Order In The Court (The Incident)

Posted originally on the Archive of Our Own at http://archiveofourown.org/works/53961997.

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Archive Warning: No Archive Warnings Apply
Category: F/M
Fandom: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Relationship: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter
Characters: Sirius Black, James Potter, Lily Evans Potter
Additional Tags: lilypad bromance, Drunk Lily Evans Potter, James "I love her already"
Potter, Jury Duty, Fun, Drinking, Humor, Romance, Modern Marauders
(Harry Potter)
Language: English
Stats: Published: 2024-02-21 Words: 6,375 Chapters: 1/1
 Order In The Court (The Incident)
by PetalsinWoodvale

Summary

They would joke about ‘The Incident’ for years after, the story always becoming more
melodramatic with each theatrical retelling. It was Sirius’ favorite story to tell, and he recited
it at their wedding two years later.
“And it all started because I got called to jury duty…”

Notes

Eight years ago, I found myself trapped in jury duty, where the only instruction we received
was a stern warning against drinking during our lunch break, following what the lady in
charge ominously referred to as "The Incident." This fic originated from a lively group chat
with friends, where we speculated wildly about the nature of "the incident." I decided to
immortalize our guesses in writing, and the story grew from there. It was originally published
on A03 and fanfic platforms until it was taken down for minor edits. Now, it's making a
comeback, and I hope you enjoy it!

Also--guess who got Jury Summons for May 1?

RIP Petals
"Please, do find yourself a comfortable seat," the woman behind the front desk instructed,
extending a badge emblazoned with the word JUROR in bold crimson letters towards Sirius
Black. "Our orientation session is set to commence in a mere two minutes."

Sirius couldn't help but entertain a sense of incredulity at the summons to jury duty. After all,
he held the esteemed position of being the closest confidant and cherished friend of none
other than Judge James Potter. Sirius had naively assumed that his role in assisting James
with his meticulously organized Pokémon card collection would surely render him exempt
from the mundane responsibilities of jury service.

Alas, fate had a different plan, as the summons found its way into their mailbox, delivered
with no small amount of glee by James himself, his smirk rather too wide for someone
delivering stupid civic duty. James, in his characteristic wit, dubbed the summons as 'bring
your best friend to work day', a moniker that Sirius cynically rebranded as a 'governmental
conspiracy.'

As Sirius made his way into the juror room, James' image beamed proudly from the screens
above, accompanied by a short biography detailing his legal prowess. Cheryl, the woman
stationed at the front desk, cast a scrutinizing gaze upon Sirius as he navigated past her
station to claim a seat.

With a resounding thud, Sirius deposited himself into an unoccupied chair adjacent to a red-
haired individual whose face bore an expression of palpable frustration, their heated
conversation on the phone permeating the room with an air of agitation.

"This woman at the front desk told me that this could take all day, so if you don't hear from
me, I've asked the supposed murderer to murder me," the irate woman said into the phone,
shooting Sirius a look to convey her similar disdain for being there. She was speaking to
someone with a high-pitched voice, but the conversation ended abruptly. The woman pulled
her phone from her ear and pouted.

Sirius' gray eyes returned to the television screen in front of them. James' face reappeared,
accompanied by his bio. The woman looked up just as James' face disappeared, leaving only
his bio, which stressed his love for doughnuts and race cars.

"What kind of idiot admits they like Krispy Kreme over Dunkin' Donuts?" the woman
muttered next to Sirius with a slight grunt before resuming her phone surfing.

Sirius resisted the urge to tell her that James had a knack for picking the worst foods to love.
Anyone who chose Denny's over IHOP was clearly insane, and James picked Denny's every
single time.

Suddenly, Sirius' phone went off in his pocket. He leaned up to pull his cell from his jeans
pocket. The white screen flashed with more than one message from James Potter.

JP: I can't believe that we get to hang out all day together! / If u get picked to be in my
courtroom, that is. / I could get fired for telling u this, but old man Alexander needs a panel
of like, twenty jurors, so good luck NOT getting picked. / Are u downstairs?

Sirius rolled his eyes and began texting James back.

SB: They've stuffed at least 150 of us in this tiny room and are about to start orientation. /
What happens if I leave before they call my name?

JP: Death penalty for running from ur civic duty

SB: How many jurors do you need?

JP: Idk. This attorney in my case is killing my vibe, and I can't focus. / G2G, the attorney just
realized I'm not paying attention to the case and threatened to sue me.

