On Joint Family System In Islam

Everyone should have a separate house and must be self-reliant and self-supporting.

By Junaid Ahmad - August 11, 2018

http://thecompanion.in/on-joint-family-system-in-islam/

It is only by observing the limits of Allah and giving the rights of all individuals in a way it
is ordained in Islam, a Muslim family can live in peace, tranquility, and harmony.

He was deeply saddened. Every member in the family turned against him. He was trying to
come to terms with their rude and unethical behavior. He had been immensely supportive
and most caring for the entire family and relatives since the very beginning. His
contributions to the whole family failed to earn any recognition for and were further
regarded worth less. His insistence on living with his spouse and kids, taking care of their
needs materially and spiritually, did not seem to be fair to them. They got sarcastic about
him in no time. They came up with numerous conspiracy theories, and blamed him for
trying to create division among family. He tried to figure out the contributing factors behind
the conflict. He could only relate it to the reality that he was a part of Joint Family. A system,
which is mostly supported by elderly, rooted deeply, promulgated culturally and accepted
traditionally acrosssocieties in many countries. A system, which, in spite of possessing some

1 of 8
good aspects such as mutual trust and co-operation and union in domestic management
and family life, has the potential to disturb many important aspects of Islamic society.

He was brought upon as a practicing Muslim family. A family that observed strict adherence
to Islamic rulings in all matters. The whole family got educated to be dutiful to Allah,
observe Islamic commands, and abstain from all kinds of evils. However, they fell well short
of observing Islamic code of conduct concerning the family life. The cultural and traditional
restrictions did not allow them to observe the Islamic rulings in managing family affairs.
Multiple tiers of relatives with their respective spouses and children along with their elderly
parents lived under one roof, ate meals together, and financially supported each other even
if the one was well-off. He was always expected to be in the providing position for the whole
family including brothers and their kids. It is due to this, that he never considered his
income his own and thus not treated it his personal possessions. And despite others owning
a considerable amount of wealth and the means to meet the expenses of their own
independently, yet the parents insisted that the household’s running expenses must be
covered by his monthly incomes. The insecurity on the part of the parents caused by the
belief that if, too much independence given to their married sons, they will ignore them,
has been the driving factor to insist on retaining their powers. The fear to lose their
importance and authority in the household did not allow them to let their sons and their
spouses act independently in controlling all their affairs and making all the big decisions.

The joint family system has undoubtedly benefited the families where not every member is
earning and many are relying on the income of others. This system caters to the need of
households even if some of its members are unemployed, sick, and unable to learn their
livelihood. However, the sad reality is that the very system causes the great harm to the
family in particular and society in general. It discourages the striving and importance of
earning. This is the reason we find that there are many in joint families not willing to work,
rather prefer to just rely on others hard work. This makes them lazy and get discouraged
to make any real efforts to earn money. Consequently, they become the burden for the
family and a useless member of society. This mindset is very dangerous and has far-
reaching effects on the lives of those who are hard workers. When they see that, there is
no difference in terms of living standard between his family and others. While that fact is
that they work hard to meet the expenses of the Joint Family, while others in the family
make no efforts and all the time engage themselves in worthless things, it kills the urge to
strive hard and results in hatred and enmity in the family relations and eventually leads to
domestic strife in many families. The home atmosphere gradually turns in ugliness and then
comes a time when separation remains the only solution.

2 of 8
The other serious problem generated by the system, supported by cultural practice, is the
lack of privacy. Male relatives of the husband are allowed to freely enter the home without
observing that there lives in the house daughter-in-law who is non-mahram to them. Thus
in spite of all efforts, it simply becomes impossible for observing Hijab. The statement of
one of the Muslim sisters who has been living in a joint family, demonstrates well the
threatening danger of the system. “I have no choice in the matter. By now, the point has
come that I am lucky if the dupatta is on my head when my brother-in-law passes by. It’s
just not possible to maintain hijab when everyone is living together in such close proximity.
With little children to run after, pregnancy weighing you down, having to cook on the hot
stove, and laying the table with heavy crockery, how can one stay wrapped in a chador?
My hijab from my husband’s brothers has dwindled to almost nothing by now.” (Sadaf
Farooqi-Joint family system in Islam: challenges and solution).

