UNIVERSITY OF CAGAYAN

VALLEY
Formerly (Cagayan Colleges Tuguegarao)
Tuguegarao City Cagayan

MASTER OF SCIENCE IN CRIMINOLOGY

Graduate School

PROFESSOR : CRISANTO M. SAIT, RCRIM, PH.D.

NAME : BACACAO, JACKSON B.
SUBJECT : DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
REPORTER :
GUIDE QUESTION :

ANALYTICAL PAPER

INTRODUCTION:
As a parent, it’s their job to educate and support their child all throughout their childhood and
teenage years. A baby isn’t born given a handbook figuring out what’s right from wrong, it’s the
parent’s job to teach them. As a baby begins to grow, so are their cognitive skills and intellectual
thoughts. At a young age, kids will start to detect information quickly, however they might not
know what they’re saying or doing. In addition, an important parental aspect of raising children
is discipline. Disciplining children isn’t corporal punishment, but rather showing logical
consequences. In reality, a parent’s job is one of the hardest task to accomplish, they’re in charge
of their children’s understanding of what’s going on around them.

Almost everyday in social media or on the news, we hear about problems mainly caused by
undisciplined children. Sometimes this could be a report of a school shooting or a threat that can
cause severe damage to a community. However, the children’s actions isn’t their fought, because
they’re weren’t taught the difference between what’s right from wrong starting at a young age.
Sometimes these actions are in the hands of the parent’s and they’re the ones to get blamed for
the way their children turns out and acts in the real-world society. The mind of an undisciplined
child has a different perspective compared to a disciplined child, because mainly they feel that
certain circumstances don’t affect the people around them and in general they discern no
difference in moral sense. For example, a school shooter sometimes has a mind that has zero
tolerance towards specific things, leading to a reaction in their body to get triggered.

BODY:
Disciplining Your Child

Whatever your child's age, it's important to be consistent when it comes to discipline. If parents
don't stick to the rules and consequences they set up, their kids aren't likely to either.

Here are some ideas about how to vary your approach to discipline to best fit your family.

Ages 0 to 2

Babies and toddlers are naturally curious. So it's wise to eliminate temptations and no-nos —
items such as TVs and video equipment, stereos, jewelry, and especially cleaning supplies and
medicines should be kept well out of reach.

When your crawling baby or roving toddler heads toward an unacceptable or dangerous play
object, calmly say "No" and either remove your child from the area or distract him or her with an
appropriate activity.

Timeouts can be effective discipline for toddlers. A child who has been hitting, biting, or
throwing food, for example, should be told why the behavior is unacceptable and taken to a
designated timeout area — a kitchen chair or bottom stair — for a minute or two to calm down
(longer timeouts are not effective for toddlers).

It's important to not spank, hit, or slap a child of any age. Babies and toddlers are especially
unlikely to be able to make any connection between their behavior and physical punishment.
They will only feel the pain of the hit.

And don't forget that kids learn by watching adults, particularly their parents. Make sure your
behavior is role-model material. You'll make a much stronger impression by putting your own
belongings away rather than just issuing orders to your child to pick up toys while your stuff is
left strewn around.

Ages 3 to 5

As your child grows and begins to understand the connection between actions and consequences,
make sure you start communicating the rules of your family's home.
Explain to kids what you expect of them before you punish them for a behavior. The first time
your 3-year-old uses crayons to decorate the living room wall, discuss why that's not allowed and
what will happen if your child does it again (for instance, your child will have to help clean the
wall and will not be able to use the crayons for the rest of the day). If the wall gets decorated
again a few days later, issue a reminder that crayons are for paper only and then enforce the
consequences.

The earlier that parents establish this kind of "I set the rules and you're expected to listen or
accept the consequences" standard, the better for everyone. Although it's sometimes easier for
parents to ignore occasional bad behavior or not follow through on some threatened punishment,
this sets a bad precedent. Empty threats undermine your authority as a parent, and make it more
likely that kids will test limits. Consistency is the key to effective discipline, and it's important
for parents to decide (together, if you are not a single parent) what the rules are and then uphold
them.

