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Is The Ego Bad How To Build A Healthy and Balanced Ego
Is The Ego Bad How To Build A Healthy and Balanced Ego
How many times have you heard someone say that the ego is bad? Especially in the world of
spirituality, the ego has gotten the reputation of being the bad guy. Is this really true? We
decided to look into this statement in more detail. We consulted reputable sources and
approached several professionals from the worlds of psychology and applied spirituality to
gain a complete picture of whether the ego is good or bad and what makes a healthy ego.
The misconception about the ego being bad comes from literally applying Eastern
teachings to Western cultures. Ours is a different world over here. There will come a
time on our spiritual path to transcend our egos. However, for many of us that time is
not there yet. One first needs to develop a healthy ego and a healthy personality to be
Ever since Eastern teachings have gained popularity in the West, a common consensus
propagated by many has appeared: the ego is bad. You need to overcome your ego to attain
liberation. However, just like with many other things, when we try to apply foreign concepts
into our local cultures, problems are likely to arise. The reason for that is simple. Our Western
cultures are different from those in the East. Following their teachings blindly is likely to cause
problems.
To quote Carl Jung in the book Psychology and the East: “There could be no greater mistake
than for a Westerner to take up the direct practice of Chinese yoga, for that would merely
strengthen his will and consciousness against the unconscious and bring about the very
effect to be avoided. The neurosis would then simply be intensified. It cannot be emphasized
enough that we are not Orientals, and that we have an entirely different point of departure in
these matters.”
The mindset and struggles of a modern Westerner differ greatly from the person who grew up
in the East. We mentioned this in our article on practical ways to build your self-esteem by
working with the third chakra. When they asked the Dalai Lama about low self-esteem, he
didn’t even know what it was. Apparently, such a word doesn’t even exist in the Tibetan
language! Language is a practical reflection of a culture, its mentality and needs. So, since
the concept of self-esteem doesn’t exist in the Tibetan language, it’s because there was no
need for it. Try and say that about the people living in the West. How many blogs alone are
written on this topic? Not to mention books, coaches and workshops. There needs to be an
According to Western psychology, the ego is the mediator between our raw, primal desires
(the id) and the moral values (the superego) that we’ve learned from our environment. The
ego is a set of functions each healthy individual must possess in order to survive and thrive in
the world. The dictionary of The American Psychological Association mentions the following
2. self-awareness
3. problem solving
6. memory
8. regulation of affect
A healthy psyche and stable personality structures are the basis of practicing spirituality. And
a healthy ego is a necessary prerequisite for profound spiritual work. Without it, we can easily
get lost in “denial, avoidance, repression, dissociation, disconnection, and a poor sense of
self (Lonerwolf)”. We can end up completely unable to function in the most mundane activities
There are many people who developed or deepened their psychological issues by practicing
inadequate spiritual techniques. Also, many rush to use meditation to solve certain problems,
but are unconscious that meditation can be extremely counterproductive with certain
The same goes for practicing mindfulness. There are some instances when mindfulness
when people just can’t feel their bodies, usually due to trauma
when emotions are too strong to simply observe them and let them pass
In such cases it’s good to look at a different approach to mindfulness, called embodied
What we need to become conscious of and free from is the slavery of the identification with
the ego, but that’s the next level stuff. Only when the ego is healthy and strong can we move
towards transcending it. If the ego is not healthy enough, it will misinterpret many things and
One common extreme nowadays is the spiritual ego. As Amra K explains to us, “It arises
when a person engages in spirituality and because of that starts valuing herself more than
others. It is also common that such a person uses spirituality to justify negative events they
participate in. However, a person who is truly spiritual radiates light and peace. Without
having to say or do anything, everything is clear to everyone. This person does not feel the
need to explain herself or stand out too much. Those with a spiritual ego usually go from one
extreme to another and delay lessons that they need to learn in life. The best thing is to walk
the middle path and be honest to oneself and others. Then there’s no space for a spiritual
ego.”
(We wrote more on the dangers of the spiritual ego in our article on spiritual gaslighting. Feel
free to check it to learn more about how people, often unknowingly, misuse spiritual values to
Our Experts
To understand more about the good and the bad of the ego, what makes a healthy ego and
how to develop it, we asked several professionals. Amra Kubat is a teacher of Reiki, yoga,
meditation, and a certified life coach. Petar Jeknic is a psychologist and gestalt
psychology.
Amra K: It doesn’t have to be. Just like everything else in the Universe, it has its good and
bad sides. We always say, watch out which inner wolf you feed, the good or the bad one.
That’s how I look at the ego. We choose whether to destroy or to create. The one who
destroys has a bad ego, while the one who creates has a good one.
Tamara Dj: The ego can be the source of suffering when it represents damaging and limiting
beliefs we have about ourselves. The ego, or ‘I’ is all the knowledge we have about
ourselves. It’s everything we think we are. However, the question is, who are we really?
When the ego is only focused on itself, then people around us can suffer, and so do we. But if
we are too focused on helping others and meeting their demands and needs, the ego can
Amra K:
It’s good when it motivates you to move and do something useful for yourself and others,
when it strengthens your willpower. A good ego protects us from change, while the bad one
It’s also bad when it turns into too strong ambition and selfishness and when you start
stepping on everyone around you to achieve your goals. It’s also bad when you are lazy and
apathetic, or when you criticize and judge yourself and others. When you are more focused
on the outside rather than your inner self and your higher self. A bad ego is the extreme,
while a healthy ego does things in moderation. Again, it chooses the middle path.