SB: Threaten him with the death penalty.

James remained silent, prompting Sirius to exhale wearily as he reclined in his chair.
Glancing at the clock across from him, he noted only a few minutes had elapsed. He sighed
once more, drawing a glance from his striking neighbor. Before she could utter a word, a
voice resonated from a small stage to their right.

It was Cheryl, the woman from the front desk, positioned at a podium to give instructions.
"Alright, let's get started. I see you're all eager to begin your jury duty today."

The surrounding individuals chuckled, albeit with a tinge of bitterness. Cheryl appeared
encouraged by the response and proceeded, adjusting her blonde hair. "First, we'll recite the
pledge of allegiance."

Reluctantly, Sirius stood and placed a hand over his heart. The red-haired girl beside him
wore an indifferent expression as she mimicked the action. Once the pledge concluded,
Cheryl instructed them to affirm their commitment to truth before the court of law.

Sirius couldn't shake the feeling of being back in grade school, facing the stern gaze of the
principal.

Finally, Cheryl had them seated again before outlining the rules. "Most trials are resolved
within a day, and not everyone will be selected. If chosen for jury duty, remember you cannot
disclose any information once you leave the courtroom. Those not selected must remain on
standby in case additional jurors are needed." Sirius frowned deeply at the prospect of
spending the entire day confined to the same room. "Lunch will be provided around midday,
and I'll announce when it's time over the loudspeaker. Any questions?"

There was silence.

"This is the perfect time to turn to your neighbors and introduce yourselves."

Of fucking course Cheryl would encourage socialization.

Sirius turned to the redhead, who was eyeing his long black hair with interest. He hadn't
noticed before, but her eyes were a startling green, and she was wearing a Levins University
sweater. Sirius and James had both attended Levins. The woman stuck out her hand, and he
took it kindly.

"Sirius Black," he grunted.

"I'm Lily," she said. "Lily Evans."

Sirius' eyes flashed to her sweatshirt. "When did you graduate?"

Lily responded lukewarmly, "I dropped out."

Sirius raised an interested brow at his neighbor. "Me too. Not your slice of pie?"

Lily tilted her head at him. "What?"

"I mean, did you drop out because you're not very good at school?"

Lily's eyes twinkled precariously. "I got into Harvard Law."

Sirius’ frown faltered. "Oh, sorry..."

"I happen to have an IQ of five hundred and fifty-six."

"Is that even a thing?" He couldn't tell if she was kidding or not.

"I dunno, you tell me."

He stared at her with uncertainty, and then she laughed, a sound that was both warm and
spirited.

"I'm just kidding; I don't go to Harvard," Lily waved her hand at Sirius with a grin. "I had to
leave LU for a year to take care of my dad. I'm back for my last year. I'm a chemistry major."

Sirius was surprised by her choice of major. "Wow, how—erm—" he paused, not knowing
how to phrase his question without insulting her again.

Chemistry was more boring to him than watching wet paint dry.

Instead of being awkward, she challenged him. "Say what you're thinking. You think I'm a
nerd."

"Intellectual," Sirius stated.

Her smile widened. "Nice save."

Sirius cracked his own grin; she had the same sense of humor as James. It was uncanny that
he'd find the pale, red-haired version of his roommate in jury duty. She even ran her fingers
through her loose hair in a way reminiscent of how James messed up his curls.

Lily stopped looking at Sirius to glance down at her phone, which was going off every ten
seconds. She was texting back someone with little smirks and a few eye rolls. Since Sirius
didn't have anything else to do while they waited, he continued watching her interact with the
world behind her screen.

"You're quite popular," he finally said, after about forty minutes of her back and forth texting.

Lily blew her hair from her eyes and sent Sirius a disgraced look. "Everyone's giving me tips
on how to get out of jury duty."

"You don't want to be here?"

"You do?" she asked in surprise, as if every word from his mouth was preposterous.

Sirius shrugged. "Not really," he admitted. "But as far as I understand, we're stuck here."

"Well, my friend Marley told me to walk in here with a Donald Trump hat and a Black Lives
Matter shirt to confuse the hell out of them," Lily said firmly. "But my other friend Angela is
certain if I tell everyone that I believe in the death penalty, they'll send me home."

"Interesting."

"She's convinced they'll let me go on grounds of insanity."

Sirius liked talking to her; she had a sharp sense of humor. "I hear the hospital down the road
is quite nice. Padded walls and such."

