Begin with Yes

Paul Boynton interviewed by Tessa Stowe

Tessa:
Welcome. We are in for a treat. Our guest, Paul Boynton, is the author of
several books, including the Amazon best seller Begin with Yes. And Paul has
built a massive and engaged audience of about 2 million people, or 2 million
followers, on his Facebook Page for his Begin with Yes book. WOW, I aspire to
that. And his recent book is Be Amazing which by the way is amazing and it's a
must read. And that was released in January this year so brand, brand new so
January 2020. Paul is also the President and CEO of the Moore Center, which is
an organization serving people with intellectual disabilities. And you can tell
just by what he does with that organization that speaks volumes about the
person that he is. Welcome, Paul. It's great to have you here.

Paul:
It's great to be here. We had a couple of missteps along the way trying to
connect and make this happen so I'm very glad this worked out today.
Tessa:
And it's so amazing because here I am in Bali, and the sun is coming up and you
can probably hear the birds chirping because my birds here in Bali always like
to participate when I'm doing these recordings. So where, where are you
physically located?
Paul:
I am in New Hampshire, which is on the northeast of the United States. I'm
sitting beside my dog, Toby, who is watching and wondering what this is all
about.
Tessa:
Fabulous. So, you've got your dog, Toby, I've got my birds, and we are
connected across the world. Isn't it fabulous?
Paul:
It is amazing.
Tessa:
So, Paul, I'm all about, and my website is www.sayingyestohappiness.com ,
saying "yes" is really the first action step to being happy. So, when I saw your
Facebook Page, and it said, “Begin with Yes”, I went “WOW” ...... it completely
resonated. And that's how you and I connected really because I reached out.
I'd love you to elaborate on this whole concept of Begin with Yes, which
sounds pretty simple, but I'd like you to break it down into the "Begin" and
"Yes" and what's behind all of that.
Paul:
Well first of all thank you for having me as a guest. It's exciting to be here
talking to you and all of your friends and fans. I’ve read a little bit about you
and some of the work that you're doing and it's so compatible. We could have
been separated at birth; I think. Because your work is so in line with my work,
so you could probably have written the book. I just beat you to it for Begin
with Yes. It actually started with that phrase "Begin with Yes" that popped
into my head and I thought that I needed to say more about that. And at the
beginning, I really emphasized the word YES, because I thought being active
and doing something and having a positive attitude and being optimistic was
key to, or what you would probably say, sort of, the pathway to happiness. And
the more I thought about it and the more I began writing my book, I began to
feel like a big part of it was the word "Begin." Because it's almost like if you, if
you don't actually do something, then it's unlikely that something is going to
change or there's going to be much progress.
Tessa:
Absolutely. Begin. Begin.
Paul:
And then I began thinking about how people become overwhelmed.
Sometimes thinking about starting a new journey or, or the thought of
beginning anything, could sometimes make people feel maybe overwhelmed
would not be too strong of a word. And so, then I began thinking about small
steps. No matter how far we travel, it's a series of small steps. No matter how
much we make happen, it really because there's just a series of small steps. So,
if you can break things down, and if you can think about, " It's not about losing
100 pounds. It's about not having that extra doughnut this morning." And if
you can break things down to really small steps. So small that you can do them
in, like, 10 minutes or 15 minutes or five minutes.
Tessa:
I even break them down smaller. My happiness exercises are 60 seconds or
less. What you're saying is.......... we are like twins. You really want to break
down all the resistance because you've got all this resistance, and all these
excuses and everything, in your head. If you could just make it so simple, so
easy, that there's no reason why you wouldn't do it.
Paul:
One example, the thought of writing a book is overwhelming. But every book
begins with one word. Right? Or one sentence. And so, what you're saying is
breaking it down to very, very tiny steps. I think you have to keep, you have to
keep breaking the action down until it becomes small enough that you
overcome any resistance to taking that step, to taking that action. Because
once you take one small step, you're no longer standing still. Are you? And
once you're moving, it's easier to take the next step. In fact, it's almost hard
not to.
Tessa:
Paul, what happened was, after my husband died, I became severely unhappy
and depressed and I was living in bed. It wasn't good really. And my grief
counsellor tricked me because she asked me if I would do one little thing. And I
