Ek Khayali Bimaar…!!!

Scene 1
Umesh: 5+5=10, 10+8=18……. Aur ye kya likha hua hai…wah
huzoor ki badhazmi ki dava. Wah wah wah…. Vishnu tumhe pata
hai ki muje Dr.Suri kyon pasand hain.

Vishnu: Na sahib nahi pata.

Umesh: WO Na keval ek acche dr. hain magar unke likhne ke

andaaz bhe khoob h… dekho kitni sundarta se likha hai huzoor ki
budhazmi ki dava wah……. Dr. Suri huzoor apni jagah theek
hain, par main koi raja to nahi, is dava k main 500 rupaye de Doon

Vishnu: baap re 500 rupayee, sahib sirf 200 hi dena

Umesh: mmmmmmmm, tum theek bol rahe ho. ye lijiye janab

aapke liye 200 rupaye.

[Takes out 200 rupee note and keeps aside, now reading the 2nd
bill]

Ye kya likha hai kudarati neend ke liye 500 rupaye.

Vishnu: 500 rupaye!!

Umesh: Nahi nahi Vishnu uske bare mein muje koi shikayat nahi,
2 din lagatar soya tha main unki dava se.
Or ye kya 800 rupaye khoon badhane ke liye.
Vishnu: 800 [ screams] baap re…

Umesh: Dr.Suri gar aap aise he dava dete rahe to main bahut jaldi
theek ho jaunga. Agar aap chahte ho ke kaam pe raho to aise bill
banana band kar dijiye…………pura kitna hua abhi tak
ka….hmmmmmm 500,500,800... Kul mila ke 1800 par ab to isliye
bhi shikayat kaise kar sakta hun. Pichle mahine to pure 8000
rupaye ka bill aaya tha, isliye meri tabiyat kuch theek nahi lag rahi
hai………… Vishnu ye lo paise le jaaka Dr.Suri KO de aaoo…
arre kahan chala gauaaaaa,,,,, kambakht nalaayak. Kisi ko meri
parvah he nahi hai hamese muje akela chord jaate hain.
Vishnuuuu!! behra ho gaya hai kya? Vishnuuuuu! Vishnuuuu!!
arre tu muje murne ke liye akela chord gaya Vishnuuuuu.

Vishnu: Sir aapne bulaya……

Umesh: Maine bulaya ……ooo meri chati phool rahi hai.

Vishnu: Itni zor zor se chill rahe the ki mera sar hi phoot gaya.

Umesh: Tum kahan cahle gaya tha…

Vishnu: oh …. Oh…..oh…

Umesh: Chup kar main tujhe daantna chahta hoon…

Vishnu: Accha dantna or Jo mera sar phooota wo

Umesh: JO mera saans phoola wo kuch nahi

Vishnu: mera sar phoota, aapka saans phoola. Hisaab barabar .ab na aapki
na
meri.
Umesh: Kya bola kambakhat, nalayak, bevakoof… jis thali mein khata hain
usi mein ched karta hai… ye sila de raha hai tu mere namak ka…..

Vishnu: or jyada bologe to mai Ghar chor ke chala jaunga… Sahab!!

Umesh: itni der tak muje akela chor kr kahan gaya tha!!

Vishnu: Mai jaa raha hu sahib!! Main jaa raha hu!!

Umesh: Nalayak main mar jata to?

Vishnu: Aap apne bare main hi sochte rehta h.. Kitni jor se chot lagi h
mujhe!!

Umesh: nalayak tuje to main daant bhi nahi sakta bachpan se jo pala hai...

Vishnu: accha chalo daant lo koi baat nahi accha lagta hai… daant lijiye…..

Umesh: Accha accha ye sub chor! Ye le paise or Dr. Suri ko de aa. Accha
ek baat bata tujhe kya lagta hai meri tabiyat theek ho jaayegi.

Vishnu: ab main kya bolu…… ye sub to Dr, Suri he bata painge…..akhir

wo he to paise le rahe hain pure 1800...

Umesh: Meri doosri dava ka time ho raha hai!! Jara tayyar to kr de Vishnu!

Vishnu: Dr. Suri ne to aapko sahi bakra bana rakha hai….. itni davaiyaan
kyon lete ho akhir!

Umesh: Chup kar bevakoof nalayak Dr. log bade padhe likhe hote hain. Tu
thehri anpadh murakh…….. aahkir bander kya jaane adrak ka swad……….
Accha SHIKHA kahan hai, use bula mujhe use kuch batana hai…………..
Shikahaaaaaa Shikhaaaaa ab wo bhi behri ho gayi kya?????

Vishnu: Arre itna chillaoge to saans fir phool jayega

[Shikha Enters]
Shikha: Vishnu… Vishnu

Vishnu: Shikha tumhare papa….

[Shikha takes her inside her room]

Shikha: Dekho mujhe dekho to….

Vishnu: bahut sunder lag rahi ho Sikha baby

Shikha: OOOOO… Vishnu main kitni khush hun aaj!

Vishnu: kahan ja rahi ho Sikha baby?

Shikha: Accha tum batao?

Vishnu: Aur kahan! Jaroor Rahul baba se hi milne jaa rahi hogi!!……
pichle 6 dono se tumhare muh se Rahul ki veer gatha he to sun raha hoon….
Oh Rahul ye .. Rahul Wo…Vishnu Rahul ka Guitar, Uska gana, uska
style!!!

Shikha: Agar pata he the to paucha kyu?

