Feels Like Home

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/53412922.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Outer Banks (TV)
Relationship: JJ Maybank/Original Female Character(s)
Characters: JJ Maybank, Original Characters, Kiara "Kie" Carrera, Pope Heyward,
John B. Routledge, Sarah Cameron, Topper Thornton, Rafe Cameron,
Wheezie Cameron
Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - No Treasure Hunt (Outer Banks), Kooks vs. Pogues
(Outer Banks), JJ Maybank Needs a Hug, Kooks (Outer Banks), Pogues
(Outer Banks)
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-01-30 Updated: 2024-02-05 Words: 9,792 Chapters: 5/?
 Feels Like Home
by jimandpam

Summary

Two troubled teenagers find home in each other.

I’m so bad at summmaries, sorry.

I wrote this for myself because I had this idea in my head for a long time, but then I thought
maybe someone out there would like it, too so here I am.

This book does not follow the plot of Outer Banks.

 The First Night
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

When Iris Walton stepped through the arrivals gate, the air felt heavy and her grip tightened
around the straps of her bag. An ugly feeling washed over her as she watched a girl run past
her side to hug her parents on the other side of the fence. It should have filled her with joy,
but it didn't, it didn’t make her sad either, it just made her angry. Why did she get to have a
family but not her?

The airport had always felt like a strange place to Iris, it was like time didn't apply, like it was
an in-between zone where you can actually stop and get away from reality. It felt comforting
in a way, so many people from all over the world, all with their own stories, their own things,
here she wasn’t the girl who’d lost her mother, she was just another person in the crowd, she
could be anyone she wanted: a businessman on an important trip, a young couple
backpacking the states, an old woman flying to Italy trying to find her true love…

But she wasn’t any of those people, and her mom was still dead. Reality came back when she
spotted her father only a few feet from her. He looked the same as he did a few weeks ago at
court for the custody battle, except this time he wasn’t wearing a suit and a briefcase while
the judge declared he got full custody, and ruined her life in five words. Wasn’t that
something? That the first time she’d seen her father in almost 13 years was for her mom’s
funeral? Was that really what it took for him to step up?

Next to him was his wife Jessica, she recognized her from a picture in his wallet. She had
shiny blonde hair, red lips, and at least a pound of makeup on her face, she also looked
scarily skinny but curvy at the same time, like straight out of a Playboy Magazine. At the end
of her hand was the shoulder of a little girl with a big smile and the same honey-colored hair,
holding up a sign that read “Welcome Iris” in glittery pink letters.

She’d heard about Becky for the first time at her mother’s funeral when she and her father
had had a fun chit-chat about their lives. Turns out that while her mother had been struggling
to put food on the table, her father been busy having a whole-ass daughter with the woman
he’d cheated on her with. Iris knew Becky had nothing to do with it, that she didn’t even exist
at that time, that it wasn’t her fault who her parents were, but she couldn’t help how much she
hated her. Seeing her standing there, the only one who seemed genuinely happy to see her,
holding that sign she’d obviously, made herself. It only made her hate her more.

Finally, Iris sucked in a breath and forced herself to move, toward them instead of away from
them. She felt like getting right back on that plane and forgetting any of this ever happened,
but she couldn’t, and so she continued pushing until they were too close to convince herself it
wasn’t real. The little wheels on her suitcase halted to a stop but she didn’t let go.

“Hi, I’m Becky,” The little girl extended her arm for a handshake. Iris looked down at her
tiny fingers unimpressed and then met her blue eyes again.
“Hi”

Her arm slowly lowered, but she remained firm “You’re Iris, right? It’s so great to finally
meet you— I’ve always wanted a big sister,” Iris gave her a bad look.

“Well too bad, ‘cause I’m not your sister,”

Something crossed the little girl’s eyes like she’d lost a little piece of that childlike
innocence. Her father quickly crouched to rub her shoulder “Sweetheart, why don’t you go
with Mom to the car while I help Iris get her bags?” Before she could argue, Jessica had
taken her hand and dragged her out.

Iris narrowed her eyes at her father once they were out of sight “What bullshit did you say to
her? That I was her long-lost sister coming to visit after 13 years?”

“I just told her that I had another daughter thst lived far away and she was gonna stay with us
for a while”

“Right…right…did you mention that the reason we lived far was because her mother was a
dirty cheater?”

“Come on, that’s not fair. You can blame everything on Jessica,”

“You’re right, at least she wasn’t married,”

“Look, Iris. Becky doesn’t know about any of this. Please don't take it out on her,” She’d
never seen her father so worried in her life though I guess she hadn’t seen him much at all
“Please? She’s only nine”

“Yeah, well I was four,” The resentment in her voice was obvious, she could pretend all she
wanted that she didn't care about him, that she and her Mom were better off, but seeing worry
about his daughter that way, it hurt, and it brought back feelings buried in the past. And she’d
like to keep them that way, so without saying a word, Iris grabbed her suitcase and walked
out of there.

When they arrived at the house after a painfully long drive, a maid named Mrs. Groves led
Iris to her new room on the second floor. It was practically twice the size of her room in
Wisconsin, the ceiling was like ten feet tall, and it had its own bathroom, walk-in closet, and
even a little balcony. Back home she barely had space to fit a twin-sized bed and a desk, now
her room looked straight out of a movie, yet it still felt cold and empty.

The cardboard boxes she’d sent about a week ago with all her stuff were spread around the
hardwood floors, sealed with brown tape. She didn’t bother to touch them, instead, she sat on
the little armchair out on the balcony and stared at the ocean for hours, watching how the sun
slowly disappeared and the beach emptied until it was just the sand and the waves.
She had about a thousand messages and missed calls from Amber but she couldn’t bear to
answer. She knew that as soon as she heard her voice she’d start crying.

Amber was her mom’s best friend, but growing up she was practically like a second mother
to her. She had always been there, making her soup when she was sick, coming to her school
plays, cheering her on at her soccer games. She’d even let them stay at her house when her
mother first arrived from North Carolina with just 20 bucks in her pocket, a four-year-old,
and no idea what she was going to do. Amber was quite literally the only thing that had stood
between them sleeping on the streets. She was the one who was supposed to get custody of
Iris, it was her name that her mother had written on her will not his.

