HEALTH • MONEY • TRAVEL • FOOD & DRINK • CULTURE • REAL STORIES

O C TO B ER 202 3

John
Goodman
“REGRETS ARE
A WASTE OF
ENERGY”

Beyond Words
A Man’s Life
Transformed
By Three
Months Of
Silence

100
WORD-STORY
Competition
Win £1,000!
Contents
OCTOBER 2023
Features
14 IT’S A MANN’S WORLD
Olly Mann explains how
fatherhood has changed his
attitude towards football
ENTERTAINMENT
18 INTERVIEW:
JOHN GOODMAN
The star of Roseanne, The Big
Lebowski and Monsters Inc
talks sobriety and schedules
26 “I REMEMBER”:
CHRIS HADFIELD
With awe-inspiring careers as
an astronaut, test and fighter
pilot and author, Chris Hadfield
looks back on his amazing life
HEALTH
34 SNORING STRUGGLES
How a man suffering from bad
sleep habits and snoring was
prepared to try anything to
make his situation better
54 TEENAGE CANCER
How surviving cancer at a
young age has a huge impact
and long-term effects that
last into adulthood
cover photograph by Album / Alamy Stock Photo
p96
INSPIRE
78 100-WORD-STORY
Our popular competition to write a
story using just 100 words is back
82 THE SOUND OF SILENCE
How simply staying quiet and
walking over 600 miles profoundly
changed a man's life
92 FUNGUS FACTS
13 fascinating things about fungus,
from the mushroom market to their
potential travel to outer space
TR AVEL
96 JAPANESE PRAYER PLAQUES
Why varied wooden prayer plaques
adorn temples and shrines in Japan
102 LAST STEAM TRAIN SERVICE
Travelling to Poland to experience
and even help drive the last
scheduled steam train in the world
OCTOBER 2023 • 1
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Contents
OCTOBER 2023

In every issue
5 Editor's Letter
6 Over to You
10 See the World Differently

HEALTH
42 Advice: Susannah Hickling
46 Column: Dr Max Pemberton

DATING & RELATIONSHIPS

50 Column: Monica Karpinski p76
INSPIRE
66 My Britain: North Pennines FOOD & DRINK
74 Under the Grandfluence: 126 How to use leftover Halloween
Baddiewinkle pumpkin in delicious recipes
76 If I Ruled the World:
Toyah Willcox ENTERTAINMENT
130 October's Cultural Highlights
TRAVEL & ADVENTURE
112 My Great Escape BOOKS
114 Hidden Gems: Margate 134 October Fiction: Mirriam
Sallon’s book selections
MONEY 139 Books That Changed
116 Column: Andy Webb My Life: Frank Cottrell-Boyce

PETS TECHNOLOGY
122 How to keep your pets safe over 140 Column: James O’Malley
Halloween and Bonfire Night
FUN & GAMES
HOME & GARDEN 144 Stretching the Truth
124 How to use adaptable furniture 146 You Couldn't Make It Up
to optimise smaller living space 149 Word Power
152 Brain Games
156 Laugh!
p126 159 Beat the Cartoonist
160 Good News

OCTOBER 2023 • 3
 EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Eva Mackevic PRINT ADVERTISING Keir McCumiskey
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 EDITOR’S LETTER

GOODM AN
Unfiltered

I
f you go around asking people about their all-time favourite John
Goodman film, you’re in for a mishmash of answers. He’s the
embodiment of versatility, capable of effortlessly taking centre
stage in virtually any movie, outshining his co-stars. For some, he
resonates as the affable family man, Dan Conner, in Roseanne.
Others can readily quote his iconic lines from The Big Lebowski, while
younger viewers might idolise him for lending his voice to the amiable
blue monster, Sulley, in Monsters, Inc.
As for me, I’m all about his role as the larger-than-life drug dealer
Harling Mays in 2012’s Flight. The scene where he rolls up to a hotel
to save Denzel Washington’s pilot from the mother of all hangovers,
strutting down the hallway with a backpack full of cocaine to the tune
of The Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil”—that’s got to be one of the
coolest moments in movie history.
We are thrilled to share our interview with Goodman on p18,
where he delves into reigniting his passion for acting, overcoming
his alcohol addiction in 2007, and simply embracing life’s everyday
experiences: from dentist appointments to leisurely days in his
New Orleans home, and his newfound fascination with
the works of Charles Dickens. As grounded and
unpretentious as he is remarkably skilled, spending
15 minutes inside the mind of this Hollywood hero
is truly a delight.

Eva eva mackevic

Editor-in-Chief

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Reader’s Digest is published in 23 editions in 10 languages

OCTOBER 2023 • 5
 Over To You
LETTERS ON THE August ISSUE
We pay £30 for every published letter

Memories Of Moggy

I loved reading about Rebecca

Treston's Morris Minor 1000, as a
“Moggy” was my very first car. Built
in 1959 and purchased from one of
my uncles some 12 years later for
the princely sum of £100, it took
me everywhere. Moggy was often
crammed with friends too. Health
and Safety couldn't have been a major
concern then, because I remember
it once taking nine of us—six in the
back and three in the front—a short
distance to a party.
For several summers, I taught
English to foreign students at a
language school on the Kent coast.
At a speed never exceeding 50mph,
Moggy used to take the greater part of
a day to travel down from Yorkshire,
using mainly A-roads and making
regular stops at transport cafes. As
my job involved socialising with
our mainly adult students as well as
teaching them, the evenings often saw
us take an international group to a fun
fair, disco or country pub. My humble
Moggy once even transported a
young prince from one of the oil-rich
states in the Middle East (we went
to Dreamland in Margate, where His
Highness consumed far more candy
floss than was good for him and I
feared for my upholstery).
Parting company with my Moggy
was a very sad day, but I didn't have
the resources to pay for all the work
needed to keep her on the road. It
would be good to think, though, that
someone else may have lovingly
restored her, as so many proud
Morris Minor owners have done to
her contemporaries.
MAGGIE COBBETT, North Yorkshire

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6 • OCTOBER 2023

Stylish Second-Hand
"What's The Point Of New Clothes?"
was a thought-provoking article. I
totally got where the writer Richard
Glover was coming from. There
are so many reasons why buying
second-hand clothes is better for
you and the planet.
It helps keep items in circulation,
saves you money, you can discover
unique items that you will love,
you are supporting good causes,
and finding second-hand clothes
is more fun! It is also better for the
environment than buying new, it's
easier than ever to buy second-hand
(with so many charity shops and
online charity shops) and it can help
you develop your own style…just to
list a few reasons.
Awareness of the environmental
and social downfalls of the fashion
industry has grown significantly in
recent years. I not only buy clothes
and shoes second-hand, I buy used
furniture and kitchen essentials too.
Throwaway fashion is putting
pressure on our planet and its
people. It’s unsustainable. I hope
this article helps to make people
think again about buying second-
hand items.
POPPY AITCHISON, Manchester
Walk This Way, Talk This Way
I read with interest “If I Ruled the
World” with Christopher Somerville.
I recently purchased his book, Walking
the Bones of Britain, as I am an avid
walker myself.
I note that if he ruled the world,
he would make geologists explain
themselves to everyone. I'm behind
him all the way on this. To think like
a geologist is complicated. There is
definitely a particular way of thinking
unique to them. I feel it's something
you're either born with or not—
training just finishes what they started.
I googled geology—it describes the
structure of the Earth on, and beneath,
its surface and the processes that have
shaped that structure. I have a friend
who studied Geology at university and
he did a five-year course in the end. He
is now an environmental consultant.
I have to say, he is without a doubt
one of the coolest people I know, even
though I have a tough task on my
hands (when he starts talking about
his job) understanding what he means!
RYAN ROSWELL, Norfolk
OCTOBER 2023 • 7
OVER TO YOU

Autumn is here by Les Powell, Kent

POETRY Autumn is here…
CORNER The colours are pastel shades,
The breeze is not so friendly now,
And I have watched the flowers fade.
An edge to the air bids “Farewell summer”,
The early nights are cool,
The grass has slowed to an easy speed,
And I have stored the garden tools.
The berries attend the birds,
I have replanted the bulbs for the spring,
Although spring seems so far away,
Time is swift, on silent wings.
The green leaves have donned,
A rusted beauty of their own,
They announce the coming of winter,
And the warmth of a cosy home.
The earth is to have its slumber,
With autumn as its cloak,
We will soon hear the crackle of bonfires,
And know again, the scent of their drifting smoke.
“Yes…autumn is here”.

Want to see
your short poem Guide Dog Puppy by Brenda Watkins, Surrey
published in
Reader’s Digest? Pedro gentle, soft as blossom,
Palest coat we’d ever seen
Whether you’re a Came to us in early summer
seasoned poet or just To begin his new routine.
getting started, we’d
love to see your work! Six weeks old they brought him to us—
Life for him had just begun
Email us at Heavy lidded, doe-eyed, sloe-eyed
readersletters@ Slumbering in April sun.
readersdigest.co.uk.
Include your full Didn’t know that he was special—
name, address and the Destined to become a Guide,
title of the poem. We’ll Dreaming deeply—paws a’twitching
pay £30 for every With his football by his side.
published piece

8 • OCTOBER 2023
 READER’S DIGEST

Memory Lane
To celebrate the rich legacy of Reader’s Digest, we share some of
your most cherished memories of the magazine. Kicking off this
new series is a moving letter from our reader in Bosnia and
Herzegovina, who found solace in learning English with the help of
Reader's Digest as a child in a war-torn country...
Email your Reader's Digest memories to readersletters@readersdigest.co.uk

A Letter From A Boy, From 1993
I was nine when the war started in Bosnia.
Just a couple of months before that,
my brother passed away from cancer.
My mother gave her all not to feed my
introvert nature, would even lock the door
of the house and made me go out and find
other kids to play with.
When the shelling of our country began,
going outside was life threatening. With
nowhere to play, my mother took me to an
English language class. At first there were
about 20 of us. After a couple of months
of shelling, I was the only one to attend
the class. The old English teacher gave
every atom of her energy to pass on all the
knowledge she could to make me learn
and use the time with her as effectively
as possible. I will never forget her words:
"When you find yourself waking up and
thinking in the other language, only then
you will know you're on a good path to
learning it”.
The classes finished, it was still wartime,
and I was hungrier for the English
language—more than ever. My family's
next door neighbour used to work as
an English interpreter, and he started
giving me two kinds of materials: Agatha
Christie's novels and Reader's Digest!
But there was a catch. If I wanted more
material from him, I had to persuade him
I had read the last magazine from cover
to cover! I had to summarise everything!
While other kids were gathering around
the lucky ones who had Commodore-
64s, I was sweating over understanding
everything you wrote.
Fast forward to today, I am now 41.
Family with two kids. Entrepreneur.
Wrestling with all aspects of surviving
in a constantly changing industry and
world. I noticed I was getting anxious.
Entrepreneurship is a hell of a ride and
it gets to you one way or another. I have
been searching for ways to slow down for
the last six months…and then I stumbled
upon Reader's Digest UK, June 2023. I
don't think even ChatGPT is eloquent
enough to describe the feeling of turning
the pages 30 years later. My dear Reader's
Digest team, I'm thankful for each and
every word you have printed. You helped a
ten-year-old boy then, and you're helping
a grown man now.
Azur Hrusti,
Tuzla, Bosnia and Herzegovina

OCTOBER 2023 • 9
photos: © getty images
SEE THE WORLD...
turn the page

11
 …DIFFERENTLY
From a bird‘s eye view or in the light
of sunset, marshalling yards display a
beauty all of their own. When they are
in operation, they tend to be noisy and
dangerous places for unauthorised
persons, as they are used to assemble
wagons weighing tons into trains. The
marshalling yard in Maschen near
Hamburg (pictured here) is the largest
in Europe. Up to 4,000 cars are moved
here every day.

12
 Never a fan of football, or
any sports for that matter,
Olly Mann explains how the
combination of fatherhood
and Boreham Wood FC have
changed his attitude towards
supporting a team

14
 The
Beautiful
Game
have a favourite footballer. His name is

I
Chris Bush and he’s a defender for the
National League team Boreham Wood
in Hertfordshire. He’s 31, and he plays
in the number 5 shirt, and…well, I can’t
tell you that much more about him, really,
because, in general, I struggle to focus when it
comes to football.
My crippling disinterest in "The Beautiful
Game" has been lifelong. At primary school,
my classmates spent lunchbreak playing
keepie-uppie and trading Tottenham Top
Trumps, while I was in the library getting
kicks from books and computers. In Games
Olly Mann is a presenter lessons, like all fat kids, I was put "in
for Radio 4, and defence"—which involved chatting to my
the podcasts The mates and occasionally pretending to be
Modern Mann, The bothered about where the ball was. I became
Week Unwrapped
and Today in History with expert in imitating the body language of the
the Retrospectors boys who cared: cheering when a goal was
scored; channelling their indignation when
there was a near-miss; approximating their

illustration by jemastock/iStock OCTOBER 2023 • 15

IT’S A MANN’S WORLD
joy at a free kick, although I didn’t
understand the rules.
As I got older, I stopped trying to
fake it. Instead, I wore my aversion
to football as a badge of honour; a
fundamental part of my identity.
“It’s only a game!" I’d tell Dad, as he
urged me to watch England flunk
yet another penalty shoot-out. I’d
separate the Sports section from
The Times and chuck it straight
into the bin, as if it contaminated
the rest of the paper. When a big
THE ATMOSPHERE AT MEADOW PARK STADIUM
FELT FRIENDLY, INCLUSIVE AND GOOD VALUE
game was on, I’d go shopping, and
post performative photos of me
doing so on social media, smugly
demonstrating how much more
free time I had than the mindless
majority around me, endlessly
absorbed in their silly competition
that pointlessly resets itself every 12
months. And, genuinely, I credited
some intellectual advantage to the
space in my brain I’d cultivated for
non-sports trivia.
But, occasionally—typically, in the
backseat of a cab, or when meeting
a friend’s father—I’d find myself
confronted with a well-intentioned
opener like, “Cor, terrible season
we’re having, eh?”, or simply, “Who
do you support?”, and feel my heart
sink, knowing my reply would
inevitably disappoint. Sometimes,
16 • OCTOBER 2023
such fellows would field me a
friendly follow-up: “Oh, right, are
you a rugby man, then? Cricket?”—
an equally unhelpful line of enquiry,
given my total indifference to any
sport aside from the Olympics (and
there’s only one fortnight every four
years when anyone wants to chat
about the Olympics).
This attitude of mine, I could see,
had closed off hours of conversation,
evenings out, even entire friendships
with people (well, men, mainly) that
I might otherwise have enjoyed.
I couldn’t change the fact that I
found football boring, but was
coming to regret my outsider status
as much as I celebrated it.
And then I became a dad, and
I didn’t want my two boys to lack
this desirable social lubricant. So, I
brought a football to the playground.
I got them a mini foosball table.
And, because I couldn’t bear to sit
through Match of the Day, I bought
them tickets to watch our local team,
Boreham Wood.
The atmosphere at Meadow Park
stadium immediately disarmed me:
I’d been expecting a compact replica
of the confrontational, macho,
wallet-draining experience of larger
clubs, but this felt friendly, low-key,
inclusive—and good value (free
 READER’S DIGEST

parking on the street, £2.50 for a bag English too?).

of chips).
We sat close to the action (mind
you, all seats at Meadow Park are
close to the action—it’s like fringe
theatre), surrounded by families who
clearly had a real connection to the
players on the pitch: some because
they were life-long supporters,
others because they were literally
related to them. And, because my
kids kept asking me what was going
on, I stayed relatively alert to the
game (I’ll admit, I occasionally found
myself drifting and studying the
advertising hoardings, but perhaps
for only ten per cent of the match).
Almost without noticing, my yelps
of support when "The Wood" scored
a goal were actually authentic, as
were my groans when "we" missed
a penalty kick. Still, some things
felt alien to me: the ripple of wolf-
whistles when a female referee
stepped up; some boys banging out
the England chant on a drum (what’s
the point when the other team are
My younger son, Toby,
unfortunately wriggled and kicked
through most of the game (perhaps
footballphobia is genetic…?),
but the older one, Harvey, was
enthralled, and we’ve since returned
to Meadow Park five times—in
sunlight, in rain, under floodlights,
in the cold—each time following the
action more closely, and feeling a
stronger connection with the team's
supporter community.
That’s how Chris Bush comes into
the story. Minutes after The Wood’s
win against Halifax in August (2-0,
about as good as it gets), we were
heading out of the stadium—Harvey
bedecked in his Boreham Wood FC
scarf and hat—when we strolled past
Chris, cooling down by the goalposts.
Not only did he high-five Harvey,
he posed for a photo, too, grinning
with delight. Not something you’d
get in the Premier League, I suspect.
And, finally, giving me a genuine
answer to “Who do you support”?. Q

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SOURCE: BREASTCANCERNOW.ORG

OCTOBER 2023 • 17
 ENTERTAINMENT

18
 John Goodman
“Regrets Are A Waste
Of Energy”
By Simon Button

The US screen legend opens up about stardom,

sobriety and growing up without a father

F
orty years into his career and having
conquered his demons, John Goodman is feeling
energised. “I’ve surpassed all my dreams,” he
says with one of those trademark huge grins of
his, “and the best part of it is within the last few
years I’ve fallen in love with acting again.”
With his heavy drinking days now far behind him, this
most amiable and unguarded of interviewees admits:
“I got jaded and dulled a little bit. I always liked doing it
but now I really, really love it.”
Professionally the man best known for playing Dan
Conner on Roseanne and for his darkly comic turns
in many Coen Brothers films is in a very good place.
Now 71, he’s got regular gigs on the Roseanne reboot
A L B U M / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

(renamed The Conners after Roseanne herself got into

hot water for an ill-advised Twitter rant) and the crime
comedy The Righteous Gemstones, plus he voices cuddly
Sulley on the Monsters at Work series on Disney+.
Goodman hasn’t been on stage for a while, not
since he trod the West End boards in 2015 in American
Buffalo and appeared on Broadway in The Front Page
the following year. “But when I get the time, I’d like to

OCTOBER 2023 • 19
INTERVIEW: JOHN GOODMAN
start a theatre career again. It’s very
rewarding. The best experience I ever
had was when I did American Buffalo
in London.”
As for whether he’s now got this
acting thing down pat, what with
everything from movies like The
Flintstones to Argo and such TV
shows as Sesame Street to The West
Wing on his packed CV, he grins
again. “Absolutely not. But I’m
learning how to relax more into it
and to realise that it’s not life or
death. It just makes it easier if I’m
more relaxed and more susceptible
to inspiration.”
He has regrets, both personally
and professionally, but he chooses
neither to detail or dwell on them.
20 • OCTOBER 2023
“I have many regrets but it’s
worthless to think that way. I used
to live on regrets as motivation but
they’re stupid and a waste of energy.”
We’re chatting at the 2023
Monte-Carlo Television Festival,
where Goodman is serving as jury
president. He’s been meeting fans,
all of whom have one thing in
common. “They seem to like the guy
from The Big Lebowski the most,”
he says of his turn as Jeff Bridges’
bowling buddy in the Coens classic.
“I’m not going to argue with them.
I’m very happy that it makes people
so happy. They watch it over and
over and they know the lines better
than I do.”
D O N A L D C O O P E R / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO
 Xxxxx READER’S DIGEST

Looking smart but relaxed in a

navy jacket, yellow tie and khaki
trousers, he’s a shadow of his former
M AX I M U M F I L M / M A RY E VA N S P I C T U R E L I B R A RY LT D / A J P I C S / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

self. After quitting alcohol and taking

up diet and exercise, he’s shed 200
pounds and is much healthier for it.
“But I’ve been working non-stop for
the last six years and I’ve had to
neglect little medical things
that pile up,” he sighs about
the unavoidable ravages
(Clockwise of time. “This summer I’ve
from left) been bouncing from doctor
Goodman in to dentist to doctor, trying
American to repair things that have
Buffalo, The needed repair for a while.”
Flintstones,
Argo, The
Goodman’s drinking
Big Lebowski days actually amounted to
30 years, during which he’s
confessed to often being so
drunk at work he’s amazed
he never got fired. It
must have taken
incredible strength
to give up alcohol
for good in 2007?

OCTOBER 2023 • 21
INTERVIEW: JOHN GOODMAN
He nods his head. “It was a matter
of surrendering [to sobriety]. I was
sober for a couple of weeks and after
that I knew that I would never go
back. It frightens me and I know I can
only speak for one day at a time but
I know I’m not going to drink today.
And I gained so much by giving it up.
I regained my life.”
John Stephen Goodman was born
and raised in small-town Missouri.
His father died of a heart attack when
John was two years old. “So I grew
up without a father and there was
always a feeling of being different.
I was a loner and I used to escape
by watching TV, at least when our
television set wasn’t broken.” He
In Raising Arizona
22 • OCTOBER 2023
smiles at the memory. “You had to
keep banging it to get it to work.”
He played football in high school
and earned a football scholarship
to Missouri State University, but a
ligament injury soon put paid to a
sports career. So he switched to the
drama programme and, with his
sights on the stage, set off for New
York in 1975. “I didn’t think there
was any possible way that I’d succeed
but I knew that if I didn’t give it a go
I would hate myself for the rest of my
life. I didn’t expect to stay long but
I knew I had to try.”
John exceeded his low expectations,
performing off-Broadway and in
dinner theatre productions before
graduating to Broadway itself and
C O L L E C T I O N C H R I S TO P H E L / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO
Roseanne, 1988
“I WAS SOBER FOR A COUPLE OF WEEKS AND AFTER
THAT I KNEW I WOULD NEVER GO BACK”
breaking into movies in the long-
forgotten 1983 thriller Eddie Macon’s
Run, where he was 19th on the cast
list. Other films with bigger roles
followed, including his first for the
Coens with Raising Arizona, before he
M AX I M U M F I L M / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO
landed the life-changing role of Dan
Conner on Roseanne.
He was torn about auditioning for
it, saying now: “I had started building
a nice film career by then but I said
to myself, ‘Well, if I get this I can stop
living out of a suitcase for a while’. I
didn’t know how long it was going to
last but we all got on like gangbusters.
It was just a great place to work.”
The show debuted in 1988 and
ended up lasting for ten seasons,
followed by a reboot in 2018 that saw
the Roseanne character being killed
off after Barr’s Twitter outburst and
the show being renamed. I wonder if
Goodman wants to comment on that
and he deadpans: “I better not.”
Plans to head from Monte-Carlo to
Los Angeles to shoot the sixth season
of The Conners have since been
put on hold because of the Screen
Actors Guild strike, as has a return
to South Carolina for season four of
The Righteous Gemstones. Married
to Annabeth Hartzog (with whom he
OCTOBER 2023 • 23
INTERVIEW: JOHN GOODMAN
has a daughter, Molly) since 1989, he
says of Charleston, NC: “It’s a great
city. My wife loves it. The dogs love
it. And the crew and the other actors
are just a wonderful company.”
Hopefully there’ll be more Coens
films too. “I love working with them,”
says the man who last collaborated
with the brothers on 2013’s Inside
Llewyn Davis. “When I auditioned
for Raising Arizona I didn’t know
anything about them. Like me, they
were just a couple of Midwestern
wise guys who lived in New York and
they turned out to be geniuses. It’s
so easy for me to play the characters
they come up with because it’s all
there on the page. I don’t have to do
a lick of work.”
The Righteous
Gemstones
24 • OCTOBER 2023
Playing Sulley in the Monsters, Inc.
franchise is rewarding, but harder
work than you might imagine. He’s
only doing the voice. “But I still have
to throw my whole body into it, so
it’s tiring.” He laughs. “And they’re
never satisfied. You just have to keep
doing things over and over, and after a
while you kind of lose your mind but I
always enjoyed radio when I was a kid
and I’ve always liked to use my voice.”
“I WAS A BIG KID
AND I COULD LOOK
SCARY—WHEN I DO
MY RELAXED FACE, IT
LOOKS LIKE I’M ANGRY”
P I C T U R E LU X / T H E H O L LY W O O D A R C H I V E / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO

Working on
Monsters, Inc.
with Billy Crystal
Goodman also channels some of
his younger self into the big blue
beast. “I was a pretty big kid and I
could look scary, and when I do my
relaxed face it looks like I’m angry.”
He demonstrates, then serves up
E N T E R TA I N M E N T P I C T U R E S / A L A M Y S TO C K P H OTO
another grin.
Given his usually packed work
schedule, what does he do to
relax? “You know, I’d never read
any Charles Dickens before so
I picked up Bleak House and now
I’m finishing Little Dorrit. He’s
such an incredible writer, but
I’ve got to leave them alone for
a while because I turn the pages
too fast.”
As for what else he enjoys during
his downtime, he adds: “I like
being with my wife at home in New
READER’S DIGEST
Orleans doing nothing in particular,
just not having to answer any
phones or doorbells. That doesn’t
happen much but I relish it when
it does.”
Workwise he’s happy to consider
whatever comes his way. “I’m really
not that ambitious and other people
have better imaginations than I do,
so I rely on them to come up with
the characters for me.”
And what does he prefer: playing
nice guys or bad ones? “I honestly
don’t care,” Goodman deadpans.
“I’m just happy when anybody
wants me for anything.” Q
Monsters at Work is streaming on
Disney+. The Righteous Gemstones
is on Sky Comedy
OCTOBER 2023 • 25
 ENTERTAINMENT

Chris Hadfield
I REMEMBER…
Chris Hadfield, 64, is a Canadian astronaut who’s a
veteran of three spaceflights and served as Commander
of the International Space Station. He’s also been a
combat fighter pilot and a test pilot, played a version of
Bowie’s “Space Oddity” in space and is an author who
has written books like An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on
Earth, The Apollo Murders and his new second novel,
The Defector
26
 MAST ERCLASS

27
I REMEMBER: CHRIS HADFIELD
AS A NINE-YEAR-OLD BOY I WAS
GROWING UP ON A FARM AND
DREAMING OF GOING TO SPACE.
I watched shuttle launches, as well as
Star Trek and 2001: A Space Odyssey,
and I imagined going to space when
I looked up at all the stars in the night
sky. I wish I could tell that child that
his dreams would come true and that
he would grow up to pilot and
command spaceships.
I FLEW F-18 COMBAT FIGHTERS IN
THE COLD WAR AND I WAS A TEST
PILOT with the US Air Force and US
Navy, even though I’m Canadian. I’ve
flown about 100 different types of
aeroplanes, including many jet
fighters and a few propeller fighters.
I’ve flown a Spitfire, F-86 Sabre, F-18,
F-16 and F-4—many different, high-
performance aeroplanes. In my new
novel The Defector, the opening
28 • OCTOBER 2023
scene is an F-4 in combat. Being able
to draw on my experience, as an F-18
pilot and then as a test pilot, really
gave me a depth and platform to talk
about it knowledgably and from the
inside. Hopefully, I can really let
people know what it feels like when
you’re in combat or when you’re
manoeuvring a plane that’s right at
the edge.
I RAN A PROGRAMME THAT MADE
F-18S A SAFER AND MORE
CAPABLE AEROPLANE. When I was
a test pilot with the US Navy, out in
the fleet they were crashing the two-
seat F-18s on a regular basis. They
would go out of control and the only
thing that would save them was the
ejection seat. It was very high risk of
loss of life, as well as obviously the
expense of losing an air frame. The
programme that me and some
© C HRIS HADFIELD
engineers pitched boiled down to me
(Clockwise from top left) Chris Hadfield
as a five-year-old boy; a teenager in 1975;
an astronaut in 2011; an F-18 pilot
 READER’S DIGEST

in the airplane deliberately putting it out of

control. I was pretty sure that we were high
enough and I would get it under control
again and we did it and gained confidence
the more we did it. We put a new sensor
on the nose of the F-18s and used that
information to change the flight control
laws. We saved lots of aeroplanes and,
I expect, some lives. It was a great
© CHRIS H ADFIE LD, R OBERT Y M ARKOWITZ FOR N ASA

programme, but it was quite a

challenge to run it safely.

