A CRITICAL ANALYSIS OF NON-VIOLENT

COMMUNICATION OF MARSHALL ROSENBERG

Chapter I
Introduction

1.1 Background and Significance of the Study

Violence and non-violence, as well as different perceptions of what
is violence and what is not violence, have occurred in the world
throughout human history. Over the course of time there have emerged
many teachers and schools of thought who have positioned the non-
violent approach as a basic element in the development of a dignified and
Noble human being. However, there has been no noticeable decrease of
violence in society. In recent centuries, the teachers and social reformers
in India, such as Swami Vivekananda, RamanaMaharshi, Swami
Sivananda, Bhaktivedanta Swami, VijaypalBaghel, Mahatma Gandhi and
many others have been actively promoting the ‘not-hurting’ or ahiṃsā
philosophy. Even though the Buddha passed away nearly 2 500 years ago
the behavioral patterns of mankind would have appeared to remain the
same.
The Buddha lived 25 centuries ago in Northern India, and his
doctrine of the suffering or dukkha1 and overcoming the dukkha is
directly related to non-violence and non-violent communication. In his

1The Pali term dukkha encompasses pain and suffering as well as

subtler forms of difficulty and dissatisfaction. “Unsatisfactoriness” may be a
better translation in some usage of dukkha (i.e. whatever is impermanent is
dukkha or unsatisfactory). In other cases, dukkhais clearly “pain”. S. IV. 259
lists three kinds of dukkha: the suffering due to pain, the suffering due to
formation and the suffering due to change.
 2

teaching, the Buddha repeatedly emphasized the importance of

developing compassion and non-violent behavior and warned that
violence does not bring happiness at all.2
The importance of the right speech (sammāvācā) is emphasized by
the fact that the Buddha mentioned it in his very first sutta after
awakening, “The Discourse on Turning of the Wheel of Truth"
(DhammacakkappavattanaSutta)3.
The Buddha was not only a religious teacher, but also a great
psychotherapist and counselor. He had consoled many individuals from
every walk of life - normal and abnormal persons. He was therefore
known as the Anuttarapurisadammasārathi(the incomparable charioteer
of taming beings), which is one of the nine qualities of the Buddha4.
Marshall Rosenberg, PhD (born in 1934) is an American
psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication (NVC), a
communication technique that helps to resolve conflicts and differences
peacefully. He lives and practices in New Mexico, where the Center for
Nonviolent Communication is located.
Rosenberg’s NVC ideas are based on Carl Rogers, Neil Postman,
RianeEisler, Walter Wink and others. Rosenberg describes NVC uses as
follows:

When we use NVC in our interaction – with ourselves, with another

person, or in a group – we become grounded in our natural state of
compassion. It is therefore an approach that can be effectively
applied at all levels of communication and in diverse situations:

2Dhp.131.
3 S.V.420.
4AnkachingMarma, Counceling and Its Importance: A Buddhist
Perspective, (Thailand: The International Association of Buddhist
Universities, 2012), p. 6.
 3

- intimate relationships
- families
- schools
- organizations and institutions
- therapy and counseling relationship
- diplomatic and business negotiations
- disputes and conflicts of any nature.5

To date, there have been no studies that focus on comparing

Marshall Rosenberg’s developed Non-violent Communication model
with the authentic teaching of the Buddha in Theravada Buddhism.
The present study will analyze these two theories and examine the
similarities and differences between the two doctrines.
This will allow to comparethe NVC model, developed by Marshall
Rosenberg’s and the canonical Buddhist aspects of non-violent
communication. Constructive common themes in these two doctrines can
then be considered and implemented in conflict resolution, counseling
and also communication situations in everyday life.

1.2 Objectives of the Study

1.2.1 To study the concept of NVC as per Marshall Rosenberg’s
model.
1.2.2 To study the concepts of communication and non-violence in
Theravada Buddhism.
1.2.3 To find relationships (similarities and differences) between
the concept of NVC as per Marshall Rosenberg’s model and the concepts
of communication and non-violence in Theravada Buddhism

5 Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of

Life, (California: Buddle Dancer Press, 2008), p.8.
 4

1.3 Statement of the Problems

1.3.1What is the concept of NVC in Marshall Rosenberg’s model?
1.3.2 What are the concepts of communication and non-violence in
Theravada Buddhism?
1.3.3 What are the relationships (similarities and differences)
between the concept of NVC and the concepts of communication and
non-violence in Theravada Buddhism?

1.4 The Scope of the Study

This thesis focuses on studying the principles of NVC as per
Marshall Rosenberg’s model and on studying the concepts of
communication and non-violence which can be derived from the dhamma
of Theravada Buddhism, with the aim of identifying the differences and
similarities between these two concepts.
This work consists of following five chapters:
Chapter 1: Introduction, which presents a statement of the
problems, the purpose of the study and its assumptions.
Chapter 2: The meaning and the importance of Marshall
Rosenberg’sconcept of nonviolent communication, assumptions,
communication barriers and 4 main components of NVC. Additionally,
Rosenberg’s views on the importance of honesty are discussed.
Chapter 3: The concept of non-violent communication in
Theravada Buddhism, presented through equivalent concepts in
Rosenberg’s model.
Chapter 4: Analysis of the relationships between NVC and
Buddhist view to non-violent communication in Theravada Buddhism,
including an analysis of the basic principles, and a description of the
similarities and differences between the two approaches.
 5

Chapter 5: Conclusion and suggestion, which presents a summary

and an overview of the study.

1.5 Definitions of Terms Used in the Thesis

Non-violence in Theravada Buddhism – Theravada Buddhists
approach to non-violence is the personal practice of being harmless to
self and others under every condition, as it is described in the Pali
canonical literature.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) – Marshall Rosenberg’s
approach to communication emphasizes compassion as the motivation for
action rather than fear, guilt, shame, blame, coercion, threat or
justification for punishment. In other words, it is about getting what you
want for reasons you will not regret later. NVC is about creating a quality
of connection that gets everyone’s needs met through compassionate
giving.

1.6 Review of Relevant Literature and Research Works Concerned

1.6.1 Books About NVC
1.6.1.1 Rosenberg Marshall.Nonviolent Communication: A
Language of Life. California: Buddle Dancer Press, 2003.
Abstract: Using stories, anecdotes, practical exercises and role-
plays designed to improve widespread communication methods, Marshall
Rosenberg offers an insight into non-violent communication, and
provides the necessary language tools to positively impact relationships
and the building of trust. By helping to prevent conflict and deal with
pain, these methods facilitate the process of reducing violence and
achieving peace. This book can be regarded as a handbook of NVC.
 6

1.6.1.2Rosenberg Marshall.The Surprising Purpose of Anger,

Beyond Anger Management: Finding the Gift. California: Buddle
Dancer Press, 2005.
Abstract: Peaceful conflict-resolution through application of the
principles of non-violent communication is studied in these booklets.
Self-evaluation and discovery are aided by various techniques, such as
illustrative exercises, sample stories, and role-playing. Four key truths are
defined, which assist the process of creating strategies for directing anger
into initiatives for identification and fulfillment of needs.
1.6.1.3 Rosenberg Marshall. Living Nonviolent
Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and Communicate
Skillfully in Every Situation. Canada: Sounds True Inc., 2012.
Abstract: Conflict situations give rise to problematic behavioral
patterns, such as defending one’s need to be right, refusing to listen,
speaking cruelly, or expressing anger or frustration. “Living Nonviolent
Communication” provides an alternative approach to resolving conflict
by providing practical training in implementing Dr. Marshall B.
Rosenberg's process of non-violent communication.
1.6.1.4 Rosenberg Marshall.Speak Peace in a World of Conflict:
What You Say Next Will Change Your World. California: Buddle
Dancer Press,2005.
Abstract: In Dr. Marhsall B. Rosenberg’s “Speak Peace in a World
of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World”, inspirational
stories, lessons, and ideas drawn from over 40 years of experience in
conflict mediation in war torn, impoverished, and violent areas
demonstrate the importance of language in enriching one’s life, as well as
that of developing an internal consciousness of peace based on the
language used in daily life.
 7

1.6.1.5 ChapmanSusan. The Five Keys to Mindful

Communication: Using Deep Listening and Mindful Speech to
Strengthen Relationships, Heal Conflicts, and Accomplish Your
Goals. Massachusetts:Shambhala Publication, 2012.
Abstract: Healthy interpersonal relationships rely on clear
communication. Mindfulness, or nonjudgmental awareness, is a useful
tool in communicating effectively and meaningfully in a personal, as well
as professional context. Susan Chapman, psychotherapist and Buddhist
practitioner, describes the ways in which mindfulness awareness can
impact people’s methods of communication, improve relationships, and
facilitate achieving of goals.
1.6.1.6 Marantz Jane& Killian Dian.Connecting Across
Differences: Finding Common Ground With Anyone, Anywhere,
Anytime. California: Buddle Dancer Press, 2012.
Abstract: In the fully revised second edition of “Connecting across
differences”, Dr. Dian Killian and Dr. Jane Marantz Connor provide an
introductory guide to exploring the non-violent communication process,
and teach effective communication skills which peacefully get to the root
of conflict. The work explores common communication barriers, and
supplies methods of overcoming them, by providing insight into the
psychological aspects of communication. A selection of exercises, role-
plays, and activities allow readers to apply the concepts to real life
situations. Lessons include transforming negative self-talk into self
empowerment, fostering trust and collaboration in high-stakes situations,
and defusing anger, as well as other connection barriers.
1.6.2 Thesis About NVC
1.6.2.1 Nash Lynn. “Case Study of Tekoa Institute, Illustration of
Nonviolent Communication Training’s Effect on Conflict Resolution”,
 8

M.S. Thesis. USA: Virginia Polytechnic Institute and State University,

2007.
Abstract: The study illustrated the effect of NVC on conflict
resolution in a case study of Teoka Boys Institute, a juvenile residence
and school institution. The predictions for the research stated that NVC
trained staff’s involvement in non-violent resolution would increase
more in comparison to non-NVC trained staff, whereas NVC trained
staff’s involvement in violent resolution would decrease more compared
to non-NVC trained staff. It was also predicted that NVC trained staff’s
involvement in instigating conflict would decrease compared to non-NVC
trained staff. The first two predictions were confirmed; no to little effect
was found in the sample to confirm the third prediction.
1.6.2.2 Beck Simon.“Developing Nonviolent Communication: An
Integral Approach”,M.E. Thesis.Canada: University of Victoria, 2005.
Abstract: In this work, the Nonviolent Communication model, used
in conflict resolution, counseling, and education, is explored. Empathic
connection underlies NVC, as well as skilled use of the four key concepts
of the model. A challenge lies in integrating the process of NVC into the
consciousness, as opposed to utilizing it as a technique. Questions arising
from the development of such a consciousness are discussed in this
project.
Branscomb Jane. “Summative Evaluation of A Workshop in
Collaborative Communication”,M.A. Thesis.USA: Rollins School of
Public Health of Emory University, 2011.
Abstract: In this study, the effectiveness of a Collaborative
Communication workshop was evaluated in terms of developing targeted
skills, intentions, and outcomes. The workshop, based on the principles
of NVC, promotes intra- and interpersonal relationships based on
compassion, connection, collaboration and caring, with the end goal of
 9

strengthening general wellbeing. There is evidence to suggest that success

in this endeavor may reduce the adverse effects of depression, suicide,
violence, etc.

1.7 Method of the Study

This study will follow a documentary research method and will be
divided into four stages:
1.7.1 Collecting data about NVC from primary and secondary
resources such as books, studies etc.
1.7.2 Collecting data about the Buddha’s doctrine about non-
violence and communication from Tipiṭaka and commentaries.
1.7.3 Analyzing relationships between modern psychological
approach of NVC and concepts of communication and non-violence in
Theravada Buddhism.
1.7.4 Discussion, conclusion and suggestions for further reserach.

1.8 Expected Findings and Advantages of the Study

1.8.1 To understand and know the meaning and signification of
communication and non-violence in Theravada Buddhist doctrine.
1.8.2 To have a comprehensive understanding of the concept of
NVC and concepts of communication and non-violence in Theravada
Buddhist doctrine.
1.8.3 To find out the interrelationships (similarities and
differences) between the concept of NVC and concepts of communication
and non-violence in Theravada Buddhist doctrine.

Chapter II

The Concept of Nonviolent Communication as per Marshall

Rosenberg’s Model
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2.1 Overview of the Concept of NVC

Nonviolent Communication, also called “compassionate
communication” or “collaborative communication”, is a communication
process which often functions as a conflict prevention and resolution
approach or process. NVC focuses on shaping positive and harmonious
relationsbased on compassion and personal responsibility.6

2.2 Basic Principles of NVC

The basic text of Nonviolent Communication is Rosenberg’s
“Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life”. This book could also
be considered an instruction manual, describing the basic principles and
process steps of NVC.NVC trainers Inbal and Miki Kashtan characterize
the basic assumptions underlying NVC as follows.
2.2.1 Assumptions: 7
1. All human beings share the same needs - when conflict occurs in
meeting needs, it arises at the level of strategies and not the needs
themselves, due to a variety of differing strategies being used to meet
identical needs.
2. Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting everyone’s
basic needs - the scarcity experienced bya section of the population arises
from not having designed suitable social structures for meeting the basic
needs of each individual. Any apparent scarcity may be attributed to
factors such as systemic limitations, a crisis of imagination, or a lack of
skills for fostering connection

6Marshall Rosenberg, Op.cit., p.1-4.

7InbalKashtan& Miki Kashtan, Key Assumptions and Intentions of
NVC, (Canada: BayNVC Organization, 2008), Retrieved 15 August 2014.
<http://www.baynvc.org/assumptions_and_intentions.php>
 11

3. All actions are attempts to meet needs - an individual’s actions

are driven by a desire to meet needs. When an effective strategy for
meeting needs is not found, individuals may resort to violence or other
actions which interfere with their own needs, as well as those of others.
4. Feelings point to needs being met or unmet - feelings, which
may be triggered, but not caused, by others, arise from an individual’s
assessment of whether or not their needs are met at any given time. Such
an assessment almost invariably involves an interpretation or belief. In a
circumstance where needs are met, an individual may feel happy,
satisfied, peaceful, etc. Unmet needs may cause an individual to
experience sadness, frustration, fear, etc.
5. All human beings have the capacity for compassion - a capacity
for compassion is innate in human beings, whereas the knowledge of how
to access it may be absent at times. When an individual is met with
compassion and respect for his or her autonomy, the individual’s
compassion becomes more easily accessible, and the capacity to meet
needs peacefully is increased.
6. Human beings enjoy giving - when an individual has connected
with the needs of others, as well as his or her own, and experiences the
act of giving as voluntary, contributing to others becomes inherently
enjoyable.
7. Human beings meet needs through interdependent relationships -
while many needs are met through interpersonal relationships and
relationships with nature, the quality of an individual’s relationship with
his or herself is a principal factor in meeting other needs. Some needs
may remain unmet in circumstances where others’ needs are unsatisfied.
8. Human beings change - due to the perpetually developing nature
of needs and strategies for meeting them, human beings are not static
entities, but dynamic processes.
 12

9. Choice is internal - an individual’s need for autonomy may be

met by consciously making choices based on awareness of needs,
regardless of circumstances.
10. The most direct path to peace is through self-connection - even
in circumstances where many needs are unmet, an individual may achieve
inner peace through self-connection.

2.3 Communication Barriers

According to Rosenberg, there are specific forms of language and
communication that contribute to violent behavior toward each other and
ourselves, for which he uses the term “life-alienating communication”.
Rosenberg lists a total of three forms of “life-alienating communication”,
namely moralistic judgments, making comparisons and denial of
responsibility.8
2.3.1 Moralistic Judgments
In terms of judgments, the focus lies on the issue of who is what.
Different forms of judgment include blame, insults, put-downs, labels,
criticism, comparisons and diagnoses. Life-alienating
communicationcenters on ideas about rightness and wrongness.The
language used in such circumstances serves to classify and dichotomize
individuals and their actions, and is judgmental of others and their
behavior, classifying them as good, bad, normal, abnormal, responsible,
irresponsible, smart, ignorant, etc.9
Analyses of others are expressions of an individual’s own needs
and values.Attention is focused on classifying, analyzing, and
determining levels of wrongness rather than on needs and whether or not
they are met.

8Marshall Rosenberg, Op.cit., p.15.

