Thesis Statement 9: Framework of family and sexual ethics.

The value of human

sexuality: gender and orientation, the kinds of love and the dignity of family understood
in the light of Scriptures and magisterial teachings: Gaudium et Spes, Theology of the
Body, Familiaris Consortio, and Amoris Letitia. (Additional Info’s)

THE THREE TYPES OF LOVE: Agape, Eros, Philia

(By Pope Benedict XVI)

[Eros and philia are concerned primarily with our relationships with others. Agape is
concerned primarily with our relationship with God as well as with each
other’s relationship with God.]

“God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him” (1
Jn 4:16) (Benedict XVI: Deus Caritas Est No. 1). In his Encyclical Letter “Deus Caritas
Est”, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI particularly in part one explains the problem of
language. The term "love" is one of most used and abused word in today's world having
its multiple meaning (Benedict XVI: Deus Caritas Est No. 2). In this multiplicity of
meanings, however, the archetype of love par excellence that emerges is that between
man and woman, which in ancient Greece was given the name of "eros." In the Bible, and
above all in the New Testament, the concept of "love" is rendered more profound, a
development expressed by the rejection of the word "eros" in favor of the term "agape" to
express oblate love (Benedict XVI: Deus Caritas Est No. 3).

In the Christian faith it has always considered man as a being in whom spirit and matter
are mutually intertwined, drawing from this a new nobility. The challenge of "eros" may
be said to have been overcome when man's body and soul are in perfect harmony. If man
aspire to be pure spirit and to reject the flesh as pertaining to his animal nature alone, then
spirit and body would both lose their dignity. The pope said, it is neither the spirit alone
nor the body alone that loves: it is man, the person, a unified creature composed of body
and soul, who loves. Only when both dimensions are truly united, does man attain his full
stature. Only thus is love ‘eros’ able to mature and attain its authentic grandeur. True,
eros tends to rise “in ecstasy” towards the Divine, to lead us beyond ourselves; yet for
this very reason it calls for a path of ascent, renunciation, purification and healing
(Benedict XVI: Deus Caritas Est No. 5).

Moreover, what is essential is that "eros" and "agape" never be completely separated
from one another; indeed, the greater the extent to which the two though in different
dimensions find their right equilibrium, the more the true nature of love is realized.
Although initially "eros" is, above all, desire, in approaching the other person it will ask
ever fewer questions about itself and seek ever more happiness in the other, it will give
itself and desire to "be there" for the other. Thus, the one becomes part of the other and
the moment of "agape" is achieved (Benedict XVI: Deus Caritas Est No. 7).

In Jesus Christ, Who is the incarnate love of God, "eros-agape" achieves its most radical
form. In His death on the cross, Jesus, giving Himself to raise and save mankind,
expressed love in its most sublime form. Jesus ensured a lasting presence for this act of
giving through the institution of the Eucharist. we unite ourselves through the eucharist to
Him, and at the same time unite ourselves with the others to whom He gives Himself.
Thus, we all become "a single body." In this way, love for God and love for others are
truly fused together (Benedict XVI: Deus Caritas Est No. 12-18).

THEOLOGY OF THE BODY FROM EDEN TO TODAY

There is much excitement today, especially among the young, about John Paul II's
"theology of the body" — the 129 catechetical addresses he gave between 1979 and 1984
that have revolutionized the way many theologians now teach about love, sexuality, and
marriage.
However, while lay Catholics initially may respond with much enthusiasm to the ideas
they've heard about the theology of the body, many of those who actually dare to read
these addresses quickly find themselves overwhelmed by the depth of John Paul II's
philosophical, theological, and indeed mystical thought on this topic.
In this short article, I will offer a brief overview of some key features of the theology of
the body that will make this monumental work a bit more digestible and practical for lay
readers. Though not intending to offer a comprehensive picture, I simply will highlight
five aspects of the theology of the body that relate to themes we have already seen
developed in John Paul II's earlier work, Love and Responsibility (see that series
beginning here with subsequent articles listed at the bottom of the article)

