| 2 |

Training Agenda
Day 1:
Group Dynamics and Development
Trauma and the Brain
Lunch
Resilience and Kids
Session 1: Beginning the Journey
Session 2: Obstacles on the Journey
Processing and Brainstorming

Day 2:
Session 3: Feelings/Coping
Session 4: Self Calming
Lunch
Session 5: Hope, Optimism, Self-talk
Session 6: Self-replenishment/Self-care
Processing and Brainstorming
ABOUT THE PROGRAM
Mission: To present a trauma informed resiliency building program for children

Why creative expression: Creative expression comes naturally for children. Spend time with any child and you will
see creativity at work through imagination, dance, song, story and art. This program uses creative expression and
story work to help build a bridge between the head and the heart. Creative expression combined with story work
help to engage both the left and the right side of the brain. This helps a child fully process and integrate their life
experiences, both positive and negative. Creative expression also provides a way to communicate with children in
a non- threatening way, bypassing many of the defenses and developmental deficiencies that make traditional talk
therapy challenging. This is especially true when children have had trauma.

Program goals:
To present the resiliency concepts through story and metaphor
To process the concepts through creative expression
To provide a frame work and a safe place for children to bring their story

Central concepts presented:

We are all on a journey.
Everyone has a story, and every story has ups and downs.
Challenges can be overcome and even make us stronger.
We can learn to be more resilient.

The children will explore different “tools” for overcoming obstacles: Each “tool” represents an internal or
external resource.
The children will be given a back-pack for the journey.
The children will be given a journal and will be encouraged to put their thoughts and feelings on paper.
They will also learn that they are not alone on this journey. The children will identify the people in their lives who are
available to support them.
The children will learn that feelings are important “tools” for the journey.
The children will be taught how to put words to their feelings and to manage them in appropriate and healthy ways.
They will also explore different ways of coping and different self-calming strategies so that they will be able to
choose what works best for them.
The children will learn to care for their hearts and how to replenish their hearts when they feel depleted.

Story Work:
Story provides the frame for the program. As the children have an opportunity to tell stories, including their own
stories, they will have the opportunity to integrate the many parts of their experience into one whole. Story provides
an opportunity for memory, thoughts and feelings to come together in a way that makes sense to the child. This
helps the child’s brain and body integrate the many parts of his/her experiences. When a child has experienced
trauma, integration can provide a pathway to healing and an increased ability to self-regulate thoughts and
emotions.

| 3 |
GROUP DYNAMICS
NOTES TO THE FACILITATOR:
The material in this program is designed for children ages 5-12, however it can be adapted for older children as
well. It should be presented in both an age-appropriate and culturally appropriate way. The ideas and concepts
presented in the program outline are meant only to be a guide. Do not feel that you must do every activity and/or
art directive presented. As the facilitator, you know your particular group of kids best. You can choose the activities
and art directives that you feel would be the most appropriate.

This program is designed to be very flexible. It can be adjusted to fit any time frame. It is presented here in six 1 ½
hour sessions. Sessions could be held once a week for 6 weeks, three times a week for two weeks, or however you
want. It could also be done in a summer day camp format. The six sessions can be broken down into four or five
longer sessions. If done in a day camp format, it is recommended that you build in many movement oriented
activities such as games and outside play.

Every group will have its own personality. Some groups will be very attentive and ask questions about the material,
others may appear difficult and restless. You may have some children who talk all the time and some who don’t
want to talk at all. As a general rule, I like to know that each child has spoken up at least once during each session.
When dealing with children who are withdrawn, you can ask questions to help draw them out and help them to
engage. You could give them a special job in the group. For the children who want to talk all the time, you can
gently remind them to give someone else a chance to share.

Children who are under stress could present as withdrawn, super silly, or have an abundance of energy. This is
because every child will have a different window of tolerance (From Daniel Siegel, The Developing Mind, 1999. New
York: Guilford), and this will affect the group dynamic. I have found the following information on the window of
tolerance helpful when working with a group, because when one child is becoming dysregulated, the whole group
will be effected. Sometimes just asking a few questions or doing a quick group activity can help to bring the one
child back on line before the group is derailed.

Window of Tolerance:
The window of tolerance refers to an individual’s optimal functioning zone where he is best able to think, relate to
others and process new information. When a child becomes overwhelmed or over stimulated, they can fall outside
of this optimal arousal zone and become either hyper-aroused (fight, flight, sensory overload, highly emotional,
dysregulated) or hypo-aroused (freeze, withdrawn, numb, lack of emotion, reduced physical movement). When a
person is outside of the window of tolerance, their minds and bodies will not be able to integrate all of what is
happening in the group, nor will they be able to process new information. This is referred to as being in a state of
dysregulation.

Children can become dysregulated for many reasons. They can be nervous about being with other kids. They can
question if the group will be a safe place for them. One of the kids could say something that triggered them. The
subject matter could stir up uncomfortable emotions.

| 4 |
Establishing safety in the group is the best way to help the group members to stay within the window of tolerance.
This can be done by establishing commonalities within the group fairly quickly. This will help the group members to
feel like they belong in the group and that other group members have something similar to them in their story. I call
this the “Me, too, factor”. “Me, too” is a very powerful way of bringing safety to a group dynamic. This program was
developed working with kids who have a family member with a chronic illness. I have noticed that the kids are often
nervous about sharing what is going on in their family, until they hear the other kids share. Once they share, you
can see their countenance relax and friendships beginning to form.

Establishing group guidelines and structure will also help to create safety in the group. During the first session, we
have the children determine what their group guidelines will be. This sends the message that this group belongs to
the children and the adult is just there to facilitate. Keep the guidelines simple. They can almost always be
summarized as “respecting self and others.” You can hang the guidelines on the wall for the duration of the
sessions.

The facilitator should create and maintain the structure of the group. It is helpful to announce to the group, at the
beginning of each session, what the schedule will be for that day. It is also helpful to give advanced warning before
an activity change. For example, “We have about 10 minutes to finish up the project we are working on, then we will
move into our next activity.” Creating structure and helping the children to transition well into each new activity
(transition is a common trigger for dysregulation), will help to create safety.

Children with a wide window of tolerance will be able to handle greater extremes of arousal. Children who have had
trauma will have a narrower window. It is the job of the facilitator to recognize when a child is too high or too low
and check in with them. If you are working with a group of children who have had trauma, it could be helpful to
build grounding activities into the group structure. There are some examples of grounding activities and more
information on dysregulation in the next section on understanding trauma.

The quickest way to help a child come back to the group and back into the window of tolerance, is by asking
questions like, “How is your heart feeling right now,” or “What is happening for you right now?” Grounding questions
are also helpful when a child (or adult) is dysregulated. Grounding questions are designed to help an individual who
has been triggered and is in a state of dysregulation to return to themselves and to the here and now. Grounding
questions include, “What color are the chairs we are sitting in?” “Let’s count how many colors can we see in the
room”, or “Let’s play I spy”. You could also stop and do a body check in. This is when the facilitator askes the group
to notice where their feet are and wiggles their toes. The group then moves up the body, noticing different parts
and engaging different muscles until they reach the top of their head.

Additional Thoughts:
Often times in the group setting, a child will share information that seem disturbing or may indicate that the child
needs more support than a group setting can offer. If this happens, it is appropriate to redirect the conversation.
You can validate to the child the importance of the subject matter and ask if you can revisit the conversation later.
Resist the temptation to give individual counsel in the group setting. After the group is over, you can resume the
conversation privately with the child and notify the appropriate persons of the situation to be sure that the child is
given proper support.

| 5 |
As a final note, a facilitator should never attempt to interpret a child’s feelings or creative expressions for them.
Each child is the author of their own art work. It is helpful to view every expression as a gift. We never want to judge
the art work based on skill or content, but treat it as a gift. They trusted you enough to show you a piece of their
heart, so, engage what they offer with gratitude and curiosity. Good ways to pursue the child’s heart in the art work
are questions like, “Tell me about your picture.”, “Tell me about this part over here” (if you don’t know what
something is), or “Tell me about the colors you chose?” Never assume you know what it is. If you say, “Oh, that’s a
good cow!” and it isn’t a cow, they could either lie to please you or feel embarrassed and decide they aren’t a good
artist. What is important is that the children are allowed to engage their own hearts in the story telling and creative
expression.

| 6 |
Developmental Stages
The following information is based on the developmental theories of Jean Piaget and Erik Erikson. One must also
remember that physical, social and emotional development is not always determined by age and trauma can
impact development as well.

Infants:
Erikson: Trust vs mistrust- sensitivity and consistency is required to meet needs. Physical needs must be met in
order to develop a sense of trust.

Piaget: Sensorimotor- uses senses, motor skills and reflexes to explore (this is the reason babies put everything in
their mouth)

*Having needs met is so vital to developing a sense of trust. When I cry will someone pick me up, change me, feed
me? If basic physical needs are not met it affects attachment and trust with others.

Toddlers and Preschoolers:

Erikson: Autonomy vs. shame and doubt (1-3 yrs): Setting limits leads to security, at this age a child acquires “will” a
feeling of self-control is basis for self -esteem.

