00:11 This cute little baby you see in the background is my first foreign son, Ol.

你在背景中看到的这个可爱的小宝宝是我的第一个外国儿子，Ol。
00:18 When I was born, I was 32 years old. 我出生的时候，我已经 32 岁了。
00:21 I was a career woman. 我是一名职业女性。
00:23 I had had 10 years in working in educational tourism in this country. 我在这
个国家从事教育旅游工作已有 10 年了。
00:28 I was successful. 我成功了。
00:29 I loved my job. 我热爱我的工作。
00:31 I sure of myself. 我对自己很有信心。
00:33 I was married, I had a nice house, I had a car, and I felt ready to be a mom.
我结婚了，有一栋漂亮的房子，一辆车，我觉得自己已经准备好成为一名母亲了。
00:40 And then all was born. 然后一切就诞生了。
00:43 And when all was born, I realized within weeks that I had been ready for my
imaginary baby. 当一切都出生时，我在几周内意识到我已经为我想象中的孩子做好了准备。
00:50 My imaginary baby would cuddle, snuggle, and sleep through the night. 我想象
中的宝宝会拥抱、依偎并睡整夜。
00:56 While my real baby was what we termed a high-need baby. 而我真正的宝宝就是我
们所说的高需求宝宝。
01:01 High-need babies are babies that are very healthy, 高需求婴儿是非常健康的婴儿，
01:05 they are very alert, 他们非常警觉，
01:07 they're wired for survival, 他们生来就是为了生存，
01:08 they notice any change in their surroundings, 他们注意到周围环境的任何变化，
01:11 and so every time I put all to sleep in bed and he seemed sound asleep and I
would tip toe away, 所以每次我把所有人都放在床上睡觉时，他看起来睡得很熟，我就会把脚尖移开，
01:18 all would wake up screaming. 所有人都会尖叫着醒来。
01:20 Every time I was on the other side of the house and I moved the plastic bag
from the table to the chair, 每次我在房子的另一边，我把塑料袋从桌子移到椅子上，
01:27 somehow he heard it and he woke up screaming, 不知怎的，他听到了，然后尖叫着醒来，
01:30 car rights were horrible for him in the car seat and of course for his
parents, 汽车权利对坐在汽车座椅上的他来说是可怕的，当然对他的父母来说也是如此，
01:36 and well, Twenty-two years later, you can see that all turned out to be a
very calm, relaxed individual. 好吧，二十二年后，你可以看到，一切都变成了一个非常平静、
放松的人。
01:45 He's in the audience right now. 他现在就在观众席中。
01:48 And I think he can even sleep through heavy metal music. 我认为他甚至可以在重
金属音乐中入睡。
01:54 But eh... 但是呃...
01:56 What I'm here to talk about is not so much what happened to him because he
ended up great but about what happened to me and what happens to many new parents
in developed countries. 我在这里要谈论的并不是发生在他身上的事情，因为他最终取得了伟大的成就，
而是发生在我身上以及发生在发达国家的许多新父母身上的事情。
02:09 You see, every time he cried on a sensory level, I heard like five ambulances
roaring in my brain. 你看，每次他在感官层面上哭泣时，我都会听到就像五辆救护车在我的大脑中咆
哮。
02:19 And on a cognitive level, 而在认知层面上，
02:22 there was an internal voice or an internal prosecutor, 有内部声音或内部检察
官，
02:25 really, that was telling me that I wasn't a good mom, that good moms have
babies that don't cry, and 真的，这告诉我我不是一个好妈妈，好妈妈的孩子不会哭，而且
02:31 that other women probably know how to do this so much better than I do.