Vishnu: [ laughs] Bap re itna gussa!!…

Shikha: han han main manti hoon ke 6 din se main lagatar Rahul ki he bat
kar rahi hoon par Vishnu tum hi to meri Sacche dost ho!. Aur kaun hai mera,
jis se main apne man ki baat kar sakti hun!!………
Vishnu ek baat bata ……. Kya main galat hoon?

Vishnu: Nhai nahi Shikha baby bilkul nahi !!…….

Shikha: Kya muje Rahul ke bare mein nahi sochna chahiye?

Vishnu: Aisa mat socho!!

Shikha : Kya mujhe us se pyar nahi karna chahiye?

Vishnu: Nahi Sikha baby! Rahul baba acche h!.

Shikha: Vishnu ek baat bata hum dono ek ho jayenge na?

Vishnu: Aisa hoga lagta to hai.

Shikha: Wo itna accha hai na Vishnu aur handsome bhi……….

Par sabse mushkil bat to ye hai ki…

Vishnu: tumhare…..[together with Shikha] papa

Shikha: ooo Vishnu agar papa nahi mane to mera kya hoga?

Umesh: Shikha shikha..!!

Vishnu: Shhhshhhh tumhare papa

Umesh: Aahaa Shikha bete yahan ho tum. Idhar aaoo mujhe tumko ek khush
khabri deni hai.. tumhare liye ek bahut accha rishta aayaa hai. Wah kitna
accha rishta hai…. Are dekho meri beti ka rishta aaya hai….. aur mujhe
poochne ki zaroorat bhi nahi padegi ki…. are you ready or not?

Shikha: [shying] Papa aap jo chahte ho wahi hoga

Umesh: Deko Vishnu, kitni acchi beti hai meri. Tumhare sauteli maa
Bhavana hamesha yahi chahta hai k tumhen aur tumhare choti behn ko
tumhare Bhatinda vali bua ji k ghar bhej dia jaye. Akir uski bhi to koi santan
nahi hai!!

Vishnu: Bhavana madam to humaisa apne bare main hi sochti h.

Umesh: Bhavana is rishte se naaraz thi par maine baat rakhi aur usko man-
na hi pada!!

Shikha: aapki baat taali bhi nahi ja sakti. Papa!!

Vishnu: Zindagi mein aapne pehli bar koi accha kaam kiya! Sahab!
Umesh: Chup kar Vishnu!

Umesh: Abhi tak to ladke ko dekha nahi par suna hai bahut sunder hai !!
Shikha: haan papa wakeyii main sunder hai.

Umesh: Accha! Kya tum dono pehle mil chuke ho?

Shikha: Aapse jhoot nahi bolungi papa! 6 din pehle college mein program
tha!! Hum dono wahi mile aur pyar ho gaya!

Umesh: wah ye to bahut acchi baat hai! Aur sun ne mein yeh bhi aaya hai
ke ladka gora bhi hai!

Shikha: haan papa!

Umesh: kad bhe theek thak hai!

Shikha : haan papa ekdam sahi!

Umesh: Aur kya personality h!

Shikha: haan papa kya personality hai!!

Umesh: Pariwaar wale bhi bahut acche hai!!

Shikha: haan papa acche he honge?

Umesh: aur Kuch dino mein Doctor bhi ban ne wala hai!!

Shikha: Doctor!!……! wo to….. .par … wo to …. Ek ACTOR hai!!

Umesh: Actor ! kya usne ye nahi Bola ke woh Doctari ki padhai kar raha
hai!

Shikha : nahi kabhi nahi…. Apko kaise pata!!

Umesh: Dr.Suri ne bataya!

Shikha: Dr.Suri use jaante hain!!

Umesh: kya bakwaas kar rahi ho! kya wo apne bhateje ko nahi pechaanege!
Shikha: Rahul! Aur Dr. Suri ka bhatija!!!!!!!!!

Umesh : ab ye Rahul kaun si marz ki dava hai? Hum uske bare main baat
kar rahe hain jis se tari shaadi hone wali hai!!

Shikha: haan haan main bhi to usi Rahul ki baat kar rahi hun!!

Umesh : tumhari shaadi Dr.Suri ke bhateje se hone wali hai “Dr. Naveen
Chawla” se!! Mr Chawla ke bete se….. Aur ye Rahul kaun si chidiya hai?
Sun le Dr Naveen !! Rahul nahi…….. Dr.Naveen…..kan khol kar sun le.
Pichle hafte he maine aur Dr.suri ne ye proposal dala tha… aur aaj
Mr.Chawla aur Naveen aa rahe hain tuje dekhne………
Aur tu ro kyon rahi hai ja Muh dho kar aaa….

Shikha: ooooo papa how could u do this to me!!… mera Rahul [ and she
goes inside the room]

Vishnu: Sahab aap aise sooch bhi kaise sakte ho … ek Dr. ke saath
shaadi….

Umesh: chupkar aur meri Rifel la aaj doon ko uda dunga!!

Vishnu: gussa mat kijiye saahab……magar Naveen Chawala k saath he

kyon?

Umesh: Isliye bewaqkoof kyon ki main bimaar hun.roz roz davai ka

kharcha!
…to kya ye theek nhi rahega ke mera daamaad he mera ilaaj kare!

Vishnu: wo bat to sahi hai… par aaap vakayii mein bimaar ho kya?

Umesh: kya bewakoof main bimaar nahi hoon?

[thinks a while]
oh ohohh …. Meri saaans phool rahi hai…

Vishnu: haan sir khush ho jao aap bahut bimar ho……. Par yeh to sochiye
aapki beti to bimaar nahi or shaadi usko karni hai aapko nahi..

