG obviously.”
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way, “LEAVE THE SHIT ON THE CUSHION TO TEACH
DAD TO RESPECT HIMSELF!” ,¶P DOO yeah, 5RVDULR LI
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Tira Palmquist
'UDPDWLF
Cal, 17, transgender
Phoenix. Downtown. The streets are quiet, almost de-

VHUWHG±DQGLWKDVEHJXQWRUDLQ&DODQJU\¿QDOO\
makes it clear to his new friend Jordan why he knows
exactly how hard it is to be a teenager on the streets,
and how hard it is to go home.
CAL
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RQHIRRWLQVLGHP\KRXVHDJDLQ´
$1,0$/
Clare Lizzimore
Seriocomic
Rachel, 30s
Rachel is in a session with her therapist, Stephen. She

is there because her husband has become concerned
about her depression. Stephen has suggested that she
“do something nice for yourself.” Maybe give herself
a face masque.
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vies that do that, and that real women step in shit on way home,
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$1,0$/
Clare Lizzimore
'UDPDWLF
Rachel, 30s
Rachel, a very unhappy woman, is speaking to her

husband, Tom.
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$1,0$/
Clare Lizzimore
'UDPDWLF
Rachel, 37
5DFKHO¶VWKHUDSLVW6WHSKHQEHOLHYHVVKHLVVXৼHULQJ
from post-partum psychosis. They are talking about a
disturbing dream she has had.
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$3523262)127+,1*
Greg Kalleres
Comic
Lily, 30s-40s
Martin & Lily have always been considered the gold

standard of marriage among their friends. But, lately,
Lily has secretly begun to wonder if they’re lives have
become too “cliché.” In this scene, Lily is shocked
when her close friend, Rebecca, casually reveals that
she’s never liked Martin — and it touches a nerve.
/,/<
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'UDPDWLF
M, 20s
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death to her father.
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(Moves to stroke mother’s face but can’t.)
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7+($572)7+()8*8(
Don Nigro
Seriocomic
Felicia, 18
Felicia is a gifted and beautiful pianist who is spen-

ding the summer with her friend Jane at Jane’s family
home in a small town in east Ohio while the two pre-
pare for their upcoming performing tour in Europe.
Jane’s brothers Jamie and Andrew are home from
World War I, two troubled young men. Andrew keeps
trying to sleep with her, but Jamie, the kinder of the
brothers, is deeply love with her. Here Felicia, who is
usually more guarded, opens up to Jamie one night
about her background. There is a part of her that has
always craved the quiet, easy going small town family
atmosphere that she’s immersed in this summer, and
she is attracted to Jamie and the stable life he could
give her. But she is also ambitious, emotionally trou-
bled, and drawn towards the sort of self-destructive
behavior that will eventually lead her fall into a much
darker relationship with Andrew. This is as close as
she will let herself get to Jamie before pulling away.
)(/,&,$
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lessons and the god damned piano and the clothes on my god
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7+($572)7+()8*8(
Don Nigro
'UDPDWLF
Felicia, 18
Felicia is a beautiful and brilliantly talented pianist

who is spending the summer with her friend Jane at
the small town Ohio home of Jane’s family, preparing
IRUWKHLU¿UVWFRQFHUWWRXURI(XURSHLQWKHIDOO6KHLV
a troubled girl, orphaned and abused, who has been
pleasantly surprised by how much she likes the quiet
Ohio summer with a big family of brothers and sisters
and cousins in a small town. Jane’s brother Jamie has
fallen hopelessly in love with Felicia, but Felicia has
chosen to let another brother, Andrew, seduce her. Here
she is trying, in her own way, to gently explain to Jamie
that she is not interested in a serious relationship
with anybody, and prefers casual sex with Andrew, who
is mostly interested in her because he hates Jamie.
Felicia is trying to be kind to Jamie, and is actually
probably a good deal more attracted to him than she
wants to admit to herself, but all through this speech
she is aware that she is ripping out Jamie’s heart.
)(/,&,$
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Felicia, 21
Felicia is a brilliant and beautiful but troubled pianist

who is touring Europe with her best friend Jane and
Jane’s two brothers, Jamie, who is in love with her,
and Andrew, who she’s been sleeping with. Here, it’s
four in the morning, and Jamie has heard her practicing
the Bach fugues she plays in her concerts every night.
She has become totally obsessed with these demanding
and intricate pieces, and can’t stop playing them, and
Jamie is very concerned about her. There is abuse in
her past, and she has chosen the brother who is
increasingly cruel to her over the one who is good to
her. Here she tries to explain to Jamie why she can’t
bring herself to love him. She is a tormented person
and her life is spinning out of control.
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Don Nigro
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Felicia, 21
Felicia is a beautiful and brilliant pianist who’s been