其他女性可能比我更知道如何做到这一点。
02:35 And that confident woman I used to be. 还有我曾经那个自信的女人。
02:39 be, dissipated and disappeared, and I couldn't recognize myself. 消失了，消失了，
我都认不出自己了。
02:45 So obviously the next course of action was to become a facilitator, 显然，
下一步行动就是成为一名协调者，
02:51 a therapist, a of therapists, and to open a service for the support of new
parents. 一名治疗师，一名治疗师，并开设一项为新父母提供支持的服务。
02:56 And I spent the next 15 years talking. 接下来的 15 年我都在说话。
03:00 trying to understand what had happened to me. 试图了解发生在我身上的事情。
03:03 And of course, 而且当然，
03:04 quickly, I realized that I was not alone, that my experience was the
experience of many new parents, 很快，我意识到我并不孤单，我的经历也是很多新父母的经历，
03:11 career-oriented individuals who were used to doing things well. 以职业为导向的
人，习惯于把事情做好。
03:17 And the other thing I discovered through my investigation was that there's a
lot of talk about postpartum depression, 我通过调查发现的另一件事是，有很多关于产后抑郁症的
讨论，
03:25 which we see in developing countries between 20 to 40 percent, 我们在发展中国
家看到这一比例在 20% 到 40% 之间，
03:30 and we also see it in developed countries between 10% 我们在发达国家也看到这一比例
在 10% 之间
03:35 to 20%, and we're also hearing a lot about postpartum stress, postpartum
anxiety, disorders, syndromes. 到 20%，我们还听到很多有关产后压力、产后焦虑、疾病和综合
症的信息。
03:44 We're talking more about how difficult it is for us in countries where
technology is advanced, 我们更多地谈论的是我们在技术先进的国家有多么困难，
03:50 medicine is advanced, the survival rate of our children is high, why is it so
hard for us? 医学先进了，我们孩子的存活率就高了，我们为什么这么难？
03:58 And I really spent many years trying to figure this out, and I came up with
many reasons. 我确实花了很多年的时间试图弄清楚这一点，并提出了很多原因。
04:04 I'd like to share some of them with you. 我想与大家分享其中的一些内容。
04:07 First of all, 首先，
04:08 I don't know about you, but the decade before I had children, I spent going
working in different jobs, trying to make a living. 我不了解你的情况，但在我生孩子之前
的十年里，我一直在从事不同的工作，试图谋生。
04:18 And once in a while, I saw a on the street in motion, and babies in motion
are happy. 偶尔，我会在街上看到一个在运动的婴儿，运动中的婴儿们很高兴。
04:23 Or I went to visit my friends who had babies, 或者我去拜访那些生了孩子的朋友，
04:26 and I would play with their babies and smile at them until they started to
cry. 我会和他们的孩子一起玩耍，对他们微笑，直到他们哭起来。
04:32 And when they start to cry, the baby went back to its mother. 当他们开始哭泣
时，婴儿就回到了母亲身边。
04:37 And that's what most of us do, right? 这就是我们大多数人所做的，对吧？
04:39 Yes? 是的？
04:40 So, we have no experience. 所以，我们没有经验。
04:44 We're ignorant in babies. 我们对婴儿一无所知。
04:46 We know nothing about babies cries. 我们对婴儿的哭声一无所知。
04:50 Secondly, we're at war with our babies. 其次，我们正在与我们的婴儿交战。
04:53 their lifestyles. 他们的生活方式。
04:55 You see, we have a complete conflict of interest. 你看，我们之间存在着完全的利
益冲突。
04:58 When come home, 回到家的时候，
05:00 home means plopping down on the sofa, turning on the TV, going to the
computer, ordering takeaway, maybe the weather with a little remote. 回家意味着扑通
扑通地坐在沙发上，打开电视，打开电脑，点外卖，也许用一个遥控器看看天气。
05:11 We want to come home and rest and sit down. 我们想回家休息并坐下来。
05:14 While our babies want to come home to explore home is the womb and in the
womb they were 当我们的婴儿想要回家探索时，家就是子宫，而他们在子宫里
05:20 doing summer salts and they had rippling water and so for them coming home is
about movement 做夏季盐，他们有涟漪的水，所以对他们来说，回家就是运动
05:27 and experimenting in the environment and getting their brains wired through
this motion. 并在环境中进行实验，让他们的大脑通过这种运动进行连接。
05:32 So we are with babies we adore but we are at war. 所以我们和我们喜爱的婴儿在一
起，但我们处于战争状态。
05:38 And thing that became very clear to me the more I studied psychology was that
the more you study psychology the more frightening parenting becomes. 随着我对心理学