WHEN YOU FIRST ARRIVE

IN SPACE YOU’VE RIDDEN
EIGHT AND A HALF
MINUTES ON AN
EXTREMELY WILD,
POWERFUL RIDE ON A
ROCKET SHIP. However,
it’s short enough that it’s
more like driving a car at
maximum performance
on a very rough road. As
I REMEMBER: CHRIS HADFIELD
Chris Hadfield on board the International Space Station on Saint Patrick's Day
soon as you get to weightlessness
your body is now in a fundamentally
different environment, for up to (in
my case) five or six months, with no
gravity and high radiation. The
immediate natural reaction to
weightlessness is nausea and
exhaustion. Obviously, if you have a
problem with your spaceship you
don’t want to be throwing up and
tired, so we take anti-motion sickness
medicine. After a couple of days your
body adapts to it.
A LACK OF GRAVITY CAUSES
SIGNIFICANT CHANGES TO YOUR
BODY. Your body gets slightly longer,
because your back isn’t being
compressed by gravity and is instead
being stretched, giving you back pain.
30
There’s no gravity to push the blood
out of your head, so your face gets
fatter and kind of red. The intra-
cranial pressure increases as well and
your eyeballs deform slightly
(changing a lot of people’s
prescription). Your sinuses clog up
NASA IMAGE COLL ECTIO N / ALAM Y STOC K P HOTO
because there’s nothing to drain your
sinuses. I tell people, “If you want to
feel what it’s like, stand on your head
for three or four hours”. You lose your
skeleton. We have bad osteoporosis
because the human body doesn’t
need a heavy skeleton if you’re not
fighting gravity.
All these things take about a month
to stabilise in orbit and obviously
when you come back, all those things
have to reverse. The one that takes
the longest is getting your bone

Playing Bowie's "Space Oddity" at a London live event in June 2023
density back. I lost about eight per
cent of my bone density, especially in
the weight-bearing part of my body—
the hips and the femur. It took about
a year and a half to get back to pre-
launch density. But I’d go do it again
in a heartbeat. If it’s travelling in
space and exploring the universe, it’s
fine—it’s just part of the deal.
IT'S BEYOND BEAUTIFUL TO SEE
THE WORLD THE WAY I’VE SEEN
IT. I’ve been around it 2,650 times, so
I’ve seen more than my share of
sunrises and sunsets. I’ve seen just
© IAN CH ADDO CK
such magnificence. To be able to
glance, the entire length of the
Himalayas. To be able to look all the
way from Stockholm to Gibraltar, in a
glance. To see the fires of Australia,
READER’S DIGEST
when things are burning. To see
2,000 miles of thunderstorms across
Indonesia and Malaysia, when the
entire cloud tops are contagious with
lightning. It’s extremely mind-
expanding, to get the true reality of
our world.
PERHAPS THE MOST IMPACTFUL
IS TO SEE SOMETHING RARE. One
dawn, before the sun had risen across
the Indian Ocean, I was in the cupola
with my camera looking down at the
world and trying to steal every
moment I could. There was an
unearthly glow above the
atmosphere, almost like shimmering
grey-blue waves. I took all the
pictures I could. It’s a very rare and
hard-to-see cloud that glows in the
OCTOBER 2023 • 31
I REMEMBER: CHRIS HADFIELD
Piloting an F-86 Sabre
night called noctilucent clouds. It was
just the right angle between the sun
behind the horizon and the right rare
collection of ice crystals, high in the
atmosphere above the stratosphere. It
was almost like a surreal rainbow.
Because of our speed at five miles a
second, we were skimming across it.
I felt like the world had just shown
me a secret.
MY ZERO GRAVITY COVER OF
“SPACE ODDITY” GAVE DAVID
BOWIE GREAT JOY. On my first time
in space I was on the cover of Time
magazine, so it wasn’t the first brush
with fame I’d had. I’ve been a
musician my whole life and played in
bands. But it’s audacious to cover a
terrific musician’s song and I sort of
32 • OCTOBER 2023
got talked into it by my son. But there
was something very prescient in the
way Bowie wrote “Space Oddity”—it
seemed right on board a spaceship.
With just imagining it he somehow
captured what the actual feeling is
like. The version of the song is
something I’m very proud of. Two
years before the end of his life, when
he probably privately knew that
something was coming, he got to see
the song played in a place that he
always wanted to go. Hundreds of
millions of people have seen my
version of “Oddity”, which is fine, but
© CHRIS H ADFIEL D
I’m just so happy that it put a smile
on Bowie’s face.
LOOKING DOWN AT THE EARTH
ONE NIGHT, I SAW A BIG

SHOOTING STAR, with a
long, trailing flame.
That’s just a big, random
rock from the universe
that has been trapped by
the Earth’s gravity and
because of its speed is
developing friction and
burning up in the Earth’s
atmosphere. You can’t
help but think, That rock
just went by us. It did
send a shiver up my back thinking it
could have just as easily come
through our spaceship. It was big
enough to punch a significant hole in
our ship and probably would have
killed all of us. That happens on
Earth too, with random events you
can’t do much about them—you can
either let them drive you crazy or not.
We practise depressurising
procedures and I know what the
armour is on the outside of the ship
and how to repair holes in the ship.
But if a random event is large
enough, you’re dead. It was
dangerous, risk-filled, incredibly
beautiful and fulfilling. Being ready
and prepared, to me, is the best way
to go through life.
Autumn Leaves
"But I miss you most of all, my darling, when autumn leaves start to fall"
FRANK SINATRA, "AUTUMN LEAVES"
READER’S DIGEST
WHEN I WROTE THE
APOLLO MURDERS
AND MY SECOND
NOVEL, THE
DEFECTOR, I BASED
THEM ON MY OWN
EXPERIENCES. I've
flown in space three
times it gave me a terrific
perspective and depth to
be able to write The
Apollo Murders and then
The Defector is about a defection of
a top-end Soviet fighter in 1973. The
story starts on September 5, 1973,
which is the eve of the Yom Kippur
War in Israel. The story is about 90
per cent real. My plot is interwoven
with things that were actually
happening and over half of my
characters are real people—Golda
Meir, Nixon, Kissinger. To me, that
makes it more interesting. I want it
to be so real that you can’t actually
tell which parts are real and which
parts are just the story. Q
As told to Ian Chaddock
The Defector by Chris Hadfield is
published by Quercus and is out
October 10, priced £20
OCTOBER 2023 • 33
 HEALTH

How I Tried
To

I wanted a quick fix, even if it meant

strapping a glorified bike pump to my face

BY Jordan Foisy FROM THE WALRUS

illustrations by Hayden Maynard OCTOBER 2023 • 35

HOW I TRIED TO STOP SNORING

think of myself as a good sleeper. Give me a large

book and a horizontal position, and I could fall
asleep strapped to the top of a bullet train. Sleep
has been a constant ally, a friend. When I was a
teen, it was a refuge. I used to pray for sleep. Its
temporary oblivion was a welcome respite from anxiety
and obsessive thoughts. It was a pause—not a death, but
close enough to it. Every time I fell asleep, there was a
chance of resurrection, to wake up new.
My girlfriend, Allison, however, smothering my face with a pillow,
does not think I’m a good sleeper. who is she smothering? How
She knows the truth. At night, unimportant is the self to our life
I thrash around and scream. when we are sleeping—something
Occasionally, it sounds like my we spend a third of our life doing—
breathing stops. Worst of all for her, that it can be completely absent?
I snore. Badly. She’s shown me a
video of it, and it’s horrifying: my i tried treating my snoring with
thin, wheezing inhalations are the junk-drawer solution of buying
interrupted by a wrenching tear of a every anti-snoring device I could:
noise, like someone ripping a carpet nose strips, mouth guards, nasal
inside a cave. spray—anything that promised
We sometimes get into little fights snoring absolution. Nothing worked.
when I wake up. She’s had a terrible Every time, there would be a glimmer
sleep and is justifiably annoyed. She of hope, when we would try to
can’t stay mad for long, though, convince ourselves my snoring
because who is she mad at? wasn’t as bad. But, every time, it
Certainly, it was my body, not me, soon became clear that the only
that was snoring; my lungs moving difference was the top of my mouth
the air, my soft tissues. Those are the was now shredded from the cheap
guilty parties. When Allison is plastic of a so-called snore guard.
flipping my sleeping body over and Allison wanted me to see a doctor,
plugging its nose, or occasionally but it’s hard to take snoring seriously

36 • OCTOBER 2023

as a health problem. It seems more like
a joke, like a problem that a sitcom dad
would have after getting electrocuted
by Christmas decorations. It seems less
like a health issue and more like a
personality defect.
According to Nick van den Berg, a
PhD candidate in experimental
psychology at the University of
Ottawa and a member of the
Canadian Sleep Society, “Snoring
occurs as our muscles in the upper
airway relax so much that they
narrow the airway.” This is why
snoring gets worse as we age, as our
once taut and virile inner neck
muscles become flabby and weak.
The real threat of bad snoring is that
it could be a sign of obstructive sleep
apnoea, when a blockage in your
airway causes you to wake up
constantly. The lack of sleep—for you
or your partner—can be a serious
health risk, as insufficient sleep has
been linked to heart disease, type 2
diabetes and Alzheimer’s.
More than all of that, sleep is
essential to your functioning as a
human being. “Sleep is key to memory
consolidation,” says van den Berg.
When we sleep, our brain organises,
processes and saves our memories.
Not only that, he says, but sleep also
enhances our memories. Van den Berg
told me about studies in which the
subjects are taught a basic skill before
bed. When they wake up, they not only
remember the skill but have actually
improved upon it.
READER’S DIGEST
Sleep, then, is where we are forged.
Every night, we throw our day-to-day
experiences, memories and lessons
into the kiln of sleep, let them bake for
hopefully eight hours, and emerge a
better, stronger, fuller version of
ourselves in the morning.
MY HEALTHCARE
SUBSISTED ON FAITH
THAT A PROBLEM
DOESN’T EXIST UNTIL
YOU DEAL WITH IT
so my girlfriend was right to insist
I deal with the problem, but I was
resistant. I’m in my mid-thirties and
haven’t had a doctor since I was a
kid. My healthcare subsisted on
walk-in clinic visits and youthful
hubris—a faith that things will work
out and a belief that a problem
doesn’t really exist until you deal
with it. But what really scared me off
was that going to a doctor about my
snoring would force me to confront
how I live and its repercussions, and
that my body has limits.
It has been a tough year. A friend
passed away suddenly and tragically.
Then my grandmother followed. My
chronic knee problem turned into a
full-blown meniscus tear, dashing any
hopes of a late-life bloom into a guy
who is “surprisingly athletic.” My
eyesight became distorted, and
OCTOBER 2023 • 37
HOW I TRIED TO STOP SNORING
a visit to the eye doctor revealed I had
fluid under my retina, a condition
called central serous
chorioretinopathy. It’s caused by
stress. Also, I started seeing a therapist
again and within minutes, over Zoom,
he told me I looked depressed.
It was a year of the space capsule of
my youthful fantasy breaking up on
contact with an atmosphere of reality
and repercussions, all soundtracked
by some of the worst snoring you’ve
ever heard.
But there are other things to be
THE TECH WANTS TO
KNOW WHAT POSITION
I SLEEP IN. OVERALL
I’D DESCRIBE IT AS
MAXIMUM OBNOXIOUS
afraid of besides ageing and so, fearing
a breakup or an unexplained
disappearance (mine), I tried what
Allison had been asking me to do.
I went to a doctor.
The doctor asked how much I drank
a week. I gave him a number high
enough that he should factor it into his
diagnosis but low enough that I could
say it without being embarrassed. He
figured I had sleep apnoea and said
I should drink less and lose weight. He
referred me to a sleep study to confirm
the diagnosis so I could get a CPAP
(continuous positive airway pressure)
38 • OCTOBER 2023
machine for the apnoea.
A CPAP machine is a device that
shoots a steady flow of pressurised air
into your nose and mouth. It involves a
hose, a mask that covers either your
nose or mouth or both, and a head
harness, resulting in the wearer
looking like a cosy fighter pilot, like
Top Gun’s Maverick if the undisclosed
enemy country were your dreams.
I entered the sleep clinic feeling
nervous, excited and blisteringly
sober. I had successfully adhered to
the guidelines sent out by the clinic:
no alcohol in the past 12 hours, no
coffee in the last two, and no naps.
Free from its usual coating of
hangover, too-late coffee and post-
nap delirium, my mind was
unadorned and hungry for answers.
Next, a technician came and asked
me a couple of questions, the most
provocative being: what position do
you sleep in? I’m mostly a mix of side
and stomach, with one leg pitched like
I’m doing a hurdle. Overall, though, I
would describe my sleeping position
as maximum obnoxious. My limbs are
splayed as far as they can reach, and I
continually thrash and roll from side to
side in erratic and irregular
movements. Basically, I sleep like
David Byrne dances.
I sat on my assigned bed, waiting for
the sleep lab to begin its work. “Lab”
was a misnomer. There were no
beakers, or mad scientists, or stainless-
steel tanks with anonymous figures
floating in green fluid. Just a generic

hospital room: infinite white walls; a
thin, hard bed that made me feel like
I was lying on an H&M clothing shelf;
and a pillow that had all the comfort
and support of a bag of napkins. Worst
of all, something was dripping in the
air conditioning unit, producing a
sharp, arrhythmic, metallic smack.
At 10.45pm, the technician began
sticking electrodes to my body for the
electroencephalogram, or EEG.
Created in 1924, this test measures
brain waves without any need for your
head to be cut open. It is still the gold
standard for sleep studies. The
technician also placed sensors on my
arms and legs to measure my
movement, a sensor below my nose
and a harness around my chest to
measure my breathing.
READER’S DIGEST
I don’t know what it says about my
self-esteem, but I found being a
specimen thrilling. The thrill quickly
passed as I proceeded to have the
worst sleep of my life.
there are two types of sleep: NREM
and REM. Both are required for
memory consolidation. NREM, or
non-rapid eye movement, sleep has
three stages. Stage one is drifting off:
those five to ten minutes of drowsiness
where it is hard to tell if you are asleep
or not. Once you are out, the second
stage begins. It is marked by slower
brain waves and short, fast bursts of
brain activity called spindles. The third
stage of NREM is slow-wave sleep.
Your brain waves are now deep, long
curves, similar at times to those seen
OCTOBER 2023 • 39
HOW I TRIED TO STOP SNORING
in people under anaesthesia. It’s in
these last two stages of NREM sleep
that the majority of restoration—in
which the body repairs itself on a
cellular level from the wear and tear of
the day—happens.
Suddenly, the second act of sleep
occurs: REM (rapid eye movement)
sleep. The brain explodes with activity;
it appears to be awake. This is when
most dreaming occurs, especially the
intense, emotional genre of dreams—
the ones that are like “I’m on a date
with a book report I didn’t finish.”
Beneath the eyelids your eyes dart
around wildly, and your heart races.
It’s not entirely clear why this
happens. Van den Berg’s favourite
theory is that it is preparatory. “If
NREM is recovery from the day before,
40 • OCTOBER 2023
REM seems to be preparation for the
day ahead.”
When you have a good night’s sleep,
these different stages are a
harmonious cycle. Of course, many
things can disrupt this harmony:
electric light, caffeine, a late night out
or—as I found out—being covered in
wires that precariously cling to your
body with every toss and turn. Many
thoughts can keep you up at night, and
in the lab I discovered a new one: “I
sure hope that when I turned over, I
didn’t ruin this experiment being
performed on me.”
Another pressure point in the
delicate dance of the sleep stages is
if there is an unceasing arrhythmic
drip of an air conditioning unit the
entire night.
 READER’S DIGEST

i was woken up at 5.30am after two
hours of gruel-thin snoozing. The wires
were removed, and I strolled home in
the dawn light, feeling like my sleep-
wake cycle and circadian rhythms
were utterly and completely ruined.
After two months, the results of the
study came in. There was no sleep
apnoea. I have what the report called
“mild primary snoring.” As far as the
study could tell, there is no particular
reason for it. Ageing, drinking too
much, and rapidly deteriorating neck
muscles are all it takes. The snoring
was simply the sound of time catching
up to me.
These were not the results I was
looking for. I had been hoping for a
condition, a disorder, something to
point to whenever I indulged in a self-
pity wallow. I had wanted a quick fix,
even if that meant strapping a glorified
bike pump to my face. Instead, what
I got were consequences, which
coalesce and compound and
reverberate, like a snore off the inner
walls of your throat. There is no
guarantee things will just work out:
injuries worsen, tragedy happens, your
girlfriend gets fed up with your
snoring. When you don’t sleep, it takes
days to recover.
My snoring has got worse since the
study. Louder, more frequent.
Thankfully, Allison and I have figured
out a staggered sleep schedule that
seems to work. Also, I’m exercising
more, eating better and drinking less,
because from this study, I learned that
you are an accumulation of everything
you did before. Things aren’t just going
to get better on their own. You have to
take care of yourself and others. When
you ate, what you learned, how you
slept: these things matter. The person
you are today builds from the person
you were the day before. Q
© 2023, THE WALRUS. FROM “HOW I TRIED TO STOP
SNORING, FIX MY SLEEP HABITS, AND CONFRONT MY
MORTALITY,” BY JORDAN FOISY, FROM THE WALRUS
(MARCH 15, 2023), THEWALRUS.CA

Seasons Pass
Autumn colours are funny. They’re so bright and intense and beautiful.
It’s like nature is trying to fill you up with colour, to saturate
you so you can stockpile it before winter turns everything
muted and dreary.
SIOBHAN VIVIAN

I cannot endure to waste anything so precious as autumnal sunshine

by staying in the house.
NATHANIEL HAWTHORNE

OCTOBER 2023 • 41
 HEALTH

No Pain
No Gain
The advice for living Yoga
In a survey from health website
with arthritis is to patient.info, 64 per cent of
keep active. But healthcare professionals
recommended yoga and Pilates for
which sports should arthritis. Both are gentle, low-
you choose? impact exercises that strengthen the
muscles. This in turn helps to
support joints. A good yoga or
Pilates teacher will adapt the
movements to your condition.