Umesh: apne papa ki jaan bachane ke liye usko ye shaadi karni he hogi.
Vishnu: wo bhi nahi manege!! Kyuki wo bhe aap ki hi beti h!!

Umesh: aisa bhi nahi ke Naveen acche khandaan ka nahi! 2 crore ka bangle
hai Greater Kailash main!

Vishnu: haan haan us ke Mata Pita ne bahut saare marijon ka khoon jo piya
hoga!

Umesh: ab tu mera khoon pina band karega ya main apni rifel uthaun….
Maine ek bar apna mann bana liya to bas samajh lo ke patther ki lakir kich
gayi…..

Vishnu: nahi saahab apka dil patthar nahi…… agar aap ek bar apni beti ki
ankhon mein aansoo dekhenge to aapka patthar dil pighal jayega!!

Umesh: haan haan main patthar tha , patthar hoon, aur patthar rahunga… aur
tu bhi kaan khol kar sun le ki tu bhe is patthar ka naukar hai.

Vishnu: to Apne sir phor lo is patthar ke naukr se!!

Umesh: oooooofffff meri saans phool rahi hai… tum mujhe maar hi
daloge….. Are kambakhat jara Bhavana ko to bulao…..Bhavna Bhavna
idhar aaooo suno is kambakht ki baatein

[BHAVNA enters]

Bhavna: [very sweetly] what happened darling ….. kya hua?????

Umesh: jaan! Main mar raha hun….

Bhavna: huun Sacchi [happily]………huun Kya Jaan![afraidedly]…OOOO

jaan aise mat bolo!!

Umesh: dekho ye kambakhat Vishnu ko!! ye kya bakwaas kar raha hai….

Bhavna: chillao mat jaan aapki tabiyat ke liye theek nahi h!!

Umesh: wahi to!! Aur ye kehta hai k meri tabiyat bilkul theek h!!
Bhavna: aap chinta mat kijiye main abhi is se baat karti hun!.

Umesh: Ghar se nikaal de ise……. Ruko! Tum aisa karo meri rifel le aao!
AAj main is musibat ko jad se hi khatm kiye deta hun..

Bhavna: Jaan! Aisa mat karo! Tum to jante ho main to tumhari dekhbhal
karte karte bahut kamjor ho gayi hu! Ab ye naukar hi to h jo ghar ke kaam,
tumhari dava aur sikha ke nakhre uthata h! agar ye chala gaya to humara kya
hoga!!

Bhavna: Aur Jaan!! hamara Vishnu na kewal imaandar hai balki wafadar
bhi h……. Aap aaraam karo main us se baat karti hun….. Vishnu…. Vishnu

Vishnu: ji madam!

Bhavna: Vishnu! aakhir tum saahab ko kyon pareshaan kar rahe ho!!

Vishnu: par madam main to sabka bhala chahta hun! sahib chahte hain ke
Shikha baby ki shaadi Dr.Naveen Chawla ke sath kar di jaye!

Bhavna: Actually you are quiet right [gives a wicked smile] Shikha ko to
Bhatinda wali bua ji ke ghar he bheej dena chahiye!

Arre dekhiye aapki saaans phool rahi hai……chaliye bedroom mein jakar
letiye……Vishnu aaooo zara madad karo…chalo inko bed par letaao…
Vishnu takiya to dena… ek peeche rakho…pair ke neeche do rakho.. ek
kamar ke neeche

Vishnu: aur ek kaan pe.

Umesh: ye kya kar rahe ho tum!! Mujhe maar he daaloge kya! uuff ooo hhh
meri saans!

Bhavna: jaan lete raho jaan.

Umesh: is ghar mein ek tum he ho sweetheart jo sabse zyada mera khyal

rakhti ho.. main bahut dino se apni will banane ki soch raha hun

Bhavna: hain …sacchi!!

Abi aise mat socho tum…… par if u insist to aisi koi baat bhi nahi!!

Umesh: maine ek lawyer ko bhe bulaya tha!!. lekin agar tum mana kar rahi
ho to..

Bhavna: Nahi nahi wo to bahar he baitha hai.. ab wo aa he gaya hai to kaam

kar he dalo….. aise accha nahi lagta na!!
Main unhe bulati hu!!

(Bhavna meeting with Chaddha in saperate room)

Bhavna: Hi Chaddha ji!

Chaddha: Kaisi ho Bhavna!

Bhavna: main to Thek hu! Tum batao?

Chaddha: Mai Bhe thek hu.

Bhavna: Mai to parashan aa gayi hu is buddhe ko Jaan Jaan bolkr. Pata nahi
kab is buddhe ko maut aayegi!

Chaddha: Dekhne main to ek dum hast pust h. Magar humesha khud ko

bimaar bata ta h.

Bhavna: Chaddha ji aap jaldi se will bana do, taki mujhe is buddhe se mukti
mil jaye!

Chaddha: Are Bhawna tum bolo aur hum na kare! Aisa kabhi hua h! maine
draft bana liya h… bus ek baar Approval mil jaye..!

Bhavna: Approve to main karwa ki lungi.. Bus ek baar will mare naam ho
jaya fir hum dona 50-50!!

Chaddha: Are Bhavna 50-50 kyu fir to dono ka 100/- % hoga na Jaan!!

Bhavna: Bus jaldi se ye Buddha mar jaya of fir hum dono ek ho jayange!!

