10 WAYS TO START AND MAINTAIN A

CONVERSATION
 1. Give someone a compliment and tie it to a
question.

 That is a very nice sweater. Do you mind

sharing where you got it?

 I love your hair. Do you have a favorite salon?

 Your lunch looks delicious. Did you make it

yourself?

 2. Start a general conversation but make sure you

are sharing too so that it doesn’t feel like an
interrogation.

 How are you?

 What do you think of this weather?

 Have you read any good books recently?

 What have you been up to since I last saw you?

 3. Ask open ended questions.

 Do you like sports?

 Where do/did you go to college? What is/was

your major?

 How do you like to spend your weekends?

 Do you enjoy reading?

 4. Ask “If you could only” questions.

  What are the three things you would take with
you to a deserted island?

 You can only eat five different foods for the rest
of your life, what are they?

 If you could pick anyone, who would you like to

spend an afternoon with?

 You are stuck in a cabin for two years. What five

books would you take with you?

 5. Here are some first date ice-breakers.

 Where did you grow up?

 What was it like growing up in your family?

 Are you a cat or dog person?

 Do you like to read? Do you like movies?

 Who is your favorite actor?

 6. Start a conversation at work.

 How was your weekend?

 What is your favorite lunch restaurant?

 Is it cold/hot in here or is it just me?

 How is your day going? Are you busy?

 Do you have a vacation planned?

 7. Find a common ground.

 What kind of music do you listen to?

  Who is your favorite author?

 Do you like to go to concerts?

 Do you like to travel?

 Have you been in other countries before?

 Describe your dream vacation.

 8. “Would you rather” questions.

 Would you rather go without your smartphone or

without a car for a month?

 Would you rather be really busy in a job you love

or be able to slack off at a job you are only
vaguely interested in?

 Would you rather be the most popular person or

the smartest person in your social group?

 Would you rather be the worst person on a great

team or the best person on a good team?

 9. Let’s get serious.

 If you were granted 3 wishes, but you couldn’t

use them to wish for material things, what
would you wish for?

 Who has had the most influence on creating you

as a person?

 Describe the happiest day of your life.

 Are people basically born good or bad?

 What quality do you like best in yourself?

  If you could choose your own first name, what
would you choose and why?

 10. Use the S.O.F.T.E.N. technique to help create a

great non-verbal impression.
 – Smile
 Open up your posture
 Forward lean
 Touch by shaking hands
 Eye contact
 Nod when the other person talks

Tip #1: Break the Ice

Smile, be open, and ask a question to break the ice. I noticed one guy at the
event asking, "Who are you here to support?" as an icebreaker and I
noticed another person saying, "Is this your first time to a SmartCEO
event?" Before attending an event, I save a set of icebreaker questions on
my iPhone (I have a list for personal and a list for professional situations). I
review the list in the parking lot before I go in so that they're fresh in my
mind before I meet anyone.

When you are the one initiating the conversation, it makes it easier for the
other person to respond. At this particular event, I found myself looking
for people who were sponsors of the event (you could see this on their
name tags) and asking them if this is the first time they've sponsored a
SmartCEO event. This led to a lot of interesting conversations and contacts.

Tip #2: Share Your Values and Beliefs Though Stories

Share something about yourself, without sounding like a sales pitch.

Although asking a question or even a few questions is a good way to start
the conversation, you need to also share information about yourself to
make this into a dialogue. By sharing stories about yourself, you are
revealing your personal values and beliefs and this helps your conversation
partner to feel more connected to you. Conversations are about questions
and stories—aim for a 50/50 mix.
Tip #3: Be Interested in Your Conversation Partner

Show a genuine interest in the other person and what they do. Even if you
have no real interest in their field, use the conversation as an opportunity
to learn and expand yourself. My father was a master at this skill. He could
talk to anyone about anything. He'd often ask probing questions, exploring
deeper and deeper, drawing out the person's enthusiasm for the topic even
more. People loved my Dad for the genuine interest he showed in others.

The secret to moving from conversation to building a relationship is

to find commonalities, similarities, and positive traits, and then
express them.