Lily shrugged at his teasing. "Gotta stay committed to the role."

Sirius barked a laugh. "Commit to a role?" he motioned to her black leggings and university
sweater. "The only role you're committed to right now is being a lethargic college student."

Lily stuck her tongue out. "Do you have any better ideas? I'm open to anything."

"Sleep with the judge?" Sirius waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Lily slammed her back against the seat in despair. "I'd seriously consider it."

Sirius laughed and then lightly kicked at Lily's ankles. "I'll let him know."

"Thanks, pal," Lily laughed, as if finding Sirius amusing and not in any way honest.

"In fact," Sirius pulled out his phone, "I'll text him right now."

"Yeah," Lily rolled her eyes, "Because you have Judge Judy on speed dial."

"His name is James, actually," Sirius didn't miss a beat, "And he's my roommate."

Lily eyed him, waiting for his expression to give into her scrutiny. "You're bluffing."

Sirius didn't say anything; he was too busy texting on his phone. Once he'd finished the text
and hit send, he flashed the screen right at Lily's green eyes.
SB: James, one of the jurors just told me she's willing to sleep with you to get out of jury duty.

Her forehead furrowed as she read his text, and then she laughed. "Is he attractive?"

Before Sirius could answer, the woman called over the loudspeaker, "Alright, the judge has
called for jurors. We will be calling you by the numbers on your badge, and this is a sample
size of forty."

There was a collective groan from around the room. Lily crossed her arms moodily and
looked at her badge for her number.

"I'm 147," she said, looking at Sirius. "What about you?"

Sirius flipped his badge in her direction. "213."

"What are the chances of us getting called together?" she whispered as the woman started
calling out numbers.

"45! 67!"

Slowly, people began filing towards the door at the back of the room.

"Jesus, it's like the damn Hunger Games in here," Lily hissed.

"Just waiting for someone to jump up and yell that they'll volunteer as tribute..." Sirius
whispered back.

"I'd need to be thoroughly intoxicated, but hey, for the sheer amusement of it, count me in,"
she chuckled, her eyes gleaming mischievously.

"Absolutely, that would definitely add some much-needed excitement to our otherwise
mundane confinement," he agreed with a grin.

Sirius couldn't help but admire Lily’s quick wit when she said out loud, "I should've thought
of sneaking in some vodka.”

At that moment, Sirius resolved to permanently befriend the clever redhead.

As the forty selected jurors were escorted out by vigilant security personnel, Lily and Sirius
exchanged relieved glances. They breathed easier knowing their numbers hadn't been called
during the drawing. Watching the jurors depart, they shared a knowing look, silently
acknowledging the tension that lingered in the room.

"Can we leave now, then?" Lily asked.

Cheryl's annoying voice came over the intercom, "If you remain in the sitting area, please
know we must keep everyone here until all the judge's needs have been met."

"Guess we're stuck here," she shot a glare at the front desk. "Fucking Cheryl.”
Just then, Sirius' phone pinged.

JP: Tell her I at least need 2 take her 2 dinner first.

Sirius laughed and showed his screen to Lily.

Lily fake gasped as if shocked by James’ response, "How old-fashioned!"

SB: She says you're old-fashioned.

There was a reply almost instantly.

JP: Does she like old-fashioned?

Lily, reading over his shoulder, told Sirius, "Tell James I prefer my men in colonial wigs."

JP: Tell her I only wear the white wig when on stand.

Lily's laughter bubbled louder at Sirius' reply, and she reached out her hand, gesturing for his
phone. Sirius gladly handed it over to the blushing woman, who appeared thoroughly amused
by James' (admittedly weak) retorts. Her fingers danced across the screen as she typed away
eagerly. James responded just as eagerly, causing the phone to buzz animatedly in her hands.

After what felt like an eternity, Lily tossed the phone back to Sirius with a satisfied grin. As
he scrolled through the messages, a knowing smirk played at the corners of his lips.

SB: Hey Judge Judy, do you have the power to dismiss us from this Hell? - Lily

JP: Hello Lily. Unfortunately, I can't dismiss you unless you're picked.

SB: So now we have to HOPE we get picked?!

JP: I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. / If it makes you feel any better, you'll be paid
for being here.

SB: Yeah, like, fifteen dollars.

JP: Maybe they'll buy you all lunch. / Probably not though, because our government has
budget cuts.

SB: Aren't you supposed to be judging people right now, not ruining my hopes and dreams?

