00:10 I'm so excited.

我太激动了。
00:17 Well, I'm excited not only to be in San Diego, but touch on my favorite
subject. 嗯，我不仅很高兴来到圣地亚哥，而且还谈到了我最喜欢的主题。
00:25 The secret to motivating your children. 激励孩子的秘诀。
00:28 I mean, we try to motivate, we do the best, but generally what do we do?
我的意思是，我们努力激励，我们尽力而为，但一般来说我们会做什么？
00:34 Will you fear? 你会害怕吗？
00:35 If you don't do this, big punishment. 如果你不这样做，就会受到很大的惩罚。
00:38 Or we bribe them, 或者我们贿赂他们，
00:39 okay, if you do this, you'll get this prize, or this payment, and it really
works on the short term, but there are ramifications, consequences that we're not
aware are in the long run when we 好吧，如果你这样做，你就会得到这个奖品，或者这笔付款，这
在短期内确实有效，但从长远来看，会产生一些我们不知道的后果。
00:54 educate in this manner. 以这种方式进行教育。
00:57 Well, today I want to ask you a question. 嗯，今天我想问你一个问题。
01:00 How many of you would love to have a better relationship with your children?
你们中有多少人愿意与孩子建立更好的关系？
01:06 Raise your hands. 举起你的手。
01:07 Everyone, of course. 当然是每个人。
01:10 Now a harder question, how many of you believe you know exactly how to
motivate your children? 现在一个更难的问题是，你们中有多少人相信自己知道如何激励孩子？
01:18 Don't worry, don't feel bad, I don't see any hands, don't take it personally.
别担心，别难过，我没有看到任何人的手，别往心里去。
01:23 My studies, 我的研究，
01:23 I've been studying this for more than 20 years, are that less than 2% of
parents have the exact answer to this question. 我研究这个问题 20 多年了，只有不到 2%的家长
对这个问题有准确的答案。
01:31 The good news is all of you, by the end of this talk, you're going to know
exactly in one way another. 好消息是，在本次演讲结束时，你们将以一种方式确切地了解另一种方式。
01:39 how to motivate your children. 如何激励你的孩子。
01:41 So, let me start by telling you a real story. 那么，首先让我给大家讲一个真实的故
事。
01:45 I live in Mexico, and Mexico City, where at the party, a child's, it was a
girl's 10th birthday, and my friend has four daughters. 我住在墨西哥和墨西哥城，在一
个孩子的聚会上，这是一个女孩的 10 岁生日，我的朋友有四个女儿。
01:55 And they were behaving not bad. 而且他们的表现还不错。
01:58 terrible. 糟糕的。
02:01 So I came to a point that my friend was very tired and went to the four
girls. 所以我到了一个地步，我的朋友非常累了，就去找四个女孩了。
02:05 The of you come here. 你们来到这里。
02:07 Either you behave well or we're gonna leave. 要么你表现得好，要么我们就走。
02:10 Oh and let me mention in Mexico the best part of a party is a piñata, the
famous piñata. 哦，让我提一下，在墨西哥，聚会中最好的部分是皮纳塔，著名的皮纳塔。
02:16 No kid wants to leave before the piñata. 没有孩子愿意在皮纳塔到来之前离开。
02:20 So the first daughter stares at her mom and says, Mom, you're right. 所以第
一个女儿盯着她妈妈说，妈妈，你是对的。
02:26 I've been telling my sisters to behave, but they don't pay attention. 我一直
告诉我的姐妹们要守规矩，但她们不听。
02:30 What can I do? 我能做些什么？
02:31 So the mom goes, good job. 于是妈妈走了，干得好。
02:33 I'm doing well. 我很好。
02:35 The second daughter looks at the mom. 二女儿看着妈妈。
02:39 I'm so sorry, 我很抱歉，
02:42 I hate disappointing you but see if I don't do what my sisters say then they
think I'm a goodie-goodie and I always follow you and then they don't like you.