touring Europe with great success playing “The Art
of the Fugue” by J. S. Bach. But she is a very trou-
bled young woman with abuse in her past, and she
has been slowly coming apart mentally. Here she is
speaking to her friend Jamie, who loves her, and who
is trying to help her. He has just come upon his brother
Andrew, who she’s been sleeping with, physically
abusing her, and has been trying to persuade her to get
out of this increasingly abusive relationship before it’s
too late. But she can’t seem to free herself, and retreats
further into Bach’s music, which has become for her
a kind of living metaphor for her increasing despair
and madness.
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Clare Barron
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Cynthia, 26
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several years. But after a freak storm hits their small
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to make amends. This monologue is a sort of ecstatic
religious conversion that happens in the middle of the
night. She speaks to her family, and also, to God.
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Comic
Meryl, 20s
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Deborah Zoe Laufer
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Bari’s always been a bit of an angry, depressed misan-

thrope. And losing her job teaching nihilism in New
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hometown has sent her into despair. But lately her re-
curring headaches manifest bizarre, ecstatic, almost
religious experiences, and they’re changing her entire
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they’re also killing her, she must decide whether it’s
better to live a short, joyful life, or risk a lifetime of
misery. And she must also ask herself… what’s it all
for anyway? In her new state, Bari has fallen in love
with Mike, but is it real?
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BLOOD AT THE ROOT
Dominique Morisseau
Dramatic
Toria, late teens, African-American
Toria is a budding journalist, furious with the editor

of her high school newspaper because he won’t print
an article she wrote because it’s too controversial.
TORIA
Justin, I’m tryin’ to be a journalist. In real life. Do you get
that? In real life! Not in some pretend lil’ high school base-
ment where the most interesting thang in print is whether or
not we’re having fake horsemeat on the lunch menu or who in
God’s name among the popular and stuck-up is gonna win Prom
King and Queen. I am not interested in whether or not the audi-
torium gets a fresh coat of paint before December or whether
or not the football team wins a single game this year. I am not
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existence as sheltered brats this side of the Mason Dixon line.
I am interested in the true art of journalism. I want to tell the
stories everybody else at this school and in this town is too
pussy to cover. Like how many girls at this school have cove-
red up their abortions because their parents are too primitive
to allow a sex-ed course that isn’t taught by 80-year-old Mrs.
Wellsley who wouldn’t know how to model puttin’ on a condom
if she had a 10-foot penis statue right in front of her. Or how
about the number of boys on the football team who’d rather be
dating each other than all the girls they swap semen with. But
because we’re so anti-homo they take it out on every chick at
Cedar High and that’s why the number of relationship violence
is like sky high right now. Or like how about the fact that none
of the black students on campus hardly ever hang out with any
of the white students on campus or vice versa because we’re

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BLOOD AT THE ROOT
Dominique Morisseau
Dramatic
Asha, late teens, African-American
In this direct address to the audience, Asha talks about

her anger issues and what it means to be Black.
ASHA
People don’t know this ‘bout me but I used to have a lotta
anger. You might not think it by lookin’ at me, but I could
really throw down. When I was nine, my Mama and Daddy
JRWDGLYRUFH:DV¿JKWLQ¶DQG¿JKWLQ¶DOOWKHWLPHDQGFRXOGQ¶W
never get on the same page. So they split. I went to stay with
Mama in Florida for a while ‘fore she moved here to Louisiana.
But when I was ‘bout ten, I started gettin’ in all this trouble at
school. Fights and everything. Just mad all the time and didn’t
know why. So my Mama sent me over to live with Daddy in
Georgia for a coupla years. He had himself a new wife and
everythang. Livin’ good in Hotlanta with a new house and all
that. Wife was a black woman. Her name Sharon and she was
cool as hell. I liked her out the gate, and that’s sayin’ a whole
lot cuz I ain’t like nobody out the gate who be datin’ my Dad-
dy. But she was somethin’ special. Treated me like a daughter.
Didn’t try to replace my mama or nothin’ like that, or even act
like she could. I think that’s what I liked about her. She was
just real easy with me. Ain’t had her own kids, but had a bunch
of nieces and nephews and she told ‘em to call me cousin. So
they did. Used to hang with ‘em whenever it be a family get
together. They say “whaddup cuz” like that, and I remember
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like home. And I stopped be so angry all the time. Angry at
Mama and Daddy. Angry at myself, even. Angry at the world.

