CAT BASICS

Dos and Don’ts of Petting a

Fearful Cat
by
BRONWEN BOLLAERT, BVSC MSC MANZCVS (VETERI-
NARY BEHAVIOUR)

16 Comments Published Jan 9, 2024

Fact checked by TAYLOR LE | CATS.COM EDITOR

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When you first pictured adopting a cat, you

may have had soothing thoughts of purr-
filled cuddle sessions on the couch. In reali-
ty, your attempts to pet your cat are some-
times met with scratches, tail swishes, and
nips.

Why, oh why, can it be so hard to pet some

cats? There are a few reasons—some may
be temporary and some may be unique to
your cat. But there are some important
things to learn about your cat that will make
it easier to know how much affection they
want and when to give it.

Not All Cats Like Affection

A desire for affection often depends on the
socialization and handling your cat experi-
enced as a kitten. Oftentimes we don’t know
our cat’s history and can’t impact how they
were brought up prior to adoption day.

If you’re adopting a new cat, you can ask the

adoption center if they know anything about
your potential cat’s history. Ask if the cat had
positive handling as a kitten or if they have
been especially fearful in the shelter. This
information may help you determine which
cat is right for you.

Genetics also affect how much a cat wishes

to interact. Some kittens are born to very
shy mothers who fear people and this can
be passed on to her kittens. Being gentle
and taking things slow is important for
adopting a shy cat or kitten. One study
showed that bold fathers were more likely to
have bold kittens. Those kittens are more
likely to be outgoing, adventurous, and less
fearful of interactions with people.

DO: Find out about your cat’s history if you

can. If they’ve been handled gently since a
young age, they’re more likely to enjoy pet-
ting. And if your cat has a gregarious dad,
they are more likely to be outgoing too.

DON’T: Expect all cats to have the same

personality. Not all cats enjoy affection from
strangers or even from familiar people. Be
patient and take the time to learn how they
want to interact.

Feline Moods and Needs

Can Change

Behavior is influenced by genetic back-

ground, previous experiences, and current
circumstances. If a cat is squeezed too tight
or is harmed during petting, they will be ner-
vous and avoid that situation again. Repeat-
ing this pattern is even more likely to result
in fearful and aggressive behaviors in cats.

Handling cats gently and carefully helps us

avoid unpleasant situations for them. And
cats’ moods can change. Sometimes an af-
fectionate cat may just not want to be pet-
ted, just like we sometimes don’t care to be
touched.

A cat who enjoys being petted is more likely

to approach, lean into the scratches, and rub
scent glands from their face onto your hand.
They may show bunting, kneading, and
purring. Cats may also turn for long strokes
along their back or scratches near the base
of the tail.

Some cats avoid human interaction, show

nervous behavior, or make aggressive dis-
plays. Why? They just don’t want to snuggle
right now and would rather enjoy some play-
time or relax on their own instead. Factors
affecting a cat’s current behavior may in-
clude their environment, hunger or thirst,
illness or discomfort, or just being tired and
ready to sleep.

DO: Pay attention to your cat’s mood and

current needs. Are they leaning into your
pets and rubbing on your legs? Or do they
scoot further away each time you pet them?

DON’T: Force affection onto a cat who clear-

ly doesn’t want it. This will only cause them
to be more fearful of you approaching in the
future.

Where to Pet Your Cat

Many cats enjoy being petted underneath their chins and in other

areas around the face.

Some people make the mistake of thinking

cats are like dogs and enjoy any affection
they can get. While many dogs like a good
belly rub, for example, it is off-limits for most
cats and may lead to bites and swipes.

Cats are more likely to enjoy scratches near

the sweet spots: under the chin, around the
back of the ears, sometimes the top of the
head, and long strokes along the back of
the body. This doesn’t mean they will be
comfortable with just anyone giving them
scratches, just as we won’t feel comfortable
being hugged by strangers on the street.

When it comes to being held, some cats

don’t mind being held briefly, others may
even like it, and some cats always hate to
be picked up. You’ll know which type your
cat is—respect your cat’s boundaries.

My cat allows me to pick her up, but only if I

keep her upright. This is the case for many
cats—being upside down or having their bel-
lies exposed is a very vulnerable position for
them.