1. The Law of the Gift

In an age when many individuals approach their relationships as ways of seeking their
own pleasure, interests, or gain, John Paul II constantly reminded us that such self-
assertion is a dead end that will never lead to the love and happiness we long for. Human
persons are made for self-giving love, not a self-getting love, and they will find
fulfillment only when they give themselves in service to others.
This "law of the gift," as it is called by Catholic commentator George Weigel, is written
in every human heart. And in the beginning of the theology of the body, John Paul II
alludes to how it is based on man being made in the "image" of the Triune God (Gen.
1:26). Since God exists as a communion of three divine Persons giving themselves
completely in love to each other, man and woman — created in the image of the Trinity
— are made to live not as isolated individuals, each seeking his or her own pleasure and
advantage from the other. Rather, man and woman are made to live in an intimate
personal communion of self-giving love, mirroring the inner life of the Trinity. In the
end, human persons will find the happiness they long for when they learn to live like the
Trinity, giving themselves in love to others.
2. Original Solitude
Here, John Paul II reflects on God's statement about Adam in Genesis 2:18: "It is not
good for man to be alone."
At first glance, this statement seems odd. Adam is not alone. God has placed him in a
garden with water, trees, and vegetation. And He has even put Adam alongside other
flesh-and-blood creatures just like him — the animals. Yet, even though there are many
other animal creatures with bodies in the garden of Eden, Adam is still in some sense
described as being "alone."
He is not able to live out the law of the gift yet, for there is no one else like him to give
himself to as an equal partner no other human person, no body-soul creature, like him.
This tells us that there is something about Adam that is not found in other bodily
creatures. By noticing how he is different from the animals, Adam comes to realize that
he is more than a body — that he has a spiritual dimension. As a body-soul creature,
Adam is unique. There is nothing else in creation like him.
And this poses a problem. If Adam is made to live the "law of the gift" — to give
himself in a mutual relationship of love — then Adam, at this stage, is in a certain sense
incomplete. He is not able to live out the law of the gift yet, for there is no one else like
him to give himself to as an equal partner — no other human person, no body-soul
creature, like him. This is why God says, "It is not good for man to be alone."
John Paul II explains that man only finds fulfillment when he lives in a relationship of
mutual self-giving, living not for himself, but for another person. "When God-Yahweh
said, It is not good that man should be alone' (Gen. 2:18) he affirmed that alone,' man
does not completely realize this essence. He realizes it only by existing with someone' —
and even more deeply and completely — by existing for someone'" (p. 60).

3. Original Unity
In response to Adam's solitude, the Lord creates another human person, Eve, to be his
wife. "Then the man said, This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh'" (Gen.
2:23). John Paul II notes how this is the first time man manifests joy and exultation.
Before this moment, he had no reason for rejoicing, "owing to the lack of a being like
himself." But now he finally has someone to give himself to in this unique way. In
ecstatic response, he sighs "At last!" for now he is able to live out the law of the gift and
thus becomes who he was meant to be through his union with her.
Next, John Paul II reflects on how man and woman "become one flesh" (Gen. 2:24). He
notes how this oneness in flesh does not refer merely to a bodily union, but points to a
deeper spiritual union, a union of persons.
Recall how a human person is not just a body, but consists of body and soul. John Paul II
expounds on how this union of body and soul in a person sheds light on human sexuality.
The body has a language that is able to communicate something much more profound
than information or ideas. What one does in his body reveals his very self, the "living
soul" (p. 61). The body expresses the person and makes visible what is invisible, the
spiritual dimension of man (pp. 56, 76).
He says our bodies have a nuptial character in the sense that they have "the capacity of
expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift and — by means of this gift
— fulfills the meaning of his being and existence".
This has dramatic implications for understanding sexual intercourse. The marital act is
not meant to be merely a physical union. It is meant to express an even deeper personal
union. Since the body reveals the soul, when man and woman give their bodies to each
other in marital intercourse, they give themselves to each other. Bodily union is meant to
express a deeper spiritual union. The physical intimacy is meant to express an even more
profound personal intimacy (cf. p. 57).
John Paul II calls this unique language of the body "the nuptial meaning of the body." He
says our bodies have a nuptial character in the sense that they have "the capacity of
expressing love, that love in which the person becomes a gift and — by means of this gift
— fulfills the meaning of his being and existence" (p. 63).
In this light, we can see that the body will be an important arena in which the drama of
relationships between men and women will be played out — for better or for worse. We
can approach the bodily union of sexual intercourse as a means to deepening personal
communion in marriage. Or we can engage in sexual intercourse primarily with our own
pleasure in mind and without any regard for the body's capacity to express self-giving
love — in other words, without any regard for the nuptial meaning God has given to the
body.
Put starkly: A man can view sex as a way of deepening his personal union with his wife,
giving himself completely to her and expressing his total commitment to her as a person
and to what is best for her. Or he can approach sex merely as a physical act with some
woman who happens to give him pleasure — without any real commitment to that
woman's well-being. Instead of being truly committed to the woman as a person and to
her good, such a man is committed to the woman in that moment primarily for what she
provides him: his own sexual satisfaction. Such a denigration of sex, which is pervasive
in our culture today, certainly is a far cry from the beautiful nuptial meaning God has
given to the body.

