You Don’t Go To Parties

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/53391733.

Rating: Not Rated

Archive Warning: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Category: F/M
Fandom: Outer Banks (TV)
Relationship: Rafe Cameron/Reader
Characters: Rafe Cameron, Topper Thornton, Sarah Cameron, Ward Cameron
Additional Tags: Drug Use, Alcohol, Addiction, Arguing, Harassment, ward being a shitty
dad, Panic Attacks, General Angst
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-01-29 Words: 9,779 Chapters: 2/2
 You Don’t Go To Parties
by starryblueeyesandstarryblueskies

Summary

Rafe flashes back on moments in your relationship as he looks for you at his party, even
though he knows that he won’t find you.

Notes

This is the longest fic I’ve ever written and I think the one I’ve enjoyed the most. This
definitely isn’t canon Rafe but it is the Rafe I dream of. Rafe and Sarah are actually close in
this because they deserve that and Sarah and Topper aren’t dating cuz I just don’t like them
together. Also it is very very very much not proofread like at all.
As I am an adult, all characters I write for are written as adults. Any minor characters will be
aged up to the general range of their actor’s age.
 Chapter 1

25 minutes. That’s how long the party had been going on at the Cameron house. 25 minutes.
That was how long Rafe had been looking for you at said party.

He hadn’t even realized he was doing it. Scanning the party every few minutes, his conscious
mind chalked it up to wanting to know who was at his house and he left it at that. He didn’t
want to think about it any deeper.

Take a shot. Scan the kitchen.

Do a line. Scan the basement.

Play a round of beer pong. Scan the backyard.

“Right, bro? Rafe, have you even heard a word I said?” A shove from Topper brings Rafe
back to reality.

“Huh, what? Is it my turn?” Rafe turns back to the card table covered with red solo cups.

“We lost like five minutes ago,” Topper deadpans, “which you would know if you had been
paying attention.

Where is your head, bro? It’s like you’re not even here. This is your party.”

Rafe just shrugs in response, scanning the backyard again.

“Who are you looking for?”

Rafe turns back to his friend. “I’m not looking for anyone.”

“Yeah, sure,” Topper says skeptically, “You’re just searching the crowd every few minutes
for no reason.” He slaps him on the back. “Real convincing.”

Rafe starts to make a noise of indignation, but Topper is already walking away, leaving him
to his thoughts.

As much as he doesn’t want to admit it to himself, Rafe knows exactly who he’s looking for,
and he also knows he’ll never find you in the crowd. You don’t go to parties anymore, and he
only has himself to blame.

(10 Months Earlier)

Growing up middle class in the Outer Banks was a weird experience. You weren’t a pogue
and you weren’t a kook, and neither group made any attempt to claim you. You were just
you.
You hadn’t wanted for much during your childhood, but you learned not to spend on needless
expenses. Your parents taught you the necessity of hard work and they taught you how to
budget. You didn’t go to lavish parties, but you weren’t going to bed hungry. As an adult, you
worked two jobs, waitressing during the week and bartending on weekends, and your parents
pitched in every once and a while to help you pay your rent. You weren’t rich by any means,
but thanks to your work ethic and the kindness of your parents, you made it work.

Rafe Cameron grew up in a different world. He splurged endlessly, using up the massive
allowance that his dad gave him. He didn’t care about price and he didn’t care about
budgeting. Most of all, he had never worked hard a day in his life.

When he comes up to the bar one night while you’re pouring drinks, you don't spare him a
second glance. He flashes you that crooked grin and calls you ‘darlin’’, but it doesn't matter.
You know Rafe Cameron’s reputation and you don’t get tied up in the games of rich boys.
You simply make him his drink and go on with your night.

Rafe on the other hand, is smitten from the moment he lays eyes on you. When the typical
smile and sweet talk doesn’t have you falling at his feet like every other girl, he knows he’s a
goner. He would make it his mission to catch your eye no matter what it took.

So he puts in the work, weekend after weekend he comes to the bar, day after day he comes
to the restaurant. Each meeting is filled with flirty conversations and teasing looks, and
despite your better judgment, you can feel him wearing you down.

(8 months earlier)

Two months after your first meeting, Rafe saunters into the bar, just like he did every Friday
night, and heads straight for you.

“Y/N.” He greets you, the same crooked grin on his face.

“Rafe,” you reply, the same even tone you always use, “The usual?”

“You know it, darlin’.”

“You’re later than usual.” You note.

He smirks at that. “Worried I wasn’t coming?”

You give him a look. “Not a chance,” you retort, “just thought maybe I had finally scared you
off.”

“Impossible.”

You can’t help the small smile that crosses your face at his reply, and you turn quickly so he
doesn’t see, playing it off as helping another customer. When you refocus your attention back
on him, you realize he hadn’t taken his eyes off you. He scans your face, the look on his face
more serious than usual and one you can’t quite read.
He leans in, eyes locked on your face and murmurs under his breath, “Go on a date with me,
please.”

Rafe has never blatantly asked you out before. You know that had been his intention all
along, all his flirting building up to this moment, but you didn’t expect such sincerity behind
his words. And you certainly didn’t expect him to say please.

You want to say no. You know better than to get involved with someone like him, but Rafe
has a gravitational force that pulls you, and everyone around him, in. So when he gives you a
small, hopeful smile, you can’t help that your body leans closer to him. And you can’t help
but say yes.

He picks you up at 6:00 on the dot Monday night, looking about as handsome as you had
ever seen him in dark jeans and a light blue pullover. He hadn’t told you much about what he
had planned for the night, just to wear something comfortable and he would take care of
everything else.

You aren’t quite sure what to expect from Rafe Cameron on a date, but as he opens the door
of his truck for you, looking down at you with a smile and a soft look in his eyes, you realize
you aren’t worried.