9Ibid., pp.16-17.
 13

Rosenberg makes a clear distinction between value judgments and

moralistic judgments. Human beings make value judgments based on the
qualities they value in life, such as honesty, freedom, or peace. These
judgments act as a reflection of an individual’s beliefs. Moralistic
judgments are made when people or behaviors are not found to be in
accordance with the relevant value judgments.
2.3.2 Making Comparisons
People have different mindsets, different interpretations, different
experiences and different emotions.Comparison is a habit. Society often
projects some specific qualities to men and women and point out, what is
and is not happiness and an idealistic lifestyle and what is the source of it.
Following society's image of a predetermined standards can lead to
conflict. That's why lots of peopleresort to plastic surgery,hide away from
society, and grow up with understanding that there's something wrong
with them.10
Comparing yourself to celebrities, models etc., is a fine way to
throw self-esteem down the drain, as there will always be those who are
“better”, and those who are “worse”. It leads to the internal and external
conflict with in conflict with itself and the outside world, wastes a lot of
time, and puts you in a psychologically terrible place.11
Is obvious, that the use of comparisons, which is a form of
judgment, hinders compassion, both for oneself and for others.
2.3.3 Denial of Responsibility
We deny responsibility for our actions when we attribute their
cause to:12
1. Vague, impersonal forces:

10Ibid., pp.18-19.
11 Ruth Chang, Making Comparisons Count: Studies in Ethics,
(New York: Routledge, 2002), pp.4-6.
12 Marshall Rosenberg, Op.cit., pp.16-17.
 14

“I cleaned my room because I had to.”

2. Our condition, diagnosis, personal or psychological history:
“I drink because I am an alcoholic.”
3. The actions of others:
“I hit my child because he ran into the street.”
4. The dictates of authority:
“I lied to the client because the boss told me to.”
5. Group pressure:
“I started smoking because all my friends did.”
6. Institutional policies, rules, and regulations:
“I have to suspend you for this infraction because it’s the
school policy.”
7. Gender roles, social roles, or age roles:
“I hate going to work, but I do it because I am a husband and
a father.”
8. Uncontrollable impulses:
“I was overcome by my urge to eat the candy bar.”
The above three communication barrier is deeply connected while
using ‘we’ language and the word ‘must’ which is hindrance in order to
take the personal responsibility during speech.

2.4 Four Components of NVC

Nonviolent Communication is a prototypical example, involving
avoidance of “life-alienating” language (blaming, shaming, labeling,
etc.).13In practice, NVC focuses on four components:
2.4.1 Observation

13Ibid., pp.22-23.
 15

The first component of NVC requires that a clear distinction be

made between observation and evaluation. The Indian philosopher J.
Krishnamurti once remarked that “The ability to observe without
evaluating is the highest form of intelligence.” Clear observations of
one’s surroundings must be made without incorporating evaluations.
Such observations are a key aspect of NVC, where a vital aim is to
express feelings and needs to others with honesty and clarity. Combining
observation with evaluation may interfere with the intended message,
causing it to be perceived as criticism and thereby hindering
communication.14
Complete objectivity and total lack of evaluation is not mandated
by the principles of NVC, but a separation between observation and
evaluation is needed to avoid static generalizations. It can be argued that
using static language to describe a dynamic reality is problematic,
therefore any evaluations should be specific to time and context.
According to semanticist Wendell Johnson, human language is an
imperfect instrument for symbolizing a complex world in a state of
constant change. There exists, therefore, a mismatch between reality and
the available tools for describing it. It is vital, however, within the
framework of NVC, to be able to make observations of people and
behaviors while refraining from judgments, criticism, or other forms of
analysis.15
The following table distinguishes observations that are separate
from evaluation from those that have evaluation mixed in:
Table 1. Observation and evaluation
Communication Example of Example of
observation with observation separate

14Ibid., pp.25-26.
15Ibid., pp.25-29.
 16

evaluation mixed in from evaluation

1. Use of verb to be “You are too “When I see you give
without indication that generous” all your lunch money
the evaluator accepts to others I think you
responsibility for the being too generous”
evaluation
2. Use of verbs with “Doug procrastinates” “Doug only studies for
evaluative exams the night
connotations before”
3. Implication that “She won’t get her “I don’t think she’ll
one’s inferences about work in” get her work in,or She
another person’s said, “I won’t get my
thoughts, feelings, work in”
intentions, or desires
are the only ones
possible
4. Confusion of “If you don’t eat “If you don’t eat
prediction with balanced meals, your balanced meals, I fear
certainty health will be that your health may
impaired” be impaired”
5. Failure to be “Minorities don’t take “I have not seen the
specific about care of their property” minority family living
referents at 1679 Ross shovel
the snow on their
sidewalk”
6. Use of words “Hank Smith is a poor “Hank Smith has not
denoting ability soccer player” scored a goal in 20
without indicating that games”
an evaluation is being
 17

made
7. Use of adverb and “Jim is ugly” “Jim’s looks don’t
adjectives in ways that appeal to me”
do not signify an
evaluation has been
made
2.4.2 Feelings
The second component of NVC is expression of feelings, which
requires:16
1. Awareness of feelings
2. Recognizing of feelings
3. Recognition of feelings
4. Adequate expression of feelings
5. Taking responsibility for one’s feelings
In addition to recognizing and separating feeling from thoughts an
adequate expression of feelings requires:17
1. Distinguishing feelings from thoughts.
2. A clear distinction between this, what we feel and what we think
we are.
3. Distinguish between what we feel and how we think others react
or behave toward us.
As a general rule, the process of developing emotional
responsibility in NVC can be divided into three stages:18
1. “Emotional slavery” – believing ourselves responsible for the
feelings of others.
2. “The obnoxious stage” – in which we refuse to admit to caring
what anyone else feels or needs.
16Ibid., p.61.
17 Ibid., pp.41-42.
18 Ibid., p.62.
 18

3. “Emotional liberation” – in which we accept full responsibility

for our own feelings but not the feelings of others, while being
aware that we can never meet our own needs at the expense of
others.
In essence, NVC points out three aspect of feelings: recognizing,
separating feeling from thoughts and taking responsibility for personal
thoughts and feelings.
2.4.3 Needs
As one of its components, NVC requires, the driving needs behind
feelings are acknowledged. The actions and words of others may act as
catalyst for an individual’s feelings and needs, but not cause them
directly.
There are four distinct reactions to negative communication:19
1. Blame ourselves.
2. Blame others.
3. Sense our own feelings and needs.
4. Sense the feelings and needs hidden in the other person’s
negative message.
According to Rosenberg, judgments, criticisms, diagnoses, and
interpretations of others arise from an individual’s unfulfilled needs.
When an individual expresses displeasure at not being understood, he or
she is implying that the underlying need to be understood is not being
met. Similarly, complaints about a spouse or partner working late can be
interpreted as expressions of unmet needs for intimacy.
Everything we do is in service of our needs. To express one’s own
needs sympathetically, consciously and responsibly, Rosenberg provides
a way to connect feelings with needs, such as: “I feel . . . because I . . .”
Such self-expression includes taking responsibility for one’s own feelings

19 Ibid., p.61.
 19

and needs and does not contain accusing other of causing these feelings
or needs.Expressing needs in this way creates more opportunity for
understanding and has a better chance of getting them met.
2.4.4 Request
The above three components - observation, feelings and needs -
provide the foundation for compassionate communication. The fourth
component of NVC targets the issue of addressing unmet needs with
specific requests.
Request as action, free of demand, implies:20
1. Using a positive focus - identify more what we ask for, not what
we don’t want.
2. Using positive language - everything that can be said negatively,
can also be said positively.
3. Using action language - reflects a particular activity, what we
really want.
4. Avoiding generalizations, distortions and inaccuracies - vague
language contributes to internal confusion. The clearer we are about what
we want back, the more likely it is that will get it.
5. Staying honest with self - depression is the reward we get for
being “good.”
6. Self-awareness – awareness of the feelings and needs behind this
request is basis for effective communication.
7. Expressing requests together with needs and feelings - it may not
be clear to the listener what we want them to do when we simply express
our feelings. Requests unaccompanied by the speaker’s feelings and
needs may sound like a demand.
8. Asking of reflection - to make sure the message we sent is the
message that’s received, ask the listener to reflect it back.

20 Ibid., pp.68-78.
 20

9. Expressing appreciation - express appreciation when your

listener tries to meet your request for a reflection.
10. Empathizing - empathize with the listener who doesn’t want to
reflect back.
11. Requesting honesty - after we express ourselves vulnerably, we
often want to know
1) what the listener is feeling,
2) what the listener is thinking,
3) whether the listener would be willing to take a particular action.

2.5 Three Primary Modes of Application of NVC

According to Rosenberg, there is three primary models of
application:21
2.5.1 Honesty
Clarity in expressing one’s expectations increases the likelihood of
these expectations being met. More commonly, however, individuals
speak without consciously acknowledging their requests.
It might be argued that some form of request is implicit in every
verbal interaction with another individual. There are various forms in
which these requests may occur, such as an acknowledgment, either
verbal or nonverbal, of understanding; other possible requests include an
honest reaction to what has been spoken, and actions on the listener’s part
that might fulfill the speaker’s needs.
Once an individual has clearly expressed his or herself and
received the desired understanding from the other party, honest reactions
are expected to what has been said. These can take one of three
directions:22

21Ibid., p.77.
22Ibid., p.78.
 21

1. Feelings stimulated by what was said, and the reasons for them.
2. Thoughts in response to what was said.
3. Whether or not the other party is willing to take certain actions
in response to what was said.
NVC requires its users to acknowledge which specific form of
honesty is desired in any given situation, and to express that request in
clear terms.
Table 2. Honesty
Observatio NVC “When I see you talking to my boyfriend with your
n hand on his arm” (specific)
“When I hear you say I “don’t qualify for the Care-
Home Parenting program”

Not “When you try to pick up my boyfriend”

NVC (evaluation)
“When you pull a ***ing power-trip and drop my
***ing case”
Feelings NVC “I feel frustrated/sad/scared/worried”(specific
emotional states)
Not “I feel you should be a certain way or do a certain
NVC thing” (strategy)
“I feel you are… “ (evaluations)
“I feel ignored, disrespected, cheated…” (thoughts/
evaluations)
Needs NVC “Because I need consideration / mutual respect /
support” (common needs)
Not “Because I need you to be… or do…” (strategies)
 22

NVC
“Because I need my boyfriend/ that program / some
money” (strategies)
Request NVC Would you be willing to
“Tell me how you feel when you hear that?”
(asking for the other’s honesty)
“Tell me what you heard me say?” (asking for the
other to empathize with me)
“Call that office now and let me explain?”
(concrete, present, doable action)
Not “Would you be nice/ fix it/ never do that?” (vague
NVC & indeterminate)
2.5.2 Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of
another.23 It contains four aspects that are used as reference points for
connecting with another’s experience with heartfelt respectful
attentiveness:
1. Staying in presence: don’t just do something, stand there
1) Emptying the mind and listening with our whole being
2) Ask before offering advice or reassurance
3) Intellectual understanding blocks empathy
2. Focusing on the other’s possible feelings
3. Focusing on the other’s possible needs
4. Using paraphrasing the form of questions that reveal our
understanding while eliciting any necessary corrections from the speaker,
focus on: 1) what others are observing
2) how others are feeling and the needs generating their
feelings
23The Oxford English Dictionary, ed. John Simpson,(New York:
Oxford University Press,1993), Retrieved 15 August 2014,
<http://www.oxforddictionaries.com>
 23

3) what others are requesting

Figure 1: Components of Empathic Understanding

Empathic
under-
standing

Table 3. Empathic Inquiry

Guessing NVC “Are you worried/sad/frustrated/scared?” (inquire
the about emotional state)
others Not NVC “Oh, you feel…” (assumption about other)
feeling “Do you feel I should be a certain way or do a
certain thing?” (strategy)
“Do you feel I am…?” (evaluation)
“Do you feel ignored/ disrespected/ cheated?”
(thoughts/ evaluations)
Guessing NVC “Because you need consideration/ mutual respect/
the support?” (common needs)
others Not NVC “Because you need me to be… or do…?”
needs (strategies)
“Because you need your boyfriend/ time/
money…?” (strategies)
 24

Guessing NVC “Would you like…”

the “To hear how I feel when you say that?” (asking
others if other wants honesty)
request “To tell me more about that?” (asking if other
wants more listening & empathy)
“To take some action or ask for action?”
(concrete, present, doable action)
Not NVC “Do you want me to be nice/ fix it/ never do
that?” (vague, indeterminate)
2.5.3 Self-Empathy
Empathy begins from empathetic attitude to oneself as “The most
important use of NVC may be in developing self-compassion.” 24 Honesty
and empathy are key factors in the process of resolving internal
discomfort. The practice of self-empathy requires clarification of one’s
observations and feelings, followed by making a connection to the needs,
either met or unmet, which underlie these feelings. There are a variety of
purposes for which the process of self-empathy may be used, such as
increased respect for oneself and others, as well as self-calming and
increased personal accountability.
According to Rosenberg, the Self-empathy contains:25
1) Specialness - keeping in mind the specificity of its own,
evaluating ourselves in ways that engender growth rather than self-hatred
2) Imperfection - evaluating ourselves when we’ve been less than
perfect, including avoidance “shoulding” yourself
3) Non-self-judgment - translating self-judgments and inner
demands. Self-judgments, like all judgments, are tragic expressions of
unmet needs

24 Marshall Rosenberg, Op.cit., p.128.

25 Ibid., pp.128-137.
 25

4) Mourning - connecting with the feelings and unmet needs

stimulated by past actions which we now regret
5) Self-Forgiveness - connecting with the need we were trying to
meet when we took the action which we now regret
6) Awareness of own needs and values - we are compassionate
with ourselves when we are able to embrace all parts of ourselves and
recognize the needs and values expressed by each part
7) Playfulness - we want to take action out of the desire to
contribute to life rather than out of fear, guilt, shame, or obligation
8) Translating “have to” to “choose to” - with every choice you
make, be conscious of what those it serves
9) Awareness of the energy behind our actions - be conscious of
actions motivated by the desire for money or the approval of others, and
by fear, shame, or guilt. Know the price you pay for them. The most
dangerous of all behaviors may consist of doing things “because we are
supposed to.”
A crucial application of NVC lies in an individual’s treatment of
him or herself. The process of NVC is applicable in situations where
mourning and self-forgiveness are needed, in order to avoid moralistic
self-judgments and discover opportunities for personal growth. An
individual’s assessment of his or her behaviors creates favorable
circumstances for positive change driven not by negative emotions, but
by a genuine desire to contribute to the well-being of oneself, as well as
others. Self-compassion may also be cultivated by making conscious
choices to act according to one’s needs and values, as opposed to a sense
of duty or the desire to avoid negative consequences. Under these
guidelines, a transition from an attitude of “have to” to “choose to” is
desirable, as it may increase an individual’s enjoyment of his or her daily
life.
 26

2.6 Summary of the Model of NVC Concept

The process of NVC is divided into four components. Firstly, an
observation is made of the situation, acknowledging the circumstances
currently affecting the observer’s well-being, without making evaluations
or judgments. Secondly, the individual acknowledges and expresses their
feelings in relation to the observed actions. Thirdly, a connection is made
between the identified feelings and underlying needs, values, desires, etc.
Lastly, when awareness of the first three components has been reached, a
specific request is made, avoiding vague or abstract terms, which
addresses the unmet needs and feelings of the speaker.
The use of this process may begin either by expressing oneself
through these four steps, or by empathically receiving equivalent
information from others. These are the two parts of NVC required to
ensure mutually beneficial relationships based on honesty and empathy.
While NVC is commonly referred as a process or language, it is
important to note that it is possible to experience the whole process
without the use of words, and that it adapts to fit various situations,
cultures, and styles.
In interpersonal communication, it is vital to use clear and concise
language, to maximize the likelihood of being understood. This ensures
that unproductive conversations are more easily avoided.
In situations where listeners fear punishment or blame in case of
failure to comply, requests may be interpreted as demands. In such cases,
it is important to establish that compliance is voluntary.
The concept of empathy is generallydefined as the ability to
respectfully understand the experiences of others. Instead of empathy,
advice or reassurance are often provided; individuals also have a
 27

tendency to explain their own positions or feelings when empathy is

needed.
To show empathy towards another, an individual must listen
attentively to the observations, feelings, needs, and requests that are
expressed, regardless of the specific words used to do so. Ensuring that a
mutual understanding has been reached is important before solutions are
suggested. In situations, where an individual feels unable to empathize,
there are steps that may be taken, such as taking a moment to reflect and
employ self-empathy, screaming nonviolently, or taking time out.