JP: Actually yes, but this attorney has been going on for literal hours about the color of
someone's shoes, and I lost interest about three days ago, so I'm texting under my desk.

SB: Is that not against some judge's code of law or something?

JP: Probably, but I don't always follow the rules.

SB: And they let you be a judge?

JP: A surprise to all, including my professors.

"Well, I have to say," Sirius looked up at Lily, who was reading something on her own phone
now that she’d passed his back, "James hasn't held a conversation with a girl this long in a
while."

"Not the conversation type?" she hummed, not looking up from her phone.

"He's more the 'kiss don't tell' type," Sirius commented slyly, seeing her neck turn red at the
suggestion.

"He just told me that you're the 'kiss don't tell' type," Lily looked up with a smirk.

Sirius frowned, "Wait, are you texting him?"

Lily sniggered and showed her phone screen. Sirius' jaw dropped when he saw that she had
her text open to a certain chat with a contact named ‘Judge James’.

Sirius rubbed his eye, trying not to laugh again. "You really labeled him as Judge James?"

"I considered Judge Judy," she crossed one leg over the other casually, "but he convinced me
otherwise."

Sirius ran his fingers through his long black hair in disbelief, "I can't believe you got his
number."

"Sent it to myself, didn't I?" Lily grinned as she turned her phone back so she could reply to
whatever text had just come in. "I had to ask him if he was a Republican or Democrat."

"Politics?" Sirius mused, "Interesting topic."

"I'm not going to have sex with someone who voted for Trump."

"You want to have sex with the judge, Evans? I'm appalled."

"You're the one who suggested it," Lily replied as she kept texting. "Don't worry, I've
bargained for your freedom from Jury Duty in the contract."

"There's a contract?" Sirius couldn't believe how much Lily and James had spoken about in
the last forty minutes.

"According to him," Lily replied as she smiled at a meme James had sent her.

The woman from the front desk came over the intercom, and the noise in the room quieted
considerably. Lily even dropped her phone screen from her face.

"We've just received news from one of our judges, and he might have needed another juror
group around one in the afternoon. Now would be the time to get some lunch. Please be
aware that if you drive out of the parking garage, you will be subject to fees pertaining to
parking. It is our suggestion that you go to one of the restaurants on this street."
"So we can't drive," Lily groaned. "I guess I'll go to the Subway down the road and have a
bland sandwich."

"Nah," Sirius stood up and stretched. "Let's go to the bar."

Lily's interest peaked. "A bar?"

"You did say you'd like to get drunk before volunteering as a tribute for the Hunger Games,"
he reminded her.

"I mean, I won't say no to getting a drink or two."

"It's a date."

"Will James be on lunch then as well?" she asked as she stood up.

Sirius shrugged. "It depends on his case."

"What is his case?" Lily asked as she and Sirius made their way out of the tiny room and
down a set of stairs.

"Probably murder," Sirius griped. "Old lady killed her husband after he offended her cat Mr.
Snuffles."

"Poor Mr. Snuffles," Lily sighed dramatically. "He didn't stand a chance."

Lily walked ahead, smiling at everyone they passed politely. Sirius felt totally relaxed around
her, like they’d been friends for ages and not just a few hours. That didn’t normally happen,
not with him at least. Sirius' phone went off again, and he checked it with interest.

JP: So really, how pretty is she? Because right now, based on her texts, I'm in love.

SB: Discernibly average.

JP: Sirius.

SB: James.

JP: This case is taking forever. I should get lunch. Where are you headed?

SB: A bar. She's a riot and wants to get drunk.

JP: She said you dared her. / I bet she’s so pretty. / What color are her eyes?

SB: Ugly

JP: I hate you.

"Sirius, what's the bar called?" Lily pulled Sirius away from his phone.
They stepped outside into the cool October air, with Lily standing there, her phone in her
hands as she tried to navigate directions around the courthouse. Other jurors on lunch strolled
around them. Lily's red hair fluttered in the wind, and her eyes sparkled, full of life. At that
moment, Sirius knew that when James finally met this woman, he'd be a fool not to fall in
love. Sirius decided to make himself comfortable around his best friend's future girlfriend.

"I dunno, Evans," he complained. "That's what Google Maps is for."

Lily stood there for a few more moments, typing into her phone. "James says there's a bar on
Mayberry and Castle."

"Let's go then," Sirius motioned for Lily to lead the way.