Rafe drives you to a small clearing that you had never seen. It’s a grassy area that overlooks a
quiet area of the beach, and is just secluded enough to give the two of you privacy. He pulls
in carefully, angling the bed of the truck toward the beach.

Once he parks, you reach for the door handle, but Rafe puts up a hand to stop you.

“Wait right here for a second, okay?”

He grabs a bag from the backseat and hops out of the truck, setting up the truck bed to his
liking. When he finishes, he jogs over to your side of the truck where he opens your door and
helps you out.

You raise an eyebrow at the gesture, a small smile gracing your face. “Quite the gentleman,
Rafe Cameron.”

“I was trained well,” he jokes back at you.

As you round the back of the truck, Rafe jumps up onto the tailgate, reaching down a hand to
help you up the big step. You’re thankful for the help as you almost fall, not once, but twice
in the process.

“Well, that was graceful,” you giggle and Rafe laughs along with you.

When he’s confident you're steady on your own two feet, Rafe takes a seat on one side of the
truck bed, motioning you to do the same across from him. Between you, he’s set up a small
picnic with a few of your favorite foods and a variety of drinks, alcoholic and non-alcoholic
alike.
“I wasn’t sure which you would want,” Rafe offers at your questioning glance, “I wasn’t sure
how much you drink.”

Your heart flutters a little with the thoughtfulness of his words. It’s not what you would’ve
expected from Rafe. You’d heard the stories, and knew his reputation. Rafe drank a high
volume and often. You’d expected him to want you to do the same. Then again, nothing
about your experience with Rafe has been what you’d expected.

The night was everything you could’ve hoped for. You and Rafe spend hours talking and
laughing while feasting on the picnic he had brought. The conversation never seemed to lull,
and even the quiet moments between the two of you felt comfortable.

As the sun went down over the water, you let out a content sigh. “It really is beautiful.”

Rafe hums in agreement, leaning back against his hands as he looks between you and the
sunset. He can’t believe how lucky he is to be here with you. How he convinced you to go
out with him is beyond his comprehension, but he’s going to enjoy it while it lasts.

A light breeze blows across the clearing, and you can’t help but shiver slightly. It was usually
pretty warm in the Outer Banks, but considering it was nearing November, sometimes the
nights get a bit chilly.

Noticing your discomfort, Rafe reaches through the open truck window and pulls out a
jacket. He drapes it over your shoulders gently, and you feel yourself leaning into his touch.
You look up at him, the ‘thank you’ getting caught into your throat when you realize just how
close he is.

You can feel his warm breath fan across your face, his eyes flickering to your eyes and your
lips, gaze intense. He’s waiting for your permission to make a move, so you tilt your head up
ever so slightly. Moving so your lips are almost brushing against his.

He takes this as his cue, pressing his lips against yours. The kiss is strong, but gentle, Rafe’s
mouth moving in time with yours as if you were made for each other. You feel like you’re
floating, and you don’t ever want to come down.

(7 months earlier)

A month into your relationship, Rafe takes you to a party at his buddy Dylan’s house. It’s
your first real kook party. Sure, you’ve been to your fair share of parties while living on the
island, but none of them have been in mansions owned by rich parents who just let their kids
have free reign.

You can tell Rafe feels comfortable like this, surrounded by rich kids in a big house with loud
music and expensive booze. You know he’s been to plenty of parties just like this one, but
you can’t help but feel out of place, even by the kook king’s side.
Luckily for you, Rafe steers you towards the kitchen pretty quickly, not wanting to share you
with everyone the whole night.

“Wow, this is quite the party,” you state, gesturing around the room.

Rafe pours you a cup of beer and then grabs one for himself, tucking an arm around your
waist to pull you into his body.

“What do you mean? You’ve been to lots of parties,” he comments.

“Not in houses like this, Rafe,” you laugh, “they have two ovens, and a fridge that looks like
a cabinet.”

Rafe chuckles at that. “Fair enough.”

“Yo, Rafe!” A loud, frat boy looking blond enters the kitchen.

Rafe gives him a quick bro hug before leaning back into your side. “Hey man, what’s up?”

“Where you been lately, dude? I haven’t seen you at a party in forever!” He gestures toward
you. “I take it this is the girl who’s been taking you all your time?”

Rafe smiles warmly down at you. “This is Y/N. Y/N, Trey.” He gestures back to the blond.

“Nice to meet you,” you offer.

“Yeah, you too.” Trey throws out the quick reply, clearly thinking of you as nothing beyond a
fling. He turns back toward Rafe. “Look you didn’t hear this from me, but there’s some of the
good stuff downstairs. You know what I mean.” He taps the side of his nose.

Rafe feels you stiffen against his side at the comment. “I’m good, man. Appreciate the heads
up.”

Trey shakes his head, giving him an incredulous look. “More for me then.”

He walks away not long after, but you still feel on edge. Sensing your continuing discomfort,
Rafe leads you away from the commotion and out onto an empty balcony.

“Are you okay?” He doesn’t crowd you which you appreciate, leaving a few feet of space
between you. “I can tell that conversation made you uncomfortable.” For having known you
only a few months, he seems to be able to read you pretty well.

You nod. “It’s just not really something we’ve talked about you know? The drug use.”

Rafe nods.

“Look, I don’t want to tell you what to do. And I don’t want to issue ultimatums. But I feel
like we need to have a conversation about it before our relationship progresses any further.”

Rafe’s eyes never leave yours as he nods again, encouraging you to continue.
“I know it’s a big thing on the island, coke especially. I mean I don’t live under a rock. But
I’m not comfortable around it, and I’m not comfortable surrounding myself with people who
do it.” You pause for a moment, preparing yourself for what you have to say next. “Addiction
is pretty prevalent in my family, and a lot of people have struggles with drug abuse. It’s a big
deal to me and I don’t think I can be with you if that’s something you’re taking part in.” You
hold your breath, knowing this could be the end of your budding relationship with Rafe.