Initiative vs guilt (3-5yrs): Attention is given to problem solving, “Conscious” develops, Cooperation begins, beginning
to find purpose in self.

Piaget: Pre-operational- Self-centered point of view, very literal understanding of the world around them, begins to
recognize outcomes, consequence to self

*The need for autonomy is a driving force behind behavior. Giving appropriate choices allows for a sense of control.
Give real choices i.e. Instead of saying “Are you ready for bed now?” Say, “It’s time for bed would you like to read a
story before you go to sleep?” or “It’s time for bed would you like to walk or do you want me to carry you to your
room?”

*Children of all ages fine security in routine and predictability.

*Magical thinking as defined by the American Psychological Association is the belief that one’s own thoughts,
wishes or desires can influence the external world. For example, I yelled at my mom and that is why she got sick. I
didn’t pick up my toys and that is why my dad left.

| 7 |
School- Age Children
Erikson: Industry vs Inferiority- Wins recognition by producing things, solving problems and finishing tasks.

Piaget: Concrete Operations- Social reciprocity and sense of fairness, interpersonal collaboration and competition
is present.

*At this age children are beginning to recognize that all is not equal, life is not fair. While this age group is into the
“product” we must remind them that the process is just as important as the product.

Adolescents
Erikson: Identity vs Role confusion- searching for self- identity, develops ideology and philosophy of life, begins
socially responsible behavior and coping with emotions

Piaget: Formal Operations: Sees the world from many perspectives, thought is independent of concrete reality,
abstract thought is present

*Challenging adults is a developmental task for this age group. This challenge does not have to be disrespectful
but to challenge and question the world is how they find their own truth.

| 8 |
UNDERSTANDING THE EFFECTS
OF TRAUMA ON THE BRAIN
Definition of trauma:
Trauma is defined as any experience that is overwhelming to the system and causes the system to move into fight,
flight or freeze.

What is Fight flight or freeze? FFF is a natural biological reaction to trauma. The amygdala is a part of the brain
and works like a fire alarm. When it perceives danger, the alarm bells go off. The autonomic nervous system (ANS)
takes over and dumps stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline into the body which gives increased energy to
respond to the crisis. The natural response to trauma is to fight or flee. If neither response is perceived as possible,
a person will freeze. FFF happens to everyone. Our bodies are equipped to quickly recover and repair themselves
from the flood of hormones. However, in the case of sever or prolonged trauma an individual can become stuck in
FFF and is then not able to return to a state of perceived safety.

Fight looks like hitting, kicking, and yelling.

Flight looks like running away, changing the subject, distracting behaviors.

A person who is freezing may zone out, dissociate, cry, whine, look confused or scared.

What’s traumatic for me might not be traumatic for you (capacity and experience effects what feels traumatic). If I
have had experience with starvation at an orphanage, then loosing snack time can feel traumatic because the ANS
signals the body that it is in danger of starving. Whereas, skipping a snack for me is no big deal. And of course,
there are differing levels of trauma. Falling and breaking my arm is a different kind of trauma than ritual abuse.
Neglect (which is the absence of good things) can be as traumatic as abuse. Varying degrees of trauma will have
varying degrees of effects on the mind, body and spirit. A primary symptom of trauma is a difficulty regulating
emotions. Children who have had trauma easily become dysregulated. In the following few pages, we will discuss
ways to help teach children how to return to perceived safety after they have been triggered. The bottom line is that
we have all experienced trauma. The good news is that, no matter what kind of trauma you or your child has
endured, there is hope. Healing is possible. Skills can be learned to help navigate our way from the trauma state
back to a state of love and safety.

Consider this scenario…

It’s a beautiful sunny day. You and your child decide to go on a trail ride. Suddenly your child’s horse gets spooked
by a snake and takes off running. You go into a panic and chase after the horse that just hijacked your child. When
you catch up to the horse, you recognize that the horse is spooked. So, you calmly climb off of your horse, take a
deep breath, approach your child’s horse, and grab it by the reins. You speak in a way that will reassure both the
child and her horse that everything is going to be ok before you can reach up and take your child back.

| 9 |
Brain Education:
The Body Keeps the Score, by Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D., is an excellent resource for understanding trauma. He uses
this rider and horse analogy to represent the relationship between two distinct functions of the brain. The horse in
this analogy represents the emotional brain and the rider represents the thinking/rational brain. The emotional
brain takes over during the FFF response with it’s overwhelming emotions like fear and anger. The thinking brain
(the rider) is in charge of the thinking, planning, decision making, problem solving, reasoning, logic and language.
When the emotional brain hijacks your child, all of these higher thinking parts of the brain go off line. You can try to
reason with them all you want but the alarm bells going off in their head will be louder than you.

One big difference between you and the child in this analogy is that you have a fully developed prefrontal cortex
and the child does not. The PFC is the mediator and communicator between the two brains. It is what allows us to
integrate our thinking and feeling into a story that makes sense. The snake in our analogy represents whatever
perceived threat (real or imagined) you may be experiencing.

Since the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until well into the 20s, kids need adults to help them make since of
their experiences. We lend them ours until theirs is fully functioning. Until the emotional and thinking brains learn to
work together, they cannot see the whole picture. But we can. Unfortunately, early childhood abuse and neglect
negatively effects the development of this area of the brain. So, if the children you are working with have had
trauma, you may need to give them more opportunities to catch up developmentally. One way to fill in some of the
development gaps is to provide an environment which is both high in connection and high in sensory stimulation.
This program attempts to do both. It is most effective if the information presented to the children is also presented
to their families as well. As we know, a child’s family is their primary source of love and support.

Integrating the Brain: The following information is adapted from Daniel Siegel, M.D. and Tina Payne Bryson,
PH.D., in the book The Whole-Brained Child, 2011.
In session three of this program, we discuss ways to integrate the emotional/creative right brain and the
thinking/logical left brain by naming feelings and expressing them in healthy ways. The Whole-Brained Child refers
to this as horizontal integration. However, in session four, we discuss integrating the downstairs brain and the
upstairs brain. This is referred to as vertical integration.

Flipping the Lid:

The Whole-Brained Child uses a hand exercise to explain this concept to children. In this demonstration, the thumb
represents the primitive downstairs thinking which includes the brain stem, and the limbic regions. They are
responsible for basic functions like breathing, fight or flight and stronger emotions like anger and fear.

The four fingers of the hand represent the upstairs thinking which are responsible for the higher-order thinking
including analytical thinking, problem solving, language, thinking before acting, self- understanding, and
considering how others feel.

The palm represents the stairway that connects the two. When the two are vertically integrated all the parts of the
brain can communicate, work together, and send appropriate signals to the body. Picture a hand making a fist
around a thumb. Vertical integration includes the brain-body connection. This is addressed specifically in session
four. However, this information is offered at the beginning of the program notes, as well. When you are working

| 10 |
with children who come from difficult places and have difficult stories, you will want to incorporate many high
connection/ high sensory experiences throughout the program and learn how to discern when a child has become
dysregulated or has “flipped their lid”, as Dr. Siegel says.

When an individual experiences overwhelming emotions that trigger the ANS, he or she will do what is called
“flipping their lid” or “losing their mind.” Picture the hand flipping open. The four fingers no longer making contact
with the thumb. When this happens the connection between the upstairs thinking and the downstairs thinking is
lost. The thinking brain (including the language centers) goes off line, along with the individual’s ability to think
rationally. The emotional brain takes over, and a child (or adult) can feel hijacked.

Going back to the horse analogy, when you see that a child (or adult) has “flipped their lid,” the goal will be to
communicate with the child’s emotional brain (the horse) that they are safe and can calm back down.

Trauma profoundly effects the brain’s ability to do the work of integrating and regulating emotions. When you are
working with children who have had trauma, it will be necessary to understand the effects of trauma on the brain
and brain-body connection. Children who come from difficult places often become easily dysregulated. They can
even live in a continuous state of fight, flight or freeze. However, it is possible to help them heal from the effects of
trauma. By providing high-connection and high-sensory environments and experiences, you are helping to build
connections in their brain that they need in order to learn how to self-regulate their emotions and return to a state
of feeling connected and safe.

Each time you help a child move from a state of dysregulation (overwhelm) to a state of feeling connected and
safe, you build pathways in their brain that they can use to better self-regulate in the future. The more the pathways
are used, the stronger they will become, and eventually the child will be able to do it on their own.

Side note here…It is tempting to see this state of dysregulation as a discipline issue. Dysregulation is not a
discipline issue. It is the result of alterations in brain development, sensory processing, neurochemistry and/or
attachment. These dysfunctional patterns of behavior are driven by fear, pain and unmet needs. It is really helpful
to seek to understand what needs the child is trying to meet, and then find creative ways to help the child better
meet those needs. For further information, The book, The Connected Child, by Dr. Karyn Purvis and the Dr. Karyn
Purvis Institute offer helpful information on how to effectively do this.