Lily gave a pretty little cheer before heading towards the pillars that led to the streets.
Apparently, she had been downtown enough to know where the streets were. She led Sirius
about a block away from the courthouse and through a short alleyway. A small bar called
Thickens sat between a beauty parlor and a convenience shop. Lily opened the wooden door,
and the smell of cigarettes and cinnamon wafted over Sirius as he entered the dimly lit bar.

Once they had their drinks, Sirius eyed the red-haired woman with interest. "So, tell me about
yourself, Evans."

Lily took a swig of her cider. "Well," she said with pursed lips, "I grew up an hour south of
here in a small town, hated it there, and moved away."

"What a great story," Sirius faked astonishment. "Lifetime movie material."

Lily smirked. "You got a better one, Black?"

Sirius nodded solemnly. "I was disowned by my super conservative family for refusing an
arranged marriage to my second cousin, dropped out of school due to depression, and
relocated here to be with my best mate."

Rather than pulling away from Sirius, like most people did, Lily leaned in closer. "Sounds
like you've had a rough time – but does your sibling despise you with every fiber of their
being for no discernable reason?"

Sirius took up her challenge. "My younger brother Regulus didn't break free from the family
like I did – he tragically passed away. Took his own life, actually. In his final words he
blamed me for his misery."

She took another hearty swig of her drink. "Could've used a happier twist."

Sirius cracked his knuckles. "Well, I was adopted by my best friend's family, and we sing
about rainbows and sunshine every night before bed, so I’m pretty happy now."

"What a charmed existence," Lily remarked, her sharp green eyes holding a depth of
intelligence Sirius rarely encountered.

“I bet your life is all butterflies,” Sirius surmised, playfully nudging her to give up her story.
Lily looked at the ceiling before sighing and stating out loud, "My father passed away four
months ago, my sister disowned me for apparently killing him, and just last week, my cat
Argus met his end after darting out and being struck by a bus."

Sirius had to hand it to this girl, she was not shy, nor was she afraid of judgments. She’d be
the perfect match for James, and made the perfect friend to help Sirius gang up on James
with.

"Are we in a contest for the most miserable life?" Sirius sloshed his drink in his cup to
‘cheers’ her.

"No, just bonding over our shared trauma," Lily offered with a wink.

"That's more like it."

She lightly touched his arm with her bottle. "And what about James?" she asked playfully. "Is
he the epitome of perfection?"

"He snores like a freight train and has a penchant for fast cars," Sirius replied. "Not exactly
my cup of tea."

Sirius laughed as she took another swig. "Cheers."

Lily requested another cider, having polished off her first. Both of them sat staring at the
screens, lost in their own thoughts. Sirius often utilized his tales to dissuade others, and it was
rare for anyone to stick around. Yet James had stayed. Remus had stayed. Peter had stayed
until he found something more enticing. And now, this girl—this randomly selected girl in
jury duty—didn't even flinch when he recounted his story. Sirius downed his whiskey as Lily
concluded her second cider.

"Keep pace, Black," she teased.

He arched an eyebrow at her. "I challenge you to try and outdrink me."

"I never back down from a challenge," Lily winked as she lowered the bottle from her lips.
"If I'm going to endure another six hours in that infernal jury room, I might as well have
some fun."

Sirius clinked his glass with hers. "This marks the beginning of a splendid friendship, Evans."

Lily had no objections to that. "We should play a fun drinking game to celebrate this
momentous friendship."

"How much fun are you thinking?" Sirius asked.

"Take a sip for every time your family has let you down?" Lily proposed.

"I'd be drunk really quickly if we used those rules."

"Me too," Lily raised her bottle in his direction. "Cheers to that."
He finished his whiskey and downed three more, a testament to Sirius's renowned tolerance
for alcohol. Meanwhile, Lily, slightly tipsy and giggly, leaned on Sirius's arm as they made
their way back to the courthouse. She looked at the world with a contented sigh, expressing
her joy at the strangest things. She was like a breath of fresh air, as much as he loved hanging
out with his other friends. Sirius didn't have too many friends who were girls, in fact.

"I'm so happy we crossed paths," she declared, "And I plan on charming your best friend to
help us out of this situation."

Sirius chuckled, guiding her through the courthouse door. "You think flirting with a judge
might get us kicked out?"

"It'd be a relief," Lily replied as they ascended the staircase to the jury room, "Considering
I've been trying to flee since seven thirty this morning when Cheryl had us singing the
national anthem."

