1

00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,800

"When life is getting to you

2
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:15,100
"put some fresh in your life
Let Mintos freshen up your life

3
00:00:16,000 --> 00:00:19,100
"Life is just a breeze
when you stay fresh and cool

4
00:00:19,200 --> 00:00:21,800
"Because Mintos puts the fresh in life

5
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:25,400
"Taste that freshness
Just can't beat it

6
00:00:25,500 --> 00:00:29,000
"Mintos freshness
Let Mintos freshen your life"

7
00:00:30,700 --> 00:00:32,500
Mintos, the Freshmaker.

8
00:00:32,900 --> 00:00:34,500
These commercials are stupid.

9
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,900
They certainly don't make me want
a Minto.

10
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:38,000
Totally ineffective.

11
00:00:38,100 --> 00:00:39,900
Must kill Lincoln.

12
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:44,600
"It seems today that all you see

13
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:48,000
"is violence in movies and sex on TV

14
00:00:48,300 --> 00:00:51,400
"But where are those good,
old-fashioned values

15
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,600
"on which we used to rely?

16
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:58,100
"Lucky there's a family guy

17
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,300
"Lucky there's a man who'll
positively tell you

18
00:01:01,400 --> 00:01:03,100
"all the things that make us

19
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,500
"laugh 'n' cry

20
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:08,800
"He's a family guy"

21
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,500
Blast you, woman!
Awake from your damnable reverie!

22
00:01:27,700 --> 00:01:29,800
Honey, I'm doing the dishes.

23
00:01:29,900 --> 00:01:33,800
A thousand pardons for disrupting
your flatware sanitation ritual.

24
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:35,600
But you see, I'm in searing pain!

25
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:39,700
You're just teething, Stewie.
It's a normal part of a baby's life.

26
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,200
Very well then,
I order you to kill me at once!

27
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,100
Honey, I know you're hurting.
28
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,800
But Mommy has to clean up the house,
all right?

29
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:47,900
No, it's not all right!

30
00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:52,000
For the love of God, shake me!
Shake me like a British nanny!

31
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,500
Oh, man. This is the life.
Hand me another one of them...

32
00:01:56,600 --> 00:01:58,500
...Pawtucket Patriots.

33
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:04,200
Guys, I want to say a toast to you,
Quagmire, Cleveland...

34
00:02:05,700 --> 00:02:06,600
Brian.

35
00:02:06,700 --> 00:02:10,600
Yeah. If you guys were beers,
I would drink every one of you.

36
00:02:11,700 --> 00:02:14,400
And I wish you were because we're out.

37
00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:20,900
That's funny. That's even more humorous
than that joke you told us last night.

38
00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:24,700
Okay, so a Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
walk into a bar, right?

39
00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:26,300
Wait a second.

40
00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:31,500
Jewish guy and a Chinese guy
walk into a bar.

41
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,800
And there's a naked priest sitting there.
And he...

42
00:02:33,900 --> 00:02:35,500
Oh, sorry, Father.

43
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:37,000
No, I've heard them all.

44
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,800
Look at the time.

45
00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:43,100
I promised Loretta I was gonna trim
the hedges and be tender with her.

46
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:46,300
Believe me, Cleveland. Our wives need
some time off as much as we do.

47
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:50,600
This is when Lois does all those
little things that women like to do.

48
00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,200
I'll be on your bed. No calls.

49
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:04,700
Hey, Lois.

50
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:07,200
You've been busy all day.
So I took care of dinner.

51
00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:08,000
Really?

52
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:11,900
All you gotta do is gut it, clean it,
scale it, and cook it.

53
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,700
I spent all morning
cleaning up the house.

54
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,700
And in five seconds,
you turn it into low tide at the pier.

55
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,400
Jeez. I'm sorry, honey.
I'd help you clean it up.

56
00:03:20,500 --> 00:03:23,100
But you know how lousy
I am with housework.

57
00:03:23,200 --> 00:03:25,200
Remember when I tried doing the laundry?