Golf
Physical activity can ease the
pain and stiffness of arthritis, but
doing the exercise in the first place
isn’t always that easy. One
Susannah Hickling is manageable low-impact sport is
twice winner of golf. Regular golfers stay active
the Guild of Health thanks to all the walking they do,
Writers Best Consumer but there are other advantages too.
Magazine Health Feature A survey by UK and Australian

42 • OCTOBER 2023
academics found that 90 per cent of
golf-playing respondents with
osteoarthritis rated their health
good, very good or excellent
compared with 64 per cent of the
general population with the
condition. Golfers also reported
better mental health, possibly due
to the sociable nature of the game.
Walking
If a round of golf doesn’t grab you,
normal walking brings the same
health benefits, including a reduction
in the risk of heart disease, diabetes
and obesity. Brisk walking helps to
keep joints flexible. Use walking poles
if you need to—you might even want
to try Nordic walking, which uses
poles to propel you forwards and
work your core muscles. But never
force a painful joint.
Swimming
With this activity you are literally
taking the weight off your feet. The
water supports the weight of your
body and reduces the strain on
joints. It also provides resistance,
which helps strengthen your
muscles. And, like other sports, it’s
good for your general health and
wellbeing. A Korean review of
existing research found aquatic
exercise reduced pain and joint
dysfunction more effectively and
improved quality of life more than
land-based exercise. Breast stroke is
best avoided, though, if you have
arthritis in hips or knees. If
swimming isn’t for you, there are
plenty of other beneficial aquatic
activities to choose from, including
aqua aerobics classes or aqua
walking, which you can do by
yourself by simply walking round
the pool.
Cycling
Get outside on your bike and you’ll
see improvements to your mental
health as well as physical benefits.
But a stationary bike is just as good
for fitness and for building up
muscle around your knees, and you
don’t have to worry about the
weather or the traffic. A 2021 review
of studies by Chinese and Australian
researchers found that stationary
biking reduced pain and had a
positive effect on joint function in
people with knee osteoarthritis. Aim
to ride for 20 minutes three to five
days a week.
Bowls and boules
I bet you didn’t realise the civilised,
sedate game of bowls, or boules if you
prefer the French variety, was good
for you. Again, there’s minimal stress
on joints, and you’ll be enhancing
your mobility—and your social life—
just by getting out onto a lawn or a
pétanque pitch with friends. Q
OCTOBER 2023 • 43
H E A LT H

7 Ways To Improve Concentration

It’s often said our attention span is shorter than ever,
and a survey from energy supplements brand ProPlus
found that 41 per cent thought it was worse since the pandemic.
But there are steps you can take to help you focus better

1. Minimise distraction Removing 4. Focus on the right foods You might

yourself from people and devices will
allow you to concentrate better. Work
in a different room if you can. If you
find yourself sidetracked by digital
devices, turn off notifications and
train yourself to check them at set
intervals. Set a timer.
2. Find the right sound Whether it’s
music, white noise or even silence,
you might find there’s a particular
sound that helps you maintain your
attention. This enhances alpha
waves—brain waves that promote
relaxation and are thought to play a
role in cognition and, according to a
small 2015 American study, make you
more creative.
3. Move your body When you exercise,
your heart rate increases, prompting
your body to release a protein called
brain-derived neurotrophic factor, or
BDNF, which aids nerve cell growth.
This is important for concentration,
memory and learning.
get a boost from certain so-called
“brain foods”. These include fish, nuts,
blueberries and dark chocolate (in
moderation, of course!). One of the
best ways to keep your brain in trim is
to eat a healthy diet.
5. Sleep well Who doesn’t suffer from
brain fog after a bad night? Everyone
needs different amounts of shut-eye
but aiming for seven to nine hours is
considered the ideal.
6. Structure your life Having a daily
routine, including breaks, will
minimise the brain fatigue that goes
with having to make endless on-the-
hoof decisions and allow you to focus
on the really important stuff.
7. Fix attention-sapping health issues
Tackle hearing problems, which
demand excessive and sometimes
exhausting concentration, sleep
apnoea or depression, and consider
whether you might have ADHD. Q

For more weekly health tips and stories, sign up to

our newsletter at readersdigest.co.uk

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 HEALTH
Embracing
Stoptober
Dr Max reflects on his
long journey to quitting
smoking and why you
should do it too
I
loved cigarettes. I mean, really
loved them. I loved buying the
packet and picking the seal open
on the side and opening the
box for the first time. I loved the
sound of my lighter and the crackling
of the tobacco as I lit the cigarette,
and the burn of the first breath as it
went down into my lungs. I was, to
put it simply, in love with cigarettes.
Throughout my twenties I told
myself that I would give up one
day. One Day. That seemed
reassuringly far away to prevent
me panicking too much, but
also definitive enough to fool
myself into thinking I’d give up
before it killed me. When I’m
30, I decided. But then
30 came and went and
nothing happened. It was
several more years before
I realised that, if I didn’t
make a concerted effort, I’d be
smoking until I died.
46 • OCTOBER
I loved smoking, but I knew it was
killing me.
Then, my gran and aunt died from
lung cancer and this had brought
on a new round of nagging from my
mum about my smoking. Then there
was the cough. At about this time,
there was a government campaign
saying that if you’d had a cough for a
month, you should go to the GP to get
it checked out as it might be cancer.
I’d had my cough for five months.
After a family party, my sister called
me to say that she’d noticed I was
coughing a lot and this seemed to
have been going a long time and she
was worried I had cancer.
I had a moment of horrifying
clarity: even if this does turn out to
be nothing, unless I decide to stop
smoking, there is a high probability
that at some point in my life I’ll have
a cough or some other symptom and
it will be cancer or a similar awful
disease. Needless to say, I went to
the GP and had a chest X-ray and
it wasn’t cancer. But I began to
think that I really did need to
have a good, hard think about my
smoking and what I was going to
do about it. I needed to make sure
that I definitely loved it enough that
I wouldn’t mind dying for it. The
more I thought about it, the more
I questioned what it was I really
loved about it. The fact was, I was
an addict. I’d spent several years
working in drug addiction clinics
and I was making all the
kind of excuses that I HAD TO
the alcohol and drug
addicts I’d worked with
MAKE
over the years made— THAT
I could give up SMOKING
whenever I want,
you had to die of
ENOUGH
something, I enjoy it, I WOULDN’T try Stoptober. The good
and so on. MIND DYING news is that research
I decided to quit.
The first time I did it
FOR
on a whim and after a
few days when out for
drinks with friends, I caved in and had
one. The next day I bought a pack of
20 and that quit attempt was well and
truly a failure. But I learned from this
and decided the next attempt would
be better planned. I investigated
different options online, spoke to my
GP and met with a smoking cessation
nurse at my local surgery who used
some CBT techniques to change my
thinking about smoking.
With all the support around me, I
felt so confident about my ability to
quit I actually looked forward to the
date I’d set to stop. That was nearly
ten years ago and I haven’t looked
back. Of course, in the early days it
wasn’t always plain sailing. There
were times when I was tempted and
times when I nearly slipped up. But I
was prepared for this and didn’t let it
throw me off. Stopping smoking was
one of the best things I’ve ever done.
This October is Stoptober, the
NHS and Department of Health and
Social Care’s annual “stop smoking”
campaign. I know from
personal experience
SURE how tough quitting can
I LOVED be, but I also know how
it can change your life.
If you’re a smoker, then
THAT I’d encourage you to
shows that if you quit
IT for 28 days, you’re five
times more likely to
quit for good.
You can get support for every
day of Stoptober to get you through
those 28 days. There’s a Stoptober
website and Facebook page, Facebook
online communities, a quit smoking
app and an online Personal Quit
Plan tool that helps people find a
combination of support that’s right for
them, as well as information on how
vaping can help you quit smoking. If
you’ve missed the start of Stoptober,
then there are still lots of resources
available on the NHS website. It’s
also really helpful to realise that you
aren’t alone—thousands of people are
quitting with you, which will further
boost your confidence in your ability
to quit. If I can quit smoking then
anyone can. Give it a go. Q
Max is a hospital doctor,
author and columnist. He
currently works full-time in
mental health for the NHS.
His new book, The
Marvellous Adventure of
Being Human, is out now
OCTOBER 2023 • 47
 HEALTH
The Doctor Is In
Dr Max Pemberton
Q: I recently lost a lot of weight,
started eating more healthily and
exercising regularly for the first time in
decades. I feel amazing, but my BMI
still says I’m “overweight”. Do I
actually need to lose more weight to
be considered “healthy”?
A: Firstly, well done for managing to
lose weight. That’s fantastic news and
will benefit your health in the long
term. It’s not easy losing weight. While
we like to say people simply have to
eat less and move more, in practice
that’s far easier said than done.
For most of human evolution, the
biggest struggle we faced was getting
enough food. Famines were common
fears that we have evolved to be
prepared for and so eat as much as we
can when it’s available. Yet for the first
time in human history, we (at least,
those of us in developed countries)
have abundant food that is rich in
calories and little real risk of
famine. Our minds and bodies
haven’t evolved quickly
enough to deal with this,
meaning it’s far too easy for us
to eat more than we really
need. Add this to the fact we
lead increasingly sedentary
lifestyles, and it’s no
48 • OCTOBER 2023
surprise so many of us are overweight.
Many people use food for
psychological reasons too—to soothe,
as a reward or to cope with boredom,
anxiety or low mood. So losing weight
is no mean feat.
Despite your efforts though, your
BMI still puts you in the “overweight”
category. BMI is a measure of weight
taking into account your height. It’s
not always helpful—a rugby player, for
example, might technically have a
high BMI but this doesn’t take into
account that their weight is mostly
muscle. These are fairly rare
exceptions though. For most people,
their BMI is a good indicator of if they
are a healthy weight or not. We know
that people whose BMI is higher than
healthy weight are at increased risk of
a number of illnesses and conditions,
from heart attacks, arthritis and
strokes to dementia and cancer. Don’t
be disheartened though—instead,
keep going and aim to get to within
the healthy range. You’ve done
incredibly well so far. Keep up
the good work. Q
Got a health question for
our resident doctor?
Email it confidentially to
askdrmax@readersdigest.co.uk
illustration by Javier Muñoz
 COMPETITIONS

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49
 DATING & RELATIONSHIPS

Are Best

I
n many ways, my close

Girlfriends friendships with women are what

you’d expect from TV shows like

The New Sex and the City or The Golden

Girls: emotionally intimate and

Aspirational involved, fierce and sassy.

What these shows get right about
female friendship is that our bonds
Relationship? run deep and strong. But they also
tend to idealise these relationships.
Or another stick We see friends whose lives are so
tightly entwined that they materialise
to beat us with? at each other’s doors whenever
needed; a ride-or-die girl group who
are at your side for life.
Here, close girlfriends are filling the
role we’d traditionally expect of a
spouse. And with marriage in decline,
it feels like more of us are turning to
female friendship as the new all-
sustaining, aspirational relationship.
Ever seen a group of girlfriends
giggling over lunch and felt a pang of
jealousy? This phenomenon is called
Monica Karpinski is a friendship envy, and it’s pretty
writer and editor focused common among women. It can
on women’s health, sex, manifest as idealising others’
and relationships. She is relationships or thinking that the
the founder of women’s ones you have aren’t good enough,
health media platform because they don’t resemble those
The Femedic picture-perfect pals we see on TV.

50 • OCTOBER 2023
 “We feel friendship THE BONDS The pursuit of
envy because so much of idealised friendship also
our confidence is gained
BETWEEN distracts us from the real
from us knowing who we WOMEN ARE prize: enjoying
‘belong’ to,” psychologist SPECIAL. relationships. It’s true
Lilly Sabir told Glamour that the bonds between
last year. If we don’t have
WE SHARE women are special. We
access to the sisterhood A UNIQUE share a unique solidarity
we think we’re supposed SOLIDARITY and understanding of
to as women, we can feel what it’s like to live in a
rejected and lonely. man’s world, and the
And just like that, having best ways we show up for each other can
female friends becomes another truly be beautiful.
standard to hold ourselves to; Only there’s no fixed way for these
another stick to beat ourselves with. relationships to look. You might have
These relationships are held out as a a girl squad who meet for lunch once
status symbol for what a good life a week, or you might have a few close
looks like, in exactly the same way friends who aren’t part of the same
society has done for marriage. group. Maybe you don’t see yourself
Just head to social app Instagram, in either of those scenarios, but love
where millions of posts using your friends all the same. All of this
hashtags like #GirlSquad and is fine—it’s the quality of your
#BFFgoals show glamorous groups of connections that counts.
women having an enviably good One 2015 study found that being
time, to see what I mean. satisfied with friendships was a better
Turns out, this isn’t great for us or predictor of overall life satisfaction
our friends. It puts too much pressure than the number of friends someone
on our friendships, creating had. Here, a “quality” friend is
unrealistic expectations for how we someone who provides emotional
hope they’ll fulfil us—and when they and practical support, like helping
don’t, we feel less than. Is it really fair you move house.
to expect your pals to be perpetually Healthy friendships are about trust
available when you need them? and being able to be vulnerable with
Plus, whether from a partner or each other, not checking a box to
best friend, as long as we seek prove you’re living life the right way.
validation from others more so than There’s nothing quite like having
from within, we take away our own friends who really understand you, so
power to accept and love ourselves let’s enjoy our mates without
as we are. overthinking it, shall we? Q

OCTOBER 2023 • 51
 DATING & RELATIONSHIPS
Relationship Advice
Monica Karpinski
Q: I’m fairly sure that my long-term
partner is cheating on me—I’ve seen
some incriminating text messages
and caught her out in a lie once
about where she was. But I haven’t
confronted her directly about it yet.
I’m hurt and furious but not sure I
want to break up. What should I do,
how should I approach this?
A: Firstly, I’m sorry that you’re going
through this. Learning that your
partner has betrayed your trust is very
painful, but it’s good to hear that
you’re wanting to reflect on how you
feel before making any rash decisions.
I would actually suggest speaking to
her to help you decide what you want
to do. If the relationship is to be
saved, she needs to be open with you
about what she’s done and why she’s
done it—and you need to be willing to
listen and forgive. Having the
discussion can help you gauge
whether that’s possible.
When you confront her, lay out the
facts of what you know and share how
this has made you feel. Then, give her
the space to explain herself. As best
you can, try not to get too accusatory
or defensive, as this might cause her
to shut down or even lie.
52 • OCTOBER 2023
What’s most important is that she
shares her reasons for straying.
Infidelity is very hurtful but it’s also
nuanced, and what she says may
surprise you. As leading relationship
therapist Esther Perel notes,
cheating is sometimes a way for
people to connect with another
version of themselves. Of course,
people also cheat because they’re
unhappy: with themselves, with
their partners, with their lives. As
hard as it is, hear her out.
If you want to stay together, you’ll
need to be willing to work through
these issues and ultimately, forgive
her. You might see it as a chance to
bring all your pent-up feelings and
needs out into the open, so that you
can figure out what needs fixing
between you and start afresh.
Only you can say whether you’re
prepared to do that after what’s
happened. And if you aren’t, that’s
totally fine—it’s not always possible to
fix things and you aren’t obliged to do
so. Sometimes, the healthiest thing is
to walk away. Q
Got a question for our resident sex and
relationships expert? Email it confidentially
to thelovedoctor@readersdigest.co.uk
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11
 HEALTH

Beyond

THE LASTING IMPACT ON YOUNG

CANCER SURVIVORS
by Ellie Philpotts

55
BEYOND SURVIVAL

ecently, the way the Fortunately, I reached remission,

public and medics view and have kept sight of this in the 12
the long-term effects of years since. Sadly, the privilege of
illness has shifted. survival isn’t afforded to everyone,
COVID-19 was largely despite improvements making
responsible, with Long diagnostic tools work sooner, and
Covid causing a treatments kinder to growing bodies.
cocktail of late effects demanding My current lifestyle was once a
attention. Soon after people adapted distant dream—graduating university,
to the concept of the novel virus itself, becoming a journalist, enjoying my
they were forced into some twenties. But I’m still conscious of the
semblance of understanding the divide between how society expects
whole-body impact long after its you to feel post-treatment, and what
initial peak. the actual reality is.
But for young cancer survivors, Diagnosis in the young adult
long-term effects are nothing new. bracket I share with 2,000 others each
After all, they present themselves in year in the UK poses unique
numerous ways throughout the years. challenges. Cancer is a largely adult
I was made to realise this at 15, group of diseases, and at this age,
diagnosed with Hodgkin's you’re already balancing on the
Lymphoma. It's one of the tentative tightrope between
commonest cancers in young people childhood and adulthood before
but it's not much consolation when another force jolts it. This didn’t
you’re the only person you know with knock me off my feet entirely—but it
it. It comes with loneliness, and this did alter my sense of identity.
sense of otherness doesn’t necessarily The force came from within me, so
end, even in the survivorship club. there was no one else to aim clichéd
At the time, the diagnosis meant an teenage blame towards. Instead, you
immediate enrolment onto have to summon some acceptance,
chemotherapy and steroids. alongside your multitude of
I stayed there for six medicines. Not the easiest
months while juggling when you’re too young to
GCSEs and planning have experienced the
for milestones like lessons that usually
prom, and broader teach this.
experiences like When treatment’s
pondering where unwelcome effects
I might take arrive, straightaway or
my future. Ellie Philpotts decades on, you also

56 • OCTOBER 2023

I JUGGLED
CHEMOTHERAPY,
STEROIDS, GCSES
AND PLANNING
FOR PROM
have to accept that they had to
happen ultimately so you could
survive. But it can be frustrating that
young survivors are expected to
shoulder this burden. We’re not
ungrateful for overcoming cancer, and
often use our experiences to help
others—but this is just another way it
continues to manifest in our lives.
Some survivors feel that even long
into "recovery", it’s easy for cancer to
make a comeback. That can be an
actual relapse, or figurative, with
worries creeping up. Last year,
I developed symptoms reminiscent of
lymphoma, and my mind taunted me
with the idea of a reoccurrence.
Fortunately, it was glandular fever—
ironically a common teenage
condition sometimes mistaken for
lymphoma. While a tough summer
ensued, I was relieved it wasn’t worse.
Cancer makes you health-
conscious—awareness of what’s
normal for you isn’t negative, but it
can come with anxieties that
complicate things further. Survivor's
guilt is one—and, like much of the
experience, is multi-faceted. You
appreciate your second shot at life,
READER’S DIGEST
but wonder what made your body
respond when so many others’ didn’t.
Then come relationships, friendships,
fertility and moving on—each with
common stressors that adopt new
meanings alongside serious illness.
as a young woman in her twenties
and a survivor of lymphoma for over
five years, my fellow cancer survivors
and I have encountered shared
experiences. While each person's
perspective on illness, ranging from
diagnosis to treatment and emotional
dimensions, may differ, we concur
that the reach of cancer's effects
extends well beyond its physical
manifestations—from the initial
symptoms to the visible side effects of
treatment. The reality of psychological
trauma persists long after treatment
concludes. Yet, society, including
some medical professionals, often
assumes that a complete restoration is
the norm.
We’ve also tried to mould our past
into a platform to benefit others. Our
experiences inspired our decisions
around work and education.
Without being pushed into medical
settings, I doubt I would have
specialised in health journalism, nor
avidly volunteered with charities.
Jessica cites how her illness led her
towards helping young people with
their mental health, while Helen’s
Psychosocial Community Work
degree brings an academic angle to
teenage cancer.
OCTOBER 2023 • 57
BEYOND SURVIVAL

Jessica Beedle, 26, West Midlands

Being diagnosed with lymphoma at the cusp
of becoming a teenager was confusing and
alienating. In hindsight, I’m grateful my
treatment was relatively low-intensity, my
inpatient hospital stays short and my
absences from school limited. However, at
the time, life going forward seemed a scary,
exhausting prospect. I nostalgically longed
for my life before cancer, rather than
considering whatever waited for me in a life
after cancer. Though extremely thankful
when I entered remission, I assumed my life
would continue to be marred
by worries about my
physical and psychological
health, low self-esteem
and uncertainty.

A lymphoma diagnosis led to

low self-esteem for a young Jessica

Sailing trips with fellow young cancer patients gave Jess a boost
As I emerged into adolescence, a
time when I should have been
pushing boundaries and becoming
increasingly independent, I felt
terrified about moving forward,
assuming my newfound freedom
would be snatched from me through
another relapse.
Luckily, 13 years on, I’ve remained
in remission. I’ve lived in many
places, in the UK and abroad during
university, and settled into a job in the
NHS supporting children in schools
with their mental health. I’ve turned
the trauma of my early experiences
into motivation to support young
people displaying early signs of
mental ill-health, in the hope this will
provide more children with the tools
to manage their own wellbeing as
they grow into adulthood.
My own experiences spurred me
to pursue this career. The treatment
READER’S DIGEST
I received for my physical health
during my cancer journey had luckily
been timely and effective, whereas
support for my mental health, both
during my treatment and after, was
fragmented. I think the paediatric
oncology community and society
generally still have progress to make
when supporting children who
have experienced health-related
trauma, especially in terms of mental
health provision.
However, there have been
incredible third-sector organisations,
such as the Ellen MacArthur Cancer
Trust, who provided me with the
opportunity to connect with other
young people with cancer through
sailing trips. These boosted my self-
confidence after treatment, and I now
volunteer for them to provide this
therapeutic experience to other
children in my position.
OCTOBER 2023 • 59
BEYOND SURVIVAL

Helen Haar, 27, London

At 20, my world was turned upside-down.
After months of feeling unwell, I was shocked
to be diagnosed with cancer in March, 2016.
The doctors at the time couldn’t tell me
anything more specific until other tests were
done. I remember the room spinning and
feeling numb. It wasn’t until I arrived at
hospital in London that I realised the
seriousness of my illness.
After a few days and those dreaded scans,
I received a diagnosis of primary mediastinal
B-cell lymphoma, a rare subtype of non-
Hodgkin's lymphoma. My treatment started
straightaway as the cancer was aggressive. The
Teenage Cancer Trust walls became my
source of stability every fortnight while I was
having seven hours’ worth of chemotherapy.
After this, a PET scan showed cancer
remaining. Consolidation radiotherapy
followed, putting me in remission in
December, 2016.
That’s when the bubble burst.
I was now expected to continue
with my life, get back on track
and forget what I’d just been
through. It was the subject
no-one wanted to, or could,
bring up. The hospital became
my safe space, and I relied a lot on
my team. When that was pulled
from me, I panicked.

Now 27, I look back with mixed
emotions. I’m still angry and ask,
"Why me?". However, my perspective
on life and the world has matured.
I wear my label as a cancer survivor
with pride. It’s made my passion to
help others stronger. I don’t want to
forget my story and I didn’t want to go
back to my "old life". Sharing my story
is what drives me—if it makes the
slightest difference, it was worth it.
The comment "You’re too young to be
ill" isn’t a compliment. It invalidates
the experience and shows a
remaining stigma around being a
young person with a chronic illness.
READER’S DIGEST
For Helen, recovery from
cancer doesn't end with
remission, but has more
long-reaching impacts
Ultimately, how much
time has passed since
treatment might matter
when oncologists are
deciding if we’re
medically cured. It might
also matter to us
individually as well as to
those around us—but it
doesn't mean we can’t
still carry the long-term
impact of cancer survivorship with us.
So, whether 12 months or years
have elapsed, and whether your hair
has reached shoulder-length or you
never lost it at all, you shouldn’t be
presumed to feel fully recovered. But
as the years go by, with more cancer
charities reaching those in need, and
treatments and later care developing,
I'm confident that society will do
more to aid these lingering emotions.
Although teenage cancer is
uncommon, its research output,
medical knowledge of late effects and
emotional care shouldn’t be too.
OCTOBER 2023 • 61
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66
 INSPIRE

My Britain:
North Pennines
BY Alice Gawthrop

ne of the most unspoilt areas in England, it’s not hard to see

O why the North Pennines is an Area of Outstanding Natural

Beauty, and the inspiration for some 40 poems by the great
English poet, W H Auden.
Boasting a landscape of open heather moors, tumbling dales and
meandering rivers, the North Pennines are home to flora and
fauna rarely, if ever, found elsewhere in Britain. Millions of years of
geological processes in the area have created a unique and
impressive environment, recognised in 2003 as Britain’s first
European Geopark. Amid the hills and moors is one of England’s
biggest waterfalls, High Force. Its powerful name is a souvenir left
by Viking invaders centuries ago, coming from the Old Norse word
“foss” for waterfall.
Meanwhile, a breathtaking trail through the valleys, forests and
fells charts the North East’s religious history. Beginning at the site of
a battle victory for Oswald of Northumbria that led to the
Christianisation of the region and ending at the imposing Durham
Cathedral, the Way of Light tells the story of the dawn of
Christianity, illustrated by abbeys, seminaries and chapels.
Alongside these natural and religious wonders, the North
Pennines have a rich industrial history due to the prevalence of lead
mining since medieval times. This history is best explored at
Killhope Lead Mining Museum and Ashes Quarry.
At night, the North Pennines are just as beautiful. Away from the
hustle, bustle and light pollution of big cities, the North Pennines
have some of the darkest skies in the country. Wrap up warm and
set up camp on a clear night, and you’ll be rewarded with the sight
of thousands of stars blinking down at you. Maybe you’ll be inspired
to write a poem or two of your own. È

67
M Y B R I TA I N : N O R T H P E N N I N E S
Liz Bousfield is a horticulturist
at Eggleston Hall Gardens, a
plantsman’s paradise in the
North Pennines
egglestonhallgardens.co.uk
i have lived in the North Pennines for
16 years. I’m originally from York—I
came to the area to work at a stables
in the summer holidays and never
left. I heard of a job at Eggleston Hall
Gardens, knowing nothing about
plants, went for it and have been here
for 13 years now.
The North Pennines are a beautiful
place to live. Everywhere you go has
a beautiful backdrop, especially
when you come from flat York! The
people are down-to-earth, friendly
and tough. The winters are long and
hard work, but when the snowdrops
first pop up you know spring is
around the corner.
68 • OCTOBER 2023
Eggleston Hall Gardens is like a
little garden of Eden nestled among
the hills. This time of year the walls
are laden with apples, pears and
plums. There are really unusual
plants around every corner, too.
The old chapel area is carpeted
with snowdrops in spring. Summer
is beautiful with the garden’s big
walls creating a warm microclimate.
In autumn, everything is blazed with
vibrant colour. It really is a special
place to work.
I love propagation, creating new
plants and watching things flourish.
I enjoy talking to the customers,
sharing advice and various growing
tips for plants.
My favourite place in the North
Pennines has to be the gardens. It is
a sheltered little paradise, but you
can always see the wild beautiful
hills just beyond.
gardens photos courtesy of amanda hodgson
69
M Y B R I TA I N : N O R T H P E N N I N E S
Helen Ratcliffe is a co-director at
Allenheads Contemporary Arts, an
artist-led organisation that delivers
innovative contemporary arts
projects and offers unique
accommodation options in the Old
School House and the Observatory
glamping cabin—perfect for
aspiring star-gazers!
acart.org.uk
i am a co-director of Allenheads
Contemporary Arts, along with my
partner Alan Smith. We are both from
Swansea in South Wales and after
spending a few years studying, living
and working in Massachusetts and
New York City in the US during the
1980s, we returned home looking for
a new adventure.
In 1993 we chanced upon the
Victorian Old School House
overlooking the North Pennines fells
and village of Allenheads. It was the
perfect place, we thought, to live our
next chapter. We were excited to
continue our work in the
contemporary arts in a totally new
environment. Thirty years later and
we are still here, with two adult
children, a dog and a vast network of
artists who have worked in residence
over the years, inspired by this
extraordinary place, its people and
its heritage.
We love the open, expansive
landscape, the extreme weather, the
wildlife and the dark skies. From our
70 • OCTOBER 2023
observatory we can wonder at the
spectacular views of the Milky Way,
nearby planets and even other
galaxies. It's quite awe-inspiring and
humbling at the same time.
We are not interested in the notion
of a romantic, rural idyll, but rather
see our home as a vibrant
intersection between rural and
urban, local and global. It all
happens here in the microcosm of
the North Pennines. Nothing is
isolated or remote. This tiny village,
the highest in England, at the centre
point of the British Isles, is a
crossroads of influences, always in
flux with a constant flow of residents,
artists and visitors, which makes this
unique place so fascinating.
There are many magnificent sights
around Allenheads and the North
Pennines; the powerful waterfalls,
expansive heather moorlands and
the vastness of the cosmos on a
clear night, to name just a few. For
me, however, I am grateful that
every day, I can soak up the
magnificent, panoramic view from
my front garden. It’s a great way to
start the day.
71
M Y B R I TA I N : N O R T H P E N N I N E S

Sami Nash runs the Hemmel Cafe

and Crafty Farm Shop, a cosy cafe
serving fresh, homemade food

nansbakery.co/the-hemmel-cafe

we moved from Newcastle upon Tyne

to the North Pennines when I was 15
years old. It was very much a culture
shock, moving from the hustle and
bustle of city life to a world of quiet,
with our nearest neighbour 500 yards
away. Our first winter we had ten-foot
snowdrifts—not going anywhere was
a total shock to the system!
Forty years down the line, I
wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
We live in one of the most beautiful
parts of the world with scenery that
changes every day. There is a strong
community spirit here to look out
for people and help them when
they're in need. The people here are
very hard-working.
I took over the Hemmel Cafe and
Crafty Farm Shop two years ago. We
are a little family of eight staff. We all
live out in Allenheads, a small village
steeped in lead mining history, so we
travel in every day.
No two days are the same, but we
get a lot of cyclists on the C2C, as
well as walkers, motorbikes, and in
winter we even get skiers from all
over the country who use Allenheads
Ski Slopes. All our food is homemade
fresh every day, and we have built up
a reputation for the best cheesecakes!