But of course, her father had to come and ruin it all, she didn’t even understand why he
wanted custody, he’d never even been there, he didn’t know her. But none of that mattered,
Steven Walton always got what he wanted. He had better lawyers, more money, a bigger
house, and a stable family with a beautiful wife and a happy daughter, Amber was all alone,
she lived in a small apartment barely big enough for herself, she couldn’t afford to pay for
college or hospital bills. It was never a fair fight. The trial lasted four months.

Her mother’s last wish was that she stayed in Wisconsin, in her real home, with her real
family that didn’t have anything to do with blood, but even that he’d ruined.

Hours seemed to fly by in her dazed-off state, and before she knew it she was sitting next to
little Becky having some kind of weird risotto for dinner. Luckily, her half-sister talked
enough for the entire town so Iris didn’t have to say one word the whole time. Halfway
through dessert, though, the conversation had somehow been directed to her. She’d just taken
a bite of the apple pie Mrs. Grover had brought over a few minutes ago, when her father
spoke up.

“So…Iris. I was thinking you could come with us to the Island Club tomorrow, we’re gonna
go in the morning, probably have lunch there, too. It’s supposed to do a great day outside,”

She pretended to think about it.

“No thanks”

“You haven't even let me explain what the Island Club is,”

“Hmm…let me guess, a club full of rich snobs like you?”

“What’s a snob?” Becky chirped in. Her mother dismissed her with a wave of hand.

“Don’t listen to her”

“There’s a lot of great things to do, you can play golf, relax at the spa, have a snack…” Iris
stuffed her mouth with food, trying to ignore him. “It’d be a way to meet people your age,
you know? And having some new friends couldn’t hurt,” She couldn’t help herself but
scoff. She wouldn’t need any new friends if he’d let her stay at home. Though to be honest,
ever since her mother’s death, her friends had been kind of unexistent.
“I don’t want any new friends, I already have friends. What I want is to go home,”

“We’ve already gone through this” He let out a tiresome sigh “She can’t even pay for rent in
time, she can’t take care of a child. Even if you don’t see it now, I’m doing what’s best for
you”

Iris gaped in disbelief “Oh, she can’t take care of a child? You really wanna go there?
Because if we’re gonna talk about good parenting you’re not exactly a role model…”

“I know you’re mad Iris, I understand what happened to your mother was very hard but—”

It was like a button had flipped the second her Mom was mentioned. “No, you don’t
understand! You don’t understand anything!” Everyone was staring at her now, including
Mrs. Grover from the corner “God, you’re such a hypocrite…you don’t care about Mom or
me, you didn’t care about us then and you don’t know. So stop— just stop pretending! You
just feel bad because she’s dead and you cheated on her with this…bimbo!”

“Hey!” He slammed his hands on the table and jumped to his feet “That’s enough! Apologize
to her right now!”

Apologize? She had nothing to be sorry for.

With the fakest smile she could muster, Iris turned to Jessica “I’m really sorry. I’m sure your
fake boobs have nothing to do with why my father liked you” A gasp escaped the woman’s
mouth.

“They are not fake,”

“That’s it! Go to your room” Her father pointed to the door.

He was seriously tryna act like a dad, now ?

“You’re grounding me?” Iris scoffed, his finger remained firm on the door “Fine, I’ll leave.
This whole thing’s fucking ridiculous anyway” She got up and without looking back walked
out the front door.

Iris walked until her feet hurt, she had no idea where she was but it was far enough from the
house. At some point she realized she really needed to smoke so she walked some more until
she found a gas station. Ever since her Mom’s death, smoking had become kind of a escape
from reality. It wasn’t until when she got to check out that she realized she didn’t have any
money on her, so completely defeated she pushed open the dirty glass doors and stepped out
into the cold night while twirling the cigarette in her fingers. She wanted to slap herself for
having left her lighter in her jacket’s pocket.

Merely five feet from her, like an angel sent from God or something, a guy leaning against a
column smoked a joint.
I guess she wasn’t that unlucky after all.

“Hey, do you have a light?”

When his head turned in her direction, she was taken back. He had a black eye, his lip was
cut and his cheek completely bruised, he didn’t look so good. His dark blue eyes scanned her
features for a second as if he were deciding whether to give it to her or not. Finally, he pulled
out a silver lighter from his pocket and handed it out to her.

“Thanks,” Iris brought the cigarette to her lips and lit it up. As soon as she inhaled her
shoulders seemed to relax, everything seemed a little less hard. She blew out the smoke and
her fingers brushed the lighter, the letters JJ were engraved on it.

“That’s my name,” He was now looking at her.

“Your name’s JJ?” She handed it back to him.

“No, that’s just what everyone calls me”

“What does it stand for?”

The side of his lips tugged up, “That’s a secret,”

“Huh,” She pointed at his face “Where’d you get that from?”

“A fight,”

“What for?”

“Does there have to be a reason?”

She shrugged in response. “I guess not”

JJ’s eyes narrowed as she took another hit of her cigarette, “I haven’t seen you around the
island before,” I’d remember.

“I just got here today,”

“Vacation?”

“Not exactly,” Iris answered vaguely “But I plan on leaving as soon as I turn 18,”

“Why?”

“This place sucks,”

“Can’t argue that” He said, “So, where you gonna go?”

“Madison, Wisconsin,”

“Wisconsin? Is that where you come from?”

 “Uh-huh”

JJ mindlessly played with his lighter, popping it open and closed again and again “From
Madison to Kildare? Seems like a long way to go for a place you don’t even like,”

“I didn’t exactly have a choice, my father lives here,”

“What’s his name? Maybe I know him,”

She looked him up and down, dirty sneakers, backward cap, smoking, they looked from two
complete different worlds “I doubt it,”

“It’s a small island, everybody knows each other in The Cut”

The Cut? Was that what the locals called it? “I suppose you’re from around here then?”

“Born and raised, baby” She huffed a smile, but it died quickly. Reality kicked in. She took
one last hit off her cigarette.

“Thanks for the lighter,”

“Leaving already?”