58
00:03:25,300 --> 00:03:28,700
Let's see. Shirts, pants...
I'm missing another sock.

59
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,400
Welcome to Narnia. I'm Mr. Tumnus.

60
00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,200
Give me back my sock, you goat bastard!

61
00:03:36,700 --> 00:03:37,600
Hey!

62
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,400
You're right. It's better if I do it.

63
00:03:40,500 --> 00:03:43,000
Damn it to the bowels
of bloody hell!

64
00:03:43,500 --> 00:03:45,800
The baby's up. Can you get him?

65
00:03:45,900 --> 00:03:47,800
Okay. I hope he doesn't need changing.

66
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:51,100
I'm a little gun-shy
after what happened last time.
67
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:55,400
No, you imbecile!
That's not talc! That's paprika!

68
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:57,200
Take that!

69
00:03:57,300 --> 00:04:01,600
All right, I'll do that, too!
Can you at least take Chris to his game?

70
00:04:01,900 --> 00:04:03,900
Jeez, Lois. I spent all morning on a boat...

71
00:04:04,100 --> 00:04:06,700
...drinking beer, telling jokes,
and screwing around.

72
00:04:06,900 --> 00:04:08,000
How about a little me time?

73
00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:10,700
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...

74
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:11,900
...and come right home.

75
00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:15,700
I need you to look after Stewie
while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!

76
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:19,400
All right! You know I spoil you.

77
00:04:21,500 --> 00:04:22,900
Thanks for the ride, Dad.

78
00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:25,100
All right. Have fun, Chris.

79
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,000
Hey, Petey!

80
00:04:26,100 --> 00:04:27,600
Quagmire? What are you doing here?

81
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:29,000
Soccer moms!

82
00:04:31,700 --> 00:04:32,600
All right.

83
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:35,800
I'd like to hang around with you.
But Lois needs me at home.

84
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,200
I got beer.

85
00:04:37,900 --> 00:04:39,800
Boo, Lois! Yay, beer!

86
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:47,100
It's okay, Stewie. Where the hell's Peter?

87
00:04:47,200 --> 00:04:51,100
That was good, Reuben.
Now play Brahms' Lullaby.

88
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:53,900
"Lullaby and good night"

89
00:04:55,300 --> 00:04:58,100
Enough! The only thing worse
than the wretched pain...

90
00:04:58,200 --> 00:05:00,600
...in my mouth is the excrement
spewing from yours!

91
00:05:01,100 --> 00:05:03,100
I wish I could make the pain
go away sooner.

92
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:05,400
But I can't turn time forward.

93
00:05:05,500 --> 00:05:10,100
Oh, no! Perhaps I can! Of course!
I'll simply build a machine...

94
00:05:10,300 --> 00:05:14,700
...that can move time!
I shall call it a time machine.

95
00:05:15,700 --> 00:05:17,600
E-flat, Salieri! E-flat!

96
00:05:19,800 --> 00:05:24,000
Go, Chris! Daddy loves you!
I mean in a platonic way. I'm married.

97
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,400
Hand ball! Penalty kick, blue!

98
00:05:31,800 --> 00:05:34,300
That's the 10th time today!
Nice grab, orca.

99
00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:38,500
Get Moby Dick off the field
before he burps up a license plate!

100
00:05:38,800 --> 00:05:41,800
Easy, fella. That's my kid. Now apologize.

101
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:45,500
Okay. I'm sorry your kid's a brain dead
stinking blue cheese feta!

102
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:47,100
That's it!

103
00:05:47,900 --> 00:05:49,400
Way to go, Dad!

104
00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:51,300
You hit my mom!

105
00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:52,700
No, I hit your dad.

106
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,300
Stand back. Give her some air.
107
00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,900
You mean, "Give him some air."

108
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:58,200
Call an ambulance. She's going into labor.

109
00:05:58,300 --> 00:06:00,700
You mean, "He's going into labor."