"I challenge you to sing it again, but this time to Cheryl," Sirius proposed.

"Really?" Lily whispered, briefly checking her reflection on her phone screen.

"They might actually send you packing," Sirius mused.

"I'm game," Lily affirmed, determination flashing across her features. "Anything to escape
this place, but you're coming with me."

Sirius couldn't suppress his laughter as she broke free from his embrace and twirled up the
stairs. Her red hair billowed behind her, and she collided with a messy-haired boy in black
robes and thick glasses. Sirius recognized him instantly, though Lily and James were
strangers to each other.

James caught Lily's shoulders, steadying her with a half-smile. "You alright?"

"Oops, sorry!" Lily giggled, withdrawing from James's grasp and dancing excitedly down the
hall toward Cheryl. "Let's go, Sirius, we're getting kicked out of jury duty!"

"Right behind you, Evans!"

James Potter turned to see Sirius striding confidently, while Lily charged ahead, oblivious to
the fact that she had just bumped into Judge James without a second glance. James ran his
fingers through his hair, further tousling the black curls as he watched Sirius and then Lily
disappear down the corridor.

"Is that—" James began.

"Indeed it is," Sirius confirmed as he passed James to join Lily.

"Fuck me, she's gorgeous," came James' less than eloquent reply.

As Sirius followed Lily into the jury room, he couldn't believe his eyes. Lily wasn't just
walking in, she was belting out the national anthem at the top of her lungs. Sirius was beside
himself with laughter as the entire room turned to watch Lily make her grand entrance,
serenading the women at the front desk. Cheryl, in particular, looked utterly mortified as Lily
proudly delivered the country's anthem with unexpected gusto and bursts of laughter.

"Oooooh, say can you see, by the dawn's early light!" Lily's rendition sounded like a
distressed whale.

Sirius couldn't fathom how he ended up in jury duty with this wild woman, but he was
grateful nonetheless, thoroughly entertained as Lily sang directly in front of Cheryl, sporting
wide arms and a terrible dance.

"Ma'am, please, have a seat!" Cheryl pleaded. "What on Earth are you doing? Someone, call
security!"

"Damn," Sirius chuckled, still unable to contain his amusement, as he reached out to gently
pull Lily away from Cheryl's murderous glare. "I can't believe you actually went through with
that dare."

"I never back down from a dare," Lily declared before glaring at Cheryl. "Can we go,
please?"

Cheryl stood up, shaking her finger at Lily and Sirius. "You can't leave until all the judges'
needs have been fulfilled."

Lily glared unhappily at Cheryl. "You fetch Judge James, Cheryl, and I'll ensure his 'needs'
are taken care of."

Sirius doubled over, struggling to contain his laughter. James would surely be in stitches
when he hears about Lily's drunken declaration of fulfilling his needs.

"Are you intoxicated?" Cheryl implored, eyes wide with horror.

"Me? Intoxicated?" Lily chuckled, shooting Sirius a mysterious glance. "Not at all."

"She's definitely drunk," Cheryl pointed out to someone entering behind Sirius.

"I only had, like, two beers," Lily countered as security brought out a Breathalyzer. "That's
hardly enough to get me wasted."

"Please, escort her out," Cheryl pleaded with security. "She's disrupting the proceedings for
everyone!"

Sirius couldn't agree less; the room was either erupting in laughter or capturing Lily's antics
on their phones. She had the entire room on her side, some people were even asking if they
could leave too. Sirius had a sneaking suspicion that Lily might be able to get anyone to do
what she wanted, she just had a certain charisma to her that most people dreamed about
having.

Undeterred, Lily continued, "Cheryl, listen. I'm all for the death penalty, so you might as well
send me home—"
Cheryl motioned to the security guard, who seemed perplexed by Lily's behavior. "Come on,
remove her from here!"

"Only a judge can dismiss a juror," the security guard reminded Cheryl, pointing out the rule
she was so keen on enforcing.

"I want her out of my jury room!" Cheryl demanded. "She's mocking our national anthem,
she's threatening to prostitute herself out of jury duty, and she's drunk!"

Sirius really couldn't keep a straight face as he pulled out his phone to contact James as
quickly as humanly possible.

SB: James, your future girlfriend is going to get arrested.

JP: Someone just came into my courtroom complaining about a drunken woman in the jury
room. Please tell me it was her.