Three main ways to help a child learn to self-regulate are breathing, touch, and
movement (anything that engaging the senses).
Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D. in his book, The Body Keeps the Score, 2014, explains that there are two ways to calm
the ANS after the alarms have triggered. From the top down using the PFC, or from the bottom up using breathing,
movement, and touch. Dr. Karyn Purvis teaches that you can calm the ANS by engaging the 7 senses. The
following information combines many of the concepts presented by Van Der Kolk and Purvis.

What are the seven senses?:

Five senses:
Touch, taste, smell, sight, hearing

| 11 |
Two others:
Vestibular- involves the inner ear and controls equilibrium and balance.
Proprioception- effects movement and where I am in space. Developed through deep touch.

Engaging the senses:

Breathing:
younger children:
Soup Analogy: smell the soup, blow on the soup,
blowing bubbles – the same breath that makes the best bubbles helps us to calm our
bodies down.

Older children:

Three count breathing: Breath in through the nose for three counts, hold the breath in your
lings for a three count, gently blow your breath out for a three count, hold your lungs
empty for a three count

Have your child lay on their back, count to three for your child as they breath in for three,
hold for three and out for three. Once they are able to track with your counting then place
a ball on their belly and have them notice it rise and fall.

This kind of intentional breathing sends signals to the whole body that it is safe and can calm down and
helps the whole brain learn new pathways.

Also, we have these beautiful things called mirror neurons. This means that as you take deep breaths,
talking in a quiet soothing voice, the mirror neurons in the child’s brain will fire to mirror yours. The child’s
brain will then send the message to the body that it is safe to calm down.

Deep touch: We know the importance of touch. It is a physiological need. We know that babies without
touch will not thrive. All kinds of brain development occur through deep touch. When children have been
starved of this, they may need more of it in order to catch up developmentally.

Examples include: Weighted blanket, gentle squeezing of the hands and arms starting at the wrist
and moving up to the shoulder. If they are willing (and it is culturally appropriate), give them a big
hug, or let them sit in your lap. These things send messages to the ANS that they are safe and
their bodies will start to calm down. You may hear them take a deep breathe. This is a good sign.

Movement: Getting the body moving

Examples include: running, pushing, pulling, jumping jacks, jump rope, using the restroom, going
for a walk.

Eating or drinking: Eat a snack, drink of water, suck on a sucker, chew gum

Listening to music: any favorite music, Wholetones, EquiSync

Smelling essential oils: Lavender oil is a favorite, but there are many calming blends.

| 12 |
 Connection with the body: This works when a child has collapsed, is in a state of freeze, is checked out, or
shut down. Ask them if they can feel their feet on the floor, feel the chair under their seat. Ask the child to
look at their hands. Can they feel their hands? Wiggle their fingers? This will help them reconnect with
themselves and to come back to the here and now.

Keep in mind that after the initial calm down, it can take 20-30 minutes for the stress hormones to burn off. This is
where exercise, or a tool called a sensory box, can be helpful.

Sensory box
A sensory box can be used in two ways. 1) It can be a tool for self-calming. 2) It can be presented as a high-
sensory activity to help fill in the developmental gaps caused by a lack of sensory input in early childhood. Sensory
input is the primary way that infants learn to experience themselves and the world. Trauma disrupts this process.
The more a child is exposed to different sensory experiences, the more information the brain will gather and the
better the brain will be able to perform sensory motor tasks. This learning process is essential in learning to self-
regulate.

Making a sensory box:

Have your kids help make a sensory box during activity time. Have it set in a special place for when the child
needs/wants it as a self-calming strategy. You can offer a “time in” instead of a “time out” (strategy offered in the
Connected Child, by Purvis, Cross, and Sunshine). This is a time for the child to sit close to a caregiving adult and
engage in a high-sensory activity. They could choose to have a weighted blanket on them, as well.

Many kids with trauma have sensory processing difficulties. They may be sensory seeking which looks like
hyperactivity. They may jump, spin, swing, or have trouble sitting still. Or, they may be sensory avoidant. They don’t
like and avoid certain foods and textures. They do not like getting their hands dirty, bright lights or loud sounds.
Part of the process of discovery with a child is trying different things. Experiment with them. What do they like?
What do they not like? Give the child agency as to what sensory experiences they want to include in their sensory
box. As they explore, they will learn what works for them.

This program is designed to expose each child to different strategies for coping with their emotions and different
self-calming strategies. It is the hope that after participating in this program, each child will have a good idea as to
what they like and don’t like, and that they will have gained new tools for self-regulation.

| 13 |
CALMING STRATEGIES
Magic Mustache. Place your index finger across your “mustache area” and apply pressure. Count to 10.

Pushing on the Wall. Put both hands flat against a wall and push.

Deep Breathing. Smell the soup (breathe in), cool the soup (blow out).

Deep touch activities. Apply generous pressure all the way up the arm to the shoulder.

Take a walk.

Journaling.

Read a book

Dance.

Listen to Music.

Punching bag. Substitute a pillow or large stuffed animal if you don’t have an actual bag.

Chew gum. Great proprioceptive input.

Swinging. Great vestibular input.

Sensory Box. Goo, stress ball, calming bottle (trigger jar), feather, essential oils.

| 14 |
CHECK-IN ACTIVITY:
How’s your engine running? (developed by TBRI)
This is an activity that is helpful as a teaching tool for educate children on how to check in with themselves. It is
also a help way of monitoring how each child is doing throughout the program.

Materials: Paper plates, paint (optional), card stock paper (or any thick paper), markers, and brads.

Discussion: Our bodies work like the engine of a car. They get us where we need to go when they have everything
they need to run well. Our bodies need food, water, sleep, love and connection to run well. Things can cause us to
run too low (ex: not enough of the good things) or rev too high (ex: something has us worried or scared). Brain
storm with the kids what some of those things are. Also brainstorm what we can do when we feel too low (snap
our fingers, go for a walk) and what things we can do when we feel too high (any of the self-calming strategies).

Directions: Have the children write their names on the bottom of the paper plate. Then with paints or markers, they
can fill in the three colors at the top to indicate too cool (blue), just right (green), too hot (red). An arrow can be cut
out of the card stock (or thick paper) and attached in the middle of the plate with a brad as an indicator arrow.

| 15 |
WHAT IS RESILIENCE?
The following is adapted from Turning Point’s model of resilience and includes attachment theory principles.

Definition of resilience:
Resilience is defined as the ability to bounce back from adversity. To Bend without breaking. Life is full of ups and
downs. We all experience stressors in a day that can feel overwhelming. Being resilient is being able to move from
the state of overwhelm back to a state of calm.

10 Facets of Resilience, based on the research of Dr. Charles L. Sheridan: Social Support, Sense of Coherence,
Hope, Optimism, Emotional Expressiveness, Hardiness, the ability to self-calm, ability to self-calm, ability to self-
replenish, ability to self-care, and the ability to be non-judgmental and self-supporting.

Building Resilience:
Social support and secure attachment:
We all know how important social support is in our lives. We can’t do life without it. For children, this is even more
important because they are completely dependent on the adults in their lives. Social support is the first building
block to resilience.

Attachment theorist, beginning in the work of John Bowlby, have shown that a child’s ability to attach to at least
one caregiver, greatly increases their ability to bounce back from adversity. This has become known as having a
secure base. It is from this relationship that all other relationships are formed and the sense of self is developed.
We learn who we are in the context of relationship. We develop of sense of belonging, security, worth and value
from our primary relationships. The belief that I am a part of something larger than myself, I am not alone, and I
have ways of getting my needs met, all form in the context of relationship. The more a person feels seen, known,
loved and connected to their families and communities the more resilient they will be.

If your children have experienced abuse or neglect, then chances are they have learned that connection isn’t safe.
Your first step is to teach them to trust and connect. Resources from the Trust-Based Relational Intervention
(TBRI) institute are helpful in laying out the process of teaching your child to trust and connect. I have included this
website in your resources list.

Dr. Karyn Purvis teaches that you can help build and support a child’s ability to connect by providing a high
structure, high nurture, and high sensory environment where the child can begin making healthy connection with
others.

The three main ways the TBRI model builds connection are through healthy touch, eye contact and playful
engagement: neuroscience has shown that when presented in the context of play, the child will learn the skills 20
times faster.

Sense of coherence:
“Story work” is the primary tool that this program uses to build a sense of coherence.

| 16 |
Sense of coherence speaks to a child’s ability to make sense of his or her world. Does their life make sense? Is it
predictable or chaotic? When the unexpected happens, can they still believe that things are going to be ok? Do they
believe that things generally tend to work out? Having a sense of coherence includes developing a worldview,
feeling like we belong to something bigger than ourselves and believing that life has meaning and purpose.

Story work refers to both telling and hearing story. The stories being told can include personal narrative, reading a
book, watching a movie, or making up stories from the imagination. All story work is helpful building and
supporting a child’s ability to make sense of their world.

Like secure attachment, sense of coherence, is also formed in the context of primary relationships. It can be helpful
to educate parents and primary caregivers on how to build a sense of coherence in their children.

Education on sense of coherence for primary caregivers: Much of the information presented in the following
section is adapted from the work of Dr. Daniel Segal and Dr. Tina Payne Bryson, The Whole-Brain Child, 2011.

