*Camera opens to an open field*

*Spokesperson walks into frame*

Spokesperson: Hi my name is Mike Oxs and I am the current CEO of CapriSun and many of
you will remember those old early 2000’s CapriSun ads we put out. Now I’m here today to
show you the commercials that didn’t quite make the cut.
*Spokesperson motions his arm outwards like he is presenting something*

*Title card: Sniper No Sniping

*Camera opens in the middle of a field*
*Guy pulls out a CapriSun and takes a single sip out of it and throws it behind him*
*Guy gets shot and falls to the ground*
*Camera cuts to a sniper reloading*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH

*Title card: My lil CapriSun*

*Camera cuts to a guy putting a CapriSun in a mason jar and the jar slowly starts filling with
white liquid*
*Guy goes and hops in the bath*
*Camera cuts to the front door of the home*
*A robber breaks into the home*
*The robber goes and is stealing a bunch of his stuff*
*Robber sees him jerking off into the jar*
Robber: No witnesses
*Robber pulls out a gun*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH

*Title card: CapriNapping

*Camera cuts to a guy stomping a CapriSun*
*A car pulls up behind him and a man gets out throws a bag over his head and kidnaps him*
*Camera cuts to him in a dark room tied to a chair*
*The bag gets ripped off of his head*
Guy: Wait I have a family and kids
Kidnapper: This is what you get for disrespecting the pouch.
*Kidnapper starts beating the ever loving shit out of the guy*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH
*Title card: Stabathon
*Camera cuts to the guy poking holes through the CapriSun*
*A killer runs up and stabs the dude a bunch of times before running away*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH

*Title card: What Mike’s wife likes to do to him every other Thursday night
*Camera cuts to a guy putting the straw in upside down*
*Camera cuts to a girl pulling him into a bedroom with him being shirtless implying they
about to fuck*
*The door closes*
Guy: What do you mean pegging?
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH

*Title card: Two Girls, One CapriSun

*Camera cuts to a caprisun sitting next to a cup*
*2 girls one cup song starts to play*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH

*Title card: Always wear protection

*Camera cuts to a guy smoking in bed next to a CapriSun pouch sitting next to him on the
pillow*
*10 minutes earlier*
*They guy looks at the CapriSun pouch*
Guy: I think we should just skip dinner and get right to the fun part
*2 months later*
*Guy looking down at an STD test sheet and sees that it says positive for everything*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH

*Title card: In some places the 1% pay good money for this
*Camera cuts to a guy curb stomping a caprisun pouch*
*Camera cuts to him and his gf in bed*
Gf: hey I wanna try something new tonight
*gf pulls out heels*
Guy: yeah sure, but what are the heels for?
*Camera cuts to outside the door as the guy starts screaming*
*Respect the pouch*
*Title card: CapriSun has fallen
*Camera cuts to a guy finishing his CapriSun and stomping on it*
*The fucking world explodes*
Voice over: RESPECT THE POUCH