“Wouldn’t want my father to worry too much,” Her tone dripped off sarcasm. “Goodnight JJ”

He watched as she dropped the cigarette on the ground, stepped on it, and pushed herself
down the dimly lit street. Without even realizing what he was doing, he found himself
shouting after her.

“Hey, Wisconsin!” She looked over her shoulder. “You didn’t tell me your name”

She offered him a half smile, a few strands of her long hair fell over her face, she shrugged
“Why does it matter? I’m not gonna be here long enough for you to remember,” And then she
was gone.

JJ could only stand and watch.

Chapter End Notes

Song number one of the book’s playlist:

The Night We Met by Lord Huron

 Chapter 2
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

Iris had barely gotten any sleep that first night. The house was too strange, too quiet, the
mattress felt too stiff. She just wanted to be home, in her bed, under the baby blue covers,
with the old creaky headboard and the hideous blanket her mother had made out of her baby
clothes, she’d never been good at sewing. She had woken up like four times throughout the
night, and every time it was a little harder to fall back asleep.

By the time Iris had gotten out of bed, her father, Jessica, and Becky were already gone. A
sticky note was left on the marble kitchen counter.

“We’re at the Island Club, you can come by whenever you want”

As if. She crumpled the paper into a ball and threw it in the nearest trash can. Opening the
double-door fridge she searched for something to eat. Tofu, almond milk, veggies, and more
veggies. Did they eat carrots for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, or what? Iris sighed and tried to
look at the pantry, it was packed, but not a single thing looked appetizing. How could a
family not have cereals, or cookies, or anything good?

Deciding she’d rather just starve until lunch than eat tofu for breakfast, Iris turned and left the
kitchen, bumping straight into someone.

“Shit— I’m sorry”

That was not Mrs. Grover’s voice. Iris looked up and her mouth slightly opened. The boy
she’d met last night at the gas station stood in front of her, same blonde hair, same backward
cap, but this time he was shirtless and drenched in sweat, she must admit, it wasn’t a bad look
on him. Her teenage eyes soon got distracted by the little droplets of sweat trailing down his
abs, she tried looking away, but his half-wet hair falling over his forehead wasn’t exactly
making her concentrate either.

“Wisconsin? What are you doin’ here?” His eyebrows were pinched together. She mirrored
his expression.

“I live here, what are you doing here?”

“Oh fu…” The realization hit him like a truck, “You're Mr. Walton’s daughter?”

“You know him?” He scoffed at the question.

“Everybody knows the Waltons, they’re one of the richest families on the island. You should
know,”

She was aware her father had money, so had her mother before she left Kildare, they both
came from good families, that’s why the divorce was such a drama. But Iris wasn’t aware he
had that much money.

“That doesn’t explain why you’re here, or why you don’t have a shirt,”

JJ looked down at his naked torso “It gets really hot really fast,” She raised her eyebrows,
waiting for an answer “Mr. Walton hired me for the summer to do work around the house,
fixing their boats and stuff”

“He has boats? As in plural?” She couldn’t help the judgmental tone in her voice “Fucking
rich crits…” He let out an amused chuckle

“You know, for being a Kook you sure seem to hate them a lot,”

“What did you just call me?”

“A kook”

“A what ?”

“Do you know anything about Kildare at all?” She shook her head. He sighed.

“I’ll put it simply. The island is divided in two, okay? Figure 8, that’s where the rich—” He
pointed at her “—live, we call them Kooks. And then there are the Pogues, the working class
—” He pointed at himself “—we live in The Cut, south of the island,”

“Kooks and Pogues?” She scoffed. “Are you kidding me?”

“You’re a Kook, you wouldn’t get it”

“I am not a Kook”

“You didn't even know what it was two seconds ago,”

“But you say it like it’s an insult,”

“It is in my book,”

Iris scoffed, shaking her head slowly. She crossed her arms over her chest “Look, you don’t
know me, all right? So stop assuming things because I am not my father, and believe me, I
hate him way more than you do,” She was right, he didn’t know her at all, but something in
her eyes told him she was telling the truth.

“Okay,”

She raised an eyebrow. That’s not the answer she was expecting. “Okay?”

“Yeah, if you say you’re not a Kook then I believe you” She wasn’t sure what to say, but she
liked him. There was a moment of silence. She scratched the back of her neck.

“Hey, I have some Wisconsin cigarettes in my room, wanna smoke?” Her question seemed
harmless enough but he scanned over her features like he was trying to solve a great mystery.
Most people he met were easy to put into one category, but with her, he just couldn’t quite
figure it out.

“What would your father think if he found you smokin’ with a Pogue?”

“I don’t care what my father thinks, do you?”

A smirk tugged his lips, “Nah”

“Good,” She nodded. His answer had made her happier than it should’ve.

Signaling for him to follow, Iris led him up the stairs, to the second door to the left. She
walked in first and headed to grab her backpack from the desk. Meanwhile, he stood at the
door with his hands in his pockets, looking around at the piles of boxes on the floor.

“Haven’t gotten started on unpacking, yet?”

She shrugged it off “I’ll do it when I have time,” She’d had more than enough time, she was
just trying to prolong it as long as possible. The second she unpacked those boxes and made
that room hers, it all became real, it became permanent, and the thought terrified the hell out
of her. She glanced at the boy, still standing there, “You can come in, you know? I won’t
bite,”

“Right…” JJ slowly stepped in. Even after all these years it still surprised him, how good
could Kooks live while just a few miles to the south people struggled to even bring food to
the table. He peeked inside the bathroom, with its own bathtub and shower, and let out a low
whistle “Not bad, Wisconsin”

“Iris,”

“What?”

“My name, it’s Iris,” She said and turned to face him while she put a half-empty pack of
cigarettes and a lighter in her pocket. “Come on,”

Taking one last look around the room, he followed her onto the balcony. She pointed to the
roof “Can you give me a hand?”

“You wanna go up there?”

“Yeah,”

“It’s not too dangerous for you?” She wanted to roll her eyes.

“Will you just help me? Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed but I’m relatively short and I
really don’t wanna have to go looking for a chair to reach the freaking roof,”

He sighed reluctantly, positioning himself behind her “How tall even are you? Five feet?”
“Five foot one,” She replied. He wrapped his hands around her waist and effortlessly lifted
her up before following after her.