Table 4. An Outline of the NVC Model (Andrus Kahn)

Steps Description of the action Comments

1. Self- Understanding my Responsibility, self-

awareness observation, feelings and empathy, honesty
needs
2. Self- Expressing my Without blaming ourselves
expressing observation, feelings, or others; focusing on
needs and request solution
3. Feedback Checking to see, if my Free of prejudice
request message has been
received as intended
4. Paraphrasing Demonstration of my Repeating, paraphrasing,
feedback own understanding the reflecting; focus on others
message + identification
 28

of the inaccuracies feelings, needs and request

5. Active (tacit) Clarification own Empathy; enabling silence
listening understanding of the
others + focus on the
accurately receiving of
others feeling and needs
– the others as well as my
own
6. Repetition of Repetition until a Patience; focus on the
points 2-5 common understanding is common understanding,
reached not on the condemning
7. Conformation Approval of a common Responsibility, self-
understanding empathy, empathy, honesty

Chapter III

The Concept of Non-Violent Communication

in Theravada Buddhism

Non-violence is one of the most vital underlying principles of the

teachings of the Buddha. It can be argued that no human being wishes
pain or death upon themselves, which makes the concept of non-violence
an universal one. The Dhammapada26 states:

All men tremble at punishment, all men fear death.

Likening others to oneself, one should neither slay nor cause to
slay27

26Dhp.129.
27Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Op.cit., p.102.
 29

This can be interpreted as the fear of violence and death is

universal. Once an individual fully acknowledges the undesirable nature
of violence toward his or herself, it becomes easier to apply the same
principle to others, which in turn encourages a non-violent approach to all
living creatures.
The concept of non-violent speech entails following the principles
of non-violence first towards oneself, and then towards other humans, as
well as all living creatures. The SubhāsitaSutta28 states:

That word only should one speak by which one would not torment
oneself nor harm others. That word indeed is well-spoken 29

It is here that the Buddha teaches non-violence begins within –

non-violent speech stems from a non-violent attitude towards oneself and
communicating with oneself in a non-violent manner.

3.1 Introduction to Buddhist View of Violence and Non-violence in

Theravada Buddhism
Avihimsāas well as avihesā and ahiṃsā mean “not hurting,
humanity, kindness”30, also harmlessness, nonviolence, absence of
cruelty, not killing, as well as “mercy and humanity” 31 and“not injuring
anybody”32.In Buddhism, ahiṃsāis taught in a variety of ways, as it is

28Sn.450-454.
29Kenneth Roy Norman, The Group of Discourses (Sutta-Nipāta),
(Lancaster: Pali Text Soociety, 2006), p.51.
30Rhys Davids & Stede William, Pali-English Dictionary, (London: Pali
Text Soociety, 1952), p.226.
31Robert Cæsar Childers, Dictionary of the Pali Language, (London:
Trubner & Co, 1875), p.73.
32Moner Williams, A Sanskrit-English Dictionary, (Delhi: Montilal
Banarsidass Publishers Private Limited), p.110.
 30

recognized that enlightenment may be achieved through the practice.

Emphasizing the importance of non-killing, ahiṃsāis considered a vital
element of Buddhism.
Although the Buddha permitted the eating of meat on the condition
that the animal was not killed specially for the eater, 33 his injunction was
against the destruction of life:

… Jīvaka, I say that there are three instances in which meat should
not be eaten: when it is seen, heard, or suspected [that the living
being has been slaughtered for oneself]. I say that meat should not
be eaten in these three instances. I say that there are three
instances in which meat may be eaten: when it is not seen, not
heard, and not suspected [that the living being has been
slaughtered for oneself]. I say that meat may be eaten in these
three instances34

The Buddha severely criticized the practice of animal sacrifices

and prohibited the eating of certain types of flesh.
According to the Dhammapada35, non-violence leads to happiness
after death:

He who seeking his own happiness inflicts pain (strikes with a

stick) on being who (like himself) are desirous of happiness does
not obtain happiness after death

33Jīvaka Sutta, Sn.450-454.

34Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length Discourses of
the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikāya, (Oxford: Wisdom Publication,
2001), p.474.
35Dhp.131-132.
 31

He who seeking his own happiness does not inflict pain (strike with
a stick) on being who (like himself) are desirous of happiness
obtains happiness after death 36

It is also given in the Dhammapada 37 that non-violenceis a

supporting condition for awakening:

A man is not noble (or elect) because he injures living creatures.

He is called noble because he does not injure living beings 38

The Dhammapada39 describes a wise person’s non-violent

interaction with society through a metaphor, comparing it to the flight of
a bee: flying from flower to flower, harming neither the blossom, nor its
color or fragrance, the bee takes the nectar and moves on. This is similar
to the way in which a wise person must interact with his or her
surroundings.
Harsh and contentious words are to be avoided or they will be met
with retaliation. The Buddha teaches that non-violent reactions to stimuli
lead to inner harmony. He describes aging and death as the driving forces
behind the lives of living beings. The Buddha goes on to state that those
who commit evil deeds out of ignorance will be held accountable for
them. Harming an innocent, unarmed person is considered particularly
reprehensible in the teachings of the Buddha, resulting in the perpetrator
being subject to a variety of unpleasant repercussions.40

36Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Op.cit., p.103.

37Dhp.270.
38Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Op.cit., p.103.
39Ibid., p.75.
40Dhp.133.
 32

Also in the Dhammapada41, the Buddha states that overcoming

doubt is a prerequisite to achieve mental purity, regardless of whether or
not the individual lives in austere conditions (sleeping on bare ground,
going naked, etc.). Comparably, it is possible for an individual who wears
fine clothing to be considered a contemplative (a brahman, monk), given
that he or she lives a chaste and non-violent life. In his teachings, the
Buddha emphasizes the value of conviction, virtue, persistence,
concentration, judgment, knowledge, good conduct, and mindfulness. He
notes the rarity of the type of person who is kept from misconduct by
conscience and fear of criticism. It is important for individuals to practice
self-discipline and remain in control of their actions, if they are to be
considered wise, and of good practices.
3.2 Basic Principles of Communication from the Buddha’s
Doctrine Point of View
The general principles of communication in the Buddha's teachings
are known as “right speech” (sammāvācā), which is the third
componentof the Noble Eightfold Path.
Magga-vibhaṅgaSutta42defines right speech as the avoidance of (1)
lying(musāvādā-virati), (2) of divisive (pisuṇavācā-virati) and (3)
abusive (pharusavācā-virati) speech, and of (4) idle
chatter(samphappalāpa-virati).
Right speech comes from right thoughts, originating from a non-
violent mind, meeting five criteria. For communication to qualify as right
speech, it must be (1) timely, (2) truthful, (2) affectionate, (4) beneficial
and (5) good-willed:

41Dhp.141-145.
42S.V.2.
 33

Bhikkhus, possessing five factors, speech is well spoken, not badly

spoken; it is blameless and beyond reproach by the wise. What
five? It is spoken at the proper time; what is said is true; it is
spoken gently; what is said is beneficial; it is spoken with a mind of
loving-kindness 43
and
Bhikkhus, there are these five courses of speech that others may
use when they address you: their speech may be timely or untimely,
true or untrue, gentle or harsh, connected with good or with harm,
spoken with a mind of loving-kindness or with inner hate44

Right speech means using non-violent language and speaking only

words that do no harm to either the speaker or others. For a verbal
interaction to be considered well spoken, it should be pleasant, and cause
no distress to any party.45
The Buddha teaches in the CundaKammāraputtaSutta46how one is
made pure in four ways by verbal action. This is achieved through
abandoning false speech and speaking truth, abstaining from divisive
speech and creating concord through speech, abandoning abusive speech
and speaking in a polite, affectional manner, and abstaining from idle
chatter by adhering to facts.
According to the MahācattārīsakaSutta47, right speech is directly
related to the other factors of the Noble Eightfold Path. By distinguishing
between wrong speech and right speech, one is exercising right view. An

43Bhikkhu Boddhi, The Numerical Discourses of the Buddha: a

Translation of the Aṅguttara Nikāya, (Boston: Wisdom Publication), p.816.
44BhikkhuÑāṇamoli&Bhikkhu Bodhi, Op.cit., p.221.
45Kenneth Roy Norman, The Elders Verses I: Theragāthā (2nd ed.),
(Oxford: Pali Text Society, 2007), p.122.
46A.V.263.
47M.III.71.
 34

attempt to abandon wrong speech in favor of right speech is considered

right effort; being mindful to abstain from wrong speech, to enter and
remain in right speech, is considered right mindfulness.
The Buddha also described in the AbhayarājakumāraSutta48 the
criteria for deciding what is worth saying. Words which can be described
as unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, unendearing and disagreeable to others
are not considered worth saying. Statements which are known to be true
and factual, but do not meet the other criteria for right speech, are
similarly considered unworthy of being spoken. This also applies to
words which are unfactual, untrue, unbeneficial, but endearing and
agreeable to others. Another instance where words are deemed
inappropriate is in the case of a statement which is factual, true,
unbeneficial, but endearing and agreeable to others.
In the case of statements which can be described as true, factual,
and beneficial, but cannot be considered endearing or agreeable, a
suitable moment must be found to speak. The same is true of statements
which meet all the criteria of right speech. By ensuring that his or her
speech is well-timed and well-worded, an individual demonstrates
sympathy for living beings.
In the AmbalaṭṭhikārāhulovādaSutta49, where the Buddha instructs
his son, Rāhula, he indicates the importance of reflection on any verbal
action. This allows the speaker to determine whether the planned verbal
action would be a skillful or unskillful one. When reflecting on a verbal
action, one should pose the question: would the intended statement cause
distress to the speaker or intended recipients?Any verbal action with
painful consequences is considered unacceptable.

48M.I.392.
49M.I.414.
 35

According to the KathāvatthuSutta50, individuals who converse in a

state of anger or arrogance in an attempt to expose the faults of others and
delight in them, cannot be described as noble.
For speech to be considered wise, it must be spoken at an
appropriate time. According to Buddhist thought, right speech lacks
anger, arrogance, vehemence, envy, and spite. Such speech stems from
knowledge, and is not designed to criticize.51
The following table contains the summary of the suttas previously
explained regarding the sammāvācā.
Table 5. Summary of the Right Speech

Aspects of the Content Source

right speech

1. Right view Clear understanding what is wrong and M.III.71.

what is right speech

2. Speech Speech can be: M.I.122.

1) timely or untimely
2) true or false
3) affectionate or harsh
4) beneficial or unbeneficial
5) with a mind of good-will or with inner
hate

3. Right effort Attempting to abandon wrong speech & M.III.71.

to enter into right speech

4. Right One is mindful to abandon wrong speech M.III.71.

mindfulness & to enter & remain in right speech

50A.I.197.
51A.I.197.
 36

Reflection of the verbal action:

1) would it lead to self-affliction?
2) to the affliction of others (or to both?) M.I.414.
3) would it be an unskillful verbal action,
with painful consequences, painful
results?

5. Self- 1) Abandoning false speech, abstaining A.V.263.

purification from false speech
through well- 2) Abandoning divisive speech,
chosen speech abstaining from divisive speech
3) Abandoning abusive speech, abstaining
from abusive speech
4) Abandoning idle chatter, abstaining
from idle chatter

6. Words Speaking words that are: A.V.263.

1) soothing to the ear
2) that are affectionate
3) that go to the heart
4) that are polite
5) appealing
6) pleasing to people at large

7. What is worth In the case of words to be: M.I.392.

saying 1) factual
2) true
3) beneficial
4) endearing and agreeable to others
5) said on the proper time
 37

8. Confessing Confessing unskillful verbal action, reveal M.I.414.

unskillful verbal it, lay it open to the Teacher or to a
action knowledgeable companion in the holy life

9. Well-spoken 1) Word which would not torment oneself Thag.

speech nor harm others 1227-
2) pleasant words, which are acceptable 1230.
(to others)
3) without bringing evils to others word
the Awakened One speaks for the
attainment of nibbāna, for making an end
of suffering

3.3 Communication Barriers from the Buddha’s Doctrine Point of

View
The Buddha’s doctrine does not make moralistic judgments unlike
NVC and it uses the language based on skillful (kusala) and unskillful
(akusala) rather than judgmental views. Although Buddhism uses the
terms like sammā52 usually translated as “right”. It does not imply right as
oppose to wrong in moralistic way, although when the term sammā is
used, it is right according to the Buddha’s teaching .
Unlike the writings of Marshall Rosenberg, the teachings of the
Buddha do not include categories of communication barriers (moralistic
judgments, comparisons, denial of responsibility); the Buddha does,
however, teach which kinds of speech are to be avoided by
contemplatives.
In theSāmaññaphalaSutta53, it is stated that brahmans and
contemplatives are to abstain from discussing topics the Buddha

52As opposite ofmicchā– “wrong”.

53D.II.2-4.
 38

describes as lowly (e.g. matters of the state, gossip, philosophical

discussions of the past and future, etc.), in order to remain virtuous.
According to the ViggāhikāSutta,54the same applies to debates
which do not relate in any way to the goal: nibbāna. Such debates are
described as wordy warfare and are neither fundamental to the holy life,
nor are they conducive to disenchantment, dispassion, cessation,
tranquillity, higher knowledge, enlightenment or to nibbāna. Acceptable
topics for discussion are (1) suffering, (2) the arising of suffering, (3) its
cessation, and (4) the path that leads to its cessation, as these subjects are
related to the goal.
In his teachings, the Buddha emphasizes the danger in lying,
discussed in Itivuttaka:55

For the creature who transgresses one thing, who tells lies, who
has given up on the next world, there is no evil that could not be
performed56

By analyzing what is the right speech, we may also find the wrong
speech as communication barriers. Generally, these could be summarized
as follows
Table 6. Akusala Speech (As Communication Barriers), According
to the Buddha

Wrong view Absence of the clear understanding what is wrong and

what is right speech

Wrong effort Absence of the attempt to abandon wrong speech and to

54S.V.419.
55Iti.25.
56Peter Masfield, The Itivuttaka, (Oxford: Pali Text Society, 2001), p.13.
 39

enter into right speech

Wrong Absence of the reflection of the verbal action

mindfulness

Characteristic Untimely, false, with a mind of inner hate, not soothing

of the words to the ear (harsh), unaffectionate, impolite, unappealing,
unpleasing to people at large, unbeneficial, not going to
the heart, not factual, not true, not beneficial, not
endearing and agreeable to others, not said at proper time,
words which would torment oneself and harm others,
unpleasant words, which are not acceptable (to others),
word the Awakened One did not utter as relevant to the
attainment of nibbāna, for making an end of suffering

Result Bringing evils to others

3.4 Observation and Reality in Theravada Buddhism

What an individual observes and how these observations are
interpreted depends upon the individual’s mind, beliefs, attitudes, values,
and understanding of reality; in other words, the individual’s view
(diṭṭhi), and the thoughts (saṅkappa) derived from it.
The Buddha’s doctrine focuses on seeing without evaluating,
which describes in the BāhiyaSutta:57

Therefore, Bāhiya, you should so train yourself that with respect to

the seen there will be merely the seen, that with respect to the
heard there will be merely the heard, that with respect to the
sensed there will be merely the sensed, that with respect to the
cognised there will be merely the cognized 58
57Ud.6.
58Peter Masfield, The Udāna (Oxford: Pali Text Society, 2007), p.10.
 40

3.4.1 Observation and Realityin the Context of theAbhidhamma

In the context of theAbhidhamma, the concept of observation
entails two realities - apparent and ultimate.Apparent reality is the
ordinary conventional truth or thecommonly accepted truth (sammuti-
saccā) and ultimate reality is the ultimate truth (paramattha-saccā).59
Conventional truth is defined as truth which is widely
acknowledged and accepted, comprised of subjective beliefs, attitudes,
values, prejudices etc., which may change over time. Conventional truth
is characterized by belief in concepts such as “self”, “living soul”,
“beautiful house”, “impeccable taste”, “charismatic personality” etc.
Although conventional truth is a key part of the logistics of mundane life,
Buddhist thought discourages dependence on it. Conventional truth is
based on thought, and shapes human understanding of reality, i.e.
subjective existence.60
According to ultimate truth, none of what is seen, heard, felt,
imagined, or known/believed to exist, really exists – there is only the
appearance and disappearance of things and phenomena which, out of
individual-collective habit, is identified as reality. Ultimate truth
represents an objective existence and is inevitable, unchangeable, and
absolute in all its aspects. It cannot be constructed, invented, imagined, or
be subject to interpretation; material, emotional and mental aspects do not
fall under this category. Ultimate truth is not man-made, nor can it be
destroyed. Paññattis or the apparent realities, though they seem to exist,
do not really exist.Paññattis are the names of living and non living; they
also referto the things and the persons themselves. Thus not only the