72 • OCTOBER 2023
73
INSPIRE
fluence:
UnderThe
Grand
The first in our new
series of interviews
with older social
media influencers,
Ian Chaddock talks
to fun-loving US icon
"Baddiewinkle",
who has over
3 million Instagram
followers online
“age is just a number,” goes the
saying. But older influencers are
proving that you can have fun, spread
positivity and inspire people,
whatever your age. In this new series
of interviews, we will talk to senior
internet personalities still living life to
the full, while fighting ageism.
Kentucky-born Helen Vanwinkle—
better known as “Baddiewinkle”
online—is a colourful, fun and upbeat
fashionista who's not afraid to speak
her mind. She’s also in her mid-
nineties. She became famous in 2016
for her uplifting message and her
74 • OCTOBER 2023
memorable motto—“Stealing your
man since 1928”! Currently working
on a range of colourful canes with her
great-granddaughter Kennedy,
Baddiewinkle is a hero to millions.
Can you tell us a little about your life
before becoming an influencer?
I worked for 28 years at a factory.
I enjoyed my work. I retired at 62 and
the big boss came and gave me a big
kiss on the lips! He was a great kisser.
We had lunch and had a great time at
my retirement party.
How did you become a social media
influencer at age 85? My great-
granddaughter, Kennedy, convinced
me to take a picture for the internet.
She would come home from high
school and say, "Guess how many
followers you have?" It just evolved
from there and went viral.
What are your reflections on how
fashion and styles have come and
gone over the years? What were some
of your favourite looks from the
decades? They’ve kind of gone back.
The short dresses and things like
that—the fashion is not really that
different from this day and age to my
day and age…it’s about the same.
 How was working on campaigns for
brands like Smirnoff and Sally Beauty
and meeting celebrities like Miley
Cyrus and Fergie? I spent time with
Miley and she’s a great girl. With
Fergie, I really loved it. We had a
really good time. They’re both great
girls. The ad campaigns I’ve worked
on have done well and I love to do
them. Everybody has been so nice.
Do you see yourself as an example to
other older people to live their life
loudly, proudly and
unapologetically? Yes. Older people
are kind of overlooked. I think I
started a trend that an older person
could have as much fun as a 20-year-
old and look as good as a
20-year-old! I think that
older people should try
and follow my example.
What’s the funniest
thing you’ve
experienced at a live
event? Oh gosh! They’re
always funny. Before an
awards show I ate a
cookie…with
marijuana in it. I
didn’t know
anything about
marijuana at the
© K E N N E DY D E C H E T
time. I’d never
had any. I
swear I could
hardly walk! It
was so funny.
What do you think of the beauty
industry? Does it contributes to
ageism? It does. I think that more
older people are using make up,
which is good, where they didn’t in
the past. I think I had a lot to do with
that as well. Older people now are
getting on the internet more, doing
more and having more fun, I think.
Do you think the internet and social
media have improved our lives?
Yes, I think it’s improved our lives a
lot. The internet is the thing, or I think
it is anyway. Oh my gosh, I have seen
so much in my lifetime. Everything
has improved, from the time I
remember until now. And
everything just keeps
improving every year.
Do you have a message
for our older readers,
especially those who
might have a fear of new
technology and changes?
Yes, I do. If you want to get
on the internet and
you don’t know
how, get somebody
to show you how.
It’s very easy
anyway, so the
older people can
pick it up right
away, if they get
someone who
knows about it to
show them how. Q
75

Toyah
Willcox
Toyah Willcox is a singer,
actor and TV presenter
with a career spanning
40 years and eight top 40
singles. Toyah and Robert
Fripp tour the UK
together in October
Young people would have
repercussion predictors
If you make a move in anger, revenge
or envy, you need to know the
consequences of your actions. I think
AI would help young people so
much—if they could just have a level
of repercussion prediction, they might
76 • OCTOBER 2023
If I Ruled
The World
think twice rather than taint their
entire life with a bad action. Within
social media, a repercussion predictor
would be really useful.
Work-life balance would be a law
The majority of us forget to put life
balance first. We are very lucky in the
UK that we have two days off a week.
I often work in America and I’m so
shocked at how hard Americans are
expected to work. Life isn’t all about
work, email, bureaucracy and
accounting. In my working world,
I would insist that were two days a
week where there is no
communication with work.
3D printers used for recycling
I read a lot of sci-fi and I’ve just read
this in a book called Planetfall by
Emma Newman. It’s about colonising

on a planet that took 73 years to
reach. Every house has a 3D printer
which directly recycles patterns that
you get off the internet for your pots
and pans, cutlery and clothes. It’s
recycling within the home for plastics,
metals and paper, which stops the
contamination of recycling moving
from country to country. 3D printers
are very expensive at the moment but
I think it’s the way for stopping the
mass destruction caused by waste.
Good food would be distributed in an
honest and humane way
There is no shame in food
distribution and food banks. If you
need food, your body needs food. It’s
as simple as that. Good food lasts five
days and on the shelves in many
shops, it’s only allowed one day.
I would like to know that I could gift
the overflow of vegetables that I’m
growing in my garden to a food bank
or an honesty table outside my house
knowing that people who need it
would take it. It’s just asking people
not to behave greedily, and to take
what they need. I’ve seen this in a
very small Alaskan township where
you have, outside a supermarket, a
bank of refrigerators for people to
donate to. Other people can just go
and take what they need. It works.
No child will go without a bed
I was so shocked when I learned the
amount of children who don’t have a
bed. I think it should be law that every
INSPIRE
child born has a designated sleeping
area. There’s a fantastic charity in
Leeds called Zarach, run by a
charismatic young woman, that
simply collects beds and delivers
them to families. We need more of
these people in the world!
If you want to eat meat you have to
raise and respectfully take the life of
the animal
I am very passionate that animals
have souls, and most religions say that
they don’t. Animals experience
empathy, joy and pain. We do not
have a right to kill them en masse.
I have never met an animal that does
not have empathy. As you get older I
think it’s a lot better for you to have a
predominantly vegetarian diet.
There will be a National Concert Day
I used to live in Menton in France and
they had a concert day. Every school
would take their orchestra out into
the square to play. It was a very
beautiful spectacle. I’ve seen it in
Israel as well, with live musicians and
dancing in the square. A National
Concert Day would be where
everyone who can play an instrument
could go outside their house and play.
It’s as simple as that. Q
AS TOLD TO IAN CHADDOCK
Toyah Willcox tours the UK in October
(toyahwillcox.com). Her Toyah Live At
Drury Lane album is out now
OCTOBER 2023 • 77
 óòò
x L [  ɱ _ g L [ ~ 

'SQTIXMXMSR
Enter our iconic 100-word-story competition with
prizes of up to £1,000 to be won

Our 100-word-story competition is your chance to show the

world your story-telling talents
There are three categories—one for adults and two for schools: one for children aged 12–
18 and one for children under 12. Your stories should be original, unpublished and exactly
100 words—not a single word shorter or longer! Entries are now open. The editorial team
will pick a shortlist of three in each category and post them online on February 1, 2024.
You can vote for your favourite, and the one with the most votes will scoop the top prize.
Voting will close on February 29, 2024 and winners will be published in our May 2024
issue. Visit readersdigest.co.uk/100-word-story-competition to enter.

78 • OCTOBER 2023
WHAT SHE WOULD RATHER TELL A STRANGER
by Rachel O’Cleary, Tipperary

My mother’s bare foot rests in my lap, PREVIOUS ADULT

softer than expected, toenails thick. My 100-WORD-STORY
COMPETITION
knuckles complain as I squeeze the
WINNER
clippers. “Call me Lily,” she says, and I
think, what else? I paint her toenails “Big
Apple Red” while she talks about her estranged
daughter, gone to the city years ago. “That girl was
always an odd one,” she says. “I’ll bet she leaves me
here to rot.” I stare at the deep furrows between her
eyebrows. See myself: hard-pedalling, smoke
unspooling, highway breeze through messy hair,
whisky-burnt, split by childbirth, circling home.
I hold my breath, and wait.

illustrations
by Daniel Mitchell
100-WORD-STORY COMPETITION

PREVIOUS 12-18 100-WORD-STORY COMPETITION WINNER

NO PRIVILEGE
by Ameerah Kola-Olukotun, 17
“But I’ve got no privilege,” she protests. I stare at
her shoes, bought by grandparents leeching off
colonial fortunes. Her hair lies flat and
presentable; my curls violate policy in any style.
Her canvas-coloured skin will never raise
questions. Mine is a brown cage that closes every
door. But I hold my tongue. The others explain,
but her whiteness turns to cotton and lodges
itself in her ears. Her parents just worked harder.
She’s just studious. “Blame me if you want.” She
doesn’t see the landmines lurking in our paths.
And if she did, she’d think she had them, too.

PREVIOUS UNDER 12 100-WORD-STORY COMPETITION WINNER

IM-PEN-DING DOOM
by Evelyn Walters, 11
My cap was pulled off today. I was indignant and
embarrassed, more than I can say! Yet again I
was gripped tightly around the middle and
forced to do the mum’s tedious receipts. My
murky blood seeps from my single vein onto the
paper. I know I am dying. I can feel my
impending death oozing out with my last
reserves of liquid. I see, ironically, pens are listed
on this stationery receipt. Imagine their hopeful
faces! Vitally, I would warn them, “Life as a pen,
though long, is full of monotonous and painful
tasks. Just don’t run out of……………

80 • OCTOBER 2023

óòò
x L [  ɱ _ g L [ ~ 
'SQTIXMXMSR
RULES
Rules: Please ensure that submissions are
original, not previously published and exactly
100 words long (not including title). Don’t forget
to include your full name, address, email and
phone number when filling in the form. We may
use entries in all print and electronic media.
Terms and conditions:
There are three categories—one for adults and
two categories for schools: one for children aged
12–18 and one for children under 12.
In the adults category, the winner will receive
£1,000 and one runner-up will receive £250.
In the 12–18s category, the winner will receive a
£200 book voucher or a Kindle Paperwhite and
a £100 book voucher for their school, and the
runner-up will receive a £100 books voucher.
In the under-12 category, the winner will receive
£100 of book vouchers or a Kindle Paperwhite
and £100 of book vouchers for their school, and
the runner-up will receive a £50 books voucher.
READER’S DIGEST
Please submit your stories by 5pm on
January 5, 2024 either online at readersdigest.
co.uk/100-word-story-competition or via
post addressed to:
Reader’s Digest
100 Word Story Competition
Warners Group Publications
West Street
Bourne
PE10 9PH
The editorial team will pick a shortlist of entries,
and the three best stories in each category will
be posted online at readersdigest.co.uk on
February 1, 2024.
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with the most votes will win the top prize. Voting
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OCTOBER 2023 • 81
INSPIRE

82
 SOUND
OF
SI LENCE
H OW S I M PLY S H U T T I NG U P F OR T H R E E
M O N T H S A N D WA L K I N G W E L L O V E R 6 0 0 M I L E S
KATHERINE HOLLAND

TRANSFORMED MY LIFE

BY D G Marshall FROM TORONTO LIFE

83
THE SOUND OF SILENCE

AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER, my mouth has been getting me

into trouble. Growing up, I would say anything to get a
laugh, no matter how crude or cutting. I used the gift of the
gab to get what I wanted from my parents (money, a later
curfew) and to get out of what I didn’t want (chores,
groundings). I was asked to leave four different schools,
mostly because I talked too much, and every one of my
report cards said some variation of the same thing: I’d do
much better if I would just shut up.

My mouth may have served me I prayed among ancient petroglyphs in

terribly as a student, but it set me up
perfectly for a career in radio. In 2003,
I launched a talk show on an AM
station in the Toronto area. I would
ask people about their religious beliefs
and the role faith played in their lives.
In my 16 years hosting the show, I
interviewed rabbis, nuns, witches,
Wiccans and Satanist high priests, and
had celebrities, politicians, religious
leaders and spiritual gurus share the
“why” behind their beliefs.
I think the show succeeded because
it engaged people who don’t usually
listen to religious radio—people like
me. After growing up in a churchgoing
household and eventually becoming a
pastor, I slowly began to reject
organised religion. Still, I was
fascinated by others’ beliefs.
Consumed by the need to
understand the unknown, I travelled
the world in search of answers.
Australia, slept at Stonehenge in
England and wept at the Holocaust
memorial in Jerusalem. I thought I’d
find some divine truth if I visited all
the sacred sites and interviewed every
spiritual leader.
But the only truth I discovered was
this: I was a selfish, egotistical,
judgemental jerk. It hit me when I was
close to turning 50 and almost every
significant relationship in my life was
in tatters. My wife of 28 years wanted a
divorce. My kids weren’t my biggest
fans, and when I asked my daughter
what I was doing wrong, she told me
she didn’t have enough time to
explain it all.
I knew this much: the hunt for
transcendence made me unbearable.
I prioritised my radio-show guests,
with whom I might spend an hour,
over the people who meant the most
to me. I was constantly tearing into

84 • OCTOBER 2023

anyone whom I perceived as less
enlightened than I was. Profanity and
sarcasm were my default modes of
communication. I drank too much
and listened too little. I was
miserable, as was everyone caught in
my caustic orbit.
My school report cards had been
right—I’d do a lot better if I would just
shut up. If my mouth was the root
cause of my problems, maybe it was
time to stop talking altogether.
Years earlier, I’d watched a movie
called The Way, starring Martin Sheen.
It followed the main character’s
journey along the Camino de
Santiago, a series of 1,200-year-old
trails that converge on the Cathedral
of Santiago de Compostela, in
northwestern Spain, where the
D G Marshall in a
moment of quiet
contemplation
COURTESY OF D.G. MARSHALL
READER’S DIGEST
remains of Saint James the Apostle are
said to be buried.
So in 2016 I decided to take a three-
month sabbatical from the radio show
and walk the over 600-mile route
without saying a single word. My plan
was to finish the trek on my 50th
birthday as a changed man.
WHEN I ARRIVED AT THE START of the
Camino in early October 2016, I was
already worried that my quest was
doomed. I was terrified that I’d
accidentally speak, that my bad knees
would prevent me from finishing the
route, that even if I made it the whole
way, I’d return home still a schmuck.
Nonetheless, hungover from the
night before, I walked out of the
charming French town of Saint-Jean-
OCTOBER 2023 • 85
THE SOUND OF SILENCE
Marshall takes
a break during
his silent
pilgrimage on
Spain’s Camino
Pied-de-Port and began my two-
month journey.
The first stretch of trail was a steep
incline into the Pyrenees, and my
body hated every step. I quickly
realised that my hiking boots were too
narrow for my feet. My 13-kilogram
backpack felt heavier with every
stride. My knees started to creak, and
sweat permeated my clothing.
One hour in, I wanted to give up.
I don’t know whether it was my ego or
the goal of becoming a better person
that propelled me forward. Either way,
I kept walking.
Around the seven-and-a-half mile
mark, I trudged into the first albergue,
one of hundreds of hostels along the
Camino. The rustic abode, equipped
86 • OCTOBER 2023
with bunk beds and a rudimentary
kitchen, was crawling with hikers
speaking a potpourri of languages. It
was there that I began to understand
that the physical challenge,
excruciating as it was, would be far
easier than the vow of silence.
When the hostel staff or fellow
travellers spoke to me, I pointed to my
mouth, mimed the act of talking with
my hand and then slid my index finger
across my neck. I could usually get
what I wanted using improvised hand
signals (to ask for milk in my coffee, for
instance, I pretended to milk a cow). If
that didn’t get the point across, I’d
show people a note on my iPhone:
“Please forgive me for not talking. I’m
travelling for three months in a vow of
silence. You can still talk to me :).”
And people did. Along the Camino,
I was joined by pilgrims from
Switzerland, Holland, Israel and
Ireland. Some walked with me in
silence; others shared their life stories.
A gay man from Ireland told me about
the rejection he’d experienced from
his family. A woman shared her
struggle to go on after the death of her
child. I yearned to ask questions, to
offer advice or condolences. But all
I could do was awkwardly type out a
COURTESY OF D.G. MARSHALL
few questions on my phone.
Yet I couldn’t keep my judgemental
side entirely in check. One morning,
about a month into my trip, I woke up
around 5.30am, grabbed my pack and
walked downstairs to the hostel foyer.
There, I spotted a skinny, scruffy guy

in his late fifties with his hair in a
ponytail, staggering around and
slurring his words. Drunk before
dawn? What’s your problem, dude?
I didn’t want him accompanying me
on the trail, so I just skipped breakfast
and left.
Later that day, I checked out one of
the many historic and architecturally
stunning churches that dot the
Camino. When I returned to the path,
I heard a voice say, “Buen Camino,” a
common greeting among pilgrims. It
was the guy I had tried to avoid.
I smiled politely and hurried off,
thinking I could outpace him. But
almost two miles later, he was
somehow still close behind me.
Finally, he yelled out to me, and
though I feared I’d spend the rest of
my day listening to the ramblings of a
drunkard, I let him catch up. The man
introduced himself as Nico and
explained that he had Lou Gehrig’s
disease. It had ravaged his nervous
system to the point where he stumbled
and slurred. He’d decided to tackle the
Camino while his body would still let
him. I felt awful.
Before the Camino, I had absurdly
high standards for how a person
should be, despite my own
shortcomings. In my head, people
were boring and predictable, and
almost everyone fell into one of the
many categories I’d devised: religious
wack-jobs, arrogant show-offs,
incense-burning virtue signallers,
hopeless drunks and so on. Unless
READER’S DIGEST
they had something to offer me—good
looks, wealth, wisdom, a willingness to
laugh at my jokes—I treated them as if
they didn’t exist.
Before I knew anything about Nico,
I had pigeonholed him. I nearly
deprived myself of a genuine human
connection. Instead, we spent three
days walking together. He told me
about his life as a professional
kickboxer, representing Germany
internationally. I helped him fasten
BY OPENING MY HEART,
I COULD ACTUALLY
LIKE PEOPLE. AND BY
CLOSING MY MOUTH,
THEY COULD LIKE ME
his belt and do up his jacket. We
developed a profound bond—the very
thing my life was lacking. By the time
we parted, it was obvious: by opening
my ears and my heart, I could actually
like people. And by closing my mouth,
they could actually like me.
MOST DAYS FOLLOWED a familiar
rhythm. I’d rise before dawn, pack my
bag, put on my jacket, lace up my
boots and walk for six to 12 hours.
Every day was painful. One of my big
toenails was black, and my little toes
were calloused. My shoulders and
back ached from the weight of my
pack. Because of the orientation of the
OCTOBER 2023 • 87
THE SOUND OF SILENCE
trail, the sun baked the left side of my
face, which would leave me with long-
term skin damage.
Still, there were moments of bliss.
I was surrounded by endless golden
fields, mountainous air and soul-
shattering sunrises. I snaked through
deserted country villages and rested in
the pews of majestic cathedrals.
One morning, a little over halfway
through my trip, I spotted the Spanish
city of León in the distance. For most
pilgrims, León serves as a brief dose of
civilisation, a place to sleep in a
proper bed, to wine and dine, to visit a
museum or gallery. For me, it was a
reckoning: the city of 125,000 shared a
name with my mother, Leone.
She and my father adopted me
when I was an infant. They were a
loving couple who ran a funeral
home together and raised me and my
sister in the flat above the business.
They were kind, patient people of
integrity who always gave back to
their community.
Despite their love and affection, I
could never shake the fear of rejection.
I’d do anything for other people’s
approval. As a kid, I once accepted a
dare to give a bag of multicoloured
rocks to a developmentally challenged
child and tell him they were pieces of
chewing gum. It was just one of many
times throughout my life that I’d done
something for a laugh at someone
else’s expense.
I put my parents through hell.
Aged 15, I dropped out of school
88 • OCTOBER 2023
entirely. But I refused to get a job and
even stole the funeral hearse for
joyrides before I had my driver’s
licence. When my parents tried to
discipline me, I would rage at them
and run away from home.
Just after I turned 17, I left home
for good to work at a ranch in
California. Despite receiving
numerous letters from my mother,
I never called or wrote back. Four
years later, she died of pancreatic
cancer. I didn’t get to say goodbye.
By the time I was old enough to
grasp how much pain I’d caused my
mother, it was too late to apologise.
That truth ate at me every day.
I hated myself because of what I’d
done, and that disdain emanated
from me like a toxic cloud, infecting
every relationship that followed.
Outside León, I continued along
the trail past a cemetery, where
I noticed an elderly lady carrying
flowers to a gravestone. As
I approached, her face broke into a
warm smile. I was stunned. She
looked exactly like my mother. “Buen
Camino,” she said, before she
continued on her way.
I almost chased her down—to do
what, I don’t know. Even if I did
speak, what would I say? “You look
just like my dead mother. Can I give
you a hug?”.
I knew it couldn’t be her, but the
sight of her made me realise how
much I missed my mum, how much
I wished I could tell her I was sorry.