Chaddha: Bhavna tum bus is buddhe ko pata kr rakho.. Aur jaldi se ye will
approve kara lo baki sub main samhhal lunga!
Uhh… aah .. aah uhh ( Umesh’s voice is coming from another room)

Bhavna: Chalo ab Buddhe ke pass chalte h… kahi buddhe ko hum per shak
na ho jaye.
Chaddha: Chalo Jaan! Aur kuch din ki baat h fir to apni aish hi aish hai!!
Ha ha ha

(Both are moving to another room)

Chaddha: Namaskaar! Umesh Ji!

Umesh: Are aaiyee Chaddha ji!

Chaddha: Ab aap ki tabiyat kaisi hai? Suna h aap ki tabiyat bahut kharab
chal rahi h?

Umesh: Haan Chaddha ji! Mai bahut pareshan hu!

Chaddha: Bhavna bhe bahut duki h aap ki tabiyat ko le kr, bechari sukh kar
kanta ho gayi h!

Umesh: Chaddha sahab! Ek Bhavna hi to hai jo is ghar mai mere khayal

rakhti h!

Chaddha: Bilkul Sahi kaha aap ne!

Umesh: Chaddha ji! Aap se aaj kuch jaroori baat krni h. Aap meri patni ke
Jaan pechan wale hain to main soch raha tha ke aapse he apni will ke bare,
main baat karun.

Bhavna: aapki maut ke bare main to soch kar bhi rongte khade ho jate
hain…!!

Umesh: MAUT… hain…mm…aaa…uuu..ttt…

Bhavna: jaan! mere kehne ka matlab tha ke aapke jane ke baad main kiske
sahare jiyungi.. aapke alava mera hai he kaun..
Chaddha: aapke bad ye wakayii main kuch nahi kar sakti hain! kyonki
kanoon inke favour main nahi hai naa!

Umesh: wo kaise?

Chaddha: is tarah!! Kyonke ye aapki dusri patni hain aur aapki pehli patni
ke bacche abi tak zinda hain…! To is tarah Bhavna aap ki proparty ki
haqdaar hi nahi h!

Umesh: bhala ye bhe koi kanoon hua!! to Chaddha sahib aap he bataiye ke
mai kya karun

Chaddha: aap ek kaam kar sakte hain ki aap apne kisi khaas dost ya koi
humdard ko apni property de sakte hain! Jo Aap ke baad Aapki Beti aur
Biwi ka khayal rakh sake!

Umesh: ye sahi rahega… main to chahta hun mere pass abhi jo bhi ghar
main hai main turant apni jaan ko saunp du… tijori mein abhi kam se kam 2
Crore pade hue hain!!

Bhavna: kya kaha kitne pade hue hain….. don’t talk about money honey…..
But if u insist so …… to chalo will bana he lete hain after all its all about
money honey!!

[VISHNU ENTERS WITH SHIKHA]

Vishnu: dekha!!…… sunli tumne apni sauteli maa ki batein!!

Shikha: Vishnu main papa ki will main kahin kuch jagah nahi chahti main
bus unke dil main jagah chahti hun…. Vishnu mujhe chod ke mat chale
jana! Plz main akaili pad jaaungi….

Vishnu: main tumhain akela kabhi nahi chodunga Baby ji. Tumhare maa
samajhti hai ke main unka humdard hun . magar wo yeh nahi jaanti ke main
unka humdard kum sardard zyada hun…..tum chinta mat karo.. ab time aa
gaya tumhare Ramesh chachu ko sub batane ka!!
 [BLACK OUT]

Scene 2
[Rahul knocks the door……….. Vishnu opens the door]

Rahul: kaise ho Vishnu??

Vishnu: array Rahul baba aap …. Aap yahan kya kar rahe hain?

Rahul: aaj subah Shikha ka phone aya tha ke uske papa ne uski shaadi kahin
aur pakki kar di hai isliye main yahan aaya hun…… magar ye kisis ko bhi
pata nahi chalna chaheyi ke Rahul aaya hai…….. balki Rahul nahi!! Shikha
ke music teacher ka assistant aya hai.

[ At the back Umesh coughs]

Umesh: lagta hai exercise ka samay ho gaya.

Vishnu: tez mat bolo Shikha baby ke papa ki awaaz sunaii de rahi hai…
tum yahin baitho mai aata hun…

Umesh: DR.Suri ne bataya tha ke mujhe roz is kamre ke 12 chakkar lagane

hain magar unhone ye nahi bataya ke is taraf se ya us taraf se.????????/

Vishnu: Sahab Chakkar to chakkar hote h.. chahe kisi bhe taraf se laga lo!

Umesh: Thek hai! Thek hai!

Vishnu: Sahab apse kai milne aya hai!

Umesh: Zor se baat mat karo tumhe pata hai na ke main bimaar huun.

Vishnu: magar saahab aapse koi milne aaya hai..

Umesh: zor se mat bol kaha na… kaan dard karta hai… mai bimaar hoon

Vishnu: [silently] sahib aapse koi milne aaya hai.

Umesh: kya bol raha hai? Zara ooncha bol kuch samajh nahi aa raha hai.

Vishnu: [ loudly] koi milne aay hai….

Umesh: accha accha theek hai……unko bitha main aata hun..

Rahul: namaste sir, main aapki beti k guitar teacher ka assistant hu!

Vishnu: zor se mat bolo mere sahib ki tabiyat theek nahi h!

Rahul: aapse milkar khushi hui!

