Module 4: Discussion Board

Prompt #1: Describe your ability to utilize the H.E.A.R. Model (or the difficulty you had using it).

While completing the exercise, I did not find it too difficult to implement the H.E.A.R method. I
attempted to follow each step of the H.E.A.R model as closely and accurately as I could in order to
achieve optimal listening. By following the model, I was able to completely focus on the conversation and
retain what my partner was saying. I not only tried to focus on what my partner was saying, but I also
tried to maintain eye contact and ensure my non-verbal cues conveyed that I was listening. Even though I
did not struggle with this exercise, I did realize that I tend to add my own response in the conversation
before the other person has finished talking. However, once I tried the exercise again with my partner, I
tried to be more mindful of holding my own commentary until after they had finished speaking. By doing
this, I noticed a huge difference and I was able to gain a better understanding of what they were saying.

Prompt #2: Describe the difference between using H.E.A.R. and not using H.E.A.R.

There is a huge difference between using the H.E.A.R model versus not using it. When I was using the
H.E.A.R Model, I was able to be fully present in the conversation since I focused on listening to my
partner rather than focusing on my own response. I also noticed by changing my non-verbal cues, I was
able to open myself up to the conversation just by the way I was sitting and maintaining eye contact. I
believe non-verbal cues can not only show the other person that you are listening, but also can help you
be more present by focusing on the moment and conversation at hand. Lastly, reiterating their comments
helped me gain a better understanding of what they were saying as well as the intentions of their thoughts.
This gave me an opportunity to show my partner I understood them, but it also opened up the
conversation for corrections in case I misinterpreted what they had said. On the other hand, when you are
not using the H.E.A.R Model, there are some huge differences. When you use the model, you are able to
be fully present in the conversation, however, when you are not using it, you are too focused on your own
response. This hinders your ability to fully understand what they are saying which prevents you from
gaining the proper understanding of their perspectives. In the exercise, I realized that I do not listen as
properly as I should because I get too focused on my response. I also noticed that when I wasn’t using
H.E.A.R, I wasn’t focused on my non-verbal cues which may have shown my partner that I wasn’t
listening as intently as I should have.

Prompt #3: Were you able to identify the EVENT? Were you able to identify the other person's
REACTION? Describe the EVENT and the REACTION.

Within the exercise, my partner talked about how it is appropriate to start decorating and listening to
Christmas music shortly after Halloween. Just by listening, I was able to gauge the EVENT and he
believes that it is ideal to listen to Christmas music right after Halloween in order to get into the
Christmas spirit. However, during step three of the H.E.A.R Model, I was able to uncover the reaction
through a line of questioning. Through the act of asking questions, I found that his REACTION to the
event is that he likes to be in the Christmas spirit as quickly and as long as he can. My partner mentioned
that if you wait till December to decorate, then Christmas would be over too quickly and he wouldn’t be
able to enjoy the Christmas festivities. I realized that it is easier to identify the EVENT just by listening,
on the other hand, it may take more effort on your part to identify the REACTION.
Prompt #4: Describe how successfully or unsuccessfully your partner used the H.E.A.R. Model.

Since my partner is a very good listener, most of the time, he had no issues with implementing the
H.E.A.R model into our conversation. From our previous conversations, he typically listens to my
thoughts and asks questions after I have completed my side of the conversation. My partner always
appears interested through his non-verbal cues and is normally very good at asking questions. During the
exercise, however, I noticed that he was even more present in the conversation by following the 4
different steps. Even though he is normally a good listener, I was able to see a slight difference in his
non-verbal cues which made him seem more present in the conversation. However, by following the steps
exactly, some questions he asked within step three, seemed slightly forced. Otherwise, my partner
completed the exercise very successfully.

Prompt #5: Identify William Ury's 3 Most Important Reasons to Listen

The three most important reasons to listen include:

1. It helps us understand
2. It helps us connect
3. It helps us get to yes

Prompt #6: Connect a personal experience to each of those 3 Most Important Reasons to Listen.
Your experience may be a time when either you successfully or unsuccessfully made use of that
reason.

After reflecting on past experiences, there have been many times when people that I have cared about
around me failed to understand my feelings which has caused minor strains in relationships. It can be
frustrating when the person you are having a conversation with is not listening. Being on the other side of
poor listening makes me strive to be a better listener. Since I have been on the other side of it, I have seen
the repercussions of poor listening which hinders our ability to connect with the people around us. From
unsuccessful experiences, I have learned the importance of listening when it comes to understanding and
connecting with other people. Proper listening can improve relationships in all areas of your life because
it prompts other people to see your own perspective.

Prompt #7: Identify at least one additional insight from Ury's Video that you find interesting,
pertinent, or useful. Be sure to explain why you find it interesting, pertinent, or useful.

One specific insight I found very valuable within the Ted Talk was a tip that can help you quiet your mind
so that you can be fully prepared to listen to someone else. Ury asked, “Why is it so hard for people to
listen?” This is such a great question because listening seems like such a simple concept however we as
people have so much noise in our heads that it can prevent us from fully listening. Ury mentions that in
order to clear our mind before listening you need to listen to yourself. To do this, take a moment to
yourself so that you can prepare yourself for when you are faced with the need to listen. I thought this was
very helpful because I have had many experiences where my thoughts impact my listening. I am
interested in seeing how this tip will improve my listening!