110
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,200
Whoops.

111
00:06:08,300 --> 00:06:10,100
I can't believe I punched a woman.

112
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:11,300
A pregnant woman.

113
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:13,300
I just hope she accepts my peace offering.

114
00:06:13,400 --> 00:06:15,900
I sent her a little something for the baby.

115
00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:22,900
I would've brought it over myself
if I wasn't under house arrest.

116
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,100
You're just fortunate
this is your first offense, Peter.

117
00:06:26,200 --> 00:06:27,800
Could've been a lot worse if the cops...

118
00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:29,900
...knew about the other times
I broke the law.

119
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,900
And there was that time
I took a whiz in public.

120
00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:39,000
And that time I snuck into Wimbledon.
121
00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:40,100
And that time I snuck into Wimbledon.

122
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:44,000
Me and Cleveland are gonna "amscray."

123
00:06:44,100 --> 00:06:46,000
Wait. You guys can't leave me here alone.

124
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,600
Why don't you come with us?

125
00:06:47,700 --> 00:06:50,700
I can't leave the premises.
They're monitoring my every move.

126
00:06:53,900 --> 00:06:56,200
I gotta get out of here!

127
00:06:56,300 --> 00:06:58,400
There's my little house husband.

128
00:06:58,500 --> 00:07:01,100
It's been so wonderful
having you home all week.

129
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:03,100
Thanks, honey.
But I don't know how you...

130
00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:04,400
...stand it here all day.

131
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:07,300
I mean, I'm so bored,
I can't even watch TV anymore.

132
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,700
All the shows are starting to run together.

133
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:13,500
This contains adult content
and is brought to you by the letter "H".

134
00:07:16,600 --> 00:07:17,800
Hello?

135
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:21,400
Son of a bitch. I'm on my way.

136
00:07:21,500 --> 00:07:25,200
Some poor bastard got his head
blown off down at a place called Hooper's.

137
00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:28,900
Bert, I wish
you wouldn't drink so much, Bert.

138
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:32,400
Well, Ernie, I wish you wouldn't eat
cookies in the damn bed!

139
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,900
Bert, you're shouting again, Bert!

140
00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,900
I know you can't understand
what I'm going through.

141
00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:42,600
All the stuff that makes you happy...

142
00:07:42,700 --> 00:07:46,200
...like cooking and cleaning,
is right in the house just waiting for you.

143
00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:48,500
- You are one lucky...
- Stop now.

144
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:51,300
Peter, I don't do those things
because I enjoy them.

145
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,900
I do them because I love my family.

146
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:58,000
Lois loves her family. Lois loves her family.

147
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,900
"Lois and the family sitting in a tree"

148
00:08:02,200 --> 00:08:04,600
See, Lois, the guys would've
found that hilarious.

149
00:08:04,700 --> 00:08:08,500
Why don't I go buy some groceries
and make us a nice romantic dinner?

150
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:12,600
Like when we were dating.
That oughta take your mind off the guys.

151
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,200
It already has.

152
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:17,400
I wonder what the guys are up to?

153
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,100
That's nasty.

154
00:08:25,100 --> 00:08:27,300
Where's the damn pull string?

155
00:08:30,600 --> 00:08:32,900
You never know what you're gonna
find down here.

156
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:37,600
Peter!

157
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,700
You're the Pawtucket Patriot.

158
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,300
Verily. Come hither and give heed.

159
00:08:43,500 --> 00:08:45,600
Whoa. I don't swing that way, pal.

160
00:08:45,700 --> 00:08:49,400
Look, I got a date with my female wife.
I just came down to get some beers.
161
00:08:49,500 --> 00:08:53,700
Why spend time with your wife?
If you build a bar in this basement...

162
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,200
...and stock it with plenty
of frosty Pawtucket Patriots...

163
00:08:57,300 --> 00:09:00,500
...your friends will come down here
for a beer as well.

164
00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:03,000
Build a bar! That's a great idea.