Vishnu: kya bol rahe ho khushi hui! tumhe dikhta nahi ke mere sahib ki
tabiyat kitni kharaab hai……. Or tumhae khushi ho rahi hai!

Rahul: par dekhne mein to acche bhale lag rahe hain.

Vishnu: accha !! arre sahib to aise lag rahe hain ki mano abhi abhi apni
kabar se uth kar aaye ho… zindagi main itne bimaar kabhi nahi hue….. kyon
saahab theek bol raha hun na…

Umesh: sahi bol rahe ho Vishnu……sahi bol rahe ho...

Vishnu: dusron ki tarah khate zaroor hai, sote zaroor main par bahut bimaar
rehte hain…

Umesh: sahi bol rahe ho Vishnu…

Vishnu: sahaab dekh lo aapne jaisa bola the apun usi mafik bol re la hai

Rahul: aapki tabiyat ke bare mein sunkar bahut dukh hua!

Umesh: accha bolo kya kaam hai?

Rahul: sir! aapki beti ke music teacher ki bhi tabiyat kuch kharab chal rahi
hai! isliye is hafte ki classes main he lunga!

Umesh: acchi baat hai……Vishnu jaake Shikha ko bula lao….

Vishnu: sahib! kya ye behtar nahi rahega ke music sir apni classes Shikha
baby ke room mein he jaaker de dein?

Umesh: bilkul nahi.

Vishnu: fir wo kaise padhayange or seekhaiyange! wo yahan rahenge to kafi

shor hoga……aur aapki tabuyat bhi kharab hai… is hisaab se itni aawaaz
apkeliye theek nahi….!

Umesh: bewakoof muje meri beti ki aawaaz pasand hai… aur dekho wo aa
gayi…… or jaake dekho Bhavna tayyaar hui k nahi…..

Shikha tumhare music teacher ki tabiyat kuch theek nahi isliye unhone apne
assistant ko bheja hai….

Shikha: oh….

Umesh: kya hua?

Shikha: kal raat ko main ne ek sapna dekha ki……....“kisi handsome hero

ne mujhe Gundon se bachaya aur aap yakeen nahi karenge aap ka chehra
ekdum bilkul us hero se milta hai…”

Rahul: I am highly honored to be present in your dreams beautiful lady.

Tring Tring.. Door Bell!

Vishnu: Lo lagta h Mr.Chawla or Dr.Naveen Chawla aa gaye hain!

Sir aap kitna sahi bol rahe the wakayii mein kithe sunder hai aapka hone
wala damaad…… usne do shabd bole aur main to mantra mugdh ho gayi…

Umesh: music sir! aap kahan jaa rahe hain zara rukiye main chahta hun ke
aap bhi mere hone wale damaad se milein…. Baithiye!

[Vishnu opens the door , Mr.Chawla bows down and says namsate]
Umesh: mai zyada jhuk nahi sakta, mai bimaar hun…..Dr.Suri ne zyada
jhukne se mana kiya hai!

Mr.Chawla: mere Cousin vakayi mein kafi acche Dr. hain…

[Together Mr.Chawla and Umesh]

Aap se milkar bahut khushi hui….

Umesh: aaeeye ander aaiye.

Mr.Chawla: kitna sunder ghar hai [ smiles ].. Jaroor 4-5 Crore ka to hoga
hi! Naveen beta you are so lucky jo tumhe shadi ke liye itna accha rishta
mila h..!
Naveeen aakhir tum bhi kuch bolo….

Naveen: Dady! Should I Start! Now.

Mr.Chawla: haan bacche shuru karo…..

[Naveen takes out his paper]

Naveen: meri sunderta ki murat…… oh sorry ! Sasur ji wala paragraph

kahan gaya!!
Sir mai aapko parnaam aur namaskaar karta hu!
aap mere pita samaan hai! aise pita jo mere pehle pite se bhi badhkar hain…
mere pehle pita ne to sirf mujhe janam dia hai… par aapne to mujhe jiwan
daan diya hai apni beti saunpkar.. apni beti saunpkar apni beti
saunpkar--------3

Mr.Chawla: beta saunp di aage bhe kuch bolo….

Naveen: ji Dady! Saunpkar mujh nacheez par aisa upkaar kiya hai jo main
zindagi bhar nahi bhul sakta….isliye main aapko puri zindagi ka pranaam
karta huun….

Vishnu: dekha sir! kitne smart aur intelligent hain aapke hone wala
damaad...
Naveen: Dady! kaisa tha…..?

Mr.Chawla: bahut accha tha mere laal.. Mare Kohinoor … meri aankho
mein to paani he aa gaaya!

Umesh: Shikha, Naveen se kuch to baat karo..

Naveen: madam, mai aapko sakshat parnaam karta hu ke bhagwan ne

mujhe aisi saas di hai..

Umesh: Beta! ye meri Biwi Bhavna nahi ! meri beti Shikha hai..

Naveen: sorry meri sunderta ki murat, surya ki kiran, lehron ke swar, aapki
is sunderta ko dekh kar Phool, Patte, Chaand, Sitare, North pole, South pole
Solar system sab mugadh ho chuke hain. Mera hridaye sirf aapke liye
dhadakta hai or dhadakta rahega….

Vishnu: kash mai bhi itna padha likha hota!!

Umesh: Mr.Chawla aapka beta wakayii mein bahut hoshiyaar hai..

Mr.Chawla: main jaanta hu mera beta ek hira hai “A Kohinoor Diamond”.