59 Tin Mon Mehm,The Essence of Buddha Abhidhamma,(Yangon:

MehmTayZarMonm Publication, 1995), p.10.
60MahātheraNārada, The Buddha and His Teachings,(Taiwan: Singapore
Buddhist Meditation Centre, 2011), p.272.
 41

names “man”, “dog”, “table”, “house” etc., are paññattis but the man, the
dog,the table, the house, etc., are also paññattis.It is apparent that names
are not the ultimate realities becausea particular thing has been given
different names in differentlanguages.61
Scientists have detected more than 84 subatomic particles fromthe
breakup of atomic nuclei. All these particles may also beregarded as
bundles of energy as matter and energy are inter-convertible according to
Albert Einstein’s equation: E=mc2, where E represents energy, mthe
mass of the matter and c the velocity of light.Thus from the point of
scientific view, man, dog, table, house,all living and non-living things are
not ultimate realities sincethey are composed of electrons, protons,
neutrons and energy. Furthermore, since all the subatomic particles may
be regardedas bundles of energy, only may be taken as the ultimate
reality inscience.
In Abhidhamma there are four paramatthas or ultimate realities.
They are rūpa, citta, cetasika and nibbāna. In the analysis of rūpa,it is
found to comprise the principles of matter and energy.Citta is
consciousness, and cetasikas are mental factors ormental concomitants.
As citta and cetasikas can pick up the sensesand are aware of the senses,
they are collectively known as nāma(mind). A person is made up of rūpa,
citta and cetasikas, or in other words just rūpaand nāma (matter and
mind). These are theultimate realities whereas the person is just an
apparent reality.Nibbāna - the principle of cessation of suffering and of
lasting peace - always exists in nature. The only drawback is that we
donot realize it. It can be realized only by maggañāṇaand phalañāṇa, i.e.,
the wisdom eye accompanied by the path and its fruition.62

61Ibid., p.273.
62Mehm Tin Mon, The Essence of Buddha Abhidhamma, (Yangon: Mehm
Tay Zar Monm, 1995), pp.10-15.
 42

Since ultimate truth “ … can be understood fully only by Nobel

persons (ariā)”63, this paper can only discuss observation in terms of
conventional truth.
3.4.2 Right View
Mostly, right view is divided in three categories:64
1) Right view regarding karma (kammassakatāsammādiṭṭhi)65
2) Right view in ten matters (dasavatthukasammādiṭṭhi)
3) Right view of the Four Truths (catusaccasammādiṭṭhi)
The SammādiṭṭhiSutta66 gives a comprehensive outline of right
view. This thorough discussion by VenerableSāriputta begins by defining
the concepts of wholesome and unwholesome, as well as the roots of
both.According to VenerableSāriputta, there are five ways in which an
individual may be considered to have obtained right view. These ways
can be described using the format of the Four Noble Truths – (1)
understanding the object, (2) its origin, (3) its cessation, and (4) the way
leading to its cessation:
1. When a noble disciple understands the unwholesome and the
root of the unwholesome, the wholesome and the root of the
wholesome.The ten unwholesome courses of action is (1) killing, (2)
stealing, (3) sexual misconduct, (4) false speech, (5) malicious speech, (6)
harsh speech (7) gossip, (8) covetousness, (9) ill will and (10) wrong
view. The first three are bodily actions, the next four are verbal actions,
and thelast three are mental actions.
The roots for these unwholesome actionsare:

63Ibid., p.294.
64Ledi Sayādaw, Maggaṅī Dīpanī: A Manual of the Path Factors,
(England: Association for Insight Meditation, 1984), p.1.
65Only two things, wholesome (kusala) and unwholesome (akusala) actions,
performed by all beings, are their own properties that always accompany them
wherever they may wander in many existences.
66M.I.46.
 43

1) Greed(lobha)
2) Hatred(dosa)
3) Delusion(moha)
The ten wholesome courses of action are the opposite - the
abstention from each course of unwholesome action. The roots for these
wholesome actions are:
1) Non-greed (alobha)
2) Non-hatred (adosa)
3) Non-delusion (amoha)
2. When one understands nutriment, its origin, its cessation and the
wayleading to its cessation.
There are four kinds of nutriment for the life continuity of beings:
1) Physical food for the body
2) Contact for feeling
3) Mental volition for consciousness
4) Consciousness for name and form
Craving is the origin of nutriment, cessation of craving is its
cessation, theway leading to its cessation is the Noble Eightfold Path.
3. When one understands the Four Noble Truths.
4. When one understands the twelve links of (the law of)
“Dependent origination” (paṭicca-samuppada)67. Sutta explains for each
of the links its origin, its cessation and the way leading to its cessation:
1) Aging and death (jarā-maraṇa)
2) Birth (jāti)
3) Being(bhava)68
67Paticca means “because of” or “dependent upon” and samuppāda
“arising” or “origination”. Although the literal meaning of the term is “arising
because of” or “dependent arising or origination,” it is applied to the whole
causal formula which consists of twelve interdependent causes and effects,
technically called paccaya and paccayuppanna.
68Three kinds of being is sensesphere being, finematerial being and
 44

4) Clinging(upādāna)69
5) Craving(taṇhā)70
6) Feeling(vedanā)71
7) Contact(phassa)72
8) The sixfold base(salāyatana)73
9) Name and form(nāma-rūpa)74
10) Consciousness(viññāna)75
11) Formations(saṅkhāra)76
12) Ignorance(avijjā)77
In thisSammādiṭṭhiSutta it is said that with the arising of ignorance,
there is the arising of the taints.
5. When one understands the three taints:
1) Sensual desire
2) Being
3) Ignorance 78

immaterial being. Here, “being” includes actual planes of rebirth and the types of
karma that generate rebirth into those planes.
69Four kinds of clinging is clinging to sensual pleasures, views, rules and
rituals, a doctrine of self.
70Six classes of craving is craving for forms, sounds, smells, flavors,
tangibles, and mindobjects.
71Six classes of feeling is feeling born of eye-, ear-, nose- tongue-, body- and
mindcontact.
72Six classes of contact is eye-, ear-, nose-, tongue-, body-, and mindcontact.
73Six bases is eyebase, ear-, nose-, tongue-, body-, and mindbase.
74Five mental factors (nāma) is feeling, perception, volition, contact, and
attention; and materiality (rūpa) is the four elements and the materials which are
formed from them.
75Six classes of consciousness is eye-, ear-, nose-, tongue-, body-, and
mindconsciousness.
76Three kinds of formations: bodily, verbal, and mental formations.
77Ignorance is considered to be not knowing the Four Noble Truths.
78Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length Discourses of
the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikāya, Op.cit., pp.132-133.
 45

The above sutta gives a clear overview about the root of the
wholesome and unwholesome deeds which leads to corresponding
actions.
Right views about the ten matters are explained in
UpajjhātthānaSutta79where it states:

I am the owner of my kamma, the heir of my kamma, I have

kamma as my origin, kamma as my relative, kamma as my resort80

This may be interpreted as whether an individual does good or bad

deeds, the deeds always affect the one who perpetrates them.
TheSammādiṭṭhiSutta81states that when a noble disciple
understands suffering, as well as its origin, its cessation and the way
leading to it, the right view has been found. Suffering is defined as the
cumulative effects of birth, aging, sickness, death, sorrow, and the
inability to obtain what one wants. The origin of suffering is defined as
craving (for sensual pleasures, for being or non-being); the cessation of
suffering may therefore be defined as the cessation of craving.
The way leading to the cessation of suffering is, according
totheSammādiṭṭhiSutta,the Noble Eightfold Path or, in other words, right
view and right concentration. Having reached such full comprehension of
suffering, its origin and cessation, as well as the way leading to its
cessation, an individual may make an end to suffering, thereby achieving
right view, and arriving at true dhamma.
Right view is one of the most fundamental aspect of the Buddha’s
teaching. It gives the profound understanding of the real nature of
existence and its mechanism.
79A.III.71.
80Bhikkhu Boddhi, Op.cit., p.686.
81M.I.46.
 46

3.4.3 Right View of Action

Right Action is the fourth factors in the Noble Eightfold Path, and
belongs to the virtue division of the path.
According to the Buddha’s teachings, right view of action consists
of abstaining from taking life, abstaining from stealing and abstaining
from unchastity.82According to the MahacattārīsakaSutta83, the three
qualities of right view, right effort, and right mindfulness, are closely
connected to right action: differentiating between wrong action and right
action is considered right view; endeavoring to abandon wrong action in
favor of right action is considered right effort. Being mindful to abandon
wrong action in order to enter and remain in right action is considered
right mindfulness.
An individual adhering to the principles of right action must show
compassion towards living beings, accept only what is given, and live a
pure, celibate life.84The Buddha also teaches in the
CundaKammāraputtaSutta85three ways in which to achieve right action
through bodily action: compassion towards all living beings, abstaining
from theft, and abstaining from sexual impropriety.
3.4.4 Right Thoughts of Renunciation, Friendliness and
Compassion
There are three kinds of right thought:86
1) Thoughts of renunciation (nekkhammasaṅkappa)
2) Thoughts of non-ill will (abyāpādasaṅkappa)

82Bhikkhu Boddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A

Translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya, (Oxford: PTS, 2011), p.1523.
83M.III.71.
84Frak Lee Woodward, The Book of the Gradual Sayings (Aṅguttara-
Nikāya) or More-Numbered Suttas, Vol. V., (Oxford: Pali Text Socety, 2010),
pp.140-146.
85A.V.263.
86Ledi Sayādaw, Op.cit., p.20.
 47

3) Thoughts of non-cruelty (avihiṃsāsaṅkappa)

Thoughts of renunciation are defined as thoughts arising from an
absence of greed for and attachment to sensual pleasures 87. In
theDvedhāvitakkaSutta88, the Buddha makes a distinction between two
classes of thought: (1) thoughts of sensual desire, ill will and cruelty, and
(2) thoughts of renunciation, non-ill will or friendliness (mettā) and
compassion (karuṇā). Here, the Buddha states that unwholesome
thoughts inspire unhappiness, whereas wholesome thoughts inspire
happiness. Endeavoring to replace unwholesome thoughts with
wholesome ones, as well as with a concentrated mind, an individual may
induce happiness and freedom from pain.
3.4.5 Right Mindfulness of the Body, Consciousness and Mental
States
In the SatipaṭṭhānaSutta89 the Buddha states that the four
foundations of mindfulness - the contemplation of the body
(kāyānupassanā), feelings(vedanānupassanā), mind(cittānupassanā), and
mindobjects(dhammānupassanā) - are a direct path to the realization of
nibbāna.
Mindfulness relates directly to the experience of human existence
and the understanding of the nature of being. The importance of this
discourse in the framework of this paper lies in the understanding of the
terms “I”, or “Self”, and the origins of “My/Mine”; this issue is central in
the context of non-violent communication, and is discussed further in the
analysis section of the paper.
For each of the four foundations, the Buddha directs us to
contemplate:

87Namely: sights, sounds, smells, tastes, touches.

88M.I.114.
89M.I.55.
 48

1) the body as a body - or feelings as feelings, mind as mind, and

mind-objects as mind-objects. A body is a body, not a man,
woman, person, etc., and with similar considerations holding true
for feelings, mind, and mind-objects
2) internally
3) externally
4) internally and externally
5) the arising factors
6) the vanishing factors
7) both the arising and the vanishing factors, and
8) mindfulness that “there is a body” (or “there is feeling,” or
“there is mind,” or “there are mind-objects”) “is established to the
extent necessary for bare knowledge and mindfulness”.
In SatipaṭṭhānaSutta the Buddha urges to know each of the four
foundations distinctly from one another.90
According to the AmbalaṭṭhikārahulovādaSutta91, any verbal act
must be preceded by thorough reflection. If, on reflection, it becomes
apparent that the act would cause distress to the speaker or to others, the
act would be considered unskilled and therefore unacceptable. The only
acceptable verbal acts are those which, upon reflection, are found not to
be potentially distressing to any party.
Similar reflection is also required during the act itself, as well as
after it has been completed. If, upon completion, an act is found to have
been distressing, and therefore unskilled, the Buddha advises that it
should be confessed, and restraint exercised in the future.

90Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length Discourses of

the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikāya, Op.cit., pp.145-155.
91M.I.414
 49

So, in conclusion, we can say that the four foundation of

mindfulness practice leads to understand the real nature of so called
“human beings”, which liberates from the concept of “Self” or “I”.

3.5 Feelingsin Theravada Buddhism

3.5.1 Sensuous Desire and Feelings
In the MūlaSutta92has pointed out:

… all things are rooted in desire

they come into being through attention
they originate from contact
they converge upon feeling
they are headed by concentration
mindfulness exercises authority over them
wisdom is their supervisor
liberation is their core
their culminate in the deathless
their consummation is nibbāna93

This sutra points out very important aspect - all phenomena are
rooted in desire.Also, in the IcchāSutta94the Buddha explains to a deva
about the true nature of the desire:

A deva: By what is the world tied bound?

By the removal of what is freed?
What is it that one must forsake

92A.I.201.
93Bhikkhu Boddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A
Translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya, Op.cit., p.1410.
94S.I.40.
 50

to cut off all bondage?

Buddha: By desire is the world bound.
By the removal of desire it is freed.
Desire is what one must forsake
To cut off all bondages.95

VedanāSutta96explains how feelings works:

Bhikkhus, desire and lust for feeling born of eye-contact ...

for feeling born of mind-contact is a corruption of the mind.
When a bhikkhu has abandoned the mental corruption in
these six cases … [his mind] becomes wieldy in regard to
those things that are to be realized by direct knowledge 97

3.5.2 Right Mindfulness of the Feelings

Right mindfulness includes mindfulness of
feelings(vedanānupassanā). Although emotions are generally not
considered negative, feelings and a desire for sensual pleasure are, from
the perspective of the Buddha’s teachings, an obstacle on the path to
enlightenment.In The MahādukkhakkhandaSutta98,the Buddha explains at
great length the dangers of sensual pleasures, as well as the gratification
and escape from such pleasures.
The SammādiṭṭhiSutta99 poses the question of whether or not it is
possible to achieve right view in any other way. The Venerable Sāriputta

95Bhikkhu Boddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A

Translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya, Op.cit., pp.132-133.
96S.III.226.
97Bhikkhu Boddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A
Translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya, Op.cit., p.1013.
98M.I.83.
99M.I.46.
 51

claims that right view may be reached through understanding of feeling,

its origin, its cessation, and the way leading to its cessation. The concept
of feeling is divided into six classes based on the forms of contact from
which the feeling arises: (1) eye-contact, (2) ear-contact, (3) nose-contact,
(4) tongue-contact, (5) body-contact, (6) mind-contact. Thus, any form of
contact allows feeling to arise. The cessation of contact, therefore,
induces the cessation of feeling. This can be achieved through the Noble
Eightfold Path. When such a complete understanding of feeling has been
reached, an individual may be argued to have eliminated suffering and
therefore to have achieved right view.100
In MahādukkhakkhandaSutta101 the Buddha shows the gratification
and danger of, and escape from, feeling. The gratification of feeling is
defined as freedom from pain and suffering. The Buddha goes on to
explain that an individual should strive to experience feeling free of
affliction. The danger of feeling is defined as their impermanence and
ability to cause suffering. The escape from feeling therefore is
abandonment of any desire for feeling.Similarly, the Buddha teaches the
abandonment of sense pleasures. He defines the dangers of sense
pleasures (extreme physical conditions, danger to the body, anger,
suffering, etc.) and gives a description of the path to escape from them:
the abandonment of desire and lust for sense pleasures.102
As the “mass of suffering” referred to in this
MahādukkhakkhandaSutta is caused by clinging tosensual pleasures, the
Buddha has directly stated that feelings and desires must be abandoned.

