11/2/23, 10:37 AM personality - studies, Enneagram and Communication Styles

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Enneagram and Communication Styles

(Written by: Sterlin Mosley & Aaron Addonizio from Insightful Innovations)

ENNEATYPE 1
Image Statement: I am right; I am good; I know best; I want perfection. One’s want to communicate to the world
that they have it together, and are competent, right, and good moral people even though internally they may feel the
opposite.

Energy: Rigid, upright, stiff, contained, solid, stoic, elegant, polished, assured.

Communication Style: Proselytizing, teaching, preaching, informing, telling, educating and elevating.

Conflict Style: Faultfinding, nitpicking, condescending, poker-faced, unemotional (or explosive if pushed too far),
moralizing, admonishing. One’s are triggered by being told they are wrong and will go on the offensive if their
character is attacked. They may become moralizing or scolding. Some One’s may retreat for fear of emotional
display or may seem cold and distant.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 1: Do not tell them they are wrong, but rather find a way you can validate their
opinion while holding your ground. Try to avoid the words wrong, incorrect, or bad all together while in an argument
lest you escalate it. Help them see the ways in which they are being angry or hurtful (in a gentle way, as 1s have a
fear of their own anger).

ENNEATYPE 2
Image Statement: I am helpful; I am nice; I am giving; My will be done; I have what you need. Two’s want to be seen
as helpful and kind people because this supports their self image. Two’s will present themselves as someone who
has whatever you need whether it is resources or attention.

Energy: Soft on the outside, hard on the inside, seductive, sticky, clingy, flirtatious, nurturing/motherly.

Communication Style: Effusive, relational, heartfelt, emotional, helpful, complimentary and managerial.

Conflict Style: Dramatic, wet, emotionally explosive, entitled, sulking, martyring, or blustery anger. Two’s are
triggered by the message that they are not kind or helpful or by the implication that their efforts to help are not well
received.

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Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 2: Assure the 2 that you appreciate their efforts and that they are not in vain but
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remind them that they choose to do whatever it is they are doing. Remind the 2 that you want them to take care of
themselves because typically their anger stems from the misdirected feeling of having to care for others.
Acknowledge their emotional displays but do not pay too much attention to their histrionics.

ENNEATYPE 3
Image Statement: I am successful; I am a winner, I am impressive, I go for the goal. Three’s want to be seen as
someone who is successful and attractive. They will present themselves as popular and accomplished even if
internally they feel lacking.

Energy: Tough exterior, hollow, steely, energetic, high powered, glossy, chameleon like.

Communication Style: Expedient, professional, polished, peacocking, bragging, smooth, trendy, competent or
mentoring.

Conflict Style: Evasive, arrogant, superior, dismissive, sly, undermining, narcissistic and condescending. Threes are
triggered when they feel undervalued or dismissed. They may become angry when their success and driveness are
misunderstood or undermined.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 3: Try to set aside a predetermined amount of time to discuss problems. Don’t
allow them to smooth things over with promises or apologies if they don’t understand the situation. If in an
interpersonal relationship with them try to appreciate the hard work they put in but emphasis the important of
relationships. Help them feel comfortable with expressing feelings rather than “just the facts” as this is a method
they utilize to prevent feeling too much.

ENNEATYPE 4
Image Statement: I am intuitive; I am deep; I am creative; I am different; I am correct. Fours want to be seen as
special and creative and will exaggerate their differences to cover over feelings of being ordinary or mundane.

Energy: Fluid, flowing, poised, sensitive, intense, emotionally charged, melancholy.

Communication Style: Breathy, lamenting, metaphorical, haughty, symbolic, specializing, discriminating.

Conflict Style: Haughty, condescending, emotionally explosive, detached or cold, hatefully articulate. Fours are
triggered when they feel misunderstood or the sense anger or abandonment from the other person. Fours can
become pointedly articulate and hateful when provoked.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 4: Don’t try to have a completely rational discussion devoid of emotional
content, it won’t engage them. Try to recognize their intuitive insight while still maintaining your own personal truth
(4s like to tell other people what they are feeling, and they are usually onto something). Don’t let their histrionics or
emotional outbursts drive you away. Take a time out if necessary so that emotions can calm down. Let them know
if you’ve been hurt too and that your feelings are just as important as theirs.

ENNEATYPE 5

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Image Statement: I am knowledgeable; I need more time; I am intelligent; I think; I am different. Fives want to be
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seen as intelligent, rational and idiosyncratic. They may cultivate intelligence to cover over feelings of insecurity.

Energy: Prickly, detached, disembodied, contained, cerebral, removed and remote.

Communication Style: Technical, knowledgeable, unemotional, detached, high strung, know it all, idiosyncratic.