He steps closer to you, reaching out to intertwine your fingers. “I understand,” he says with
sincerity in his words, “I know I have a reputation Y/N, and I know you’ve looked past a lot
of it to give me a chance.”

You look away, finding it hard to meet the intensity of his gaze, afraid of what might come
next.

“I want you to feel comfortable around me, no matter what. Would it make you feel better if I
told you I’ve been clean since we met?”

Your eyes snap to his at the question. “Really?” Rafe nods in reply. “Why?”

“I know I wanted to be with you from the day I met you, and I knew in order for that to
happen I had to be the best version of myself that I could.” He shrugs. “You’re worth more
than the high.”

“Are you sure?”

“Absolutely.”

(5 months earlier)

“I just don’t understand what you’re getting so upset about?”

“Rafe, I’m upset because we’ve had this dinner date planned for weeks and you suddenly
canceled on me twenty minutes before you were supposed to pick me up.”

You’re standing on one side of your living room as Rafe paces across from you. Last night,
the two of you were supposed to go to dinner at a nice restaurant. A date that had been
planned two weeks ago when Rafe had first surprised you with the reservation. You had spent
over an hour getting ready when he canceled on you with a text. No explanation as to why
and a half assed apology. You don’t think he even realized you were upset about it until he
showed up at your door this morning and saw the piercing glare you gave him.

“Look, there was nothing I could do about it, okay?” Rafe runs his hands through his hair.
“Something just came up last minute.”

“And you won’t even tell me what it was.” His non-explanation does nothing to curb your
anger. “How do you expect me to feel, Rafe?”
He softens when he sees the look in your eyes, realizing you're not so much mad as you are
hurt. Hurt that he canceled, hurt that he won’t tell you why, hurt that he doesn’t seem to care.

“It was Sarah, and my dad,” Rafe offers in explanation, “I don’t know exactly what
happened, but they got in this huge fight and I just needed to be there for her.” He moves
closer to you. “I’m sorry, baby.”

All your anger fades away at his words. “Is she okay?” You and Sarah have gotten close since
you started dating Rafe. You know all the Cameron kids have a strained relationship with
their father, Rafe most of all. He’s never told you the full extent of his issues with his dad, but
you know he’s very protective of his sisters when it comes to Ward.

Rafe nods. “She’ll be fine.” He wants to pull you into his arms, but he hesitates, knowing this
conversation isn’t quite over.

You look at him with hurt eyes. “You could’ve told me you know. I would’ve understood.”
You love how much he cares for his sisters. You never would’ve stood in the way of him
being there for Sarah.

“I know. I’m sorry,” he repeats again, “I wasn’t thinking.” This time you move a little closer,
opening yourself up to him. When he reaches out, you allow him to pull you into his body. “It
won’t happen again. I promise.”

You nod into his chest. Rafe pulls you back slowly to look into your eyes. “I love you.”

It’s the first time he’s said it, but it’s how he’s felt since day one. When you smile up at him,
eyes full of adoration, he feels like his heart could burst.

“I love you too, Rafe.”

The Cameron house is full of music, beer, and kooks. At this point in your relationship
you’ve been to a fair amount of kook parties with Rafe and while it’s still not necessarily
your scene, you’ve come to feel a lot more comfortable in the chaotic atmosphere by Rafe’s
side. You understand the appeal more now, even if it’s not entirely your thing.

Since Rafe is hosting this party, you spend a lot of the night with Sarah, allowing him to
mingle with his friends, pour drinks, and the like. The two of you are confident in your
relationship and don’t feel like you need to spend every minute together. You don’t mind him
doing his hosting thing as long as he checks in on you from time to time, as you’re having
fun dancing the night away with Sarah.

“Hey darlin’,” Rafe pulls you into him from behind, sliding his arm around your waist while
you sway to the music, “Not having too much fun without me are you?”

You turn to wrap your arms around his neck. “Oh absolutely. You know your sister might be
more fun than you are. I might just have to reconsider which Cameron I’m dating,” you tease.
Rafe feigns shock with a hand to his heart, looking between you and Sarah. “I can’t believe
what I’m hearing!”

“Oh believe it, big brother!” Sarah chimes in, “She’s my girlfriend now.”

He pouts at that, turning to you with over exaggerated sad eyes. You laugh at his expression,
but can’t help kissing the pout off his lips.

“Don’t worry, baby. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Sarah fakes a gag behind you as the two of you look lovingly into each other’s eyes. “Okay,
you guys are gross. Rafe, leave us alone so we can dance!”

“What, now I can’t even spend time with my own girlfr–” A crash sounds from behind him.
“Oh fuck. What the hell was that?”

He gives you an apologetic look but you wave him off. “It’s okay, go deal with the chaos.”
You smile and he gives you one last peck on the lips before running off in the direction of the
crash.

Sarah takes her palace at your side again as you both watch his retreating figure. “I may give
him a lot of shit, but I gotta admit, you two are really good together.” She loops her arm
through yours. “Plus I get a new best friend out of this deal.”

The two of you laugh and turn back to the dance floor when you feel a hand close around
your wrist. You turn with a smile, assuming Rafe has returned after dealing with the mess,
but instead you come face to face with a guy you’ve never met.

“Um, hi,” you say to him, a little confused.

The guy flashes an over confident smirk at you. “Hey, babe. Wanna dance?”

“Oh, I’m actually dancing with my friend right now, but thanks.” You try to pull your arm
from his grip, but instead of talking your gentle brush off he just grips you tighter. Sarah turns
back looking for you just as he pulls you hard, causing you to stumble closer to him. She
gives you a worried look, but you shake your head at her. You’ve dealt with your fair share of
pushy men at the bar, so you're pretty sure you can handle this yourself.

“Oh come on.” He speaks uncomfortably close to your face. So much so that you can smell
the alcohol coming off his breath in waves. “It’s just a dance.”

