The truth about passive aggression 20 signs of passive-aggressive behaviour to look out for in your relationship, along with six powerful ways to address it Weng | Bonne Evie Gifford assive-aggressive behaviour can feel ‘normal’ = especially ifit’s how we've grown up seeing others around us deal with relationship issues. Whether done verbally or nonverbally, someone may be passive-aggressive as a way to avoid hurting someone else's feelings, escape conflict, or as away to show EiSBIEISHER or disagreement without GEE stating it. Its amore common way of dealing with things than you might think. But what are the signs we can look out for to recognise (and stop) being passive-aggressive in our romantic relationships? Why are we passive-aggressive in the first place? And how does it affect us? WHAT IS PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR (AND WHY DO WE Dorr?) Also known as non-verbal aggression, passive-aggressive behaviour refers to when you are angry or upset with someone, but feel like you can't or dontt want to tell them aboutt to deal with the issue directly. ‘There are many reasons why someone might SSIES EEESSIEDEIGMIOE , including low self-esteem, insecurity, or fear oflosing control, as well as using itas a way to cope with feelings of stress, anxiety, or depression. Itcan also be a way to try todeal with rejection or conflict, because of feelings of GEES SREHO, or due to worry that any natural feelings of anger aren't the ‘right’ response, and soit becomes an attempt topugareomeshings. WHAT IS THE IMPACT OF PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR? We almost all SES passive aggression from time to time, but when it becomes a habit within our relationships (whether that’s romantic, platonic, or with work colleagues), itcan become frustrating or upsetting for the other person involved, Sama (GRMEBEREEAIGL. And forthe person exhibiting this behaviour, their inability to say what is wrong and express themselves clearly can often SSESERESSSSEs it isn't being dealt with directly. Ultimately, passive aggression can be seen as destructive behaviour. It can prevent change and growth, leading to ‘more negative behaviours, the BREGRIGWAONAE and further relationship problems. Frequent passive-aggressive responses can be a sign of communication issues within your relationship, and if leftto become a pattern over time, can damage your connection, hhoppifuicom | Issue 73|2510. Here are 20 common examples of what passive-agressive behaviours can look like, Do you often do any of these? If so, it could be time to look towards other, more helpful methods of communicating with your partner. ‘You refuse to talk to them (use the silent treatment) or make them guess what's wrong ‘when youite upset or angry. You make indirect comments or criticisms instead of outright saying what's wrong, Instead of sharing your oprion/thoughtsertcism, warbyia illliemmeeccliantng Thr friends think..., ‘My mum said...). You (iGSBGIE SFFEERIB o: intimacy when you're ‘angry or upset (and refuse to admit or talk about how you ae feeling). ‘You use sarcasm, hostile jokes. or humour to t their appearance, decisions, other relationships, or behaviour. ‘You insist that you‘e ‘fine’ and expect your Partner to know or guess what is wrong. ‘You exclude them from going out with friends or family, or to special events as a way of ‘punishing’ ‘them for something, or showing that you're angry. ‘You're HSRBBFERENRUBBBIA or avoid doing things (responsibilities or obligations) in order to make thinas more difficult for your partner, or stop them, from doing something, You do things badly (inefficiently orn an overly- complicated way) to frustrate your partner or ae to do what ia ‘want (also known as ‘You overspend or undermine activities or tasks agreed on, in order to: ur partner as a ‘more subtle form of 26| Issue 73| happifulcom 1, 12, B 14, 5. 16. v7, 18. 19 20. deliberately fail or quit to ‘show them that you were right or to get their attention. You use indirect refusal (e.g. if your partner asks you to do something like take out the rubbish ‘multiple times, and you keep putting it off until they give in and do it themselves in frustration) rather than discussing chores or shared workload at home. You deliberately procrastinate or do things to ‘make yourself or your partner late when you don't want to do something, You constantly make excuses for not doing ‘things, or forget’ important appointments or dates, instead of taking with your partner. You're| how you talk to your partner, inan attempt to make them feel stupid or childish, to make yourself sound more intelligent. Your body language ives away your true feelings {SHRGMOUEIEBF crossing your arms) fen you refuse to admit something is wrong You refuse to take or share responsibility for important decisions, You deliberately SUSHISUEBSHnErSISUEEORS to make them angry, frustrated, or upset. You deny any passive-aggressive behaviour if outright confronted, or if your partner says you ‘seem angry, annoyed, or upset.HOW DO! STOP BEING: PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE? Admitting that you have a problem and need to change isn't just good for your romantic relationship, it can be a huge help throughout ‘your life. If you're struggling and aren't sure where to begin, ask yourself: ‘Could I unintentionally (or intentionally) be hurting my relationship? Is it worth saving my relationship, or do I want to risk things getting worse? Would I be happy if my partner acted the way ve been acting?’ Change doesn't happen (GRGHGAB ur, with time and effort, you can find new, healthier ways of communicating how ‘you are feeling, and start to strengthen the bonds witl relationship. + Increase your self-awareness. Recognising your behaviour {soften the first step towards challenging it. The more aware you become, the more opportunities you will have to change your responses. Focus on how you are feeling, and. how these feelings make you react. Once you start to notice patterns, you can start to challenge yourself. + Tey journaling. Keeping a Journal can be a good way of tracking how your reactions may be affecting your life, ‘This way, you can write down how you are feeling, what's happened, and how you reacted to things, and come back to look at these events at later date. + Challenge your automatic ‘responses. When we develop wellbeing negative or unhelpful patterns of behaviour, it’s only natural calm, Take a moment to consider your response before you act. How are you feeling? Is there a reason why you aren't being open? Would it help to return to the conversation later? Be mindful. Practising mindfulness can help you to be more present, allowing you to be more aware of your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and behaviour. Incorporating mindfulness into your routine can help you to think more clearly and recognise your physical and emotional reactions. Practise being assortive. ‘Thisitommunication skill can help you to avoid passive aggression by helping ‘you express yourself more effectively, OREO your point of view, and make your wants and needs a priority, Being ESBEER-an boost your self-esteem and help you feel more confident. Work with a therapist. Working with a counsellor can fee! like abig step, but its important to remember that a therapist is there to offer a safe space to talk about your worries and feelings. They can help you to identify past events that may hhave acted as triggers to affect how you are feeling right now. By understanding the causes of your insecurities, fears, and anxieties, you can learn new ‘ways to express your feelings. I happifutcom | ssue 7327