I broke down in tears as pilgrims and
cyclists passed me by.
A few days later, I came upon a
monument called the Iron Cross.
Compared to the elaborate ruins and
ornate churches along the route, it
was a remarkably ordinary structure:
a metal cross atop a tall wooden post.
At its base were tens of thousands of
stones left by pilgrims. It’s a Camino
tradition to leave a rock, symbolising
the unloading of a burden.
Knowing this, I’d brought one from
home. I held it in my hand, thinking
of the regret I’d carried with me
COURTESY OF D.G. MARSHALL
since my mother’s death. Nothing
will ever excuse the way I treated her.
But holding on to my regret wasn’t
helping me or the people around me.
I knew I had to let it go. Sobbing,
I threw the stone on the pile and
continued walking.
READER’S DIGEST
(Left) Marshall at the end of the
route; (Right) At the Cathedral
of Santiago de Compostela
ON NOVEMBER 30, 2016, I woke up at
3.30am, buzzing with excitement.
I was only a couple of miles from the
end of my journey. Just as I had
planned, it was my 50th birthday.
My final destination was Cape
Finisterre, on the west coast of Spain;
its name means “the end of the
earth”. With less than an hour left in
my 62-day hike, I wandered off the
path to climb to a high point in the
predawn darkness. Sitting alone,
I watched the sun inch above the
horizon, casting the clouds in shades
of pink and orange as fishing vessels
began to leave the harbour. It was
the most awe-inspiring sunrise I’d
ever seen.
Climbing down from my perch, I
soon arrived at a worn three feet-tall
stone marker denoting the end of the
OCTOBER 2023 • 89
THE SOUND OF SILENCE
trail. An unfamiliar feeling swelled up
inside me: pride. I had done it. My
back was spasming with pain, and my
whole body throbbed, but I was
elated. I’d overcome my fears,
completed the journey and kept my
vow of silence. I felt good about myself
for the first time in a long time.
I SPOKE FOR THE FIRST
TIME IN 90 DAYS. IN A
CROAKY, UNEVEN VOICE,
I APOLOGISED TO MY
WIFE FOR EVERYTHING
To cap off my trip, I’d arranged to
spend a few weeks in a monastery on
the Canary Islands, just off the western
coast of Africa, silently writing and
reflecting. The Camino was everything
I’d hoped it would be. I had seen the
good in humanity. I had shed my shell
of negativity. And I had begun to make
peace with the deep-seated pain that
was preventing me from being the
person I wanted to be.
What would the monastery reveal?
This: one night, I awoke and
suddenly realised that I needed to
repair the most important
relationship in my life. My marriage.
I met my wife when we were both
20. She got pregnant, so we got
married. We weren’t madly in love, at
least not then, but we were bringing
life into the world, so it felt like the
90 • OCTOBER 2023
right thing to do. We had a son, then a
daughter a few years later, and we
poured ourselves into our kids’ lives,
ferrying them to school and sports.
As they got older, my wife and I
retreated into our jobs. She worked at
a youth camp, managing the barn,
and I had my radio show. By the time
our kids were adults, we were
sleeping in different rooms. Our love
had gone cold.
When she turned 50 in early 2016,
she went on a solo trip to Australia
and did some reflection of her own.
Two weeks after she left, she sent me
an email: she wanted out of our
marriage. I was gutted, but I wasn’t
surprised. Yet before I left for the
Camino, I had convinced her to stay.
Lying in the monastery bed,
I shuddered at the thought of ever
letting her slip away again. Despite our
ups and downs, she was the person
I needed most in the world. She
tolerated me with saintly patience,
and I loved her intensely for it. My
worst mistake was that I’d neglected to
show it.
After returning home that
December, I spoke for the first time in
90 days. On Christmas Eve, in a croaky,
uneven voice, I apologised for
everything and asked my wife to
remarry me. She said yes.
I WISH I COULD TELL YOU that was my
happily-ever-after moment. That,
after all my soul-searching, I restored
all my relationships and never acted
 READER’S DIGEST

like a jerk again. But life isn’t a
Hallmark movie.
Months after my return, my wife
explained that she’d felt ambushed by
my sudden proposal. She hadn’t
wanted to bring me down from my
Camino high, so she’d said yes. Not
long after that conversation, she left.
It felt like the end. But after a couple
years of separation, we started going
on dates again, and then we signed
up for couples’ therapy. We
concluded that investing in a future
together was worth a shot. Giving up
after 36 years of shared history
seemed too easy.
It took two years for me to realise
that there was no squaring the new me
with my old life. Returning to the radio
show, I felt myself reverting to the
irritable, judgemental person I once
was. The more I talked, the more
I yearned for the serenity of
unplugging from everything, which
the Camino had given me.
Eventually I decided that if I was
truly dedicated to becoming a better
person, I needed a radical, permanent
change. I quit the radio show, got rid
of my phone, abandoned my social
media accounts and moved back in
with my wife on a 40-hectare farm
northwest of Toronto.
Silence is now a part of my daily
life. I am perfectly happy sitting on
our front porch, literally watching the
corn grow. Four horses, seven dogs,
30 chickens and an ass named Grace
keep me company. When I get a
craving for social interaction, I ride
my horse to the local watering hole.
It still takes all my effort to keep my
inner jerk at bay, and I fail often. But
I’ve found a way to keep the lessons of
the Camino close at hand through SOS
Retreats Canada. A couple of times a
year, I welcome groups of people to the
farm for a weekend during which they
walk a roughly 30-mile trail in silence.
In the evenings, we relax and verbally
debrief around the fire.
I’m not offering to help anyone
find themselves, repair their marriage
or cope with grief. All I’m offering is
a place to slow down, shut up and
listen. Because I know that it’s in
the silence that the important stuff
gets louder. Q
© 2022, D.G. MARSHALL. FROM “SOUND OF SILENCE,”
TORONTO LIFE (SEPTEMBER 22, 2022), TORONTOLIFE.COM

Tidy Truths?
Household tasks are easier and quicker when they
are done by somebody else
JAMES THORPE

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

PHYLLIS DILLER

OCTOBER 2023 • 91
 13 THINGS
A Fascinating Fungus
BY Courtney Shea
1
The global mushroom market is
expected to reach US$90 billion
(that’s just over £70 billion) by
2028 (that’s up from US$63 billion—
nearly £50 billion—in 2022).
2
This mushrooming popularity
is not surprising; low-carb and
rich in antioxidants as well as
vitamins B and D, the fungi are a
source of protein and an affordable
meat alternative. Grilled portobello
mushrooms make a tasty “burger,”
and now you can even buy
mushroom versions of steak,
92 • OCTOBER 2023
chicken breast and bacon. Climate
scientists in Germany found that if
we replaced just 20 per cent of the
meat we consume with microbial
protein, by 2050 we could more than
halve the rate of deforestation and
reduce carbon emissions related to
cattle farming.
3
Still, not everyone is a
mycophile (the technical term
for a mushroom enthusiast).
Many haters (mycophobes) cite
texture as the turnoff, but
mushrooms may also trigger disgust
illustration by Serge Bloch

for their association with mould. A
2015 Washington Post exploration on
the science of disgust listed
mushrooms among those foods that
can trigger a response that may not
be entirely rational.
4
You don’t have to like eating
them to reap mushrooms’
benefits. Reishi and tremella
mushrooms are trendy wellness
ingredients, found in everything
from adaptogen supplements (which
are supposed to help your body
adjust to stress) to skincare products
(tremella is said to be more
hydrating than hyaluronic acid). And
chaga, lion’s mane, Cordyceps and
reishi have been used for centuries
in anti-inflammatory and immune-
boosting remedies.
5
Beneath the earth’s surface,
mushrooms branch into
networks of rootlike mycelium,
helping to break down plant and
animal waste, which adds vital
nutrients back into the soil. This
network even shares information
(such as warning trees about insect
infestation), communicating via
electrical pulses in intricate patterns.
Some mycologists (mushroom
experts) refer to this as “the natural
internet” or the “wood wide web.”
6
If “mycelium” sounds familiar,
you may be among the millions
of fans who tuned into The Last
INSPIRE
of Us, HBO’s recent hit series about
an infectious species of Cordyceps
that causes mycelium to take over
the human brain and turn the host
into a zombie-like mushroom
monster. The premise was based
on the real-life parasitic “zombie-
ant” fungus; its spores attack an
insect and take over its behaviour.
But our higher body temperature
means we are not susceptible to that
infection. Phew!
7
More than 50 years after they
first dominated the funky
fashion and design aesthetic of
the 1970s, mushrooms are once
again popping up on everything
from wallpaper to pillows. Pinterest
even named them a key design
trend for 2023. And brands like
Hermés and Stella McCartney have
turned to “mushroom leather”
(made from a mixture of mycelium
and other plant fibres) as an eco-
friendly, vegan alternative to leather.
One of her bags, launched at Paris
Fashion Week in 2021, retails for
around £2,800.
8
The largest mushroom on
earth is a single Armillaria
ostoyae (honey mushroom) that
occupies 2,384 acres (965 hectares)
in the US state of Oregon.
Meanwhile, the Tibetan yartsa
gunbu (caterpillar mushroom) is
among the most expensive, selling
for roughly £23,600 a kilogram. Its
OCTOBER 2023 • 93
A FA S C I N AT I N G F U N G U S
purported aphrodisiac properties
have earned it the nickname “the
Viagra of the Himalayas.”
9
Foraging for mushrooms is a
popular outdoor activity. During
autumn, puffball mushrooms
emerge in forest clearings and
pastures, and in the spring, morels
can be found near ash and elm trees.
But beware: many poisonous
mushrooms can look like familiar
varieties, and some wild mushrooms
are dangerous to eat raw. Deaths are
rare, but you could easily end up
with an upset stomach at the very
least. Always forage with an expert.
10
Poisonous mushrooms are
sometimes called
toadstools. This is slang for
a colourful yet poisonous fungi with
a stem and an umbrella-shaped cap.
One example is Amanita phalloides,
known as death-cap mushrooms,
with their silver-green caps. They’re
responsible for more than 90 per
cent of mushroom-related
poisonings and deaths worldwide.
11
Recent years have brought
renewed interest and
investment in magic
mushrooms as a promising
treatment for depression, addiction
and other mental-health disorders.
In 2022, the Centre for Addiction
and Mental Health was awarded
Canada’s first federally funded grant
94 • OCTOBER 2023
to study psilocybin as a potential
treatment for depression. The US
government also recently funded a
study on psilocybin as a tool to help
people quit smoking. Earlier this
year, Australia became the first
country to approve psilocybin for
treatment-resistant depression, and
a psychedelic drug trial firm opened
last year in the UK.
12
Meanwhile, microdosing—
taking super-small doses of
psilocybin—is a popular
productivity-boosting hack in
California’s Silicon Valley and
elsewhere. The scientific community
is still divided on the effectiveness of
this for enhancing mood, creativity
and focus. But microdosing was
recently given (unofficial) royal
assent: in an interview about his
memoir, Spare, Prince Harry
described psychedelic mushrooms
as a “fundamental” part of his
mental health practice.
13
Mushrooms may find their
way to outer space as soon as
2025. Researchers are
exploring mycotecture—the use of
mushrooms as architecture—for
future bases on the moon and Mars.
The stucco-like building material is
grown by feeding mycelium an algae,
which causes it to expand and fill a
mould. It’s then sterilised, ensuring
no unwanted organisms come along
on its journey to another world. Q
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 TR AVEL & ADVENTURE

THE ART OF EMA

WORDS & PHOTO GRAPHY BY Helen Foster
96
In most Japanese shrines and temples you’ll find a display of
wooden plaques called ema that people write prayers upon.
Every temple puts their own stamp on these and admiring
the designs, and the sentiments behind them, can make a
fascinating addition to your Japan trip. You might even find
one to grant your own wishes and prayers...
THE ART OF EMA
W
ander up the hill from the
gently clacking bamboo
that lines the pathway of
the Arashiyama bamboo grove in
Kyoto, and you come to a shrine with
a small wooden torii gate. `
It’s not showy, you could even
walk past it without noticing if you
were in a hurry, which is kind of
ironic as this is the Mikami shrine:
a shrine to appearance. Specifically,
the protection of beautiful hair. To
the right of the altar, tied to rows of
nails by bits of red string, is a sea of
prayer plaques. Look closely and
you’ll realise they’re shaped like a
comb and contain a drawing of a
woman with a flowing black mane; on
the back of them you’ll find prayers
from those hoping to maintain their
own lustrous locks and hairdressing
businesses hoping for success tending
to the hair of others.
DONATING A HORSE
TO A SHRINE WAS
SEEN AS A GOOD
WAY TO GET YOUR
PRAYERS HEARD
Relief from balding might not
sound like the traditional thing you
ask the heavens for, “but people
will write all sorts of wishes and
aspirations on an ema. Pleas for help
with changing something in their
98 • OCTOBER 2023
life, such as giving up an addiction
or healing from an illness, are also
common,” says Professor Ian Reader,
Emeritus professor of Japanese
Studies at Manchester University. He
refers to them as “letters to the gods”
in his research.
In Japanese, the word for ema
is written using two Japanese
characters—one for picture/drawing
and one for horse—and it’s believed
that this goes back to a time when
all ema contained pictures of horses.
Horses were seen as animals that
carried deities; donating a horse to a
shrine was therefore seen as a good
way to get your prayers heard by the
powers above. However, as it wasn’t
achievable for everyone in society to
hand out horses (or, perhaps because
it wasn’t feasible for the shrines
to keep them), the idea of using a
wooden plaque adorned with the
picture of a horse to convey messages
developed instead.
Today, you still find horse-themed
ema at shrines like Kanda Myojin in
Tokyo’s Akihabara, which offers cute
cartoon-style designs of their on-
site horse Akari, but, you’ll also find
plenty of other images from animals
representing the lunar year, religious
symbols and even manga cartoons.
Ema also vary in shape. In fact, the
only thing a modern ema may have
in common with the traditional
design of old is being flat and made
of wood.
Clockwise from bottom left: A
pony ema at the Kanda shrine;
the “hair shrine” ema; lunar
new year emas for sale; the
“doomed lovers” ema at the
Ohatsu Tenjin shrine
 The design of most modern ema
though will be related to something
the shrine is known for. Take heart-
shaped ema. If you’re travelling
around Japan and spot one, it’s
likely that you’re at a love shrine like
Osaka’s Ohatsu Tenjin, famous for the
tragic love story between a courtesan
and the son of a rich merchant, who,
when they couldn’t be together, killed
themselves at the shrine. The heart-
shaped ema for sale here contain a
drawing of the doomed couple sitting
under a cherry blossom tree.
One of the most unusual shapes I
spotted on my last trip to Japan was
at Kyoto’s Kawai Shrine. Not many
tourists come here, but if you’re

(Top) 
Lion ema at the Namba
Yasaka shrine; (Middle) The
“breast” ema; (Bottom) The
“face” ema at the Kawai shrine

looking for unusual ema it’s a
must stop as the plaques are
shaped like mirrors with eyes,
nose and a mouth drawn on
one side. Women visiting the
shrine colour the features in
with make-up or crayons to wish for
beauty, inside and out.
Other shrines will base their design
on their own appearance—some
ema at Kyoto’s Fushimi Inari Taisha,
for example, are shaped like the
thousands of scarlet torii gates that
it’s most famous for, while at Osaka’s
Namba Shrine the ema painted with a
lion’s head reflect the 12-metre-high
lion’s head that holds the altar in its
mouth, and swallows evil spirits that
might negatively affect the worshipers
below. People come here to pray for
good luck at school and business.
Praying for good health is another
common reason to write upon ema—
but because it’s hard to draw illness,
symbolism is often used instead. One
Japanese folk tale says that if you
drop a nashi pear into the river and
promise not to eat one for a year, your
tooth pain will be cured—so, ema
related to dental health often contain
the image of a pear. Other designs
include tortoises for longevity.
Admittedly, some shrines are
more literal; wander into Nagoya’s
Mama Kannon temple and you’ll be
confronted by breast-shaped ema.
Legend has it that a woman unable
to breastfeed brought her baby to
the shrine and immediately started
READER’S DIGEST
to lactate. The shrine now sees
many women coming to pray
for a successful pregnancy.
“The exact designs of ema
change as the needs of society
change,” says Professor Reader.
“For example, ema based around
education became more common
in post-war Japan as more people
sought to go to university. Today you
find more ema relating to pets and
pet health as pet ownership grows
in Japan. Fandom has also become a
part of ema-writing now. People will
sometimes put up ema asking to get
tickets to a favourite band’s concert,
or requesting victories for their
favourite baseball team.”
You don’t have to be Shinto,
Buddhist or Japanese to fill in an
ema—if you visit a shrine that has a
theme that speaks to you, then you
can simply visit the shrine shop,
purchase a plaque of your own,
write on the back and affix it to the
dedication area reserved for tying the
plaques. Before this, though, it’s good
etiquette to carry out the purification
ritual of washing your hands and
rinsing your mouth from the water
trough you find in every shrine. But
be warned—if you decide to tie your
ema at Mikane-jinja, Kyoto’s money
shrine, you might need to make some
room. It has more ema than I think
I’ve ever seen at a shrine. It seems
a lot of people want to speak to the
gods about their cash flow! Q
OCTOBER 2023 • 101
 TR AVEL & ADVENTURE

FULL
STEAM
AHEAD!
I GOT THE CHANCE TO DRIVE THE
WORLD’S LAST SCHEDULED STEAM TRAIN

BY Martin Fletcher FROM THE FINANCIAL TIMES

102 • OCTOBER 2023

Standing in Wolsztyn
Station, the OL49-69
steam locomotive
FULL STEAM AHEAD
t is 5.20am, and I’m sound
asleep in a guest house in
Wolsztyn, a small town in
western Poland. The light snaps
on outside my room. I hear
Howard Jones, my host, shout:
“It’s working! It’s working!”. It
takes me a second to register
what’s happening, then I leap
from my bed and quickly dress.
Thirty minutes later, Jones
and I reach the train station. It
is cold, dark and raining, but sure
enough there’s a huge black steam
engine standing at the platform with
smoke billowing from its chimney.
We climb up into the cab, where
Andrzej and Marcin, the driver and
fireman (or engine stoker) are waiting
in their grimy clothes and baseball
caps. At precisely 6.03am, the great
steel monster pulls out of the station,
clanking and creaking, huffing and
puffing as it slowly gathers pace.
Thus, the world’s last scheduled
standard-gauge steam-train service,
the last one primarily for regular
passengers, not tourists, begins its
morning journey.
It is also the last one on which
novices like me can learn to drive. But
I’m getting ahead of myself.
it was four years ago that a friend of a
friend, who was a steam-train lover,
told me about Wolsztyn’s steam
engines and of Howard Jones, the
curious Englishman who had done so
much to keep them going by setting up
104 • OCTOBER 2023
courses for people who longed to drive
steam trains.
Intrigued, I contacted Jones, who
invited me to visit in February 2020.
I booked my flights, but the day before
my departure he called to say that
none of the three trains were working.
Then came the COVID-19 pandemic
and the lockdowns.
I resurrected my plans in early 2022
and booked a flight for a three-day visit
to Poland. There, I met Peter Lockley, a
railway enthusiast—more commonly
known as a “gricer.” The retired
solicitor from Leamington Spa, in
central England, now travels the world
photographing steam engines for fun,
and, like me, he wanted a crack at
driving one. But when I arrived in
Wolsztyn, Jones broke the news that
just one of the locomotives was
actually working.
The steam train from Wolsztyn to
Leszno, almost 28 miles away, runs
twice daily on weekdays most of the
year, at 6.03am and 11.41am. After
arriving in Wolsztyn late, I opted to
sleep in and take the second run. That ALL PHOTOS COURTESY OF MARTIN FLETCHER
was a mistake. The train developed a
fault in its brake pump on the early
run, so the later run was cancelled.
That gave me time, at least, to be
inducted into the strange and secret
fraternity of gricers—most of them old
enough to recall Britain’s steam trains.
They were raised on Thomas the Tank
Engine books, and films like Brief
Encounter and The Railway Children.
The guest house where Jones

accommodates visitors is full of steam- in Germany and Poland. That was how
engine memorabilia: signals, ticket-
collectors’ caps, guards’ lamps,
platform signs, model trains, railway
DVDs and photos.
Lockley and I explored the Wolsztyn
engine “shed,” a depot where there is a
splendid old “roundhouse,” a railway
turntable of a sort I had not seen since
childhood. There were also 18 steam
engines in various states of repair.
Lockley knew them all. “That,” he’d say, Jones told me.
“is a Pm36-2, built in Poland in 1937
and the last of its kind in the world.”
Over a lunch of wild-mushroom
soup and venison in a pre-war
aristocrat’s country mansion, Jones,
now silver-haired and 70, told me his
story. Born and raised in London, his
father took him to see a rare Clan
Stewart steam locomotive at Liverpool
Street Station when he was five. He
would sneak into train sheds like
Cricklewood, Neasden and Old Oak
Common to admire the engines.
“In the summer it was
trainspotting, and on the dour
winter days it was a model railway
in the bedroom,” he said. When
the last regular steam-train
passenger service ended in Britain
in 1968, “It was almost like losing
a close friend,” said Jones.
He left school as the era of
cheap package holidays began.
He worked for travel agencies, and
later set up a company that
organised weekend trips for
British gricers to heritage railways
READER’S DIGEST
he discovered the Wolsztyn depot.
Steam trains had survived longer in
Communist Poland than elsewhere
because it produced lots of cheap coal,
and diesel replacements were
expensive. Steam engines were still
common in the 1980s, and three or
four working sheds survived until
1990, but by 1994, Wolsztyn’s was the
last one left. “It was just clinging on,”
By then, Jones’s company—and his
marriage—were in trouble, so he
followed his heart. In 1997, he moved
from England to Poland to try to save
Wolsztyn and its steam trains. “It was a
eureka moment. Someone said, ‘You’ll
never get beyond five years.’ That was a
bit of a kick in the backside. And here
we are 25 years later.”
He promised to raise funds for the
shed if the state railway company kept
running the trains. He tapped into the
Marcin, the stoker, in the
locomotive’s cab, among
the array of levers and
handles for driving the train
OCTOBER 2023 • 105
FULL STEAM AHEAD
large community of British train lovers.
He persuaded 40 gricers to invest
£2,000 each, and in return they could
spend one week a year for the next five
years learning to drive the trains. He
settled in Wolsztyn and organised
steam-train trips around Poland.
By the early 2000s he was
contributing about £50,000 a year to
Wolsztyn’s shed and attracting visitors
from around the world. In 2006, he was
awarded the Member of the British
Empire for his contribution to British-
Polish relations. “I felt like a bit of a
fraud because all I’d done is play
trains,” said Jones. Today the Wolsztyn-
to-Leszno service carries around
50,000 passengers a year, of which only
about 5,000 are tourists.
I asked Jones what he found so
fascinating about steam engines. “They
are the closest thing in machinery to
being alive—like breathing dragons,”
he explained. “No two are alike. You
have to learn how each one handles.
You call them ‘she,’ and you swear at
them. It requires a lot of skill to drive a
steam engine, but any idiot can drive a
diesel or an electric.” Jones,
incidentally, can drive a steam engine
but not a car.
on my second morning the brake
pump was still broken. I was due to fly
home the next day. An employee was
sent on an 11-hour, over 600-mile
round-trip to a railway museum to get
a part. When he returned, the pump
was mended, and at 5.20am on my
third and final day, Jones woke me.
Over the next three hours I began to
understand why gricers are gricers.
Railway workers in
Wolsztyn trying to repair
the steam locomotive’s
faulty brake pump

Dressed in a boiler suit, I climbed
two metres of metal steps to the cab of
the engine, an OL49-69 built in the
early 1950s. It has wooden floorboards,
and doors and windows held together
by wire. In front of me, over the firebox,
is a bewildering bank of levers, wheels
and dials. Behind is the coal tender.
Every surface is oily, black and grimy.
There is a strong smell of sulphur.
Jones shows me the regulator (a
steel lever that serves as the
accelerator), the reverser (a wheel that
determines direction of travel) and a
brake handle. Then we’re off—140
tonnes of steel rumbling into the
darkness amid steam and smoke.
It’s thrilling, but alarming, too. We
can barely see the tracks because of
the loco’s long boiler. Andrzej, a
67-year-old who is a 48-year veteran of
the railways, relies almost entirely on
his intimate knowledge of the track to
know when to accelerate and when to
stop. He could navigate it blindfolded.
Leszno is 28 miles, or 83 minutes,
away. En route we stop at 11 village
stations. Normally there would be lots
of schoolchildren and students waiting
on the platforms, but it is a school
break, so today we pick up just a few
commuters. They are blithely unaware
that they have a beginner helping in
the engine room, pulling levers and
turning handles as Andrzej barks
instructions in broken English.
I’m told to blow the whistle as we
approach crossings. I shovel chunks of
coal into the blazing firebox, filling the
READER’S DIGEST
cab with an orange glow and blast of
hot air each time we open its steel
doors to expose the red-hot furnace. At
times we reach 37 miles per hour and
the whole loco is vibrating, but
somehow we make inch-perfect stops
at every station.
Approaching Leszno, our branch
line merges with a dozen others. An
unseen signalman guides us through
the tangle, and we grind to a halt in a
crescendo of noise and smoke. Diesel
and electric trains glide in and out
almost silently, but steam engines are
prima donnas—a statement.
A dozen passengers get off, and
scarcely 20 minutes later we set off
back to Wolsztyn. This time the loco is
at the end; we are going in reverse.
We pass factories, warehouses and
modern houses as we leave Leszno.
We thunder through rich farmland,
then forests of pine and silver birch,
scattering deer. We pick up shoppers
heading to Wolsztyn’s market, and
night workers going home, 38
passengers in all, before we return.
It is 9.07am. Elated, I thank
Andrzej and Marcin, pull off my
boiler suit and sprint to a waiting car,
my hands and face black and filthy.
I should make it to my plane on time.
Jones tells me: “You’re one of
perhaps 2,000 people who have
helped drive a steam locomotive on a
main line this century.” Q
© MARTIN FLETCHER 2022 DRIVING EUROPE’S LAST
STEAM TRAIN FINANCIAL TIMES / FT.COM 14 FEBRUARY
USED UNDER LICENSE FROM THE FINANCIAL TIMES. ALL
RIGHTS RESERVED
OCTOBER 2023 • 107
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Citalia’s Guide To
Italy’s Cities
The Italian cities offer a captivating blend
of history, art, culture, and stunning
scenery. Each with their own charm,
they come alive with energy and culinary
excellence. Find a hidden gem around
every corner and soak up the local
traditions. Italy has so much to offer, and
we can’t wait to share some of our must
visit cities with you. Andiamo!
VENICE
Italy’s floating city, Venice, is enchanting
and unique. Built on a series of islands,
TOP TIP
Did you know Verona is just over
an hour away by train from Venice?
You could combine these two cities
and discover more of the real Italy
in one trip.
it’s renowned for its network of canals
and historic architecture. Explore the
city by water onboard a gondola or get
lost in the side streets stopping off at
the little boutiques. Cross Rialto Bridge,
the symbol of Venice and enjoy the
panoramic city views.
Be sure to try Venetian tapas, also
known as cicchetti, bite-sized dishes that
are popular among the locals. Or take a
boat trip to Murano, an island famous for
its glassmaking, to see this art in practice.
SAVE THE DATE: VENICE CARNIVAL
Enjoy the festivities of the iconic Venice
Carnival which takes place annually in
the weeks leading up to Lent. The streets
come alive as the locals dress up in
elaborate masks and colourful costumes
to enjoy the masquerade balls, street
performances and music.
 FLORENCE
The heart of Italy, Florence is filled
with artistic treasures like the
Uffizi Gallery and the magnificent
cathedral with its iconic, red-tiled
dome. The Ponte Vecchio stands
proud across the Arno River and
has been a symbol of the city for
centuries. Lined with jewellery
stores, they have a long history and
some still even manufacture their
jewels inside the ancient workshops
today. Another hidden gem is the
wine windows of Florence which
were a safe way for shopkeepers
to sell wine and food during the
bubonic plague in the 1600s. Today,
there are around 285 windows
scattered around the Old Town.