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%/22'/(77,1*
Boni B. Alvarez
'UDPDWLF
/HHOHH)ORUHV)LOLSLQR
Leelee is a young aswang, a Filipino witch. She

speaks to Farrah Legazpi, a Filipino-American
woman visiting the Philippines to spread her late
father’s ashes. Farrah has just discovered that she
is also an aswang. Leelee describes an aswang’s
greatest pleasure: feasting on fetuses.
LEELEE
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Sandra A. Daley-Sharif
'UDPDWLF
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Aquah, against her better judgement returns with

young Deniel to bury his family, who were all killed
by RoboCops. She knows they are soon to return…
$48$+
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(She refers to the journal.)
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&/,&.
'UDPDWLF
Fresh, 17
Fresh is a college freshman describing her experience

of being drugged and raped at a frat party to a friend
about a year after it happened.
FRESH
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&2:%,5'
Julie Marie Myatt
'UDPDWLF
Lorna, 40s
Lorna is speaking to her boyfriend, Bert. She is trying

to reconcile her past, and to defend herself now that
three of the children she gave up for adoption, for
which she was paid handsomely by the parents, have
landed at her door, wanting to meet her. She has had
twelve babies in her lifetime, and given them all up
for adoption, often to support herself. Bert is trying to
help her see things from the perspective of the child-
ren, who are now young adults, and why they might
want to know who she is.
LORNA
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PHNLGV

&2:%,5'
Julie Marie Myatt
'UDPDWLF
Lorna, 40s
Lorna is speaking to her boyfriend, Bert. She is trying

to reconcile her past, and to defend herself now that
three of the children she gave up for adoption, for
which she was paid handsomely by the parents, have
landed at her door, wanting to meet her. She has had
twelve babies in her lifetime, and given them all up
for adoption, often to support herself. Bert is trying to
help her see things from the perspective of the child-
ren, who are now young adults, and why they might
want to know who she is.
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getting it.

&5<,7287
Molly Smith Metzler
'UDPDWLF
-HVVLHV
Jessie, a new mother, has bonded with another young

mother, Lina, to whom she is speaking. Jessie is/was a
lawyer but she would rather be a stay-at-home mom.
-(66,(
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go on antidepressants.

&5<,7287
Molly Smith Metzler
'UDPDWLF
Adrienne, mid-late 30s
Adrienne’s husband Mitchell is very concerned about

what he perceives to be a lack of interest in their
newborn daughter. He has tried to get her to join a
Mommy group consisting of 2 other new mothers in
the neighborhood, to no avail. One of them, Jessie,
has suggested to Mitchell that maybe his wife is
suffering from postpartum depression. Adrienne
has come over to egg Jessie’s house and to lay into
her.
$'5,(11(
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OLNH LW¶V D ODYD ODPS:hy does that mean there’s something
wrong with me? <RX GLDJQRVHG PH WR P\ KXVEDQG ZLWK WKH
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6OLQJDQG\RXUOLWWOHGDLQW\3HDUO1HFNODFHDQG\RXUJRGGDPQ
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3DJHZLWKLWVJRGGDPQGRLOLHSLQHFRQHFUDIWVKLWVRQWKHUH My
husband thinks you are God’s Gift to Maternity. He watches
\RX RXW WKDW WHOHVFRSH OLNH VRPH VWDONHU DQG WKHQ FRPSODLQV
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,¶PQRWGRLQJEDFNÀLSVWRZLSHEDE\DVVLike some alien has
taken over his wife’s body. $QG,MXVWZDQWWRSXQFKKLPLQWKH
IDFHEHFDXVHJXHVVZKDW0LWFKHOOan alien did take over my
body. ,KDGWRKDYHIRXUIXFNLQJ,9)PLVFDUULDJHVWRJHWWKLV
EDE\$QG LI WKDW ZDVQ¶W HQRXJK ZKHQ VKH ¿QDOO\ GLG VKRZ
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FDQ¶WKROGKHU,FDQQRWSK\VLFDOO\EHQGP\WKXPEPRUHWKDQ
GHJUHHV%XWWKDWGRHVQ¶WPHDQ,GRQ¶WWRXFKKHUOf course
I touch her. ,WDNHEUHDNVDQGFRPHXSDQGVLQJWRKHUDQGWDON
WRKHUDQGVKRZKHUZKDWPRPP\¶VZRUNLQJRQEXW,GRQ¶WGR
WKDWZKHQ0LWFKHOO¶VKRPHEHFDXVHMitchell’s home. And the
Old Mitchell would’ve understood that, by the way. The Old
0LWFKHOOZRXOG¶YHXQGHUVWRRGWKDW,DPWU\LQJWRPDQDJHthe
single most demanding professional time RIP\OLIH,W¶V%DU-
QH\¶V,IWKLVZDV0LWFKHOO",IWKLVZDV0LWFKHOO¶VGHDOKHZDV
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he’s working, what a big time this is for him, good thing there’s
an excellent nanny, good thing he’ll have that baby’s whole
life to get to know her. %XWEHFDXVHLW¶VPHEHFDXVH,GDUHGWR
JREDFNWRP\VWXGLR,¶PWKH$QWLFKULVWWhy are you calling