Moreover, there are instances where, in most joint family households, young Muslim couples
live in a single bedroom along with their children. This is in clear disobedience to the Islamic
teaching (An-Nur 24:58), which commands even young children of a Muslim couple to be
prevented from entering upon them in their bedrooms without prior permission.

Joint family system also does now allow its members to live independently in a separate
accommodation. All married couples along with their elderly parents are supposed to live
together in one house, with their bedrooms opening on to a common area and a shared
kitchen. One of the reasons for this is the belief that the elderly should be taken care for by
a son and his wife. This, however, does not comply with Islamic ethics because it assumes
that everyone has sons. Islam commands both son and daughter to support old parents
financially and physically. There is no discrimination on this issue. However, the husband
of a daughter is entitled to have more rights on her than her parents. Living together in one
home undermines the very right of independence and control of husband over his family in
terms of bringing up his own child, or managing space the way he wants. Taking any major
step in his life without prior consultation with the elders is strongly discouraged. Elders have
major say in every matter in the family. Many young couples get frustrated at the lack of
privacy and control over their private life and decisions, over their children’s upbringing.
The joint family thus prevents practicing the compulsory Islamic commands in their family
lives. It creates ‘elderly authority’ and succumbs the family to their ‘words’.

The important question is what are the Islamic ethics on joint family?

Islam, being the final chosen religion, has provided the ideal shari’ah. Islam has primarily
stressed the need to maintain the balance between the demands of body and spirit. It has

3 of 8
provided the guidance concerning life in this world as well as life in the hereafter. The
teachings of Islam are well balanced.

Islam has brought a wise system to manage the family affairs, which is very much in
conformity with nature. Islam removes the basic cause of weariness by commanding that
everyone is responsible for the expenses of his own dependents. No one is given the right
to place the burden of his own kids, on the shoulders of other relatives. This way the evil
effects of the Joint Family System are avoided; at the same time, everyone was
categorically commanded to “keep the bond of relationship intact.” This prevents the
tendency to self-contentedness and unfriendliness.

Islam considers spending on one’s wife and children to be one of the best kinds of spending,
one of the deeds, which will bring the greatest reward. The Prophet (pbuh) is reported to
have said: ‘Money you spend for the sake of Allah, the money you spend to free a slave,
money you give in charity to the poor, and money you spend on your family. The greatest
in reward of all of these is spending on your family.” (cited in Bukhari and Muslim books of
Hadiths)

However, if he is affluent and well-to-do, then he has been emphatically enjoined to spend
on other relatives if they are in need. A Muslim earns two rewards when he treats his
relatives with kindness and respect: one reward for maintaining the relationship and,
another reward for giving charity. This gives him a greater incentive to give to his relatives,
if they are in need.

Islam does not allow the daughter-in-law to interact with non-Mahram residents of the
house, such as male servants or brothers-in-law. It is evident from the Hadith below.

“Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said,“O Messenger of
Allaah, what do you think about the brother-in-law?” He said, “The brother-in-law is death!”
(Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Baari, 9/330).

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said: “What is referred to in this hadith is the
husband’s relatives apart from his father and his sons, because those are mahrams for his
wife and can be alone with her, so they are not described as death. What is referred to here
is his brother, nephew, uncle and cousin, and others who she would be permitted to marry
if she were not already married. Usually people take the matter lightly with regards to these
relatives, so a brother may be alone with his brother’s wife. Thus he is likened to death,
when he should be prevented from being alone with her more than a stranger should.”

4 of 8
(Fath al-Baari, 9/331), quoted in “Dangers in the home” by Sheikh Muhammed Salih Al-
Munajjid.

Aforementioned Hadith states clearly that a married Muslim woman must observe complete
Hijab in the presence of her husband’s male relatives, but his father, sons from another
wife or grandfathers.

