It is important to think before you speak

Oops! You asked a recently fired friend-of-a-friend how his job is going. The words left your lips
before you could scoop them back in. Inquiring about the biggest stressor in his life (the one he was
praying no one would bring up) was an innocent mistake. Sure, you apologized profusely, but you
can tell he’s smarting.

We all have the experience of saying something improper and want to take it back immediately. The
problem is, once words exit our mouth, no amount of apologies will make them magically go back
in: blurting something out and then trying to retract it is like shutting the gate after the horse has
bolted. Therefore, it is important to think before you speak.

Why ‘think before you speak’? Because while most of us are pretty careless with the words we
choose, words are just so powerful. Our choice of words gives listeners an indication of our
intelligence or ignorance. And when continually reinforced and turned into habitually negative
thought patterns, they have the power to create a bad habit of dwelling on the negatives in life.
On the other hand, thinking before we speak allows us the time to consider the effect of the words
we are choosing.

When feeling defensive, we tend to be very reactionary and quick to answer back without proper
thought. For most of us, when we’re in an argument, our ego rises up to defend its position.
Becoming more self-aware of the power of the ego makes it easier to manage it. And if it’s
unavoidable to say something negative, thinking before we speak helps us be more careful and
understand how to offset negativity with something positive.

While speaking may seem to happen without a lot of thought because it occurs so quickly,
psycholinguistics research has actually shown that we do plan our speech in different ways and
we do think in advance to various degrees. As such, we are not doomed to say the first thing that
enters our head—we actually do have the ability to control our tongue.

A tool for helping to train yourself to think before you speak is to use the THINK acronym. THINK
stands for True, Helpful, Inspiring, Necessary and Kind.

T – TRUE. Is what you are saying actually true, or is it ‘fake news’? Lies and misinformation
hurt others and reflect the liar as someone untrustworthy.

H – HELPFUL. Are your words helpful? Assisting others to make better decisions through
offering good advice is also important.

I – INSPIRING. Are others inspired by what you are saying? People are greatly inspired by
words which have the influence to prompt others to do amazing things.
N – NECESSARY. Do your words really need to be said? Useless chatter is annoying, while
language that actively hurts others is wholly unnecessary.

K – KIND. Is what you want to say kind? We all know the saying “if you don’t have anything
nice to say, say nothing at all”. Unkind sentences obviously have the power to hurt people.

The THINK concept is useful not only in day to day interactions, but for any situation where words
are employed. Even in ordinary conversation with friends, we often speak before really considering
what we want to say and how to say it best. In other contexts, such as a job interview, the stakes
can be high. So putting effort into learning how to better control your tongue will undoubtedly
have positive repercussions in your life.