While you become clear on what behaviors will be punished, don't forget to reward good
behaviors. Don't underestimate the positive effect that your praise can have — discipline is not
just about punishment, but also about recognizing good behavior. For example, saying "I'm
proud of you for sharing your toys at playgroup" is usually more effective than punishing a child
who didn't share. And be specific when giving praise rather than just saying "Good job!" You
want to make it clear which behaviors you liked. This makes them more likely to happen in the
future — the more attention we give to a behavior, the more likely it is to continue.

If your child continues an unacceptable behavior no matter what you do, try making a chart with
a box for each day of the week. Decide how many times your child can misbehave before a
punishment kicks in or how long the proper behavior must be seen before it is rewarded. Post the
chart on the refrigerator and then track the good and unacceptable behaviors every day. This will
give your child (and you) a concrete look at how it's going. Once this begins to work, praise your
child for learning to control misbehavior and, especially, for overcoming any stubborn problem.

Timeouts also can work well for kids at this age. Pick a suitable timeout place, such as a chair or
bottom step, that's free of distractions. Remember, getting sent to your room isn't effective if a
computer, TV, or games are there. Also, a timeout is time away from any type of reinforcement.
So your child shouldn't get any attention from you while in a timeout — including talking, eye
contact, etc.

Be sure to consider the length of time that will work best for your child. Experts say 1 minute for
each year of age is a good rule of thumb; others recommend using the timeout until the child is
calmed down (to teach self-regulation). Make sure that if a timeout happens because your child
didn't follow directions, you follow through with the direction after the timeout.

It's important to tell kids what the right thing to do is, not just to say what the wrong thing is. For
example, instead of saying "Don't jump on the couch," try "Please sit on the furniture and put
your feet on the floor."
Be sure to give clear, direct commands. Instead of "Could you please put your shoes on?" say
"Please put your shoes on." This leaves no room for confusion and does not imply that following
directions is a choice.

Ages 6 to 8

Timeouts and consequences are also effective discipline strategies for this age group.

Again, consistency is crucial, as is follow-through. Make good on any promises of discipline or

else you risk undermining your authority. Kids have to believe that you mean what you say. This
is not to say you can't give second chances or allow a certain margin of error, but for the most
part, you should act on what you say.

Be careful not to make unrealistic threats of punishment ("Slam that door and you'll never watch
TV again!") in anger, since not following through could weaken all your threats. If you threaten
to turn the car around and go home if the squabbling in the backseat doesn't stop, make sure you
do exactly that. The credibility you'll gain with your kids is much more valuable than a lost
beach day.

Huge punishments may take away your power as a parent. If you ground your son or daughter
for a month, your child may not feel motivated to change behaviors because everything has
already been taken away. It may help to set some goals that kids can meet to earn back privileges
that were taken away for misbehavior.

Ages 9 to 12

Kids in this age group — just as with all ages — can be disciplined with natural consequences.
As they mature and request more independence and responsibility, teaching them to deal with the
consequences of their behavior is an effective and appropriate method of discipline.

For example, if your fifth grader's homework isn't done before bedtime, should you make him or
her stay up to do it or even lend a hand yourself? Probably not — you'll miss an opportunity to
teach a key life lesson. If homework is incomplete, your child will go to school the next day
without it and suffer the resulting bad grade.

It's natural for parents to want to rescue kids from mistakes, but in the long run they do kids a
favor by letting them fail sometimes. Kids see what behaving improperly can mean and probably
won't make those mistakes again. However, if your child does not seem to be learning from
natural consequences, set up some of your own to help change the behavior. Removing
privileges such as electronics can be an effective consequence for this age group.

Ages 13 and Up

By now you've laid the groundwork. Your child knows what's expected and that you mean what
you say about the penalties for bad behavior. Don't let down your guard now — discipline is just
as important for teens as it is for younger kids. Just as with;the 4-year-old who needs you to set a
bedtime and enforce it, your teen needs boundaries, too.

Set up rules regarding homework, visits by friends, curfews, and dating and discuss them
beforehand with your teenager so there will be no misunderstandings. Your teen will probably
complain from time to time, but also will realize that you're in control. Believe it or not, teens
still want and need you to set limits and enforce order in their lives, even as you grant them
greater freedom and responsibility.

When your teen does break a rule, taking away privileges may seem the best plan of action.
While it's fine to take away the car for a week, for example, be sure to also discuss why coming
home an hour past curfew is unacceptable and worrisome.