100BhikkhuÑāṇamoli&Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length

Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the MajjhimaNikāya, Op.cit.,
p.132-144.
101M.I.83.
102BhikkhuÑāṇamoli&Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length
Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the MajjhimaNikāya, Op.cit.,
p.179-185.
 52

3.6 Desire and Needsin Theravada Buddhism

The English word “desire” is one with a broad range of senses, if
not meanings. Rhys Davids notes, when looking at Buddhism in
translation: “A comparison of the translations made by such scholars as
Burnouf, Foucaux, Max Muller, Fausboll, Oldenberg, and Warren with
the originals, discloses the striking fact that the one English word ‘desire’
is made to do duty for no less than seventeen Pali words” 103. Since the
English language lacks exact equivalents to certain Pali words, certain
concepts are difficult to translate and describe succinctly. It is important,
however, in the context of this paper, to understand what human beings
need and what they want.
In theDhammacakkappavattanaSutta104, the Buddha identified
three types of taṇhā, which relates three poisons. The basis for taṇhā, and
root of the tree poisons, is ignorance (avijja or moha):
1. Sense-craving (kāmataṇhā) is defined as craving for sensory
pleasures.
2. Craving to be (bhavataṇhā) is the craving to be something, to
unite with an experience, to be solid and ongoing, to be a being that has a
past and a future, and to prevail and dominate over others, etc. Of the
three poisons, the first two types of taṇhā relate to attachment (rāga).
3. Craving not to be (vibhavataṇhā) is defined as the craving not to
exist. Of the three poisons, craving not to be is equivalent to aversion
(dosa).105
The concept of needs (paccaya) in a Buddhist context usually
refers tosupport, requisite, means, stay: “to the four necessaries of the

103Rhys Davids, “On the Will in Buddhism”,The Journal of the Royal Asiatic
Society of Great Britain and Ireland, Vol.1, (January, 1898) :55.
104S.V.420.
105Bhikkhu Bodhi, Vol. II., Op.cit., pp.1844-1845.
 53

bhikkhu's daily life, viz. cīvara, piṇḍapāta, senāsana, (gilānapaccaya-

bhesajja), i.e. clothing, food as alms, a dwelling-place, medicine’.106
The Buddha’s teachings contrast the reflexive, self-centered desire
of taṇhāor rāgawith wholesome types of desire, such as the desire to
benefit others or the desire to follow its path, which traditionally
identified as chanda. Rāgaand chanda are principally two different kinds
of desires.
Chanda has been translated as “conation”, “intention”, “wish”,
“desire” or “will” by several authors. The chief characteristic of chanda is
“the wish to do”. It is like the stretching of the hand to grasp anobject.
Also “a desire for something” without any attachment tothe thing is
chanda. Chanda is an ethically neutral psychologicalterm. It should be
differentiated from immoral lobha[=taṇha] which is “a desire with
attachment”. In kāmacchanda (sensuous desire) and chanda-rāga
(lustfuldesire),chanda is coupled with lobha; these two compound
wordsactually represent lobha.Every action begins with chanda. For
example, the act ofstanding up begins with the wish (chanda) to stand up.
It is evidentthat the journey of a thousand miles begins with the first
step,and that first step is chanda. We cannot go without the wish to
go,and we cannot get to a place without the wish to be there.When
intensified, chanda becomes ‘will’ and leads to success as “there is a way
if there is a will”.107
The Buddha and arahantsmay experience chanda at times, for they
may be motivated, conditioned by compassion for the suffering of their
fellow beings, to teach others. Here, one may conclude that not all desire
is negative, but that is determined by the nature of the desire – whether it

106Sakkāra Sutta, Ud.12.

107Mehm Tin Mon, Op.cit., pp.75-76.
 54

is wholesome (kusala) or unwholesome (akusala) in relation to

enlightenment.

3.7 Request in Theravada Buddhism

3.7.1 Request as Volition, Action and Result
Volition (cetanā) determines the action (kamma),and the result (vipāka).
In the NibbedhikaSutta108, the Buddha said:

Intention (cetana) I tell you, is kamma. Intending, one doeskamma

by way of body, speech, and intellect.109

The CetanāSutta110states that suffering and stress can only be

eliminated when an individual ceases to obsess, plan, and make
arrangements, as this prevents the consciousness from landing and
growing, thereby also eliminating the possibility of rebirth and the
resulting suffering.111
The concept of kamma is popularly defined as action or doing, but
more specifically it refers to volition or will. Kamma- volition, mental
effort - underlies every action.
Kamma is not to be understood as moral justice, judgment, or
reward and punishment. Such a definition would suggest the existence of
an entity passing judgment over beings. No such entity can be said to
exist; kamma is a naturally operating (moral) law, according to which
‘good’ deeds are met with ‘good’ results, and ‘bad’ deeds with ‘bad’
results.

108A.III.410.
109Emil Hare, The Book of the Gradual Sayings (Aṅguttara-Nikāya) or
More-Numered Suttas, Vol. III, (Oxford: Pali Text Society, 2008), p.291.
110S.II.65.
111Bhikkhu Boddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A
Translation of the Saṃyutta Nikāya, Op.cit., pp.576-578.
 55

The Buddha also teaches that individuals are responsible for their
actions. According to his teachings, one cannot escape the consequences
of one’s actions, whether they are good or bad in nature. This principle
applies to all beings, and should be reflected upon frequently, in order to
discourage undesirable conduct.112
Also, he emphasized that the concept of kammashould be known
and understood in all its aspects: cause, diversity, result, cessation, path
of practice for the cessation. According to the Buddha, the cause through
which kamma becomes a factor is contact.113
In the context of kamma, diversity refers to the variety of
dimensions in which kamma is said to be experienced: hell, the realm of
common animals, the realm of the hungry shades, the human world, and
the world of the devas.The results of kamma are described as threefold:
(1) results which arise in the present, (2) those which arise later in this
lifetime, and (3) those which arise after this lifetime.The cessation of
kamma originates from the cessation of contact. The path of practice
leading to the cessation of kamma is the Noble Eightfold Path.114
3.7.2 Empathy and Self-Empathy from the Buddha’s Doctrine
Point of View
Within the framework of Buddhism, the concept of empathy is best
matched by a combination of compassion (karuṇā) and wisdom (pañña).
The practice of dhamma comprises two conflicting elements:
renunciation and compassion. Viewed separately, these two qualities can
be argued to be fundamentally contradictory: the aim of renunciation is to
achieve personal purification through increased solitude, whereas
compassion encourages beneficial actions towards others, therefore
112 Emil Hare, The Book of the Gradual Sayings (Aṅguttara-
Nikāya) or More-NumeredSuttas, Vol. III., Op.cit., pp.59-61,
(UpajjhatthanaSutta, A.5.57).
113Ibid., pp.291-295. (Nibbedhika Sutta, A.6.63).
114Nārada Mahāthera, Op.cit., pp.202-214.
 56

requiring substantial involvement with the outside world. Within the

framework of dhamma, however, renunciation and compassion are
considered mutually reinforcing characteristics which contribute to the
balance and integrity of the Buddhist path.115
Experiencing compassion underlines the importance of
renunciation by highlighting the dangers of greed and
attachment.Renunciation, on the other hand, encourages greater
compassion through the widening of the perspectives of the mind,
induced by the relinquishing of desire.
The common unifying feature through which compassion and
renunciation relate to each other can be identified as their encounter with
suffering. The former serves to elicit a response to the suffering of others,
whereas the latter is a representation of an individual’s response to
personal experiences with suffering. Renunciation, therefore, develops
out of an instinct to avoid suffering and pain, whereas compassion derives
from a spontaneous feeling of sympathy towards others. Although
emotional empathy is one of its key elements, compassion should not be
equated with an effusion of sentiment: wisdom and detachment are
required to make a distinction between spontaneous sympathy and mature
compassion.116
A sustained practice of dhamma requires the deliberate
development of compassion and renunciation through a process of
reflection. Although such a process can cultivate and strengthen both
qualities, one of them must gain dominance according to the mentality
and circumstances of the individual.

115Bhikkhu Bodhi, “The Balanced Way”, Buddhist Publication Newsletter,

No. 8., (1987), Retrieved 05 September 2014, <http://www.bps.lk/olib/nl/nl008-
p.html>
116Ibid.
 57

The Pali word translated as compassion, karuṇā,117has varying

definitions, but is generally understood to concern attitudes towards the
suffering of others. If the concept of compassion is to be understood
correctly, all aspects of it must be studied. In Buddhist thought,
compassion is considered to act as three things: (1) a prerequisite for a
just harmonious society; (2) a vital component in the process of achieving
wisdom and (3) the liberating action of those who follow the path to
enlightenment, as well as those who have reached it.118
The five precepts form the foundation of spiritual progress within
Buddhism. The first, second, and fourth precepts are inextricably linked
to the idea of compassion. The path towards wisdom and the elimination
of craving are greatly facilitated by the development of compassion, and a
compassionate mind is considered a prerequisite of nibbāna.119
From the perspective of Buddhist teachings, the foundation of
emotional healing is compassion combined with wisdom. Compassion is
described as a characteristic with the capacity to empower positive states
of mind and facilitate the awakening of individuals to their full potential.
Karuṇā also constitutes one of the four immeasurable attitudes
(cattāribrahmavihārā), together with friendliness (mettā), sympathetic
joy (muditā) and equanimity (upekkā). In Buddhist meditation, therefore,
compassion is considered a powerful means of purifying the mind.120
3.7.3 Request and Right Action
Right action (sammākammanta)may be presented in positive terms
as being harmless and compassionate. In theNibbedhikaSutta121the

117Rhys Davids & Stede William, Op.cit.,p.486.

118Elizabeth Harris, Detachment and Compassion in Early Buddhism,
(Kandy: Buddhist Publication Society, 2014),p.6.
119Ibid., p.7.
120NāradaMāhathera, Op.cit.,pp.491-493.
121A.III.410.
 58

Buddha described that the most important factor of the kammais

intention:
Intention, I tell you, is kamma. Intending, one does kamma by way
of body, speech, & intellect122
There are three kinds of right action:
1. Refraining from killing and injuring living beings
(pāṇātipātavirati).
2. Refraining from taking property which is not given
(adinnādānavirati).
3. Refraining from taking intoxicants and from unlawful sexual
intercourse with those who are still in the care of parents or guardians
(kāmesumicchācārāvirati).123
Pāṇātipāta means intentional killing or destroying beings by
physical action or verbal incitement, ranging from causing abortion,
destroying eggs of lice and bugs, to killing and destroying living beings.
Adinnādāna means taking with the intention of stealing any animate or
inanimate property in the possession of the owner, such as grass, fuel,
water and so forth, without the knowledge of the owner, either by
physical exertionor verbal incitement. Kāmesumicchācāra means
improper sexual intercourse of a man with a woman, such as one
protected by her parents, or intercourse of a married woman whose
husband is still alive, with another man. It also includes using intoxicants,
and gambling.
Morality acts as a foundation to the implementation of the
Buddha’s teachings. Buddhist ethics are based on precepts formulated by
the Buddha, designed to form a framework of skillful acts leading to
enlightenment.
122Emil Hare, The Book of the Gradual Sayings (Aṅguttara-Nikāya) or
More-Numered Suttas, Vol.III., Op.cit., p.291.
123Ledi Sayādaw, Op.cit., p.22.
 59

Morality/ethical conduct (sīla) is also a combining term for parts

three to fiveof the second division (comprised of right speech, right action
and right livelihood) of the Noble Eightfold Path.124
Unlike the ten commandments in Christianity, the Buddha’s
precepts of morality are not to be considered imperatives, but guidelines.
Commands and threats of eternal torment are not in accordance with the
Buddhist principles of compassionate non-violence and impermanence.
Instead of punishment and intimidation, the Buddha’s teachings focus on
the discovery and broadening of inner wisdom, through which the mind
naturally distances itself from violence. Such wisdom can emerge from
following the principles of ethical behavior.
In the MahācattārīsakaSutta,125 the Buddha states that morality
stems from right view, a clear understanding of which kinds of conduct
are right and wrong. In the same sutta, the Buddha states:

One makes an effort to abandon wrong view and to enter upon

right view: this is one’s right effort. Mindfully one abandons wrong
view, mindfully one enters upon and abides in right view: this is
one’s right mindfulness. Thus these three states run and circle
around right view, that is, right view, right effort, and right
mindfulness 126

Acknowledging the benefits of morality on an intellectual level is

not sufficient. A mere understanding that killing is not good, noble, or
right, without applying it to one’s life (fishers, butchers, mercenaries,
etc.) does not bring changesto the mind, which needs in order to become

124DhammacakkappavattanaSutta, S.V.420.
125M.III.71.
126Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length Discourses of
the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikāya, Op.cit., p.935.
 60

free. Buddhist ethics do not bring enlightenment on its own; a person

must become moral by following the guidelines in daily life. The basis
for moral behavior in Buddhist ethics is the collection of guidelines
described by the Buddha.
The five precepts (sikkhāpada) correspond to the five virtues
(items of good character)(sīla). The list of ten sikkhāpadas
(dasasikkhāpadaṃ or dasasikkhāpadāni) includes, in addition to the five
items of good character, five precepts (not sīla!), and conforms to the ten
obligations of a nun(sāmaṇerī). Although the Tipiṭakadoes not directly
mention the eight sikkhāpadas,known as aṭṭhangikauposatha, but this set
of rules is relatively widespread, particularly in Asia and Thailand. 127
Pāṭimokkha, the most complete set of rules to be followed by
monks and nuns, contains 150 precepts(diyaḍḍha-sikkhāpada-sata) or
sikkhāpadas,traditionally jointly recited by all monastic communities on
days of the full moon(uposathaorupavasatha). Monks and nuns who are
full members of the sangha, voluntarily follow the rules of conduct
described in the Vinayapiṭaka, containing altogether 277 precepts for
monks(bhikkhu)128and 311 precepts for nuns (bhikkhunī), concerning
eight classes of offenses and grouped according to the severity of the
punishment. Achieving the highest stage of moral purity (sīla-visuddhi)
requires full members of the sangha to follow the four sections of
morality (cattārosīlakkhandhā).129
The ten virtues (dasa-sīla) or items of good character (not
commandments) are:

127Rhys Davids & Stede William, Op.cit., pp.1600-1601.

128150sikkhāpadas + 75sekhiyas + 2 aniyatas.
129Ibid., pp.1610-1612.
 61

Table 7. The Ten Virtues

Abstaining from … Consequence130

Taking Joy of freedom, life free from

Behavior relating to the body

life(pāṇātipātāveramaṇī) illness and injury

Taking that which is not Material well-being

given(adinnādānāveramaṇī)

Adultery(abrahmacariyāveram Harmonious and long-lasting

aṇīorkāmesumicchācārāverama relationships
ṇī)

Telling lies Trust

(musāvādāveramaṇī)

Slander (pisuna- Engaging personality,

vācāyaveramaṇī) abundance of friends,
becoming a sought-after
Behavior relating to the

conversational partner

Harsh or impolite speech Positive reputation

(pharusa-vācāyaveramaṇī)

Frivolous speech Meaningful speech which is

speech

(samphappalāpāveramaṇī) valued and apprecciated

Greed (abhijjhāyaveramaṇī) Goals are easily achieved;

relating to
Behavior

contentment

Malevolence Freedom from fear; openness,

130Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli & Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length Discourses of
the Buddha: A Translation of the Majjhima Nikāya, Op.cit., pp.1053-1057,
(Cūḷakammavibhaṅga Sutta, M.III.203).
 62