Aisa hira milna bahut mushkil hai….. college mein itni acchi padhai ki uske
thesis ne aasman ko chu liya…

Naveen: Shikha! main aapke liye wahi as a gift laya hun ye lo mera thesis
as a gift!….. ek anokhi murat ke liye…

Shikha: mujhe medical science samajh nahi aati..

Naveen : Koi baat nahi Shikha! Mere sath rehogi to sub sekh jaogi!

Vishnu: Ye muje de do main ise bathroom mein jaakar rakh deta hu! sahib
hamesha bathroom main kitab padhte hain.

Naveen: agle hafte main tumhein bahar ghumane le jaana chahta hu, apne
medical college…… jahan main ek body ka Operation karne wala hu….. It
will be a nice experience for you.
Vishnu: wah kya kehne! Naveen Babu! baki log pehli mulakaat main
ghumne phirne jate hai aur ye janab Operation ke liye le jaa rahe hain!!

Umesh: chup kar bevakoof padhe likhe log aise he karte hain!
Ye meri beti ke music teacher hain… sir! aaap kuch gaa kar kyon nahi
sunate…..

Rahul: sir main kuch gaake to nahi suna paaunga par, par main ek naatak
ka ansh aapke saamne pesh karunga jiski heroin aapki beti Shikha hai..
Chalo Shikha shuru karein…

Shikha: Please Papa!

Umesh: acchi baat hai…

Rahul: ye kahani ek gariib handsome ladke ki hai jo ek din kisi ke chillane

ki aawaaz sunta hai aur jab wo mudkar dekhta hai to ek ladki ko kuch
gundon se ghira hua pata hai!! Tabhi wo apni jaan pe khelkar us ladki ko un
gundon se bachata hai…. Aur fir un dono main pyar ho jaata hai magar uske
baap ne uski shadi kahin aur tay kar di hai…

Naveen: oh Dady! Ab kya hoga….

Mr Chawla: Don’t worry beta! Jo hoga accha hi hoga!

Rahul: ab wo ladka bhes badal kar ek din us ladki ke ghar pahuch jaat hai
aur wahan wo ladki ke baap ke dhoonde hue ladke ko dekh kar jal bhun jaat
hai aur apni heroin ke pass jakaar, uska haath pakad kar kehta hai--------------

“the love of my life, I deeply care about you……….. is rishte ko todkar

mere pass aa jao”

Shikha: ooo mere sapno ke handsome hero main kya karoo mujhe kuch
samajh main nahi aa raha..

Rahul: tum meri ho aur meri he rahogi . tum apne papa ko chorkar mere
pass aa jao!

Umesh: ye sab sunkar uske papa kya bolte hain?

Rahul: sir, fir uske papa jaan jate hain ke wahi ladka wakayii main smart
hai and unki beti ke layak bhi..!
Phir wo apni beti ki shaadi usi ladke se kar dete hain…

Umesh: band karo ye bakwass. Aisa stupid Pppa Maine zindagi main nahi
dekhe! Vishnu inko darwaze tak chodkar aaooo!!

Aaoooo Bhavna apne hone wale damaad se milo.

Naveen: madam main aapko namaskaar aur pranaam karta hun mai khush
naseeb hun ke bhagwaan ne mujhe aise saas di hai.

Bhavna: aapse milkar bahut khushi hui! Kitna accha beta h aap ka!

Mr Chawla: Mera beta bahut hosiyaar h! aur kyu na ho iski mummy is roj
badam jo khilati h!

Naveen: Daddy main bhul gaya aage kya bolna tha!

Mr.Chawla: koi baat nahi beta! Better luck next time..

Naveen: kya mummy! ye koi world cup ki britania wali scheme thodi hai k
better luck next time…..

Mr.Chawla: koi baat nahi bacche. Jo likh kr laye the wo to acche se use kar
liya na!

Umesh: Bhavna bahut dair laga di tumne!

Vishnu: madan bahut kuch miss kar dia aapne dusra baap, sunderta ki
murat, Operation, handsome ladka , thesis…aur jane kya kya!

Umesh: chup kar bewakoof……. Shikha bete apne hone wale pati ko apne
room mein le jao…

Mr Chawla: Haan beta! Aur ander se kundi band jaroor kar lena!

Shikha: magar papa humain thoda time dejiye. Mai shaadi ke liye abhi
tayyar nahi hu.
Naveen: time ki kya zaroorat hai I am always there for you 24 hrs
emergency. Mai tumhe bahut pyar karunga apni Medical Science ki tarah!!

Umesh: shaadi ke baad time hi time hai….

Naveen: Dady! kehte hai badon ki baat hamesha maan leni chahiye!

Umesh: Kitna hosiyaar beta h tumhar!

Shikha: shaadi ke liye main abhi thoda prepare hona chahti hun… kuch log
pyar ke liye shaadi karte hain to kuch paise ke liye!

Bhavna: what do you mean by this? Main ja rahi hu! mujhe Mr Chaddha se
bhi milna hai…. Main ghar aakar baat karoongi!!

Mr Chawla: Shikha beta! Waise to Naveen ke rishton ki line lagi hui h,

laking hum Dr. Suri ki baat tal nahi sakte! Beta pyar vyar to shadi ke baad
bhe ho jata h magar accha ladka baar baar nahi milta..!

Umesh: Aap Bilkul sahi bol rahe h Chawla ji!!

Mr.Chawla: Accha ab hum dono ko bhi nikalna chaiye Shadi ki tayariyan

jo karni h! Aur haan umash ji! Ghar jaroor ayianga Sikha beta ko le kr..
ankhir aap ki beti bhe to apne sasural ko dekh le!