4. Original Nakedness
What does it mean when Genesis 2:25 says Adam and Eve were "naked and not
ashamed"? Shame involves fear of another person, when we're not sure we can trust that
person. We fear being used or being hurt, so we are afraid of being vulnerable in letting
others see us as we really are.
Originally, Adam and Eve were not ashamed. They each had complete confidence, trust
and security in their relationship. Their bodily nakedness pointed to an even deeper
personal "nakedness" in which they felt free to bare their souls completely to each other
without any fear of being used, misunderstood, or let down. Adam and Eve understood
"the nuptial meaning of the body" — not just the body at face value, but the body's
capacity to express love and the communion of persons.
How were they able to have this ideal relationship?
Imagine living in a relationship in which there were absolutely no selfishness. You knew
that your beloved was always seeking what was best for you, not just his own interests.
He truly viewed you as a gift that was uniquely entrusted to him and he took this role
seriously with a profound sense of responsibility.
This is the kind of relationship Adam and Eve had in the Garden. Before the Fall, sin had
not yet entered the world, and human persons had self-mastery over their passions and
appetites. Thus, with total purity of heart, they each were free from selfish desires and
approached each other with reverence, seeking the good of the other and never viewing
the other merely as an object to be used.
John Paul II explains that Adam and Eve saw each other with a supernatural perspective
— with "the vision of the Creator" (p. 57). In other words, they saw each other the way
God Himself saw them. Adam saw not just the beauty of Eve's body, but the whole truth
of his beloved as a person. And just as God rejoiced in creating man and woman by
saying, "It is good!," so Adam would have looked upon his wife with a profound sense of
awe and wonder, seeing her as the daughter of God who had entrusted herself to him in
marriage. Likewise, Eve would have accepted Adam interiorly as a gift and responded to
him with similar love and responsibility. "Seeing each other, as if through the mystery of
creation, man and woman see each other even more fully and distinctly than through the
sense of sight itself... They see and know each other with all the peace of the interior
gaze, which creates precisely the fullness of the intimacy of persons" (p. 57).
In this kind of environment of complete mutual love and responsibility, personal intimacy
could flourish. In such a relationship of total security and total trust in the other person
— when there is no fear of being used or hurt — one feels free to give himself as he
really is, knowing that he will be welcomed and fully received as a gift. "The affirmation
of the person is nothing but acceptance of the gift, which . . . creates the communion of
persons" (p. 65). Thus, originally man and woman did not experience the walls of shame
in their relationship. They had no fear that the other would use them, hurt them, or ever
reject them. Free from sin, they were free to love. In a relationship of total reciprocal
love, the walls of shame are not necessary. Indeed, as John Paul II explains, "immunity
from shame" is "the result of love" (p. 67).