Children are excellent observers, but terrible interpreters. They need to borrow an adult’s prefrontal cortex to make
sense of what they see.

You may have noticed that children like to tell stories over and over again. They also like to ask the same questions
over and over again. They do this to make sense of what has happened. We can help them do this. When
something unexpected happens in the life of a child, we can help them process what has happened by helping
them to tell the story. By doing this, we lend them our prefrontal cortex and we help build pathways in their brain
that help them return to love and safety. If we get in the habit of doing this with the “little t traumas” in our children
life, they grow familiar with it and then it will be easier for them in the “big t traumas”.

Here is an example of a “little t trauma” and what it looks like to tell the story…

Let’s say your child falls down and gashes his leg on something sharp. Lying in bed that night, you might engage
your child in some storytelling by saying something like this…
“Do you remember when you fell this morning? Remember when mommy ran to you and picked you up, and then
we got a towel and put it on the cut. It hurt to put the towel on the cut, but we had to do it to stop the bleeding,
and then we called the doctor. The doctor told us to go to the hospital so that the doctors could put stitches in
your cut to help it to heal better. Do you remember the doctor’s funny mustache? It moved up and down when he
talked. And do you remember the picture of the cute little puppy on the wall that we looked at while we waited for
the doctor to come back in?” What do you remember about today?

Telling the story like this, including both the traumatic and the ordinary events from the day, helps the child to
integrate all the pieces of the story. Each time you tell the story, you are reinforcing to the child that when bad
things happen, we can make sense of all the pieces. We can return to love and safety and go to bed peacefully in
our bed at night.

Much of this work happens naturally just by doing life together. We don’t have to think about it. For example, when
our child experiences a thunder storm, they may run into our bedroom. We may comfort them by saying something
like “I know it sounds scary.” We may lend them our PFC by saying something like,” Even though it sounds really

| 17 |
loud and scary, the storm can’t hurt us. It’s outside, and we are safe inside.” We may let them lay down with us until
they have calmed back down. By doing this, we have helped them to name their feelings and to organize them into
words that give meaning and context to their experience. And, we provided comfort so they could navigate a
pathway back to love and safety.

When things like this happen, the child learns that they are not alone. They have people in their life who will love
them and support them. They can fall down, get hurt, be comforted and go back to life as they know it. The world
will not come to an end.

What happens if a child isn’t able to make since of a trauma? What if the child’s emotional brain can’t piece
together the pieces of the story? Unresolved trauma will store in the body in fragmented parts. The child will have
trouble piecing it together in a way that makes sense to them. Sometimes, a child’s mind will try to make sense of
it, but it’s not rational. For example, the child may develop a fear of men with mustaches, because the emotional
brain associated the fear of sitting in the doctor’s office with the doctor’s mustache. The more we can talk to our
children and help then to make since of what is happening around them, the more they will be able to integrate
their emotional brain and rational brain. They will learn to regulate their own emotions and make sense of their
experiences in the future.

Adult trauma:
Unfortunately, many of us have scenes from our story that are still unresolved. Maybe we didn’t have someone
who was able to help us make sense of the story, or maybe the scene was so horrific that there are no answers to
the questions we hold. If you know you have unresolved childhood trauma, I highly recommend walking through
your story with someone. There is a tremendous amount of research coming out about the power of storytelling in
healing and becoming more resilient. Talk to a friend, counselor, or pastor. Participate in a group designed to help
people unpack their story. Your story is worth telling, and you are worth being heard.

Optimism and hope:

We are going to talk about optimism and hope together. These two facets build on the previous two. When we feel
safe and connected we develop optimism and hope. The difference between optimism and hope is that optimism
is an attitude and hope is a plan (also called “will power” and “way power”.) Optimism is the basic belief that we
might have to work hard and be creative, but things have a way of working out. Even in times of trouble and
difficulties, we believe that life is basically good, and we learn to see problems as solvable. Hope takes this belief
one step further and makes a plan. 1) I can set goals, 2) I have a pathway to meet these goals, and 3) I can be
flexible and work hard to achieve these goals.

Neuroscience researchers have shown that when we have experiences in which we are provided with a way back
to love and safety, we actually forge pathways in our brain from strong emotions like fear and anger back to the
feelings of love and safety. The more these pathways are used, the more automatic they become and the stronger
our hope.

Emotional Expressiveness:
Emotional expressiveness is the ability to assign words to feelings and express them in healthy and appropriate
ways. So, how do we help kids navigate strong emotions? We teach them to notice them and give them a name.

| 18 |
We teach kids that they don’t have to be afraid of feelings. Feelings are tools. They are just like warning lights on a
dash board. They don’t define what is true, they only give us information. It is good to pay attention to them and to
be curious about why they are present. If the “needs oil” light goes on and I ignore it, my engine may burn up.
Instead, I can use the information to get more oil.

The first step in learning emotional expressiveness is learning to differentiate between feelings and the faces that
they make. Identifying feeling faces and giving the feeling a name, engages the left and right hemispheres of the
brain. When both hemispheres are engaged, the feeling and the words are able to integrate. This allows the child to
then assign meaning to the experience. This is important for the child to be able to learn from their emotions and
release them.

Describing feelings as waves is another metaphor for teaching children about feelings. Some feelings come in like
big waves and some like small waves, but we can name them, give them context and meaning, and then release
them. We don’t have to hold on to them unless we want to.

Hardiness:
This speaks to one’s capacity to bounce back from stress. Hardiness develops in individuals who have these other
building blocks in place. It is like a muscle that grows and gets stronger with each time the new neuropathway is
used and reinforced.

Hardy people have the ability to…

Self-regulate/self-calm: Hardy people know how to reverse the fight, flight or freeze. We all get triggered
into stress. The difference is that hardy people know how to get out quickly, whereas others tend to get stuck there.
Hardy people recognize when they have “flipped their lid” (let’s face it, we all do) and they know how to connect with
themselves again. They have a pathway out of stress. They have hope.

Self-replenishing: engaging in rhythms of rest and play. This speaks to our ability to recognize when we are
becoming depleted, and using self-replenishing skills to “fill back up” before hitting empty.

Self-support/self-care: This facet speaks to one’s ability to stay out of judgment and perfectionism, and
instead engage the heart with kindness and curiosity. This also speaks to knowing how to get needs meet in
healthy life-giving ways. This involves, noticing my thinking. For example, “How do I talk to myself? Am I kind or
harsh?”

Each of these tasks build on each other and work together. The good news is that resilience can be taught and it is
never too late to become more resilient.

| 19 |
BUILDING BRIDGES
Session Outline and Correlating Resilience Facets

Session 1: Personal journey and connection to the larger world

Teaching Metaphor: Life is a journey. We all have a story. We all have adversity. And, we are not alone. We have
people in our lives that can help us. Adversity can make us stronger when we learn to be resilient, like a pipe
cleaner, we can bend without breaking. Introduce the “tool box” metaphor and identify social support being a
primary tool.

Facets: Sense of Coherence, Social Support (relational and emotional connectedness), Hardiness

Art Directive: Backpack, helping hand, story work

Activity: Read and discuss The Tale of Despereaux

Bending without breaking discussion with pipe cleaners

Session 2: Processing challenges, losses and changes

Teaching Metaphor: Obstacles in our story represent obstacles in life. The children get to creatively solve the
imaginary obstacles as a way of building hope and optimism that problems can be overcome. This also helps to
build a sense of agency when life feels out of control.

Facets: Sense of Coherence, Social Support, Hardiness, Optimism, Hope,

Art Directive: My story map (including three obstacles), developing tools for overcoming obstacles, things that make
you, gifts/unique qualities, main events in life positive and negative

Session 3: Feelings/ Coping (Understanding and learning to express and cope with feelings)
Teaching Metaphor: Metaphors for teaching feelings are: lights on a dash board, waves in the ocean, colors of the
rainbow, colors on a palate. Everyone has feelings. They are part of being human. They are not good or bad, but they
may feel good and/or bad. They serve a purpose to give us information. Stuffing or locking down feelings are like
holding down a beach ball. Exploding feelings are like opening a pop can that has been shaken up. This session
teaches the children that it is helpful to assign names to feelings so that they can be expressed and released. Feeling
feelings without being able to name them is like swimming with one arm.

Ways to teach feelings: Mirror exercise: have the children look in a mirror and make different feeling faces. The
children could also look at pictures of kids making feeling faces. The children could write the story of when they felt
a particular feeling and where they feel it (if possible).

Facets: Emotional Expressiveness, Self-Calming, Hardiness

Art Directive: Feeling rainbow, how my heart feels, masks

Activity: Read and discuss, My Many-Colored Days

| 20 |
Session 4: Self-Calming
Teaching Metaphor: flipping the lid (understanding what happens in the brain when we get triggered), reconnecting
through breathing, touch and movement

Facets: Emotional Expressiveness, Hardiness, Self-calming, Exercise for Enhanced Resilience

Art Directive: Building bridges from the island of chaos and overwhelm to the island of connected and safe, name
badges

Activities:

Breathing: smelling the soup/blowing on the soup, blowing bubbles, breathing 1,2,3, breathing box

Touch/engagement of the scenes: touch (hugs, squeezes, weighted blanket, sensory box), taste (snack, drink
of water, sucker or chewing gum), smell (different essential oils on a cotton ball in a baggie), sight (notice
what’s in the room, play “I spy”,) hearing (listen to music, Whole Tones, Equisync). Finding “textures I like”
(making goo, stress balls) Notice the differences in the different textures. When the child has identified what
they like and don’t like they can chose their favorites to put in their backpack/toolbox.