“I said no.” You yank your arm stiffly from his grip. “Find someone else.”

Your defiance does little more than anger him as he lunges for you again, this time gripping
both arms so tightly you’re sure he’ll leave a bruise.

“Hey!” Sarah jumps in now as this situation escalates. “She said no. Back off!”

In the kitchen, Rafe is finishing up dealing with the most recent crisis when he hears voices
raising in the living room. Oh god, what now?
“Yo Rafe!” Topper rushes into the kitchen. “You better get out here man. Some guy is
harassing Y/N.”

Rafe charges into the living room after his best friend, freezing when he sees you. Some guy
has got ahold of both of your arms while you try to pull away, Sarah trying in vain to get in
between the two of you, and the rest of the crowd looking around nervously, clearly waiting
for the moment when Rafe finds out what is happening.

Sarah is all up in the guy’s face, practically biting his head off, but you can’t really hear what
is being said at this point. You’re finding it a little hard to breathe at the moment, unable to
concentrate on anything except how trapped you feel as you continue to pull against his
strong grip.

You can feel your eyes welling up as your breathing shallows, but right before the tears can
fall the guy is ripped away from you. You stumble back into Sarah’s arms as a tall body
plants themselves protectively in front of you.

“Stay the hell away from her,” Rafe practically growls out.

“Hey, I didn’t do anything wrong! She was all over me, man.”

Rafe is physically holding himself back at that, hands trembling with the effort. “I can
guarantee you, she was not.” He wants to cave the guy’s face in, but he knows that would just
upset you more and he doesn’t want to do anything to add to your anxiety.

The guy stalks forward again, angry at being embarrassed in front of all these people, and
gets in Rafe’s face. “You need to back the fuck up,” Rafe barks out.

“Who the hell do you think you are?”

“First of all, I’m her boyfriend.” The guy goes to make an angry retort, probably about you
wanting him, but Rafe cuts him off. “And second of all, I’m the one throwing this damn
party.”

The guy pales in realization, he may not have known what he looks like, but he clearly knows
this is Rafe Cameron’s house, and he just pissed off the kook king big time.

“Now get the fuck out of my house.” Rafe looks over at Topper who nods and grabs the guy
by the back of his shirt, marching him straight out the front door.

Rafe turns toward you, still shaking in Sarah’s embrace. He opens his arms and you bury
yourself in his chest as he leads you away from the crowd up to his bedroom. As you walk
you can hear Sarah yell behind you, “Alright everyone, party’s over! Go home.”

As he shuts the door to his bedroom, Rafe speaks softly in your ear, “I’m so sorry, baby. I
should’ve been there.”

You shake your head. “I’m okay. It’s not your fault.”
“Doesn’t matter. I’m not leaving your side at a party ever again. I promise.” He crawls on the
bed pulling you so you're laying fully on top of him. “I won’t let anyone lay their hands on
you again.”

You just nod, nustling deeper in his embrace, finally feeling the trembling dissipate as you
begin to feel safe again in his arms.

(3 months earlier)

You sat around the fire listening as one of your friends told a story about a terrible first date
she went on last week. You plant your face in your hands and groan as she tells you the
cheesy pickup line he used at the end of the night, Sarah falling into fits of laughter beside
you.

“I honestly can’t believe you didn’t just walk out at this point,” she gets out between giggles.

You nod your head enthusiastically. “Girl, you have gotta start finding better people to date.”

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she says in a teasing voice, “Not all of us can be in the perfect relationship,
okay?”

You put your hands up in mock surrender, letting her continue on her rant of first dates being
the worst. Your relationship with Rafe isn’t perfect, but you won’t deny that it's pretty damn
close.

You and your friends put this bonfire together at the beach as a chance to just relax and catch
up. Sarah, Topper, and a few others sat with you on the sand. Rafe was coming a little later in
the night because he had to run a few quick errands for his dad, but you didn’t mind. This
was the first time you’ve really had a solid group of friends since you were a kid, and it was
nice to feel relaxed and happy even without your boyfriend there.

A few minutes later, you hear a truck pull up and a car door shut. You turn with a bright smile
on your face, excited to see your boyfriend after a long day without him, but your excitement
turns to worry when you see the look on his face. He plasters on a smile as he makes it to the
group, but you know him well enough to see right through it. You turn to Sarah and the look
on her face confirms that something is definitely wrong with Rafe.

“Hey, let’s go on a little walk, okay?” You give him a small smile. “We’ll be back in a few,
guys.”

Your friends respond with a chorus of okay’s and see ya’s and Sarah gives you an
encouraging nod.

Trekking along the water line, you take Rafe’s hand in yours. “What’s going on, baby? You
seem upset.”

“Just a long day. My dad was a lot.”

You nod. “Do you wanna tell me about it?”

“Maybe in a little while. Can we just walk for a bit?”

“Of course.”

He tucks you into his side, enjoying the way your presence grounds him after the day he’s
had. You wait patiently until he’s ready to start speaking. Rafe doesn’t talk about his dad too
often around you. He’s told you the basics of how they don’t really get along and that he can
be pressuring and overbearing, but that’s the extent of it. While he knows that you would be
supportive and that it’s good to get it out, he doesn’t like recounting their fights. It usually
just makes him feel trapped back in that moment. This, however, is the worst fight they’ve
had in a while and he just can’t deal with it himself this time.

“He told me I’m a failure and that I can’t be trusted to do anything right.” Rafe rushes out the
sentence in one breath.

You stop abruptly, turning to face him. “He said what?”

“He said that I’m never going to be a successful adult, because I can’t even do the simple
tasks he asks of me. And that I’m distracted all the time and never spend enough time at
home or doing the work he needs me to do.”

“Rafe,” you say softly, but he’s not finished.

“He wants me to break up with you because he thinks you take up too much of my time and
don’t respect him or the way he runs our family.”