5. Original Shame
However, once sin entered the world, man lost the self-mastery necessary to keep selfish
desires from growing in his heart and poisoning his relationship. Wounded by original
sin, man finds that it is no longer easy for him to control his passions and appetites. No
longer does man easily look upon his wife with "the vision of the Creator" ("It is
good!"). No longer does he easily see her as a person who has been entrusted to him and
as a gift which he longs to serve with selfless love and responsibility.
Now his heart's love for her is tainted by selfish desires to use her. He begins to view her
primarily in terms of her sexual value — the value of her body or the value of her
femininity — as an object to be exploited for his own sensual or emotional pleasure. He
no longer easily sees her value as a person to be loved for her own sake.
In such a relationship of total security and total trust in the other person — when there is
no fear of being used or hurt one feels free to give himself as he really is, knowing that he
will be welcomed and fully received as a gift.
Imagine the shock Adam must have experienced at that first moment in which he felt the
effects of original sin in his life. John Paul II says it is as if Adam "felt that he had just
stopped . . . being above the world of" the animals, which are driven by instinct and
desires (p. 116). Almost like the animals, Adam now finds himself powerfully swayed
by his desire to satisfy his sexual desires.
No longer mastering their passions, man and woman tend to approach each other with
selfish and lustful hearts. That's why Adam and Eve instinctively conceal their sexuality
from each other the moment sin and lust enters their lives (p. 117). They each no longer
have total trust that the other is truly seeking what is best for them. They instinctively
know that their beloved may use them. Thus, the biblical account of the Fall tells us that
right after Adam and Eve sinned in the Garden, they were naked and ashamed (Gen.
3:7).
The introduction of sin shatters the original unity of man and woman and hinders
personal intimacy in their relationship, for now the defense mechanism of shame enters
their relationship. "This shame took the place of the absolute trust connected with the
previous state of original innocence in the mutual relationship between man and woman"
(p. 120).
John Paul II explains that the original unity of Adam and Eve dissolved at the Fall
because, without the total mutual selfless love and trust, they no longer felt free to truly
give themselves to each other: "Having facilitated an extraordinary fullness in their
mutual communication, the simplicity and purity of the original experience disappear...
That simple and direct communion with each other, connected with the original
experience of reciprocal nakedness, disappeared. Almost unexpectedly, an insuperable
threshold appeared in their consciousness. It limited the original giving of oneself to the
other, in full confidence in what constituted their own identity" (p. 118).

Back to the Garden?

As sinful creatures constantly battling concupiscence, we may never be able to return to
the ideal relationship of pre-fallen Adam and Eve. However, there is hope. Through
Christ's redemptive work in our lives, we may begin to experience the healing of those
disordered passions that keep us from the great trust, love, and personal communion that
God wants us to experience in our relationships. The more the Holy Spirit transforms our
selfish and lustful hearts with the total self-giving love of Jesus Christ, the more
relationships between men and women will begin to recover something of the original
unity of man and woman and the nuptial meaning of the body (cf. p. 213).

FAMILIARIS CONSORTIO – “THE FAMILY IN THE MODERN WORLD”

APOSTOLIC EXHORTATION – NOVEMBER 22, 1981 SUMMARY

PART ONE - BRIGHT SPOTS AND SHADOWS FOR THE FAMILY TODAY
Marriage and family life touch the human person in the realities of daily existence. The
Church is called to be a prudent observer of the challenges and opportunities which face
today's family. In order to accomplish this mission, the Church must listen to the
questions and concerns of married couples. In responding to the needs of young married
couples and families, the Church must offer the truth of the Gospel as a source of
inexhaustible grace rather than follow majority opinion. This truth is urgently needed
today because of the challenges faced by families: divorce, abortion, sterilization,
contraception, the decay of parental authority, and a general weakening of the marriage
bond between husband and wife. The spiritual and moral renewal of marital and family
life brings about a much-needed elevation of society in general.

PART TWO - THE PLAN OF GOD FOR MARRIAGE AND THE FAMILY The human
person was created by God out of love, and each is called to love within his or her
vocation. Love is the calling of each person. Marriage and family life are special
opportunities to live the vocation of love. The love between husband and wife mirrors the
love between Christ and his Church - that is, this love is sacrificial and life - giving. A
person’s freedom, far from being restricted by this fidelity, is secured against every form
of subjectivism or relativism and is made a sharer in creative Wisdom. Married life is
enriched and becomes a family, with the gift of children. Virginity and celibacy do not
deny the dignity of married and family life; rather, they highlight the call to love and the
need to wait in patient hope for the Bridegroom - Jesus Christ.