They sat on the slanted roof side to side and stared at the ocean in front of them. He’d lived
all his life in Kildare and he’d never seen it from up here, especially not in Kook territory.
She lit up her cigarette first and then before she could hand him the lighter, he leaned over
and lit the cigarette between his lips with her already lit one. Their faces were so close she
could see every little detail on his face, from the bruises to the blue color of his eyes. But it
only lasted a second, and when he pulled back, she quickly tried to put herself together.

“You smoke a lot?” He asked. She shrugged.

“No” Liar “You?”

“I’m more of a weed guy myself. Have you ever tried?”

“No,”

“You should, it makes life less worse for a few hours” She blew out the smoke of her
cigarette. A few hours ?

“I’d rather someone more permanent,”

“All right, whatcha have in mind?” Iris thought about it for a short moment.

“I don’t know something that kills me as fast as possible”

JJ turned to look at her and chuckled. It was hard to take such a statement seriously. “Come
on, you life can’t be that bad,”

“It is,”

“You live in Figure 8, you have money, parents who care about you, you don’t have cancer or
anything, what more could you ask for?”

Was she supposed to feel grateful ? That her Mom was dead? That she was a thousand miles
away from home? That she had to live with the man who abandoned her and see him care for
a daughter he actually loved? That she’d lost everything and everyone that she ever cared
for?

“You’rs right, what more could I ask for?” She stood up “We should go back,”

JJ frowned. “I didn’t—”

“It’s fine, can we just go?”

He didn’t dare to contradict her, instead, he followed her to the edge of the roof and hopped
onto the balcony, she refused his help to get down. He went back downstairs and continued
working, and she stayed there, inhaling every hit of nicotine until her cigarette had withered
into nothing, and then she grabbed another one, and repeat.
It was around five when the Waltons arrived home, Iris had been lying on her bed for hours,
she wouldn't even had lunch if it was for her but Mrs. Grover insisted and brought her some
food to bed in a tray that now sat on the nightstand. JJ had left a while ago, she’d heard the
door, she could hear about everything in that deadly silence. Including the loud steps of her
father going up the stairs and knocking on her door.

“Can I come in?” He got no answer, but he came in anyway. Seizing up the image of his
daughter lying there completely emotionless like a corpse, “Hey, Iris. Did you have a good
morning?” All she managed to do was nod.

“Uh-huh”

“What did you have for lunch?”

“I asked Gabriel for a sandwich,”

“Whose Gabriel?”

“Your cook?”

“Oh, right. He’s a top chef, you know that right? He makes the most delicious lobster”

“I was craving a sandwich,”

He took a long deep breath, trying to keep the conversation going “So…we had a good time
at the club, wish you had shown up. Becky wanted to see you, too”

“I was busy,”

He glanced around the room, every box still packed and sealed, not one thing had moved, “I
see” Another silence “Amber called asking for you, I think you should answer her messages,
she seems really worried about you ”

“Maybe if you hadn’t forced her to a trial she wouldn’t have to worry,”

“I didn’t—” He stopped himself before the thing could escalate, he didn’t want to argue “I
just thought you should know that’s all,”

“Great, thanks”

“Okay…well, I guess I'll let you be now” A part of him half expected, half hoped she’d ask
him to stay, say something, anything, but no. It was just hard and total silence. So he turned
on his feet and walked out the door, and no one called for him. It didn’t matter how hard he
tried, how bad he felt, or how much he regretted what he’d done, he knew it was always
gonna be too late.

Iris slowly sunk into the mattress and let her eyes close. She didn’t feel tired, or sad, or angry,
she didn’t feel anything at all. Nothing mattered, there was nothing to look forward to, 18 felt
 further than ever, and she was completely alone, body and soul. And like always, when
everything went black, her last thought was of her Mom. She imagined her brushing through
her long hair, drawing shapes on her back, telling her everything would be alright. And
without realizing she felt herself drifting away to sleep.

Chapter End Notes

Song number two of the book’s playlist:

Cigarette Daydreams by Cage the Elephant

 New Friends
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

After two whole days of rotting in bed and doing absolutely nothing besides listening to
music and depressing herself, Iris was forced by her father to get out of the house for lunch
with the Camerons, a rich family from Figure 8. Mr. Cameron had been a good friend of her
father for a few years now and since he had a daughter of Iris’ age, he thought it’d be a good
opportunity for her to make a friend. Iris had tried everything to get out of it but there was no
way around it, he was set on making her go.

“She’s a really nice girl, you’ll like her” Her father had said in the car to tru and convincent
her. And Iris hated to say it but he was right. Sarah wasn’t as dislikable as she’d imagined, in
fact, she was not dislikable at all.

After dessert, while the adults continued their conversation at the table, and Becky went
upstairs with the youngest Cameron to play in her room, Iris and Sarah sneaked to the
backyard to be alone.

“So, how was Wisconsin?” Sarah asked as they sat on the grass, her blonde hair blowing with
the wind. Iris shrugged, unsure of what to answer.

“Cold? The Cameron girl chuckled.

“I didn't mean the weather, I meant in general like your school and stuff,”

“School sucked, but the people were decent I guess. We certainly didn’t have a war of social
classes going on,”

“Oh, that . Yeah…I don’t understand why can’t everyone just get along either,” Sarah stared
at the white picket fence that surrounded her house as if it were a prison and took a deep
breath “Do you ever wonder how different your life would be if you’d just been born in
another family?”

Though it seemed Sarah was asking more for herself than her, Iris tried to think about it. How
different would her life have turned out if she’d been born in a happy family? With two
parents instead of one? How would she have turned out if she’d had a loving father that
taught her how to drive and gave her crap about boys and dating instead of one that didn’t
even know her birthday?

“I guess I hadn’t thought about it before,” Iris said, shrugging “My Mom used to say things
always turn out the way they’re supposed to,” Before everything, those words used to sound
comforting, now they just made her mad. In what world was her mom’s death supposed to
happen? It didn’t make any sense.

“Do you miss her?” Sarah asked, taking her somewhat off guard.
“I do,” Every day .