我讨厌让你失望，但看看如果我不按照我姐妹们说的去做，那么她们就会认为我是个好人，我总是跟着你，
然后她们就不喜欢你了。
02:55 but I didn't want you to not like me. 但我不想让你不喜欢我。
03:00 Total depression, she goes to a corner. 她彻底沮丧，走到了一个角落。
03:03 Depressed, she needs therapy probably after that. 她很沮丧，之后可能需要治疗。
03:06 The third daughter stares at her mom. 三女儿盯着她妈妈。
03:09 My mom, beautiful, wonderful, precious, ammita. 我的妈妈，美丽，美妙，珍贵，阿米塔。
03:16 you keep enjoying what you're doing, of course I'm going to behave. 你继续
享受你正在做的事情，我当然会表现得很好。
03:21 I'm having a wonderful time. 我玩得很开心。
03:24 She waits five minutes and guess what she does? 她等了五分钟，猜猜她做了什么？
03:27 She goes back to doing what she does. 她回去做她该做的事。
03:31 And then the last daughter stares at her mom and she says, Or really, then we
leave right now. 然后最后一个女儿盯着她妈妈说，或者说真的，那我们现在就离开。
03:45 What happened? 发生了什么？
03:47 Same household, same education, same place, they were raised. 他们是在同一个
家庭、同样的教育、同一个地方长大的。
03:53 Why did they react so differently? 为什么他们的反应如此不同？
03:55 You all say, obvious, they're different. 你们都说，显然，他们是不同的。
03:58 So, if it's so obvious, why do we so often give one instruction to different
people expecting the same outcome? 那么，如果它如此明显，为什么我们经常向期望相同结果的不同
人发出同一条指令呢？
04:09 That's what we're going to talk about today. 这就是我们今天要讨论的内容。
04:12 So, what I did is all the way from Mexico City, I brought the four girls.
所以，我所做的是从墨西哥城一路带来四个女孩。
04:18 And they're going to tell you a little bit of themselves and the most
important part, what motivates? 他们会告诉你一些关于他们自己的事情，以及最重要的部分，动
机是什么？
04:24 Each one of them, several words, and in one word. 每一篇，数个字，一字一句。
04:28 So let me introduce you to the first daughter. 让我向您介绍第一个女儿。
04:31 Oh, these are mine, by the way. 哦，顺便说一句，这些是我的。
04:35 Let me introduce you to the first daughter, her name is Donna because she's
so dominant. 让我向您介绍第一个女儿，她的名字叫唐娜，因为她很有统治力。
04:41 Hi, I'm a controlling child. 大家好，我是一个控制欲很强的孩子。
04:43 Yes, I am. 我是。
04:44 I know it and I don't care. 我知道，但我不在乎。
04:45 I like things done not fast, super fast. 我喜欢做事不快，超级快。
04:48 I'm very independent, very, very, I like things fast, direct, have a lot of
willpower. 我很独立，非常非常，我喜欢快速、直接的事情，有很强的意志力。
04:54 I mean since I was a baby, 我的意思是从我还是个婴儿的时候
04:55 you know, if I was going maybe four hours drive, I didn't like the car seat,
so I would cry. 你知道，如果我要开车四个小时，我不喜欢汽车座椅，所以我会哭。
05:02 And I wouldn't stop crying until the four hours were over. 直到四个小时结束我才
停止哭泣。
05:05 I mean, I get what I want. 我的意思是，我得到了我想要的。
05:07 I don't ask for it. 我不要求它。
05:09 I demand it. 我要求它。
05:10 I mean, that's how life should be. 我的意思是，生活就应该如此。
05:11 No? 不？
05:12 Let's get what we want. 让我们得到我们想要的。
05:13 Let's insist on it. 让我们坚持一下吧。
05:15 So, I'm adventurous, I'm powerful. 所以，我很冒险，我很强大。
05:18 So, thing motivates me. 所以，事情激励着我。
05:22 Okay, challenges, I love being right. 好吧，挑战，我喜欢做对的事。
05:26 I know they say that it's more important to be happy. 我知道他们说快乐更重要。
05:29 I don't know what says that. 我不知道那句话说的是什么。
05:31 I mean, come on, being right is super more important than being happy. 我的意
思是，来吧，正确比快乐更重要。
05:36 Winning and control. 获胜和控制。