165
00:09:04,600 --> 00:09:06,500
Wait. One last question.

166
00:09:06,700 --> 00:09:10,200
If I walk through you,
does that mean, like, we've done it?

167
00:09:11,700 --> 00:09:14,800
Jeez.
What's with you and the gay jokes?

168
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,000
Where the hell have you been?
We had a date.

169
00:09:53,100 --> 00:09:55,400
Sorry, honey.
I must've lost track of the time.

170
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,500
What do you say?
You think the guys will like it?

171
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,300
This is why you missed our dinner?
To make a bar for your friends?

172
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,300
Yeah, isn't it great?
Oh, boy, I feel just like Tim Allen.
173
00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:06,600
I build stuff and I have a criminal record.

174
00:10:10,500 --> 00:10:12,800
Okay, guys. I got another one.

175
00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:16,100
What's the difference
between pornography and art?

176
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,600
Here it comes.

177
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,400
A government grant.

178
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:22,600
Peter, you are in the zone.

179
00:10:24,900 --> 00:10:27,200
You know those little clam cakes
you make whenever...

180
00:10:27,300 --> 00:10:29,400
...we have company? I need about a dozen.

181
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,900
Actually, better make it like 600.

182
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,900
That's it, Peter! I'm not a servant.

183
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:36,700
And I'm through taking care of you
and your bar buddies!

184
00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:39,600
Jeez. Where the hell did that come from?

185
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:43,000
Watch the kids.
I'm taking a hot bath.

186
00:10:43,100 --> 00:10:45,500
Put me down, you blunderbuss!
187
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,900
He's a little cranky from teething.

188
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:49,200
I can fix that.

189
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:51,700
Good God, man!

190
00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,600
One can only imagine what foul regions
that finger has erstwhile probed!

191
00:10:55,700 --> 00:10:56,600
There you go.

192
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:59,800
My mother used to use whiskey
whenever I had a toothache.

193
00:10:59,900 --> 00:11:01,400
My tooth hurts!

194
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:05,000
There. How's that feel?

195
00:11:06,100 --> 00:11:07,700
It's delightful.

196
00:11:12,300 --> 00:11:14,800
Thank you. Thank you very much.

197
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:18,100
Lois, you are a wonderful woman.

198
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:22,200
Words cannot express the depth
of my appreciation and love for you.

199
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:23,500
Peter!

200
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:32,200
You must be Lois.
201
00:11:35,300 --> 00:11:39,000
No, not silicone. Silicon.
And the design of the device...

202
00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:42,900
...is quite ingenious
if I do say so myself, Misty.

203
00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:45,200
What a delightful moniker.

204
00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:47,900
You see, Misty...

205
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,600
...my time manipulator employs axioms...

206
00:11:51,700 --> 00:11:55,000
...from the quantum theory
of molecular propulsion.

207
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,000
I've broken my pencil!

208
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,500
I have a Barney pen in my purse.

209
00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:03,000
You are spectacular!

210
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:07,800
Chris, what are you doing here?

211
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:10,600
Sorry, Mom.
I'm gonna need to see some ID.

212
00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:12,700
Chris, go to your room!

213
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,700
Hello, Mother. Care to partake in one...

214
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:19,300
...of your oh-so-exhilarating games
of peekaboo?

215
00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:22,000
Oh, my God! My baby is drunk!

216
00:12:22,300 --> 00:12:23,500
No, I'm not!

217
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,400
Him? Yeah. He's a real lightweight.

218
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,500
Meg, take Stewie upstairs.

219
00:12:28,200 --> 00:12:30,700
"Show me the way to go home"
Everybody!

220
00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,400
"I'm tired and I want to go to bed"
Just the women!

221
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,600
Peter, in the 17 years
that we've been married...

222
00:12:35,700 --> 00:12:38,200
...I have never been as angry as I...

223
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,100
What is my piano doing down here?

224
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,400
It was supposed to be a clam cake buffet,
but... Never mind.