(byāpādāveramaṇī) confidence

Wrong Broadening of the mind and

the mind
view(micchādiṭṭhiyāveramaṇī) horizons, deeper
understanding
The five virtues, or items of good behavior(pañca-sīla), in addition
to the first four precepts described in the dasa-sīla, include a fifth precept
to avoid any form of intoxication (surāmeraya-
majjapamādaṭṭhānāveramaṇī). The pañca-sīla is first and foremost
intended for laypeople to follow the Buddha’s teachings without
withdrawing from the world. The five precepts (pañca-
sikkhāpada)correspond to the five virtues (items of good behavior)
(pañca-sīla). The ten precepts (dasa-sikkhāpada) are meant to be
followed by novice monks (sāmaṇera) and novice nuns (sāmaṇerī), and
include, in addition to the five precepts, five additional ones:
1) Abstaining from eating at inappropriate times (vikāla-bhojanā-
veramaṇī)
2) Abstaining from worldly amusemens(nacca-gītavādita-visūka-
dassanā-veramaṇī)
3) Abstaining from unguents and ornaments(mālā-gandha-
vilepana-dhāraṇa-maṇḍana-vibhūsanaṭṭhānā-veramaṇī)
4) Abstaining from sleeping in a high bed(uccā-sayana-mahā-
sayanā-veramaṇī)
5) Abstaining from accepting gold or silver (jātarūparajata-
paṭiggahaṇā-veramaṇī).131
The precepts(sikkhāpada) are principles of conduct which are
considered prerequisites for following the path to enlightenment. As such,
they are often mentioned when new members are accepted into a
community. The ten precepts (dasa-sikkhāpada) are considered
131Rhys Davids & Stede William, Op.cit., pp.1610-1611.
 63

compulsory for novices who take refuge in the “Triple Gem” (Buddha,
dhamma, sangha) and learn about the 227 sikkhāpadas included in the
Pāṭimokkha.
In Southeast Asia and devoted laypeople upāsaka (men) and
upāsikā (women) follow the eight pledges (aṭṭhangikauposatha)_ during
the full moon and the new moon. These correspond to the ten rules (dasa-
sikkhāpada) followed by novices and monks, but here the seventh and
eight precepts have been combined into one, and the last precept
forbidding the acceptance of gold and silver has been omitted.
Failure to follow guidelines is not considered a sin in Buddhism,
but a misstep against behavioral standards one has taken upon oneself to
fulfill. The irrational condemnation and intimidation inherent in
Christianity are not characteristic to Buddhism. There is no mystical
cosmic entity who judges and condemns the natural physical needs of
humans, punishing them with eternal damnation in case of disobedience.
In the Buddhist tradition, free of the concept of a forbidding and vengeful
god, the ideas of commandment and punishment are inapplicable.
According to Buddhist ethics, it is the task of each individual to decide
what is good and moral, to set the goal of following this understanding, to
avoid that which does not meet the criteria of good and moral, and to
accept the consequences of his or her actions. Failure to follow these
guidelines, which one has undertaken voluntarily, requires a (public)
confession, as well as a renewal of the process of undertaking the rules.
Also, the AnguttaraNikāya132 explains clearly, that all actions arise
from certain mental factors, called “roots” (mūla). They are the causal
factors or sources that originate all actions. All wholesome action
(kusalakamma) arise from three wholesome roots (kusalamūla) – (1) non-
132 Frank Lee Woodward,The Book of the Gradual Sayings
(Aṅguttara-Nikāya) or More-Numbered Suttas. Vol. I.,(Lancaster: PaliText
Society, 2006), pp.182-184, (MūlaSutta, A.I.201).
 64

greed (alobha), (2) non-hatred (adosa) and (3) non-delusion (amoha), and
all unwholesome action (akusalakamma) arise from three unwholesome
roots (akusalamūla) – (1) greed (lobha), (2) hatred (dosa) and (3)
delusion (moha).
Table 8. Unwholesome and Wholesome Roots and Action
Wholesome action (kusalakamma) Unwholesome action
and (akusalakamma) and
wholesome roots (kusalamūla) unwholesome roots (akusalamūla)
1) non-greed (alobha) 1) greed (lobha)
2) non-hatred (adosa) 2) hatred (dosa)
3) non-delusion (amoha) 3) delusion (moha)

Chapter IV

Analysis of the Relationships Between Modern Approach of NVC

and Buddhist View to Non-Violent Communication in Theravada
Buddhism

4.1 Comparative Analysis of the Main Principles of

Communication and Non-violence in NVC Concept and the
Buddha’s Doctrine in Theravada Buddhism
On the basis of the assumptions underlying NVC, discussed in the
second chapter, and the teachings of the Buddha, discussed in the third, it
is possible to identify similarities, as well as differences, between the two
approaches.
1) All human beings share the same needs: when conflict occurs in
meeting needs, it arises at the level of strategies and not the needs
 65

themselves, due to a variety of differing strategies being used to meet

identical needs.133
According to Miki Kashtan,“when conflict occurs in meeting
needs, it arises at the level of strategies and not the needs themselves”.
Necessities like oxygen, water, food, etc., are requirements for human
survival. Miki Kashtan approaches these basic human needs together with
other, desire-driven needs.
It is important to distinguish between the body’s physiological
needs (basic needs), and desires driven by will. Since the Buddha has
stated that all suffering begins from the three basic fetters (desire, anger,
ignorance), it follows that the statement “when conflict occurs in meeting
needs, it arises at the level of strategies and not the needs themselves”
cannot be applied within the framework of the Buddha’s doctrine. Which
strategies are used to fulfill desires or needs is dependent on culture,
knowledge, values, etc., or an individual’s view. The conflict arises from
the view underlying behavior. If an individual values recognition, then
according to Miki Kashtan, the problem is not the desire for recognition,
but the way in which he or she attempts to fulfill this desire, i.e. the
wrong strategy.
According to the Buddha’s doctrine, however, the problem is
desire itself, and each instance of desire fulfillment leads to more desire.
It is also difficult, from the Buddha’s doctrine point of view, to
agree with the claim that all humans share the same (desire-based) needs.
Millions of yogis who have relinquished the worldly life and have trained
for weeks, months, years, or their whole lives to abandon their desires,
certainly do not experience the same needs as worldlings(putthujjana).

133InbalKashtan& Miki Kashtan, Key Assumptions and Intentions

of NVC, (Canada: Baynvc Organization, 2008), Retrieved 25 August 2014,
<http://www.baynvc.org/assumptions_and_intentions.php>
 66

“Once a yogi has achieved the level of stream-winner (sotāpanna),

and has entered to the stream that leads to nibbāna, then he/she has
eradicated
1) the two worst defilements (kilesās), i.e.
a) view (diṭṭhi) and
b) sceptical doubt (vicikicchā)
2) and three basic fetters (saṃyojana) that binds being to the wheel
of existence and to the rounds of misery, i.e.
c) personality-belief (sakkāya-diṭṭhi),
d) sceptical doubt (vicikicchā)
e) adherence to the false view that one becomes pure by
bovine and canine morality or by rites and ceremonies
(sīlabbataparāmāsa).”134
Since at this noble (ariyā) stage the yogi no longer
possessespersonality-beliefs or skeptical doubts, most causes for
mundane conflict are eliminated.
Once a yogi achieves the level of once returner (sakadāmi), he or
she experiences less lust (rāga), ill-will or hatred (dosa) and delusion
(moha). Once the yogi has attained the next, no returner (anāgāmi) stage,
he or she eliminates the hatred (dosa) and the two fetters – namely sense
desire (kāmarāga) and hatered or illwill (paṭigha) and anāgāmi will no
longer experience anger, hatred, worry, despair, fright and any unpleasant
mental feeling, neither will he or she enjoy sense pleasures. Having
attained arahat, the arahatta-magga eliminates all the defilements
(kilesās) and arahat has no greed, ill-will, delusion, conceit, personality
belief and other unwholesome (akusala) mental factors. He does not
regard anything as his own, thus he has no reason to feel sad because
something is taken or stolen from him. Because he has uprooted all anger

134Mehm Tin Mon, Op.cit., pp.425-426.

 67

(dosa) from his mind, he will never experience unpleasant mental

feeling.His mind is always free from all defilements, it is at the purest
state, making him the noblest one.135
A yogion the path of ‘noble person’ (ariyā) will gradually
eliminate desires, culminating in freedom from all.According to the
Buddha’s doctrine, therefore, the source of conflict is desire and the
needs/wants derived from it.

Craving when obstructed by some cause is transformed to

frustration and wrath.As the Dhammapada136says:

From craving arises grief, from craving arises fear

To one who is free from craving there is no grief.
How (then can be) fear? 137

NVC makes an assumption “that all human beings share the same
needs”138, but the Buddha’s teaching offers the path to go beyond desires
altogether - ariyasare the best examples of it. Therefore it would not be
correct to say that “all human beings share the same needs” 139.
The NVC assumes“when conflict occurs in meeting needs, it arises
at the level of strategies and not the needs themselves” 140 cannot be
considered to be in accordance with the Buddha’s doctrine, which says
that desire are at the roots of conflicts, not the strategies.
The other difference between these two doctrines is all about the
understanding of desire - NVC does not differentiate between wholesome
135Ibid., pp.426-430.
136Dhp.216.
137Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Op.cit., p.129.
138Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.
139Ibid.
140Ibid.
 68

desire (chanda) and unwholesome desire (rāga)and do not consider

desire (needs) as a problem.
2) Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting everyone’s
basic needs: the scarcity experienced by a section of the population arises
from not having designed suitable social structures for meeting the basic
needs of each individual. Any apparent scarcity may be attributed to
factors such as systemic limitations, a crisis of imagination, or a lack of
skills for fostering connection141.
Here Miki Kashtan uses the term“basic needs”, but has not defined
it. A traditional list of immediate "basic needs" is food (including water),
shelter and clothing.142 Many modern approaches also include sanitation,
education, and healthcare.
Although it can be argued that resources which exist, if
redistributed, could eliminate world hunger, the Buddha’s doctrine does
not identify this as a viable solution, as all aspects of life are temporary
(anicca), cause suffering (dhukka), and the result of one’s own actions
(kammavipāka). Even if all monetary reserves were to be redistributed to
the poor, this would not guarantee any significant benefit on the way to
enlightenment, if an individual remains bound by the three fetters or
immoral roots– greed/attachment, ill-will/hatred and ignorance/delusion
(lobha, dosamoha).
According to the Buddha’s teachings, the scarcity experienced by a
section of the world’s population cannot be attributed to a lack of suitable
social structures, systemic limitations, a crisis of imagination, or a lack of
skills for fostering connection, but ignorance and desire. Sufficient
resources exist on the planet to support the existence of each individual,
but not to fulfill an unlimited succession of desires. Actions driven by
141Ibid.
142Denton John, Society and the Official World: A Reintroduction to
Sociology, (New York: General Hall, 1990), p.17.
 69

greed – accumulating money and other resources – seen in certain

sections of society cause impoverishment in others. For as long as human
society maintains and condones profit-driven industry, it will be
impossible to meet the basic needs of each individual.

3) All actions are attempts to meet needs: an individual’s actions

are driven by a desire to meet needs. When an effective strategy for
meeting needs is not found, individuals may resort to violence or other
actions which interfere with their own needs, as well as those of others143.
The above assumption also partially coincides with the Buddha’s
teachings. In theDhammacakkappavattanaSutta144, the Buddha states:

Now this, bhikkhus, is the noble truth of the origin of suffering: it is

this craving which leads to renewed existence, accompanied by
delight and lust, seeking delight here and there; that is craving for
sensual pleasure, craving for existence, craving for
extermination145

All other desires may be grouped into these three categories.

Although the NVC approach doesn’t identify dukkhaas an
escapable characteristic of existence, it is relatively similar to this point of
view.
Here, Miki Kashtan uses the term “effective strategy”for which a
potential equivalent in the Buddhist doctrine is “wholesome” (kusala).
All actions, wholesome (kusala) as well as unwholesome
(akusala), arise from a wish to fulfill desires/needs. The key issue is
143Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.
144S.V.420.
145BhikkhuBoddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A
Translation of the SaṃyuttaNikāya, Op.cit., p.1844.
 70

whether it is driven by ethical (sīla), wholesome (kusala) thoughts, or

otherwise. If by ‘effective’ it can be understood that a need or desire can
be met without harming others, such behavior may be considered to be in
accordance with the Buddha’s teachings. If, however, the action in
question does not enforce an individual’s ethics (sīla) or a wholesome
(kusala) state of mind, there exists a danger that the desire will grow with
each instance of fulfillment and may progress beyond the limits of non-
violence. Since the human mind tends towards corruption, it is vital, from
a Buddhist standpoint, that the fulfillment of each desire should arise
from an ethical objective.
According to the Buddha’s doctrine, violence does not arise
when“an effective strategy for meeting needs is not found”, but from a
violent state of mind. Any unwholesome state of mind stems from
ignorance or delusion, and can be eliminated. On the subject of
eliminating anger, the Buddha has said: 146

‘He abused me, he struck me, he overcome me, he robbed me’ - in

those, who harbour such thoughts hatred will never cease.
‘He abused me, he struck me, he overcome me, he robbed me’ - in
those, who do not harbour such thoughts hatred will cease.
Not at any time are enmities appeased here through enmity buy
they are appeased through non-enmity. This is the eternal law 147

Therefore,the Buddha has not identified either unmet needs or the

lack of an effective strategy for meeting needs as the cause of violence. In
the Buddha’s doctrine, anger and violence are the result of desire and
ignorance or delusion.
146Dhp.3-5.
147Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Op.cit., pp.59-60.
 71

According to the Buddha’s teachings, anger is increased by a

feeling of having been wronged. Such anger does not subside if an
individual thinks about it obsessively.The Buddha also states that conflict
is widespread in human society, and perpetuated by human tendencies to
become preoccupied with the ways in which they perceive themselves to
have been mistreated.The Buddha identifies forgiveness and forgetting as
the way to eliminate anger.
According to the Buddha’s doctrine, hatred begets more violence.
He encourages non-hatred as a method of overcoming hatred.
Although at first glance the two concepts may seem
indistinguishable from each other, the differences between desire and
need become apparent when the matter of overcoming them is
approached. If Kashtan claims that needs are normal and an effective
strategy must be found for meeting them, then the Buddha identifies the
root cause of violence as desire and delusion and states that every
instance of fulfilling a desire is followed by a strengthening of desires.
Therefore, according to Buddhist teachings, it is not an effective strategy
for meeting needs which is necessary, but an effective strategy for
eliminating desire, hatred and delusion.
4) Feelings point to needs being met or unmet: feelings, which may
be triggered, but not caused, by others, arise from an individual’s
assessment of whether or not their needs are met at any given time. Such
an assessment almost invariably involves an interpretation or belief. In a
circumstance where needs are met, an individual may feel happy,
satisfied, peaceful, etc. Unmet needs may cause an individual to
experience sadness, frustration, fear, etc.148
This assumption also partially coincides with Buddhist teachings.
From the standpoint of personal responsibility, the principle of action and

148Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.

 72

consequence corresponds to the paradigm demonstrated in the Buddha’s

doctrine. In general, it is possible, from a Buddhist standpoint, to agree
that when an individual’s desires are fulfilled, he or she may be
considered to be happy or contented. Since, however, the Buddha teaches
that desires are limitless, this contentment is temporary.
5) All human beings have the capacity for compassion: a capacity
for compassion is innate in human beings, whereas the knowledge of how
to access it may be absent at times. When an individual is met with
compassion and respect for his or her autonomy, the individual’s
compassion becomes more easily accessible, and the capacity to meet
needs peacefully is increased.149
Compassion may be considered a universal concept. In this
segment, Miki Kashtan relates the importance of compassion in the
context of achieving fulfillment of needs. In the Buddha’s doctrine, the
corresponding idea to this assumption is all about selfless compassion
(karuṇā).
Karuṇā is one of the four qualities of character significant of a
human being who has attained enfranchisement of heart (ceto-vimutti) in
the four sentiments, viz. mettā, karuṇā, upekhā and
muditā.150Karunā(compassion) is defined as that which makes the hearts
of the good quiver when others are subject to suffering, or that which
dissipates the sufferings of others. Its main characteristic is the wish to
remove the sufferings of others. Its direct enemy is wickedness (himsa)
and its indirect enemy is passionate grief (domanassa). Compassion
embraces sorrow stricken beings and it eliminates cruelty.151
The Buddha has also emphasized to his followers the importance
and utility of the development of compassion:
149Ibid.
150Rhys Davids & Stede William, Op.cit., p.468.
151Nārada Mahāthera, Op.cit., p.424.
 73

And how, monks, it is the liberation of the mind by compassion?

What does its have as its destination, its culmination, its fruits, its
final goal? Here, bhikkhus, a bhikkhu develops the enlightenment
factors of mindfulness accompanied by compassion... the
enlightenment factors ofequanimity accompanied by compassion...
[as above]... he dwells thus, equanimous, mindful, clearly aware
or, by passing utterly beyond all perception of objects, by the
going-down of perceptions of sensory reactions, by disregarding
perceptions of diversity, thinking 'space is infinite,' he attains and
dwells in the sphere of infinite space. I declare that the heart's
release by compassion has the sphere of infinite space for its
excellence. This is the attainment of a wise monk who penetrates to
no higher release.152

The foundation for any spiritual progress within Buddhism is the

five precepts. Rites, rituals, ascetic practices and devotional offerings are
all subservient to the morality they stress. Compassion for the life,
feelings and security of others is inseparably linked with the first, second
and fourth precepts:
1) I undertake the rule of training to refrain from injury to living
things (pāṇātipātāveramaṇīsikkhāpadaṃsamādiyāmi).
2) I undertake the rule of training to refrain from taking what is not
given (adinnādānāveramaṇīsikkhāpadaṃsamādiyāmi).
3) I undertake the rule of training to refrain from false speech
(musāvādaveramaṇīsikkhāpadaṃsamādiyāmi).153

152BhikkhuBoddhi, The Connected Discourses of the Buddha: A

Translation of the SaṃyuttaNikāya, Op.cit., p.1610, (MettaSutta, A.II.128).
153Elizabeth J. Harris, Detachment and Compassion in Early Buddhism,
(Kandy: Buddhist Publication Society, 1997), p.8.
 74

Therefore, both approaches stress the importance of compassion.