Listen to Your Cat’s Body

Language

Some cats enjoy lengthy cuddle sessions

and others prefer a brief cordial pat. My cat
loves affection—but on her terms only. She
will come to sit on my lap and I’m allowed to
pet her head and back. When she is done,
her tail will flick quickly and she will give me
a look that says, “Please stop or prepare to
be nipped!”

Paying attention to body language like a

stiffened body, shifting weight away, or a tail
beginning to twitch tells you that your cat
has had enough for now. There is nothing
wrong with this behavior at all. It is no indi-
cation that your cat is mean or doesn’t like
you. Just tune in to their preferences and
your mutual trust will continue to grow.

DO: Offer scratches around the head, base

of the ears, and under the chin. Stop before
your cat becomes agitated. Short and sweet
is always better than drawn out and an-
noyed.

DON’T: Assume an aloof cat is a bad cat—all

cats are good cats. Some take time to warm
up to new friends, while others are set in
their unique ways.

Lastly, if you notice a change in your cat’s

behavior during a petting session, i.e., she
usually enjoys pats but now appears painful,
agitated, or avoids contact, there may be
something more going on, and you should
get in touch with your vet.

Also Read: What Your Cat’s Tail Can Tell

You

Frequently Asked Ques-

tions

How does a cat like to be petted?

How do you get a cat to let you

pet?

Where do cats not like to be pet-

ted?

View Sources

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About Bronwen Bollaert,

BVSc MSc MANZCVS (Vet-
erinary Behaviour)
Dr Bronwen has worked as a vet in be-
haviour practice, general practice, zoo
medicine, research and welfare over the
last 19 years. She has always been fasci-
nated by animal behaviour and this inter-
est has grown into managing behaviour
patients in her dedicated Veterinary Be-
haviour practice in Brisbane, Healthy Pet
Behaviour Services. Dr Bronwen is fasci-
nated by how animals' minds function;
how their development, environment and
learning all interact to influence the way
they behave. Seeing how animals can
grow from terrified and nervous, with gen-
tle and appropriate care, to enjoying life is
very rewarding.

View all posts by Bronwen Bollaert, BVSc MSc

MANZCVS (Veterinary Behaviour) →
Connect with Bronwen:

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16 thoughts on
“Dos and Don’ts of Petting
a Fearful Cat”

+ Add Comment

Sharon Lowman
Jul 5, 2021 at 5:31 pm

We are retired adopted a 5 year old cat

with issues, one. Is she won’t let us
sleep beyond 4:30 , way too early.
Please help

REPLY

Mallory Crusta
Jul 11, 2021 at 3:16 am

Hi Sharon, what you’re struggling with is

a common issue! Many cats tend to
wake up earlier than their humans would
like them to. If you’d like to encourage
your cat to stick to a different routine,
you can refer to the tips in this article.

REPLY

Susan saraulla
Aug 9, 2021 at 1:18 pm

I had this problem when I retired after

getting up at 5:00 am for many years .
Cats get used to a routine and can be
very demanding Try not reacting to the
cats demands and whatever you do
dont feed the cat if it wakes you up early
. Try to ignore her . It will take time.

REPLY

Lisa Dovey
Aug 7, 2021 at 2:09 pm

Hello-I really appreciated this article. We

adopted 2 -7 week old kittens who were
abandoned by their mother at 3 weeks
old in a yard. Happened to be a vet tech
so they were taken to the clinic where
she worked and kept there during the
week, staff played with them and on the
weekends different people took them
home. They got a lot of human attention.
They don’t like to be picked up much
but as soon as we got them we would
hold them briefly and sat them down..
We can hold them for longer periods
now. They did roll over and seemed to
enjoy belly rubs from us and this started
the day we brought them home. We
have continued to do belly rubs and one
of them seems to want this done-is this
wrong? They are not sitting on our laps
but will come and sit next to us sleep in
the same room or spend time in bed
with us at night. They are now 4 1/2
months old.. Are we on the right track?

REPLY

Mallory Crusta
Aug 15, 2021 at 3:32 pm

Yes! Yes, you are on the right track. Ab-

solutely. It sounds like you’re doing
everything right—exposing them to new
things like picking them up for short per-
oods of time, giving them belly rubs
within their boundaries, and respecting
their needs when it comes to sleeping
near, but not on, you. This is what raising
kittens should look like. Keep up the
good work, and here’s to many years of
happiness with these kitties!
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