Tamara Dj:
It’s usually represented as a bad thing but it doesn’t have to be. The ego is the conscious part
of our personality, the part of the psyche we perceive as “I”. That layer of personality meets
the outer physical and social world. It gathers data about it using perception, memory and
thinking. Postponing gratification is what the ego is best at because it deals with reality.
Tamara Dj:
Those who take responsibility for themselves and their actions have a healthy ego. They:
– know themselves
– allow themselves to make wrong moves because only in that way they can learn, grow and
develop
A healthy ego does not jeopardize our self-confidence, it’s elastic and allows us to see things
Petar J:
A healthy or functional ego, or the ‘I’ if we translate it from Latin, is any ego that fulfills the
purpose of its existence. It allows survival and adequate functioning of one’s system. This
part of psyche, or soul, emerged when the id, the unconscious part of the psyche, met with
outer reality. It’s complex in its structure but it’s main representatives are consciousness or
A healthy “I” has only two tasks, but unfortunately all too often it fails at them. The first task is
about the perception of outer reality and inner reality, and then balancing the two. This seems
simple but sometimes the inner reality dominates, which is the reality of the id or the
unconscious part of the psyche. The id is a powerful, manipulative and raw part of the psyche
and its reality is based on avoiding discomfort. That’s where fears and worries come from.
Sometimes we are too suggestible and then the outer reality dominates. A healthy ego is
The second task is about noticing and preserving psychological boundaries. When we do not
have a boundary towards the unconscious part of the psyche, we risk being flooded with
instinctual reactions and other contents of the psyche which may not be appropriate to a
person’s age, goals and principles. Every addict enjoys their addictions at that moment, but
whether that’s good for them is arguable. A healthy ego knows what is good and useful. It
has balanced its needs with the outer reality and set boundaries.
Amra K:
For example:
a healthy ego is when you have the willpower to get up every morning at 5 AM and do
a healthy ego is when you are active every day and there is no place for laziness. You
also know when to stop, i.e. you are moderate in your actions.
a healthy ego is when you are strong, resilient, and at the same time gentle and
committed.
it’s when you have self-confidence because it protects you from anxiety and depression.
Petar J:
Without developing a healthy ego, we enter a routine which has meaning and significance
only in certain periods of development. However, after that what awaits us is facing new
challenges and fears. Through facing these, we grow and develop a healthy ego. If we want
to reach emotional maturity, we need to meet with emotional challenges and fears of each
People who come to psychotherapy are those lagging behind in their development.
Consequences vary but the treatment process is always the same. It is about enticing
development. This happens, first of all, through changing one’s relationship to oneself,
depending on their age and the environment they live in. Without changing the relationship to
Amra K:
Most of all, through meditation, humanitarian work and helping others without expectations.
There are also many energy techniques su has Reiki, Reconnection etc. which help to
cleanse your energy. By doing that, you stop being focused on the outside and you start to
look within. Meditation helps with many things, but it needs to be a regular, daily practice.
Even if it’s short, what matters is that you do it every day. Discipline is necessary for a healthy
life, and a healthy ego. Humanitarian work and dedicating ourselves to doing good without
expecting personal gains opens the heart for love and gratitude. In such a case, there is no
Petar J:
The boundary is not in the sense of discomfort, because through discomfort we get the
opportunity to learn and, thereby, to grow. Discomfort always follows when we leave our
comfort zone. Without expanding our comfort zone, we cannot progress in life.
In psychotherapy, the first problem that arises is the perspective of how we look at our
problems. It’s much easier to explain our actions through the actions of others, although this
kind of perspective is, by default, useless. To see oneself and our own responsibility, that is
Next comes the goal setting. No goal is easy to achieve. And each one is a step to the next
one. Development is non-linear, and made up of pleasant and unpleasant parts. The
tendency is what matters– whether the person is moving up, down or stagnating. Only results
can decide that. For a goal to be a goal, it needs to be concrete and we need actions towards
it. Otherwise, the goal becomes a plain wish. Wishes are okay, but it’s necessary to have
The human brain is a strange organ. If it processes life challenges, then there are no
problems. The problem usually arises when the brain does not deal with life challenges.
That’s when it creates challenges to solve them. And that’s when the inner reality dominates.
If this manifests with the “what if” question, then that’s anxiety. I am becoming more and more
certain that anxiety is the base from which all other pathologies develop and the reason why
So, let’s face our challenges in the way that our possibilities allow. That’s how we will form a
healthy ego, which does not have the privilege to switch off for as long as we live!
Take a pen and a piece of paper and write down the numbers of those statements that apply
to you.
You:
12. can understand and acknowledge perspectives different from your own
18. don’t take personally what others say or do — you maintain a healthy perspective
23. use guilt, avoidance, criticism or denial when you need to face difficult situations
27. demand a lot of emotional validation and feel angry, anxious or depressed when it’s not
available
Results:
Statements under odd numbers describe an unhealthy ego, while those under even numbers
describe a healthy one. If you have one too many odd answers, please don’t beat yourself up.
As you can see from the graph, the top most prominent “healthy” answers were:
being curious
being able to understand and acknowledge perspectives different from your own
1. Are there any statements which could be your goals to work with? Start by picking just
one and dedicate some time to mastering it. Reflect in your journal on how well you
managed. Whenever you fail, congratulate yourself for trying and try not to give up.
2. Write down the reasons why you think you failed this time, and what you could do next
3. If you find it hard, consider consulting a good therapist to help you. Hopefully, we’ve
convinced you by now that having a healthy ego is worth the effort.
The ego is what keeps all parts of our personality together, and helps us function in this crazy
world riddled with chaos and stressors of all kinds. It’s how you present yourself to the world,
how you manage yourself and your resources and much, much (much!) more. The ego is our
greatest helper in life, so let’s befriend it instead of making it the bad guy.