The only difference in this matter between the two doctrines is the
intention – NVC places the emphasis on meeting personal needs, whereas
the Buddha encourages compassion with the goal of reaching
enlightenment.
6) Human beings enjoy giving: when an individual has connected
with the needs of others, as well as his or her own, and experiences the
act of giving as voluntary, contributing to others becomes inherently
enjoyable154.
According to the above assumption by Miki Kashtan, for giving to
become inherently enjoyable, the three following conditions must be met:
(1) when an individual has connected with the needs of others, as well as
his/her own (2) when an individual has experiences the act of giving as
voluntary and (3) contributing to others.
A Buddhist equivalent to this theory is dāna, translated as ‘charity’
or ‘generosity’ and represented by non-attachment (alobha) or charity;
this concept is contrasted by envy (issā), and stinginess (macchariya).
Dāna or generosity is the first pārami[perfections]. There are ten
transcendental virtues, which, in Pāli, are termed pāramīthat every
bodhisattapractises in order to gain Supreme Enlightenment – Sammā-
Sambuddhahood. According to the CariyāPitaka Commentary, pāramī
are those virtues which are cultivated with compassion, guided by reason,
uninfluenced by selfish motives. Dāna confers upon the giver the double
blessing of inhibiting immoral thoughts of selfishness, while developing
pure thoughts of selflessness. It blessed him that gives and him that
takes.”155

154Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.

155Nārada Mahāthera, Op.cit., pp.459-460.
 75

In the Dakkhiṇāvibhaṇgasutta156 mentioned in the beginning of this

talk, the Buddha explains the fourteen types of personal offerings
(pāṭipuggalika-dakkhiṇa):

There are fourteen kinds of personal offerings, Ānanda. One gives

a gift to the Tathāgata, accomplished and fully enlightened; this is
the first kind of personal offering. One gives a gift to a
paccekabuddha; this is the second kind of personal offering. One
gives a gift to an arahant disciple of the Tathāgata; this is the third
kind of personal offering. One gives a gift to one who has entered
upon the way to the realization of the fruit of arahantship; this is
the fourth kind of personal offering. One gives a gift to a non-
returner; this is the fifth kind of personal offering. One gives a gift
to one who has entered upon the way to the realization of the fruit
of non-return; this is the sixth kind of personal offering. One gives
a gift to a once-returner; this is the seventh kind of personal
offering. One gives a gift to one who has entered upon the way to
the realization of the fruit of once-return; this is the eighth kind of
personal offering. One gives a gift to a stream-enterer; this is the
ninth kind of personal offering. One gives a gift to one who has
entered upon the way to the realization of the fruit of stream-entry;
this is the tenth kind of personal offering. One gives a gift to one
outside [the Dispensation] who is free from lust for sensual
pleasures; this is the eleventh kind of personal offering. One gives
a gift to a virtuous ordinary person; this is the twelfth kind of
personal offering. One gives a gift to an immoral ordinary person;

156M.III.253.
 76

this is the thirteenth kind of personal offering. One gives a gift to

an animal; this is the fourteenth kind of personal offering.157

In the same sutta, the Buddha explained the benefits of these

fourteen types of offerings:

…by giving a gift to an animal, the offering may be expected to

repay a hundredfold. By giving a gift to an immoral ordinary
person, the offering may be expected to repay a thousandfold. By
giving a gift to a virtuous ordinary person, the offering may be
expected to repay a hundred-thousandfold. By giving a gift to one
outside [the Dispensation] who is free from lust for sensual
pleasures, the offering may be expected to repay a hundred-
thousand times a hundred-thousandfold158

That means it can produce its result in a hundred and thousands

lives and even more. Giving a gift with a pure mind,means offering
without expecting anything in return, or help from the receiver.
One makes the merit to accumulate wholesome karma only, with
strong enough faith in the law of kamma. Suppose someone feeds a dog
with the thought: “This is my dog”; that is not a pure mind state. But if
someone gives food to the birds, such as pigeons, then the offering is
pure, because he does not expect anything from the birds. This applies
also to the instances mentioned later. For example, if a person offers
requisites to a bhikkhu, with the thought that it will bring about success in

157BhikkhuÑāṇamoli&Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length

Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the MajjhimaNikāya, Op.cit.,
pp.1103-1104.
158Ibid., p.1104.
 77

his business, or other commercial activities, this is not offering with a

pure mind. This type of offering does not produce superior benefits.159
The Buddha also explained four kinds of purification of offering:160

There is the offering that is purified by the giver

not by the receiver161
There is the offering that is purified by the receiver
not by the giver162
There is the offering that is purified
neither by the giver nor by the receiver163
There is the offering that is purified
both by the giver and by the receiver164165

Table 9. Summarizing table of the main elements of

offering/giving
The Buddha Miki Kashtan
Good results from offering relate Human beings enjoy giving…
directly to four factors:
a) Person must be virtuous a) When an individual has
b) What offered, must be connected with the needs of
159Pa-Auk Tawya Sayadaw, Knowing and Seeing, (Malaysia: WAVE
Publications, 2003), pp.323-325.
160Dakkhiṇavibhaṇga Sutta, M.III.253.
161Here the giver is virtuous, of good character, and the receiver is immoral,
of evil character.
162Here the giver is immoral, of evil character, and the receiver is virtuous, of
good character.
163Here the giver is immoral, of evil character, and the receiver is immoral, of
evil character.
164Here the giver is virtuous, of good character, and the receiver is virtuous,
of good character.
165BhikkhuÑāṇamoli&Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length
Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the MajjhimaNikāya, Op.cit.,
p.1105.
 78

righteously obtained others, as well as his or her own

c) Must have a clear and taintless b) When an individual has
mind experiences the act of giving as
d) Must have strong enough faith voluntary
in the law of kamma and its c) Contributing to others
results

Miki Kashtan’s aspects of giving may be considered universal, but

lack the presumption that in order for an act of giving to be ‘pure’, both
the giver and receiver need to be virtuous. This distinction is explained by
the fundamental differences between the end goals of the two doctrines.
Whereas the theory of NVC aims to achieve non-violent communication
based on a structured communication model, the goal of the Buddha’s
teachings is to eliminate all suffering (dukkha) through virtuous (sīla)
and wholesome (kusalakamma) behavior.
7) Human beings meet needs through interdependent relationships:
while many needs are met through interpersonal relationships and
relationships with nature, the quality of an individual’s relationship with
his or herself is a principal factor in meeting other needs. Some needs
may remain unmet in circumstances where others’ needs are
unsatisfied.166
This assumption bears similarities to the Buddha’s teachings
aboutdependent co-arising, discussed in Paṭiccasamuppāda-
vibhaṅgaSutta167and the SammāDiṭṭhiSutta.168
Paṭicca-samuppāda is a discourse about the interdependence of all
phenomena based on the cause and effect principle. The method of the
paṭicca-samuppāda should be understood as follows: because of A arises
166Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.
167S.II.2.
168M.I.46.
 79

B; because of B arises C; when there is no A, there is no B; when there is

no B, there is no C.In other words – “this being so, that is; this not being
so, that is not.169
Considering the changeable nature of needs and desires, it can be
stated that the given assumption coincides with the Buddha’s teachings in
principle.
8) Human beings change: due to the perpetually developing nature
of needs and strategies for meeting them, human beings are not static
entities, but dynamic processes.170
Miki Kashtan’s position is matched by the Buddha’s teaching of
the three characteristics of existence.
Although in the NVC model change is described as a positive
aspect of effective communication, the term aniccain Buddhist
terminology refers only to the concept of change itself, or “whatever has
origination, all that is subject to cessation.”171 It is the contemplation of
these three universal characteristics of all compounded things and
processes (saṇkhāra), or of all phenomena, that leads to true insight and
enlightenment.
Although the Buddha taught the three characteristics of existence
and ultimate reality from the perspective of awakening, Miki Kashtan’s
assumptions can be considered similar to the Buddha’s teachings in
principle.
9) Choice is internal: an individual’s need for autonomy may be
met by consciously making choices based on awareness of needs,
regardless of circumstances.172

169Nārada Mahāthera, Op.cit., p.326.

170Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.
171Oliver Hector de Alwis Wijesekera, The Three Signata: Anicca, Dukkha,
Anatta, (Kandy: Buddhist Publication Society, 2008) p.33.
172Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.
 80

The idea of responsibility in early Buddhism, as well as in

contemporary Theravada Buddhism, is fundamentally shaped by the
notions of karma and human being and by the ethical precepts.
The Buddha has also stated that all things happen in the mind;
therefore, choice can only be internal.
The Dhammapada173states:

Whatever an enemy may do to an enemy, whatever a hater may do

to a hater, an wrongly directed mind will do us greater harm
Not a mother, not a father, nor any other relative will do so much;
a well-directed mind will do us greater service174
Since the nature (kusala or akusala) of an action (kamma)
determines its result (vipāka), each individual is responsible for his/her
choices, actions, and the ensuing consequences. It can therefore be
concluded that the two approaches coincide in this matter.
10) The most direct path to peace is through self-connection: even
in circumstances where many needs are unmet, an individual may achieve
inner peace through self-connection.175
NVC assumes that the path to peace is realized through self-
connection where as the Buddha teaches path of practice cultivating sīla
samādhi and paññā that leads to ultimate freedom and peace.
Self-connection is comparable to the Buddha’s teaching of right
mindfulness (sammāsati), more thoroughly discussed in the previous
chapter.
Self-relationship begins with self-awareness (self-mindfulness) –
being perceptive of one’s thoughts, feelings, and body. Since self-
awareness (self-mindfulness) is an integral part of awakening, it may be
173Dhp.42-43.
174Sarvepalli Radhakrishnan, Op.cit., pp.72-73.
175Inbal Kashtan & Miki Kashtan, Op.cit.
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concluded that the tenth assumption is also in accordance with the

Buddha’s doctrine.

4.2 Relationships Between the Four Components of NVC in

Marshall B. Rosenberg Model and the Communication and Non-
violence in the Buddha’s Doctrine in Theravada Buddhism
The structure of this subchapter will be formed by the four main
components of NVC, namely, observation, feelings, needs and request,
and by the three primary modes of application of NVC.
4.2.1 Observation
Buddha’s doctrine of right views is seeing things as they really are
in its ultimate depth where as NVCs observation is limited to mundane
phenomena. Rosenberg’s theory is more functional in the context of
conventional truth(sammutisaccā) which is applicable in daily life for
resolving conflicts, whereas the Buddha’s teaching is applicable in
both,conventional as well as ultimate truth(paramatthasaccā). Therefore
the Buddha’s doctrine unlike NVCs approach similarly, focuses on seeing
without evaluating.
NVC promotes the observation without judgments. The Buddha’s
teaching of right view (sammādiṭṭhi), containing right view regarding
kamma and the Four Noble Truths, that greatly influences the process of
non-judgmental observation.
According to the Buddha dhamma the way in which the world is
perceived is dependent on the quality of mind (everything happens in the
mind); therefore, what is described as objective vision is regulated by the
quality of the mind.Awareness of the principle that each individual
creates his/her own kamma and its results, may lead to non-judgmental
observation.
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According to NVC an individual believes that his/her needs

(=desires) are unmet and assumes a right to fulfill them (even if other
parties may suffer), therefore peaceful resolution is not guaranteed. An
understanding of the Buddha’s principle of life and the world as dukkhait
influences in a wholesome way in which an individual observes the world
and as an extension, also his/her behavior.
According to the Buddha’s teaching desire itself creates suffering,
where as NVC says its normal to fulfill desires.
According to the Buddha’s teaching, right understanding of
renunciation, goodwill and harmlessness (nekkhamma,
abyāpāda&avihiṃsa) also lead to an understanding of things as they
really are and not as they appear to be. A mentality of renunciation,
goodwill and harmlessness, engenders lack of conflict. Since conflict
arises from desire (taṇhā), absolute renunciation eliminates all bases for
conflict or violent speech.
Right mindfulness (sammāsati) of the body, consciousness and
mental states (kāyānupassanā, cittānupassanā&dhammānupassanā)
helps to eliminate wrong view, wrong resolve, wrong speech, wrong
action and wrong livelihood and to enter and remain in right view, right
resolve, right speech, right action, right livelihood. 176Constant
mindfulness of the self, as well as of the material world combined with
right view eliminates any possibility for arising the conflict.
The Buddha’s teaching regarding the observation focus on mind
where as NVC try to look into the outside world for the causes of conflict
between individuals or society.
In conclusion the biggest difference between the NVC approach
and the Buddha’s doctrinefromthe observation point of view is concerned
176BhikkhuÑāṇamoli&Bhikkhu Bodhi, The Middle Length
Discourses of the Buddha: A Translation of the MajjhimaNikāya, Op.cit.,
pp. 934-940, (MahācattārīsakaSutta, M.III.71).
 83

with understanding where the observed activities takes place –in the mind
or outside the mind. The doctrine of the Buddha emphasizes that the
action takes place within the mind and such a concept increases more
awareness of taking responsibility for own thoughts, feelings and
behaviors. NVC emphasizes taking responsibility for their own actions
without point of view that everything is the reflection of the mind.
Without the point of view that everything happens inside the mind will
certainly affect quality as well as quantity of taking responsibility.
4.2.2 Feelings
Right mindfulness of feelings (vedanānupassanā) reinforces the
process of non-violent communication to a considerable extent, as
feelings can be potent enough to defeat the rational mind. Mindfulness of
feelings helps to acknowledge that feelings are not static, but are
constantly changing. Therefore, once actions begin to be driven by
feelings, there will be no end to attempts to satisfy them.
Rosenberg stresses that within the framework of the NVC
technique, it is essential to accept responsibility for one’s feelings, and to
rid oneself of the subconscious belief of being responsible for the feelings
of others. Since, however, Rosenberg’s model is not a model of mind
training, but one of non-violent communication, it does not include
instructions on freeing the mind of limiting cognitions.
4.2.3 Needs
Without needs, wishes or desires, there would arguably be no
conflict situations, which would negate the need for discussion on non-
violent communication. The concept defined by Rosenberg as needs, is
described in Buddhism with the terms desire (taṇhā) or will (cetanā).
Whereas the Buddha encourages minimizing needs and striving
towards freedom from desire, Rosenberg endorses to make a conscious,
honest request.
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Failure to obtain what is desired may result in violent behavior.

Abstention from wrong livelihood (duccaritamicchājīva) means earning a
livelihood by committing any of the three evil bodily actions (killing,
etc.,) and four evil verbal actions (lying, etc.); including selling weapons,
livestock, flesh, intoxicants, and poisons 177. The principle of non-violence
does not allow for industry and services related to manufacturing or sales
of weapons, raising livestock with the end purpose of slaughtering them,
the alcohol and tobacco industry, etc., to be unproblematic.An individual
who corrupts his/her consciousness with intoxicants, prevents the
emergence of clear, mindful thinking and right view. Using techniques of
NVC on an intoxicated individual can produce no valid agreement, since
an inebriated individual may prove unable to recall the process of
communication on the following day.
A person whose objective is to make profit from the killing of
animals and/or the sale of their meat at the expense of his/her sense of
compassion for living beings cannot benefit from the model of non-
violent communication. Even non-violent communication on the subject
of “killing animals (as non-violently as possible)” does not conform to
the Buddha’s doctrine. The Buddha has emphasized that violence can be
only end through a lack of violence, which is the key difference between
the two communication methods.
In addition, there are five crooked ways of earning a livelihood: (1)
trickery and deception (kuhana), (2) impudent talk in connection with
propertyand gifts (lapana), (3) making gestures and hints to invite
offerings (nimtta), (4) harassing with words so that one is obliged to
make offerings (nippesana), (5) giving a small gift to get a bigger one
(lābhenalābhanijigīsana). Abstinence from such wrongful modes of
177 Emil Hare, The Book of the Gradual Sayings (Aṅguttara-
Nikāya) or More-NumeredSuttas, Vol. III, Op.cit., p.153. (VaṇijjāSutta,
A.III.208).
 85

livelihood (kuhanādimicchājīvavirati)178 is also a vital part of abstaining

from violence.
These five crooked ways of earning a livelihood are common
occurrences in the modern world. Examples include a lawyer enabling the
acquittal of a murderer (e.g. on a technicality), a PR specialist changing
the public perception of a corrupt politician; a real estate agent lying or
omitting facts for a larger commission, etc. This includes so-called
“political trading”, a common phenomenon in international politics.
For as long as society condones ways of life which include
unethical methods of fulfilling desires, there can be no widespread
increase in non-violent thinking. Non-violent human existence cannot be
achieved without renouncing desires and adopting more ethical views.
4.2.4 Request
Every request is an action (kamma), containing desire (taṇhā) or
“to wish to do” (chanda). Since every action creates new results(vipāka)
in accordance with it, every request as an action should, from the
perspective of non-violence, meet three criteria: (1) abstaining from
taking life, (2) abstaining from stealing and (3) abstaining from
unchastity. As an example, the following cannot be considered non-
violent from a Buddhist point of view: “Yesterday you promised to
slaughter the pig, but have not done so (=observation without evaluation).
This makes me unhappy (=description of the feelings), since I had been
planning to salt the meat this weekend (explanation of the reason of the
feelings). I ask that you slaughter the pig over the course of today
(=request)”. Although this statement is in accordance with Rosenberg’s
model of non-violent communication, it is not non-violent in its nature.
In the Buddha’s doctrine,right action (sammākammanta) contains
abstention from killing living beings (pāṇātipātavirati), meaning that any

178Ledi Sayādaw, Op.cit., pp.23-24.