Movement: vestibular (equilibrium and balance), proprioception (where I am in space/body mapping), get the
body moving…jumping (jump rope, jumping jacks, trampoline,) swinging, running, pushing pulling, walking

Session 5: Hope and Optimism/healthy self-talk

Teaching Metaphor: weeds of negative thinking and healthy plants of truth.

Discussion: defining hope and optimism. Practice setting goals and devising a plan to meet the goals. Taking
everything that we have learned and writing a good ending to the story with tools and strategies to get there.

Facets: Sense of Coherence, Hope, Optimism

Art Directive: “Two sides to every story”; Hope Tree

Activities: Read and discuss, Giraffe’s can’t dance or A bad case of the stripes or Percival the Plain Little Caterpillar (for
younger children)

Session 6: Self-Replenishment/ Self-Care

Teaching Metaphor: How full is your bucket, self-talk (how we treat and talk to our self greatly impacts how full our
bucket will be). We can learn to lean on both external and internal resources for strength and replenishment.

Facets: Non-judgment/Self-supporting, Self-replenishment

Art Directive: buckets, judgment vs kindness and curiosity

Activities: Read the book How full in your bucket, Good “good-bye” activities

| 21 |
SESSION 01 NOTES TO THE FACILITATOR:
The focus of this first session is to create safety and trust in the group dynamic. It is also to reinforce connection,
(i.e., connection to the group, connection to the important people in their life, and connection with their own story,
connection with their own thoughts and feelings). We always start by reinforcing social support. Helping the
children to identify who in their life loves them and is there to help them. There will be children who really do not
have someone in their life who loves them and is there to support them. In those situations, it can be helpful to
include discussions around how to identify people who are safe and who are not safe. In some cases, it could be
helpful to have a discussion around how to set healthy boundaries with people in our lives who are not safe.

We use the metaphor of being on a journey in order to frame life and create a safe place for the child to begin
bringing different parts of their story. This is how a child builds a sense of coherence. As the child brings different
pieces of the puzzle together into a whole, they are able to make meaningful connections and gain a sense of felt
safety. Telling our story can feel very scary to a child, so we often start by using our imagination to tell a story. The
process of learning to tell story (even if it starts as an imagined one) begins the process of building a sense of
coherence. A child who can frame their world and view obstacles as a challenge (and not as the end of all good
things), increases their level of hardiness.

| 22 |
Session 01
Beginning the Journey
Theme: Personal Journey and Connection to the Larger World
Resilience Facet: Sense of Coherence, Social Support, Hardiness
Purpose: To provide a safe place and a frame for the child to begin bringing the different parts of who they are and
their life experiences to the group. This will begin to set the stage for building coherence and felt safety.

Goals:
1. The group will begin to get to know one another
2. Emotional, physical and spiritual safety will be established
3. Establish guidelines for the group
4. Define resilience
5. Explain and develop the theme

Group Establishing Activities:

These are designed to “break the ice” and to establish the group guidelines and structure.

1. Introductions: There are a number of ways to “break the ice” and help the group to get to know one
another. The following are only a few suggestions.
• Journey Question: If you were going on a Journey, what are the 3 things you would take
with you no matter what?
• Skittles/M&M’s game: Determine questions and assign each question to a color of the
Skittles/M&M’s. Each child gets a small cup of candy, As the children go around the circle to
introduce themselves, they pick out 3 candies and answer the questions that are assigned
to those particular colors. Example: Red: How many people are in your family? Yellow: What
is your favorite movie? etc…
• The Yarn Game: The children sit in a circle and take turns throwing a ball of yarn across the
circle to the different members of the group. When it is your turn with the yarn, you share
your name and something about yourself. When the game is over, you notice together how
the yarn looks like a spider web. This helps the group to see that they are all connected and
helps to establish connection within the group.
• Beach Ball Toss: A beach ball is provided that has questions written on it. As the ball gets
tossed around the circle, each child answers the question that faces them as they catch the
ball.
2. Guidelines: Rules and structure provide a sense of safety. It works well to have the children
brainstorm what rules and guidelines they would like for the group. This helps increase their

| 23 |
 agency in and ownership of the group. Most of the time, you can sum up what they share as
“respecting others and self.” Keep it simple.

Group Discussion:
Introducing the program and program metaphors
1. Define Resilience: Ask the children if they have ever heard this word. What do they think it might
mean? We can’t always control or change our situations or what happens to us, but we can
choose how we respond to it. When the “hard stuff” happens, we can learn to “bend without
breaking”.

Bend Without Breaking Activity:

Materials: Pipe cleaner, paper clip, or other small flexible wire

Discussion: Pass out pipe cleaners (or any flexible object like a paper clip or small wire) and have
the children bend their pipe cleaners into various shapes. While working on this activity, talk about
how the pipe cleaners bend but don’t break no matter how hard you try. They can be molded, bent
and changed in shape, but they don’t break.

Discussion questions:
1. Tell me about a time when you were able to bend without breaking. How did you do it?
2. Tell me about a time when you weren’t able to bend without breaking. What happened?
3. Explain that resilience depends on how we choose to handle difficult situations. We
can’t always control what’s happening around us, but we can learn to react in ways that
help us bend without breaking.

2. Introduce the metaphor of being on a Journey. Ask children about their favorite movie. Get them
thinking about the main character in the movie. Ask questions like, “What did the character go
through?” “How did they overcome the obstacles in the story?”, and “What happened in the end?”

Story (optional): Read and Discuss, The Tale of Despereaux. This story helps to demonstrate the
themes associated with resilience, including the themes of self-discovery and overcoming
obstacles regardless of “size”.

Discussion: Discuss how the story relates to the themes of resilience. The little mouse viewed his
challenges as an opportunity for success. Other’s thought he was small and puny, but Despereaux
saw himself as a giant. When it came time to rescue the Princess Pea, Despereaux did not let the
words of others deter him. He saw this opportunity as a challenge. He continued to repeat the
words “Chivalry! Bravery! Honor! “The little voice inside him believed that he had the ability to give
his best effort. He could positively influence the situation around him. He knew that the challenge
of rescuing the princess was going to make him a better mouse.

Discussion Questions: “What do you need to start a Journey? How about a backpack or bag to
carry everything you will need for the journey? You may want a notebook to show where you have

| 24 |
 been and where you want to go in the future?” Explain that over the next 6 sessions, we will be
taking a journey together. The metaphor of a journey is a metaphor for life. We are all on a journey.
Every good story has ups and downs. Every session we will be adding a new tool to our bags (or
tool boxes).

Art Directives:
Backpacks and Journals: Decorate backpack or canvas bags and journal. You may use markers, fabric markers or
paint, glitter painters, glue on decoratives.

A few options for making journals are: a folder with brads, a 3-ring binder that includes lined paper, blank white
paper, clear plastic page protectors to hold their art work, pre-made journals, spiral notebook, etc…

These bags/folders will be kept and can be brought home at the end of the 6 sessions. This will allow the kids the
opportunity to look back at what they have done and learned during their time together.

Helping hand (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons): this helps identify support
people in the child’s life. Have the child trace their hand on a piece of paper. Have the child write their own name in
the palm of the hand, then write the people in their life who support them on each finger. Discuss the importance of
the people in their life who love them and are there to help them when they have needs. You can discuss what
needs are vs what wants are.

Story Work (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons):: Story work helps the
individual to integrate the parts of a story into a narrative that makes sense. It can be done a number of different
ways. The following are just a few ideas.

Write a story: Each child begins writing their own hero story. They start with creating a main character and
a side kick. They can create a whole team if they want to. They can use their journal to write the story
and/or they can use markers and paper to draw the characters. It can be imagined or represent them and
their story.

Connection and trust building activities:

Eye contact with others helps to make beautiful neurological connections in the brain. Playing games that
incorporate eye contact will help to create connection and safety in the group.

Hand slap game with eye contact: Two players stand facing each other with their hand out. Player 1 goes
first, placing their hands under Player 2’s hands. Player 1 tries to get their hands out from under player 2’s
hands to slap the top of player 2’s hands. The players are to maintain eye contact throughout the game. It
is a game that test reflexes and quickness of hands. When player 1 is successful at slapping player 2’s
hands the players switch places.

Staring contest: In this game, player 1 and player 2 stare at each other without blinking for as long as they
can. Whoever goes the longest without blinking, wins.

| 25 |
Cotton football straws keeping eye contact: In this game, you will need straws and cotton balls. The
group members will pair up, each with a straw in their mouth, they blow on a single cotton ball trying to
move the cotton ball into the other person’s goal.

