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The Number One Secret to Confident Speaking

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March 17th, 2008 by Doug Stevenson

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Are you a co-dependent speaker? Do you watch your audience members’ faces for reactions while
you’re speaking, attributing subversive meanings to their body language?
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“That lady in the sweater is bored.” “That guy thinks I’m stupid.” “Why is that person leaving the
room? Did I say something that offended them?”
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Co-dependency is defined as the need to please others over the need to please ones self. It doesn’t
RSS Feed work in one-on-one relationships and it’s deadly as a speaker. While giving a speech, it’s hard
enough to focus on what you want to say and to deliver it in a convincing and organized manner
without trying to get everyone in the audience to like you.

The next time you give a speech or presentation, stop trying to please your audience.

The time to think about pleasing your audience is not when you are in front of them. By then it’s too
late. The time to focus on pleasing your audience is at home, in preparation. That is where you can customize your material,
consider their specific needs and add or subtract stories, quotes and content points.

My philosophy is this; rehearse at home, not on stage. As a former actor, I’m used to rehearsing prior to opening night. Actors
would never consider stepping in front of an audience unprepared. Although speaking is uniquely different, one thing is the same.
The best in the business are the best because they spend more time preparing what they are going to do and say and less time
winging it.

The concept of winging it brings to mind an unrehearsed and harried speaker stepping in front of an audience trusting that an angel
will somehow show up and give them wings with which to fly. It doesn’t happen. When you watch a top professional speaker you will
hear quotes that are memorized, stories that are well thought out and rehearsed and a logical flow of content that builds to an
exciting climax. There is no luck involved.

I began by stating that the time to think about pleasing your audience is not when you are in front of them. Does that mean that
you don’t try to please them when you’re there? Yes and no. Consider the theater as an example. When you go to see a play, the
actors have a job to do. That job is to hit their marks, deliver their lines and give the best performance possible each and every
night. The goal is to sustain a high level of consistency from night to night regardless of the audience. Since the play is the same
every night and the lines and blocking don’t change, the only variable is in the intensity of the ensemble performance, which is the
sum total of many individual performances. The actors have no responsibility for connecting with the audience. Their job is to deliver
an outstanding performance. If they do so, the audience comes to them.

My point is that the actors have a job to do that is unrelated to the reaction of the audience. I think our job as speakers is very
much the same. Our first responsibility is to be consistently brilliant regardless of the immediate feedback we receive from our
audiences. When we alter our performance too much to try and please them, we often lose our center and diminish our power. I call
it co-dependent speaking.

This point is especially important in relation to storytelling. Good stories are written, crafted and rehearsed for maximum emotional
and intellectual impact. They should be memorized and delivered with an eye towards consistent replicability each time. Like a song
that is always sung with the same lyrics and melody, a good story should be a set piece. It should be a perfect marriage of writing
and performance, a mini-play. Why mess with something that works? Why change it for every performance? For most speakers the
answer is simple. Their stories have been loosely developed helter-skelter over time without much thought. They have never been

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crafted.

My challenge to you is to please your audience by spending more time in preparation. When you’re in front of them, don’t worry
about them. Just perform what you’ve prepared. Trust me, your audiences will show their appreciation.

One thing that I’ve learned over the last 30 years of performance is that audiences are fickle. I can’t count on them. If I depend on
them to give me predictable reactions such as laughter or tears, I will often be disappointed. So what can I count on? I can count on
me. I can determine my own fate by preparing for them at home. Now when I perform, I am seeking to achieve my own standard,
not theirs. I’ve set a high bar for myself. When I achieve it, I am satisfied, regardless of the audience reaction. I can get on the
plane and head to the next gig knowing that I nailed my timing, my lines and my emotional intensity. And you know what? Now that
I am not trying to please them, they are consistently pleased. Life is funny ain’t it?

——————–

Doug Stevenson, president of Story Theater International, is a storytelling in business expert. He is the creator of The Story Theater
Method and the author of the book, Never Be Boring Again - Make Your Business Presentations Capture Attention, Inspire Action,
and Produce Results.

His speaking, training and executive coaching clients include Microsoft, Hewlett Packard, Lockheed Martin, Oracle, Bristol Myers
Squibb, State Farm, Volkswagen, Century 21, The Department of Defense, The National Education Association and many more.

His 10 CD - How to Write and Deliver a Dynamite Speech audio learning system, is a workshop in a box. It contains an 80-page
follow along workbook. Learn more at: www.dynamitespeech.com

Doug can be reached at 1-800-573-6196 or 1-719-573-6195. Learn more about the Story Theater Method, purchase the book or
Story Theater audio six pack, and sign-up for the free Story Theater newsletter at: www.storytheater.net

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