05:38 important, but if you can only remember one word, remember this, I need
power. 重要，但如果你只能记住一个词，记住这个，我需要力量。
05:46 I like to feel powerful. 我喜欢感觉强大。
05:49 So, the next time you're communicating with me, if you're taking away my
power, you'll bring the worst of me. 所以，下次你和我交流时，如果你剥夺了我的力量，你就
会带来我最糟糕的一面。
05:56 So, if I'm at a party and my mom said, If you behave bad, I'm going to take
you. 所以，如果我在一个聚会上，我妈妈说，如果你表现不好，我就带你走。
06:01 Oh, really? 哦真的吗？
06:02 See? 看？
06:03 We'll see who wins. 我们将看看谁会获胜。
06:05 So, the question here is, what should have the mother have said? 那么，这里的问
题是，母亲应该说什么？
06:09 Well, the answer, before creating things, ask yourselves, what motivates my
deep daughter? 好吧，答案是，在创造事物之前，问问自己，是什么激励着我深沉的女儿？
06:16 Power. 力量。
06:17 So, why don't I Hey Donna, I need to ask for a favor. 所以，我为什么不嘿唐娜，我需
要帮个忙。
06:22 See, your sisters follow you. 看，你的姐妹们跟着你。
06:24 I wish they would follow me more, and I need your help. 我希望他们更多地关注
我，我需要你的帮助。
06:26 I know I'm asking a lot because you're just 10 years old. 我知道我的要求很多，
因为你才 10 岁。
06:29 And what I'm asking you to do, while generally we ask adults, so I hope you
can do this. 我要求你做什么，而通常我们会要求成年人，所以我希望你能做到这一点。
06:35 Can you help me set an example for your sister? 你能帮我为你姐姐树立一个榜样吗？
06:38 is that, can you do that? 就是这样，你能做到吗？
06:41 What is going to resist that? 什么会抵制它呢？
06:43 I mean, that's gold to my ears. 我的意思是，这对我来说是金子。
06:47 So we get the first good outcome. 这样我们就得到了第一个好的结果。
06:50 And I want to introduce you to Sally. 我想向您介绍莎莉。
06:52 Oh, before introducing you to Sally, this is my... 哦，在向你介绍莎莉之前，这是
我的……
06:56 So this is how I've become an expert on the subject. 这就是我成为该主题专家的方式。
07:01 Okay. 好的。
07:02 Hello. 你好。
07:04 I am Sally the Social. 我是社交莎莉。
07:06 I'm a happy kid. 我是一个快乐的孩子。
07:08 I love fun. 我喜欢好玩。
07:09 I love doing happy things and connecting with people, talking to people,
knowing people. 我喜欢做快乐的事情，喜欢与人交往，与人交谈，认识人。
07:14 Is there anything else in life that knowing a lot of friends and having a lot
of friends? 人生还有什么比认识很多朋友、拥有很多朋友更重要的事情呢？
07:18 Yes. 是的。
07:19 me helping others and having a great old time is wonderful.我帮助别人并度过一段
美好的时光真是太棒了。
07:25 So, in the party you must ask yourselves what motivates us.所以，在党内你们一定
要问自己，我们的动力是什么。
07:30 Okay, so for social people we need connecting with people, making friends,
helping others, our keywords. 好吧，对于社交人士来说，我们需要与人联系、交朋友、帮助他人，这些
都是我们的关键词。
07:38 connection and fun. 连接和乐趣。
07:41 So my mother could have just come and said how about if she would have said
hey look at all those trees don't they make amazing hiding 所以我妈妈本来可以过来说，如
果她会说，嘿，看看所有这些树，它们不是有惊人的隐藏能力吗？
07:52 places why don't you organize a great hide-and-seek game You think I'm going
to resist that. 你为什么不组织一场精彩的捉迷藏游戏呢？你认为我会拒绝这样做。
08:00 You think I'm going to want to go back to do what I was doing when I can do a
hide and seek game? 你认为当我可以玩捉迷藏游戏时我会想回去做我正在做的事情吗？
08:04 See how it flows, how natural it comes when we are motivated to do what we
were born to do? 看看当我们有动力去做我们生来要做的事情时，它是如何流动的，是多么自然？
08:11 So that's our social, and let me introduce you to Levy, my social sister.