Conflict Style: Detached, cold, cutting, dispassionate, childlike, passive aggressive, arrogant, overly logical. Fives
are triggered by the presence of expectations (particularly emotional expectations) and emotional displays. Fives
may become distant or blisteringly angry when faced with an emotional expectation.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 5: Try to maintain some emotional stability while arguing. 5s like to keep to the
facts of a situation and will detach when emotions get too heated. Walk away from the argument if you are to
emotional as you will be unlikely to get a response. Tell them that your feelings are hurt without expecting them to
do something about it (they become angry when there are emotional expectations). Don’t let them use knowledge
or arrogance as a weapon and remind them you are a person not a robot or computer.

ENNEATYPE 6
Image Statement: I am clever; I must be safe; I am loyal; I am harmless; I am “real”. Sixes want to be seen as
responsible, clever and loyal. They may cover feelings of insecurity with ingratiating niceness or sweetness or
rebellious provocativeness.

Energy: Mentally active, hyper-vigilant, anxious, contained, suspicious, penetrating, punchy and high strung.

Communication Style: Tentative, funny, friendly, warm (or prickly), engaging, rebellious, provocative.

Conflict Style: Vacillating, blaming, victimizing, distrusting, cross-examining, quick and relentless. Sixes are
triggered by feeling mistrustful or feeling blamed. They may become terrier-like and questioning when feelings of
insecurity or abandonment are brought up.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 6: Admit any ulterior motives. Try to stay calm but don’t dismiss them, Find
common ground and allay their fears of abandonment or anger. Do not get lost in their arguing circle, if it feels like
a marathon walk away. Hold your opinion but don’t be stubborn about seeing their point of view. Do not insult their
intelligence or flatter or appease them. Don’t try to win, this will only escalate the argument. Don’t tell a 6 to calm
down.

ENNEATYPE 7
Image Statement: I am free; I am exciting; I am entertaining; I want it all; I am positive. Sevens want to be seen as
interesting, entertaining and fun. They may cover over feelings of inferiority or fear of boredom with big plans and
interesting stories.

Energy: Amped up, restless, airy and light, quick, spritely, mischievous, fast.

Communication Style: High energy, fun loving, entertaining, storytelling, enthusiastic, evasive, exaggerating.

Conflict Style: Fleeing, disinterested, condescending, arrogant, unaffected, mocking, explosive tantrums. Sevens
are triggered by feeling trapped or limited and may try to flee the conflict or may react explosively to break free of
negativity.

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Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 7: Try to allow them their space but hold them to a time when the conflict can
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be resolved, 7s will flee at difficulty and let them know how this affects your relationship. If they try to leave ask
them to set aside time for you to discuss it (5s like this too). Don’t harp too much on what they are doing wrong or
they’ll shut down. Don’t sugar coat things but try to reframe things so they can take in the information without
feeling too threatened.

ENNEATYPE 8
Image Statement: I am strong; I am a survivor, I am in charge; I protect. Eights see themselves as strong and in
charge. They want others to recognize their strength and to the extent they feel vulnerable they will project more
power.

Energy: Strong, solid, powerful, intimidating, big, overpowering, irreverent, laconic.

Communication Style: Bold, direct, unemotional, matter of fact, brash, impactful, empowering, offensive or limit
pushing.

Conflict Style: Blustery, domineering, violent, unemotional, dismissive, uncaring, rageful, vengeful. Eights are
triggered by feeling controlled or dominated or by feelings of abandonment or disloyalty. Eights may become
domineering, aggressive or incredibly cold when triggered.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 8: Stand your ground and do not waiver in your opinion. They want someone
who can hold their own against them. 8s will spar with people they love to test their strength. Try and set ground
rules in an argument with an 8 and don’t be afraid to let them know if they hurt your feelings (this often surprises
them). Try not to react to their intimidation tactics but don’t egg them on either.

ENNEATYPE 9
Image Statement: I am peaceful; I am calm; I am easy; I am drama free; I am uncomplicated. Nines want to be
seen as easygoing and peaceful and may deny problems or negative emotions to cover over secret feelings of
anxiety or anger.

Energy: Peaceful, grounded yet spacey, detached, open, sleepy, slow, vacant, doormat.

Communication Style: Peacemaking, agreeable, complacent, stubborn, saga-telling, passive (aggressive),

noncommittal, receptive.

Conflict Style: Passive aggressive, stubborn, pacifying, occasionally explosive, sleepy, unaffected, clueless. Nines
are triggered by feeling internal chaos or being unable to escape negative feelings or emotions. They may go to
sleep to the problem or suddenly become angry and belligerent like Eights or scolding like Ones only to calm down
soon after.

Conflict Resolution Tips with Type 9: : Don’t attack aggressively or take a blaming tone, they will tune you out. Try
to acknowledge that they want to find a point of agreement between the two of you. 9s will be afraid of your anger
and may become stubborn or withdraw when you begin to show your anger. Assure them that your anger doesn’t
mean that you don’t like/love them anymore (unless of course you don’t) but that it’s important to resolve this
issue.

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Source - insightfulinnovations.com
Posted 4 years ago
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