“I lost my mom, too” She suddenly mentioned, her voice getting a little quieter. “She died
giving birth to me, so I never knew her or anything. I know it’s not the same but if it helps
you, it does get easier. You never move on but you learn to live with it, you know?”

From all the stupid things people had said to her after her mother's death, people thinking
they knew how it felt because their great-great-grandmother had died, or telling her she was
lucky because she’d got to say goodbye, and the worst of all, telling her that losing their mom
was their worst nightmare as if it wasn’t her reality, Sarah’s words were oddly helpful. But
before Iris had the chance to say anything, Sarah spoke again.

“Hey, me and my boyfriend are going out on his boat this afternoon. His friend is coming,
too. Would you like to come by any chance?” Iris hesitated, a whole afternoon? Sarah smiled
hopefully “It’d be nice having another girl around,”

She thought of her father, he’d been bothering her about not going out for days, maybe if she
did this he’d leave her alone, besides, Sarah was nice. How bad could her friends be? “Okay,
yeah, why not?”

“Perfect, I’ll tell Topper to come pick us up here, do you have a bikini?”

“I mean at my father’s house yeah—”

“Don’t worry, I have a couple bikinis from a couple year ago that could fit you”

“Lucky me”

In her life Iris never knew someone could talk so much about themselves and not get tired of
it, Sarah’s friend had proved her wrong. Well, according to her Kelce wasn’t exactly her
friend, more like her boyfriend’s but it was the same to her. Though Topper wasn’t so bad,
just kind of a prick at times, she couldn’t help but think Sarah deserved a little better. But
who was she to judge? She was only the dumbass who’d agreed to hang out with three rich
kids in a shiny boat with no way to escape. At least she’d get a good tan, Sarah had been
right, her old bikini fit her perfectly, it wasn’t really her style, way too preppy, but it wasn’t
like anyone in Figure 8 was going to judge her, they all dressed like a Ralph Lauren
mannequin.

Kelce was in the middle of his story about the time he and some friends broke into the
school, and Iris was in the middle of acting like she cared, when Topper interrupted them.

“Hey, Iris. We’re throwing a party tonight, you interested?”

She got up on her elbows from where she was lying to look up at him and Sarah beside him,
who was nodding her head.
“Yeah, come. It’s gonna be fun,”

“Yeah and it’s invitation only, so no need to worry about having Pogues around” Kelce added
when he noticed she was having doubts.

Iris blew out the smoke of her cigarette and frowned “You guys actually care about the whole
Pogues vs Kooks thing?” Kelce scoffed defensively.

“How can’t we? These Pogues, they’re always causing trouble around Kildare, they disturb
the island’s peace. You know one time, some kids from The Cut egged my car? Do you think
it’s okay for people to do that?”

“I think it’s funny, actually,” She shrugged. Kelce was about to go on a rant when Sarah
stepped in.

“What he meant to say is we’d love it if you came, besides I can even introduce you to some
cute guys if you want,”

“I’m good, thanks” If they were anything like these two, she’d rather not meet them.

A distant sound of a rumbling motor made the four teenagers turn. A smaller boat in the
distance driving toward them. Iris couldn’t look away, but it wasn’t until they got closer that
she realized why, she recognized one of the boys in said boat, blonde hair, that damn cap, it
was hard to miss, and to her pleasure, he was shirtless again, though his eyes were covered by
a pair of sunglasses so she wasn’t sure who he was looking at, hopefully her and not Sarah.
With her tiny nose and pouty lips, she could easily be a model. She was aware she looked a
bit weird staring at JJ, but she couldn’t help herself. She hadn’t seen him since that day
smoking on the roof, not too strange since she hadn’t left her room in days. He was with two
other guys and a girl, all in their bathing suits, and all extremely attractive, honestly she
wasn’t sure who to look at.

“Hey, Maybank! Almost didn’t recognize you without your little busboy uniform” Kelce
shouted at the group. And it was JJ who turned at the comment much to Iris’ surprise. Was
that his last name? JJ Maybank.

“Hey, Kelce! How’s your mom after I fucked her last night?”

Oh, okay. With her cigarette between her fingers, Iris inhaled and looked between the two,
back and forth.

“What the fuck did you just say about my mom?” Kelce stood up, hands into fists, he was
ready to start a fight, and it seemed like so was JJ. But the curly-haired girl beside him
stopped it before it could get any further.

“JJ, don’t,” She warned him. Was that his girlfriend? “They’re not worth it,”

“Nice to see you, too, Kiara!” Topper called back sarcastically. The girl gave him a dirty look
and then the boat sped up and drove past them. Sarah’s shoulders relaxed once they were out
of sight but Kelce continued to stare at their backs as if he could make a hole through them.
“I could have easily beaten that filthy pogue”

Right .

Naturally, Iris had denied the invitation to their little party. Having to spend three hours on a
boat listening to rich kids talk about their rich kid's problems was unbearable enough.
Luckily her plan had worked, when she’d gotten back to the house her father was so happy
that he didn’t make a single constructive comment about how she should go out more and
socialize for the rest of the day. That night, while Sarah and the rest were who knows where
getting high on who knows what, Iris slept like a baby.

The next morning, she was out smoking by her father’s dock, going for a walk while he and
the rest of the family were at the Island Club when she saw JJ working on one of the boats.
He was wearing a shirt this time, and he was doing some kind of work with screws, not sure
what. Iris didn’t know much about boats.

“Fixing Mr. Walton’s fancy boat?” She asked with a posh voice that was intended to be
funny. He didn’t even look up.

“Uh-huh”

“What are you doing anyway?”

“Replacin’ the propeller,”

“Want a smoke?” She offered her cigarette. He shook his head.

“I’m good,”

Oh . “You seem off today, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed or what?”

“I just don’t wanna be smokin’ while I work, I could get fired, you know some of us actually
need the job” He spat, taking Iris by surprise. She hadn’t expected so much passive-
aggressiveness.

“Are you mad because of the other day?” He didn’t answer. Was that a yes? “Look, I was a
little rude, fine, but I was just not in the mood to discuss how grateful I should be about
having to move to this stupid island, all right? And it’s not like we could’ve stayed at the roof
long either. You did have to work, and I, well I guess I wanted to be alone”

JJ finally put the screwdriver down and looked at her “I’m not mad,” He shrugged
nonchalantly, “You’re just exactly the kind of person I thought you were”

What ?