According to the commands given in the below verse of the Quran, the young children of
Muslim family are not allowed to enter upon them in their bedrooms without prior
permission, during three times – before Fajr, after Dhuhr (during siesta) and after Isha.
Yet, the fact is that many Muslim families live in a single room along with their children.

“O you who believe! Let your legal slaves and slave-girls, and those among you who have
not come to the age of puberty ask your permission (before they come to your presence)
on three occasions; (i) before Fajr (morning) prayer, and (ii) while you put off your clothes
for the noonday (rest), and (iii) after the Isha (late-night) prayer. (These) three times are
of privacy for you, other than these times there is no sin on you or on them to move about,
attending (helping) you each other. Thus Allah makes clear the Ayat (the Verses of this
Quran, showing proofs for the legal aspects of permission for visits, etc.) to you. And Allah
is All-Knowing, All-Wise.” (An-Nur 24:58)

Joint family system does not allow adherence to the important decree stipulated in the
aforementioned verse.

Everyone should have a separate house and must be self-reliant and self-supporting, is
evident from Surah Noor (24:61):

“There is no blame upon yourselves that you eat ( without asking permission) in your own
houses or the houses of your fathers, or houses of your mothers, or the houses of your
brothers, or the houses of your sisters, or the houses of your fathers’ brothers, or the
houses of your fathers’ sisters, or the houses of your mothers’ brothers or the houses of
your mothers’ sisters, or in houses of which the keys are in your possession, or in the house
of a friend of yours.”

What needs to be done?

Maintaining a balance between extremes is the law of nature. If natural spheres of activities
for man and woman, and the aims and objects of married life are understood properly, then
it will be easy for Muslim families to adhere to the Islamic code concerning family affairs.

5 of 8
The Shariah has specified certain rights to both husband and wife. Denial of rights to any
of them will certainly result in conflict and ultimately lead to the breakdown of marriage.
These rights, at times, may not go down too well with certain people and cultures. Hence,
it is vital for Muslims who have been affected by cultural customs and traditions to learn
the injunctions of Shariah so they can taste its fruits and lead a blessed marital life.

There is no denying of the fact some Muslim couples, due to their inability to cope with
mounting prices of property and rent, are compelled to live in a joint family after marriage
and face the problems in adjusting to relatives especially non-Mahram men. It is very
challenging, in such a scenario, to maintain Hijab. There has to be a set of rules every
member of the family must adhere to it strictly. All are required to be God-fearing and
observing the necessary conjunctions stipulated by Islam to deal with such situation, e.g.,
lowering the gaze, covering with a loose outer garment, taking permission for entering
rooms, avoiding socializing, using door locks and abstaining from joking or teasing.

And if Muslim couples are compelled due to reasons mentioned above or any others, to live
in a joint family, the elders must bear the responsibility to renovate the house in a manner
to provide the privacy to a daughter in law so that it becomes easy for her to observe the
limits of Allah. No doubt, it requires a great deal of courage and patience and, if the intention
is to obeying commands of religion, verily Al-mighty will help in finding a way out. “And
whosoever fears Allah and keeps his duty to Him; He will make way for him to get out (from
every difficulty). And He will provide him from (sources) he never could imagine. And
whosoever puts his trust in Allah; He will suffice him.” [Surah Al-Talaaq: 2-3]

There are many families that can easily afford to build a separate portion for newly-weds.
However, many willingly do not allow it to happen. There are many factors involved for not
letting them do so. For some, it is lack of knowledge and others, unwillingness to follow the
directives of Islam ordained for Muslim families concerning privacy and hijab among non-
mahrams. Traditional influence is so profound over many that they are simply not willing
to accept the fact that the husband’s brother is not a mahram.

The commonly held view among the people that it is only women who are primarily ordained
to maintain Hijab is wrong. What men fail to understand is that in Islam, it is not just women
who are asked to abstain from interacting with non-mahrams, rather Muslim men too are
equally ordained to observe rules of hijab around women. They are not allowed to look at
a non-mahram woman, nor talk to her unless necessary. They are not allowed to get along
with women or even pass them without seeking permission.