225
00:12:44,500 --> 00:12:48,000
That does it, Peter.
Either this bar goes or I do!

226
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:51,900
I haven't even told you
the other reason your piano's down here.

227
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:54,100
I wanted you to play it.

228
00:12:55,600 --> 00:12:59,700
Like it was an instrument.
I'm telling you the truth. Right, guys?

229
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:01,700
Come on!

230
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,000
I couldn't.

231
00:13:03,100 --> 00:13:04,400
Come on!

232
00:13:04,600 --> 00:13:06,300
Maybe one song.

233
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:09,700
Pretend you like it
no matter how bad it stinks.

234
00:13:13,900 --> 00:13:16,700
"You'll never know just how much

235
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:21,000
"I love you

236
00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:28,500
"You'll never know just how much I care"

237
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,100
Yeah!

238
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,800
"And if I try, I still

239
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:40,000
"couldn't hide my love for you

240
00:13:41,700 --> 00:13:44,300
"You oughta know
for haven't I told you so?"

241
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:47,700
Okay, guys. Thank you.
You can stop pretending now.

242
00:13:47,900 --> 00:13:49,000
All right!

243
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:54,100
"If there is some other way
to prove that I love you

244
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:57,000
"I swear I don't know how"

245
00:13:57,100 --> 00:13:58,300
Sing it.

246
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,700
Something troubling you, Peter?

247
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:02,600
Nothing. Just all my friends
are eye-humping my wife.

248
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:08,000
"You'll never know if you don't know now"

249
00:14:10,000 --> 00:14:12,400
Wonderful! Wow!

250
00:14:16,900 --> 00:14:18,700
It was absolutely amazing.

251
00:14:18,800 --> 00:14:22,200
The second that spotlight hit me,
I became a whole different person!

252
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:24,000
Silence, you contemptible shrew!

253
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:26,400
I bet your gums are still sore.

254
00:14:26,600 --> 00:14:29,900
You're so observant, aren't you?
Are you a detective?
255
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:32,900
Yes, my gums are sore! Enough of this!

256
00:14:33,300 --> 00:14:37,600
I must complete my time machine,
move time forward, and end this agony!

257
00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:39,200
Hey, Dad.

258
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,800
Mom says she was really on last night.

259
00:14:41,900 --> 00:14:45,500
Yeah. About that.
Lois, see, the guys were just being polite.

260
00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:47,900
They thought your singing was too...

261
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,700
I was just nervous. Tonight'll be better.

262
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,900
Tonight? Honey, I don't think
anyone's gonna come back tonight.

263
00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:57,400
"Gimme, gimme, gimme
what I cry for

264
00:14:57,500 --> 00:14:59,600
"You know you got the brand of kisses

265
00:14:59,700 --> 00:15:01,300
"that I die for"

266
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,300
This one takes me back.

267
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:04,800
Now that's a woman!

268
00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:08,000
That's a house. That's a fish. That's a bee!
269
00:15:08,300 --> 00:15:12,100
"You know you made me love you"

270
00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,100
I love you.

271
00:15:16,100 --> 00:15:19,400
Thank you. Thank you.
Johnny Muldoon, ladies and gentlemen.

272
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:25,200
I was born in a little town called Quahog.

273
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:27,100
We love you, Lois!

274
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:33,000
Let me finish the story, fellas.
You don't want to be up all night.

275
00:15:33,300 --> 00:15:34,600
Or do you?

276
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,800
"Or do you?"

277
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,100
She's a smokin' little pistol, isn't she?

278
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:39,100
Are you a woman?

279
00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:40,200
No.

280
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:45,100
My house arrest is over, Brian.
Round up the guys.

281
00:15:45,300 --> 00:15:48,200
Now that I'm a free man,
we can do anything we want.

282
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:49,800
The guys only want to do one thing.

283
00:15:49,900 --> 00:15:51,900
And that's ogle your wife.

284
00:15:52,100 --> 00:15:54,300
If Lois were my woman,
I'd keep an eye on her.