Shikha: Vishnu idhar aaoo tumhare liye kuch kaam hai!

Umesh: Naveen Beta! jane se pehle meri pulse to check karte jaaoo. Main
bimaar hu.

Naveen: Pulse kuch theek nahi hai….

Umesh: bahut khoob.

Naveen: kuch jyada bhari hai.

Umesh: excellent…
Naveen: bhari bhi nahi keh sakte thodi jumpi jumpi jumpi hai….iska matlab
hai ke aapki kidneys mein kuch gadbad hai…
Umesh: Lekin Dr.Suri to keh rahe the ki mere liver main kuch gadbad hai…

Naveen: koi baat nahi Sir! ye medical science ne nayi bimaari detect ki hai
which is called shifting pain!

Umesh: to is mein kuch specific diet leni hoi hai kya..

Naveen: G nahi…. Diet wahi rahegi bas aap khane ki jagah ko shift karte
rahiyega….

Mr.Chawla: chalo beta chalte hai… ok thank you bhai sahib

[Umesh shuts the door]

Talks himself: shifting pain -2 and then says Vishnu aaj raat ka khana
mujhe bed room mein dena……….

Vishnu: Aur kal subah ka break fast Bath room main!

Scene 3
Ramesh: to bhaiya ab aapki tabiyat kaisi hai…..

Umesh: bahut bimaar hu…

Ramesh: bahut bimaar!!!!!!????

Umesh: bhai I am too weak to talk….

Ramesh: baat to karni he hogi. I want to talk about Shikha.

Umesh: uske bare main to baat bhi mat karo. Main use bhatinda bhejne wala
huun….

Vishnu: sahib aapki dava.

Umesh: mai thak gaya hu. Main apne kamre main jaakar let ta hu…
Vishnu: dheere dheere chaliye aap bahut bimaar hain…..

Umesh: kya… haan haan … bimaar hoon -2

Vishnu: Ramesh saahab ab kya hoga… agar Shikha baby ko bhatinda bhej
dia to Rahul ka kya hoga!

Aaap mera saath denge to meri pass ek idea hai …….

Ramesh: mujhe kya karna hoga….

Vishnu: kuch nahi waise he kariye jaise main kehta hu!

Ramesh: bhaiya gussa mat hoiyega ek baat puchoon.

Umesh: accha accha bata.

Ramesh: itna paisa hai aapke pass to aap kyon Shikha ko bhatinda bhejna
chahte hain! Aankhir wo hi to aap ki jaydad ki ikloti waarish h!

Umesh: Shikha ki sauteli maa bhi yahi chahta hai ke aisa he ho….

Ramesh: aisa bolna to nahi chaiye magar aisa karke Bhavna ko kuch to
faiyda jaroor hoga!

Umesh: tum Bhavna ko yu hi koste rehte ho….. agar Shikha ne us Dr. se

shaadi nahi ki to mera kya hoga…..

Ramesh: magar use shaadi apne liye karni hai aapke liye nahi! Ab to aisa
lagne laga hai k Agar Shikha ki shadi Dr. se hi hui to ye to pakka hai ke
Choti ke liye compounder he best rahega…. Kyon bhaiya.

Umesh: Kya baat h bhai! ye to maine socha he nahi tha kya solid idea dia
hai…

Vishnu: aur gupta niwas ki jagah par bahar likha do Gupta dispensary. Aur
usme head of the patient’s mere sahib gupta sahib!

Ramesh: bhaiya aap koi bimaar vimaar nahi ho.Ye to keval aap ka veham h!
Umesh: kya matlab hai tumhara

Ramesh: bhaiya aap zinda ho aur yahi ek sabse bada proof hai ke aap
acche bhale ho…

Umesh: agar Dr.Suri mujhe dava nahi dete to kab ka guzar chuka hota…

Ramesh: itni dava khaoge to jaldi he guzar jaaooge!

Umesh: kya tumhein davai aur doctaron par koi bharosa nahi…

Ramesh: Main bhagwan per vishwas rakhta hu aur khus rehta hu….aapko
kuch hasi mazaak ke natak dekhne chahiye aap waise he theek ho
jaayenge…

Vishnu: kya Ramesh saahaab roz to ye sheesha dekhte hain aaj tak to theek
hue nahi…

Umesh: tum jaante nahi ho main kitna bimaar hun jab dekho baak baak
karte rehte ho….. meri rifle kahan hai!

Ramesh: control yourself bahiya! Agar Shikha Dr.Naveen se shaadi nahi

karna chahti hai aur Rahul se karna chahta hai to isme bura he kya hai…….
Shaaadi force karke nahi karni chahiye! Shadi do dilon ka Milan aur pyaar
ka bandhan h!

Umesh: Kyonki Shikha is shadi se raazi nahi hai isliye use bhatinda bhejna
hi hoga

Ramesh: Aur fir apki patni ko aaraam hi aaraam! Ye hi to chahti hai

bhavna!

Vishnu: Ramesh sir Bhavna madam ke bare mein bura mat boliye wo
saahaab se sacche dil se prem karti hain!

Umesh: Vishnu sahi keh raha hai kitna dhyaan rakhti hai wo mera!

Vishnu: Ramesh sir main aapko saabit karke dikha sakti hu ke Bhavna
madam vakayiee main saahab se bahut pyar karti hain!
Ramesh: wo kaise!