said, "Well you know, as long as it's little." And she just said "When you wake
up, put some clothes on, and then walk across the road. And I went, "Oh, okay,
that's little. I can do that." And then I said, "What do I do next?" She said,
"Well, you can turn around and go back to bed, if you like." The thing was, I
mean it worked, and you know I actually did turn around a couple of times and
go back to bed. But then one day it was a really nice day and I thought "Oh it's
a nice day, I'll just keep walking." So, the thing is, if she had said to me "Okay, I
want you to get up in the morning and go for even a 10-minute walk," I
wouldn't have done it. But the fact that she just said walk across the road, she
just got me going. So, I think that's really where you're coming isn't it? Get
yourself started, and then the momentum will kick in.
Paul:
Right, and maybe for some people getting dressed and going outside and
walking for two minutes is too big a step, so maybe it's just getting out of bed.
Tessa:
Precisely. I can assure you that is monumental. That is huge. Yes, that's worth a
high-five and a celebration. It's just fabulous when you break things down and
make them really, really tiny. Tiny is big.
Paul:
Yes. Can I tell you a short story about one of the Begin with Yes fans? It's a
woman who was gifted my book by somebody else. She was a woman, very
depressed. She was waiting for an organ transplant, and was basically just
staying in bed being sick and unwell. And she realized, she read Begin with
Yes,, she realized that even if they could find a donor for the organ that she
needed, she would not be healthy enough, or well enough, to go through the
rigors of surgery. And so, she decided that she was going to first just get out of
bed and put on her bathrobe and sit on the couch. And then she decided that
she was going to get dressed. And then she decided she was going to go stand
on the front steps. I mean this is not just all in one day. This is many, many
days. And she began walking. And then she began going for rides. And there
are many steps that I'm skipping but I'm going to cut to the chase. She started
her own Etsy business which is making crafts and selling them online. And she
was out on a ride, she stopped at a restaurant, she was telling the server about
her story and her quest for an organ donor and the server volunteered to be
the organ donor.
Tessa:
Oh, my goodness. Oh, I love it.
Paul:
And she actually had the surgery and she’s thriving.
Tessa:
WOW. WOW. WOW. Applause. I love it. And it just started with a tiny action.
Paul:
Right. If someone says, "Stop being depressed,” that’s not going to work."
Tessa:
No. That's not helpful. It's not helpful. In fact, if they say, "Stop being
depressed,” that's when I say "I'm out of here. Bye." No. No. No. I love what
you're saying because what you're saying works. Like this whole concept of
begin with Yes, which is my first step in happiness (being happy is begin with
yes: I want to be.) But it's beginning, it's going into action and it doesn't
matter if you're depressed, if you're stressed, if you're busy. Just start. So, I just
love this concept. And also, in your book, you talk about one of the side effects
of beginning with yes, and one of the side effects, which I love, is happiness.
Happiness. So, please explain.
Paul:
I think that once you begin moving about and begin making things happen, it
sorts of sets in motion. It resets your thinking. Resets how you're feeling. It’s
not like you are searching for happiness. You all of a sudden wake up and
discover I'm feeling kind of happy right now for a moment. And it's like, I don't
think happiness is necessarily a full-time destination. It's sort of like, it sort of
comes and goes and you have moments of happiness. And I'm not sure that,
and maybe you'll disagree with this, I’m not sure that you live in a state of
constant bliss.
Tessa:
I agree. It's actually not safe to be in a constant state of bliss because frankly,
if you're being chased by a saber tooth tiger, it's not the time to stop and smell
the roses.
Paul:
That is so true. And much of our life is taking care of things that we need to
take care of. We have to get the mail. We have to cook dinner. We have to do
our jobs. And I think if you can find these moments of happiness. I think it's
the thoughts of what we tell ourselves. If we tell ourselves that we had a
couple of good moments today that begins to sort of, sort of change our
attitude about life.
Tessa:
Totally and just one moment leads to another moment to another moment to
another moment. That's basically how I got going on my journey back to
happiness and health. And not only did I get myself back to happiness and
health, but then I made it my mission and my focus and my quest to share it. I
think that's what I want to be amazing at: sharing and inspiring people to say
YES to happiness and to actually take on what I call the Happiness Health
Regime.

