Professional Documents
Culture Documents
Building Emotional Intimacy
Building Emotional Intimacy
Seek to understand- Takes 5 open ended questions to feel understood- part of to know
and be known
Building Trust
Thus, the success or failure of developing deeper intimacy is based on how couples
build trust. If the ratio of positivity to negativity exceeds 5:1 during conflict discussions, a
couple is likely to stay together.
The building of trust is about having your partner’s best interests in mind and at heart.
It’s about listening to your partner’s pain and communicating that when they hurt, the
world stops, and you listen. There is a model of communication that helps partners
attune to one another.
The word “ATTUNE” is actually an acronym that stands for six processes:
1. A for Awareness of your partner’s and your own state and emotions
2. T for Tolerance that there are always two valid viewpoints in any emotions
3. T for Turning Toward one partner’s need
4. U for trying to Understand your partner
5. N for Non-defensive or non-judgmental listening to your partner
6. E for Empathy toward your partner
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3. Turn Towards
Turn Towards in everyday moments. The small moments of everyday life are actually
the building blocks of relationships. A partner has the opportunity to either turn toward,
turn away, or turn against a bid their partner makes. A bid is a gesture — verbal or
nonverbal — for some sort of positive connection: conversation, humor, affection, or
support.
The very small everyday moments in a relationship are opportunities for Turning
Towards one another, and opportunities that can build up the Emotional Bank Account.
The quality of Turning Towards and the vitality of the Emotional Bank Account in a
relationship determine whether you have a positive or a negative perspective on your
relationship.
To strengthen Turn Towards:
State your needs and be aware of bids and turn toward them.
Four ways that couples can build a stronger relationship with shared meaning
Sharing- Sharing a common dream or vision for life can help you gain a healthy
perspective.
Talking- Talking about your shared vision can foster attunement.
Creating- Creating daily or weekly rituals of connection will enable you build shared
meaning.
Implementing- Implementing your shared goals can help you to be a stronger couple
with a purpose.