me? 6WRSFDOOLQJPH6WRSWDONLQJWRP\KXVEDQGDERXWPH
6WRSORRNLQJDWPH²I can feel you looking at me from down
here. 6WRSVLWWLQJZLWKP\QDQQ\DWVWRU\WLPH6WRSWRXFKLQJ
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SDVWXUH Stop doing what you’re doing, lady, because you’re
making it incredibly hard for women like me to do what we
need to do and.... I fucking give up, on women like you. (in real
agony) $QGQRZP\ZULVWKXUWV
',675,&70(5&+$176
Aaron Posner
Seriocomic
1HVVDVV$IULFDQ$PHULFDQ
Nessa works for Portia. They are genuinely close and

there is a bond of love between them, but there is also
profound inequality, and the relationship works on
Portia’s terms. Portia has just said something deeply
objectionable to Nessa, and she can’t say anything to
her mistress, so she turns and speaks to us, the au-
dience, instead.
NESSA
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WRWHDFKD¿VKWRZDON«RUDFDWWRWDONEXW«EXWVKH¶VVKDUS
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what"+RZGRHVVKH¿QLVKWKDWWKRXJKWLQKHUPLQG"Or does
that thought never form in her mind? ,VWKDWHYHQSRVVLEOH"""
',675,&70(5&+$176
Aaron Posner
Seriocomic
3RUWLDVV
Portia, a wealthy white woman, is speaking to

Benjamin Bassanio, whom she loves. He is actually
African-American and passing as white to woo her,
but she does not know that.
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moment passed altogether and then the time is no longer right
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(/12*$/$5
Tanya Saracho
'UDPDWLF
'XQLDV
El Nogalar is an adaptation of Chekhov’s The Cherry

Orchard, reimagined in present-day Nuevo León in the
Galvan’s pecan orchard. Dunia, the Galvan’s young
housekeeper, and the only “help” that the family is
VWLOODEOHWRDৼRUGSUDFWLFHV(QJOLVKZLWK$QLWDDVVKH
gives her young mistress some advice on men.
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ZLOOVWDUWJHWWLQJLQWRNLVVLQJDQGKHZLOOIDLQWDQGKDYHDQDW-
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7KHUHLVQRWRQHHDVLHUDQLPDORQWKHSODQHWWKDQDPDQ,¶P
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animals. Esto de lidiar con ellos es facil>'HDOLQJZLWKWKHPLV
HDV\@%XWRQO\LI\RXKDYHmoneda con que negociar>&XU-
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EHFDXVHZHVD\ZHDUHPRGHUQEXWWKH\DUHDOZD\VFRUUHFW

(1)5$6&$'$
Tanya Sarcho
Comic
Cat, 40
When a terrible split turns Alicia’s world upside down,

VKHWXUQVWR)RON0DJLFWRKHDOKHUVXৼHULQJ&DWD
conjure woman of the Hoodoo tradition, guides poor
$OLFLDLQKHUHৼRUWVWRUHYLYHKHUER\IULHQG¶VORYHIRU
her through carefully engineered magic.
CAT
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IRU \RX DQG ,¶OO WKURZ LQ D ³%LWFK %H *RQH´ IRU WKDW OLWWOH
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DQG,OLNH\RXVR,¶PJRLQJWRJLYH\RXDVSHOOWRGRRQ\RXU
own that will probably help more than most anything. This
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leave that one to me.

