Page 2 Issue 3

FOR THOSE OF US THAT READ, there
The Pan Africanist Congress
president, Dr Motsoko Pheko, this
week called on whites in South Africa
to apologise for supporting apartheid
and colonialism.
He also called for apartheid victims
element has been named
certainly hasn’t been much good news in
the daily papers lately, what with the petrol
price going up, interest rates following suit
and crime still not a concern amongst our
government ministers. I have finally found
out why the light at the end of the tunnel
has become a speeding train rushing
towards us.
“A major research institution has recently
announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science. The new
chief, who lived in the Congo basin in
central Africa. During their southward
migration, they literally could get
away with murder, as there was no
records kept of the atrocities they
committed.
characteristic of moron promotion leads
“Governmentium”.
Governmentium has one neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons
and
224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by
forces called morons, which are
surrounded by vast quantities of particles
called peons. Since Governmentium has
no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every
reaction with which it comes into contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium
causes one reaction to take over four days
to complete, when it would normally take
less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of
four years; it does not decay, but instead
undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and
deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium’s mass will actually
increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to
become neutrons, forming isodopes. This
some scientists to believe that
Governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to
as “Critical Morass.”
When catalysed with money,
Governmentium becomes Administratium
- an element, which radiates just as much
energy as the Governmentium since it has
half as many peons but twice as many
morons.”
It all makes sense now.
Snailpiece.
Five surgeons were discussing
who make the best patients
to operate on :
The first surgeon says, “I like to see
accountants on my operating table,
because when you open them up,
everything inside is numbered.”
The second responds, “Yeah, but you
should try electricians!
Everything inside them is color coded.”
The third surgeon says, “No, I really think
librarians are the best,
everything inside them is in alphabetical

to be paid reparations to “heal the
wounds of oppression”.
Whoa! Stop the press!
This whole concept is so ridiculous
on all levels, that if it wasn’t for the
fact that he was actually serious when
he uttered this trash, I would be
rolling on the floor laughing.
But, then again – this does come
from a party that had the slogan -
“One settler – one bullet”.
In attempting to justify his stand,
Pheko said: “It is unquestionable that
whites must apologise for supporting
apartheid and colonialism, which
inflicted so much human pain and
suffering on African people. Land was
taken from them through wars and
fraud. “
Well, Mr. Pheko – chew on this:
Firstly, I take offence at the
generalisation made against whites.
Sure, white Afrikaners did legalise
apartheid - and yes, many whites did
benefit from the racist system, but
most of us did not support it. In fact,
there was COMPULSORY military
service for ALL white males, and the
only alternative was prison or exile.
As for supporting colonialism -
methinks I am a bit young for that.
But, what’s in a name?
What did the Zulus call THEIR
system? Historically, the only
difference between the whites and
the blacks in Southern Africa was
that the colonialists were able to
record the history, flawed as it might
have been.
However, historians of all colours
more or less agree that the present
day Zulus originated from the
patriarch Zulu, the son of an Nguni
King Shaka, a mighty and fearsome
warrior, became king of the Zulus in
1816, and is widely regarded as the
founder of the modern day Zulu
nation.
Before his rule, the Zulus
consisted of numerous clans that
were related but disorganised, and
Shaka, being the military genius that
he was, CONQUERED many clans,
which were incorporated into the
Zulu nation, increasing their number
from 1500 people to 50 000 warriors
alone.
If Shaka’s opponents had been
white, would Mr. Pheko now be
supporting the defeated tribe’s
claims for reparations? I think not.
Where does one draw the line?
Was the systematic hunting down and
killing of the San/Khoi/Bushman
peoples justified? How much has the
Zulu nation (or the Xhosas for that
matter) paid out in reparations to
them?
Is the killing of Lebanese civilians
justified? Are car bombings in
Baghdad justified?
It all depends where you are
standing.
Sadly, there is, and always has
been, oppression, genocide and war
somewhere in the world, and I’m sure
some people deserve more than an
apology, but it seems that reparations
are only mentioned when there are
people or countries involved that are
perceived to be rich.
Any serious claims should be
evaluated on a case-by-case basis
without generalisations.
Conrad Smit
Aunt
order.”
The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know,
I like construction
workers...those guys always understand
Gertie
Dear Gertie:
when you have a few parts left over.”
But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when
he observed:
“You’re all wrong. Politicians are the
I’m 15 and need some advice. Whenever
easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no
I am around my classmates it seems like I
can’t be myself. I act like someone totally
heart, no balls, no brains and no spine,
and the head and the tail are
different from who I really am.
I want to stop acting, but I’m scared they
interchangeable.”
won’t accept me for me. So I’m sort of
popular, but it sucks because I feel so fake.
I do not have a father, and I was wondering
if this might have something to do with me
seeking attention.
I love my friends, so I’m hoping if I reveal
myself they will accept it. I don’t know what
to do and would really like to know what
you think.
The Inner Child
Dear Inner Child
Yes, you are probably looking for
acceptance partly because of your lack of
a father figure at home. However, knowing
the reason does not necessarily help your
situation.
I say you should SLOWLY start revealing
your true self, so your friends will have time
to accept the “real” you. It may seem like
a hard choice, but, right now, you are paying
a high price for your popularity. The way I
see it, if you are pretending to be someone
you aren’t, then your friends aren’t really
your friends — they are only friends of the
persona you have constructed. You realy
do not have much choice, as the truth will
always come out in the end anyway. Rather
be the captain of your own ship, than get
dashed on the rocks.
The very fact that the exisiting situation
bothers you at all, shows me that you are
essentially a worthy friend to have.
Good Luck!
GERTIE

F
DEL REE
IVE
DAI RIES
John Ross House Ground floor Tel: 337 1008
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O P E N 7 DAYS A W E E K 8 - T I L L L AT E