ROME
Italy’s capital, Rome, is a timeless city that holds thousands of years of history and
culture. The heart of the Roman Empire, the Eternal City is home to iconic landmarks
like the Colosseum, Pantheon, Trevi Fountain and the Roman Forum. Wander around
the streets and get a glimpse into the grandeur of the past. Stop off at one of the many
piazzas and enjoy watching the world go by with a glass of wine in hand. A bustling
city, filled with life, Rome’s unparalleled combination of ancient history and dynamic
atmosphere make it a captivating destination that should not be missed.
 MILAN
Located in the north of Italy, the
cosmopolitan fashion capital of Milan is
home to high-end boutiques and luxury
brands. Gaze in awe at the intricate details
of Galleria Vittorio Emanuele II or admire
the sensational views from the top of the
stunning Gothic Duomo. You could even
take a day trip to nearby Lake Como to
enjoy a peaceful retreat on the glistening
shores. A dynamic hub of modernity and
culture with a rich historical backdrop, add
Milan to your Italy bucket list.

NAPLES
Vibrant and energetic, Naples brings a
unique spirit to southern Italy. Known for
its rich history and delicious cuisine, Naples
is the birthplace of pizza bringing fresh
ingredients to plates across the city. Home
to architectural marvels with Baroque and
Neoclassical influences, it’s one of Italy’s
oldest inhabited cities. The Bay of Naples
delights with its picturesque views while
the historic city centre is a UNESCO World
Heritage site worth exploring. Ancient
Pompeii sits just outside of Naples and
invites you to step into the past.
Naples is the gateway to the Amalfi Coast
and nearby islands like Capri and Ischia.

CITALIA’S CHOICE: FLORENCE, ROME & NAPLES

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 TR AVEL & ADVENTURE
My Great Escape:
Zooming Around
Tenerife
Our reader Lynn Chapman
goes on a thrilling bike ride
around the biggest of the
Canary Islands
W
hat adventure
could I go on to
celebrate my 60th
birthday? My first
cruise and being
chauffeured around the volcanoes of
Tenerife on a “boom trike” sounded
pretty much perfect.
On the largest of the Canary
Islands, a pre-booked taxi met us at
the port and drove us 40 minutes to
the west coast of the island, where we
were met by Ian and his magnificent,
shiny, yellow boom trike. We had
been looking forward to this for
such a long time, and we weren’t
disappointed when we saw what was
to be our mode of transportation for
the next three hours.
It was so thrilling to be on the
bike as we rode through the old
112 • OCTOBER 2023
fishing village of Puerto de Santiago,
with locals and tourists alike turning
their heads towards us as we rode
along in the warm sunshine. Ian
was very knowledgeable about the
history of the island and showed us
points of interest on the journey,
including the very exclusive Ritz-
Carlton Abama Hotel, set in a
stunning 400-acre site. Past guests
include Bill Clinton, Penélope Cruz
and Stephen Hawking.
We stopped at a place called
Mirador Archipenque, from where
you had a magnificent view of the
Los Gigantes cliffs, which rise over
500 metres above the sea. There was
a lovely marina here too, as well
as souvenir shops, little cafes and
beautiful beaches.
From there we drove further up
into the mountains, which was at
times a bit hair-raising as some of the
bends were a little tight. There were
houses dotted about and I wondered
what it would be like to live there; it
looked very tranquil.
There was a lovely breeze while
riding, but when we arrived at the
next look-out point, we could feel
the heat as soon as we got off the
bike. Luckily, Ian was well prepared
and had ice-cold bottles of water
in the back box. There were only a
handful of people there, but they
all took selfies with the big yellow
trike. This was also our opportunity
to sit at the front for photos. It felt
great holding the handlebars and
“being in charge” of this formidable
machine, but I could never imagine
taking it out on the road for real.
Needless to say, Ian kept the
ignition key in his pocket!
The views were magnificent as we
stood 1,300 metres above sea level,
looking down on the very pretty
village of Masca, populated by around
90 people. In the opposite direction
was the imposing site of Mount Teide,
Spain’s highest mountain at over
3,700 metres, and an active volcano
that last erupted in November 1909.
On the return ride to our drop-off
point, we were completely in awe
of the history that surrounded us.
Eroded rocks, lava flows, craters,
black volcanic ash and the splash
of greenery made for a landscape
that looked like the set of a science-
fiction film.
A quick photo stop at the Hard
Rock Hotel brought us back to
reality and we were soon in our taxi
heading back to the ship.
It was an unforgettable experience
and a wonderful way to celebrate
my birthday. Tenerife is a beautiful
island, with stunning scenery and
over 200 volcanoes. We had the
best views because there were no
obstructions on the bike, and it also
felt perfectly safe.
After such a thrilling day, the
evening was more sedentary, spent
over a quiet meal, vowing to go back
to Tenerife for another trip on one of
those awesome machines—what a
way to travel! Q
Tell us about your favourite holiday (send
a photo too) and if we print it, we’ll pay
£50. Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk
113
 TR AVEL & ADVENTURE
THE SHELL GROTTO
Margate
with 2,000 square feet of mosaic
patterns, 4.6 million seashells and 70
feet of tunnels, the Shell Grotto is a
mysterious and impressive sight
hidden away below the streets of the
seaside town of Margate.
Discovered by chance in the mid-
1830s, when a gentleman bought the
cottage that stood above and removed
the stone covering the entrance,
debate has raged about the origins of
the underground grotto ever since.
There are theories that this unusual,
yet strangely captivating tourist
attraction was once a place of worship
or an ancient temple, a meeting place
for a secret sect, a smuggler’s cave or
an extravagant, wealthy man’s folly.
We all love a mystery.
Descending the chalk stairway to
the cold tunnels and examining the
Grotto in person will not provide
much certainty, but it’s certainly fun
to decide which theory you believe.
Exploring the decorative shells
adorning every inch of the curved,
thick walls and ceiling will prove
that this artwork was made by a
dedicated and skilled person or
people. Patterns made from native
cockles, whelks, mussels and
oysters are fashioned into beautiful,
intricate swirls, while other symbols
appear to show everything from
114
trees of life and phalluses to gods,
goddesses and an altar. However,
an “altar room” also includes exotic
shells, such as Caribbean queen
conches, in the corners.
What we do know is that the
formerly secret Shell Grotto was first
opened to paying customers in 1838.
The museum room you enter before
the Grotto explains the conservation
work that has been done to preserve
the Grade I listed site (the altar
room was damaged by a Luftwaffe
bomb in 1940) and why the delicate
shells should not be touched, as
well as revealing the bright colours
the Grotto would have been when
it was first made. Unfortunately, as
the Grotto was lit with gas lamps
for nearly 100 years, the shells are
covered in carbon deposits.
Visit the Margate Shell Grotto in
September or October (Wednesday-
Sunday, 10am-5pm), or from
November (Thursday-Sunday, 11am-
D OMI NIC D IBBS / A LAMY S TOCK PH OTO
4pm). Entrance is £4.50 for adults, £4
for concession, £2 for a child or £10
for a family. A magical experience, it
will leave you with more questions
than answers about these historic,
hidden tunnels, and that in itself is a
compelling reason to visit.
By Ian Chaddock
HIDDEN
GEMS

115
 MONEY

GET YOUR

WILL
Sorted This Autumn

116
H
ow often do you think
about death? Hopefully
not too often. But I want
you to make an exception
today. I want you to
imagine what will happen when you
do pass. Not the how, the why or the
when of it happening, but what
happens after. And since this is a
money column, I want you to focus
on the finances.
At first it might seem pretty simple,
but the more you think about it, the
more complicated it can become.
Do you see everything passing over
to your partner? Or maybe your kids
and grandkids? Is it evenly split or do
your wishes involve different
amounts of money or assets for
different people? Will they get the
money now, or when they’re older?
Will it pass to your partner first, and
then to others?
Do you want to ensure
dependants are protected for a
while—perhaps with something that
says they can stay in your home
until a specified time? And what
about debts? How will they be paid?
Could that force the estate you leave
to be split, or your home sold?
That’s just the tip of the iceberg.
Now, you could just tell your family
what you want, but sadly the law
might not agree.
For a start, if you have a partner
but aren’t married or in a civil
partnership then they have no legal
right to anything in your name. It
doesn’t matter how long you’ve been
a couple or if you have kids together.
They’ll get nothing. They might even
be forced out of their home.
Likewise, other wishes about where
things go don’t have to be honoured
by whoever is in charge of your estate.
If you have children under the age
of 18 (and the other parent is also
dead) it’ll be up to the courts to
decide who looks after them—and
that might not be who you want to
have custody.
You could even end up in a
situation where your next of kin
receive the lot, even if they’re no
longer part of your life or an ex who
you’ve not divorced.
And there are rules around tax
allowances too that only pass from
you to your partner, children or
grandchildren. So the nice little nest
egg you think your niece will receive
could be decimated by HMRC.
Even if these issues aren’t a
concern, there’s also the admin
headache to think about. The
burden, good and bad, will fall on
those nearest and dearest to you.
At a time when they’ll be
processing their grief, they’ll also
Andy Webb is a
personal finance
journalist and runs
the award-winning
money blog, Be
Clever With Your Cash
OCTOBER 2023 • 117
have to deal with everything else.
If it’s all a jumbled mess, things
could get lost, or unexpected
consequences could cause financial
distress for your loved ones. There
could even be legal costs if there’s a
fight about who gets what.
Fortunately there’s an easy fix. Get
a will. Do this properly and your
money, property and belongings will
be given to whoever you want. You’ll
be able to put in place specific wishes
you want to be followed.
You’ll also be able to think about
inheritance tax, and whether there
are ways to reduce it.
It all seems pretty obvious but,
scarily, 59% of people in the UK
don’t currently have a will,
according to Will Aid charities.
That’s a hefty number.
So how do you go about changing
this? Well, there are a few ways to get
a will drawn up. The best is probably
to go via a solicitor. They’re regulated
and insured so the legal document
118 • OCTOBER 2023
you produce with them should stand
up if anyone challenges it.
Solicitors will also be the most
expensive option, and the more
complicated they are, the more they’ll
cost. One way to save, while also
doing something for a good cause, is
to take part in either the Will Aid or
Free Wills Month campaigns. Both
will get you a “simple will” for a
donation to charity.
A simple will is one where you
leave everything to just a few people,
whether friends, family or a mix. You
won’t be able to include any
complicated tax advice, overseas
assets and things like powers of
attorney. But for most people that’s
more than enough.
Will Aid runs in November each
year, though you can book with
participating solicitors from
September onwards. You can give
what you want but they suggest £100
for a single will and £180 for a
 READER’S DIGEST

Alternatively you can use a will-

“SCARILY, 59 PER
CENT OF PEOPLE
IN THE UK DON’T
CURRENTLY HAVE
A WILL”
couple (this is known as a “Mirror”
will that does the same but with the
names reversed).
Free Wills Month is a little
different as it’s only for those over
55 years old (or when in a couple,
one person is over this age). This
takes place twice a year in March
and October.
There are also a number of other
free or subsidised will schemes run
by charities themselves. These
include Cancer Research UK and
The Children’s Hospital.
writing service. Most aren’t regulated,
but if you only need to make some
simple requests, that hopefully won’t
be an issue further down the line.
They’ll still count as your final
wishes—as long as they comply with
the law. Money Saving Expert
recommend Which? and Farewill.
A final option is to write
something yourself—though you
need to be aware that this could
easily be challenged. Really, this is
for the most basic will where you
want to leave everything to your
partner or your child. Just make sure
that it’s witnessed by two
independent adults who aren’t
listed in the will itself.
Whichever you go for, make sure
you keep an eye on your will—
you can add codicils or updates if
your situation changes in the
coming years. Q

Frightful Fortunes

Halloween may be best known for spooky costumes, pumpkins and communing
with the dead, but it is also traditionally a holiday for divination. Old divination
games include pouring egg whites into a glass, dropping balls of wool down the
well and hanging laundry on the washing line. Often these games would predict
who its participants would one day marry

SOURCE: LIBRARYBLOGS.IS.ED.AC.UK

OCTOBER 2023 • 119

PARTNERSHIP PROMOTION

How to find
equity release advice
If you are over 55 and own your own home, equity release can be a
fantastic way to take advantage of its value and unlock some well-
deserved cash later in life. With it, you could achieve your goals and
enjoy the freedom to choose how and when you make payments.
Although using an equity release product
could be a useful way to access a financial
boost, you must seek independent advice
to ensure you make the right decision for
you and your family.
1. Do your research
It’s likely that your home is your most
valuable possession, so it’s important to
look in the right places and get reliable
information that you can trust before you
consider utilising its value.
Have a think about your plans for the
years ahead and how your plans might
change in the future. You could also use
our free online calculator to find out
instantly how much you could release, as
well as receive a free copy of the Reader’s
Digest Equity Release complete guide to
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2. Take your time
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For more information, please visit:
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If you’d like to kickstart the process of
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They can arrange for you to meet with a
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unlocking the value of your home.
 PET CORNER
Frights And Fireworks
How to keep your pet safe over Halloween and Bonfire Night
alloween and Bonfire
H Night can be among the most
terrifying times of the year for
some of our cats and dogs.
National pet charity Blue Cross
have some top tips on how you can
keep your pet safe and sound.
Halloween
• Walk your dog before it gets dark
or stay inside and play games
to tire them out in the safety of
your home.
• With the potential for strangers in
fancy dress to appear at your door,
consider keeping your dog away
from the door—for example,
separate them from the entrance to
your home using a stair gate if they
are used to it.
• If your dog is really worried by
people, put a sign on your gate
saying “Nervous dog. Please don’t
knock on the door”.
• Make sure your pet
has a comfortable
safe space to go to
if they are
worried. This
could be their bed
or crate, but make
sure it is away from
front windows or
the door.
• Stuff a Kong toy to keep them busy.
Have it ready made for when
children come to the door and give
it to your dog to keep it occupied
while you answer it.
Why do fireworks pose a
problem for pets?
Pets can become very frightened by
fireworks and it’s possible they could
run away and get lost or even injured.
Animals have no idea what the loud
bangs and flashes are and can get
very stressed by anything that is out of
the norm or a change in their routine.
How to keep your animals safe
• Keep dogs and cats inside when
fireworks are being let off.
• Make sure your dog is walked
earlier in the day before the
fireworks start.
• Close all windows and doors and
block off cat-flaps to stop pets
escaping and keep noise to a
minimum. Draw the curtains, and if
the animals are used to the sounds
of TV or radio, switch them on (but
not too loudly) to block out some of
the noise of the fireworks.
• Prepare a “den” for your pet where
it can feel safe and comfortable—
perhaps under a bed with some of
your old clothes.
• Let your pet pace around, whine,
miaow and hide if they want to. Do
not try to coax them out—they’re
just trying to find safety and should
not be disturbed.
• Stay calm, act normally and give
lots of praise for calm behaviour.
It’s OK to cuddle and stroke your
pet if it helps them relax, but if they
prefer to hide under your bed, then
let them do this instead.
• Avoid leaving your pet alone during
potentially upsetting events. If you
do have to leave the house, don’t
get angry with your pet if you find
they have been destructive or
toileted. Shouting at a frightened
pet will make them more stressed.
• Never take your dog with you to a
fireworks display.
• Small animals in hutches and
enclosures should be brought into
a quiet room indoors, or a garage
or shed.
• Give your pet extra bedding to
burrow into so it feels safe.
• If you cannot bring your pet’s hutch
inside, turn its enclosure to face a
wall/fence instead of open garden.
• Cover hutches with thick blankets
to block out the sight and sound of
fireworks, but make sure there is
enough ventilation.
• Bonfires can pose a problem as
they provide a cosy hideaway for
cats who like a quiet place to
snooze. Always check your
bonfire before lighting it.
For help visit bluecross.org.uk

READER’S DIGEST’S PET OF THE MONTH

Peanut
Age: Nine years
Breed: Chihuahua cross
Owner: Kirsty Morris
Fun Fact: She loves to go for a “dip”
whenever we are out for a walk, in-
between chasing squirrels

Email your pet’s picture to

petphotos@readersdigest.co.uk

WIN! £100 gift voucher to

spend at Pet Planet
Enter our monthly Pet of the Month contest at the email above

OCTOBER 2023 • 123

 HOME & GARDEN
Space-Saving
Furniture Tips
Felicity Carter looks at how to
optimise the available space in
smaller flats by smartly
selecting furniture and
keeping rooms clear of clutter
I
f you’re wanting to maximise
your space, whether it’s for your
living or work area, there are
some practical do’s and don’ts
that can be applied. An easy win
comes in the form of multifunctional
or built-in furniture, as they will do
all the hard work for you. Adaptable
furniture that can be reconfigured,
and that has more than one use—
such as divan and sofa beds, storage
coffee tables and foot stools—
offer greater flexibility, and are
particularly useful for smaller flats.
A considered approach to the
space is also key, ensuring furniture
pieces that are in proportion with
the size of the room will give a more
spacious feeling rather than a
confined appearance. Remember to
use the wall area too—try
incorporating a floating desk with
shelving, for example—and have a
cull of the clutter for a more
streamline aesthetic.
124 • OCTOBER 2023
Juliette Thomas, the founder and
creative director of the London-based
interior design and luxury furniture
retail company, Juliette’s Interiors, has
been designing and offering up
unique interior solutions and
furnishings since 2005. With her
wealth of experience with private
residential customers, who better to
ask then, for expert space-saving
furniture tips.
Get an adjustable dining table
No matter the size of our homes,
many of us love to entertain—and,
therefore, a larger dining table is key.
In small properties, a large table isn’t
always the solution, as it limits the
overall space. You therefore need to
introduce furniture that adjusts as you
do. Opting for an extendable dining
room table which can be easily
adjusted, whether it’s for working
from home or for when friends and
family come over, will give you total
flexibility throughout the year. Ensure
the design is easy to assemble, not too
cumbersome and gives plenty of
room to grow when you most need it.
Maximise space underneath
Dual-purpose or multi-functional
furniture is vital in small homes to
maximise on available space, so think
outside the box when selecting larger
pieces. In the bedroom, an Ottoman
bed is essential for space-saving,
boasting plenty of
room underneath
for clothes, spare
bedding or shoes
which can then be
easily hidden away.
I’d advise choosing a
bed with an easy opening
and closing system so you or
other members of your household
aren’t battling with it! In the living
room, choose a coffee table which has
built-in storage underneath so you
can hide away your laptop, games or
paperwork. A smart use of space, as
well as an easy-to-reach destination
for everyday items.
Look to the walls
Ensuring your floor space remains
clear and uncluttered is an effective
way of helping a room feel larger—
therefore functional furniture doesn’t
always need to be based on the floor.
Instead, utilise the walls in your home
and introduce floating furniture to
avoid restricting useable space in
each room. I would avoid choosing
larger pieces of furniture for this as it
can have the opposite effect, so
instead, opt for smaller pieces of
furniture. From floating shelves and
minimalist bedside tables to a desk or
dressing table, rather than
incorporating traditional furniture
with legs, floating furniture opens up
the space and allows for more fluidity
and movement.
Size isn’t
everything
It may be tempting
to go for the largest
sofa or bed possible,
however, this will have
a negative effect on the
feeling and ambience of
your home. Oversized furniture
immediately makes a room feel
cramped and small, which isn’t ideal
if your home is limited on space
anyway. Instead, ensure your bed or
sofa fits comfortably and you can
walk around both sides to make a
room more functional and
aesthetically pleasing. Avoid pushing
the furniture up against the wall at
all costs!
Incorporate sliding
doors
When space is limited, regular doors
that open and close can easily eat into
your available space. By introducing
furniture with sliding doors, you will
immediately save on space and be
able to move much easier. From fitted
wardrobes to sideboards and TV
units, sliding doors are more
streamlined, sleeker and modern—
plus, they can be paired with an array
of interior design styles to suit a
variety of looks. Q
For more information,
visit juliettesinteriors.co.uk
OCTOBER 2023 • 125
126
 FOOD

Devilishly
With Halloween ccording to the climate change

A
organisation WRAP (Waste and
just around the Resource Action Programme),
approximately 9.5 million tonnes
corner, Paola of food goes to waste every
Westbeek shares year in the UK. Those staggering numbers
are especially disturbing if you consider
ideas for how to that nearly three-quarters of that food (6.4
use leftover million tonnes) was perfectly suitable for
consumption. Curbing food waste would not
carved pumpkins only reduce global greenhouse gas emissions
to cook with by roughly ten per cent, but the food that
ends up in landfills could potentially feed up
Paola Westbeek is a food, to 2 billion people.
wine and travel journalist With the advent of autumn and
who has tasted her way Halloween right around the corner,
through Europe, I can’t help but think about all of
interviewing chefs, those handsome pumpkins that
visiting vineyards and
will mercilessly get discarded after
reviewing restaurants. Her
work has appeared they’ve served as festive jack-o’-
in FRANCE lanterns by our front door or as
Magazine and part of our indoor decor, adding
other publications seasonal colour to a mantlepiece
or dining room table. With the
exception of the rock-hard,