Tip #4: Find Commonalities

The secret to moving from making conversation to building a relationship

is to find commonalities, similarities, and positive traits between yourself
and the other party, and then express them. That is, find a way to
genuinely like your conversation partner—even if you find it tough to like
that person. I'm not suggesting you fake it or make stuff up. But by being
sincerely interested in another person's words, they will in turn
reciprocate that respect and interest in you.

Tip #5: Some Conversations Will Be Awkward

Conversation-making can at times be awkward, but you can't let that

discourage you. At the same event I mentioned previously, I walked up to
someone and tried to introduce myself. I tripped over my words and
sounded like an idiot—worse, there I was saying I was an expert in
communication! The person gave me a curious look and asked, "Who do
you use for your accounting?" I stumbled yet again with my response. He
simply handed me his business card, extended his hand to shake mine, and
said, "Well, it was nice to meet you." I was officially brushed off! Needless
to say, this was the moment I fled to the lobby to consider leaving the
event.

The point is, even when you know how to make a great conversation,
sometimes it just doesn't come out the way you planned! And that's Ok.

Mathew, I can't resist one final tip—a bonus tip—because it's the key to
successful conversation:
Bonus Tip: Be Yourself

Don't be afraid to be yourself. Some people will like you, others may not.
But I've found that being comfortable in your skin (no matter how odd that
skin may be) is a quality that others admire and are attracted to. So in
every conversation, allow your personality show through. Let others in on
who you are and what makes you tick.

8 Brilliant Ways to Make an Awkward Conversation More Comfortable

1. Avoid the silence.

Research shows it takes only four seconds of awkward silence to skyrocket
your anxiety during a conversation. The more anxious you feel, the less
articulate you'll be.
Whenever possible, plan what you want to say in advance. Knowing what
you need to communicate can help you deliver your message in a way that
will prevent as much awkward silence as possible.

2. Speak in a private setting.

Don't hold an impromptu conversation in the hallway when you happen to
pass by the person. Instead, meet in a private room where no one else can
overhear. And if someone else brings up an awkward subject first in a
public setting, suggest holding the conversation elsewhere.

3. Sit.
Sitting can add comfort to an otherwise difficult situation. At the very least,
make sure you and the other person are on the same level. If you remain
standing while you talk to a person who is sitting, you'll be physically
talking down to them -- which isn't the tone you want to set. If there's only
one chair in the room, remain standing with the other person.

4. Offer a warning.
Soften harsh words or direct questions with a simple warning. Instead of
saying, "Billy, the other employees say you smell bad," soften the blow with
a word of caution by saying, "What I'm about to tell you might be a little
difficult to hear." That gives the other person a minute to emotionally
prepare for what you're about to say.

5. Acknowledge your discomfort.

Denying your discomfort can cause you to come across as disingenuous. If
you're fidgeting, shifting your weight, and averting eye contact,
acknowledge your anxiety. Offer a quick sentence that explains what the
other person already senses, such as, "I'm a little uncomfortable bringing
this up."

6. Be polite, yet direct.

While it's important to be polite, don't soften your words so much that your
message gets lost. If you're firing someone for their incompetence, don't
imply they're being let go because there isn't enough work. Indirect
communication will only add to the other person's confusion about what's
really going on. Stick to the facts and keep the conversation short.

7. Be an active listener.
Give the other person a chance to process what you've said. Be an active
listener by reflecting back what you hear and by offering clarification on
points that may have been misunderstood.

Be prepared for the other person to experience intense emotions, ranging

from embarrassment and sadness, to fear and anger. Unless the person
becomes inappropriate, be willing to help the other person process those
emotions for a bit.

8. Draw the conversation to a clear close.

Awkward conversations often end in an equally awkward manner.
Uncertainty about whether the conversation is actually over, or confusion
about what will happen next, only adds to the clumsiness.

If you're going to follow up on something, state that. If you expect the other
person to take further action, express your expectation. Then, end the
conversation by saying something like, "That's all I wanted to talk about
today. Think about it and get back to me with any questions."