研究的深入，我变得非常清楚，你研究心理学越多，养育子女就会变得越可怕。
05:48 Because we all become painfully aware of the fact that we can really screw up
our kids. 因为我们都痛苦地意识到我们真的可以搞砸我们的孩子。
05:56 And last but not least in the dichotomy in the baby world, 最后但并非最不重要的
一点是，在婴儿世界的二分法中，
06:01 when we have a new baby, we have to make a choice between staying in the
adult world or staying at home with our baby. 当我们有了新生儿时，我们必须做出选择，是留
在成人世界还是留在家里带孩子。
06:10 And when we stay at home with our baby, 当我们在家带宝宝的时候，
06:13 We actually are working harder than we've ever worked in our entire life, 24-
7, no breaks, no days off, no pay, no evaluations. 事实上，我们比一生中任何时候都更加
努力地工作，7 天 24 小时，没有休息，没有休息日，没有工资，没有评估。
06:23 Nobody's telling us what we're doing right or wrong and how to fix it, so
we're completely with ourselves. 没有人告诉我们什么是对的，什么是错的，以及如何解决它，所
以我们完全依靠自己。
06:30 And we have no sense of quantitative measurable achievement. 而且我们没有定
量可衡量的成就感。
06:34 Because let's say your big project for the day is to make us happy. 因为假
设你今天的大项目是让我们开心。
06:38 So you start cutting your salad, 所以你开始切沙拉，
06:40 your baby is asleep, 你的宝宝睡着了，
06:42 and yet of course your baby wakes up, 当然你的宝宝会醒来，
06:45 you leave your salad, 你留下你的沙拉，
06:46 you go to your baby, 你去找你的宝宝，
06:48 you pick up your baby, 你抱起你的宝宝，
06:49 you look at the diaper, 你看看尿布，
06:50 you change the diaper, 你换尿布，
06:51 you feed the baby, 你喂养婴儿，
06:52 you make the baby laugh, 你让宝宝笑了
06:54 28 minutes later, 28 分钟后，
06:55 you come back to continue cutting your salad with baby in hand and one hand
with a knife, and your lettuce is already wilted. 你回来继续切沙拉，手里拿着婴儿，一
只手拿着刀，你的生菜已经枯萎了。
07:01 So you really have no sense of achievement, 所以你真的没有成就感，
07:05 almost anything you do is interrupted And for career people, 几乎你所做的任
何事情都会被打断 对于职业人士来说
07:11 that's really hard because we're used to studying something, knowing how to
do it, and feeling our accomplishments in here. 这真的很难，因为我们习惯于学习一些东西，知
道如何去做，并在这里感受我们的成就。
07:19 There's nothing to measure. 没有什么可以衡量的。
07:21 Let's say you really got a hand of changing diapers. 假设你确实擅长换尿布。
07:26 And within one week of parenting, you've changed between 70 to 80 diapers, so
you're an expert right now. 在养育孩子的一周内，您已经更换了 70 到 80 个尿布，所以您现在就
是专家了。
07:32 But when your spouse comes home, that's not really something you're going to
brag about. 但当你的配偶回家时，这并不是你真正要吹嘘的事情。
07:35 Or write on Facebook. 或者写在脸书上。
07:37 Today, I managed to... 今天，我成功地...
07:40 So understanding all of this, there was one more point that was important.
因此，了解所有这些之后，还有一点很重要。
07:48 You're living with a beautiful baby. 你和一个漂亮的宝宝住在一起。
07:51 Really? 真的吗？
07:52 I three. 我三个。
07:54 They were beautiful. 她们很漂亮。
07:57 Your babies are non-verbal, and when we are with non-verbal creatures we talk
to ourselves. 你的宝宝是不会说话的，当我们和不会说话的生物在一起时，我们就是在自言自语。
08:03 We spend 60,000 to 90,000 thoughts a day thinking to our And so if you're a
westerner woman, 我们每天花 60,000 到 90,000 个想法来思考我们的想法 所以如果你是一位西方女性，
08:12 chances are that into your thoughts will seep in, 很可能会渗透到你的思想中，
08:15 oh, I got fat, oh, the house is a mess, I'm dying to pluck my eyebrows, you
know, I haven't gotten anything done in weeks. 哦，我变胖了，哦，房子一团糟，我恨不得拔掉
眉毛，你知道，我已经好几个星期没有做任何事了。
08:25 And you feel maybe not depressed, but you don't feel like yourself. 你也许
并不感到沮丧，但你感觉不像自己。
08:30 And I needed an idea to share with my, with the parents that I worked with in
my service for the support of your parents. 我需要一个想法与我的父母分享，与我一起服务
的父母分享，以支持你们的父母。
08:39 And I started telling new parents that what I understood, 我开始告诉新父母我所
理解的，
08:43 and what I would have liked to have known when I was 32, was that I had