OCTOBER 2023 • 127

D E V I L I S H LY G O U R D
dry and unpleasantly bitter gourds
available at a garden centre, most
pumpkins (if handled correctly) need
not be thrown away and can be used
in many delicious dishes, both sweet
and savoury.
I would certainly not recommend
turning a carved pumpkin that’s
been sitting outside for days—more
than likely serving as an all-you-can-
eat buffet for insects and rodents—
PUMPKINS NEED NOT BE THROWN AWAY AND CAN BE
USED IN DELICIOUS DISHES, BOTH SWEET AND SAVOURY
into soup. However, if you
wash the outside of your
pumpkins well before
carving and only set them
out for a few hours on
a cold Halloween night,
there’s no harm in bringing
them back in and cooking
them up when trick-or-treaters
have stopped coming round. It’s
another story if your pumpkins
are uncarved and used indoors. In
that case, they will remain in good
condition for up to two months, but
do check to ensure they are blemish-
free and haven’t started going soft.
Pumpkins come in all shapes
and sizes, and there are hundreds
of varieties to choose from, each
with its own unique texture and
flavour profile. Discovering which
works best for your recipes is really
a matter of taste, but generally
128 • OCTOBER 2023
speaking, you should bear in mind
that the larger pumpkins used as
jack-o’-lanterns are quite bland
and tend to have a tough, stringy
flesh. Opt to roast the flesh instead
of boiling it as this imparts more
flavour, and be generous when it
comes to seasoning. The easiest way
to roast a pumpkin is by slicing it
in half, scooping out the seeds and
baking it at 180°C for approximately
45 to 90 minutes, depending
on its size. Once cooled,
simply scoop out the
flesh with a spoon, blitz
in a food processor until
smooth and use in soups,
bakes and spreads such as
hummus or pumpkin butter.
The most popular pumpkin
varieties (among them the Kabocha,
Cinderella, Musquee de Provence,
Crown Prince and Turban Squash)
are beautiful and full of flavour.
Their seeds, which are rich in zinc
and magnesium, make a wholesome
snack or excellent topping for salads
when tossed with olive oil, sea
salt and roasted at 180°C for 15-20
minutes. Play around with dried
herbs and spices to fancy them up.
I love adding garlic powder with a
dash of smoked Spanish paprika or
the deliciously fragrant and spicy
 READER’S DIGEST

piment d’Espelette; and for a sweet For a super-quick pasta dish,

version, swap out the oil for melted
butter and toss with cinnamon and
maple syrup.
One of the recipes I have on
repeat throughout the autumn is my
aromatic pumpkin and rice gratin.
For two people, start by sautéeing a
shallot or onion, a red chilli pepper
and garlic in a bit of olive oil until
soft. Add 400g of diced pumpkin and
cook for approximately 5 minutes.
Next, tip in 120g of basmati rice
and approximately 450ml of hot
vegetable stock. Briefly bring to a
bubble, then remove from the heat
and stir in a few heaping tablespoons
of cream; freshly chopped herbs
such as parsley, chives or sage; and a
few handfuls of sharp, grated cheese.
Transfer the mixture to a greased
baking dish, finish with a little more
cheese and freshly cracked pepper
and bake at 180°C for 40 minutes,
until the rice is cooked through and
the dish is bubbling.
roast 400g of cubed pumpkin, red
onion wedges and whole garlic
cloves at 200°C for 35 minutes. Once
done, squeeze out the garlic and
stir everything through pappardelle
ribbons along with a swirl of cream,
a handful of toasted walnuts, rocket
lettuce and a little blue cheese.
Remember to look beyond
traditional pies when it comes to
using up pumpkin purée. Add it to
cakes, cookies and bars instead of
butter to cut down on fat (and sugar,
for that matter). If you’d rather
indulge than abstain, remember
that pumpkin pairs brilliantly with
dark chocolate and cream cheese,
so play around with pumpkin
breads with chopped chocolate and
pecans, or try pumpkin cheesecake
bars with caramel sauce and
cupcakes with pumpkin spice and
cream cheese icing. You’ll be glad
those decorative pumpkins were put
to good culinary use. Q

Autumnal Colours
Chlorophyll is the chemical that makes leaves green and, as it declines, other
chemicals take more prominence in the leaves

These chemicals include flavonoids, carotenoids and anthocyanins and are

responsible for the ambers, reds and yellows of autumn leaves
Some of these chemicals give carrots (beta-cartotenes) and egg yolks (luteins)
their colours
SOURCE: METOFFICE.GOV.UK

OCTOBER 2023 • 129

 TH E
ON F TH
M O
LM
FI
++++
BLACKBERRY
it’s 1996 and the world of mobile
phones is about to change forever in
Matt Johnson’s comedy-drama
BlackBerry. The film opens with a
fumbled pitch by Mike Lazaridis (Jay
Baruchel) and Doug Fregin
(Johnson), a couple of buddies who
harbour big tech dreams but lack
charisma. In steps Jim Balsillie (a
standout Glenn Howerton). He offers
to quit his job and steer them to their
full potential—neglecting to mention
that he has already been fired due to
unscrupulous workplace practices.
Awkward tech guy Lazaridis,
goofy nerd Fregin and cutthroat
businessman Balsillie make an
unlikely team, but together they
embark on a journey to make the
world’s first smartphone, and
hopefully a lot of money.
Handheld camerawork makes
you feel like you’re in the thick of
it, and it’s fun (and nostalgic) to
watch the excitement as they invent
130 • OCTOBER 2023
BBM, which now seems so quaint.
The fast pace is complemented by a
catchy soundtrack, capturing chaos
and exhilaration of trying to pioneer
a new way of communicating.
Knowing the chokehold the
iPhone now has on the mobile
phone market, your heart breaks for
Lazaridis as he insists that no one
would ever give up a phone with a
keyboard. His belief in his vision is
his downfall, and it’s humbling how
far a tech giant can fall.
The jury’s out on how accurate
the film is—the real Jim Balsillie
praised Howerton’s performance
as “brilliant”, but said that his
characterisation is “five per cent
accurate, and 95 per cent made-up”.
Regardless, the cast puts in strong
FETCH P UBLICITY
performances for the whole
fun ride—and make up for an
unconvincing set of wigs.
By Alice Gawthrop
REA DER SDIGES T.C O.UK/ C ULT URE

ALSO OUT THIS MONTH
+++
THE GREAT ESCAPER
a graceful, gentle and genial
Michael Caine takes centre stage in
The Great Escaper, a true story
inspired by Bernard Jordan, a Second
World War veteran who ducked out of
his seaside retirement home in June
2014. Why? Because the 89-year-old
wanted to make it to Normandy to
join the 70th anniversary D-Day
celebrations. Departing without
telling those in charge, he makes his
way to the ferry, where he meets
human kindness and shattering
memories. Left behind in the home is
his spirited wife Rene (Glenda
Jackson), who hasn’t lost her sense of
humour, despite her ailing health.
Director Oliver Parker, who has
previously rebooted the likes of
Dad’s Army and St Trinian’s for
FILM
modern film audiences, here shifts
down a gear, matching Bernard’s
slow-but-steady pace. As the media
frenzy swirls around Bernard’s
disappearance, Caine brings a quiet
gravitas to his character, notably in
the moving scene where he meets
German soldiers who have also
arrived in Normandy to pay respects
to their fallen comrades.
Meanwhile, Jackson—in her last
role before she died earlier this
year—gives a mischievous turn,
although you can’t help but wish
she and Caine had more scenes
together. The Great Escaper is
certainly a stark reminder of their
enormous talents.
by James Mottram
OCTOBER 2023 • 131
 TELEVISION

three shows about con dealer brought low by

artists arrive for the sisters he’s been
sentencing this two-timing. Sian
month. Two deserve Gibson spars
slaps on the wrist. The effectively with Rosie
Following Events Are Cavaliero as the
The Power
Based on a Pack of Lies of Parker
Silvikrinned avenging
(BBC1, iPlayer) has angels and—alongside
metabolised the many internet co-writer Paul Coleman—
articles about gaslighting but displays distributes big laughs around an
scant idea of lived reality; fine actors excellent ensemble: Sheila Reid as a
(Marianne Jean-Baptiste, Rebekah lusty retiree and Abby Vicky-Russell
Staton, Alistair Petrie) struggle to sell as Parker’s underengaged secretary
it. Aussie import Vanishing Act are among the beneficiaries.
(ITVX) initially frames high-rolling One reason TV crooks may be
Sydney grifter Melissa Caddick’s mid- flourishing is that TV cops are
pandemic demise as trashy, semi-fun becoming more distractible. No
soap, before making pious excuses for Activity (BBC2, iPlayer), an earlier
its heroine, deemed more sinned work by Team Colin from Accounts,
against than sinning (it also features a was likely conceived as a send-up of
cover of the Pet Shop Boys’ The Wire, drily observing detectives
“Opportunities” that really is a sin). and police back-up staff as they talk
The pick of this shifty pack is The the nonsense that doubtless gets
Power of Parker (BBC1, iPlayer), a actual lawmakers through their duller
sharply realised sitcom that regards stakeouts. It’s often hilarious
the early 1990s as a hangover from nonsense, though, and doesn’t
the excesses of the 1980s, and boasts preclude character development or
a superlative villain in Conleth Hill’s gratifying plotting: trust me when I
Martin Parker, a peacocking wheeler- say this is a worthy investment.

Retro Pick:
The Thief, His Wife and the Canoe (ITVX)
Four-part dramatisation of the John Darwin palaver,
featuring expert tragicomedy from Eddie Marsan as
Darwin and Monica Dolan as his wife Anne.

by Mike McCahill

132 • OCTOBER 2023

 MUSIC MUSIC

Sailing On Sound Waves

Seventy-five years on from the Windrush

stood on the border of a new world, toeing the line

between the Mother Country and the HMT Empire
Windrush, Lord Kitchener did what he always did
best. He opened his mouth and sang: “London, is the
place for me/London, this lovely city/You can go to France or America, India,
Asia or Australia/But you must come back to London city.”
Before he’d even stepped off the gangplank, Kitchener initiated one of the
most significant cultural exchanges in the history of contemporary British
music—the import of Caribbean culture that continues to shape popular
genres like grime and hip-hop today. Kitchener, or “Kitch”, was already a
famous musician in his home in Trinidad (“the king of the Calypso singers,”
according to the Pathé newsreel that recorded his arrival), and had penned
this song on the passage over. It spoke to the apparent optimism of the
moment, with Britain poised to embrace its new West Indian citizens—if you
are to believe the newsreader.
Of course, the truth is more complex. In a BBC Radio 2 interview in 2015,
David Rudder—who sang back-up in his teens in a calypso tent run by
Kitchener—said that Kitchener performed that song to “mamaguy, as we say
in Trinidad, to caress the egos of the British people.” Kitchener was far more
candid about the trials he and the rest of the Windrush generation faced on
his later music releases, singing with a wry lyricism about the overwhelming
CONTRA BAND CO LLE CT ION / ALAMY STOCK PH OTO

London overground, the dreary British weather, and the prolific

racism—“If your skin is dark, no use to try, you’ve got to suffer
until you die,” he intones on “If You’re Brown”.
London, it turned out, was not the place for Kitchener.
He eventually moved to Manchester, where he briefly ran
his own nightclub and was a regular fixture at The Reno, one
of the city’s key drinking establishments for the Caribbean
community. In 1960, he would make Black British history again
on the bill for the London Caribbean Carnival, the precursor to
Notting Hill Carnival. When he returned to his beloved Trinidad
two years later, he left behind a musical legacy that spans oceans,
and will surely echo through the ages for years to come.

By Becca Inglis
 BOOKS

October Fiction
A nuanced historical novel and a gripping look at our
modern world of polarised culture are Miriam Sallon’s
top literary picks this month

n a recent New hundred years, well,

I
The Fraud
Yorker article, then, that novel is not
by Zadie Smith
Zadie Smith talked quite doing its job.”
is published by about the seeming After mulling over this
Hamish Hamilton inevitability of idea for 11 years, Smith
at £20 every English author has finally given in, and
writing a historical to great effect. The Fraud
novel. She resisted tells the story of London
for years, she said, housekeeper Mrs Eliza
despite having a quiet Touchet, and her
obsession with a increasing obsession
particular Victorian with the “Tichborne
court case, on the basis Trial”, in which a man
that if a novel “could long-thought dead has
have been written at supposedly returned to
any time in the past claim his fortune.

134 • OCTOBER 2023

Whether this man is IT’S RARE historical fiction, it’s no
indeed Mr Tichborne or surprise you can see the
a butcher from Wapping
TO SEE THE mechanics a little more
is almost by the by, HORRORS OF clearly, compared to her
because at the centre of PLANTATIONS contemporary North
the trial is the Tichborne West London fiction in
claimant’s key witness,
BESIDE THOSE which she is truly a
Mr Andrew Bogle. A CALLOUSLY master of veiling her
former slave, and long- ENJOYING THE authorly intent.
time servant to the That said, our London
Tichborne family, it’s
BENEFITS base is in fact 19th-
with him that Mrs century North West
Touchet’s undivided focus lies. London, the now chaotic Edgeware
As with many period novels, we begin Road then surrounded by “fields as far
in aristocratic London. But halfway as the eye can see”, and walking down
through, we’re transported to Jamaica the now-crammed Kilburn High Road,
to pursue Mr Bogle’s unendingly tragic you might then see only one “toothless
story. Whereas other stories in this farmer driving a crowd of pigs with a
setting might give a nod, at most, to the stick”. It’s a perfect nod to her North
horrific conditions of the sugar West London roots, while still
plantations, it’s rare for us to see it succeeding in writing a very different
beside those callously enjoying the kind of novel. Smith may have actually
benefits on the other side of the world, done the thing she swore she’d never
and in such miserable focus. do, but contrary to her past thoughts
The sudden shift to Jamaica, while on historical fiction, she tells this old
powerful, does seem a little clunky. story through a nuanced,
Given this is Smith’s first foray into contemporary lens. Q

NAME THE CHARACTER

Can you guess the fictional character from these clues
(and, of course, the fewer you need the better)?

1. He is known for his wild and drug-fuelled adventures.

2. He is a journalist covering a unique event in Las Vegas.
3. He’s accompanied by his eccentric lawyer friend, Dr Gonzo.
Answer on p138

OCTOBER 2023 • 135

BOOKS

RECOMMENDED READ:

Mistaken Identity
Naomi Klein utilises how she is often confused for Naomi
Wolf to highlight the dangers of conspiracy culture

aomi Klein is known for her razor-sharp sociopolitical analysis.

N Book after book, she has located and defined multiple endemic
issues, laying out causes and consequences, and perspicuously
explaining the solutions.
She is close to the last person
I would imagine falling down an internet
rabbit hole, let alone writing a book
about it. But lockdown was a weird time
and, stranded on the coast of British
Columbia, “on a rock at the dead end of
a street that is three hours...from the
closest city”, there was little else to do
but take to the internet.
Her obsession centres around the
woman she has been increasingly
confused with over the years: Naomi
Wolf, or “Other Naomi”. Wolf made
a name for herself as a new-wave
pa images / alamy stock photo

feminist with her 1990 title The Beauty

Myth, wrote regularly for publications
such as The Guardian, and worked
as a political consultant for Al Gore.
But somehow over the last few years,
she’s become a major advocate and
regular talking head for the alt-right,
tweeting about chemtrails and
vaccine conspiracies. In short, she

136

appears now to be the polar opposite
of Klein, or in other words she has
become Klein’s doppelganger.
While the premise might seem
somewhat narrow and silly, it’s this
biographical element that makes it
so particularly readable. Klein uses
her doppelganger fixation to speak of
bigger and more insidious problems
which she terms the “mirror world”:
the rise of conspiracy theories, of
our virtual selves, of bizarre political
alliances—such as Wolf and the
alt-right. If, like myself, you might
struggle with a 360-page complex
political analysis, this personal
narrative weaving through the text
will keep you hooked.
The strange angle from which
Klein has approached these
problems also creates an entirely
fresh perspective. It’s not so much
the facts that are new, but the
manner in which she lays them side
by side. What, you might ask, have
Native Canadian rights got to do
with COVID-19 policies? What has
autism to do with the Holocaust? It
sounds crazy, but with each of these
bizarre tandems, Klein’s argument
grows stronger.
While this might seem a departure
from what Klein calls her “real work”,
she has attacked this internet rabbit
hole obsession with the same rigour
and care she applies to the rest of her
writing. Only this time, we get a peek
of Klein herself, and it’s all the more
potent for it. Q
READER’S DIGEST
Doppelganger:
A Trip into the
Mirror World by
Naomi Klein is
published by
Allen Lane at £25
E XC E R P T
“
For centuries, doubles have
been understood as warnings
or harbingers. When reality starts
doubling, refracting off itself, it often
means that something important is
being ignored or denied—a part of
ourselves and our world we do not
want to see—and that further danger
awaits if the warning is not heeded.
That applies to the individual but
also to entire societies that are
divided, doubled, polarised, or
partitioned into various warring,
seemingly unknowable camps.
Societies like ours.
Alfred Hitchcock called the
tumultuous state of living in the
presence of doppelgangers “vertigo”
in his 1958 classic of the same name,
but from my experience, an even
more resonant term is one used by
the Mexican philosopher Emilio
Uranga in 1952: zozobra. A Spanish
word for existential anxiety and deep
gloom, zozobra also evokes
OCTOBER 2023 • 137
BOOKS

generalised wobbliness: RATHER THAN is everything moving

“a mode of being that very fast?
incessantly oscillates
PUSH HER If doppelganger
between two AWAY, I HAVE literature and mythology
possibilities, between ATTEMPTED is any guide, when
two affects, without confronted with the
knowing which one of
TO LEARN appearance of one’s
those to depend on”— EVERYTHING double, a person is duty
absurdity and gravity, I CAN bound to go on a
danger and safety, death journey—a quest to
and life. Uranga writes,
ABOUT HER understand what
“In this to and fro the messages, secrets and
soul suffers, it feels torn and wounded.” forebodings are being offered. So that
Philip Roth explored this push and is what I have done. Rather than push
pull in his doppelganger novel my doppelganger away, I have
Operation Shylock: “It’s too ridiculous attempted to learn everything I can
to take seriously and too serious to be about her and the movements of which
ridiculous,” he wrote of a duplicate she is a part. I followed her as she
Roth. That sentence has become my burrowed deeper and deeper into a
mantra during this uncanny period. Are warren of conspiracy rabbit holes,
the political movements Other Naomi places where it often seems that my
helps lead ridiculous, unworthy of own Shock Doctrine research has gone
attention—or are they part of a serious through the looking glass and is now
shift in our world that needs our urgent gazing back at me as a network of
reckoning? Should I be laughing or fantastical plots that cast the very real

”
crying? Am I sitting still on this rock, or crises we face.

Answer to
NAME THE CHARACTER:
Hunter S Thompson’s notorious antihero
Raoul Duke appeared in the 1970s cult
classic, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas,
adapted into a wildly popular film starring
Johnny Depp.

138 • OCTOBER 2023

Books
THAT CHANGED MY LIFE
Frank Cottrell-Boyce is a multi-award-winning
author and screenwriter who won the CILIP Carnegie
Medal for his debut children’s book, Millions. His new book
The Wonder Brothers, a fun mystery-adventure about the
biggest vanishing trick of all time, is out now

Here Is Real Magic, Nate Staniforth I could talk about this book forever! It’s a
memoir by a brilliant magician, Nate Staniforth, who has a belief in being able
to do magic out of ordinary things. He has become a little jaded and
disillusioned, so he takes himself to India to renew himself by taking his magic
on the road. I’m very privileged to have been a writer all my life, but it’s very
difficult to stop it just being a job. You can lose touch with the joy of it. This book is
about rediscovering the joy in your own talents and finding magic in the ordinary.

One Thousand and One Nights I won a Three Men in a Boat,

copy of this book in a competition at Jerome K Jerome This
school. It’s kind of the opposite of is just the funniest
finding the magic in the ordinary—it’s book. And it’s kind of
about extravagance and amazingness, about nothing. It’s just
bragging and lying. But I love it! It’s really three blokes in a boat
about how storytelling can save your life. The going down the Thames and
narrator is a woman facing a death sentence who is not being very good at it. That’s
telling stories with these cliffhangers so she won’t all. It’s just paying attention to
be killed. It’s a book of wonders about how you can the lovely details of ordinary
enchant someone with a story. As a children’s life. It’s so kind, so tender, and
writer you spend a lot of time in schools, telling it’s funnier than anything else.
stories to children who don’t necessarily want to There are pages and pages of
be there, gathering them up in a moment of failing to get through a lock
laughter, excitement or nervousness. One gate or getting lost in a maze.
Thousand and One Nights celebrates that you can You don’t need all these big
confront someone who wants to kill you and, twists and dramatic events to
because of a cliffhanger they go, “I’ll kill you be funny, you can just be really
tomorrow instead”. It’s the greatest celebration of overconfident that you can find
the power of storytelling I can think of. your way out of a maze!

FOR MORE, GO TO READERSDIGEST.CO.UK/CULTURE OCTOBER 2023 • 139

 A silhouette of
Elon Musk in
front of a
black banner
with Twitter's
new X logo

X Marks
THE ROT
"What went wrong i have never smoked a cigarette, but
after a weekend I experienced a little
with Twitter?" while ago, I have a renewed
asks James admiration for people who once had
O'Malley the habit, and have since managed to
kick it.
Why? Because my personal self-
peter kovác / alamy stock photo

destructive addiction is Twitter.