PART THREE - THE ROLE OF THE CHRISTIAN FAMILY: BECOME WHAT YOU
ARE The family is more than an economic, biological, and sociological entity. The
family is part of God's plan for creation and salvation. It is within the family that the
human person comes to be whom he or she is and comes to know the living God. Love
within the family reveals in a special way the unbounded love of God. Family love
involves four general callings: forming a community of persons; sharing a love which
serves life; participating in the development of society; and sharing in the life and
mission of the Church*. In being faithful to these four callings to love, the family is a
living proclamation of the Gospel and the truth of Jesus Christ. The family, likewise,
helps to morally renew the social order. To bear witness to the inestimable value of the
indissolubility and fidelity of marriage is one of the most precious and most urgent tasks
of Christian couples in our time.

PART FOUR - PASTORAL CARE OF THE FAMILY The family is called to grow
through a constant conversion to the will of God. Such a process of conversion
challenges the Church to be a pastoral Church. That is, the Church is called to care, in the
name of Jesus, for married couples and for families. The Church must encourage and
support those preparing for marriage and those who daily accept the challenges to be
faithful to their marital vows. Those who find themselves in difficult marital and family
situations (mixed marriages, trial marriages, divorce, separation, and domestic violence)
are in need of special pastoral care by the Church. Pastoral ministry to those in difficult
situations flows from the words and example of Jesus to love and be close to the broken-
hearted, rejected, and suffering.

CONCLUSION The encyclical ends on a highly personal note from John Paul II to
married couples and families throughout the world. In this time of trial and grace, the
Pope pledges the full ministry of the Church in service of marriage and family life. In
conclusion, the model of true marriage and family life is the Holy Family: St. Joseph is
the upright guardian of the family; Mary is the one entrusted with the Word made flesh;
and Jesus is the child who perfectly does the will of the Father. The Pope prays that each
Family will be a holy family to the glory of God.

“AMORIS LAETITIA”(“THE JOY OF LOVE”)

Pope Francis’s groundbreaking new document “Amoris Laetitia”(“The Joy of Love”)