gotten it all worse. 当我 32 岁时，我希望知道的是，我的情况变得更糟了。
08:51 When my baby cried, my focus was on the baby. 当我的宝宝哭的时候，我的注意力就集
中在宝宝身上。
08:54 On the stress, my baby was feeling. 我的宝宝感受到了压力。
08:56 What I really should have focused on was on what was going on in me. 我真正
应该关注的是我内心发生的事情。
09:01 What was happening in my body? 我的身体发生了什么？
09:04 And so I came up with a little acronym for new parents that works well in a
few languages. 所以我想出了一个新父母的缩写词，它在几种语言中都很有效。
09:10 And the acronym that I made up is called the GIFT. 我编的首字母缩略词叫做“礼
物”。
09:15 And you're supposed to do, 而你应该做的，
09:17 one or all four of the aspects of the gift so when your baby is crying go Get
going, 礼物的一个或全部四个方面，所以当你的宝宝哭的时候，走吧，
09:29 get moving, dance with your baby, move your baby, expect movement. 动起来，
和你的宝宝一起跳舞，移动你的宝宝，期待动作。
09:34 Your baby's brain architecture depends on your movement with the baby, move
around. 你宝宝的大脑结构取决于你和宝宝一起运动、走动。
09:42 And you will release endorphins and you will feel happier. 你会释放内啡肽，你会
感到更快乐。
09:47 Secondly, inhale. 其次，吸气。
09:50 If holding a baby and your baby is stressed out and crying, inhale. 如果抱
着宝宝而宝宝感到压力很大并哭泣，请吸气。
09:58 and exhale and calm your own body down because you are the nest in which your
baby's roots are being created. 呼气，让自己的身体平静下来，因为你就是宝宝的根正在形成的
巢穴。
10:10 Thirdly, if your baby is waking up a lot even in the middle of the night
chances are your baby will be 第三，如果你的宝宝即使在半夜也经常醒来，那么你的宝宝很可能会
10:19 very hungry you need to feed your baby a baby's tummy is about the size of
its fist 非常饿，你需要给宝宝喂奶，宝宝的肚子只有拳头那么大
10:25 it's about this size so babies can't ingest lot of food and spend a lot of
time digesting it they'll leave But just as importantly, 它的大小大约如此，因此婴儿无
法摄入大量食物并花费大量时间消化它们，他们会离开但同样重要的是，
10:34 feed yourself. 养活自己。
10:35 You will be working harder than you've ever worked your entire life. 你将比
你一生中任何时候都更加努力地工作。
10:39 You'll have need for nutritious food to carry you on for the first few
months. 您将需要营养丰富的食物来维持最初的几个月。
10:45 So people ask what if they should bring you after the baby's born, don't ask
for another baby pretty clothing. 所以人们会问，如果孩子出生后他们应该带你去怎么办，不要再
要求另一个孩子穿漂亮的衣服。
10:54 Ask for nutritious food for yourself and your partner. 为自己和伴侣索取营养
食品。
10:59 And, last but not least, touch. 最后但并非最不重要的一点是触摸。
11:04 Our hands are what teach our babies about the contour of their bodies, about
who they are. 我们的手教会我们的宝宝了解他们的身体轮廓，了解他们是谁。
11:11 Our hands touch their nerve endings, which send messages to their brains
about their And, our hands touch And, Thanks watching! 我们的手触摸他们的神经末梢，
神经末梢向他们的大脑发送有关他们的信息，并且，我们的手触摸并且，谢谢观看！
11:17 So touch your baby a lot, touch your baby as if your baby is the most
precious thing in the world. 所以多抚摸你的宝宝，抚摸你的宝宝，就好像你的宝宝是世界上最珍贵的
东西一样。
11:25 And on a cellular level, your baby will learn that he or she is precious.
在细胞水平上，您的宝宝会知道他或她是珍贵的。
11:30 And hopefully they will treat their own body the same way for the rest of
their lives. 希望他们余生都能以同样的方式对待自己的身体。
11:37 When you touch your baby, you will also feel oxytocin levels rising, and
you'll feel so much more love. 当你触摸宝宝时，你也会感觉到催产素水平上升，你会感受到更
多的爱。
11:46 So to sum it all up, 总而言之，
11:48 what I think all new parents need to know is that our body,我认为所有新父母需要
知道的是我们的身体，
11:56 bodies are nests in which our babies brains get wired and in which their
bodies develop. 身体是我们婴儿大脑连接和身体发育的巢穴。
12:03 Our bodies are their interactive bridge into the environment, 我们的身体是它
们与环境互动的桥梁，
12:07 into their exploration of the world, 在他们对世界的探索中，
12:09 and through our bodies our babies learn about their own until they can
ultimately crawl away, walk away, and Thank you very much. 通过我们的身体，我们的婴儿了
解自己的身体，直到他们最终能够爬走、走开，非常感谢。