She scoffed, “Excuse me?”

 “I mean I knew you were a rich kid but hangin’ out with fucking Topper and his little
girlfriend?”

He was judging her ? “I was not ‘hanging out’ Sarah invited me and my father has been
practically—”

“Relax, you don’t need to explain yourself, I don’t care,”

But she did care. Knowing that she wasn’t that kind of person wasn’t enough, she needed him
to know it, too. She glanced at the brand-new boat in front of her and an idea popped into her
head. She’d prove to him that she wasn’t the spoiled rich kid he thought she was. She could
be a Pogue if she wanted to.

Iris took the cigarette with her fingers and waved at the thing JJ was working on “How are
you gonna make sure that thing works when you finish fixing it?”

“It’ll work,” He seemed confident.

“But you’re gonna have to check, right? You don’t want any accidents…” A smile slowly
formed on her lips, taking a hit of her cigarette, she inhaled and exhaled, “You’re gonna have
take it for a ride, make sure it works, and you know, you can’t go alone because that’d be
really irresponsible of me, leaving a worker without supervision and all”

Catching on, JJ slowlybnodded “Oh, yeah. It’d be totally irresponsible,”

“Right, so I’ll go get the keys,” She smiled. He huffed an amused laugh, shaking his head.
This girl didn’t fail to surprise him.

“I’ll be done in ten minutes,”

Chapter End Notes

Song number three of the book’s playlist:

Cowboy like me by Taylor Swift

 Hopeful Mornings
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

“This is so much better than the HMS Pogue,” JJ exhaled from the white leather cushions
where they lay.

As soon as Iris had gotten back with the boat’s keys and he’d finished replacing the propeller,
they’d gotten the boat on the water and drove to the horizon. He wouldn’t admit it, but
getting to drive that boat had been the coolest thing he’d done in a long time.

“What’s the HMS Pogue?” Iris asked, diving her spoon into the ice cream tub. The boat was
well stocked with beers, sodas, and all kinds of snacks.

“John B’s boat, that’s what we call it,”

“Is he the one with the bandana?”

“Yeah, the other’s Pope and the girl is Kiara, but friends call her Kie”

For some reason. The mention of Kiara wasn’t as welcome. “Oh, right. Yeah, the one with the
curly hair. Is she your girlfriend?”

“Who, Kiara ?” JJ snorted a laugh “No way, we have a rule. No Pogue on Pogue mackin’”

“No Pogue on Pogue macking?”

“Yeah, hooking up makes friendships messy, and it would ruin our group. She’s the one who
made it up, actually. Probably ‘cause she knew we all had a thing for her,”

“So you’d like to?”

“Like to what?”

“Date her, if there wasn’t that rule,”

“I think she’s into John B, actually”

“But if she wasn’t? Would you?”

JJ shrugged, he’d never really thought about it, and he was confused by how curious she was.
“Would I hook up with her? I mean yeah, she’s hot. Though maybe it’d be weird I don't
know,”

“Hmm…okay”
“Why you askin’ anyways?” He snatched the spoon from her hand and scooped a whole ball
of cookie dough-flavored ice cream. He had refused to get up and grab his own spoon.

“No reason, just curious”

He hummed, “Right, what about you?”

“Would I date Kiara?” She raised her eyebrows. He was unamused.

“Do you have a boyfriend back home?”

“No,”

“Hookups?”

“Well...does my teacher count? Because he did say it had to be a secret...”

“What?” For the first time since she’d met him, JJ seemed completely out of words. Iris
failed to hide her laugh.

“Wow, I didn’t take you for someone so gullible, nice to know” He scoffed.

“How was I supposed to know?”

“Do I really look like someone who’d sleep with a teacher?” He shrugged, unsure of what
was the correct way of answering that. “Well, I didn’t. Believe it or not, I was a good girl in
school,”

“Really? What happened to you?”

She smacked him on the arm. “What do you mean what happened to me? You prick,”

“You know, to make you so nicotine addicted and depressed”

“I am not depressed,”

“ Clearly ,”

“For your information, I am a very happy person when I want to be,” Iris said stubbornly. He
raised his eyebrows skeptically.

“So you just choose to be depressive every day?”

“I can have fun!”

“If you say so,”

“I‘ll prove it to you,” Iris jumped to her feet and without warning she began undressing
herself. JJ’s eyes widened as he turned to look away.

“What the hell are you doing?”

In her underwear consisting of a basic black bra, and the same panties she’d had since middle
school, she smiled at him “I’m being a fun, happy person” She walked over to the wheel and
not so smoothly climbed up the boat’s roof.

“Being suicidal is not exactly what comes to mind when I think of a fun, happy person!”
Now on his feet, JJ had his hands on his hips, mildly stressed about whatever she was going
to do.

“Just watch and learn,” Iris positioned herself with her feet on the edge of the hard top and
took a deep breath. She bent her knees for impulse, swung forward, and backflipped into the
ocean.

JJ ran to the border and tried to look in the water, but it was too dark to see anything. A
couple more seconds passed, and he was ready to jump in after her when she came back to
the surface and threw her arms into the air, whopping.

“Hell, yeah!” She was grinning like a child, “Did you see that? Did it look as cool as it felt?”

He wanted to be mad at her for scaring him, but instead, he found himself smiling. “Man,
you’re so weird,”

“A weird, fun, happy person, say it!”

“Weirdo!”

She swam to the little dock and lifted herself back up on the boat “You’re just jealous of my
skills,”

“Uh-huh,”

“You thought it was cool admit it,”

“I could’ve done better,”

Iris pretended to walk past him and instead tackled him into the water when he least expected
it. JJ let our a yelp as he fell backward, taking her down with him in the process.

The two resurfaced about the same time, she wore a devilish smile, like the one of a little kid
after playing a prank. JJ shook his wet hair out of his face and shook her head, a smirk
forming on his lips. “Oh, you're so gonna pay for that”

Before she could even process what was happening, JJ launched forward and wrapped his
arms around her torso, pushing her head in and out of the wateras if she weighed nothing. Iris
kicked her legs trying to get away from his grip, a whole mess of laughing uncontrollably and
shouting at him to stop, while he completely ignored her.