285
00:15:54,400 --> 00:15:56,000
Then again, I'm the jealous type.

286
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,900
Wow! Lois Griffin! I love your act.
Nice melons.

287
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:04,100
Listen, pal...

288
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,200
Peter, I'm holding melons.

289
00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:08,000
And her hooters ain't bad either!

290
00:16:08,100 --> 00:16:09,600
Now hang on a second there!

291
00:16:09,700 --> 00:16:11,800
Peter, I'm holding hooters.

292
00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:12,700
Sorry.

293
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:14,100
No problem.

294
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,400
Your wife's hot!

295
00:16:15,500 --> 00:16:17,500
That's it!
Your singing days are over.

296
00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,200
If I wanted to marry Lola Falana,
I would have.

297
00:16:20,300 --> 00:16:23,600
Look, Lola. This whole thing
is just going way too fast for me.

298
00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:26,900
For the last time, I'm not Lola!
I'm Leslie Uggams!

299
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,100
Peter, having me sing was your idea
in the first place.

300
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:32,200
I just wanted to keep my bar.

301
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:33,800
I built that thing so my friends...

302
00:16:33,900 --> 00:16:35,600
...would come to see me, not you.

303
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,300
Is that so? Let me tell you something.

304
00:16:38,400 --> 00:16:41,400
I love singing! And I will continue to sing!

305
00:16:41,700 --> 00:16:44,600
How dare you upset me
this close to showtime!

306
00:16:44,800 --> 00:16:45,900
Lois.

307
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,000
Watch where you're going, buddy.

308
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,700
Griffin, I got a bone to pick with you.

309
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,700
Listen, I don't want any more trouble.
310
00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:53,800
Thanks to your wife...

311
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,900
...my husband hasn't been home all week!

312
00:16:56,000 --> 00:16:58,300
That singing hussy is destroying
our marriages!

313
00:17:00,300 --> 00:17:01,700
Yeah, then do something about it.

314
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,700
Come to my basement tonight and
drag your husbands out of there.

315
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,100
Maybe we will.

316
00:17:06,200 --> 00:17:07,200
Yeah!

317
00:17:07,500 --> 00:17:10,400
Jeez, fella. Can't you take that outside?

318
00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:18,200
This next number is dedicated
to my very supportive husband, Peter.

319
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,200
Hit it!

320
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:24,000
"Don't tell me not to fly
I've simply gotta

321
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:27,100
"If someone takes a spill
it's me and not you

322
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:31,900
"Don't bring around a cloud
to rain on my parade"

323
00:17:32,700 --> 00:17:34,700
Oh, boy. Lois is pretty pissed, huh?

324
00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,400
Yes, your judgment lately
has been rather...

325
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:39,600
You have crappy judgment anyway.

326
00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:41,300
This is intolerable!

327
00:17:41,400 --> 00:17:44,100
This foolishness is preventing me
from completing work on...

328
00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:46,800
Egads! The blueprints
for my time machine!

329
00:17:46,900 --> 00:17:48,300
Those are for my eyes only!

330
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,700
Thank you.

331
00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:54,000
Look everyone,
Stewie drew a picture for his mommy.

332
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,600
No!

333
00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:00,900
Hold up the picture. Let's see.

334
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:02,700
No! Nothing to see here.

335
00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:05,400
How cute. It's a time machine!

336
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:08,600
No! It's a...
Blast, what the devil do children draw?
337
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:09,500
It's a pheasant!

338
00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,600
A time machine. Sure.
Here's where the flux capacitor goes.

339
00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,700
I can't wait to build
one of these of my own.

340
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,500
I'll not stand idly by
while you abrogate my plans.

341
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,500
You shall rue this day. Go on! Start ruing!

342
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,600
Bye-bye, Stewie. Mommy will be upstairs
to kiss you good night.

343
00:18:25,700 --> 00:18:27,100
Burn in hell!