Remember to give a teenager some control over things. Not only will this limit the number of
power struggles you have, it will help your teen respect the decisions that you do need to make.
You could allow a younger teen to make decisions concerning school clothes, hair styles, or even
the condition of his or her room. As your teen gets older, that realm of control might be extended
to include an occasional relaxed curfew.

It's also important to focus on the positives. For example, have your teen earn a later curfew by
demonstrating positive behavior instead of setting an earlier curfew as punishment for
irresponsible behavior.

A Word About Spanking

Perhaps no form of discipline is more controversial than spanking. Here are some reasons why
experts discourage spanking:

 Spanking teaches kids that it's OK to hit when they're angry.

 Spanking can physically harm children.
 Rather than teaching kids how to change their behavior, spanking makes them fearful of
their parents and teaches them to avoid getting caught.
 For kids seeking attention by acting out, spanking may "reward" them — negative
attention is better than no attention at all.

CONCLUSION:

As children grow older, you may want to put aside the structure and look more to the principles
behind it. Many parents have reported, though, that their older teens benefit from a Positive
Conclusion and it becomes a great tool to add to their interaction. Reconciliation is important,
and the Positive Conclusion lays the groundwork for helpful discussions to follow. Developing
and using the Positive Conclusion throughout childhood lays the foundation for healthy
responses to mistakes even in adulthood. We all benefit from knowing how to respond
constructively when we’ve done the wrong thing. The Positive Conclusion is an important tool
for all of us.

At any age it’s important to spend some time discussing the problem in order to end the
discipline time on a positive note. The Positive Conclusion isn’t a time of interrogation. It’s
important to express love, forgiveness and acceptance during this discussion. A closer look at
these three questions and a statement will show the benefit each one offers in making discipline
times constructive learning experiences.

The first question is, “What did you do wrong?”

When the child comes back from the Break, ask this question in a gentle way, not accusing. This
allows the child to admit personal sin. It’s important for the child to take responsibility for his or
her part of the problem and sometimes even demonstrate sorrow for it. If others were involved,
as they often are, a child should not excuse an offense by blaming someone else. The sins of
others don’t justify wrong actions.
It’s not uncommon for two children to come to you arguing and fighting, blaming the other child
for the problem. “He hit me” “He grabbed my book.” Almost always, both children are wrong
and could have responded differently. It takes two selfish children to have a fight. The Positive
Conclusion directly address the blaming tendency a child might have by focusing on one’s own
part of the problem.

A common mistake parents often make is to engage in dialogue about the whole situation: who
started it, and what is fair, or why such things happen. Those discussions may be helpful at
times, but you’ll usually get much further if you start by asking each child individually “What
did you do wrong” and allow the child to take responsibility for his or her own part of the
problem.

Sometimes children say they don’t know what they did wrong. If they truly don’t know, it’s okay
to prompt them. If, on the other hand, they are trying to avoid responsibility, it’s often helpful to
send them back to the Break for a bit until they are ready to own their part of the problem.

The second question, “Why was that wrong?”

Use the second question to address heart issues directly. Point out the character qualities like
pride, selfishness, anger, or disrespect. Help the child learn that behavior is only a symptom of
something deeper. Parents and children see the behavior but God looks on the heart. If Johnny
grabbed the book, Katy still needs to learn to respond with kindness and self-control.

The first question often addresses behavior. The second question looks at the heart. Most
children, at first, have a hard time understanding why their actions are wrong. The Positive
Conclusion gives you an opportunity to gently teach, without preaching. Help your child see that
a particular response was unkind or disrespectful. Discipline involves teaching.

Are you having trouble determining why something was wrong? With young children you might
give three rules: obey, be kind, and show respect. When you ask “Why was that wrong?” the
child has three choices, “I wasn’t obeying,” or “It wasn’t kind,” or “It wasn’t respectful.”

Notice we’re not asking “Why did you do it?” That questions encourages defensiveness. “Why
was that wrong?” provides opportunities for parents to teach children about the ramifications of
wrong choices. The book of Proverbs teaches that parents are a source of insight and
discernment. Actions are foolish when the negative results are not considered. Parents can use
discipline times to teach children to anticipate the consequences of their actions.

