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2
GHOST WRITING FOR THE APOSTLES

By the sinner you love and the sin you hate

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POEM 1: Faithful

I have faith

As I step into His light.


Wrapped in his letter,
Old musty words of plight,
In men who knew better.

I have faith

When questions are hidden,


And I am but clay bones.
The answers are forbidden
Unless they come from Tomes.

I had faith

Even when I was crying


Ripping the abomination
From my skin like stoning
With the world’s contamination.

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POEM 2 : Mass

The trees whisper, moss gossips.


I must not listen
These idolater ways
The priest watches over us,
Uncaring as a parable.
A sin fills my brain,
Her’s is the only mass I care about:

My gorgeous girl…My sweet thing…My beautiful woman

-You are not my shepherd but I will follow you

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POEM 3 : Shameful Slut

This body is made from clay,


Bestowed upon us by our Lord,
God…if I am divinely made,
Why am I sinfully wired?

This lust of flesh, eyes, soul.


They leak through my cracks
I am the fellowship
Of good and evil.

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POEM 4 : Exorcism

You wish to take this rage?


Free me from clawing demons,
Unleash me from the cage,
And cleanse the immorality?

You can’t.

God was never a woman,


He did not experience it!
The assault, the grooming,
Men who own me in their mind.

I have fertilised it.


This anger feeds my
Eden, it is the Oasis
For my Lazarus soul.

The vines are veins,


Leaves skin. They were fed
Rage, hate, disgust.
I make them myself.

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POEM 5 : Stained Glass

My lips are cold against you.


They beg for sanctuary or
A place to pray at your altar.
Accept me into your flock.

Sun shines through, casting your colour


upon this sinner, roam this body.
Deliver me from this damned plane,
I'll go oh so willingly.

You depict holy passages.


I’ll worship the silky satin skin.
Devoted to the paradise
You sculpt from my hollow bones.

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POEM 6 : If God Loves Me

If God loves me,


Why don’t I feel it?
All I know is the dark,
This inescapable Hades.

If God loves me,


Why can’t he show me?
Wrap me in fatherly arms,
Stroke my hair, tuck me in.

If God love me,


And I love him
Why is it not enough?
Why do I crave sin?

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POEM 7 : My child

Hold me, Mother Mary,


Our Father, who art in Heaven
For I am the Damned,
Our Lord GOD knows this.
Impure dream; slender hands,
Lips of Satanic red,
And golden, sweet curls.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be a good Christian, but wasn’t I a good


daughter?

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POEM 8 : Excommunicated

“Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” Exodus 22:18

So they didn’t.
They chased me out,
Called me dead,
Made me run away,
Throwing stones and crosses.

I am all alone.
Unlovable, cold, scared.
Where can I go, Father?
There is no sect to shelter,
Only a chalice of confession.

This druidic symphony plays,


I stare at stars, mice,
Imperfect dandelions. Godless.
They too are excommunicated
From eternal life…

We love each other now

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POEM 9 : They

They follow me,


The devotees of Beezelebub,
Buzzing little flies.

They smell the stench


Of mortal, decaying lungs.
No baptism cleanses it.

They revel in the rot,


Find solace in the meek,
Live in Sheol.

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POEM 10 : Pagan

I’ll stay a pagan


To build your shrine,
Write the Catechism,
To taste the divine.
A baptism in your eyes
But just a drop of wine.

Lay me on old testaments,


Write verses on my skin.
Part seas, make stars,
Absolve me of my sin.
Kiss me like a prayer,
Fuck me like a hymn.

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POEM 11 : The Church of Me

No brick, no gold, no glass,


This church is built in grass.
In roots, smiles, and love,
No Lord to please above.
I made it for you and Me.
And for everything we see.
In this all too dark twilight,
Caught in our halo of last night.
We are salvation, we are sin,
A place not meant for Him.

POEM 12 : Commandment

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I (who?) sit down, a biro pen in hand, and a colourful notebook
that was on sale in TK Maxx, to write my (who are you?) most
reverent, beloved, and Sacred of my (stranger?) Commandments

1. You shall have no other God but yourself

2. Do not worship those who are dickheads

3. Thou shalt not take your own name in vain

4. Remember everyday is holy, Sabbaths are when you need

5. Honour yourself and those who honour you

6. Thou shalt not kill your creativity

7. Thou shalt not commit adultery of your needs to attend

to others

8. Do not steal from your happiness to give to others

9. Do not bear false witness to your own feelings

10. You shall not covet people

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