You can’t help the look of disbelief that crosses your face. “Oh my god.”

“I know.” Then he rushes to add, “I told him no obviously. I’m not breaking up with you
because he told me too. I’d never do that.”

“No, baby, I know.” You reach a hand up to his cheek, rubbing your thumb back and forth to
calm him down. “That’s not what I’m worried about. But that was a lot for you to hear,
Rafe.”

He nods slightly, trying and failing to hide the tears welling up in his eyes.

“You’re not a failure, baby.” You turn his head toward you gently. “If he can’t see the
amazing man you’ve become, the capable, confident, happy man that you are, then that’s his
deficiency not yours.”

Rafe looks back at the ground, whispering in agreement, but it’s clear he doesn’t mean it.

“Rafe Cameron, you are an incredible man. I wouldn’t be here otherwise. And I will remind
you of that everyday until you believe it.” You duck down under his lowered gaze until your
eyes meet. “Screw your dad.” You add sternly.

That earns you a little smile and a squeeze of your hand. “Thank you,” Rafe murmurs.
You pull him to sit next to you on the sand. “Why don’t we just stay here for a little while?
We don’t have to go back to the bonfire quite yet.”

And there you sit, for the rest of the night, your back pressed to Rafe’s front, his arms around
your waist while you rub soothing circles into his arms. Enjoying the breeze, the sounds of
the waves, and most of all, each other's company, because as long as you have each other it
doesn’t matter what else goes wrong in the world.

(2 months earlier)

“Come on, Y/N!”

“Rafe, I’ve told you a hundred times, I can’t go to Jason’s party with you tonight. I have to
work. You’ll just have to go with Top.” You’re standing behind the bar arguing with Rafe,
who apparently drove all the way all the way to your place of employment to beg you to go
to this party with him, even though he knows damn well that you have a shift tonight.

“Can’t you blow off work just this once?” Rafe tries again.

“No, Rafe, I can’t.” You pace back and forth in front of him, getting dangerously close to
being late for work. “If I don’t work this shift, I won’t be able to make rent this month, not to
mention the fact that they’d probably fire me for bailing this late.”

“It’s like you don’t even want to spend time with me?”

“Because I won’t blow off work for you? Rafe, I need this money. You know what, I’m done
with this conversation. I’m going to be late. We’ll talk about this later.” With that final
statement, you stalk inside, not even pausing to glance back at your boyfriend.

You can’t stop thinking about your fight while you work, turning the words over and over in
your head throughout your shift. You know Rafe has never had to worry about money or even
really about having a job, but usually he was pretty understanding of your life and finances.
He knew you needed this job to survive and as much as you wish it could be different, at this
point in your life, work had to take precedence over hanging out with friends. You couldn’t
afford for it not to.

By the end of your shift, you decide that you and Rafe should wait until morning to talk. You
still feel pretty hot about the whole situation, and nothing good would come from the two of
you arguing all night. In the morning, you could stop by his place and have a discussion
while both of you had clear heads.

You pack up your stuff, saying goodbye to your coworkers and heading to your car when you
notice two new voicemails from Rafe. You play the first.

“Hey darlin’, it's me. I was an asshole earlier and you have every right to be mad at me. I
shouldn’t have asked you to skip out of work and I definitely shouldn’t have made it all about
me. I know how important this job is for you. Just call me back please. I hate it when we
fight. I love you, baby.”

You let out a deep sigh, your heart clenching. You hated fighting with him too, but you still
think the night would do you both some good. You play the second voicemail while you start
driving.

“Y/N,” Rafe’s voice breaks on your name, “I know you’re still mad at me, but I need you.”

You stiffen at the pain in his voice, feeling a little panicked.

“Dad and I got in this huge fight and– It was really bad,” He whispers the last part, “Call me
back please. I need you.”

You pull over quickly, clicking on his contact in your phone. Your fingers drum anxiously on
the wheel with every ring, but there’s no answer. You try again, but there’s no change. As a
last resort, you try calling Topper. He picks up on the second ring.

“Y/N! Where you at?” You can hear the songs of the party going on in the background.

“Top, is Rafe with you?”

“Yeah, he’s around here somewhere! I saw him just a few minutes ago.”

“Great, I’m on my way.” You hang up before he even has a chance to say goodbye, turning
around in the middle of the road to make your way to Jason’s house.

For once, you’re glad you live on such a small island, because it only takes you a few
minutes to get to the party. You park quickly and head inside, looking for your boyfriend all
the while. It only takes you a few seconds to spot Topper and Sarah in the living room.

“Hey girl!” Sarah gives you a big hug.

“Hey, have you seen your brother?”

She shakes her head. “Last I saw he was in the backyard.”

“No, no,” Topper chimes in, “We saw him a few minutes ago. I think he was heading to the
back room.”

“Oh yeah!” Sarah nods along.

“Thanks guys.” You head in the direction they pointed, ignoring their calls to get a shot with
them. The only thought in your head after hearing that message is finding your boyfriend and
making sure he’s okay.

Pushing through the crowds, you finally make your way into the back room, letting out a sign
of relief when you see your boyfriend sprawled out on the couch. He turns your way,
catching your eye with a deer in the headlights expression on his face. The relief you felt
disappearing as fast as it arrived when you see the white power under his nose.
Before Rafe can say a word, you spin on your heel, heading back the way you came.

“Y/N! Y/N, wait!” He calls after you, but you don’t stop.

It isn’t until you push past your friends and out the front door until he finally catches up to
you. Rafe grabs your arm, spinning you to face him. Behind him you can see Sarah and
Topper have followed the two of you into the front yard with confusing and concerned looks
on their faces.

“Y/N, baby, would you stop? Where are you going?”

“Where am I going? Rafe, are you kidding me?” You shove his hand off your arm. “I’m
going home.”

“Why?”