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Kate describes a movie that was very meaningful in

her life.
.$7(
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(9(5<7+,1*,6:21'(5)8/
Chelsea Marcantel
'UDPDWLF
Miri, 25
Miri’s two brothers, Levi and Joshua, were recent-

ly killed when an impaired driver hit their Amish
buggy. Miri was excommunicated from the commu-
QLW\ ¿YH \HDUV DJR EXW FDPH EDFN WR EH ZLWK KHU
family after the accident. But even the enormity of
this tragedy is not enough to surmount Amish law,
and the family keeps Miri at arm’s length, like a
stranger. In desperation, Miri prays to God for the
¿UVWWLPHLQ\HDUV
127(³'DW´ ³'DG´
0,5,
*RG"*RG±TXHVWLRQPDUN"
(She shakes her head and closes her eyes for a mo-
ment, then changes tactics.)
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EXW,EHOLHYH\RX¶UHWKHUH&DQ,GRWKDW"&DQ,MXVWEHOLHYHLQD
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\RX¶UHERWKGHDG,¶PDOLYHDQG,¶PKHUH«,MXVWWKRXJKWZH
had time.

)(51$1'2
Steven Haworth
Seriocomic
Teresa, 35-40
Fernando is set in Spain. Here Teresa, a Spanish art

curator and secret painter, is furious with Zach, a
visiting American art scholar and her recent lover. He
cannot stop obsessing about her great love, the great
Fernando de la Cruz, the artist Zach came to Spain to
write about, and who abandoned Teresa three years
previously. TERESA is painting furiously and cursing
at Zach.
TERESA
1R , DP ¿QLVKHG ZLWK GHFDSLWDWLQJ P\VHOI , DP SDLQWLQJ
VRPHRQHHOVH$FHUWDLQSLJIURPWKH1HZ:RUOG,NQRZ'R
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DUHLQWHUUXSWLQJDQH[RUFLVP7KDWLVZKDWWKLVSDLQWLQJLV,DP
SXUJLQJ\RXIURPP\ERG\
(slashing brushstrokes throughout)
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EXUVWLQWRÀDPHVIURPPHUHGLVJXVW

)/<,1*/($3
Anton Dudley
Comic
$XQW&U\VWDOVV
Stephen has just told his Aunt Crystal that his girlfriend
wants to break up with him. Aunt Crystal is neither
surprised nor particularly sober.
$817&5<67$/
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Seriocomic
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for sex. Things get more awkward when son, Tim, and
his girlfriend, Sarah, show up unannounced with their
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Libby Emmons
Comic
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Gerry Sheridan
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Kayla Cagan
Comic
%DUE
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Anna Wilcoxen
Comic
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,Q 6HUYLFH RI 9HQXV is set in a fictional, surreal

restaurant setting that only serves marshmallows from
plastic cups. The setting is the kitchen and food prep
area of the restaurant (AKA the “back of house”). The
Back of House character, who is a 31-year-old woman,
is the main protagonist. The action centers around both
the Front of House character and the Back of House
character struggling to make sense of their love lives
as women in their 30s working a low-paying job and
immersed in the digital age of dating where one must
sell herself in order to even get a date. The play draws
connections between the changing economy of the
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appeasing, gentle character, and represents the persona
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and in dating. While the Back of House character is more
crass, unapologetic, less put-together, and represents the
hidden, more cynical sides of ourselves we attempt to
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as well as some of the dramatic tension (Will Back of
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economic scale – all except for Emily and Oliver,
well-heeled liberals who have chosen to live in the
neighborhood to show solidarity with “real people.”
Dawn and Alan have been invited over by Emily and
Oliver. Here, they are having a private moment,
during which Dawn reveals how unhappy she is.
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in the jungle.
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her memories.
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Guillermo Calderón
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else in order to make fun of the melodramatic style the
play is criticizing.
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Andrew Biss
Comic
-R\VV
Judgmental and often brutally forthright, Joy doesn’t

exactly live up to her name, yet somehow her
self-possession, style and level-headedness lend her
a certain admirable charm. Here she has just arrived
– a little later than she would have liked – at the home
of her distraught sister who had recently left her a
fretful message on her cell phone voicemail.An in-
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this monologue well.
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Adam Szymkowicz
'UDPDWLF
Reneé, 30s-40s
Reneé, a librarian, visits the grave of Suzanne, a re-

cently-deceased photographer.
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Alena Smith
Comic
*LVHOOH
Giselle, an aspiring female rapper with a hefty trust