6 of 8
Jareer ibn ‘Abdullah [may Allah be pleased with him] said: “I asked the Messenger of Allah
[‫ ]صلیاللہعلیہ وسلم‬about an accidental glance at a woman. He commanded me to turn my gaze
away.” [Al-Tirmidhi]

The Messenger of Allah [‫ ]صلیاللہعلیہ وسلم‬said: “O Ali [his cousin], do not follow a glance with
another, for you will be forgiven for the first, but not for the second.”[Al-Tirmidhi: 2701]

Conclusion

A joint family system, in spite of possessing a set of good aspects, has offended many
important aspects of Islamic society. Islam emphasizes separate domestic arrangements.
Islam has given every wife the right to have a home of her own according to the standards
of her own social background. All Islamic scholars are in unanimous agreement that married
Muslim women are entitled to private accommodation in Islam, which preserves their
privacy from their husbands’ relatives.

Shaikh Muhammed Salih Al-Munajjid went to explain it, “Separate accommodation is the
wife’s right, even if she did not stipulate it in the marriage contract, and she has the right
to ask for it now, and she is not regarded as being willfully defiant because of that. The
commonly held view among some people, that this is creating division among siblings, is
not true, because this is a shared right of the wife, and it serves the interests of both
spouses because it prevents free mixing and guards them against looking at things that are
not permissible. It is unfortunate that in many shared family homes, a man may look at his
brother’s wife, and they may shake hands or be alone together, which may lead to jealousy,
envy, disputes, and separation. There may also be arguments because of the children.
Undoubtedly a man is a stranger (non-mahram) to his brother’s wife, so it is not permissible
for him to shake hands with her or be alone with her or look at her, unless he is a mahram
to her through some other means, such as breastfeeding.” (Q.A.)

It is better, therefore, to live in separate accommodation that allows the son to be physically
near his parents and other relatives. However, if the parents are elderly and need care;
then it is imperative for the sons to live with their parents. The spouses, in this scenario,
are required to handle this matter wittily and not be the cause of division between their
husband and parents. It must be borne into the mind of Muslim husband that if his wife
helps to look after his parents, her action is voluntary and very commendable.

Similarly,if husband’s financial status prevents him to provide a separate accommodation,

in such instances, a wife should practice patience due to her husband’s financial constraints.
Shaykh al-Islam Ibn Taymiyah favoured the view that if the husband is poor or unable to

7 of 8
provide separate accommodation for his wife, she does not have the right to ask for
something he is unable to give. This was narrated from him in MataalibOoli al-Nuha (5/122).
Rather she should bear it with patience until Allaah gives him the means

It is also to be borne into the mind, that in the event a married Muslim couple is compelled
to live in a joint family for some reasons as stipulated earlier, it is mandatory for all the
members in the family to learn their roles and responsibilities in order to help run the family
smoothly. All family members must strive to fulfill their obligations and contribute to the
fullest extent of their capacity,to the good beings of the family. There has to be no room
for any member to depend entirely on the incomes of others in the family and consequently
become the cause of conflict.

It is also vital for the husband to realize that his relatives do not have exclusive and
commanding rights on his wife. If his parents or other relatives exercise their domination
towards her to the extent that her independence is threatened, or she gets harassed
emotionally, it is his duty to protect his wife’s given rights, and try every mean to restore
her peace of mind, by granting her, her due.

Although it’s not that easy to row your boat in the opposite direction to which the society
is moving, it’s worth going against the tides that are against the command of Allah and the
teachings of the Prophet (a). We should try our utmost to follow the footsteps of Prophet
(a) rather than blindly following the traditions. It is, therefore, imperative to understand
that only by observing the limits of Allah and giving the rights of all individuals in a way it
is ordained in Islam, a Muslim family can live in peace, tranquility, and harmony.

References

The Joint Family System in Islam: Challenges and Solutions

https://islamhouse.com/en/books/2824522/

8 of 8