“Because you are high out of your mind!” He has the decency to look ashamed at that. “You
told me you were done with this, Rafe. You knew how uncomfortable you using drugs made
me and you told me you were done, that I was worth more than the high. Clearly that wasn’t
true.” You turn back toward your car.

“What the hell was I supposed to do, Y/N? I needed you and you weren’t there! You didn’t
even answer the phone when I called.”

You whirl around. “I was at work! I didn’t even have my phone on me, Rafe. I had no idea
that you called.” Rafe opens his mouth to argue, but you cut him off. “No. You don’t get to
blame this on me, Rafe. I rushed over here after a long, miserable shift replaying our fight
over and over in our mind, just to make sure you were okay. You made this choice. You chose
to throw away everything we had. Six months down the drain for a meaningless high.”

“Baby, please.” The tears in his eyes and pain on his face threaten to crack you in half, but
you’ve made up your mind. This is one thing you can’t forgive.

You can barely get the words out, your voice nothing more than a broken whisper. “I’m
done.”

You rush to your car, leaving Rafe standing there in shock. Before you can shut your door,
Sarah is there pulling you into a hug. “Let me come with you, you shouldn’t be alone right
now.”

You shake your head. “No, stay with Rafe. He's your brother. He needs you more right now.
He just gave up eight months clean and sober, that’s going to be hell to come back from.”

She just gives you an uncertain look. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine. I promise.”

You try to hold it together as you drive home, but you don’t make it more than a few miles
before you have to pull over, crying too hard to continue. By the time you make it home, it’s
been over an hour since the party. You crawl in bed straight away, crying until there’s no tears
left and you fall into an uneasy sleep.

(Back to today)

Rafe stumbles back into the living room, looking for anything and everything that will
distract him from thoughts of you. He makes it to the kitchen, quickly downing a shot before
pouring himself another when he hears a noise. He freezes for a moment, thinking the
universe is taunting him, then turns slowly.

There you are talking to Sarah, beautiful as ever, with your head thrown back in a laugh, and
another man’s arm around your waist.
 Chapter 2
Chapter Summary

When you and Rafe run into each other at a party after your breakup, neither of you are
sure what comes next.

Chapter Notes

I’m not quite sure if this is the part 2 that any of you wanted or expected but I hope you
love it all the same!

“Y/N, please.”

“Sarah, there is no way I’m going to that party.” You throw a pointed look at the girl pacing
in front of you.

“Please! Look, you won’t even have to see him.”

“You can’t promise that. He’s literally throwing the party at his house.”

“Okay yes, but it’s also my house, and it’s huge so the odds of running into him are low.”

You just shake your head.

“Maybe it’ll even be good for you. It could bring you some final closure. You could even
meet someone new.” She grabs your hands giving you the biggest puppy dog eyes she can
muster. “Please, Y/N! If you hate it and you’re miserable I promise we can leave.”

“Fine, but you owe me big time.”

If someone had told you last week that you would be going to a party hosted by your ex-
boyfriend you wouldn’t have believed them, and yet here you are letting Sarah lead you
through the crowd of people in her kitchen. You down the drink she puts in your hand,
quickly grabbing another before she can stop you.

“I can’t believe I let you talk me into this.”

“Come on, Y/N. You have to at least try to enjoy yourself. Just relax, okay?”
You reluctantly let your friend pull you to the living room to dance, unable to help the giggle
that passes your lips when she spins you around and lowers you in a dip. She’s right, of
course, and you find yourself having a pretty good time dancing and chatting, but at the back
of your mind is always Rafe.

You haven’t been to a party since the breakup, and every aspect of it reminds you of the
parties spent by his side. The house is full of memories itself and his friends filling every
room don’t help. So you don't hesitate to down drink after drink, in hopes of keeping the
painful memories at bay.

Sarah gives you a concerned look after drink five, but you just shake your head. You work at
a bar after all, you can handle your alcohol. “I’m fine,” you tell her. “Just having fun.” She
doesn’t seem convinced, but you drag her back to the dance floor, cutting her off before she
can voice her doubts.

Sarah’s the life of the party, after all this is her world. People keep coming over to say hi and
she greets them all happily, introducing you to the ones you don’t know. She spends a
particularly long time hyping you up to an old teammate of Topper’s when he comes over to
chat. She introduces him as Jake, or maybe Jack, you aren’t entirely sure. He’s pretty cute
and nice enough, and it’s clear Sarah is trying to make a connection. You chat with him a bit,
mostly using him to distract yourself from your spiraling thoughts.

You expected him to get bored and leave after a while, but he sticks by you and Sarah for the
rest of the night. The three of you take a round of shots, then head back to the living room to
dance for a bit.

Sarah seems to have finally caught up to your level of drunkenness and starts cracking cheesy
one-liners left and right. Your sober self would have thought they were the dumbest jokes in
the world, but in your intoxicated state they become the funniest thing you’ve ever heard.

You clutch at Sarah’s arms, laughing so hard that you sway sideways on your unsteady feet,
and Jake has to catch you. You and Sarah start laughing again at your clumsiness, and he
keeps his arm around your waist to steady you as it becomes clear you can’t keep your
balance.

“Yo, Rafe!”

Your laugh cuts off abruptly and you stiffen, the sound of his name making you feel suddenly
sober. You turn slowly to face the direction of the voice, and come face to face with Rafe.
He's almost close enough to touch, eyes locked on you while Topper rambles obliviously in
his ear.

Time slows and you can’t seem to tear your eyes off him, taking in every inch of the man
who broke your heart. Your gaze trails back to his face, where your eyes lock on his. Wide,
beautiful baby blues, with the pupils blown. He’s been using.

The world crashes back into you then, music too loud and lights too bright. You’ve got to get
out of there. You push Jake’s hand away, turning quickly and almost stumbling in the
process.
“Y/N?” You hear Sarah’s voice but it’s muted and distant, as if she's underwater.