So, this is a great lead into your fabulous new book called Be Amazing. I want
to talk about be amazing. I'm very focused on people being amazing. Well
there's so many ways you could be amazing. You can be amazing in your
moment but the one I want to talk about right now is, is being amazing or
realizing how amazing you are just the way you are. People just hide their
amazingness. I love the beginning of your book, Paul, when you talked about
coming out. It's just a fabulous introduction. I don't want to spoil the surprise
for everybody, but basically coming out, the whole point of your story, the
fabulous story in the beginning, is coming out of the closet, so to speak, of
hiding who you are, the amazing person that you are with all your so called
what you think are flaws, which are actually all you're amazingness. I'm
rabbiting on about this because I'm so passionate about this topic of being
amazing. So, would you like to talk about being amazing YOU to yourself.
People being themselves.
Paul:
I don't know why parents do this, but I think it's part of a quest of wanting your
children to fit in and get along and being normal and be like everybody else.
But, when they do that to their children, they're actually sort of telling them to
discount what makes them unique and special and amazing. And it's not just
gay boys and girls that go into the closet, I think almost everybody ends up in
the closet in one way or another.
Tessa:
Oh absolutely, I was in the closet for years. Hiding all my supposed flaw and
secrets. And now I'm out there. I'm having so much more fun.

Paul:
You and I probably met in the closet and that's where we connected the first
time. As I talk about this, it's almost like I'm giving people permission to be
who they really are and who they really are is amazing. And once you realize
that that's the essence of who you are, then you begin to look for more sort of
targeted ways to express your amazingness.
Tessa:
Absolutely. And then when you realize how amazing you are, then you start to
actually have amazing relationships as well don't you?
Paul:
Right. You begin to see the amazing in other people. I think, one of the things
that I think is so obvious in the way that you reach out to people, and connect
with people and touch other people, is that you understand that and you get
that this is not, it's not something that we do in isolation. We do it with other
people in community. And what community can be one or two people, it can
be a next-door neighbour. But we need to get outside of ourselves. Not only do
we need to get outside of the closet, but we need to get outside of our own
heads, a little bit.
Tessa:
Oh, absolutely, and connect with people. I live in Bali and I love it because
when I go out of the resort I live in; I go across the road. There is a lady sitting
on the side of the road selling fish. There is another lady selling vegetables and
we have a bit of a chat. They don't speak any English, but we have the most
fun relationships. We smile, we connect, we do high fives. It's just fabulous.
It's like when you get over yourself.
Paul:
Exactly. We get so focused on thinking about what's wrong in our lives, we
miss all the things that are good in our lives.
Tessa:
We can go on and on about this because it's such a great topic, but I'm
conscious of making this compact, so people will listen to it, in fact relisten to
it. So, a couple of things before we wrap up. The first thing is, how do people
connect with you, find out more about you? Definitely buy Begin with Yes and
Be Awesome. What do you suggest? Where should they go?
Paul:
I think the easiest way to connect is through the Begin with Yes community on
Facebook. Anybody that has access to Facebook can become one of those 2
million people. That's what I love about this community because it's people
from all over the world. And you know, one of the things that you mentioned
at the very beginning is that it's an engaged community. I was thinking about
this on my ride home from work today. There is a strong sense of
connectedness with the people on that page. I can't really explain it to you, but
I know that people go to that page, they leave comments, they comment on
other people's comments. And there's a real feeling of being connected,
literally, from all over the world. It's like a powerful thing. So, if people can't
afford to Begin with Yes, they can go to my website, which is
www.beginwithyes.com and there’s a place, if they search for it, they can
download Begin with Yes for free. So, I'm not just trying to sell books. I'm
trying to make this message available to people. And if you can't afford to buy
it, then that's great, you're helping me get my message out to more and more
people. But the primary thing to do is find us on the Begin with Yes Facebook
Page and begin to participate. One small step you can take today is find the
page. Another small step is to leave something that resonates with you, and
click the like button or leave a comment.
Tessa:
So, begin with yes, begin with the Begin with Yes Facebook Page. Perfect. So,
in wrapping up, what is one thing you'd like to leave our viewers with, one
particular gem, or one particular Paul words of wisdom? Over to you.
Paul:
You know one of the things that I always love is “What do we know that we're
not letting ourselves see?” If we would just take advantage of our intuition and
our own ability to sort of access what's important. If you would just ask
yourself tonight, when you're lying in bed getting ready to fall asleep, “What is
one thing I know that I haven't let myself see?”, I almost guarantee you'll get
the answer.
Tessa:
Wow, that is profound. I'm going to do that. I might even let you know what
I've come up with.
Paul:
I have loved having this conversation with you. We could be siblings.
Tessa
It's been absolutely fabulous so thank you, thank you, thank you. And just
before we go let's wave goodbye to our listeners and viewers and see you on
the Facebook page.