I know, deep down, it is bad for me.
But still, I can’t get enough of it. For
almost 20 years now, I’ve spent more
hours than I would ever dare admit
scrolling and scrolling…and
scrolling…and scrolling.
But then on that fateful weekend,
Twitter suddenly, briefly, effectively

140 • OCTOBER 2023


disappeared, forcing the platform’s
450 million users around the world
to go cold turkey.
The move was deliberate, and it
was yet another sign of the turmoil
that had engulfed one of the world’s
most important communication
platforms since electric car and
rocket entrepreneur Elon Musk
bought the company
last year for $44bn.
And the cause was, It's now not
depending on who you uncommon to find
believe, either Twitter
guarding against an
features no
assault by bots trying to longer working
download tweets en
masse, or one alternative theory was
that Elon Musk had refused to pay an
important server bill. That would
mean it was more like an unpaid
electricity bill forcing you to turn off
the lights.
In any case, it was a dramatic
moment for the company, and it was
symptomatic of Musk’s new regime.
Because the new proprietor isn’t
sitting idly by, leaving his
lieutenants to run the operation.
Instead he’s getting stuck into
making changes to how Twitter
works—and is rolling out major
changes at a break-neck pace.
For example, within days of taking
charge, he announced that over half
of Twitter’s 8,000 existing employees
would be losing their jobs, and that
those who remained would have to
work harder than ever to develop
TECHNOLOGY
new features and modify the Twitter
app to suit his whims.
And the changes have led to what
is, in my biased view, a significantly
worse experience for users. It’s now
not uncommon to find features no
longer working, or for the site to fall
offline for minutes at a time, because
Twitter don’t have seasoned staff
maintaining them. And
Musk’s decision to
prioritise showing
tweets from “verified”
members, who pay the
company £8/month has
meant that the all-
important algorithm is
showing users of the site worse
content than it used to.
If you believe Elon Musk, there is
some method to the madness. For a
long time, he has spoken of his desire
to transform Twitter into an
“Everything” app. The idea is that
Twitter will no longer be just for
reading tweets—but it will be a place
where you can video call friends,
watch full-length videos, or even use
financial services.
And the idea isn’t completely mad,
on paper. My theory is that the
reason he bought Twitter to do it is
James is a technology
writer and journalist.
A former editor of tech
website Gizmodo UK,
James can be found mostly
on Twitter posting jokes of
variable quality @Psythor
OCTOBER 2023 • 141
 If Twitter's existing users get too annoyed by
the changes and the chaos, they can leave
because it gives him access to the
platform’s existing users and their
social connections. And if you want
to build an app you can use to send
money to friends, having 450 million
people already signed up and
connected with their friends is a
great way to get started. It’s this
dream that has led Musk to rebrand
Twitter as “X”—the iconic blue bird
icon is no more, and our home
screens now have a white “X” on a
black background to hit instead.
However, I must admit that I am
sceptical of this plan, and not just
because it means monkeying around
with a platform that I am addicted to.
But the problem is that Musk
appears to be approaching the
problem of re-engineering Twitter
into something new, much like
building a rocket. With his rocket
company, SpaceX, it has been able to
revolutionise the space industry by
quickly iterating—effectively by
142 • OCTOBER 2023
launching tonnes of test rockets,
making changes, and seeing what
blows up. Because once you get to
space, nobody cares about the scrap
metal on the bottom of the ocean.
Unfortunately then for Musk,
re-engineering the people who use
Twitter doesn’t work quite the same
way. If the site’s existing users get
too annoyed by the changes and the
chaos, they can leave. If the platform
becomes unreliable, it will no longer
be the place to go to get the very
latest news.
So it is a challenge more like
zuma press inc / alamy stock photo
trying to re-engineer not an
experimental rocket but the engine
of a passenger plane full of people,
while it is flying through the air.
Even if you do manage to
successfully land on a runway at the
end of the flight, you’re going to
have a whole lot of angry people
never wanting to fly with your
airline ever again. Q

Ask The Tech Expert
James O'Malley
Q: How can I keep my files and photos
safe…before it is too late?
A: Nothing lasts forever and that is
especially true of your digital devices,
so it is important to make sure that all
of your most precious digital data is
safely backed up.
Information security professionals
typically say that the rule of thumb to
stay safe is the “3-2-1” strategy: you
should aim to store three different
copies of your most important files, in
two different formats, with one held
off-site. So, for most home users, this
basically translates to a strategy of
having one extra copy stored on
another device in your home, and
then storing another in the cloud—in
addition to the originals on your
computer or phone.
And the good news is that these
days, it is possible to stay backed up
relatively painlessly.
For your home backup, the easiest
thing to do is to get hold of a
large external USB hard drive.
You’ll want something a
little bit larger than the total
size of the drive inside your
computer. And from here,
you can copy files
manually—but this is slow
and tedious. You can also
illustration by
Daniel Garcia
READER’S DIGEST
automate the process. On Windows,
this is called simply “Backup” and is
found is Settings. And on Mac, it is
called “TimeMachine”. You can
configure your computer so that
whenever you plug in the drive, it
automatically synchronises the
contents of your computer onto the
external drive. Similarly, if you don’t
mind spending the money, an even
better device to buy is a NAS—or
“Network Attached Storage”. This is
effectively a mini computer that
connects to your home network, and
will keep you backed up in the
background. Most NAS devices can
take multiple hard disks, meaning that
you can have a back-up of your
back-up at all times, so that if the NAS
dies, you don’t lose your backup too.
But, arguably, more important is
your Cloud backup. For your phone,
this is probably automatically built
into your phone, and can be
configured in Settings. Simply put,
when you put your phone on
charge at night, it will securely
zip up to Apple’s or Google’s
servers a copy of everything
on your phone. Q
Email your tech questions for James
to readersletters@readersdigest.
co.uk
OCTOBER 2023 • 143
STRETCHING
THE TRUTH
BY Richard Glover
jocasta and i are sitting at the kitchen
table. My wife has decided to
calculate my body mass index (BMI)
so she will know, based on the ratio of
my height to my weight, whether I
should lose some weight. “How tall
are you?” she asks.
With a slight swagger of pride, I
supply the required figure.
Immediately, she disputes it.
“Well, you used to be six foot one,
but you haven’t had your height
144 • OCTOBER 2023
measured for years,” she says. “People
get shorter as they get older. I’m going
to knock off two inches, maybe four.”
Jocasta often comes up with these
scientific observations. In her career
as a screenwriter, she has written a
couple of medical dramas and now
lives under the misapprehension that
she’s a doctor.
“The discs in your spine settle over
the years,” she continues. “By the time
you get to 90, you’re basically half the
height you used to be.”
I find this hard to believe. “If that
were true,” I tell her, “people would
need to lower their kitchen
countertops as they get older.”
Jocasta sighs, as one might do when
dealing with a recalcitrant child. “By
that age, people have been doing
illustration by Sam Island
 FUN AND GAMES

things for so long, MAYBE I COULD There must be

they don’t need to HANG FROM A TREE some way of
have a direct view BRANCH, MY SPINE regaining my height.
of every task,” she I could buy a
says. “If they want LENGTHENING BY medieval stretching
to make toast, they THE MINUTE rack and ask Jocasta
do it by touch.” to tighten it until
To illustrate her I scream in agony.
point, she butters a slice of toast She might even enjoy herself.
while holding it just above her head Or I could hang from a tree branch,
in a way that does, admittedly, look my spine lengthening by the minute.
quite credible. Maybe the orangutans of Borneo are
Next, Jocasta quizzes me about what just trying to improve their BMI.
my weight is. I suggest a figure that she I seek advice from Jocasta, since she
seems to regard as fanciful. When she considers herself a medical
asks me to weigh myself, I decline on professional. “We’re all taller in the
the grounds that I am “currently morning, compared to the evening,”
retaining water.” she confides. “A whole day of walking
Jocasta says this is unlikely: “What around leaves the discs compacted.
you are retaining is tuna casserole. I’m Then they stretch out during the night,
going to add six pounds.” when we are lying down. Plus we get
Sensing her resolve on this point, heavier during the day because of all
I focus on upgrading the figure she’s the food.”
using for my height. It may be my only Struck with an idea, Jocasta goes
hope of avoiding a life on half-rations. back to her calculations and emerges
“I don’t feel any shorter,” I tell her. with two figures for my BMI: first thing
I walk around the kitchen, my neck in the morning and in the evening.
stretched, my chin raised and my nose “You start the day as merely
tilted upward in the style of a young overweight before tipping into clinical
woman in a deportment class. “I’m obesity at about 7.30 each night, after
getting taller by the moment,” I say. your second beer.”
Jocasta flashes me a derisive look. I decide to accept her adjudication.
“Putting your nose in the air doesn’t After all, I find it quite optimistic.
make you any taller. You just look like Because even if I end every day as a
an aristocrat trying to avoid the smell clinically obese leprechaun, I start
of his own fart.” each morning in a much better place:
Ouch. As I sit down, I can feel my a tall man, holding obesity at bay,
vertebrae settling; maybe I am slowly shaking his fist at the heavens and
getting shorter. daring gravity to do its worst. Q

OCTOBER 2023 • 145

 FUN & GAMES
£50 PRIZE
QUESTION
SYMBOL SUMS
Can you work out these number
sums using three of these
four symbols?
+ − ÷ ×
2 1 6 6 = 48
(No fractions or minus numbers are
involved in the sum as you progess
from left to right)
THE FIRST CORRECT ANSWER
WE PICK WINS £50!*
Email excerpts@readersdigest.co.uk
ANSWER TO SEPTEMBER'S
PRIZE QUESTION
SANDWICH
DREAM
AND THE £50 GOES TO…
KENNETH FORSTER, Essex
146 • OCTOBER 2023
You Couldn’t
Make It Up
Win £30 for your
true, funny stories!
Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us
or facebook.com/readersdigestuk
Towards the end of the Second
World War, my father-in-law and his
brother-in-law were visiting a hospital
with many war-wounded patients.
As they went along a corridor, two
orderlies came carrying a stretcher
with a large sheet-covered object on
it. As they stood to attention and
saluted the fallen warrior the
orderlies laughed—they had saluted
a pile of dirty washing!
GW PITT, Middlesex
While making a cake, suddenly
realising I was one egg short, my
lovely next door neighbour came
to my rescue giving me one of
her eggs.
After my next visit to the shops,
having bought some more eggs,
I asked my four-year-old daughter to
very carefully go next door with the
egg I owed the neighbour.
Very shortly after, my daughter
returned empty handed looking very
pleased with herself.
 “That didn’t take long,” I said.
“No, Mummy, she wasn’t home, so
I put it through her letterbox."
JO PARKER, Submitted online
One evening, I was chatting on the
phone to Mum when we started
talking about shopping.
“I bought a lovely dress last week,”
she said. “It was a bargain.”
“That’s super, Mum.”
She proceeded to tell me all
about it.
“I bought a jumper in the sales.
For a fiver!”
“Goodbye then.”
“Oh, all right. Goodbye,” I said,
ending the call. I have to say I felt
pretty miffed that she’d been so
abrupt and didn’t want to hear about
my bargain.
It was as she rang back that I
realised she’d said, "Good buy."
ESTHER CHILTON, Nottinghamshire
My ten-year-old son Laurie had
spent much of the school holidays
dodging my requests that he wash
or shower.
Exasperated, I asked him to
confirm he was at least planning to
have a bath before we departed for
our vacation in Ireland.
His reply: “Mum, I don’t think
anyone will sniff me at the border.”
ALEXIS WOLFE, Berkshire
Too many things to do and too little
time, I stood among the chaos.
cartoon by Guto Dias
"NO CANDY, ONLY CASH!"
"Oh, I could do with a 'woman who
does,'" I remarked, thinking how
helpful a cleaner would be.
"So could I," responded my
cynical husband.
PENNY WARD, Dundee
I was recently supervising some
11-year-old children on a school
trip to London.
We were in a souvenir shop and
I told my group that I was looking
for a present for my wife. A helpful
pupil kept holding up different
items that she thought would
be suitable.
I kept saying politely, "No, I don't
think so," until after a few minutes
she slowly walked away before
saying with some impatience,
"I don't think you know your wife
very well!".
KEITH LODGE, Cottingham
OCTOBER 2023 • 147
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 FUN AND GAMES

IT PAYS TO INCREASE YOUR

Word Power
“Say” is a versatile verb, but there are plenty of other options
waiting to be heard. Take this quiz to fill your vocabulary with
alternate ways of describing speech
BY SA MA NT H A RID EO U T

1. animadvert—A: speak out 9. inveigle—A: invoke supernatural

against something. B: advertise beings. B: encourage someone
through word of mouth. C: use to break the law. C: persuade with
a gentle tone. deception or flattery.

2. parry—A: repeat. B: wonder 10. ratiocinate—A: reason logically.

aloud. C: skilfully evade a question.
3. asseverate—A: declare
emphatically. B: make a counter-
argument. C: insult viciously.
4. concede—A: whine.
B: grudgingly admit. C: explain
a plan.
5. repine—A: say with a yawn.
B: express discontent.
C: contemplate.
6. jape—A: mock. B: talk with food
in one’s mouth. C: boast.
7. calumniate—A: agree without
thinking. B: make a false and
defamatory statement. C: take
an unlikely guess.
B: provide feedback. C: pronounce
a judgment.
11. philippise—A: advocate under
the influence of corruption.
B: console. C: convey particularly
unwelcome news.
12. importune—A: recite a poem.
B: offer assistance.
C: request persistently.
13. upbraid—A: describe
enthusiastically. B: gossip behind
someone’s back. C: scold.
14. ballyhoo—A: praise
extravagantly. B: shout hoarsely.
C: gloat.

8. perorate—A: threaten. 15. quaver—A: whisper. B: ask a

B: deliver a long speech. rhetorical question. C: speak with
C: mumble nervously. a trembling voice.

OCTOBER 2023 • 149

WORD POWER
Answers
1. animadvert—[A] speak out
against something; First Nations
leaders animadverted upon the
pipeline’s threat to the watershed.
2. parry—[C] skilfully evade a
question; “Do you want someone
experienced or someone capable?”
parried the candidate when asked
about her employment history.
3. asseverate—[A] declare
emphatically; Cayman was a bad
juror; he believed everything the
witness asseverated, no matter
how absurd.
4. concede—[B] grudgingly admit;
“I guess my trainer was right when
she said I wasn’t ready for a
marathon,” conceded Ayako.
5. repine—[B] express discontent;
During lunch breaks, Donovan’s co-
workers would listen to him
repine over having left his village.
6. jape—[A] mock; Sofia pre-empted
any japing about her ears
by calling herself the love child of
Prince Charles and Mr Spock.
7. calumniate—[B] make a false and
defamatory statement; Hoping to
snag Husni’s job for herself, Mathilda
calumniated him as a thief.
8. perorate—[B] deliver a long
speech; The conference delegates
sighed with relief when the organiser
finished perorating.
150 • OCTOBER 2023
9. inveigle—[C] persuade with
deception or flattery; “Can’t you
inveigle any celebrities to attend my
party?” pleaded the socialite.
10. ratiocinate—[A] reason
logically; Actions are motivated by
desires, so morality can’t be based
on reason alone, Hume ratiocinated.
11. philippise—[A] advocate under
the influence of corruption; Pavithra
suspected the mayor was
philippising when he praised the
local factory’s safety record.
12. importune—[C] request
persistently; Tired of hearing his kids
importuning him to bring them to
Disney World, Eugenio gave in.
13. upbraid—[C] scold; Liese
upbraided her sister for having called
their mother a cheapskate.
14. ballyhoo—[A] praise
extravagantly; Mateo’s boyfriend
ballyhooed his homemade lasagna
so much that he wondered if he was
teasing him.
15. quaver—[C] speak with a
trembling voice; “Do I have to read
my book report aloud to the class?”
the child quavered.
VOCABULARY RATINGS
7–10: fair
11–12: good
13–15: excellent
 COMPETITIONS

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151
 FUN & GAMES

Brain

GAMES
Sharpen Your Mind

Pic-A-Pix: Hayloft
Medium Reveal a hidden picture by shading 4 2 2 4
in groups of horizontally or vertically 4 1 1 1 1 4
adjacent cells. The numbers represent how 1 7 1 1 1 1 1 1 7 1
many shaded cells are in each
of the corresponding row's or 2
column’s groups (for example, 4
a “3” next to a row represents 2 2
three horizontally adjacent
shaded cells in that row). 3 3

pic-a-pix: hayloft by diane baher; it all adds up by fraser simpson

There must be at least one 10
empty cell between each 2 2
group. The numbers read in
the same horizontal or vertical 1 1 1 1
order as the groups they 1 2 1
represent. There’s only one 1 1 1 1
possible picture; can you
shade it in? 2 2

A+B=C
B+C=D
It All Adds Up
D+E=G Difficult Each letter from A through H has
one of the eight values: 1, 2, 8, 9, 10, 12, 19
C+G=F or 21. No two letters have the same value.
Determine which number goes with each
E+H=F letter to make the equations correct.

152 • OCTOBER 2023

sorting apples by emily goodman ; museum tour by darren rigby; (apples illustration) yuliia konakhovska/getty images

Sorting Apples
Easy One of these
apples is not like any
of the others. Which
is the odd one out?

Museum Tour
Medium On a visit to the Museum of
Stubbornness, Alex picks up a guided audio
tour that leads visitors through the rooms in a
prescribed order. In the spirit of the museum,
Alex decides to pick his own route. Both the
official route and Alex’s route go through
every room once, with no backtracking and
no rooms skipped. Using the clues below,
reconstruct both routes on the map (north is
at the top of the map).

1. Other than room #1, Alex doesn’t visit any

room in the intended order of the tour.
2. The recording tells visitors to head east
from room #1.
3. Alex’s fourth room occupies a corner of the
building. He left this room heading south. 1
4. The guided tour’s fourth room has more 1
doors than its fifth room.

For answers, turn to PAGE 155

OCTOBER 2023 • 153

BRAIN GAMES

       CROSSWISE
Test your
 
general
knowledge.
Answers
 
on p158

  

  

   

  

 

ACROSS
8 Part of a sentence (6)
9 Newbie (8)
10 Where Drake bowled (8)
11 Put the phone down (4,2)
12 "Late December, back in ---" (The
Four Seasons) (5-5)
14 Some want to eat this and still
have it (4)
15 Used in a supermarket (8,7)
18 Send (4)
20 Upbeat (10)
22 He had a talking donkey (6)
23 Herb often found with lamb (8)
25 Relating to a law court (8)
26 Burger topping (6)
DOWN
1 Puerile (8)
2 Inner surface of the hand (4)
3 Take off (6)
4 Getting warm (2,3,5,5)
5 Kind of ear implant (8)
6 Mealtime annoyances (5,5)
7 Hitting something (6)
13 Old-style audio accessory (4,6)
16 The Man in the --- (Dumas novel) (4,4)
17 A person who settles elsewhere (8)
19 Kind of collision (4-2)
21 Regimental animal (6)
24 Chief in size or importance (4)
 READER’S DIGEST

BRAIN GAMES
SUDOKU ANSWERS
FROM PAGE 152
BY Louis-Luc Beaudoin

Pic-A-Pix: Hayloft

1 8 4 5 3
7 9
2 6
3 4 6
It All Adds Up
9 7 A = 8, B = 1, C = 9, D = 10,
E = 2, F = 21, G = 12,
H = 19
8 5 9
Sorting Apples
2 7 1 The apple on the upper
right. It’s the only one of
1 4 the apples with two
leaves on its stem.
3 5 8
Museum Tour
The numbers represent
To Solve This Puzzle the guided tour, and the
Put a number from 1 to 9 in line follows Alex’s path.
each empty square so that: SOLUTION 8 7
9 2 8 5 7 6 1 3 4 4 8
) every horizontal row and 4 6 7 3 2 1 8 9 5
5 7 9
vertical column contains all 5 1 3 9 4 8 6 7 2 9 5 6
nine numbers (1-9) without 3 4 1 2 9 7 5 6 8
10
repeating any of them; 8 7 2 6 1 5 3 4 9 10
6 4 3
6 9 5 4 8 3 2 1 7 3
) each of the outlined 3 x 3
7 8 4 1 6 2 9 5 3
1 5 9 8 3 4 7 2 6 11
boxes has all nine numbers, 11
2 3 6 7 5 9 4 8 1 1 1 2
none repeated. 2

OCTOBER 2023 • 155

 FUN & GAMES

WIN £30
for the reader’s joke we publish!
Go to readersdigest.co.uk/contact-us
or facebook.com/readersdigestuk

Your amateur lion tamer name is your People who make coupons have their
regular name prefixed by “the late”. work cut out.
PAUL BASSETT DAVIES (@THEWRITERTYPE) GARY DELANEY (@GARYDELANEY)

I was born in a bungalow, and I’ve
lived there ever since. Storey of my
life. SANJEEV KOHLI (@GOVINDAJEGGY)
There’s a new charity who put an
abacus in my bra. They can count on
my support. SAM (@SAM_BAMBS)
People don’t really like me making
puns about Italian Renaissance artists
or Swiss tennis players, but I’m quite
happy to Raphael a few Federers.
PAUL EGGLESTON (@PAULEGGLESTON)
The worst thing about being a
depressive with an Oedipus complex
is sometimes I just wish I was dad.
WILLIAM STONE (@ITSWILLIAMSTONE)
Don’t want to brag, but at school I
was voted most likely to cling on to
past achievements.
CRAIG DEELEY (@CRAIGUITO)
vector_brothers / alamy stock vector
When does a joke become a dad joke?
When it’s fully groan.
OLAF FALAFEL (@OFALAFEL)

My friends are always giving me a hard

time about my obsession with The Beatles.
I wish they’d let it be.
MATTHEW SMITH, Sheffield
 ASK A COMEDIAN
Angela Barnes
A comic known for her appearances on TV comedy panel shows,
Angela Barnes has swapped a career in healthcare for stand-up.
Ian Chaddock asks her about her funniest experiences…
Which stand-up special made you fall
in love with comedy?
Victoria Wood’s show Sold Out,
which I had actually seen the year
before it came out on video (yes
video, I’m in my forties) when she
did it as Up West at the Strand
Theatre in London. It was my first
live comedy and this woman just had
everyone eating out of the palm of
her hand, it was like watching magic.
She was hilarious, and I utterly fell in
love with how words alone could
make people react together in such a
joyous way. God, she was a legend.
What’s the weirdest heckle you’ve
ever heard and how did you reply?
I remember once being on
stage when a small voice
piped up, “I think your eyes
make you look unhappy”.
I responded by just
saying, “Are you sure
it’s my eyes, or is it
maybe because I’m
in Chatham?”.
What’s your funniest live
show experience?
I recently did a show at a naturist
festival. I opted to stay fully clothed,
but the audience was made up of a
couple of hundred fully naked
people, which was nerve-wracking.
Usually, you’re told to imagine the
front row naked, but it doesn’t help
when they actually are. They were a
really fun crowd though and up for
laughing at themselves. At one point
a couple of women got up to go to
the loo, and I said, “Don’t too many
of you do that at once or I’ll think I’m
getting a round of applause”.
Sometimes different elements come
together to make a show special
and I felt that feeling at this
show full of nudists. I got a
standing ovation at the end,
and, I’ll be honest, I don’t
think I’ll ever unsee it.
You used to work in health
and social care before
making stand up your
career. Did comedy help
OCTOBER 2023 • 157
LAUGH

you with the stresses of working

in healthcare?
Definitely, some of the funniest people
I know are from my old jobs. If you are
working with people at some of the lowest
points in their life, it can be hard not to
take that on yourself a bit. When it’s
appropriate, some levity can help both you
and them. And, of course, in the staff
rooms, when you’ve had a tough day and
Canine Confusion
limited resources means you can’t help “WHEN YOU HEAR
someone as much as you wanted to,
‘TREAT’ BUT YOU’RE
humour can be the only way to break that
tension and get you back into work the ON A DIET”
Via boredpanda.com and
next day. It could be dark, and you might kingdomofdoggos.com
say things there that you would never say
anywhere else, but it’s an important valve
when you work in those fields.

How would you describe your stand-up

show Hot Mess?
It’s probably the most personal show I
have done. But it’s funny, I promise. At its
core it’s about friendship and tells a story
of something that happened in my life
while all our lives were being rocked by a
global pandemic. But most importantly,
there are jokes—loads of them.

Angela Barnes tours the UK with her show Hot

Mess in September and October

CROSSWORD ANSWERS
Across: 8 Phrase, 9 Neophyte, 10 Plymouth, 11 Hung up, 12 Sixty-three, 14 Cake,
15 Shopping trolley, 18 Ship, 20 Optimistic, 22 Balaam, 23 Rosemary, 25 Forensic,
26 Onions.
Down: 1 Childish, 2 Palm, 3 Deduct, 4 On the right track, 5 Cochlear, 6 Phone calls,
7 Struck, 13 Tape player, 16 Iron mask, 17 Emigrant, 19 Head-on, 21 Mascot, 24 Main.
 READER’S DIGEST

Beat the Cartoonist! IN THE

NOVEMBER ISSUE

I REMEMBER…

Clive Myrie
The journalist and
Mastermind host looks
Think of a witty caption for this cartoon—the back on his
three best suggestions, along with the cartoonist’s life and career
original, will be posted on our website in mid-OCTOBER. If your
entry gets the most votes, you’ll win £50.
Submit to captions@readersdigest.co.uk
by OCTOBER 7. We’ll announce the winner
in our November issue.

AUGUST WINNER
SUSTAINABLE
TRAVEL
How should we tackle
the problem
of overtourism?

Our cartoonist’s caption, “That’s the book he said was

unputdownable…”, failed to beat our reader Kevin ART REDISCOVERED
Christian, who won the vote with, “He’ll tell his Unveiling the hidden
mates that he has had his head in a book all stories within paintings
through his holidays.” Congratulations, Kevin! through conservation

cartoons by Royston Robertson OCTOBER 2023 • 159

GOOD NEWS
GOOD
NEWS
from around
the World
An ancient underground
labyrinth has been
discovered in Mexico
A
rchaeologists have
found a mythical “gate
to the underworld” in the
pre-Columbian ruins of
Mitla in Oaxaca, Mexico. Legends
of a complex labyrinth of tunnels,
believed to lead to the entrance of
the “Land of the Dead”, outlived
Mitla itself.
Mitla was the most important site of
the ancient Zapotec culture, and was
built as a gateway between the world
of the living and the world of the
dead, reflecting the Mesoamerican
belief that death was the most
important part of life after birth.
The ancient Zapotec people settled
in Oaxaca Valley before the turn of the
first millennium, and around 1000 CE
the Mixtec people also migrated into
160 • OCTOBER 2023
the area. When the Spanish arrived in
the 16th century, Mitla was home to a
rich culture including a writing
system, two calendar systems and
sophisticated farming and
construction techniques.
In 1553, Oaxacan Archbishop
Albuquerque ordered the destruction
of the Mitla site due to its political and
religious significance for the Zapotec
people. Spanish-led forces sacked the
site, displacing the Zapotec, and the
ruins of Mitla were used as materials
for building Spanish churches. Today,
it is one of the most important
archaeological sites in Oaxaca.
Ancient rumours of a gate to the
Zapotec underworld, known as
Lyobaa, sealed hundreds of years ago
by frightened Spanish missionaries,
persisted. These legends spurred
Mexican archaeologists to launch an
exploration of Mitla in 2022, using
non-invasive geophysical survey tools
to see what secrets lay hidden
beneath the site’s surface.
A report released by the team of
archaeologists confirmed the
existence of an underground
labyrinth beneath the ruins of a
Catholic Church at the site. Chambers
and tunnels were identified, with
passages between 16 and 26 feet
underground. The team has planned
further investigations to find out
more. Hopefully they don’t
accidentally open the gate to the land
of the dead!
by alice gawthrop
 ([FOXVLYHRɞHU
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