Eventually, he did stop. But he didn’t let go, instead, he moved his hands down to her waist
and turned her around so they were facing each other. Their noses a few inches from
touching. She could see every little spark of blue in his eyes, the bruises on his face had
begun to fade, they were not as noticeable anymore. He half smiled. “Now you know not to
mess with me,”

“Tough guy, huh?” She mocked, biting back a smile. He did the same.

“Can’t handle it?”

Why was her heart beating so fast all of the sudden? Quickly, Iris got off his grip and
splashed him before swimming back to the boat. The water had a cooling effect on the
warmth of her body. Why did the air feel so much hotter than a few minutes ago? She quickly
put her clothes back on over her damp underwear “We should go back before my father
notices we're gone and fires you or something”

“Yeah, yeah…” He got back on the boat and looked down at his soaked clothes “But maybe
we can wait here a little more for this to dry?”

A little more minutes with him didn’t sound bad at all. Though she doubted she could stand
much longer than that the fast beating of her heart. Iris walked over to the cushion seats and
grabbed the ice cream tub “Just a little more,”

Back in her room, after saying goodbye to JJ on her father’s dock, Iris lay on bed, staring at
the ceiling as she relieved every little moment of that morning. The hot sun, his arms around
her, the smell of cigarettes and saltwater, she hadn’t laughed like that since her Mom died
more than five months ago, it was just for a moment but it all felt weirdly right. For the first
time in a long time, she could see a little spark of hope that things might actually get better.
Sarah was right, she had to learn to live with it. And for that she needed to accept the fact that
she couldn’t avoid everything and everyone that reminded her of her.

Iris sat up and grabbed her phone from the nightstand. It rang for seven seconds before she
picked up.

“Iris?” Amber’s familiar voice sounded through the other side of the line. She talked so much
like her Mom, calmly and sweet as if you could never bother her. She never got angry like
Iris did. A tear rolled down her cheek, Amber was just another reminder that her mother was
dead. “Iris? Are you there?”

But she couldn’t ignore Amber forever, she didn’t want to. “Sorry I didn’t call before, can we
talk for a little bit? Unless you’re busy—”

“No, no! I’m not busy at all, I’m just really happy you called,” Her voice was comforting in a
homey way, “How are you doing, honey?”

Iris looked out the window, at the small figure in the distance that continued to work on her
father’s boat and thought about that morning. “I’m…good,”

“Yeah?”
 “Yeah,”

Chapter End Notes

Song number four of the book’s playlist:

First Day Of My Life by Bright Eyes

 How to: Get a Job
Chapter Notes
See the end of the chapter for notes

The rest of the day Iris had spent it on the phone with Amber, telling her about her father and
the house, Jessica and Becky, she even told her about the cute guy who worked for them and
her new friend Sarah, if she could even consider her that. She omitted some parts, like the
whole smoking thing and taking her father’s boat without his permission, but it still felt nice
to have someone to tell all those things to, someone who knew her. Amber had always been
like a second mother to her, but above that, she’d always been a friend, someone she could
count on her. It made her feel like a bitch for having ignored her all this time.

At night, her father and Jessica had left for a little romantic dinner at a fancy restaurant, so
Iris was left to babysit Becky. While she wasn’t too happy about it, Becky was thrilled.
Pestering Iris about showing her her doll collection, playing board games, or watching a
movie, she kept begging and begging her to do something together until Iris agreed to take
her out after dinner for dessert somewhere she liked.

After buying her a cone at the little ice cream shop by the beach Becky had chosen, the two
wandered down the boardwalk, the youngest Walton licking strawberry-flavored ice cream
while Iris smoked nicotine-flavored cigarette.

“Daddy says smoking is bad for your health,” Becky spoke, her high-pitched voice already
irritating Iris.

“Yeah, that’s kind of the point,”

“Does daddy know you smoke?”

“No,” Becky perked up at her words.

“So it’s our secret?”

“I suppose,”

“I’m not gonna tell a soul, I promise'' She held up her pinky, Iris stared at her and frowned.
Becky dropped her hand “My lips are sealed,”

“Okay,” Iris forced a smile. How do you tell a nine-year-old child that you couldn’t care less
if she told or not told her dad that she smoked?

“Did you have a good time with Sarah and her boyfriend? Daddy said you hung out with
them,”

“Uh-huh,”

“Daddy says I can’t get a boyfriend until I go to college,”

“You don’t have to do everything he says”

“But if I have a boyfriend too soon then I might get pregnant,” Iris raised an eyebrow.

“Is that what he tells you?”

“Mm-hmm” Becky looked at her and frowned “Are you pregnant?”

“No. Thank God”

“Do you believe in God?”

Jeez…did that kid ever shut up? Iris turned to look at her “Do you always ask so many
questions?”

“My teachers say I should talk less and listen more,”

“Your teachers seem smart, maybe you should take their advice”

“Hmm…okay. So you talk,”

“How about we just walk in silence?” Iris suggested instead. It lasted about two seconds.
Becky inhaled.

“Have I told you that I once fell down the stairs and they had to put stitches on my chin?”

Good lord. Iris groaned. She should’ve just let her show her the stupid dolls.

Friday morning, Iris rode Becky’s bike around The Cut trying to find a place that would hire
her. She’d had a lot of hours of doing nothing to think about it, and if she wanted to leave the
island on her 18th birthday, she’d at least need money for the plane ticket. She had some
savings from Christmas and her past birthdays but they weren’t nearly enough. The problem
was, she didn’t really have that many talents, and the people from the South didn’t seem very
willing to hire someone not only talentless but a Kook, too. It was safe to say she hadn’t had
much luck, but she didn’t wanna lose hope, besides, if she accidentally bumped into JJ that
wouldn’t be the end of the world. She hadn’t seen him ever since that day they’d spent on the
boat. Every morning she’d waited by her window, getting excited every time she heard a car
approaching and disappointed every time it wasn’t him.