fund and a substance abuse problem, rants to her best
friend Lacy about her frustrations with the boys who
are helping her shoot a music video.
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Alena Smith
Seriocomic
Charlotte, 22
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for herself as a special treat.
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hosting a big family party and is ready to relax for
the night. She walks into the living room in the middle
of the conversation with Amina, her best friend. The
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Irene Kapustina
'UDPDWLF
Sami, 30s, Syrian
Sami, a young, optimistic, and enthusiastic doctor

is talking to his cousin and best friend Imad on the
phone. He’s put it on the speaker mode, and moves
about freely while talking. Imad left Syria a few weeks
ago and right after he left the protests started. Imad
saw some protest pictures on Facebook and asked
Sami to explain what it was all about.
6$0,
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John Cariani
Seriocomic
Cherry-Tracy, 41
Cherry-Tracy Pulcifer, a forest ranger, 40-ish, has

stopped by Paradis’ Last Convenient Store, a general
store in an unorganized township in far northern
Maine. She is checking in on Nat the father of her teen-
age son. She wants to ask Nat a few questions about
his involvement in a drunken incident last night. Nat’s
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store, is also present. Cherry-Tracy has a lot on her
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out what questions to ask. So she does what she knows
how to do best, and checks to make sure all is well.
And that everyone is behaving lawfully.
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C.S. Hanson
Comic
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'UDPDWLF
Missy Merriweather, 28
Missy is enormously pregnant (due tomorrow, in June

2017) and she is questioning her pregnancy and the
possibility that she ended up stuck in a marriage with
a red voter. She is psyching herself up to confront her
husband, or scaring herself out of confronting him,
by trying to accept the reality and the miracle of the
baby, and by trying to stop time, and by acknowledging
her fear that will keep her from confronting Ron for the
next 25 years.
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Missy Merriweather, 28
Missy is extremely pregnant (due tomorrow), and is

having second thoughts about giving birth in June
of 2017. She is ironing beside her husband Ron (on
the sofa watching the ball game) and these are her
thoughts. In the prior scene, on their wedding day,
one year ago, Ron and Missy agreed to keep their
thoughts to themselves. So Missy is consumed with
thoughts, trying to psych herself up to confront Ron
about who he voted for. . . (Even though these are
thoughts, they could be spoken to Ron directly, but he
is watching the game and refusing to listen.)
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Andrew Biss
Comic
Felicity, 30s-50s
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new neighbors with whom she was less than impressed,
Felicity, a rather caustic, imperious woman by nature,
is discovered here chiding her husband, Douglas, for
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logue might appear more apt for a woman in her mid-
30s and upward based on the number of years Felicity’s
been married, it could quite easily be performed by a
woman in her 20s simply by adjusting that number
down.
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MONSTER
Sam Graber
Seriocomic
Nessa, 18
Nessa, a college freshman, has just returned to her

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Nessa’s roommate, Brill, won’t leave their dorm room,
spending all her time hunched before her computer
screen. The time is late August 1994, the dawn of the
World Wide Web.
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Meghan Kennedy
'UDPDWLF
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Luda came to America from Italy when she was sixteen,

where she met her husband Nic, also an Italian immi-
grant, who came over from Italy as a stowaway when
he was also sixteen. Luda talks to an onion she carries
around in her pocket, which often becomes prayer.
Here, she tells the story of how she met Nic, who has
turned into an abusive, angry man given to attacking
their daughters, as he has just done at dinner.
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Seriocomic
Fiona, 30
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Comic
Mary, 14
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Chloe, 40s
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Catherine, 40
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Lisa, 23
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mon’s return home Lisa, nine months pregnant, has
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Karen JP Howes
Seriocomic
Lana, late 20s to mid-30s
Lana is a professional assassin who doubles as an in-

surance investigator. She is speaking to a man who
she is following secretly for the insurance company.
She knows he faked his death so that his family could
collect on the policy, and he could start a new life.
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A.J. Ciccotelli
Comic
Celia, 26
Celia, a movie director. tries to convince Ken’s partner

Rob that he is the perfect subject for her reality TV
show.
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Comic
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Seriocomic
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way possible, Kate— 30’s, Asian-American— tries to
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meant it.