SB: I mean, it would've been fine, but then I dared her to sing the national anthem to
everyone in the room and she did it.

JP: I'm going to marry this girl.

Sirius looked up from his phone to see Lily struggling against the hold of a policeman, her
green eyes narrowed with frustration. He immediately turned to the woman at the front desk,
Cheryl.

"Hey," he beamed dramatically, using all the Sirius Black charm he could muster. "So, my
friend there isn't drunk. I swear. I dared her to sing to you. No harm meant. It was just for a
bit of laughs."

"It won't be so funny when she's facing fines or jail time," Cheryl warned.

Lily let out a derisive snort. "Relax, Cheryl."

Sirius turned away from the desk to shoot Lily a disapproving glare, finding her lack of
cooperation exasperating. Meanwhile, Lily was growing increasingly agitated with the
security guard attempting to administer a Breathalyzer test. Sirius had little doubt that if they
managed to get a reading, Lily wouldn't come out sober. Hell, he wouldn't either.

"You have no evidence that I'm intoxicated!" Lily snapped, her nose wrinkling with
frustration. "We were just trying to pass the time because we've been stuck here all day!"

"Please, blow into this breathalyzer, Miss," the officer insisted, appearing as though he'd
rather be anywhere else.

Join the club , Sirius thought.

"No way!" Lily exclaimed, pushing the breathalyzer away from her mouth. "I won't give you
ammunition to use against me in court."
Suddenly, the double doors swung open again, and Sirius felt a surge of relief at the sight of
James entering. Cheryl seemed relieved too, but James's attention was solely focused on Lily,
his eyes brimming with joy. Sirius marveled at how James hadn’t even officially met the girl
and was already getting heart-eyes like right out of a comic book.

"Alright, alright, what's happening here?" James interjected as he approached from the
staircase, his eyes sparkling with amusement. "I came up here to dismiss everyone from jury
duty, and now there's all this commotion about some drunken escapade. Where was my invite
to the party?"

"She won't breathe into the breathalyzer, Your Honor." The policeman motioned in frustration
to Lily, who had her arms crossed and mouth squeezed shut like a child at the dentist.

"Why does she need to be breathalyzed?" James asked.

"We believe she's been drinking." Cheryl stated firmly, glaring at Lily with all her power.

"But you have no proof?" James noted, shrugging nonchalantly.

"She was just singing the national anthem at the top of her lungs." Cheryl deadpanned, “and
you want to tell me she’s sober?”

"I'm actually just really super patriotic," Lily muttered resentfully, and Sirius had to clamp a
hand over his mouth so that he wouldn't laugh out loud again.

The same couldn't be said for James, who laughed out loud at Lily's cheek. "She has a point,"
James said to the police officer with a chortle. "It's not illegal to sing the national anthem."

"She smells like the bar," the officer said pointedly.

"I smell like cheap beer and disappointment too.” James said, tilting his head dangerously,
“You want to breathalyze me?"

"Of course not, Your Honor," the police officer said irately. "But you wouldn't show up to a
courthouse drunk."

"That you know of," Lily hissed loudly enough for everyone to hear, staring at her
fingernails, not quite realizing which judge was standing before her.

"Miss, we can't have drunks running around the courthouse," the policeman hissed. "Please
just—"

"Let me talk to the offender," James ordered in his deep tone, reminding Sirius how menacing
James could be when he tried.

"Alright then." The policeman motioned for James to proceed, releasing his grip on Lily's
elbow.

Sirius observed as James turned towards Lily, a smile spreading across his face. James
stuffed his hands into his robes, wearing the goofiest grin imaginable before coyly greeting,
"Hello, Lily."

Lily's eyes widened, and her complexion paled. "Shit."

Sirius wished he could etch every moment of this day into his memory, especially the look on
Lily's face when she realized who the judge was.

James's hazel eyes danced with playful amusement. "Yes, it's me, Judge James."

"Judge... James?" Lily's surprise was palpable.

James inclined his head towards Lily, causing her cheeks to flush once more. "Pleasure to
finally make your acquaintance," he said, offering his hand to her. "I'm the one who upholds
the rules around here."

Lily hesitated, eyeing his outstretched hand. "Well, I'm in trouble now."

"And why is that?" James asked, a hint of amusement evident in his voice.

"Because you're hot," Lily quipped, a mischievous smirk gracing her lips as she finally
accepted his handshake. “Got any handcuffs?”