Mirroring games: Mirroring is very powerful way to build neuropathways in the brain. You can make it a
game by playing “Follow the Leader” or “Simon Says”: walk on your toes, walk on your heals, walk
backwards, then bump into each other scream and fall down. When that feels comfortable, you can face
each other, making eye contact and mirror big arm movements and dance moves. Keep it light and fun.

| 26 |
Helping Hand

| 27 |
Hero Story Development

| 28 |
NOTES / BRAINSTORMING

| 29 |
| 30 |
Session 02
Obstacles on the Journey
Theme: Processing challenges, losses, and change
Facet: Sense of Coherence, Social Support, Hardiness
Purpose: Using the metaphor of a child’s journey, each child will have the opportunity to tell their own story. This
normalizes obstacles and challenges as a part of life, and aids the child to frame life and bring a sense of
coherence.

Goals:
1. Normalize obstacles
2. Frame obstacles as a challenge to overcome
3. Each child will have a chance to share obstacle they face in their life

Discussion: Every story has obstacles and challenges that the main character must overcome. Our lives also have
obstacles and challenges. We will have an opportunity to discuss the different challenges in our lives as well as the
ways we are trying to overcome the challenge. This discussion can be customized for the particular group
dynamics. For example, Turning Point uses this curriculum with children from families dealing with chronic illness.
We use this time to educate child on topics associated with illness. You could include grief education or
information dealing with difficult transitions.

Art Directives:
Story Map (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons): The children will have an
opportunity to look at a map identifying different aspects of a map. They will then have an opportunity to create
their own map, telling their own story and creating a key to help tell the story. They will identify challenges on their
map (such as mountains, valleys, rivers and caves). The children can come up with creative ways of getting around
each challenge. For example, Indiana Jones uses his whip to swing over the river. The children can use real life or
their imagination. Heroes can be given super powers. This directive is very empowering for the child, especially if
they are struggling with powerlessness.

“The many pieces of Me” (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons): This helps to
understand parts of a whole and how they can all be true at the same time. We use the language of “this is true
about me AND this is true about me”. This directive provides a “frame” called “my story”. Inside the frame is a
picture with many different puzzle pieces that make up the whole of the picture. Have the child write a different
truth about themselves on each piece of the puzzle. Each piece is true and each piece is still me

Timeline (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons): A timeline drawing is an
opportunity for the children to put important life experiences in chronological order. They place the experiences
they perceive as positive above the line and those perceived as negative below the line. Experiences perceived as
neutral can be placed on the line or where ever feels appropriate for the child.

| 31 |
Story (obstacle) Map

| 32 |
| 33 |
| 34 |
Timeline

| 35 |
NOTES / BRAINSTORMING

| 36 |
Session 03
Feelings/coping
Theme: Understanding, naming and expressing feelings
Facet: Emotional Expressiveness
Purpose: To provide language for children to name and express their feelings

Goals:
1. Educate the kids on horizontal brain connections. This is connecting the logical/thinking left
brain and the emotional/creative right brain.
2. Identify and label feelings.
3. Education on the purpose/meaning of feelings.

Teaching Metaphors/ Discussion:

Feelings:
Feelings are like lights on a dash board, waves in the ocean, colors of the rainbow, colors on a palate. Everyone
has feelings. They are part of being human. They are not good or bad but they may feel good and/or bad. They
serve a purpose: to give us information. The big 5 (shame, pain, fear, grief, anger). Stuffing or locking down feelings
are like holding down a beach ball, and exploding feelings are like opening a pop can. Explain that it is helpful to
assign names to feelings so that they can be expressed and released. Feeling feelings without being able to name
them is like swimming with one arm.

Example: Anger- what makes you feel angry? Where do you feel anger in your body? The trick to releasing
stronger emotions is to release it slowly over time.

Practice this by balling up your fists, feel the anger in your body, now release your fist slowly, now squeeze
again, release slowly, squeeze again, release slowly. This works just like opening a soda bottle a little the
closing it back up then opening it up again a little. like opening a soda bottle after its been shaken.

Triggers:
Triggers are what cause us to feel overwhelmed. They are different for everyone. What triggers me is different from
what triggers you, but what happens in the body is the same for everyone. Stress hormones flood in, effecting how
we perceive the events. We can go from calm to overwhelm very quickly (like switching on a light switch), but it
takes time to go from overwhelm to calm (like dimmer switch). We can learn ways to help our body go back to
calm.
Demonstration: Place a trigger jar on the table. It looks just like clear water. Talk about how easy it is to see through
the jar of clear water. Then, shake the jar and watch the dirt (or glitter) fly. Talk about how this is what happens to
us when we get triggered Talk about how it is hard to see clearly through the jar now. Being triggered effects out

| 37 |
perception. Set the jar on the counter so that the kids can watch how long it takes for the dirt to settle back down.
It takes time for the hormones that are released during fight or flight to settle down, too.

Suggested Activities/ Art Directives:

Feelings Faces Cards (works well for younger kids): one option is to order the face cards or you can pre-cut faces
demonstrating a variety of emotions and representing a variety of cultures. The facilitator holds up the cards and
asks the children to identify the feeling. Choosing one card/feeling, the child draws a picture of a time they felt that
feeling.

Mirror Game (works well for younger kids): Provide a hand-held mirror for each child. Have them practice naming
and making feeling faces in the mirror.

How My Heart Feels (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons): Have each child fill in
their “legend” first and then begin coloring the heart according to the color they associate with each feeling. They
can color light or dark depending on the intensity of the feeling. Example Sad= Blue they cover ½ the heart in blue.

Discussion: This activity works well with the book, My Man- Colored Days. The facilitator can point out
primary and secondary colors, and then relate that to primary and secondary emotions. For example, you
can mix together 2 primary colors and get a new color, just like emotions can mix together and create a
new feeling. This is a good opportunity to talk about how you can have more than one feeling at a time.

Discussion Questions:
1. Tell me about your heart?
2. What color are you today?
3. What colors have you been lately?
4. Can you identify where you feel that in your body?
5. Can you tell me about a time when you’ve felt that feeling, mood, or color?
(Point to each color on the heart.)
6. Do your feelings change who you are as a person – your true self?
(No. All feelings are okay because they make us who we are.)

Feeling Rainbow (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons, paint (Red, blue, yellow,
white and black), paint brushes and paper plates): This directive can range from very simply to more complex. In
the simple version, you can discuss the colors of the rainbow and feelings as all bring on a spectrum. You can have
the children come up with as many different feelings as they can. Then draw or paint a rainbow on which the child
organizes their feelings and assigns each feeling a color.

Extended Feeling Rainbow: In the more extended version, you can start with a paint pallet and five paint colors,
including the primary colors (red, yellow, blue), white and black. Have the children place the three primary colors in
a triangle on their paint pallet and mix the primary colors to create secondary colors (see illustration). You can
discuss how feelings like anger are actually secondary colors, because they always have other feelings (like hurt,
shame or fear) underneath them. You can then mix the colors with white and black and discuss intensity of
emotions. To lighten a color, start with white and add the color to it to, gradually increase the intensity. To darken a
color, you will want to start with the color and gradually add black to it to darken it.

| 38 |
 Discussion: The facilitator can describe the full range of human emotions, explaining that all people have
a full range of emotion including the ones that feel good, the ones that feel bad, and the one that feel ugly.
We cannot pick and choose what feelings we have and don’t have. We must feel them all. Discuss what a
spectrum is using the example of a rainbow. Show how colors vary from light to dark. You can pick a
feeling such as anger and show how many variations of the emotion the group can come up with
(example: irritated, frustrated, grumpy, mad, angry, furious, irate.).

Then, the children can share their pictures, talking about how they labeled the feelings. Discuss how feelings that
do not feel “good” can still serve a good purpose, like lights on a dash board. Once we identify the purpose of a
feeling, we can release it again. This is called feeling fishing. We catch the feeling and then release it back. A
metaphor of fishing can be helpful in teaching kids to identify their feelings, ask the important questions, and then
let go of them. We do not need to judge our feelings, only be curious about why we are feeling them.

Physical and emotional pain/feelings are a good example. When we touch a hot stove, it may really hurt.
However, the pain serves a purpose. It is meant to send a signal from the brain to the body to very quickly
remove your hand from the stove or something really bad could happen.

Inside/outside mask (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons, Paper-mache
(optional)): A mask is a help tool in teaching kids about the masks we wear. We can discuss times when what we
are feeling on the outside doesn’t match what we are feeling on the inside. The children can use a paper plate hole
punched with string or actually make masks out of paper-mache. On the inside of the mask, the children can write
or draw symbols for feelings (and things about them) that they keep private. On the outside of the mask, they can
write or draw symbols for the feelings (and things about them) that they wear on the outside for everyone to see.

| 39 |
| 40 |
| 41 |
| 42 |
Feeling Rainbow

| 43 |
Color Wheel

| 44 |
NOTES / BRAINSTORMING

| 45 |
| 46 |
Session 04
Self-Calming
Theme: How to self-calm after being “triggered” and/or “flooded”
Facet: Emotional Expressiveness, Hardiness, Self-calming, Self-replenishment

Goals:
1. Educate kids on fight, flight, and freeze
2. Define coping and self-calming
3. Introduce different coping and calming techniques

Purpose: This session is focused on vertical brain-body connections. It is designed to help children understand
what happens in their brain and body when they feel stress and how to expose them to various self-calming
techniques so that they can find what works best for them. This will support their ability to bounce back from
stress, increasing their resilience.