“I can’t be here. I can’t-” You don’t finish the sentence, breath coming fast and shallow. “Get
me out of here.”

“Okay. I’ve got you.” Sarah grabs your hand and pulls you behind her, heading for the exit.
You stumble out the front door, hands on your knees as you frantically breathe in the cool air.

Jake has seemingly followed the two of you to the driveway. You can hear him mumbling
something behind you, but your brain can’t focus on the words.

You cut him off mid sentence. “Look, Jake.”

“It’s Jack.”

“You seem like a really nice guy, but I can’t handle this right now and you do not want to get
involved in my shit. You should really just go back inside and find a different girl with far
less issues.” You press the heels of your hands against your eyes, trying to keep the tears at
bay.

He nods his head slowly and makes his way back into the house.

Sarah comes to your side, rubbing your back in slow, soothing circles. “Are you okay?”

You shake your head in response. “Just take me home. Please.”

Two months since the breakup and Rafe hadn’t seen you once. He knew you and Sarah still
hung out and she had told him you were doing well. He had to admit, it was impressive how
well you’d been avoiding him, considering the small size of the island. The last thing he had
expected was to see you standing in the middle of his living room at a party he was throwing.

When Rafe first heard your laugh through the loud music, he thought he was hallucinating
and when he turned and saw you standing there, it was like he stopped breathing. He couldn’t
even move, just standing frozen in his spot even after you went running out of the room.
Topper had tried to say something, but he didn’t even hear it. He just mindlessly walked up to
his room, where he stayed until the party ended.

Now the next morning, Rafe can’t stop replaying the scene in his mind. The man’s hand
wrapped around your waist, the way your head was thrown back in laughter, and most of all,
the panicked and hurt look in your beautiful eyes when they met his. It was the exact same
look you had the night you broke up with him, and it hurt just as bad the second time around.

The week after the party goes by like a blur. It almost felt like going through your breakup all
over again, just going through the motions, but not really being present. You spend the whole
week in your bed, drowning in self pity and bittersweet memories.
A knock on your door pulls you out of your thoughts. You know it’s Sarah, just as it has been
every day for the past week, so you just yell from the mound of blankets you’re curled in
atop your bed.

“Go away!”

No more than thirty seconds later, you hear the blinds being opened and feel the blankets
ripped off your bed.

“Hey!” you complain, pulling them back and snuggling in deeper. You should’ve known
better than to give her a key to your apartment all those months ago. Sarah just pulls the
blankets off again.

“Nope, up.”

“I don’t want to get up, Sarah. Just leave me be.”

“You’ve been in bed for a week. I know you're upset, but it's time to get up.”

“You say this every day and you have yet to convince me that it’s actually true.”

“I’m serious, Y/N.” Sarah puts her hands on her hips. “Wallowing like this isn’t healthy. I’m
worried about you.”

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not.” She sighs before sitting next to you on the bed. “I’m sorry for pushing you
to go to the party. I really thought it would be good for you.”

“I know.” Seeing Rafe again had rattled you more than either of you thought it would. “I
don’t blame you.”

There’s a beat of silence before Sarah talks again. “You know, you still haven’t told me what
made you run out like that. It seems like it was more than just seeing him again.”

You take a steadying breath before rolling over to face her. “It was his eyes. His pupils. He
was high again.”

“Oh.” You can tell the statement surprised her, but she tried not to let it show.

“You didn’t know he was using, did you?”

She shakes her head no. “He told me after… everything, that he was going to get clean again,
but I guess that hasn’t happened. To be honest, he hasn’t been telling me as much the past
couple months as he used to. I wouldn’t have made you go if I had known, I’m really sorry.”

“No, hey.” You sit up, covering her hand with yours. “I’m the one who should be saying
sorry. You’ve been so supportive after the break up. I didn’t mean to get in the way of your
relationship with your brother.”
“You haven’t. I promise. This is just Rafe’s demon to deal with. There’s only so much I can
do if he doesn’t want help.”

You nod.

“Okay!” Sarah jumps up. “Enough of that. You are getting out of bed and we are getting you
out of this apartment. It’s time for a girls' day.”

You groan, but don’t protest as she drags you out of bed.

You hate to admit it, but the girls’ day was actually going pretty well. Sarah had dragged you
to all of her favorite places, her nail salon, the restaurant on the pier, the little boutique with
the cutest dresses, and her favorite ice cream shop. Now, the two of you are sitting in the park
across the street, trying to finish your ice cream before it melts in the heat.

“Shit!” Sarah jumps up as drops of melted ice cream fall onto her shirt. “Okay, this is getting
all over me. I’m gonna run and grab more napkins.” She takes off across the road, swearing
as more ice cream stains her clothes. You laugh at her antics and shake your head.

Deciding to give up on the melting cone in your hand, you trek across the park to drop in the
trash can. You inspect your clothes for any drops as you turn, causing you to run straight into
the person behind you.

“Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to-”

“No, it was my fault-”

You both stumble over your words, cutting off abruptly when you realize who is standing
before you.

“Oh, Rafe. Hi.” You take a step back nervously.

“Hey. Um, sorry.” Rafe removes his hands from where they were placed on your arms to
steady you, quickly shoving them in his pockets. “I didn’t- Um, I was just looking for Sarah.
Wheezie said she was getting ice cream. I didn’t realize you would be with her. I’m sorry.”
He looks around uncomfortably.

“No, it’s okay. Um, she just ran back into the shop to get napkins. I’m sure she’ll be right
back.”

He nods and you play with your fingers, both standing there awkwardly, unsure of what to
say or do.

After an uncomfortable minute, Rafe breaks the silence. “So, I saw you came to the party last
week.”

“Oh. Yeah.” That wasn’t what you expected him to say. You decide to avoid the topic of your
hasty exit and painful moment that led to it. “Sarah asked me to come. Hope that was okay.”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. You're always welcome.” Another beat of silence. “Your boyfriend
too.”