Question #3: What are you going to do differently next time?

Once a child realizes why the behavior is wrong, the third question helps clarify what should be
done instead. “What are you going to do differently next time?” focuses on a better way to
respond. The wise parent uses this question to continue teaching. By communicating the right
response verbally, your child will begin to see the difference and learn to change. This often
takes time and repeated discipline sessions, but that’s okay. Children learn through repetition.

This third question helps children visualize what the right response is. It’s so important to help
children who are stuck in patterns to think about alternatives. Correction without focusing on the
positive solutions for next time, is just negative. Believing that children will change by just
pointing out what they did wrong is short-sighted. The Positive Conclusion adds a whole
different approach. It focuses on where the child needs to go instead of where the child is now.
This third question helps the child have a plan for next time.

A Final Statement
Finally, always end with an affirmation. A helpful statement is, “Okay, go ahead and try again.”
This says “I believe in you. Yes, you’re going to make mistakes and there are consequences, but
we can debrief and learn together.” Give children the encouragement to try again. Everyone
makes mistakes, and the best response is to stop, think about it, plan for next time, and then try
again.

The Positive Conclusion is important every time you discipline. It’s the secret to making your
discipline times constructive experiences. The Positive Conclusion is an essential part of the
discipline process. Going through the three questions and a statement provides a framework that
allows children to admit that they did something wrong and determine what to do right next time.
The Positive Conclusion gives an opportunity for you to communicate your trust and faith in
your children as you tell them to go out and try again.

After the Positive Conclusion, the child may need to complete restitution or reconciliation in
order to obtain a clear conscience. Unresolved conflict hinders a clear conscience. A child needs
to have the opportunity to say, “I was wrong, please forgive me,” and then feel forgiven. The
child may need to pick up the books that were thrown in anger or comfort a sibling that was
offended and then feel the relationship restored.

When a child has a pattern of disrespect or anger, going back and role-playing the right response
adds to the training. “OK, it looks like you’ve worked through this, let’s go back into the kitchen
and practice it again. You were standing over there and I was over here. Now go ahead and ask
me for a snack again. I’m going to say no again and you can practice the right response this
time.”

Ending discipline times on a positive note will do a tremendous amount for your relationship
with your child and for your child’s self concept. As you begin to teach your children how to
respond to their own weaknesses and failings in a constructive way, you will be giving them a
gift that will last a lifetime.

RECOMMENDATION
There comes a time when every parent struggles with how best to discipline their child. Whether
dealing with a screaming toddler or an angry teen, it can be hard to control your temper. No
parent wants to find themselves in such a situation and the bottom line is that shouting and
physical violence never help.

Thankfully, there are other, more effective ways and one of them is positive discipline. We
consulted Lucie Cluver, Oxford University professor of Child and Family Social Work and
mother of two young boys, to explore how the approach can help parents build positive
relationships with their children and teach skills like responsibility, cooperation and self-
discipline.

There are no bad children, only bad behaviour.

Why positive discipline?

“Parents don't want to shout or hit their kids. We do it because we're stressed and don't see
another way,” says Professor Cluver.

The evidence is clear: shouting and hitting simply do not work and can do more harm than good
in the long run. Repeated shouting and hitting can even adversely impact a child’s entire life. The
continued “toxic stress” it creates can lead to a host of negative outcomes like higher chances of
school dropout, depression, drug use, suicide and heart disease.

Rather than punishment and what not to do, the positive discipline approach puts an emphasis on
developing a healthy relationship with your child and setting expectations around behaviour. The
good news for every parent is it works and here’s how you can start putting it into practice:
1. Plan 1-on-1 time

One-on-one time is important for building any good relationship and even more so with your
children. “It can be 20 minutes a day. Or even 5 minutes. You can combine it with something
like washing dishes together while you sing a song or chatting while you're hanging out the
washing,” says Professor Cluver. “What's really important is that you focus on your child. So,
you turn your TV off, you turn your phone off, you get to their level and it's you and them.”
2. Praise the positives

As parents we often focus on our children’s bad behaviour and call it out. Children may read this
as a way to get your attention, perpetuating poor conduct rather than putting a stop to it.