Teaching metaphor/ discussion:

flipping the lid (understanding what happens in the brain when we get triggered); reconnecting and self-calming
through breathing, touch and movement. Trigger jar (is a visual demonstration of what happens in the body when
we are triggered)
Deep Breathing:
Younger Children:
Soup breathing: smell the soup, blow on the soup
Blowing Bubbles: Demonstrate how to blow bubbles showing them the difference
between a quick shallow breath and slower breath. Then pass around the bottle of
bubbles and let each child try to blow bubbles which requires a slow, steady, calm breath.

Older children:
Three-count breathing: Breath in through the nose for three counts, hold the breath in
your lings for a three count, gently blow your breath out for a three count, hold your lungs
empty for a three count

Belly breathing: Have your child lay on their back, count to three for your child as they
breath in for three, hold for three and out for three. Once they are able to track with your
counting then place a light object, such as a ball, stuffed animal or piece of paper, on their
belly and have them notice it rise and fall.

| 47 |
 Touch:
Sensory box, touch/engagement of the scenes- touch (hugs squeezes, weighted blanket, sensory box),
taste (snack, drink of water, sucker or gum), smell (essential oils), sight (notice what’s in the room, play “I
spy”), hearing (listen to music, Wholetones, EquiSync)

Activities: make goo; stress balls, find “textures I like” (notice differences and preferences), “smells I like”
(cotton balls and baggies), “sounds I like” put preferences in the backpack/toolbox.
Movement: vestibular (equilibrium and balance), proprioception (where I am in space/body mapping). Get
the body moving: jumping (jump rope, jumping jax, trampoline,) swinging, running, pushing, pulling,
walking, Play Freeze Dance: Put on music and dance. Then freeze when the music stops.

Discussion: What happens when you are active and move your body? Can you feel your heart beating? Does your
breathing change? Are you sweaty? You can provide the kids with a stethoscope so that they can listen to their
beating heart.

Art Directives:
Island of connected and safe vs island of chaos and overwhelm: (A template has been provided, but you can
always let the kids draw the islands). Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons. Have
the children think of a time they felt safe. Ask them if anyone was with them or if they were alone. Ask them to
close their eyes and remember what it felt like to be there. If they cannot think of a time they felt safe, have them
imagine what is would feel like. Allow the children an opportunity to be in this place for a minute or two. Then pass
out paper, crayons and markers and have them draw their safe place.

Now, have the kids remember a time they felt triggered, fearful or overwhelmed. Have them draw that on an island.

Next, have the children draw a bridge from the chaos island to the safe island and write their self-calming tools on
the bridge.

Making sugar scrub: sugar, vanilla or essential oils for fragrance, coconut oil

Making Goo: Pour 4 ounces of glue into a cup. Add ½tbsp of baking soda and mix well. Add food coloring, glitter
and/or essential oils to preference and mix well. Finally add 1tbsp of contact solution and kneed the goo.
For clear goo, leave out the baking soda and use clear glue.

| 48 |
Sensory Box

| 49 |
Trigger Jar Shaken Trigger Jar

| 50 |
| 51 |
| 52 |
NOTES / BRAINSTORMING

| 53 |
SESSION 05 NOTES TO THE FACILITATOR:
The information presented here is adapted from Dr. Caroline Leaf’s research

Self-talk: The power of reframing

• Research shows that where our mind goes, we go.

• We are neuroplasticians. Our thoughts have the power to change our brains and effect the health of our
bodies. When our brain works well, we will have a healthy body.

• You cannot control your circumstances, but you can control how you choose to react to them.

• Many belief systems are stored in the non-conscience and affects how we see ourselves, others and how
we interpret our world.

• Thermal imaging reveals that thoughts take up real estate in our brain and look like trees. Each thought is
stored in the brain with a chemical cocktail that is either toxic or healthy. (We will talk more about this in
the discussion)

• Cognitive Dissonance: The term for when the head and the heart do not believe the same thing. You can be
presented with all the reason, logic, scientific evidence and plain common sense in the world, but you won’t
believe something is true unless your brain’s limbic system (the central location of your emotions) allows
you to feel that it is true.

Steps to reframing a thought:

1. Pay attention to the feelings and thoughts you are having.

2. Reorganize and reframe- Choose what to think on and rehearse it. Choose wisely. What you think on will
grow, consolidate and stabilize. Move from the short-term memory to the long-term memory, become a
permanent part of you and become automated (like muscle memory- you don’t have to think about it, it just
happens). Everything brought up to the conscience from the sub-conscience becomes pliable and
vulnerable.

3. Write- Writing it down and/or creatively processing the truth engages the right side of the brain (big
picture, emotional, creative) and the left side of the brain (details, logical, thinking) in the thinking. As the
left brain and right brain work together, we gain fuller understanding of the information and it moves from
short term to long term thinking

4. Rehearse it- the more we think on a positive thought the more it will be hard wired into our brain.

| 54 |
Session 05
Hope, Optimism, Self-talk
Theme: Hope/ Optimism/ Positive Self-talk
Facets: Sense of Coherence, Optimism, and Hope

Goals:
1. Define Hope and Optimism
2. Introduce Positive Self–talk and reframing

Group Activities:
Story: Read and Discuss Giraffe’s Can’t Dance by Giles Adreae, A Bad Case of Stripe, or Percival the little Caterpillar (for
younger kids)

Group Discussion:
Discuss what Hope and optimism look like:
Hope is more than just wishing for something. One must have a plan and a way to achieve the set goals,
an optimistic thinker believes that things will generally work out. They believe that, if they set goals and
work hard to achieve the goals they will achieve good results. Self-talk affects one’s level of optimism, so
changing or teaching positive self-talk will enhance resilience.

Discuss the importance of optimistic thinking:

Discuss what thoughts look like in the brain. In the brain, thoughts look like trees. Picture positive thoughts
as green trees and negative thoughts as black trees. Research shows that the trees we think on will grow
new branches and become bigger and stronger, similar to our muscles. The muscles we use the most are
strongest. Green trees produce good chemicals into the mind and body that are healing and happy-feeling
chemicals. The black trees produce toxic chemicals and release toxic chemicals into the mind and the
body. Research shows that if we learn to think on the green trees, the black ones will melt away. Hope is a
very important part of resiliency. Hope is more than optimistic thinking. Hope is taking optimistic thoughts
and developing a plan to get where you want to go. We are going to practice this in the next exercise.

Practice reframing: Steps to reframing a thought:

1. Pay attention to the feelings and thoughts you are having.

2. Reorganize and reframe- Choose what to think on and rehearse it. Choose wisely. What you think on will
grow, consolidate and stabilize. Move from the short-term memory to the long-term memory, become a
permanent part of you and become automated (like muscle memory- you don’t have to think about it, it just

| 55 |
 happens). Everything brought up to the conscience from the sub-conscience becomes pliable and
vulnerable.

3. Write- Writing it down and/or creatively processing the truth engages the right side of the brain (big
picture, emotional, creative) and the left side of the brain (details, logical, thinking) in the thinking. As the
left brain and right brain work together, we gain fuller understanding of the information and it moves from
short term to long term thinking

4. Rehearse it- the more we think on a positive thought the more it will be hard wired into our brain.

Art Directive:
2 Sides to Every Story (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers or crayons):
Hand out large pieces of paper and a variety of drawing supplies. Have the children draw a line down the middle of
their paper. On one side of the paper, draw or write a pessimistic thought and on the other side, an optimistic
response. For example: Pessimistic thought might be: I’m not good at basketball, Optimistic response: If I practice,
I can improve my basketball skills.

Hope Tree (Materials include paper, pencils, color pencils, and markers, crayons or paint): This directive can be
done in a number of ways. You can discuss what a plant or tree need to flourish. The tree can represent the child.
The roots are the support people, places and things in the child’s life. The branches are the unique things about the
child things such as special gifts and talents. The fruit on tree can represent their likes and dislikes, character
qualities such as love, joy, kindness, and gentleness. You can discuss how important the soil is to the plant or tree.
Poison in the soil will poison the tree. This can represent negative thoughts or people. Healthy trees need heathy
soil, good sunshine and water. These can represent healthy people speaking into our life, healthy thoughts and
healthy ways of getting needs met.

| 56 |
NOTES / BRAINSTORMING

| 57 |
| 58 |
Session 06
Self-replenishment/Self-care
Facets: Optimism, Non-judgment/Self-supporting, Self-replenishment
Purpose: To teach the concepts of self-replenishment through the metaphor of filling a bucket.

Goals:
1. Discuss the concept of your personal bucket.