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form of killing and violent behavior is considered unwholesome. The

NVC model, however, does not address whether the content of a request
(as an action) is ethical or non-violent, but focuses on delivering the
message in a non-violent way. This reveals a fundamental difference
between the NVC model and the Buddha’s doctrine.
Whereas the NVC model focuses on the act of delivering
information in a non-violent way, the Buddha’s teaching aim is to create
a non-violent state of mind. A mind experiencing no desire, envy, or
other fetters (kilesa) finds a natural outlet in non-violent communication.
4.2.5 Empathy, Self-Empathy and Honest Self-Expression
An equivalent concept to empathy and self-empathy in the
Buddha’s doctrine is karuṇā, translated aspity or compassion. Other
definitions are “paradukkhe sati sādhūnaṃhadayakampanaṃkarotīti”179,
which means “the beating heart of the good person after seeing sorrowful
situation of others”.
Karuṇā is one of the four qualities, viz. mettā, karuṇā,
upekhāandmuditā. All these four mental qualities can be developed
through meditation (bhāvanā) and it can be argued that this quartet
represents healthy and perfect empathy, similar to Rosenberg’s NVC
theory.
In the Buddha’s doctrine, self-empathy correlates
withconsideration or cultivation of compassion (karuṇābhāvanā), where
meditation is first initiated by increasing compassion towards oneself.
Then, compassion towards others is increased, until a divine state of pity
(karuṇābrahmavihāra) is reached.

179Buddhaghosa, Vissuddhimagga, ed. Rhys Davids, (Oxford:PTS,

1975),p.371.
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4.3 Options of Integrating and Developing Aspects of the Buddha’s

Doctrine to Marshall Rosenberg’s NVC Model
To enhance the NVC model from a Buddhist perspective, ways
must be found of integrating the following aspects of Buddhism into the
NVC model:
1) Right view (sammādiṭṭi) (kammaand the Four Noble Truths)
2) Renunciation
3) Finding and promoting the benefits of the other party
4) Ethics
5) Right livelihood
6) Right effort
7) Right mindfulness
8) Right concentration
4.4 Summary of Findings
To summarize, on the basis of my observations and study, I found
that a majority of the NVC model is in accordance with the Buddha’s
teachings to a greater or lesser extent.
NVC communication barriers are also similar since the Buddha’s
doctrine supports the notion of avoiding moralistic judgments, making
comparisons and denial of responsibility.
An important aspect of this study is an understanding of the
concept of ‘objective’ observation. Whereas in the Buddha’s doctrine
objectivity is represented by ultimate truth(paramatthasaccā), and
subjectivity by conventional truth (sammutisaccā), Rosenberg uses one
unifying term.
As Rosenberg's model does not prescribe the interpretation of all
observable things as kamma or results of kamma, or as the appearance
and disappearance of “mentality and materiality”(nāma-rūpa), this
position substantially influences the observer’s subjectivity. As long as an
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individual has not relinquished personality-belief (sakkāya-diṭṭhi),

meaning the interpretation of the aggregates of rūpa and nāma as
individual “I” (atta), which is the source of selfish behavior, the extent of
objectivity of his/her observation is questionable.
I found that an important difference between the two doctrines is
its attitude towards desires, or needs. According to the Buddha’s
teachings, desire (taṇhā) is the source of all suffering. Rosenberg
identifies strategies for fulfilling needs as the source of conflict, as
opposed to the needs itself.
Human beings have varying needs. From the perspective of basic
needs, the world can be claimed to have sufficient resources to meet the
needs of each person. Desire-based (taṇhā) needs, however, are
unlimited. The Buddha teaches that desires are the source of suffering,
and eliminating desire will eliminate suffering. If, however, an individual
has no concept of life as suffering (dukkha), and no wish to eliminate
suffering, i.e. lacks an understanding of the Four Noble Truths and
desire, I believe, conflict is a natural element of such an approach.
I consider that the NVC model can be utilized to aid the non-
violent progression of the communication process, but it is unable to
eliminate the main source of conflict – desire(taṇhā).
In conclusion, I can say that thethree primary models of application
of the NVC model (honesty, empathy and self-empathy) are similar to the
Buddha's teachings.
Both Rosenberg and the Buddha aim to establish non-violent and
caring modes of communication. Whereas the NVC model is mostly
oriented towards non-violent communication within the framework of a
specific situation, the Buddha’s teachings of non-violence and
communication are focused on developing a non-violent state of mind.
When such a non-violent mental state is achieved, non-violence
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communication becomes a natural expression of it, eliminating the need

for the NVC model. A mind free of violence cannot create anything of a
violent nature.
Table 10. Summary of the Similarities and Differences Between
NVC Assumptions and Theravada Buddhism
No Assumptions Sim./Diff.
1. All human beings share the same needs Similar
2. Our world offers sufficient resources for meeting Similar
everyone’s basic needs
3. All actions are attempts to meet needs Similar
4. Feelings point to needs being met or unmet Similar
5. All human beings have the capacity for compassion Similar
6. Human beings enjoy giving Similar
7. Human beings meet needs through interdependent Similar
relationships
8. Human beings change Similar
9. Choice is internal Similar
10. The most direct path to peace is through self- Similar
connection
Table 11. Summary of the Similarities and Differences Between
NVC Four Components and Theravada Buddhism
Theravada NVC Sim./Diff.

1. Observation
1.1 Conventional and One reality Different
Ultimate Reality
1.2 Focuses on seeing Focuses on seeing Similar
without evaluating and without evaluating and
judgments judgments
 90

1.3 Reality is more internal Reality is more external Different

(quality of the mind) (reality = what we see)
1.4 Right View exist Right View do not exist Different
1.5 I am result of my kamma Strong personality-belief Different
1.6 Life is dukkha Life is not dukkha Different
1.7 Mindfulness helps to be Mindfulnesshelps to be Similar
aware aware
2. Feelings

2.1 Right mindfulness of Responsibility of one’s Similar

feelings feelings
3. Needs

3.1 Focus on the minimizing Focus on satisfaction of Different

and renunciation of needs. If needs is unmet,
desire (= decrease of we have right to fulfill
feelings) them
3.2 Desire astaṇhāis root of Needs (=desire) isnot Different
the dukkha suffering
4. Request

4.1 Kamma, containing Responsibility Similar

desire (taṇhā) or “to
wish to do” (chanda) is
rooted from morality
4.2 Focus on non-violent Focus on act of Similar
state of mind delivering information in
a non-violent way
5. Three primary models of applications of NVC

5.1 Compassion(karuṇā) Empathy Similar

5.2 Karuṇā-bhāvanā Self-empathy Similar
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5.3 Honest speech Honest self-expression Similar

Chapter V
Conclusion and Suggestions

5.1 Conclusion of Study

This study of the concept of NVC as per Marshall Rosenberg’s
model and the concepts of communication and non-violence in Theravada
Buddhism, and the comparative analysis of the two concepts, has led us
to understand the structure and the importance of nonviolent
communication, as well as the similarities and differences between the
two concepts.
Modern society engenders various types of conflict, for which
effective solutions are sought. Currently, methods of conflict solution
focus on behavior control – how to communicate, what kind of language
to use, and what to avoid, political correctness, etc. - but no known
strategy for conflict solution teaches how can the mind get rid of
violence. Whereas modern psychology focuses on controlling the
processes of human consciousness, the Buddha’s doctrine encourages the
development of a non-violent state of mind.
This research has collected data from a variety of primary and
secondary sources, research papers and these involving the
communication and non-violence, reports on professional seminars and
academic debates, as well as Buddhist texts dealing with non-violent
communication. These materials have been analyzed from the perspective
of Buddhism, with the results being synthesized in the study conclusions.
This study has revealed that the main similarity between the two
approaches is the aim to prevent and solve conflict in a non-violent
 92

manner. Both approaches emphasize the importance and necessity of non-

violence. In principle, it can also be claimed that Rosenberg’s
communication barriers are similar.
The Buddha’s doctrine, as well as Marshall Rosenberg’s model,
similarly emphasize the following aspects of non-violent communication:
1) Non-violence = avoidance of any malicious and violent behavior
helps create harmonious relationships, and facilitates conflict
solution.
2) Clear communication = avoidance of generalizations,
misleading phrasing, etc. helps maintain a clear view of objectives.
3) Accepting responsibility = accepting responsibility of one’s
feelings and words helps avoid blaming others.
4) Judgment-free observation = the focus to see things as they are.
5) Mindfulness of needs = acknowledging one’s own desires helps
to understand oneself, and one’s needs/desires.
6) Empathy/compassion (karuṅā) = helps to understand and
forgive.
7) Abstaining from anger = avoiding anger and identifying the
underlying unfulfilled desire helps with understanding and
renunciation.
8) Abstaining from lying = both doctrines emphasize the
importance of avoiding lying.
The study also revealed the main differences, namely aspects of the
Buddha’s teachings which have no direct equivalent in Rosenberg’s
model:

1) Right view (sammādiṭṭhi) (kamma and the Four Noble Truths) –

Rosenberg’s model lacks an equivalent to the concept of right view. Life,
according to the understanding ofthe Buddha, is suffering (dukkha); and
 93

that suffering is based on ignorance (avijjā). Ignorance is the

experiencing of that which is unworthy of experiencing – namely evil.
According to the Buddha’s doctrine, lack of right view prevents
understanding of the principle that every action – whether good or bad –
has a corresponding consequence for its perpetrator. It can be argued that
such a view would prevent individuals from communicating or behaving
violently. Where there is no knowledge of the Four Noble Truths, there is
no wish to eliminate suffering. Thus, from a Buddhist perspective, right
view is a prerequisite for total elimination of suffering and conflict.
2) Right thoughts (sammāsankappa) – Rosenberg’s model includes
the concepts of friendliness and non-violence, but lacks of complete
renunciation. Logically, elimination of desire eliminates cause for
conflict. Since, however, Rosenberg’s model is aimed at the
European/American cultural space, where profit is a key motivator, the
principle of renunciation is not easily applied to the NVC model.
3) Right speech (sammāvācā) – the characteristics of right speech
defined by the Buddha (soothing to the ear, appealing, well spoken,
pleasant, cause no distress to any party, that go to the heart), are not
found in Rosenberg’s model. Similarly, Rosenberg does not suggest that
speech should be beneficial to the other party, ethical (from a Buddhist
perspective), or acceptable to others. These differences relate to the
principle of right view: according to the law of kamma, every spoken
word creates new kamma for the speaker. Therefore, the path of
awakening requires careful consideration of what is spoken, how it is
spoken, and for which purpose.

4) Right action (sammākammanta) – As the NVC model focuses

on delivering information non-violently, but is not driven by Buddhist
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ethics or right view, it follows that the NVC model cannot be described as
absolutely non-violent.
Although the NVC model includes a compilation of assumptions,
their purpose is to reveal the framework of the model, and not to train
people’s minds; the goal of the NVC model is not to create a change
leading to non-violence.The NVC model constitutes a technical step-by-
step model designed to achieve personal goals while avoiding speech
which might cause or deepen conflict.
In summary, NVC can be used by counselors, teachers, therapists,
negotiators, et al, whose daily tasks call for precision and non-violent
language.
The Buddhist doctrine constitutes a holistic system comprising
instructions for communication, as well as for the training of the mind.
The doctrine emphasizes on the importance of developing a non-violent
and wholesome state of mind, resulting in a complete elimination of
violence from the mind. Communication in such a state of mind requires
no behavioral model, as a non-violent mind cannot initiate any form of
violence in either thought, word, or action.

5.2 Suggestions for Further Research

5.2.1 General Suggestion
An increase in non-violence and tolerance is vital for the
elimination of aggressive behavior. It can’t be considered feasible to stop
the violent behavior of every individual human being. Instead, the
following behaviors can be encouraged: renouncing violent views,
learning right view, developing sympathy and kindness, and striving
towards being a role model to others.
Violence cannot be eradicated absolutely, but each individual has
the capability not to perpetuate it.
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5.2.2 Suggestion for Further Research

Further research is needed to discover ways in which the Buddha’s
doctrine could be merged with the NVC model, in order to create a
framework supporting the functionality of the NVC model.Further
research could attempt to answer the following questions:
1) Which generally accepted paradigms from the Buddha’s
doctrine, compatible with any religion, as well as with the atheist
perspective, could be added to the existing NVC model?
2) How to use the concept of renunciation within the framework of
the NVC model in a way which applies to profit-oriented behavior:
which paradigms would have to change to facilitate this; how to
achieve it?
3) How to use the principles of non-violence in nurseries, for early
development of a non-violent state of mind?
4) How to incorporate right view, right mindfulness, and right
concentration into the NVC model?
 96

Bibliography

I. Primary Sources
1.1 Books About Non-violent Communication
Living Nonviolent Communication: Practical Tools to Connect and
Communicate Skillfully in Every Situation.M. Rosenberg.
Canada: Sounds True Inc., 2012.
Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life. M. Rosenberg.
California: Buddle Dancer Press, 2003.
Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change
Your World. M. Rosenberg. California: Buddle Dancer
Press, 2005.
The Surprising Purpose of Anger, Beyond Anger Management:
Finding the Gift. M. Rosenberg. California: Buddle Dancer
Press, 2005

1.2 Canonical Books

Aṅguttaranikāya, Vols. I-II. R. Morris (Ed). A.K. Wader (revised).
Oxford: PTS, 1989, 1995.
Aṅguttaranikāya, Vols. III-V. E. Hardy (Ed). Oxford: PTS, 3rd ed.
1994.
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Dīghanikāya, Vols. I-II. T.W. Rhys Davids& J.E. Carpenter (Ed).
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Biography of Researcher

Name: Mr. Andrus Kahn (Ven. ṬhitañāṇoCārumayo)

Date of Birth: March 24, 1971
Nationality: Estonian (EU)
Residence: WatHaruthaiNaresuan, Phutthamonthon District,
NakhonPathom, Bangkok, Thailand

Education:
2015 – Buddhist Studies (Ph.D.),
Mahachulalongkornrajavidyalaya University,
Bangkok
2012 – Buddhist Studies (M.A.),
Mahachulalongkornrajavidyalaya University,
Bangkok
2004 – 2005 Interpersonal Communication and Motivation
Skills Coach, Stern Institute, Tallinn
2006 – 2007 NLP Master, Estonian NLP Institute Ltd, Pärnu
2004 – 2005 NLP Practitioner, Estonian NLP Institute Ltd, Pärnu
2004 – 2006 Adult Education & Psychology, Stern Institute,
Tartu
1997 – 2000 Hypno- & Psychotherapy, French Association of
Hypnotherapy (AFHyp) &JaunoPsiholoģijuCentrs,
Riga
1997 – 2004 Psychology (BA), University of Tartu, Tartu
1992 – 1993 Nurse, Health Care College, Tallinn

Experience:
 102

2014 – Lecturer (Topics: Buddhist Economics, Buddhism

and Contemporary World), MCU, Ayutthaya
2005 – 2009 Coach-trainer (Topics: Self Management,
Presentation Skills Training, Leadership Management,
Customer Service Training, Negotiation Skills
Training, Teamwork, Team Coaching and Team
Management, Sales Process and Salesmanship,
Training of Counseling, Training of Trainers), Stern
Training and Development Company, Tartu
2007 – 2009 Lecturer (Topics: Interpersonal Communication and
Motivation Skills Coach, Nonviolent Communication,
Practical Psychology for Managers, Neuro-Linguistic
Programming), Stern Institute, Tallinn
2003 – 2005 Director, Haberst Ltd., Tallinn
2000 – 2003 Chief Accountant / Financial Manager, Haberst
Ltd., (Siemens Sales Office), Tallinn