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Chisa Hutchinson
Seriocomic
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When a socially awkward student practically begs

her for romance advice, 30-something guidance
counselor, Kate has to win back cool points after
admitting that she met her boyfriend online.
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in the “hot seat,” to tell personal /embarrassing sto-
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63$&(*,5/
Mora V. Harris
Comic
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Since her arrival on Earth, Arugula has struggled

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forced among. Apparently, on this planet, punching
people on a regular basis is not socially acceptable.
$IWHUKHU¿UVWUROOHUGHUE\ERXWOHDGVWRXQH[SHFWHG
sexual congress with her uber-cool teammate Bruise,
Arugula has a big realization and almost blows her
cover.
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OLNHDWOHDVW\RX¿JXUHGWKDWRXW

63((&+/(66
Greg Kalleres
'UDPDWLF
Clair, 30-32
&ODLUEHFRPHVGHIHQVLYHZKHQKHURQDJDLQRৼDJDLQ
boyfriend thanks for “opening up” last night about
her strained relationship with her father. But when
he implies that it “might help explain” why she’s so
guarded with him — she’s had enough.
&/$,5
(fed up)
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\RXMXVWDVNPH(Before he can interrupt — 1REHFDXVH
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WKLV/LNHKRZFDQ\RXNHHSWDNLQJPHEDFNZKHQDOO,GR
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XS SHUVRQ EHFDXVH WKDW¶V MXVW PH After he defends him-
self $QG , GRQ¶W WKLQN LW¶V ZHLUG WR VD\ WKDW GUHVVLQJ XS
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(She immediately regrets this. She considers apologizing.
But passes.)
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$67(3%(<21'7+(5$,1
Merridith Allen
'UDPDWLF
'HLUGUHWKLUWLHV
Deirdre returns temporarily to her hometown to care

for her ailing grandfather, and resumes a romantic re-
lationship with her high school boyfriend, Finn. Here,
Deirdre tells him that maybe her life will never be what
she dreamed it would be, and maybe she should stay.
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$67(3%(<21'7+(5$,1
Merridith Allen
'UDPDWLF
'HLUGUHWKLUWLHV
After twenty years pursuing a dream, Deirdre returns

to her hometown to care for her ailing grandfather.
When he passes away, Deirdre is forced to confront
the truth about the past and her present, including the
relationship with her high school boyfriend, Finn.
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(She drops to her knees, head in her hands.)
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STATE OF THE ART
Deborah Savadge
Comic
&KORH¶V
Chloe, the ingénue in a national tour of a play called

6WDWH RI WKH $UW is in competition with the leading
lady, Margot, for good reviews and for the attentions
of the young leading man, Colin.
CHLOE
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(pulling herself up to her full height)
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WKHFRPSDQ\DQGZHUHDOO\DSSUHFLDWHLW7UXO\,WKLQNLWVKRXOG
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Harvey calls “places.”
(She exits quickly.)

68%85%$11,*+70$5(6
Dana Leslie Goldstein
Comic
.DUHQ
Karen, a temp, is interviewing for a full-time job.
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6:($7
Lynn Nottage
'UDPDWLF
Tracey, 45-53
Tracey works at a mill in a Rust Belt town in Pennsyl-

vania whose continued operation is precarious. She
is resentful of the raw deal the American worker is
getting, as well as the implosion of her community, as
she tells her fellow denizens of a local bar.
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Cayenne Douglass
Comic
:LWFKV
Witch (a corporate businesswoman with a soft and

dorky side) is speaking to Black Cat, Jack O’Lantern,
and Ghost. Black Cat has just complained that in October,
when he get scared, his back involuntarily arches up
and his hair stands on end… and he looks like one of
the Halloween cut outs. He has said it’s embarrassing
because he feeds right into the stereotype and it’s not
in his control. Witch responds to his complaint with a
one-upmanship to his experience.
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It’s 1975 in the San Francisco Bay Area, and Laura’s

mom is going back to school. Diane is discovering
liberation, openness, possibility! But that doesn’t
mean eleven-year-old Laura has to play along, no
way. She’s in the hall closet, pretending to be Patty
Hearst. Fast forward to 2012. Successful Laura looks
like a model product of the women’s movement… or is
she just the byproduct of Diane’s expectations?
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or maybe there‘s just lots else to say.)
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Martha Patterson
Comic
Olive, 30s
Olive runs an antique shop but, despite never having

acted before, is desperately trying to get an audition
as an actress. She wants to be a star. She is calling a
major regional theatre.
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Amy Witting
'UDPDWLF
Annie, thirty-two
Annie is speaking to Patrick Benton, 49. Annie and