It was the seventh store she entered, she was losing her sanity with every passing second, she
was sweating like a pig, and she felt like smashing the loud little bell that for some reason
was above the door of every single store she’d visited. The humidity was getting in her head.
The floorboards creaked under her feet as she stepped further into the small surf shop, there
was no one behind the counter, or by the clothing racks.
“Hello?” She looked around, it was all very rustic , very sloppy, not really somewhere she’d
ever voluntarily walk-in “Hello? Is anyone here?” She pushed open a wooden door,
completely missing the no-entering sign.

A bearded man with tiny glasses stood in the middle of a garage sort of thing, hunched back
as he worked on a surfboard. Some 80s rock band was blasting from the radio, making him
completely unaware of her presence.

“Hello? Uh, excu—” Clearly she’d need to talk a bit louder to make herself heard “Excuse
me!”

The man almost jumped, he lowered the volume of the radio and looked at her all puzzled.
Standing straight he was easily six feet six, and he was bulky too. Iris gulped, she already felt
small most of the time, but now she felt like an insignificant ant that he could step on at any
giving moment.

“I’m sorry to bother you, sir. I’m just— I was wondering if you might be hiring. I’m sixteen
and three quarts, so practically seventeen, and I’m very responsible—”

“I’m sorry, kiddo. I’m not hiring,”

She should’ve just turned around and left the same way she’d done with the last six stores
she’d gone to, but something in her didn’t let her feet move.

“Sir, look. I’m not trying to be disrespectful but your store is a mess”

His eyebrows raised “Excuse me?”

“I’m great at making things pretty. I could help you organize the shelves, maybe paint the
walls, think about how many new customers you’d get that didn’t even know the store
existed because the grass outside is so tall it practically hides the door,”

“Look, kid. I appreciate the enthusiasm but I don’t need any new clients, I make business out
of my regulars, and they don’t care how the store looks, they only care about the boards,”
The man seemed fed up with her, but Iris wasn’t giving up.

“Okay, but you’re not seeing the bigger picture. Just imagine how much money you’d make
with tourists,”

“Tourists don’t come to The Cut,”

“They could if they knew this place existed! Look— I’m great with people, I could spread the
word with people my age…and wouldn’t it be nice to have more days off? I could run the
shop on my own. I'm totally capable of it!”

The bearded man thought about it for a second, and just for a second Iris had the hope that
he’d actually say yes. Then, he let out a sigh “I’m sorry, kid. It does sound nice with
everything you’re saying but I can’t afford to pay you, nor a project like this,”
“See, but that’s not a problem at all, sir! I will take anything, two dollars an hour plus tips,
that’s the minimum wage in the States, right? Please, sir, I just, really, really need a job,” She
put on her best puppy eyes, he was surprised she hadn’t gotten on her knees by that point.
There was a long moment of silence. “Please?”

“You can start tomorrow, be here at nine, we’ll talk about the details. Don’t make me regret
this,”

“Oh, my god…oh, my god! Thank you! Thank you!” Iris had to fight back the urge to tackle
that poor man into a hug. “You won’t regret this, sir. I promise,”

“Call me Big John,”

She grinned, holding out her hand “I’m Iris, nice to meet you”

Bumming with happiness, that afternoon, Iris had gone back to The Cut to buy herself a little
something from a stand she’d passed by that morning and thought it was nice, a treat for her
success in finding a job. The lady behind the counter handed her a strawberry smoothie in a
plastic cup. She took a little sip from the red and white striped straw, her brain freezing for a
short moment, but it felt good in the southern heat.

“Keep the change,” She said, feeling weirdly generous. Normally, she kept everything to the
last penny.

Two steps toward her bike and she spotted Big John walking down the street. He didn’t seem
to notice her, so she made sure he did.

“Boss! Hey, boss!”

No response. Iris crossed the street, not bothering to look if there were any cars passing by
“Boss!”

Finally, the man turned, eyebrows furrowed “Kid, didn’t I say you started tomorrow?”

“I know, I came here for a smoothie,” She held up the proof. Her eyes jumped to the familiar
face beside him, a much younger boy that seemed around her age. She knew that guy! Well,
not exactly. But she knew of him, he was JJ’s friend, the one with the boat. “Hey, you’re John
B, right?”

Big John looked between the two “You know each other?”

“She’s the girl you hired?” John B seemed dumbfounded. “ Her ?”

Iris sipped on her smoothie. What was going on here? “I’m sorry, how do you two know each
other?”

“He’s my son,”
“Ah. That’s why the whole Big John, John B thing…” Iris nodded in understanding, “Hey,
can I call you Little John instead?”

John B frowned “No?”

“You know what? I don’t have time for this, I have to get back to the store,” Big John turned
to his son before walking away “Don’t forget to buy the eggs!”

“What did you do to him?” John B narrowed his eyes on her.

“Excuse me?”

“I’ve been begging my dad to hire someone so he could stop overworking himself so much,
for years . And suddenly you come in and he gives you a job? Just like that? I’m not buying
it,”

He wasn’t buying it? Iris scoffed. “Hey, man. I’m not some kind of psychic. I didn't
manipulate him into hiring me, besides, shouldn’t you be happy? Now you’ll have some
more father-son bonding time”

“I don’t trust Kooks,”

“I’m not a Kook,”

“Right, you simply live like one and hang out with them”

“Hey! That was one time. Why does everyone keep throwing that at me?” Iris threw her free
hand in the air exasperated, “Do you think it was fun to spend a whole afternoon with Topper
and Kelce? Nuh-uh,”

“That does sound like torture,” John B accepted. He glanced at her half-suspiciously.
“There’s a party tonight at The Cut. Come by, then you can decide if you still wanna be a
Pogue,” Iris crossed her arms over her chest, challenging him.

“Who says I wanna be a Pogue? Can’t I be neither?”

“You can try, but you’re gonna have to choose eventually, that’s just how life works”

A party in The Cut, with John B? The chances of seeing JJ were too high to decline such an
offer.

“All right, you’ve convinced me,” Iris exhaled, giving him her phone so he could write down
the address.

“There you go,”

“I’ll see you there, then, Little John” Sipping on her smoothie, she crossed back the street to
her bike. John B flipped her off.

“Very funny!”
Chapter End Notes

Song number five of the book’s playlist:

Girls Just Want to Have Fun by Cyndi Lauper

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