LESSON 1: DENIAL AND POWERLESSNESS

Objective: To help participants admit that they have a real and current problem.
Outcome: Participants have acknowledged and verbalized their recurring problems or
issues, denial, and powerlessness.
We are to admit our powerlessness, which is basically our present
condition.
Powerlessness is not saying that we are totally incompetent, but rather in
some aspects of our behavior and under certain circumstances, we are not
able to have effective or operative control of things, and least of all,
ourselves.

Our stubborn refusal to admit our powerlessness kept us helpless in the

hands of our problems. Denial is a self-protecting behavior that keeps us
from honestly facing the truth.

Stepping out of denial requires twin steps: (i) stop denying the pain and
playing God, and (ii) start admitting we are our powerless and that our
lives have become unmanageable.

2. Denial comes in many forms:

1. Minimizing -

2. Blaming or Projecting – holding other people, circumstances, peers,

Key points:
environment, weather or even inanimate objects responsible for
something we are accountable for, in order to escape the
consequences of one’s own actions

3. Rationalizing – offering excuses or some other explanation to be the

shortcomings.

4. Intellectualizing or Spiritualizing – avoiding uncomfortable emotions

by focusing on facts and pretending to be objective and logical. By
using jargon, technical language, or complex terminology,
everyone’s the emotional effects.

5. Diversion – changing the subject or using diversionary tactics to

avoid discussion even if it unrelated to the current issue. Sometimes
the easiest way to do this is to directly attack our opponent or a third
party.

6. Hostility – showing anger or irritability when a problem is referred to

Link to the Step 1 Lesson 1 is the start of the recovery process. The proper
big picture: understanding of this lesson builds on the understanding of the
 subsequent lessons. Participants may not immediately realize their
learnings at this point. Your role as coach is to check on their progress and
bring them back to this lesson whenever necessary.
Open the discussion with generic warm-up questions, such as:
Jump start
 – How did you go about doing the assignment?
the
 – What did you experience while doing the exercise?
process:
 – Was it easy or difficult to do?

Process: Question 1: “Recall instances that instinctively affect you. Include words
uttered unconsciously or consciously, gestures, facial expressions, and
actions actually directed to you.”
Ask participants to share one entry each.

“Experiences/situations that instinctively affect me”—this question aims to

make participants realize that they are indeed experiencing denial, although
they may not be aware of it or refuse to admit it.

“How do I respond?”—this aims to show the form of denial they have been
engaging in like blaming, minimizing etc. (#2 of section B.) If there are
several entries, see if a pattern can be identified. If you are able to
formulate initial observations, seek to validate these in the next lessons.
“What Triggers Those Reactions In Me?”—this aims to show how denial has
affected their lives (#3 of section B) as they continued to live in denial. Notice
the connection between their answers in the previous 2 columns. This
will indicate the extent at which they are able to perceive how
unmanageable their life has been.

Question 2: “What did you discover about yourself as you were answering
the table above?”

This will enable them to see the extent of denial and its effect on their lives.
Their patterns of responses have taken a negative toll on their quality of life in
the past and still affecting their life at present. Ask each participant to give
honest and specific answers that are real to them. Allow them to own and feel
their answers.

The more specific and honest they are, the easier it is for them to see how
their lives have become unmanageable.

Question 3: “How do you see yourself five years from now if you remain in
denial? Do you want to continue living this way?”
 Give each participant more or less 2-3 minutes to answer.
This aims to pin them to a decision on whether they want to stay in denial or
heal from their hurts. This will give you an idea on whether they have
understood the lesson and if they are willing to continue with the program.

Guide each participant in forming a definite picture of what their life

would be like if they continue living this way. Use some of these follow-
up questions:

 – Is it a pretty picture?
 – Is this how you want your future to be like? or
 – What are you willing to do to change this?

Ask participants to review their answers and see if they can identify a
pattern either in their responses or in the situations that trigger their
responses. These can give them an initial idea of what their issues are
and where they are coming from.
Summary:
Stepping out of denial entails acknowledging that no one forced them
to react the way they did. The key is ensuring that they realize and
accept the reality that they are in denial and they are willing to do
something about it.
Ask participants to turn to Lesson 2 - Unmanageable and go to the
Instructions for WRITE ABOUT IT section. Call on one participant to read all of Part A,
next lesson: and then call on another to read all of Part B. Ask if they have
questions. You may show your own Family Map to give them ideas