Patrick have reunited in a hotel room at Heathrow
Airport after meeting for thirty-six hours years before
in NYC. Patrick is the only person Annie has every
really opened up to about the suicide of a man she
loved. Here, in this monologue, she is explaining to
Patrick how she wanted to give up but knowing that
he was still somewhere in the world thinking of her
convinced her, if only for a moment, to live.
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Catherine Weingarten
Comic
-DFNLH
Jackie is at the Dress to Get Laid sex themed party

at her college and all she wants is to win over her
male dancer friend, Alaska. Her best friend Monday
convinces her that the only way to get Alaska to date
her is for them to have sex. In the beginning of this
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to make something happen, but then he has to use the
bathroom. In this comedic and cathartic monologue,
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process all the chaos of the party and tell him how she
feels...even though he’s not there.
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7+5((/$',(62)253,1*721
Daniel Guyton
Seriocomic
0DXGHVHYHQWLHV
Maude is an elderly British woman from the Victorian

Era. Here, she confronts the two men who have been
plotting against her family.
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Daniel Guyton
'UDPDWLF
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Henrietta is an upper-class British woman from the

Victorian era. Here, she explains to her daughter how
she feels about men.
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7+5((/$',(62)253,1*721
Daniel Guyton
'UDPDWLF
Elenore, 16
Elenore is a British woman in the Victorian Era. Here,

she confronts the man who broke her heart.
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Bara Swain
Comic
'LDQHVV
During a sound check at a funeral, self-centered

Diane expresses her concern that her marriage is
over to her cousin.
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9,129(5,7$6
David MacGregor
Comic
Claire, 30s-40s
After imbibing a tribal truth serum, sweet and inno-

cent housewife Claire begins to reveal her innermost
thoughts to her bewildered husband.
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David MacGregor
'UDPDWLF
/DXUHQVV
Lauren shares the darkest moment of her life with close

friends who thought they knew everything about her.
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we need to remember.

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Nandita Shenoy
Comic
Sonya, mid-30s
Sonya has been hiding a secret from her new husband,

Michael. She hasn’t told him that her studio apartment
in a Manhattan co-op is single occupancy only even
though he has moved in with her because she doesn’t
want to give up her washer/dryer. As multiple revelations
threaten to upend their newlywed bliss, Michael pushes
Sonya too far on the topic of her beloved appliance.
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Wendy MacLeod
Comic
/L]VHDUO\V
Liz, a middle-aged divorcee, has brought her new den-

tist boyfriend over to meet her best friends, Mary and
Jo. Mary and Jo, who are also divorced and single,
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The Best Women's Stage Monologues 2018

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The Best Women's Stage Monologues 2018

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The Best Women’s

Stage Monologues 2018

Edited and with a Foreword

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 Copyright © 2018 by Smith

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THE ROLE 142

STATE OF THE ART 161

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 13

Amber is addressing the audience, describing her

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 17

In this direct address to the audience, Amber is des-

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 19

Nina, new to the world of competitive air guitar, is

(frustrated with herself)

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(she takes a breath, is calmer)

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 21

After a nice handsome man buys Lisa a drink, she

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 23

Kathy is a loud-mouthed, fun-loving, over-sharing

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 25

Phoenix. Downtown. The streets are quiet, almost de-

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 27

Rachel is in a session with her therapist, Stephen. She

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 29

Rachel, a very unhappy woman, is speaking to her

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 31

Martin & Lily have always been considered the gold

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 33

Felicia is a gifted and beautiful pianist who is spen-

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 35

Felicia is a beautiful and brilliantly talented pianist

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 37

Felicia is a brilliant and beautiful but troubled pianist

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 39

Felicia is a beautiful and brilliant pianist who’s been

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 41

Cynthia has been estranged from her family for

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 43

Meryl has just informed her buttoned down and very

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 45

Bari’s always been a bit of an angry, depressed misan-

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 47

Toria is a budding journalist, furious with the editor

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 49

In this direct address to the audience, Asha talks about

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 51

Leelee is a young aswang, a Filipino witch. She

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 53

Aquah, against her better judgement returns with

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 55

Fresh is a college freshman describing her experience

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 57

Lorna is speaking to her boyfriend, Bert. She is trying

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 59

Lorna is speaking to her boyfriend, Bert. She is trying

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 61

Jessie, a new mother, has bonded with another young

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 63

Adrienne’s husband Mitchell is very concerned about

The Best Women’s Stage Monologues 2018 65

Nessa works for Portia. They are genuinely close and

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