Vishnu: Bhavna madam bas aati he hongi… umesh sir aap aisa kijiye ki is
bister par late jaaiiye aur marne ka natak kijiye…. Bahut der tak marne ka
natak nahi kijiyega.. warno wo bhi marjayenge!

Umesh: bahut accha idea hai… Ramesh jaaoo aur chup jaaoo…. Ye karne
se meri tabiyat kharab to nahi hogi na Vishnu…

Vishnu: nahi sir! jaldi kijiye Bhavna madam idhar hi aa rahi hain
Haaaye haaye ye kya ho gya……

Bhavna: kya hua Vishnu ro kyon rahe ho…….

Vishnu: kya batau madam aap pagal ho jaaoogi

Bhavna: aarree bata to sahi hua kya…..

Vishnu: bhavna madam sahib guzar gaye……

Bhavna: hain sacchi!! to ro kyon rahe ho…..

Vishnu: oooo sahib abhi mar gaye… dekhiye kaise lete hue hain…

Bhavna: ro mat bewkoof bhagwaan ka lakh lakh shukr hai ke wo mar gaye.
Zindagi main kisi ka bhala to kia nahi except Dr.Suri.

Vishnu: kya humain rona nahi chahiye madam!

Bhavna: Vishnu pehle tu meri madad kar bahut paise gin ne hain. Abhi kisi
ko kano kaan khabar bhi nahi honi chahiye ke wo nahi rahe….pehle tijori
khol kar 20 lakh rupaye le lete hain.hamesha tijoro ki chabiyan unki jeb
main rehti hain chal use dhondte hain…

Umesh: araam se dhoondo madam aaraam se!

Bhavana: [screams] bhoot-4

Umesh: to jaan main jaan gaya hun ke yahi hai tumhare pyar!! Nikal jaao
yahn se main tumhari shakl bhi nahi dekhna chahta…..

Ramesh: dekha bhaiya maine kya kaha tha! Ye aurat keval apne fayde ke
liye hi sikha ko bhatinda bhejna chahti tha!

Vishnu: mujhe yakin nahi ho raha hai.

Chup ho jaayiye Shikha ki aawaz sunai de rahi hai… kyon na behti ganga
main haath dho lain, Shikha ke dil main kya hai yeh bhi jaan lain.

Aap late jaayie

Oooo….shikha baby dekho to ye kya ho gaya…. Sahib swarg sidhar gaye…

Shikha: Vishnu kya bakwass kar rahe ho…

Vishnu: haan Shikha baby yahi sach hai …… sahib ab nahi rahe….

Shikha: mere papa guzar gaye… ye kya ho gaya… papaaaaaaaaaaa

Ooo Rahul dekho to ye kya ho gaya…

Rahul: arre ye kya ho gaya. Main abhi tumhare papa se tumhare hath
maangne he wala tha ke wo chal diye !

Shikha: main shaadi ke bare main soch bhi nahi sakti… meri wajah se he
mere papa guzar gaye.mujhe aapko itna dukh nahi dena chahiye tha.. plz
wapis aa jaeeye na papa… plzzz!!

Umesh: meri pyari beti main laut aaya…… itni pyari beti ko dekh kar muje
itni khushi ho rahi hai….

Shikha: papa muje maaf kar do magar main Dr.Naveen se shaad nahi kar
sakti.

Ramesh: Umesh Bhaiya! Agar wo Rahul se pyar karti h to ishme harz hi

kya h! Rahul bhe accha ladka h aur wo humari shiskha ko humaisa khus
rakhega!
Rahul: sir, hum dono ka pyar atoot hai….. plz aap humari shadi ke liye razi
ho jaayiye aap bolo to main Dr. compounder nurse kuch bhi ban ne ke liye
tayyar hun. Lekin aap raazi ho jaeeye.

Umesh: Vishnu tumne sach kaha tha. Dekho aaj meri beti ke aansuoon ne
mujh patthar dil ko pighla hi diya….

Ramesh: bhaiya rukiye, aap khud kyon nahi Dr. ban jaate…. Aur apne
aapko dava khud diya kijiye…

Vishnu: haan sahib sun ne main bhi kitna sunder lagta hai Dr. Umesh Gupta

Umesh: mazaak chodo mai bahut bhudda ho chuka hu…

[ All Characters Except Umesh say]

Agar MUNNA BHAI MBBS HO SAKTA HAI TO AAP KYON NAHI!!!

Curtain Close
Character Actor’s Name Contact No Email Id
Shikha Neha Bishnoi 9871153795 v.nehab@gmail.com
Naveen Chawla Deepak Kumar 9899783064 deepak1563@gmail.com
Umesh Lalit Kaushik 9871702023 Lalitkaushik817@gmail.com
Mr. Chaddha Kumar Sambhav 9910681573 Sambhav.kumar2@yahoo.co.in
Vishnu Banty Singh 9899250920 Treasure2410@gmail.com
Rahul Manjit Singh 8373905188 Manjit.singh@aonhewitt.com
Bhavana
Ramesh
Director Gauri 9810556679
Schedule Scene Timing Absent Record Tracker
03/11/2012 Scene-3 2-4 pm
17/11/2012 Scene-2 2-4 Pm
24/11/2012 Scene-1 2-4 Pm
01/12/2012
15/12/2012 Tenitive
22/12/2012
19/01/2013
26/01/2013
02/02/2013
09/02/2013
16/02/2013
23/02/2013
24/02/2013
02/03/2013
03/03/2013
09/03/2012 Dress Rehearsal
10/03/2013 Dress Rehearsal