asks the church to meet people where they are, to consider the complexities of people’s
lives and to respect people’s consciences when it comes to moral decisions. The apostolic
exhortation is mainly a document that reflects on family life and encourages families. But
it is also the pope’s reminder that the church should avoid simply judging people and
imposing rules on them without considering their struggles.
Using insights from the Synod of Bishops on the Family and from bishops’ conferences
from around the world, Pope Francis affirms church teaching on family life and marriage,
but strongly emphasizes the role of personal conscience and pastoral discernment. He
urges the church to appreciate the context of people’s lives when helping them make
good decisions. The goal is to help families—in fact, everyone—experience God’s love
and know that they are welcome members of the church. All this may require what the
pope calls “new pastoral methods” (199).
Here are ten things to know about the pope’s groundbreaking new document.
1. The church needs to understand families and individuals in all their complexity. The
church needs to meet people where they are. So pastors are to “avoid judgements which
do not take into account the complexity of various situations” (296). People should not be
“pigeonholed or fit into overly rigid classifications leaving no room for personal and
pastoral discernment” (298). In other words, one size does not fit all. People are
encouraged to live by the Gospel, but should also be welcomed into a church that
appreciates their particular struggles and treats them with mercy. “Thinking that
everything is black and white” is to be avoided (305). And the church cannot apply moral
laws as if they were “stones to throw at people’s lives” (305). Overall, he calls for an
approach of understanding, compassion and accompaniment.
2. The role of conscience is paramount in moral decision making. “Individual conscience
needs to be better incorporated into the church’s practice in certain situations which do
not objectively embody our understanding of marriage” (303). That is, the traditional
belief that individual conscience is the final arbiter of the moral life has been forgotten
here. The church has been “called to form consciences, not to replace them” (37). Yes, it
is true, the Pope says, that a conscience needs to be formed by church teaching. But
conscience does more than to judge what does or does not agree with church teaching.
Conscience can also recognize with “a certain moral security” what God is asking (303).
Pastors, therefore, need to help people not simply follow rules, but to practice
“discernment,” a word that implies prayerful decision making (304).
3. Divorced and remarried Catholics need to be more fully integrated into the church.
How? By looking at the specifics of their situation, by remembering “mitigating factors,”
by counseling them in the “internal forum,” (that is, in private conversations between the
priest and person or couple), and by respecting that the final decision about the degree of
participation in the church is left to a person’s conscience (305, 300). (The reception of
Communion is not spelled out here, but that is a traditional aspect of “participation” in
church life.) Divorced and remarried couples should be made to feel part of the church.
“They are not excommunicated and should not be treated as such, since they remain part”
of the church (243).
4. All members of the family need to be encouraged to live good Christian lives. Much of
“Amoris Laetitia” consists of reflections on the Gospels and church teaching on love, the
family and children. But it also includes a great deal of practical advice from the pope,
sometimes gleaned from exhortations and homilies regarding the family. Pope Francis
reminds married couples that a good marriage is a “dynamic process” and that each side
has to put up with imperfections. “Love does not have to be perfect for us to value it”
(122, 113). The pope, speaking as a pastor, encourages not only married couples, but also
engaged couples, expectant mothers, adoptive parents, widows, as well as aunts, uncles
and grandparents. He is especially attentive that no one feels unimportant or excluded
from God’s love.
5. We should no longer talk about people “living in sin.” In a sentence that reflects a new
approach, the pope says clearly, “It can no longer simply be said that all those living in
any ‘irregular situation’ are living in a state of mortal sin” (301). Other people in
“irregular situations,” or non-traditional families, like single mothers, need to be offered
“understanding, comfort and acceptance” (49). When it comes to these people, indeed
everyone, the church need to stop applying moral laws, as if they were, in the pope’s
vivid phrase, “stones to throw at a person’s life” (305).
6. What might work in one place may not work in another. The pope is not only speaking
in terms of individuals, but geographically as well. “Each country or region…can seek
solutions better suited to its culture and sensitive to its traditions and local needs” (3).
What makes sense pastorally in one country may even seem out of place in another. For
this reason and others, as the pope says at the beginning of the document that for this
reason, not every question can be settled by the magisterium, that is, the church’s
teaching office (3).
7. Traditional teachings on marriage are affirmed, but the church should not burden
people with unrealistic expectations. Marriage is between one man and one woman and is
indissoluble; and same-sex marriage is not considered marriage. The church continues to
hold out an invitation to healthy marriages. At the same time, the church has often foisted
upon people an “artificial theological ideal of marriage” removed from people’s everyday
lives (36). At times these ideals have been a “tremendous burden” (122). To that end,
seminarians and priests need to be better trained to understand the complexities of
people’s married lives. “Ordained ministers often lack the training needed to deal with
the complex problems currently facing families” (202).
8. Children must be educated in sex and sexuality. In a culture that often commodifies
and cheapens sexual expression, children need to understand sex within the “broader
framework of an education for love and mutual self-giving” (280). Sadly, the body is
often seen as simply “an object to be used” (153). Sex always has to be understood as
being open to the gift of new life.
9. Gay men and women should be respected. While same-sex marriage is not permitted,
the pope says that he wants to reaffirm “before all else” that the homosexual person needs
to be “respected in his or her dignity and treated with consideration, and ‘every sign of
unjust discrimination’ is to be carefully avoided, particularly any form of aggression or
violence.” Families with LGBT members need “respectful pastoral guidance” from the
church and its pastors so that gays and lesbians can fully carry out God’s will in their
lives (250).
10. All are welcome. The church must help families of every sort, and people in every
state of life, know that, even in their imperfections, they are loved by God and can help
others experience that love. Likewise, pastors must work to make people feel welcome in
the church. “Amoris Laetitia” offers the vision of a pastoral and merciful church that
encourages people to experience the “joy of love.” The family is an absolutely essential
part of the church, because after all, the church is a “family of families” (80).