2. Brain storm things that fills your bucket (i.e. affirmations, positive self-talk), and what empties your bucket
(i.e. negative self-talk, and perfectionism)

3. Introduce the concept of self-talk

Group Activity:
How Full is Your Bucket?
Materials: How Full is Your Bucket for Kids, by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer, a Styrofoam cup, pencil, water, and
dishpan or sink to catch water*

Instructions: Read How Full is Your Bucket for Kids (or read the summary provided). You can give each child a
Styrofoam cup or just have the facilitator have one for a demonstration. In this demonstration, the cup represents
the bucket from the story. Have the children describe activities that fill them up and why. Each time the children
name an activity, pour water in the cup. When the cup is full, ask the child to name something that would drain the
bucket. For each thing the child says, poke a hole in the cup, starting at the top of the water level and working your
way down to the bottom. Eventually, the cup will empty.

Discussion: 1. What makes you happy? 2. Tell me three of your favorite things to do? 3. What are three ways you
help other people?

Art Directives:
Decorating a Bucket (Materials include a bucket of some kind, paint markers or sharpies, paper, pencils, color
pencils, and markers or crayons): Decorate a small bucket (these can be purchased at a craft or hardware store)
with paint pens, acrylic paint or glue-on decoratives. Children can write personal affirmations on slips of paper and
place them in their bucket. Encourage the children to pull out the affirmations and read them when they need to
“refill their own personal bucket”. If the group desires, they can take turns reading their affirmations aloud.

Paper Bucket: Draw a bucket on a piece of paper. Have the kids fill their bucket with affirmations or the things that
“fill” them up. What makes them happy? Who helps them when they are sad? How do they help others?

Good “good-bye” activities: Each member places words of affirmation in each group members bucket.

| 59 |
| 60 |
NOTES / BRAINSTORMING

| 61 |
Resources:
The Connected Child, by Purvis, Cross, Sunshine

The Whole-Brained Child, by Siegel and Bryson

The Body Keeps the Score, by Kolkmeyer

Building Resilience in Kids, by Turning Point

Switch on your Brain, by Dr. Caroline Leaf

The Gifts of Imperfection, by Dr. Brene Brown

Kids Beyond Limits, by Anat Baniel

Children’s Books:
The Cindy R Lee Series derived from the TBRI resources

How Full is Your Bucket? for Kids, by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer, 2009

The Tale of Despereaux, by Kate DiCamillo, 2003

A Bad Case of Stripes, by David Shannon, 1998

Percival the Plain Little Caterpillar, by Helen Brawley

My Many Colored Days, by Dr. Seuss, 1996

Giraffes Can’t Dance, by Giles Andreae, 2001

Have You Filled a Bucket Today?, by Carol McCloud, 2007

Fill A Bucket, by Carol McCLoud and Katherine Matin, 2008

My Mouth Is a Volcano!, by Julia Cook, 2006

Spaghetti in a Hot Dog Bun: Having the Courage to Be Who You Are, by Maria Dismondy, 2008

Today I Feel Silly: And Other Moods That Make My Day, by Jamie Lee Curtis and Laura Cornell, 1998

Websites:
TBRI- Child.tcu.edu

Magicweightedblanket.com

| 62 |
Synopsis for
The Tale of Despereaux
The Tale of Despereaux, by Kate DiCamillo, is a story about a very hardy little mouse. He uses positive self-talk and
affirmations, he sees challenges as opportunities, and he believes that if he does his best, he can change his
circumstances.

Despereaux is a mouse who was born in a castle. He was different from the other mice because he was very small,
even for a mouse. In his own mind, though, he was a brave, strong giant. He didn’t behave like a mouse either. He
set off mousetraps for fun and drew pictures of cats!

His parents asked another mouse, Furlough, to teach him how to act like a mouse. Furlough showed Despereaux
how to eat books, but Despereaux only wanted to read the books. As he read, he learned about honor and courage.
He read about a princess and a brave knight who rescued her.

Before long, he met a real princess named Pea, who was crying. He told her about the story he read about a sad
princess just like her. He promised he would tell her the end of the story the next time he saw her. He liked her so
much, he told Furlough about her.

But it was against the rules for mice to talk to people, so Despereaux was sent to the dungeon!

He felt afraid, but he was also a little curious. In the dungeon he met a rat named Roscuro, who was sent there
because he fell into the queens soup bowl. Like Despereaux, Roscuro was different from the others. He didn’t like
the dark dungeon or the rat’s songs and dances. Roscuro saved Despereaux’s life when the other rats tried to feed
him to a cat! In return, Despereaux told Roscuro the story of the princess he had met.

Then Despereaux heard Pea’s voice. She had been kidnapped and thrown in the dungeon. Despereaux knew he had
to rescue her. He made it his quest. “Chivalry! Bravery! Honor!” he repeated to make himself feel those things.

With help from Roscuro and a magical knight made of vegetables, Despereaux defeated the rats and rescued the
princess, fulfilling his quest.

| 63 |
Synopsis for
How Full is Your Bucket for Kids
In the story, How Full is Your Bucket for Kids, by Tom Rath and Mary Reckmeyer, a boy named Felix learns how his
interactions with others make him feel good or bad about himself.

Felix was building with blocks when his little sister Anna wanted to play too. When Felix said no, the two fought,
and Anna knocked down the tower Felix had built. That’s when Grandpa told them about invisible buckets.

Everyone has an invisible bucket, and when our buckets are full, we feel great. But when people treat us poorly, or
we aren’t good to others, the buckets drip. When our buckets are running low, we don’t feel good about ourselves or
others.

In the morning, Felix woke up and saw his bucket floating above his head. When his mom yelled at him for being
late and spilling his cereal, he felt invisible drips spill out of his bucket. When his sister Anna teased him and his
mother continued to scold him, he felt more drips. Then the dog ate his breakfast, and a boy on the bus teased him
about his backpack. He felt more drips escaping his bucket. At school, a group of kids whispered behind his back
and a boy shoved him. He could tell his bucket was almost empty.

He felt bad about himself and his classmates and wanted bad things to happen to the people around him.

Then his teacher asked him to share an A+ story he wrote. Felix felt a big drop fall into his bucket. The class liked
his story, and he felt more drops fall in. When Felix finished the story and the whole class applauded, he felt many
drops land in his bucket.

When he saw his mom had left a note in his lunchbox, when he was chosen as team captain in P.E., and when his
teachers and classmates complimented him, he could feel that his bucket was almost full.

At recess, he saw everyone else’s buckets too. He helped a teacher who dropped his papers, helped a boy find his
baseball, and made friends with a new boy at school. Soon he realized that while he was filling their buckets, he
was filling his own, too!

After school, Felix made his little sister feel better about a broken toy then asked her to build a block tower with
him, filling both their buckets.

| 64 |
Synopsis for
A Bad Case of Stripes
In A Bad Case of Stripes, by David Shannon, Camilla Cream worried about fitting in with the kids at school. She
wouldn’t eat lima beans, even though she loved them, because the kids at school hated them. She was so worried
about impressing everyone, she tried on 42 outfits on the first day of school. When she finally decided what to
wear, she looked in the mirror and saw she was covered with stripes! She felt fi ne, but was relieved when her
mother made her stay home from school because she was worried about what her friends would think.

A doctor came to see Camilla, but he didn’t know how to help. He gave her some ointment and said she could go
back to school. The next day, the kids laughed at her and called her terrible names. During the Pledge of Allegiance,
her stripes turned to red, white, and blue! Soon, everyone was calling out colors and patterns, and Camilla’s skin
was changing into polka dots and checkerboards, whatever the kids in her class yelled out.

The principal asked Camilla to stay home from school. Other parents were worried their children would catch the
stripes too. Camilla wanted to eat some lima beans, but was afraid to because she didn’t want to be laughed at any
more.

Next, Camilla was visited by four Specialists. They gave her terrible medicine that made her head look like a giant
pill. Two Experts examined her and had no idea what was wrong. Everyone who tried to help her only made things
worse. Whatever they said changed the way she looked until she was part tree, part animal, and even part of her
room! Soon, TV reporters were outside her door, and people were camped out on her lawn!

Then, a sweet old lady came to the door. She said Camilla had the worst case of stripes she had ever seen. She
said lima beans would turn Camilla back into her old self, but Camilla still didn’t want them because she was
worried what people would think!

As the woman turned to leave, Camilla stopped her and admitted she loved lima beans. The woman fed her some,
and the whole room started to spin. When it stopped, Camilla was herself again. “I knew the real you was in there
somewhere,” said the woman.

After that, Camilla was true to herself, even if her friends thought she was a little weird for liking lima beans.

| 65 |
| 66 |
| 67 |
 Building Bridges: A Trauma Informed Resiliency Building Program for Children
Copyright © 2017 by Healing Expressions, LLC

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be produced without written permission from Healing Expressions,
LLC, except by a reviewer who may quote brief passages in a review; nor may any part of this book be
reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronic, mechanical,
photocopy, recording, or any other – without prior written permissions from Healing Expressions, LLC.

Healing Expressions, LLC

7111 West 151st Street #313
Overland Park, KS 66223
| 68 |