That throws you for a loop. “What boyfriend?”

“The guy from the party.” You just give him a confused look. “Jack, right? Friend of
Topper’s? I didn’t realize you two were seeing each other.”

“Oh! No, no, I’m not, we’re not.” Rafe visibly relaxes as you explain. “I hardly know him. I
thought his name was Jake.”

He chuckles at that and you can’t help but join in. You missed these moments with him. It’s
weird feeling so distant from him.

“I’m sorry, I must’ve misread it. To be completely honest with you, I was pretty…” He trails
off, not wanting to say the word.

“High?” you offer.

He looks surprised. “You could tell?”

“I know you pretty well, Rafe. I can tell when you’re not all there.”

He nods slowly, looking sheepish. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that.” He says it so
quietly you almost don’t hear, but you can tell he means it.

You don’t get a chance to ask him if he’s talking about last week or two months ago, because
right then Sarah reappears. She gives you an apologetic look, but you brush it off, stepping
away so the two siblings can talk.

Your conversation with Rafe has been playing in your head for days. You have no idea what
to make of any of it, the said and unsaid. Luckily, you don’t anticipate running into him again
any time soon. After two months of avoiding him, what’s a couple more days?

You certainly don’t think he’s going to seek you out, so when you leave the restaurant after a
long waitressing shift and see him waiting at your car, you’re shocked to say the least.

He straightens when he sees you coming. “Hey.”

“Hey. What are you doing here?”

“I knew your shift would be over soon, and I wanted to ask you something.”

It surprises you that he still remembers your schedule after all this time. You can’t imagine
what he came all this way to ask you, but it peaks your curiosity.

“Okay, what’s up?”

Rafe looks nervous, fiddling with keys in his hands, eyes not quite reaching your face. You’re
not used to seeing him like this, so used to the confident carefree guy you met so many
months ago.

“So I’ve been thinking a lot about our conversation in the park. There’s so many things I’ve
been wanting to say to you, so many things to apologize for.” He takes a breath and clears his
throat. “I know I hurt you more than I ever thought possible, but do you think we could ever
get back to where we were?”

That’s the last question you expect him to ask, and you take a minute to respond, not quite
knowing what to say.

“I- I don’t know, Rafe.”

He nods, disappointed but not surprised by your answer. “Do you think you would consider
it, if I got clean again for you?”

You take a deep breath, thinking about your answer. You love Rafe more than you’ve ever
loved anyone. You can’t imagine anything better than being with him again. But you also
know that it’s not as simple as he wants it to be.

“I think you tried to stay clean for me once already and it wasn’t enough. Not that you didn’t
love me, there’s just more to it than that.”

You close the distance between the two of you, reaching up to place a hand on his cheek. He
leans into your touch, both of you soaking up the comfort of each other’s presence. His eyes
gaze hopefully into yours.

“I think if you are truly going to get clean, it has to be something you do for yourself. I can’t
be your reason, Rafe. You have to want this for yourself or it’ll never last.”

Rafe looks crestfallen at your words. You know it’s not what he wants you to say, but you
also know it’s the truth. He reluctantly pulls your hand away from his face, giving it a
squeeze before returning it to your side.

“I understand.” He gives you a small smile. “And thank you.”

You nod back, unable to say anything more in fear that you’ll begin to cry, and he turns away,
walking back to his car.

When he pulls out of the parking spot, you climb into the safety of your car and let the tears
fall. You hope with every fiber of your being that he finds a reason within himself to get
clean, and you wish you could be by his side in the process, but you know you know it’s not
possible.

“Hey, Sarah? Are you here?”

Rafe knocks on the door to his sister's bedroom. A minute later she pulls open the door, a
concerned look appearing on her face when she sees his serious one.

“Hey, what’s going on?”

“I talked to Y/N earlier. I want to get clean, for good this time. Will you help me?”

“Yes. Yes, of course I will.” Sarah pulls her brother into a hug. “I’ll be here the whole time.
I’m really proud of you.”

Rafe can’t help the tears that fall at her words, squeezing her a little tighter. “Thank you.”

It’s been over a month since you last saw Rafe. The day after your conversation outside the
restaurant, you got a call from Sarah. She told you that Rafe made a decision to get clean, and
that she had helped him find an inpatient rehab facility on the mainland.

You were so happy for him, still are. You know how tough the decision to go to rehab
must’ve been for him. You can’t imagine what Ward had to say to his son about it.

Taking your advice to heart, Rafe hasn’t attempted to contact you during his treatment. Sarah
gives you frequent updates on his progress when you hug out, giving you peace of mind that
he was doing well.

You try your best not to think about Rafe too much, but with Sarah out of town this week to
visit him, you can’t control your wandering mind. As you drag yourself through the motions
of work, making drink after drink for rowdy customers, you wonder what he’s doing right
now.

When you see a tall figure approach the bar, you think you must be hallucinating, the long
day catching up to you. There’s no way it’s actually Rafe standing in front of you.

“Hey, darlin’.” He grins at you, and your mind flashes back to nearly ten months ago when
the two of you were standing in the exact same spots.

“Rafe,” you breathe out, a smile growing on your face. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m back.”

“You’re back. For good?”

“For good.”

You beam, pushing yourself up and over the bar to throw your arms around him. You hold
him tightly for a minute before pulling away. “When did you get back?”

“Just now. This is the first place I came. I had to see you. I’m clean, Y/N. For good this
time.” Rafe looks down at you, eyes so filled with love and pride you could cry.
“I have a very important question for you.” He leans closer to you, lowering his voice. “Will
you go on a date with me, please?”

You reach up, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck before crashing your lips against
his. Rafe holds you close, fitting himself to you as though he never left. You let yourself melt
into the kiss, taking in his presence, his comfort, his touch. After a second peck, you pull
away slightly to answer his question.

“Yes, I would love to go on a date with you.”

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