344
00:18:27,300 --> 00:18:30,300
Hell. Hell has fire.
And you know what else?

345
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:35,400
"It's got steam heat

346
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:42,800
"I got steam heat

347
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:47,100
"But I need your love to keep away the cold
I got..."

348
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,100
All right, break it up!

349
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,600
What's going on here?
350
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:54,000
Your little peep show is over!
We're taking back our men!

351
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:59,000
Peep show? I just do this for fun.
Look, all day long I scrub and cook...

352
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:02,100
...and take care of my kids.
And nobody cheers.

353
00:19:02,200 --> 00:19:05,700
No one even says thank you.
But when the band starts playing and...

354
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:10,100
...the music's flowing through me,
I feel, I don't know, special.

355
00:19:11,500 --> 00:19:14,100
I guess you all think that's pretty silly.

356
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:15,100
Not at all.

357
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,400
You didn't tell us that part!

358
00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,200
Peter, you're behind all this?

359
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:23,200
Yes. And you'll never catch me!

360
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:30,400
I bet he also didn't tell you he never
helps me around the house.

361
00:19:30,500 --> 00:19:34,300
Or takes me out to dinner.
Or notices when I get my hair done.

362
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,300
- Oh, no, that's just...
- My husband's the same way.
363
00:19:37,500 --> 00:19:38,700
So's mine.

364
00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:44,800
Wow, this place is full of dead pigeons.
I'm gonna go grab some ozone.

365
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,700
Peter! There's a king in the cards!

366
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:53,400
They saw my blueprints!
What a grievous breach of security!

367
00:19:53,600 --> 00:19:58,500
Damn! What do to? Wait for it... Yes!

368
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,900
Instead of moving time forward
to bypass this wretched teething...

369
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,200
...it might just be possible to reverse
time's heady flow...

370
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,100
...and undo ever having drawn
those damnable blueprints.

371
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,700
- You'll never get away with this!
- Silence!

372
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,600
Lois, you make it sound
like I don't appreciate you at all.

373
00:20:14,700 --> 00:20:17,900
Peter, when was the last time
you told me you love me?

374
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:19,300
You know I do.

375
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:20,900
I want to hear it!

376
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,400
Is that what this is all about?

377
00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,200
Run for your lives!

378
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:26,400
Holy crap!

379
00:20:27,100 --> 00:20:28,100
Hot!

380
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:32,700
There's no way out!

381
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,100
At last! My time device is complete!
Just one final adjustment. There.

382
00:20:38,200 --> 00:20:42,000
Now I shall negate ever having drawn
those damnable blueprints.

383
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,300
Blast!

384
00:20:43,400 --> 00:20:47,100
Jeez. We're screwed!
Look, I promise if we get out of this alive...

385
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:50,700
...l'm gonna help out around the house
and say "I love you" every day.

386
00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:51,600
You mean it?

387
00:20:51,700 --> 00:20:54,200
I'm a changed man, Lois. A better man.

388
00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:57,200
And to think,
if I hadn't taken Chris to his soccer game...
389
00:20:57,300 --> 00:21:00,400
...I never would've learned
this valuable lesson.

390
00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:12,300
Honey, I'm begging you.
Drop Chris off at his soccer game...

391
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:13,500
...and come right home.

392
00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:17,100
I need you to look after Stewie
while I'm teaching piano lessons, please!

393
00:21:17,200 --> 00:21:20,600
All right! You know I spoil you.

394
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:26,400
My foot! I can't walk!
I guess you'll have to take Chris yourself.

395
00:21:27,700 --> 00:21:32,400
- My device! My teeth!
- I'm free! Free!

396
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,300
I claim this mouth in the name of Incisor!

397
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,000
I think not!

398
00:21:38,400 --> 00:21:40,600
Bicuspid! We meet again.

399
00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:42,500
- Have at you!
- En garde!

400
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:47,200
Shall we bite the tongue then?

401
00:21:47,300 --> 00:21:49,200
On three. One, two...
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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