这就是我们的社交活动，让我向您介绍 Levy，我的社交妹妹。
08:17 She has given me the experience to deal with it. 她给了我处理这件事的经验。
08:19 live social people. 活生生的社会人。
08:22 If you're hearing a laugh it's my mom. 如果你听到笑声，那是我妈妈。
08:26 And I want to introduce you to Patti. 我想向您介绍帕蒂。
08:35 Good afternoon. 下午好。
08:39 I love helping stability, my family, I love being close to my family. 我喜欢
帮助稳定，我的家人，我喜欢和我的家人亲近。
08:48 I miss when I'm away. 我想念我不在的时候。
08:50 I don't like pressure. 我不喜欢压力。
08:52 I hate confrontation. 我讨厌对抗。
08:54 I stress out with that. 我对此感到压力很大。
08:56 I like for people to get along to. 我喜欢与人相处。
08:59 love each other to share, to care. 彼此相爱，分享，关心。
09:04 What me the most? 我最什么？
09:06 Harmony, safety, kindness, acceptance, helping others. 和谐、安全、友善、接
受、帮助他人。
09:11 Key word for me. 对我来说关键词。
09:13 Safety. 安全。
09:14 If I feel safe, I'll go to the ends of the world. 如果我感到安全，我就会去世界
的尽头。
09:18 But if I feel threatened, well, I don't do much at all. 但如果我感到受到威胁，
那么，我就不会做太多事情。
09:24 I can freeze even. 我什至可以冻结。
09:27 So what should have my mom said to me, well, she could have approached and in
a very loving and caring way, say, Bati. 那么我妈妈应该对我说什么，好吧，她可以以一种非常爱
和关心的方式接近我，比如说，巴蒂。
09:36 I know you want to please your sisters, I understand. 我知道你想取悦你的姐妹，我理
解。
09:41 And I know you feel bad because you want to please me. 我知道你感觉很糟糕，
因为你想取悦我。
09:44 But remember, life is not about pleasing others. 但请记住，生活不是为了取悦别
人。
09:47 I know deep down in your heart you know what's right. 我知道你内心深处知道什么是正
确的。
09:51 Trust heart, not people outside of you, but yourself. 相信内心，不是外界的人，而是
你自己。
09:55 No matter what happens, I'm always here and I love you. 无论发生什么，我永远
都在这里，我爱你。
09:59 Ah, that feels so good. 啊，那感觉真好。
10:02 So let's remember, if you have kids like me, always through patience, love
and understanding, no pressure please, we don't do well, thank you. 所以让我们记住，
如果你有像我这样的孩子，请始终保持耐心、爱和理解，不要有压力，我们做得不好，谢谢。
10:15 And this is my beautiful Valentina. 这是我美丽的瓦伦蒂娜。
10:18 and she's my patty daughter who has taught me on the kindness and wonderful
human heart of that style of personality. 她是我可爱的女儿，她教会了我这种性格的善良和美好的
人心。
10:29 Last but not least, hi my name is Anna I am a very responsible child. 最后但
并非最不重要的一点是，嗨，我的名字是安娜，我是一个非常负责任的孩子。
10:39 I do what I'm supposed to. 我做我应该做的事。
10:41 I follow rules. 我遵守规则。
10:42 That's why they exist. 这就是它们存在的原因。
10:43 I everyone would. 我每个人都会。
10:44 I'm very ordered. 我很有秩序。
10:46 I organize my things wonderfully well. 我把我的东西整理得非常好。
10:49 So I'm a very good child. 所以我是一个非常好的孩子。
10:51 Have good grades. 取得好成绩。
10:52 Hey! 嘿！
10:52 So you could almost say, we're the perfect children. 所以你几乎可以说，我们是完美
的孩子。
10:56 The problem is, we need to lighten up sometimes. 问题是，有时我们需要放松一下。
11:00 Because we take so much responsibility and so much so serious, we always have
stomach problems. 因为我们承担了太多的责任，太严肃了，所以我们总是有胃病。
11:05 And we grow up, if you know people like me, we'll have gastritis and a lot of
other stomach things. 我们长大后，如果你认识像我这样的人，我们就会患上胃炎和许多其他胃病。
11:11 We are just way too apprehensive. 我们只是太担心了。
11:13 So what motivates us? 那么是什么激励我们呢？
11:15 Order, structure, mental challenges, Keyword, Clary, step by step, specific
instructions, and you'll get the best of us. 顺序、结构、心理挑战、关键词、Clary、一步
一步、具体说明，您将获得我们最好的结果。
11:28 And from the daughters, 而从女儿们那里，
11:29 well, Anna was the one who reacted in the best way because she said, I know
mom, so we could give her instructions of how she can help.好吧，安娜是反应最好的人，因
为她说，我了解妈妈，所以我们可以向她提供如何提供帮助的指示。
11:38 help her daughters do a better thing. 帮助她的女儿们做得更好。
11:41 So in conclusion, 所以总而言之，
11:43 oh, and let me introduce to you Bane, my analytical sister, whom when I grew
up I understood the importance of cleanliness that's next to heaviness, right?
哦，让我向你介绍贝恩，我的分析姐姐，我长大后就明白清洁的重要性，仅次于沉重，对吧？
11:54 So, just to conclude, I hope. 所以，我希望只是得出结论。
11:58 But you remember when you talk to your children, what motivates them? 但您还
记得当您与孩子交谈时，是什么激励了他们？
12:02 Is it power? 是权力吗？
12:04 Is it connection and fun? 它是联系和乐趣吗？
12:06 Is it safety? 安全吗？
12:08 Is it clarity? 是否清晰？
12:09 Be it what it might be. 不管它可能是什么。
12:12 I invite you to create a chained reaction for all parents to change
manipulation. 我邀请你们为所有父母创造连锁反应，改变操纵行为。
12:19 Two motivation. 两个动机。
12:22 Thank you. 谢谢。