James snorted, but Sirius could tell he was pleased by the compliment. "You don't have to
butter me up, Evans. I'm letting you off the hook."

"Your Honor, she's clearly inebriated," the security guard interjected anxiously. "That goes
against the code—"

James cut him off. "it's not just her, all these people are released from jury duty."

Lily let go of James’ hand and danced in place. "What? You're serious? We’re free?"

"You're released from jury duty," James confirmed with a nod. "You can go."

"Finally," Lily sighed happily, turning to Sirius with a triumphant look. "And I didn't even
have to sleep with the judge!"

"I really hope that's not ruled out completely," James remarked shrewdly, earning an aghast
look from the security guard.

"Not completely," Lily shrugged. "But I thought you had to take me to dinner first."

Before James could respond, Lily (who was most definitely drunk off her ass) grabbed a
fistful of James' robes and kissed him squarely on the mouth. For a second James remained
motionless, and then he responded in full, his hands gathering up in her hair to anchor Lily to
his lips. Cheryl almost had a heart attack when she came out around the desk to find Lily
wrapped up in James' arms. And James was thoroughly enjoying it. All Sirius knew is that
James took entirely too long "walking Evans back to her car" after they’d finished swapping
spit.
James faced repercussions from his boss for delaying an unresolved court case.

Lily was reprimanded for causing a scene and was slapped with a fifteen-dollar fine.

Sirius successfully dodged jury duty and found the entire outcome enjoyable.

Plus, Sirius had gotten another friend out of it.

A week later, Lily and Sirius sat at the kitchen table engrossed in a fierce game of Monopoly,
determined to outmaneuver each other, when James returned home from work. He hung his
bag on the back of Lily's chair and leaned down to plant a kiss on her cheek. Sirius made a
show of gagging before making his move in the game, eliciting a string of curses from Lily
directed at his family name.

Sirius just flipped her off and took more of her money in the process.

“I love you both.” James chuckled at their playful banter before slipping his arms around her
frame and planting his chin on her skull like a headrest.

"So, still gainfully employed?" Lily inquired, Sirius knew she was legitimately concerned
that her antics might have jeopardized James’ job.

"Nah," James replied. "I'm the only one there who actually cares about the cases. They can't
afford to let me go, despite Cheryl's complaints."

"What does that woman have to complain about," Lily remarked as she navigated her way
around the Monopoly board.

"Cheryl, swears she witnessed you 'assaulting' James…” Sirius teased Lily, kicking her
lightly under the table.

“Yeah cause I was,” Lily said proudly, “with my mouth."

"Cheryl was way out of line with that accusation," James stated with a roll of his eyes. "It
was quite evident that I was reciprocating the assult. 100% consensual assault of the mouths."

Lily leaned into James's touch. "It's not my fault that I'm utterly irresistible."

"Yeah, that would've held up in court," Sirius said, watching as James nibbled Lily's neck
unashamedly. "God, you two are like lovebirds. It's nauseating."

Lily winked at Sirius as she tilted her head for James to get better access to her bare skin.
"Feel free to leave."

"And let you have sex on our kitchen table?" Sirius rolled his eyes. "Absolutely not."

"You two are iconic now, you know," James told them, pure joy practically bouncing off him.
"Cheryl has taken to warning every juror that enters the courtroom that there will be no
drinking before, or during, jury duty."
"Why does she feel she has the right to tell people not to drink?" Lily asked with a self-
righteous shrug.

James hummed. "Apparently, you're supposed to serve your time in court sober."

"I bet she says you shouldn't sleep with the judge either," Lily mocked, looking up at James
and batting her eyes.

"Probably, but I don't always follow the rules," James said, kissing her full on the mouth.

When he pulled back, Lily was beaming.

"And they let you be a judge?" she teased him, running her fingers through his black hair.

To Sirius, James had never looked happier in his entire life. "For some reason, they deemed
me trustworthy."

Sirius swallowed a bit of whiskey before reminding the couple, "Don't forget the sorry
bastard who introduced you two."

He wasn't sorry, not at all, especially when they all walked down the street to a Chinese
takeout forty minutes later. Lily had one arm in James' embrace and her other arm wrapped
around Sirius as they discussed what movie they were going to watch over dinner. They
would joke about ‘The Incident’ for years after, the story always becoming more
melodramatic with each theatrical retelling. It was Sirius’ favorite story to tell, and he recited
it at their wedding two years later.

“And it all started because I got called to jury duty…”

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