Children thrive on praise. It makes them feel loved and special. “Watch out for when they're
doing something good and praise them, even if that thing is just playing for five minutes with
their sibling,” recommends Professor Cluver. “This can encourage good behaviour and reduce
the need for discipline.”
3. Set clear expectations

“Telling your child exactly what you want them to do is much more effective than telling them
what not to do,” says Professor Cluver. “When you ask a child to not make a mess, or to be good,
they don't necessarily understand what they're required to do.” Clear instructions like “Please
pick up all of your toys and put them in the box” set a clear expectation and increase the
likelihood that they'll do what you’re asking.

“But it's important to set realistic expectations. Asking them to stay quiet for a whole day may
not be as manageable as asking for 10 minutes of quiet time while you have a phone call,” says
Professor Cluver. “You know what your child is capable of. But if you ask for the impossible,
they are going to fail.”

4. Distract creatively
When your child is being difficult, distracting them with a more positive activity can be a useful
strategy says Professor Cluver. “When you distract them towards something else – by changing
the topic, introducing a game, leading them into another room, or going for a walk, you can
successfully divert their energy towards positive behaviour.”

Timing is also crucial. Distraction is also about spotting when things are about to go wrong and
taking action. Being mindful of when your child is starting to become fidgety, irritable or
annoyed, or when two siblings are eyeing the same toy, can help diffuse a potential
situation before it becomes one.
5. Use calm consequences

Part of growing up is learning that if you do something, something can happen as a result.
Defining this for your child is a simple process that encourages better behaviour while teaching
them about responsibility.

Give your child a chance to do the right thing by explaining the consequences of their bad
behaviour. As an example, if you want your child to stop scribbling on the walls, you can tell
them to stop or else you will end their play time. This provides them with a warning and an
opportunity to change their behaviour.

If they don’t stop, follow through with the consequences calmly and without showing anger,
“and give yourself credit for that – it’s not easy!” adds Professor Cluver.

If they do stop, give them lots of praise for it, recommends Professor Cluver. “What you are
doing is creating a positive feedback loop for your child. Calm consequences have been shown to
be effective for kids to learn about what happens when they behave badly.”

Being consistent is a key factor in positive parenting, which is why following through with the
consequences is important. And so is making them realistic. “You can take a teenager's phone
away for an hour but taking it away for a week might be difficult to follow through on.”
Engaging with younger children

One-on-one time can be fun – and it’s completely free! “You can copy their expressions, bang
spoons against pots, or sing together,” adds Professor Cluver. “There’s amazing research
showing that playing with your children boosts their brain development.”
Engaging with older children

Like younger children, teenagers seek praise and want to be thought of as good. One-on-one time
is still important to them. “They love it if you dance around the room with them or engage in a
conversation about their favourite singer,” says Professor Cluver. “They may not always show it,
but they do. And, it's an effective way of building a relationship on their terms.”

While setting expectations, “ask them to help make some of the rules,” suggests Professor
Cluver. “Sit them down and try to agree on the household dos and don'ts. They can also help
decide what the consequences for unacceptable behaviour will be. Being involved in the process
helps them know that you understand they're becoming their own independent beings.”

What you can do in stressful situations

Every family goes through stressful times together. Here are some tips that can help parents get
through such times:
1. Pause

We all know the stress when we feel our child is being difficult. At moments like these, being
present and stepping back is a simple and useful tactic. Hit the “pause button”, as Professor
Cluver calls it. “Take five deep breaths, slowly and carefully and you'll notice you are able to
respond in a calmer, more considered way. Parents across the world say that just taking that
pause is enormously helpful.”
2. Step back

Parents often forget to care for themselves, says Professor Cluver. “Take some time for yourself,
such as when the kids are asleep, to do something that makes you feel happy and calm. It's really
hard to do all the things right as a parent, when you haven't given yourself a break.”
3. Praise yourself

It’s easy to forget the astonishing job you do as a parent every day and you should give yourself
the credit, advises Professor Cluver. “Each day, maybe while brushing your teeth, take a moment
to ask: ‘What was one thing I did really well with my kids today?’ And, just know that you did
something great.”

And know that you are not alone. “Millions of parents across the world are all trying and we're
all failing sometimes,” she says. The important thing is we try again.